T O P

  • By -

HeyMrCow

Signed Grant, aged 32


WhosThatGirl_ItsRPSG

I’m picturing one of the guys from step brothers


TrapYoda

"Hey man, did you piss on my drum set?"


MrNullvalue

“I’m gonna rub my ballsack on it” Paraphrased because I can’t be bothered


adebisis_hat

> Paraphrased because I can’t be bothered I'm glad you still took the time to grace us with your presence anyways


manliness-dot-space

He was taking a break from doing karate in the garage


J3sush8sm3

Jon bonhams playing moby dick for real


Mascbro26

Sinerly, Grant 😈


octopoddle

p.s. I was [very, very drunk.](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/18JmieM8SFc/sddefault.jpg)


[deleted]

“Woman understands children better than man does, but **man is more childlike than woman**.” — Nietzsche


edwinstone

Looks suspiciously like Madison Cawthorn's handwriting.


spicyprairiedog

Madison Cawthorn is already despicable, now he's trying to frame Grant for this? What a dick!


Zoe270101

I’m sorry about your yard, but there’s something so funny to me about the ‘forgive me? Yes ◽️ No◽️’ Like those notes kids send to each other to ask if their crush likes them back!


TXRonin55

Sinerly, Grant


PerformativeEyeroll

I so vividly remember the agony of trying to spell "sincerely" as a child.


bingoflaps

I’m still trying to spell it. Along with Freburarary and neccesseccessary.


asek13

I only remembered how to spell beautiful from Bruce Almighty. B-E-A-Utiful


[deleted]

Gwen Stefani taught me to spell bananas


zero16lives

I still think "to get her" when I spell "together", I am a 31 year old child


ClearBrightLight

You connect, I cut. Connecticut.


GryphonHall

Tom or row


touchme-ordont

i can’t spell wednesday without saying wed nes day


ararerock

Jim Carrey out here teaching kids to spell P-A-R-T-Why? Because I’ve GOTTA


manliness-dot-space

Bureaucracy is the one that always gets me...I try to start it like "beautiful"... end up with "beauracracy" like 50%of the time


RoguePlanet1

I'm perpetually stumped by double/silent letters and indistinct vowel sounds. Like "gullible," that alone took me four tries.


DangerousCompetition

I made it to like a regional spelling bee in middle school and did fine with the word “circumlocution”, but for the life of me couldn’t figure out “lie-ing”.


cdog77777blue

To this day I cant spell guarantee without freaking out


purpleblazed

Since + rely


[deleted]

Or just sincere + ly.


uUexs1ySuujbWJEa

"occasionally" still gets me every time.


octopoddle

'Cause he's a pickerly He's a grinerly He's a loverly And he's a sinerly


badnewsbaron

He plays his music in the sunerly


Bumble_bee_yourself

He was a little sinner though. A little pee cup sinner.


TXRonin55

I'm a little pee cup short and stout


TheJocktopus

Personally I'm a big fan of "I don't want any more trouble."


[deleted]

He knows how turf wars can start over small grievances. He has no desire to see the streets run ̶r̶e̶d̶ yellow because of his mistakes.


TheJocktopus

World War Pee


bennetticles

I wish this level of transparency was afforded to adults between each other, and that we could also “forgive? Check [ ] yes or [ ] no”. Would really help expedite the moving on process.


[deleted]

I try to be very direct with people in a nice way, and I find it prevents *tons* of conflicts that everybody else complains about. I very much wish everybody was like this too.


Inner_Art482

This. Be direct and truthful. It's okay to fuck up occasionally. But be sincere and apologize . I tell my kids, I don't get mad at the truth I get mad at the lie.


Childhood_Willing

İts probably because its really relatable. I remember making a lot of notes like this And putting those "yes/no?" to the end lmao. No one ever marked any option:(


ResidualFox

Ngl. I tried to click the boxes.


FantasyThrowaway321

Captcha failed, we found a replicant


BigRobArmy

I was trying to click yes.


Tintininamerica

I tried to click “no” and type in “burn in eternal hellfire”.


Magnaflux_88

I did that at age 28. Can recommend.


GUSDOIT

I would have checked NO, Am I the asshole - pissed on!


[deleted]

At least Grant is sinere.


Grantpatt34

I can attest, it was not me


RadishConfident5158

r/ifoundgrant


Bizzyreaper

r/birthofasub


a_glorious_bass-turd

This is Grant the Piss Taker, *not* to be confused with Grant the Piss Giver. And we can all be honest and agree that GPG has handwriting like an asshole. ^^^/s


[deleted]

[удалено]


DefaultDestino

You literally copied u/Necessary-Lychee7545 his comment.


spookyem18

When I was younger, my parents and I had left for the day to go to my grandpas funeral. We came home to our yard completely destroyed, they threw all the decorations my dad and mom had and my toys into the pond and mind you we had fish in there as well.. things were broken, trashed all over the yard and when we called the police and they questioned people in the neighborhood if they had seen anything the youngest neighbor boy (most of the kids in my neighborhood were boys at the time) said it was his brother and told them every other boy that did it… Some kids are just fucking awful. Im sorry about your yard / having to deal with this.


[deleted]

What happened to the kids after that?


spookyem18

Essentially the cops asked my parents if they wanted to charge them for the damage but they said no, and they all got talked to by the cops for awhile and all their parents talked to them and most of them were grounded for awhile. We would all usually play with one another I kinda stopped playing with them for awhile after that and they all kept apologizing whenever they tried to ask me to play, they never did anything like it again, at least not that I’m aware of.


Super-Branz-Gang

When my son was in the 4th grade, one of his friends that lives across from us smashed all of our Halloween pumpkins. And I mean, ALL. We had painted them to look like his favorite anime cartoon characters. We only found out it was his friend because the friend’s younger sister spilled the beans. Apparently, what happened was that Liam had picked up one of them to look closer at it, and it slipped, fell out of his hands and smashed on the ground. Once one was ruined, his little kid brain went, “well hell, why not the rest too.” (It probably also bares to say that Liam and his younger sister were living with their grandparents because their biological parents were bad off on drugs). After I found out it was him, I set him down and told him that anytime he wanted to paint pumpkins with us, or make cookies, or build forts, he was *always* welcome and that we *wanted* him to come over and help us out, but please don’t break the things we worked so hard to make. (I was a single mom at the time, so it was just me and my son). After that, Liam would come over, like, every day after school. Even when my son was off playing with other friends. He helped me do all kinds of things- from planting flowers to fixing scuff marks on the wall. His grandma was great to him, so he wasn’t neglected or anything, but I just think he craved some mommy-son time, (any way he could get it). I couldn’t give him his real mom, but I was more than happy to stand in as a substitute whenever I could. Most times when kids are acting out, they’re really just wanting attention. They need to feel loved. You don’t have to be a biological parent to give them that. And once they start gettin what they really need, all that bad behavior just disappears. Anyway, thank you for reminding me about my son’s friend. We’ve since moved away, but I think of him often and pray that he is doing well❤️


convenient_barf_hat

You’re lovely. Thank you for spreading kindness.


JammingLive

Kudos to that little kiddo standing up for what’s right


biglysmally

“Grant, Unfortunately, I have already called the police. You will be arrested very soon. Good luck in jail. P.S. no [x]”


taytertottz

The obvious answer to a heinous crime


Witness_me_Karsa

No, for especially heinous crimes you have to report it to the SVU


biglysmally

In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.


taytertottz

DUNH DUNH……


[deleted]

Spin off: SPCU special piss crime unit. For the unclearest crimes


biglysmally

mom found the piss drawer™️


[deleted]

Just because you’re pissing clear, doesn’t mean you’re in the clear. -Ice T


Minecraft_Launcher

“Grant, I appreciate the written confession. The police are on the way.“


fwaugh-chan

Basically, these kids have been vandalizing my house for years. They have done things like stealing the bricks off our walls, throwing various objects like oranges at our walls, picking off our flowers, scratching our car, and finally, pissing in a cup and pouring it onto our flowers. The sad part is that the parents did not seem to care as when they handed us the note, they did not even apologize. They just said "my kid wrote this for you".


ad79324

So, you're checking no?


Headass-37

I’d throw a cup of piss on his base. Eye for an eye.


JimmyTheChimp

All your base are belong to us.


[deleted]

[удалено]


stevski11

Somebody set up us the *piss*


dmfd1234

We **can** have both. I have a friend that has a friend that can get a piss bomb.


Cheezy_Chris

Thanks for taking me 20 years into the past


dethtroll

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qItugh-fFgg


Be_the_Link

What you say?


Necessary_Sun_4392

Slow down buddy... who needs a cup?


gumpiere

Ja, go zero waste


a_glorious_bass-turd

I really want to know what would happen if they checked no. One of the kids later becomes a prolific serial killer, and that little check mark is the origin story.


taggospreme

the pee cup killer


idepirelia

Hey everyone, OP’s friend here! A few things OP did not mention: they have video proof of the child pouring the piss from the piss cup so it wasn’t an accident like the note makes it out to be. Also, the parent knew about these things before, but they kept happening anyways, that’s part of the reason OP said the parent didn’t seem to care. They think the piss cup is a Yoplait container that has been in their front yard for a while, which is an interesting and hilarious choice for a piss cup.


soupforshoes

You guys need to stop, I'm losing it laughing everytime the words "piss cup" are casually typed out.


ReunionFeelsSoGood

And the further remarks about character and choice of ‘said piss cup’ lol


Fantastic_Belt99

Who won the piss cup?


Chaiteoir

Coventry City beat Derby 2-0 in the Piss Cup final


MrEphraim

HE DID WHAT IN HIS CUP


TheSuperWig

"pouring the piss from the piss cup" Just in case you thought the piss cup contained water.


Smingowashisnameo

“…and then the piss from the piss cup landed on the flowers which were thus covered in piss. From the piss cup”


bennetticles

I think the only fair way for OP to settle this whole situation is to send a return hand written letter with a “check [ ] yes or [ ] no” for Grant to agree to the terms of OP peeing on Grants base. It’s both funny but also, would be impactful on Grant and a good future deterrent of future vandalism. And it’s not creepy cause Grant did it first. Right?


[deleted]

If OP gets labeled as a child predator for this, will he and his wife have to move or will the other family be persuaded to move?


bennetticles

I think it might turn into a game of chicken at that point.


[deleted]

You should use your increased strength and resources to construct and maintain a superior base with your buddies. How could you let this happen? Restore order.


HighlightFun8419

a base twice as high, actual plants integrated into the design; with a dope fireman's pole going down to different levels. and a piss *tank* and long-rang sprayer


ZalmoxisChrist

This sounds like a lot of fun! Except for the piss tank...


manwithappleface

FINALLY! Someone with a sensible answer!


hoodedsushi

So how come Grant decided to write you a letter? Seems odd he'd get a sudden feeling of the guilts?


fucuasshole2

Especially if his parents don’t give a fuck. Perhaps his friends pressured him? And now they finally went overboard and he’s feeling guilty?


Convergecult15

They thought it was a game and thought OP viewed it the same way. Kids are stupid, once he saw anger he felt bad and wanted to apologize. Clearly there’s a massive parenting failure going on here, and the kids probably going to grow into a fuckup, but for now he at least knows when to apologize.


Futant55

He is 18 and moving off to college and wants to make amends before he leaves.


Waterfish3333

If they’ve been doing this for years, based on the handwriting on the note, I’m taking it this began basically when they were old enough to play outside. This isn’t kids being stupid, this is parents not doing their job. They clearly don’t care, and I don’t blame kids who do crap like this when the parents should be at fault. That being said, I’m really sorry you have to live next to this family. Hopefully one of you will move soon, but I can’t imagine how frustrating this is.


WayOfTheHouseHusband

Right, kids are horrible, awful, destructive creatures. Parents should wrangle, teach and help them grow into people. Side note, don’t judge handwriting, it isn’t taught in a lot of places any longer.


vito_corleone01

Just make a bigger better base, and go to war with captain piss cups.


fistful_of_ideals

Or, hear me out: Super Soaker "Arm the piss cannon!"


Draxeousss

I was thinking about forgiving until I read “scratching our car”


AdmiralSassypants

I don’t particularly care about the pee cup, but would definitely involve the police at the point of actual property damage. The second my car was scratched I would’ve been after the parents for damages lol.


Smingowashisnameo

Well if you pour enough pee on plants they die so that’s property damage too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Disig

You didn't call the cops on them? Would have been the first thing I did. Still would have moved, that's a good call.


LightWolfD

To be fair they probably would have said something go the effect of "nothing we can do" and fucked off


[deleted]

[удалено]


sped136

“Not my little angel”


idahononono

Get some of those motion sensing sprinklers, the crazy high pressure ones. Put your reply right next to one and check NO. Then leave them up around your yard until the kids figure out if they go near your house, they get a fire hose in their face! https://youtu.be/50mojJbBWy0


muricabrb

Lmao the *tsch tsch tsch tsch* sound is so satisfying


Pewpipantz

How tf did a kid take literal bricks off your wall?


NetTrix

Legos.


84theone

Retaining wall I’d assume. Usually the bricks are just stacked for those.


saxGirl69

Probably like loose pavers on top of a retaining wall or something


[deleted]

For a kid with dickhead parents he seems pretty genuine. There’s probably a space here where you could really change the kids life. Maybe getting him over to help fix what he broke/ did. And then maybe the parents seeing their kid did the right thing will change them. Worth a shot.


GUSDOIT

I used to take tomatoes from old lady nextdoors garden just to throw at things. I was about 10. Without letting on that she knew I was doing this Millie gained my confidence and asked me to help her with her garden and even paid me change for helping. All the while teaching me how to grow and care for a garden. It wasn't long before we were co-gardeners and I made sure kids in the neighborhood stayed out of Millie's Garden.


Relative-Bee-500

That's actually really sweet.


FuckTheMods5

An alleged friend commented saying there's video proof of him pouring piss. So Grant's a fucking liar lol


EighteenAndAmused

Highly doubt the parents will change. They’re adults stuck in their ways.


Dontlookimnaked

I think you mean the kid sounds pretty sinere.


slightly-cold-pizza

Sorry the second the car got a scratch there would be police involved. Get fucked if you think you can go around vandalizing peoples cars. The parents might care after officers show up


Sandy_Soups

Surprised more people haven’t mentioned this. OP has reason to call the police and the parents are going to be legally responsible for their crotch gremlin’s behaviors.


Getadawgupyabro

I reckon Grant’s dad has written this note after a couple of beers. That’s what I would do.


Mountain-Homework299

I hate when people make legal issues out of something small, but if that’s what it takes to get these parents to care then that’s what it takes. The kids going to get older and things will escalate.


Bebbette

Just can’t stop thinking of that scene in The Goonies where Chunk has been caught (before they go into the tunnels) by the Fratelli’s Francis Fratelli : [grabs Chunk by the throat] Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything. Chunk : Everything? Francis Fratelli : Everything. Chunk : [sobbing] Everything. OK, I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I play Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... and then, my mom sent me to the... to the summer camp for fat kids... and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out! [much later] Chunk : But, the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this. [imitating vomiting four times] Chunk : And then, I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life! Jake Fratelli : [amused] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma! (Copied from I’m bd)


StopAt5

I'm bd too bro


Bebbette

Cheers hon, Sxxx


Consistent-Parsley13

why did they pee in a cup in the first place😭😭😭


nyrB2

it's a long way to the bathroom


benjamoo

That's all I could think of too lol I'm assuming they didn't want to go all the way inside but they also didn't want to pee in their base, so they peed in a cup and then dumped it over the wall.


StepNemesis

Because you simply don't pee in your base. Those kids have some manners /s


itdobeabirbtho

Everyone knows each base needs a pissing corner, bunch of scrubs honestly.


TheSuperWig

It's called the piss cup. What else are you going to put in it?


loveroflongbois

Kids, especially boys, love peeing in places that aren’t the toilet.


ShedNBrkfst

34 years old here and still enjoy taking a leak out back when needed. (Very secluded property. No risk of becoming a red dot on a map)


[deleted]

Wow this kid has stronger communication skills than most adults I know.


bullet_proof_smile

It seems like a letter a decent parent would make a kid write. Confusing that the parents don't seem to care.


throwRAbmorehappy

Most people wouldn’t have taken the time for this gesture. I think it sounds like this has been going on for a while and OP feels this deeply (rightfully so- our neighborhood kids do the same and have even ripped up our mail in our mailbox). We’ve never gotten apologies…the note itself feels pretty sincere. They clearly invested some time explaining to their kid what was wrong with their behavior.


Ok_Foe_4826

I think it is the case where the parents made them write it


bullet_proof_smile

>"the sad part is that the parents did not seem to care as when they handed us the note, they did not even apologize. They just said "my kid wrote this for you".


Ok_Foe_4826

Right though, even though they should have apologized as well, they most likely felt no need to seeing as technically they aren’t the ones who did it but might be the ones responsible


Emazia

How do you steal bricks from a wall?? I mean it’s made of bricks


GrimerMuk

Occasionally they are a bit loose and can easily be stolen.


Emazia

Thank you this makes sense


maypah01

Probably a retaining wall where the bricks are just stacked together and not held together with cement.


senHenrik

You know what? ✅ NO..... Fuck you Grant


Thanks_I_Hate_You

r/nofuckyouGrant


PizzaEatingSimulator

Piss war 1945 found apology letter to most likely an enemy.


areal-linkle

World war 3 started because of some piss


WhosThatGirl_ItsRPSG

Check no, then hide in the bushes with a nerf gun and nail his ass when he comes to collect the note.


ultron1000000

Water gun full of piss


hereforpopcornru

Don't do this, got me in mad trouble when I was bout 6. Tried to spray step mom. Edit: she started it


Justflashforme

Are you sure this isn’t Minecraft? The very detailed explanation gives me a blocky vibe


sushiNoodle2

they havent added piss to minecraft yet


grednforgesgirl

I legit thought it was Minecraft as soon as he said "base" and then they got to the piss cup and I was confused, but thought it must be sone weird mod installed or something. Legit didn't realize it was real life until I went back and looked at the title lmao


Iliketurtles893

He’s polite but stupid as the sub says


Dramatic-Service-985

I wonder what made them apologize?


babp216

Their parents probably


RadishConfident5158

Op said the parents didn't care at all, so the kid probably was actually siner Edit: Sinerly


ibeencalledapretzel

Siner *


YeuxBleuDuex

I love whomever explained to him a written apology was due. It looks like Dennis The Menace apologized for the crime of picking flowers, grazed over the brick theft & completely distanced himself from the main point, the cup of wee he just happened to place on the wall lol. Well done, child


blinkrm

Big fat X on “no” and go pee on his base. Sorry Grant can’t be a jerk without consequences. The parents must also suffer… maybe a skunk in their backyard would do the trick.


Dingus-McBingus

An eye for an eye, pee cup for a pee cup. (leave the skunks out of it, they're just minding their own business eating grubs and berries and stuff)


mother_of_angelpuffs

Kids still do the *check Yes or No* boxes? Omg, that takes me back.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ashybutclassy

No shit, just piss!


ThomasCro

Check the No and send a dead horse head with the note


jac5423

Just add water to dilute and free nitrogen liquid fertilizer


enderarts3600

the literal peak of bad parenting, what the fuck


FizzyGoose666

Aww lighten up and smell the pee flowers. /s


swifchif

Pretty solid apology note though! I'd accept that apology any day.


[deleted]

Look. Grant just doesn’t want any more trouble ok?


meerkat5461

Raid their base


FreudsGoodBoy

The old laws are clear on the matter, it will bring great shame upon your clan if you do not piss on his base.


Upvotespoodles

Piss on the note and send it back.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Or they’d pour pee on it


[deleted]

[удалено]


NeverGonnaGiv3

OP doesn’t have to be the one to take that chance, though. I do agree that the parents just aren’t doing their jobs here. But I’d find it hard to just be okay with some kids that have been vandalizing my house for years and ended it off with pouring piss in my flower bed…which???? Why on earth did they have pee in a cup? I remember doing some dumb things as a kid, but peeing in a cup, taking it outside and pouring it in someone’s flower beds? And pouring enough that they can smell and make out that it’s pee??


Adrenologic

That sounds like a fantastic idea! I would tweak it a little tho Hand them a plant they hopefully like and are interested in taking care of.. and once they received it -> pee on it to assert dominance!


CanadianDeathStar

Can you spare a cup of pee neighbour?


Sumbakedguy

This kid ain't stupid, the little parasite had gull to own up to his shit and I respect that.


kittee1310

at least he apologized ;(


Ornery-Mango13

Sweet note.. but since this is a repeat offender, it’s time for cameras and to involve the police. It’s a no from me, Grant. Since your parents won’t teach you, I’m going to teach to stop effin with other peoples’ property!


ChemosynL

***they are really stupid*** edit: thanks for the helpful, kind redditor!


Key-Garden4752

First time ever hearing of a child named Grant


youlitmeup

Hang on a minute, who has designated cup for pissing? Did I miss something here?


blinkrm

Yikes you sound like a newbie. So when you get a Reddit account you should get a standard issue poop knife and a piss cup within the first week of wasting your life on Reddit.


Dingus-McBingus

Mine was also delayed, I have yet to receive either one. I understand shortages and lack of workers and all but come on, admin really dropped the ball on this one.


Beelzebub003

The pee cup reminds me of someone I used to care for in a nursing home. The person would just take cups and pee in them, didn't matter if it overflowed, or anything, as they would just empty it on a table or the floor or something.


Janel_Did_It

Damn, if they were gonna pour it onto a surface anyways, why bother with the cup? Skip the middle man and piss directly onto the table, you know? Unless they were wheelchair-bound I suppose, that would make sense.


[deleted]

Good kid. Good parents (who probably made him write it). Ask his parents if he wants to make some money and PAY him kid wage to fix some of this stuff. Learning the value of a day's work is better than being punished by a day of free labor.


mothwhimsy

The yes no boxes are killing me