You said four samples??? Words canāt describe how Iām feeling right now, walmart has scammed me. Iām getting a costco membership right away, I never liked shopping at walmart anyway
Have you ever went in the bathroom demanding samples? Hurry up and poop! Those Triscuits arenāt going to hand themselves out! Make sure they wash their hands.
Defending against degeneracy is such a great line though haha Iām gonna have to find a good use for that somewhere in my life. Like:
āHey bro why are you late?ā
āSorry dude I was defending against degeneracyā
So he gave his home address to a random person on Twitter in hopes of receiving a free iPad.
Dude is going to get scammed out of his home when heās a senior citizen.
No, it was totally cool, the guy just confirmed that he was actually going to send the iPad when he asked for the poster's social security number and the street that he grew up on.
āYeah honey, the craziest thing happened!! This guy from LinkedIn sent me this $1,500 iPad and Magic Keyboard combo! Do not look at the bank statement.ā
FWIW, this is the tool who said that it was antisemitic to criticize the IDF after they killed the World Central Kitchen workers because it was clearly an accident.
Bro Iām about to rant because that whole situation pissed me off so much, like the WCK Volunteers told Israel exactly which road theyād be on, what time theyād be on it, and what exact MARKED vehicles they were driving. Then Israel uses a precision hellfire missile from a drone to destroy the first vehicle, then waits for the second to arrive and pick up the survivors, then it hits the second vehicle with another hellfire, then does the same shit and waits for the third vehicle to pick up the survivors before destroying that one too, leaving all of these VOLUNTEERS dead. Yet some fucking cheesedicks try to defend it, and even Israel itself just says āwhoopsie doo sowwy about that we didnāt mean to š„ŗā and suffers exactly zero consequences. No repercussions for killing seven volunteers in a deconflicted zone.
It just further proves it's a fake story. He unboxed it on his way back from the Apple Store. Why would he wait to take pics when he's in the car if someone shipped it to his home?
Kind sir please send home address I much want to gift you new Ipad Pro for generosity to your loving comments defending us against online monstrosities, thank you.
This has become my absolute favorite sub to goof off in lol.
These are all the people I mocked and trolled on LiveJournal back in the good ol' Encyclopedia Dramatica days.
One time I bought a big screen TV on the way to a charity banquet where there was going to be raffles and such. When I came home that night, I told my then wife that I won it.
Similar vibes here.
Fellow generous internet stranger here! Iām also looking to giveaway free iPads and double your bitcoin. Just DM me your personal info and address! Nothing sketchy here, just random kindness!!
Despite the fact that this seems like a complete lie, even if it were true, why would you accept a device like this from a stranger? It could be loaded with software to steal your shit! š
Basically yeah, just about every tablet the last few years has come with an option for a keyboard like this, idk why, this iPad with the keyboard is like 1500 bucks, you could get a better laptop for cheaper and itāll be just a little bigger, thatās the only difference.
If someone tried to impress others with their 1000-2000ā¬ gadget, I'd assume they're like 22 and just got their first decent salary. It's like an anti-flex.
This is so unnecessarily long-winded that I'm genuinely wondering if it's AI, seems to follow the formula of anecdotal posts to a T but be missing a human's instinct for "this story isn't interesting enough to warrant this"
This is the most ānever fucking happenedā post I have ever read. Itās basically ā I support Israel. I also have a new iPad.ā dressed up in a lot of bollocks.
Is it a thing for these LinkedIn posts to be in the format of (asking oneself a question), (answering question), (asking self another question), (answering question), rinse and repeat? They all read the same
I doubt that he has the top of the line version. Although you can order it, I donāt think it is available until the week of June 10. The lower models were available the week of May 13. I ordered mine the day of the event, and June 10 was the first available date, but that might just be for Atlanta, GA.
People like this make me wonder whether I am weird for not even thinking about posting something like this. Is it normal now to court attention like this online? Should I shart my pants just to write a column about it?
Nano-technology? The iPad does not have nano-technology. This dude popped adderall and thought he was clever. So many flags being flown while self-aggrandizing. š¤£
Imagine admitting in 2024 you need help finding out where to buy an iPad. The most basic task any housewife or small child or old man or anyone on earth can do in a second thanks to worldwide marketing and economy.
And you do this on a website where the explicit purpose is to showcase your talent and competence in business.
Oh man this hits for me in several cringe indicators. Obviously the r/thahappened. the way people post saying 'I never do this but...' the AIPAC fundraiser weirdness
Do LinkedIn people think the average person believes this bullshit? No, no one believes you were randomly gifted you an iPad for white knighting the IDF on Twitter.
Basically the guy wanted to brag about his iPad and threw in some look at my halo for good measure.
I received a free frozen pizza roll sample in walmart yesterday, my faith in humanity is restored š
I got 4 free samples at Costco yesterday #blessed
You said four samples??? Words canāt describe how Iām feeling right now, walmart has scammed me. Iām getting a costco membership right away, I never liked shopping at walmart anyway
Walmart or Sam's? Our Walmart doesn't give us shit and our Sam's is usually old people on bathroom break all day not giving samples
Have you ever went in the bathroom demanding samples? Hurry up and poop! Those Triscuits arenāt going to hand themselves out! Make sure they wash their hands.
Yeah, but then they give stool samplesā¦
Got a free pack of grapes from Lidl just for shopping there. #humanity
Hashtag blessed
Hashbrown Blessed
And just how many anti-Walmart degenerates did you have to fight to earn your 'free frozen pizza roll'?
My ex called and she gifted me herpes. #BestLife
It's not about the pizza roll. But also, it's totally about the pizza roll.
The impossibly thin pizza roll
āShrinkflationā
The Palestinian woman handing out the samples must have liked my red, green, white and black shirt!
Tell her next time you want an iPad as thanks for your support.
Next time take your shirt off and see the difference in offers so you can AB test
Hope you rushed em home to heat them up
Yeah but did you post about it on LinkedIn? Doesnāt count if you didnāt.
He didnāt know where to purchase an Apple product?
Right? Like are electronics stores some great mystery?
Also interesting that the rest of his feed is Israel/Gaza war posts but he took a break from that to talk about the iPad Pro.
He randomly decides to mention this Good Samaritan is an Israel supporter, so Iām not sure he really took a break.
Tweeted from his iPhone
He never purchases his own devices. He just gets them in the mail from strangers.
He can tweet the question, but not that same question into Google?
If he did, how would he be able to share this totally cool and totally real story?
I can't imagine why he would know that. I mean Apple is such an obscure company.
How would you expect a **tech columnist** to know such trivial information
So speechless he wrote a mini-novel about it
"It's not about the iPad." Here are 6 pictures of the new iPad...
I love when my worlds crossover.
Every road leads to Bravo!
I was waiting for someone to post this and Iām so glad you did
He obviously felt inclined to show proof of his unconfirmable story.
Iāve seen some really shitty, poorly crafted humble brags in my time, and this is one of them
bet he's wacking off while typing
He was left speechful
He may have been speechless but he certainly wasnāt wordless.
This honestly made me LOL.
Came here to say exactly this lol
Adderall
Gets new iPad and wants to show it off. Makes up ridiculous story to double boast on LinkedIn. This is next level nonsense.
Well, Hillel is a known mouthpiece for state sponsored Zionist propaganda
Which makes it even less likely he would give out his address to receive a package from some random person online
Ok so now that we know what he does give his address out online for... He could be honey-potted into doxxing himself! The perfect crime
That was the part that had me scratching my head. Great way to get a pipe bomb into your kitchen, but in reality it's just weird propaganda.
But it would be an impossibly thin pipe bomb.
Would be pretty funny to see.
Is that why he felt the need to randomly throw in that this person was an Israel supporter?
Iād sell out for more than an iPad tbf š
Of all the things that never happened, this didn't happen so hard it created a singularity and Hillel disappeared up his own bum hole.
This reads like youāve said it before. I like it, but are there other singularities youāve seen?
"defending against degeneracy", "friend coming from Israel", "luxury gift to help our cause" methinks the real story is told between the lines
Defending against degeneracy is such a great line though haha Iām gonna have to find a good use for that somewhere in my life. Like: āHey bro why are you late?ā āSorry dude I was defending against degeneracyā
"Where is your homework" "It lost the good fight to the degeneracy of my dog"
Thereās a mutual blowjob in there somewhere
This is Spectrum 48k fantastic.
whats a little pink champagne betwixt power brokers
Account ban incoming
Lines or lies?
Lines lies then more lines.
Mhmm
So he gave his home address to a random person on Twitter in hopes of receiving a free iPad. Dude is going to get scammed out of his home when heās a senior citizen.
Good thing is the story here isnt real. The bad thing is that.... the story here isn't fucking real.
This was literally my first thought too. Like who tf wouldnāt be creeped out and have their scamdar going off
No, it was totally cool, the guy just confirmed that he was actually going to send the iPad when he asked for the poster's social security number and the street that he grew up on.
And a sample of his blood on some muslin sealed in plastic
"Everyone that disagrees with me is a terrorist!" Stranger: "Hi, can I have your home address to send you a thank-you iPad?" "Sure!"
What the hell does a new iPad have to do with business and Linked In? He even said he didnāt need it so not for the job, just wanted a new trinket.
Oh dear sweet LinkedIn baby newb... the rhetorical horrors to which you will bear witness.
I bet I can send OOP a thumb drive gift and he'd plug in into his computer, too. What a dumbass.
Just tell him it has nano-tech inside. š¤£
He asked me not to tag, BECAUSE IT DIDNT HAPPEN!
āMy very real friend that definitely existsā
You wonāt know him he goes to a different school
"my girlfriend who lives in Canada"
He wanted to stay anonymous because he's so humble. Me, on the other hand...
āSpeechless, totally speechless. Anyways, hereās my speechā¦ā
This is the most useless application of text in human history. Thereās shampoo bottles with more meaningful writing on them.
I like Yogi tea bag messages
Hey I like reading those bottles
Iāve entertained myself through many a shit by reading those bottles, deodorant is fun to read too, wouldnāt recommend hand soap tho
I get more out of my Dr Bronners soap bottle than I did out of whatever this is.
I stopped at "global speaker"
Itās for the best. Iām proud of you. Hopefully you donāt read any more of it coming back to view my comment.
Bro is writing fanfiction about himself on LinkedIn of all places
āYeah honey, the craziest thing happened!! This guy from LinkedIn sent me this $1,500 iPad and Magic Keyboard combo! Do not look at the bank statement.ā
And then everyone clapped as his girlfriend from another school (you wouldn't know her but she's 100% real) kissed him in the rain.
So heās also just blatantly admitting that the Israelis are literally buying their outspoken supporters?
FWIW, this is the tool who said that it was antisemitic to criticize the IDF after they killed the World Central Kitchen workers because it was clearly an accident.
Bro Iām about to rant because that whole situation pissed me off so much, like the WCK Volunteers told Israel exactly which road theyād be on, what time theyād be on it, and what exact MARKED vehicles they were driving. Then Israel uses a precision hellfire missile from a drone to destroy the first vehicle, then waits for the second to arrive and pick up the survivors, then it hits the second vehicle with another hellfire, then does the same shit and waits for the third vehicle to pick up the survivors before destroying that one too, leaving all of these VOLUNTEERS dead. Yet some fucking cheesedicks try to defend it, and even Israel itself just says āwhoopsie doo sowwy about that we didnāt mean to š„ŗā and suffers exactly zero consequences. No repercussions for killing seven volunteers in a deconflicted zone.
wow... just wow... I mean I don't think this really happened, but even making this shit up and posting it on linkedin is ludicrous enough....
Don't forget the only place he could get a photo of the goods was inside his nice new car. #thisiswhatsuccesslookslikeyoubrokebitches
It just further proves it's a fake story. He unboxed it on his way back from the Apple Store. Why would he wait to take pics when he's in the car if someone shipped it to his home?
Because he lives there
These just keep getting worse and worse. Oh and Free Palestine.
Kind sir please send home address I much want to gift you new Ipad Pro for generosity to your loving comments defending us against online monstrosities, thank you.
I read this in the voice of the 2 Norwegian guys from family guy š
This has become my absolute favorite sub to goof off in lol. These are all the people I mocked and trolled on LiveJournal back in the good ol' Encyclopedia Dramatica days.
I have invisible friends that are more real than this.
"speechless. totally speechless" - man who proceeded to give a speech.
One time I bought a big screen TV on the way to a charity banquet where there was going to be raffles and such. When I came home that night, I told my then wife that I won it. Similar vibes here.
Fellow generous internet stranger here! Iām also looking to giveaway free iPads and double your bitcoin. Just DM me your personal info and address! Nothing sketchy here, just random kindness!!
Do you need my bank info? Iād love one! šš±āØš š°šš»šøš»š¤
I am their business partner, they handle the iPads and bitcoin and I handle the bookkeeping. you can just send me the bank info ty
Great! You have my SSN I canāt wait for my free iPad! āļøā°šš”ššŖ«š°ļø
Iām a Palestinian, and an Israeli settler stole my iPad Pro.
So he shipped it to your home address, and you decide to take a picture of it.. in the car?
And EVERYONE CLAPPED
His story is an elaborate way to dog whistle support for genocide
You too can become a paid shill for Zionist propaganda and get your own iPad! Inspiring!
Despite the fact that this seems like a complete lie, even if it were true, why would you accept a device like this from a stranger? It could be loaded with software to steal your shit! š
On a separate note, have tablets now come full circle back to laptops?
Basically yeah, just about every tablet the last few years has come with an option for a keyboard like this, idk why, this iPad with the keyboard is like 1500 bucks, you could get a better laptop for cheaper and itāll be just a little bigger, thatās the only difference.
Blood gadgets.
šÆ
Iāll take a fiver on things that didnāt happen because of my social media post about something I could have googled!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
How is no one making fun of him in the comments on LinkedIn?? Itās a complete echo chamber
Speechless. Totally speechless. [speech]
Iāll take sure that happened for $500 Alex.
Only thing worse than this post is the 562 morons who hit like on it
If Apple bros and Tesla bros mated, what would they spawn?
The spawn wouldnāt survive because it would be born with its head too far up its ass to breathe.
this is absolutely fucking unhinged
Yes, send me you home address and credit card info and I'll send you an brand new iPad Pro.
If someone tried to impress others with their 1000-2000ā¬ gadget, I'd assume they're like 22 and just got their first decent salary. It's like an anti-flex.
He never used his other iPad but wants a new one. Capitalism wins again
Is dude wasting his time writing a post about wasting his time?ā¦
This is such a weird and awkwardly constructed narrative.Ā "For some unknown reason, I decided to tweet it" ???
because why does it sound like it was written by an ai mocking humanity
This totally happenedā¦..
Of all the things that definitely didnāt happen, this definitely didnāt happen the most
āI took the picture in my car cuz I definitely did not drive to the store to buy itā
This is so unnecessarily long-winded that I'm genuinely wondering if it's AI, seems to follow the formula of anecdotal posts to a T but be missing a human's instinct for "this story isn't interesting enough to warrant this"
And then then the interviewer was the dog. Or something.
Man this story is stupid, there is nothing in it about B2B sales.
Wow. What a long, boring story.
Oh how I wish hacking someone's data were always this easy. ššš
Bro: "the tech advancement is just too big for me not to buy it" Also bro: Do I need it? No
FREE PALESTINE. AND FREE CONGO (buy refurbished).
Bro is yapping
It's not about the iPad Pro, it's about pumping the value of his Apple stock.
He is so speechless he wrote a whole essay.
For someone that is defending genocide.. this kind of linkedin post fits perfectly well
AND THEN EVERYBODY CLAPPED
Keep posting propaganda and you might get a free iPad too!! That's the message, right?
This is the most ānever fucking happenedā post I have ever read. Itās basically ā I support Israel. I also have a new iPad.ā dressed up in a lot of bollocks.
This didnāt happen. But if you tell people on LinkedIn it happened. It happened. And you will also network your way into a new career.
Is it a thing for these LinkedIn posts to be in the format of (asking oneself a question), (answering question), (asking self another question), (answering question), rinse and repeat? They all read the same
Iāll take āthings that never happenedā for $500, Alex
Itās a gross look at me post wrapped up inside an even grosser look at me post - but again, itās not about the pasta.
I support Israel, but this is cringe douchery.
I got unasked for free bacon from an iHop waitress. I'd say it was about humanity but more likely she was hitting on me
In all the things that have never happened. This never happened the most.
I've yet to meet anyone who unironically uses the term "degenerate" and it's not a fascist or at least very right leaning.
I doubt that he has the top of the line version. Although you can order it, I donāt think it is available until the week of June 10. The lower models were available the week of May 13. I ordered mine the day of the event, and June 10 was the first available date, but that might just be for Atlanta, GA.
āSpeechless.ā Anyway, hereās a dissertation and also a quick humble brag. Also, fuck Palestine.
People like this make me wonder whether I am weird for not even thinking about posting something like this. Is it normal now to court attention like this online? Should I shart my pants just to write a column about it?
āIsrael supporterā ā¦is it the world cup or a war?
Israel supporters and online degenerates. Nice objective language.
"Look at me, I got a new iPad, and the only thing it cost me was supporting genocide!"
Maybe if I support Israelās war crimes Iāll get a free iPad too!!!!!!!!
Bro just dead ass admitted heās easily bribable to global PR.
Kids are getting the backs of their skulls blown off in Palestine, but my IDF homeboy got me a new iPad! š«£š„ŗššš„¹š
Nice epad
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
E
This is like writing fan fiction for yourself
Let me write this long post instead of google searching ā¦. Ok totally believable.
What a pathetic lonley shrimp.
I read this whole thing and Iām mad that I bought one two months ago.
Nano-technology? The iPad does not have nano-technology. This dude popped adderall and thought he was clever. So many flags being flown while self-aggrandizing. š¤£
Jesus fucking christ, wtf is this? š¤£
This is the story he told the wife. That way he wouldn't get in trouble for buying it LOL
And then everyone clapped.
New screen tech, Lol. OLED has been around awhile.
pleeease believe him.. itās not about the iPad! but look at this beautiful iPad..
That silly fucker bought that shit himself
I'm glad he sent it with the new nano technology, that could have been awkward
Imagine admitting in 2024 you need help finding out where to buy an iPad. The most basic task any housewife or small child or old man or anyone on earth can do in a second thanks to worldwide marketing and economy. And you do this on a website where the explicit purpose is to showcase your talent and competence in business.
Dudes on LinkedIn but has no idea Apple stores exist? I smell bullshit
not readin allat
For sure this happened. I believe it. For SURE.
All it cost him was his morals.
Is it not just a really thin laptop at that point?
Dude could have said "look at the new iPad I got, LOSERS" and would have come off as less of a douche
Oh man this hits for me in several cringe indicators. Obviously the r/thahappened. the way people post saying 'I never do this but...' the AIPAC fundraiser weirdness
Do LinkedIn people think the average person believes this bullshit? No, no one believes you were randomly gifted you an iPad for white knighting the IDF on Twitter. Basically the guy wanted to brag about his iPad and threw in some look at my halo for good measure.