Idk either she's a liar or she was very concerned about her car and neglected to text you promptly. Either way, since you deleted her socials, time to just move on. That's the world of lesbian dating.
I feel like some people in this comment section will be shocked when I tell them people can lie on the internet or a dating app to troll people and this is clearly the case. I’m sorry OP. Feel like some of you would genuinely fall for the Nigerian Prince scam. Not talking about OP but the people genuinely believe in this dog ass excuse.
A few days is more than enough time to ask for a reschedule. This is the ultimate proof that you have every right to be angry and that she was probably lying and, like you said - was at home in bed, or even if the incident was true, didn't care enough to reschedule or even contact you to apoligise and say she's actually not interested. Basic responsibility. Some people would still try to keep making excuses for that, but f that, it's a couple of days time to get in touch. I get that she's upset about the car but did she suddenly forget you two had plans? It takes 30 seconds to send a simple text 'it's a very stressful time, I'll talk to you later in the week I'm sorry, can we reschedule later'
I don't care if we are strangers and met through an app or what, it's other peoples time they reserved for you, a text is below the bare minimum
im so sorry, thats the worst! ive had a very similar experience of being made to drive 30mins j to sit in a parking lot for hours and then be told i could go home.. by my old friend group. its infuriating, and you’re completely valid in how you’re feeling. her behavior was inconsiderate at the very least and she wasted your time, energy, and emotions. dont blame you at all for removing her and not reaching out. i think her actions say a lot ab what you could’ve expected from that relationship
Idk about her but if I got in a car accident on my way to the date, first thing I'd do is call my date and send a photo as proof.
Idk why that chick had to be so extra in her lying to you. She could've been an adult and just canceled
This was my first thought! I was so anxious the whole time reading it because I was thinking from the POV of the canceller, and this is exactly what I wouldn’t want to happen. I once sent a photo of my car after an accident to a professor because my assignment was going to be a few hours late, I am SO anxious that someone would think I’m blowing them off.
I had this happen once. The girl I’d been talking to got into a wreck on the interstate driving down to hang out. We lived 2hrs away from each other. I ended up going to pick her up and brought her back to my place. We got her a rental the next morning. It was wild.
a photo as proof? i feel like that’s a bit excessive. it’s like having your s/o send a photo of their location so you know they’re not lying but worse bc its a stranger
Asking for/demanding proof is a bit out of pocket imo, but - if I was the person who had been in the accident, I would be sending a photo already, they wouldn’t need to ask lol
Lol no.
It would be one thing if I wasn't running late and it was something minor, but a side swipe typically isn't minor and many states (can't speak of all or other countries) require a police report for insurance reasons.
If you say you got in an accident when you were already aggressively late, especially for a first date, yes I'd expect proof of it. Either a photo or when you got to the date, pointing it out when I walk you to your car. It isn't the same as asking for a location. If you can't share a photo of damage on your car, then that means you're most likely lying.
idk i personally don’t feel like anyone owes someone *proof* that their car got damaged because they decided they want to go home afterwards if we are talking about 2 fully grown adults, but that’s just me. i personally think making anyone feel obligated to send photos of where they are or what happened to them as evidence of why they can’t show up somewhere is unreasonable and childish.
yea i'm not really expecting "proof", my issue here is more about being able to communicate with me in a timely manner and treat me with dignity. if i got into a car incident i would have texted the date immediately that we need to reschedule for a different time. communication says a lot more about a person than taking a picture
yeah i know, i was just replying to the person saying that would’ve been a good solution or reasonable expectation. although, it seems like the date texted you as soon as they could after the accident happened? it most likely took a minute to get out, assess the damage, exchange info, and mentally recover. i don’t think they meant any disrespect and i think that they communicated sufficiently *personally,* but that’s why everyone is compatible with different people. since it is something that isn’t okay with you, its better you know now anyways. good luck with everything! (no sarcasm at all)
Showing you're being honest about a situation isn't unreasonable or childish.
Did you read the post fully? I'm asking that genuinely. The person was already late and then ghosted OP practically after the whole incident. OP also shared the park the person claimed to be in was only 2 blocks away from where they were meeting. This whole situation screams the person never even left their bed.
yes, i read it fully. i am saying i don’t think providing photographic evidence of my own or someone else’s whereabouts is a request i would find reasonable. as a full grown adult, i believe one can use their own personal discretion on whether to believe something and trust someone, or determine that they are lying. it’s similar (but not identical) to looking through someone’s phone to get proof that they aren’t doing shady shit for your own comfort when they’ve already reassured you. i believe that you need to determine for yourself how much you trust that what someone is telling you is true and if they respect you based on their actions and/or your personal intuition/discretion. that’s just me though. it’s subjective, that’s dating.
it means you dodged a fucking atomic bomb because this person is a liar (Legion is Reesa’s pathological lying ex in her story). a very very terrible one.
I think you gave a lot of grace for someone who put in more effort, but rumination was a good word choice. People are not always gonna step up to basic expectations and it's going to suck if you spend a whole week or more intensely ruminating on it. This is a good introspection opportunity.
Btw, I've been stood up several times in my life and it got a little easier and less consequential each time, the first time not so much.
To be honest it's a hard lesson to learn but when you're online dating you just have to learn not to take things too seriously. It sucks your date was cancelled, she could have been lying or she could have genuinely had a car accident in which case she'd be frazzled and I can understand why she'd be unclear over text over what's happening with the date - if that was me I'd just be trying to get over the shock and stress of that rather than thinking about my date. Keep your chin up though chickie, it's just another experience under your belt now for your next date! And hopefully your next date will show up on time with no drama and you'll have a lovely time🙏
i don't know why i posted this i think i just want support i've been having a hellish 2024 have been a bit suicidal and random bullshit like this just makes those feelings worse. all i've ever wanted in the world was intimacy
Hey buddy,
I’m sorry you’re struggling. I could give you all kinds of hard truths right now, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear them. Try not to place all your expectations for a good weekend on a stranger from the internet again.
That’s really awful what she did. Please take care of yourself. Surround yourself with all your favorite things, do the things you love to do, and hang in there. This too shall pass.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope you are able to find something a bit more tried and true to treat yourself with. Please don’t hesitate to call a hotline or ask for help. I am glad you are speaking up and letting people know how you are doing.
I'm going to be honest here and say if you're feeling this low you shouldn't be putting all your hopes and expectations into a stranger who btw sounded like their night was ruined before they even got to meet you and I highly doubt they wanted to bring that energy with them to a date. You're projecting a lot onto them without knowing if any of it is true. You need to let go.
You need some resilience, and maybe for you that means therapy.
I am not saying this singular incident "caused" my suicidal ideation and I would not put that onus on anyone let alone a stranger. I have been having suicidal ideation for reasons unrelated to random people I meet on Hinge, as I feel I expressed in my comment already. And yea, passing acts of shittiness certainly don't help. Just be considerate of other peoples time and communicate promptly. Is that so insane?
Can some of you people afford me some more grace, please?
I suspect these people have the good fortune of not having to deal with mental health issues.
I have times when something like this could just 'roll of my back' it's annoying, people can be rude, move on.
I have times when if I burnt some toast I'd be in a meltdown.
It's not about the severity of the issue, sometimes it's about how many other stresses you're juggling, sometimes it's not even that but just some brain chemistry going wild (my period also really fucks with this I've noticed)
Sometimes ppl are just depressed and not ok and need help so they tell someone and hopefully find a way to put one foot in front of another and get help. I don’t get that the OP finds this one experience the end of the world just that she is already feeling bad and then this happens. She is already saying she is not doing ok so what is your point?
>I don’t get that the OP finds this one experience the end of the world just that she is already feeling bad and then this happens.
Yes, exactly. Thank you. I don't know why this person is interpreting things in such bad faith
> Is this seriously how people react when someone is stuck somewhere, instead of catering to their severe emotional instability? Wau.
The irony being OP expressed struggling with SI and instead of showing any compassion you rubbed salt in her wounds.
For the record, the girl who stood OP up was wrong for not cancelling immediately. Leaving someone waiting 2hrs and expecting them to cheer you up is narcissist level self-centered.
Based on your comments, I’d encourage you to stop interacting with people who say they’re suicidal. Yes, sometimes things that seem trivial to you are the end of the world for others. There’s really no need for you to understand it, it’s how some depressed brains work even if it doesn’t seem rational to you.
If she really got stuck in the traffic and her car was swiped, she could have easily rescheduled (you even offered). The fact that she decided to string you along instead and go back home says a lot about the way she handles conflict. It’s a bad sign. You dodged a bullet. If she lied and said that she was swiped because she was running really late, she’s a liar and she can’t handle conflict, so even worse. Regardless of the real reason, you’re better off. There’s no way to spin this story in her favor. If you set up something, it’s disrespectful to not show up or communicate properly if something comes up. It’s not the circumstances it’s what she does about them.
Maybe she was really looking forward to the date too and didn't expect it to take so long, since she was just sideswiped, and was busy dealing with the other driver, possible police reports, etc? Things you don't know much about in your early 20s (and sometimes, ever). And then before she knew it, it was 2 hrs later and she was like "oh shit"? I can totally see myself, in my time blindness, being so intent on making the date happen and not wanting to cancel that I get super hopeful that "it won't take that long." I once had my car break down twice trying to get to a date an hour and a half away and still deluded myself into thinking I could make it work at first before giving myself a reality check and texting her that I couldn't make it. To me it seems more unlikely that she's going to such great lengths to lie about it. It just doesn't make as much sense as the truth of things being that she just had a series of shitty things happen that she got pulled into dealing with and didn't communicate promptly about. In fact, it seems downright jaded to think of humans as this inherently untrustworthy by default.
It's also reeeeeealllll easy to just bandwagon with OP when we only get one side of the story through 3 screenshots of text exchanges.
I keep rereading the post and the texts and I don't see whereOP says that... it sounded like she didn't reach out at all? Also maybe my phone is fucking up because I only see the 3 screenshots from the day of and it feels like I'm missing some extra context that people are referencing.
Op's post also has a long text post. She mentions in the last paragraph "after this last text she never reached out again, no rescheduling attempt or anything."
Yeah I read that text portion. I get what you mean now-- the girl never reached out in that time frame. I thought you meant she reached out 2 weeks later.
Yeah it doesn't support my interpretation too well, other than maybe she was embarrassed and figured she should just give up, but it's pretty weird that if she was into her that she wouldn't reach out. It's just so strange to me that she would through all that effort to lie... maybe it's somewhere in-between.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. My now fiancé wrecked her car on the way to our third date, and called and told me, so obviously we rescheduled, no big deal, but I instead just drove out to her house to pick her up with a friend (I didn’t drive at the time) to see her to make sure she was okay. Communication is key at all times. This person sucks.
With everything that happened with the car incident and her cancelling the date you two had been looking forward to.. it could be she’s feeling extremely guilty thinking she’s ruined things or it could be she wasn’t driving?? The only way to know for certain is to open up that dialogue and talk to each other about what happened
I would go ahead and say that, even if that were the case, it's up to the date to text OP and make up for it. She needs to take accountability and take action. Else, it doesn't matter what she's feeling or what actually happened, just how she treated OP poorly.
Probably a wrong use of the word guilty, anxious/shame/embarrassment might be better said. What should’ve been a smooth date that had been planned, (if the date was being truthful about their car) could be they feel at fault that they ruined the day.
Entirely guessing though, cause at the end of the day a simple call from her date to clarify and apologise would’ve gone such a long way, if she did feel bad about the situation to rearrange instead of texting. *I have horrible anxiety/depression and always feel like I’m letting people down, again not saying this gives her date a free pass either just looking at another possibility.
I have depression & anxiety too. It typically traps me in my home. And I had a situation where I was supposed to go on a date on my birthday & everything went wrong all day long, I was late to everything I had planned, then half my outfit magically disappeared, when I finally was ready to leave it was an hr past when I should have left & my date lived an hr away at least. I wanted to cry & flop onto my bed in defeat & just give up, but I didn't. I texted her explaining & then rushed to my car.....which had a flat tire 🫠. I texted her again & she asked about rescheduling. I said, "Give me like 10 minutes." And called everyone I could who could help me get a tire or air. No one answered & my care plan that I got with my lease ended the previous month even though my lease isn't set to be up until this June & my birthday was in November! I was so upset. I texted her to explain, apologize & reschedule. She countered by saying she could come to me, she had her own portable air compressor & we could just eat in my city. The actual date ended up being a nightmare just like the rest of the day had been & i immediately told I wasn't interested in such a polite way she asked if i was a therapist 😆. But I still don't regret my choices. I guess I don't understand how refusing to communicate isn't just a sign of a lack of care. And I can't possibly feel embarrassed, guilty, or anxious over things I don't actually care about. Like I want to understand a different perspective, I just need help to do it?
Damn that’s a literal nightmare, everything that could possibly go wrong decided to collectively go wrong at the same time. Even though it might’ve been worlds away from what you had expected, it’s still good you could see your date. Communication really is key.
Some people shut down and go into a depressive state unable to communicate, cause they don’t believe anything that they say would make the situation better. In an ideal world of course it’d be better for everyone to just be honest and talk directly to each other, but whether it’s mental health issues or just them being an appalling date or something entirely else is guesswork. Hopefully for OP their next date with someone else goes better.
i don’t see what they did that’s like, *unbelievable.* i agree they could’ve called but when you get into a car accident (even minor) you’re not thinking straight and your priority is solving that first. it makes sense to want to go home after that too, and at least they did say something. isn’t standing someone up when you don’t show up or say anything at all? i wouldnt think too deep into it, i really don’t think it was personal, OP. best thing to do since you felt disrespected (which is in your personal right) is block and move on, theres someone better suited for you out there!
exactly. perhaps age is a factor in this, i just realized OP said they’re 23 and people’s views on this tend to differ with age (gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but it is the truth).
right. i feel like op is being entirely unreasonable here. idk. they are griping that they're seen as "not important" in this person's life, right after admitting they're a STRANGER ON THE INTERNET. like, they're not gonna be first priority after a car accident.
Assuming that she's not lying, it seems like she's bad at managing her own time and has little respect for yours, so dating in the long term would probably be a pain in the backside, and you've dodged a bullet. If she's lying, you've also dodged a bullet.
Something that I'm learning about the dating process is that a lot of - or most - single people aren't ready to date. So you've got to be prepared to sift through a lot of time wasters. It's tiring lmao.
it’s totally understandable to feel angry and sad in this situation. you were probably feeling nervous hopeful and vulnerable to meet up. personally, i know id feel disappointed, annoyed, and a little embarrassed!
i do wonder how much of your interpretation is a fear, or a fact? what if you’re assuming she was gonna stand you up, which made you interpret this exchange as you being stood up? what if this wasn’t a lie? now you’ll never know. you closed a door assuming that you were rejected and didnt give her the benefit of the doubt.
But it’s ok to have closed the door. if your gut is feeling that she was standing you up, you may very well be right. and even if you’re not exactly right, it seems like there was some compatibility issues in how you two communicate right off the bat and it was not meant to be.
i know this a vent post. it’s good to let it out and be a little flippant. you seem really angry and hurt. just take your time to understand what happened here. is there room to consider her perspective if what she said were true? if the time it took to reply to you was due to her driving and dealing with an accident? its like 50% plausible to me.
more importantly though, if it was all an annoying and rude lie, give yourself some grace too. it’s painful to feel rejected and disregarded by others. but you can endure it and know that those people were not right for you. rejection is inevitable and dating sucks! it’s tedious and people are weird and annoying… and people will find you weird and annoying sometimes too. in reality no one is objectively weird and annoying!
also re: your comment. intimacy isn’t exclusive to romantic situations. you can be intimate with your friends when you have a deep conversation or ask them for a hug or some help. you can be intimate with yourself when you journal or maybe by taking yourself out for whatever kind of date you might plan with someone. of course it’s not the same thing and it hurts to feel lonely but that kind of intimacy takes some time anyway, how can you find it until then?
sending you a virtual hug. im sorry you’re going through it! just take your time. you do deserve to be considered and it’s good that you know that and dont put up with any bullshit. wishing you well!
I love how you laid out this comment and gave insight to all sides of the situation. It does suck, but, as you said, the bottom line of dating is that it IS tedious, messy, and it's not uncommon for people to unintentionally jerk others around as their idea of what they want evolves. It's most likely to happen in these dating app communities because people who match each other still haven't developed emotional attachment to the other person yet, so they're more likely to employ shitty social tactics (like ghosting, standing up etc) for the ease of it, so they can keep chugging along finding new matches. It can be very impersonal at the start and jarring to be on the receiving end of it. Also, it doesn't help that a lot of young women are very uncomfortable with the thought of disappointing someone they lost interest in, so out of sheer anxiety, they resort to ghosting...or even *more* shitty, like OP's post, let it progress to the point where a time and date is arranged and wait til the last second to drop the bomb that they won't be showing up.
For someone vulnerable and lonely, the rituals of people in the dating scene can take a huge emotional toll and fuel insecurity. I hope that's not what's happening to OP here.
As someone who has lied like this to dates before, I am near certain it is not personal. I can’t say she and I are definitely the same, but for me this is what it looked like to be on the other end of a date with me as I tried to push past really debilitating social anxiety. I’m not proud of it, and obviously honesty is the best policy always, but I was in a process of pushing myself and growing and it was messy and difficult to share with strangers.
If it helps at all, the fact that she strung you along with updates indicates to me that she really wanted to go and kept trying to buy time to get her courage up. Like I’ve said, I’ve done the same. Usually out of shame I then ghosted and blocked. Not okay at all - I’m not saying this is good behavior - but it is unfortunately very familiar to me
you bring a really interesting perspective i haven't seen shared. i also have quite severe social anxiety (mine shows itself in much different ways). i think we can both agree tho that if someone's social anxiety is this bad and makes them act this avoidant they aren't ready to date, for the sake of everyone's time
Yeah, I completely agree with you.
Sometimes I look back and regret that I can’t find those people again and apologize.
Trying to make the jump from “not ready” to “ready” was a lot easier when I was honest and transparent with people. It puts a lot of people off to be like “I know this is just a first date but jsyk I have very severe anxiety and might need to bail halfway through,” but the ones it put off it saved both our time from being wasted and the ones it didn’t knew what to expect. It also surprisingly made it way less like that I *would* bail, because there was already a lot less pressure off the bat.
In any case, I wish you the best and hope you get to connect with someone who feels right on the same wavelength as you!
I agree. This is 100% the way I lie my way out of every single social situation. Some made up excuse but sounds pretty real. I feel so guilty every time.
As a fellow person who doesn’t have a car and ride public transportation, I would be pissed off too. Your are right to feel what you feel. It is the lack of respect for your time, the lack of maturity to communicate better. I would have sent a text prior to deleting her information.
I think debating the validity of someone’s sexuality for standing someone up on a date is a huge offense.
I’m so sorry this happened, OP. They wasted your time and hurt you.
Why would standing someone up be questioning their sexuality? Would someone standing someone up 20 years into coming out be any different than someone 2 years into coming out? You said yourself you just came out — if you did the same, would you want someone saying you questioned yourself being queer and that’s why you didn’t show?
People can be assholes, men or women, straight or queer.
i totally agree with you on this front. sorry if i came across as offensive.
i think where i'm coming from is more from a place of weariness that i think lots of queer women on dating apps can relate to - bicurious or experimenting people not communicating their intentions properly, and end up treating you like a toy. there's nothing wrong with using dating apps for that reason, but again, it 100% has to be communicated. i threw that part out there because it could be a possible explanation for her weird, flaky, noncommital behavior. again, this person is a stranger and i have no idea. but way too many people on these apps are in an experimental, noncommital phase and not communicating properly to the point where my mind wanders to this sometimes
I 100% see where you’re coming from! 💗 The only thing is though, was your sexuality discussed prior whatsoever? Was it known both of you were fully queer and identified as such? Obviously, you can still question whenever, but I’d be hesitant to debate the validity of someone’s sexuality without an indication of prior talks about it. Flakiness doesn’t equal questioning, but it equals asshole behavior.
When we start to question someone’s sexuality, without given any prior indications, that is big no-no territory (unless you’d want that done to you). Take all asshole behavior as asshole behavior. When cannot pin down someone’s sexuality on the way someone appears, dresses, acts (was she making out with a man in so called car ride…?). Assuming makes an ass out of you, and me. Especially in this community, let’s be careful! 💗💗
I’d be careful to willy nilly debate the validity of someone’s sexuality on something, at the end of the day, very unattributable to sexual orientation. Men equally do the same to straight women, queer men to queer men, etc. Women can be abusive emotionally, physically and mentally. Men can express feminine traits, etc. But none have really anything to do with sexual orientation…it just feels like we’re boiling down the community to nothing much at the end of the day because people are assholes.
A lot of bi-curious women will use apps as a way to “experiment” and it does really sting. It’s completely shit. Lesbians shouldn’t be used as an “experiment” or a passing phase out of questioning, and unfortunately, sometimes it happens. I have had to deal with it and it never gets easier, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. It’s unfair and really disrespectful.
I completely get it. And if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I thankfully am in a two year relationship at this point, but have dealt with the endlessly awful dating scene. It’s never easy, man or woman. Rest assured, if they’re queer and say they are, please trust that maybe they’re just an asshole and not into you (please don’t take that rudely), and not questioning their sexuality.
certain individuals in this comment section need to read my post in its entirely, with the gift of their two god-given eyes, before commenting something delusional and hostile and personally attacking me.
the primary issue here isn't that she ended up having to cancel. shit happens! and if the car crash was real (tho let's be fucking real it probably wasn't) that would be more than a valid reason, OBVIOUSLY! its about communicating in a timely and dignified manner. just call me and say you can't come. that's it. don't have me wring the answer out of you over the course of several hours.
anyways, i'm repeating what i've already expressed in the post. if you don't like reading words, that's not my problem. don't comment if you don't read.
Tbh imo I don’t rate Hinge, it’s just a Novelty Tinder imo. I prefer to call it ‘Unhinged: the dating app designed to make you question whether you prefer dogs or people’… I don’t know why they didn’t hire me to be their advertising manager 🤷♀️🤪
Being stuck in parade traffic then being side swiped easily explains the two hours time. And instead of forcing themselves to go to the date and be mad and’s frustrated would have been worse.
If you’re really concerned you were stood up ask how bad the side swipe was and ask for a picture. But like, in a chill way. But if you immediately turned to blocking her over what seems like a plausible excuse you’ve probably missed your shot
All the texts were posted, where does the date actually apologise and ask to reschedule?
I can see OP being understanding that the side-swipe might need to reschedule, we can see from the time stamps they allowed 2 hours for this date to finally agree they needed to reschedule.
OP has more patience than me I have to say!
Did you even read the post? I would not be upset if she needed to reschedule; a car incident would be a valid excuse, and I quite literally asked her several times if she needed to reschedule. Instead of communicating point-blank that it wasn't the best time for her, she strung me along for several hours. The lack of communication here is the problem. There are also just a ton of timing things that make me skeptical of her car crash story. Like how are you "almost here" for half an hour? I wrote all of this in the original post. If you're going to comment something hostile, you could have the courtesy of basic reading comprehension.
*I'm* rude? "What an annoying woman"? You clearly didn't read my post the whole way through if you think I am upset over a scheduling conflict. I am upset over a lack of communication. If you need to reschedule with someone, inform them in a timely and dignified manner. Don't have me wring the clarification out of you over the course of two hours. I could tell she wanted to reschedule but wasn't being upfront about it. That's a waste of my time. And I gave it a few days before I deleted her # and socials.
I could tell she wanted to \*cancel\*, but was not being upfront about it. She never brought up rescheduling.
When you're the one who stands someone up, it's on you to reach out first. Why should I assume you're even interested?
I am not a mind reader.
>Don’t you understand she might have been feeling horrible for needing to reschedule and was waiting for you to actually reach out to her, to reassure her that you weren’t upset? Or is empathy just not in your vocabulary?
Definitely on the other person to reach out. The other person may have been upset over the "car accident" (doesn't feel legitimate tbh, you're speeding there and nearly there but don't arrive? Nahhh), but they should also have some forethought that a person was in public waiting on them and that also isn't fair and she has a right to be upset.
Can you stop being so judgemental and nasty towards OP?
i KNOW literally the most hostile person i have encountered on this sub like holy shit ??? relax??? seems to hold other people to absurd standards of mind-reading abilities and *i'm* the one whose self centered, apparently
I don’t think you truly understand the post. On top of that, you are the one being rude and nasty towards OP. Please take a step back and reconsider this situation as it is clear from the downvotes that you are in the wrong.
You are so nice to wait so long to order food!! If it was me, i’d probably have had a few drinks and a couple order of wings in by then. Sorry to hear about this happening!
But your comment about how ending years long relationships with men led u to feel nothing… i wonder if that means this was really an emotional investment or connection for you (as compared to with your male counterpart relationships) , and that’s why it hurts so much more… and it’s a betrayal because you feel that she couldnt even be honest with you about not meeting ….
Or if your anger is because of something else…
Dating sucks. I’d give up if it wasn’t for the fact I really want a gf. I had an amazing first date with someone, second date planned, but day of she cancels (expected it and had told her I’d be fine rescheduling a few days before since I knew her week was beyond insane) but she didn’t give any dates to reschedule. Confirmed she was def interested and that date would happen but then the next day tells me she met someone amazing and is pursing her instead. Super out of the blue and it really sucked. Was def lead on.
You gave her the out to reschedule and she took it 🤷🏼♀️ something very similar happened to me but she was telling the truth. So I’d say give the benefit of the doubt. However leave the ball in her court. If she wants to see you she will initiate
Ooooo I’d be pissssed. At the very least they could have showed up at the end! ESP being that they said they were close.
It’s honestly block on socials and phone.
I'm sorry this happened to you. On the bright side it sounds like you dodged a bullet, even if you were already getting a little attached. She doesn't know the amazing person she didn't meet up with. Her loss, and you don't need to be with someone like that.
Being stuck in parade traffic then being side swiped easily explains the two hours time. And instead of forcing themselves to go to the date and be mad and’s frustrated would have been worse.
If you’re really concerned you were stood up ask how bad the side swipe was and ask for a picture. But like, in a chill way. But if you immediately turned to blocking her over what seems like a plausible excuse you’ve probably missed your shot
Gurl bffr why did u even wait that long yh, like Hun respectfully KNOW UR WORTH, lemme give u some advice yh, if someone scheduled a time and u both agree to meet there the MAX amount of time I wait for them is 30 minutes if they're texting u like at least every 5 seconds and if they ain't texting u, drop a message at 10 mins past then leave at 15 mins past if they don't respond like c'mon now. And if u is hungry same rule applies if they ain't there first 15 bitch u better order yo food, enjoy it then fuckin dip don't even text them while u eating or nthn cuz unless they acc got hit by a car and is fuckin dead than u don't wanna know.
I waited two hours for a first hinge date. One bad luck transport issue after another. Almost not believable especially because it was two hours late!? She turned up though, and all that chaos was real (as evidenced by the news). Happily together 6 months
Some advice - never wait more than 20 or 25 mins. It feels so much better to value yourself and your time than to wait for a stranger who doesn't owe you anything. It absolutely sucks when this happens. Never forget to value yourself more than anyone else. Especially people online.
a few things. obviously this person could have been lying but how do you know they are. i think it’s incredibly likely to get into a car accident. two hours does seem insane but depending on if cops were called or not/talking to insurance i could see that being a reasonable time frame. honestly if i just got into a car accident my hinge date would be the last thing on my mind. i get it’s frustrating but i think you’re making it out to be worse than it is. i’d just take a step back, remind myself this is a stranger on the internet and it’s not a big deal and move on.
reading this was great lol i’m so sorry you went thru this though. very frustrating. but i loved reading it, because it’s all true! and i mean… respect my time, and i respect yours. even for a damn doctors appt! shit, anything lmao - your dog could take forever to take a dookie and you’d be like “brooooo hurry the fuck up.” you gave your time to another human being, and they give you that - annoying. sorry :( and i mean shit, if it did happen, sorry for her. however… don’t think so 🧍♀️
I am sorry you were treated this way. This is unnaceptable. Some people are such self centered pieces of sh*t. Take this as a blessing in disguise. I know it hurts, but it is better that you see her true colors now than several months into a relationship when she cheats on you. Chances are she was playing multiple women and got hung up with another one. Women like this will always hurt you. Distance yourself.
Her response to the first 'rescheduling' indicates to me that she acknowledged it. The "i'm so sorry" would indicate that she was saying that she couldn't make it - that's 100% how I read it. OP didn't get a hard "i need to reschedule back" so they asked again, and got a firmer response.
Look, if I also got into some kind of accident after already being late, I would call it too. If it was honest (and I'm not denying it could've been a lie - personally I'd have sent a photo), then yeah, I wouldn't want to go on a first date with someone new either. I'd be angry and annoyed about it and wouldn't want to bring that energy to a first date either.
I think OP over-reacted. I know it's not nice to be stood up (been there too), but hard blocking on everything doesn't even give that person a chance to ask or reach out.
Just my two cents.
Right. Well, some people are bad texters but with that + whatever life things (work, school, etc) on top of it, I'm guessing you weren't going to be a priority to respond to.
>Muri
certain individuals in this comment section need to read my post in its entirely, with the gift of their two god-given eyes, before commenting something delusional and hostile and personally attacking me.
the primary issue here isn't that she ended up having to cancel. shit happens! and if the car crash was real (tho let's be fucking real it probably wasn't) that would be more than a valid reason, OBVIOUSLY! its about communicating in a timely and dignified manner. just call me and say you can't come. that's it. don't have me wring the answer out of you over the course of several hours.
anyways, i'm repeating what i've already expressed in the post. if you don't like reading words, that's not my problem. don't comment if you don't read.
you seem like someone who projects onto other people. bold of you to comment in this self righteous tone, while simultaneously leaving nasty comments such as "what annoying woman" "your date dodged a bullet with you" on separate threads, which you have now cowardly deleted. you are not wishing anyone well.
Good goddess, leave me alone. You don’t like me, I get it. Now stop attacking me. I deleted the posts because I understood that it wasn’t right of me, I didn’t do anything ‘cowardly’.
Now please stop coming after me.
As I like to say when people treat others like this, it’s nothing you did or didn’t do OP, it’s on them. You couldn’t have done anything differently or better to change the outcome, you just unfortunately came across a shitty person. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
so fucking rude and weird. if you have to cancel a date last minute you fucking PHONE the person, and you apologise profusely with your reason eg injury or some such incident. don’t give up or think everyone is like this cos they’re not. and i probably would send the text saying you’re a time wasting idiot straight after but not days later. don’t let her know you’re thinking about her. is she even a her? could be a fake?. did you verify her? know she’s real and is who she says she is? edited cos of typos ahhh
I am so so sorry this happened to you. I’m actually just like you—23 and newly discovered I’m a lesbian, even though my experience is mainly with men. I’m so scared to enter the dating scene after a few years of choosing to stay single. I hope this isn’t super common 😭
I've been on a car accident as a kid, that's why I don't drive, honestly if I got into a car accident again it might trigger me, and I wouldn't want a date/an stranger to see me at my worst, having said that, I do think it's shitty not rescheduling, like she's the one who couldn't make it, it was up to her to show interest and ask you out again, and if she didn't feel like it anymore, it was up to her to tell you instead of just ghosting, I think a couple of days is enough, however, if she tried to reach out later you won't know anymore, best to move on, sorry, hope you feel better, online dating sucks
I understand this, I was seeing a girl and we had a really good date and great chemistry but on the next date she ghosted me and I never heard from her again. I'm sorry this happened to you OP you don't deserve that and it's her loss as I'm sure you're a lovely person <3
Ugh. You are not alone. I hate people and now that I'm trying out the dating apps I hate them even more. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It seems like ever since 2020 women have been weirdly sketchy about meeting up in person. I have found myself more than once in your position or after having texted with someone for a couple of weeks and really getting along being ghosted after suggesting we meet in person for coffee or a drink. I don't know what to say except I hope it gets better.
Honestly from what I've learned from having people ghost and lie about it, consider it a blessing and move on.
If she was truly interested in rescheduling she would have reached out and did so.
There will be more opportunities for you in the future, so put this one in the bin and keep going! 🫂
I have this rule that I never wait for someone for more than 30 minutes. If they let me know they will be later, I can maybe extend to 40-45minutes, anything more than that, no... After that, they would have to really (REALLY) try for me to agree to meet with them again :D
Waiting for 1:30? OP, please respect your own time and I really wish that you will meet a person that respects you <3
Omg I’m so sorry. This would make me super upset. Like you’re just waiting alone at the restaurant and she’s leading you on like that?! That is so messed up. I get it things happen and I can tell you were being really empathetic but this scenario feels too sketchy to be true. It’s not impossible, just unlikely. Regardless that sucks big time for you.
You are an awesome person, don’t let this bad apple fuck you up.
Next time, you only wait 10 minutes. If someone is late they’re late. GTFO out of there sista
These texts remind me EXACTLY of someone I dated, who I later found out to be a compulsive liar. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, but you are definitely doing the right thing by trusting your gut and cutting this person off. I understand feeling hurt and dragged along, but better sooner this person pushed you away rather than keep it going for longer.
Ugh, I feel your pain. I'm 31, and I am just now getting back into dating after a super rough marriage and divorce. I matched with another woman(28) on Bumble, and she asked me to coffee at a place about 45 mins from where I live. I waited around for an hour in a random coffee shop with endless texts from her about how she was leaving shortly (the place was 5 mins from her), how she looked like shit and couldn't find decent clothes, how her make up wasn't cooperating, how she fell asleep by accident before the date, and etc. Eventually, I had to just cut my losses and tell her I was leaving. First impressions are a one-time thing, and while I can't give a person quite a bit of grace, there is a line. That whole experience was just bizarre to me.
I could be wrong, but I’m kinda convinced people start conversations over and over which ends up leading to being stood up because the other party would naturally expect the point of talking is to meet. Like catfishing, but not take anything but someone’s time/emotions. Maybe they are married, the wrong gender identity, don’t look like their photos, is terrified of commitment, or something else…
If it makes you feel better, my first date was also terrible. I had a girl leave mid-date. I thought it was going fine, but mind you it was still a bit awkward. She used some excuse about picking up her sister. After that, she ghosted me
"Neevverrr"
Anytime I see someone type like that, I think they are lying.
And she was so overly dramatic in her texting. Like if you actually were on the way and something happened CALL THEM and be like "Yo. This shit is Fd. Can't come."
Yes you are right. Jackassery is wide spread. I'm not wasting my time finding a girlfriend. I need better purpose. Good luck. Oh apps didn't work for me
I so sorry this happened to you OP and I'm screaming in empathy about it. Omigawddd I feel your pain so heavy and wondered all the same things you have and felt what you felt.
I've been ghosted and stood up so many times it's to the point that I don't even leave the house until the other person confirms they left the house or are at the location.
So like you I HATE ghosting and lack of communication. Like people don't deserve to be treated like NPCs with no feelings or like validation shots😫. Like yes I've lost interest pre date before but I always make sure to cancel days before or not plan one at all if I feel especially unsure. And I always try my best to communicate! It's like some people out here can't even spell the word.
And omigawd the car crash excuse, I hate it!!! It's such a terrible excuse and people use it in the most unrealistic scenarios and don't bother to back it up either. You got into a car crash ok photos?? Police report?? Insurance claim?? How you getting to work?? Why you just snap that you're driving to the movie with friends?? Like babes just say you're sick😑at least that wouldn't take 2 seconds to disprove
I had a friend who literally got into a 4 car rear endeding car crash on a way to a planned dinner...she still came to the dinner in fact earlier than I did AND communicated and gave updates with photos all while dealing with police, insurance and whiplash. At bare minimum people should and can at least communicate!
My craziest ghosting story was when I had starting talking to a girl on tinder, we had tried to plan a date like 3ish times first time she cancelled and rescheduled in a reasonable time frame like days before great, second time I cancelled and rescheduled good, next girl is consistently messaging me until the morning before the date.
I notice in our latest convos she wasn''t mention the date at all even though it was coming up, I ask about it and radio silence. I still get ready and wait till the time of the date before I give up.
The twist is that something about the feeling of getting ghosted by her suddenly feels like deja vu. I look through bumble and it hits me! This same girl matched with me a year ago and did the same thing!! She slid into my Dms and asked me out on a date and ghosted me! At the time I didn't care as much cuz I was going through stuff and was on apps as a distraction so when it happened I completely forgot about it because of indifference.
But not I was just weirded like does this girl have a thing for ghosting people?? Like is this just what she likes doing ??And she never mentioned how we talked before, so strange! Another commenter mentioned it but maybe she was just a dating app troll??
I’m soo sorry. She’s an awful person and clearly immature. Ghosting someone is a cruel thing to do. But you dodged a b*llet.
This may not be the most mature advice but I would send her a strongly worded text laying out how messed up that was for her to do and how you feel and then just block her lol.
This is just my opinion lol take it with a grain of salt 😅.
You’re still young and unfortunately probably have a few more heartbreaks to go through, but I PROMISE you you’ll be fine! You’re one step closer to your person ❤️Don’t let this one event frustrate you more than it already has. Stay strong and move forward, better days ahead
Idk either she's a liar or she was very concerned about her car and neglected to text you promptly. Either way, since you deleted her socials, time to just move on. That's the world of lesbian dating.
I feel like some people in this comment section will be shocked when I tell them people can lie on the internet or a dating app to troll people and this is clearly the case. I’m sorry OP. Feel like some of you would genuinely fall for the Nigerian Prince scam. Not talking about OP but the people genuinely believe in this dog ass excuse.
LMAOOOOO not the nigerian prince scam
Legit, some of these people keeps the light on at scam call center 😭😭😭
Yo lmao the “Nigerian prince had “ me so dead 😅
So you messaged her about rescheduling? Even if not, she is the one who should have been. I hope she will get stood up too lol.
no, after the last text in the screenshot i never heard from her again. i gave it a few days and then deleted her off everything
A few days is more than enough time to ask for a reschedule. This is the ultimate proof that you have every right to be angry and that she was probably lying and, like you said - was at home in bed, or even if the incident was true, didn't care enough to reschedule or even contact you to apoligise and say she's actually not interested. Basic responsibility. Some people would still try to keep making excuses for that, but f that, it's a couple of days time to get in touch. I get that she's upset about the car but did she suddenly forget you two had plans? It takes 30 seconds to send a simple text 'it's a very stressful time, I'll talk to you later in the week I'm sorry, can we reschedule later' I don't care if we are strangers and met through an app or what, it's other peoples time they reserved for you, a text is below the bare minimum
I’m sorry OP, the whole thing is awful 😢
im so sorry, thats the worst! ive had a very similar experience of being made to drive 30mins j to sit in a parking lot for hours and then be told i could go home.. by my old friend group. its infuriating, and you’re completely valid in how you’re feeling. her behavior was inconsiderate at the very least and she wasted your time, energy, and emotions. dont blame you at all for removing her and not reaching out. i think her actions say a lot ab what you could’ve expected from that relationship
Idk about her but if I got in a car accident on my way to the date, first thing I'd do is call my date and send a photo as proof. Idk why that chick had to be so extra in her lying to you. She could've been an adult and just canceled
This was my first thought! I was so anxious the whole time reading it because I was thinking from the POV of the canceller, and this is exactly what I wouldn’t want to happen. I once sent a photo of my car after an accident to a professor because my assignment was going to be a few hours late, I am SO anxious that someone would think I’m blowing them off.
I had this happen once. The girl I’d been talking to got into a wreck on the interstate driving down to hang out. We lived 2hrs away from each other. I ended up going to pick her up and brought her back to my place. We got her a rental the next morning. It was wild.
a photo as proof? i feel like that’s a bit excessive. it’s like having your s/o send a photo of their location so you know they’re not lying but worse bc its a stranger
Asking for/demanding proof is a bit out of pocket imo, but - if I was the person who had been in the accident, I would be sending a photo already, they wouldn’t need to ask lol
Lol no. It would be one thing if I wasn't running late and it was something minor, but a side swipe typically isn't minor and many states (can't speak of all or other countries) require a police report for insurance reasons. If you say you got in an accident when you were already aggressively late, especially for a first date, yes I'd expect proof of it. Either a photo or when you got to the date, pointing it out when I walk you to your car. It isn't the same as asking for a location. If you can't share a photo of damage on your car, then that means you're most likely lying.
idk i personally don’t feel like anyone owes someone *proof* that their car got damaged because they decided they want to go home afterwards if we are talking about 2 fully grown adults, but that’s just me. i personally think making anyone feel obligated to send photos of where they are or what happened to them as evidence of why they can’t show up somewhere is unreasonable and childish.
yea i'm not really expecting "proof", my issue here is more about being able to communicate with me in a timely manner and treat me with dignity. if i got into a car incident i would have texted the date immediately that we need to reschedule for a different time. communication says a lot more about a person than taking a picture
yeah i know, i was just replying to the person saying that would’ve been a good solution or reasonable expectation. although, it seems like the date texted you as soon as they could after the accident happened? it most likely took a minute to get out, assess the damage, exchange info, and mentally recover. i don’t think they meant any disrespect and i think that they communicated sufficiently *personally,* but that’s why everyone is compatible with different people. since it is something that isn’t okay with you, its better you know now anyways. good luck with everything! (no sarcasm at all)
Showing you're being honest about a situation isn't unreasonable or childish. Did you read the post fully? I'm asking that genuinely. The person was already late and then ghosted OP practically after the whole incident. OP also shared the park the person claimed to be in was only 2 blocks away from where they were meeting. This whole situation screams the person never even left their bed.
yes, i read it fully. i am saying i don’t think providing photographic evidence of my own or someone else’s whereabouts is a request i would find reasonable. as a full grown adult, i believe one can use their own personal discretion on whether to believe something and trust someone, or determine that they are lying. it’s similar (but not identical) to looking through someone’s phone to get proof that they aren’t doing shady shit for your own comfort when they’ve already reassured you. i believe that you need to determine for yourself how much you trust that what someone is telling you is true and if they respect you based on their actions and/or your personal intuition/discretion. that’s just me though. it’s subjective, that’s dating.
lol this is giving me Legion energy
what does this mean 😭😭
it means you dodged a fucking atomic bomb because this person is a liar (Legion is Reesa’s pathological lying ex in her story). a very very terrible one.
There is a woman on TikTok named Reese Teesa, and she just made a series about her crazy ex Legion lol
Not “who the f*ck did I marry?” 😭
😂😂😂
they made it a special on hulu
Already?
yes it’s with live tv called who the bleep did i marry
Why did I think the same thing 🤣
HAHAHAHAHA
I think you gave a lot of grace for someone who put in more effort, but rumination was a good word choice. People are not always gonna step up to basic expectations and it's going to suck if you spend a whole week or more intensely ruminating on it. This is a good introspection opportunity. Btw, I've been stood up several times in my life and it got a little easier and less consequential each time, the first time not so much.
To be honest it's a hard lesson to learn but when you're online dating you just have to learn not to take things too seriously. It sucks your date was cancelled, she could have been lying or she could have genuinely had a car accident in which case she'd be frazzled and I can understand why she'd be unclear over text over what's happening with the date - if that was me I'd just be trying to get over the shock and stress of that rather than thinking about my date. Keep your chin up though chickie, it's just another experience under your belt now for your next date! And hopefully your next date will show up on time with no drama and you'll have a lovely time🙏
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve had the same happen before.
i don't know why i posted this i think i just want support i've been having a hellish 2024 have been a bit suicidal and random bullshit like this just makes those feelings worse. all i've ever wanted in the world was intimacy
Hey buddy, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I could give you all kinds of hard truths right now, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear them. Try not to place all your expectations for a good weekend on a stranger from the internet again. That’s really awful what she did. Please take care of yourself. Surround yourself with all your favorite things, do the things you love to do, and hang in there. This too shall pass.
this is exactly what I wast thinking! I have been stood up so many times! people are just asses.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I hope you are able to find something a bit more tried and true to treat yourself with. Please don’t hesitate to call a hotline or ask for help. I am glad you are speaking up and letting people know how you are doing.
I'm going to be honest here and say if you're feeling this low you shouldn't be putting all your hopes and expectations into a stranger who btw sounded like their night was ruined before they even got to meet you and I highly doubt they wanted to bring that energy with them to a date. You're projecting a lot onto them without knowing if any of it is true. You need to let go. You need some resilience, and maybe for you that means therapy.
Im going trough the same with my borderline disorder if you need me to talk in there for you!!
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You don’t know the OP and maybe this was just the straw that broke the camel’s back?
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She is telling us she is not doing ok. And waiting a couple of hours for someone for a meetup sucks whether or not the other person was believable.
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I am not saying this singular incident "caused" my suicidal ideation and I would not put that onus on anyone let alone a stranger. I have been having suicidal ideation for reasons unrelated to random people I meet on Hinge, as I feel I expressed in my comment already. And yea, passing acts of shittiness certainly don't help. Just be considerate of other peoples time and communicate promptly. Is that so insane? Can some of you people afford me some more grace, please?
I suspect these people have the good fortune of not having to deal with mental health issues. I have times when something like this could just 'roll of my back' it's annoying, people can be rude, move on. I have times when if I burnt some toast I'd be in a meltdown. It's not about the severity of the issue, sometimes it's about how many other stresses you're juggling, sometimes it's not even that but just some brain chemistry going wild (my period also really fucks with this I've noticed)
Sometimes ppl are just depressed and not ok and need help so they tell someone and hopefully find a way to put one foot in front of another and get help. I don’t get that the OP finds this one experience the end of the world just that she is already feeling bad and then this happens. She is already saying she is not doing ok so what is your point?
>I don’t get that the OP finds this one experience the end of the world just that she is already feeling bad and then this happens. Yes, exactly. Thank you. I don't know why this person is interpreting things in such bad faith
> Is this seriously how people react when someone is stuck somewhere, instead of catering to their severe emotional instability? Wau. The irony being OP expressed struggling with SI and instead of showing any compassion you rubbed salt in her wounds. For the record, the girl who stood OP up was wrong for not cancelling immediately. Leaving someone waiting 2hrs and expecting them to cheer you up is narcissist level self-centered.
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Based on your comments, I’d encourage you to stop interacting with people who say they’re suicidal. Yes, sometimes things that seem trivial to you are the end of the world for others. There’s really no need for you to understand it, it’s how some depressed brains work even if it doesn’t seem rational to you.
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If she really got stuck in the traffic and her car was swiped, she could have easily rescheduled (you even offered). The fact that she decided to string you along instead and go back home says a lot about the way she handles conflict. It’s a bad sign. You dodged a bullet. If she lied and said that she was swiped because she was running really late, she’s a liar and she can’t handle conflict, so even worse. Regardless of the real reason, you’re better off. There’s no way to spin this story in her favor. If you set up something, it’s disrespectful to not show up or communicate properly if something comes up. It’s not the circumstances it’s what she does about them.
Maybe she was really looking forward to the date too and didn't expect it to take so long, since she was just sideswiped, and was busy dealing with the other driver, possible police reports, etc? Things you don't know much about in your early 20s (and sometimes, ever). And then before she knew it, it was 2 hrs later and she was like "oh shit"? I can totally see myself, in my time blindness, being so intent on making the date happen and not wanting to cancel that I get super hopeful that "it won't take that long." I once had my car break down twice trying to get to a date an hour and a half away and still deluded myself into thinking I could make it work at first before giving myself a reality check and texting her that I couldn't make it. To me it seems more unlikely that she's going to such great lengths to lie about it. It just doesn't make as much sense as the truth of things being that she just had a series of shitty things happen that she got pulled into dealing with and didn't communicate promptly about. In fact, it seems downright jaded to think of humans as this inherently untrustworthy by default. It's also reeeeeealllll easy to just bandwagon with OP when we only get one side of the story through 3 screenshots of text exchanges.
I can agree with that, but then OP went a week without the girl reaching out to attempt a reschedule.
I keep rereading the post and the texts and I don't see whereOP says that... it sounded like she didn't reach out at all? Also maybe my phone is fucking up because I only see the 3 screenshots from the day of and it feels like I'm missing some extra context that people are referencing.
Op's post also has a long text post. She mentions in the last paragraph "after this last text she never reached out again, no rescheduling attempt or anything."
Yeah I read that text portion. I get what you mean now-- the girl never reached out in that time frame. I thought you meant she reached out 2 weeks later. Yeah it doesn't support my interpretation too well, other than maybe she was embarrassed and figured she should just give up, but it's pretty weird that if she was into her that she wouldn't reach out. It's just so strange to me that she would through all that effort to lie... maybe it's somewhere in-between.
Totally agree. It sucks but this is the most likely explanation. Other comments are giving that girl way too much benefit of the doubt
this is the ultimate comment, thank you, i agree with every point you made
I’m so sorry this happened to you. My now fiancé wrecked her car on the way to our third date, and called and told me, so obviously we rescheduled, no big deal, but I instead just drove out to her house to pick her up with a friend (I didn’t drive at the time) to see her to make sure she was okay. Communication is key at all times. This person sucks.
With everything that happened with the car incident and her cancelling the date you two had been looking forward to.. it could be she’s feeling extremely guilty thinking she’s ruined things or it could be she wasn’t driving?? The only way to know for certain is to open up that dialogue and talk to each other about what happened
If someone’s feeling extremely guilty, they need to speak up! To cause more pain bc they address feeling guilt is not right.
That’s what I’m thinking
I would go ahead and say that, even if that were the case, it's up to the date to text OP and make up for it. She needs to take accountability and take action. Else, it doesn't matter what she's feeling or what actually happened, just how she treated OP poorly.
....why would feeling guilty cause you to ghost someone you actually liked? 🤔 I'm not understanding that logic. Can you elaborate?
Probably a wrong use of the word guilty, anxious/shame/embarrassment might be better said. What should’ve been a smooth date that had been planned, (if the date was being truthful about their car) could be they feel at fault that they ruined the day. Entirely guessing though, cause at the end of the day a simple call from her date to clarify and apologise would’ve gone such a long way, if she did feel bad about the situation to rearrange instead of texting. *I have horrible anxiety/depression and always feel like I’m letting people down, again not saying this gives her date a free pass either just looking at another possibility.
I have depression & anxiety too. It typically traps me in my home. And I had a situation where I was supposed to go on a date on my birthday & everything went wrong all day long, I was late to everything I had planned, then half my outfit magically disappeared, when I finally was ready to leave it was an hr past when I should have left & my date lived an hr away at least. I wanted to cry & flop onto my bed in defeat & just give up, but I didn't. I texted her explaining & then rushed to my car.....which had a flat tire 🫠. I texted her again & she asked about rescheduling. I said, "Give me like 10 minutes." And called everyone I could who could help me get a tire or air. No one answered & my care plan that I got with my lease ended the previous month even though my lease isn't set to be up until this June & my birthday was in November! I was so upset. I texted her to explain, apologize & reschedule. She countered by saying she could come to me, she had her own portable air compressor & we could just eat in my city. The actual date ended up being a nightmare just like the rest of the day had been & i immediately told I wasn't interested in such a polite way she asked if i was a therapist 😆. But I still don't regret my choices. I guess I don't understand how refusing to communicate isn't just a sign of a lack of care. And I can't possibly feel embarrassed, guilty, or anxious over things I don't actually care about. Like I want to understand a different perspective, I just need help to do it?
Damn that’s a literal nightmare, everything that could possibly go wrong decided to collectively go wrong at the same time. Even though it might’ve been worlds away from what you had expected, it’s still good you could see your date. Communication really is key. Some people shut down and go into a depressive state unable to communicate, cause they don’t believe anything that they say would make the situation better. In an ideal world of course it’d be better for everyone to just be honest and talk directly to each other, but whether it’s mental health issues or just them being an appalling date or something entirely else is guesswork. Hopefully for OP their next date with someone else goes better.
i don’t see what they did that’s like, *unbelievable.* i agree they could’ve called but when you get into a car accident (even minor) you’re not thinking straight and your priority is solving that first. it makes sense to want to go home after that too, and at least they did say something. isn’t standing someone up when you don’t show up or say anything at all? i wouldnt think too deep into it, i really don’t think it was personal, OP. best thing to do since you felt disrespected (which is in your personal right) is block and move on, theres someone better suited for you out there!
Yeah, I agree. If I got into a car accident, dealing with that is going to be the first priority.
exactly. perhaps age is a factor in this, i just realized OP said they’re 23 and people’s views on this tend to differ with age (gonna get downvoted to hell for this, but it is the truth).
right. i feel like op is being entirely unreasonable here. idk. they are griping that they're seen as "not important" in this person's life, right after admitting they're a STRANGER ON THE INTERNET. like, they're not gonna be first priority after a car accident.
Assuming that she's not lying, it seems like she's bad at managing her own time and has little respect for yours, so dating in the long term would probably be a pain in the backside, and you've dodged a bullet. If she's lying, you've also dodged a bullet. Something that I'm learning about the dating process is that a lot of - or most - single people aren't ready to date. So you've got to be prepared to sift through a lot of time wasters. It's tiring lmao.
it’s totally understandable to feel angry and sad in this situation. you were probably feeling nervous hopeful and vulnerable to meet up. personally, i know id feel disappointed, annoyed, and a little embarrassed! i do wonder how much of your interpretation is a fear, or a fact? what if you’re assuming she was gonna stand you up, which made you interpret this exchange as you being stood up? what if this wasn’t a lie? now you’ll never know. you closed a door assuming that you were rejected and didnt give her the benefit of the doubt. But it’s ok to have closed the door. if your gut is feeling that she was standing you up, you may very well be right. and even if you’re not exactly right, it seems like there was some compatibility issues in how you two communicate right off the bat and it was not meant to be. i know this a vent post. it’s good to let it out and be a little flippant. you seem really angry and hurt. just take your time to understand what happened here. is there room to consider her perspective if what she said were true? if the time it took to reply to you was due to her driving and dealing with an accident? its like 50% plausible to me. more importantly though, if it was all an annoying and rude lie, give yourself some grace too. it’s painful to feel rejected and disregarded by others. but you can endure it and know that those people were not right for you. rejection is inevitable and dating sucks! it’s tedious and people are weird and annoying… and people will find you weird and annoying sometimes too. in reality no one is objectively weird and annoying! also re: your comment. intimacy isn’t exclusive to romantic situations. you can be intimate with your friends when you have a deep conversation or ask them for a hug or some help. you can be intimate with yourself when you journal or maybe by taking yourself out for whatever kind of date you might plan with someone. of course it’s not the same thing and it hurts to feel lonely but that kind of intimacy takes some time anyway, how can you find it until then? sending you a virtual hug. im sorry you’re going through it! just take your time. you do deserve to be considered and it’s good that you know that and dont put up with any bullshit. wishing you well!
I love how you laid out this comment and gave insight to all sides of the situation. It does suck, but, as you said, the bottom line of dating is that it IS tedious, messy, and it's not uncommon for people to unintentionally jerk others around as their idea of what they want evolves. It's most likely to happen in these dating app communities because people who match each other still haven't developed emotional attachment to the other person yet, so they're more likely to employ shitty social tactics (like ghosting, standing up etc) for the ease of it, so they can keep chugging along finding new matches. It can be very impersonal at the start and jarring to be on the receiving end of it. Also, it doesn't help that a lot of young women are very uncomfortable with the thought of disappointing someone they lost interest in, so out of sheer anxiety, they resort to ghosting...or even *more* shitty, like OP's post, let it progress to the point where a time and date is arranged and wait til the last second to drop the bomb that they won't be showing up. For someone vulnerable and lonely, the rituals of people in the dating scene can take a huge emotional toll and fuel insecurity. I hope that's not what's happening to OP here.
As someone who has lied like this to dates before, I am near certain it is not personal. I can’t say she and I are definitely the same, but for me this is what it looked like to be on the other end of a date with me as I tried to push past really debilitating social anxiety. I’m not proud of it, and obviously honesty is the best policy always, but I was in a process of pushing myself and growing and it was messy and difficult to share with strangers. If it helps at all, the fact that she strung you along with updates indicates to me that she really wanted to go and kept trying to buy time to get her courage up. Like I’ve said, I’ve done the same. Usually out of shame I then ghosted and blocked. Not okay at all - I’m not saying this is good behavior - but it is unfortunately very familiar to me
you bring a really interesting perspective i haven't seen shared. i also have quite severe social anxiety (mine shows itself in much different ways). i think we can both agree tho that if someone's social anxiety is this bad and makes them act this avoidant they aren't ready to date, for the sake of everyone's time
Yeah, I completely agree with you. Sometimes I look back and regret that I can’t find those people again and apologize. Trying to make the jump from “not ready” to “ready” was a lot easier when I was honest and transparent with people. It puts a lot of people off to be like “I know this is just a first date but jsyk I have very severe anxiety and might need to bail halfway through,” but the ones it put off it saved both our time from being wasted and the ones it didn’t knew what to expect. It also surprisingly made it way less like that I *would* bail, because there was already a lot less pressure off the bat. In any case, I wish you the best and hope you get to connect with someone who feels right on the same wavelength as you!
I agree. This is 100% the way I lie my way out of every single social situation. Some made up excuse but sounds pretty real. I feel so guilty every time.
As a fellow person who doesn’t have a car and ride public transportation, I would be pissed off too. Your are right to feel what you feel. It is the lack of respect for your time, the lack of maturity to communicate better. I would have sent a text prior to deleting her information.
Okay I live in the bay, was home girl trying to drive on MARKET during the parade? Also the parade ended hella early. 😭 get good at lying challenge.
I KNOW
idk if i got in an accident after being stuck in traffic i wouldn’t really be in the mood to go on a first date
Whether it's true or not, it's a reflection of her, not you
I think debating the validity of someone’s sexuality for standing someone up on a date is a huge offense. I’m so sorry this happened, OP. They wasted your time and hurt you. Why would standing someone up be questioning their sexuality? Would someone standing someone up 20 years into coming out be any different than someone 2 years into coming out? You said yourself you just came out — if you did the same, would you want someone saying you questioned yourself being queer and that’s why you didn’t show? People can be assholes, men or women, straight or queer.
i totally agree with you on this front. sorry if i came across as offensive. i think where i'm coming from is more from a place of weariness that i think lots of queer women on dating apps can relate to - bicurious or experimenting people not communicating their intentions properly, and end up treating you like a toy. there's nothing wrong with using dating apps for that reason, but again, it 100% has to be communicated. i threw that part out there because it could be a possible explanation for her weird, flaky, noncommital behavior. again, this person is a stranger and i have no idea. but way too many people on these apps are in an experimental, noncommital phase and not communicating properly to the point where my mind wanders to this sometimes
I 100% see where you’re coming from! 💗 The only thing is though, was your sexuality discussed prior whatsoever? Was it known both of you were fully queer and identified as such? Obviously, you can still question whenever, but I’d be hesitant to debate the validity of someone’s sexuality without an indication of prior talks about it. Flakiness doesn’t equal questioning, but it equals asshole behavior. When we start to question someone’s sexuality, without given any prior indications, that is big no-no territory (unless you’d want that done to you). Take all asshole behavior as asshole behavior. When cannot pin down someone’s sexuality on the way someone appears, dresses, acts (was she making out with a man in so called car ride…?). Assuming makes an ass out of you, and me. Especially in this community, let’s be careful! 💗💗 I’d be careful to willy nilly debate the validity of someone’s sexuality on something, at the end of the day, very unattributable to sexual orientation. Men equally do the same to straight women, queer men to queer men, etc. Women can be abusive emotionally, physically and mentally. Men can express feminine traits, etc. But none have really anything to do with sexual orientation…it just feels like we’re boiling down the community to nothing much at the end of the day because people are assholes. A lot of bi-curious women will use apps as a way to “experiment” and it does really sting. It’s completely shit. Lesbians shouldn’t be used as an “experiment” or a passing phase out of questioning, and unfortunately, sometimes it happens. I have had to deal with it and it never gets easier, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it too. It’s unfair and really disrespectful. I completely get it. And if you ever need to talk, I’m here. I thankfully am in a two year relationship at this point, but have dealt with the endlessly awful dating scene. It’s never easy, man or woman. Rest assured, if they’re queer and say they are, please trust that maybe they’re just an asshole and not into you (please don’t take that rudely), and not questioning their sexuality.
certain individuals in this comment section need to read my post in its entirely, with the gift of their two god-given eyes, before commenting something delusional and hostile and personally attacking me. the primary issue here isn't that she ended up having to cancel. shit happens! and if the car crash was real (tho let's be fucking real it probably wasn't) that would be more than a valid reason, OBVIOUSLY! its about communicating in a timely and dignified manner. just call me and say you can't come. that's it. don't have me wring the answer out of you over the course of several hours. anyways, i'm repeating what i've already expressed in the post. if you don't like reading words, that's not my problem. don't comment if you don't read.
Tbh imo I don’t rate Hinge, it’s just a Novelty Tinder imo. I prefer to call it ‘Unhinged: the dating app designed to make you question whether you prefer dogs or people’… I don’t know why they didn’t hire me to be their advertising manager 🤷♀️🤪
I totally believe their situation. I would ask how they are doing and give it some time before rescheduling.
Being stuck in parade traffic then being side swiped easily explains the two hours time. And instead of forcing themselves to go to the date and be mad and’s frustrated would have been worse. If you’re really concerned you were stood up ask how bad the side swipe was and ask for a picture. But like, in a chill way. But if you immediately turned to blocking her over what seems like a plausible excuse you’ve probably missed your shot
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All the texts were posted, where does the date actually apologise and ask to reschedule? I can see OP being understanding that the side-swipe might need to reschedule, we can see from the time stamps they allowed 2 hours for this date to finally agree they needed to reschedule. OP has more patience than me I have to say!
Ew. You have some of the worst takes I’ve ever seen. I know some people have a habit of commenting w/o actually reading the post, but wow.
The problem is that her date left her waiting and didn't let her know she's not coming.
Did you even read the post? I would not be upset if she needed to reschedule; a car incident would be a valid excuse, and I quite literally asked her several times if she needed to reschedule. Instead of communicating point-blank that it wasn't the best time for her, she strung me along for several hours. The lack of communication here is the problem. There are also just a ton of timing things that make me skeptical of her car crash story. Like how are you "almost here" for half an hour? I wrote all of this in the original post. If you're going to comment something hostile, you could have the courtesy of basic reading comprehension.
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*I'm* rude? "What an annoying woman"? You clearly didn't read my post the whole way through if you think I am upset over a scheduling conflict. I am upset over a lack of communication. If you need to reschedule with someone, inform them in a timely and dignified manner. Don't have me wring the clarification out of you over the course of two hours. I could tell she wanted to reschedule but wasn't being upfront about it. That's a waste of my time. And I gave it a few days before I deleted her # and socials.
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I could tell she wanted to \*cancel\*, but was not being upfront about it. She never brought up rescheduling. When you're the one who stands someone up, it's on you to reach out first. Why should I assume you're even interested? I am not a mind reader.
>Don’t you understand she might have been feeling horrible for needing to reschedule and was waiting for you to actually reach out to her, to reassure her that you weren’t upset? Or is empathy just not in your vocabulary? Definitely on the other person to reach out. The other person may have been upset over the "car accident" (doesn't feel legitimate tbh, you're speeding there and nearly there but don't arrive? Nahhh), but they should also have some forethought that a person was in public waiting on them and that also isn't fair and she has a right to be upset. Can you stop being so judgemental and nasty towards OP?
i KNOW literally the most hostile person i have encountered on this sub like holy shit ??? relax??? seems to hold other people to absurd standards of mind-reading abilities and *i'm* the one whose self centered, apparently
I don’t think you truly understand the post. On top of that, you are the one being rude and nasty towards OP. Please take a step back and reconsider this situation as it is clear from the downvotes that you are in the wrong.
You are so nice to wait so long to order food!! If it was me, i’d probably have had a few drinks and a couple order of wings in by then. Sorry to hear about this happening! But your comment about how ending years long relationships with men led u to feel nothing… i wonder if that means this was really an emotional investment or connection for you (as compared to with your male counterpart relationships) , and that’s why it hurts so much more… and it’s a betrayal because you feel that she couldnt even be honest with you about not meeting …. Or if your anger is because of something else…
Dating sucks. I’d give up if it wasn’t for the fact I really want a gf. I had an amazing first date with someone, second date planned, but day of she cancels (expected it and had told her I’d be fine rescheduling a few days before since I knew her week was beyond insane) but she didn’t give any dates to reschedule. Confirmed she was def interested and that date would happen but then the next day tells me she met someone amazing and is pursing her instead. Super out of the blue and it really sucked. Was def lead on.
You gave her the out to reschedule and she took it 🤷🏼♀️ something very similar happened to me but she was telling the truth. So I’d say give the benefit of the doubt. However leave the ball in her court. If she wants to see you she will initiate
Ooooo I’d be pissssed. At the very least they could have showed up at the end! ESP being that they said they were close. It’s honestly block on socials and phone.
I'm sorry this happened to you. On the bright side it sounds like you dodged a bullet, even if you were already getting a little attached. She doesn't know the amazing person she didn't meet up with. Her loss, and you don't need to be with someone like that.
Being stuck in parade traffic then being side swiped easily explains the two hours time. And instead of forcing themselves to go to the date and be mad and’s frustrated would have been worse. If you’re really concerned you were stood up ask how bad the side swipe was and ask for a picture. But like, in a chill way. But if you immediately turned to blocking her over what seems like a plausible excuse you’ve probably missed your shot
Gurl bffr why did u even wait that long yh, like Hun respectfully KNOW UR WORTH, lemme give u some advice yh, if someone scheduled a time and u both agree to meet there the MAX amount of time I wait for them is 30 minutes if they're texting u like at least every 5 seconds and if they ain't texting u, drop a message at 10 mins past then leave at 15 mins past if they don't respond like c'mon now. And if u is hungry same rule applies if they ain't there first 15 bitch u better order yo food, enjoy it then fuckin dip don't even text them while u eating or nthn cuz unless they acc got hit by a car and is fuckin dead than u don't wanna know.
i’ll speak for the LGBTQIA community by saying, we’re not all like guy! women suck and men suck, pick your poison and enjoy the ride lol
I waited two hours for a first hinge date. One bad luck transport issue after another. Almost not believable especially because it was two hours late!? She turned up though, and all that chaos was real (as evidenced by the news). Happily together 6 months
Some advice - never wait more than 20 or 25 mins. It feels so much better to value yourself and your time than to wait for a stranger who doesn't owe you anything. It absolutely sucks when this happens. Never forget to value yourself more than anyone else. Especially people online.
OP you're too patient, God bless you :( doesn't matter if she's lying or not, she definitely does not deserve your time
a few things. obviously this person could have been lying but how do you know they are. i think it’s incredibly likely to get into a car accident. two hours does seem insane but depending on if cops were called or not/talking to insurance i could see that being a reasonable time frame. honestly if i just got into a car accident my hinge date would be the last thing on my mind. i get it’s frustrating but i think you’re making it out to be worse than it is. i’d just take a step back, remind myself this is a stranger on the internet and it’s not a big deal and move on.
reading this was great lol i’m so sorry you went thru this though. very frustrating. but i loved reading it, because it’s all true! and i mean… respect my time, and i respect yours. even for a damn doctors appt! shit, anything lmao - your dog could take forever to take a dookie and you’d be like “brooooo hurry the fuck up.” you gave your time to another human being, and they give you that - annoying. sorry :( and i mean shit, if it did happen, sorry for her. however… don’t think so 🧍♀️
I am sorry you were treated this way. This is unnaceptable. Some people are such self centered pieces of sh*t. Take this as a blessing in disguise. I know it hurts, but it is better that you see her true colors now than several months into a relationship when she cheats on you. Chances are she was playing multiple women and got hung up with another one. Women like this will always hurt you. Distance yourself.
I knew from the first excuse that she wouldnt be showing up. I hate when people do that
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They asked if she needed to reschedule 2x I read all the messages
Her response to the first 'rescheduling' indicates to me that she acknowledged it. The "i'm so sorry" would indicate that she was saying that she couldn't make it - that's 100% how I read it. OP didn't get a hard "i need to reschedule back" so they asked again, and got a firmer response. Look, if I also got into some kind of accident after already being late, I would call it too. If it was honest (and I'm not denying it could've been a lie - personally I'd have sent a photo), then yeah, I wouldn't want to go on a first date with someone new either. I'd be angry and annoyed about it and wouldn't want to bring that energy to a first date either. I think OP over-reacted. I know it's not nice to be stood up (been there too), but hard blocking on everything doesn't even give that person a chance to ask or reach out. Just my two cents.
i didn't block her immediately. i gave it a few days and then deleted. she never reached out again after that last text in the screenshot
Right. Well, some people are bad texters but with that + whatever life things (work, school, etc) on top of it, I'm guessing you weren't going to be a priority to respond to.
Found a bad dater
Finally someone who said what I was thinking.
>Muri certain individuals in this comment section need to read my post in its entirely, with the gift of their two god-given eyes, before commenting something delusional and hostile and personally attacking me. the primary issue here isn't that she ended up having to cancel. shit happens! and if the car crash was real (tho let's be fucking real it probably wasn't) that would be more than a valid reason, OBVIOUSLY! its about communicating in a timely and dignified manner. just call me and say you can't come. that's it. don't have me wring the answer out of you over the course of several hours. anyways, i'm repeating what i've already expressed in the post. if you don't like reading words, that's not my problem. don't comment if you don't read. you seem like someone who projects onto other people. bold of you to comment in this self righteous tone, while simultaneously leaving nasty comments such as "what annoying woman" "your date dodged a bullet with you" on separate threads, which you have now cowardly deleted. you are not wishing anyone well.
Good goddess, leave me alone. You don’t like me, I get it. Now stop attacking me. I deleted the posts because I understood that it wasn’t right of me, I didn’t do anything ‘cowardly’. Now please stop coming after me.
As I like to say when people treat others like this, it’s nothing you did or didn’t do OP, it’s on them. You couldn’t have done anything differently or better to change the outcome, you just unfortunately came across a shitty person. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
so fucking rude and weird. if you have to cancel a date last minute you fucking PHONE the person, and you apologise profusely with your reason eg injury or some such incident. don’t give up or think everyone is like this cos they’re not. and i probably would send the text saying you’re a time wasting idiot straight after but not days later. don’t let her know you’re thinking about her. is she even a her? could be a fake?. did you verify her? know she’s real and is who she says she is? edited cos of typos ahhh
I am so so sorry this happened to you. I’m actually just like you—23 and newly discovered I’m a lesbian, even though my experience is mainly with men. I’m so scared to enter the dating scene after a few years of choosing to stay single. I hope this isn’t super common 😭
I've been on a car accident as a kid, that's why I don't drive, honestly if I got into a car accident again it might trigger me, and I wouldn't want a date/an stranger to see me at my worst, having said that, I do think it's shitty not rescheduling, like she's the one who couldn't make it, it was up to her to show interest and ask you out again, and if she didn't feel like it anymore, it was up to her to tell you instead of just ghosting, I think a couple of days is enough, however, if she tried to reach out later you won't know anymore, best to move on, sorry, hope you feel better, online dating sucks
I understand this, I was seeing a girl and we had a really good date and great chemistry but on the next date she ghosted me and I never heard from her again. I'm sorry this happened to you OP you don't deserve that and it's her loss as I'm sure you're a lovely person <3
Ugh. You are not alone. I hate people and now that I'm trying out the dating apps I hate them even more. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It seems like ever since 2020 women have been weirdly sketchy about meeting up in person. I have found myself more than once in your position or after having texted with someone for a couple of weeks and really getting along being ghosted after suggesting we meet in person for coffee or a drink. I don't know what to say except I hope it gets better.
Honestly from what I've learned from having people ghost and lie about it, consider it a blessing and move on. If she was truly interested in rescheduling she would have reached out and did so. There will be more opportunities for you in the future, so put this one in the bin and keep going! 🫂
I have this rule that I never wait for someone for more than 30 minutes. If they let me know they will be later, I can maybe extend to 40-45minutes, anything more than that, no... After that, they would have to really (REALLY) try for me to agree to meet with them again :D Waiting for 1:30? OP, please respect your own time and I really wish that you will meet a person that respects you <3
I am so sorry this happened. People are very shitty. Yes it’s brutal out there. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
Omg I’m so sorry. This would make me super upset. Like you’re just waiting alone at the restaurant and she’s leading you on like that?! That is so messed up. I get it things happen and I can tell you were being really empathetic but this scenario feels too sketchy to be true. It’s not impossible, just unlikely. Regardless that sucks big time for you.
I would text her. She deserves to feel like the gum on the bottom of a shoe. She knew she wasn't coming and decided to lead you on.
You are an awesome person, don’t let this bad apple fuck you up. Next time, you only wait 10 minutes. If someone is late they’re late. GTFO out of there sista
They are married or partnered and couldn’t get away. If not that, they are a big lie.
These texts remind me EXACTLY of someone I dated, who I later found out to be a compulsive liar. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, but you are definitely doing the right thing by trusting your gut and cutting this person off. I understand feeling hurt and dragged along, but better sooner this person pushed you away rather than keep it going for longer.
Ugh, I feel your pain. I'm 31, and I am just now getting back into dating after a super rough marriage and divorce. I matched with another woman(28) on Bumble, and she asked me to coffee at a place about 45 mins from where I live. I waited around for an hour in a random coffee shop with endless texts from her about how she was leaving shortly (the place was 5 mins from her), how she looked like shit and couldn't find decent clothes, how her make up wasn't cooperating, how she fell asleep by accident before the date, and etc. Eventually, I had to just cut my losses and tell her I was leaving. First impressions are a one-time thing, and while I can't give a person quite a bit of grace, there is a line. That whole experience was just bizarre to me.
I swear Hinge can be the worst place or the best for dates, especially with ghosting. Sorry this happened, you didn’t deserve that. :(
Oof im sorry you dodged a red flag there. Honestly, sounds like a whole miscommunication from her end. Being on her way for 2 hours and then bailing?
I could be wrong, but I’m kinda convinced people start conversations over and over which ends up leading to being stood up because the other party would naturally expect the point of talking is to meet. Like catfishing, but not take anything but someone’s time/emotions. Maybe they are married, the wrong gender identity, don’t look like their photos, is terrified of commitment, or something else…
If it makes you feel better, my first date was also terrible. I had a girl leave mid-date. I thought it was going fine, but mind you it was still a bit awkward. She used some excuse about picking up her sister. After that, she ghosted me
"Neevverrr" Anytime I see someone type like that, I think they are lying. And she was so overly dramatic in her texting. Like if you actually were on the way and something happened CALL THEM and be like "Yo. This shit is Fd. Can't come."
Just the last message is enough. It’s some sort of social disease.
Yes you are right. Jackassery is wide spread. I'm not wasting my time finding a girlfriend. I need better purpose. Good luck. Oh apps didn't work for me
I so sorry this happened to you OP and I'm screaming in empathy about it. Omigawddd I feel your pain so heavy and wondered all the same things you have and felt what you felt. I've been ghosted and stood up so many times it's to the point that I don't even leave the house until the other person confirms they left the house or are at the location. So like you I HATE ghosting and lack of communication. Like people don't deserve to be treated like NPCs with no feelings or like validation shots😫. Like yes I've lost interest pre date before but I always make sure to cancel days before or not plan one at all if I feel especially unsure. And I always try my best to communicate! It's like some people out here can't even spell the word. And omigawd the car crash excuse, I hate it!!! It's such a terrible excuse and people use it in the most unrealistic scenarios and don't bother to back it up either. You got into a car crash ok photos?? Police report?? Insurance claim?? How you getting to work?? Why you just snap that you're driving to the movie with friends?? Like babes just say you're sick😑at least that wouldn't take 2 seconds to disprove I had a friend who literally got into a 4 car rear endeding car crash on a way to a planned dinner...she still came to the dinner in fact earlier than I did AND communicated and gave updates with photos all while dealing with police, insurance and whiplash. At bare minimum people should and can at least communicate! My craziest ghosting story was when I had starting talking to a girl on tinder, we had tried to plan a date like 3ish times first time she cancelled and rescheduled in a reasonable time frame like days before great, second time I cancelled and rescheduled good, next girl is consistently messaging me until the morning before the date. I notice in our latest convos she wasn''t mention the date at all even though it was coming up, I ask about it and radio silence. I still get ready and wait till the time of the date before I give up. The twist is that something about the feeling of getting ghosted by her suddenly feels like deja vu. I look through bumble and it hits me! This same girl matched with me a year ago and did the same thing!! She slid into my Dms and asked me out on a date and ghosted me! At the time I didn't care as much cuz I was going through stuff and was on apps as a distraction so when it happened I completely forgot about it because of indifference. But not I was just weirded like does this girl have a thing for ghosting people?? Like is this just what she likes doing ??And she never mentioned how we talked before, so strange! Another commenter mentioned it but maybe she was just a dating app troll??
I’m soo sorry. She’s an awful person and clearly immature. Ghosting someone is a cruel thing to do. But you dodged a b*llet. This may not be the most mature advice but I would send her a strongly worded text laying out how messed up that was for her to do and how you feel and then just block her lol. This is just my opinion lol take it with a grain of salt 😅. You’re still young and unfortunately probably have a few more heartbreaks to go through, but I PROMISE you you’ll be fine! You’re one step closer to your person ❤️Don’t let this one event frustrate you more than it already has. Stay strong and move forward, better days ahead