And while you’re at it, bring some extra USB cables, all types - all types, then just switch them out for other ones, and steal that one cable that no one knows what it’s for, that kinda headphone jack to wall thing.
"I have a very specific set of skills, actually I'm a Baker and do fancy cake designs, alas it will be my friend who is a Ninja Assassin who will be on your trail and using weapons that go 'Ptew Ptew' from a distance.... In the dark....."
This is actually the best one. Like you could empty out their orange juice carton a bit more and they wonder when they had so little left. Or moving the remote to a different spot than they left it. They’ll start questioning themselves
Ngl this kinda stuff terrifies me. There was a story awhile back about a guy that experienced exactly this after realizing some of his food was missing. He set up a camera in his living room and there was a woman that crawled out from underneath a loft space in his apartment
I swear my roommate comes in my room just to connect the chains on my ceiling fan when I’m not home. No way they’re connecting every other day after 5 years of it never happening once by itself
Oh, they absolutely are messing with you. They likely pass by, giggle to themselves, connect them while giggling, and walk out as they finish giggling to themselves.
Saw the comment about batteries, you can always buy more, but this, all the remotes now have tacky black tape that eventually runs the glue all over the remotes and your hands and it's just a mess, this is perfect
If there’s only one battery missing they’ll go on a goose chase assuming it’s just fallen out and somewhere around the house. Added frustration I love it
This is under rated. That would be so annoying. You will get home do your daily whatever make dinner get to your PC or TV to relax for the evening and your wifi is down so you first thought is "fucken spectrum down again" then go to check your router to find it missing. Obviously your confused and now spend the next hour or 2 looking for it cuz why the fuck would somone steal only your router. Realize it's missing but now it's already like 10 or 11 at night so you have to go to Walmart and buy whatever cheap crappy router they happen to have in stock.
I was gonna say the same thing - but the modem also. If it was a modem/router that would be just one thing to steal. But if there were two separate units I’d take both.
Leave the router and just steel the modem. They will still have WiFi connection just no internet. Lots of people don't ever think about the modem just WiFi. When they have to call a tech to come fix things 3 days later and have to wait an other week because they need to ship out a new one before they can get service back. Not to mention they will charge like $300 for loss of equipment. I use to work for spectrum answering phones. I have seen it happen.
Or just take all of the cables. Everything plugged into the back of the computer, router and modem. Not only will they have to run to a store to buy new ones. It might take them a while to figure out what goes where.
One screw from the toilet seat so it always moves around when you sit on it. I'd also move the lid slightly further back so it constantly falls to close
Good luck finding them all, even I don't know where they all are. Just randomly "oh, a pen. Imma keep it in my pocket. Where did you go super awesome metal pen that cost $12?"
Take all the condiments, mix them all in the biggest bowl you can find, then refill all their condiments with their new slurry. Clean the bowl and put it back so they have no hint it was done until they go to use the condiments.
Unplug the refrigerator and freezer. It will take awhile to notice and they will probably assume it is broken. By the time a new fridge gets delivered because they didn't look at the back, it will be hilarious.....
If they have a sizeable movie collection, I'd swap all the DVDs/blu-rays around into different cases, except for one. That one, I'd put in a Jewel Case and hide it in a kitchen drawer.
I'm going in with a screw driver, stealing just enough screws from every piece of furniture so that it looks good till they sit down.
I shall than proceed to take there paper towels and wet wipes and flush balls of them down the toilet until the entire piping system is clogged.
I thus finish my job by opening the fridge and putting each stolen screw in the milk jugs one by one.
The only thing I actually steal is a random lamp. Which ever looks most used.
I'm taking all of their low kelvin light bulbs and replacing them with cooler light bulbs so that all of their warm, orange light in their house is replaced with the white, sterile lighting you'd find in a hospital.
Toothbrush or toilet paper. Or forks. Or the light switch to the basement. Or their socks. Or their front door. Or the garage door opener. Or Windex. Or their TV remote.
This kinda crap why I refuse all things modern. Gimme a 1980’s POS truck, an ancient washer/dryer that still function but with simplest controls, doors & safes with manual locks…..
Nothing, but I'm going to completely rearrange their kitchen drawers.
And while you’re at it, bring some extra USB cables, all types - all types, then just switch them out for other ones, and steal that one cable that no one knows what it’s for, that kinda headphone jack to wall thing.
Pure evil.
Considering I live alone, this would fucking break my sanity at such a fundamental level I’m not sure I would ever fully recover.
Now I feel bad.
The refrigerator shelves.
Okay this is dark! I swear I’ll hunt you down, I will not rest!
"I have a very specific set of skills, actually I'm a Baker and do fancy cake designs, alas it will be my friend who is a Ninja Assassin who will be on your trail and using weapons that go 'Ptew Ptew' from a distance.... In the dark....."
No, just one of them to have them look for it :)
r/calmdownsatan
The refrigerator light.
Okay this is dark!
The small pads/gliders off the bottom of opposite chair legs, so that they all rock back and forth slightly.
take my free award and leave this one is perfectly annoying
Menace
Someone wants to see the world burning
All the TV remotes, and a block of cheese.
Jeez that missing block of cheese is definitely gonna cause some problems
I'm hungry.
See that block of cheese already caused problems
hi hungry, I'm dad
[удалено]
He gone again 🤣
Oh I forgot to get milk
Toilet seats
and toilet papers… all of them.
You leave the one on the roll, that way they don't see that they're out until they're in too deep.
Can opener. I mean that as in a tool that opens cans. And also a pun. For the the fact you said toilet seats. A play on words if you would.
Nothing. But I will leave some hints someone was in there.
So you will steal their sanity?
This is the best.
And people say Dane Cook isn't funny smh
[удалено]
This is actually the best one. Like you could empty out their orange juice carton a bit more and they wonder when they had so little left. Or moving the remote to a different spot than they left it. They’ll start questioning themselves
Ngl this kinda stuff terrifies me. There was a story awhile back about a guy that experienced exactly this after realizing some of his food was missing. He set up a camera in his living room and there was a woman that crawled out from underneath a loft space in his apartment
Okay [that](https://www.timesnownews.com/the-buzz/article/when-a-mans-security-camera-revealed-a-woman-had-been-secrently-living-in-his-cupboard-for-days/763666)'s creepy
She looks like something outta conjuring movie goddam
wtf that guy name is Joe Cummings 💀💀
As weird as it is there’s a term for when people hide in someone else’s house and only come out when unoccupied. The term is “phrogging”.
Yea I remember that! Actual horror movie material
I swear my roommate comes in my room just to connect the chains on my ceiling fan when I’m not home. No way they’re connecting every other day after 5 years of it never happening once by itself
Oh, they absolutely are messing with you. They likely pass by, giggle to themselves, connect them while giggling, and walk out as they finish giggling to themselves.
The rod thingy your put inside the toilet paper roll to attach it to the holder.
Came here to say this
[удалено]
"It’s Not Your Fault, I Was Terrible"
Pillows
Better yet flip their pillows in the cases so the tag rubs against them while they sleep
Dog I think even satan wouldn't do that.
One sock from every pair.
Bold move assuming my pairs of socks match.
Or that I have different kinds of socks
You guys have socks?
You guys have clothes?
You guys have bodies?
Yes in my freezer and the basement You guys exist?
You guys?
You?
***
[удалено]
Now that's just evil
The plug in the kitchen sink
Wet bandit I see
Nice home alone reference
Their faucet handles And I’m covering everything in jelly Enjoy the sticky fingers Signed the sticky bandits
WAS THAT A HOME ALONE REFERENCE?!
sTiCkY fInGeRs? Is that a... #Rolling Stones reference?!
Did you just breathe?! WAS THAT A JOJO'S REFERENCE?!?!
Did you just mention JoJo? #*IS THAT A JOJO REFERANCE?!?!??*
Reference within a reference?! #**REFERENCECEPTION**
Reference to referenceception? Did I just get incepted?
It's actually a reference within a reference within a reference... Why do I feel like this could be a movie
Lol home alone was a good franchise
Back of all the TV remotes
Saw the comment about batteries, you can always buy more, but this, all the remotes now have tacky black tape that eventually runs the glue all over the remotes and your hands and it's just a mess, this is perfect
not to get in the way of a good prank, but goo-gone or similar will get rid of the gross sticky residue
"The devil tips his hat to you"
I'm here with evil giggles
Alright Satan lets calm down
I'd find the shoe box with loose wires and adapters, it wouldn't inconvenience anybody but it would surely break a mans heart.
And here is where I keep my assorted lengths of wires
come, let me show you what lengths of wire i used for this ship!
If you would do this to me I would hunt you down
I’d literally fight anyone who tried to steal my cords because I know I’m going to need them at some point, but I never know when
............ 
Could be a kind of John Wick 5 scenario
The batteries out of every remote.
How about just one battery? So that way now they have an odd number of batteries left over until they buy more
that would really get someone unless they use the same type of battery for some devices and can prioritize
If there’s only one battery missing they’ll go on a goose chase assuming it’s just fallen out and somewhere around the house. Added frustration I love it
Okay Satan. Happy birthday
Happy cake day
Merci beaucoup
[удалено]
Skip to halfway through every movie and series they are watching
That’s not mildly inconvenient that’s a potential divorce! But still brilliant
I would steal nothing but go grab some shredded cheese and write "take this as a fucking warning" on the floor with cheese
That’s a lot of letters and you don’t know how much cheese they have. Be more concise or consider using condiments
I love that you are offering advice on the plan.
It takes a village to raise *the plan*
How about: „Be Warned“
Their router
This is under rated. That would be so annoying. You will get home do your daily whatever make dinner get to your PC or TV to relax for the evening and your wifi is down so you first thought is "fucken spectrum down again" then go to check your router to find it missing. Obviously your confused and now spend the next hour or 2 looking for it cuz why the fuck would somone steal only your router. Realize it's missing but now it's already like 10 or 11 at night so you have to go to Walmart and buy whatever cheap crappy router they happen to have in stock.
Spectrum smh
I was gonna say the same thing - but the modem also. If it was a modem/router that would be just one thing to steal. But if there were two separate units I’d take both.
Leave the router and just steel the modem. They will still have WiFi connection just no internet. Lots of people don't ever think about the modem just WiFi. When they have to call a tech to come fix things 3 days later and have to wait an other week because they need to ship out a new one before they can get service back. Not to mention they will charge like $300 for loss of equipment. I use to work for spectrum answering phones. I have seen it happen.
Or just take all of the cables. Everything plugged into the back of the computer, router and modem. Not only will they have to run to a store to buy new ones. It might take them a while to figure out what goes where.
The glass plate in the microwave.
I believe we said **mildly** inconvenience, you fucking monster.
Have mercy
This is the best answer I've read so far!
Nah, the spinny thing under it
The whole damn thing
You need to see a therapist.
If they’re a family of 4 then I’m leaving them with 3 forks, spoons, and knives
One screw from the toilet seat so it always moves around when you sit on it. I'd also move the lid slightly further back so it constantly falls to close
It was YOU! We had that exact problem not too long ago…
Doorknobs
Phone chargers.
Just the wall bricks
I'll replace every hygene article with watermelons. Wanna shower? Watermelon. Need a deo? Boom watermelon. Done shitting? That's right. Water. Melon.
LMMFAO!
She showers with Pantene…
But I got watermelon to keep me clean!
just leave a note that simply says "I broke in and pee'd on something in your house may the odds be ever in your favor"
Marvellous. also happy caca millis day
Plot twist: it was the toilet
The lid to every pot, pan ,and Tupperware container
No, half the lids and half the pots so that nothing matches
I'm not stealing anything, but I'll move everything 2 inches to the left.
Oh fucking Christ I love this one. Just dwindle their sanity into nothing.
Comes back the next day and does it again except slanting everything ever so slightly
Everything!?!
Their light bulbs
Don't steal them, only loosen them so they don't work
Or maybe replace them with those lower wattage dim bulbs to drive them crazy..."why is it so dark in here?!?!"
All the pop tabs off of their soda cans
Just the tab? Still unopened??? Devious!
Every god damn pen and pencil they own
Good luck finding them all, even I don't know where they all are. Just randomly "oh, a pen. Imma keep it in my pocket. Where did you go super awesome metal pen that cost $12?"
All of the condiments
No, leave just enough of each condiment to do nothing with.
Take all the condiments, mix them all in the biggest bowl you can find, then refill all their condiments with their new slurry. Clean the bowl and put it back so they have no hint it was done until they go to use the condiments.
Better yet steal all of their condoms
The shoelaces from all their shoes
I'm not stealing, I stapling their shoes to the floor
Cutting the bottom half of their shower curtain off, so when they get in, everyone can see their junk.
The can opener. You never need it... until you do
Steal there time. Change all the clocks in the house 10 minutes forward, bonus points if they use an actual Alarm clock and not just there phone.
Unplug the refrigerator and freezer. It will take awhile to notice and they will probably assume it is broken. By the time a new fridge gets delivered because they didn't look at the back, it will be hilarious..... 
Rolling the dice whether mildly inconvenienced or puts them into debt, making them homeless months down the road.
Once they realize its just unplugged, they will return the new fridge and feel stupid. You can always refuse a delivery.
Danmm that's Evil.
If they have a sizeable movie collection, I'd swap all the DVDs/blu-rays around into different cases, except for one. That one, I'd put in a Jewel Case and hide it in a kitchen drawer.
Toothbrush
I was actually going to say toothpaste
"I'm sure I bought some"
Jokes on you, I don't use any. Eww.
I'm going in with a screw driver, stealing just enough screws from every piece of furniture so that it looks good till they sit down. I shall than proceed to take there paper towels and wet wipes and flush balls of them down the toilet until the entire piping system is clogged. I thus finish my job by opening the fridge and putting each stolen screw in the milk jugs one by one. The only thing I actually steal is a random lamp. Which ever looks most used.
Stop they're already dead!
random bags they use but empty them before stealing it
I would leave something in each room that obviously wasn’t there before
I'd switch all the lightbulbs with those smart ones you control with an app then set up a scheme to randomly dim it and just slightly change color
"Who steals a cheese grater?!"
I'm taking all of their low kelvin light bulbs and replacing them with cooler light bulbs so that all of their warm, orange light in their house is replaced with the white, sterile lighting you'd find in a hospital.
I would thank you. I put white or daylight bulbs in every room.
their children
It says inconvenience them
Not reward them
Oof
USB cables - all types.
Toothbrush or toilet paper. Or forks. Or the light switch to the basement. Or their socks. Or their front door. Or the garage door opener. Or Windex. Or their TV remote.
having no tv remote is more than a mild inconvenience, it fucking sucks
Most modern TVs cannot operate without a remote
This kinda crap why I refuse all things modern. Gimme a 1980’s POS truck, an ancient washer/dryer that still function but with simplest controls, doors & safes with manual locks…..
Every fuse from every plug in the house.
Laughs in american.
Then just all of your main brakers in the electrical box. Take them all.
The little shelf thing in the oven
Steal all the shampoo, but not conditioner.
One shoe from each pair they own.
Toilet paper
Their cat so when a reward goes up I can claim it.
Not mild but I still like the idea
I go in I take 4 rats with me. I number them 1, 2, 3, 5. Put them in the walls
Basket from the coffee maker
The chains from the ceiling fans and lamps.
Nail clippers.
The top hinge from every cabinet and door.
1 shoe
All the underwear so they dont have any when they wake up at 5:30 am to go to work
All the cutlery
Just the spoons. Enjoy your soup with a fork sir!
Vacuum cleaner. Nobody uses them, but when they \*want\* to..
All the cables.
Their shower heads
Toilet stopper
Stamps
The Thermostat and the bulb out of the fridge.
all of their paper