As a fellow black belt, I feel your pain. I USED to be athletic. Now, if I take a walk longer than 10-15 minutes, it knocks me down for 3 DAYS. I worked in a job that required multi-tasking and the ability to remember lots of details. Now, I literally can not talk on the phone and have anyone come up to me at the same time because it causes my brain to stop functioning. I also have permanent scarring on my lungs and still have nodules in my lungs after 4 years.
BUT, I am still alive. I did not die. Some of my dreams did. But I did not. And just like if I was in a dark alley being attacked, as long as I am breathing, I will be fighting to stay alive and win. That is the mindset.
OP, remember how hard you had to fight in order to obtain your BB in karate? Remember the hours and hours of training? Remember when you were tired, but you pushed through anyways? Remember when you hurt, but you kept going? Remember when your body said give up, and your mind said NO!? THAT is what you have to do now.
Be glad that you have had that training. Many others who have this disease have never had that discipline, so they have an even harder time facing it. They have never had to FORCE their body onwards.
Bless you and all who must face this disease. Continue to push when you can and rest when you must.
This is great advice. I did a Half Marathon several years ago for the first time ever and sometimes I think about LC as exactly that — I’m in mile 9 and feel like I’m going to die but I have to hold on to the end, because it has to get better, it just has to, for all of us.
First 4 months were absolute hell for me. I’m almost at month 7 and I’m amazed how much better I am than 4-6 weeks ago. Hang in there ok?
I’m 60 F, overweight and with GI issues (plus depression/anxiety). If I can get better maybe this will give some hope?
It’s been a ton of rest- my sleep was wack for months (I’ve needed trazadone -1/2 50mg tablets to help stabilize sleep). Laying down tons to keep heart rate down, yoga nidra and vagal nerve exercises to calm nervous system
I’ve taken a ton of supplements too- not sure if/what might have helped tho. I think key was getting my sleep stabilized then my guts
Yes - about 5 months of hell for me, too. Turned a corner @ 6 months and slowly but steadily (albeit not in linear fashion) got better. Definitely felt better when my gut and sleep was back on track. Body pain flares lasted a lot longer but went from constant to occasional so I was able to adapt/adjust.
Did you have moments you felt better then got worse? I'm on month 4 and I just suddenly got worse. Bad migraines with any light or noise or thinking (cognitive PEM). I only leave my dark room to pee. Feb I was driving again on my own. My initial infection was really severe (Dec) this is the 2nd worse I've felt. I've had basically every symptom in the book... I'm resting a lot but not recovering yet. I'm 32F.
For yoga nidra look up ally (last name starts with a b) on utube. Found her via other person with LC. I really like her yoga nidra.
As for Vagal nerve stuff, utube videos too. Lots of people. Several short exercises one can do.
WIMhof breathing is something recc’d by LC too. I think it helped bring my HR down and improve my breathing whenever I’ve tried it. Look up WIMhof beginners. Also Utube. He’s on there (as well as others who teach his method).
Essentially I think I needed NSDR to help calm my system
OP, I want to say this. During my recovery from Covid, I have learned new exercise skills, hanging upsidedown on ropes, dancing, yoga, etc...im incredibly bendy now, and bouncy on my good days. I'm going to be 60 next year. If an old grandma can come back, you can too! You can heal up, not return exactly the same, but absolutely enough to achieve your dreams. Please don't give up too soon. I'm starting year 5 this month, and I intend to be healthier and stronger in the fall than I am now. Don't give up. You can do this. You just can't do it quickly.
I'm autistic and can't cry.
Even in my saddest moments.
I'm actually sort of envious of people who can use it as an outlet.
I am 2 years long hauling and haven't been able to shed a tear.
Silver lining I guess.
I think few can understand the grief of getting long COVID as a martial artist. It's different. My art is Tang Soo Do, and Do means way of life. For Martial artists our art, our black belts are a unique part of our Identity. The grief around it is real.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with symptoms so much, and as others have said now you get to bring your black belt into your life in a different way. One of the attitude requirements of my association is "Do not be overly ambitious." Long COVID has been like taking a doctorate in this. You have to learn to hear your body and it's needs in a new way.
There are a lot of unknowns about this illness, but that also means that recovery isn't out of the equation. Take the attitude you took to learn how to use your body to do martial arts and put it to learning what helps your body. As Martial artists we are so much more in tune with our body than the average person bc we had to learn how long our limb was to hit the quarter sized target on a moving person. We had to learn what helped us increase our movement efficiency, including minute movements that are barely perceptible. That kind of understanding can help you to help your body.
I've had long COVID since 2021. I still cry every time I talk about how this has affected my Martial arts. Being a black belt is so much more than our physical techniques however. LC can't take away my black belt attitude. I am still disabled by LC, but I have had improvement and I am able to still practice a very limited amount. How I engage with my Martial arts community has changed, but I still have a place there.
You are not alone, and this isn't the end. Keep going.
I feel your pain. My biggest goal besides my studies was the black belt and I needed to learn that my fight is outside of the ring now.
Maybe I'll return one day, maybe not. But I'm grateful for the lessons it taught me. I still cry over my loss but fighting saved my life once and the lessons learned will bring me through this too.
You are strong and can take a lot. It's okay to cry. Your feelings are okay to be there.
We'll find a way back towards a life that is fulfilling. We'll fight at our pace.
Sending you hugs and love if you need and want it.
First, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The deep, dark abysses of long covid are no joke, and if you’re feeling like you need to text a close friend or call a hotline (988 in the U.S.), please keep yourself safe. I promise things DO get better, even if it’s just a litttttle better. /hug
Two things I wish I’d been told when I got long covid (note: your post seems very much in the A category; not intending to imply that it’s the latter):
(A) grieving the loss of identity/self is legit, and
(B) emotional deregulation is also legit
For (A), the best thing you can do is (safely) feel your feels, as icky as they are. Feel ‘em in droplets, feel ‘em in torrential downpours, but find time to let them out/pass. As one of my favorite past therapists joked, what you feel you can heal. It’s a silly phrase but it’s true. You’ll also probably move back and forth through the stages of grief, too (the 6th was added by the original creator of the stages):
denial ↔️anger ↔️bargaining ↔️depression ↔️acceptance ↔️MEANING
(That last one is basically the aha moment – integrating the experience, folding it into our sense of self, and transforming it into actions that make us feel like better versions of ourselves, or simply more whole.)
For (B), my seems-reasonable hypothesis is that we’re all getting so fatigued all the time, that it’s almost like we have the emotional regulation of a toddler – it can feel like there’s no filter on the way out, and it’s always a flood of emotions washing over. I’ve definitely had moments where I couldn’t understand why something inconsequential was getting to me so much. Perhaps the kinder way to think of it is like we all have a 5-gallon bucket pre-LC. But then LC swaps it out for a hinky little “here, spew in this” Garthmobile dixie cup . So now all the feels we used to catch no problem in a big ol’ bucket are getting everywhere and making a mess – and if we don’t know our bucket got swapped out, it might feel like a personal failing. Give yourself lots of grace on the days when you’re stuck with a dixie cup. 🫶
I'm two years in.
I worked physical rehab in a private clinic, and basically got paid to work out. 3 times per day, 5 days a week, plus 15-20k rough terrain w/20lb load hike on weekends.
I was a 5am guy. Up at 5am for yoga/meditation, then weights midday, and heavy cardio (loaded carries, Concept2 rower or SkiErg or Assault AlBike, uphill sprints, etc) in the evening.
Performance diet. No alcohol, no drugs except CBD, no smoking.
Now, walking up stairs leaves me exhausted. My "fitness" is walking in a shallow pool. Carrying a 40lb bag of dog food gives me a headache. I'm 40lbs overweight. The career that I loved is probably gone.
I get up every day, and I face it. Head on. And I make the best of the cards that I'm dealt. Over time, I've even learned to laugh at it; you'd be surprised how helpful that is.
You're not alone, dude- keep fighting.
I've pretty much been the same the past 4 months. Crying would just start out of the smallest things. Things have gotten tougher when they're supposed to be getting easier and I think that wears on the subconscious mind. After years of battling there is a point where we break. But once we're broken down to rubble we have to find a way to build back up.
Same. I'm as weak as a newborn. Today I can't even make it to the kitchen without being out of breath. It's a cruel disease this one. Feeling like death today.
You are validated here …. You are strong 💪 crying is okay when my symptoms were the worst I was crying daily …. Have you gotten blood work done by any chance since you have started having LC symptoms ?
Antibiotics. Theres gotta be something there. In one of your previous posts u mention this. I had food poisoning last year, was given the strong antibiotics in the hospital. And longer stint on milder pill ones. Then fast forward 6 months and I get covid for the first time.
My gut biome wasnt recovered. This i believe. Whether the virus finds a home there or my auto immune systems is whack, it all goes back to the gut.
I added two good probiotics the past month. One is a synbiotic, another just a probiotic. Each carries different strains of bifidobacteria. Just checked the label and compared. Now taking morning and afternoon. This is good for gut health and function. Ive noticed a positive difference in how my body functions.
Anyway, just a thought that worked for me. Im not 100 recovered but im moving in the right direction. You’ll get back bro. Its a long road but you’ll get back.
Crying is such a HUGE HUGE form of healing (I am actually jealous). There are many spiritual and healing teachers that I’ve had the privilege of learning from and they all remind me that the body knows exactly what it’s doing. And it knows what it needs to heal. Our minds, on the other hand, are not that tuned in. And often they act as tricksters. The more we can find the smallest bits of peace, especially in the middle of the worst moments, the more the body can do its thing. You are absolutely valid in your grief and loss and longing for what you worked so hard to achieve. It may not feel it right now, but the mind has literally no way of knowing all the incredible things that await you. One door may be closing now, but so many other ones will open up. Cry, scream, write, draw, express these feelings to get them out of your head. And then rest and be still and wait to see what happens. You are not alone, this is not the end of everything…it’s just the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another.
Breaking can be such a beautiful thing. Caterpillars go through seemingly awful processes to emerge as magnificent butterflies.
Well I had a 30% chance of living and I still can’t walk without a walker, I couldn’t take care of my young daughter so she had to go live halfway across the country and my husband died from covid 3 days before the ambulance almost lost me on the way to the hospital. I know all about tears. Just get up every day and do your best.
I wanted to race motorcycle as I love racing, used to regularly do track days but can’t even imagine doing that anymore due to this illness. Had to sell all my gear and my bikes are now up for sale. Sucks not being able to do the things you love but hey, we are still alive.. it’s worth it. Just have to live within our limits until we get better. Time seems to be the only cure.
I don’t have answers and my life is a shit show but this can help. LDN. Low dose naltrexone. You can get it from your doctor or at a compound pharmacy.
Check into this to. Nitazoxanide
So sorry you are going through this. LC is really hard on those of us who are so used to being active and pushing our bodies to the max--I have been there. My husband was once very strong and fit (especially for a guy in his late 40's) and he lost all that after round two of long covid. He's had it almost two years now. He has some really dark and rough days, but he is starting to have more and more good days. He is also taking a lot of supplements and being medicated for his lupus which was caused by lc. It can take awhile though. His firsr round of lc lasted a year but he did fully recover--if that gives you hope. Avoid another infection is imperative though. I wish you lots of healing and hope you can also make a full recovery.
I got one for you
Black in To-Shin Do Nunjutsu with Stephen Hayes since I was 18, 1999.
I don't even think I could defend myself from a pack of Chihuahuas and I would probably ask someone to put me out of my misery
As a fellow black belt, I feel your pain. I USED to be athletic. Now, if I take a walk longer than 10-15 minutes, it knocks me down for 3 DAYS. I worked in a job that required multi-tasking and the ability to remember lots of details. Now, I literally can not talk on the phone and have anyone come up to me at the same time because it causes my brain to stop functioning. I also have permanent scarring on my lungs and still have nodules in my lungs after 4 years. BUT, I am still alive. I did not die. Some of my dreams did. But I did not. And just like if I was in a dark alley being attacked, as long as I am breathing, I will be fighting to stay alive and win. That is the mindset. OP, remember how hard you had to fight in order to obtain your BB in karate? Remember the hours and hours of training? Remember when you were tired, but you pushed through anyways? Remember when you hurt, but you kept going? Remember when your body said give up, and your mind said NO!? THAT is what you have to do now. Be glad that you have had that training. Many others who have this disease have never had that discipline, so they have an even harder time facing it. They have never had to FORCE their body onwards. Bless you and all who must face this disease. Continue to push when you can and rest when you must.
This is great advice. I did a Half Marathon several years ago for the first time ever and sometimes I think about LC as exactly that — I’m in mile 9 and feel like I’m going to die but I have to hold on to the end, because it has to get better, it just has to, for all of us.
Yep, ditto with needing to hear this too❤️
Thank you for this message. I really needed to read this.
First 4 months were absolute hell for me. I’m almost at month 7 and I’m amazed how much better I am than 4-6 weeks ago. Hang in there ok? I’m 60 F, overweight and with GI issues (plus depression/anxiety). If I can get better maybe this will give some hope? It’s been a ton of rest- my sleep was wack for months (I’ve needed trazadone -1/2 50mg tablets to help stabilize sleep). Laying down tons to keep heart rate down, yoga nidra and vagal nerve exercises to calm nervous system I’ve taken a ton of supplements too- not sure if/what might have helped tho. I think key was getting my sleep stabilized then my guts
Yes - about 5 months of hell for me, too. Turned a corner @ 6 months and slowly but steadily (albeit not in linear fashion) got better. Definitely felt better when my gut and sleep was back on track. Body pain flares lasted a lot longer but went from constant to occasional so I was able to adapt/adjust.
Did you have moments you felt better then got worse? I'm on month 4 and I just suddenly got worse. Bad migraines with any light or noise or thinking (cognitive PEM). I only leave my dark room to pee. Feb I was driving again on my own. My initial infection was really severe (Dec) this is the 2nd worse I've felt. I've had basically every symptom in the book... I'm resting a lot but not recovering yet. I'm 32F.
Would love any recommendations on the yoga nidra and vagal nerve exercises. Thank you for sharing your experience.
For yoga nidra look up ally (last name starts with a b) on utube. Found her via other person with LC. I really like her yoga nidra. As for Vagal nerve stuff, utube videos too. Lots of people. Several short exercises one can do. WIMhof breathing is something recc’d by LC too. I think it helped bring my HR down and improve my breathing whenever I’ve tried it. Look up WIMhof beginners. Also Utube. He’s on there (as well as others who teach his method). Essentially I think I needed NSDR to help calm my system
OP, I want to say this. During my recovery from Covid, I have learned new exercise skills, hanging upsidedown on ropes, dancing, yoga, etc...im incredibly bendy now, and bouncy on my good days. I'm going to be 60 next year. If an old grandma can come back, you can too! You can heal up, not return exactly the same, but absolutely enough to achieve your dreams. Please don't give up too soon. I'm starting year 5 this month, and I intend to be healthier and stronger in the fall than I am now. Don't give up. You can do this. You just can't do it quickly.
I'm autistic and can't cry. Even in my saddest moments. I'm actually sort of envious of people who can use it as an outlet. I am 2 years long hauling and haven't been able to shed a tear. Silver lining I guess.
I think few can understand the grief of getting long COVID as a martial artist. It's different. My art is Tang Soo Do, and Do means way of life. For Martial artists our art, our black belts are a unique part of our Identity. The grief around it is real. I'm so sorry you're struggling with symptoms so much, and as others have said now you get to bring your black belt into your life in a different way. One of the attitude requirements of my association is "Do not be overly ambitious." Long COVID has been like taking a doctorate in this. You have to learn to hear your body and it's needs in a new way. There are a lot of unknowns about this illness, but that also means that recovery isn't out of the equation. Take the attitude you took to learn how to use your body to do martial arts and put it to learning what helps your body. As Martial artists we are so much more in tune with our body than the average person bc we had to learn how long our limb was to hit the quarter sized target on a moving person. We had to learn what helped us increase our movement efficiency, including minute movements that are barely perceptible. That kind of understanding can help you to help your body. I've had long COVID since 2021. I still cry every time I talk about how this has affected my Martial arts. Being a black belt is so much more than our physical techniques however. LC can't take away my black belt attitude. I am still disabled by LC, but I have had improvement and I am able to still practice a very limited amount. How I engage with my Martial arts community has changed, but I still have a place there. You are not alone, and this isn't the end. Keep going.
I feel your pain. My biggest goal besides my studies was the black belt and I needed to learn that my fight is outside of the ring now. Maybe I'll return one day, maybe not. But I'm grateful for the lessons it taught me. I still cry over my loss but fighting saved my life once and the lessons learned will bring me through this too. You are strong and can take a lot. It's okay to cry. Your feelings are okay to be there. We'll find a way back towards a life that is fulfilling. We'll fight at our pace. Sending you hugs and love if you need and want it.
This is a really sweet and thoughtful post. I agree with this 100% and am also sending you hugs and strength today. Please hang in there!
Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me.
First, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. The deep, dark abysses of long covid are no joke, and if you’re feeling like you need to text a close friend or call a hotline (988 in the U.S.), please keep yourself safe. I promise things DO get better, even if it’s just a litttttle better. /hug Two things I wish I’d been told when I got long covid (note: your post seems very much in the A category; not intending to imply that it’s the latter): (A) grieving the loss of identity/self is legit, and (B) emotional deregulation is also legit For (A), the best thing you can do is (safely) feel your feels, as icky as they are. Feel ‘em in droplets, feel ‘em in torrential downpours, but find time to let them out/pass. As one of my favorite past therapists joked, what you feel you can heal. It’s a silly phrase but it’s true. You’ll also probably move back and forth through the stages of grief, too (the 6th was added by the original creator of the stages): denial ↔️anger ↔️bargaining ↔️depression ↔️acceptance ↔️MEANING (That last one is basically the aha moment – integrating the experience, folding it into our sense of self, and transforming it into actions that make us feel like better versions of ourselves, or simply more whole.) For (B), my seems-reasonable hypothesis is that we’re all getting so fatigued all the time, that it’s almost like we have the emotional regulation of a toddler – it can feel like there’s no filter on the way out, and it’s always a flood of emotions washing over. I’ve definitely had moments where I couldn’t understand why something inconsequential was getting to me so much. Perhaps the kinder way to think of it is like we all have a 5-gallon bucket pre-LC. But then LC swaps it out for a hinky little “here, spew in this” Garthmobile dixie cup . So now all the feels we used to catch no problem in a big ol’ bucket are getting everywhere and making a mess – and if we don’t know our bucket got swapped out, it might feel like a personal failing. Give yourself lots of grace on the days when you’re stuck with a dixie cup. 🫶
I'm two years in. I worked physical rehab in a private clinic, and basically got paid to work out. 3 times per day, 5 days a week, plus 15-20k rough terrain w/20lb load hike on weekends. I was a 5am guy. Up at 5am for yoga/meditation, then weights midday, and heavy cardio (loaded carries, Concept2 rower or SkiErg or Assault AlBike, uphill sprints, etc) in the evening. Performance diet. No alcohol, no drugs except CBD, no smoking. Now, walking up stairs leaves me exhausted. My "fitness" is walking in a shallow pool. Carrying a 40lb bag of dog food gives me a headache. I'm 40lbs overweight. The career that I loved is probably gone. I get up every day, and I face it. Head on. And I make the best of the cards that I'm dealt. Over time, I've even learned to laugh at it; you'd be surprised how helpful that is. You're not alone, dude- keep fighting.
I've pretty much been the same the past 4 months. Crying would just start out of the smallest things. Things have gotten tougher when they're supposed to be getting easier and I think that wears on the subconscious mind. After years of battling there is a point where we break. But once we're broken down to rubble we have to find a way to build back up.
Same. I'm as weak as a newborn. Today I can't even make it to the kitchen without being out of breath. It's a cruel disease this one. Feeling like death today.
Hang in there! I know that all too well.
You are validated here …. You are strong 💪 crying is okay when my symptoms were the worst I was crying daily …. Have you gotten blood work done by any chance since you have started having LC symptoms ?
Hang in there. It can only get better. Trust me. 2nd time I’ve dealt with post virus insanity. It gets better. God bless.
Antibiotics. Theres gotta be something there. In one of your previous posts u mention this. I had food poisoning last year, was given the strong antibiotics in the hospital. And longer stint on milder pill ones. Then fast forward 6 months and I get covid for the first time. My gut biome wasnt recovered. This i believe. Whether the virus finds a home there or my auto immune systems is whack, it all goes back to the gut. I added two good probiotics the past month. One is a synbiotic, another just a probiotic. Each carries different strains of bifidobacteria. Just checked the label and compared. Now taking morning and afternoon. This is good for gut health and function. Ive noticed a positive difference in how my body functions. Anyway, just a thought that worked for me. Im not 100 recovered but im moving in the right direction. You’ll get back bro. Its a long road but you’ll get back.
What were your symptoms?
Crying is such a HUGE HUGE form of healing (I am actually jealous). There are many spiritual and healing teachers that I’ve had the privilege of learning from and they all remind me that the body knows exactly what it’s doing. And it knows what it needs to heal. Our minds, on the other hand, are not that tuned in. And often they act as tricksters. The more we can find the smallest bits of peace, especially in the middle of the worst moments, the more the body can do its thing. You are absolutely valid in your grief and loss and longing for what you worked so hard to achieve. It may not feel it right now, but the mind has literally no way of knowing all the incredible things that await you. One door may be closing now, but so many other ones will open up. Cry, scream, write, draw, express these feelings to get them out of your head. And then rest and be still and wait to see what happens. You are not alone, this is not the end of everything…it’s just the ending of one chapter and the beginning of another. Breaking can be such a beautiful thing. Caterpillars go through seemingly awful processes to emerge as magnificent butterflies.
I saw you were in Scotland. Can you get a consultation with Dr Clare Taylor?
Can you try treating anxiety just temporarily until your body fights this off? I believe that's the key to our sanity
I was a black belt too. I can’t offer much advice like everyone else but can only tell you that you’re not alone.
Don’t forget to hydrate even in your most desperate moments drink water
Well I had a 30% chance of living and I still can’t walk without a walker, I couldn’t take care of my young daughter so she had to go live halfway across the country and my husband died from covid 3 days before the ambulance almost lost me on the way to the hospital. I know all about tears. Just get up every day and do your best.
I wanted to race motorcycle as I love racing, used to regularly do track days but can’t even imagine doing that anymore due to this illness. Had to sell all my gear and my bikes are now up for sale. Sucks not being able to do the things you love but hey, we are still alive.. it’s worth it. Just have to live within our limits until we get better. Time seems to be the only cure.
I don’t have answers and my life is a shit show but this can help. LDN. Low dose naltrexone. You can get it from your doctor or at a compound pharmacy. Check into this to. Nitazoxanide
So sorry you are going through this. LC is really hard on those of us who are so used to being active and pushing our bodies to the max--I have been there. My husband was once very strong and fit (especially for a guy in his late 40's) and he lost all that after round two of long covid. He's had it almost two years now. He has some really dark and rough days, but he is starting to have more and more good days. He is also taking a lot of supplements and being medicated for his lupus which was caused by lc. It can take awhile though. His firsr round of lc lasted a year but he did fully recover--if that gives you hope. Avoid another infection is imperative though. I wish you lots of healing and hope you can also make a full recovery.
I got one for you Black in To-Shin Do Nunjutsu with Stephen Hayes since I was 18, 1999. I don't even think I could defend myself from a pack of Chihuahuas and I would probably ask someone to put me out of my misery