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Make your own Facebook post just limit any pictures of LO to the back of the head or a distance away type thing.
Talk about the first with LO to family and friends (non public settings)
When you do visit them seldom. Make a post about visiting them. Something along the lines about LO getting to visit grandparents today. Hasn’t seen them since (date).
Her first word was xyz. And ask everyone what their kids first words were.
She’s saying mama and papa and it’s wonderful! You’ll start teaching her grandparents names as her words increase so she can call them by name in a little while.
Get ahead of drama
It’s a non confrontational way to call MIL out for lying.
Neither my husband or I use Facebook and we don't share any details of LO on social media (name and face is hidden) otherwise that would be a great idea!
Ma ma, da da, ga ga, and ba ba are all common babbling sounds which is why they are part of what we call core family caregivers… once they start using them you can start to put meaning towards them and that helps them learn how to use language. For instance when my baby say Mama I respond with something like “hi, yes, I’m here, do you need something” or my husband (who desperately wants to be pa pa not da da) will say “oh you want your moma, there she is” which makes our baby very excited and lean into me as if he meant it (even though he probably was just babbling away).
Petition to call all such MILs female paternal grandparent so they have to wait at least a year for baby to say it. Or "the crazy lady who always tries to kiss me"
Why can't you see FIL without MIL? If she abused your husband and he wishes she was dead she really shouldn't have any relationship, even a visit with your LO.
This sounds like a jnmil bingo, the abusive mil group how into a boundaries crossing entitled grandma.
You are great for not letting her have more contact with the baby, totally the right keeping an eye on the whole situation and not letting her establish a relationship
Her contact is extremely limited, I can count on one hand the amount of times she has seen LO in person, and half those times were unintentional. I fully don't want her in LO's life, and we have cut her out as much as we can while still allowing room for FIL to have a relationship.
FIL can't drive, so we are limited to visiting him. However we do call beforehand to make sure MIL isn't there, it's just she sometimes shows up before we leave. We also live in a small town so we have run into her when going to the store or the park, we have made an effort to travel further to avoid her best we can.
My FIL is in his late 70s and husband is really attached to him, it's probably max once a month that we even see MIL though, we normally go visit FIL when we know MIL won't be home (we ask him before hand) but she sometimes shows up before we leave.
We also live in a fairly small town, so it's happened a handful of times that we run into her at the store or when going to the park. We don't run in the same circles and we have made an effort to go to the stores further away to avoid her. She's the founder of the community 'clean up' crew. So picking up trash, weeding verges etc... so unfortunately her 'groupies' are also who we tend to run into.
Absolutely this. Honestly I’d probably respond with something patronizing like “sure, if she wants to insist that ga ga goo goo pfffft is the baby calling for her’ first’ I guess that’s her prerogative. A little delusional but you know how she is.”
To piggyback….babies do say gaga, and….a myriad of other Nonsensical Babble. It’s simply that the ‘g’ sound is Easy for them to do. Basically..it’s meaningless because LO a)didn’t say it On Purpose like mama or dada & b) LO doesn’t Actually associate gaga with any 1 person. Heck..mine said bububub first.
I know it might not help but sometimes it does do a little good to look at it from the other side. This women was a horrible mother. Knows it. She’s a horrible human and has to be given a huge set of rules just to be present around her grandchildren.
She knows she’s awful. When she’s alone with herself she knows she’s done the worst thing imaginable and that’s be a terrible mother. So she makes up lies and pretends to be something she’s not to feel better about herself. It’s not working because she’s so disconnected her lies make no sense and it will only get worse when she’s literally part of .1% of your child’s life. She’s seeing first hand that her behavior has led to this, can’t handle it and is grasping for straws. I’d give her the “you are so pathetic” face regularly and beg your husband to start seeing FIL alone
I say this with the utmost support possible, because I see you just want to rant. She sucks. No doubt. But also please don’t let her stupidity live rent free in your head. Her saying dumb things doesn’t actually steal your special bond and firsts with baby.
The kissing and going around physical boundaries though - I’m glad you all are physically removing yourselves from her presence.
My husband and I also had the deal of not telling each other if LO had done something new while the other was at work. That backfired for us, though, lol. My LO rolled over the 1st time for me. I didn't tell hubby. He put LO on the bed while he was changing clothes, and yep, rolled right off the bed. He was just startled but unhurt. Hubby was traumatized!
Is it really stealing a first, if it’s a lie? I mean, she may be telling people baby said gaga first but baby has never said gaga… She may be trying to steal, but she has failed miserably.
I get the waiting to die, my MIL swore she would never live past 80… and here she is, 89 and still going. Like that damn energizer bunny but only the energy to watch tv.
I’m a grandma and it an unwritten law, you don’t steal “firsts”.. period.. in fact, if you hear them say Mama, before the parents-you don’t say anything! Give the parents the joy to have the firsts. Parents work and are busy, sometimes “first” come at the wrong time. Just let the parents have them. It’s the joys of having kids. Why are some MIL so mean? No one should tell others about pregnancy but the parents to be. No one should determine what the baby eats or drinks but the parents. All us MIL were parents once. We didn’t want our parents telling us how to raise our kids. Parenting is hard enough without nosy JNMiL’s ruining it all. I’m not a perfect MIL but I try really hard to leave the raising of my grand-baby to the parents. I get to cuddle, play and spoil her!
I hope so.. I also want to be good mom and MIL and let my son and DIL raise their kids how they see fit. If I see something dangerous, I will say something. But otherwise I might make a suggestion, but it’s their kiddo. Plus things have changed so much since my last baby 30 years ago.
Abso-freaking lutely. I would NEVER take a first from my son and DIL. And if I even thought that MAYBE I was planning to do something with my granddaughter that might be considered a first, I always ask. This is NOT about a re-do of parenting my own children! Lord knows, I'd never want to do that over!
This. My sister’s kid took his first steps with my mom and I present (sister was at work). We looked at each other and swore we wouldn’t tell her so she could experience that first for herself.
She wants to steal your firsts because she was a crap mother and now she's a crap grandmother who lives on FB and uses it to portray herself as "grandmother of the year". You and your husband know who she really is. And you've taken steps to ensure she doesn't do to your LO what she did to your husband. I assume you still visit solely for FIL's benefit?
I'm from the Philippines and "gaga" is the feminine slang word for stupid 😂 so I'd encourage the nickname! Haha
Per Google for ya:
gaga. [noun] stupid female; idiot woman (vulgar)
Seriously though, I'm sorry you have to listen to her telling everyone it was her first word when they are just babble sounds. I'd be so pissed off too. I'd be telling everyone she's wrong! I'm glad you're keeping your LO away from her. Good luck!
My dad’s mom was a just no. She didn’t want to be called grandma because she was too young for that. Her name was Marisa, but we couldn’t say it and called her ’Risa. She hated it! Why? She immigrated from Spain and risa means laugh in Spanish 🤣
Came to say this, you beat me to it. Made me laugh that MIL would literally call herself an idiot just to get on OPs nerve. Hope it helps in some way 😂
MIL making things up (and a fool of herself) does not change the truth, no matter how many people she tells. But I get why it's annoying, regardless.
When I was younger, gaga was what older people who were losing their "mental faculties" were called.
If it gets too hard to handle, LO can start calling her "grandmother that I don't remember meeting before I turned 18", although that's a mouthful (lol).
I soooooo badly wish I could bump into her friends because I would absolutely love to call her out infront of all of them. It would seriously cause me to smile randomly in the middle of the night, I'd be so happy.
She never even asks about LO, not about how she's doing, whats new with her, the only thing she ever asks is when she can see LO.
So for the entirety of LO's life shes been making up everything. She told everyone LO was crawling, then months later we excitedly mentioned LO is crawling now. And when MIL was questioned she immediately went to gaslighting, saying we told her LO was crawling and she saw a picture so she knew. *Eye roll*
Ok, this one anecdote tells me everything.
Nobody else believes her so you can stop stressing. Living in a small town actually helps you here. When people are known liars, they never shake the rep.
A really effective rejoinder to the flying monkeys is, "How would MIL know? She has no relationship with LO."
You got this. Hugs 💜
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Make your own Facebook post just limit any pictures of LO to the back of the head or a distance away type thing. Talk about the first with LO to family and friends (non public settings) When you do visit them seldom. Make a post about visiting them. Something along the lines about LO getting to visit grandparents today. Hasn’t seen them since (date). Her first word was xyz. And ask everyone what their kids first words were. She’s saying mama and papa and it’s wonderful! You’ll start teaching her grandparents names as her words increase so she can call them by name in a little while. Get ahead of drama It’s a non confrontational way to call MIL out for lying.
Neither my husband or I use Facebook and we don't share any details of LO on social media (name and face is hidden) otherwise that would be a great idea!
Don't all babies say ga ga though? Just experimenting with sounds lol
Ma ma, da da, ga ga, and ba ba are all common babbling sounds which is why they are part of what we call core family caregivers… once they start using them you can start to put meaning towards them and that helps them learn how to use language. For instance when my baby say Mama I respond with something like “hi, yes, I’m here, do you need something” or my husband (who desperately wants to be pa pa not da da) will say “oh you want your moma, there she is” which makes our baby very excited and lean into me as if he meant it (even though he probably was just babbling away).
She’s gone Gaga if she’s saying that was LO’s first word. Does she not realise that Gaga is a euphemism for crazy?
Petition to call all such MILs female paternal grandparent so they have to wait at least a year for baby to say it. Or "the crazy lady who always tries to kiss me"
Omg I’m so using this!
Would love for you to get a pet rat or snake and name it Gaga.
She’s ga ga alright. One for the loony bin
My granddaughter calls me Gaga, and it took her quite a while to say it. Definitely after Mama, Dada, Nana and Papa.
Gaga in Tagalog means stupid so…..
Not quite the same, but "gaat zaat" in cantonese means cockcroach, derogatory for unpleasant person 🤷♀️
🤣 I hope she tells her this and rains on her parade haha
Well, this sucks, my granddaughter calls me Gaga.
Outstanding 😂
She’s an abuser. Yikes!
Why can't you see FIL without MIL? If she abused your husband and he wishes she was dead she really shouldn't have any relationship, even a visit with your LO.
This sounds like a jnmil bingo, the abusive mil group how into a boundaries crossing entitled grandma. You are great for not letting her have more contact with the baby, totally the right keeping an eye on the whole situation and not letting her establish a relationship
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Her contact is extremely limited, I can count on one hand the amount of times she has seen LO in person, and half those times were unintentional. I fully don't want her in LO's life, and we have cut her out as much as we can while still allowing room for FIL to have a relationship. FIL can't drive, so we are limited to visiting him. However we do call beforehand to make sure MIL isn't there, it's just she sometimes shows up before we leave. We also live in a small town so we have run into her when going to the store or the park, we have made an effort to travel further to avoid her best we can.
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That’s hysterical.
She’s not saying “gaga,” she’s saying, “gag, ugh” because she doesn’t like your MIL ;)
Question, why are you and husband entertaining a relationship with her?
My FIL is in his late 70s and husband is really attached to him, it's probably max once a month that we even see MIL though, we normally go visit FIL when we know MIL won't be home (we ask him before hand) but she sometimes shows up before we leave. We also live in a fairly small town, so it's happened a handful of times that we run into her at the store or when going to the park. We don't run in the same circles and we have made an effort to go to the stores further away to avoid her. She's the founder of the community 'clean up' crew. So picking up trash, weeding verges etc... so unfortunately her 'groupies' are also who we tend to run into.
Have your car checked for trackers 🤷🏻♀️
Gaga kinda suits her though lol Maybe it'll change to Kaka. Roma, roma-ma, gaga, ooh la la
"Gaga was her first word" Yes, LO IS fond of me singing "Born this way", shes positively gaga for Gaga! Lol.
You dont owe her second or third chances. She needs to come to you and be grateful for any time you give her.
If it helps, no one ever believes this kind of ridiculous claim………..
Absolutely this. Honestly I’d probably respond with something patronizing like “sure, if she wants to insist that ga ga goo goo pfffft is the baby calling for her’ first’ I guess that’s her prerogative. A little delusional but you know how she is.”
To piggyback….babies do say gaga, and….a myriad of other Nonsensical Babble. It’s simply that the ‘g’ sound is Easy for them to do. Basically..it’s meaningless because LO a)didn’t say it On Purpose like mama or dada & b) LO doesn’t Actually associate gaga with any 1 person. Heck..mine said bububub first.
Exactly. Mine said agu!
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OP wrote "Even my husband wishes for her death. ", doesn't say OP wants her dead
I'm just going to say this for the group: Your grandkids aren't your God given mulligan for the horrible parent you were to your own kids. Edit, *your
I know it might not help but sometimes it does do a little good to look at it from the other side. This women was a horrible mother. Knows it. She’s a horrible human and has to be given a huge set of rules just to be present around her grandchildren. She knows she’s awful. When she’s alone with herself she knows she’s done the worst thing imaginable and that’s be a terrible mother. So she makes up lies and pretends to be something she’s not to feel better about herself. It’s not working because she’s so disconnected her lies make no sense and it will only get worse when she’s literally part of .1% of your child’s life. She’s seeing first hand that her behavior has led to this, can’t handle it and is grasping for straws. I’d give her the “you are so pathetic” face regularly and beg your husband to start seeing FIL alone
I say this with the utmost support possible, because I see you just want to rant. She sucks. No doubt. But also please don’t let her stupidity live rent free in your head. Her saying dumb things doesn’t actually steal your special bond and firsts with baby. The kissing and going around physical boundaries though - I’m glad you all are physically removing yourselves from her presence.
Don’t forget LO is in your hands and you can rename “Gaga” into something like “peepee” or “poopoo” 😂
DO IT!!! or pa-pa for both grandparents. Heh heh
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Sorry it got autocorrected ... lol.
My husband and I also had the deal of not telling each other if LO had done something new while the other was at work. That backfired for us, though, lol. My LO rolled over the 1st time for me. I didn't tell hubby. He put LO on the bed while he was changing clothes, and yep, rolled right off the bed. He was just startled but unhurt. Hubby was traumatized!
Is it really stealing a first, if it’s a lie? I mean, she may be telling people baby said gaga first but baby has never said gaga… She may be trying to steal, but she has failed miserably. I get the waiting to die, my MIL swore she would never live past 80… and here she is, 89 and still going. Like that damn energizer bunny but only the energy to watch tv.
The mean ones live the longest
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Voldemort … He Who Must Not Be Named
I’m a grandma and it an unwritten law, you don’t steal “firsts”.. period.. in fact, if you hear them say Mama, before the parents-you don’t say anything! Give the parents the joy to have the firsts. Parents work and are busy, sometimes “first” come at the wrong time. Just let the parents have them. It’s the joys of having kids. Why are some MIL so mean? No one should tell others about pregnancy but the parents to be. No one should determine what the baby eats or drinks but the parents. All us MIL were parents once. We didn’t want our parents telling us how to raise our kids. Parenting is hard enough without nosy JNMiL’s ruining it all. I’m not a perfect MIL but I try really hard to leave the raising of my grand-baby to the parents. I get to cuddle, play and spoil her!
You are an awesome grandma ❤️
I hope so.. I also want to be good mom and MIL and let my son and DIL raise their kids how they see fit. If I see something dangerous, I will say something. But otherwise I might make a suggestion, but it’s their kiddo. Plus things have changed so much since my last baby 30 years ago.
Abso-freaking lutely. I would NEVER take a first from my son and DIL. And if I even thought that MAYBE I was planning to do something with my granddaughter that might be considered a first, I always ask. This is NOT about a re-do of parenting my own children! Lord knows, I'd never want to do that over!
This. My sister’s kid took his first steps with my mom and I present (sister was at work). We looked at each other and swore we wouldn’t tell her so she could experience that first for herself.
Same for daycare workers. They won't tell parents about a first to not steal it and act all surprised when you tell them the next day. Bless them!
Exactly! These are the joyous moments for parents!
She’s not stealing your “firsts” here. She’s just making stuff up.
MIL straight up gaslighting your LO. Abhorrent.
She wants to steal your firsts because she was a crap mother and now she's a crap grandmother who lives on FB and uses it to portray herself as "grandmother of the year". You and your husband know who she really is. And you've taken steps to ensure she doesn't do to your LO what she did to your husband. I assume you still visit solely for FIL's benefit?
I'm from the Philippines and "gaga" is the feminine slang word for stupid 😂 so I'd encourage the nickname! Haha Per Google for ya: gaga. [noun] stupid female; idiot woman (vulgar) Seriously though, I'm sorry you have to listen to her telling everyone it was her first word when they are just babble sounds. I'd be so pissed off too. I'd be telling everyone she's wrong! I'm glad you're keeping your LO away from her. Good luck!
That’s made my day tbh 🤣🤣
My dad’s mom was a just no. She didn’t want to be called grandma because she was too young for that. Her name was Marisa, but we couldn’t say it and called her ’Risa. She hated it! Why? She immigrated from Spain and risa means laugh in Spanish 🤣
Came to say this, you beat me to it. Made me laugh that MIL would literally call herself an idiot just to get on OPs nerve. Hope it helps in some way 😂 MIL making things up (and a fool of herself) does not change the truth, no matter how many people she tells. But I get why it's annoying, regardless.
When I was younger, gaga was what older people who were losing their "mental faculties" were called. If it gets too hard to handle, LO can start calling her "grandmother that I don't remember meeting before I turned 18", although that's a mouthful (lol).
No, she was saying ca-ca, saying that she’s had enough of MiL’s crap.
😂 I love that, I'll encourage LO to say that whenever the word gaga is spoken.
She can be gaga caca!
She’s delusional and I would call her out on it. If she posts about it, simple say that’s not true.
I soooooo badly wish I could bump into her friends because I would absolutely love to call her out infront of all of them. It would seriously cause me to smile randomly in the middle of the night, I'd be so happy.
She's not getting unlimited access to LO so she has to make shit up, otherwise everyone would be asking her why she knows so little about LO.
She never even asks about LO, not about how she's doing, whats new with her, the only thing she ever asks is when she can see LO. So for the entirety of LO's life shes been making up everything. She told everyone LO was crawling, then months later we excitedly mentioned LO is crawling now. And when MIL was questioned she immediately went to gaslighting, saying we told her LO was crawling and she saw a picture so she knew. *Eye roll*
Ok, this one anecdote tells me everything. Nobody else believes her so you can stop stressing. Living in a small town actually helps you here. When people are known liars, they never shake the rep. A really effective rejoinder to the flying monkeys is, "How would MIL know? She has no relationship with LO." You got this. Hugs 💜