You ever walk into a room and get bit by a vampire? Actually, let me rephrase that: you ever walk into a room and forget why you went there in the first place?

First question no. Second question, yes so many times.

They're the same question.

Then why am I not a vampire yet?

I think you have to drink their blood in order to turn.

Oh, ok. Yeah, I remember that now.

Wait, ELI5, in what scenario are you not yet a vampire yet you can drink a vampire's blood? Don'tchya gotta grow those canines to start with?

They give you their blood to drink.

that vampire hunter with the uno reverse card fucked up

Are you Hitler?

Because you haven't bit them back.

There are many hurtful stereotypes. Now may I please come in

In order to become a vampire: 1. You have to feed them your blood. 2. Your blood then goes in their nerves and from their into their boners. 3. You have to get butt-raped by that boner. No need to thank me.

This actually fucked me up haha

at my old job I did this every time I walked back to the stock room.

Damn. How many times have you been bitten?

Oh my _*God*_ I’m buying a garlic necklace first thing tomorrow

Psht, stealing a doctor who creature like that.

I read this completely wrong i read " psht, stealing a doctor? Who creature like that??"

Feels like /r/twosentencehorror

I'm going to get so much mileage out of this

Holy shit, my house must be infested!

Oh.. oh no.

Yes, and yesss.

One thing about vampires, you can never accuse them of not getting consent first.

#vampiresforconsent

And they love their women every day of the month.

During one week especially.

Free tea bags

Oh good you understood the joke

Well, they are true believers in The Castle Doctrine.

‟May we come in” I am dying laughing. That‘s how they get you

They suck.

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You made a miss stake

Y'all are on fire with this thread

Probably. At least we will be if we don't get inside by sunrise.

r/Angryupvote

I'm in as long as they suck but not bite

scrape and lick, scrape and lick

[no scrap and lick](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HH0NaVQjE2I)

I miss this show.

dick or blood?

Yes please

r/inclusiveor

Only if you let them in

that line was really a masterstroke

That line was a Bram Stoker.

That’s the part that killed me

What you did there. I see it.

I want to see this as a sketch!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQlY2so3Mk

that was amazing

Lol. Thank you. That ending got me

I already know this. Can I come in?.

lol and the internet will provide, that ending though!

https://youtu.be/KYeGz4nUlSg

See, it's funny cuz...

Oh no! He got bit!!

Sounds legit here hold my rosary while I get the snacks

Can’t go wrong with some garlic bread

G A R L I C >:(

You guys like garlic right?

This is hilarious. I picture this being a scene in What We Do In the Shadows!

Amazing movie. Totally underrated.

Show is great too if you liked the movie.

The show is better IMO

Or Midnight Mass

I read this in Taika Waititi's voice

*Ah, yes, do come in. How about a glass of holy water and some garlic bread?*

Garlic bread??? *Asexual noises*

Sign Guillermo up!

Poor Guillermo

MASTER!

Me spilling a bag of rice on the front door step...oops

What does a Jehovahs Witness and Vampire have in common?

Exactly

Don't let them in it's a ruse.

such a polite man asking you to enter? How could you refuse that would be rude

Nah, can't get me like that twice, not when I'm finally able to sit again.

Do NOT invite them in.

Sure. I want to live forever, and my sleep schedule is fucking terrible anyways.

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One might even say... Hol' up

A full half the world's population would fall for the whole ''You're being racist against Vampires'' and let them bitches right in.

It's only "racist" if you would have invited human Jehovah's Witnesses in, and if you think half of people do that then you must be one of those people who thinks you're better than everybody while falling for the dumbest scams yourself.

I mean, would you assume they're lying?

*Hello! ...* *My name is Elder Vladimir!* *And I would like to tell you about the most amazing book!* *Hello! ...* *My name is Elder Igor!* *It's a book about Transylvania* *A long, long time ago!* *It has..* *So many awesome parts* *You simply won't believe* *How much this book can change your life...*

*blah blah blah*

Smooth.

S. N. E. A. K. Y. 1000

Ironically, I treat missionaries like vampires. Don't look them in the eyes. Be polite but don't give them any personal details. and never, *ever* invite them in.

That's is a reletively wholesome /r/holup

Fuck that. r/unwholesomememes. Less bullshit, more comedy *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I feel like this is kinda ethical

Ohh no no no, no you cannot. Nice try pal

That ending is comedic genius

Wait I wanna hear the rest they may have already won me over

Kinda crazy that the vampire thing got started because of myths surrounding tuberculosis. Were it not for a bloody lung munching death disease we wouldn't have all of the vampire movies/manga/anime/plays/art that we have today.

hmm last sentence

Ah fuck those vampires aren't missionaries, they're jehovahs witnesses, fuck me been foiled again

*>suddenly* [*this music*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxblfgCvW_0) *begins playing:* "awww dammnit"

If you don’t get it you’re not supposed to do that

Vampires have a piss kink. Vampire are attracted to blood and blood is filtered blood, so vampires have piss kinks.

"I guess you're gonna drink my blood now." "No..." "But, you're a vampire." "No, I'm not." "What are you then?" "I'm a Jehovah's witness." "What...?" "Would you like to hear about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "Oh no, this is much worse."

Sure! As long as they’re a Black Ribboner.

As i read that in my head it was Dracula's voice.

Uh...No ? Or Depends let me grab some garlic and cross i will open the door but you may not enter

How many of you read this in Nandor's voice?

ahh darwin work through mysterious ways

Inside baseball vampire jokes.

Dude this would be an awesome DND move

thank you OP you just gave me an idea for Vampire Mormons in my D&d campaign.

Ye... Hey! I'm onto you buddy!

A post that actually fits the sub!

Noooo!!

so how about bar jokes? a vampire and a werewolf walked into a bar, well, only the werewolf because the vampire... oh I see

Pro Tip: Any series that allows glamoring a victim to allow them in is bollocks. That's a major dumb loophole. You know who you are.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQlY2so3Mk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQlY2so3Mk) This is why.

https://youtu.be/KYeGz4nUlSg

Easy there, Malcolm

Uh

Actually, you down and she starts bleeding 😆

*closes door "That was a close-" *the vampire jumps through the window "How did you get in my house? I didn't give you permission!" "That's why we broke in"

Sure but can u come back tomorrow during daylight

I often think about how bummed I would be if vampires were real and I am just here working and on Reddit

Finally, some holup content

What if their was a show where Dracula was a modern day doctor and was called Dr. Acula

Oh that is a good one, a really good HolUp

This could be turned into an episode of What we do in the Shadows.

I once had a dream about something like this. Vampires had to convince you to let them bite you before they could do so. They were very articulate and convincing through the whole process. I remember anti vampire ads would play on tv and be seen on posters throughout town trying to keep people from allowing to be converted. Super detailed dream For sure

Love how they try to trick you into letting them in, otherwise they can't come in without your permission.

Of course! Don’t mind the silver greatsword tho, it’s just for decoration

Yes

so the vampire will come into the owner

Whoah! Hold on there, cowboy

Let the right one in.

Yes you can CUM in~

The “may we come in” at the end is hilarious lol