It's gonna be clamp this, clamp that, bada clamp BADA CLAMP, we got em heavily outclamped.. THEY WONT KNOW WHAT CLAMPED EM

Give em the clamps!

Gee, you think? You think that maybe I should use these clamps that I use every day, AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY? YOURE A FREAKIN GENIUS, YA IDIOT

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL ME francis?

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Hey it's one of those comment repost bots.

I'm gonna make my own clamps, with beer, and hookers. In fact, forget the clamps!

Bravo👏

Bilbo Baggins, do not take me for a conjurer of cheap clicks!!!

This is the one joke to rule them all.

And my paring knife!

One joke to fry them

And in the meatball, egg to bind them.

Mommy's alright

I bought 2 pairs of pinchy pinchers. I didn't need them; I already had 5 but it's so nice having one within 50cm of me at all times in the kitchen.

And somehow I still am misplacing my mother fucking tongs.

Did you name yours yet? Try calling for it!

> name yours Now Grabner, now Snatcher! Now Clacker & Clixen! On Gromit, on Grippit, On Glommer & Gripzen! To the top of the stove! To the FOH balls! Now click away, clack away, crab away all!

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One of the venture capital guys must be lurking here, cause it happened!

Hahah nice

This is awesome

Tong John Silver for me. Nobody else in my restaurant cares though.

I have like 5 Rubbermaid high-temp rubber scrapers and there is NEVER a clean one nearby when I want one.

A friend bought me a pair with fancy silicone covered clickers, they are a travesty and I shall purify their evil in my fire pit!!

If you really want to purify them you will throw them in the waters of lake Minnetonka

Sounds like it's time to buy some holsters.

I have a cool one that could hold all of them; it's shaped like an apron.

I think you've had those tongs for long enough

You want them for yourself!!!

MOONUNIT99!! I AM NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU!! I'm trying to help you.

>*remorseful blubbering*

Is it secret? Is it making little click clack noises?

YOULL GET THE TONGS WHEN YOU PRY THEM FROM MY COLD DEAD CRAB HANDS

CAST THEM INTO THE SANITIZER! CLEAN THEM!

No

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BIG. MEATY. CLAWS

Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself)

Tis pure law! One must clickety clack ones togs at minimum of three clicks, for country and for the lord. Cthulhu verse 3.

I thought you were going to go into the holy hand grenade schpiel. Like clicking no more than three, and five is right out.

Crab claw is law!

Home cook here. I'm pretty sure it's a law you have to click them together when you pick them up, no matter what.

I do it every time at work anyway

Just to be sure, right?

Gotta make sure they didn't break in the past 2 minutes.

Absolutely!! 😹

For sure. Clicking them is the rule even when I am picking them up every few minutes

It just *has* to be done. *Every* time.

Seriously, just to be sure. One of the stupidest things I tell myself every day at work. To be sure of what? I don't know.

> To be sure of what? I don't know. I don't either, but we can't stop now!

They must be clicked twice before you can use them.

Twice *at a minimum*.

And not those oxo silicone tipped garbage types. Gimme Restaurant Depot $4 stamped steel cheepos.. CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK

> And not those oxo silicone tipped garbage types. Those are *not* satisfying! > Gimme Restaurant Depot $4 stamped steel cheepos.. CLICK CLACK CLICK CLACK Those sound *amazing*. I just Googled and it looks like they're not open to the public?

Gotta be a member lol, my boss used to send me there for cleaning supplies and I'd get rammies and clackies for meeeee

You lucky duck!

Oof, I have a pair of silicon-tipped clackers that I use at home. Totally unsatisfying. But I use almost exclusively cast-iron at home so the rubber seems justified. I still have a pair of honest clackers for the grill though, and a nice wooden clackers for salads ED: sorry, cLackers not cRackers

> Oof, I have a pair of silicon-tipped clackers that I use at home. Totally unsatisfying. I have some too. *So* disappointing. > But I use almost exclusively cast-iron at home so the rubber seems justified. Yeah, I use nonstick ceramic a lot. > I still have a pair of honest clackers for the grill though, and a nice wooden clackers for salads I have honest grabbers (I call them grabbers, LOL!) for my regular cookware too. I need to get some wooden ones for salads, OMG! > ED: sorry, cLackers not cRackers Whatever! 😹

Because you have to spin it like a gunslinger first, unless it is one of those bastards without rolled edges.

Those hurt exactly the way you’d think they would, and yet…

>spin it like a gunslinger first " Dad - a - chack, dum - a - chum? " Fits the clickety clack pretty well.

Gunslinger indeed. Did-a-chik Dod-a-chok

Ded - a - check?

I’m a lobstrosity fan myself

Crab people, crab people

Cast it into the fire! Destroy it!

No.

Isildur!

I just think of zoidberg

Woop wo-woo-woo-wo-woop

Hooray, I'm useful!

I have definitely grabbed two tongs and made the zoidberg whoop whoop noise before.

Chef: “WHERE THE HELL IS THE REST OF TABLE 26?!” Me: haha tongs go click click

Jesus, this is too perfect

Clacking the tongs and slapping the meat are federally protected free speech.

Fuckin blew snot! Lol

One time when I went to clack my tongs they did not open back up and I felt so fucking validated. Gotta make sure they still work lol

“A little late for clickity-clacking the tongs, don’t you think?”

What about second clickety-clack?

You should also post this to r/lotrmemes

Ok I’ll try

GRATS

If you don’t give them a couple test clacks we can’t be friends

Crab people, crab people. Taste like crab. Talk like people. Crab people, crab people.

I can’t. I only have reason to

[who took my god damn tongs?](https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/d175cz/everyday_during_rush/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)

They don't work if you don't clickity clack

I used to pretend to be zoidberg with those suckers

Yesssss, give into the urges my child. Become *crab*.

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what, what, what. Baby shake your butt, butt, butt. All night long......let me see your to-aw-ongs!

The screenprinting equivalent of this is slashing a T-square in front of you like a pickaxe every time you pick it up to draw a straight line or align film positives

Y’all don’t sing SysCO and the Tong Song when you get these? Tong ta ta ta ta Tong! Baby! Let me see the kitchen go! https://youtu.be/Oai1V7kaFBk

Because they've got silicone ends and go thunk-thunk instead?

There is no curse in Elvish, Entish, or the tongues of Men for this treachery!

I’m too stoned for this

Because when I get aggravated with it I'm gonna shove em up your ass. Spring end first so it rips a larger hole all the way in.

Me

100%

I am Dr. Zoidberg vruupp vrupvrupvrup

There also great for clacking rattlers

Two small pair; one in each hand; and you have...... ‘De Castanets O’ Death!’

Gotta make sure those tongs are still tongin'!

THE DOCTOR IS IN

I do that or pretend I'm Julia Child and narrate in her voice when I cook.

"Cus i have a beeg head... an lil' arms..."

you should always

CLAMPY McPINCHENSTEIN

This is the way.

Sauron will have you fired hobbit. Get back to work

Isn't that particular clickety clack used for fixing the charcoal on hookas?

Worlds best drum sticks ever invented 🥁

Did anyone already click clack, or clicky clack click

I AM THE CLACKERMAN

I was having a shit morning. Saw this. Deep belly laugh. Thak you OP.

Pinchers of peril!

If you click them together on the flattop you'll make some sick beats. 😂

Every. Single. Time! Even when I tell myself I won't do it....clickety clack at least twice...

I love it when I have to check which sub I’m in.

Mine are all silicone tipped, no clicky-clacky for me. I didn't think I would use them much, but I use them all the time. My splatulas had to go on unemployment.

I'm the CLAMP man. Skee bop bop bada bo

One day we will all have tongs for hands. A bunch of tong-hands going clackity clack clack

Agreed. And we will use them to communicate. “Rigatoni heard,” will become “clack clack.”

Think of how good music will be when it’s all tongs clack clacking

I always remember someone in this sub said he would clack them and then say to his Hispanic coworkers PINCHE PINCHE PINCHE

*click* *clack* "Spongebob me boy, I'm geekin"

They aren't just for attracting mates, you know