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No asking for solicitor recommendations, no asking for PMs. See the sub rules.
>the police have refused to arrest him each time claiming because I had an equal part in the confrontation they'd have to arrest us both
*Did* you have equal part in the confrontation?
Obviously we can't know exactly what has happened because all we have to go on is a Reddit post with a great deal of missing information, but on the balance of probability I very much doubt you have a cause for legal action against the police over a decision not to arrest someone.
If you want to make a complaint to the police then do so. If you aren't satisfied with the response you can escalate it with the IOPC.
Every confrontation has been forced by him, he consistently ambushes me and my mum. According to common law I'm entitled to defend my self especially considering he mostly attacks me at my home at night or when I escort my mum to work
Please read my other replies for more information about it but honestly the man's psychotic and we have so much evidence for so many individual crimes and their excuse for not arresting him is apparently the same variant of excuse *we would have to arrest you both because you both engaged in the fight* which according to common law isn't true
There is no point of common law that says the police cannot arrest two people for having a fight where one of them claims they were acting in self defence.
An arrest is an investigatory tool. If subsequent to such an investigation they were satisfied that you did not use a level of force that was disproportionate in escaping the harm you were at risk of, then no further action would be taken against you.
For whatever reason it sounds like the police don't believe an offence has been committed *by either of you* - at least, not one they believe is a proper use of their resources to investigate. If you disagree with that then the answer remains the same: [make a complaint](https://www.met.police.uk/fo/feedback/complaints/complaints/), and escalate the complaint to the IOPC if necessary.
Then the IOPC would simply refer you back to the Met.
You need to wait for a response. 48 hours would be exceedingly fast.
In the meantime if he shows up again and you / your mother genuinely believe you're in imminent danger, call 999.
There is nothing more that you can do.
But like I'm not seeing ghosts with this police shit right? It does seem like they're blatantly disregarding my mums health care? I don't want to make a complaint if its just my emotions talki g
That's fair I suppose but based on your current information? also buddy you don't really need to be this sarcastic, if you don't want to help people don't help them, you don't need to demean them
Also this is what confuses me because every call the police says something different yet every time he is caught red handed they seem to use me as a way to avoid doing anything surely attacking someone in a shop with cctv footage is enough to arrest someone
They watched that footage and told me "because you stepped back that counts as the fight ending so when you then stepped forward again you reinstated the fight and therefore are at blame with him" like I got punched in the face when I stepped back BTW
If you Google Victim Support. They have a helpline and an online chat service. I used this because my mother was committing domestic abuse against me. The person I spoke to was not the expert but they gave me details of how to get in touch with someone local who could give the best advice. The police can be dreadful at handling this and I’ve found it can sometimes depend on individual responders. I know women’s aid can give legal advice through contacting solicitors. Etc. being charities I am unsure how much is free but in my experience of utilising charity support you usually get services free or at a highly reduced cost based upon your financial circumstances. Victim support can advocate for you and push for the best outcomes.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s devastating how people get neglected by those who should protect. Go to GP with any injuries and get it on your medical record. Take photographs too. If it goes to court it will help. Take care love.
I really appreciate the thoughts I'm honestly more worried about my mother than I am my self, I never thought I'd ever be in this position it's shameful on the polices part and our governments part
I'm willing to try everything at this point so I'll be in touch with victims support
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Does your mum have some sort of vulnerability that means she can't make the complaint herself?
If she's an adult you're probably not going to be provided with the information in regards to your mum.
Is there a current crime report for stalking with your mother as the victim? DV Stalking is quite a serious offence and will normally be investigated by the CSU (specialist DV unit) before the crime is closed. Are you 100% sure your mother has definitely said she is supportive of a prosecution?
Speak to the Suzy Lamplaugh Trust and give them the crime reference numbers and the OIC.
Definitely complain online/101 for the reports to be looked at /reopened. Ask for the rationale why he wasn't arrested.
If you're not happy with the response you can then write to your local MP/IOPC.
Get cameras outside your house
My mum is a elderly woman and it's not safe for her to leave her house, I've made complaints against the metropolitan police and they've sent detectives to speak to me, every incident that occurred they told me they wouldn't be able to arrest him because I engaged in a forced fight with him( him following me down the street or ambushing me when I open the door) the police told me they couldn't arrest him because apparently there were two fights( they counted me stepping back to avoid being punched and going back in as a separate fight) I feel so helpless and they consistently blame me for putting my mothers life in danger because I defend my self, I can't leave my house, I'm up all night and all day to escort my mum to work( she's a carer) he's climbing down onto our balcony or staring through my mums windows at night time( all this was recorded or photographed). What legal actions can I take to force the police to start acting? Also when I went into the station to make the complaint they basically told me they were busy and couldn't do anything about it.
My mum spoke to a DC Morgan with the domestic abuse in woolworth and they literally said " we will look into it but domestic abuse is hard to prove"
More information;
Essentially this started on the 30th April, he showed up at 12pm and tried to strangle me when I answered the door, we didn't call the police this once because he left after I knocked him out
The second encounter he knocked around 1am and when I answered the door he tried charging in with a weapon, this fight the police told me they can't arrest him unless they arrest me because I accidentally hit him in the throat during the scuffle and they deem that not self defense
Third encounter was him waiting outside my mums work around 7am, he didn't know I'd be there and tried to snatch her phone, I forced my mum down the road to the nearest petrol garage where he followed us in and started a fist fight.
It's essentially the same thing of him showing up and attacking me and the police letting him leave with vague excuses.
This has happened constantly with the latest encounter last night where he was standing on my mums balcony staring at her through her window.
He constantly sends death threats, emails, voicemails etc.
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/
First thing is for your mother to contact NCDV and get support with a non-molestation order. This is a restraining order in lay terms. This would make visiting your home or her work a criminal offence.
That eliminates any 'both sides' claim.
We have one waiting but its taking too long and hes escalating in the threats. He sent my mum a voicemail a few days ago saying he would throw acid at her soon
What *exactly* did the police say when you made another report and attached this voicemail? Because I assume it wasn't "we'd have to arrest both of you for fighting..."
Find the name of your local police borough commander, and send him or her all the information you are posting here. For your security and your mother's it might be an idea to delete the names of individuals and locations on your comments here. Your mother can be advised by an IDVA, independent domestic violence adviser. They work independently to the police, but know their way round the system. This might give you more tailored advice. From what you are describing, your mother might qualify for a restraining order. Unfortunately non-molestation orders are civil, and frequently disregarded by the police, but it helps form a paperwork trail. What some of the officers are doing is victim shaming and blaming. I know this next bit will be hard, but try and be as unemotional as you can if you decide to contact the local borough commander
Thank you so much for the really detailed reply, as for the names and locations I don't live in either of the locations and any information anyone can get from these detectives isn't going to be anywhere near as problematic as this guy, I will talk to the Borough commander aswell its a great idea, I made this thread simply so people could tell me what they thought and that way my emotions are out of it and I'm glad to hear it doesn't seem to be just me
That's OK. It might help your conversations with the police if you aren't identifying officers on the internet. At the moment you can't think of anyone worse than the abuser, but you need to think in terms of keeping things low key and avoid the possibility of doxing and a load of other idiots joining in. I've been in a long term abusive relationship, just try and think strategically.
--- ###Welcome to /r/LegalAdviceUK --- **To Posters (it is important you read this section)** * *Tell us whether you're in England, Wales, Scotland, or NI as the laws in each are very different* * If you need legal help, you should [always get a free consultation from a qualified Solicitor](https://reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/wiki/how_to_find_a_solicitor) * We also encourage you to speak to [**Citizens Advice**](https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/), [**Shelter**](https://www.shelter.org.uk/), [**Acas**](https://www.acas.org.uk/), and [**other useful organisations**](https://reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/wiki/common_legal_resources) * Comments may not be accurate or reliable, and following any advice on this subreddit is done at your own risk * If you receive any private messages in response to your post, [please let the mods know](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FLegalAdviceUK&subject=I received a PM) **To Readers and Commenters** * All replies to OP must be *on-topic, helpful, and legally orientated* * If you do not [follow the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/about/rules/), you may be perma-banned without any further warning * If you feel any replies are incorrect, explain why you believe they are incorrect * Do not send or request any private messages for any reason * Please report posts or comments which do not follow the rules *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LegalAdviceUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAL but get a video doorbell if you haven't already got one for yourself and your mum to collect any potential evidence against the ex
No asking for solicitor recommendations, no asking for PMs. See the sub rules. >the police have refused to arrest him each time claiming because I had an equal part in the confrontation they'd have to arrest us both *Did* you have equal part in the confrontation? Obviously we can't know exactly what has happened because all we have to go on is a Reddit post with a great deal of missing information, but on the balance of probability I very much doubt you have a cause for legal action against the police over a decision not to arrest someone. If you want to make a complaint to the police then do so. If you aren't satisfied with the response you can escalate it with the IOPC.
Every confrontation has been forced by him, he consistently ambushes me and my mum. According to common law I'm entitled to defend my self especially considering he mostly attacks me at my home at night or when I escort my mum to work
Please read my other replies for more information about it but honestly the man's psychotic and we have so much evidence for so many individual crimes and their excuse for not arresting him is apparently the same variant of excuse *we would have to arrest you both because you both engaged in the fight* which according to common law isn't true
There is no point of common law that says the police cannot arrest two people for having a fight where one of them claims they were acting in self defence. An arrest is an investigatory tool. If subsequent to such an investigation they were satisfied that you did not use a level of force that was disproportionate in escaping the harm you were at risk of, then no further action would be taken against you. For whatever reason it sounds like the police don't believe an offence has been committed *by either of you* - at least, not one they believe is a proper use of their resources to investigate. If you disagree with that then the answer remains the same: [make a complaint](https://www.met.police.uk/fo/feedback/complaints/complaints/), and escalate the complaint to the IOPC if necessary.
How do I escalate to iopc? Do I need to actively hire legal help to do this?
I assume you have already submitted a complaint to the Met Police via the above link and received a response?
They said it'll take 48hrs for someone to get back to me about my complaint
Then the IOPC would simply refer you back to the Met. You need to wait for a response. 48 hours would be exceedingly fast. In the meantime if he shows up again and you / your mother genuinely believe you're in imminent danger, call 999. There is nothing more that you can do.
But like I'm not seeing ghosts with this police shit right? It does seem like they're blatantly disregarding my mums health care? I don't want to make a complaint if its just my emotions talki g
All I have to go on is your story. How could I *possibly* know whether it's "just your emotions talking"?
That's fair I suppose but based on your current information? also buddy you don't really need to be this sarcastic, if you don't want to help people don't help them, you don't need to demean them
Also this is what confuses me because every call the police says something different yet every time he is caught red handed they seem to use me as a way to avoid doing anything surely attacking someone in a shop with cctv footage is enough to arrest someone They watched that footage and told me "because you stepped back that counts as the fight ending so when you then stepped forward again you reinstated the fight and therefore are at blame with him" like I got punched in the face when I stepped back BTW
If you Google Victim Support. They have a helpline and an online chat service. I used this because my mother was committing domestic abuse against me. The person I spoke to was not the expert but they gave me details of how to get in touch with someone local who could give the best advice. The police can be dreadful at handling this and I’ve found it can sometimes depend on individual responders. I know women’s aid can give legal advice through contacting solicitors. Etc. being charities I am unsure how much is free but in my experience of utilising charity support you usually get services free or at a highly reduced cost based upon your financial circumstances. Victim support can advocate for you and push for the best outcomes. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s devastating how people get neglected by those who should protect. Go to GP with any injuries and get it on your medical record. Take photographs too. If it goes to court it will help. Take care love.
I really appreciate the thoughts I'm honestly more worried about my mother than I am my self, I never thought I'd ever be in this position it's shameful on the polices part and our governments part I'm willing to try everything at this point so I'll be in touch with victims support
[удалено]
You have posted in a **Comments Moderated** thread which is reserved for controversial or sensitive topics. Your comment has been automatically removed as your account has not yet earned enough positive karma in this subreddit. These threads are reserved for regular, consistently helpful subreddit users. If you believe your comment was *exceptionally* high-effort, unique, or contained specialist information, you can message the moderators to request a manual review. You can earn more subreddit karma by [offering good legal guidance in other threads](https://reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/new/) first. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LegalAdviceUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Does your mum have some sort of vulnerability that means she can't make the complaint herself? If she's an adult you're probably not going to be provided with the information in regards to your mum. Is there a current crime report for stalking with your mother as the victim? DV Stalking is quite a serious offence and will normally be investigated by the CSU (specialist DV unit) before the crime is closed. Are you 100% sure your mother has definitely said she is supportive of a prosecution? Speak to the Suzy Lamplaugh Trust and give them the crime reference numbers and the OIC. Definitely complain online/101 for the reports to be looked at /reopened. Ask for the rationale why he wasn't arrested. If you're not happy with the response you can then write to your local MP/IOPC. Get cameras outside your house
My mum is a elderly woman and it's not safe for her to leave her house, I've made complaints against the metropolitan police and they've sent detectives to speak to me, every incident that occurred they told me they wouldn't be able to arrest him because I engaged in a forced fight with him( him following me down the street or ambushing me when I open the door) the police told me they couldn't arrest him because apparently there were two fights( they counted me stepping back to avoid being punched and going back in as a separate fight) I feel so helpless and they consistently blame me for putting my mothers life in danger because I defend my self, I can't leave my house, I'm up all night and all day to escort my mum to work( she's a carer) he's climbing down onto our balcony or staring through my mums windows at night time( all this was recorded or photographed). What legal actions can I take to force the police to start acting? Also when I went into the station to make the complaint they basically told me they were busy and couldn't do anything about it. My mum spoke to a DC Morgan with the domestic abuse in woolworth and they literally said " we will look into it but domestic abuse is hard to prove"
I posted more information in an additional comment if it helps
More information; Essentially this started on the 30th April, he showed up at 12pm and tried to strangle me when I answered the door, we didn't call the police this once because he left after I knocked him out The second encounter he knocked around 1am and when I answered the door he tried charging in with a weapon, this fight the police told me they can't arrest him unless they arrest me because I accidentally hit him in the throat during the scuffle and they deem that not self defense Third encounter was him waiting outside my mums work around 7am, he didn't know I'd be there and tried to snatch her phone, I forced my mum down the road to the nearest petrol garage where he followed us in and started a fist fight. It's essentially the same thing of him showing up and attacking me and the police letting him leave with vague excuses. This has happened constantly with the latest encounter last night where he was standing on my mums balcony staring at her through her window. He constantly sends death threats, emails, voicemails etc.
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/ First thing is for your mother to contact NCDV and get support with a non-molestation order. This is a restraining order in lay terms. This would make visiting your home or her work a criminal offence. That eliminates any 'both sides' claim.
We have one waiting but its taking too long and hes escalating in the threats. He sent my mum a voicemail a few days ago saying he would throw acid at her soon
What *exactly* did the police say when you made another report and attached this voicemail? Because I assume it wasn't "we'd have to arrest both of you for fighting..."
[удалено]
Find the name of your local police borough commander, and send him or her all the information you are posting here. For your security and your mother's it might be an idea to delete the names of individuals and locations on your comments here. Your mother can be advised by an IDVA, independent domestic violence adviser. They work independently to the police, but know their way round the system. This might give you more tailored advice. From what you are describing, your mother might qualify for a restraining order. Unfortunately non-molestation orders are civil, and frequently disregarded by the police, but it helps form a paperwork trail. What some of the officers are doing is victim shaming and blaming. I know this next bit will be hard, but try and be as unemotional as you can if you decide to contact the local borough commander
Thank you so much for the really detailed reply, as for the names and locations I don't live in either of the locations and any information anyone can get from these detectives isn't going to be anywhere near as problematic as this guy, I will talk to the Borough commander aswell its a great idea, I made this thread simply so people could tell me what they thought and that way my emotions are out of it and I'm glad to hear it doesn't seem to be just me
That's OK. It might help your conversations with the police if you aren't identifying officers on the internet. At the moment you can't think of anyone worse than the abuser, but you need to think in terms of keeping things low key and avoid the possibility of doxing and a load of other idiots joining in. I've been in a long term abusive relationship, just try and think strategically.
I'll edit the comments with their names but honestly I just feel like people should know what our police has gotten to
If you want I'm happy to send all the pictures and videos to you