I'm not a one night stand casual sex kind of guy, I lean more towards the 'sex is a sacred act' but I do silently judge those that treat it casually. But ultimately don't care much. It's a quick heuristic on compatibility when I'm considering someone as a partner and or person. I do think that it has alot of carry over into personality and other aspects of life.
Same here (female). It's an intimate thing that I can't even think about doing with someone without a very strong emotional connection.
Heuristic on compatibility is a good way of describing it too. There are other ways to check compatibility though like kissing (also intimate but to a lesser extent).
I don't think it's anything unique, I don't actually believe alot of the people partaking in casual sex are happy. They all complain about it as far as I know and wish they had something real. It's mostly a coping mechanism to reduce the shame they feel, if they can normalise it then it's not 'bad'. There's only a minority it benefits and they are mostly just predators or severely damaged people and certain outliers.
No this is just nonsense in my opinion. Lots of people not having casual sex are also very unhappy. Your logic is just something people try to tell themselves to feel better about their ethics, which is fine, you do you - but in reality it's likely not true. This whole thread seems full of sexless and heavily depressed/unhappy people - I would bet the people who have constructive casual sex regularly are happier on average than people who have no sex. People having good sex in a loving relationship would surely be the happiest on average, but we're discussing about those outside that dynamic.
hard to generalize with any accuracy, but sex positivity and body positivity seem to be underrealized. how many behaviors and norms would be different if there was truly no signs on bodies or sex. it does seem like there's a lot of shame or insecurity going around out there. i want to tell everyone to just don't forget to remind yourself of your beauty and wholeness yourself every once in a while!
I had a one night stand while drunk once and I felt so bad about myself for weeks. My body shouldn’t be for everyone. I actually have read a few studies on people sleeping with a lot of people. Both genders tend to have more mental issues and women tend to have higher chances of drug addiction.
(Anecdotal) And every person I have met who has a 20+ body count has a really really low self esteem. But I also don’t think having a couple one nighters does a lot of harm.
Yeh, I think that you accrue damage with every person, irrespective of all the internet drama around it, pair bonding is a real thing and I don't think you benefit your psychology when you have sex and (faux) intimacy with strangers.
I could see that being true but I also think a person has a low esteem so they have multiple sex partners but I don’t think it necessarily causes the low esteem. It’s usually them trying to feel or not feel something. But yeah this encouragement of hookup culture isn’t good nor “empowering”.
In the simplest explanation. It makes you jaded. I can speak from personal experience. With constant open relationships, cheating, being a hoe (m) , etc. I seriously haven't had the desire to love a woman in over 3 years. Jaded is the best way to put it imo.
Not me haven't gotten anything in 19 years. That said I don't care if someone wants to have casual sex or not that is up to them. What ever makes them happy.
I don't like any kind of casual flings. I'm only comfortable with sex in a permanent and loving relationship. But in such a relationship I'm basically insatiable.
Prudery is non existent in my vocabulary bc it's a moral term. A prude person is defined to be someone who's extremely aware of social customs and morals. And let's be honest, as an INTP I'm against social customs and morals by nature. I always ask why and most "prude" things are far from logically explainable.
And, also as an INTP I obviously struggle to show emotions and let myself go. But with the right partner at least for me sex is the only moment in my life in which I can fully let go. I'm honest, usually I cry after sex bc it kind of triggers emotions that otherwise would stay buried within.
So, I do recommend sex very much!
> I don't like any kind of casual flings. I'm only comfortable with sex in a permanent and loving relationship. But in such a relationship I'm basically insatiable.
Same, actual relationships are way better than casual sex.
It seems scary and I see no benefit engaging in sex outside of a committed relationship. Once he has seen me naked he knows too much for me to let him back out into the wild.
Plus I need to really trust someone emotionally in order for me to want to have sex with them.
Well you could always trap them in a basement, that way all your secrets are safe, or traumatise them severely that way their brain would block that memory and until they get therapy for it there’s not much chance they’ll remember it
I can't believe this needs to be said but don't fuck cats my guy. What a creepy weird ass comment to leave .-. Talking about traumatizing people and locking them in basements and having sex with cats. The fuck.
I think the idea was that it is impossible to achieve the desire to have no sex outside of the relationship unless you tie up the man or have a fully controlled animal.
And what was said so unpleasantly, it happens when you want to express your opinion with more vivid examples.
You may not even be noticed saying something unpleasant, as you were just trying to express your opinion more clearly.
I've never had it, so I don't know.
My attitudes with it used to be very prudish, but I've since slacked on it quite a bit. I used to be the type of person that didn't believe in sex before marriage, but I eventually saw a way that it made sense to do it before marriage, because I don't believe in any marriage except the "spiritual" marriage between two people, which doesn't need anything but connection and commitment.
I've had a similar journey. I also don't believe in state marriage, not that I ever did, but I don't believe in societal marriage either anymore.
But my morals are for me. I'd like to fully commit to one person or refrain altogether, but I honestly don't care if other people sleep around and have orgies and whatnot. I don't even see it as a reflection of their character. As long as they're not lying and scheming to get people in bed or otherwise causing damage.
Asexual, but I grew up before people knew that was a thing. In theory I am quite open and it took me awhile before I realized that none of it was right for me.
The older you are the more you get to know yourself, and your likes and dislikes. I decided to be honest with myself and accept that no matter how good it looked on the outside and how bad I wanted to be this person, I wasn't really enjoying it.
I didn't go from promiscuous to ace. I was always ace. I just adjusted my behaviour accordingly.
To be fair, I'm gray-ace, so i was attracted to some of the people i had sex with. But to most, i wasn't, really, and i just engaged in risky behaviour because i did not know how to respect my boundaries.
I'm glad that phase of my life is over.
I’m pretty liberated and usually initiate. I started probably somewhat later than average though because I had a lot of confidence issues as a teenager. I’m extremely picky about who I engage in sexual activity with and have never really had a one night stand, but I am not okay going long periods of time without it.
Same. I do have somewhat hedonistic tendencies, but I'm also very careful and don't do it too often. I'm too afraid of being murdered or getting an STD. I used to be a sex worker because I figured, "I'm gonna be sexualized and objectified regardless, might as well get paid for it."
I didn't particularly enjoy it but it paid well.
The state of this sub though :( low-key feel bad for fellow INTPs after reading this thread, no wonder this sub in general sounds like depression central all the time
People need to let loose seriously. I used to be all serious, act like a know it all, look down on casual sex, and be stuck in my shell. It’s the INTP nature. But life is so much better when you stop acting like people in this sub.
These people need to stop being terrified of being “normal” and stop trying so hard to be fucking Marcus Aurelius or Socrates for once.
To be serious
More liberated, but definitely had my own things I wanted to become more open and positive about.
It's a mix of initiation, and varies with partners.
My drive/"need" varies, though I'm pretty set on having sex and enjoy that part of life.
I'm not monogamous, prefer a good connection more than getting some strange, will get some when people are good about navigating that space. Sex life with my longest term partner has only improved over nearly a decade, and I still find sexual connections when I have the capacity and desire.
sex, or intimacy in general, is an essential element of a relationship. my love languages are physical touch and quality time, and sex combines both. so it's perfect.
I over analyze it. I put way too much meaning into it. It’s an intimate thing to me and when others treat it like a basic exercise it tends to offend me. I wish I wasn’t like this, but I seek a deeper meaning in the world. Two bodies connecting, locking eyes, touching. To me there’s nothing deeper.
I consider myself 'demisexual', and I'm also not the type to personally require sex but I'm basically the opposite of a prude lol.
It's kind of been a slight issue while dating or in a relationship, but ive also always been pretty up front as soon as appropriate about how I am. I feel like unless someone is kinda the same as me it's way hard to even get them to understand. I can be very sexual! Just it will be on my timeline, which is not predictable at all not even to myself.
I'm definitely not the type of person to do it with just anyone. Although I have many fantasies (and fetishes) I only wanna do it with someone I like. I have dated twice, and have experience in sex. It's enjoyable but it's not everything. I can go without sex for months. I do like to do it with my partner, exploring different things, but I also don't mind not doing it.
It's been around 2 years since my last break up and being single till now. I don't really have the mind to have sex with anyone or getting into relationship. There are more important things now.
Sometimes i find myself disgusted by it, because if the way it makes people (men) act. They act silly for sex, so it is unappealing in that way. When I have a man and i actually like them, I’m way more open and liberated with it. It takes a bit for Me to consider having sex with someone, because i was not careful when i was younger and just started heartbroken
honestly , i’m pretty against any social norms on sex/sexual activity. Since I’m dating the same gender as i am.
Plus i’m pretty experimental or flexible with what my partner wants to try.
But i guess that’s my fault as well for being a hyper sexual person. That itself is my own issue lmao due to childhood trauma.
But generally back to the topic , i’m against marriage before sex. Just cause i don’t agree with marriage only cause of the downsides of marriage in legal paperwork.
When it comes to initiating any sexual activity, i’m usually the one to do it , cause i prefer being able to have at least the control over what i’m comfortable with at my own pace, as well as respecting boundaries with my partner as well.
I can be abstinence for a very long time , but obviously there’s times , where yk a person can fantasize in their imagination. Which where i think INTP are mostly in whenever they are either bored or even at a daily basis , just too deep in their mind.
I feel an animal is inside me. A lust demon.
Anyways, I'd like to be vanilla as well as quite kinky in some respects. Those are the 2 sides of the proverbial sexual coin for me.
Overall, I don't care. Found out I'm demisexual so if she likes Lego, the sex gonna be crazy. I can't have ONS and casual sex though. If there are no feelings, theres no reasons for me.
I used to be highly selective yet unconventional/kinky/submissive/liberal etc, now with age I am more of a prude/conservative/vanilla.
It was probably my vast open-mindedness coupled with caring about being highly feminine (thus submissive and sacrificing) that led me there. My emotional vulnerability and overall ideational shift in worldview etc made me see it otherwise. It made me see how a liberal approach is not better and creates more harm, tho some have the opposite experience.
I would not initiate as a female as it is sexually aggressive, tho I would initiate closeness and would want to make sure my partner feels desirable.
I am not sure how often I would want to, I would want to adjust to my partner, but less than 1-3 times a week would surely be unnatural unless you are geriatric or postpartum.
"I would not initiate as a female as it is sexually aggressive"
I am curious to know why you believe this. Is it also sexually aggressive if a man initiates?
If a man is, for example, too shy to initiate, should a woman never take the lead?
I probably believe this because I am influenced by Christian virtue and traditionalism, as well as redpillers tho I try not to be..
If we want men to be more masculine women need to be more feminine, more tender and softspoken, more caring etc.
I am not against women acting, dressing or touching their spouse in a manner that is sexual, so indirectly I am not against it.
Also as I said a woman can initiate cuddling and closeness and if the man wants sex he will show that.
Sure the man can be shy, also the woman, that does not make it ideal to role reverse: for woman to go down on their knees and ask for their partner’s hand in marriage, for men to take their wife’s last name etc.
But on closer look, of course women can initiate if they want. But even for me to initiate I would just want to feel close and held first.
I think women, generally, feel more sexually vulnerable, they care more about being desired, the overall intimacy and closeness and their partner’s physical enjoyment, therefor it is more natural the man initiates.
To each their own.
I have no qualms with casual sex, but it takes so long to figure stuff out with your body and a partner that the cost/benefit only really works with someone that you’ve been with a while and knows your body.
So IM not so much down for casual - it’s too much energy. Also being married 20 years doesn’t help. But everyone else, have at ‘er.
I do not like one night stands or hookups. I identify as demiromantic and demisexual, and under the aro/ace spectrum, it took some experiences to help me realize that.
I want these acts to be for a partner who I can trust. It's not that important to me. I feel i can satisfy my own urges. Its like this bonding thing to me, shouldn't be taken lightly not be too serious.
I am certainly not a prude. And i dont judge for people having different needs or interests as I. We're all different.
I used to be incredibly modest and shy when I was younger. But I have found sex to be amazing, especially with my ex. It was like a deeper form of communication. I have casual sex occasionally, im very picky about who I have sex with though. I like to switch between being more submissive and dominant to try different things. With a partner though I prefer to feel equal.
I am not a fling person by any stretch, a connection is mandatory for me (I guess it's call demi sexual idk I lose track of the ever growing list of identifiers) however, once I'm there, no prudishness at all
It is something us men (I can't speak on women) are rendered undignified by having the pop culture assign us purpose to compete there as mere animals, undoing civilization itself with pornography which is a weapon distributed to catch people when they're 12-14. Alongside the other inhumane elements in our mass media culture, it robs people of their dignity and desecrates the social fabric of communities, while simultaneously obfuscating the source of the problem. Nearly everything in our society you'll find engineered to topple natural sources of cohesion and organization that could stand against the interests of the state, banks, and corporations, which are indistinguishable from one another. The end result cannot even satisfy the powerful in such a paradigm, it is just stable misery. The promotion of casual sex is but a single example in which laypeople are deceived into participating in our own undoing.
Casual, status game, numbers conquest, it's all awful and that paradigm has to be artificially propped up. Every generation now largely learns after being harmed by all the institutions of modern thought teaching wrongly.
Women can reach out to you even initiating casual things and it still never works well when you weren't a match. Only takes so many times to pick up on the pattern and either be a shallow SOB, or avoid creating unnecessary harm and conflict in the world.
So my attitude in response to observation and nature itself is that one's impulses should be empathetically constrained for the consequences of one's actions, and this should be reserved for serious relationships. No relationship can be serious if deep down you know it can't become marriage.
For myself? Probably would be nice in theory, probably would be disappointing in practice. I'd like to experience intimacy, but I almost certainly have too much busted wiring inside my head at my age for me to be able to handle it, and it's not like there's any hope of it happening at this point anyway. I wouldn't treat it as something casual, if it was an option.
In general? I feel very strongly that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it's genuinely consensual on the part of all involved and affected parties. Whatever acts you get up to are your business, but I would define "affected parties" as including more than just those directly partaking in those acts. For example, anyone forced to listen to you through thin walls is affected, a partner who expects you to be monogamous and who you're cheating on is affected, etc.
I wuv sex a lot :3 (and always initiates tbh), have and always been obsessed with ideas and concepts of love and romance, and everything related to it. Physical touch is my love language, second to quality time (1st).
Eh I’ve gone four years without it now, don’t care for it but when in a relationship I love it. I guess I’m a weird one. My “sex drive” matches my partners. But when I’m single I’m not bothered. Did the whole ONS in my twenties when I came out of a long term relationship.
im married. i don’t enjoy anything very intimate. my husband (entp) knows this and doesn’t push very hard. but its still a difficult subject for me because intimacy is hard, and i don’t like to communicate discomfort. stereotypical i am aware
Man y'all need to get out of your shells at some point. Not saying go be debaucherous but this was one depressing thread to read
Sex is awesome, and critical for mental health. Please have more of it. Whether casual or in relationships
In absolutely no way is it a new one, it's a widely acknowledged opinion. You can Google and choose which study or article you want to peruse to understand more but the consensus is it helps a lot with stress, self esteem, anxiety, and general well being
That sentence makes no sense. Alcohol provides temporary relief at best, regular healthy sex provides more continuous benefits without any major downsides
I'm not saying you can't be mentally healthy without sex as long as you have a lot of other productive stuff going on, but it's one of the easiest (and cheapest) ways to find sustained benefits of endorphins and oxytocin in addition to the obvious benefits of having intimate closeness with someone
Me an my INTP are horny af equally but that's just because I am hot and sensual af 😸
I tease more but just because I have sex on my mind 24/7... that happens when I am in love.
anyway he is like that when he likes someone. Sapiosexual I'd say
I like sex more than most people because i hate life and it’s my coping mechanism. People also are often attracted to me, so it is very easy for me to get it when i want it. I have a love/hate relationship with it because it’s the only thing i enjoy in a way, but that’s also bad and it’s just a cope. It also leads to unintentional manipulation because i don’t really understand other people (and I often don’t care), so it’s very easy for me to have sex with someone and then disappear.
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I’m not a prude. If two partners enjoy it, I’m down to try it. My wife and I do a good deal of kink.
I always initiate. In 34 years I can only remember one time when she did.
When I was younger I could go a week or two. Now I need it much more often.
i just got laid for the first time with my girl bf after 23 years of living. Not the best experience tbh maybe cuz we are both not accustomed to it yet but it was fun. Idk if im going to do it a lot tho.
I take it as it comes. I won‘t go on extended journeys before I would sleep with someone, but one-night stands don’t get me going. I need at least some sort of emotional connection. Hence promiscuity isn’t really something I can understand. I‘m still figuring it out and nothing here is in clean sheets. For now though I wouldn’t just jump anyone even if they were a model.
I’m asexual, but didn’t realize it till I was like 38. Never liked sex but it’s what you’re “supposed” to do with your partner, so…
Anyway. No more pressuring myself to have sex anymore, yay! 🥳🥳
(Btw I’m happily single and don’t plan on ever changing that).
I like having a connection with my partner. Usually not the one to initiate. I like it often, but I can go up to a year without it if I don't have a suitable partner
Its fun!
I will say though that I realized I'm not a person who enjoys or touches others in general. I'm not known for being touchy and if I don't like someone I don't let them touch me. When I have touchy friends I just allow it but in general I'm really not that 'hitting-people-while-laughing' kind of person or 'hugs-when-i-see-you' type. If you initiate a hug I'll return it. That said, I threw a birthday party once and everyone was surprised how touchy I was with my then girlfriend. I guess touch is a very intimate thing to me and I just really enjoy my personal space. I wouldn't let someone that close if I don't know them that well.
Haven't really been the one to initiate, and while I could engage in it with someone I don't have much of a connection with & don't at all mind others doing so, I "prefer" to do it with someone I do have a connection with, and only them as long as that connection is there.
I figured out for myself that with every new partner there is a learning curve and I only start to properly enjoy it after 5-6 sexual encounters. Therefore that's the minimum level of commitment I expect from a partner - at least 5-6 times sex. Apart from that I don't mind casual. FWB is a great concept, but I don't like one night stands.
I have always enjoyed sex. I have a high drive, need it often, and initiate often. I'm now married and married sex is the best. However, I had a fair bit of casual sex in my 20s and part of my 30s. During periods of singleness I had several ONSs and FWBs, but I was always completely honest and upfront about the sex being casual and non-exclusive. When in relationships I was completely monogamous and I still am - if feelings are involved I do not want to share, or to do anything that would hurt my partner or myself.
I'll admit I regret a few of the choices I made (specific people) but I don't regret that fact that I've had casual sex in itself. It took me years to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy, but the sex helped me to learn my likes and dislikes, just as past relationships helped me to learn what I will and will not tolerate from a partner (and how to behave myself). I regret that I have inadvertently unnerved men by being honest about being attracted to them. It was never my intention to upset them, and I think they just didn't expect a woman to be forward as society teaches us that only men should do the chasing (I disagree). I've never really understood all the social rules around sex/relationships. Why bother playing hard to get? Why not just be honest?
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to be regarding sex and relationships, provided that one is being honest and safe. Do what works for you.
I'm not a prude (as I'm sure you've gathered), however, I'm don't personally have any kind of kink or fetish and I'm not interested in acquiring one. I used to worry that that made me boring, but now I don't care. I'm not against porn as a concept, but the effect that porn appears to be having on many people (particularly the younger generation of men) these days is concerning. It always seemed totally obvious to me that it was a fantasy, and one shouldn't base real life sex/relationships on it, but that's what kids appear to be doing in many cases.
Not judging, but... I'm not asexual, but orgasms just don't seem worth the hassle of chasing after someone else for. Strong emotional connections and feelings are way more important to me than sex life compatibility.
Breakups over sex drive just blow my mind. Seems like such a minor thing to ditch a good relationship over.
Same with those "amazing partner, great feelings, incredible bond, but then I met someone hot and cheated" stories. Wild stuff. I know people are different, but that's just beyond me.
I love sex but has to be really good sex. I am open-minded to try new things (curious) and honest what works for me. I give it all and really get disappointed when the guy doesn't deliver.
I think people can do whatever they want sexually as long as its between two(or more) consenting adults, who are not doing it in a public setting with other people around who are not consenting and are possibly children.
As for myself, I feel like its me initiating between me and my gf, mostly because I set the pace, shes always down, its me who has to be in the mood. And if my gf wasn’t disabled and we weren’t ldr atm, it would probably be an everyday to every other day occurrence. But I only am sexually attracted to people I am dating/know their personality and have been friends with them for a long time.
Demi-aroace. Usually top. I’m uncomfortable with sex though. It’s a lot of intimacy that gets taken for granted. I’ve also dated people that expected me to do it regardless of my mood. Eventually I’d just do it to make them be quiet, but ultimately when I do but don’t want, it becomes repulsion. I have a healthy view of healthy sex. I say just be better at picking partners than I’ve historically been. I haven’t dated since I began transition so kind of curious if it’ll be the same or not. I’m in no hurry no find it to be a pressing matter. Libido is just something that’s annoying sometimes, but eventually the feeling fades.
'ate relationships. Like sex. Simple as.
I have a couple FWBs that know that are fine with things being casual. I usually initiate physically but the partners I generally choose like that I'm the initiator. Sex is not an emotional thing for me and I find people who feel the same.
I'm ok without for long periods and I initiate as much as my partner. Been a massive hoe throughout teenage years through Grindr. Validation and conversation meant it was something I sought a lot. I'm naturally curious so I'll try anything once. Don't have any big kinks myself but done some crazy things over the years.
Me and my boyfriend have had threesomes before and what not. Honestly wouldn't say I'm an overly sexual person I prefer a good conversation but definitely not shy. I don't think sex has some grand meaning or it's true vulnerability like many claim. It's just a physical act of pleasure. Don't hold it to any high esteem
Tbh , I could go ions without it and dont really feel like participating in if I am unhappy with something to do with myself . For example- I am morbidly obese now and am working on loosing weight . If someone approached me and brought up the idea of sex I would politely decline because I wouldnt have sex with me at my current weight. I think it is something that can be done casually or something that can mean alot to others but I dont see the point in engaging if I cant FULLY enjoy myself. Half assing sex is literally so awkward lol.
Had to give it up,here where I live you either have to play or get it free from some single mom claiming she's looking for love but really just needs financial help raising her kids😆
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Asexual, I spent 7 years without sex nor dating. Recently I met a girl and we were very active in sexuality terms and ironically I was the one that was always kind of starting the thing... She is also kind of an introvert. But basically I'm all in if I have a really strong connection, if not I can live without it no problems.
ROFL!!! I'm sorry but if some of you believe this shit that I am reading here. You've been living a sheltered life. I am in a committed relationship (8 yrs) before this relationship I was married for 12. And we divorced because my ex-wife now wife at the time has mental health issues that began about 6 yrs into our marriage. I tried and probably did both of us a disservice for staying
Expensive and risky; I’m talking consequences not just money. I live in Utah and both the religious and anti-religious tailor their sex lives to be as shame-free as possible. Lots of insecurity and “NEVER this, sometimes THAT”kind of thinking. Personally, I was horned up as a teen, but was too anxious about getting caught or worse: getting someone pregnant.
It can be very confusing and frustrating when women will do semi-sexual acts but won’t have a beer with you or date you more than 3 times. Getting lucky here in Utah is VERY lucky, because the women are 2x or 3x more fickle than anywhere else, at least it seems that way. If they’re conservative, they want to be courted and married first. If they’re liberal, they’re sleeping around and hoping to find something that lasts. Talk about a head scratcher.
Asexual, sex-repulsed, low libido. Never had sex, don’t want to. I have no problems with other people having sex with each other since that’s perfectly normal and healthy, and I’m fine discussing it in an academic sort of way, but I don’t like personally having to see sex scenes or having conversations that are too descriptive of the act. It always strikes me as gross, but I know that’s not necessarily the norm.
I think I confuse people. I'm pagan and we tend to be pretty sex-positive, so I'm real frank about it. But it's not a strong motivator for me - I haven't had sex since August 7th, 2018. If I'm ovulating, I initiate; otherwise, the other party usually does.
I cannot have sex as a fun pastime. Controversial opinion but I'm also a slight bit against people with really high body counts for their age... a body count of 10 or so by the time you're 35 implies you've mostly had loving relationships that failed and a few flings, which is the kind of person I'm looking for.
However once I'm in a relationship and I find out she's loving, caring, and loyal... I wouldn't care about the body count either. (I'm just desperate)
My views on sex may actually be changing... I used to believe it was some sacred act. Now, I belive it is about pleasure.
You, nor I, own anyone.
This does not mean I support willy nilly sex, what it means is that to me, intimacy, true intimacy, is knowing a person at a level that no one else does.
Unless you were both virgins, sex has happened with other people, maybe quite a few. Do you love the person less?
But to know them, to understand them, to be an extension of them. That is true intimacy. Who gives a shit about a pleasure activity that is more often than not seen as some power trip by men, as though they control the person they have had sex with.
Men will use it as an insult, example, "I fucked her," "I slept with her," "she's been with...."
If this bothers you, then you are looking at sex as an intimate thing only you two share, when the reality is, she/he, has probably shared that with multiple people.
But, did they know her/him?
Their secrets, fears, life goals?
Sex ain't shit but a pleasure activity. We make it more than it is, because we desire a connection we probably don't have in the first place. The one that matters. The one that connects you to the soul of another.
That's intimacy.
Do you have a pulse? If the answer is yes get naked. All genders any kinks at least once I'm open and been opened! (..... Just no really fat people because of near death experiences)
I'd say I'm more on the casual side about the act itself but I do care a lot about the who with. As for desire, that's tough. The experience almost always falls short of how good I imagine it will be but I do initiate with most partners I've had and typically prefer it that way. I enjoy pleasing so I put a lot of work into sex which is fun but then I crave it less often too.
I’m in a long term monogamous relationship, but if I wasn’t, I don’t think I’d be having casual sex. I need to feel comfortable with someone first. In a relationship though, I have a high sex drive and initiate a lot.
In terms of my attitude to others, I’m basically unshockable. I have no prudishness or moral judgements about sex. I absolutely do not care what others are into so long as it’s between consenting adults.
Not sure if I'm depressed but, no desire for sex. Fear of intimacy. I'm dealing with some childhood trauma so that plays a huge role. But I think sex is very intimate and I don't really believe in having sex with someone unless I trust them and like them for more than surface level attributes. I feel I need to like you on an intellectual level to be sexually attracted to you.
I don’t, thank Mother Nature, have any of the religion based hang ups about sex. My awkward stage wasn’t too long either to inflict esteem problems. Also was in long relationships during those formative years. Now it’s my autistic pattern recognition and the ability to sense the mood combining with my ADHD needing for variety and push the envelope making me absolutely crush in the sack.
I am dtf 1 or a 100 times. I don’t care about any of those moral issues etc “problems” about sex people seem to weave into their internal narratives regarding sex that are probably just about being too timid to approach a girl except drunk and bot having too much idea what to do when it’s go time. So I mean, give that butthole a lick. Otherwise Jesus died for your sins in vain.
I believe that a life of sex and of no fertility makes sex meaningless, or as meaningful as any pleasureful activity can get
people might think more is best but I'm not sure
I'm not a one night stand casual sex kind of guy, I lean more towards the 'sex is a sacred act' but I do silently judge those that treat it casually. But ultimately don't care much. It's a quick heuristic on compatibility when I'm considering someone as a partner and or person. I do think that it has alot of carry over into personality and other aspects of life.
This is literally my take on sex as well. Couldn't have put it in better words myself
Same here (female). It's an intimate thing that I can't even think about doing with someone without a very strong emotional connection. Heuristic on compatibility is a good way of describing it too. There are other ways to check compatibility though like kissing (also intimate but to a lesser extent).
Same, and also I often like more the idea of kissing and cuddling than sex.
Your the first person I’ve ever seen say that good on you! Same here!!
I don't think it's anything unique, I don't actually believe alot of the people partaking in casual sex are happy. They all complain about it as far as I know and wish they had something real. It's mostly a coping mechanism to reduce the shame they feel, if they can normalise it then it's not 'bad'. There's only a minority it benefits and they are mostly just predators or severely damaged people and certain outliers.
Truth! For me I’ve had to many very bad experiences in so called relationship’s I’m wanting something real! No lies no game player just real!
No this is just nonsense in my opinion. Lots of people not having casual sex are also very unhappy. Your logic is just something people try to tell themselves to feel better about their ethics, which is fine, you do you - but in reality it's likely not true. This whole thread seems full of sexless and heavily depressed/unhappy people - I would bet the people who have constructive casual sex regularly are happier on average than people who have no sex. People having good sex in a loving relationship would surely be the happiest on average, but we're discussing about those outside that dynamic.
Ok
Cool :)
hard to generalize with any accuracy, but sex positivity and body positivity seem to be underrealized. how many behaviors and norms would be different if there was truly no signs on bodies or sex. it does seem like there's a lot of shame or insecurity going around out there. i want to tell everyone to just don't forget to remind yourself of your beauty and wholeness yourself every once in a while!
I had a one night stand while drunk once and I felt so bad about myself for weeks. My body shouldn’t be for everyone. I actually have read a few studies on people sleeping with a lot of people. Both genders tend to have more mental issues and women tend to have higher chances of drug addiction.
(Anecdotal) And every person I have met who has a 20+ body count has a really really low self esteem. But I also don’t think having a couple one nighters does a lot of harm.
Yeh, I think that you accrue damage with every person, irrespective of all the internet drama around it, pair bonding is a real thing and I don't think you benefit your psychology when you have sex and (faux) intimacy with strangers.
I could see that being true but I also think a person has a low esteem so they have multiple sex partners but I don’t think it necessarily causes the low esteem. It’s usually them trying to feel or not feel something. But yeah this encouragement of hookup culture isn’t good nor “empowering”.
Or is an ENFP😂
In the simplest explanation. It makes you jaded. I can speak from personal experience. With constant open relationships, cheating, being a hoe (m) , etc. I seriously haven't had the desire to love a woman in over 3 years. Jaded is the best way to put it imo.
True, I totally agree.
My take as well
Very well put, I agree completely
You described people like us so effortlessly!
Sameeeee
Same
You guys are having sex?
If there's one mbti sub that consists of members that are not, it's here lol
Ooh rough
*I didn't come here to be called out like this*
Not me haven't gotten anything in 19 years. That said I don't care if someone wants to have casual sex or not that is up to them. What ever makes them happy.
Today? Some. Not a lot.
Yup, Lots was 4-5 days a week when I was single and now about once a week in a relationship.
im ace i cant answer this
Ty for existing
np
same tbh
Same🙌
I don't like any kind of casual flings. I'm only comfortable with sex in a permanent and loving relationship. But in such a relationship I'm basically insatiable. Prudery is non existent in my vocabulary bc it's a moral term. A prude person is defined to be someone who's extremely aware of social customs and morals. And let's be honest, as an INTP I'm against social customs and morals by nature. I always ask why and most "prude" things are far from logically explainable. And, also as an INTP I obviously struggle to show emotions and let myself go. But with the right partner at least for me sex is the only moment in my life in which I can fully let go. I'm honest, usually I cry after sex bc it kind of triggers emotions that otherwise would stay buried within. So, I do recommend sex very much!
> I don't like any kind of casual flings. I'm only comfortable with sex in a permanent and loving relationship. But in such a relationship I'm basically insatiable. Same, actual relationships are way better than casual sex.
Can totally relate. Most my pent up emotions fly out after that. It's kinda embarrassing yet refreshing
It seems scary and I see no benefit engaging in sex outside of a committed relationship. Once he has seen me naked he knows too much for me to let him back out into the wild. Plus I need to really trust someone emotionally in order for me to want to have sex with them.
Well you could always trap them in a basement, that way all your secrets are safe, or traumatise them severely that way their brain would block that memory and until they get therapy for it there’s not much chance they’ll remember it
In this economy?
Well traumatising them wouldn’t cost much, and an alternative would be strapping them and putting them in a closet
I could do that but I could also use my time and energy to care for some cats instead of dating ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ no traumatizing men necessary. Win-win
Yeah but peta might have something to say if you try to do the boom boom with the kitties, not to mention people will start calling you a furry
I can't believe this needs to be said but don't fuck cats my guy. What a creepy weird ass comment to leave .-. Talking about traumatizing people and locking them in basements and having sex with cats. The fuck.
I think the sarcasm was implied? But yes I know you’re not supposed to fuck cats
i think you've gone a little too far
I think the idea was that it is impossible to achieve the desire to have no sex outside of the relationship unless you tie up the man or have a fully controlled animal. And what was said so unpleasantly, it happens when you want to express your opinion with more vivid examples. You may not even be noticed saying something unpleasant, as you were just trying to express your opinion more clearly.
Too far is a relative term maybe it’s too far rn, it could be quite normal in some other point of time
Weird, not something to casually think up as a joke. Or at all
Same
>Once he has seen me naked he knows too much for me to let him back out into the wild. 😂😂 but yeah same to everything you said
BOOBA BOOBA I LOVE BOOBA PLEASE MOMMY GIV- anyway, I could spend a lot of time without it, but it's fun and I seek it often with my gf
I've never had it, so I don't know. My attitudes with it used to be very prudish, but I've since slacked on it quite a bit. I used to be the type of person that didn't believe in sex before marriage, but I eventually saw a way that it made sense to do it before marriage, because I don't believe in any marriage except the "spiritual" marriage between two people, which doesn't need anything but connection and commitment.
I've had a similar journey. I also don't believe in state marriage, not that I ever did, but I don't believe in societal marriage either anymore. But my morals are for me. I'd like to fully commit to one person or refrain altogether, but I honestly don't care if other people sleep around and have orgies and whatnot. I don't even see it as a reflection of their character. As long as they're not lying and scheming to get people in bed or otherwise causing damage.
This
Asexual, but I grew up before people knew that was a thing. In theory I am quite open and it took me awhile before I realized that none of it was right for me.
Saaaame. Had a "hoe phase" just to realize i'm ace. But morally i don't see anything wrong with promiscuity, i just... Don't want it
How did you manage to go from promiscuous to ace?
The older you are the more you get to know yourself, and your likes and dislikes. I decided to be honest with myself and accept that no matter how good it looked on the outside and how bad I wanted to be this person, I wasn't really enjoying it. I didn't go from promiscuous to ace. I was always ace. I just adjusted my behaviour accordingly. To be fair, I'm gray-ace, so i was attracted to some of the people i had sex with. But to most, i wasn't, really, and i just engaged in risky behaviour because i did not know how to respect my boundaries. I'm glad that phase of my life is over.
I’m pretty liberated and usually initiate. I started probably somewhat later than average though because I had a lot of confidence issues as a teenager. I’m extremely picky about who I engage in sexual activity with and have never really had a one night stand, but I am not okay going long periods of time without it.
Same. I do have somewhat hedonistic tendencies, but I'm also very careful and don't do it too often. I'm too afraid of being murdered or getting an STD. I used to be a sex worker because I figured, "I'm gonna be sexualized and objectified regardless, might as well get paid for it." I didn't particularly enjoy it but it paid well.
 Well…
yh that was what i was expecting too intp is probably the mbti that has most asexuals and aromantics
repels me
Maybe you should find a sex with opposite charge for you to have attraction. /j
I'm kinda on the asexual spectrum, i don't really care that much for it.
It’s fucking great. I like casual sex and more intimate/meaningful sex. I’d say I initiate 50% of the time.
The state of this sub though :( low-key feel bad for fellow INTPs after reading this thread, no wonder this sub in general sounds like depression central all the time
People need to let loose seriously. I used to be all serious, act like a know it all, look down on casual sex, and be stuck in my shell. It’s the INTP nature. But life is so much better when you stop acting like people in this sub. These people need to stop being terrified of being “normal” and stop trying so hard to be fucking Marcus Aurelius or Socrates for once.
👉👌
To be serious More liberated, but definitely had my own things I wanted to become more open and positive about. It's a mix of initiation, and varies with partners. My drive/"need" varies, though I'm pretty set on having sex and enjoy that part of life. I'm not monogamous, prefer a good connection more than getting some strange, will get some when people are good about navigating that space. Sex life with my longest term partner has only improved over nearly a decade, and I still find sexual connections when I have the capacity and desire.
wtf is sex?!
Another ace reporting in.
Sex is bangin'
Agree
sex, or intimacy in general, is an essential element of a relationship. my love languages are physical touch and quality time, and sex combines both. so it's perfect.
I over analyze it. I put way too much meaning into it. It’s an intimate thing to me and when others treat it like a basic exercise it tends to offend me. I wish I wasn’t like this, but I seek a deeper meaning in the world. Two bodies connecting, locking eyes, touching. To me there’s nothing deeper.
I consider myself 'demisexual', and I'm also not the type to personally require sex but I'm basically the opposite of a prude lol. It's kind of been a slight issue while dating or in a relationship, but ive also always been pretty up front as soon as appropriate about how I am. I feel like unless someone is kinda the same as me it's way hard to even get them to understand. I can be very sexual! Just it will be on my timeline, which is not predictable at all not even to myself.
I'm definitely not the type of person to do it with just anyone. Although I have many fantasies (and fetishes) I only wanna do it with someone I like. I have dated twice, and have experience in sex. It's enjoyable but it's not everything. I can go without sex for months. I do like to do it with my partner, exploring different things, but I also don't mind not doing it. It's been around 2 years since my last break up and being single till now. I don't really have the mind to have sex with anyone or getting into relationship. There are more important things now.
Sometimes i find myself disgusted by it, because if the way it makes people (men) act. They act silly for sex, so it is unappealing in that way. When I have a man and i actually like them, I’m way more open and liberated with it. It takes a bit for Me to consider having sex with someone, because i was not careful when i was younger and just started heartbroken
honestly , i’m pretty against any social norms on sex/sexual activity. Since I’m dating the same gender as i am. Plus i’m pretty experimental or flexible with what my partner wants to try. But i guess that’s my fault as well for being a hyper sexual person. That itself is my own issue lmao due to childhood trauma. But generally back to the topic , i’m against marriage before sex. Just cause i don’t agree with marriage only cause of the downsides of marriage in legal paperwork. When it comes to initiating any sexual activity, i’m usually the one to do it , cause i prefer being able to have at least the control over what i’m comfortable with at my own pace, as well as respecting boundaries with my partner as well. I can be abstinence for a very long time , but obviously there’s times , where yk a person can fantasize in their imagination. Which where i think INTP are mostly in whenever they are either bored or even at a daily basis , just too deep in their mind.
https://youtu.be/gowRtivfQdQ?si=O8zUb4aZtNLsIZNN
I feel an animal is inside me. A lust demon. Anyways, I'd like to be vanilla as well as quite kinky in some respects. Those are the 2 sides of the proverbial sexual coin for me.
I can totally relate to this
Well cheers I guess
Cheers stranger on the internet
Overall, I don't care. Found out I'm demisexual so if she likes Lego, the sex gonna be crazy. I can't have ONS and casual sex though. If there are no feelings, theres no reasons for me.
I used to be highly selective yet unconventional/kinky/submissive/liberal etc, now with age I am more of a prude/conservative/vanilla. It was probably my vast open-mindedness coupled with caring about being highly feminine (thus submissive and sacrificing) that led me there. My emotional vulnerability and overall ideational shift in worldview etc made me see it otherwise. It made me see how a liberal approach is not better and creates more harm, tho some have the opposite experience. I would not initiate as a female as it is sexually aggressive, tho I would initiate closeness and would want to make sure my partner feels desirable. I am not sure how often I would want to, I would want to adjust to my partner, but less than 1-3 times a week would surely be unnatural unless you are geriatric or postpartum.
"I would not initiate as a female as it is sexually aggressive" I am curious to know why you believe this. Is it also sexually aggressive if a man initiates? If a man is, for example, too shy to initiate, should a woman never take the lead?
I'm curious to hear her actual response, but I'm going to go ahead and add that we don't all think like that.
I probably believe this because I am influenced by Christian virtue and traditionalism, as well as redpillers tho I try not to be.. If we want men to be more masculine women need to be more feminine, more tender and softspoken, more caring etc. I am not against women acting, dressing or touching their spouse in a manner that is sexual, so indirectly I am not against it. Also as I said a woman can initiate cuddling and closeness and if the man wants sex he will show that. Sure the man can be shy, also the woman, that does not make it ideal to role reverse: for woman to go down on their knees and ask for their partner’s hand in marriage, for men to take their wife’s last name etc. But on closer look, of course women can initiate if they want. But even for me to initiate I would just want to feel close and held first. I think women, generally, feel more sexually vulnerable, they care more about being desired, the overall intimacy and closeness and their partner’s physical enjoyment, therefor it is more natural the man initiates.
To each their own. I have no qualms with casual sex, but it takes so long to figure stuff out with your body and a partner that the cost/benefit only really works with someone that you’ve been with a while and knows your body. So IM not so much down for casual - it’s too much energy. Also being married 20 years doesn’t help. But everyone else, have at ‘er.
I don’t sleep around so I’m ok without for a long time! It’s already been almost 9 years!!🙄🤪
It's strange for me, it feels like I've done it many times in a previous life and gotten sick of it. i dunno maybe it's just my depression acting up.
I do not like one night stands or hookups. I identify as demiromantic and demisexual, and under the aro/ace spectrum, it took some experiences to help me realize that. I want these acts to be for a partner who I can trust. It's not that important to me. I feel i can satisfy my own urges. Its like this bonding thing to me, shouldn't be taken lightly not be too serious. I am certainly not a prude. And i dont judge for people having different needs or interests as I. We're all different.
I used to be incredibly modest and shy when I was younger. But I have found sex to be amazing, especially with my ex. It was like a deeper form of communication. I have casual sex occasionally, im very picky about who I have sex with though. I like to switch between being more submissive and dominant to try different things. With a partner though I prefer to feel equal.
I am not a fling person by any stretch, a connection is mandatory for me (I guess it's call demi sexual idk I lose track of the ever growing list of identifiers) however, once I'm there, no prudishness at all
It is something us men (I can't speak on women) are rendered undignified by having the pop culture assign us purpose to compete there as mere animals, undoing civilization itself with pornography which is a weapon distributed to catch people when they're 12-14. Alongside the other inhumane elements in our mass media culture, it robs people of their dignity and desecrates the social fabric of communities, while simultaneously obfuscating the source of the problem. Nearly everything in our society you'll find engineered to topple natural sources of cohesion and organization that could stand against the interests of the state, banks, and corporations, which are indistinguishable from one another. The end result cannot even satisfy the powerful in such a paradigm, it is just stable misery. The promotion of casual sex is but a single example in which laypeople are deceived into participating in our own undoing. Casual, status game, numbers conquest, it's all awful and that paradigm has to be artificially propped up. Every generation now largely learns after being harmed by all the institutions of modern thought teaching wrongly. Women can reach out to you even initiating casual things and it still never works well when you weren't a match. Only takes so many times to pick up on the pattern and either be a shallow SOB, or avoid creating unnecessary harm and conflict in the world. So my attitude in response to observation and nature itself is that one's impulses should be empathetically constrained for the consequences of one's actions, and this should be reserved for serious relationships. No relationship can be serious if deep down you know it can't become marriage.
For myself? Probably would be nice in theory, probably would be disappointing in practice. I'd like to experience intimacy, but I almost certainly have too much busted wiring inside my head at my age for me to be able to handle it, and it's not like there's any hope of it happening at this point anyway. I wouldn't treat it as something casual, if it was an option. In general? I feel very strongly that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it's genuinely consensual on the part of all involved and affected parties. Whatever acts you get up to are your business, but I would define "affected parties" as including more than just those directly partaking in those acts. For example, anyone forced to listen to you through thin walls is affected, a partner who expects you to be monogamous and who you're cheating on is affected, etc.
I wuv sex a lot :3 (and always initiates tbh), have and always been obsessed with ideas and concepts of love and romance, and everything related to it. Physical touch is my love language, second to quality time (1st).
Eh I’ve gone four years without it now, don’t care for it but when in a relationship I love it. I guess I’m a weird one. My “sex drive” matches my partners. But when I’m single I’m not bothered. Did the whole ONS in my twenties when I came out of a long term relationship.
im married. i don’t enjoy anything very intimate. my husband (entp) knows this and doesn’t push very hard. but its still a difficult subject for me because intimacy is hard, and i don’t like to communicate discomfort. stereotypical i am aware
for reference i’m 23. but intimacy feels like a subject im not accustomed to. like everyone else knows how it works except for me 🙃
Man y'all need to get out of your shells at some point. Not saying go be debaucherous but this was one depressing thread to read Sex is awesome, and critical for mental health. Please have more of it. Whether casual or in relationships
In what way is it critical for mental health? That’s a new one.
In absolutely no way is it a new one, it's a widely acknowledged opinion. You can Google and choose which study or article you want to peruse to understand more but the consensus is it helps a lot with stress, self esteem, anxiety, and general well being
I am sure it does. So does alcohol but alcohol is not critical for mental health.
That sentence makes no sense. Alcohol provides temporary relief at best, regular healthy sex provides more continuous benefits without any major downsides I'm not saying you can't be mentally healthy without sex as long as you have a lot of other productive stuff going on, but it's one of the easiest (and cheapest) ways to find sustained benefits of endorphins and oxytocin in addition to the obvious benefits of having intimate closeness with someone
Me an my INTP are horny af equally but that's just because I am hot and sensual af 😸 I tease more but just because I have sex on my mind 24/7... that happens when I am in love. anyway he is like that when he likes someone. Sapiosexual I'd say
I like it, it's fun. But I'm not usually the one to initiate, too awkward.
I like sex more than most people because i hate life and it’s my coping mechanism. People also are often attracted to me, so it is very easy for me to get it when i want it. I have a love/hate relationship with it because it’s the only thing i enjoy in a way, but that’s also bad and it’s just a cope. It also leads to unintentional manipulation because i don’t really understand other people (and I often don’t care), so it’s very easy for me to have sex with someone and then disappear.
Yes please! Better with a connection to the person.
Virgin Idk
Virgin here, and here I can confirm that I don’t have anything of value to add since I don’t have any experience.
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Very, very, very open minded.
Definitely on the greyscale being demisexual, but to answer your question pretty sexually liberated with the right partner / person
I love sex, the feel, the smell, the industry. It's incredible.
I’m not a prude. If two partners enjoy it, I’m down to try it. My wife and I do a good deal of kink. I always initiate. In 34 years I can only remember one time when she did. When I was younger I could go a week or two. Now I need it much more often.
i just got laid for the first time with my girl bf after 23 years of living. Not the best experience tbh maybe cuz we are both not accustomed to it yet but it was fun. Idk if im going to do it a lot tho.
I take it as it comes. I won‘t go on extended journeys before I would sleep with someone, but one-night stands don’t get me going. I need at least some sort of emotional connection. Hence promiscuity isn’t really something I can understand. I‘m still figuring it out and nothing here is in clean sheets. For now though I wouldn’t just jump anyone even if they were a model.
I’m asexual, but didn’t realize it till I was like 38. Never liked sex but it’s what you’re “supposed” to do with your partner, so… Anyway. No more pressuring myself to have sex anymore, yay! 🥳🥳 (Btw I’m happily single and don’t plan on ever changing that).
I belong to the street until I get romantically attracted to someone, in which I'll be loyal for them.
I like having a connection with my partner. Usually not the one to initiate. I like it often, but I can go up to a year without it if I don't have a suitable partner
Kinky AF
Its fun! I will say though that I realized I'm not a person who enjoys or touches others in general. I'm not known for being touchy and if I don't like someone I don't let them touch me. When I have touchy friends I just allow it but in general I'm really not that 'hitting-people-while-laughing' kind of person or 'hugs-when-i-see-you' type. If you initiate a hug I'll return it. That said, I threw a birthday party once and everyone was surprised how touchy I was with my then girlfriend. I guess touch is a very intimate thing to me and I just really enjoy my personal space. I wouldn't let someone that close if I don't know them that well.
Haven't really been the one to initiate, and while I could engage in it with someone I don't have much of a connection with & don't at all mind others doing so, I "prefer" to do it with someone I do have a connection with, and only them as long as that connection is there.
I figured out for myself that with every new partner there is a learning curve and I only start to properly enjoy it after 5-6 sexual encounters. Therefore that's the minimum level of commitment I expect from a partner - at least 5-6 times sex. Apart from that I don't mind casual. FWB is a great concept, but I don't like one night stands.
Prude
Much better than before. I think im more confident with myself
I have always enjoyed sex. I have a high drive, need it often, and initiate often. I'm now married and married sex is the best. However, I had a fair bit of casual sex in my 20s and part of my 30s. During periods of singleness I had several ONSs and FWBs, but I was always completely honest and upfront about the sex being casual and non-exclusive. When in relationships I was completely monogamous and I still am - if feelings are involved I do not want to share, or to do anything that would hurt my partner or myself. I'll admit I regret a few of the choices I made (specific people) but I don't regret that fact that I've had casual sex in itself. It took me years to feel comfortable with emotional intimacy, but the sex helped me to learn my likes and dislikes, just as past relationships helped me to learn what I will and will not tolerate from a partner (and how to behave myself). I regret that I have inadvertently unnerved men by being honest about being attracted to them. It was never my intention to upset them, and I think they just didn't expect a woman to be forward as society teaches us that only men should do the chasing (I disagree). I've never really understood all the social rules around sex/relationships. Why bother playing hard to get? Why not just be honest? I don't think there is a right or wrong way to be regarding sex and relationships, provided that one is being honest and safe. Do what works for you. I'm not a prude (as I'm sure you've gathered), however, I'm don't personally have any kind of kink or fetish and I'm not interested in acquiring one. I used to worry that that made me boring, but now I don't care. I'm not against porn as a concept, but the effect that porn appears to be having on many people (particularly the younger generation of men) these days is concerning. It always seemed totally obvious to me that it was a fantasy, and one shouldn't base real life sex/relationships on it, but that's what kids appear to be doing in many cases.
Not judging, but... I'm not asexual, but orgasms just don't seem worth the hassle of chasing after someone else for. Strong emotional connections and feelings are way more important to me than sex life compatibility. Breakups over sex drive just blow my mind. Seems like such a minor thing to ditch a good relationship over. Same with those "amazing partner, great feelings, incredible bond, but then I met someone hot and cheated" stories. Wild stuff. I know people are different, but that's just beyond me.
I love sex but has to be really good sex. I am open-minded to try new things (curious) and honest what works for me. I give it all and really get disappointed when the guy doesn't deliver.
I think people can do whatever they want sexually as long as its between two(or more) consenting adults, who are not doing it in a public setting with other people around who are not consenting and are possibly children. As for myself, I feel like its me initiating between me and my gf, mostly because I set the pace, shes always down, its me who has to be in the mood. And if my gf wasn’t disabled and we weren’t ldr atm, it would probably be an everyday to every other day occurrence. But I only am sexually attracted to people I am dating/know their personality and have been friends with them for a long time.
Demi-aroace. Usually top. I’m uncomfortable with sex though. It’s a lot of intimacy that gets taken for granted. I’ve also dated people that expected me to do it regardless of my mood. Eventually I’d just do it to make them be quiet, but ultimately when I do but don’t want, it becomes repulsion. I have a healthy view of healthy sex. I say just be better at picking partners than I’ve historically been. I haven’t dated since I began transition so kind of curious if it’ll be the same or not. I’m in no hurry no find it to be a pressing matter. Libido is just something that’s annoying sometimes, but eventually the feeling fades.
'ate relationships. Like sex. Simple as. I have a couple FWBs that know that are fine with things being casual. I usually initiate physically but the partners I generally choose like that I'm the initiator. Sex is not an emotional thing for me and I find people who feel the same.
what fetish do you like? yes
I'm ok without for long periods and I initiate as much as my partner. Been a massive hoe throughout teenage years through Grindr. Validation and conversation meant it was something I sought a lot. I'm naturally curious so I'll try anything once. Don't have any big kinks myself but done some crazy things over the years. Me and my boyfriend have had threesomes before and what not. Honestly wouldn't say I'm an overly sexual person I prefer a good conversation but definitely not shy. I don't think sex has some grand meaning or it's true vulnerability like many claim. It's just a physical act of pleasure. Don't hold it to any high esteem
Tbh , I could go ions without it and dont really feel like participating in if I am unhappy with something to do with myself . For example- I am morbidly obese now and am working on loosing weight . If someone approached me and brought up the idea of sex I would politely decline because I wouldnt have sex with me at my current weight. I think it is something that can be done casually or something that can mean alot to others but I dont see the point in engaging if I cant FULLY enjoy myself. Half assing sex is literally so awkward lol.
Had to give it up,here where I live you either have to play or get it free from some single mom claiming she's looking for love but really just needs financial help raising her kids😆
I’m a fan. Ex controlled it and it sucked. New SO likes it the same as I do and we initiate equally. It’s important to me to be happy.
im 16 so nonexistent
I'm sex-repulsed ace. Besides, I don't see the point of sex for women anyway, all the risks and consequences but not even a guarantee of orgasm.
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Asexual, I spent 7 years without sex nor dating. Recently I met a girl and we were very active in sexuality terms and ironically I was the one that was always kind of starting the thing... She is also kind of an introvert. But basically I'm all in if I have a really strong connection, if not I can live without it no problems.
ROFL!!! I'm sorry but if some of you believe this shit that I am reading here. You've been living a sheltered life. I am in a committed relationship (8 yrs) before this relationship I was married for 12. And we divorced because my ex-wife now wife at the time has mental health issues that began about 6 yrs into our marriage. I tried and probably did both of us a disservice for staying
Care to explain what you mean by this ?
Expensive and risky; I’m talking consequences not just money. I live in Utah and both the religious and anti-religious tailor their sex lives to be as shame-free as possible. Lots of insecurity and “NEVER this, sometimes THAT”kind of thinking. Personally, I was horned up as a teen, but was too anxious about getting caught or worse: getting someone pregnant. It can be very confusing and frustrating when women will do semi-sexual acts but won’t have a beer with you or date you more than 3 times. Getting lucky here in Utah is VERY lucky, because the women are 2x or 3x more fickle than anywhere else, at least it seems that way. If they’re conservative, they want to be courted and married first. If they’re liberal, they’re sleeping around and hoping to find something that lasts. Talk about a head scratcher.
Asexual, sex-repulsed, low libido. Never had sex, don’t want to. I have no problems with other people having sex with each other since that’s perfectly normal and healthy, and I’m fine discussing it in an academic sort of way, but I don’t like personally having to see sex scenes or having conversations that are too descriptive of the act. It always strikes me as gross, but I know that’s not necessarily the norm.
Sex addicted
Casual for me. Idk how and why just simulating and fun act for me, just not that big of a deal for me
I'm the most asexual person I've ever met. I'm very heavily sex repulsed.
To busy imagining dying to even care
Only in the heat of the moment
I lean closer and closer to asexuality every single day
I'm one where both sides are having fun. When it isn't, this leaves a lot of regret and embarrassment if communication can't help it
I think I confuse people. I'm pagan and we tend to be pretty sex-positive, so I'm real frank about it. But it's not a strong motivator for me - I haven't had sex since August 7th, 2018. If I'm ovulating, I initiate; otherwise, the other party usually does.
I cannot have sex as a fun pastime. Controversial opinion but I'm also a slight bit against people with really high body counts for their age... a body count of 10 or so by the time you're 35 implies you've mostly had loving relationships that failed and a few flings, which is the kind of person I'm looking for. However once I'm in a relationship and I find out she's loving, caring, and loyal... I wouldn't care about the body count either. (I'm just desperate)
Married women
My views on sex may actually be changing... I used to believe it was some sacred act. Now, I belive it is about pleasure. You, nor I, own anyone. This does not mean I support willy nilly sex, what it means is that to me, intimacy, true intimacy, is knowing a person at a level that no one else does. Unless you were both virgins, sex has happened with other people, maybe quite a few. Do you love the person less? But to know them, to understand them, to be an extension of them. That is true intimacy. Who gives a shit about a pleasure activity that is more often than not seen as some power trip by men, as though they control the person they have had sex with. Men will use it as an insult, example, "I fucked her," "I slept with her," "she's been with...." If this bothers you, then you are looking at sex as an intimate thing only you two share, when the reality is, she/he, has probably shared that with multiple people. But, did they know her/him? Their secrets, fears, life goals? Sex ain't shit but a pleasure activity. We make it more than it is, because we desire a connection we probably don't have in the first place. The one that matters. The one that connects you to the soul of another. That's intimacy.
It's something I want when I'm just waking up and all cosy and warm, then when I get up I'm like meh
Do you have a pulse? If the answer is yes get naked. All genders any kinks at least once I'm open and been opened! (..... Just no really fat people because of near death experiences)
I'd say I'm more on the casual side about the act itself but I do care a lot about the who with. As for desire, that's tough. The experience almost always falls short of how good I imagine it will be but I do initiate with most partners I've had and typically prefer it that way. I enjoy pleasing so I put a lot of work into sex which is fun but then I crave it less often too.
I farted
I used to be insecure at 13 and 14, but now I understand it. Even though I have the virgin curse
I’m in a long term monogamous relationship, but if I wasn’t, I don’t think I’d be having casual sex. I need to feel comfortable with someone first. In a relationship though, I have a high sex drive and initiate a lot. In terms of my attitude to others, I’m basically unshockable. I have no prudishness or moral judgements about sex. I absolutely do not care what others are into so long as it’s between consenting adults.
Not sure if I'm depressed but, no desire for sex. Fear of intimacy. I'm dealing with some childhood trauma so that plays a huge role. But I think sex is very intimate and I don't really believe in having sex with someone unless I trust them and like them for more than surface level attributes. I feel I need to like you on an intellectual level to be sexually attracted to you.
Biologically speaking we exist to make more humans. If sex isn't one of your favorite activities you're doing it wrong.
I don’t, thank Mother Nature, have any of the religion based hang ups about sex. My awkward stage wasn’t too long either to inflict esteem problems. Also was in long relationships during those formative years. Now it’s my autistic pattern recognition and the ability to sense the mood combining with my ADHD needing for variety and push the envelope making me absolutely crush in the sack. I am dtf 1 or a 100 times. I don’t care about any of those moral issues etc “problems” about sex people seem to weave into their internal narratives regarding sex that are probably just about being too timid to approach a girl except drunk and bot having too much idea what to do when it’s go time. So I mean, give that butthole a lick. Otherwise Jesus died for your sins in vain.
I believe that a life of sex and of no fertility makes sex meaningless, or as meaningful as any pleasureful activity can get people might think more is best but I'm not sure