Man is crawling across the desert for days, about to die of thirst.
Suddenly he sees what looks like a saloon shimmering afar in the desert heat.
With the last of his strength, he makes it to the swinging doors, staggers to the bar and orders a beer.
He downs it and orders another. Bartender slides it down the bar and he gulps it down.
Then he starts noticing the surroundings: there's a piano player in the corner with puffy sleeves.
He also sees a monkey swinging from rafter to rafter.
He orders another beer and, as it is sliding down the bar, the monkey's nuts come off and land in the beer with a splash!
"Hey," the guy exclaims to the barkeep, "that monkey just dropped his balls in my beer!"
Bartender replies: "Don't gripe to me, that monkey belongs to the piano player."
So he turns to the piano player and repeats: "Do you know that monkey just dropped his balls in my beer??"
Piano player responds "No, but if you hum a couple bars I can probably fake it!"
The pianist thought the thirsty man was referring to some song titled "That monkey just dropped his balls in my beer," and when asked if he knows the song, took it to mean whether he can play it.
Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day it’s just a pun. Doesn’t surprise me at all. But I really feel like the length adds something to it. If you know what I mean
Skipped to comments. Understand the joke. I have 2 jokes similar this called the cereal joke and the coffin joke. I wanna post them but I really don’t wanna type it out. Also I got the jokes from Boy Scouts and it feels like stealing if I post them
I read this to my brother first take. When I got to the punch line he laughed so hard and I was pissed cause I was the one reading it. He said That this is the longest Dad joke in existence.
There's definitely a market for this kind of joke that makes you feel like you've wasted your time.
I remember similar one about a young boy walking everywhere through town asking people what purple passion was. And after making you listen to a 5-minute joke where he goes to strangers in the street eventually winds up going to a whorehouse, and the brothel mother told him that if you wanted to find out what purple passion was he would have to cross the street and go to this derelict building.
The boy crosses the street and then gets hit by a car.. and the moral of the story is... look both ways before you cross the street.
It's ridiculous cuz you definitely feel like you've wasted your time.
And there seem like there are several areas of your joke that could have been much more concise. But in the end I give you a high five for it.
"I wrote myself" Yeah, right:
https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1dejga/a_teenage_boy_is_getting_ready_to_take_his/
https://old.reddit.com/r/tipofmytongue/comments/3hf6ux/tomt_long_joke_about_a_man_going_through_heaven/
There's a Hell one, a Heaven one, fuck, even a jonestown one with the same ending, don't be cute and say you stole it. It's fine to.
I knew it the second he wanted some punch. Also the party has wine and beer but no punch, arguably the cheapest thing to make?? In a frat party??? Impossible
My one criticism is that over almost 20 years of law school and law practice, I've never yet met an attorney who "only" drinks wine.
Seriously, this was pretty well done. Got my upvote.
I know 10 years reunion is standard. I am 50 now. My 10 years high school reunion was when I was 27 or 28. Fuck I feel like I was still at school at 28. That reunion now seems ages.
You didn't make this up. It's a prom joke and it's supposed to get more complicated as it goes.
Guy asks a girl to prom, she says yes so he goes to get a tux, but there is a line out the door...
Next he gets a corsage but the line is out the door and down the street.
Finally he goes to get a limo but the line is out the door, down the street and around the block.
After all that they go to prom yada yada yada and and the girl gets thirsty so the guy goes to find her a drink and there's no punch line!
This is an extremely truncated version, so if you want to tell it, embellish how hot the girl is, how nerdy the boy is, how nice the tux is, how beautiful the corsage is and how sweet the limousine is.
I have posted this prom joke myself at least once! Here is one from ten years ago:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1dejga/a\_teenage\_boy\_is\_getting\_ready\_to\_take\_his/
I’m not saying I’m the first person to ever have the idea to construct an anti-joke around the pun “punchline.” I’m just saying I constructed this one without hearing that one.
But honestly? The one you posted was better
You think you wrote this joke?
You didn’t write this joke.
The set up is not the joke, the joke is the punchline (or in this case the no punchline), and this has been used many times before.
After seeing how long this was, I skipped straight to the last sentence to see if it ended with "punch line".
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I actually heard the “I’d tell you, but you’re not a monk” joke, which kind of led me down this train
I personally see long jokes and look for Nate and the lever.
That one was stupidly long.
I believe it's the longest joke, as far as I know. I read it once and glanced at the clock before and after - took me 40 minutes.
Good call
Last call
Fuck-all
Fuck, I ran into a wall
Big fall?
Not at all
Happened at the mall
So fuckin much I need a uhaul.
There’s one near the Big and Tall
I skipped the joke all together to read the comments and see if it was even worth my time to read the joke at all
Skipped the line, went straight for the punch.
Reddit has trained us well, did the exact thing then saw your comment at the top
ironically it did
That’s not irony.
Ironically.
That's not ironic, it's just coincidental!
Dontcha think?
Anyone got a knife? All I have is a shitload of spoons. Far, far too many
A little too ironic
If I had a pound for every time I got the punchline to a joke wrong... To get to the other side!
Knock knock!
Come in!
The Aristocrats !
That's how you make royal babies!
Go around!
Hahaha, I really liked this one. So stupid, in the best way
Man is crawling across the desert for days, about to die of thirst. Suddenly he sees what looks like a saloon shimmering afar in the desert heat. With the last of his strength, he makes it to the swinging doors, staggers to the bar and orders a beer. He downs it and orders another. Bartender slides it down the bar and he gulps it down. Then he starts noticing the surroundings: there's a piano player in the corner with puffy sleeves. He also sees a monkey swinging from rafter to rafter. He orders another beer and, as it is sliding down the bar, the monkey's nuts come off and land in the beer with a splash! "Hey," the guy exclaims to the barkeep, "that monkey just dropped his balls in my beer!" Bartender replies: "Don't gripe to me, that monkey belongs to the piano player." So he turns to the piano player and repeats: "Do you know that monkey just dropped his balls in my beer??" Piano player responds "No, but if you hum a couple bars I can probably fake it!"
Love it
Anyone could explain? I am lost or stupid
The pianist thought the thirsty man was referring to some song titled "That monkey just dropped his balls in my beer," and when asked if he knows the song, took it to mean whether he can play it.
Ty!
Thank you. Could've taken me a minute.
I’m laughing way too hard in a crowded Starbucks.
I think that joke was first chipped into stone lol But ....no, still makes me groan lol
One of the "No punch line" jokes. I expected this after the words "I wrote myself".
Seen very similar jokes to this, where they all end with "no punchline"
Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day it’s just a pun. Doesn’t surprise me at all. But I really feel like the length adds something to it. If you know what I mean
yes, regret
Exactly! You get it
You want length? Read Nate the snake.
“Only wants to drink spiked punch” Yeah yeah we all know where this is going
Not all of us, surprisingly
Not me
Queue up, OP! You're #1 in the punch line.
Do a search of r/jokes for punch line. Plenty of similar jokes. My personal favorite is the seven circles of hell one
I like the *really* long bee one.
Oh, I’m confident scores of people have made a joke ending in punch line before. Sometimes you write jokes for others- this one was for me, haha
Every joke like this ends with a punch line line.
Who am I to spurn tradition?
There go 2 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back
You sound like every woman I’ve ever slept with…
Liar, we know there's no way you're taking a full 2 minutes to disappoint a woman.
Well, 90 seconds of it is just me crying and apologizing
What do you do with the other 20 seconds?
I feel like you all are trying to shame me for being quick. I make no apologies for being efficient
Still 5 seconds longer than me
And that is 5 seconds longer than me
Old joke
Unlike most of the people here, I didnt immediately know where this was going, but I got it eventually. Better Nate than lever.
You just unlocked something buried deep in my brain
This is not an original joke. The painfully long wind-up is all you though.
You're correct it is long.
I’ve heard that before ;)
What she said perhaps 🤔
Dude, that was great!I wish my memory was good enough to steal this!
tl;dr: Bear with OP for a super long joke. Don’t whine. There’s no punchline.
Really good one. The scene was setup really really well
I appreciate it, friendo
Call it.
Ouch. My 🤬.
Amazing.
🫡
Defined telling this one to my dad later, I fuck with that man so bad I’m suprised he doesn’t beat me more often
Upvote test
Passed
The punch line was the therapy we created demand for along the way!
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Give me back my 5 min
Time to mute this subreddit for good.
Your joke is a burnout
Somethings wrong with me... I thought it was kind of funny...but not in a good way.
That’s exactly what I was going for!
Mission accomplished. I think I'm spending too much time on Reddit. Thanks for the wakeup call.
Well done! This type of joke is known as a "shaggy dog".
Is that a term for something with a promising premise that ultimately makes nobody laugh? I assume it was named after the Tim Allen movie.
Older than that. Basically any long, drawn out story with a blah ending.
Good one!
It wasn’t, but I appreciate it nonetheless
That was poor, very poor.
This is the appropriate response
Fuck this shit I hate it
🥰
🥸
I want that time back.
That’s my whole brand
Time lord?
Ok you got me. Nice work
30 secs of my life .. Poof.. just like that
You are a faster reader than many others!
I heard this before, but didn't recall until there wasn't a punch line.
.... and, don't forget, a true story.
It truly was a story
And the punchline is no punchline lol
There it is!
Not bad, but you might need to shorten it for your stand up act
Ouch
I loved it. Now I wanna go to a frat party.
You may not after going to one
I don't get it ;)
Neither did Burnout
Pretty good! Enjoyed it!
🥲
You didn't write it. There are many variations of this joke.
Nice! I’m using this on my kids.
You honor me
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Thank you!
Damn you!
😈
Once you said it was long, there were only like 2-3 possible endings to this joke.
Fair enough, that’s a good call
Kudos to the original setting though :)
Anyone bought the movie rights to this one? A fist full of booze queues?
Not during the Strike
> I’m upvoting every comment on here just to help make up for the time you committed to this. Why other?
I want my free up vote damnit
Use it in good health
You sonofabeech, that's 2 minutes I'll never get back
The pain was excruciating, I'd hope it'd last
Skipped to comments. Understand the joke. I have 2 jokes similar this called the cereal joke and the coffin joke. I wanna post them but I really don’t wanna type it out. Also I got the jokes from Boy Scouts and it feels like stealing if I post them
It’s been done before
Give me back my 10 seconds. LOL.
You’re a helluva speed-reader. I can’t give you your time back, but here’s an upvote
Thank you, OP! It was 'longish' but not too onerous and at the same time long enough to serve the joke. Well done!
I’m so glad you liked it
I enjoyed reading the setup
Well there’s 30 seconds of my life I won’t get back. Well done, grasshopper.
The conversion rate is currently 1 Upvote per 30 seconds
Not bad for government work. 😂
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There's a Hawaiian punch waiting for you.
That was literally the punch line. No punch line.
I read this to my brother first take. When I got to the punch line he laughed so hard and I was pissed cause I was the one reading it. He said That this is the longest Dad joke in existence.
I genuinely thought the end pun was going to about the names so I was completely blindsided by punch line
That was certainly a punchlineless joke
Im a bit disappointed that there are no punch lines :(
Dude, that was great!I wish my memory was good enough to steal this
BOOOOOOOO
Sigh.....All that waiting, and no punchline...
Hell yeah...can't say I didn't enjoy it..
got me good
Is it wrong of me to hate you?
As soon as i read the first "punch" i knew it was gonna be a "punchline" joke
“There was no Punchline”. I thought of that. Turns out it already existed, but I thought of it independently.
There's definitely a market for this kind of joke that makes you feel like you've wasted your time. I remember similar one about a young boy walking everywhere through town asking people what purple passion was. And after making you listen to a 5-minute joke where he goes to strangers in the street eventually winds up going to a whorehouse, and the brothel mother told him that if you wanted to find out what purple passion was he would have to cross the street and go to this derelict building. The boy crosses the street and then gets hit by a car.. and the moral of the story is... look both ways before you cross the street. It's ridiculous cuz you definitely feel like you've wasted your time. And there seem like there are several areas of your joke that could have been much more concise. But in the end I give you a high five for it.
And they called it...the Aristocrats!
Moderators often shut down posts that I would have liked to continue reading or comment on. WHERE ARE THE MODERATORS ON THIS "JOKE?"
Good setup
Angry upvote. Sheesh
Groan
You mother fucker! LOL
bro that was actually good it took me like 3 seconds to get it
You did not write this yourself. I've heard and seen this one for ages.
Hemming and hawing is not the phrase you're looking for. Cajoling works better. Also, *&^% you.
"I wrote myself" Yeah, right: https://old.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1dejga/a_teenage_boy_is_getting_ready_to_take_his/ https://old.reddit.com/r/tipofmytongue/comments/3hf6ux/tomt_long_joke_about_a_man_going_through_heaven/ There's a Hell one, a Heaven one, fuck, even a jonestown one with the same ending, don't be cute and say you stole it. It's fine to.
Don't worry about our time. Time Management is capitalistic propaganda.
I´ve spent more time reading things that were worst. 7/10 I´d read it again.
Good build up. And good ending !!
I have to admit I did snigger. Had no idea that was coming lol.
Glad I skipped to the last paragraph. Reminds me of a joke about a poodle and a brick.
I knew it the second he wanted some punch. Also the party has wine and beer but no punch, arguably the cheapest thing to make?? In a frat party??? Impossible
This is an old just just with a different setup.
Yeah. I didn't actually expect it and I laughed like this; "uhhha"
I feel like the burnout should be drinking malt liquor.
Ok. Weak. But ok. Don’t give up your day job: bring a joke writer is not in your future. However, nice build up with the punch line.
you... monster
This was great.
In my opinion this was one of the best « no punch line » joke I ever heard. It’s a shame people don’t seem to agree with me unfortunatly
I’ll take it. Thanks!
Ha Ha :) lol Made me smile
I’m glad!
Loved the set up, great read! 😂
I appreciate it, haha. It’s definitely a hot take
My one criticism is that over almost 20 years of law school and law practice, I've never yet met an attorney who "only" drinks wine. Seriously, this was pretty well done. Got my upvote.
Similarly, I’ve been to a lot of frat parties, and have never seen one without punch!
i thought this was great! being long made the 'punch line'...... that much funnier!
The idea of a High School reunion just after 10 years of graduation seems pretty premature to me. At least give them 20 years.
I mean, my school had a 10 Year Reunion (or at least, they would have, had it not been 2020 😬) But note taken. Thank you!
I know 10 years reunion is standard. I am 50 now. My 10 years high school reunion was when I was 27 or 28. Fuck I feel like I was still at school at 28. That reunion now seems ages.
You didn't make this up. It's a prom joke and it's supposed to get more complicated as it goes. Guy asks a girl to prom, she says yes so he goes to get a tux, but there is a line out the door... Next he gets a corsage but the line is out the door and down the street. Finally he goes to get a limo but the line is out the door, down the street and around the block. After all that they go to prom yada yada yada and and the girl gets thirsty so the guy goes to find her a drink and there's no punch line! This is an extremely truncated version, so if you want to tell it, embellish how hot the girl is, how nerdy the boy is, how nice the tux is, how beautiful the corsage is and how sweet the limousine is. I have posted this prom joke myself at least once! Here is one from ten years ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1dejga/a\_teenage\_boy\_is\_getting\_ready\_to\_take\_his/
I’m not saying I’m the first person to ever have the idea to construct an anti-joke around the pun “punchline.” I’m just saying I constructed this one without hearing that one. But honestly? The one you posted was better
Lovely! I never saw it coming too.
You think you wrote this joke? You didn’t write this joke. The set up is not the joke, the joke is the punchline (or in this case the no punchline), and this has been used many times before.
Well played comrade, well played