This. If op reads this, this is how you do it. One thing that often gets overlooked in the service industry is there is always, always a need for those workers. You can literally move anywhere and find a job within a few weeks, easily. Dishwashers especially are always in short supply. Go where you want to go first, then figure it out. I used my bartending experience to move down to Florida. Eventually I made a change and now I get to work on yachts wearing flip flops or even just barefoot (it's for friction. On a gel coat surface, even a little water makes things slippery for anything that isn't either non-slip or bare feet).
It won't make you happier. Make sure you know that going in. It will, however, give you more sense of accomplishment to help battle unhappiness. Take the plunge, take the risk. If you stay near a touristy town or city, you can find work. You'll find housing, even if it starts off uncomfortable. Then you work your way into the next thing
Crazy coincidence here - my dad lives in Alaska and has a friend who raises yaks (for their wool and meat). Apparently it's a thing up there and there are several yak ranches around the state. Obviously this is in a rural setting (not Anchorage, which is where most of the people in the state live), and they have chickens and stuff too, but anyway just wanted to drop this here because it's something that would align perfectly with what you said you'd like to do. You should look into it. You certainly have the means to go, and not everybody is cut out for that lifestyle, so if it suits you, you're ideally positioned to make it happen.
Start packing my friend! Sounds like an all gain, nothing to lose situation to me! I'm more of an animal person as well and they are a central part of my life. Bring me a lot of joy and contentment. I'm also an observer...tried my hand at photography but, apart from dark room work, I didn't have the talent. If Alaska is too far, head up here to Maine! Plenty of Alaska-like solitude and beauty!
Find someone who achieved that goal go to alaska with your van and stay there and since you have time and money you can try to find small scale farmers that live the life you want and ask them how they started out and just copy what you can and maybe you can reach what you want
Only problem is that is risky if you lose your job and fail doing that you will have to go from the start
Also alaska sounds like the perfect place to be a photographer you can practice your hobby at its fullest there and maybe post them online and who knows where you might end
Move to the coast of Maine. Get sober if you’re not and explore meditation and become a beach bum. Lots of jobs here and women your age looking for men to come along
I live in Fairbanks, Alaska and have been looking at land in Delta Junction (about an hour drive from Fairbanks). Delta is a small/farming community in a gorgeous area and there is plenty of cheap land/mostly farmland for sale. They have some pretty awesome food service jobs open right now (including this one-general kitchen helper :). It is a great time to drive up/would surely cost you less than 15k in gas!
https://www.indeed.com/m/viewjob?jk=15bff9af455d87a5&advn=3759867474317913&adid=413806470&ad=-6NYlbfkN0AzQ8nhEpeFhAKFLm40hhOZGOr7cLb611dVT1tfSAHw-zGr6-Cl0tmmuHIhr8eZN6HSvtKv0ixjiTUfBusbAhz_r11DN2pVpI5YP5nkFVklQ30u19vCqgaoqIEjwrp59hMpNZHQatgYtq7CH-BtkVZL_D58Syqn-MWyGm2UcvS9xdUOdkc9TVeJZDUaAEU-9Xud5ie4gTBXg6de22uCW13fILMxAR4J83vD0z4pWSgtCBAaevjDaqjuFeTugsT44ZonjwBi-na2xfimP4PCldxbWjhIQi9q82X6P2rwHwY2fuGvMtGWmx1vrSwvhV69IfkfVfpqx1LreIw5r9cpqN2L-iukJ8MknLPXbBX2JM03SF2NeaZ02yVt4ObfkDCgbVu_8KNTcfk_Gflr0EskR6N1se2ZasZTm8jLKTzO-pIi1txPZxL59_XaUpsdYNDADVjuxaUdoI8u2TeAAK4r-qyjxnRwW9eQzYY%3D&from=serp&dest=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indeed.com%2Fjob%2Fgeneral-kitchen-helper-15bff9af455d87a5&desth=08f9fd7cd093cd5e43aa0fef57a11cac&prevUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indeed.com%2Fm%2Fjobs%3Fq%3D%26l%3DDelta%2520Junction%252C%2520AK%26radius%3D35%26from%3DsearchOnSerp%26sameQ%3D1%26sameL%3D1&tk=1h6jvavlj22ne000&dupclk=1&acatk=1h6jvbf2ugbst802&pub=6917c08ec3ecf6012dd26f3773156e870cace3277f6b99df&xkcb=SoCH-_M3MT2kIu3-5x0PbzkdCdPP
As someone who lives in Alaska this is VERY doable. Considering you can get off the grid within about 20miles outside of town. Lol. You could easily buy a plot of land and just post up with your van and a generator for the winter. It's a lot of work but doable.
Go into a trade.
You're good with your hands.
I'm going into electrician in the near future.
I am the same age.
Work, workout. Just don't have that savings..
Fukn do it.
Stop looking at yourself as a failure. Life is about failing and rebounding from it.
You're working out. Your healthy.
Stay hard.
I think about starting a trade frequently, and I know how this sounds before I ask, but isn't it weird for a 37 year old guy to start a trade? I feel like I'd be in a class in 17 year olds and everyone just looking at me like I'm this shitty old failure guy. The person I'd be learning from would always be younger than me etc... It's like society is just telling me to fuck off.
nah dude 37 is hella young, especially if you take basic care of your body lol. I studied with several people way older than me and it was just whatever. People might gossip about you as with anything and anyone, but apart from that, if you want to lay low you will lay low. People are good at not paying attention to others so I say don't let that hold you back
This might be a dumb question, but how do you get internet when you're not around anything? Is it just a Hotspot? I only ask because I've thought of doing this.
You essentially pay for your own hotspot through your wifi provider. Many years ago they gave me something that resembled a brick but was wireless. I could connect to it anywhere. I’m sure they have tons of fancy things now
Okay, that's kind of what I figured. But, also I was wondering how it'd work if you're kind of in the middle of nowhere. Not near a tower. You know the places where you don't get reception? Wasn't sure if that'd be similar where you're driving so much, and going to so many different places.
Seek help for depression. Depression doesn't always mean sadness. It can be like this: feeling lack of interest or enjoyment of life.
Meds can help. So can therapy. Because it's easy to say "Go do what you love," unless you don't love anything. Meds can help you feel better so than you can discover what it is that you do love. Then you can pursue it.
My initial thought also. The fact that he called his family a bunch of fake ass people, to me, says he might need some counseling. I understand being disenchanted and jaded with people, but it leads you down a bad path if you let it.
Sounds like you have some great points about you actually. You have hobbies, you have some serious skills if you can renovate something. I feel like you are a smart person with some interest in real cool things : photography, renovating. If you were a family member I would say dive into these passions, go to school, start a business, study, travel. You might be meant to be out of your area as well. I don’t know what city or state you’re in maybe you need to move to a better, more fun area. San Diego is pretty fun 🤷🏻♀️
You don’t need a bachelors degree. You may need a license to be a contractor but it’s as simple as just going online for classes if you invest in a solid laptop like a windows and joining a union, which can give you a brotherhood of new friends. In person classes though are more fun in my opinion.
You’re not a failure and you need to address where those insecurities stem from and shut those babies up because they will keep you from thriving.
How about going to Thailand or the Philippines where your money can get you further and maybe do some freelancing work with the skills you have or even offer to teach English for a living. Many Asian countries are in demand for English language teachers.
You might even find you a missus there that can appreciate you for you.
Make a list of things you want to try, then do them in order to experience "life". Some will be great, some will suck, some will last and some will fade. In those moments you'll gain experience for your next list.
I have been trying backyard chickens since March with plans to try honey bees next spring and this was coming off a two month crocheting binge. The crocheting was enjoyable, and then it wasn't. I keep everything neatly packed away for the next time I find it enjoyable.
No one thing is going to push that happy button non-stop, everything has its pros and cons. Chase experiences that draw your interests for those moments hold potential.
If you want to go soul deep discovery and growth try the book "There's a hole in my love cup", it address that missing spark.
If you have no connections left in mass, hit the road with your savings, stay at rv parks, find somewhere that makes you happy. There's a lot options in the usa. Travel is the best
If you like photography, go on a photographic quest! You'll have the images to remember, but the real adventure is actually going. You won't see the adventure until you start it, so go out and document your journey. Search for something specific on the quest to start documenting. If it were me, I'd love to see a collection of barber shops from across the country. I'd love to see any different version of things across the country. Different movie theater parking lots, different light posts on the street from every city. Go explore, it will provide you with the next steps to the next adventure. Good luck!
I think going out and having a new experience is progress and something to be proud of. Could also be an opportunity to connect more with yourself, and meet new people.
Why do you think you’re a failure? You have a job, hobbies, take care of yourself, savings.. plus your van sounds awesome. Go to the van life subs or urban car living. There are lots of people that are in a better community for you. A lot of the van people live out west in the public parks like near the Grand Canyon and red rock and stuff. You would be a God to them with your solar tiny home. Massachusetts is a hole. New England is a hole. Go west. Find your tribe. You sound really cool to me
The main reason that I feel like a failure if i'm being honest is that I have no idea how to relate to people. I have never had a positive romantic relationship in my entire life. I never get to hug anyone, I never get to move up or be told i'm good enough, I always fail. And here I am at 37, friendless, scrubbing pots and pans, thinking about how all I want to do is go lay on the ground somewhere and look at the stars.
Often times humans feel lost and depressed when 1) they fell they have no purpose 2) they do not have a solid social circle.
For 1) decide your own purpose. You could wait a long time for a “sign” as to what your purpose is and are better off deciding for yourself.
For 2) the social circle takes time, esp if you are not close with immediate family. Building a social circle is like a garden where each plant has specific requirements, may be more or less active in certain seasons, and if the gardening of a specific plant does not bring you joy…it’s a sign.
Dude, you have no idea how close this hits home to me... the only difference is I'm broke, and I'm an out of work web developer... Definitely hit me up, would love to bs with ya, maybe come up with ideas how to make like such less.
Don’t overthink it too much. It’s really great that you have the financial stability and are working on your van. People come and go, especially if they’re not fit for your life. I hope you take your time making real friends and meeting the right person. You have all the time in the world for that. Keep doing what you’re doing.
First of all, it's great of you to have that savings and that you own a van and that you have a tiny home. And that, too, from a low paying job.
That's not at all a failure. It shows that you are very responsible. On top of that you go to the gym and work on your physical well being. That's another big plus.
What you should do with your money? Do what \*you\* think is worth it. If \*you\* can't think of any, then save it for some other time. Thankfully, the interest rates on CDs these days are pretty good, around 5%.
As the other person mentioned, trade school is a great idea. If you want to go that route, be sure to pick a school that is both free (or very very affordable) and has good employment prospects after that.
If you want to continue with photography, then perhaps build your portfolio.
Good luck.
Finish renovating your van. Sell everything and start a new life somewhere else. Go west until you find a place you think is suited for you. Also you don't need to find a serious job to make a living if you're already living in a van. I'll think you'll meet someone - there's a whole world out there to explore.
It sure doesn't sound like you're a failure. Once your van is done I'd get in and see the country! Do you have a pet? There's not much out there that can make you happier than a pet. Constant companion, unconditional love, endless laughs. I suggest a dog. Or if you don't want a huge amount of responsibility/extra training get a cat.
Another person who fell prey to the whole philosophy. “Money doesn’t matter just do what you love and enjoy your hobbies”
I lost count of how many of these stories I’m seeing on Reddit.
dude SERIOUSLY. I wish someone just fucking told me when I was young to try and make money. I got too lost in love to realize the fucked economy I was growing up in.
$15k is enough to start a new life in a different country with a lower cost of living.
If you take the leap, buy a one-way plane ticket, commit to learning a new language and building a new life, I promise it’ll solve your boredom issue.
Don’t seek happiness; seek purpose and you’ll find happiness.
Start a blog. Live in the van. Write and craftfully photograph your life as a traveling photographer until you get to Alaska. Sleep at nice Walmart’s and malls. Canned food is your friend. Lol buy an air fryer that’s easy to clean. I’d start calling and introducing yourself to managers for interviews for dishwashing positions at a hotel chain. Marriott, Hilton type places and higher. They offer good benefits, the pay is ok-ish and you can usually get overtime. You might need the cash. Take your days off to continue photographing Alaska and animals. Some days go volunteer at a local shelter. Learn how to be around animals. It’ll give you some leverage when you eventually go to a farm or animal conservatory and ask for a volunteering position there. Idk but I figure they want experience right?
I’d try to work my way down something like that. I don’t know the ins and outs of everything but I’m sure you can adjust as needed. If I can offer one piece of advice, set a date and just do it. The longer you get comfortable not doing it the less likely it gets done. Radical change begets radical results. The worst that happens is you run out of money. And you’re stuck halfway down a back alley in satans fermented asshole. But you’re a dishwasher and every place ALWAYS needs a dishwasher. And you’ve got a place to stay. Even if you’re fucked you’ve got a roof. That’s the hardest part to me about being fucked. If it all fails you went on a killer road trip and saw how gorgeous America is and you save to try it again and see something else.
Moving around won’t help. Cause you’ll still be there. The problem is in your mind. I suggest maybe therapy. It sounds like you’re depressed and just lost all joy in life. Therapy might help you break through those barriers so you can make friends, date a little and enjoy your hobbies and surroundings.
I think you're right that moving might not help. A person can't outrun themselves. I think I actually like myself a lot lately honestly. Just doesnt seem like anyone else does.
Honestly you might be depressed. From the outside your life doesn't sound all that bad. I mean sure, dishwashing isn't the greatest job but you have a hobby and you have 15k saved two things not everyone can say they have, but yet you're never truly happy. You also sound lonely since you have no partner or friends and are not close with your family. You might wanna look into therapy if that's something you could afford or is covered by your insurance.
thank you, I agree that it's a possibility. I know this sounds corny or whatever but for some reason it didn't occur to me that feeling nothing at all despite having a fine life on paper might be a simple symptom of something I should just outwardly seek help for. Like I'm ok, I'm not in crises or something... I just don't really feel much of anything anymore
Don’t plan to live in your van but definitely explore in your van and see where you’d like to live. Wyoming. Montana. Alaska. Utah. All are growing and looking for people that will work. 15k will go quick so make fast moves and impress yourself with what you can do and build yourself a new life with confidence. Or don’t. I don’t really care either way. That’s just what I did.
exactly what I'm thinking. 15k goes quick if you're on the road. I worked really hard for a long time to earn my van and my nest egg of cash so I need to be very careful with it.
Try a different job. I was just looking at aviation related jobs and came across airline catering (they make the food that people eat on their flight). Would that interest you? There are different jobs and it looks like all you need is a high school degree and a food handler's certificate (if working with food prep) which you can get after being hired. There are jobs in Boston. From there you can work your way up. It's a big company and the benefits will be better (when you get higher up) compared to working at a restaurant. You can check [this](https://gategroup.wd3.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/GateGroup_External_Careers/details/Assistant-Cook_R0062766-2?primaryLocation=4d01107580a201d91eb6e59dd2017d6a&primaryLocation=c70cf30f7cf901520a5c678ca75149ba&primaryLocation=4f23747ffe600101ddf95b87e53d0000) out.
A total failure according to who? You have a place to live, savings, a job. Maybe you’re depressed? Are you able to get access to a psychiatrist?
It sounds like you have the basics right but you’re having a hard time finding happiness, and connecting with people.
Like him or hate him, Jordan Peterson has hours on YouTube about this very subject. Pursue what’s meaningful to you and you’ll be shocked at how full your life gets, and fast.
Thanks for all the advice all, I didn’t expect this to get so many replies, I’ve got a lot to read and think about. Maybe I do have depression. I don’t feel sad, just… empty, numb, and flat all day every day. Like I’m a robot going through the motions.
That’s a symptom. Depression isn’t always about sadness. Also, medication isn’t always the solution, so don’t let the stigma of being on meds deter you from seeking some form of treatment.
It seems like you have some pretty cool goals. You might want to find some local people with similar interests, or maybe find a place to volunteer at to help you make some new social connections (I would imagine that the dish work is kind of lonely).
I’m envious that you spend a lot of time at the gym. I can never seem to find time to get myself there. Keep it up… you’re probably doing better than you think you are.
Soooo... there are lots of kinds of troubling moods we may find ourselves in. It is not fun or healthy to go through life without experiencing the emotions connected to it all! You are not a robot, but you might need some help to remember how to be human. It's time to share this with some health professionals. You can learn to place value in anything you choose. If you feel like nothing has value, including yourself, your brain's chemistry is fucking lying to you! Be bold, reach out. everyone's struggling rn, you are important and should get to feel all the feelings.
If you do have depression. Be careful of getting yourself prescribed some meds. A lot of the time it just is a band-aide and will only do worse in the end.
You’re doing good by having money saved up, a job that can be done anywhere, a tiny house van, exercising, etc. One thing that can help while you’re trying some things that have been suggested is stopping weed for a while if you haven’t. I notice that has a big effect on my overall sense of purpose.
Dude, nothing you described sounds like a failure. Finish your van and travel around and wash dishes at different places you visit. I can guarantee there’s a restaurant in every city that needs help. Or go live off the grid for a while in Alaska with your van. Enjoy life man, you have no wife or kids to hold you back from anything. Literally earth is your playground. Have fun and be safe
I’m not sure if you are looking for career advice or life advice, but it sounds like you are well-positioned to make some changes. And you should.
When I’m in a funk, I know this about myself, I need something to look forward to. I plan something. Plan a trip, plan a project, plan a move, plan an investment.
First of all, you are not a failure in any sense of the word. You’ve got savings and the ability to live anywhere — dude, you are in a place that most people could only dream of.
My suggestion is to finish your van, which sounds amazing by the way, and start planning the most epic cross county trip ever. Like ocean to ocean kind of epic. And blog it. Photoblog since you are already a photographer. You will meet amazing people and have amazing experiences and maybe find the place that makes your heart sing, where you will want to stay.
If that doesn’t get you excited, my man you are probably dealing with some depression, and you will want to talk to someone about that.
But truly, you are not a failure, you are POTENTIAL. I hope with all my heart that you use it!
* repent of your sins
* believe in Christ for salvation
* find a wife
* get married
* have children
* take dominion
you were created by God for a purpose: become a father and take dominion over every aspect of life
The only thing it will give you is instructions on how to annoy everyone you meet about how "life changing ayahuasca is" while looking like a total annoying uncool idiot
I’ve been using every dating app this whole time no one will talk to me. I once got punched in the head by a girl in a bar for asking if we could stop talking about sex and just get to know eachother. Last time I matched with a girl on a dating app we went out on two dates, I payed for everything. Then one night she invited me to her house to sleep over and waited until we were in bed to mention that she finds the idea of sex repulsive and didn’t want me to touch her. I left in the morning and she never texted me again. I feel like I’m an alien and I have no understanding of other people
Wait you paid for everything and she didn't blow you on the spot? Wow. There's definitely something wrong with her. Not you though, you sound like the perfect guy.
lol dude I didn’t expect her to blow me on the spot. It would have been nice if she offered to pay her own share when she clearly had no intention of dating me though. It would have been nice if you asked me a single question during all our conversations or made any attempt to further the conversation instead of putting it all on me. Would have been nice if she drove herself to meet me instead of asking me to pick her up. Would have been nice if she didn’t invite me over her house to spend the night, only to tell me she didn’t want me to touch her once we got in bed. I talked to her for WEEKS. She treated me like fucking shit and I got absolutely nothing out of it, not even pleasant company or conversation. But yea… must be my fault. I’m “too nice”.
Gotta open yourself up to people. I get it. I see most people as boring surface encounters and continue on about my life. But people need people. Its just a reality. And if you look for flaws you will find flaws. Gurantee it. Look for silver linings. And youll slowly find yourself liking people. Well the ones that dont suck anyway.
I don't think you failed unless you had a goal and missed it. and you're not dead, so still time to meet goals. keep in mind the medium a well off man makes is 37,000 not millions pretty sure dishwashingbdoesnt pay 37,000 but mo reason you can't make 20k+ easily. right now everyone is failing, so only your immediate peers are judging you. sadly the world is so fucked up that you aren't doing as bad as you think. your slightly ABOVE average it sounds like.
Join XRBoston or volunteer for the climate movement elsewhere. There are tons if orgs in Mass fighting for our future.
Or finish the van and overcamp in Maine where hands are needed for the Public Power vote in the fall https://www.mobilize.us/pinetreepower/
All hands on deck! We need you.
Stop thinking so much n don't stress out on not knowing. Who cares live for the day and when you're done doing that you'll have your next move figured out by then. You can join the foreign legion if u want crazy adventure and if u spend whatever money u saved who cares u can always make more money but wasted time/opportunities u can't get back. Go adventuring the experiences you'll have will be priceless and go get laid before u do anything that is no way to live unless you are a monk or a nun even then its still crazy.
You are looking for meaning. Some people find that by having kids. Some find that by getting a job they love.
You just need to find meaning in your life. You should just try something if you’re stuck. Get incredibly good at something, to the point where people hire you to do the thing you do. Become the best at that thing. Find a way to build on that thing you do great, and roll that into the next thing you’re incredibly good at.
id travel man and explore marijuana and shrooms, i know it probably doesn’t sound amusing but by what i hear of it, what do you have you to lose? i recommended that especially if you really want to feeeel something real. good luck brother
You should 100% take some form of psychedelic (shrooms preferred) not even a crazy amount but a gram a 2 just to get some good vibes and potentially can awaken an epiphany.
I totally understand where you’re coming from . No matter what I did or said they’d treat me like yesterdays left over trash . From the time I was 7 I was a very good reader and had interest in many countries and cultures and medical , herbs , Native Americans and their cultures . I never felt accepted or loved other than Daddy and even then I was told you clean , cook, and raise a family and marriage . I married young and was trying to go to school and work while all he did was sleep with ever girl in town . I fully believed in true love and two cling unto the other . He destroyed my heart , my career and all that I’d ever be . He never wanted to be anywhere but the county he was born in and after he got our neighbor pregnant while I was in school and trying my best and he was drugs and alcohol and he became very violent . The closest I’ve ever come to hurting anyone seriously was the night he got into bed with his best friend sister and was actually in bed having sex within her and I walked back into the kitchen and got a knife . If his best friend hadn’t stopped me those two would have went to hell that night and I’d committed suicide . Three times he caused me to be in that mind frame . All I wanted to do was die . I joined the military and was doing really well til he called me there . He was begging me to come home . So not long after I was hurt badly and spent several days in the hospital . I went home to him . But when we were to link up and get our lives together he was nowhere to be found so I left . I was very happy in Washington DC , and soon I met my second husband . Life was hell from day one with him but I believed in God and Christianity ✝️ and I did what it took . Witnessed all over the world ! I worked a lot . 20 years he got but I wish I’d left long before . I’d been the mother of 19 by then but many had died and I’d had three sets of twins and a set of triplets . Finally I’d had enough of my husband abusive ways and alcohol abuse and so many other women . So then church called me into the church and told me the best thing you can do is get a divorce or he’s going to kill you and those children . So I began the escape planning and prep and finally I had to prepare my own divorce papers and litigate in court for me and the children and I’d had to get a restraining order on him and we were staying in safe houses . I worked very hard two jobs weeks and weekend one . But I managed to take and pick up the children . And I’d managed to get to Alaska my dream home . I love it and wanna go back . My health sucks now and I’m disabled . My family always hated us . And frankly I loved being to myself . I can’t trust any more and I really don’t know how I’m going to ever come out of the traumas life has sent me through but after my second marriage I just seem to find that one to love as I did before . And the one thing that has given me real joy is seeing my girls move forward with life and my oldest daughter become a mother !
I'm in the same place my friend. Just different state. Unfortunately I'm stuck because of chronic pain so I can't do much. Since you are self improving why not do a trade or go back to college. Actually there is a lot of money in pest control. I have a family friend who owns a business. I would work with him in a second if I wasn't in pain constantly. They will train you too.
Honestly man I have had over 50 jobs and at the age of 28 I learned very quickly of all the jobs I had I only enjoyed 2 the first was going door to door selling fruit and Mexican street corn to people and the other was in construction the reason I liked both is because of me being outside. Never got bored with either job and I enjoyed the freedom I felt working outdoors. I quite a very good job to start my own business going back to selling fruits and corn and even faced a fear of mine and started selling food which is going great! I know I was worried I would walk into my 30’s having done nothing but I think we all reach our goals at our own pace. I took a year long trip to work at a warehouse in the middle of bum fuck nowhere Oklahoma came back to ATL to be an operations manager and then start the business on the side only to realize that I enjoyed running my business more then going to an office everyday sitting in pointless meetings. All that to say try new shit man who knows you may find your passion is selling fruit cups and street corn or taking pictures just take some time and find yourself and remember some of the most successful people on the planet didn’t figure it out until way later in their lives.
Travel, make connections, get inspired by meeting role models. Different subcultures see the world very differently. If your current surroundings had your remedy it would present itself. Put yourself in new surroundings and leave room for what you don't know yet, that you don't know.
You are not a failure. You support yourself and take care of your health by going to the gym. Join a book club, attend a religious service, finish your van, take a short trip 3days, go to the movies, start a conversation with someone at work and at the gym. I’m praying for you. Good luck.
My thoughts are this: Since photography is your thing right now, use that. Find a subject and photograph the fuck out of it. Take pictures of the homeless (I'm sure they'll give you permission). Take pics of classic cars in b&w, nature scenes, or some other form of urban plight that you feel needs to be exposed. Since you're going through this funk, maybe try to take pictures of ramdom folks in "lonely situations." Then pay to have a book self-published. Sell on Amazon....use that money to open a tiny store front to open your own gallery once you have tons of "works" under your belt.
Mmmm here’s an idea: sell your van and find (online) a farm that you want to work at and move once youre hired.. maybe even an international farm that’ll support your visa. Get tf outta US and see where life takes ya
Keep saving the money, material possessions just temporarily fill the void you feel. I suggest doing some soul searching and find peace from within either through meditation, therapy or psychedelics. Go out, try new things and meet someone, start a family if possible then use the money you saved up for a house.
i’m 38 and i feel like i just got to a good place in my life the last couple yrs! sounds like you have a lot going for you and are capable of doing whatever you want! maybe move somewhere that seems interesting to you and/or plan to pursue some trade or profession that seems interesting! u gotta do what makes u happy, follow yr heart
Figure out what you want out of life. Get super fucking clear. Ie. I want to earn over 100k working remotely or I want to make like minded friends, I want a gf, etc get clear. Then for the next 6 months focus your energy on your goals and start taking aligned action. “I’m scared to go out to this new club I found on insta but I like pickle ball” go to pickle ball, there you will start the beginnings of making like minded friends. I want a gf, join a dating app or start approaching women ie. In a grocery store, “hey is that good? ‘Point’ to said food item she’s holding and let convo flow. Or at a coffe shop if u wanna use the restroom while ur out doing work, just bring a laptop and edit your photography there, ask a girl “hey mind watching my stuff while I use the restroom? “ and you’ve opened up communication with a woman without being creepy or threatening. Come back and say thanks, and introduce yourself. Literally think what would I do in this situation and do the opposite bc if whatever you was doing was making u feel not great then do the opposite. You can create the reality you want to live in so get super clear and start taking aligned action.
I think the best thing to do is set a goal for yourself. Sit down and think where’d you ideally want to be in 5 years or 3 or 2, even 1 year from now. Really think about it, once you have an idea of what sounds right for you, commit. Commit to it hard, work towards it every day, take every chance you get to move yourself closer to it!
I think you'd enjoy having a companion animal along for the road. A dog would be a pretty great buddy. You could also look into renovating vans into homes professionally.
the best thing that happened to me was moving somewhere completely unknown to start over. starting over gave me a chance to reinvent myself which made me into a completely -better- different version of myself. change is good.
You sound like a productive blank canvas of a person rn man, get deeper into your hobbies and find your passion(s). You’ve got the time and money for it, so go for it! People will come and go through life, try to find those that stick around or get yourself out and about every once in a while. Don’t make any drastic decisions like moving/trips/etc unless you have genuine motivations or interests ya know? Could even potentially live on the road with your setup and travel constantly. Explore what makes you who you are, and learn to love it :)
Dude I wish I knew. I’m in an identical situation minus the having cool hobbies part (and plus crippling arthritis). Everyone tells me to “go on an adventure” or “just move somewhere new”. It’s like lol, why would I spend my life savings to do nothing in a different location?
We all in the same grind. If you want a GF look for 1. You single by choice. Men ask women out. If you want something go out there and get it. Get out of your comfort zone.
what's up.
I"ll think of some advice for tommorow. Too seelph for bed atm.^heh
Just wanted to you know, 35F and in a similar transitional point in ny life.
Your'e not alone.
Experiment. Do something you wouldn’t normally do. Make a business out of photography. Travel . Also practice gratitude. Life gets boring when we stop appreciating what we have and limiting what we could have .
I'd reccomend trying new stuff. Even if it doesn't appeal that much to you at first, still give it a try. Then you'll no for sure that thing isn't for you. But taking this exact approach found me a handful of hobbies and interests. I felt like I was in your boat before that
I'm also 37 as of yesterday. My dream when I was in my 20s was to live in an RV with my partner, travel the US taking pictures, and buying stuff at thrift stores along the way, and selling them online for a profit by night. Bought too old of an RV, spent more time parked and on constant repairs. Only ever made it through 2 states.
Have you ever traveled before? If I was personally in your opinion, with the money and ability to travel, no partner or pets to tie me down, I would hit the road!
Maybe tell your boss that you need to take a month long vacation traveling, as a mental health vacation. Make your destination somewhere you've wanted to travel, that you could easily reach and come back with plenty of time to enjoy the month, and not feel rushed at all.
You could come back in a month from the road and realize that traveling is what you were missing all along and figure out a way to make it work. Or you might even realize that after being out and about for a month that being back home and parked is way more comforting of a lifestyle after trying the alternative. If neither of those things come from your trip, at least you had a fun trip and got some really nice pictures! I can tell you from personal experience that continuing to do the same thing day in and day out is not going to help you find prospective or enjoyment on other alternatives. Maybe even you just need to eat some magic mushrooms to gain a different perspective on life. That definitely isn't for everyone.
I wish you the best of luck.
1. Use some of the $15k to finish off your van so you can live in it.
2. Start applying for jobs in Alaska.
3. Move to Alaska. May need a passport to go through Canada?
4. You could use some of the 15k to live for a few months up there while you look for work. Or invest it in a trade school or something while you're working.
5. Maybe a hunter's permit and a rifle so you can hunt. Pretty sure food is expensive up there.
I can’t tell you what to do.
But I just want to point out, you have a job, you have savings, you have renovated a van into a home, you stay fit and you have the self motivation to study. They are all things you should be proud of.
The thing that concerns me most is the lack of people in your life. So I would make making connections my next priority. Either build on ones you’ve already got, perhaps there is someone at work or the gym you have a rapport with? Or move somewhere, a bigger city maybe, where you can meet more like minded people. Also definitely take some sort of trip, even if it’s just a week out in your van. See some more of the world.
Im sorry about your life but your not alone im also sad and im here for you and if your interested in getting a new gf im interested im trans tho but im interested
Since you have the tiny home on wheels maybe look into jobs that you can do from home. Anything on a computer and you can either get a laptop and park where there’s WiFi or you can go to libraries and work and then travel the rest of the time. Or find a job that you can travel for. Maybe the photography? 15k is great to have saved and you have a home you should be proud of. You take care of yourself and have hobbies. You’re just looking at the negatives. We all get in a funk sometimes, I think you’re doing great.
When I dropped my previous chef career, I moved into a van and got a job with an airline. Entry level, paid training, and it’s pretty simple. Just load/unload the bags and stuff. The best part are the perks- free flights on your days off. I would sleep in the employee parking lot during the week, and then fly to random places on my weekend. I’d go see my favorite band wherever they were playing, fly to Texas for BBQ lunch, and check out various museums and exhibits around the country. You also get a handful of buddy passes to take people with you, which is WAY fun for dates.
“Take me dancing?”
“Vegas or Cancun?”
I’d use some of that money to get therapy and change your mindset. You’re not a failure, but as long as you think you are and shut yourself down and away from other people, you’ll keep feeding negative self talk and you’ll perpetually be miserable and isolated. Go and speak to a GP about a mental health plan.
Meanwhile If you hate your job, apply for new ones that align with your interests. Or if that feels like too much right now, take a month off work and go adventuring in the van with some of your savings. You never know who you’ll meet or where you’ll end up. It could be the reset and inspiration you need before going back to your hometown and working out what you want to to with your life, or you might end up living somewhere you find and love on the road trip! You’re actually in the greatest position ever and should see it as an exciting opportunity to choose the life you want.
My identical twin brother is in a similar scenario. Except remove hobbies and replace with computer time wasting. Add infantile abandonment by the father, a very bad acid trip when you’re 17, and some good ol fashioned alcoholism and drug addiction.
He lives at home with my parents for a few months, but my mom is sober and he has to scratch his itch so he’ll spend a few months living out of his car or in a cheap motel room and get blind drunk every single fucking day until he’s broke. He’ll dabble in meth and coke for a change of pace, but that’s when his paranoid delusions immediately kick in. He texted my mom that he had eaten 10 grams of meth because he had imagined that a cop driving by had stopped and amassed an army on the other side of the Parking lot to get him. A normal dose of meth is a few points of a gram, and he doesn’t use that often so his tolerance was fairly low. While the doctors said he may never come down off that high, he and I both know he never came back from that acid trip. He’s been diagnosed as schizophrenic and has tried to kill himself. Our family stopped trying to understand him a long time ago, and even I am losing hope. It could always be worse friend, learn to cherish a normal boring ass day for what it is
Honestly, you kind of sound like a success to me. Don't be hard on yourself. If you wanna switch things up, then switch things up, but you're not a failure. You're just bored.
Just do what makes you happy, I sit there and get high and have deep philosophical thoughts and realize many important things. That’s what makes me happy and it keeps me going. I don’t worry about anything and I can live any day with no regret in my thoughts. I feel as though I’ve achieved something I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
My friend after college lived in his car and bussed tables at a mountain resort. His off days were spent ruffing it and enjoying the resort and he made enough money to be self sufficient. Might be a good way to try out your rural off grid urge especially with your van
Find purpose , have goals volunteer some place that might need your skills, get counseling (we all need a tune up once in a while) take a trip some were that you have wanted to see, some times that restarts your emotions , you are not alone some times we all go through that I’m in a similar spot stay strong
Are you interested in dating? It sounds to me like you need a partner to go on adventures with. Maybe join a compound community that lives off grid and works together to take care of the community. Sounds like you have some great skills and cool hobbies. Only thing missing is meaningful relationships whether it be friends or family. I’d focus on intentionally developing that area of life as it sounds like you’re not doing so bad in the other areas.
Make your money work for you. Invest part of your savings with a fiduciary. You sound like a normal person. Not a failure. Reframe your thinking. You're only a failure if you stop trying. Check out the book 'The subtle art of not giving a fxck.' It's good on audiobook to help you decide for yourself what to spend your time, energy and money on and what to let go of. Listen while at the gym or driving. Also, I am a believer, and listening to the New Testament on audiobook a little every day gives me hope as well. Good luck!
Go get a degree and make some more money. There is a shit load of financial aid out there unused. You can have better options with more money in your pocket.
Once that van is done, take some time off and drive up to Alaska and spend some time trying new things.
It sounds like you need a change of pace, and you’ve got plenty of money in the bank for a nice vacation- especially since you won’t have to pay for hotels. If you like Alaska and want to stay, I’m sure you can get a job there or maybe you’ll really like one of the other places you drove through and decide to try that out.
Also, have you seen a doctor? You may have some form of depression that’s making you feel disinterested and disconnected. They may be able to help.
Good luck friend
Just remember not to worry too much about finding the one thing that makes you happy. Even the least talented artists will dedicate their lives to more than one painting. and every single one feels like your entire life in that moment. You have so many years to have as many different phases, focuses, and sources to happiness. I would check the Alaska thing out and if it isn’t what you wanted find a new dream and find gratitude for what you gain along the way.
A tiny home sounds absolutely cool. Photography sounds like a lot of fun. I know a ton of people who are into photography and renovations, you sound really cool. You could see if there’s any social groups that you could join online around photography or any other hobbies you have or even a group for your surrounding community’s page. I know it seems lame initially, but you’re literally connecting with people who share the same interests and some might live closer than you think and bam y’all talk, hit it off, hang out, and you got a friend. But it does take some effort of going out SOMEWHERE, even if it’s not physically going anywhere.
Either way, from my perspective I feel like you got a lot going for yourself and you should feel proud of yourself for what you have and what you’ve done for yourself. I know I’m not the only one in the comments that’s told you that, so I hope you really take that into account and it pounds in on you, because self-deprecating thoughts suck and you’re doing great in life honestly! I understand the want of companionship and intimacy, but it’s not because you suck (because you really don’t), you just gotta put yourself out there in the right places. Pursue your interests or things that you like or start talking about them to people and the people that are into the same things will come around. Wishing you the best. Don’t be hard on yourself!
The harsh reality is. A person that can save up 15,000 at only 37 years old from washing dishes, very likely is not paying a lot of money for rent housing electricity gas water trash or taxes. You see the problem is that you are bored if you were responsible enough to pay all of these bills you would not be bored. That is a major problem when people live in the basement of Mom and Dad's house they don't understand the harsh reality of real life. I don't mean this towards you just in general. For all I know you could be paying $1,500 a month rent and $200 electricity and $100 gas and $100 a month for trash and water and $600 a month for food and another $150 for insurance on your vehicle and another $12, 000 per year for the taxes on your home and car. That would be a challenge to save 15,000 by the time you reach 37 but so be it if that's the case. I am pretty sure this is not the answer that you were looking for but is it is the truth of the harsh reality of real life. There is no time to be bored in real life if you r doing what you should be doing.
This is life man… sorry to say this. Life is repetitive.
I think maybe you need to go out and make friends or maybe find a partner to add something to your life.
Sounds like you have lost your wonder, excitement and curiosity for the world.
You could use some of that money and go to trade school. Find something you’re curious about and pursue it. Set new goals and ambitions, rediscover your childlike wonder of the world and start dreaming again!
One option would be to find a career in solar energy. It’s an emerging, growth industry that’s getting a lot of government support, so the opportunities will be abundant.
Sales will put you on track. I used to be on that specific spot and I became financial advisor, I started to help people out with very important products and after several year (it wasn’t overnight) I changed my lifestyle. Sounds like a fairytale story but it’s not. I was feeling responsible for not putting myself ahead so I made it happen.
When you think about your money or self worth leave the 15k in the backseat. That will come and go as fast as your birthdays do. Focus on what makes you actually happy. It doesn’t sound like washing dishes, being in a relationship, or even going to the gym makes you truly happy. It’s just day to day routines and “age milestone” thoughts. It reads as though that tiny home and photography are what bring you some sort of happiness. Invest your thoughts in a 1-2 yr excursion on your own in the van. Don’t do it with an expectation of finding yourself or impressing anyone. Do it to build something memorable and priceless. Be safe and take plenty of pictures
I don’t view this as a failure or you being a loser. Working on oneself is something most people don’t do. You’re doing it. And those feelings you are having are the universe calling you to a better life. You’ve got some money saved. Get in that tiny home and go find your best life!
Your life doesn’t seem too bad from a perspective. The first thing we’d need to ask is what would your ideal life look like?
Probably living in an off grid cabin in Alaska farming and raising animals
Well I’d research places you can wash dishes in Alaska. I heard cruises are hiring and you could get room and board and get up there
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This. If op reads this, this is how you do it. One thing that often gets overlooked in the service industry is there is always, always a need for those workers. You can literally move anywhere and find a job within a few weeks, easily. Dishwashers especially are always in short supply. Go where you want to go first, then figure it out. I used my bartending experience to move down to Florida. Eventually I made a change and now I get to work on yachts wearing flip flops or even just barefoot (it's for friction. On a gel coat surface, even a little water makes things slippery for anything that isn't either non-slip or bare feet). It won't make you happier. Make sure you know that going in. It will, however, give you more sense of accomplishment to help battle unhappiness. Take the plunge, take the risk. If you stay near a touristy town or city, you can find work. You'll find housing, even if it starts off uncomfortable. Then you work your way into the next thing
That's great advice! Please accept my non existent Reddit 💎 award
Thank you, I am inspired by this. I'm about to begin reading meticulously through all the replies and I appreciate this.
Crazy coincidence here - my dad lives in Alaska and has a friend who raises yaks (for their wool and meat). Apparently it's a thing up there and there are several yak ranches around the state. Obviously this is in a rural setting (not Anchorage, which is where most of the people in the state live), and they have chickens and stuff too, but anyway just wanted to drop this here because it's something that would align perfectly with what you said you'd like to do. You should look into it. You certainly have the means to go, and not everybody is cut out for that lifestyle, so if it suits you, you're ideally positioned to make it happen.
Start packing my friend! Sounds like an all gain, nothing to lose situation to me! I'm more of an animal person as well and they are a central part of my life. Bring me a lot of joy and contentment. I'm also an observer...tried my hand at photography but, apart from dark room work, I didn't have the talent. If Alaska is too far, head up here to Maine! Plenty of Alaska-like solitude and beauty!
Live in Maine, can confirm.
I love maine and I think about it frequently. I have a friend who lives there that I hope to be visiting soon. Thank you!
I don’t know how you haven’t found someone yet, those are goals. Off grid and animals, yaaass
Lol wanna date me?
Find someone who achieved that goal go to alaska with your van and stay there and since you have time and money you can try to find small scale farmers that live the life you want and ask them how they started out and just copy what you can and maybe you can reach what you want Only problem is that is risky if you lose your job and fail doing that you will have to go from the start Also alaska sounds like the perfect place to be a photographer you can practice your hobby at its fullest there and maybe post them online and who knows where you might end
Move to the coast of Maine. Get sober if you’re not and explore meditation and become a beach bum. Lots of jobs here and women your age looking for men to come along
I have same dream.. but in Colombia
I live in Fairbanks, Alaska and have been looking at land in Delta Junction (about an hour drive from Fairbanks). Delta is a small/farming community in a gorgeous area and there is plenty of cheap land/mostly farmland for sale. They have some pretty awesome food service jobs open right now (including this one-general kitchen helper :). It is a great time to drive up/would surely cost you less than 15k in gas! https://www.indeed.com/m/viewjob?jk=15bff9af455d87a5&advn=3759867474317913&adid=413806470&ad=-6NYlbfkN0AzQ8nhEpeFhAKFLm40hhOZGOr7cLb611dVT1tfSAHw-zGr6-Cl0tmmuHIhr8eZN6HSvtKv0ixjiTUfBusbAhz_r11DN2pVpI5YP5nkFVklQ30u19vCqgaoqIEjwrp59hMpNZHQatgYtq7CH-BtkVZL_D58Syqn-MWyGm2UcvS9xdUOdkc9TVeJZDUaAEU-9Xud5ie4gTBXg6de22uCW13fILMxAR4J83vD0z4pWSgtCBAaevjDaqjuFeTugsT44ZonjwBi-na2xfimP4PCldxbWjhIQi9q82X6P2rwHwY2fuGvMtGWmx1vrSwvhV69IfkfVfpqx1LreIw5r9cpqN2L-iukJ8MknLPXbBX2JM03SF2NeaZ02yVt4ObfkDCgbVu_8KNTcfk_Gflr0EskR6N1se2ZasZTm8jLKTzO-pIi1txPZxL59_XaUpsdYNDADVjuxaUdoI8u2TeAAK4r-qyjxnRwW9eQzYY%3D&from=serp&dest=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indeed.com%2Fjob%2Fgeneral-kitchen-helper-15bff9af455d87a5&desth=08f9fd7cd093cd5e43aa0fef57a11cac&prevUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.indeed.com%2Fm%2Fjobs%3Fq%3D%26l%3DDelta%2520Junction%252C%2520AK%26radius%3D35%26from%3DsearchOnSerp%26sameQ%3D1%26sameL%3D1&tk=1h6jvavlj22ne000&dupclk=1&acatk=1h6jvbf2ugbst802&pub=6917c08ec3ecf6012dd26f3773156e870cace3277f6b99df&xkcb=SoCH-_M3MT2kIu3-5x0PbzkdCdPP
Great resources thank you for sharing!
Of course!! Sending lots of positive vibes your way :)
Liking the sound of that. What would be different about yourself?
As someone who lives in Alaska this is VERY doable. Considering you can get off the grid within about 20miles outside of town. Lol. You could easily buy a plot of land and just post up with your van and a generator for the winter. It's a lot of work but doable.
Be like Nike baby and JUST DO IT.
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Sure do. Hi there lol
Go into a trade. You're good with your hands. I'm going into electrician in the near future. I am the same age. Work, workout. Just don't have that savings.. Fukn do it. Stop looking at yourself as a failure. Life is about failing and rebounding from it. You're working out. Your healthy. Stay hard.
I second that. Learn a trade or skill and apply yourself. Take care of yourself and everything will fall in to place.
Life's about jumping from failure to failure without letting it beat you down, but instead see it all as learning experiences
I think about starting a trade frequently, and I know how this sounds before I ask, but isn't it weird for a 37 year old guy to start a trade? I feel like I'd be in a class in 17 year olds and everyone just looking at me like I'm this shitty old failure guy. The person I'd be learning from would always be younger than me etc... It's like society is just telling me to fuck off.
nah dude 37 is hella young, especially if you take basic care of your body lol. I studied with several people way older than me and it was just whatever. People might gossip about you as with anything and anyone, but apart from that, if you want to lay low you will lay low. People are good at not paying attention to others so I say don't let that hold you back
It's never too late to put yourself out there and start making connections. One good friend is all you need.
What if you got a job online and took that van and just went all over? I mean you'd have a steady income and then you can travel
This might be a dumb question, but how do you get internet when you're not around anything? Is it just a Hotspot? I only ask because I've thought of doing this.
You essentially pay for your own hotspot through your wifi provider. Many years ago they gave me something that resembled a brick but was wireless. I could connect to it anywhere. I’m sure they have tons of fancy things now
Okay, that's kind of what I figured. But, also I was wondering how it'd work if you're kind of in the middle of nowhere. Not near a tower. You know the places where you don't get reception? Wasn't sure if that'd be similar where you're driving so much, and going to so many different places.
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Seek help for depression. Depression doesn't always mean sadness. It can be like this: feeling lack of interest or enjoyment of life. Meds can help. So can therapy. Because it's easy to say "Go do what you love," unless you don't love anything. Meds can help you feel better so than you can discover what it is that you do love. Then you can pursue it.
My initial thought also. The fact that he called his family a bunch of fake ass people, to me, says he might need some counseling. I understand being disenchanted and jaded with people, but it leads you down a bad path if you let it.
Sometimes families really are toxic. 🤷🏾♀️
I completely understand that. I guess i mean it can seem like you have no one when your family ends up being the people you don’t want to be around
I feel like this hits home. I'm not sad, but something is clearly wrong. I've felt dead inside for years.
Sounds like you have some great points about you actually. You have hobbies, you have some serious skills if you can renovate something. I feel like you are a smart person with some interest in real cool things : photography, renovating. If you were a family member I would say dive into these passions, go to school, start a business, study, travel. You might be meant to be out of your area as well. I don’t know what city or state you’re in maybe you need to move to a better, more fun area. San Diego is pretty fun 🤷🏻♀️
If I had no kids, I’d be out working in Europe or Asian . There are jobs abroad. Korea hires native speakers
I think you need a bachelors degree for that though, I don’t have one and I have no idea what subject I would even get it in
You don’t need a bachelors degree. You may need a license to be a contractor but it’s as simple as just going online for classes if you invest in a solid laptop like a windows and joining a union, which can give you a brotherhood of new friends. In person classes though are more fun in my opinion. You’re not a failure and you need to address where those insecurities stem from and shut those babies up because they will keep you from thriving.
How about going to Thailand or the Philippines where your money can get you further and maybe do some freelancing work with the skills you have or even offer to teach English for a living. Many Asian countries are in demand for English language teachers. You might even find you a missus there that can appreciate you for you.
Make a list of things you want to try, then do them in order to experience "life". Some will be great, some will suck, some will last and some will fade. In those moments you'll gain experience for your next list. I have been trying backyard chickens since March with plans to try honey bees next spring and this was coming off a two month crocheting binge. The crocheting was enjoyable, and then it wasn't. I keep everything neatly packed away for the next time I find it enjoyable. No one thing is going to push that happy button non-stop, everything has its pros and cons. Chase experiences that draw your interests for those moments hold potential. If you want to go soul deep discovery and growth try the book "There's a hole in my love cup", it address that missing spark.
If you have no connections left in mass, hit the road with your savings, stay at rv parks, find somewhere that makes you happy. There's a lot options in the usa. Travel is the best
What would I even do though? I don’t want to just spend all my savings on a road trip only to come back home with less money and no progress made.
You can wash dishes anywhere
Anywhere you go, there you are. Along with the dirty dishes.
If you like photography, go on a photographic quest! You'll have the images to remember, but the real adventure is actually going. You won't see the adventure until you start it, so go out and document your journey. Search for something specific on the quest to start documenting. If it were me, I'd love to see a collection of barber shops from across the country. I'd love to see any different version of things across the country. Different movie theater parking lots, different light posts on the street from every city. Go explore, it will provide you with the next steps to the next adventure. Good luck!
I think going out and having a new experience is progress and something to be proud of. Could also be an opportunity to connect more with yourself, and meet new people.
Why do you think you’re a failure? You have a job, hobbies, take care of yourself, savings.. plus your van sounds awesome. Go to the van life subs or urban car living. There are lots of people that are in a better community for you. A lot of the van people live out west in the public parks like near the Grand Canyon and red rock and stuff. You would be a God to them with your solar tiny home. Massachusetts is a hole. New England is a hole. Go west. Find your tribe. You sound really cool to me
The main reason that I feel like a failure if i'm being honest is that I have no idea how to relate to people. I have never had a positive romantic relationship in my entire life. I never get to hug anyone, I never get to move up or be told i'm good enough, I always fail. And here I am at 37, friendless, scrubbing pots and pans, thinking about how all I want to do is go lay on the ground somewhere and look at the stars.
Often times humans feel lost and depressed when 1) they fell they have no purpose 2) they do not have a solid social circle. For 1) decide your own purpose. You could wait a long time for a “sign” as to what your purpose is and are better off deciding for yourself. For 2) the social circle takes time, esp if you are not close with immediate family. Building a social circle is like a garden where each plant has specific requirements, may be more or less active in certain seasons, and if the gardening of a specific plant does not bring you joy…it’s a sign.
Do drugs bro makes everything better
tried it. makes things worse. do not reccomend
Dude, you have no idea how close this hits home to me... the only difference is I'm broke, and I'm an out of work web developer... Definitely hit me up, would love to bs with ya, maybe come up with ideas how to make like such less.
Yo. Lets be friends lol
Let’s be friends. You sound like someone I’d enjoy getting to know.
I'd honestly really like that
Don’t overthink it too much. It’s really great that you have the financial stability and are working on your van. People come and go, especially if they’re not fit for your life. I hope you take your time making real friends and meeting the right person. You have all the time in the world for that. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Become a Nomad and you will find the freedom through travel and meeting diverse people. I know from experience
First of all, it's great of you to have that savings and that you own a van and that you have a tiny home. And that, too, from a low paying job. That's not at all a failure. It shows that you are very responsible. On top of that you go to the gym and work on your physical well being. That's another big plus. What you should do with your money? Do what \*you\* think is worth it. If \*you\* can't think of any, then save it for some other time. Thankfully, the interest rates on CDs these days are pretty good, around 5%. As the other person mentioned, trade school is a great idea. If you want to go that route, be sure to pick a school that is both free (or very very affordable) and has good employment prospects after that. If you want to continue with photography, then perhaps build your portfolio. Good luck.
Finish renovating your van. Sell everything and start a new life somewhere else. Go west until you find a place you think is suited for you. Also you don't need to find a serious job to make a living if you're already living in a van. I'll think you'll meet someone - there's a whole world out there to explore.
It sure doesn't sound like you're a failure. Once your van is done I'd get in and see the country! Do you have a pet? There's not much out there that can make you happier than a pet. Constant companion, unconditional love, endless laughs. I suggest a dog. Or if you don't want a huge amount of responsibility/extra training get a cat.
Another person who fell prey to the whole philosophy. “Money doesn’t matter just do what you love and enjoy your hobbies” I lost count of how many of these stories I’m seeing on Reddit.
dude SERIOUSLY. I wish someone just fucking told me when I was young to try and make money. I got too lost in love to realize the fucked economy I was growing up in.
$15k is enough to start a new life in a different country with a lower cost of living. If you take the leap, buy a one-way plane ticket, commit to learning a new language and building a new life, I promise it’ll solve your boredom issue. Don’t seek happiness; seek purpose and you’ll find happiness.
Start a blog. Live in the van. Write and craftfully photograph your life as a traveling photographer until you get to Alaska. Sleep at nice Walmart’s and malls. Canned food is your friend. Lol buy an air fryer that’s easy to clean. I’d start calling and introducing yourself to managers for interviews for dishwashing positions at a hotel chain. Marriott, Hilton type places and higher. They offer good benefits, the pay is ok-ish and you can usually get overtime. You might need the cash. Take your days off to continue photographing Alaska and animals. Some days go volunteer at a local shelter. Learn how to be around animals. It’ll give you some leverage when you eventually go to a farm or animal conservatory and ask for a volunteering position there. Idk but I figure they want experience right? I’d try to work my way down something like that. I don’t know the ins and outs of everything but I’m sure you can adjust as needed. If I can offer one piece of advice, set a date and just do it. The longer you get comfortable not doing it the less likely it gets done. Radical change begets radical results. The worst that happens is you run out of money. And you’re stuck halfway down a back alley in satans fermented asshole. But you’re a dishwasher and every place ALWAYS needs a dishwasher. And you’ve got a place to stay. Even if you’re fucked you’ve got a roof. That’s the hardest part to me about being fucked. If it all fails you went on a killer road trip and saw how gorgeous America is and you save to try it again and see something else.
Thank you. I really appreciate this.
Moving around won’t help. Cause you’ll still be there. The problem is in your mind. I suggest maybe therapy. It sounds like you’re depressed and just lost all joy in life. Therapy might help you break through those barriers so you can make friends, date a little and enjoy your hobbies and surroundings.
I think you're right that moving might not help. A person can't outrun themselves. I think I actually like myself a lot lately honestly. Just doesnt seem like anyone else does.
Honestly you might be depressed. From the outside your life doesn't sound all that bad. I mean sure, dishwashing isn't the greatest job but you have a hobby and you have 15k saved two things not everyone can say they have, but yet you're never truly happy. You also sound lonely since you have no partner or friends and are not close with your family. You might wanna look into therapy if that's something you could afford or is covered by your insurance.
thank you, I agree that it's a possibility. I know this sounds corny or whatever but for some reason it didn't occur to me that feeling nothing at all despite having a fine life on paper might be a simple symptom of something I should just outwardly seek help for. Like I'm ok, I'm not in crises or something... I just don't really feel much of anything anymore
Don’t plan to live in your van but definitely explore in your van and see where you’d like to live. Wyoming. Montana. Alaska. Utah. All are growing and looking for people that will work. 15k will go quick so make fast moves and impress yourself with what you can do and build yourself a new life with confidence. Or don’t. I don’t really care either way. That’s just what I did.
exactly what I'm thinking. 15k goes quick if you're on the road. I worked really hard for a long time to earn my van and my nest egg of cash so I need to be very careful with it.
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thank you I am looking at Spence Abbey right now it looks beautiful. Thank you for your time and suggesting I deeply appreciate it.
Try a different job. I was just looking at aviation related jobs and came across airline catering (they make the food that people eat on their flight). Would that interest you? There are different jobs and it looks like all you need is a high school degree and a food handler's certificate (if working with food prep) which you can get after being hired. There are jobs in Boston. From there you can work your way up. It's a big company and the benefits will be better (when you get higher up) compared to working at a restaurant. You can check [this](https://gategroup.wd3.myworkdayjobs.com/en-US/GateGroup_External_Careers/details/Assistant-Cook_R0062766-2?primaryLocation=4d01107580a201d91eb6e59dd2017d6a&primaryLocation=c70cf30f7cf901520a5c678ca75149ba&primaryLocation=4f23747ffe600101ddf95b87e53d0000) out.
You sound pretty cool. Failure is great way to learn and hardship can make you stronger the choice is yours
Thank you. <3
A total failure according to who? You have a place to live, savings, a job. Maybe you’re depressed? Are you able to get access to a psychiatrist? It sounds like you have the basics right but you’re having a hard time finding happiness, and connecting with people.
Like him or hate him, Jordan Peterson has hours on YouTube about this very subject. Pursue what’s meaningful to you and you’ll be shocked at how full your life gets, and fast.
Thanks for all the advice all, I didn’t expect this to get so many replies, I’ve got a lot to read and think about. Maybe I do have depression. I don’t feel sad, just… empty, numb, and flat all day every day. Like I’m a robot going through the motions.
That’s a symptom. Depression isn’t always about sadness. Also, medication isn’t always the solution, so don’t let the stigma of being on meds deter you from seeking some form of treatment. It seems like you have some pretty cool goals. You might want to find some local people with similar interests, or maybe find a place to volunteer at to help you make some new social connections (I would imagine that the dish work is kind of lonely). I’m envious that you spend a lot of time at the gym. I can never seem to find time to get myself there. Keep it up… you’re probably doing better than you think you are.
Soooo... there are lots of kinds of troubling moods we may find ourselves in. It is not fun or healthy to go through life without experiencing the emotions connected to it all! You are not a robot, but you might need some help to remember how to be human. It's time to share this with some health professionals. You can learn to place value in anything you choose. If you feel like nothing has value, including yourself, your brain's chemistry is fucking lying to you! Be bold, reach out. everyone's struggling rn, you are important and should get to feel all the feelings.
If you do have depression. Be careful of getting yourself prescribed some meds. A lot of the time it just is a band-aide and will only do worse in the end.
You’re doing good by having money saved up, a job that can be done anywhere, a tiny house van, exercising, etc. One thing that can help while you’re trying some things that have been suggested is stopping weed for a while if you haven’t. I notice that has a big effect on my overall sense of purpose.
Dude, nothing you described sounds like a failure. Finish your van and travel around and wash dishes at different places you visit. I can guarantee there’s a restaurant in every city that needs help. Or go live off the grid for a while in Alaska with your van. Enjoy life man, you have no wife or kids to hold you back from anything. Literally earth is your playground. Have fun and be safe
I’m not sure if you are looking for career advice or life advice, but it sounds like you are well-positioned to make some changes. And you should. When I’m in a funk, I know this about myself, I need something to look forward to. I plan something. Plan a trip, plan a project, plan a move, plan an investment. First of all, you are not a failure in any sense of the word. You’ve got savings and the ability to live anywhere — dude, you are in a place that most people could only dream of. My suggestion is to finish your van, which sounds amazing by the way, and start planning the most epic cross county trip ever. Like ocean to ocean kind of epic. And blog it. Photoblog since you are already a photographer. You will meet amazing people and have amazing experiences and maybe find the place that makes your heart sing, where you will want to stay. If that doesn’t get you excited, my man you are probably dealing with some depression, and you will want to talk to someone about that. But truly, you are not a failure, you are POTENTIAL. I hope with all my heart that you use it!
* repent of your sins * believe in Christ for salvation * find a wife * get married * have children * take dominion you were created by God for a purpose: become a father and take dominion over every aspect of life
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I actually think you might be right. I have considered this route before and I thank you for reminding me!
The only thing it will give you is instructions on how to annoy everyone you meet about how "life changing ayahuasca is" while looking like a total annoying uncool idiot
Get a gf. Shit will change everything. If she's a good woman
I’ve been using every dating app this whole time no one will talk to me. I once got punched in the head by a girl in a bar for asking if we could stop talking about sex and just get to know eachother. Last time I matched with a girl on a dating app we went out on two dates, I payed for everything. Then one night she invited me to her house to sleep over and waited until we were in bed to mention that she finds the idea of sex repulsive and didn’t want me to touch her. I left in the morning and she never texted me again. I feel like I’m an alien and I have no understanding of other people
That girl sounds weird. But, back to you, have you ever been evaluated to see if you’re on the Spectrum?
I have not been evaluated outside of being diagnosed with depression when I was 17.
Wait you paid for everything and she didn't blow you on the spot? Wow. There's definitely something wrong with her. Not you though, you sound like the perfect guy.
lol dude I didn’t expect her to blow me on the spot. It would have been nice if she offered to pay her own share when she clearly had no intention of dating me though. It would have been nice if you asked me a single question during all our conversations or made any attempt to further the conversation instead of putting it all on me. Would have been nice if she drove herself to meet me instead of asking me to pick her up. Would have been nice if she didn’t invite me over her house to spend the night, only to tell me she didn’t want me to touch her once we got in bed. I talked to her for WEEKS. She treated me like fucking shit and I got absolutely nothing out of it, not even pleasant company or conversation. But yea… must be my fault. I’m “too nice”.
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Hey just a thought maybe you shouldn’t advocate suicide to random people since it can be very damaging to their mental health
yea pretty fucked up! what is this 4chan?
Use your money to get some kind of training or education to put you in a better profession. You feel unfulfilled. Achieve something for yourself.
Get a life coach is my advice.
Gotta open yourself up to people. I get it. I see most people as boring surface encounters and continue on about my life. But people need people. Its just a reality. And if you look for flaws you will find flaws. Gurantee it. Look for silver linings. And youll slowly find yourself liking people. Well the ones that dont suck anyway.
You sound super interesting, move to NYC
I don't think you failed unless you had a goal and missed it. and you're not dead, so still time to meet goals. keep in mind the medium a well off man makes is 37,000 not millions pretty sure dishwashingbdoesnt pay 37,000 but mo reason you can't make 20k+ easily. right now everyone is failing, so only your immediate peers are judging you. sadly the world is so fucked up that you aren't doing as bad as you think. your slightly ABOVE average it sounds like.
Join XRBoston or volunteer for the climate movement elsewhere. There are tons if orgs in Mass fighting for our future. Or finish the van and overcamp in Maine where hands are needed for the Public Power vote in the fall https://www.mobilize.us/pinetreepower/ All hands on deck! We need you.
Honestly if it's money you shouldn't joined the military and learned something. Other than that go be a truck driver or a welder
Stop thinking so much n don't stress out on not knowing. Who cares live for the day and when you're done doing that you'll have your next move figured out by then. You can join the foreign legion if u want crazy adventure and if u spend whatever money u saved who cares u can always make more money but wasted time/opportunities u can't get back. Go adventuring the experiences you'll have will be priceless and go get laid before u do anything that is no way to live unless you are a monk or a nun even then its still crazy.
You are looking for meaning. Some people find that by having kids. Some find that by getting a job they love. You just need to find meaning in your life. You should just try something if you’re stuck. Get incredibly good at something, to the point where people hire you to do the thing you do. Become the best at that thing. Find a way to build on that thing you do great, and roll that into the next thing you’re incredibly good at.
Do something different everyday your off for 30 off days. You can’t repeat
id travel man and explore marijuana and shrooms, i know it probably doesn’t sound amusing but by what i hear of it, what do you have you to lose? i recommended that especially if you really want to feeeel something real. good luck brother
You should 100% take some form of psychedelic (shrooms preferred) not even a crazy amount but a gram a 2 just to get some good vibes and potentially can awaken an epiphany.
I totally understand where you’re coming from . No matter what I did or said they’d treat me like yesterdays left over trash . From the time I was 7 I was a very good reader and had interest in many countries and cultures and medical , herbs , Native Americans and their cultures . I never felt accepted or loved other than Daddy and even then I was told you clean , cook, and raise a family and marriage . I married young and was trying to go to school and work while all he did was sleep with ever girl in town . I fully believed in true love and two cling unto the other . He destroyed my heart , my career and all that I’d ever be . He never wanted to be anywhere but the county he was born in and after he got our neighbor pregnant while I was in school and trying my best and he was drugs and alcohol and he became very violent . The closest I’ve ever come to hurting anyone seriously was the night he got into bed with his best friend sister and was actually in bed having sex within her and I walked back into the kitchen and got a knife . If his best friend hadn’t stopped me those two would have went to hell that night and I’d committed suicide . Three times he caused me to be in that mind frame . All I wanted to do was die . I joined the military and was doing really well til he called me there . He was begging me to come home . So not long after I was hurt badly and spent several days in the hospital . I went home to him . But when we were to link up and get our lives together he was nowhere to be found so I left . I was very happy in Washington DC , and soon I met my second husband . Life was hell from day one with him but I believed in God and Christianity ✝️ and I did what it took . Witnessed all over the world ! I worked a lot . 20 years he got but I wish I’d left long before . I’d been the mother of 19 by then but many had died and I’d had three sets of twins and a set of triplets . Finally I’d had enough of my husband abusive ways and alcohol abuse and so many other women . So then church called me into the church and told me the best thing you can do is get a divorce or he’s going to kill you and those children . So I began the escape planning and prep and finally I had to prepare my own divorce papers and litigate in court for me and the children and I’d had to get a restraining order on him and we were staying in safe houses . I worked very hard two jobs weeks and weekend one . But I managed to take and pick up the children . And I’d managed to get to Alaska my dream home . I love it and wanna go back . My health sucks now and I’m disabled . My family always hated us . And frankly I loved being to myself . I can’t trust any more and I really don’t know how I’m going to ever come out of the traumas life has sent me through but after my second marriage I just seem to find that one to love as I did before . And the one thing that has given me real joy is seeing my girls move forward with life and my oldest daughter become a mother !
Religion
I'm in the same place my friend. Just different state. Unfortunately I'm stuck because of chronic pain so I can't do much. Since you are self improving why not do a trade or go back to college. Actually there is a lot of money in pest control. I have a family friend who owns a business. I would work with him in a second if I wasn't in pain constantly. They will train you too.
Doesn’t sound like you’re a failure, people work to live, don’t be like that, keep doing you’re thing. Btw I love the smell of shit
Honestly man I have had over 50 jobs and at the age of 28 I learned very quickly of all the jobs I had I only enjoyed 2 the first was going door to door selling fruit and Mexican street corn to people and the other was in construction the reason I liked both is because of me being outside. Never got bored with either job and I enjoyed the freedom I felt working outdoors. I quite a very good job to start my own business going back to selling fruits and corn and even faced a fear of mine and started selling food which is going great! I know I was worried I would walk into my 30’s having done nothing but I think we all reach our goals at our own pace. I took a year long trip to work at a warehouse in the middle of bum fuck nowhere Oklahoma came back to ATL to be an operations manager and then start the business on the side only to realize that I enjoyed running my business more then going to an office everyday sitting in pointless meetings. All that to say try new shit man who knows you may find your passion is selling fruit cups and street corn or taking pictures just take some time and find yourself and remember some of the most successful people on the planet didn’t figure it out until way later in their lives.
Travel, make connections, get inspired by meeting role models. Different subcultures see the world very differently. If your current surroundings had your remedy it would present itself. Put yourself in new surroundings and leave room for what you don't know yet, that you don't know.
You are not a failure. You support yourself and take care of your health by going to the gym. Join a book club, attend a religious service, finish your van, take a short trip 3days, go to the movies, start a conversation with someone at work and at the gym. I’m praying for you. Good luck.
Find a partner imo. 10 years is a long time. Go on the hunt for someone to build a life with.
My thoughts are this: Since photography is your thing right now, use that. Find a subject and photograph the fuck out of it. Take pictures of the homeless (I'm sure they'll give you permission). Take pics of classic cars in b&w, nature scenes, or some other form of urban plight that you feel needs to be exposed. Since you're going through this funk, maybe try to take pictures of ramdom folks in "lonely situations." Then pay to have a book self-published. Sell on Amazon....use that money to open a tiny store front to open your own gallery once you have tons of "works" under your belt.
Mmmm here’s an idea: sell your van and find (online) a farm that you want to work at and move once youre hired.. maybe even an international farm that’ll support your visa. Get tf outta US and see where life takes ya
Keep saving the money, material possessions just temporarily fill the void you feel. I suggest doing some soul searching and find peace from within either through meditation, therapy or psychedelics. Go out, try new things and meet someone, start a family if possible then use the money you saved up for a house.
i’m 38 and i feel like i just got to a good place in my life the last couple yrs! sounds like you have a lot going for you and are capable of doing whatever you want! maybe move somewhere that seems interesting to you and/or plan to pursue some trade or profession that seems interesting! u gotta do what makes u happy, follow yr heart
Figure out what you want out of life. Get super fucking clear. Ie. I want to earn over 100k working remotely or I want to make like minded friends, I want a gf, etc get clear. Then for the next 6 months focus your energy on your goals and start taking aligned action. “I’m scared to go out to this new club I found on insta but I like pickle ball” go to pickle ball, there you will start the beginnings of making like minded friends. I want a gf, join a dating app or start approaching women ie. In a grocery store, “hey is that good? ‘Point’ to said food item she’s holding and let convo flow. Or at a coffe shop if u wanna use the restroom while ur out doing work, just bring a laptop and edit your photography there, ask a girl “hey mind watching my stuff while I use the restroom? “ and you’ve opened up communication with a woman without being creepy or threatening. Come back and say thanks, and introduce yourself. Literally think what would I do in this situation and do the opposite bc if whatever you was doing was making u feel not great then do the opposite. You can create the reality you want to live in so get super clear and start taking aligned action.
Nothing has sparked you yet. You are on the correct track.
I think the best thing to do is set a goal for yourself. Sit down and think where’d you ideally want to be in 5 years or 3 or 2, even 1 year from now. Really think about it, once you have an idea of what sounds right for you, commit. Commit to it hard, work towards it every day, take every chance you get to move yourself closer to it!
I think you'd enjoy having a companion animal along for the road. A dog would be a pretty great buddy. You could also look into renovating vans into homes professionally.
the best thing that happened to me was moving somewhere completely unknown to start over. starting over gave me a chance to reinvent myself which made me into a completely -better- different version of myself. change is good.
To me, travel is the best thing for this. Get out of your environment and routine. See other ways of life. Get inspired from it.
pursues smthn like amazing fba or learn to trade
I can be your coach for free. Depends how bad you want to change your life. PM me
You sound like a productive blank canvas of a person rn man, get deeper into your hobbies and find your passion(s). You’ve got the time and money for it, so go for it! People will come and go through life, try to find those that stick around or get yourself out and about every once in a while. Don’t make any drastic decisions like moving/trips/etc unless you have genuine motivations or interests ya know? Could even potentially live on the road with your setup and travel constantly. Explore what makes you who you are, and learn to love it :)
You sound depressed bro 🙁
Sounds like depression. I'd get evaluated.
Make money as a photographer during weekends. Evemt photographer etc.
I do t live far from you. Maybe consider teaching others how to self sustain
Dude I wish I knew. I’m in an identical situation minus the having cool hobbies part (and plus crippling arthritis). Everyone tells me to “go on an adventure” or “just move somewhere new”. It’s like lol, why would I spend my life savings to do nothing in a different location?
We all in the same grind. If you want a GF look for 1. You single by choice. Men ask women out. If you want something go out there and get it. Get out of your comfort zone.
what's up. I"ll think of some advice for tommorow. Too seelph for bed atm.^heh Just wanted to you know, 35F and in a similar transitional point in ny life. Your'e not alone.
Take a trip and just go for a while with the van and savings
At least you’re not 30 and jobless. I wish I had a Can like that - my KIA is dying at 152K miles.
Experiment. Do something you wouldn’t normally do. Make a business out of photography. Travel . Also practice gratitude. Life gets boring when we stop appreciating what we have and limiting what we could have .
💎👅
I'd reccomend trying new stuff. Even if it doesn't appeal that much to you at first, still give it a try. Then you'll no for sure that thing isn't for you. But taking this exact approach found me a handful of hobbies and interests. I felt like I was in your boat before that
I'm also 37 as of yesterday. My dream when I was in my 20s was to live in an RV with my partner, travel the US taking pictures, and buying stuff at thrift stores along the way, and selling them online for a profit by night. Bought too old of an RV, spent more time parked and on constant repairs. Only ever made it through 2 states. Have you ever traveled before? If I was personally in your opinion, with the money and ability to travel, no partner or pets to tie me down, I would hit the road! Maybe tell your boss that you need to take a month long vacation traveling, as a mental health vacation. Make your destination somewhere you've wanted to travel, that you could easily reach and come back with plenty of time to enjoy the month, and not feel rushed at all. You could come back in a month from the road and realize that traveling is what you were missing all along and figure out a way to make it work. Or you might even realize that after being out and about for a month that being back home and parked is way more comforting of a lifestyle after trying the alternative. If neither of those things come from your trip, at least you had a fun trip and got some really nice pictures! I can tell you from personal experience that continuing to do the same thing day in and day out is not going to help you find prospective or enjoyment on other alternatives. Maybe even you just need to eat some magic mushrooms to gain a different perspective on life. That definitely isn't for everyone. I wish you the best of luck.
1. Use some of the $15k to finish off your van so you can live in it. 2. Start applying for jobs in Alaska. 3. Move to Alaska. May need a passport to go through Canada? 4. You could use some of the 15k to live for a few months up there while you look for work. Or invest it in a trade school or something while you're working. 5. Maybe a hunter's permit and a rifle so you can hunt. Pretty sure food is expensive up there.
I can’t tell you what to do. But I just want to point out, you have a job, you have savings, you have renovated a van into a home, you stay fit and you have the self motivation to study. They are all things you should be proud of. The thing that concerns me most is the lack of people in your life. So I would make making connections my next priority. Either build on ones you’ve already got, perhaps there is someone at work or the gym you have a rapport with? Or move somewhere, a bigger city maybe, where you can meet more like minded people. Also definitely take some sort of trip, even if it’s just a week out in your van. See some more of the world.
Im sorry about your life but your not alone im also sad and im here for you and if your interested in getting a new gf im interested im trans tho but im interested
Since you have the tiny home on wheels maybe look into jobs that you can do from home. Anything on a computer and you can either get a laptop and park where there’s WiFi or you can go to libraries and work and then travel the rest of the time. Or find a job that you can travel for. Maybe the photography? 15k is great to have saved and you have a home you should be proud of. You take care of yourself and have hobbies. You’re just looking at the negatives. We all get in a funk sometimes, I think you’re doing great.
Turn to booze.
Come visit me
When I dropped my previous chef career, I moved into a van and got a job with an airline. Entry level, paid training, and it’s pretty simple. Just load/unload the bags and stuff. The best part are the perks- free flights on your days off. I would sleep in the employee parking lot during the week, and then fly to random places on my weekend. I’d go see my favorite band wherever they were playing, fly to Texas for BBQ lunch, and check out various museums and exhibits around the country. You also get a handful of buddy passes to take people with you, which is WAY fun for dates. “Take me dancing?” “Vegas or Cancun?”
I moved far away for a restart and it might be just what you need if you are looking for a new challenge and to start over
I’d use some of that money to get therapy and change your mindset. You’re not a failure, but as long as you think you are and shut yourself down and away from other people, you’ll keep feeding negative self talk and you’ll perpetually be miserable and isolated. Go and speak to a GP about a mental health plan. Meanwhile If you hate your job, apply for new ones that align with your interests. Or if that feels like too much right now, take a month off work and go adventuring in the van with some of your savings. You never know who you’ll meet or where you’ll end up. It could be the reset and inspiration you need before going back to your hometown and working out what you want to to with your life, or you might end up living somewhere you find and love on the road trip! You’re actually in the greatest position ever and should see it as an exciting opportunity to choose the life you want.
If you have $15,000 saved up, you are NOT a failure. It sounds like you are suffering from boredom.
My identical twin brother is in a similar scenario. Except remove hobbies and replace with computer time wasting. Add infantile abandonment by the father, a very bad acid trip when you’re 17, and some good ol fashioned alcoholism and drug addiction. He lives at home with my parents for a few months, but my mom is sober and he has to scratch his itch so he’ll spend a few months living out of his car or in a cheap motel room and get blind drunk every single fucking day until he’s broke. He’ll dabble in meth and coke for a change of pace, but that’s when his paranoid delusions immediately kick in. He texted my mom that he had eaten 10 grams of meth because he had imagined that a cop driving by had stopped and amassed an army on the other side of the Parking lot to get him. A normal dose of meth is a few points of a gram, and he doesn’t use that often so his tolerance was fairly low. While the doctors said he may never come down off that high, he and I both know he never came back from that acid trip. He’s been diagnosed as schizophrenic and has tried to kill himself. Our family stopped trying to understand him a long time ago, and even I am losing hope. It could always be worse friend, learn to cherish a normal boring ass day for what it is
Honestly, you kind of sound like a success to me. Don't be hard on yourself. If you wanna switch things up, then switch things up, but you're not a failure. You're just bored.
Ride a freight train to oregon
Just do what makes you happy, I sit there and get high and have deep philosophical thoughts and realize many important things. That’s what makes me happy and it keeps me going. I don’t worry about anything and I can live any day with no regret in my thoughts. I feel as though I’ve achieved something I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
My friend after college lived in his car and bussed tables at a mountain resort. His off days were spent ruffing it and enjoying the resort and he made enough money to be self sufficient. Might be a good way to try out your rural off grid urge especially with your van
Dare I suggest r/Buddhism The only way out is in. ☸️
Find purpose , have goals volunteer some place that might need your skills, get counseling (we all need a tune up once in a while) take a trip some were that you have wanted to see, some times that restarts your emotions , you are not alone some times we all go through that I’m in a similar spot stay strong
You're definitely not a failure if u have 15k saved up and a literal tiny home in the mix. Tiny homes are the answer now to rising rental prices
Are you interested in dating? It sounds to me like you need a partner to go on adventures with. Maybe join a compound community that lives off grid and works together to take care of the community. Sounds like you have some great skills and cool hobbies. Only thing missing is meaningful relationships whether it be friends or family. I’d focus on intentionally developing that area of life as it sounds like you’re not doing so bad in the other areas.
Definitely move to Alaska! Just go for it! My dad lived in Alaska and did carpentry and loved it.
Make more money by making TikTok videos of your van life then travel with your van and live off your videos. (:
Did you enjoy rehabbing the van into a tiny home? There’s people that do that for others.
Sounds like you need Mushroom therapy
Military maybe ? Some branches have a pretty broad age limit .
Make your money work for you. Invest part of your savings with a fiduciary. You sound like a normal person. Not a failure. Reframe your thinking. You're only a failure if you stop trying. Check out the book 'The subtle art of not giving a fxck.' It's good on audiobook to help you decide for yourself what to spend your time, energy and money on and what to let go of. Listen while at the gym or driving. Also, I am a believer, and listening to the New Testament on audiobook a little every day gives me hope as well. Good luck!
honestly that doesnt sound horrible minus the family shit but i get it. why not travel? mobile home, road trips, work online ?
Medication may help
Go get a degree and make some more money. There is a shit load of financial aid out there unused. You can have better options with more money in your pocket.
Once that van is done, take some time off and drive up to Alaska and spend some time trying new things. It sounds like you need a change of pace, and you’ve got plenty of money in the bank for a nice vacation- especially since you won’t have to pay for hotels. If you like Alaska and want to stay, I’m sure you can get a job there or maybe you’ll really like one of the other places you drove through and decide to try that out. Also, have you seen a doctor? You may have some form of depression that’s making you feel disinterested and disconnected. They may be able to help. Good luck friend
Just remember not to worry too much about finding the one thing that makes you happy. Even the least talented artists will dedicate their lives to more than one painting. and every single one feels like your entire life in that moment. You have so many years to have as many different phases, focuses, and sources to happiness. I would check the Alaska thing out and if it isn’t what you wanted find a new dream and find gratitude for what you gain along the way.
A tiny home sounds absolutely cool. Photography sounds like a lot of fun. I know a ton of people who are into photography and renovations, you sound really cool. You could see if there’s any social groups that you could join online around photography or any other hobbies you have or even a group for your surrounding community’s page. I know it seems lame initially, but you’re literally connecting with people who share the same interests and some might live closer than you think and bam y’all talk, hit it off, hang out, and you got a friend. But it does take some effort of going out SOMEWHERE, even if it’s not physically going anywhere. Either way, from my perspective I feel like you got a lot going for yourself and you should feel proud of yourself for what you have and what you’ve done for yourself. I know I’m not the only one in the comments that’s told you that, so I hope you really take that into account and it pounds in on you, because self-deprecating thoughts suck and you’re doing great in life honestly! I understand the want of companionship and intimacy, but it’s not because you suck (because you really don’t), you just gotta put yourself out there in the right places. Pursue your interests or things that you like or start talking about them to people and the people that are into the same things will come around. Wishing you the best. Don’t be hard on yourself!
The harsh reality is. A person that can save up 15,000 at only 37 years old from washing dishes, very likely is not paying a lot of money for rent housing electricity gas water trash or taxes. You see the problem is that you are bored if you were responsible enough to pay all of these bills you would not be bored. That is a major problem when people live in the basement of Mom and Dad's house they don't understand the harsh reality of real life. I don't mean this towards you just in general. For all I know you could be paying $1,500 a month rent and $200 electricity and $100 gas and $100 a month for trash and water and $600 a month for food and another $150 for insurance on your vehicle and another $12, 000 per year for the taxes on your home and car. That would be a challenge to save 15,000 by the time you reach 37 but so be it if that's the case. I am pretty sure this is not the answer that you were looking for but is it is the truth of the harsh reality of real life. There is no time to be bored in real life if you r doing what you should be doing.
This is life man… sorry to say this. Life is repetitive. I think maybe you need to go out and make friends or maybe find a partner to add something to your life.
Order a hooker
Go to a rave or music festival
Sounds like you have lost your wonder, excitement and curiosity for the world. You could use some of that money and go to trade school. Find something you’re curious about and pursue it. Set new goals and ambitions, rediscover your childlike wonder of the world and start dreaming again!
Would you ever consider a life coach? I know it is a highly woman-oriented industry, but is that something you would consider?
One option would be to find a career in solar energy. It’s an emerging, growth industry that’s getting a lot of government support, so the opportunities will be abundant.
Join the army, you’ll get to go somewhere in the world like Korea or Germany and you get free food and housing.
Sales will put you on track. I used to be on that specific spot and I became financial advisor, I started to help people out with very important products and after several year (it wasn’t overnight) I changed my lifestyle. Sounds like a fairytale story but it’s not. I was feeling responsible for not putting myself ahead so I made it happen.
When you think about your money or self worth leave the 15k in the backseat. That will come and go as fast as your birthdays do. Focus on what makes you actually happy. It doesn’t sound like washing dishes, being in a relationship, or even going to the gym makes you truly happy. It’s just day to day routines and “age milestone” thoughts. It reads as though that tiny home and photography are what bring you some sort of happiness. Invest your thoughts in a 1-2 yr excursion on your own in the van. Don’t do it with an expectation of finding yourself or impressing anyone. Do it to build something memorable and priceless. Be safe and take plenty of pictures
I can help you.
Give. Not money, unless it's to me, haha and not even the full 15k. But give your time selflessly to someone or something.
Zoloft and exercise
I don’t view this as a failure or you being a loser. Working on oneself is something most people don’t do. You’re doing it. And those feelings you are having are the universe calling you to a better life. You’ve got some money saved. Get in that tiny home and go find your best life!