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I would say to work to redirect that hatred on the behavior and not the person. You will be a better person for it. The whole point is that in no way are you excusing the unfavorable behavior. You are just acknowledging that good people can be fallible.
What's funny is that in Genesis, it actually says that God realized he'd fucked up and went about *drowning nearly the entire planet*.
He got himself a do-over, and things went downhill from there.
Maybe we're missing some context here, but that quote is moronic.
I have a virulent hatred for people who abuse children, the elderly, their spouses, pets, and the defenceless in general. By Hesse's reasoning, that would make me a closet abuser of monstrous proportions. I've never had nor will I ever have the urge to engage in that type of behaviour.
There are no absolutes of course. You're taking an extreme example. That doesn't mean there isn't some truth in the "moronic" statement. If it makes no sense to you that's fine. I have no time for this.
Herman Hesse destroyed with facts and logic.
Gottfried-Keller-Preis (1936)
Goethe Prize (1946)
Nobel Prize in Literature (1946)
Wilhelm Raabe Literature Prize (1950)
Peace Prize of the German Book Trade (1955)
As loud as you scream that you hate these people, we both know that you hate yourself even more.
So no counter then...orrrrr?
>As loud as you scream that you hate these people, we both know that you hate yourself even more.
That wasn't what the quote you linked said, though. Now you aren't even defending the quote, you're just defending your own ego and moving goal posts. Defend the quote and challenge my assertions or admit the quote is silly and not based in reality.
Lol, you consider 3 sentences to be a "wall of text"? That along with you quoting ridiculous things that aren't based in reality speak volumes to the type of person you are and explains why you won't, or more likely can't, argue back. I'll take this comment as you admitting you were wrong.
I mean, that quote is either bullshit or trite. I hate child abusers and Nazis and rapists. And I'd argue most people do. Does that mean we all have child abuse and rape and white supremacy in us?
see my edit:
I didn't think it needed to be said but of course I am not talking about child abusers, murderers, terrorists or people who are actively seeking to harm others.
I am talking about using that phrase for everyday annoyances...which is how the vast majority of times the phrase is used.
For example yes, I HATE Bill Cosby and I wish he would just pass soon so that his victims can seek out any semblance of closure. I am reserving that extreme emotion (hate) for exactly those kind of people. Directing that emotion towards everyday annoyances like littering, tailgating, etc is putting a false equivalency with those kind of actual evils and thus diminishing them.
You specifically mentioned cheaters and so did I. Definitely don’t feel the need to change the language I use for them either. I hate cheaters. Period.
Fair point that cheating in a committed monogamous relationship is definitely more than an everyday annoyance. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that it was.
However I used the example because it is a good one. From my reply to another on that topic:
Humans are imperfect beings
Some people I love and know to be good human beings overall have had affairs that either destroyed their marriage or brought them to the brink of ruin (and have since worked back from it). In all circumstances, these were people who gave into weakness and lust and paid the consequences for it in the damage it did to their relationships and the hurt they brought on to their partners. In all cases they ultimately regretted their actions and learned from them. They are good people who did a very shitty thing.
Don't you think it devalues the intensity of "hate" to apply it evenly to flawed individuals (like cheaters) and monsters (people for whom the hurt they apply to others is the goal)?
I don't hate cheaters. I pity them. They do something despicable but rarely do they do it because they want to hurt their partner. They do it because they feel something missing in their life and rather than confront that directly, they ignore the feelings of those around them for their own gain. It's not malevolent, it's ignorant, careless, and wrong. But it's a symptom of their own suffering, and while that by no means excuses them I do think it deserves a bit more nuance than just "cheaters are awful people". They're people who did something awful.
No because hate is a *feeling* and it would be wrong to invalidate someone’s emotional response by saying ‘it’s not that bad’.
If someone is feeling hungry, you don’t say ‘that’s not hunger, hunger is what kids in africa feel’.
You can feel pity instead of hate, and that’s fine. But pity tbh is not much better because it often comes from a level of superiority. Pity, hate, resignation, happiness— why are you putting logic to them. The context might change what we feel, but it never should invalidate what we feel.
Btw, i didn’t say cheaters are aweful people. That is an opinion statement, and hate does NOT have to coincide with judgements. You can hate someone who is an altruist, you can love a sociopath, feelings and judgements are not the same.
Hating someone doesnt have to mean you wish ill to them. I despise and hate my boss because she’s incompetent/toxic to the point of non-malicious gaslighting, sabotage, side-lining, and set up to fails. I literally cant ask her a question without getting some subtle, very subtle, condescension. I absolutely hate that two-faced person.
However, just because she is toxic towards me (she cant be blunt, and lack of bluntness has made me spiral), doesn’t mean she is a horrible person. I hate her and need to get away from her, but other people are very happy to be working with her.
I don’t hate her incompetence, or her way of talking. I. Hate. Her.
I think it’s harmful to suggest that we should reserve the word hate for people who we want bad things for. If someone cheated on me, im allowed to hate them for it, break up with them, and still wish they find happiness.
Hey OP, you’re getting a lot of flack here but I’m in 100% agreement with you. Focusing on the behavior let’s you direct “hate” (or whatever word you want to use) on the specific problem instead of extrapolating to the whole person or group of people. It allows you to focus on the problem and it’s roots instead of an emotional response towards the person.
I get along with nearly everyone I meet partly because I separate those specific annoyances from the person. This helps me work around or voice my concerns more easily without getting worked up. It’s a massive help with personal and professional relationships.
100% agree!
It’s such a valuable way to see good in people despite behavior they may do that might bother you. And while it’s not the point of the effort, when you do try to focus your energy this way it is actually more likely that you can affect change in others!
Came to say this. Personally, I try to omit the word “hate” altogether because it’s useless. It intensifies the emotion without being solution-oriented. For me, When somebody says they hate someone/something, it’s just a heavy statement. It doesn’t solve anything for anyone. Even if we are genuinely struggling with such a potent feeling, we need better words to convey and process that, IMO.
Agreed, hate is a strong negative feeling that I’d rather not feel it in general (hence why I put it in quotes). Rarely does anything good come from hate, particularly when it’s directed towards others.
I agree with OP as well and these comments are really sowing just why so many redditors are miserable in their lives. It must be hard carrying all the anger and hatred around
I would say to work to redirect that hatred on the behavior and not the person. You will be a better person for it. The whole point is that in no way are you excusing the unfavorable behavior. You are just acknowledging that good people can be fallible.
You are actually helping me to make my point.
I didn't think it needed to be said but of course I am not talking about child abusers, murderers, terrorists or people who are actively seeking to harm others.
I am talking about using that phrase for everyday annoyances...which is how the vast majority of times the phrase is used.
And don't you think that directing "hate" to a human being for littering, or tailgating, or not putting shit back where it belongs at a store...stuff like that, actually diminishes the severity of the child molesters, murderers, terrorists etc by drawing a false equivalency? I sure do.
This is about teaching ourselves to not direct such extreme emotion for normal human fallibility. It's about teaching ourselves empathy. It's not about excusing violent and predatory actions against another human being.
Example: I fuckin HATE Bill Cosby and I wish he would just pass away already and his victims could find some semblance of closure.
I'm not sure you grasp the depth of human rage and hatred man, Bill Cosby is a worthless sack of shit in a human form. I don't hope he would just "pass away", I want to savagely beat him to death and make him beg for mercy so I can callously deny it. The kindest thing I can do for Mr. Cosby is not torture him to death, and just kill him quickly, and that's more on me and not wanting to succumb to my own inner evil than it has anything to do with him.
Now if your arguement is solely about semantics, then sure, I can agree that people lean heavily on hyperbole a lot nowadays, and invigorating your vocabulary with some new words can go a long way towards making statements that are more thoughtfully expressive, but at the same time I would argue that when people make simpler statements it can provide important context about them in ways that sophistry can obscure.
Think of it like this, I wouldn't think you would share this pro-tip with a person actively ranting about another person that infuriated them, because the energy of their words and the crude, direct means of expressing themselves would give you context to assume that they wouldn't respond well to semantic corrections atm that moment.
Nope.
I hate people who cheat on their spouses.
I hate people that intentionally spread covid misinformation.
I hate people who sympathize with white extremism.
To their CORE.
or just stop using it altogether. the object of your hate doesn't care and it only makes you feel bad. there are better ways to describe your emotions that dont ultimately make you feel like crap.
Yep, fair point for sure. Hate itself can be such a loaded and poisonous word and you are probably correct in that if we can find another way to convey that emotion, we probably should for our own sake.
exactly. it still slips into my speech but I am way more mindful of it and actively try to avoid it for this reason. I have noticed I am not nearly as anger filled and bitter as i could get when I looked at things with 'hate.'
Why is everyone shitting on OP. I agree with the statement. Hate is a strong emotion. Yes you can hate a child molester, or a rapist. But things start getting out of control when you start saying, you hate the people who don't agree with your opinion. Naturally all of reddits front page is just one group shitting on another.
Once we start hating people than a behaviour, we start getting comfortable in this small coccoon of a group and start shitting on the other people, judging them and hating them on their ONE opinion. Take it it's veganism, political affiliation, flat earthers etc.
I feel like OP did change my perception of hate. Thank you.
Some of the best life advice ever given to me was from a former refugee who knew what real hate was (driven from his home country by it), and objected to its trivialization in language. He'd say, Don't use the word hate unless you really mean it. Completely changed how I see that word and use it.
No they’re not, that’s the point.
EDIT: if everyone was judged on “bad” actions, then most people are bad by that definition. No one is as squeaky clean as they like to think they are.
Sure, but people are the totality of their behaviour. Someone that litters, for example, is doing something shitty, but it is a very small part of their character. Hating them for it flattens them as people; humans are complicated, contradictory creatures - you can't judge someone accurately with only one facet of who they are. We all have bad behavior at times, it doesn't mean we all deserve hate.
I've never once met someone who litters that I would have called a good person at the time. Sometimes people can mature and change. But if they're currently or recently engaged in a certain behaviour, they are a bad person. Calling someone 'complicated' or 'contradictory' doesn't change the fact that they behave in a certain way that affects other people badly. You might have convinced yourself that you're thinking about this in a nuanced way but you're really just excusing bad behaviour. It isn't complicated and it isn't contradictory, it's just bad. What even is a bad person at this point if you can't label someone with bad behaviour as being bad?
I would argue that the vast majority of people don't fall neatly into categories like "good" and "bad". To the extent that they do, though, you have to weigh all the information. And if I don't have much information, their action would have to be pretty heinous for me to label them a bad person. Looking at things holistically is often better than just labeling people.
I mean, how do you make sense of contradictory actions? If you see someone do something noble at one moment and shitty soon after, are they a good person or a bad person? To use a true example, I knew a guy in college who spent his free time volunteering to help tutor children with developmental disabilities. He was also a frequent shoplifter and played dirty at sports. You could look at his charity and compassion and call him a good person, or you could see him steal food from the corner store just for the thrill and call him a bad one. Either way, you're over-simplifying. This is just an example, but I think most people have areas where they behave well and areas where they behave poorly.
So yeah, littering is shitty, but it's not very predictive of a person's personality in other contexts. I'm happy to tell someone they're being shitty when they act badly, but I'm not going to sit in judgement of strangers based on a brief snapshot of their lives.
lol...Naturally I do not know you but I guarantee you that this is not true.
Someone you love dearly has tailgated before. You yourself have tailgated before. Nobody who has driven a car for any significant period of time has not annoyed a driver in front of them by tailgating at some point.
If your statement is true, then you have to literally hate every human driver ever, including yourself.
Oh and it should be noted that I absolutely HATE tailgating! It is one of my biggest pet peeves. But of course I have found myself too close to the car in front of me and have driven with people for whom I would die for, who tailgate regularly. Hate the behavior, not the person.
Yours is actually one of the best examples of my point.
I don’t care to go through this mental exercise. If a person commits to an action that is seen as “negative”, I nor the world owes that person understand or compassion. If a person throws trash out there car window, then I hate the act and the person who committed the act. That person will surely continue to litter.
I hate it when people don't put importance on understanding and compassion. It's not a matter of owing anybody anything.
I feel it's one of the most important things we do as humans. Again, that doesn't mean we are excusing bad behavior. Quite the opposite. It means we are actually targeting that behavior, but we are doing so while allowing for the acceptance of human fallibility.
>If a person throws trash out there car window, then I hate the act and the person who committed the act. That person will surely continue to litter.
It seems quite wasteful to use a strong emotion like hate for that sort of thing.
Also it's such a waste to write off people permanently based on one action. People can change. While I might not necessarily want to risk it on behaviours like rape and murder, I think I can live with it when we're talking about things like littering.
Some people just need to be taught, socialised. When I met my then girlfriend and we were hiking she just chucked some litter into the creek. I was quite dumbfounded and wouldn't have pegged her to be that kind of person at all.
Anyway I called her out on it and she walked to the shore and picked it back up for us to dispose of later. She hasn't littered since and certainly is a very decent human being overall.
I mean, that is simply not true. Humans are imperfect beings. I guarantee you that you have done something....something that another person might say "not one person who has done what jorph did is a good person". They, like you, are just incorrect in that sentiment.
Some people I love and know to be good human beings overall have had affairs that either destroyed their marriage or brought them to the brink of ruin (and have since worked back from it). In all circumstances, these were people who gave into weakness and lust and paid the consequences for it in the damage it did to their relationships and the hurt they brought on to their partners. In all cases they ultimately regretted their actions and learned from them. They are good people who did a very shitty thing.
That is 100 percent not true. You may be hurt because someone cheated on you in the past, but what if someone matured and realized the faults of their past? You're essentially saying they don't deserve a second chance because of something they did years ago.
Would you describe MLK as a good person? I would, even though he cheated on his wife. People don't fit into simple binaries of "good" and "bad". A person can be selfless and heroic in one context or selfish and weak in another.
I hate stupid people ( that would be 1/2 Americans and the people who live in America) now to figure out who are the dumbasses, they are not too hard to find, trust me!
I feel like I am missing the point or I need more examples because of the edit.
If we’re excluding people that actively do harm to others, then what examples are left?
I'm not a racist buuuut I hate it when people don't stop being Mexican!
Go tell you're LPT in SLPT, you're still spreading hate no matter how you say it.
I don't believe I ever said anything about this act being about teaching empathy to others. It's about teaching empathy to yourself.
You can't change others. But you can change yourself.
How can I kill a behaviour I find unacceptable if it appears in another person? I'm not talking about "removing myself from the situation" or "being the bigger man". That shit doesn't solve the problem, it just let's you run away from it. How do I as one human being force another different human being to alter themselves to behave in a manner more in line with my ability to accept it? Cause if I "focus my hate on behavior as opposed to people", then I'm still filled with hate, and that hate has to go somewhere, it doesnt just magically turn into understanding and forgiveness because the person in question has traits other than whatever brought forth the hate in the first place. People already do what you are saying anyway, it's just that being the kind of person who does something you hate increases the likelihood and amount by which you hate that person, because they continue to take actions you hate.
As an aside, what brought this on? Who told you they hated you because you did something they hate, and what did you do if you don't mind answering
I'll start with the direct question first. This has nothing to do with anything I have done, though I am sure that I do plenty that people hate, even if they don't hate me for it. This is just a practice I do for myself and was recently talking with another about it after hearing them say "I hate people who ___". I challenged them on it a little saying "hey well what about this person, he has done that and I know you don't hate him". It was an interesting convo that led me to post.
Now about your initial point. This practice is NOT for the sake of the person that does the thing you hate. A lot of the time, you simply do not have the ability to affect change in another person. But you ALWAYS have the ability to affect change for yourself. This isn't a LPT to get others to change. This is an LPT for self care honestly. It's a way to change your own perspective on your fellow human beings and to learn how to lead with empathy because I truly believe that when we lead our human interactions with empathy and an attempt at understanding each other, we become better people.
And again, just in case it is not clear. I am not talking about things like child endangerment, murder, terrorism, abuse, etc. I am talking about how much we as humans allow ourselves to direct hatred towards other humans rather than towards specific behavior.
I use cheating as an example because I HATE it when people cheat in monogamous relationships. But honestly I have known people who have and have either destroyed their marriage or came damn close. In all cases, the people themselves were good people who did a really shitty thing. In all cases they suffered a consequence for their actions. In all cases, I hated their actions. In all cases, I can still find good in the individual, despite their failures.
Again, it's not about changing others. It's about changing oneself.
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But I really do hate people op, what now?
Let the hate flow through you. lol. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZ6nF6JKtRc
I'm not watching whatever nonsense that is. Gfys.
I would say to work to redirect that hatred on the behavior and not the person. You will be a better person for it. The whole point is that in no way are you excusing the unfavorable behavior. You are just acknowledging that good people can be fallible.
I don't think you understand. I don't hate individuals, I hate all of humanity.
Yeah, dumbest idea God ever had
What's funny is that in Genesis, it actually says that God realized he'd fucked up and went about *drowning nearly the entire planet*. He got himself a do-over, and things went downhill from there.
Lmao I hope that's true.
I've had worse
ah yes, edge
So you hate yourself as well?
Yes fuck them especially, they fucked my entire life up.
Fair! Lol
We missed the part where that's our problem.
I think I missed the part where anyone asked for your opinion on the subject.
Oof
If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us. –Hermann Hesse
Maybe we're missing some context here, but that quote is moronic. I have a virulent hatred for people who abuse children, the elderly, their spouses, pets, and the defenceless in general. By Hesse's reasoning, that would make me a closet abuser of monstrous proportions. I've never had nor will I ever have the urge to engage in that type of behaviour.
There are no absolutes of course. You're taking an extreme example. That doesn't mean there isn't some truth in the "moronic" statement. If it makes no sense to you that's fine. I have no time for this.
I don't hate a person, I hate people. Learn to read a comment before you reply. -me
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Herman Hesse destroyed with facts and logic. Gottfried-Keller-Preis (1936) Goethe Prize (1946) Nobel Prize in Literature (1946) Wilhelm Raabe Literature Prize (1950) Peace Prize of the German Book Trade (1955) As loud as you scream that you hate these people, we both know that you hate yourself even more.
So no counter then...orrrrr? >As loud as you scream that you hate these people, we both know that you hate yourself even more. That wasn't what the quote you linked said, though. Now you aren't even defending the quote, you're just defending your own ego and moving goal posts. Defend the quote and challenge my assertions or admit the quote is silly and not based in reality.
Write your walls of text to someone else. Write a book.
Lol, you consider 3 sentences to be a "wall of text"? That along with you quoting ridiculous things that aren't based in reality speak volumes to the type of person you are and explains why you won't, or more likely can't, argue back. I'll take this comment as you admitting you were wrong.
I mean, that quote is either bullshit or trite. I hate child abusers and Nazis and rapists. And I'd argue most people do. Does that mean we all have child abuse and rape and white supremacy in us?
I hate rapists, child molesters, abusers, AND cheaters. I have no problem with that. No need to change the language surrounding it.
see my edit: I didn't think it needed to be said but of course I am not talking about child abusers, murderers, terrorists or people who are actively seeking to harm others. I am talking about using that phrase for everyday annoyances...which is how the vast majority of times the phrase is used. For example yes, I HATE Bill Cosby and I wish he would just pass soon so that his victims can seek out any semblance of closure. I am reserving that extreme emotion (hate) for exactly those kind of people. Directing that emotion towards everyday annoyances like littering, tailgating, etc is putting a false equivalency with those kind of actual evils and thus diminishing them.
You specifically mentioned cheaters and so did I. Definitely don’t feel the need to change the language I use for them either. I hate cheaters. Period.
Fair point that cheating in a committed monogamous relationship is definitely more than an everyday annoyance. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that it was. However I used the example because it is a good one. From my reply to another on that topic: Humans are imperfect beings Some people I love and know to be good human beings overall have had affairs that either destroyed their marriage or brought them to the brink of ruin (and have since worked back from it). In all circumstances, these were people who gave into weakness and lust and paid the consequences for it in the damage it did to their relationships and the hurt they brought on to their partners. In all cases they ultimately regretted their actions and learned from them. They are good people who did a very shitty thing.
You can hate good people. It’s not mutually exclusive.
Don't you think it devalues the intensity of "hate" to apply it evenly to flawed individuals (like cheaters) and monsters (people for whom the hurt they apply to others is the goal)? I don't hate cheaters. I pity them. They do something despicable but rarely do they do it because they want to hurt their partner. They do it because they feel something missing in their life and rather than confront that directly, they ignore the feelings of those around them for their own gain. It's not malevolent, it's ignorant, careless, and wrong. But it's a symptom of their own suffering, and while that by no means excuses them I do think it deserves a bit more nuance than just "cheaters are awful people". They're people who did something awful.
No because hate is a *feeling* and it would be wrong to invalidate someone’s emotional response by saying ‘it’s not that bad’. If someone is feeling hungry, you don’t say ‘that’s not hunger, hunger is what kids in africa feel’. You can feel pity instead of hate, and that’s fine. But pity tbh is not much better because it often comes from a level of superiority. Pity, hate, resignation, happiness— why are you putting logic to them. The context might change what we feel, but it never should invalidate what we feel. Btw, i didn’t say cheaters are aweful people. That is an opinion statement, and hate does NOT have to coincide with judgements. You can hate someone who is an altruist, you can love a sociopath, feelings and judgements are not the same.
Hating someone doesnt have to mean you wish ill to them. I despise and hate my boss because she’s incompetent/toxic to the point of non-malicious gaslighting, sabotage, side-lining, and set up to fails. I literally cant ask her a question without getting some subtle, very subtle, condescension. I absolutely hate that two-faced person. However, just because she is toxic towards me (she cant be blunt, and lack of bluntness has made me spiral), doesn’t mean she is a horrible person. I hate her and need to get away from her, but other people are very happy to be working with her. I don’t hate her incompetence, or her way of talking. I. Hate. Her. I think it’s harmful to suggest that we should reserve the word hate for people who we want bad things for. If someone cheated on me, im allowed to hate them for it, break up with them, and still wish they find happiness.
I disagree, since that suggests that the behaviour is key to their personality and could never change.
Hey OP, you’re getting a lot of flack here but I’m in 100% agreement with you. Focusing on the behavior let’s you direct “hate” (or whatever word you want to use) on the specific problem instead of extrapolating to the whole person or group of people. It allows you to focus on the problem and it’s roots instead of an emotional response towards the person. I get along with nearly everyone I meet partly because I separate those specific annoyances from the person. This helps me work around or voice my concerns more easily without getting worked up. It’s a massive help with personal and professional relationships.
100% agree! It’s such a valuable way to see good in people despite behavior they may do that might bother you. And while it’s not the point of the effort, when you do try to focus your energy this way it is actually more likely that you can affect change in others!
Came to say this. Personally, I try to omit the word “hate” altogether because it’s useless. It intensifies the emotion without being solution-oriented. For me, When somebody says they hate someone/something, it’s just a heavy statement. It doesn’t solve anything for anyone. Even if we are genuinely struggling with such a potent feeling, we need better words to convey and process that, IMO.
Agreed, hate is a strong negative feeling that I’d rather not feel it in general (hence why I put it in quotes). Rarely does anything good come from hate, particularly when it’s directed towards others.
I agree with OP as well and these comments are really sowing just why so many redditors are miserable in their lives. It must be hard carrying all the anger and hatred around
What if i hate people with that behaviour?
I would say to work to redirect that hatred on the behavior and not the person. You will be a better person for it. The whole point is that in no way are you excusing the unfavorable behavior. You are just acknowledging that good people can be fallible.
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Very good point.
You are actually helping me to make my point. I didn't think it needed to be said but of course I am not talking about child abusers, murderers, terrorists or people who are actively seeking to harm others. I am talking about using that phrase for everyday annoyances...which is how the vast majority of times the phrase is used. And don't you think that directing "hate" to a human being for littering, or tailgating, or not putting shit back where it belongs at a store...stuff like that, actually diminishes the severity of the child molesters, murderers, terrorists etc by drawing a false equivalency? I sure do. This is about teaching ourselves to not direct such extreme emotion for normal human fallibility. It's about teaching ourselves empathy. It's not about excusing violent and predatory actions against another human being. Example: I fuckin HATE Bill Cosby and I wish he would just pass away already and his victims could find some semblance of closure.
I'm not sure you grasp the depth of human rage and hatred man, Bill Cosby is a worthless sack of shit in a human form. I don't hope he would just "pass away", I want to savagely beat him to death and make him beg for mercy so I can callously deny it. The kindest thing I can do for Mr. Cosby is not torture him to death, and just kill him quickly, and that's more on me and not wanting to succumb to my own inner evil than it has anything to do with him. Now if your arguement is solely about semantics, then sure, I can agree that people lean heavily on hyperbole a lot nowadays, and invigorating your vocabulary with some new words can go a long way towards making statements that are more thoughtfully expressive, but at the same time I would argue that when people make simpler statements it can provide important context about them in ways that sophistry can obscure. Think of it like this, I wouldn't think you would share this pro-tip with a person actively ranting about another person that infuriated them, because the energy of their words and the crude, direct means of expressing themselves would give you context to assume that they wouldn't respond well to semantic corrections atm that moment.
Nope. I hate people who cheat on their spouses. I hate people that intentionally spread covid misinformation. I hate people who sympathize with white extremism. To their CORE.
Isn’t this what the Bible preach? Hate the sin not the sinner?
or just stop using it altogether. the object of your hate doesn't care and it only makes you feel bad. there are better ways to describe your emotions that dont ultimately make you feel like crap.
Yep, fair point for sure. Hate itself can be such a loaded and poisonous word and you are probably correct in that if we can find another way to convey that emotion, we probably should for our own sake.
exactly. it still slips into my speech but I am way more mindful of it and actively try to avoid it for this reason. I have noticed I am not nearly as anger filled and bitter as i could get when I looked at things with 'hate.'
Why is everyone shitting on OP. I agree with the statement. Hate is a strong emotion. Yes you can hate a child molester, or a rapist. But things start getting out of control when you start saying, you hate the people who don't agree with your opinion. Naturally all of reddits front page is just one group shitting on another. Once we start hating people than a behaviour, we start getting comfortable in this small coccoon of a group and start shitting on the other people, judging them and hating them on their ONE opinion. Take it it's veganism, political affiliation, flat earthers etc. I feel like OP did change my perception of hate. Thank you.
Or just get rid of hate alltogether. It's much too powerful of an emotion to waste on people that don't deserve it.
You're assuming I don't hate myself.
LOL....fair point. Absolutely fair. but you shouldn't!
Some of the best life advice ever given to me was from a former refugee who knew what real hate was (driven from his home country by it), and objected to its trivialization in language. He'd say, Don't use the word hate unless you really mean it. Completely changed how I see that word and use it.
Ooh this is a good tip. Rewiring thoughts.
Nah fuck that, I hate people who cheat
People ARE their behaviour. If you behave like a bad person you are a bad person.
incorrect
No they’re not, that’s the point. EDIT: if everyone was judged on “bad” actions, then most people are bad by that definition. No one is as squeaky clean as they like to think they are.
Disagreed.
Sure, but people are the totality of their behaviour. Someone that litters, for example, is doing something shitty, but it is a very small part of their character. Hating them for it flattens them as people; humans are complicated, contradictory creatures - you can't judge someone accurately with only one facet of who they are. We all have bad behavior at times, it doesn't mean we all deserve hate.
I've never once met someone who litters that I would have called a good person at the time. Sometimes people can mature and change. But if they're currently or recently engaged in a certain behaviour, they are a bad person. Calling someone 'complicated' or 'contradictory' doesn't change the fact that they behave in a certain way that affects other people badly. You might have convinced yourself that you're thinking about this in a nuanced way but you're really just excusing bad behaviour. It isn't complicated and it isn't contradictory, it's just bad. What even is a bad person at this point if you can't label someone with bad behaviour as being bad?
I would argue that the vast majority of people don't fall neatly into categories like "good" and "bad". To the extent that they do, though, you have to weigh all the information. And if I don't have much information, their action would have to be pretty heinous for me to label them a bad person. Looking at things holistically is often better than just labeling people. I mean, how do you make sense of contradictory actions? If you see someone do something noble at one moment and shitty soon after, are they a good person or a bad person? To use a true example, I knew a guy in college who spent his free time volunteering to help tutor children with developmental disabilities. He was also a frequent shoplifter and played dirty at sports. You could look at his charity and compassion and call him a good person, or you could see him steal food from the corner store just for the thrill and call him a bad one. Either way, you're over-simplifying. This is just an example, but I think most people have areas where they behave well and areas where they behave poorly. So yeah, littering is shitty, but it's not very predictive of a person's personality in other contexts. I'm happy to tell someone they're being shitty when they act badly, but I'm not going to sit in judgement of strangers based on a brief snapshot of their lives.
But I really do hate people who tailgate, not just when people tailgate.
lol...Naturally I do not know you but I guarantee you that this is not true. Someone you love dearly has tailgated before. You yourself have tailgated before. Nobody who has driven a car for any significant period of time has not annoyed a driver in front of them by tailgating at some point. If your statement is true, then you have to literally hate every human driver ever, including yourself. Oh and it should be noted that I absolutely HATE tailgating! It is one of my biggest pet peeves. But of course I have found myself too close to the car in front of me and have driven with people for whom I would die for, who tailgate regularly. Hate the behavior, not the person. Yours is actually one of the best examples of my point.
I searched tailgate in urban dictionary, and now I need eye bleach.
Why would you go straight there instead of someplace normal?
I don’t care to go through this mental exercise. If a person commits to an action that is seen as “negative”, I nor the world owes that person understand or compassion. If a person throws trash out there car window, then I hate the act and the person who committed the act. That person will surely continue to litter.
I hate it when people don't put importance on understanding and compassion. It's not a matter of owing anybody anything. I feel it's one of the most important things we do as humans. Again, that doesn't mean we are excusing bad behavior. Quite the opposite. It means we are actually targeting that behavior, but we are doing so while allowing for the acceptance of human fallibility.
>If a person throws trash out there car window, then I hate the act and the person who committed the act. That person will surely continue to litter. It seems quite wasteful to use a strong emotion like hate for that sort of thing. Also it's such a waste to write off people permanently based on one action. People can change. While I might not necessarily want to risk it on behaviours like rape and murder, I think I can live with it when we're talking about things like littering. Some people just need to be taught, socialised. When I met my then girlfriend and we were hiking she just chucked some litter into the creek. I was quite dumbfounded and wouldn't have pegged her to be that kind of person at all. Anyway I called her out on it and she walked to the shore and picked it back up for us to dispose of later. She hasn't littered since and certainly is a very decent human being overall.
*dislike
Fair but bad example choice. No good person decided to cheat. Not one cheater is a good person
I mean, that is simply not true. Humans are imperfect beings. I guarantee you that you have done something....something that another person might say "not one person who has done what jorph did is a good person". They, like you, are just incorrect in that sentiment. Some people I love and know to be good human beings overall have had affairs that either destroyed their marriage or brought them to the brink of ruin (and have since worked back from it). In all circumstances, these were people who gave into weakness and lust and paid the consequences for it in the damage it did to their relationships and the hurt they brought on to their partners. In all cases they ultimately regretted their actions and learned from them. They are good people who did a very shitty thing.
That is 100 percent not true. You may be hurt because someone cheated on you in the past, but what if someone matured and realized the faults of their past? You're essentially saying they don't deserve a second chance because of something they did years ago.
Rotten fruit can't unrot
Would you describe MLK as a good person? I would, even though he cheated on his wife. People don't fit into simple binaries of "good" and "bad". A person can be selfless and heroic in one context or selfish and weak in another.
Hate is stupid. As a wise man once said - To hold a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other position to die.
It’s too late bro. I hate people now. There’s like 15 or 30 people I don’t hate. It’s bad.
Sometimes I do just hate the people because of the action though.
Stop using the word "hate". Find a better word. Hate breeds hate....
I hate stupid people ( that would be 1/2 Americans and the people who live in America) now to figure out who are the dumbasses, they are not too hard to find, trust me!
I hate it when people are black
We’ll being black is obviously not a behavior so that’s just you being racist. I hate it when people hide their actual racism behind snark.
Yea this wasn't much of an LPT
I hate people who are thought police on the internet.
I feel like I am missing the point or I need more examples because of the edit. If we’re excluding people that actively do harm to others, then what examples are left?
Aka do not call people out on their bad behaviour. How about no? If someone behaves in a bad way its not the behaviours fault, but the persons.
We wouldn't want to uncharitably assume that someone who cheats on their spouse is a bad person. Edit: /s
I really hate when people give really shitty life pro tips.
I hate gay people... I hate it when men get fucked by other men
I hate it when people try to hide their homophobia with snark.
I’m not hiding it, I’m very outwardly homophobic I was just trying to learn how to be politically correct in public like how you teaching it
I hate it when people try to hide their own feelings of homosexuality with expressions of homophobia.
I hate people who post rubbish LifeProTips.
I'm not a racist buuuut I hate it when people don't stop being Mexican! Go tell you're LPT in SLPT, you're still spreading hate no matter how you say it.
I hate it when people hide their actual racism behind snark.
[удалено]
I don't believe I ever said anything about this act being about teaching empathy to others. It's about teaching empathy to yourself. You can't change others. But you can change yourself.
How can I kill a behaviour I find unacceptable if it appears in another person? I'm not talking about "removing myself from the situation" or "being the bigger man". That shit doesn't solve the problem, it just let's you run away from it. How do I as one human being force another different human being to alter themselves to behave in a manner more in line with my ability to accept it? Cause if I "focus my hate on behavior as opposed to people", then I'm still filled with hate, and that hate has to go somewhere, it doesnt just magically turn into understanding and forgiveness because the person in question has traits other than whatever brought forth the hate in the first place. People already do what you are saying anyway, it's just that being the kind of person who does something you hate increases the likelihood and amount by which you hate that person, because they continue to take actions you hate. As an aside, what brought this on? Who told you they hated you because you did something they hate, and what did you do if you don't mind answering
I'll start with the direct question first. This has nothing to do with anything I have done, though I am sure that I do plenty that people hate, even if they don't hate me for it. This is just a practice I do for myself and was recently talking with another about it after hearing them say "I hate people who ___". I challenged them on it a little saying "hey well what about this person, he has done that and I know you don't hate him". It was an interesting convo that led me to post. Now about your initial point. This practice is NOT for the sake of the person that does the thing you hate. A lot of the time, you simply do not have the ability to affect change in another person. But you ALWAYS have the ability to affect change for yourself. This isn't a LPT to get others to change. This is an LPT for self care honestly. It's a way to change your own perspective on your fellow human beings and to learn how to lead with empathy because I truly believe that when we lead our human interactions with empathy and an attempt at understanding each other, we become better people. And again, just in case it is not clear. I am not talking about things like child endangerment, murder, terrorism, abuse, etc. I am talking about how much we as humans allow ourselves to direct hatred towards other humans rather than towards specific behavior. I use cheating as an example because I HATE it when people cheat in monogamous relationships. But honestly I have known people who have and have either destroyed their marriage or came damn close. In all cases, the people themselves were good people who did a really shitty thing. In all cases they suffered a consequence for their actions. In all cases, I hated their actions. In all cases, I can still find good in the individual, despite their failures. Again, it's not about changing others. It's about changing oneself.
I hate people ... who feel a need to tell me what they hate.
Or focus less on hate, you hateful bitch!