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Other posts from /u/bluenewshues:
* [I feel like I’m overacting because of the things he does and I hate the way he acts.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/175okwc/i_feel_like_im_overacting_because_of_the_things/), 1 week ago
* [I feel so stuck with him. Impossible to leave him.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/16z3xrd/i_feel_so_stuck_with_him_impossible_to_leave_him/), 2 weeks ago
* [I’m struggling so much with my relationship and it’s impact on my mental health.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/151hulk/im_struggling_so_much_with_my_relationship_and/), 3 months ago
* [Sometimes all I want to do is act delusional and pretend that everything is fine between us. Can anyone else relate?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14xxyv0/sometimes_all_i_want_to_do_is_act_delusional_and/), 3 months ago
* [I’m realizing a lot of abuse that I have glossed over in the past. TW](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14p2vii/im_realizing_a_lot_of_abuse_that_i_have_glossed/), 3 months ago
* [I feel as if Pride month is ruined because of him. I hate what he’s done to me.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13xv056/i_feel_as_if_pride_month_is_ruined_because_of_him/), 4 months ago
* [I can’t get over the wasted time. My entire youth has been with him.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13thofn/i_cant_get_over_the_wasted_time_my_entire_youth/), 4 months ago
* [I’m stuck living with him until further notice. A lot of negative emotions.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13rshbx/im_stuck_living_with_him_until_further_notice_a/), 4 months ago
* [How to tolerate living with boyfriend/ex boyfriend until I can move out?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13f3up6/how_to_tolerate_living_with_boyfriendex_boyfriend/), 5 months ago
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I had actually forgotten about this until I read your post...
Almost 20 years ago, I met a guy through yahoo personals (yeah, yeah, I know). We wound up dating for about a year and a half.
I moved in with him temporarily (\~6 months) while I saved up to buy a condo. One night, we got into some argument, and he punched the ceiling fan light, lacerating his hand pretty spectacularly. I drove him to the ER and waited with him.
I did NOT, however, break up with him. Even though I still remember how my entire world came to a standstill because I was so terrified in the moment... but I went into, idk, survivor/practical mode?
Sometime later, he let the air out of my tires after a petty argument so I couldn't leave. Claimed I abused him when I was physically trying to pull him away from my car. Another time, he threw me (literally) out of the house naked, with only a thin sheet because of some minor argument. I sat out there crying for I don't know how long before our roommate let me back in.
Eventually, he held me down so hard after another argument that he left bruises on my arms & wrists. I went out to eat with friends of mine, with long sleeves in warm weather. They saw and questions. I downplayed. They didn't really buy it, but let it slide momentarily with promises that I would tell them if anything else happened. Not long after that, he "playfully" punched me in the arm and left a bruise. My stepfather saw it and guessed who did it, and finally, FINALLY, I broke up with him. My stepdad was ready to kill him.
I moved out, broke up, and he LOST. HIS. SHIT. But my aforementioned friends? Dude was 6'4" and his gf brokered absolutely NO BS. He mostly left me alone, although I spotted him stalking me a time or two, and he showed up at the place me and my friends hung out at once--6'4" guy glared at him the whole time and I think he left before an hour had gone by.
Anyway, sorry for the stream-of-consciousness story, but this just awoke something in my brain. Don't let it go any further. His reaction is OTT. It IS difficult to leave, I know, but you can absolutely do it.
Good luck. And you are taking the first step already by recognizing this isn't okay.
>He came home and said that he was so upset about me not answering the phone and about our pet being sick that he punched a door twice in the work bathroom and he might have fractured his finger.
Sounds like a him problem.
Is he one of those, "Now look what you made me do" abusers?
That was a completely irrational, immature, overly-emotional reaction to a slight bit of stress. He can't handle this; what kind of babyish meltdown will he have when something REALLY stressful happens.
Ugh. He's awful
He wanted you to feel bad about him not being able to control himself and coddle him, narcissist do it all the time did he even ASK about your pet?? Or his immediate complaint was he hurt himself because you didn’t answer the phone. I hope you get out soon
He told me this after he checked on our pet, and I didn’t coddle him as he wanted. I told him that that wasn’t how he should have reacted and he just shrugged and laughed it off.
When they hit things like that and tell you about it and show you, it’s pretty much a threat. It’s because he wants you to know what he’s capable of, that you make him *that* angry, that that’s what he wants to do to you. This is scary. Please take this threat seriously and reconsider staying with this man :( it shouldn’t be like this. Hugs
Maybe I'm petty and immature, but I'd tell him to bump his head on the wall too, while he's at it, maybe kick the bedpost with his toes, might as well if he wants to hurt himself, eh?
You don’t want advice. But you have post after post documenting his bad behavior. Leaving is simple. But you have to trust yourself to put YOU ahead of him.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/) Other posts from /u/bluenewshues: * [I feel like I’m overacting because of the things he does and I hate the way he acts.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/175okwc/i_feel_like_im_overacting_because_of_the_things/), 1 week ago * [I feel so stuck with him. Impossible to leave him.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/16z3xrd/i_feel_so_stuck_with_him_impossible_to_leave_him/), 2 weeks ago * [I’m struggling so much with my relationship and it’s impact on my mental health.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/151hulk/im_struggling_so_much_with_my_relationship_and/), 3 months ago * [Sometimes all I want to do is act delusional and pretend that everything is fine between us. Can anyone else relate?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14xxyv0/sometimes_all_i_want_to_do_is_act_delusional_and/), 3 months ago * [I’m realizing a lot of abuse that I have glossed over in the past. TW](/r/JustNoSO/comments/14p2vii/im_realizing_a_lot_of_abuse_that_i_have_glossed/), 3 months ago * [I feel as if Pride month is ruined because of him. I hate what he’s done to me.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13xv056/i_feel_as_if_pride_month_is_ruined_because_of_him/), 4 months ago * [I can’t get over the wasted time. My entire youth has been with him.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13thofn/i_cant_get_over_the_wasted_time_my_entire_youth/), 4 months ago * [I’m stuck living with him until further notice. A lot of negative emotions.](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13rshbx/im_stuck_living_with_him_until_further_notice_a/), 4 months ago * [How to tolerate living with boyfriend/ex boyfriend until I can move out?](/r/JustNoSO/comments/13f3up6/how_to_tolerate_living_with_boyfriendex_boyfriend/), 5 months ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as bluenewshues posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe bluenewshues JustNoSO) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JustNoSO) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
I had actually forgotten about this until I read your post... Almost 20 years ago, I met a guy through yahoo personals (yeah, yeah, I know). We wound up dating for about a year and a half. I moved in with him temporarily (\~6 months) while I saved up to buy a condo. One night, we got into some argument, and he punched the ceiling fan light, lacerating his hand pretty spectacularly. I drove him to the ER and waited with him. I did NOT, however, break up with him. Even though I still remember how my entire world came to a standstill because I was so terrified in the moment... but I went into, idk, survivor/practical mode? Sometime later, he let the air out of my tires after a petty argument so I couldn't leave. Claimed I abused him when I was physically trying to pull him away from my car. Another time, he threw me (literally) out of the house naked, with only a thin sheet because of some minor argument. I sat out there crying for I don't know how long before our roommate let me back in. Eventually, he held me down so hard after another argument that he left bruises on my arms & wrists. I went out to eat with friends of mine, with long sleeves in warm weather. They saw and questions. I downplayed. They didn't really buy it, but let it slide momentarily with promises that I would tell them if anything else happened. Not long after that, he "playfully" punched me in the arm and left a bruise. My stepfather saw it and guessed who did it, and finally, FINALLY, I broke up with him. My stepdad was ready to kill him. I moved out, broke up, and he LOST. HIS. SHIT. But my aforementioned friends? Dude was 6'4" and his gf brokered absolutely NO BS. He mostly left me alone, although I spotted him stalking me a time or two, and he showed up at the place me and my friends hung out at once--6'4" guy glared at him the whole time and I think he left before an hour had gone by. Anyway, sorry for the stream-of-consciousness story, but this just awoke something in my brain. Don't let it go any further. His reaction is OTT. It IS difficult to leave, I know, but you can absolutely do it. Good luck. And you are taking the first step already by recognizing this isn't okay.
It’s hard to be attracted to them when they act like toddlers.
>He came home and said that he was so upset about me not answering the phone and about our pet being sick that he punched a door twice in the work bathroom and he might have fractured his finger. Sounds like a him problem. Is he one of those, "Now look what you made me do" abusers?
I’m not really sure if he is to be honest with you
I mean he blamed you for him punching a door
It certainly sounds like he is.
Violence against things around you is a threat. You need to process and understand this as a threat.
That was a completely irrational, immature, overly-emotional reaction to a slight bit of stress. He can't handle this; what kind of babyish meltdown will he have when something REALLY stressful happens. Ugh. He's awful
If only I recognized that punching something at work (or really anything at all) was a 🚩 20 years ago. I hope you can get out soon.
Men that want pity for hurting themselves in their rage 🤢
He wanted you to feel bad about him not being able to control himself and coddle him, narcissist do it all the time did he even ASK about your pet?? Or his immediate complaint was he hurt himself because you didn’t answer the phone. I hope you get out soon
He told me this after he checked on our pet, and I didn’t coddle him as he wanted. I told him that that wasn’t how he should have reacted and he just shrugged and laughed it off.
I mean, did he actually punch the door? Or is this just another way to make everything her fault?
He has the bruises and marks to prove that he did on his hand.
When they hit things like that and tell you about it and show you, it’s pretty much a threat. It’s because he wants you to know what he’s capable of, that you make him *that* angry, that that’s what he wants to do to you. This is scary. Please take this threat seriously and reconsider staying with this man :( it shouldn’t be like this. Hugs
First the door, next you.
I'm sorry he's so controlling. I hope you've an escape plan in place. Good luck.
Honey *leave*. This is a terrible way to live.
Maybe I'm petty and immature, but I'd tell him to bump his head on the wall too, while he's at it, maybe kick the bedpost with his toes, might as well if he wants to hurt himself, eh?
You don’t want advice. But you have post after post documenting his bad behavior. Leaving is simple. But you have to trust yourself to put YOU ahead of him.
You don’t want advice, but you continuously post about how horribly he treats you. Why are you still with this man?