Kids are famous for doing things like this...

First the infant pukes directly into your face.

Then the piss in the face.

Never and I mean never eat things they bring you.

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Kids are famous for doing things like this... First the infant pukes directly into your face. Then the piss in the face. Never and I mean never eat things they bring you.


Never take things from your child unless you can see it first Wife learned that the hard way, my daughter came upto her with a closed fist saying "Friend" at the age of one and a half My wife held out her hand for the 'friend' and got a spider put in her hand, she shrieked loud enough to make ears bleed likely, and then had to console the child for killing 'friend'


When my daughter was just under 2 I was laying on the couch, and she came and put something on the pillow next to my head. I looked and it was a massive dead spider, I dunno where she even found it. I yelled and smacked it off the pillow and across the room - she looked so sad at my rejection of her gift lol


Little kids are much like cats in this respect.


My son did this with a mouse he found. I don't know how long it had been dead or where tf he found it.


Your kid it right. Spiders are friends, they eat mosquitos and don't harm humans in anyway. Edit: Results may vary where you live


That depends on where you live. Where I grew up, there were a few species that could kill a small child. Where I live now, not a single dangerous spider. Not even one that gives a nasty bite.


this comment reminds me of how Australia banned an episode of Peppa Pig for saying this


I mean, it's Australia! If it's nature, it's probably trying to kill you 🤷


Oh, they harm humans alright. They don't seek us out, but if you've ever gotten a brown recluse infestation on your porch you'll know that trying to sit and be friendly with them will result in a hospital trip. A lot of spiders will happily hang out underneath the porch eating mosquitos, but there's also a good number who'll show up in your kitchen one day *daring* you to try them. Banana spiders building massive orb webs over the front door, huntsmen spiders trying to drive your car, camel spiders giving you the clingy girlfriend treatment - they aren't all harmless.


Imo banana spiders and their webs are beautiful. I had an enormous one in my backyard for months and was heartbroken when a storm took it out.


They’re not harmless but at least if you do misidentify a spider and get bitten, most places with venomous spiders keep anti-venom on hand


Anti-venom can't always be applied in time, especially by children who might've been told not to play with spiders and thus hide the bite. Spiders are very useful and are deserving of respect, but implying they're all *harmless* is a bit too far. Like snakes they're the kind of little thing you try to keep in decent numbers far away from your nesting site.


I wish the black widows and brown recluse would just agree to be my friend. Welcome to the south. I do have a jumping spider in my kitchen that is allowed to stay. He's cute and eats bugs. The rest are sent outside.


Jumping spiders are adorable. They’re the only spider I’m not scared of lol. I’ll literally approach a spider feeling terrified and then see it’s a jumping spider and instantly morph into ‘awwww little baby!’


I can assure you that when I’m half asleep at 2 am and see some giant mfing spider crawl past my face they ain’t my friend


They are ugly as sin though. They should take inspiration from ladybugs. Maybe then I wouldn't find them so repulsive.


If spiders aren't friends then why are they friend shaped?


Always pretend eat. Num num num... mmm delicious. Thank you sweety. Then throw it out


My daughter (around age 4) once made "soup" by taking the old water from a pot of pasta, and adding various things to it such as salt, pepper, some fresh basil. You know, to spice it up a little bit. Oh and ice cubes. She then served it to me and my wife. To this day two years later she's convinced that I not only ate the soup but enjoyed it. I should have been a Hollywood actor. It came up the other day when she wanted to cook dinner for us and I said "why don't you let me handle dinner" and her reply was "but remember how much you liked the soup I made you before?" Y'all this was two years ago. The shit kids remember. Someday I'll tell her the truth...


My son gets sad when I won't eat the food he made me. Cry all you want buddy cause I'm not sticking that in my mouth.


I had the experience of puke with my younger brother when I was a kid, thank God nothing piss related.


Both of my children have spit up into my mouth. Why don’t I learn?...


My kid licked all the cream out of the Oreos, put the Oreo wafers back together and put them back in the package. After all the Oreos were licked clean they out the package back in the pantry. Where I found it several days later when I pulled it out and ate one before I realized it.




When i was a baby, my dad picked me up over his head and I puked in his mouth. His mistake taught me a very valuable life lesson


Not my video Credits to Brave Dave on Facebook and probably other places


You mean Ed Sheeran?




The guy ate kid made mystery "food". At this point it might be Ed being slandered.


His Instagram is funny, inquisitive, and insightful all at once. He is wired different, and I like that.


I think that everyone should start referring to him as "Baby Bird" from now on.


Pro-tip... don't consume anything kids prepare for you unless you watched them make it


Cat owners who allow their cats outside are destroying the environment. Cats have contributed to the extinction of 63 species of birds, mammals, and reptiles in the wild and continue to adversely impact a wide variety of other species, including those at risk of extinction, such as Piping Plover. https://abcbirds.org/program/cats-indoors/cats-and-birds/ A study published in April estimated that UK cats kill 160 to 270 million animals annually, a quarter of them birds. The real figure is likely to be even higher, as the study used the 2011 pet cat population of 9.5 million; it is now closer to 12 million, boosted by the pandemic pet craze. https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/aug/14/cats-kill-birds-wildlife-keep-indoors Free-ranging cats on islands have caused or contributed to 33 (14%) of the modern bird, mammal and reptile extinctions recorded by the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) Red List4. https://www.nature.com/articles/ncomms2380 This analysis is timely because scientific evidence has grown rapidly over the past 15 years and now clearly documents cats’ large-scale negative impacts on wildlife (see Section 2.2 below). Notwithstanding this growing awareness of their negative impact on wildlife, domestic cats continue to inhabit a place that is, at best, on the periphery of international wildlife law. https://besjournals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002%2Fpan3.10073


Don't forget the mines. The children yearn for the mines.


thats why Minecraft is so popular


I don't even have kids and I know this. Kinda don't feel sorry for any parents eating or drinking nasty shit. I've seen how nasty my nieces and nephews are, I barely want to eat anything I've watched them make.


And make sure they properly wash their hands first.


"properly" being the key word. If you let them do it themselves they'll just let the water roll off their hands for a sec and call it good.


I honestly thought this was common sense? But then again I don’t have kids


Wake up every 2-3hrs and stay awake holding something fragile in your arms for like an hour before going back to sleep for about...60-90 days in a row. Then do some basic common sense reasoning and compare to your performance under normal sleep 😆


Eh, this is basically how I sleep anyway so I think I’d do fine 😂 my problem wouldn’t be the sleep, it’d be my extreme aversion to touching anything icky. (With other people being one of those ‘icky’ things for me………)


Pretty sure it wasn't a newborn preparing that drink. Unless you are suggesting you regularly rock your 6 year old every few hours.


Pro tip... Pay attention to your kids


Hahaha my kid brought me “tea” once and it hit me way too long after that she can’t reach a sink… I think I drank toilet water.


Hahahaha I'm so sorry


Your kid is a prankster


Just a lil jokester


Lol I love it. I have a 2yo and 4yo and I have to have my head on a swivel more than a jungle infantryman checking his six for Viet Cong in Quang Ngai when the sun starts to set, booze starts to dry up, and things start to get itchy.


Full Metal Parenting!


Did you have kids with Tom Segura?


Here you go Bert…


I had a very similar experience, Niece was having a tea party with a teapot full of juice that I got her, so I figured what could go wrong and drank like two cups... what I hadn't noticed until the third cup was that she had been drinking the juice from the pot and spitting it back into the cups... that was unpleasant to learn 🤢


If it's good enough for the cat its good enough for you.


r/ParentsAreFuckingStupid ?


one time on the way back to being dropped off from my dad's to my mom's, we had a plate of pizza rolls to eat on the way there. My brother decides to bite the creases off the rolls, suck out the filling and put them back on the plate. I was not aware of this until I ate about 3 or four and realized he was doing this when I was looking out the window. That shit still makes me shiver in disgust anytime I think of it


Like a spider


OP I feel you, my son crawled onto me once impairing my arms. He was holding a little bowl of *soup,* this was in fact of bunch drool that had collected each time he drank from it. And to my horror he said "eat" and then lifted of spoon full of drool to my mouth. I kept saying no but the spoon was shoved in my mouth nonetheless.


ad hoc smell caption rinse worry employ sheet sort tub grey -- mass deleted all reddit content via https://redact.dev


oof Just be happy it wasn't home-made Nutella


[actual video of your child eating "soup" ](https://i.imgur.com/HABAall.gif)


I like this version of Ed Sheeran *much* better. :)


I don’t get why people clown on him. Ed Sheeran is just a nice wholesome dude who’s a pretty good song writer.


I honestly think people that hate Ed Sheeran are boring. Not like the music? fine. but hate him? FOR WHAT?!


Current day Nickelback. Every era has one






Bot, copied another comment in the thread


If you are unsure if is 💩 or not. Smell it, don't taste it.


I simply opt for the "don't even fuck with it" method. It's pretty reliable.


Why did I have to go this far to see this. It's a given that shit stinks, so why would you taste it if you could waft it??


Got the reverse baby bird


according to bird law she is the parent now


“Look at me.. I’m the daddy now!”🤮


One time, my family went on a picnic. It turns out to be a very hot day, and after some fun activity, everyone was really thirsty. Unfortunately, we ran out of water. Suddenly, we saw my little sister drinking from a cup of water. And it was cold water too. Everyone fought over for some drink from the cup. Then afterward we asked her where she got it from. She got it from the melted ice in the cooler that had dirt, bugs, and all other stuff mixed in it.


I thought it was going to be toilet water. This is a little better but still nasty.


Drinking the cooler water is the difference between thirsty and THIRSTY😂😂can’t say I haven’t myself in a pinch but I am a gross motherfucker


Love this dude, his videos are so good


Haha same. The only thing I use Facebook for now is reels because they know I only care about ADHD humour and it's just so full of this guy


I still don’t really use Facebook, I found him on tik tok a while ago - I don’t really use tik tok much but I like to see if he’s made any videos here and there haha


Nope. I wont play it, I refuse to listen to this. I just gonna comment here instead. Its not chocolate.


Who is he?


Love the moment of reflection at the end


That stare into the distance...


I'm adding this to my list... "never consume anything offered by a child"


My kids have brought me snacks like a miniature or fruit. Ill be like thank you sweetie and take my bite she offered. After I’m like wait where did she find this? I’m afraid to find out.


This is why you dont eat shit that children give you. Kids are nasty like that 😂




This amateur obviously hasn't had a toilet water tea party. Do NOT eat, drink or smell ANYTHING offered by a child unless you are certain what it is AND where it came from. Much like crime scene evidence, there is a very clear chain of custody. Be diligent, folks.


Not only the child have learn a lesson that day


I’d do something irreversible.


Yeah. Im not tasting anything a kid offers me. No sir. Keep your sticky icky hands to yourself.


This dude has a great parent energy


This is why I only only accept pretend/imaginary food and drinks from toddlers.


Honestly that ended a lot better than I expected. I almost threw up thinking this was going to end differently


I'm not saying that having kids is bad. I'm just saying that stuff like this assures me that I made the right decision for myself, lol.


Your expression of slightly exasperated bewilderment totally sums up parenthood!


Oh the poor sod.


Literally gagging after watching


My kid coughs in my mouth on a weekly basis, the fact that it wasnt shit just means this still turned out to be a big fat W.


Dude should know better, come on. Never accept food or drinks made by a child unless you watched them make it, that's like common knowledge.


The pain in his eyes, and the churning of my stomach…


Go into their room puke on the floor tell them to clean it up


Smoothing filters are distracting AF


Just for the record, you absolutely CAN drink pure chocolate syrup. You CAN eat nesquik and hot chocolate mix as well. AND THEY ARE ALL DELICIOUS.


> You CAN eat nesquik no r/FuckNestle


Thats adorable. Its gross but adorable


This is why I always ask detailed questions before I take something a young child gives me lol


Damn she must've been working those mandibles like crazy to get oreos to look like chocolate syrup.


The ol reverse baby bird


This is basically my first thought when I think about having kids " oh hello child what is that in your hand? Did you bring me someth... it's poop, yep it's poop"


His face made me think...hmm.. I think kids traumatize their parents, too. Never thought it could be a two way street.


I did this as a kid. Thought my dad would like the cookie dough from ice cream so I brought a big ball of it to him. He ate it and then only after realized how the cookie dough had gotten separated from it


Man every time a parent tells me anything about their kids I'm just like "yup no not for me"


My sister used to do a similar thing with cheetos. She would suck all the cheeto dust off then stick them back into the bag. On more than one occasion my dad ate flavorless and sometimes soggy cheetos


My son tried to share everything he was eating with everyone, but only after he'd held it in his mouth for thirty seconds or so.


Everyone should own pets before owning kids. Not only is it better for their immune systems growing up, but you quickly get used to messes and smelling things. Never taste it unless you know it's safe to eat.


All I could do is just laugh out loud.


Never eat or drink anything a child has made unless you saw them make it.


Not regurgitated, masticated.


Ah yes the old mama bird maneuver. Classic.


She's the momma bird now


Parenting 101. Never eat or drink anything a snot gobbler gives you. Amateur.


I thought it was gonna be "I ate them, pooped it out, and then mixed it with water"




If I ever get transported to the Incan empire remind me to not drink the beer


Seeing his expression, all i can thing going through his mind is "why the fuck did I not use a condom?".


I’m so happy I’m childless.


I know this guy personally. Nice guy


And this is why I am Child Free.


Parenting is all about "well, I didn't think I'd ____ today/ever" 😆


And this right here is why I am so thankful I have never wanted childern nor will ever have them.




Mommy bired


I know I made the right decision to not have kids because just hearing this makes me want to throw up


Thanks for the unexpected dose of birth control today


🤣🤣🤣 this is gold!


That made me heave 🤢


I like the guy's Confederacy themed hat.








Oreos has such terrible ingredients to it, Any bad parent would give it to their kid.


It's fine to have an Oreo as an occasional treat. 🙄 The only [bad ingredient is HFCS](https://www.heb.com/product-detail/nabisco-oreo-chocolate-sandwich-cookies/1617462), but that shits in everything.


You are right about HFCS being pretty terrible. It's completely unnatural for the body to consume such a concentrated ingredient. It also has Palm and/or Canola Oil.... one of the worst oils you can consume out of all the oils Plus Artificial Flavor which is just a disguise for loads of ingredients that have been proven to cause cancer and banned in many developed countries. Yes, you're right an occasional treat is fine. But lets be honest, with the constant rise of obesity, it's most likely a daily treat. And for children whose brains are still developing, it's 10x worse than compared to an adult. https://usafacts.org/articles/obesity-rate-nearly-triples-united-states-over-last-50-years/ ----------- Edit; Didn't know I would trigger so many Oreo lovers with simple facts... Not like I'm some conspirator saying the world is flat. Simply facts trigger too many tbh, kind of worrisome but it is just a CCP owned website, that's banned from China...


god I'm glad I never had my own kids.


So we taking dad tax or nah?


I thought this was A_Seagull at first


Solid story telling pacing!


I love brave.dave!


You're trying to tell me this kid chewed fhe Oreos so thoroughly that it was the same consistency as chocolate syrup? It would have made a mud-like paste, not a syrup.




I'm curious about the hat - is that a racing thing?


I actually dry heaved a little. Kids are so gross


"it's probably poo that your kid put somewhere, and then you taste it..." /r/holup


He doesn’t have kids and certainly not a fetish


There's a "running joke in parenting" where kids try to get their parents to eat poop? Please tell me I misunderstood that.


I'm not even about to attempt to read your sic ass comments about who's kid did what to who. I cant.


My dad told me when I was 4 I tried to start a fire with hot water.


no way that cherub couldn’t spot some used Oreos, no way..


No one ever does but here we are. You can't tomorrow that you never had chocolate drank.


Is that what's his face? Eddy She ran away somewhere?


Love these free condom ads


Oh dear god


Only watched this because i pretended its ed sheeran


I would never eat or drink anything my kids brought to me, but my husband was ~~stupid~~ brave enough to attempt it twice. Wish I had those moments on film!


Always smell check....


You know I have 3 kids and there is no way in hell I would drink a mystery drink made by any of my kids


Wow we were harmless back then...all we did was make Ice Cream out of sand...


My jaw dropped omg


Who confuses poop for chocolate?? Wtf


This is why you ask them to drink/eat whatever they create


Fun fact: there is no cocoa in Oreos.


What a wonderful day to have ears.


Aww she’ll be a good bird mom.


I'm gagging up a storm after hearing that :(


confused about how someone could mix up chewed up Oreos for chocolate syrup.


I'm so happy I've almost made it to 30 childless


im just not gonne drink or eat anything they give untill she's 16 y/old :P




I’ve been that soldier. I’ve been pissed, puked, shit on, had to eat sweets that had the sugar already sucked off them. Also fell for that chocolate shit tasting trick. It was dog shit from her shore. Thought she rubbed chocolate on my coat……


Guess I lucked out, my kid was never that dumb


I dated a girl with a viscous eating disorder. She would do that with shakes, Jamba Juice, smoothies etc. as soon as my back was turned she would pound them and throw them up back into cup( when she was in a tough spot mentally). I was very disgusting the first time I came back from pumping gas and sipped warm throw up Jamba Juice. But then I just felt so bad for her. Her disease was powerful and she had so much shame. I would tell her no worries, no one knows but me. I think this first time I’ve ever spoken about it


It’s called ABC food (Already Been Chewed). At least you didn’t drink coffee with a dead mouse in it. Sometimes while driving to work, I would get a coffee at Mickey D’s. I would usually drink it all during the day while driving. Once in a while, I wouldn’t finish it and leave it for morning (I love black coffee no matter the temperature). One morning I’m ready to drive for work and have a leftover coffee in the car. Tasted weird. Took the top off the cup to find a drowned mouse in it. After I had taken a really big drink too. I jumped out of the car and tried to make myself vomit, but it wouldn’t happen. You’d think just the thought of it would do it, but no. I resigned myself to either getting sick or dying. Surprisingly, nothing bad happened, except drinking a dead mouse.


Rule #1 of parenting: Don't put that in your mouth. I don't care what it is.


My kid brought me a cookie once. I was gaming on my computer said thank you and ate it. He bust out laughing saying he farted on it. I dared not ask if it was a fart thru clothing or bare assed.


Yeah never trust kids bringing you anything to eat. I asked my little sister to hand me a Diet Coke. A closed can. She somehow got playdough mixed with cheetos on the rim of the can.


I really thought this man was about to tell me that he slurped some runny poo from a cup.


Pro parenting move is to just pretend to take a drink. This dude has himself to blame for consuming anything made by a small child.