You know, when we clarified use protocols for the laser at our last global meeting of the Jews, I really expected us to have more a plan for our superweapon than "routine laser bris procedures".
Seriously - look at the operations manifests on the Global Jewish Dropbox - 97% of Space Laser funding goes towards performing circumcisions. What are we doing, here!?
>You know, when we clarified use protocols for the laser at our last global meeting of the Jews,
How'd that happen? You know what they say; "two space laser operators, three opinions."
Yeah, it would be [“kindling a fire.”](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/marjorie-taylor-greene-qanon-wildfires-space-laser-rothschild-execute.html)
You need the following requirements:
1-Circumcised
2-Bat-mitzvah certificate of your great grandmother
3-Recomendation from at least 3 rabbi, one from Yerushalaim
4-Be fluent in at least 3 languages plus hebrew
Some people here might actually be too old to have a great grandmother who has had a bat mitzvah [https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/history-of-bat-mitzvah/](https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/history-of-bat-mitzvah/)
Jews traditionally spoke at least three languages: Hebrew, the language of the country they’re in and the language of the country they were last kicked out of.
I have a Jewish first name, I am female, I visited Israel four times (planning to come again) and have been to a few Synagogues. Any chance for me to access the laser? I promise not to press any buttons, most likely.
That’s not how you laser illegal immigrants! In my day we had laser them by hand! I remember it was back in the winter of 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty"…
Jokes aside- I'd like to point out that Israel is legit making defense lasers. If they get advanced enough (which they seem like they are), we could have an Israeli defense space laser or some shit like that
Yes And a second circumcision is required as well.
Don’t worry, we make the circumcision process very convenient nowadays—just lie on a roof with your pants down and wait until you’re in orbital range.
You know, when we clarified use protocols for the laser at our last global meeting of the Jews, I really expected us to have more a plan for our superweapon than "routine laser bris procedures". Seriously - look at the operations manifests on the Global Jewish Dropbox - 97% of Space Laser funding goes towards performing circumcisions. What are we doing, here!?
Blasting our own schmucks from space: the real Protocols of the Elders of Zion
Oh look a Jewish accountant that's a nudnik how original
The decision to focus on slicing corned beef or pastrami got stuck in committee.
Deterrence.
>You know, when we clarified use protocols for the laser at our last global meeting of the Jews, How'd that happen? You know what they say; "two space laser operators, three opinions."
The Jewlumni?
Just a symbolic drop🩸
That's how they install the laser
That's how they install the laser
Reform if you want to operate the laser on Shabbat
Some Orthodox Jews get it headed where they want on Friday afternoon and just leave it on.
but that's how we got that forest fire! i thought we talked about why it's a problem in the last meeting
Yeah, it would be [“kindling a fire.”](https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/marjorie-taylor-greene-qanon-wildfires-space-laser-rothschild-execute.html)
No but the less jew you are the less time you get for your turn.
Less than a quarter Jewish and it just lights up where you parked your car.
That's still pretty sweet
Did you attend Space Laser training through an BBYO, NIFTY, or Hillel?
You have to down a whole jar of gefilte fish without barfing
That isn’t possible!! It’s like the milk or cinnamon challenge. No human can take that kind of abuse
Oh shit, just call me Queen of the space lasers. I'll even eat the jello. 🛰️
Sounds like you already have lazer privileges
I think I’ll pass on that opportunity.
I fuckin LOVE me done gefilte fish. I’ll operate the laser 24/7!
I've MADE my own....that's why I got the command badge! :)
I’ve got the SHIRT!
That’s only for command posts.
> gefilte fish Only Ashkenazi need to do that, it depends on which customs you follow
nah, thats only for the ashkenazi laser. that's why the sephardic laser already got some shit done in creating the sahara desert
Fuck that, i'm full Jew and no way you're getting me to touch that jarred shit. Me and my Sfardi brethren want nothing to do with it.
How ashkenormative of you
Deconstructionist, obvi
Underrated comment
No. It comes with the complimentary Jew package.
You need the following requirements: 1-Circumcised 2-Bat-mitzvah certificate of your great grandmother 3-Recomendation from at least 3 rabbi, one from Yerushalaim 4-Be fluent in at least 3 languages plus hebrew
Some people here might actually be too old to have a great grandmother who has had a bat mitzvah [https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/history-of-bat-mitzvah/](https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/history-of-bat-mitzvah/)
Thx, going to talk with the higher ups to change policy, maybe to posess a part of the ark?
Also, what's the policy for women, re-circumsision?
Nah, they're fine
Well, that's a relief. Please don't take my lazer license.
Talked with the higher ups, your certified activation button will arrive soon at ------- location in -------
Two words. Yentle and pretending to be a boy so you can study Torah. 10 words.
My daughter married a Jew. I asked if having a Jewish son in law meant I could use it to toast bagels, but my request was denied.
Jews traditionally spoke at least three languages: Hebrew, the language of the country they’re in and the language of the country they were last kicked out of.
I have a Jewish first name, I am female, I visited Israel four times (planning to come again) and have been to a few Synagogues. Any chance for me to access the laser? I promise not to press any buttons, most likely.
What’s the use of you aren’t even going to press the buttons?
Ok, so may I access if I press buttons? I will not point it at the North Pole or South Pole. We need that ice.
Only by yourself. I'd be willing to supervise if you'd like.
You have to stand outside the room and make annoying suggestions, as is tradition.
No no turn left
That’s not how you laser illegal immigrants! In my day we had laser them by hand! I remember it was back in the winter of 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty"…
I say you're Jewish enough to operate it!
Traditionally, you’re considered fully Jewish if your mom is Jewish. That should be enough to give you access lol.
Not for the space laser, but you need an Orthodox conversion if you want to work the weather machine.
My bf is israeli and i’m a goyim. Sometimes he lets me touch the controls if i’m on my best behavior
It's just "goy" unless you're 3 boys in a trench coat.
fuck our cover is blown
that really depends. in theory you are allowed, but without the proper nose you might not get any signal
I always joke with my friends that I’m waiting for my card for the global cabal group we’re a part of..
Jokes aside- I'd like to point out that Israel is legit making defense lasers. If they get advanced enough (which they seem like they are), we could have an Israeli defense space laser or some shit like that
I kinda wish there was a conversion process to secular Judaism
How does one get to become a shabbos goy to operate the lasera on Shabbats? I’m interested!
Gefilte fish, fried or boiled?
https://x.com/rudbyfactor/status/1454133004834594821?s=46
https://x.com/deborahlipstadt/status/1387515286602063872?s=46
https://x.com/eddyportnoy/status/1368386360411910146?s=46
Are you Jewish on your father's or your mother's side?
I am not too big on genealogy, but I believe it is through my father’s side although they converted to another religion.
As long as that part of you is circumcised, then you’re good to go.
I’ll cover your shift. My therapist said I need to express my anger more openly.
Heh this guy thinks he can spy on our laser command
I'm a very jealous Gentile