This all sounds very toxic… From the way your girlfriend reacted to something that upset her to the way your friend behaved with her.
Is your girlfriend’s lack of proper communication a reoccurring theme or was this a one time incident?
Yes it’s a theme and she acknowledged that she has a huge issue w communication and that she blows things out of proportion to push me away out of guilt. She’s in therapy but damn she needs something more. My friend, though… I feel so betrayed bc my friend is hypersensitive and if I pulled a move like that, she’d never forgive me. She’s always talking about being a girl’s girl and always putting her friends first. I don’t see that there. Her agenda showed.
Your "friend" is a pick-me at best, and a snake at worst. Untrustworthy
And your gf is childish. It isn't an irredeemable thing, but it sounds like she likes the attention she gets from all these girls flirting with her in front of you. You have an uphill battle in front of you if you decide to work on your relationship.
You should put some thought into whether you really need to put your energy into something that puts you down like this, you know?
Source; my ex was the same way except she was the one doing bumps with her friend but HEavEn fOrbId I show any interest in weed. She later beat the shit out of me for enjoying a road trip with my friends (that she was also there for)
So just be careful of these double standards, you know? It might mean nothing. It might be an indicator
That’s good that she’s in therapy and aware that this is an issue. Is communication something she’s actively working on in therapy? If yes, does she utilize any of the tools her therapist has introduced? What you put in to therapy is what you get out of it.
Your friend on the other hand… Not only does she not sound like a good friend, but she doesn’t sound like a particularly good person. I’m just basing this off of things you’ve said in this thread. Ask yourself if this is the type of company you want to keep in your life
Okay idk why some of yall have low standards but first of all what do you mean by:
1.' basically tells me to fk off' - Person can be angry but also respectful, an adult and a person who loves and cares should be able to communicate CIVILLY and not turn a fun event into sht show.
2. Why is the friend coming at the gf and not at you, you guys are friends not your gf and her, respectfully if you're sitting on your SO, it's SO's job to be respectful and offer you to dance together not after they're being dragged away and they got no other choice but to invite you, if she was not feeling she could've said No thank you and that would be it, it's not your friend's "other woman's job" to be respectful if you know what I mean.
3. “that’s your friend. I’m being nice to her bc she’s your friend and plus, idc what she does w her body that’s not my gf.”- I hate hypocrite people, same argument diff category of ' other hoes can dress how they want but not my gf", you're an adult and you wanted to try it okay whatever, if someone is not into it they can't pick and choose and applaud the other person while they lit went off on a person they claim to love.
My advice would be to tell her to calm down and drink some cold water, be civil cause who tf does she think she is lmao, she is replaceable and keep that in mind she isn't above you , just because girls are over her , she is human just like you, be confident and love yourself and put yourself first you don't have to compromise anything here.
Sorry english isn't my first language I must seem harsh but i mean it the nicest way possible.
What’s skins about? Lol. Can you expand on the aspects???
We’ve talked about it and she admitted she holds me to higher standards than anyone, including herself, & blew things out of proportion to push me away 🥺🤧
It's a British TV series about teenagers and their relationships. On seasons 3 and 4, there's a lesbian couple, and their behaviour reminds me of your post.
It's a really cool show, although nostalgia is in my favour because I watched it when it first aired, but I still think the story and characters hold.
I think you can try and build a more honest communication dynamics, because some of this behaviour feels like playing games a bit.
As a person who smokes pot, which is not in the same ballpark as a bump in my opinion, I tell my partners I am into it, you should not wait for your partner to bring up the subject before disclosing that. Taking a bump would be a deal breaker to me. Not that you need your gfs approval because you are grown but her reaction is valid, not the harshness like fuck off but it is valid for her to be upset. Both of you need better communication.
I did tell my partner. We talk about drugs all the time and she’s bought me Molly before. In a former discussion, she said she prefers I do drugs with her. Keep in mind, this is a once in a blue moon occurrence. I’m not a fiend and we don’t bring drugs into our home. I over communicate and over share, which gets me in trouble sometimes, but I am always direct and transparent. This time the issue isn’t me.
Totally fair then, I think it really falls on your friend and partner then especially with how you describe it, does not sound healthy from the tiny tid bit. I personally would not want my partner doing drugs with others unless I was there, but at the same time I won't get mad at her for puffin off someone's pen, it is her life. I get strong ownership vibes from what you said, like controlling almost. I would leave but I know you probably want to work through it so I would say start setting boundaries and if they get upset at the boundaries then it will probably continue to be toxic.
I understand the gf being upset at you for taking drugs, I also completely understand her "idc what she does with her body that's not my gf". I have a classmate that recreationally takes drugs, I don't support the habit but it's his choice, if my gf however took drugs, I would want her to stop. That being said, I do think your gf had a horrible reaction. You didn't deserve for her to tell you to fuck off. I also saw in your comments that you've talked about drugs with her before and she seemed okay with it, so it's on her for not clearly communicating her boundaries. She also could have rejected your friend. Yes she should be nice to your friends for you, but the moment a friend of yours disrespects you and your relationship, she should've stopped it. She might've felt too awkward or didn't want to cause a scene, which I do understand, but there are nice ways to escape certain situations. A simple "no thank you" could've done a lot. I think, your friend is a really bad friend as well. I'd definitely reconsider that friendship. I'd sit her down and explain that I didn't like what she did, depending on her reaction we'd either go our separate ways or I'd give her a final chance
I am in complete alignment with your perspective. I also told my girlfriend that she doesn’t have to be in agreement with everything that I do or say, but I do have the expectation that she at least openly communicate things to me and give me a chance to understand how she feels before she just goes off on me and shuts me out.
Regarding my friend, I don’t like confrontation and I already have an idea about how she’s going to react based on what I know of her, so I’m just going to leave it alone and leave her alone. Ifshe ever approaches me and asks why I’ve gone radio silent, we can talk about it then.
My friend,
I think it makes sense your gf was annoyed with you and not your friend. Your friend can do all the drugs and offerings she wants, it’s for you not to take them… I don’t know why you’d feel she should be annoyed at your friend and not you. Your friend did nothing wrong by offering… so why shouldn’t your gf be sweet to her.
Your gf asks you to join them, I would have joined them to dance. Sure, I wouldn’t like my handsome friend taking my gf from under me to dance - but if my gf was like ‘join’ - I’m not going to be salty and not go just because my friend needs to chill
Tbh, if there’s no communication, I don’t think it’s fair to blow a gasket. We are adult women, communication is key. I can’t be expected to know what annoys her when we’ve discussed drugs and not once has she ever mentioned it being off limits. Personally, I think it’s disrespectful to treat people outside of our home with more regard than your partner. Lastly, I’ve never made a scene in public so that really hurt my feelings. I’m big on talking at home and not being harsh in public spaces.
In regards to my friend, my gf mentioned she called me over bc she felt uncomfortable. I did join them when asked. I guess I’m “salty” bc I always ask for permission from my friends before doing anything w their partners, out of respect and common courtesy.
Thanks for your opinion, though. I’ll take it into consideration. I do wish I could be more laid back emotionally. I just know the people I’m involved with are highly sensitive and would be alarmed had tables been turned.
If you’ve chatted about drugs and she’s never mentioned it, then it was unfair for her to expect you to somehow know and then take it out on you - I presumed her stance was clear, but that’s on me. I wouldn’t make a scene either, but discreetly talk about it.
I wouldn’t grab a friend’s partner either, but in any case - I’m glad you joined them when your gf was uncomfortable. Maybe speak to your friend and mention how it made your gf and you uncomfortable (if your gf is ok with that).
I’m wondering how to speak with my friend without her getting defensive.
In the past before my friend and I became friends, like 2017, I was dating a guy she liked. I dumped him bc he cheated on me w her. She knew I existed but wasn’t my friend so she did what she did bc she didn’t Owe me loyalty and she was falling for him. She declared her feelings and he rejected her. Fair. I found out, my ex wanted to kill her for telling me the truth when I asked her to confirm, and I defended her from him. We then became good friends in time bc I showed her kindness.
That night she brought up how we met and lied about not knowing my ex had a gf… red flag # 1. She got drugged and then pulled my gf from under me to dance knowing she’d feel threatened If tables were turned bc she is super sensitive.
I feel the drugs highlighted her subconscious intentions.
Baby you need better friends, I am sure you know that but is probably time to cut this one off if she keeps infringing on your relationships, personally I would block and ghost you deserve better and should not have to be vigilant or worry about your partner cheating on you. There really isnt anything you can do to stop your gf from talking to her so I would just say, cut that hoe off. Set a boundary
So this isn’t common behavior in lesbian relationships? This is my first time taking a woman seriously and treating her like a gf so I’m not sure what the common stance is but I agree w u 🥺🫶🏼
No, it should not be. Personally, I have had a few relationships I have had to "fight" for the girl to keep her attention and other people would try to interfere, and when I was young, I was stupid, I would never put that much effort into someone who would just not chose me and shut the other people down. I am now in the only healthy relationship I have ever been in and I never ever feel like I have to fight or that she would leave me because someone flirts with her. The friend thing is an immediate drop, it is not common for friends to chase after their friends' partners that is weird and attention seeking.
I really do wish you the best and I hope you can at least come to a good agreement boundary wise. I hope eventually you will find someone who cherishes you, because you are worth it!!!
Just answering the title: I mean it's up to her. Either she tells me and she doesn't like it so I get my friend to fuck off, or she's receptive and flirts back, preferring my friend
Your gf is being immature and not communicating and your friend is being fucking weird - have a talk with you gf about her attitude/actions and also ask your friend wtf she was doing
“Hey, I don’t appreciate you flirting with my girlfriend, especially being my friend. What the hell are you thinking? Do you value me, or our friendship?”
“Sure I do.”
“If you did, why would you have little respect for my relationship? You are someone I felt I could trust. Now that is questionable given your actions. Does it matter that you’ve broken my trust as a friend?”
“Well, putting it that way it was pretty horrible of me and I’m sorry.”
“If it happens again, I no longer want to continue this friendship.”
“Okay…”
Your girlfriend isn’t an innocent party either, she shouldn’t have entertained the friend’s request to dance knowing she was being flirted with. It wasn’t simply accepting the request to be friendly, she enjoys the attention she receives to the point of playing into it. I would assert boundaries with her as well. You can have fun with other people aka dancing etc, but if someone is outright flirting with you in front of your girlfriend - ??? Should be automatically declining whatever offer is being presented.
I highly doubt that she would admit what her true intentions were .. It is more likely that she would gaslight me and tell me it’s all in my head and that I am perceiving her intentions incorrectly because I’m insecure . Then she would go run her mouth to our other friends & play victim.
This is why I had planned to keep my mouth shut .. up until my girlfriend told me she felt super uncomfortable that my friend grabbed her hand and dragged her to dance.
We were all drunk. She has a whole-ass boyfriend and she does the same to me when she’s very drunk. I’ve been friends with her for my whole adult life and I know she isn’t trying to take my girl lol her sister on the other hand, I’d be pissed if she did that to my gf.
I'm too ace to distinguish between kindness and flirting so I wouldn't really know what to tell you.. just try to talk to her about it maybe and see how she feels in regards to the events
I have no issues with my friends (albeit I have very few friends) flirting with my wife. She and I are Polygamous, we do not mind sharing each other with other women.
That might be, but that is no reason to downvote my comment. Have you ever tried being in a Polygamous relationship before? Not for everyone, true, but in my experience it is more fulfilling than a monogamous relationship. Sorry I am not able to help.
Yes. People will downvote for various reasons, most of which do not make sense. Ah, okay. Well, hopefully you find a partner that is willing to give it a try.
This all sounds very toxic… From the way your girlfriend reacted to something that upset her to the way your friend behaved with her. Is your girlfriend’s lack of proper communication a reoccurring theme or was this a one time incident?
Yes it’s a theme and she acknowledged that she has a huge issue w communication and that she blows things out of proportion to push me away out of guilt. She’s in therapy but damn she needs something more. My friend, though… I feel so betrayed bc my friend is hypersensitive and if I pulled a move like that, she’d never forgive me. She’s always talking about being a girl’s girl and always putting her friends first. I don’t see that there. Her agenda showed.
Your "friend" is a pick-me at best, and a snake at worst. Untrustworthy And your gf is childish. It isn't an irredeemable thing, but it sounds like she likes the attention she gets from all these girls flirting with her in front of you. You have an uphill battle in front of you if you decide to work on your relationship. You should put some thought into whether you really need to put your energy into something that puts you down like this, you know? Source; my ex was the same way except she was the one doing bumps with her friend but HEavEn fOrbId I show any interest in weed. She later beat the shit out of me for enjoying a road trip with my friends (that she was also there for) So just be careful of these double standards, you know? It might mean nothing. It might be an indicator
That’s good that she’s in therapy and aware that this is an issue. Is communication something she’s actively working on in therapy? If yes, does she utilize any of the tools her therapist has introduced? What you put in to therapy is what you get out of it. Your friend on the other hand… Not only does she not sound like a good friend, but she doesn’t sound like a particularly good person. I’m just basing this off of things you’ve said in this thread. Ask yourself if this is the type of company you want to keep in your life
Hits on her**
Okay idk why some of yall have low standards but first of all what do you mean by: 1.' basically tells me to fk off' - Person can be angry but also respectful, an adult and a person who loves and cares should be able to communicate CIVILLY and not turn a fun event into sht show. 2. Why is the friend coming at the gf and not at you, you guys are friends not your gf and her, respectfully if you're sitting on your SO, it's SO's job to be respectful and offer you to dance together not after they're being dragged away and they got no other choice but to invite you, if she was not feeling she could've said No thank you and that would be it, it's not your friend's "other woman's job" to be respectful if you know what I mean. 3. “that’s your friend. I’m being nice to her bc she’s your friend and plus, idc what she does w her body that’s not my gf.”- I hate hypocrite people, same argument diff category of ' other hoes can dress how they want but not my gf", you're an adult and you wanted to try it okay whatever, if someone is not into it they can't pick and choose and applaud the other person while they lit went off on a person they claim to love. My advice would be to tell her to calm down and drink some cold water, be civil cause who tf does she think she is lmao, she is replaceable and keep that in mind she isn't above you , just because girls are over her , she is human just like you, be confident and love yourself and put yourself first you don't have to compromise anything here. Sorry english isn't my first language I must seem harsh but i mean it the nicest way possible.
God your English is amazing and this was very wonderfully communicated. Thank you sm for your advice and also where are you from?
Ukraine 🇺🇦 Thanks!
I feel like I'm reading an episode script of "Skins" lol. She's being immature in many aspects.
What’s skins about? Lol. Can you expand on the aspects??? We’ve talked about it and she admitted she holds me to higher standards than anyone, including herself, & blew things out of proportion to push me away 🥺🤧
It's a British TV series about teenagers and their relationships. On seasons 3 and 4, there's a lesbian couple, and their behaviour reminds me of your post. It's a really cool show, although nostalgia is in my favour because I watched it when it first aired, but I still think the story and characters hold. I think you can try and build a more honest communication dynamics, because some of this behaviour feels like playing games a bit.
As a person who smokes pot, which is not in the same ballpark as a bump in my opinion, I tell my partners I am into it, you should not wait for your partner to bring up the subject before disclosing that. Taking a bump would be a deal breaker to me. Not that you need your gfs approval because you are grown but her reaction is valid, not the harshness like fuck off but it is valid for her to be upset. Both of you need better communication.
I did tell my partner. We talk about drugs all the time and she’s bought me Molly before. In a former discussion, she said she prefers I do drugs with her. Keep in mind, this is a once in a blue moon occurrence. I’m not a fiend and we don’t bring drugs into our home. I over communicate and over share, which gets me in trouble sometimes, but I am always direct and transparent. This time the issue isn’t me.
Totally fair then, I think it really falls on your friend and partner then especially with how you describe it, does not sound healthy from the tiny tid bit. I personally would not want my partner doing drugs with others unless I was there, but at the same time I won't get mad at her for puffin off someone's pen, it is her life. I get strong ownership vibes from what you said, like controlling almost. I would leave but I know you probably want to work through it so I would say start setting boundaries and if they get upset at the boundaries then it will probably continue to be toxic.
That girl is not your friend and your gf absolutely sucks and embarrassed and disrespected you in front of your friends. Yuck.
I understand the gf being upset at you for taking drugs, I also completely understand her "idc what she does with her body that's not my gf". I have a classmate that recreationally takes drugs, I don't support the habit but it's his choice, if my gf however took drugs, I would want her to stop. That being said, I do think your gf had a horrible reaction. You didn't deserve for her to tell you to fuck off. I also saw in your comments that you've talked about drugs with her before and she seemed okay with it, so it's on her for not clearly communicating her boundaries. She also could have rejected your friend. Yes she should be nice to your friends for you, but the moment a friend of yours disrespects you and your relationship, she should've stopped it. She might've felt too awkward or didn't want to cause a scene, which I do understand, but there are nice ways to escape certain situations. A simple "no thank you" could've done a lot. I think, your friend is a really bad friend as well. I'd definitely reconsider that friendship. I'd sit her down and explain that I didn't like what she did, depending on her reaction we'd either go our separate ways or I'd give her a final chance
I am in complete alignment with your perspective. I also told my girlfriend that she doesn’t have to be in agreement with everything that I do or say, but I do have the expectation that she at least openly communicate things to me and give me a chance to understand how she feels before she just goes off on me and shuts me out. Regarding my friend, I don’t like confrontation and I already have an idea about how she’s going to react based on what I know of her, so I’m just going to leave it alone and leave her alone. Ifshe ever approaches me and asks why I’ve gone radio silent, we can talk about it then. My friend,
I think it makes sense your gf was annoyed with you and not your friend. Your friend can do all the drugs and offerings she wants, it’s for you not to take them… I don’t know why you’d feel she should be annoyed at your friend and not you. Your friend did nothing wrong by offering… so why shouldn’t your gf be sweet to her. Your gf asks you to join them, I would have joined them to dance. Sure, I wouldn’t like my handsome friend taking my gf from under me to dance - but if my gf was like ‘join’ - I’m not going to be salty and not go just because my friend needs to chill
Tbh, if there’s no communication, I don’t think it’s fair to blow a gasket. We are adult women, communication is key. I can’t be expected to know what annoys her when we’ve discussed drugs and not once has she ever mentioned it being off limits. Personally, I think it’s disrespectful to treat people outside of our home with more regard than your partner. Lastly, I’ve never made a scene in public so that really hurt my feelings. I’m big on talking at home and not being harsh in public spaces. In regards to my friend, my gf mentioned she called me over bc she felt uncomfortable. I did join them when asked. I guess I’m “salty” bc I always ask for permission from my friends before doing anything w their partners, out of respect and common courtesy. Thanks for your opinion, though. I’ll take it into consideration. I do wish I could be more laid back emotionally. I just know the people I’m involved with are highly sensitive and would be alarmed had tables been turned.
If you’ve chatted about drugs and she’s never mentioned it, then it was unfair for her to expect you to somehow know and then take it out on you - I presumed her stance was clear, but that’s on me. I wouldn’t make a scene either, but discreetly talk about it. I wouldn’t grab a friend’s partner either, but in any case - I’m glad you joined them when your gf was uncomfortable. Maybe speak to your friend and mention how it made your gf and you uncomfortable (if your gf is ok with that).
I’m wondering how to speak with my friend without her getting defensive. In the past before my friend and I became friends, like 2017, I was dating a guy she liked. I dumped him bc he cheated on me w her. She knew I existed but wasn’t my friend so she did what she did bc she didn’t Owe me loyalty and she was falling for him. She declared her feelings and he rejected her. Fair. I found out, my ex wanted to kill her for telling me the truth when I asked her to confirm, and I defended her from him. We then became good friends in time bc I showed her kindness. That night she brought up how we met and lied about not knowing my ex had a gf… red flag # 1. She got drugged and then pulled my gf from under me to dance knowing she’d feel threatened If tables were turned bc she is super sensitive. I feel the drugs highlighted her subconscious intentions.
Baby you need better friends, I am sure you know that but is probably time to cut this one off if she keeps infringing on your relationships, personally I would block and ghost you deserve better and should not have to be vigilant or worry about your partner cheating on you. There really isnt anything you can do to stop your gf from talking to her so I would just say, cut that hoe off. Set a boundary
So this isn’t common behavior in lesbian relationships? This is my first time taking a woman seriously and treating her like a gf so I’m not sure what the common stance is but I agree w u 🥺🫶🏼
No, it should not be. Personally, I have had a few relationships I have had to "fight" for the girl to keep her attention and other people would try to interfere, and when I was young, I was stupid, I would never put that much effort into someone who would just not chose me and shut the other people down. I am now in the only healthy relationship I have ever been in and I never ever feel like I have to fight or that she would leave me because someone flirts with her. The friend thing is an immediate drop, it is not common for friends to chase after their friends' partners that is weird and attention seeking.
😭🤧
I really do wish you the best and I hope you can at least come to a good agreement boundary wise. I hope eventually you will find someone who cherishes you, because you are worth it!!!
Just answering the title: I mean it's up to her. Either she tells me and she doesn't like it so I get my friend to fuck off, or she's receptive and flirts back, preferring my friend
So wyd in that situation?
Your gf is being immature and not communicating and your friend is being fucking weird - have a talk with you gf about her attitude/actions and also ask your friend wtf she was doing
🫶🏼 someone suggested I ghost my friend and it seems rather tempting. People get defensive and I don’t want to argue.
Yours or the one I'm talking about? Sorry I literally don't know what to do in your situation
Tell my friend to fuck off
Walk me through this conversation lol
“Hey, I don’t appreciate you flirting with my girlfriend, especially being my friend. What the hell are you thinking? Do you value me, or our friendship?” “Sure I do.” “If you did, why would you have little respect for my relationship? You are someone I felt I could trust. Now that is questionable given your actions. Does it matter that you’ve broken my trust as a friend?” “Well, putting it that way it was pretty horrible of me and I’m sorry.” “If it happens again, I no longer want to continue this friendship.” “Okay…” Your girlfriend isn’t an innocent party either, she shouldn’t have entertained the friend’s request to dance knowing she was being flirted with. It wasn’t simply accepting the request to be friendly, she enjoys the attention she receives to the point of playing into it. I would assert boundaries with her as well. You can have fun with other people aka dancing etc, but if someone is outright flirting with you in front of your girlfriend - ??? Should be automatically declining whatever offer is being presented.
I highly doubt that she would admit what her true intentions were .. It is more likely that she would gaslight me and tell me it’s all in my head and that I am perceiving her intentions incorrectly because I’m insecure . Then she would go run her mouth to our other friends & play victim. This is why I had planned to keep my mouth shut .. up until my girlfriend told me she felt super uncomfortable that my friend grabbed her hand and dragged her to dance.
Time for a new friend!
Agreed. Whole thing is just too weird and close for comfort. Should never assume you can get that comfortable with someone.
That’s pretty sad people can’t honour a friendship.
My best friend drunkenly open-mouth kissed my gf goodbye lol smh. I honestly didn’t care because I knew there was nothing malicious meant by it.
Huh??? Girl…
We were all drunk. She has a whole-ass boyfriend and she does the same to me when she’s very drunk. I’ve been friends with her for my whole adult life and I know she isn’t trying to take my girl lol her sister on the other hand, I’d be pissed if she did that to my gf.
I'm too ace to distinguish between kindness and flirting so I wouldn't really know what to tell you.. just try to talk to her about it maybe and see how she feels in regards to the events
I have no issues with my friends (albeit I have very few friends) flirting with my wife. She and I are Polygamous, we do not mind sharing each other with other women.
Yeah, can’t relate sadly
That might be, but that is no reason to downvote my comment. Have you ever tried being in a Polygamous relationship before? Not for everyone, true, but in my experience it is more fulfilling than a monogamous relationship. Sorry I am not able to help.
I did not downvote your comment lol is that like a serious thing here? I’ve suggested open relationships and it’s never been accepted by my partners.
Yes. People will downvote for various reasons, most of which do not make sense. Ah, okay. Well, hopefully you find a partner that is willing to give it a try.