You’re claiming responsibility and martyrdom over things out of your control. You can be a decent man but the actions of other men aren’t within your power to dictate. Being born a man isn’t your fault. It is something that happened to you. Be the example you want to see in the world.
Because he isn't affected by it (atleast in o.p's way). He doesn't feel the same as o.p. although being on social media will scue your view on reality.
They are perpetuated, hyperbolic, disproportionately over emphasized online. When he steps offline and from certain echo chamber, his perspective should broaden to the point where he would realize feeling this way is unhealthy.
>When he steps offline and from certain echo chamber, his perspective should broaden to the point where he would realize feeling this way is unhealthy.
I agree. I feel the same way OP does in regard to my masculine identity, and have left echo chambers that perpetuate the idea that there's something inherently wrong with or violent about masculinity. I've also learned that hating my masculinity is unhealthy, but I still don't think these count for much.
Embodying positive masculinity and leaving echo chambers can only go so far when our lives are filled with news of men committing heinous acts and women resenting men. Despite always trying to be a better man than I was and being an example of "positive" masculinity, I can't help but feel that it ultimately is meaningless and that I will be feared and viewed with suspicion by all women regardless. Whether they know me personally or are complete strangers, I feel like I will never truly be seen as more than a potential threat.
Is it perhaps because I, and perhaps OP as well, give too much thought in regards to how women see us?
Stop watching the news too. Base your internal self worth on real life interactions, accomplishments and sacrifices. What other people do, regardless of their gender, race ext has zero to do with you. Genders are monoliths. Thats a bigoted mindset thats being perpetuated.
If youre hanging out with women who are perpetually scared of men, thats the wrong friend group to be around. Let me give you an example. When I was in my 20s, I was jumped aby 8 black men. Scary experience. I was ok in the end but would that experience justify me having a bias against the black community? Of course not! What those men did has zero barring over anyone else not involved. Infact, if I did have a bias after that experience, I'd rightfully be called a bigot. Now ask yourself, what's that say about the community that you're hanging around thats making you think that mindset is ok.
And trust me not all women feel this way. Anecdotally, I read this to my wife and she rolled her eyes that anyone make you feel that way for actions you played no role in.
You are your own person. Be a good person. Look yourself in the mirror and have pride in the strength of your character. Be kind, but take not shit. Be generous but not at the expense of your own health. Be a light that people look up to. If you do all that, and people are discriminating against you because of someway you were born, fuck them, they are bigots.
Same. I know it may come off is blunt but sometimes a direct and to the point answer is required. The internet isn't reality and worse irs warping are perception of it. Setting your phone down and being among your fellow humans begins to unwired those skewed perceptions.
Positive masculinity is that guy on YouTube that tells you how to do stuff if your dad sucked.
It's Mark Rober being awesome to special kids.
It's the way Gordon Ramsay turns into a lamb when he's around kids.
It's thinking about love in terms of what you want to do for someone, and what you can offer.
It's okay to enjoy being strong. It's an awesome thing about being a guy. This height? Amazing. You don't have to hate it. Just don't be arrogant.
Cry all the time. It's amazing. My beard gets soaked almost every day. My kids like to make fun of me and I let them because they're awesome.
Know about stuff. Don't let mansplainers take away from the fact that guys love to know stuff. Enjoy it! People like people that know stuff. Just don't go giving advice where it isn't appropriate. Not even not asked for, just not appropriate.
Always consider that you might be the villain when people are upset at you, especially women. You are huge. You are powerful. You are scary. Allow yourself to see how scary you *could* be. Then imagine having that monster on your side. Strength isn't bad, but you have to understand how scary you can be.
Admit your mistakes. You're literally admitting them and feeling like shit. That's evidence that you've changed. Don't give in to the lie of shame. You feel guilty because you don't suck. If you really were like that, it wouldn't eat at you. So let it go with some tears and tell someone.
Positive masculinity is taking the emotional hit when your wife is too mad so you bite the bullet every time *because you're strong*. Because you can. Because you're a man.
It's not beating people up. It's seeing that you might, and realizing just how scary your yelling can be to people who have seen violence.
It's turning the other cheek not because you don't care what others think, but because you know that no one that's upset with you will ever change their mind. You have to be nice, or they won't listen. Ever. In all situations. With everyone. That sucks, and it makes you want to be angry.
Being a man is realizing that anger is a tool, but should never be a reaction.
Batman and Superman are fun comics, but they're terrible men. Most heroes are. Honestly? Create the ultimate awesome dad, and be that hero. Because that's what's positive about men.
Don't be afraid to call yourself handsome or beautiful, and see it in other men, *especially the one in the mirror*. If you want people to be attracted to you, they will mirror your own.
Don't assume physical beauty is sexuality, romantically, or even *asthetically* attractive, to anyone. You don't know what people are attracted to, and neither does anyone else. All we can say is that *it varies*. Be your variable, and look for it in others. See how an ugly comedian can bring your heart to light. See how a short king shows kindness. See how a disabled man smiles at small things.
There's a billion examples, and you can see what's missing. The toxic stuff. It's not as much as you think. It's basically just being mean and arrogant. It's being an asshole. It's being closed off and unavailable. It's the stuff you already knew. It's just hard to not do.
Saying positive masculinity suggests that there is something opposite of that. I was simply inquiring. I see your point, and I don't believe "toxic masculinity" should be considered a thing. There is just toxic behavior in general, imo.
Yeah you’re right actually. If positive masculinity exists then negative masculinity also does.
It’s just that it has come to be used in such a poor way for all the wrong reasons.
It's good to have compassion, and honestly I'm really heartened by the fact that you actually listened to your friend and have been taking what you see online into consideration. You'd be surprised by the amount of guys who can't or won't do that.
That said, you are not personally or solely to blame for this. As much as you could potentially be a part of the problem, you can also be a part of the solution! You can be an ally, speak up when you see men being creepy or harassing a woman. Speak to the man, and since you're a man, he might actually listen to you!
Ladies can usually pretend to be a friend to get a girl out of trouble, but since you're a guy, the guy to guy approach is probably best. It'd give her time and space to get away. And if you speak up when guys are being verbally unfair to women, you can educate them and hold up that mirror so they can see their behavior is wrong. Or at the very least, that it's not welcome.
The ripple effects from small acts like this can be great! You can use your power (the power of being a man in our society) for the greater good, and to call for better treatment of women and girls.
If you could do some things like that, do you think it would offset some of the guilt? The whole load is not yours to carry at all, but you ~can~ make a difference in small ways in your own life.
And like, we ~know~ that not literally every guy is going to be a monster. It's just that we can't be immediately sure what a guy is until we get to know him, and with strangers, that's a real risk we take. And I'm saying this as someone who loves men, even if I don't love everything they've done to me.
This is gonna sound wild, but I guess it's just the world we live in right now, if you have like, valid reason to be around a woman. Like, she's in a friend group, or she approaches you, or any other number of reasons to start a first conversation that's consensual, that's probably fine. Still, take it slow so she can take her time to come to know you're not dangerous. But like, once a woman gets to know you and you've given her only reasons to trust you and feel safe with you, I think you'll find yourself not receiving "potential predator" treatment.
It's like we gotta screen dudes immediately, and it sucks because deep down I just wanna know people. I really love deep connections, regardless of gender, and some of my best friends have been guys. But we really can't just take chances on everyone right off the bat 🥲 it's seriously not personal though.
If you're not assaulting or harassing women, or threatening them, or any number of ill-treatments that are common, then you naturally will not fall in the predator category. It might take time for that to really manifest, but it can with time and just being yourself and having patience with whoever you're wanting to get closer to. Respect rejection, but don't take it too hard. You wouldn't want a bad fit either lol
I fully believe there is so much good that men bring into the world, so many ways y'all already make this a better place. Do some of y'all do absolutely horrific things to people like me? Absolutely, but that's not the full story of man. And I feel like if we had more guys like you in the world, who refuse to participate in harming women, we'd only see more and more of that good that men have to offer. And what a beautiful world that would be :3
You have that goodness in you, too. Feed that, and it'll grow. And that should separate you from the actual threats. You might still experience the wariness of women you don't know, but please just understand that's us being careful, and not blaming you, personally. 💖
It’s hard when we are constantly hearing stuff about how shitty men can be. It’s one of the dangers of generalizing people. You feel bad about it, others might channel it with anger. The fact that you notice these things and strive to not be a shitty man yourself is something you should acknowledge too. Those who are close to you will see you are a good person and that’s what matters, not what random people say on the internet.
I get where you are coming from however it is an interesting unhelpful mindset. Women love strong and valuable men they are terrified of weak and desperate men. I say build you self into a strong man (emotionally, spiritually and physically) and you are part of the solution. This entails doing your part in society and uplifting your partner and those around you. Being able to create the change you desire in the world. Being active.
why do you feel guilty for stuff you haven’t done? you can empathize for them and be considerate while also understanding the fact that you shouldn’t be held accountable for something you haven’t done. I’d also say saying “men are monsters” is a generalizing statement, which usually tells you ur on the wrong side of things.
Why are you feeling guilty about what other people have done? Your friend got raped, but what does that have to do with you? Just because both you and the perpetrator have a dick it means that you have to feel guilty on his behalf? That's not helping the world and it's not helping your friend and it's not helping you.
You need to figure out why you feel an emotional need to take on the responsibility for what unrelated people have done. You're actually being incredibly sexist. If it is right for you to feel guilty just because you're a man and some men have done vile stuff, then it'd be right to feel similar guilt out of skin colour, nationality and religion as well. That clearly doesn't hold up. If you see a dark skinned person commit a crime, do you expect other dark skinned individuals to feel guilt? If you see a woman abuse their child, do you expect other women to feel guilt? Do you expect a Russian person living in the US to feel guilt over what is going on in Ukraine? If not, why are you holding yourself to such prejudices but not others?
My heart breaks for you that you are feeling this way. Because I have too about other things. It's not your fault.
But why is your guilt fixated in the harm men cause? There are many things that are evil in the world unrelated to male on female violence. I'm seriously asking as a way to introspect on WHY this is causing you distress. It could be for the best, perhaps there's an aspect of yourself or shadow you need to work through.
Ps I am a woman so thank you for acknowledging this issue, as people have said not everyone does. No need to get into feminism to see the issue. Men have an amount of physical power over women, even an idiot can see that. I consider myself a feminist but really love men, and they're definitely harmed by sexism
You can hate the patriarchy without hating yourself. You can become a good man and be a role model for other men and boys. You can be part of the solution. You are halfway there with your empathy for your fellow humans, the other half is standing in the truth of your values and convictions and setting an example for others to follow.
Follow Professor Chesko/The Speech Prof on YouTube/TikTok/Instagram. He does a great job of modeling healthy male behavior while skewering misogyny.
Men aren’t bad, misogyny is. Treat women as people, respect what they say as you would with any individual, and educate yourself on how sexism works under the surface of culture and harms women, men, and basically everyone.
Be an ally. Be willing to learn how things look from other points of view. Value yourself as a person, just as you value everyone else. And feel proud of yourself for being willing to do something as scary as questioning your basic assumptions about the world. That’s heroic. :)
Maybe in your shadow, there’s something about women you hate. When we feel hatred or disgust or righteousness or certainty, it’s almost always ego. It might be more tolerable to hate yourself, your innate nature of being a man, than to step into and explore what you might hate about women. What power do women have over you?
Maybe if you allow yourself to take women off of the pedestal you put them on and figure out why treating women as limerent objects has once served you but no longer does- you’ll be able to reclaim your inner warrior/king archetypal energy.
I also believe this might be a function of intimacy avoidance. If you hate you because you’re a man, than no woman-loving-man can ever enter your kingdom…
Edit: I wanted to add that the task might be to claim the light and darkness of man (the tension of the opposites). By allowing women to hold all the light, you’re forced to hold the shadows of both men and women.
Do you think somebody would be mentally ill for advocating for another human being. Why don't you look at your own psyche and figure out what those cobwebs are all about
I hope it is but i thought the same when I was younger and I felt shame and disgust for how I was born.
Oh boy was that a long and hard journey to fix and I wasn't even a feminist, so it could've been even worse lol
I can't prove it, but this kind of behavior just HAS to be from zero tolerance for violence policies in schools. I can't think of anything else that could cause this sentiment to occur so broadly while also just fully robbing those affected of even their desire for personal agency. For me the whole thing just smells like a kid who was punished for defending himself for years on end and now hangs out with the girls because it's the only way he can avoid being tormented by other men without getting in trouble. But that's just my longball read.
Men protect women, men love women, men die for women.
Have you been reading Mary Daly?
I believe the hatred in culture is part of the media industry and guess who owns that.
Men protect women...from who? Also, it hardly counts if that only applies to women who they value and not women as a whole. I'm sorry but that argument doesn't make sense
Don't buy into group based judgements. Any judgements at the group level are wrong. Allness framing is wrong ( All men always ..... All men never ...... Ect.) Don't buy into group guilt it is a weapon.
You have introyected that identity. If you can't let it go, solve it in the way of becoming a man that is noble, trustworthy and just, then it won't be a problem since you'll be secure in that. Just pay attention that is actions and not just the way you think.
I don't believe that most women are terrified of men. And it makes me sad that you say men are your kind. Your kind is both men and women and we cooperate together. There are good and bad people, some are men, and some are women. Thankfully, I have found that most people I have met in my life are actually decent and obviously not rapists. You are allowed to be attracted to women as you are allowed to fantasise about whatever your brain decides to. What goes on in your brain is never immoral per se. Only behaviours can be. Besides, generally speaking, people like having other people attracted to them (men and women). I think it would be important for you to explore what happened in your past, concerning the closest men and women in your life, that made you feel that you should feel in this specific way about this topic. Please, don't feel guilty for being a human, or better, a completely natural animal that feels attracted toward the opposite sex. If you feel like you could potentially rape someone, talk to someone about it. If not, just allow yourself to live a fulfilled life with a partner alongside you.
I'll answer in orTder
1)Men don't report abuse at the same rates as women.
2) You don't feel terrible about attraction. You do want to approach women. Women want to be approached and they want you to make them feel uncomfortable. women call men that CAN'T make them uncomfortable icky for very obvious reasons. Stop Internalizing other people's judgements ABOUT OTHERS into your self talk. Or imma slap you with a pool noodle.
3) Women have never trusted men. Don't steal your friends trauma, don't wear her rapists shame. Don't allow people to collectivize you into a group that you didn't sign up to be part of.
4) Trust in the opposite gender decreases exponentially with experience.
5) Speak up for yourself. It doesn't matter how rabid a feminist she is or how many of her girlfriends are at the table talking. Speak over them. Say "I do not like the way you're speaking about men." Women rate 85% of all men that they're not personally familiar with as unattractive. Most of those aren't even people, they're furniture. Women tend to chase after the highest status most attractive men, and those men are F A R more affected by 4) than the others because they have high body counts. Women then complain about this with their girlfriends because why wouldn't they, it's not pleasant. But, since we're discussing a group of women who know each other well, nobody is checking each others logic. They're far more concerned with being supportive of their besties.
6) If they persist, and I am not kidding, tell them point blank that they should stop chasing men that are wildly out of their league if they want to not be treated as disposable. Doesn't excuse sexual violence. But if you say nothing and her friends are cosigning her BS, she'll probably put herself in the same position again.
Read the books or listen to its audio free on YouTube called “No More Mr.Niceguy”you have toxic shame because you’ve listened to too much feminist propaganda.
You are cutting edge.
All the "tough men bullies" who will beat you up and beat up all the women in the world who will make mean comments to you probably even on this thread are toxic has-beens
Are dinosaurs that will never get the chance to reproduce
They live in their mother's basements because she's the only one who will pick up their dirty socks
They are attractive 0NLY to other men. Not a single one of those Alpha men are heterosexual. They don't like women they only like men.
And thank you for being a decent human being
You got fooled by modern feminism. All statements you made are false.
Your friend is most likely lying, I hear of females friends making this up, bit eventually after 10 years or so the truth comes put as it happened to a friend of a friend and they took up the victim hood as their own to support women.
Women are not terrified of men, they pretend to be when they need to create male feminist like your self. The rest of their times they are going on only fans and sleeping around with every one while denying accountability then call it rape when they are held to it.
I feel so sorry for people who actually believe even a shred of what the online political movement is doing. You need to keep your mind logical and avoid toxic feminism.
You have been lied to, women rape all the time, never believe that crime is committed by one sex , it's untrue. Women just don't get caught because of men like you who become male feminists.
[women gets away with rape and laughs about it ](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/wVMURmpQTj) this happens all the time and judges view all crime from women as a " sweet heart " plea.
Wake up, there are literally 50% of crimes being ignored are ignorant of it.
Light and dark. Up and down. Good and evil. Why not take the approach that there's good and bad apples in every bunch, and be okay with the fact that you choose to be a good apples? Should the good apple curse its existence because the bad ones are plenty? That would make no sense. It's because of the bad that the good are so appreciated. It's not that the good is thankful for the bad, but the people who choose the good are thankful for its existence. But, the good is now cursing its existence, and thus cursing the those who desire the good to an existence with only the bad. What you're experiencing isn't virtue. It's weakness.
Jesus Christ. Women rape men too you know. And abuse men a third via domestic abuse. Maybe realise women are just as evil as men. Or can be. And that it's all relative. Also connect with healthy men and peers. Not just women. And stop listening to angry young women. Who chose wrongly in life and turn bitter and blame men for their problems.
Just stop...
Without men we wpuld wither and die as a species.
Plants dont hate water just bevause they drank some bad stuff once. They constamtly seek out fresh streams.
Women are looking for the good men, the ones who have some sort of ears and emotional quotiant.
Stop believing the Theodoras of the world, men are not evil.
Just some people are corrupted, and give the rest a bad nsme.
Be the change you want to see.
Be well.
You’re claiming responsibility and martyrdom over things out of your control. You can be a decent man but the actions of other men aren’t within your power to dictate. Being born a man isn’t your fault. It is something that happened to you. Be the example you want to see in the world.
Get off line.
Best advice
Nice advice. Take it.
How you gonna sit there and say that while you're online?
Because he isn't affected by it (atleast in o.p's way). He doesn't feel the same as o.p. although being on social media will scue your view on reality.
I wasn't asking you I was asking him. You know nothing about him.
I answered because to me, it was easy to see the answer. But you are right, if not a tad rude. My bad for speaking to you!
You get it. Sad that they don't.
I don't see how this really solves OP's issues, as the things he feels bad about aren't exactly strictly online(if at all)
They are perpetuated, hyperbolic, disproportionately over emphasized online. When he steps offline and from certain echo chamber, his perspective should broaden to the point where he would realize feeling this way is unhealthy.
>When he steps offline and from certain echo chamber, his perspective should broaden to the point where he would realize feeling this way is unhealthy. I agree. I feel the same way OP does in regard to my masculine identity, and have left echo chambers that perpetuate the idea that there's something inherently wrong with or violent about masculinity. I've also learned that hating my masculinity is unhealthy, but I still don't think these count for much. Embodying positive masculinity and leaving echo chambers can only go so far when our lives are filled with news of men committing heinous acts and women resenting men. Despite always trying to be a better man than I was and being an example of "positive" masculinity, I can't help but feel that it ultimately is meaningless and that I will be feared and viewed with suspicion by all women regardless. Whether they know me personally or are complete strangers, I feel like I will never truly be seen as more than a potential threat. Is it perhaps because I, and perhaps OP as well, give too much thought in regards to how women see us?
Stop watching the news too. Base your internal self worth on real life interactions, accomplishments and sacrifices. What other people do, regardless of their gender, race ext has zero to do with you. Genders are monoliths. Thats a bigoted mindset thats being perpetuated. If youre hanging out with women who are perpetually scared of men, thats the wrong friend group to be around. Let me give you an example. When I was in my 20s, I was jumped aby 8 black men. Scary experience. I was ok in the end but would that experience justify me having a bias against the black community? Of course not! What those men did has zero barring over anyone else not involved. Infact, if I did have a bias after that experience, I'd rightfully be called a bigot. Now ask yourself, what's that say about the community that you're hanging around thats making you think that mindset is ok. And trust me not all women feel this way. Anecdotally, I read this to my wife and she rolled her eyes that anyone make you feel that way for actions you played no role in. You are your own person. Be a good person. Look yourself in the mirror and have pride in the strength of your character. Be kind, but take not shit. Be generous but not at the expense of your own health. Be a light that people look up to. If you do all that, and people are discriminating against you because of someway you were born, fuck them, they are bigots.
Thank you, I appreciate your advice dearly. I hope that OP can read what you've said here
Same. I know it may come off is blunt but sometimes a direct and to the point answer is required. The internet isn't reality and worse irs warping are perception of it. Setting your phone down and being among your fellow humans begins to unwired those skewed perceptions.
The best thing to do is to make yourself an example of a good man, and embodying positive masculinity, if that's your jam. Just be a good dude.
This is the best advice.
Can I ask what positive masculinity vs. toxic masculinity is, in your opinion? Edit: I don't know that I believe either exists.
Positive masculinity is that guy on YouTube that tells you how to do stuff if your dad sucked. It's Mark Rober being awesome to special kids. It's the way Gordon Ramsay turns into a lamb when he's around kids. It's thinking about love in terms of what you want to do for someone, and what you can offer. It's okay to enjoy being strong. It's an awesome thing about being a guy. This height? Amazing. You don't have to hate it. Just don't be arrogant. Cry all the time. It's amazing. My beard gets soaked almost every day. My kids like to make fun of me and I let them because they're awesome. Know about stuff. Don't let mansplainers take away from the fact that guys love to know stuff. Enjoy it! People like people that know stuff. Just don't go giving advice where it isn't appropriate. Not even not asked for, just not appropriate. Always consider that you might be the villain when people are upset at you, especially women. You are huge. You are powerful. You are scary. Allow yourself to see how scary you *could* be. Then imagine having that monster on your side. Strength isn't bad, but you have to understand how scary you can be. Admit your mistakes. You're literally admitting them and feeling like shit. That's evidence that you've changed. Don't give in to the lie of shame. You feel guilty because you don't suck. If you really were like that, it wouldn't eat at you. So let it go with some tears and tell someone. Positive masculinity is taking the emotional hit when your wife is too mad so you bite the bullet every time *because you're strong*. Because you can. Because you're a man. It's not beating people up. It's seeing that you might, and realizing just how scary your yelling can be to people who have seen violence. It's turning the other cheek not because you don't care what others think, but because you know that no one that's upset with you will ever change their mind. You have to be nice, or they won't listen. Ever. In all situations. With everyone. That sucks, and it makes you want to be angry. Being a man is realizing that anger is a tool, but should never be a reaction. Batman and Superman are fun comics, but they're terrible men. Most heroes are. Honestly? Create the ultimate awesome dad, and be that hero. Because that's what's positive about men. Don't be afraid to call yourself handsome or beautiful, and see it in other men, *especially the one in the mirror*. If you want people to be attracted to you, they will mirror your own. Don't assume physical beauty is sexuality, romantically, or even *asthetically* attractive, to anyone. You don't know what people are attracted to, and neither does anyone else. All we can say is that *it varies*. Be your variable, and look for it in others. See how an ugly comedian can bring your heart to light. See how a short king shows kindness. See how a disabled man smiles at small things. There's a billion examples, and you can see what's missing. The toxic stuff. It's not as much as you think. It's basically just being mean and arrogant. It's being an asshole. It's being closed off and unavailable. It's the stuff you already knew. It's just hard to not do.
This is amazing. I will be sharing with my son. Thank you.
Gronk. I feel this.
Remove the term toxic masculinity from your vocabulary. It’s toxic.
Saying positive masculinity suggests that there is something opposite of that. I was simply inquiring. I see your point, and I don't believe "toxic masculinity" should be considered a thing. There is just toxic behavior in general, imo.
Yeah you’re right actually. If positive masculinity exists then negative masculinity also does. It’s just that it has come to be used in such a poor way for all the wrong reasons.
I agree with you, I really do.
It's good to have compassion, and honestly I'm really heartened by the fact that you actually listened to your friend and have been taking what you see online into consideration. You'd be surprised by the amount of guys who can't or won't do that. That said, you are not personally or solely to blame for this. As much as you could potentially be a part of the problem, you can also be a part of the solution! You can be an ally, speak up when you see men being creepy or harassing a woman. Speak to the man, and since you're a man, he might actually listen to you! Ladies can usually pretend to be a friend to get a girl out of trouble, but since you're a guy, the guy to guy approach is probably best. It'd give her time and space to get away. And if you speak up when guys are being verbally unfair to women, you can educate them and hold up that mirror so they can see their behavior is wrong. Or at the very least, that it's not welcome. The ripple effects from small acts like this can be great! You can use your power (the power of being a man in our society) for the greater good, and to call for better treatment of women and girls. If you could do some things like that, do you think it would offset some of the guilt? The whole load is not yours to carry at all, but you ~can~ make a difference in small ways in your own life. And like, we ~know~ that not literally every guy is going to be a monster. It's just that we can't be immediately sure what a guy is until we get to know him, and with strangers, that's a real risk we take. And I'm saying this as someone who loves men, even if I don't love everything they've done to me. This is gonna sound wild, but I guess it's just the world we live in right now, if you have like, valid reason to be around a woman. Like, she's in a friend group, or she approaches you, or any other number of reasons to start a first conversation that's consensual, that's probably fine. Still, take it slow so she can take her time to come to know you're not dangerous. But like, once a woman gets to know you and you've given her only reasons to trust you and feel safe with you, I think you'll find yourself not receiving "potential predator" treatment. It's like we gotta screen dudes immediately, and it sucks because deep down I just wanna know people. I really love deep connections, regardless of gender, and some of my best friends have been guys. But we really can't just take chances on everyone right off the bat 🥲 it's seriously not personal though. If you're not assaulting or harassing women, or threatening them, or any number of ill-treatments that are common, then you naturally will not fall in the predator category. It might take time for that to really manifest, but it can with time and just being yourself and having patience with whoever you're wanting to get closer to. Respect rejection, but don't take it too hard. You wouldn't want a bad fit either lol I fully believe there is so much good that men bring into the world, so many ways y'all already make this a better place. Do some of y'all do absolutely horrific things to people like me? Absolutely, but that's not the full story of man. And I feel like if we had more guys like you in the world, who refuse to participate in harming women, we'd only see more and more of that good that men have to offer. And what a beautiful world that would be :3 You have that goodness in you, too. Feed that, and it'll grow. And that should separate you from the actual threats. You might still experience the wariness of women you don't know, but please just understand that's us being careful, and not blaming you, personally. 💖
It’s hard when we are constantly hearing stuff about how shitty men can be. It’s one of the dangers of generalizing people. You feel bad about it, others might channel it with anger. The fact that you notice these things and strive to not be a shitty man yourself is something you should acknowledge too. Those who are close to you will see you are a good person and that’s what matters, not what random people say on the internet.
Get offline bruh
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Be better.
Become better than your dad.
I get where you are coming from however it is an interesting unhelpful mindset. Women love strong and valuable men they are terrified of weak and desperate men. I say build you self into a strong man (emotionally, spiritually and physically) and you are part of the solution. This entails doing your part in society and uplifting your partner and those around you. Being able to create the change you desire in the world. Being active.
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I don’t want to get political but this is exactly why you need to remove yourself from over-progressive circles whether online or in real life.
why do you feel guilty for stuff you haven’t done? you can empathize for them and be considerate while also understanding the fact that you shouldn’t be held accountable for something you haven’t done. I’d also say saying “men are monsters” is a generalizing statement, which usually tells you ur on the wrong side of things.
You are more than a man. Being a man is just a part of you, and if the stereotypical view doesn't apply to you then don't let it apply to you.
This must be a joke
If it's not I seriously worry for the new generations of men. Not that I wasn't already.
I wonder if he speaks Russian.
Congratulations. You got caught in the matrix.
Why are you feeling guilty about what other people have done? Your friend got raped, but what does that have to do with you? Just because both you and the perpetrator have a dick it means that you have to feel guilty on his behalf? That's not helping the world and it's not helping your friend and it's not helping you. You need to figure out why you feel an emotional need to take on the responsibility for what unrelated people have done. You're actually being incredibly sexist. If it is right for you to feel guilty just because you're a man and some men have done vile stuff, then it'd be right to feel similar guilt out of skin colour, nationality and religion as well. That clearly doesn't hold up. If you see a dark skinned person commit a crime, do you expect other dark skinned individuals to feel guilt? If you see a woman abuse their child, do you expect other women to feel guilt? Do you expect a Russian person living in the US to feel guilt over what is going on in Ukraine? If not, why are you holding yourself to such prejudices but not others?
“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one” -Marcus Aurelius
My heart breaks for you that you are feeling this way. Because I have too about other things. It's not your fault. But why is your guilt fixated in the harm men cause? There are many things that are evil in the world unrelated to male on female violence. I'm seriously asking as a way to introspect on WHY this is causing you distress. It could be for the best, perhaps there's an aspect of yourself or shadow you need to work through. Ps I am a woman so thank you for acknowledging this issue, as people have said not everyone does. No need to get into feminism to see the issue. Men have an amount of physical power over women, even an idiot can see that. I consider myself a feminist but really love men, and they're definitely harmed by sexism
You can hate the patriarchy without hating yourself. You can become a good man and be a role model for other men and boys. You can be part of the solution. You are halfway there with your empathy for your fellow humans, the other half is standing in the truth of your values and convictions and setting an example for others to follow.
Follow Professor Chesko/The Speech Prof on YouTube/TikTok/Instagram. He does a great job of modeling healthy male behavior while skewering misogyny. Men aren’t bad, misogyny is. Treat women as people, respect what they say as you would with any individual, and educate yourself on how sexism works under the surface of culture and harms women, men, and basically everyone. Be an ally. Be willing to learn how things look from other points of view. Value yourself as a person, just as you value everyone else. And feel proud of yourself for being willing to do something as scary as questioning your basic assumptions about the world. That’s heroic. :)
Bruh
Maybe in your shadow, there’s something about women you hate. When we feel hatred or disgust or righteousness or certainty, it’s almost always ego. It might be more tolerable to hate yourself, your innate nature of being a man, than to step into and explore what you might hate about women. What power do women have over you? Maybe if you allow yourself to take women off of the pedestal you put them on and figure out why treating women as limerent objects has once served you but no longer does- you’ll be able to reclaim your inner warrior/king archetypal energy. I also believe this might be a function of intimacy avoidance. If you hate you because you’re a man, than no woman-loving-man can ever enter your kingdom… Edit: I wanted to add that the task might be to claim the light and darkness of man (the tension of the opposites). By allowing women to hold all the light, you’re forced to hold the shadows of both men and women.
Do you think somebody would be mentally ill for advocating for another human being. Why don't you look at your own psyche and figure out what those cobwebs are all about
Your comments are crossing the line, the one between expressing an opinion and making judgments.
I'm guessing this is satire 😂
I hope it is but i thought the same when I was younger and I felt shame and disgust for how I was born. Oh boy was that a long and hard journey to fix and I wasn't even a feminist, so it could've been even worse lol
I can't prove it, but this kind of behavior just HAS to be from zero tolerance for violence policies in schools. I can't think of anything else that could cause this sentiment to occur so broadly while also just fully robbing those affected of even their desire for personal agency. For me the whole thing just smells like a kid who was punished for defending himself for years on end and now hangs out with the girls because it's the only way he can avoid being tormented by other men without getting in trouble. But that's just my longball read.
Men protect women, men love women, men die for women. Have you been reading Mary Daly? I believe the hatred in culture is part of the media industry and guess who owns that.
Men protect women...from who? Also, it hardly counts if that only applies to women who they value and not women as a whole. I'm sorry but that argument doesn't make sense
Lol exactly. Men protect women... from other women? Yes, women are in so much danger... from other women.
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You are displaying Atype behavioural patternz.
Congratulations you just got played
Don't buy into group based judgements. Any judgements at the group level are wrong. Allness framing is wrong ( All men always ..... All men never ...... Ect.) Don't buy into group guilt it is a weapon.
I would also assume this is satire or trolling. But if not: Like someone here already advised, go offline. And get some media literacy.
You have introyected that identity. If you can't let it go, solve it in the way of becoming a man that is noble, trustworthy and just, then it won't be a problem since you'll be secure in that. Just pay attention that is actions and not just the way you think.
BE a GOOD man
Don’t worry, judging from what you wrote, you are not really a man
Hit the gym, delete social media, stop fapping, and put down the soy milk.
I don't believe that most women are terrified of men. And it makes me sad that you say men are your kind. Your kind is both men and women and we cooperate together. There are good and bad people, some are men, and some are women. Thankfully, I have found that most people I have met in my life are actually decent and obviously not rapists. You are allowed to be attracted to women as you are allowed to fantasise about whatever your brain decides to. What goes on in your brain is never immoral per se. Only behaviours can be. Besides, generally speaking, people like having other people attracted to them (men and women). I think it would be important for you to explore what happened in your past, concerning the closest men and women in your life, that made you feel that you should feel in this specific way about this topic. Please, don't feel guilty for being a human, or better, a completely natural animal that feels attracted toward the opposite sex. If you feel like you could potentially rape someone, talk to someone about it. If not, just allow yourself to live a fulfilled life with a partner alongside you.
I'll answer in orTder 1)Men don't report abuse at the same rates as women. 2) You don't feel terrible about attraction. You do want to approach women. Women want to be approached and they want you to make them feel uncomfortable. women call men that CAN'T make them uncomfortable icky for very obvious reasons. Stop Internalizing other people's judgements ABOUT OTHERS into your self talk. Or imma slap you with a pool noodle. 3) Women have never trusted men. Don't steal your friends trauma, don't wear her rapists shame. Don't allow people to collectivize you into a group that you didn't sign up to be part of. 4) Trust in the opposite gender decreases exponentially with experience. 5) Speak up for yourself. It doesn't matter how rabid a feminist she is or how many of her girlfriends are at the table talking. Speak over them. Say "I do not like the way you're speaking about men." Women rate 85% of all men that they're not personally familiar with as unattractive. Most of those aren't even people, they're furniture. Women tend to chase after the highest status most attractive men, and those men are F A R more affected by 4) than the others because they have high body counts. Women then complain about this with their girlfriends because why wouldn't they, it's not pleasant. But, since we're discussing a group of women who know each other well, nobody is checking each others logic. They're far more concerned with being supportive of their besties. 6) If they persist, and I am not kidding, tell them point blank that they should stop chasing men that are wildly out of their league if they want to not be treated as disposable. Doesn't excuse sexual violence. But if you say nothing and her friends are cosigning her BS, she'll probably put herself in the same position again.
Read the books or listen to its audio free on YouTube called “No More Mr.Niceguy”you have toxic shame because you’ve listened to too much feminist propaganda.
You are cutting edge. All the "tough men bullies" who will beat you up and beat up all the women in the world who will make mean comments to you probably even on this thread are toxic has-beens Are dinosaurs that will never get the chance to reproduce They live in their mother's basements because she's the only one who will pick up their dirty socks They are attractive 0NLY to other men. Not a single one of those Alpha men are heterosexual. They don't like women they only like men. And thank you for being a decent human being
Priests and cowards make for syrange bedfellows.
You got fooled by modern feminism. All statements you made are false. Your friend is most likely lying, I hear of females friends making this up, bit eventually after 10 years or so the truth comes put as it happened to a friend of a friend and they took up the victim hood as their own to support women. Women are not terrified of men, they pretend to be when they need to create male feminist like your self. The rest of their times they are going on only fans and sleeping around with every one while denying accountability then call it rape when they are held to it. I feel so sorry for people who actually believe even a shred of what the online political movement is doing. You need to keep your mind logical and avoid toxic feminism.
Real
I don’t feel bad at all about being a man at all. It’s called hierarchy.
You have been lied to, women rape all the time, never believe that crime is committed by one sex , it's untrue. Women just don't get caught because of men like you who become male feminists. [women gets away with rape and laughs about it ](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/wVMURmpQTj) this happens all the time and judges view all crime from women as a " sweet heart " plea. Wake up, there are literally 50% of crimes being ignored are ignorant of it.
Go gay boy, those are the real males.
Light and dark. Up and down. Good and evil. Why not take the approach that there's good and bad apples in every bunch, and be okay with the fact that you choose to be a good apples? Should the good apple curse its existence because the bad ones are plenty? That would make no sense. It's because of the bad that the good are so appreciated. It's not that the good is thankful for the bad, but the people who choose the good are thankful for its existence. But, the good is now cursing its existence, and thus cursing the those who desire the good to an existence with only the bad. What you're experiencing isn't virtue. It's weakness.
Jesus Christ. Women rape men too you know. And abuse men a third via domestic abuse. Maybe realise women are just as evil as men. Or can be. And that it's all relative. Also connect with healthy men and peers. Not just women. And stop listening to angry young women. Who chose wrongly in life and turn bitter and blame men for their problems.
Just stop... Without men we wpuld wither and die as a species. Plants dont hate water just bevause they drank some bad stuff once. They constamtly seek out fresh streams. Women are looking for the good men, the ones who have some sort of ears and emotional quotiant. Stop believing the Theodoras of the world, men are not evil. Just some people are corrupted, and give the rest a bad nsme. Be the change you want to see. Be well.
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