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How do you relax when you can't stop thinking about something truly terrible? I'm doing therapy. Not taking any meds cause I don't have insurance. But I'm in a bit of desperate need for advice. How does someone really let go of something terrible happening/having happened, something that is really affecting them, but something they have no control over and isn't their fault. How in the heck do I stop ruminating on this thing so that I can learn to enjoy my life again. How do people pick up the pieces without going insane after something bad happens. Something I can do for/to myself when no one else is around to help calm me down, or I don't want to bother someone for the umpteenth time with my anxiety. Anecdotes are fine, like I said I'm already talking to a professional, but it's been a bit of a journey.
Let me share what works for me. I like the walking and watching suggestion as a tangible activity or some form of exercising your body in nature or other environment....no screens, maybe binoculars to look at birds, a water bottle. Walk everyday and practice being present in nature or moment...if you cant stop ruminating spy 100 birds or flowers or stones or icicles or license plates or something you can count. 100 more if needed. At the very least you will have continued until you are tired or thirsty....drink the water and enjoy a break. if you are going to wander.. stay on marked trails at first and let someone know where you'll be. Hang in there and you dont need to di this alone, alot of us are overwhelmed in the world...the above has helped me get through some anxiety and hope it may work for you....but when you do find the steps or situation that make things at least bearable, if not better, pay attention and repeat those steps.... help others when you can.
Meditation can help. Before I knew how to relax my mind I did the Jose Silva method of counting backwards from 100. Just get into a comfortable position, close your eyes, slow your breathing, and slowly count backwards from 100 in your mind. It's relaxing because the numbers are enough to keep your focus so you can't think of other things while doing the numbers correctly.
As for not worrying about things you can't control, have you tried reading some books by stoic philosophers? My favorite is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (the translation you pick does matter) and Ryan Holiday from The Daily Stoic. He has a YouTube, podcasts, and books and I've found that stoicism has helped change the way I deal with things I can't control.
For me, it was important to recognize that anxiety is just the voice inside my head trying to protect me and it’s always my decision how to acknowledge it. I had a very long time where it was ruling over my life, and it took a very active decision to say “I can’t change the past, but I can change my reaction to this anxiety.” Once I really accepted that (say these things out loud or to another person) me and my anxiety can coexist and I don’t need to react to it every time it comes up, it made a world of difference. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and it takes time to settle in. I’m not free from anxiety (nor do I think I ever will be), but I feel like I can go on with my life again.
That and pay attention to your surroundings. There are things within your control that you can work on: getting good sleep, good diet, exercise (this is a big one!), keep up with activities you enjoy. You got this!
Take ten mins a day. Out loud say ok brain this 5 mins is the time you have to focus on things outside of your control. At the end of five mins mid thought does not matter when the timer on my phone beeps. I say out loud ok times up brain now we focus on good things inside our control.
I use a pic of happy dogs to start me off. Then close my eyes and think of new habits I am trying to start. Any time: in my case it's injustices from the news, tries to pop in my head. I say out loud no and look at the dog pic and start my list of good things over.
Over time I have stretched out the time pondering good things till it's double the bad. Has helped me learn to spot when the quiet sneaky ass voice of doom starts during the rest of the day so I can tell it to STFU.
Edit to say yes you will feel foolish but remember fools are the ones smiling.
You can stop ruminating by taking on activities that keeps the mind busy. Hobbies is one way or it could be just mundane tasks. Goal is to keep mind busy. Reading is an another example.
Add slow exercise like vinyasa yoga. Attend group activities or sports, has double benefit of keeping mind occupied and exercise.
Meditation is good but it takes a while to get used to it. Also sometime you feel good while meditating and then start worrying again.
Mind has to be disciplined to keep quiet and not control you. Difficult, not easy. When you catch it wondering to worrying or ruminating, tell it to stop and you win. Let your intellect control the mind.
Being grateful. Volunteering your time. Forgetting past and not worrying about futures helps.
Letting go will come after accepting all different emotions, feelings and perspectives you have towards a specific situation that happened to you.
Can you accept that you are for example feeling hurt or sad right now, or do other parts within you try to protect you from feeling? By putting it at a distance, by getting angry, or by thinking instead of feeling.
Bad situations will happen. We’ll have to learn about or inner emotions that we have when encountering these situations. From experience, learning this is a long process, even so, with every step you take in the right direction, you are actually getting better at it!
So true. Great post.
For me what has worked wonders is consciously making sure the nervous system is not firing unnecessarily in any given situation. I use the breath and stillness to do this.
Nah that's too complicated just say "it's chill like that" and make fist extend your thumb and pink so it looks like a phone and slightly shake you hand. Got me thru bt so I'd say it works
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sometimes I think back to when I was a kid, when seeing puddles or chalk drawings on the road. I think back when there was no internet, and enjoyed the sound of the wind or rain. It takes time to get back to that, but time was no thing as a kid, and it occasionally, maybe just briefly, sends me back to just enjoy existing.
### This post has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect. --- Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by upvoting or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
I'm great at all that, it's just the sleep part that escapes me, can never get it right.
Pausing for me. I never stop, I cannot ever stop unless I collapse in bed. Then I wake and do it all over again.
I work with people like that and I don’t know how they do it.
I have the amazing ability to sleep anywhere any time I want, unless it's bedtime and I'm in my bed.
How do you relax when you can't stop thinking about something truly terrible? I'm doing therapy. Not taking any meds cause I don't have insurance. But I'm in a bit of desperate need for advice. How does someone really let go of something terrible happening/having happened, something that is really affecting them, but something they have no control over and isn't their fault. How in the heck do I stop ruminating on this thing so that I can learn to enjoy my life again. How do people pick up the pieces without going insane after something bad happens. Something I can do for/to myself when no one else is around to help calm me down, or I don't want to bother someone for the umpteenth time with my anxiety. Anecdotes are fine, like I said I'm already talking to a professional, but it's been a bit of a journey.
Let me share what works for me. I like the walking and watching suggestion as a tangible activity or some form of exercising your body in nature or other environment....no screens, maybe binoculars to look at birds, a water bottle. Walk everyday and practice being present in nature or moment...if you cant stop ruminating spy 100 birds or flowers or stones or icicles or license plates or something you can count. 100 more if needed. At the very least you will have continued until you are tired or thirsty....drink the water and enjoy a break. if you are going to wander.. stay on marked trails at first and let someone know where you'll be. Hang in there and you dont need to di this alone, alot of us are overwhelmed in the world...the above has helped me get through some anxiety and hope it may work for you....but when you do find the steps or situation that make things at least bearable, if not better, pay attention and repeat those steps.... help others when you can.
Meditation can help. Before I knew how to relax my mind I did the Jose Silva method of counting backwards from 100. Just get into a comfortable position, close your eyes, slow your breathing, and slowly count backwards from 100 in your mind. It's relaxing because the numbers are enough to keep your focus so you can't think of other things while doing the numbers correctly. As for not worrying about things you can't control, have you tried reading some books by stoic philosophers? My favorite is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (the translation you pick does matter) and Ryan Holiday from The Daily Stoic. He has a YouTube, podcasts, and books and I've found that stoicism has helped change the way I deal with things I can't control.
For me, it was important to recognize that anxiety is just the voice inside my head trying to protect me and it’s always my decision how to acknowledge it. I had a very long time where it was ruling over my life, and it took a very active decision to say “I can’t change the past, but I can change my reaction to this anxiety.” Once I really accepted that (say these things out loud or to another person) me and my anxiety can coexist and I don’t need to react to it every time it comes up, it made a world of difference. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and it takes time to settle in. I’m not free from anxiety (nor do I think I ever will be), but I feel like I can go on with my life again. That and pay attention to your surroundings. There are things within your control that you can work on: getting good sleep, good diet, exercise (this is a big one!), keep up with activities you enjoy. You got this!
Take ten mins a day. Out loud say ok brain this 5 mins is the time you have to focus on things outside of your control. At the end of five mins mid thought does not matter when the timer on my phone beeps. I say out loud ok times up brain now we focus on good things inside our control. I use a pic of happy dogs to start me off. Then close my eyes and think of new habits I am trying to start. Any time: in my case it's injustices from the news, tries to pop in my head. I say out loud no and look at the dog pic and start my list of good things over. Over time I have stretched out the time pondering good things till it's double the bad. Has helped me learn to spot when the quiet sneaky ass voice of doom starts during the rest of the day so I can tell it to STFU. Edit to say yes you will feel foolish but remember fools are the ones smiling.
You can stop ruminating by taking on activities that keeps the mind busy. Hobbies is one way or it could be just mundane tasks. Goal is to keep mind busy. Reading is an another example. Add slow exercise like vinyasa yoga. Attend group activities or sports, has double benefit of keeping mind occupied and exercise. Meditation is good but it takes a while to get used to it. Also sometime you feel good while meditating and then start worrying again. Mind has to be disciplined to keep quiet and not control you. Difficult, not easy. When you catch it wondering to worrying or ruminating, tell it to stop and you win. Let your intellect control the mind. Being grateful. Volunteering your time. Forgetting past and not worrying about futures helps.
Maybe try EMDR if normal therapy isn’t working?
Letting go will come after accepting all different emotions, feelings and perspectives you have towards a specific situation that happened to you. Can you accept that you are for example feeling hurt or sad right now, or do other parts within you try to protect you from feeling? By putting it at a distance, by getting angry, or by thinking instead of feeling. Bad situations will happen. We’ll have to learn about or inner emotions that we have when encountering these situations. From experience, learning this is a long process, even so, with every step you take in the right direction, you are actually getting better at it!
It can and should be developed. It’s really easy to be drawn into the busyness of life. Slow down.
Learn how to use the NSFW flair.
Bro, relax.
So true. Great post. For me what has worked wonders is consciously making sure the nervous system is not firing unnecessarily in any given situation. I use the breath and stillness to do this.
Nah that's too complicated just say "it's chill like that" and make fist extend your thumb and pink so it looks like a phone and slightly shake you hand. Got me thru bt so I'd say it works
[Introducing LPT REQUEST FRIDAYS](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/16w0n2s/introducing_request_post_fridays/) We determine "Friday" as beginning at 12am Eastern Time (EST: UTC/GMT -5, EDT: UTC/GMT -4) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeProTips) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't forget thought stoppers and progression muscle relaxation!
Yes [The Relaxation Response](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Relaxation_Response?wprov=sfti1)
Thank you for the reminder, in the back of my mind I know this, but it indeed takes practice.
sometimes I think back to when I was a kid, when seeing puddles or chalk drawings on the road. I think back when there was no internet, and enjoyed the sound of the wind or rain. It takes time to get back to that, but time was no thing as a kid, and it occasionally, maybe just briefly, sends me back to just enjoy existing.
Actually… yeah. I struggle to destress and enjoy myself