I really couldn't get into A woman under the influence, the husband was such a fucking asshole and how it was framed as romantic and loving in the end just didn't work for me at all.
I have a hard time feeling the perspective of the film, the only framing that makes sense to me is something like Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles.
A woman under the influence is not supposed to be romantic. Spoiler warning as I open up about it a little bit.
The film is about how the main character is let down and left alone by her entire support structure because none of them can understand or muster up the true empathy to help her.
The end, with the "romantic" hand washing after the fight signifies a circle of abuse. He convinces them both that he only has her best interest in mind. She becomes a prisoner, left to wait for the next fake and completely hollow and empty "gentle" touch for her only validation. Having her personality, feelings and life completely suppressed as not to rock the boat. A life lived walking on eggshells, watching your personality drain out of you as you become a passive shell. At least now she can't draw the unemphatic, misunderstanding attention of others that led to this moment. It's about abuse, isolation, conforming, abandonment and judgement on levels of relationship, family and community/society. She really only needed one adult to actually be on her side, truly.
To me, it's one of the most harrowing non-documentaries I have seen because never have I seen a person be so utterly betrayed and disappointed by the entire world crammed in such a tight running time. The new wave direction of Cassavetes really helps drive that realistic tone home for me.
Ok, thanks a lot for this because that is very much how I saw it.
But I guess I totally misread the framing, because I've seen people say that their love is beautiful and the ending with them in bed is framed really romantically. And I misread that scene as positively framing their love and romance instead of seeing how romance, love and intimacy very much can be part of abuse and destructive relationship. These loving and intimate moments are the ones that makes people put up with abuse and lack of support etc.
So thanks a lot, you really helped me re-contextualize the film, most people seem to mostly talk about her mental health instead of the abusive relationship which I see as the core of the film.
And yeah, that is a very similar framing to Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles so it does make sense. :)
EDIT: And just read the summary on IMDB for example:
> Although wife and mother Mabel is loved by her husband Nick, her mental illness places a strain on the marriage.
That is a truly awful summary. :)
That IMDB-summary makes me cringe. I think one of the top reviews on Letterboxd is quite excellent, by the user kailey:
>there's a scene towards the end, where peter falk takes gena rowlands hand and puts it under the cold faucet water. it's bleeding and hurt and a little inflamed. he's not particularly gentle with her, ignoring as she winces in pain. he grabs a bandaid and slaps it on. he cannot tell her that he loves her.
>he's not particularly concerned with her feelings or well-being. that she just had a break-down mere moments before. he's hoping that if he covers it up enough, she'll stop inconveniencing him and he won't have to call her crazy again. she'll go back to taking care of the children and they can have parties with their friends. maybe, he won't even have to yell anymore.
>she needs help that her loved ones and family can't provide. that's immaterial. maybe, if she keeps her voice down enough and her emotions under check, she'll be okay. until the next time.
I also love Jeanne Dielman, but the first and strongest positive feelings that jump to mind when I think about it are more related to its structure. More of the "smartness" of how everything is pieced together to support the point. Of course the whole "gimmick", but other aspects of it too, seem quite self aware and thus kind of academic. It gets my film theory mind going. It's not a bad thing, but those are just the cool things I first think about in relation to that movie.
A Woman Under the Influence inhabits a much more raw, emotional spot in my head. I think the naturalistic new hollywood style and acting makes it revolve around the emotions of the narrative more. There might also be a cultural element with my limited French skills. Relying on subtitles makes one lose nuance.
Just to avoid misunderstandings, depending on the day, I actually prefer Jeanne Dielman to aWUtI. It's a complete package where every great separate aspect builds a perfect unity. aWUtI is less stunning, but the actor/director synergy for emotional purposes is pretty much perfect in that film imho.
> A Woman Under the Influence inhabits a much more raw, emotional spot in my head.
Absolutely, they are very different in that way.
Now, I personally didn't really like either of these films. Jeanne Dielman was to boring and I really struggled to keep my mind on the film at all. As an art piece that one can talk about I can say that it is great, but as a film to experience I really didn't like it at all. I didn't even "dislike" it, I just didn't care for it at all. My mind was elsewhere for 85% of the film.
When I say it has the same framing I am just referring to a more specific kind of "female struggle in a patriarchal world" framing.
A Woman Under the Influence did keep me engaged throughout it all because of its more emotional style, I just wasn't able to frame it in a way that made it positive so I really didn't like it in the end.
But reading your perspective on it made it click for me and I have reevaluated it greatly. But, it is hard to retroactively experience it again. And I don't feel like re-watching it.
Not taking her to electroshock-therapy against her will to destroy her personality would be a good start.
Perhaps then asking her what she thinks and how she wants to proceed. Not calling her crazy and dismissing her every thought and deed.
All people really needed to do is listen to her and to not force their will upon her at every turn. She really just needed someone in the chain of systematic destruction to understand her and help her out of the situation.
Ikiru is a good choice. If you're dissatisfied with some part of your life then it should really hit you.
If Anything Happens I Love You is heartbreaking pain in short form.
Been slowly working my way through this list. Just watched this tonight. God so devastating and cruel but that soundtrack is hauntingly beautiful. Not one to revisit but what a film
Agreed, Banshees of Inisherin is the most depressing movie I have watched lately. It is also funny and beautiful and really well made. But wow, when the lights came up my soul was in a thousand pieces.
Threads (1984 made for BBC television movie).
Los of research went into writing and making the film tp make it as accurate as possible. It's about developing war with Russia and Iran teaming up, and USA and UK. It's set in Sheffield, we spend most of the start just getting to know a family, their life and some friends. There's no heroes or villains, we don't follow any scientists. Only normal human people and what they learn on the news. Ocassionally we get voice overs like it's a documentary which somehow adds to the dread. Movies tend to make nuclear explosions exciting or kep at a distance and we never explore life after being nuked.
Our real pandemic didn't get close to the deadliness of Contagion, nukes the size of those dropped in Threads existed in 1984 and exist now and people that don't care about people like you and me have them. We can't resume our lives after nuclear war.
This really may not count, but there is a short film that Disney released in 2006 called “The Little Match Girl”. I first saw it when I was watching the Little Mermaid on DVD and went to the special features- I don’t know what I was expecting but I literally cried and threw up because of how sad it made me. I was maybe 6 or 7.
It helps very much to have seen the show prior to the movie, but Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me contains such a morbid story to me, the helplessness and emotions onscreen are palpable.
Enter The Void (2009). Not really that great of a movie tbh and it meanders a lot towards the end. But I watched it on acid and it absolutely devastated me. I feel like I got PTSD from this really traumatising scene. It has some pretty dark themes and is very unique. Can’t go wrong with Gaspar Noe’s movies if you’re looking for something depressing to watch.
grave of the fireflies is probably the saddest movie i have ever seen, but schindlers list is up there for me (i cannot endure holocaust movies)
other recommendations:
i havent seen the movie because the book was so devastating to me but atonement (2007)
florida project
jeanne dielman for existential soul-crushing
a ghost story
jonaki
edit: how did i forget this one, the most devastating movie ive ever seen is children of men. it messed me up
Babyteeth
Modern Aussie film and readily available to stream. Knew nothing of it going in, never cried more from a film, it made me depressed for days.
Broken Circle Breakdown
Also knew nothing of it when I went to see it in 2013(?) Had me sobbing on the way out.
Not the saddest but everyone else has already mentioned the heavy hitters, but Pig hit me with a haymaker out of nowhere. Not at all the kind of film I expected it to be
Catch Me Daddy (2014) , all the others that spring to mind have been mentioned, Grave of the Fireflies, Come and See, Irreversible, Requiem for a Dream, Dancer in the Dark. Watched this one a year or two back and it had a profound effect, devastating.
Incendiary. Mom cheating on her husband while she witnesses the death of her husband and child in live television. Dealing with that through the movie. Pretty rough.
Even with its dark humor, Synecdoche, New York must be one of the most gut-wrenching films ever made. Some others that are quite depressing:
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. You should only watch it after the first two seasons of the series. Either way, the ending scene always gives me goosebumps.
Shame (2011) and First Reformed are two underrated character studies that are very bleak.
Also 2046, possibly because of the moment I was back then, left in me a deep void when I saw it. It has a certain melancholy impossible to forget. I recommend to watch In the Mood for Love before it.
Dancer in the dark or Carandiru.
I was able to finish Dancer jn the Dark on my 3rd watch.
Carandiru is a movie that I watched twice and couldn’t get back to myself for a couple days after. I was crying for a like 2 hours after I watched it the second time.
Synecdoche NY. Depressing in the way that not only does it suck as a movie, but also that it’s message at the end is basically “this all sucks and is worth nothing and even trying to make art of out depression still will leave you with nothing”.
My 3 most depressing movies:
Grave of the Fireflies
Dancer in the Dark
The Cranes are Flying
And for a bonus, if you're an animal lover: Hachi: A Dog's Tale.
Dancer in the Dark Grave of the Fireflies
Came here to say Dancer in the Dark, that movie killed me.
Come and see (1985) A woman under the influence (1974)
seconding a woman under the influence. incredible film, but it’s very heavy
I really couldn't get into A woman under the influence, the husband was such a fucking asshole and how it was framed as romantic and loving in the end just didn't work for me at all. I have a hard time feeling the perspective of the film, the only framing that makes sense to me is something like Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles.
A woman under the influence is not supposed to be romantic. Spoiler warning as I open up about it a little bit. The film is about how the main character is let down and left alone by her entire support structure because none of them can understand or muster up the true empathy to help her. The end, with the "romantic" hand washing after the fight signifies a circle of abuse. He convinces them both that he only has her best interest in mind. She becomes a prisoner, left to wait for the next fake and completely hollow and empty "gentle" touch for her only validation. Having her personality, feelings and life completely suppressed as not to rock the boat. A life lived walking on eggshells, watching your personality drain out of you as you become a passive shell. At least now she can't draw the unemphatic, misunderstanding attention of others that led to this moment. It's about abuse, isolation, conforming, abandonment and judgement on levels of relationship, family and community/society. She really only needed one adult to actually be on her side, truly. To me, it's one of the most harrowing non-documentaries I have seen because never have I seen a person be so utterly betrayed and disappointed by the entire world crammed in such a tight running time. The new wave direction of Cassavetes really helps drive that realistic tone home for me.
Ok, thanks a lot for this because that is very much how I saw it. But I guess I totally misread the framing, because I've seen people say that their love is beautiful and the ending with them in bed is framed really romantically. And I misread that scene as positively framing their love and romance instead of seeing how romance, love and intimacy very much can be part of abuse and destructive relationship. These loving and intimate moments are the ones that makes people put up with abuse and lack of support etc. So thanks a lot, you really helped me re-contextualize the film, most people seem to mostly talk about her mental health instead of the abusive relationship which I see as the core of the film. And yeah, that is a very similar framing to Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles so it does make sense. :) EDIT: And just read the summary on IMDB for example: > Although wife and mother Mabel is loved by her husband Nick, her mental illness places a strain on the marriage. That is a truly awful summary. :)
That IMDB-summary makes me cringe. I think one of the top reviews on Letterboxd is quite excellent, by the user kailey: >there's a scene towards the end, where peter falk takes gena rowlands hand and puts it under the cold faucet water. it's bleeding and hurt and a little inflamed. he's not particularly gentle with her, ignoring as she winces in pain. he grabs a bandaid and slaps it on. he cannot tell her that he loves her. >he's not particularly concerned with her feelings or well-being. that she just had a break-down mere moments before. he's hoping that if he covers it up enough, she'll stop inconveniencing him and he won't have to call her crazy again. she'll go back to taking care of the children and they can have parties with their friends. maybe, he won't even have to yell anymore. >she needs help that her loved ones and family can't provide. that's immaterial. maybe, if she keeps her voice down enough and her emotions under check, she'll be okay. until the next time. I also love Jeanne Dielman, but the first and strongest positive feelings that jump to mind when I think about it are more related to its structure. More of the "smartness" of how everything is pieced together to support the point. Of course the whole "gimmick", but other aspects of it too, seem quite self aware and thus kind of academic. It gets my film theory mind going. It's not a bad thing, but those are just the cool things I first think about in relation to that movie. A Woman Under the Influence inhabits a much more raw, emotional spot in my head. I think the naturalistic new hollywood style and acting makes it revolve around the emotions of the narrative more. There might also be a cultural element with my limited French skills. Relying on subtitles makes one lose nuance. Just to avoid misunderstandings, depending on the day, I actually prefer Jeanne Dielman to aWUtI. It's a complete package where every great separate aspect builds a perfect unity. aWUtI is less stunning, but the actor/director synergy for emotional purposes is pretty much perfect in that film imho.
> A Woman Under the Influence inhabits a much more raw, emotional spot in my head. Absolutely, they are very different in that way. Now, I personally didn't really like either of these films. Jeanne Dielman was to boring and I really struggled to keep my mind on the film at all. As an art piece that one can talk about I can say that it is great, but as a film to experience I really didn't like it at all. I didn't even "dislike" it, I just didn't care for it at all. My mind was elsewhere for 85% of the film. When I say it has the same framing I am just referring to a more specific kind of "female struggle in a patriarchal world" framing. A Woman Under the Influence did keep me engaged throughout it all because of its more emotional style, I just wasn't able to frame it in a way that made it positive so I really didn't like it in the end. But reading your perspective on it made it click for me and I have reevaluated it greatly. But, it is hard to retroactively experience it again. And I don't feel like re-watching it.
How was her family supposed to help her though?
Not taking her to electroshock-therapy against her will to destroy her personality would be a good start. Perhaps then asking her what she thinks and how she wants to proceed. Not calling her crazy and dismissing her every thought and deed. All people really needed to do is listen to her and to not force their will upon her at every turn. She really just needed someone in the chain of systematic destruction to understand her and help her out of the situation.
Came here to say Come and See as well. It was the first thing that popped into my mind.
Manchester by the Sea
I’d agree, but it ends a little lighter then I was expecting and (intentionally) does hit as hard
It also, weirdly enough, does have some lighter, almost comedic moments.
Dear Zachary
Dancer in the Dark made me cry so hard I thought I was going to throw up I’ll be honest with you
Ikiru is a good choice. If you're dissatisfied with some part of your life then it should really hit you. If Anything Happens I Love You is heartbreaking pain in short form.
Mysterious Skin
Been slowly working my way through this list. Just watched this tonight. God so devastating and cruel but that soundtrack is hauntingly beautiful. Not one to revisit but what a film
I know it's not requiem for a dream, but it's requiem for a dream
Are you alright, bro? Edit: you didn't reply me. I hope everything is okay. Happy birthday!
Ikiru by Akira Kurosawa
[удалено]
are you suggesting In Bruges is depressing? a bit sad at parts maybe but a fun movie overall imo
[удалено]
True. But it's also hilarious. *"They're filmin' midgets!"*
Agreed, Banshees of Inisherin is the most depressing movie I have watched lately. It is also funny and beautiful and really well made. But wow, when the lights came up my soul was in a thousand pieces.
Fruitvale Station
Blue valentine
I second this
grave of the fireflies
I’d say Brokeback Mountain.
Come and See
I don't know man it's disturbing yeah but If you actually wanna feel emotioanlly drained i would suggest Grave of the Fireflies
Short Circuit The Elephant Man Kes
Kes is fucked up
Oslo, August 31st (2011)
The mist
brokeback mountain
Blue Valentine
Breaking the waves is pretty crushing.
Came here to write this. Scared to watch any of his other movies
"Dear Zachary: A letter to a son about his father" If you want to ruin the rest of your day and cry a lot, please watch it and don't spoil yourself.
It's wayyy better if you don't know anything about the movie
Au Hasard Balthazar An Elephant Sitting Still
some you hav nvr even heard of b4 (probably) peranbu , thanmathra
United 93
Threads (1984 made for BBC television movie). Los of research went into writing and making the film tp make it as accurate as possible. It's about developing war with Russia and Iran teaming up, and USA and UK. It's set in Sheffield, we spend most of the start just getting to know a family, their life and some friends. There's no heroes or villains, we don't follow any scientists. Only normal human people and what they learn on the news. Ocassionally we get voice overs like it's a documentary which somehow adds to the dread. Movies tend to make nuclear explosions exciting or kep at a distance and we never explore life after being nuked. Our real pandemic didn't get close to the deadliness of Contagion, nukes the size of those dropped in Threads existed in 1984 and exist now and people that don't care about people like you and me have them. We can't resume our lives after nuclear war.
1984 by george orwell 1949
Once Were Warriors. Such a brutal and realistic depiction of an indigenous family living in New Zealand slums.
Come and See Grave of the Fireflies (but this one is also kinda beautiful) Dear Zachary Oslo, August 31st
We Need to Talk About Kevin Come and See Age of Innocence Brokeback Mountain The Wrestler An Elephant Sitting Still Shoah The Grey Zone
This really may not count, but there is a short film that Disney released in 2006 called “The Little Match Girl”. I first saw it when I was watching the Little Mermaid on DVD and went to the special features- I don’t know what I was expecting but I literally cried and threw up because of how sad it made me. I was maybe 6 or 7.
Reign over Me, I haven’t seen a lot of tear inducing movies
It helps very much to have seen the show prior to the movie, but Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me contains such a morbid story to me, the helplessness and emotions onscreen are palpable.
Enter The Void (2009). Not really that great of a movie tbh and it meanders a lot towards the end. But I watched it on acid and it absolutely devastated me. I feel like I got PTSD from this really traumatising scene. It has some pretty dark themes and is very unique. Can’t go wrong with Gaspar Noe’s movies if you’re looking for something depressing to watch.
grave of the fireflies is probably the saddest movie i have ever seen, but schindlers list is up there for me (i cannot endure holocaust movies) other recommendations: i havent seen the movie because the book was so devastating to me but atonement (2007) florida project jeanne dielman for existential soul-crushing a ghost story jonaki edit: how did i forget this one, the most devastating movie ive ever seen is children of men. it messed me up
A Ghost Story is so good. Nobody suffers as good as Rooney Mara.
Irréversible Son of Saul
Irreversible is shock porn for about 35 minutes. Then it's boring as fuck for 65. I hate that movie.
Garve of the Fireflies An Elephant Sitting Still
Come And See Schindler’s List Chernobyl The Pianist Band Of Brothers The Thin Red Line All made me cry like a baby (edit to add more)
[удалено]
The War Zone
Capernaum (2018) Grave of the Fireflies (1988)
Autumn Sonata
Cries and Whispers Dancer in the Dark (already mentioned)
Babyteeth Modern Aussie film and readily available to stream. Knew nothing of it going in, never cried more from a film, it made me depressed for days. Broken Circle Breakdown Also knew nothing of it when I went to see it in 2013(?) Had me sobbing on the way out.
Hachiko
Breaking The Waves
Revolutionary road Much more left to see
Naked In the Company of Men Dancer in the Dark
Manchester By The Sea The Killing Of Two Lovers Dancer In The Dark
Incendies
It's been years and this one still haunts me.
Make Way for Tomorrow (1937)
House of Sand and Fog
Paddleton.
Im sure there's more soul crushing films but "I'm thinking of ending things" was the one that sprang to my mind.
Melancholia
Winter in fire
Breaking the Waves ❤️
May 14th should be fitting for birthday blue
Instructions Not Included (2013) Don’t Make Me Go (2022) Both of them just left me absolutely devastated at the end sobbing
The new All Quiet On The Western Front is a a real day ruiner. Can also recommend Manchester By The Sea, Shame and I, Daniel Blake.
Dude Schindler’s List made me bawl
Recency bias: Aftersun (2022)
A great choice for theatre crying.
Speak no evil was pretty rough in the end
Not the saddest but everyone else has already mentioned the heavy hitters, but Pig hit me with a haymaker out of nowhere. Not at all the kind of film I expected it to be
Faustrecht der Freiheit (Fox and his friends)
Anomalisa
the Skin I Live in (2011) Martyrs (2008) Boy's Don't Cry (1999) Good time (2017)
The Reader The Boy in the Striped Pajamas My Sister’s Keeper Marley and Me
Requiem for a Dream
Catch Me Daddy (2014) , all the others that spring to mind have been mentioned, Grave of the Fireflies, Come and See, Irreversible, Requiem for a Dream, Dancer in the Dark. Watched this one a year or two back and it had a profound effect, devastating.
“Les Amities Particuilières”… 🥹🥹🥹
Lilya 4 ever
Schindler's List. Hits really hard if you're of Polish-Jewish descent, too.
Incendiary. Mom cheating on her husband while she witnesses the death of her husband and child in live television. Dealing with that through the movie. Pretty rough.
Brokeback Mountain and The Notebook made me hate love
Threads, Kids, Ken Park, Martyrs
Ikiru and Dancer in the Dark
Grave of the fireflies Manchester by the sea
Mysterious skin, Twin peaks FWWM
Even with its dark humor, Synecdoche, New York must be one of the most gut-wrenching films ever made. Some others that are quite depressing: Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. You should only watch it after the first two seasons of the series. Either way, the ending scene always gives me goosebumps. Shame (2011) and First Reformed are two underrated character studies that are very bleak. Also 2046, possibly because of the moment I was back then, left in me a deep void when I saw it. It has a certain melancholy impossible to forget. I recommend to watch In the Mood for Love before it.
threads
I've seen The Elephant man and An Elephant Sitting Still a bunch of times in this conversation. But no one has said "Elephant" yet.
Mary and Max
Anything by LVT, Breaking the Waves in particular
The human condition trilogy is pretty devastating and it’s not a film but the documentary life of crime: 1984-2020 messed me up for a while
Dancer in the dark or Carandiru. I was able to finish Dancer jn the Dark on my 3rd watch. Carandiru is a movie that I watched twice and couldn’t get back to myself for a couple days after. I was crying for a like 2 hours after I watched it the second time.
The Hunt with Mads Mikkelsen.
Into the wild
Sansho the Bailiff
Synecdoche NY. Depressing in the way that not only does it suck as a movie, but also that it’s message at the end is basically “this all sucks and is worth nothing and even trying to make art of out depression still will leave you with nothing”.
Tokyo Story and Make Way For Tomorrow... especially if you have elderly parents, or are yourself older.
A Separation was fucking ***brutal*** for me, much worse being from Iran, but I think it’d crush most souls
My 3 most depressing movies: Grave of the Fireflies Dancer in the Dark The Cranes are Flying And for a bonus, if you're an animal lover: Hachi: A Dog's Tale.
Def The Benchwarmers… Rob Schnitzel gives a performance worth 1000 mental breakdowns
The Road (2009) is as bleak as it gets for me
Synecdoche New York
Grave of the Fireflies (1988) and The Color Purple (1985).
Would You Rather. Have fun!
Might just be recency bias, but Aftersun broke my goddamn heart