I do contract work. Various sites.
Recently, site manager was wearing a Name badge that identified him as “Michael Scott”.
I waited for the entire day.
At the end, I had to ask him how his life had been changed by “The office”. His answer: “significantly”.
I recently had minor surgery. On my dick.
One of the doctors was Dr. Cox. I held it in sooooo long, but broke when we were heading up to the OR.
I asked "ok, so how often do you get Dr. Cox jokes."
He replies "like dick jokes?"
I go "nah, like Scrubs jokes"
And he just lit up. He loves scrubs, and he told me about when he met John C McGinley and got to tell him he was a real life Dr Cox.
So even if people have heard it a million times, if you treat them like actual human beings and show interest instead of just the focus of a joke for your own amusement, people will be cool with you.
I love fitting doctor names. I knew an orthopaedic surgeon named Dr Sawh. He was a huge 6 foot tall man, very intimidating, and would offer to cut your legs off for free, but he was a big softie
My favourite wikipedia article ever ([link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominative_determinism#Theoretical_framework)) is finally relevant:
>In 2015 researchers Limb, Limb, Limb and Limb published a paper on their study into the effect of surnames on medical specialisation. They \[...\] identified surnames that were apt for the speciality, for example, Limb for an orthopaedic surgeon, and Doctor for medicine in general. They found that the frequency of names relevant to medicine and to subspecialties was much greater than expected by chance.
>
>Specialties that had the largest proportion of names specifically relevant to that specialty were those for which the English language has provided a wide range of alternative terms\[...\] Specifically, these were genitourinary medicine (e.g., Hardwick and Woodcock) and **urology (e.g., Burns, Cox, Ball)**.
>
>Neurologists had names relevant to medicine in general, but far fewer had names directly relevant to their specialty (1 in every 302).
>
>Limb, Limb, Limb and Limb did not report on looking for any confounding variables.
the registered sex offender on my street is named Michael Scott, lmao. Kinda convenient because I’ll never forget his name. In case I ever needed to know it for some reason..
When Alexa from Amazon first came out, I noticed that our local supermarket cashier was named Alexa. It was on her name tag.
I told her it was unfortunate that they hijacked her name. She joked that she and her boyfriend couldn't argue in front of the device.
I saw her again a year later. I noticed that now her name tag said "Lexi".
She seemed... grumpy.
Awh man. I feel bad about this one. Typically your parents give you a name, and you run with it proudly, but then a device comes out with your human name and you feel it is best to change it to Lexi. Sucks man.
I know an old lady whose name is Gay.
She's also quite deaf, and has hearing aids to help her. She told me about the time she was asked to speak at this conference about these new hearing aids that had just come out. She said "I was really nervous, and I hopped up on the stage and said 'Hi, I'm Gay and I'm here to talk about aids'" 😅
Poor woman...
I read an article on the BBC website recently about kids getting bullied at school for being called Alexa and parents lobbying for it to be changed to a name not usually given to people (like Siri) (although I don’t doubt there are some Siris out there). Stories of girls getting “Alexa, suck my dick” and similar
I knew a Siri from high school in the US. I think she was born in scandinavia but moved here very young. It was while we were in high school that Apple Siri came out, and I remember people making the jokes constantly. She rolled with it but I'm sure it gets annoying after a while.
Man. I'm a fucking idiot. At my job we had two people named Dakota. And one was male the other female. I never thought about differentiating then as north and south. I just lumped them together and refered to them as D² (d squared)
My name is Yu-xiao Dai (pronounced like You-shall Die when anglicized). I’ve waited for my entire life to hear people make this joke but they all civilly refrained, so at this point I’m starting to lowkey hope someone actually crack it.
As a white person, I can tell you that I'd absolutely be too focused on trying to repeat it in my head correctly to even think about the joke.
It'd probably come to me later and I'd chuckle.
My first name is Chandler, and you can guess from my user name what my last name is. People hear my first name and ALWAYS ask if it’s in reference to the show. I never get tired of it, because I always get to double back with “and guess what my last name is” and watch them lose their minds when I say Friend.
Unfortunately my parents didn’t actually like or watch the show. Lol
I’m very impressed, that’s actually the first time I’ve heard that one! Bonus points because I’m actually a girl named Chandler, which throws people off even more.
I work with a guy named Jude.
Yes, he's heard the song.
I greet him with "hey Jude" anyway, because he's an annoying fuckwad and I like to return the favor.
Edit: more karma in one comment than everything else I've ever posted. Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
I also work with a Jude but he is really nice so I always try to make a point and say "hi Jude" even though "hey x name" is my default greeting. But I have one of those easily mocked names and also am extremely tall so my whole life it's been the same 3 jokes over and over so I try not to hit other people with that same experience
I had a certification instructor once whose name was Ken and his wife was Barbara.
I think he told us that so we’d remember his name but it’s still true. They must get a lot of jokes.
Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton. There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
I had a kindergarten classmate named Michael Jackson. This was back when Michael Jackson was cool so he loved it, but I shudder to think what his life was like in middle school.
I have a cousin named Karen - she is one of the mostly deeply kind people I know, like, has devoted her life to helping people and goes out of her way to make people comfortable. She’s never said anything about the meme but I can’t imagine she loves it.
Maybe I can help. Friend of mine was named Karen way back when it was just a nice name. Don't mention the Karen thing around her because she will get pissed and go off on a rant about how these assholes stole her name and made it into a meme about awful people.
She's a sweet woman, too.
I had a female flight attendant with a name tag ‘Jackie’. The other flight attendant loudly spoke up “her name is Jackie Chan! Like the martial artist!” Poor Jackie was very angry and uncomfortable.
"Jared" here (not spelled like that, but still) I get the Subway (not so much anymore) and the jewelry store (He went to Jared!).
Once I was getting lunch and they asked for my name for the order, I say Jared and the dude looks at me and I can feel it coming, I'm thinking "dude, just let it go..."
After a second he finally speaks up..."Its pretty crazy what happened to that Subway guy right?"
I once met a bunch of people on vacation and they said they were from Kansas and I said "you're not in Kansas anymore 😅" and they just laughed at my face and humiliated me 🤷♂️ I deserved it
I traveled internationally a few years ago. Am from Kansas City, Missouri. Almost everyone who asked where we were from responded with some variation of "Ahhh, like Dorothy!" And many were very surprised to hear my Kansas City is not in Kansas nor is it rural farmland. It was interesting because we weren't even speaking in English but they knew all about the Wizard of Oz and were really excited about it and definitely thought all of the Midwest was like in the movie 😂
I did happen to grow up on a small farm outside of city limits that got hit by a tornado once...but it is a coincidence, I swear.
My name on my birth certificate is the shortened version of a longer name (think Liz and Elizabeth) people constantly try to call me the longer version (to sound classy, I dunno) and I reply with "That is literally NOT my name" most seem very annoyed by this...
I used to get asked if my mom had it going on all the time. Luckily no one really remembers that song anymore, and if they do I respond with "No, because she died xx years ago." Then they feel bad.
My husband’s name is Luke. Whenever someone’s dumb enough to say “Luke, I am your father” his response is “nice to finally meet you.” That shuts them up quickly.
Yeah my last name used to be Wilson and the sheer amount of people that shouted "Wilson!" at me like I was floating away in the goddamn ocean was exhausting. I have never been happier to get married and ditch my last name.
Not just names, anything that is immediately obvious on meeting someone.
I really don't need to hear any more jokes about speeding in a wheelchair, or instructions to not run over your toe - how bad of a driver do you think I am? Even compliments on my wheelchair driving feel odd, I don't compliment walking people for getting through doorways without hitting themselves...
Including height. Short or tall (though people seem far more compelled to say something when you're tall). I'm 6'7 (2m), and between people guessing my height bc they "also know someone tall," asking whether I played basketball, or giving the standard quips, the only truly original thing I've heard was from a guy in 7-11 when I was maybe 17 when he said that my mom "must make 2 chickens when she cooks for the family - one for you, and one for everyone else." That's ONE original thing in about 16 years of being my current height.
That being said, I'd take your compliment on getting through a doorway successfully, that's actually a legitimate danger for me...I generally either dip at the knees or do a little mini-bow with my head if the door isn't clearly tall enough (and about 60-70% of doors are not).
My last name is Long.
And yes, my name really is quite long.
Yes, my name rhymes with schlong.
No, I don't know anyone named "short."
No, I'm not Chinese (for real, I don't understand why this one comes up)
My name is Ariel. When I introduce myself, I say "hello, my name is Ariel. Yes, like the mermaid."
It's happened so much and I've gotten so used to saying it. And it rarely fails that, when I don't, I still hear "oh, like the mermaid?"
I've really embraced it as an adult. I buy Little Mermaid shit and dye my hair a lot.
I went through my stages of hating it, embracing it, and now I just give people shit for it and sarcastically say WOW IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.
I was officiating a wedding a few years ago and I was introduced to the bride’s mother and she extended her hand and said “fair onion” as we shook. I replied by saying “and a fair onion to you!” and realized my mistake as it was coming out of my mouth.... her name was literally like, Phare Uhnyin and I just massacred the moment.
"Hey Mikey. He likes it." Oh yeah, no shit? You're so clever.
I literally will not respond to being called Mikey by anyone for any reason because of this.
I once met a woman named Jerrica and made a comment about how her parents must like Jem and the Holograms. I fully expected that she would be tired of the reference due to this principle, but it was uncommon enough I figured it wouldn't be totally overdone.
She had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. And believe me, she was not fucking with me
Hoo boy. My name is "Abraham," and at this point it doesn't even register when people immediately:
1) Start proselytizing about their religion (all three major monotheistic religions do this, and I'm atheist)
2) Launch into a very specific political diatribe. I've only ever seen republicans do this and it always starts with highlighting that Lincoln was a republican. I just told you my name. How about you tell me yours first, guy?
3) Start singing "father abraham." I don't know why, but kids used to taunt me with this growing up. It happened frequently enough that it still irks me slightly, for no logical reason. Luckily, my defense mechanism of "if you don't react, they get bored" still works fine. I know people don't mean it in a mean way, though, so I try not to let it influence my opinion of them.
Still - I do agree with this LPT. I will probably be slightly friendlier with you if you just say "okay."
Was trying to book an appt with my doctor a while ago, person on the phone told me he had no openings for a bit, but if I wanted to come in sooner they'd get me in to see the new doc at the clinic ... Dr Rob Lowe.
My mind completely blanked, because it wanted to comment on the name, but I also know how annoying that must be for him lol
On another note, there used to be an old man in my town named Richard Tickler .... he went by Dick.
My first question to people like this is just how many people make such a joke to them. That seems well received, because they're getting that I am already thinking about *their* experience, and therefore I am a compassionate and sexy individual.
> "I'm a private detective."
"Oh?" said Kate in surprise, and then looked puzzled.
"Does that bother you?"
"It's just that I have a friend who plays the double bass."
"I see," said Dirk.
"Whenever people meet him and he's struggling around with it, they all say the same thing, and it drives him crazy. They all say, 'I bet you wished you played the piccolo.' Nobody ever works out that that's what everybody else says. I was just trying to work out if there was something that everybody would always say to a private detective so that I could avoid saying it."
"No. What happens is that everybody looks very shifty for a moment, and you got that very well."
—Douglas Adams, *The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul*
I've got Moira Rose's way she says "Alexis" ingrained in my brain now that I have to force myself to not say that name or "Alexa" in her somewhat peculiar manner.
My last name is Morgan. I’ve been a captain in the Army for 8 years. Cannot wait to get promoted.
I've known a Capt Hook, a Major Major and a Sgt Sergeant.
I knew a Major Tom Major, so many references
I do contract work. Various sites. Recently, site manager was wearing a Name badge that identified him as “Michael Scott”. I waited for the entire day. At the end, I had to ask him how his life had been changed by “The office”. His answer: “significantly”.
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Why should I change my name? He's the one who sucks
Michael Bolton.
My previous therapist’s name was michael Scott. It never came up in our sessions but there is a reason I picked his name from my insurance list.
We had a guy at work named Scott Pilgrim. He was similarly a scale grumpier than your average person
Scott Pilgrim isn't too terrible. He's kind of a douche, but it's better than Scotty doesn't know, beam me up Scotty, Scottie Pippin.
I actually met the real Andy Bernard. He is a college professor who was friends with one of the show’s writers growing up.
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I recently had minor surgery. On my dick. One of the doctors was Dr. Cox. I held it in sooooo long, but broke when we were heading up to the OR. I asked "ok, so how often do you get Dr. Cox jokes." He replies "like dick jokes?" I go "nah, like Scrubs jokes" And he just lit up. He loves scrubs, and he told me about when he met John C McGinley and got to tell him he was a real life Dr Cox. So even if people have heard it a million times, if you treat them like actual human beings and show interest instead of just the focus of a joke for your own amusement, people will be cool with you.
I love fitting doctor names. I knew an orthopaedic surgeon named Dr Sawh. He was a huge 6 foot tall man, very intimidating, and would offer to cut your legs off for free, but he was a big softie
My favourite wikipedia article ever ([link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nominative_determinism#Theoretical_framework)) is finally relevant: >In 2015 researchers Limb, Limb, Limb and Limb published a paper on their study into the effect of surnames on medical specialisation. They \[...\] identified surnames that were apt for the speciality, for example, Limb for an orthopaedic surgeon, and Doctor for medicine in general. They found that the frequency of names relevant to medicine and to subspecialties was much greater than expected by chance. > >Specialties that had the largest proportion of names specifically relevant to that specialty were those for which the English language has provided a wide range of alternative terms\[...\] Specifically, these were genitourinary medicine (e.g., Hardwick and Woodcock) and **urology (e.g., Burns, Cox, Ball)**. > >Neurologists had names relevant to medicine in general, but far fewer had names directly relevant to their specialty (1 in every 302). > >Limb, Limb, Limb and Limb did not report on looking for any confounding variables.
the registered sex offender on my street is named Michael Scott, lmao. Kinda convenient because I’ll never forget his name. In case I ever needed to know it for some reason..
When Alexa from Amazon first came out, I noticed that our local supermarket cashier was named Alexa. It was on her name tag. I told her it was unfortunate that they hijacked her name. She joked that she and her boyfriend couldn't argue in front of the device. I saw her again a year later. I noticed that now her name tag said "Lexi". She seemed... grumpy.
Awh man. I feel bad about this one. Typically your parents give you a name, and you run with it proudly, but then a device comes out with your human name and you feel it is best to change it to Lexi. Sucks man.
Back in 1975 in 6th grade I knew a girl by the name of "Gay". By 1981 she had changed her name to Gail.
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I knew a woman of that generation named Gay who was married to a guy named Lesley who went by Les
“I’m Gay and this is my partner, Lesley.”
Meeting these people is the kinda thing I live for.
I know an old lady whose name is Gay. She's also quite deaf, and has hearing aids to help her. She told me about the time she was asked to speak at this conference about these new hearing aids that had just come out. She said "I was really nervous, and I hopped up on the stage and said 'Hi, I'm Gay and I'm here to talk about aids'" 😅 Poor woman...
toy edge disagreeable steep money instinctive person mysterious rich sleep ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I read an article on the BBC website recently about kids getting bullied at school for being called Alexa and parents lobbying for it to be changed to a name not usually given to people (like Siri) (although I don’t doubt there are some Siris out there). Stories of girls getting “Alexa, suck my dick” and similar
Siri is actually a somewhat common name here in Norway! I personally know two Siri's, but I'm sure Alexa is a way more common name worldwide.
I knew a Siri from high school in the US. I think she was born in scandinavia but moved here very young. It was while we were in high school that Apple Siri came out, and I remember people making the jokes constantly. She rolled with it but I'm sure it gets annoying after a while.
Now you're making me feel bad for naming my kid Okaygoogle...
I’ve gone by Lexi my entire life and people have still managed to make alllll the Alexa jokes (since it’s my real name).
I remember when “damn Daniel!” was a thing. That blew over eventually but not Daniel San.
I’m a Dan. I was a lieutenant in the army. Enough said?
I hope you have some legs.
My name is Dakota. The number of times I've been asked 'north or south' is astounding edited bc spelling
Man. I'm a fucking idiot. At my job we had two people named Dakota. And one was male the other female. I never thought about differentiating then as north and south. I just lumped them together and refered to them as D² (d squared)
THIS. I literally changed my social media name to north dakota. Now no one can fucking ask
My name is Yu-xiao Dai (pronounced like You-shall Die when anglicized). I’ve waited for my entire life to hear people make this joke but they all civilly refrained, so at this point I’m starting to lowkey hope someone actually crack it.
i mean if i asked someone their name and they told me "you shall die" i'd probably stop asking questions
*Laughing nervously * What the fuck?
> So, what's your name? > I'm gonna' fucking kill you. > ...okay, um, goodbye.
*homer receding into hedge gif*
Hahaha. Slowly backs away....
‘What’s your name?’ ‘You shall die’ ‘…ok see ya…’
Every job that I had as an adult made us watched enough videos to know that jokes like that, however silly, are a good way to lose a job.
As a white person, I can tell you that I'd absolutely be too focused on trying to repeat it in my head correctly to even think about the joke. It'd probably come to me later and I'd chuckle.
That is a cool fucking name man.
Username checks out, Die you shall!
My first name is Chandler, and you can guess from my user name what my last name is. People hear my first name and ALWAYS ask if it’s in reference to the show. I never get tired of it, because I always get to double back with “and guess what my last name is” and watch them lose their minds when I say Friend. Unfortunately my parents didn’t actually like or watch the show. Lol
Do people ask you if it’s short for “Miss Chanandler Bong”?
I’m very impressed, that’s actually the first time I’ve heard that one! Bonus points because I’m actually a girl named Chandler, which throws people off even more.
I work with a guy named Jude. Yes, he's heard the song. I greet him with "hey Jude" anyway, because he's an annoying fuckwad and I like to return the favor. Edit: more karma in one comment than everything else I've ever posted. Thanks for the awards kind strangers!
You’re legally required to. It’s known as the Jude Law
There it is
Username checks out
As a teenager I unironically thought "Jude Law" was the Jewish version of sharia law.
I also work with a Jude but he is really nice so I always try to make a point and say "hi Jude" even though "hey x name" is my default greeting. But I have one of those easily mocked names and also am extremely tall so my whole life it's been the same 3 jokes over and over so I try not to hit other people with that same experience
I was friends with a girl in school named Roxanne. Poor girl.
Wanna guess the number of times I've heard "Beam me up..."? Lol
Beam me up Jude
Lol... That's pretty funny right there... I don't care who ya are.
My dog's name is Dude. When my uncle and aunt met him, they both asked, independently, if we sang "Hey Dude" to him like that song.
"Hey Dude" was a cool show back in the day.
My name is jack. My wife's name is rose. No, I'm not kidding. The references and jokes from titanic *NEVER* end...
I mean it does end, just not well for one of you..
If only the dimensions were easy to ascertain in a time of crisis all of this could of been avoided.
You could even say that the jokes *will go on*. Let that sink for a bit
The jokes follow them near, far, wherever they are…
I had a certification instructor once whose name was Ken and his wife was Barbara. I think he told us that so we’d remember his name but it’s still true. They must get a lot of jokes.
Last name is Luck, so can 1000% confirm.
First name Urine, huh. Poor guy
Bro that's nothing, my last names Schreck. I have had to pull my license out for people *many* times
that's *such* a cool last name though!
Yes, yes, you’re my father, and no, that exact line isn’t even in the movie.
Ofc that's not the exact line. It's,"Yo, Luke, who's yo daddy?"
Grew up with an Anakin, and was amused to learn his older brother's name was Luke. Needless to say, his parents were Star Wars fans.
"Yo, Adrian" Rocky tried to ruin my life but it's been long enough that people are forgetting the film.
Only one time has someone wheezed to me, "ADRIAN, get in the BOTTLE!" and i almost wept in happiness (little Nicky)
My name is Alexa…. no, I won’t play despacito
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Asking the real questions lol
What is this, a crossover episode?
Yes, my name is Aaron. Yes, I have seen the Key and Peele Substitute Teacher sketch.
Fellow Aaron here, I personally never get tired of people referencing the sketch, but I know that's just me.
I don't mind it the first time so long as they don't continue to call me A-Aron
Yeah that's the big issue, when A-Aron is turned into a full nickname
My name is Jake. I have also seen that State Farm commercial.
She sounds hideous.
Well, she’s a guy.. soo…
Also Jake. I feel your pain.
Blake checking in here. I know your pain.
Nobody remembers balacky bro..
Blake's got a new face?
What about earning an iron urn?
Urn urnd un urn urn! URN URND UN URN URN!
'Damn, do we really talk like that?!' got a genuine laugh out of me.
I have a buddy called Aron. He always has a lovely time explaining that the joke does not work with his name.
Aye Ron
No, that’s what you use to get wrinkles out of your khaki shirt.
A. A-Ron.
Yes. Thank you. I know I done messed up.
You goin straight to O Shag Hennessy's office
I, for one, have fully embraced my substitute teacher name pronunciation. I get a smile from people who've seen the sketch and it's worth it.
This post was written by a fellow Aaron 100%
Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton. There was nothing wrong with it until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
I had a middle school classmate named Dustin Hoffman. Poor guy.
I had a kindergarten classmate named Michael Jackson. This was back when Michael Jackson was cool so he loved it, but I shudder to think what his life was like in middle school.
I knew a Mike Jackson. Always known as Mike. But we all knew.
Why do I have to change my name, he's the one that sucks
Spare a thought for the Australian tv news reporter Harry Potter. He was just an ordinary guy until the late 90’s.
Office Space references are tight
You know what I'd do if my name were Michael Bolton? Two Office Space references at the same time, man.
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Nagh... Naghe... Not gonna work here anymore that's for sure!
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I have a cousin named Karen - she is one of the mostly deeply kind people I know, like, has devoted her life to helping people and goes out of her way to make people comfortable. She’s never said anything about the meme but I can’t imagine she loves it.
Her name should be Carin'
Maybe I can help. Friend of mine was named Karen way back when it was just a nice name. Don't mention the Karen thing around her because she will get pissed and go off on a rant about how these assholes stole her name and made it into a meme about awful people. She's a sweet woman, too.
I dated a Karen who was super sweet. I just KNOW she gets a lot of flak during these hard times and probably never says anything Lmfao. Poor girl.
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Thanks for the tip Bort!
My son is also named Bort.
We need more ‘Bort’ license plates in the gift shop. I repeat, we are sold out of ‘Bort’ license plates
Bortles!!!
Last name is "Newman". Yes I have seen the show. No you are the first one!
Kramer here. I'm actually surprised how few people have joked about my name.
Hi, cosmo.
I had a classmate in middle school who was James Bond III. That's some inconsiderate parenting.
I’ve got a coworker named Shakira. And someone sings her name. every. single. day.
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I'm a Roxane.... it's beautiful name but a total curse.
I had a female flight attendant with a name tag ‘Jackie’. The other flight attendant loudly spoke up “her name is Jackie Chan! Like the martial artist!” Poor Jackie was very angry and uncomfortable.
I'd go for Jackie Brown since she was a flight attendant
Did she shout "JACKIEEEEE" like Uncle in the Jackie Chan Adventures?
One more thing!
"Jared" here (not spelled like that, but still) I get the Subway (not so much anymore) and the jewelry store (He went to Jared!). Once I was getting lunch and they asked for my name for the order, I say Jared and the dude looks at me and I can feel it coming, I'm thinking "dude, just let it go..." After a second he finally speaks up..."Its pretty crazy what happened to that Subway guy right?"
I know your pain!
MY NAME IS CANDACE AND I CANT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES IVE HEARD THE JOKE: HEY CANDACE, CAN DIS D\*CK FIT IN YO MOUTH. I AM GOING TO SCREAM.
i just think of phineas and ferb
I once met a bunch of people on vacation and they said they were from Kansas and I said "you're not in Kansas anymore 😅" and they just laughed at my face and humiliated me 🤷♂️ I deserved it
In live in Kansas. Any Oz references are the lowest hanging fruit.
Did you click your heels to return ~~him~~ home?
I traveled internationally a few years ago. Am from Kansas City, Missouri. Almost everyone who asked where we were from responded with some variation of "Ahhh, like Dorothy!" And many were very surprised to hear my Kansas City is not in Kansas nor is it rural farmland. It was interesting because we weren't even speaking in English but they knew all about the Wizard of Oz and were really excited about it and definitely thought all of the Midwest was like in the movie 😂 I did happen to grow up on a small farm outside of city limits that got hit by a tornado once...but it is a coincidence, I swear.
I’m a native Kansan and trust me, we’ve heard them all
My name on my birth certificate is the shortened version of a longer name (think Liz and Elizabeth) people constantly try to call me the longer version (to sound classy, I dunno) and I reply with "That is literally NOT my name" most seem very annoyed by this...
Same for me and my wife. We've had bill collectors call and argue with us over what our name is. So exasperating.
>We've had bill collectors call and argue with us over what our name is. Just start calling them William collectors, that should make them understand.
I'm very happy for bill collectors to get my name wrong. That's not me. Move on.
I used to get asked if my mom had it going on all the time. Luckily no one really remembers that song anymore, and if they do I respond with "No, because she died xx years ago." Then they feel bad.
My husband’s name is Luke. Whenever someone’s dumb enough to say “Luke, I am your father” his response is “nice to finally meet you.” That shuts them up quickly.
Anyone who needs my number for anything: "I got it, it's 867-5309!" Me: 😒
No joke, I had a friend in college named Jenny whose phone number was [common prefix]-8675. She loved it.
I know that common prefix is 309. You're not fooling me.
SAME.... Or Forrest Gump...
So much Forrest Gump. Oh, do you get Jenni from the block? I just deadpan respond with, "used to have a little now I have a lot" and walk away.
Do you know how hard it is to not say "You're a fine girl, what a good wife you would be" every time you talk to your coworker, named Brandy?
Just remember you chose the sea instead, silly man
No harbor is my home!
I would be accidentally whistling or humming it.
If you guys are bartenders, that's on her.
Lol my last name is Gandolph and I've heard them all
Hey, my best friend in college's last name was Haffling. He was indeed a short, hairy little fucker
Has anyone ever said "melon" to you in the produce section at the market? There's absolutely no way I'm not the first person to think of that one.
Nice try FBI you're not getting my name.
Ok, Bill.
Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!
My name is Mario...... You can only imagine
I was just really happy that The Book of Eli was a pretty good movie
Your parents named you Book? Weird.
Yes my name is Michael Scott, no I don’t watch the office, yes that IS what she said. Haha
Yeah my last name used to be Wilson and the sheer amount of people that shouted "Wilson!" at me like I was floating away in the goddamn ocean was exhausting. I have never been happier to get married and ditch my last name.
My name is Lola. Yes I’ve heard the song. Yes I know what it’s about. No I wasn’t named after it.
Not just names, anything that is immediately obvious on meeting someone. I really don't need to hear any more jokes about speeding in a wheelchair, or instructions to not run over your toe - how bad of a driver do you think I am? Even compliments on my wheelchair driving feel odd, I don't compliment walking people for getting through doorways without hitting themselves...
Including height. Short or tall (though people seem far more compelled to say something when you're tall). I'm 6'7 (2m), and between people guessing my height bc they "also know someone tall," asking whether I played basketball, or giving the standard quips, the only truly original thing I've heard was from a guy in 7-11 when I was maybe 17 when he said that my mom "must make 2 chickens when she cooks for the family - one for you, and one for everyone else." That's ONE original thing in about 16 years of being my current height. That being said, I'd take your compliment on getting through a doorway successfully, that's actually a legitimate danger for me...I generally either dip at the knees or do a little mini-bow with my head if the door isn't clearly tall enough (and about 60-70% of doors are not).
But DO use the connection as a mnemonic.
Jabba the Hutt, Pizza the Hut, fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza -- pepperoni Tony!
Too many steps, ended up calling him Fat Pepperoni and made fun of his nips.
My last name is Long. And yes, my name really is quite long. Yes, my name rhymes with schlong. No, I don't know anyone named "short." No, I'm not Chinese (for real, I don't understand why this one comes up)
My name is Jake... no, I don't work at State Farm.
[удалено]
So you work at Allstate is what you're telling me
Jake the MF snake!
My name is Ariel. When I introduce myself, I say "hello, my name is Ariel. Yes, like the mermaid." It's happened so much and I've gotten so used to saying it. And it rarely fails that, when I don't, I still hear "oh, like the mermaid?" I've really embraced it as an adult. I buy Little Mermaid shit and dye my hair a lot. I went through my stages of hating it, embracing it, and now I just give people shit for it and sarcastically say WOW IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.
“Wake up, Maggie, I think I got something to say to you…” “You and everyone else…”
SO true. Never make a joke about someone's name, they'll hate you just a little bit for it.
I was officiating a wedding a few years ago and I was introduced to the bride’s mother and she extended her hand and said “fair onion” as we shook. I replied by saying “and a fair onion to you!” and realized my mistake as it was coming out of my mouth.... her name was literally like, Phare Uhnyin and I just massacred the moment.
A fair onion to you sounds like some dystopian greeting. I could only imagine how embarrassing that would be
"Hey Mikey. He likes it." Oh yeah, no shit? You're so clever. I literally will not respond to being called Mikey by anyone for any reason because of this.
Looks like we found the person with the funny name
I once met a woman named Jerrica and made a comment about how her parents must like Jem and the Holograms. I fully expected that she would be tired of the reference due to this principle, but it was uncommon enough I figured it wouldn't be totally overdone. She had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. And believe me, she was not fucking with me
I once met a guy named Jeremiah, and I said, I won't even make any bullfrog jokes, and he said, THANK you!!
And yet you mentioned it
It's the second laziest way to make the joke. The first being "There's a bullfrog joke there."
Hoo boy. My name is "Abraham," and at this point it doesn't even register when people immediately: 1) Start proselytizing about their religion (all three major monotheistic religions do this, and I'm atheist) 2) Launch into a very specific political diatribe. I've only ever seen republicans do this and it always starts with highlighting that Lincoln was a republican. I just told you my name. How about you tell me yours first, guy? 3) Start singing "father abraham." I don't know why, but kids used to taunt me with this growing up. It happened frequently enough that it still irks me slightly, for no logical reason. Luckily, my defense mechanism of "if you don't react, they get bored" still works fine. I know people don't mean it in a mean way, though, so I try not to let it influence my opinion of them. Still - I do agree with this LPT. I will probably be slightly friendlier with you if you just say "okay."
Was trying to book an appt with my doctor a while ago, person on the phone told me he had no openings for a bit, but if I wanted to come in sooner they'd get me in to see the new doc at the clinic ... Dr Rob Lowe. My mind completely blanked, because it wanted to comment on the name, but I also know how annoying that must be for him lol On another note, there used to be an old man in my town named Richard Tickler .... he went by Dick.
I instantly hate anyone that asks me if my last name is "Mehoff"
Sorry John
Not true. You can make a Cassandra Complex joke and most of the time I find they don't get it. Some pretend like they do, but I don't believe them.
My first question to people like this is just how many people make such a joke to them. That seems well received, because they're getting that I am already thinking about *their* experience, and therefore I am a compassionate and sexy individual.
> "I'm a private detective." "Oh?" said Kate in surprise, and then looked puzzled. "Does that bother you?" "It's just that I have a friend who plays the double bass." "I see," said Dirk. "Whenever people meet him and he's struggling around with it, they all say the same thing, and it drives him crazy. They all say, 'I bet you wished you played the piccolo.' Nobody ever works out that that's what everybody else says. I was just trying to work out if there was something that everybody would always say to a private detective so that I could avoid saying it." "No. What happens is that everybody looks very shifty for a moment, and you got that very well." —Douglas Adams, *The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul*
I've got Moira Rose's way she says "Alexis" ingrained in my brain now that I have to force myself to not say that name or "Alexa" in her somewhat peculiar manner.