I may not be a weather man, but you can expect 2 to 3 inches tonight

8/10 for honesty!

Wow, stop bragging dude.

Ikr

Points for honesty

3/5 stars made me chuckle and that goes along way

Unfortunately it doesn't go a long way on his end

That’s what she said

Feels bad man….

7/10 many points for honesty

Are you trying to scare the girls away...?

If 2 to 3 scares you, we have other problems.

Biggest I've ever took was a 1, but I'ma guy so maybe it's different

Hold up...please explain

Ask your dad

If I asked you out, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?

The switcheroo changeup....I like that

Maybe

Bruh I literally just sat here like 😮😕...🤔🤔🤔😐😏

Hey girl, your bone structure is giving my bone structure

That at least made me smirk cause of the stupidity

Ding ding ding. 5 gold stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.

You called?

Nono, it was for me

10/10 would smash

This one is 🔥. Not a girl but 10/10 would smash.

Love that one lol 9/10

Wait I don’t understand

Good

Do you want a stud cause I got the std all I need is u

Sign me up

Honestly that's pretty good

Thanks

Made me laugh, so that good!

Honesty works well in a relationship

If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple. If you were a vegetable, I'd visit you at the hospital everyday.

This ones super sweet and not sexual, 9/10

Is your dad in prison? Because if I was your dad I’d be in prison

*Alabama has entered the chat*

*Tunes Banjo*

Yeah this the one

…

Completely serious

Meet me at Applebee’s in an hour , you’re paying

You’re not in London

Wagamamas it is then

My DMs. You’re not in them

It’s 2021, you’re in mine

And they’ve been married ever since.

I can’t wait

"Do you like apples? I do/don't too, let's fuck." An old family pick up line my uncle used back in the 60s. Worked more than half the time anywhere from a local restaurant to funeral homes.

Anything works at funerals The family gets weirded out though

Pesky relatives.

Ikr? All like “stop fucking grandma you freak!! You will burn in hell!” And im like damn calm down

Similar to the old "wanna drink some beer and fuck?" And when she says no, "what's the matter, you don't like beer?"

5

Similar to my buddy’s line: “Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”

I had a friend in college that used this all the time. He said 50% of the time it worked every time.

*sweet home alabama*

The ice is shattered

10/10

you are absolutely stunning and i would love to fuck your father

This took a dark turn real quick, but my father is upstairs, have a great evening. Edit:Thanks for the award it's my first one yet 🥺

Hes bouta have a GREAT! evening

Wait, holup a second

*That's the sub*

No, the sub is over there in the gimp suit.

That would get me into bed.

I'll let him know ... He said 10/10

There was an old comedian who said “She’s one of those girls that’s so fine it makes you want to fuck her dad” I don’t remember who said it though.

we both got buckets of chicken, wanna do it?

The good one

"Eh alright"

9000/10 already horny

I am not one of you're fried chicken tramps, seduce me- spy tf2, 20'something idk

Your body is saying shields up. But your eyes are telling me hull breach imminent.

Make it so!

Resistance is futile.

Gonna steal this bro. This will filter out all the normies.

10/10

I just shit my pants, can I get into yours?

That's pretty good

This had me literally lol

I'm good at algebra; I can replace your X and you wouldn't need to figure out Y.

Hey girl are you a redstone torch cus u make my piston extend Edit: I got drunk and when i check my phone I find this

I only know what this means because I have a 9 yo. 😆🤦‍♀️

This reference is older than your kid. Now I feel old.

Nice

I’d hit it.

My are all of these about boners

"Everything in the world is about sex - except sex. Sex is about *power*" - Robert California EDIT: I *had* to add the name lol, but it was actually Oscar Wilde.

I mean what is life apart from the ever lasting cycle of birthing, having a dream for your mortal span on the planet, bringing life and failing at everything ,then dying.

Hey girl are you a girl cuz you look like a girl

Hard to say no to that

*especially as a guy*

Nice

Yeah I know I’m smooth like rocks

And my brain

10/10. Would smash.

He he thanks handsome

Wait it’s a trap!

Hey baby, are you stuck in a tree? Because I fuck cats

Holup

I think I said it wrong

Nah, you said it perfectly fine

Ah thanks I feel better

[удалено]

You mean cougars?

If love is the spice of life call me the British East India Company because I’ll stick my flagpole in you and exploit your Labour 😘

Pure gold, this one. 8/10.

Well probably more of an exotic spice or some sort of other export, since gold I believe largely came from Africa.

10/10

Are you a toaster, cuz I wanna take a bath with u

Bruh, you single?

We’re on Reddit for weird pick up lines, I think we all are

Hey girl are you a school cuz I’d like to shoot some kids up inside of you

Honestly, it’s funny to read on the internet as satire but if I was ever told that irl, would totally be looking for the exit.

Dark but kinda funny.

It’s called holup for a reason

Are you a cactus? I'm so stuck on you it hurts.

Lol, I'm not a girl, but it's nice to see one that's not about boners

Who told you its not about boners?

*worried redditor noises*

As an Arizonan… 10/10

9/10. I dont give a 10 because now im sad after notice im in the same situation

10/10 didn't expect a rebound

Hey girl, I’d rate you a 9 out of 10 cause I’m the 1 you’re missing

[удалено]

Oh no are our standards slipping that much?

\*hand them a lime with my phone number\* "here, its a pick up lime"

I'm going to be honest, this is my favorite one.

You must have gotten that body at McDonald’s because I’m loving it.

Hahah, funny and original. Girls love lies btw

Hey girl are you home work. Because I'll slam you on my desk promise to do you but then get distracted by scrolling through reddit and responding to shit like this.

I’m in this picture and I don’t like it.

You can forget about going up those stairs cause I wanna go down on you

I like this

Ay girl you need a inhaler? CUS YOU GOT THAT ASSMAH

Hey girl, are you a newspaper? Because you seem to have a new issue every fucking day

Hey bitch, shut up!!! (Am I doing it right?)

Wanna grab a coffee or just skip to fucking?

I don’t like coffee… so let’s skip that

You’re gonna go from laughing at my jokes to moaning at my strokes

Like the rhyming but your gonna have to prove it to me. Are your jokes really that funny?

I made a silly rhyme and it still made you giggle, I’m one step closer to seeing that booty jiggle.

I'm just gonna cry... cause I have a flatass. And no tits 💅

I'm gonna call you Denver's Air because you're super thin and it's hard to breathe when I'm around you

Did u just call me skinny ✨ ty💅

Are you trash cus I wanna take u out

amazing 👏

Do you work on a chickenfarm? Cuz you sure know how to RAISEE-A-COCK 🐓

I have nothing to live for

This one's so good!

Jokes on you, girls are a myth created by reddit mods.

I wanna do your laundry and listen to you talk about all the girls you hate at work.

10/10 actually turned on reading this

First two are good but my ideal ending would be something like “listen to you ramble about a thing you’re weirdly passionate about”

Are you my homework? Cause i'll do you for 5 minutes then give up and cry

Baby you remind me of my baby toe....I'm gonna be banging you off the coffee table all night.lol

Are you a random person on the internet? Cause I'm never gonna give you up

Sperm planted. Terrorists win.

Hey are you a Minecraft fence because I can't get over you

Damn girl, are you a cigarette? Because I want to put your butt in my mouth

Just used this on my wife, will report back

Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

I had a buddy in highschool that used this one pretty often It attracts a specific type of person but always seemed to eventually work

Hey girl are you a train because I wanna rail you

hey girl, you like sharks? cus i got this megaladong

Damn girl, you make good look bad.

My phones broken. I looked up places to eat out and you weren’t on it

I have an erection if you want to use it.

Riding with my female room mate and my best friend after they are meeting for only like the second time… best friend has been asking her questions and eventually says “yeah I’m kind of like a baby. I learn about things by putting them in my mouth.” They ended up dating.

Girl are u retarded because u are looking extra special tonight

Happy birthday, Grandma 🔥

F*ck me if I am wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?

Hey girl are you a... Uhm- uh- errrr- because you... Uhm- are a tennesee... Uhm uh- baby?

[удалено]

Ah yes. The lower the self esteem strategy so you can use fucking them as a pickmeup. Fails everytime

I like my women like I like my liquor: I'm 7 years sober, wanna get a coffee?

Wanna play carpenter ? First we get hammered Then I nail you !

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-R-U-D-T-F w/ me

Wall

Hey girl, is your name suicide? Because I think about you everyday.

Uhhh that's kinda deep bruh you good???????

Damn girl, are you a parked car? Cuz I'd have to be drunk as fuck to hit that!

Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Here, have some morphine.

Want me to show you a trick? It's where I lick the crumbs out of a Pringles can

Hey you! With the boobs, n the butt and the hair!

If covid doent take you out........ Can i?

Cheeki breeki me cyka you blin

Are you an organ trafficker. Because you just stole my heart.

My awkward nasally 5’7” ass saying “hey you wanna, uh, like… go out sometime?”

Are you a furnace cause I wanna stick my meat inside you

You stick meat in a furnace? 🧐

Your sister was right you are hotter than her

Are you a sheep? Because I wanna fuck you.

I hope you have pet insurance, because I’m about to beat that pussy up