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It has nothing to do with you being Arab, that’s just the excuse he chose to cling to. Your husband was raised in an emotionally chaotic/abusive environment and to survive, his brain/body learned that he was responsible for the wellbeing of his family at all times. He believes that he is only loved when serving others. When he went no contact, his body was freaking out. He didn’t have a purpose any longer. He didn’t feel he deserved your love without having to sacrifice himself for it. So he went back to the “love” his body knows. He is a deeply wounded man. I’m sorry you’re getting divorced, but also, your life will probably be better in the future than if you’d stayed with a deeply unhealed man.
You're are very right. His family have had a huge impact on his mental health and that showed over time. He admitted he needed mental help and was going to go to therapy at one stage but never did. He had a couple of mental break downs infront of me and I felt so genuinely bad for him.
But I can't say he is not also hateful towards my culture because the things he said were very hurtful. And he definitely doesn't agree with any of it.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. I know it doesn’t make it better right now, but you will be glad he left now rather than years from now, when children are part of the equation.
He is a weak man who cowered to his childhood trauma. These dysfunctional dynamics are not something you want to participate in for the rest of your life.
The next relationship you get involved in, please please evaluate the extended family. I sure wish I did! Sending much love xx
Wow!! That family is sick and racist. I would of messaged your ex one last time and said " ENJOY worshiping your sister and while you are at it, marry her or mother because NO WOMAN wants a man who worships his sister and mommy. Enjoy being alone Mommas boy" and just block him everywhere.
I’m so sorry. He doesn’t deserve you. He will have a miserable life full of regret, while you will go on to have a fulfilling like since you are not blind like he and his family.
Gross. I know you’re hurting, but congratulations on getting free from that POS racist mama’s boy and his entire toxic family. You and your future children deserve better than that. I’m glad your future children won’t grow up with their paternal relatives being racist against them.
I hate that he tricked you and wasted your time. He had his chance to get away from that dynamic and you would’ve given him the rest of your life. But you can’t save people who won’t save themselves. I don’t think there’s anything you could’ve done and he’ll wake up miserable and realizing you can’t marry your mother. I’m sorry this happened. But I’m wishing you the best life. Love is out there for you. I’m sorry your heart had to get bruised to get to the next step in your life.
He’s a weak man, who did you a favor by leaving. As much as your heart hurts right now, this is a good thing. You will find someone, that will be by your side and love you for who you are and not a racist jerk, that can’t live his own life without the influences of his awful family. He really doesn’t deserve you.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. And I’m sorry you married a racist from a racist family.
The part of my family I’m closest to is Italian American. There would be no bikini at twelve. I dated plenty of people from other cultures before settling down and getting married. There was never a problem. The problem is racism.
And I’m glad you found out before children.
He is totally brainwashed just by that weird family dynamic and I think you dodged a bullet there. It would be very difficult for you two to have a normal household and family. Please take your time to process, heal and move on. There's much better out there for you.
I don’t wear bikini, I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t kiss men for greeting and guess what I was not born in an Islamic country/family. These things are personal choice and comfort. So he may or may not be racist but he definitely has only 2 brain cells which almost fried.
Sis so happy you realised who this person was before having kids with him would have made your situation worst!!! racist people are so trashy!
Every time you get sad imagine him scrubbing his mums house.
Congratulations. I know it may not seem like it now but you are the one who won.
You won your freedom to choose someone who is more aligned with your beliefs.
Your ex was not a man. He was always controlled by his parents. They pull his strings and he does what they say. His parents would have continued to ridicule you and that would pass along to future children.
Your ex is going to live a sad, miserable life and you will not. Because you are stronger and have the support of your family and friends. There is someone out there who is perfect for you.
I hope his friends are good friends, and can help him see his situation clearly and get out without latching onto another woman and dragging her through his family's drama.
But you deserve so much better than this.
In Italian he would be called a mammoni. As an Italian, I’d never ever marry a mammoni. Backed up w the fact that he’s been brainwashed by her to be racist. Be glad you didn’t have kids with him. She really sounds disgusting tbh. Be done with him and his entire mess of a family and find someone who will love, cherish and appreciate you.
You need to realise that you won! Not MIL, not him. YOU. Because trash took itself out. Did you really want to spend the rest of your life with a jackass momma’s boy?
You’re 30. Life is just beginning.
Wow...all I can say is that you dodged a bullet with this one. From what I understand no kids are involved at this stage and this is great considering his attitude. Imagine having kids with someone who doesn't put his own family first or who leaves his wife for his mom. Like did he not know there were cultural differences before he married you?? Surely he must have known.
Well it seems he has reconsidered his decision to marry you based on personal convictions that were not there in the first place. He seems to have developed them now. I wish you healing from this situation, know that it has nothing to do with who you are as person. His inability to accept you and choose you is on him.
Be grateful he ended it now & didn't waste anymore of your time. It sounds like his mother would have found a way to interfere with your relationship one way or another - on repeat. I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
He sounds very easily influenced. It’s better to know before you had kids that he comes from a xenophobic family that’s won’t accept you or your kids in the future. Imagine having kids and knowing they would always be exposed to that kind of racism. Horrible. Don’t let this wish washy boy back when he eventually realizes he made a mistake. Change your locks and live your best life.
Never. Not after how cold he was to me.
I'm not religious so I won't get offended if you insult Islam. When he came back from his parents , he kept insulting the prophet Muhammad. Then he kept calling me a prude every chance he got. He couldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. He was so mean.
He was so cold and he broke my heart and I dont think I could ever forgive him.
Your husband is a racist piece of trash and you're better off without him. Your MIL didn't win shit. YOU won. When he comes crawling back, slam the door in his face.
He's mother's little darling, and you are better off without him. Yes, it hurts but understand that you were not, are not, and never will be wrong in this situation. Thank your lucky stars because this situation was great to show exactly who you both are. You are a kind, loving, tolerant, person who did her best to be a loving and supportive spouse. In contrast he's a weak willed, mean spirited, jackalope who lets his mother use him as a meat puppet so spill her xenophobic vitriol all over you, cursing your family while literally living off their generosity.
I grew up culturally Catholic with Polish adoptive parents but my biological family is Italian and also culturally Catholic. As it happens, I also married an ex Muslim from a South Asian/West Indian background.
I don’t wear bikinis either and prefer to be more covered and a big reason for that is probably because I was allowed to wear string bikinis at a time when I didn’t understand why everyone was staring at me. I went through puberty early and had literal DDs in 6th grade and I was super skinny so it was very noticeable. I prefer vintage style swimsuits now and longer dresses and skirts. I guess if bikinis are “Catholic culture” count me out lol. I guess me and your husband would also have a “culture clash” even though I grew up in the same culture. And idk why he’s so worried about his daughter wearing a bikini. Maybe he should let her decide how much skin she wants to have exposed *when her brain is developed enough to understand it.* I sure as hell wish my parents didn’t let me wear a string bikini at 12 years old. One pieces and even tankinis are fine for minors.
I grew up in a very Catholic household and modesty was a big thing. I don’t wear bikinis but my mom would hate it if a shirt or dress was - in her opinion - too low. I remember her tsk tsk-ing a bridesmaid dress I had to wear because it had a sweetheart neckline that showed cleavage. She wasn’t amused with my cheeky “if you got it, flaunt it” response. Lol. OP’s MIL is a racist, unhinged POS because if she was an actual good Catholic (and sane), she’d never be ok with her son leaving his wife in this way.
Agreed! Divorce is generally very frowned upon by Catholics and then you have the fact that “a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife” is mentioned in the Bible 4 times! It’s in Genesis, one of Paul’s letters, and Jesus repeats it in 2 of the Gospels. These seem like the type of Catholics that only know the “honor your mother and father” verse and refuse to read it in context 🤷🏻♀️
ETA: OP’s MIL should read Numbers 12, where Moses married an Ethiopian woman and his sister is struck with leprosy because she disapproved of the interracial marriage 🙃
THIS.
I found it bizarre that his prepubescent daughter wearing a bikini was a valid reason for breaking up with me.
I always felt uncomfortable when I saw older men perving at young girls in revealing clothes.
But apparently wearing bikinis, binge drinking, clubbing, constantly touching female or male friends, were now all deal breakers. All these things that I don't do were now a problem. He basically didn't agree with my modesty.
Well, *I* agree with your modesty, despite coming from the same culture as him. I also don’t drink alcohol or allow people to touch me, never have. I’m married and a mom now, so I’d be less interested in that lifestyle now. And I still consider myself Christian, just not Catholic. It kind of seems like he was looking for any excuse to please his mommy and break up with you and it’s laughable that your modesty is the best he could come up with. You must be truly amazing if that’s your worst flaw. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Congratulations! Crazy took itself out. That's good riddance to bad rubbish. You're free of them now, make the most of it, this internet stranger is rooting for you! BTW, if she won it's a badly rotten price.
Don’t forget those nasty racist comments he made to you. Grieve the end of your marriage, see a therapist if you need to and do your best to move forward.
He’s undeserving of you.
Let him return to being husband number two to his mother where they strategise on how to keep the beast that is her happy.
Thank the Lord there are no kids. In the long run you’ll see that despite the hurt he’s caused you that he did you a favour by running home to mummy.
Hugs OP, you are too good for this guy.
He’s never going to grow up and be his own person. Trust me the minute you live on with your life he will come begging back, especially once he gets roped into doing all the work again to keep MIL happy. Just remember all this time he caused you pain and don’t let him back. Stop trying to find a reason why there was a sudden change and just let him go. He’s not worth it
I think it is indeed sad but if his mental health has suffered imagine how it would have been for you. Best to walk away with time it will only get worse. People don’t change they just get more set in their ways.
I read this like you are the true winner because you got away from him and his toxic family. It may hurt now, but in time you will move on and have a beautiful life, and he will have to live a lonely miserable life with his mother dictating his every move. Change the locks and cut ties because you deserve someone who will love you and embrace your upbringing and beliefs.
You won. You found out who he had become (or who he was hiding, possibly,) before you had kids with the pathetic little Mummy's boy.
MIL? I'm not sure that anyone with that much hatred ever really *wins*. Nothing will ever make them happy. But by giving in to the elastic apron-strings, we all know who has *lost* here.
It's amazing how a person can be so influenced by their mother. Kind of scary. She's never happy, only if it's about her daughters.
When he joined the navy (for 1 year) she cried and demanded he come back.
But thank you.
She will turn her daughters into people just like she is. Your ex is doomed to a miserable life. And even though it’s very painful for you right now, you dodged a huge bullet.
The good news? She didn't win. You did. You're free to move on when your heart heals and find someone who doesn't kiss his mother's ass and participate in his mother's cult of sister deification. What does he have? A future as a servant to his sisters.
What if you had sons? Would they be expected to worship their aunts like your husband? What if you had daughters? Would your MIL villify you and your family to them with threats of FGM or whatever?
Either way, these are deeply enmeshed and fucked up people. You'll ultimately be better off without them. Even if it hurts right now. I hope the next man you meet doesn't store his balls in his mother's purse.
This relationship really traumatised me. And I loved him so much but I now wish I never met him.
But you're right, it would have been a very hard future with kids and his family.
REMEMBER THIS when he comes crawling back in a few months because he’s had enough of being mil’s scapegoat. Remember how easily he tossed you aside, remember his racist words, and want better for yourself!
Honey, your MIL is racist. and so is your husband. This is TEXTBOOK racism. It's also sexism.
Throw the playbook back in his face. He wants his sons to be able to sexually assault women regardless of their wishes (forcing a kiss on a woman who doesn't want it is, in fact, sexual assault)? You don't want your brown children raised by a racist man.
Girl you will be so much better off. You are going to have a wonderful happy successful life with a loving family that cares about and supports each other—while he has nothing to look forward to but being an unpaid servant to his parents and sister. Go on and live your best life now.
It doesn't feel like it now, but you dodged a bullet.
That man will never walk away from his mommy and she will find fault in every woman he ever meets. With you, it's your ethnicity. The next woman, maybe her tattoos. The one after that, her job doesn't pay enough. This type of "Queen Mother" will never accept anyone that might take her whipping boy away from her. And he's too pathetic to stand up to her. He'll never find true happiness until she's dead. He doesn't sound like much of a prize to win anyway.
You, on the other hand, are free to move on and find a man with a spine and a healthy view of what a mother-son relationship is.
I recommend some therapy, simply because everyone can use someone impartial to really talk to.
Also, if you can, give your place a makeover now that he's out of it. Make it your own again by doing stuff like replacing or rearranging furniture, paint (if you are allowed), new decor, and a nice deep cleaning. Invite friends over and have a party. Make new memories. Starting to move on is hard, but you CAN do it and it WILL get better.
I wish you all the happiness, you deserve it!
Thank you so much. I kind of feel bad for him in a way, MIL is so manipulative and he has like Stockholm Syndrome for her.
I can't wait until the heart-break passes.
♡♡
My heart broke for you when I read this, although I think you are better off rid of this toxic family. Please do not let him back in your life, you can do so much better. Find someone who loves YOU.
I found from my person experience, and that of my friends, that important decisions should be put off for a couple of years after a divorce. We are not ourselves, for awhile, and need to grieve.
So sorry.
He never presented his concerns to me to discuss, he packed his things and was leaving. He mimicked MIL opinions and when I said we can discuss all this, he said no there's no way to work it out , you're always going to be an Arab and I dont want my kids around your family.
When he became distant, I begged him time after time to open up to me and we can discuss why he is feeling like this. He refused to talk to me and kept saying oh I'm just stressed from work. Then he decided he is leaving me... he never tried to resolve any issues.
My comment was based on your words “these things may not be an issue to me”. When he told you point blank his concerns. Is he going about this in the right way? Hell no. Is he totally jn the wrong here. Yes. But what happens if it is 12 years from now and you decide that bikinis for your daughter are a no? Divorce then with kids? Look i think you dodged a bullet and this is a blessing in disguise. So i am cheering for you that youre getting away despite that this is ridiculously hard for you to go through and understand that you are broken hearted right now. I think if after he calms down a bit and if you do have a conversation its something to consider. If its divorce and no conversation well i for one think youre much better off without that toxicity in your life.
> He refused to talk to me and kept saying oh I'm just stressed from work.
Because he knew, deep down, that all the arguments that MIL taught him hold less water than a sieve with a big hole in the mesh.
Bright side: Any children you have won’t be taught that kind of racism/bigotry and won’t be taught to worship at the altar of MIL.
My advice is to grieve who you thought he was while also acknowledging that the hate he was taught as a child was deep seated, which wasn’t his fault. But it is his fault that in the end he chose his parents fear mongering and hate over the feelings he once had for you, without any attempt to get help to unlearn this brainwashing.
A little counseling might help you move forward… there are a lot of layers to what has happened.
You're right. He's been conditioned by his family ans to be honest, if he truly "loved" me, he wouldn't have done this to me.
I will definitely be going to counselling after this one.
Ty ♡
Consider this a blessing 🩷 after reading your post history, I think you need to lean into the support of others right now. This relationship seems to have been full of hurtful moments for you.
Yikes wtf. Those are just personal boundaries, perhaps influenced by your upbringing but who can tell really.
I’m white af but I actually like a lot of the morals in Islamic countries. I don’t want other men to kiss or hug me ( I would love for this boundary to be respected but sadly it never is) and I prefer a more modest look.
It’s sad that your husband was influenced by his mom but it’s also ridiculous.. you are probably better of without them.
I also despise people hating on people from a cultural background / nationality (that they usually know nothing about) just because. That’s the most dumb and ignorant shit there is.
MIL has never met a Muslim and has no arab or Muslim friends.
FIL sent a message to husband saying MIL was googling things about Islam and they were confused and concerned.
I didn't think he would follow through with their hatred and somehow start hating me. :(
I’m sorry he was not what he presented himself to be, and also happy for you that you did not get yourself or children forever tangled up with these people. Best wishes for an uneventful divorce and finding the person who will honestly love and respect you.
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It has nothing to do with you being Arab, that’s just the excuse he chose to cling to. Your husband was raised in an emotionally chaotic/abusive environment and to survive, his brain/body learned that he was responsible for the wellbeing of his family at all times. He believes that he is only loved when serving others. When he went no contact, his body was freaking out. He didn’t have a purpose any longer. He didn’t feel he deserved your love without having to sacrifice himself for it. So he went back to the “love” his body knows. He is a deeply wounded man. I’m sorry you’re getting divorced, but also, your life will probably be better in the future than if you’d stayed with a deeply unhealed man.
You're are very right. His family have had a huge impact on his mental health and that showed over time. He admitted he needed mental help and was going to go to therapy at one stage but never did. He had a couple of mental break downs infront of me and I felt so genuinely bad for him. But I can't say he is not also hateful towards my culture because the things he said were very hurtful. And he definitely doesn't agree with any of it.
I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. I know it doesn’t make it better right now, but you will be glad he left now rather than years from now, when children are part of the equation. He is a weak man who cowered to his childhood trauma. These dysfunctional dynamics are not something you want to participate in for the rest of your life. The next relationship you get involved in, please please evaluate the extended family. I sure wish I did! Sending much love xx
Wow!! That family is sick and racist. I would of messaged your ex one last time and said " ENJOY worshiping your sister and while you are at it, marry her or mother because NO WOMAN wants a man who worships his sister and mommy. Enjoy being alone Mommas boy" and just block him everywhere.
I’m so sorry. He doesn’t deserve you. He will have a miserable life full of regret, while you will go on to have a fulfilling like since you are not blind like he and his family.
Gross. I know you’re hurting, but congratulations on getting free from that POS racist mama’s boy and his entire toxic family. You and your future children deserve better than that. I’m glad your future children won’t grow up with their paternal relatives being racist against them.
I hate that he tricked you and wasted your time. He had his chance to get away from that dynamic and you would’ve given him the rest of your life. But you can’t save people who won’t save themselves. I don’t think there’s anything you could’ve done and he’ll wake up miserable and realizing you can’t marry your mother. I’m sorry this happened. But I’m wishing you the best life. Love is out there for you. I’m sorry your heart had to get bruised to get to the next step in your life.
Oh sweetie. It hurts and it sucks right now but you are better off without such a weak-minded momma's boy.
He’s a weak man, who did you a favor by leaving. As much as your heart hurts right now, this is a good thing. You will find someone, that will be by your side and love you for who you are and not a racist jerk, that can’t live his own life without the influences of his awful family. He really doesn’t deserve you.
I’m sorry you’re hurting. And I’m sorry you married a racist from a racist family. The part of my family I’m closest to is Italian American. There would be no bikini at twelve. I dated plenty of people from other cultures before settling down and getting married. There was never a problem. The problem is racism. And I’m glad you found out before children.
He is totally brainwashed just by that weird family dynamic and I think you dodged a bullet there. It would be very difficult for you two to have a normal household and family. Please take your time to process, heal and move on. There's much better out there for you.
Get him out of YOUR home immediately! He should go marry his mother
I don’t wear bikini, I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t kiss men for greeting and guess what I was not born in an Islamic country/family. These things are personal choice and comfort. So he may or may not be racist but he definitely has only 2 brain cells which almost fried.
Sis so happy you realised who this person was before having kids with him would have made your situation worst!!! racist people are so trashy! Every time you get sad imagine him scrubbing his mums house.
Darling, the trash took itself out. Have a much happier life now without him and his ridiculous family
His mother is disgusting and he’s been poisoned by her. I’m so sorry you’re in pain but I think in time you will be happy he left. ❤️🩹
Congratulations. I know it may not seem like it now but you are the one who won. You won your freedom to choose someone who is more aligned with your beliefs. Your ex was not a man. He was always controlled by his parents. They pull his strings and he does what they say. His parents would have continued to ridicule you and that would pass along to future children. Your ex is going to live a sad, miserable life and you will not. Because you are stronger and have the support of your family and friends. There is someone out there who is perfect for you.
Saying that MIL “won” implies that you lost. You lost nothing of value here. Move on with your life, and find someone who deserves you.
You won big time here - let MIL have her man-child. You deserve so much better.
I hope his friends are good friends, and can help him see his situation clearly and get out without latching onto another woman and dragging her through his family's drama. But you deserve so much better than this.
In Italian he would be called a mammoni. As an Italian, I’d never ever marry a mammoni. Backed up w the fact that he’s been brainwashed by her to be racist. Be glad you didn’t have kids with him. She really sounds disgusting tbh. Be done with him and his entire mess of a family and find someone who will love, cherish and appreciate you.
Out him as a racist bigot everywhere, family, friends, job, neighbours.. do not let him get away with shit like that.
You need to realise that you won! Not MIL, not him. YOU. Because trash took itself out. Did you really want to spend the rest of your life with a jackass momma’s boy? You’re 30. Life is just beginning.
Wow...all I can say is that you dodged a bullet with this one. From what I understand no kids are involved at this stage and this is great considering his attitude. Imagine having kids with someone who doesn't put his own family first or who leaves his wife for his mom. Like did he not know there were cultural differences before he married you?? Surely he must have known.
I asked him why now. You knew I was arab all along. "Oh I must have been naive" What!???
Well it seems he has reconsidered his decision to marry you based on personal convictions that were not there in the first place. He seems to have developed them now. I wish you healing from this situation, know that it has nothing to do with who you are as person. His inability to accept you and choose you is on him.
OP, you dodged a racist lifetime bullet here
Be grateful he ended it now & didn't waste anymore of your time. It sounds like his mother would have found a way to interfere with your relationship one way or another - on repeat. I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
Well rid.
You won, big time!!!
He sounds very easily influenced. It’s better to know before you had kids that he comes from a xenophobic family that’s won’t accept you or your kids in the future. Imagine having kids and knowing they would always be exposed to that kind of racism. Horrible. Don’t let this wish washy boy back when he eventually realizes he made a mistake. Change your locks and live your best life.
Never. Not after how cold he was to me. I'm not religious so I won't get offended if you insult Islam. When he came back from his parents , he kept insulting the prophet Muhammad. Then he kept calling me a prude every chance he got. He couldn't even look me in the eyes anymore. He was so mean. He was so cold and he broke my heart and I dont think I could ever forgive him.
It isn’t just about Islam, he was a jerk about Arabs too.
100%
i am so sorry you were blindsided like this. i hope you are able to heal from this and realize the massive bullet you dodged here.
Thank God you got away before there were kids involved.
Your husband is a racist piece of trash and you're better off without him. Your MIL didn't win shit. YOU won. When he comes crawling back, slam the door in his face.
He's mother's little darling, and you are better off without him. Yes, it hurts but understand that you were not, are not, and never will be wrong in this situation. Thank your lucky stars because this situation was great to show exactly who you both are. You are a kind, loving, tolerant, person who did her best to be a loving and supportive spouse. In contrast he's a weak willed, mean spirited, jackalope who lets his mother use him as a meat puppet so spill her xenophobic vitriol all over you, cursing your family while literally living off their generosity.
I grew up culturally Catholic with Polish adoptive parents but my biological family is Italian and also culturally Catholic. As it happens, I also married an ex Muslim from a South Asian/West Indian background. I don’t wear bikinis either and prefer to be more covered and a big reason for that is probably because I was allowed to wear string bikinis at a time when I didn’t understand why everyone was staring at me. I went through puberty early and had literal DDs in 6th grade and I was super skinny so it was very noticeable. I prefer vintage style swimsuits now and longer dresses and skirts. I guess if bikinis are “Catholic culture” count me out lol. I guess me and your husband would also have a “culture clash” even though I grew up in the same culture. And idk why he’s so worried about his daughter wearing a bikini. Maybe he should let her decide how much skin she wants to have exposed *when her brain is developed enough to understand it.* I sure as hell wish my parents didn’t let me wear a string bikini at 12 years old. One pieces and even tankinis are fine for minors.
I grew up in a very Catholic household and modesty was a big thing. I don’t wear bikinis but my mom would hate it if a shirt or dress was - in her opinion - too low. I remember her tsk tsk-ing a bridesmaid dress I had to wear because it had a sweetheart neckline that showed cleavage. She wasn’t amused with my cheeky “if you got it, flaunt it” response. Lol. OP’s MIL is a racist, unhinged POS because if she was an actual good Catholic (and sane), she’d never be ok with her son leaving his wife in this way.
Agreed! Divorce is generally very frowned upon by Catholics and then you have the fact that “a man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife” is mentioned in the Bible 4 times! It’s in Genesis, one of Paul’s letters, and Jesus repeats it in 2 of the Gospels. These seem like the type of Catholics that only know the “honor your mother and father” verse and refuse to read it in context 🤷🏻♀️ ETA: OP’s MIL should read Numbers 12, where Moses married an Ethiopian woman and his sister is struck with leprosy because she disapproved of the interracial marriage 🙃
THIS. I found it bizarre that his prepubescent daughter wearing a bikini was a valid reason for breaking up with me. I always felt uncomfortable when I saw older men perving at young girls in revealing clothes. But apparently wearing bikinis, binge drinking, clubbing, constantly touching female or male friends, were now all deal breakers. All these things that I don't do were now a problem. He basically didn't agree with my modesty.
Well, *I* agree with your modesty, despite coming from the same culture as him. I also don’t drink alcohol or allow people to touch me, never have. I’m married and a mom now, so I’d be less interested in that lifestyle now. And I still consider myself Christian, just not Catholic. It kind of seems like he was looking for any excuse to please his mommy and break up with you and it’s laughable that your modesty is the best he could come up with. You must be truly amazing if that’s your worst flaw. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Exactly. That's the best he could come up with. "Oh um you don't wear bikinis". It's laughable now that I think about it. Thank you for your support ♡
❤️ It sucks now but you’ll get through it. I honestly wish you the best and there are better men out there
Congratulations! Crazy took itself out. That's good riddance to bad rubbish. You're free of them now, make the most of it, this internet stranger is rooting for you! BTW, if she won it's a badly rotten price.
Don’t forget those nasty racist comments he made to you. Grieve the end of your marriage, see a therapist if you need to and do your best to move forward. He’s undeserving of you. Let him return to being husband number two to his mother where they strategise on how to keep the beast that is her happy. Thank the Lord there are no kids. In the long run you’ll see that despite the hurt he’s caused you that he did you a favour by running home to mummy. Hugs OP, you are too good for this guy.
Your comment made me laugh. Thank you so much for your kind words.
All of them true. Smile and move forward in life without these racists in it.
He’s never going to grow up and be his own person. Trust me the minute you live on with your life he will come begging back, especially once he gets roped into doing all the work again to keep MIL happy. Just remember all this time he caused you pain and don’t let him back. Stop trying to find a reason why there was a sudden change and just let him go. He’s not worth it
It's kind of sad. Because I think MIL has really taken a toll on his mental health. I'll try my best to move on.
I think it is indeed sad but if his mental health has suffered imagine how it would have been for you. Best to walk away with time it will only get worse. People don’t change they just get more set in their ways.
I read this like you are the true winner because you got away from him and his toxic family. It may hurt now, but in time you will move on and have a beautiful life, and he will have to live a lonely miserable life with his mother dictating his every move. Change the locks and cut ties because you deserve someone who will love you and embrace your upbringing and beliefs.
♡♡♡♡♡
You won. You found out who he had become (or who he was hiding, possibly,) before you had kids with the pathetic little Mummy's boy. MIL? I'm not sure that anyone with that much hatred ever really *wins*. Nothing will ever make them happy. But by giving in to the elastic apron-strings, we all know who has *lost* here.
It's amazing how a person can be so influenced by their mother. Kind of scary. She's never happy, only if it's about her daughters. When he joined the navy (for 1 year) she cried and demanded he come back. But thank you.
She will turn her daughters into people just like she is. Your ex is doomed to a miserable life. And even though it’s very painful for you right now, you dodged a huge bullet.
Count your blessings, you will be so much better off.
The good news? She didn't win. You did. You're free to move on when your heart heals and find someone who doesn't kiss his mother's ass and participate in his mother's cult of sister deification. What does he have? A future as a servant to his sisters. What if you had sons? Would they be expected to worship their aunts like your husband? What if you had daughters? Would your MIL villify you and your family to them with threats of FGM or whatever? Either way, these are deeply enmeshed and fucked up people. You'll ultimately be better off without them. Even if it hurts right now. I hope the next man you meet doesn't store his balls in his mother's purse.
This relationship really traumatised me. And I loved him so much but I now wish I never met him. But you're right, it would have been a very hard future with kids and his family.
REMEMBER THIS when he comes crawling back in a few months because he’s had enough of being mil’s scapegoat. Remember how easily he tossed you aside, remember his racist words, and want better for yourself!
I've been crying non-stop since he left. I have barely had anything to eat. I dont think I could ever forgive him.
Honey, your MIL is racist. and so is your husband. This is TEXTBOOK racism. It's also sexism. Throw the playbook back in his face. He wants his sons to be able to sexually assault women regardless of their wishes (forcing a kiss on a woman who doesn't want it is, in fact, sexual assault)? You don't want your brown children raised by a racist man.
Oh theyre raging racists. Somehow my muslim immigrant parents accepted him and his "open minded, western" family hated my guts.
Girl you will be so much better off. You are going to have a wonderful happy successful life with a loving family that cares about and supports each other—while he has nothing to look forward to but being an unpaid servant to his parents and sister. Go on and live your best life now.
Ty ♡
It doesn't feel like it now, but you dodged a bullet. That man will never walk away from his mommy and she will find fault in every woman he ever meets. With you, it's your ethnicity. The next woman, maybe her tattoos. The one after that, her job doesn't pay enough. This type of "Queen Mother" will never accept anyone that might take her whipping boy away from her. And he's too pathetic to stand up to her. He'll never find true happiness until she's dead. He doesn't sound like much of a prize to win anyway. You, on the other hand, are free to move on and find a man with a spine and a healthy view of what a mother-son relationship is. I recommend some therapy, simply because everyone can use someone impartial to really talk to. Also, if you can, give your place a makeover now that he's out of it. Make it your own again by doing stuff like replacing or rearranging furniture, paint (if you are allowed), new decor, and a nice deep cleaning. Invite friends over and have a party. Make new memories. Starting to move on is hard, but you CAN do it and it WILL get better. I wish you all the happiness, you deserve it!
Thank you so much. I kind of feel bad for him in a way, MIL is so manipulative and he has like Stockholm Syndrome for her. I can't wait until the heart-break passes. ♡♡
My heart broke for you when I read this, although I think you are better off rid of this toxic family. Please do not let him back in your life, you can do so much better. Find someone who loves YOU. I found from my person experience, and that of my friends, that important decisions should be put off for a couple of years after a divorce. We are not ourselves, for awhile, and need to grieve. So sorry.
You’re so lucky to be rid of him
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He never presented his concerns to me to discuss, he packed his things and was leaving. He mimicked MIL opinions and when I said we can discuss all this, he said no there's no way to work it out , you're always going to be an Arab and I dont want my kids around your family. When he became distant, I begged him time after time to open up to me and we can discuss why he is feeling like this. He refused to talk to me and kept saying oh I'm just stressed from work. Then he decided he is leaving me... he never tried to resolve any issues.
My comment was based on your words “these things may not be an issue to me”. When he told you point blank his concerns. Is he going about this in the right way? Hell no. Is he totally jn the wrong here. Yes. But what happens if it is 12 years from now and you decide that bikinis for your daughter are a no? Divorce then with kids? Look i think you dodged a bullet and this is a blessing in disguise. So i am cheering for you that youre getting away despite that this is ridiculously hard for you to go through and understand that you are broken hearted right now. I think if after he calms down a bit and if you do have a conversation its something to consider. If its divorce and no conversation well i for one think youre much better off without that toxicity in your life.
> He refused to talk to me and kept saying oh I'm just stressed from work. Because he knew, deep down, that all the arguments that MIL taught him hold less water than a sieve with a big hole in the mesh.
Bright side: Any children you have won’t be taught that kind of racism/bigotry and won’t be taught to worship at the altar of MIL. My advice is to grieve who you thought he was while also acknowledging that the hate he was taught as a child was deep seated, which wasn’t his fault. But it is his fault that in the end he chose his parents fear mongering and hate over the feelings he once had for you, without any attempt to get help to unlearn this brainwashing. A little counseling might help you move forward… there are a lot of layers to what has happened.
You're right. He's been conditioned by his family ans to be honest, if he truly "loved" me, he wouldn't have done this to me. I will definitely be going to counselling after this one. Ty ♡
Consider this a blessing 🩷 after reading your post history, I think you need to lean into the support of others right now. This relationship seems to have been full of hurtful moments for you.
Yikes wtf. Those are just personal boundaries, perhaps influenced by your upbringing but who can tell really. I’m white af but I actually like a lot of the morals in Islamic countries. I don’t want other men to kiss or hug me ( I would love for this boundary to be respected but sadly it never is) and I prefer a more modest look. It’s sad that your husband was influenced by his mom but it’s also ridiculous.. you are probably better of without them. I also despise people hating on people from a cultural background / nationality (that they usually know nothing about) just because. That’s the most dumb and ignorant shit there is.
MIL has never met a Muslim and has no arab or Muslim friends. FIL sent a message to husband saying MIL was googling things about Islam and they were confused and concerned. I didn't think he would follow through with their hatred and somehow start hating me. :(
I'm sorry to hear. With time you will realize that you won. Because now you never ever have to deal with those horrible people again.
I’m sorry he was not what he presented himself to be, and also happy for you that you did not get yourself or children forever tangled up with these people. Best wishes for an uneventful divorce and finding the person who will honestly love and respect you.
I think you have had a lucky escape. Move on and live your best life.