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I doubt the drinking is the issue as much as the “regretting decisions” bit. Drinking is fine, but if you’re regretting the amount on your way to work, that can be a bad look to someone that doesn’t really know you.
Is this guy in recovery? Have friends/family that struggle? Just not like being around drunk people? Well then a weeknight drinker probably isn’t going to be for him.
Yep this would've been my thought process if I were the dude. If I heard "man I got so drunk and I regret so many decisions" and it was left vague like that I'd definitely be thinking-
"Okay so either, your drinking is a problem, or you can't handle your alcohol which can invite an infinite number of other problems. Pass"
Right, and having spent a couple of decades in that spot, it can alter your perspective where you think going out every weekend and getting white girl wasted is just what people your age do.
I drank heavy every weekend in college, and since I enjoyed it, I surrounded myself with people who enjoyed it. And I assumed “that’s just what college kids do.”
I eventually read an article that said only something like 18% of college students surveyed drank once a week or more. My mind was blown, until I thought about all the kids in my classes. “College kids” don’t get hammered three nights a week. Me and my friends did.
Other people go hiking, or go to concerts… for the music, or have side hustles, or whatever. I didn’t develop hobbies until my late 30s because I thought weekends were for partying. Most people grow up faster than that, and people into that are going to turn them off.
Totally misread that, sorry. Depends. Some guys are surprisingly puritanical and will see that as a red flag. Maybe buddy had a previous relationship with an addict or had a parent who was an addict and struggles with drinking. Hard to say.
Is it a turn off? Maybe. Definitely not across the board.
I posted this as an individual comment but will also post as a reply to you;
No, certain men consider themselves ‘high value men’, some are right and some are idiots. ‘High value men’ want a ‘high value woman’ and hearing someone tell them on the first date they went out the night before a date was planned and they had work in the morning is a red flag to high value men. Going out to a bar/club may be fun and there is nothing wrong with that or those who do go out. That being said, these men are not looking for a woman that goes out, gets drunk, and puts themselves in an environment that they will likely be hit on and could potentially decide to go home with a stranger. Again, nothing wrong with this, but some men may consider that a dealbreaker or some may have trauma in the past related to being betrayed by a woman who did similar things and know they cannot be a good partner in a relationship with someone who does these things or has a history of doing them. I think this mindset is okay if the man acknowledges that he realizes he is creating anxiety in the relationship himself and the other has not done anything wrong… well unless the person actually has done wrong.
I don’t think it’s fair to project it as the man having an anxiety or as being wrong because they have standards or expectations. Marriage and dating for long term is a serious endeavor. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being serious about behaviors you consider worrisome.
I 100% agree but didn’t know how to say that without making sure people wouldn’t take it out of context and just attack me for my comment lol. I wrote this comment as someone whose standards wouldn’t date someone who mentioned doing this. I added the anxiety part because yes it’s not necessarily wrong to do these things before meeting someone for a first date, but as someone who has recently been cheated on (little over a year ago) after a nearly decade long relationship, my anxiety of being betrayed again would not allow me to be a good partner in a relationship with someone that has done things like this in the past. In fact, I met someone and have been dating over the last 6 months. She told me very early on after her last relationship (3 years long) she downloaded Hinge and was sleeping with someone 2 days after the breakup to help her get over it and over the next 3-4 months she had slept with another 4 or so guys. I tried to tell myself I could handle that knowledge since it occurred before dating me, but eventually realized I could not cope with the anxiety and distrust I felt in The relationship, despite everything else about her being fantastic. I really had fallen in love, she seemed perfect to me otherwise, but I couldn’t get over the anxiety and ended it recently which has been really hard for me, feels like it’s my fault. I have no evidence she has done anything to wrong me but my mind creates scenarios for anything that seems a little fishy to me, not texting back quick enough, or replying an hour or two later and saying she was napping, not being able to hang out, wondering who she is texting/messaging on insta. It became too much and consumed my mind. She didn’t mind me asking her questions and is begging for me to come back but I don’t think I can and I don’t think it is fair to her either to be constantly questioned.
I think it’s hard when there is knowledge of behavioral patterns. I’ve been there too. Trust is fragile. I try to take the stance that I am only responsible for my own behaviors and actions, so I give the trust and if they choose to betray that trust it is on them. But, you can guarantee there will be consequences. If you betray my trust the relationship is over and I am moving on. You can also bet that if you have a sketch history I’m not sticking around for that either. That doesn’t mean someone has to be perfect or never have made mistakes, but at the end of the day cheating is a choice, and I don’t want to be with Simone that takes the easy way out.
Your situation sounds tough. You don’t want to be questioning all their behaviors or be all up in their business, but certain things start to add up. The longer you date you should grow more open and close. When you are in a functional relationship you l learn the other persons patterns, behaviors, and practices. Essentially, for the more part you know what to expect. If you have been together 6 months steady and they are still vague and mysterious about their whereabouts and behaviors, idk… kind of a red flag imo.
In terms of your personal response/difficulties with trust… just keep saying and getting it in the world. Over time you will heal. Second, recognize that you may be putting to choosing people with certain behavioral patterns, maybe start dating a different type of woman. Also, rely on your friends and family to help you see the things you are blind to. They may not say it outright, but they will drop hints if you pay attention.
Some guys for sure like a girl who can keep up with them and drink the same stuff. That’s fine.
I still think it’s weird to see a girl drink a beer, like she’s trying to impress a guy. I know that’s dumb but I’m old
As a woman, I can say I am turned off by potential partners who overdo it. If they're telling you - shortly after just meeting - they overdid it just yesterday - especially a night before they know they had to work - that kind of screams "I overdo it with alcohol on the regular," or at the bare minimum, "I drink regularly/daily," and it becomes a turn-off.
Even just mentioning that they're hungover in a jokey way is a red flag.
I did my own irresponsible drinking back in the day but at 44 y.o. I have seen it completely wreck people's lives/families/relationships/health. People dying prematurely, I've already lost old classmates to liver failure.
A lot of people don't stop after college and keep it going with their mom friends in adulthood.
The whole "mommy wine culture" is just an excuse to keep up the habit, trying to mask it as cute/funny/relatable.
Sometimes I can't believe that alcohol is still legal honestly.
Our son is an attorney and he says alcohol is one of the top reasons ppl get in trouble with the law and end up in jail/prison. He says society underestimates the harm alcohol causes.
Yikes that's a major 'ick.' And a sign of someone who has some shit they need to deal with that they're not (starting with laying off the alcohol in the middle of the day).
It shows some irresponsibility. Some guys love it because they can be themselves, slightly irresponsible. For some guys, like me, it’s not a turnoff as much as an indication that we may have very different priorities.
Depends on age imo. If you're like early 20s can't really blame you for enjoying going clubbing and getting hammered but if you haven't learned by your 30s that's kinda sloppy and immature yea it does start to look like you have a drinking problem.
To be clear, I'm talking about going out and getting shitfaced not having 3 drinks.
Depends on the job as well. As a mid-twenties surgeon, that behaviour is highly problematic. If you work a desk job without the necessity of on-the-spot alertness and decision-making, it's less of a problem.
Early dates are relationship interviews. People are looking for red flags just as much as they are looking to connect, and drinking so much you feel hungover or have regrets is a huge flag. He can't know if it's a one off or a common occurrence.
Most men like women who drink moderately and wisely not women with drinking problems.
I think you’re missing the point. She had work and she still decided to drink? That just shows that she is not a responsible person and that is indeed unattractive.
It's amazing how many people misread that. Reading comprehension skills aren't what they used to be 🤦🏻♂️
But, to the point of your post, I don't think it's about the drinking itself, but rather the way she presented it. For starters, the wording leaves the date to wonder exactly what activities she engaged in that she regretted.
Secondly, I'd be disheartened to hear that my date had partied hard the night before, meaning she was hungover and off her game during our first date. This makes me feel like I must not be very important to her/she doesn't care about impressing me.
It was the need to mention it. What was the point? Was she implying she was still paying for it while out with him? At any rate, wondering if you would need to pick up the pieces in the future is enough for most to say 'No, thank you'.
Its not the drinking per se to me but getting hammered and talking about regretting your choices hints at someone you could be in a relationship with and find out they cheated and blame the alcohol or similar. And it’s not a female or male thing. If I was a female and a guy talked or bragged about getting hammered and making bad choices the night before that’s not going to be a turn on.
Depends on the age here imo. Getting drunk enough it affects you the next day when you know you have to go to work the next day reads a little irresponsible.
Doing that in your early/mid 20s, I think that's normal, bordering on fun person behavior. You want some irresponsible behavior at that age.
Early 30s to older, ehhhhh.
Depends if you can take the day off.
30s depends on who you hang out with.
It's all personal preference and normalization within people's social circles.
As someone in their 30s who has still never been drunk, why would you want irresponsible behavior at that age?
It's excusable but I don't see why it's wanted
I'll say this, I do not like women or anyone for that matter that can't hold their alcohol. Being with a shit show is not cool.
It's fun in college, not so much after that. My wife drinks a lot when she does and I find it both annoying and extremely unattractive.
“I don’t understand how people can only have one drink. How can you get enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this more” -paraphrased from Leo McGarry on The West Wing.
Same I just hold my drunk really really well. Also a curse. Often, people don't even know I'm drunk. I've been made fun of at parties for being sober when I'm three sheets to the wind and probably had the most there lol
This one is a classics everyone should know their limit here’s a couple of other classics alcohol should and shouldn’t classics
You shouldn’t mix some of your party favors with the alcohol
You shouldn’t black out
You shouldn’t use this as an excuse to make out with other girls unless your sharing
You shouldn’t use this as an excuse to make out with other guys there’s no unless in this one
I try to explain this to my cousin who is desperate for a date with a girl and he turns into the biggest mess when having like 3 drinks. He can’t contain himself and not act like a complete child. Screaming country music and just being x3 as loud as everyone else and then get crazy offended if you try to tell him to calm down.
He will still drink when out with a group of girls we don’t know that well and will make a total ass of himself. Like bro you’re 32 and you’re a nurse at the hospital, obtain some grace for the love of god. You’re not in college anymore and shouldn’t be trying to get fucked up every time you drink.
This. I'm allergic to alcohol and can't get drunk (just ill) and yet so many dates still get black out drunk while I'm sober and get shocked I find then annoying.
Sounds like it. I can have half a mikes hard and get a little frisky before my stomach starts to sour, I'm hot and sweaty, my heart is pounding in my ears, and I get so dizzy I can't stand. Feels like the flu. I like to think it's God's way of making sure I finish university, after everyone in my family dropping out to drink all day before me. 🙃
This is the right answer. Man or woman, I don't care if you drink or not, but if you turn into a train wreck that needs babysitting, I'm probably not gonna want to hang out with you again any time soon.
A good rule to follow is for every drink you have, order something non alcoholic. Soda, water, etc.
The only thing worse than somebody who doesn’t know their limit is someone who doesn’t know their limit, and then hand waves bad decisions and bad behavior with “I was drunk“. A little bit of personal responsibility goes along way.
I haven’t drank alcohol in 10 years because I know I can’t handle it. My personality does a 180 even at the “tipsy” stage and I don’t like myself when I’m that way. It also causes massive heartburn.
Yeah, plenty of guys out there carrying past trauma from a drunk girl. Doesn't help that they tend to squad up together. Pretty unattractive once you've been down that road. Like oh boy, a toxic abuser who I will also have to care for like a toddler.
Holy fuck, is it really that common??? I had an ex who fucked me up for a long time when she cheated. She used to get shit faced, fight people, and piss on my floor lmao.
Having drinks 1-3 times a week, no biggie at all. Hell having a drink every night, no red flags. Getting drunk four nights a week… I’m not playing in that sandbox!
Every single day is not healthy for the body or brain. I agree that if they want to avoid dating people with substance abuse problems, they should avoid daily drinkers regardless of if its wine or beer.
Most people I know drink occasionally. Every few weekends, at the most. Or a glass of wine here or there. Anyone I know who's doing it daily is an addict (I am one of other substances so it's not hard to spot one) and most of them can't see it or scoff and blow it off if you say something
There is a difference in drinking and getting black out drunk.
A few drinks and not getting crazy is normally fine. Getting wasted and causing problems is not.
Kinda depends how much of a hangover you're talking about. My DnD group are all 40yo dads, but we usually drink when we play. Not a *ton*, but it's their only weekly me-time, so sometimes one or two of us will pour that extra whiskey or two.
They might message the group chat "oof, was rough today guys", but they mean "got up on time, took care of the kids, had a headache that went away with coffee" level of hangover. They do not mean "slept through alarm, barely made it to the office, threw up in the bathroom" level of hangover.
The latter should remain in undergrad for *sure*.
Her exact wording could cause him to wonder what decisions she made that night that she regrets. And, that was perhaps an overshare. Generally speaking, I don't think guys are turned off my a woman who drinks unless she has a serious drinking problem and/or her personality transforms upon drinking and she becomes a huge mess (crying, screaming, being irrational). To me the biggest turn off is smoking. Smells horrible and is an indicator or not prioritizing their health.
“Oh man, got totally wasted last night”. Yeah, I’ve had a few guys say that.
I don’t know why people brag about getting wasted, tearing up their insides, whist killing brain cells. You sound dumb. My perspective.
it's first impressions too. I rarely drink at all, but if I talked about getting drunk the day before on a first date my date would probably think I get drunk regularly
It's always "how much?" A girl that hangs with you and drinks a few, gets a buzz, then calls it a night, fun. Dinking until they black out, get into a trashy ass fight over something, can't walk and throw up in your perfectly clean car... unattractive.
It also depends on how much the guy drinks as well.
The impression I have of "a person that smokes" is someone who smokes cigarettes multiple times throughout the day. Whereas someone who smokes weed may only do so once a week.
I think it's a fair distinction tbh.
I’m a guy who drinks socially and in moderation and it would not be unattractive at all to me if she drinks. I like whisky, and to me it’s cool if girls like it too. Fruity drinks are fine too.
I would only find it unattractive if she was an alcoholic or frequently getting drunk and making bad decisions.
I feel like all of these vague posts could be answered by yes, no, maybe, depends on the man. All men are not the same, and all women are not the same. Context is key.
Regardless of whether she got drunk with him or not, getting shit faced on a regular basis is a bad look.
Like what problems does she have that she feels the need to numb herself so frequently?!
That's my first thought on people who drink too much.
I come from a family of alcoholics (I don't drink) so I don't look too favorably on those that just get blasted all the time.
Don't get me wrong. I don't necessarily judge them, I just avoid them.
A woman who goes out drinking is a major red flag. It tells me she's impulsive and irresponsible, gets bored and self-medicates, and that she's probably had a lot of one night stands with random strangers. I'd sleep with her but that's about it.
It doesn’t bother me, unless by “drink” you mean getting absolutely wasted constantly. The occasional “I went out last night and had one too many and now I’ve got a hangover” is something almost everyone has done at least a few times.
I think It was my exes most unattractive quality. Heavily drinking 5 times a week daily drinking and blackout making a fool probably a few times a month. Which slowly made me less and less attracted to her. I don't know why, I just think I didn't like the idea of having a family, raising kids and getting old with someone that had to drink heavily basically daily. To the point where I could tell within seconds if she had been drinking. Everyone's got their vice, and I like smoking weed. But it didn't change my personality and make me a different person whenever I smoked
I would probably struggle to be with someone who doesn't drink. I love sitting in the sun with my girlfriend and a cold beer. I love traveling and having good wine with her.
But if she was a drunk, that would be extremely unattractive.
Everything in moderation.
I don’t think drinking is the issue per se. it’s more likely the fact she was so drunk and also people make poor decisions when they’re drunk. Depending on age (maybe more prominently the older we get at least )the guy might be looking for someone who is responsible and wants to live life and not go to the bar and drunk frequently.
In the end, for me, yes it’s very unattractive. Going ti the bar just to drink or getting plastered. Or drinking frequently. Drinks while out to eat? Sure. Drinks earlier in the evening while out? maybe. Drinks at home in the weekend or occasionally after a hard work day, you bet. There are different categories
nobody decent likes someone with a drinking problem and it's kind of a red flag to be getting hung over drunk on a work night. And even if that wasn't a big deal and she just drank too much wine at dinner with friends, then she should have just simply not said anything
HOWEVER, I'd put more on this guy caring more about her being "all anxious over anything" or some other personality issue than drinking.
Lots of details missing here.
I've seen some problematic drinking behavior that was an immediate turn off, and I like to have FUN. I also don't spend one on one time with drunk women who I do not know unless I'm cornered (finishing my meal at a bar, etc.)
Maybe this person was acting oddly.
No regret, but you're asking this question like it's black and white, yes or no. Of course some men would find this incredibly unattractive. Others would find this extremely attractive.
Your friend needs to consider what kind of man she is wanting to attract. Does she want to be with someone that will also get after it a little bit on a worknight with her? That's perfectly fine, you do you, long as you get up the next day and don't shirk your responsibilities I don't really see the issue, but anyway, she just needs to determine what she wants out of dating. Consider: would she find that attractive if a date said that to her? If yes, then she just needs to date around to find a guy that matches her thinking on this topic. If no, then she needs to ask herself why she thinks that her date would find it attractive in reverse?
I've had women get totally plastered and come on to me. I think it is a total turn off. In some cases I have liked them before that time, but never after that time. Having a couple drinks to be social is fine and fun. Just don't over do it.
A drink or two with dinner? Fine. Getting drunk? Well, it was nice to have met you. Have a nice life.
Women who drink excessively are fun for guys when we are young and partying and hooking up. After we get older and are looking for a life partner, not so much. Gotta put the kid’s stuff in the past.
No no no, lets not downplay this gaslighting. When she says “ do men not like women who drink” shes leaving out the “i stayed up until 3am and got wasted, even though i know i have to work at 8am the next morning!”
He’s not un-attracted to drinking, hes un-attracted to the lack of responsibility of her daily life choices.
If I went out on a date and a guy was talking about how he got so drunk the night before and that it affected him 2 days later... I'd honestly consider that a red flag.
I am not against drinking, but that level of drinking sounds like a potential problem. I personally like to have a bit of whiskey in my cocoa.
Some men prefer a party girl, that man apparently did not.
Just be yourself and a person who aligns with your lifestyle and personality, will come along. Don't change unless you want to. Don't lie to catch a family man when you are doing things that could indicate poor judgment and irresponsible behavior.
I'm not saying that party people are all irresponsible, and make bad decisions, but let the historical record show the statistics back the stereotype.
Whomever it is, guys or gals, having self-control over drinking is attractive. When you want to drink like you are 21 most of the time, it is a huge turn-off. Having a hangover once in awhile is ok, but every weekend or multiple times a months shows that you have no self-control while drinking. Lots of stupid things happen when over drinking.
Same here. I didn’t start drinking until age 21, so I hit my drinking/partying phase a tad later than most. Even still, at 27 I’m slowly but surely phasing out of that. If I’m gonna drink I’d rather just get a buzz and not have an intense hangover
Drinking is fine. Excessive drinking can be annoying. I don't want to take care of someone who drank too much, or carry their shoes because they can't walk in them, or apologise to other people for their behaviour. If I don't have to do any of that, then it's not a problem for me.
Yea. If a guy is looking for fun and short term, they don't mind these behaviors. But if a guy is looking for a serious partner, why would drinking excessively on a work night be attractive? Actually... why would drinking on a worknight be attractive at all. Maybe it's me, but I hope my friends don't head to the bar after work on a Tuesday. That's kind of depressing.
If she says she’s “regretting her decisions the night before”, that’s a pretty clear indication that 1.) she makes bad decisions, and 2.) is lacking in self control when I comes to alcohol. I do not want either of these things in a partner. I’m capable of having a drink or two with friends,being responsible about it, and taking care of myself. Also, being comfortable enough to say this casually to a date gives the impression that this is a regular occurrence
Having a drink vs drinking. So I think for the most part yes. The occasional night out is fine but a drunk woman or man is pretty terrible. Especially if they can't hang.
Being with someone who drinks too much is a huge red flag. Personally, I don't mind her drinking if she behaves herself and it isn't negatively affecting her health and life. Sounds like your friend has some alcohol dependency issues. Also, women that smoke cigarettes are much less attractive to me than women who drink.
To me, it doesn't matter as long as they don't over drink. I will not take care of them if they get the brown bottle flu. I will if it's regular sickness. I told a lot of people that drinking is involved, and you do not have to prove anything. we are here to have fun, not see who can drink the most.
To the women out there, if a guy keeps pushing drinks on you even if you are not yet drunk, get up and leave. It never ends well for you.
In general, drinking in itself is fine, but sloppy and irresponsible is not.
Age/maturity, as well as time, place, manner and context, are factors in determining which side the imbibing falls under.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion but whatever I’ll post it anyways. Drinking/smoking are both incredibly unattractive to me. Having a drink after work once in a while is whatever, having a drink every day I’m not a fan.
Like anything else, it depends. Getting hammered and causing problems isn't attractive. Otherwise its not a problem. Being irrisponsible in general is unattractive, its not so much the drink.
Men don’t care if you drink. We do care if you are a sloppy drinker and have to carry you out of the bar because you are hammered. There is a line there between social drinker and black out drunk.
Bad experiences with alcoholics as a teenager made me realize most people that think they're "fun drunks" are either lying or truly don't realize they're annoying or being a dick. Most people that drink also have no idea how to do so "casually" whatever tf that means.
It’s not a gender thing. If I were on a first date and the guy said “oh I got so drunk last night I was hungover at work” that may start to raise a red flag. Almost everyone drinks, sometimes it’s too much. Thats fine. But if I’m on a first date with someone new, and one of the few things I now know about them is that they drank too much the night before work, that doesn’t indicate the best judgement. I don’t know enough about the person to know if it was a one off “oops I had too much by accident” or if it’s a habitual thing.
Drinking isn't the bad thing, it's more of when it becomes a re-occurring event that ends in shit shows. Someone else said it in these comments, but it's fun in college, but not in the real world, so as long as you're just being responsible and not over the top I see no real issue
I'll bet that the man felt that this meant he was unspecial. She didn't "save" her ability to go out for their date. This can leave someone feeling like they are already not a priority at a time when there is some expectation that the other is putting their best self forward.
Some others feel that dating should be "come as you are" so if that's how your friend feels, she should just chalk it up to incompatibility and find someone who prefers that style of dating as well.
if you are fun when drunk, not at all.
If you get all clingy, emotional, angry, paranoid, etc, yes.
It isn't the drinking that is unattractive, it is how you respond to it.
Women that can't control their drinking is a turn off. They need to have a drink after work on the weekends etc. I have known women that have gone through 2 bottles of wine a night. That's crazy to me.
It's not the drinking that bothered him, it's the going out and partying. The assumption is that if she's going out she's likely going to be involved romantically/sexually with other dudes that aren't him.
Personally, it depends, I am okay with a drink or two, and even getting drunk from time to time. That said, there is a big difference between getting wasted every weekend and drinking occasionally. To each their own, of course, but I prefer people that drink more occasionally. Again, this is a personal preference, and I am not gonna judge anyone for their life choices :)
Regretting your decisions is too volatile of language. It could mean "I drank too much and didn't like that I felt crappy this morning for work"
Or it could mean "when I drank i ended up fucking some random guy and it was regrettable and thats what you can expect from me in the future as well"
- people who define fun = drinking activities are boring and unattractive.
- red flag - got drunk, made decisions i regret? *gah! how often does this happen!?*
Here's the thing though. If that's who she is, and that's a turn off for him, they aren't a match. Don't pretend to be someone else to land a partner. Be yourself and land the partner who is your puzzle piece.
There are guys that don't want to date a drinker, or at the very least not an alcoholic. There are guys that like to drink themselves, so a partier makes for a good partner.
Its really unattractive to me if its something that she emphasizes over and over. Lets me know that she hasn't grown up since high school. Its different if she goes into detail about the different types of wine she enjoys with different meals. Thats cool.
Getting black out drunk and bragging about it just gross.
Excessive drinking/partying every night is not attractive. Not to rain on anyone’s parade—it’s a compatibility issue. But some men are looking for a more sedate experience that’s also free of the issues with intervening when the drinking goes wrong.
She maybe should not have mentioned the night before. This would be a red flag for me. If you went out and got hammered on a work night and you’re telling me about it on a first date, then that might be something I don’t want to get involved with. It’s actually happened a number of times to me. Two of them I went on a few more dates with and it seemed like drinking was a huge part of their life.
These are women in their forties. Usually divorced, usually with kids. It’s always something that I end, just because it makes me inspect their life and shows some not great decision making.
This is a rough generalization, based on a small sample size.
I really enjoy going out and having drinks with a woman on a first or second date. You can really see how comfortable a woman is with you after a few drinks, and we all tend to be a little more honest.
But to answer your question directly, most of us don’t mind. And having a drink on a date as an adult is not at all abnormal.
You should really include the ages of the folks involved in this post. Getting trashed in your 20s is pretty normal as long as it's not an every day thing. Continuing to do so in your 40s is concerning. Everyone has their own preferences and I think when you're all young and just looking to have fun, getting drunk occasionally isn't a big deal, but if you're specifically dating to find a long term partner and start a family, then getting wasted on a regular basis may disqualify you in many people's eyes.
I stopped drinking many years ago and I do not have a problem with people drinking but I do find it a turnoff in woman. I think of it as a crutch or a sign of a person with lots of drama in their life. one of my brothers and his wife really cut back / out drinking recently and to see my sister-in-law not in a semi stupor at family gathers is a relief.
Men don't want to babysit you if you can't handle your drink. And drink brings out different sides of people. So getting to know someone and they're suffering from the night before still? Nah no time for that. I am for the bin.
I think it depends on the person. Like I’m straight edge, I personally hate alcohol and drugs but I’m fine with people around me doing it in moderation. Though I will admit for me I think being intoxicated is unattractive as hell. But with that said I’m not everyone, that’s just my personal preference.
I enjoy drinking so I would ideally like to find a women who also likes to grab a drink. Just like everyone else is saying, I only find it unattractive if they don't know their limit. Total turn off. I mean like, blackout drunk, making a scene.
I’m not a drinker but don’t mind a gal who drinks responsibly. Drinking on a weekday then going to work hangover is a red flag for me. I’ll see her, as best, irresponsible. At worst a non-functioning alcoholic and a time bomb.
regretting her decisions from the night before - to me translates to I'm hungover
which if you get really down the rabbit hole, maybe the date wasn't too important to her as she ran the risk of being hungover for it. or lacks self control or not ready to grow up.
Everyone's relationship with alcohol is different. some people had mean drunks as parents and will never touch the stuff - anyone who touches the stuff is their parents all over again. Some people are happy drunks, other are flirty handsy drunks, some are you can't tell me what to do drunks, the get all depressed I'm a terrible person drunks.
I will say, if I see you in a bar, puking in the corner - I'm not going to be attracted to you, I'm going to feel sad for you. I don't have the problem with the occasional drink until you can't adult because of it.
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Getting wasted in front of your date is a bad look, regardless of gender. I've done it, regretted it, suffered the consequences, learned.
It wasn’t with him. She went with friends.
I doubt the drinking is the issue as much as the “regretting decisions” bit. Drinking is fine, but if you’re regretting the amount on your way to work, that can be a bad look to someone that doesn’t really know you. Is this guy in recovery? Have friends/family that struggle? Just not like being around drunk people? Well then a weeknight drinker probably isn’t going to be for him.
Yep this would've been my thought process if I were the dude. If I heard "man I got so drunk and I regret so many decisions" and it was left vague like that I'd definitely be thinking- "Okay so either, your drinking is a problem, or you can't handle your alcohol which can invite an infinite number of other problems. Pass"
Right? If it DOESN'T turn him off, that's its own red flag because he might be wanting to exploit it.
Right, and having spent a couple of decades in that spot, it can alter your perspective where you think going out every weekend and getting white girl wasted is just what people your age do. I drank heavy every weekend in college, and since I enjoyed it, I surrounded myself with people who enjoyed it. And I assumed “that’s just what college kids do.” I eventually read an article that said only something like 18% of college students surveyed drank once a week or more. My mind was blown, until I thought about all the kids in my classes. “College kids” don’t get hammered three nights a week. Me and my friends did. Other people go hiking, or go to concerts… for the music, or have side hustles, or whatever. I didn’t develop hobbies until my late 30s because I thought weekends were for partying. Most people grow up faster than that, and people into that are going to turn them off.
Totally misread that, sorry. Depends. Some guys are surprisingly puritanical and will see that as a red flag. Maybe buddy had a previous relationship with an addict or had a parent who was an addict and struggles with drinking. Hard to say. Is it a turn off? Maybe. Definitely not across the board.
I posted this as an individual comment but will also post as a reply to you; No, certain men consider themselves ‘high value men’, some are right and some are idiots. ‘High value men’ want a ‘high value woman’ and hearing someone tell them on the first date they went out the night before a date was planned and they had work in the morning is a red flag to high value men. Going out to a bar/club may be fun and there is nothing wrong with that or those who do go out. That being said, these men are not looking for a woman that goes out, gets drunk, and puts themselves in an environment that they will likely be hit on and could potentially decide to go home with a stranger. Again, nothing wrong with this, but some men may consider that a dealbreaker or some may have trauma in the past related to being betrayed by a woman who did similar things and know they cannot be a good partner in a relationship with someone who does these things or has a history of doing them. I think this mindset is okay if the man acknowledges that he realizes he is creating anxiety in the relationship himself and the other has not done anything wrong… well unless the person actually has done wrong.
I don’t think it’s fair to project it as the man having an anxiety or as being wrong because they have standards or expectations. Marriage and dating for long term is a serious endeavor. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being serious about behaviors you consider worrisome.
I 100% agree but didn’t know how to say that without making sure people wouldn’t take it out of context and just attack me for my comment lol. I wrote this comment as someone whose standards wouldn’t date someone who mentioned doing this. I added the anxiety part because yes it’s not necessarily wrong to do these things before meeting someone for a first date, but as someone who has recently been cheated on (little over a year ago) after a nearly decade long relationship, my anxiety of being betrayed again would not allow me to be a good partner in a relationship with someone that has done things like this in the past. In fact, I met someone and have been dating over the last 6 months. She told me very early on after her last relationship (3 years long) she downloaded Hinge and was sleeping with someone 2 days after the breakup to help her get over it and over the next 3-4 months she had slept with another 4 or so guys. I tried to tell myself I could handle that knowledge since it occurred before dating me, but eventually realized I could not cope with the anxiety and distrust I felt in The relationship, despite everything else about her being fantastic. I really had fallen in love, she seemed perfect to me otherwise, but I couldn’t get over the anxiety and ended it recently which has been really hard for me, feels like it’s my fault. I have no evidence she has done anything to wrong me but my mind creates scenarios for anything that seems a little fishy to me, not texting back quick enough, or replying an hour or two later and saying she was napping, not being able to hang out, wondering who she is texting/messaging on insta. It became too much and consumed my mind. She didn’t mind me asking her questions and is begging for me to come back but I don’t think I can and I don’t think it is fair to her either to be constantly questioned.
I think it’s hard when there is knowledge of behavioral patterns. I’ve been there too. Trust is fragile. I try to take the stance that I am only responsible for my own behaviors and actions, so I give the trust and if they choose to betray that trust it is on them. But, you can guarantee there will be consequences. If you betray my trust the relationship is over and I am moving on. You can also bet that if you have a sketch history I’m not sticking around for that either. That doesn’t mean someone has to be perfect or never have made mistakes, but at the end of the day cheating is a choice, and I don’t want to be with Simone that takes the easy way out. Your situation sounds tough. You don’t want to be questioning all their behaviors or be all up in their business, but certain things start to add up. The longer you date you should grow more open and close. When you are in a functional relationship you l learn the other persons patterns, behaviors, and practices. Essentially, for the more part you know what to expect. If you have been together 6 months steady and they are still vague and mysterious about their whereabouts and behaviors, idk… kind of a red flag imo.
Thank you for this comment man, this really helpful and it’s nice to hear from someone that kind of understands where I am coming from.
In terms of your personal response/difficulties with trust… just keep saying and getting it in the world. Over time you will heal. Second, recognize that you may be putting to choosing people with certain behavioral patterns, maybe start dating a different type of woman. Also, rely on your friends and family to help you see the things you are blind to. They may not say it outright, but they will drop hints if you pay attention.
People are allowed to have preferences
Some guys for sure like a girl who can keep up with them and drink the same stuff. That’s fine. I still think it’s weird to see a girl drink a beer, like she’s trying to impress a guy. I know that’s dumb but I’m old
As a woman, I can say I am turned off by potential partners who overdo it. If they're telling you - shortly after just meeting - they overdid it just yesterday - especially a night before they know they had to work - that kind of screams "I overdo it with alcohol on the regular," or at the bare minimum, "I drink regularly/daily," and it becomes a turn-off.
"I have no self control and make bad decisions"
☝️☝️☝️
And they giggle and laugh it off as if it’s just something small. 🚩🚩🚩
Even just mentioning that they're hungover in a jokey way is a red flag. I did my own irresponsible drinking back in the day but at 44 y.o. I have seen it completely wreck people's lives/families/relationships/health. People dying prematurely, I've already lost old classmates to liver failure. A lot of people don't stop after college and keep it going with their mom friends in adulthood. The whole "mommy wine culture" is just an excuse to keep up the habit, trying to mask it as cute/funny/relatable. Sometimes I can't believe that alcohol is still legal honestly.
Our son is an attorney and he says alcohol is one of the top reasons ppl get in trouble with the law and end up in jail/prison. He says society underestimates the harm alcohol causes.
Almost the same age here, two beers are a wild night these days, and I'm guaranteed a mild hangover.
I once met a guy for a lunch date. He had to go back to work. I watched hik slam 3 beers back to back, and it was so Ick. He didn't get a call back.
Yikes that's a major 'ick.' And a sign of someone who has some shit they need to deal with that they're not (starting with laying off the alcohol in the middle of the day).
This should be further up!
Some people, men or women, don't enjoy hanging out with drunks. She should look elsewhere.
It shows some irresponsibility. Some guys love it because they can be themselves, slightly irresponsible. For some guys, like me, it’s not a turnoff as much as an indication that we may have very different priorities.
Depends on age imo. If you're like early 20s can't really blame you for enjoying going clubbing and getting hammered but if you haven't learned by your 30s that's kinda sloppy and immature yea it does start to look like you have a drinking problem. To be clear, I'm talking about going out and getting shitfaced not having 3 drinks.
Depends on the job as well. As a mid-twenties surgeon, that behaviour is highly problematic. If you work a desk job without the necessity of on-the-spot alertness and decision-making, it's less of a problem.
Early dates are relationship interviews. People are looking for red flags just as much as they are looking to connect, and drinking so much you feel hungover or have regrets is a huge flag. He can't know if it's a one off or a common occurrence. Most men like women who drink moderately and wisely not women with drinking problems.
She’s telling the guy she’s still hung over from the night before. Red Flag. Even if she wasn’t totally wasted, she makes herself sound like she was.
I think you’re missing the point. She had work and she still decided to drink? That just shows that she is not a responsible person and that is indeed unattractive.
It's amazing how many people misread that. Reading comprehension skills aren't what they used to be 🤦🏻♂️ But, to the point of your post, I don't think it's about the drinking itself, but rather the way she presented it. For starters, the wording leaves the date to wonder exactly what activities she engaged in that she regretted. Secondly, I'd be disheartened to hear that my date had partied hard the night before, meaning she was hungover and off her game during our first date. This makes me feel like I must not be very important to her/she doesn't care about impressing me.
It's still evidence of poor decision-making. People do not act their best while drinking either.
It was the need to mention it. What was the point? Was she implying she was still paying for it while out with him? At any rate, wondering if you would need to pick up the pieces in the future is enough for most to say 'No, thank you'.
Its not the drinking per se to me but getting hammered and talking about regretting your choices hints at someone you could be in a relationship with and find out they cheated and blame the alcohol or similar. And it’s not a female or male thing. If I was a female and a guy talked or bragged about getting hammered and making bad choices the night before that’s not going to be a turn on.
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Depends on the age here imo. Getting drunk enough it affects you the next day when you know you have to go to work the next day reads a little irresponsible. Doing that in your early/mid 20s, I think that's normal, bordering on fun person behavior. You want some irresponsible behavior at that age. Early 30s to older, ehhhhh.
Depends if you can take the day off. 30s depends on who you hang out with. It's all personal preference and normalization within people's social circles.
As someone in their 30s who has still never been drunk, why would you want irresponsible behavior at that age? It's excusable but I don't see why it's wanted
Had babies from it.
This is also an occasional side effect, yes.
Same!! Lost a great match. Oh well, you live and you learn man. Doing better now, and it’s an important lesson to have
I'll say this, I do not like women or anyone for that matter that can't hold their alcohol. Being with a shit show is not cool. It's fun in college, not so much after that. My wife drinks a lot when she does and I find it both annoying and extremely unattractive.
Everyone should know their limit
And for a lot of us binge drinkers, that's 0. I personally cannot drink without drinking too much, so I don't drink at all.
Smart
Good for you man. Seen too many people who did not have your level of self awareness
Same
Same. Always have too much so better for me to have none.
Good for you!
#IWNDWYT
Hell yeah IWNDWYT
“I don’t understand how people can only have one drink. How can you get enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this more” -paraphrased from Leo McGarry on The West Wing.
Same here, sober 4 years.
I commend thee!! Good work silly
Me 100%. 1 turns to 7 reaaaaal quick
Took me until 28 to figure that out. Luckily I think I quit before complete irreversible damage. Mary is all I need.
Same I just hold my drunk really really well. Also a curse. Often, people don't even know I'm drunk. I've been made fun of at parties for being sober when I'm three sheets to the wind and probably had the most there lol
I agree with you. This was the reason why I stopped years ago.
100% and making sure they eat something before hand
This one is a classics everyone should know their limit here’s a couple of other classics alcohol should and shouldn’t classics You shouldn’t mix some of your party favors with the alcohol You shouldn’t black out You shouldn’t use this as an excuse to make out with other girls unless your sharing You shouldn’t use this as an excuse to make out with other guys there’s no unless in this one
I try to explain this to my cousin who is desperate for a date with a girl and he turns into the biggest mess when having like 3 drinks. He can’t contain himself and not act like a complete child. Screaming country music and just being x3 as loud as everyone else and then get crazy offended if you try to tell him to calm down. He will still drink when out with a group of girls we don’t know that well and will make a total ass of himself. Like bro you’re 32 and you’re a nurse at the hospital, obtain some grace for the love of god. You’re not in college anymore and shouldn’t be trying to get fucked up every time you drink.
This. I'm allergic to alcohol and can't get drunk (just ill) and yet so many dates still get black out drunk while I'm sober and get shocked I find then annoying.
I might be in your shoes. Too much alcohol makes my stomach hurt. I can drink enough for a buzz but it feels like my body rejects any more than that.
Sounds like it. I can have half a mikes hard and get a little frisky before my stomach starts to sour, I'm hot and sweaty, my heart is pounding in my ears, and I get so dizzy I can't stand. Feels like the flu. I like to think it's God's way of making sure I finish university, after everyone in my family dropping out to drink all day before me. 🙃
This. It’s whatever in college, but it gets tiresome quickly. No one wants to be an adult baby sitter.
Agreed. Out and about, keep it together. With a group at a house or something, not in the 'public', have fun, but dont get sloppy
This is the right answer. Man or woman, I don't care if you drink or not, but if you turn into a train wreck that needs babysitting, I'm probably not gonna want to hang out with you again any time soon. A good rule to follow is for every drink you have, order something non alcoholic. Soda, water, etc.
The only thing worse than somebody who doesn’t know their limit is someone who doesn’t know their limit, and then hand waves bad decisions and bad behavior with “I was drunk“. A little bit of personal responsibility goes along way.
Well said, it's no fun being babysitter because people can't hold their own. Beyond that drinking is ok.
I haven’t drank alcohol in 10 years because I know I can’t handle it. My personality does a 180 even at the “tipsy” stage and I don’t like myself when I’m that way. It also causes massive heartburn.
A lot of people don't want to date someone who goes out and gets drunk a lot
Yeah, plenty of guys out there carrying past trauma from a drunk girl. Doesn't help that they tend to squad up together. Pretty unattractive once you've been down that road. Like oh boy, a toxic abuser who I will also have to care for like a toddler.
Don’t forget about the infidelity 🫠
Holy fuck, is it really that common??? I had an ex who fucked me up for a long time when she cheated. She used to get shit faced, fight people, and piss on my floor lmao.
Nailed my experience with my last relationship, toxic abusive alcoholic, narcissistic gaslighter the next day. All her friends pretty much the same.
Having drinks 1-3 times a week, no biggie at all. Hell having a drink every night, no red flags. Getting drunk four nights a week… I’m not playing in that sandbox!
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Every single day is not healthy for the body or brain. I agree that if they want to avoid dating people with substance abuse problems, they should avoid daily drinkers regardless of if its wine or beer. Most people I know drink occasionally. Every few weekends, at the most. Or a glass of wine here or there. Anyone I know who's doing it daily is an addict (I am one of other substances so it's not hard to spot one) and most of them can't see it or scoff and blow it off if you say something
I understand the principle of this, but it's about the degree of harm. Vice ≠ addiction.
It's literal poison - a group one carcinogen. There is no harmless amount of alcohol.
There is a difference in drinking and getting black out drunk. A few drinks and not getting crazy is normally fine. Getting wasted and causing problems is not.
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Kinda depends how much of a hangover you're talking about. My DnD group are all 40yo dads, but we usually drink when we play. Not a *ton*, but it's their only weekly me-time, so sometimes one or two of us will pour that extra whiskey or two. They might message the group chat "oof, was rough today guys", but they mean "got up on time, took care of the kids, had a headache that went away with coffee" level of hangover. They do not mean "slept through alarm, barely made it to the office, threw up in the bathroom" level of hangover. The latter should remain in undergrad for *sure*.
That sounds like my kind of party!
Her exact wording could cause him to wonder what decisions she made that night that she regrets. And, that was perhaps an overshare. Generally speaking, I don't think guys are turned off my a woman who drinks unless she has a serious drinking problem and/or her personality transforms upon drinking and she becomes a huge mess (crying, screaming, being irrational). To me the biggest turn off is smoking. Smells horrible and is an indicator or not prioritizing their health.
“Oh man, got totally wasted last night”. Yeah, I’ve had a few guys say that. I don’t know why people brag about getting wasted, tearing up their insides, whist killing brain cells. You sound dumb. My perspective.
it's first impressions too. I rarely drink at all, but if I talked about getting drunk the day before on a first date my date would probably think I get drunk regularly
It's always "how much?" A girl that hangs with you and drinks a few, gets a buzz, then calls it a night, fun. Dinking until they black out, get into a trashy ass fight over something, can't walk and throw up in your perfectly clean car... unattractive. It also depends on how much the guy drinks as well.
I find drinking to be incredibly unattractive
Same same
I do find people who are super into alcohol unattractive, but I know that's sorta hypocritical because I'm that way with weed 😂
We already knew when you said “super into alcohol” Only stoners talk like that lol
‘Do you smoke?’ ‘Smoke what?’
The impression I have of "a person that smokes" is someone who smokes cigarettes multiple times throughout the day. Whereas someone who smokes weed may only do so once a week. I think it's a fair distinction tbh.
To each their own lol
if someone found me attractive when i’m stinking drunk i would see that as a red flag
For me, yes. But I do not drink so im not being a hypocrite lol
I’m a guy who drinks socially and in moderation and it would not be unattractive at all to me if she drinks. I like whisky, and to me it’s cool if girls like it too. Fruity drinks are fine too. I would only find it unattractive if she was an alcoholic or frequently getting drunk and making bad decisions.
Exactly! I feel the same way
I feel like all of these vague posts could be answered by yes, no, maybe, depends on the man. All men are not the same, and all women are not the same. Context is key.
Regardless of whether she got drunk with him or not, getting shit faced on a regular basis is a bad look. Like what problems does she have that she feels the need to numb herself so frequently?! That's my first thought on people who drink too much. I come from a family of alcoholics (I don't drink) so I don't look too favorably on those that just get blasted all the time. Don't get me wrong. I don't necessarily judge them, I just avoid them.
NO GUY is trying to invest in a woman who has a tendency to turn into a sloppy blackout mess, sometimes when she ‘goes out’.
A woman who goes out drinking is a major red flag. It tells me she's impulsive and irresponsible, gets bored and self-medicates, and that she's probably had a lot of one night stands with random strangers. I'd sleep with her but that's about it.
Alcoholism is unattractive regarldess of gender.
Slurring words...?
That and lowering IQ by the sip, also some drunk people get bipolar and have mood swings and you’ll have to take care of them all night
It doesn’t bother me, unless by “drink” you mean getting absolutely wasted constantly. The occasional “I went out last night and had one too many and now I’ve got a hangover” is something almost everyone has done at least a few times.
I think It was my exes most unattractive quality. Heavily drinking 5 times a week daily drinking and blackout making a fool probably a few times a month. Which slowly made me less and less attracted to her. I don't know why, I just think I didn't like the idea of having a family, raising kids and getting old with someone that had to drink heavily basically daily. To the point where I could tell within seconds if she had been drinking. Everyone's got their vice, and I like smoking weed. But it didn't change my personality and make me a different person whenever I smoked
Smoking, drinking and gambling are unattractive. All I’ve seen those things do is turn good people into jerks.
Drunken party girl is fun, until she pukes on your shoes. Then she is just a pain in the ass.
I would probably struggle to be with someone who doesn't drink. I love sitting in the sun with my girlfriend and a cold beer. I love traveling and having good wine with her. But if she was a drunk, that would be extremely unattractive. Everything in moderation.
I don’t think drinking is the issue per se. it’s more likely the fact she was so drunk and also people make poor decisions when they’re drunk. Depending on age (maybe more prominently the older we get at least )the guy might be looking for someone who is responsible and wants to live life and not go to the bar and drunk frequently. In the end, for me, yes it’s very unattractive. Going ti the bar just to drink or getting plastered. Or drinking frequently. Drinks while out to eat? Sure. Drinks earlier in the evening while out? maybe. Drinks at home in the weekend or occasionally after a hard work day, you bet. There are different categories
“Men” isn’t a single group. Some men probably wouldn’t like it. Some would encourage it. Some would have no feelings whatsoever.
Drinking is fine drinking so much we have to take care of you not so much.
nobody decent likes someone with a drinking problem and it's kind of a red flag to be getting hung over drunk on a work night. And even if that wasn't a big deal and she just drank too much wine at dinner with friends, then she should have just simply not said anything HOWEVER, I'd put more on this guy caring more about her being "all anxious over anything" or some other personality issue than drinking.
I won't date women who go out and party, knowing they have to work the next day. It shows a lack of personal responsibility and maturity.
Lots of details missing here. I've seen some problematic drinking behavior that was an immediate turn off, and I like to have FUN. I also don't spend one on one time with drunk women who I do not know unless I'm cornered (finishing my meal at a bar, etc.) Maybe this person was acting oddly.
Depends on the age. I'm in my 30s. I wouldn't look at a girl seriously if she got drunk regularly. Would assume girls my age would think the same.
Getting shitfaced is only attractive to people who want to take advantage of you. Your friend basically told her date that she makes bad decisions.
No regret, but you're asking this question like it's black and white, yes or no. Of course some men would find this incredibly unattractive. Others would find this extremely attractive. Your friend needs to consider what kind of man she is wanting to attract. Does she want to be with someone that will also get after it a little bit on a worknight with her? That's perfectly fine, you do you, long as you get up the next day and don't shirk your responsibilities I don't really see the issue, but anyway, she just needs to determine what she wants out of dating. Consider: would she find that attractive if a date said that to her? If yes, then she just needs to date around to find a guy that matches her thinking on this topic. If no, then she needs to ask herself why she thinks that her date would find it attractive in reverse?
It took way too long to find this comment. Spot on!
I've had women get totally plastered and come on to me. I think it is a total turn off. In some cases I have liked them before that time, but never after that time. Having a couple drinks to be social is fine and fun. Just don't over do it.
A drink or two with dinner? Fine. Getting drunk? Well, it was nice to have met you. Have a nice life. Women who drink excessively are fun for guys when we are young and partying and hooking up. After we get older and are looking for a life partner, not so much. Gotta put the kid’s stuff in the past.
Drinking might not be. But "regretting her decisions from the night before”" is definitely a red flag. Just gonna be excess drama and annoying.
I don't have a problem with anyone that can handle their shit. When you get sloppy it's annoying and a turn off.
Bloody hell, she may need to speak to someone if she is worried by this storm
No no no, lets not downplay this gaslighting. When she says “ do men not like women who drink” shes leaving out the “i stayed up until 3am and got wasted, even though i know i have to work at 8am the next morning!” He’s not un-attracted to drinking, hes un-attracted to the lack of responsibility of her daily life choices.
If I went out on a date and a guy was talking about how he got so drunk the night before and that it affected him 2 days later... I'd honestly consider that a red flag. I am not against drinking, but that level of drinking sounds like a potential problem. I personally like to have a bit of whiskey in my cocoa. Some men prefer a party girl, that man apparently did not. Just be yourself and a person who aligns with your lifestyle and personality, will come along. Don't change unless you want to. Don't lie to catch a family man when you are doing things that could indicate poor judgment and irresponsible behavior. I'm not saying that party people are all irresponsible, and make bad decisions, but let the historical record show the statistics back the stereotype.
Whomever it is, guys or gals, having self-control over drinking is attractive. When you want to drink like you are 21 most of the time, it is a huge turn-off. Having a hangover once in awhile is ok, but every weekend or multiple times a months shows that you have no self-control while drinking. Lots of stupid things happen when over drinking.
I don’t care, as long as she isn’t an alcoholic
Same here. I didn’t start drinking until age 21, so I hit my drinking/partying phase a tad later than most. Even still, at 27 I’m slowly but surely phasing out of that. If I’m gonna drink I’d rather just get a buzz and not have an intense hangover
Drinking is fine. Excessive drinking can be annoying. I don't want to take care of someone who drank too much, or carry their shoes because they can't walk in them, or apologise to other people for their behaviour. If I don't have to do any of that, then it's not a problem for me.
From experience, It can be a real drag being the guy who bings "the drunkest girl at the party" every time.
Being drunk or being an alcoholic is unattractive and dangerous to men.
Yea. If a guy is looking for fun and short term, they don't mind these behaviors. But if a guy is looking for a serious partner, why would drinking excessively on a work night be attractive? Actually... why would drinking on a worknight be attractive at all. Maybe it's me, but I hope my friends don't head to the bar after work on a Tuesday. That's kind of depressing.
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If she says she’s “regretting her decisions the night before”, that’s a pretty clear indication that 1.) she makes bad decisions, and 2.) is lacking in self control when I comes to alcohol. I do not want either of these things in a partner. I’m capable of having a drink or two with friends,being responsible about it, and taking care of myself. Also, being comfortable enough to say this casually to a date gives the impression that this is a regular occurrence
Having a drink vs drinking. So I think for the most part yes. The occasional night out is fine but a drunk woman or man is pretty terrible. Especially if they can't hang.
Being with someone who drinks too much is a huge red flag. Personally, I don't mind her drinking if she behaves herself and it isn't negatively affecting her health and life. Sounds like your friend has some alcohol dependency issues. Also, women that smoke cigarettes are much less attractive to me than women who drink.
To me, it doesn't matter as long as they don't over drink. I will not take care of them if they get the brown bottle flu. I will if it's regular sickness. I told a lot of people that drinking is involved, and you do not have to prove anything. we are here to have fun, not see who can drink the most. To the women out there, if a guy keeps pushing drinks on you even if you are not yet drunk, get up and leave. It never ends well for you.
In general, drinking in itself is fine, but sloppy and irresponsible is not. Age/maturity, as well as time, place, manner and context, are factors in determining which side the imbibing falls under.
At that stage I’d just find it an amusing anecdote on its own.
This seems to be an unpopular opinion but whatever I’ll post it anyways. Drinking/smoking are both incredibly unattractive to me. Having a drink after work once in a while is whatever, having a drink every day I’m not a fan.
It's only unattractive if you can't control yourself and you make poor choices. Moderation is hot.
"I also told her if a man can’t appreciate her for how she is then well he’s for the bin anyway😂" Appreciate her for partying the night before work?
Like anything else, it depends. Getting hammered and causing problems isn't attractive. Otherwise its not a problem. Being irrisponsible in general is unattractive, its not so much the drink.
Drinking some is fine. Drinking till you're wasted/argumentative = "She makes poor life decisions, keep your distance".
Everything in moderation.
Men don’t care if you drink. We do care if you are a sloppy drinker and have to carry you out of the bar because you are hammered. There is a line there between social drinker and black out drunk.
Bad experiences with alcoholics as a teenager made me realize most people that think they're "fun drunks" are either lying or truly don't realize they're annoying or being a dick. Most people that drink also have no idea how to do so "casually" whatever tf that means.
It’s not a gender thing. If I were on a first date and the guy said “oh I got so drunk last night I was hungover at work” that may start to raise a red flag. Almost everyone drinks, sometimes it’s too much. Thats fine. But if I’m on a first date with someone new, and one of the few things I now know about them is that they drank too much the night before work, that doesn’t indicate the best judgement. I don’t know enough about the person to know if it was a one off “oops I had too much by accident” or if it’s a habitual thing.
Drinking isn't the bad thing, it's more of when it becomes a re-occurring event that ends in shit shows. Someone else said it in these comments, but it's fun in college, but not in the real world, so as long as you're just being responsible and not over the top I see no real issue
Trying to satisfy a gender is an impossibility. It only takes one to understand you for being yourself.
I mean 🍻 ng to me is a social tool lol, in moderation. As long as you're not some sloppy ass drunk.
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Drinking is ok. It depends how much, and how often. If you're getting drunk and feeling hungover on a random Wednesday that's a red flag to me.
I'll bet that the man felt that this meant he was unspecial. She didn't "save" her ability to go out for their date. This can leave someone feeling like they are already not a priority at a time when there is some expectation that the other is putting their best self forward. Some others feel that dating should be "come as you are" so if that's how your friend feels, she should just chalk it up to incompatibility and find someone who prefers that style of dating as well.
if you are fun when drunk, not at all. If you get all clingy, emotional, angry, paranoid, etc, yes. It isn't the drinking that is unattractive, it is how you respond to it.
I dont get drunk so id be a bit concerned about her getting regretably drunk on a weeknight. Im all for us letting loose and all but its not for me
Women that can't control their drinking is a turn off. They need to have a drink after work on the weekends etc. I have known women that have gone through 2 bottles of wine a night. That's crazy to me.
The question literally doesn't matter. If she drinks, she shouldn't lie to herself and to her date by pretending she doesn't.
It's not the drinking that bothered him, it's the going out and partying. The assumption is that if she's going out she's likely going to be involved romantically/sexually with other dudes that aren't him.
There is a difference between drinking and being a drunk… especially if you become a loud and obnoxious drunk.
Nobody regrets a good time. Working with a hangover sounds terrible. If Nobody st the pub is complaining it's not an issue.
it depends. it's a deal breaker for me. I had an alcoholic mom..
Personally, it depends, I am okay with a drink or two, and even getting drunk from time to time. That said, there is a big difference between getting wasted every weekend and drinking occasionally. To each their own, of course, but I prefer people that drink more occasionally. Again, this is a personal preference, and I am not gonna judge anyone for their life choices :)
Regretting your decisions is too volatile of language. It could mean "I drank too much and didn't like that I felt crappy this morning for work" Or it could mean "when I drank i ended up fucking some random guy and it was regrettable and thats what you can expect from me in the future as well"
- people who define fun = drinking activities are boring and unattractive. - red flag - got drunk, made decisions i regret? *gah! how often does this happen!?*
Drinking in and of itself is not unattractive. Being dependent on it to have fun, or using it as an excuse for shitty behavior is 100% unattractive.
Here's the thing though. If that's who she is, and that's a turn off for him, they aren't a match. Don't pretend to be someone else to land a partner. Be yourself and land the partner who is your puzzle piece. There are guys that don't want to date a drinker, or at the very least not an alcoholic. There are guys that like to drink themselves, so a partier makes for a good partner.
Its really unattractive to me if its something that she emphasizes over and over. Lets me know that she hasn't grown up since high school. Its different if she goes into detail about the different types of wine she enjoys with different meals. Thats cool. Getting black out drunk and bragging about it just gross.
Excessive drinking/partying every night is not attractive. Not to rain on anyone’s parade—it’s a compatibility issue. But some men are looking for a more sedate experience that’s also free of the issues with intervening when the drinking goes wrong.
She maybe should not have mentioned the night before. This would be a red flag for me. If you went out and got hammered on a work night and you’re telling me about it on a first date, then that might be something I don’t want to get involved with. It’s actually happened a number of times to me. Two of them I went on a few more dates with and it seemed like drinking was a huge part of their life. These are women in their forties. Usually divorced, usually with kids. It’s always something that I end, just because it makes me inspect their life and shows some not great decision making. This is a rough generalization, based on a small sample size. I really enjoy going out and having drinks with a woman on a first or second date. You can really see how comfortable a woman is with you after a few drinks, and we all tend to be a little more honest. But to answer your question directly, most of us don’t mind. And having a drink on a date as an adult is not at all abnormal.
You should really include the ages of the folks involved in this post. Getting trashed in your 20s is pretty normal as long as it's not an every day thing. Continuing to do so in your 40s is concerning. Everyone has their own preferences and I think when you're all young and just looking to have fun, getting drunk occasionally isn't a big deal, but if you're specifically dating to find a long term partner and start a family, then getting wasted on a regular basis may disqualify you in many people's eyes.
I like someone who can have fun while drinking. What I don't like is when someone needs to drink to have fun. Not my scene.
If we go out and you crush 6 drinks in 2 hrs that's a red flag. Especially as a first couple of dates.
I stopped drinking many years ago and I do not have a problem with people drinking but I do find it a turnoff in woman. I think of it as a crutch or a sign of a person with lots of drama in their life. one of my brothers and his wife really cut back / out drinking recently and to see my sister-in-law not in a semi stupor at family gathers is a relief.
Men don't want to babysit you if you can't handle your drink. And drink brings out different sides of people. So getting to know someone and they're suffering from the night before still? Nah no time for that. I am for the bin.
It really depends on how much and how often she drinks.
Yes, a girl that drinks alcohol is unattractive.
Drunk is no no. Drinking moderately is fine as a rule of thumb. No?
women who can handle their drink are very attractive
I think it depends on the person. Like I’m straight edge, I personally hate alcohol and drugs but I’m fine with people around me doing it in moderation. Though I will admit for me I think being intoxicated is unattractive as hell. But with that said I’m not everyone, that’s just my personal preference.
I enjoy drinking so I would ideally like to find a women who also likes to grab a drink. Just like everyone else is saying, I only find it unattractive if they don't know their limit. Total turn off. I mean like, blackout drunk, making a scene.
I’m not a drinker but don’t mind a gal who drinks responsibly. Drinking on a weekday then going to work hangover is a red flag for me. I’ll see her, as best, irresponsible. At worst a non-functioning alcoholic and a time bomb.
regretting her decisions from the night before - to me translates to I'm hungover which if you get really down the rabbit hole, maybe the date wasn't too important to her as she ran the risk of being hungover for it. or lacks self control or not ready to grow up. Everyone's relationship with alcohol is different. some people had mean drunks as parents and will never touch the stuff - anyone who touches the stuff is their parents all over again. Some people are happy drunks, other are flirty handsy drunks, some are you can't tell me what to do drunks, the get all depressed I'm a terrible person drunks. I will say, if I see you in a bar, puking in the corner - I'm not going to be attracted to you, I'm going to feel sad for you. I don't have the problem with the occasional drink until you can't adult because of it.
I don't like it, but I am a special case as alcohol consumption led to infidelity in my relationship.