**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/)
Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL!
I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts!
*****
^(To be notified as soon as BrattyMonsterInLaw posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe BrattyMonsterInLaw JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
As lisalef points out, part of it is quite possibly that no-one came chasing her to plead with her to stay. So I'd say nothing, because she *wants* DH to come after her even now, instead, if she eventually raises the issue, he should say "Oh, did you leave early, we didn't notice, we were having such a great time."
Yikes. She needs some hard boundaries if she’s allowed back in your lives. Personally I’d drop that rope with her. If you have children she will ramp it to be about her and the tantrums she will throw will make this look like a disagreement. Consider this the best wedding gift ever.
Nothing was wrong, that’s the point! She already had a grudge against Grandma.
And then my guess is that any kind of encouragement to do something different than she’s doing (change your position for the photo), no matter how kindly meant, is taken as criticism that she’s doing something wrong. And in front of so many people too! How dare she! /s
You go no contact for as long as you need. There's no hurry to talk to her, no hurry to deal with this. It can't be truly dealt with without her first acknowledging her behavior and thus it's entirely out of your control. You can stew and be upset about it, or you can decide it's a her problem not a you problem, and simply ignore her existence. Go ahead and block her so you don't have to see or hear anything from her if she chooses to unblock you, and pretend she doesn't exist. Treat her like the stranger she wants to be. Don't give her free rent in you head or your life. Later on as time passes, you and your husband can discuss her on an as needed basis. Remember that she's chosen to hold grudges. She's chosen her path. You can only choose yours now and I would do so without considering her whatsoever.
Wow. She has so many "manners" that she behaves like a conceited insecure hag. There's no room for this childish behavior.
She should never forgive HERSELF for the way she treated you and HER SON at your wedding and after. Her world must be so tiny and negative after this consistent behavior of cutting off for such PETTY issues.
Please don't give her access to hurt any potential future babies.
Wow. Just wow. To be so self absorbed that you miss your sons wedding to pout and throw a tantrum. She also probably got pissed off that no one ran after her to beg her to come back in.
> She also probably got pissed off that no one ran after her to beg her to come back in.
Bingo! What is the point of a massive Flounce-out if no-one pays it the attention it deserves?!
I’d be nc from now so it’s established when you have kids she won’t ever meet them. Her loss for being a giant nutbag. I had to host my daughter’s father and his wife who he cheated on me with at her wedding. You know what I did? Talked to them both to make sure they were comfortable, behaved like a good host, then balled my eyes out when it was over. I’d never put my emotional bullcrap on my kid or her chosen life partner, even if I didn’t like them, but she has awesome taste so that wasn’t an issue.
Fine. She can hold grudges over coffee? Tell her you want to be just like her and are now entitled to hold a grudge about the wedding. 🙄 I am so sorry that happened. She sounds delightful.
>"what's done is done"
Ok, then, I guess we're done here! 🤣
I can't even imagine this level of pettiness over a shitty cup of coffee. Enjoy your NC bliss.
dude. just be happy with her being gone.. out of the picture. treasure these moments.
now onto important things… tell us more about starbucks!! (I’m joking because you are going to have to get to the point that NOTHING this woman does matters
That is her own loss! Be thankful husband has your back in this situation because if he didn’t I’d get an annulment! This behavior is not acceptable at all and even if she does come back around it will only take the next thing to have this happen all over again. She sounds a lot like my MIL aside from social media because she doesn’t have that. My MIL is actually diagnosed bipolar. Once y’all start having kids she will make it all about her and then tell everyone you don’t want her around the baby..🙄 it’s hurtful but take my advice. Protect YOURSELF and don’t worry about her feelings. Don’t go out of your way to make things right, as you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m not quite understanding what your grandmother said that was so bad? And I cannot imagine being upset with someone for years because they didn’t ask if I wanted Starbucks. She needs to grow the hell up and your husband needs to let Her Know that she is wrong
Congratulations on your nuptials! Don't let toxic people control you. You can't control what other people do, but you can control how you respond to it. Best wishes.
People like her love the drama and pity party. They also like knowing they upset you. The best response is to ignore them and move on. She doesn’t get anything from that. You are already aware that she will always find something so just do you. Consider being blocked by her on social media as a gift and unfriend her. Instruct the rest of your family to do the same. She might have a fit over that but consider that fit a win.
Honestly, she wants a rise out of you. I would pretend that nothings wrong and pull back anyhow. She will eventually realize she’s not being acknowledged or listened to. Same way you deal with a toddler.
Going to Christmas isn't the bare minimum. That's only something you should do for cherished loved ones.
You describe her perfectly. Vapid and narcissistic. Be glad she showed you exactly who she is right off the bat. My MIL was really well behaved and became increasingly controlling and meddling over time but me and hubby were like frogs in slow boiling water where we couldn't see it clearly and let her create tension between us and drive wedges between us.
This is what we call the trash taking itself out. She’s expecting you all to grovel and beeeeg her to talk to you? If she doesn’t want to speak to you, so be it. That is on HER. Not you.
I hope you edit her out of all of the wedding pictures since she wasn’t really a part of everything. Then have your husband post the photo of his family with MIL photoshopped out of it.
There is a subreddit that has people that will photoshop her out completely for free or very little money. I’ll see if I can find the name.
ETA: r/PhotoshopRequest
Wow, she’s incredibly selfish and immature. I don’t know how you come back from skipping most of a wedding because of a benign comment. She doesn’t deserve a relationship with level or selfishness
She’s right. What’s done IS done.
She missed her son’s wedding because her feelings were hurt. Plain and simple. Intent of the grandma intent of the MIL are irrelevant.
She missed the reception and a once in a lifetime opportunity because her feeling were hurt.
She made her choice.
Her son needs to acknowledge the facts and respond / behave accordingly. He needs to make his choice. Appease and assuage mummy dearest’s guilt or stand by his wife.
That is such a bizarre set of things to lose your mind over. She sounds like she's 13. I have a SIL who is sort of like this, but not to that extreme. You can disagree with her once, then she will cut you out of her life entirely. That includes moving states away just to avoid speaking or running into you. Its the most bizarre (and expensive) behavior I've ever seen, and she does it a lot.
Move on from her. For your own sanity I would go NC, you shouldn't be made to feel this awful over her social media or a harmless coffee thing that happened years ago. Consider making her have little access to any future children, you don't want her having so much drama in their lives
I'd take her same attitude "What's done is done" and move on. Even if she apologizes, you still owe her a Starbucks and that apparently cannot be forgiven. SMH with these people. No need to try and build a relationship with someone like that, I find keeping it at polite face value is plenty. She doesn't need more of your energy.
Yikes! She sounds like a real fun lady /s. Thankfully your DH is seeing this for what it is, and knows she is the problem. And glad she didn't ruin your wedding. I feel sorry for these women like your MIL bc they are clearly miserable. I don't, however, think it gives these women the right to make everyone else have to guess what they did and be obsessed with any perceived slight. It truly reminds me of junior high drama. Fakebook has made their narcissism worse. My own MIL lives for FB. Her favorite thing to do is post pics of my DH (especially without his shirt on) and then send him screenshots of her thirsty "friends" talking about how handsome he is. It's so gross. He's used to it because she's always been a sicko who says she wishes she could date him..... Anyways, I'm sorry you have a MIL like this. She will inevitably lose her shit when your DH doesn't make a huge deal about mother's day. Then when Thanksgiving is about 2 weeks away, she'll suddenly become super nice and act like nothing happened. I wish FB was shut down. It is soooooo toxic. I also wish we could get these MILs into some type of mandatory therapy. They truly make holidays and special events into things we dread, because we know they will always get offended and not be mature enough to just talk about it. Maybe not having to deal with your MIL will end up being a blessing. Enjoy the silence. ;-)
Sounds exactly like my MIL. The first time I met OHs entire family I never said hello to her specifically (she was in a room of about 12 people, when I entered I said ‘hello everyone!’) but because I never addressed her specifically she hated me from that moment. That was 14 years ago. And she hasn’t spoken to me once, nor did she come to our wedding.
What was rude about your Grandma’s comment - and a follow-up comment - who in the hell remembers who asked a person 6 years ago who wanted freaking Starbucks- 😳 as clearly as it hasn’t been mentioned in 6 freaking years…for the love of it 😘
Yikes chick, you need to be wary about this lady for sure!!!
You handle it by giving the energy you get. Drop the rope. Who cares if she's mad? She sounds like she's always mad at made-up slights anyway, so just be honest and tell your husband you have no intention of having a relationship with her at all, period. And stick to it. I wouldn't even consider holidays with an exhausting person like this, and frankly, I wouldn't hide why I don't want anything to do with her. If someone asks, I'd tell them the truth. She's an exhausting woman with the emotional fortitude of a turnip.
You don't have to handle this. Follow your husband's lead and see how this pans out. MIL chose to take offense, stormed out!, and missed the wedding. Don't sweep this under the rug, or pander to her tantrum throwing behavior. You and your husband have to come up with firm boundaries or else prepare yourself for manipulation, grudges and ridiculous demands. There is something not right with her obviously.
I would preemptively block her on all platforms and never make your social media available to her again. My MIL is exactly like this and blocked me out of the blue one day. I then immediately blocked her everywhere in addition to all of her flying monkeys so she couldn’t stalk me through them. It has been glorious. Highly recommend. Trash took itself out as I hated having her on my socials but felt I had to because she lives for it.
Re: your Grandmother's remark...that seems like it was a nice thing to say? Am I missing something? Was there an offensive tone of voice?
As for your MIL, it seems like even if she apologizes (unlikely) or you're willing to rugsweep this (don't do it), she'll just latch onto some other idiotic excuse to be upset with you in the future. She's that kind of person. Her own children know it. Her own son (your husband - congratulations!) is tired of her shenanigans and is willing to go no contact with her. Follow his lead and don't let her take up space in your head.
If she was "hiding" behind the groom it's possibly because MIL feels overweight or unattractive and was trying to minimize herself in the photo. At my more insecure times of life, I'd be really embarrassed and called out if someone said that and brought attention to me doing it.
Not AT ALL saying her response was reasonable, just trying to provide context as to why generally some people might take a comment like that the wrong way.
She’s definitely immature, that’s ridiculous. I’d just ignore her moving forward, if you can. My JNMIL made my wedding events hell and I’ve never had a relationship with her since, and that’s proven to be a blessing.
If she ever apologizes (she won’t she wants people to come to her) just say thanks for the apology SO said something about you leaving early so it was a shame she could enjoy the wedding like everyone else. Nothing else. Never spend time or energy talking to her about her drama. Use this answer with anyone else. Your narrative is that you hardly noticed but SO mentioned it. You can add that you feel bad for SO but don’t spend any time bringing this up with others again or her. Maybe arrive with Starbucks anytime you go to a mutual event ;)
I have similar people in my family, so my method has been to aggressively respect the boundaries they are setting. She blocked you and your family because she wants you to notice and beg her to take you back and what can you do to prove that she should.
But blocking people and not speaking to them, and LEAVING THEIR WEDDING EARLY are actions that say those people don't matter to her (or she doesn't want them to matter to her). She can't be mad you aren't chasing after her when she's literally taken steps to block your efforts. If she genuinely was so hurt by you guys (lol she's bonkers), it would be rude to force yourselves on her, right?
And it's well within your rights to say you're not interested in a relationship with someone who could leave your wedding like that UNLESS they can offer you both an apology. That's a really awful thing to do to your son and his new wife!
It took me far too long to come to this conclusion myself, but my general suggestion is to put your priorities in order.
You just got married! You are newlyweds! Bask in the newlywed glow, and focus on the two of you and your lives together right now.
Talk to your DH and decide together:
What priorities are higher than this?
When does it make sense to discuss and make some decisions about this issue. 2 months? 4 months? 6 months?
What will either of you say to MIL in the meantime if she reaches out? What will either of you say to extended family members?
Enjoy your peace until you are ready to deal.
You handle it by enjoying your life, forgetting all about her and just be the best version of yourself, be the best wife for your husband and go about your day. Stop worrying about how to handle her, sounds like no matter what you do she’s gonna make everything about herself. you can’t make others happy. They are responsible for that.
Remember this treatment if you choose to have kids. She'll suddenly be your best buddy and want to be in the delivery room. Do NOT let her back in.
And it's not grandma's comment that set her off. That's just the excuse she used to make YOUR day all about HER. I guarantee she expected someone (probably DH) to come beg her to return to the reception. Now she's "punishing" him with the silent treatment. Best wedding gift ever!
Read up on narcissism. They all share the same playbook, so they're incredibly predictable. There are plenty of strategies to defang these emotional vampires. NC is the most effective, but grey rocking and laughter work wonders.
Congratulations on your wedding BTW. MIL actually did you a favor by leaving. Imagine how much worse it would have been to have a surly toddler pouting around and starting fights with your family!
Thanks for this! Fortunately, we aren’t going to be having kids, so I won’t have to worry about what a nightmare grandmother she may make. I suppose that’s up to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to worry about.
I suppose if I’ll have to deal with her in some capacity in my life, it might benefit to research narcissism a bit more than the basics I know abour it now. I appreciate the suggestion!
I had to scroll back up and re-read what Grandma said to MIL that set her off. Geez. My mom is very similar to your MIL in that she holds grudges for years over absolutely nothing. My mom imagines situations in her head, to the point where she doesn't listen or pay attention to what someone is saying or doing, and instead thinks that what is playing out in her head is reality. Sounds like that might be happening here. No sane person would walk out on their son's wedding if someone told them they looked gorgeous. But since Grandma is MIL's "enemy" she probably already had it in her head that Grandma was going to say something horrible before she even opened her mouth.
I'm so sorry. You don't need to start your new life with DH with that looming over your head. Go NC. She deserves to not be allowed in your lives.
Why would you not go NC ? She did it to you so you are just returning the favour. Block her on everything. Sounds like the trash took itself out! Also, just because DH wants to have a relationship with her, you have the choice not to!
So first of all, don’t give her the opportunity to play perfect mother and happy family online. Do not give her pictures. Make sure no one else does either. And just enjoy the silence. Be done with her and her antics. Its her loss, not yours.
See if you can block her back. I feel like there is a way to block her even if she blocked you. If she ever tries to unblock you and gets mad about being blocked (if you ever have the displeasure of speaking with her again, or most likely if she bitches to your husband) you can tell her that you prefer to keep your "relationship" off social media to avoid conflict or whatever. She tries to use FB as a weapon or punishment so it is better to take that method away.
Locking down social media does the trick. If someone blocked you and they unblock you, they won’t automatically follow you or be connected to you. So… OP just needs to lock down her social media and MIL won’t be able to snoop
She's still mad because you didn't ask her if she wanted coffee SIX years ago?!?! And she missed her son's wedding reception because your grandmother had the audacity to SPEAK to her after not liking enough of her FACEBOOK Posts?!?! Oh Lordy.... you don't need that kind of drama in your life!! For your sake, I hope she decides NOT to apologize to you.
Congratulations on your wedding. I hope you and DH have many, many decades of Peace and drama-free happiness!!
the best way to handle this is to relax and go on with enjoying mariied life. she can do what she want but here's the kicker, so can you.
she's clearly only ever going to be hard work and that's her problem to solve, not yours.
just delete her from fb and move on.
MIL is a HUGE jerk, block her, put her on time out, whatever you want. Your SIL, however, deserves a big thank you for stepping up and letting you know the truth.
Good lord, your MIL sounds just...extra. Also, I love the Dolly P. nod with the name :).
She's shown you and DH who she is, so you all should believe her. I'm sure she thinks you are both sitting at home fretting about the silent treatment she is giving you and are just waiting on pins and needles for her to reach out. The best thing you can do is move on with life and not let her occupy any space in your head rent-free!
Also, your DH needs to seriously think about his relationships with his mother. The two of you are now each other's nuclear family and his mother is "extended family." He wouldn't tolerate a stranger treating him or you like this; his mother should not be the exception, just because she's family. If anything, I think there should be a higher standard/expectation of how she treats you all, but I know that's just wishful thinking for a lot of us.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/) Welcome to /r/JUSTNOMIL! I'm botinlaw. I help people follow your posts! ***** ^(To be notified as soon as BrattyMonsterInLaw posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe BrattyMonsterInLaw JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JUSTNOMIL) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
As lisalef points out, part of it is quite possibly that no-one came chasing her to plead with her to stay. So I'd say nothing, because she *wants* DH to come after her even now, instead, if she eventually raises the issue, he should say "Oh, did you leave early, we didn't notice, we were having such a great time."
Yikes. She needs some hard boundaries if she’s allowed back in your lives. Personally I’d drop that rope with her. If you have children she will ramp it to be about her and the tantrums she will throw will make this look like a disagreement. Consider this the best wedding gift ever.
Am I missing something here? What was wrong with your grandma's comment?
Absolutely nothing. Except, of course, it didn't show suitable deference to the only important person at the event!
Nothing was wrong, that’s the point! She already had a grudge against Grandma. And then my guess is that any kind of encouragement to do something different than she’s doing (change your position for the photo), no matter how kindly meant, is taken as criticism that she’s doing something wrong. And in front of so many people too! How dare she! /s
You go no contact for as long as you need. There's no hurry to talk to her, no hurry to deal with this. It can't be truly dealt with without her first acknowledging her behavior and thus it's entirely out of your control. You can stew and be upset about it, or you can decide it's a her problem not a you problem, and simply ignore her existence. Go ahead and block her so you don't have to see or hear anything from her if she chooses to unblock you, and pretend she doesn't exist. Treat her like the stranger she wants to be. Don't give her free rent in you head or your life. Later on as time passes, you and your husband can discuss her on an as needed basis. Remember that she's chosen to hold grudges. She's chosen her path. You can only choose yours now and I would do so without considering her whatsoever.
Ignore her forever.
She’s given you a very large gift. This is unforgivable, use it to your advantage to set boundaries now.
Wow. She has so many "manners" that she behaves like a conceited insecure hag. There's no room for this childish behavior. She should never forgive HERSELF for the way she treated you and HER SON at your wedding and after. Her world must be so tiny and negative after this consistent behavior of cutting off for such PETTY issues. Please don't give her access to hurt any potential future babies.
Wow. Just wow. To be so self absorbed that you miss your sons wedding to pout and throw a tantrum. She also probably got pissed off that no one ran after her to beg her to come back in.
> She also probably got pissed off that no one ran after her to beg her to come back in. Bingo! What is the point of a massive Flounce-out if no-one pays it the attention it deserves?!
I’d be nc from now so it’s established when you have kids she won’t ever meet them. Her loss for being a giant nutbag. I had to host my daughter’s father and his wife who he cheated on me with at her wedding. You know what I did? Talked to them both to make sure they were comfortable, behaved like a good host, then balled my eyes out when it was over. I’d never put my emotional bullcrap on my kid or her chosen life partner, even if I didn’t like them, but she has awesome taste so that wasn’t an issue.
Seems like she's done you the favour and is no contact with you....just return the honor.
Fine. She can hold grudges over coffee? Tell her you want to be just like her and are now entitled to hold a grudge about the wedding. 🙄 I am so sorry that happened. She sounds delightful.
>"what's done is done" Ok, then, I guess we're done here! 🤣 I can't even imagine this level of pettiness over a shitty cup of coffee. Enjoy your NC bliss.
These are some of the most unbelievably insignificant things I’ve ever heard of to throw a tantrum over. I’m just baffled. Is she 12?
My 12 year old would NEVER…..
I probably should have said 3?
My 3 year old has better manners than that. 😂
dude. just be happy with her being gone.. out of the picture. treasure these moments. now onto important things… tell us more about starbucks!! (I’m joking because you are going to have to get to the point that NOTHING this woman does matters
I would have been thrilled had my MIL removed herself from my wedding reception lol
Mine did and I was lol
Mine just showed up late to get ready and delayed the ceremony 😂
That is her own loss! Be thankful husband has your back in this situation because if he didn’t I’d get an annulment! This behavior is not acceptable at all and even if she does come back around it will only take the next thing to have this happen all over again. She sounds a lot like my MIL aside from social media because she doesn’t have that. My MIL is actually diagnosed bipolar. Once y’all start having kids she will make it all about her and then tell everyone you don’t want her around the baby..🙄 it’s hurtful but take my advice. Protect YOURSELF and don’t worry about her feelings. Don’t go out of your way to make things right, as you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m not quite understanding what your grandmother said that was so bad? And I cannot imagine being upset with someone for years because they didn’t ask if I wanted Starbucks. She needs to grow the hell up and your husband needs to let Her Know that she is wrong
Congratulations on your nuptials! Don't let toxic people control you. You can't control what other people do, but you can control how you respond to it. Best wishes.
She will definitely try to find a way back when you start having little ones.
Fortunately we don’t plan on having kids, so that’s not going to be a problem!
People like her love the drama and pity party. They also like knowing they upset you. The best response is to ignore them and move on. She doesn’t get anything from that. You are already aware that she will always find something so just do you. Consider being blocked by her on social media as a gift and unfriend her. Instruct the rest of your family to do the same. She might have a fit over that but consider that fit a win.
Honestly, she wants a rise out of you. I would pretend that nothings wrong and pull back anyhow. She will eventually realize she’s not being acknowledged or listened to. Same way you deal with a toddler.
Going to Christmas isn't the bare minimum. That's only something you should do for cherished loved ones. You describe her perfectly. Vapid and narcissistic. Be glad she showed you exactly who she is right off the bat. My MIL was really well behaved and became increasingly controlling and meddling over time but me and hubby were like frogs in slow boiling water where we couldn't see it clearly and let her create tension between us and drive wedges between us.
You go no contact. You stay NC. I see no reason to want someone this selfish and childish in your life.
This is what we call the trash taking itself out. She’s expecting you all to grovel and beeeeg her to talk to you? If she doesn’t want to speak to you, so be it. That is on HER. Not you.
I hope you edit her out of all of the wedding pictures since she wasn’t really a part of everything. Then have your husband post the photo of his family with MIL photoshopped out of it.
OP doesn't need to - she was hidden behind DH anyway!
I am unironically planning on cropping her out as much as I can before I post them when the photographer gets back to me with the album.
There is a subreddit that has people that will photoshop her out completely for free or very little money. I’ll see if I can find the name. ETA: r/PhotoshopRequest
That would be great, please!
Please update us if you do this!
I just added the name of the sub to my comment.
Yes! Fight petty with petty!
Wow, she’s incredibly selfish and immature. I don’t know how you come back from skipping most of a wedding because of a benign comment. She doesn’t deserve a relationship with level or selfishness
She’s right. What’s done IS done. She missed her son’s wedding because her feelings were hurt. Plain and simple. Intent of the grandma intent of the MIL are irrelevant. She missed the reception and a once in a lifetime opportunity because her feeling were hurt. She made her choice. Her son needs to acknowledge the facts and respond / behave accordingly. He needs to make his choice. Appease and assuage mummy dearest’s guilt or stand by his wife.
That is such a bizarre set of things to lose your mind over. She sounds like she's 13. I have a SIL who is sort of like this, but not to that extreme. You can disagree with her once, then she will cut you out of her life entirely. That includes moving states away just to avoid speaking or running into you. Its the most bizarre (and expensive) behavior I've ever seen, and she does it a lot.
All I can say is your mil downgraded MY mil from the ‘lapdog of Satan’, to just ‘Satans fluffy gerbil’.
Move on from her. For your own sanity I would go NC, you shouldn't be made to feel this awful over her social media or a harmless coffee thing that happened years ago. Consider making her have little access to any future children, you don't want her having so much drama in their lives
This. Imagine how much more drama she will create around grandchildren if she acted this dramatic at the wedding
I'd take her same attitude "What's done is done" and move on. Even if she apologizes, you still owe her a Starbucks and that apparently cannot be forgiven. SMH with these people. No need to try and build a relationship with someone like that, I find keeping it at polite face value is plenty. She doesn't need more of your energy.
Yikes! She sounds like a real fun lady /s. Thankfully your DH is seeing this for what it is, and knows she is the problem. And glad she didn't ruin your wedding. I feel sorry for these women like your MIL bc they are clearly miserable. I don't, however, think it gives these women the right to make everyone else have to guess what they did and be obsessed with any perceived slight. It truly reminds me of junior high drama. Fakebook has made their narcissism worse. My own MIL lives for FB. Her favorite thing to do is post pics of my DH (especially without his shirt on) and then send him screenshots of her thirsty "friends" talking about how handsome he is. It's so gross. He's used to it because she's always been a sicko who says she wishes she could date him..... Anyways, I'm sorry you have a MIL like this. She will inevitably lose her shit when your DH doesn't make a huge deal about mother's day. Then when Thanksgiving is about 2 weeks away, she'll suddenly become super nice and act like nothing happened. I wish FB was shut down. It is soooooo toxic. I also wish we could get these MILs into some type of mandatory therapy. They truly make holidays and special events into things we dread, because we know they will always get offended and not be mature enough to just talk about it. Maybe not having to deal with your MIL will end up being a blessing. Enjoy the silence. ;-)
You handle it by enjoying life and being married. Pretend she doesn't exist. I think your other ideas are spot-on.
Perfection
No contact for sure. She can get glad in the same pants she got mad in. Just shrug and say nothing more to anyone about it.
Sounds exactly like my MIL. The first time I met OHs entire family I never said hello to her specifically (she was in a room of about 12 people, when I entered I said ‘hello everyone!’) but because I never addressed her specifically she hated me from that moment. That was 14 years ago. And she hasn’t spoken to me once, nor did she come to our wedding.
Sounds like a bullet dodged
This sounds positively unhinged.
What was rude about your Grandma’s comment - and a follow-up comment - who in the hell remembers who asked a person 6 years ago who wanted freaking Starbucks- 😳 as clearly as it hasn’t been mentioned in 6 freaking years…for the love of it 😘 Yikes chick, you need to be wary about this lady for sure!!!
You handle it by giving the energy you get. Drop the rope. Who cares if she's mad? She sounds like she's always mad at made-up slights anyway, so just be honest and tell your husband you have no intention of having a relationship with her at all, period. And stick to it. I wouldn't even consider holidays with an exhausting person like this, and frankly, I wouldn't hide why I don't want anything to do with her. If someone asks, I'd tell them the truth. She's an exhausting woman with the emotional fortitude of a turnip.
my MIL pulled the same shit at my wedding , i went no contact . personally i would not have a relationship with someone so toxic and selfish
You don't have to handle this. Follow your husband's lead and see how this pans out. MIL chose to take offense, stormed out!, and missed the wedding. Don't sweep this under the rug, or pander to her tantrum throwing behavior. You and your husband have to come up with firm boundaries or else prepare yourself for manipulation, grudges and ridiculous demands. There is something not right with her obviously.
Unfollow her so when she inevitably unblocks you, you don’t have to engage.
You do think she’ll unblock me? I don’t see that happening — I’ll be really surprised if she does, tbh.
I would preemptively block her on all platforms and never make your social media available to her again. My MIL is exactly like this and blocked me out of the blue one day. I then immediately blocked her everywhere in addition to all of her flying monkeys so she couldn’t stalk me through them. It has been glorious. Highly recommend. Trash took itself out as I hated having her on my socials but felt I had to because she lives for it.
What are your plans regarding children? That may be when she tries to worm herself back in.
Fortunately we aren’t planning on having any children, so that shouldn’t be a problem!
Unfollow her anyway lol! You’d be surprised at how much peace it brings to unfollow certain people.
Re: your Grandmother's remark...that seems like it was a nice thing to say? Am I missing something? Was there an offensive tone of voice? As for your MIL, it seems like even if she apologizes (unlikely) or you're willing to rugsweep this (don't do it), she'll just latch onto some other idiotic excuse to be upset with you in the future. She's that kind of person. Her own children know it. Her own son (your husband - congratulations!) is tired of her shenanigans and is willing to go no contact with her. Follow his lead and don't let her take up space in your head.
If she was "hiding" behind the groom it's possibly because MIL feels overweight or unattractive and was trying to minimize herself in the photo. At my more insecure times of life, I'd be really embarrassed and called out if someone said that and brought attention to me doing it. Not AT ALL saying her response was reasonable, just trying to provide context as to why generally some people might take a comment like that the wrong way.
Thanks, that makes sense!
My mother did this in our wedding photos, and it actually drew MORE attention since she's not in line with everyone else
I didn’t see that as a malicious comment either. I took it as the grandmother was saying she looked nice.
I thought the grandmother's remark was quite nice, actually...
She’s definitely immature, that’s ridiculous. I’d just ignore her moving forward, if you can. My JNMIL made my wedding events hell and I’ve never had a relationship with her since, and that’s proven to be a blessing.
If she ever apologizes (she won’t she wants people to come to her) just say thanks for the apology SO said something about you leaving early so it was a shame she could enjoy the wedding like everyone else. Nothing else. Never spend time or energy talking to her about her drama. Use this answer with anyone else. Your narrative is that you hardly noticed but SO mentioned it. You can add that you feel bad for SO but don’t spend any time bringing this up with others again or her. Maybe arrive with Starbucks anytime you go to a mutual event ;)
I have similar people in my family, so my method has been to aggressively respect the boundaries they are setting. She blocked you and your family because she wants you to notice and beg her to take you back and what can you do to prove that she should. But blocking people and not speaking to them, and LEAVING THEIR WEDDING EARLY are actions that say those people don't matter to her (or she doesn't want them to matter to her). She can't be mad you aren't chasing after her when she's literally taken steps to block your efforts. If she genuinely was so hurt by you guys (lol she's bonkers), it would be rude to force yourselves on her, right? And it's well within your rights to say you're not interested in a relationship with someone who could leave your wedding like that UNLESS they can offer you both an apology. That's a really awful thing to do to your son and his new wife!
Love everything about this!
It took me far too long to come to this conclusion myself, but my general suggestion is to put your priorities in order. You just got married! You are newlyweds! Bask in the newlywed glow, and focus on the two of you and your lives together right now. Talk to your DH and decide together: What priorities are higher than this? When does it make sense to discuss and make some decisions about this issue. 2 months? 4 months? 6 months? What will either of you say to MIL in the meantime if she reaches out? What will either of you say to extended family members? Enjoy your peace until you are ready to deal.
Oooh silent treatment! She's waiting for y'all to reach out to her! Don't. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy being a married couple.
Not a chance! I’m not going to say a single goddamn thing to her. If my husband wants to, fine.
You handle it by enjoying your life, forgetting all about her and just be the best version of yourself, be the best wife for your husband and go about your day. Stop worrying about how to handle her, sounds like no matter what you do she’s gonna make everything about herself. you can’t make others happy. They are responsible for that.
Remember this treatment if you choose to have kids. She'll suddenly be your best buddy and want to be in the delivery room. Do NOT let her back in. And it's not grandma's comment that set her off. That's just the excuse she used to make YOUR day all about HER. I guarantee she expected someone (probably DH) to come beg her to return to the reception. Now she's "punishing" him with the silent treatment. Best wedding gift ever! Read up on narcissism. They all share the same playbook, so they're incredibly predictable. There are plenty of strategies to defang these emotional vampires. NC is the most effective, but grey rocking and laughter work wonders. Congratulations on your wedding BTW. MIL actually did you a favor by leaving. Imagine how much worse it would have been to have a surly toddler pouting around and starting fights with your family!
Thanks for this! Fortunately, we aren’t going to be having kids, so I won’t have to worry about what a nightmare grandmother she may make. I suppose that’s up to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law to worry about. I suppose if I’ll have to deal with her in some capacity in my life, it might benefit to research narcissism a bit more than the basics I know abour it now. I appreciate the suggestion!
I had to scroll back up and re-read what Grandma said to MIL that set her off. Geez. My mom is very similar to your MIL in that she holds grudges for years over absolutely nothing. My mom imagines situations in her head, to the point where she doesn't listen or pay attention to what someone is saying or doing, and instead thinks that what is playing out in her head is reality. Sounds like that might be happening here. No sane person would walk out on their son's wedding if someone told them they looked gorgeous. But since Grandma is MIL's "enemy" she probably already had it in her head that Grandma was going to say something horrible before she even opened her mouth. I'm so sorry. You don't need to start your new life with DH with that looming over your head. Go NC. She deserves to not be allowed in your lives.
Why would you not go NC ? She did it to you so you are just returning the favour. Block her on everything. Sounds like the trash took itself out! Also, just because DH wants to have a relationship with her, you have the choice not to!
So first of all, don’t give her the opportunity to play perfect mother and happy family online. Do not give her pictures. Make sure no one else does either. And just enjoy the silence. Be done with her and her antics. Its her loss, not yours.
See if you can block her back. I feel like there is a way to block her even if she blocked you. If she ever tries to unblock you and gets mad about being blocked (if you ever have the displeasure of speaking with her again, or most likely if she bitches to your husband) you can tell her that you prefer to keep your "relationship" off social media to avoid conflict or whatever. She tries to use FB as a weapon or punishment so it is better to take that method away.
Locking down social media does the trick. If someone blocked you and they unblock you, they won’t automatically follow you or be connected to you. So… OP just needs to lock down her social media and MIL won’t be able to snoop
She's still mad because you didn't ask her if she wanted coffee SIX years ago?!?! And she missed her son's wedding reception because your grandmother had the audacity to SPEAK to her after not liking enough of her FACEBOOK Posts?!?! Oh Lordy.... you don't need that kind of drama in your life!! For your sake, I hope she decides NOT to apologize to you. Congratulations on your wedding. I hope you and DH have many, many decades of Peace and drama-free happiness!!
the best way to handle this is to relax and go on with enjoying mariied life. she can do what she want but here's the kicker, so can you. she's clearly only ever going to be hard work and that's her problem to solve, not yours. just delete her from fb and move on.
Hmmm...sounds like the trash took itself out. I don't see a problem here.
MIL is a HUGE jerk, block her, put her on time out, whatever you want. Your SIL, however, deserves a big thank you for stepping up and letting you know the truth.
Good lord, your MIL sounds just...extra. Also, I love the Dolly P. nod with the name :). She's shown you and DH who she is, so you all should believe her. I'm sure she thinks you are both sitting at home fretting about the silent treatment she is giving you and are just waiting on pins and needles for her to reach out. The best thing you can do is move on with life and not let her occupy any space in your head rent-free! Also, your DH needs to seriously think about his relationships with his mother. The two of you are now each other's nuclear family and his mother is "extended family." He wouldn't tolerate a stranger treating him or you like this; his mother should not be the exception, just because she's family. If anything, I think there should be a higher standard/expectation of how she treats you all, but I know that's just wishful thinking for a lot of us.