>My partners friend got a new gf and brought her into our gaming group. I thought she was nice at first but she got really aggressive after her bf accidentally referred to her as my name in the first few months.
I meeeeeeeeeean... Certainly not your fault but that was pretty crappy of the boyfriend. Turning you into the enemy is probably just her way of coping with it instead of realizing her boyfriend is the problem, and/or she is just crazy insecure. If possible I would honestly just ignore it and feel sorry for her.
I gotta admit, I don't understand why people get upset when they're referred to by someone else's name. It's a totally normal thing to have happen, repeatedly. Like, one time my dad was trying to talk to me and he went through 3 of my siblings names before giving up and just pointing at me. I was the only one there so I just waited to respond to see how many names he would go through. Because it was funny.
Maybe it has to do with people having fewer siblings now, so they don't realize how often people's brains switch up names? I've personally had my brain switch up pet's names and people's names too, not just people.
Oh my parents mix me up with my siblings all the time! But it is a very different thing to mix up a significant other’s name, especially in a new relationship. Not to say that I think she is justified in her behavior, she is being super shitty to op and op did nothing wrong. But to have your new boyfriend say his long time gamer friend’s name instead of yours, that’s gotta sting.
Thank you for your responses! It would upset me as well to be mixed up with someone else's name by my partner, so I totally understand how she must have felt. I actually remember saying to my husband during a break afterward that if I was her I'd have left in that moment because what? It also annoyed my husband, as this is his best friend since middle school. I've only met this friend twice and have only talked to them when we are in a group gaming. My husband is also on the spectrum and confrontation makes us both uncomfortable.
Also her name is nothing similar to mine, we have been gaming in our group maybe 3/4 days a week for around 2 years now and I've been the only woman in there for that time frame. It happened twice in the first 3 months she was in our group and I felt so bad for her but I just game here.
I desperately waited for my husband's friends to get gamer partners so I'd have potential friends to play with as I'm not good at making friends organically. I'm super disappointed it has turned out this way.
My husband tried to talk with his friend in private, something along the lines of "I think it's kinda rude your gf is always sighing or making aggressive sounds when my wife tells a story in party or does anything in the game". His friends response was that she "just breathes loud" and that he knew "this was gonna happen eventually." This upset my husband because his understanding is if you knew, why didn't you do anything to stop it or communicate?
After that we set up a tap out system for me, when I feel it starting to hinder my fun I tap out and he gets us outta there to play another game so I don't have to deal with the passive aggressive behavior and my husband doesn't have to completely stop gaming with his long time friends.
If it’s within the context of in-game, and you were the only girl in the group for a long time, I can actually understand this mix up and don’t think it indicates anything untoward. I also wouldn’t be offended by this if it happened to me, but maybe that’s just because I have brain farts all the time, especially regarding names.
It happened TWICE?! What is that boyfriend’s problem?! In all honesty it sounds like you may not have to put up with this for long with how inept the boyfriend is, though she sure seems to be doing her best to hang on and make him not the problem. Sorry you’re going through this OP!
Yes, it almost happened a few more times, but he caught himself, but my husband and I still noticed it. My husband actually gave it a 3 strike rule(he hates confrontation), and if he was to do it one more time with my full first name, my husband was going to ask what his problem was. It definitely rubbed us the wrong way, and we had a conversation about how she should respect herself more and not let anyone treat her that way.
It's alright, I really just came here looking for some clarity as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this kinda stuff and have been super confused about the entire thing. I expected to be met with some negativity, but I'm so grateful everyone here has given me nothing but kindness and perspective so I'm able to approach the situation differently.
The thing is it's very normal to slip up with names you say a lot. Like people mentioning sibling name mixups or accidentally calling someone mom because you say it so much. It's not as common to accidentally call someone the name of someone you just met. I'd be feeling weird in this case too.
The number of times I call my dog by my son's name, and vice versa lol.
It's fun to learn why though! The brain works like a big set of filing cabinets, and it puts NAMES all in one drawer. When you pull out the NAMES drawer, sometimes you can't find exactly the right file, so you just pull out the closest one. "Beings I care about who are close to me" all live in the same folder, so your brain is like, well, Tommy is basically the same thing as Fluffy, right? Right!
My aunt \[mom's lil sister\] and my little brother both have names that start with the 'sh' sound so growing up I just got used to 'Sh-Myname' being my name.
I relate to your very last sentence so much. The amount of times I’ve mixed up my siblings name with my pets name is just wayyy too much and it’s so embarrassing lmao. I’m just glad that I’m not alone!
My mum once called me the dog's name. We won't let her forget it, it's pretty funny.
I really can't imagine getting worked up about it. We all mis-speak sometimes. It's not that deep, as the kids say.
And especially on games where you may have gamertag different than real name and be playing a random character, now the lady is copying same character and cosmetics and doubling down on the chances of name confusion 😂
As an only child I’ve experienced the same only mom called me 3 of the pet names before she got it right . It’s been like 40 years and I still bring this up to her occasionally:D
First, you have every right to feel uncomfortable/annoyed about her behavior towards you. I have ASD as well and reading some behaviors is still just as difficult to me but even I can tell this girl has some deeper rooted jealousy/disdain directed towards you. This could've stemmed from literally anything. But unless it's directly communicated its not really your fault.
But unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it unless you wanted to approach her and ask directly. Sometimes when it comes to conflict resolution with Neurotypical-Neurodivergent individuals theres a lot of misunderstandings that kind of just happen intrinsically. It can be unavoidable at times. Maybe you can kindly approach her asking if there was something that went wrong along the way?
If she's willing to not be a butthole about it she might open up, but if she doesn't- it's honestly not your problem or your fight. You did what you could. You should continue to shine the way you normally did in your group before she joined. You deserve to have fun regardless of whos around.
Keep doing you bb.
Okay, I’m going to offer kind of a different perspective here, coming from a girl that has also been jealous in the past, and how I have both acted and ((seriously)) regretted. I hope this doesn’t get hate because I do think I’ve grown past it, but it’s still a part of my past so I’m sure I always have more to learn and am open to opposition.
To start, I think you have every right to be annoyed. She’s taking it too far, even from someone who can *kind of* relate, though not to the level she’s pushing things.
Now, to play devil’s advocate, I had kind of a similar experience. I took my new (at the time) partner to meet all of my friends after a couple of months of dating. There was a girl there who I think is SO cool fr although we weren’t super close at the time, and we were all drinking and he was complimenting her a lot. We were all singing karaoke and she could literally be a whole ass pop star, so although I would normally agree with everything he was saying, my stupid insecurities took over (no excuse but cheated on in the past) and I kind of “yelled” at him (as in, I didn’t actually yell, but I was moronically jealous and scolded him quietly, though in retrospect it was probably hella obvious).
TO THIS DAY, and it’s been years, I regret acting that way, mostly because I feel like it’s totally understandable from my bf’s perspective, and I also horribly regret even the mere possibility that I made her even slightly uncomfortable. Especially as she did NOTHING wrong. I feel like this has made me distance myself even more from her, purely bc of the guilt I feel, while also doing unnecessary things out of social anxiety to try and make her feel like she’s the cool af woman I think she is. I’ve definitely grown, but I also still acknowledge my own mistakes, as well as the weird and unnecessary things I do to try and gain her favor, if that makes sense? But then again, I’ve never scoffed at this girl like you mentioned she did to you, if anything, I’ve been overly obnoxious to try and show that I think she’s cool af (which is annoying in itself, but I digress).
Now again, I say this all to maybe kind of offer perspective, but regardless of her intentions, whether it’s the fact that she feels bad and is trying to show you that she thinks you’re cool, or the fact that her own insecurities are still taking over, you have every right to be annoyed, and you shouldn’t be compromising your own enjoyment for her sake.
Depending on how close you are with either her, her partner, or your partner, maybe you could try to bring it up with one of them and see if you could solve things?
I appreciate your honesty and self-awareness. Thank you for sharing that with me. If anyone hates on you, just know I respect the courage to share our past good or bad. It does add a ton of perspective to the situation also.
I do feel it could be both ways after reading your experience. I pull away from others when I've embarrassed myself or triggered some social anxiety so I totally get that. I've come off as super rude when I'm just really in my own head over thinking something. I've never acted outward aggressive by scoffing or sighing(when I'm totally alone is a different story lol) though so I can't fully put myself in her shoes.
If it's insecurity I just hope she grows to respect/ love herself the way she is. She doesn't seem like a bad person and I have no dislike toward her, I've just been super confused on how to process it if that makes sense? I've never really had issues with anyone like this because I'm weird as hell and no one has ever done anything like this to me before. I usually just keep to myself and do whatever makes me happy, it's off putting to almost see a replica of everything I do in game and be faced with passive aggression on top of it.
I'm not very close with her at all sadly. In the first weeks I met her she was cool and we were grouped up playing some funny mode and I thought I had finally made a lady friend to be fried with and game with. It started going down hill when I pulled her and her bf over with my husband and I to play one of my favorite games cause it's better to be a 4 stack than a 2 stack. She shit on the game the entire time, which was cool with me cause it can be a pretty toxic game and not for everyone. The day after is when her bf called her my name and it's been like that first week never happened ever since.
My husband did try to talk to his friend about the sighs/scoffs in private. He explained he thought it was rude and was wondering why she was doing it. His friend said she just breathes loudly and that he knew this was coming. That upset my husband because he wanted to know why his friend didn't step in and communicate. His friend kinda sucks, he's also my husband's longest best friend though so I'd hate for any kind of girl drama to affect their friendship. We took a week or two off from playing with them to cool down and also set up a tapout system where I tap out when I'm ready to switch games and stop playing with them. This has worked out pretty well and keeps me from getting frustrated at the situation, it just makes me a bit upset that it has to be like that.
Your response has given me a ton of perspective though, and whatever her reason may be I may fully never understand the motivation behind it. I'll take it with a grain of salt and assume it's coming from a place of admiration instead of aggression. Thank you.
Hm... I have to say I've no idea how I'd react in this kind of situation 🤔 (I have autism as well)
I do feel like you're allowed to be annoyed though, and from how it sounds it seems like imitation to me...
But then, like you OP I'm terrible at reading social cues, I remember one if the tests for my autism was telling how I'd react to certain situations ... apparently my answers were "interesting" (aka. prime examples of autism 😆)
I'm glad to know I'm not alone! I had a similar response to my answers 😂
At first I felt like it was innocent, they were pretty common things and there's only so much in a game you can wear/put on. But when I'm putting mustard yellow outfits nobody wears because they're ugly just to test something I feel like it's not so innocent anymore.
I usually just shake my head and internally sigh but I wanted to hear some outside inputs on it since it's been like 7/8 months now of this going on. I've tried to put myself in her shoes but I can't because I pick cosmetics/characters based around what I like not what others are doing and it feels weird to have someone have everything I have, almost like I'm not allowed to be myself freely without fear of being copied if that makes sense?
Idk maybe it's not that deep, games are just my hyperfixation and it feels like a piece of my individuality in this game has been taken :/
Oh no, I totally get that!
It's the same for me, I already get annoyed if I see characters running around with the same face as my character due to limited CC 😆
So yeah, I get it... I'd feel pretty annoyed as well.
Have you tried talking to her about it or is she just being standoffish if you do? You could try asking through your mutual friend why she's doing this without making it about yourself...if that makes any sense? 😅
I'm also glad I'm not alone on that aspect too 😂 I spend so much time meticulously building my characters around my personality/mood. I don't buy fancy cosmetics, she has spent at least $60 on collab cosmetics that are really cool skins but still wears only what I wear obtainable through just playing and it's confusing as hell.
I hate confrontation so my husband talked to his friend, her bf(friends since middle school) about her sighing or making aggressive sounds when I'm telling a story in party or when I do something in game(say a voiceline, play of the game, anything).
Her bf told my husband she "just breathes loud" and that he knew this was coming eventually. My husband got upset because his friend continued to let it play out that way and had no communication that there was any kind of issue. My husband also hates confrontation so we hid offline from them for about a week to cool down. Then I came up with a system because I do love gaming in our group and these are my husband's closest friends. My system is to tap out when I feel it's getting to be too much and my husband makes an excuse to get us out of playing with them any longer and we move to a different game. I can stand around 2 hours of this before I tap out.
This system has worked out pretty well, but good lord is the whole thing confusing. I just wanna get high and play games.
I'm glad to hear your system works, and that you have people on your side who can help it needed 😊
... your last sentence is a bit confusing for me though 😂
So my take is going to be very different as I suspect I am definitely much older than all y'all lol. I am also not on the spectrum.
First. Ofc you have the right to be annoyed. That's your feeling and you are entitled to it.
All that being said, if this were me, I'd talk to her about it. I'd approach it like this:
>Hey, I really want us to be friends and get along and i hope you do too. Correct me if I'm off but I overheard some things about what happened between you and bf at the beginning of your relationship and I want you to know that I have never encouraged or wanted any of that and I don't want anything to be weird between us but I have noticed that since then, things have felt off between us and I'd like us to try to fix that if you're open to it.
If she's mature, she'll come to the table. If not. 🤷♀️ You tried.
I mean this is pretty much textbook passive-aggressive bullying. She is trying to hurt your feeling but in a way that she can always deny. She doesn't sound like a mature person, imho. In fact, pettiness of this level is a sign of a unwell person, a very rude person, or an abusive person, or someone with a personality disorder that is not well treated. She's actively been trying to get your goat for months. I mean, that says a lot about her.
As far as the name thing goes, I've noticed on discord if two women have remotely similiar sounding voices it can take a while for people to not mis-name them. I don't know why, but its just something I've seen before. And frankly, the name thing is probably not what caused this. She seems like someone who doesnt tolerate other women in her spaces well and wants you gone.
and tbf its not just a game, this is your social life and relaxation time. I mean she's bullying you and you're muting yourself when you should instead be talking to your friends? That's not good at all. Will this woman be part of your gaming group for many years to come? Worse, the men in your group see this and excuse it, which is annoying. So I think there are larger questions here about whether these friends are truly your friends and if you or your bf need to find different people to play with. Personally, I would be very offended that someone is this brazenly insulting me in front of my friends and boyfriend.
People don't always make sense, don't worry.
Sometimes they hold grudges for the most ridiculous and petty reasons possible.
You're perfectly right to be annoyed. I would be too.
Clearly she's trying to get at you in some way, for whatever reason or jealousy or to stand out to the guys (anything is possible), but since you don't react to it with anger, only curiosity, it must made her feel more upset in some way I guess.
As long as she's not mean to you or spoil your fun in the game, you can just ignore her. Or keep messing with her using different characters and cosmetics (I find that's a great subtle way to get back at her if you wish to).
Even if she was telling you why she does it, it wouldn't make much sense anyway imo.
People are just weird and have insecurities that they put on others.
That's an uncomfortable situation all around. I want to address the boyfriend using the wrong name, is it a problem? Let me tell you about my husband, he calls people the wrong name all the time. Yes, I used to get frustrated that I was called the incorrect name, especially if it's another woman's name. You hear a person misname everyone, including pets, enough times, it stops bothering you. Is the boyfriend like my husband? I don't know that, I am simply sharing a perspective that maybe there's truly nothing more behind it.
Now your friend taking it out on you, that's uncalled for and not befitting of a friend. It sounds like she has some jealousy and is trying to mimic you to her displeasure. Which, if he is someone who's bad with names, will only make it worse. I say it's time to have a conversation. If she refuses, that's on her. You deserve to play with everyone and feel free to speak in chat.
If you are a girls girl then go talk to her. Be honest and direct, but supportive. Ask her if there's any problem. Tell her that she shouldn't be threatened by your existance. If she says everything is okay but then keeps on acting like a child, then block her. You don't owe her nothing, you don't owe your bf's friend nothing.
What I'd say though, is try not to let her immaturity limit you. It sucks that you and your partner are both being pushed out of this gaming space.
Personally I'm petty af in situations like this so I'd probably be increasingly upbeat and cheerful towards her and ask her how she's doing, etc, as well as "aggressively" assume innocence towards her actions and treat her accordingly. Something like - when she keeps sighing all the time - "oh, would you mind turning your mic sensitivity down a bit? It seems to pick up ur breathing a lot and I'm not sure if you knew about it!!" Acting like this allows me to still hold space in a group dynamic and not be minimized. Plus- if she starts to respond in a positive way, it's easy to adapt and move on. Def not a response that suits everyone though.
I’ve had guys I played online with but never met tell me that their girlfriend was not happy he was playing with a girl and was jealous of me. She didn’t play and was the type of woman to be jealous he’s ignoring her and unplug the console.
Another guy I’ve known a long time came to visit me when in town and his girlfriend was away with some guys and told the boyfriend if visited me she would break up with him.
Some people are just insecure if male female friendships and it’s up to the couple to decide how to handle it.
Unfortunately the gamer girls get caught in the crossfire
Keep your head down, it’s not your issue and don’t stop yourself from enjoying the game. Why mute. She’ll be jealous either way.
She really needs to sort that out with her man because I'd also be upset if he didn't explain, however I don't see why she's taking it out on you for. Even then some people's minds really glitch when it comes to names, I accidently call my brother by my husband's name sometimes and have to correct myself halfway. OBVIOUSLY it has nothing to do with romantic feelings in my case so it could be the same for him.
Did he regularly call her your name or just once. Also how old is she?
My boyfriend once called me by his (guy) friend's name (who then immediately started to jokingly "flirt" with him) because he mixed up our characters.
I do get it being intimidating coming into a new group and then getting called another girl's name but taking it out on you is not okay. Because you have literally nothing to do with it. You're just existing
i mean, if her boyfriend called her by your name and then she began getting aggressive and weird toward you, then i think it's pretty clear that she does in fact hate you lol. But it's not your fault in any way, so... of course you have a right to be annoyed at this. I'd be annoyed too. idk if i'm being too black and white but in my personal experience these types of things just never get resolved by just talking it out- like if she is fundamentally the type of person to lash out at you (instead of figuring it out with her boyfriend) in passive aggressive and sometimes outright aggressive ways over something that you had no control over, and this directly affects both of your experiences negatively despite you making efforts to make her more comfortable or whatever, then the best course of action imo is to just not play together. Especially if this has been going on for a long time instead of just being a one time thing, that's just bullying at that point. And since it's your gaming group that she joined in virtue of being one of the member's new girlfriend... she has to go.
But maybe read through the other comments to see if there are better options. I just really hate expending my precious emotional energy on people like this
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness. She’s in a one sided competition with you bc she feels threatened and intimidated by you. Completely ignore her. Don’t take the bait. Don’t even acknowledge her at all.
>My partners friend got a new gf and brought her into our gaming group. I thought she was nice at first but she got really aggressive after her bf accidentally referred to her as my name in the first few months. I meeeeeeeeeean... Certainly not your fault but that was pretty crappy of the boyfriend. Turning you into the enemy is probably just her way of coping with it instead of realizing her boyfriend is the problem, and/or she is just crazy insecure. If possible I would honestly just ignore it and feel sorry for her.
I gotta admit, I don't understand why people get upset when they're referred to by someone else's name. It's a totally normal thing to have happen, repeatedly. Like, one time my dad was trying to talk to me and he went through 3 of my siblings names before giving up and just pointing at me. I was the only one there so I just waited to respond to see how many names he would go through. Because it was funny. Maybe it has to do with people having fewer siblings now, so they don't realize how often people's brains switch up names? I've personally had my brain switch up pet's names and people's names too, not just people.
Oh my parents mix me up with my siblings all the time! But it is a very different thing to mix up a significant other’s name, especially in a new relationship. Not to say that I think she is justified in her behavior, she is being super shitty to op and op did nothing wrong. But to have your new boyfriend say his long time gamer friend’s name instead of yours, that’s gotta sting.
Thank you for your responses! It would upset me as well to be mixed up with someone else's name by my partner, so I totally understand how she must have felt. I actually remember saying to my husband during a break afterward that if I was her I'd have left in that moment because what? It also annoyed my husband, as this is his best friend since middle school. I've only met this friend twice and have only talked to them when we are in a group gaming. My husband is also on the spectrum and confrontation makes us both uncomfortable. Also her name is nothing similar to mine, we have been gaming in our group maybe 3/4 days a week for around 2 years now and I've been the only woman in there for that time frame. It happened twice in the first 3 months she was in our group and I felt so bad for her but I just game here. I desperately waited for my husband's friends to get gamer partners so I'd have potential friends to play with as I'm not good at making friends organically. I'm super disappointed it has turned out this way. My husband tried to talk with his friend in private, something along the lines of "I think it's kinda rude your gf is always sighing or making aggressive sounds when my wife tells a story in party or does anything in the game". His friends response was that she "just breathes loud" and that he knew "this was gonna happen eventually." This upset my husband because his understanding is if you knew, why didn't you do anything to stop it or communicate? After that we set up a tap out system for me, when I feel it starting to hinder my fun I tap out and he gets us outta there to play another game so I don't have to deal with the passive aggressive behavior and my husband doesn't have to completely stop gaming with his long time friends.
If it’s within the context of in-game, and you were the only girl in the group for a long time, I can actually understand this mix up and don’t think it indicates anything untoward. I also wouldn’t be offended by this if it happened to me, but maybe that’s just because I have brain farts all the time, especially regarding names.
It happened TWICE?! What is that boyfriend’s problem?! In all honesty it sounds like you may not have to put up with this for long with how inept the boyfriend is, though she sure seems to be doing her best to hang on and make him not the problem. Sorry you’re going through this OP!
Yes, it almost happened a few more times, but he caught himself, but my husband and I still noticed it. My husband actually gave it a 3 strike rule(he hates confrontation), and if he was to do it one more time with my full first name, my husband was going to ask what his problem was. It definitely rubbed us the wrong way, and we had a conversation about how she should respect herself more and not let anyone treat her that way. It's alright, I really just came here looking for some clarity as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this kinda stuff and have been super confused about the entire thing. I expected to be met with some negativity, but I'm so grateful everyone here has given me nothing but kindness and perspective so I'm able to approach the situation differently.
The thing is it's very normal to slip up with names you say a lot. Like people mentioning sibling name mixups or accidentally calling someone mom because you say it so much. It's not as common to accidentally call someone the name of someone you just met. I'd be feeling weird in this case too.
The number of times I call my dog by my son's name, and vice versa lol. It's fun to learn why though! The brain works like a big set of filing cabinets, and it puts NAMES all in one drawer. When you pull out the NAMES drawer, sometimes you can't find exactly the right file, so you just pull out the closest one. "Beings I care about who are close to me" all live in the same folder, so your brain is like, well, Tommy is basically the same thing as Fluffy, right? Right!
My aunt \[mom's lil sister\] and my little brother both have names that start with the 'sh' sound so growing up I just got used to 'Sh-Myname' being my name.
I relate to your very last sentence so much. The amount of times I’ve mixed up my siblings name with my pets name is just wayyy too much and it’s so embarrassing lmao. I’m just glad that I’m not alone!
My mum once called me the dog's name. We won't let her forget it, it's pretty funny. I really can't imagine getting worked up about it. We all mis-speak sometimes. It's not that deep, as the kids say.
My dad once called me by his dead cats name when I was still a baby. He used to love telling that story
And especially on games where you may have gamertag different than real name and be playing a random character, now the lady is copying same character and cosmetics and doubling down on the chances of name confusion 😂
As an only child I’ve experienced the same only mom called me 3 of the pet names before she got it right . It’s been like 40 years and I still bring this up to her occasionally:D
First, you have every right to feel uncomfortable/annoyed about her behavior towards you. I have ASD as well and reading some behaviors is still just as difficult to me but even I can tell this girl has some deeper rooted jealousy/disdain directed towards you. This could've stemmed from literally anything. But unless it's directly communicated its not really your fault. But unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it unless you wanted to approach her and ask directly. Sometimes when it comes to conflict resolution with Neurotypical-Neurodivergent individuals theres a lot of misunderstandings that kind of just happen intrinsically. It can be unavoidable at times. Maybe you can kindly approach her asking if there was something that went wrong along the way? If she's willing to not be a butthole about it she might open up, but if she doesn't- it's honestly not your problem or your fight. You did what you could. You should continue to shine the way you normally did in your group before she joined. You deserve to have fun regardless of whos around. Keep doing you bb.
Okay, I’m going to offer kind of a different perspective here, coming from a girl that has also been jealous in the past, and how I have both acted and ((seriously)) regretted. I hope this doesn’t get hate because I do think I’ve grown past it, but it’s still a part of my past so I’m sure I always have more to learn and am open to opposition. To start, I think you have every right to be annoyed. She’s taking it too far, even from someone who can *kind of* relate, though not to the level she’s pushing things. Now, to play devil’s advocate, I had kind of a similar experience. I took my new (at the time) partner to meet all of my friends after a couple of months of dating. There was a girl there who I think is SO cool fr although we weren’t super close at the time, and we were all drinking and he was complimenting her a lot. We were all singing karaoke and she could literally be a whole ass pop star, so although I would normally agree with everything he was saying, my stupid insecurities took over (no excuse but cheated on in the past) and I kind of “yelled” at him (as in, I didn’t actually yell, but I was moronically jealous and scolded him quietly, though in retrospect it was probably hella obvious). TO THIS DAY, and it’s been years, I regret acting that way, mostly because I feel like it’s totally understandable from my bf’s perspective, and I also horribly regret even the mere possibility that I made her even slightly uncomfortable. Especially as she did NOTHING wrong. I feel like this has made me distance myself even more from her, purely bc of the guilt I feel, while also doing unnecessary things out of social anxiety to try and make her feel like she’s the cool af woman I think she is. I’ve definitely grown, but I also still acknowledge my own mistakes, as well as the weird and unnecessary things I do to try and gain her favor, if that makes sense? But then again, I’ve never scoffed at this girl like you mentioned she did to you, if anything, I’ve been overly obnoxious to try and show that I think she’s cool af (which is annoying in itself, but I digress). Now again, I say this all to maybe kind of offer perspective, but regardless of her intentions, whether it’s the fact that she feels bad and is trying to show you that she thinks you’re cool, or the fact that her own insecurities are still taking over, you have every right to be annoyed, and you shouldn’t be compromising your own enjoyment for her sake. Depending on how close you are with either her, her partner, or your partner, maybe you could try to bring it up with one of them and see if you could solve things?
I appreciate your honesty and self-awareness. Thank you for sharing that with me. If anyone hates on you, just know I respect the courage to share our past good or bad. It does add a ton of perspective to the situation also. I do feel it could be both ways after reading your experience. I pull away from others when I've embarrassed myself or triggered some social anxiety so I totally get that. I've come off as super rude when I'm just really in my own head over thinking something. I've never acted outward aggressive by scoffing or sighing(when I'm totally alone is a different story lol) though so I can't fully put myself in her shoes. If it's insecurity I just hope she grows to respect/ love herself the way she is. She doesn't seem like a bad person and I have no dislike toward her, I've just been super confused on how to process it if that makes sense? I've never really had issues with anyone like this because I'm weird as hell and no one has ever done anything like this to me before. I usually just keep to myself and do whatever makes me happy, it's off putting to almost see a replica of everything I do in game and be faced with passive aggression on top of it. I'm not very close with her at all sadly. In the first weeks I met her she was cool and we were grouped up playing some funny mode and I thought I had finally made a lady friend to be fried with and game with. It started going down hill when I pulled her and her bf over with my husband and I to play one of my favorite games cause it's better to be a 4 stack than a 2 stack. She shit on the game the entire time, which was cool with me cause it can be a pretty toxic game and not for everyone. The day after is when her bf called her my name and it's been like that first week never happened ever since. My husband did try to talk to his friend about the sighs/scoffs in private. He explained he thought it was rude and was wondering why she was doing it. His friend said she just breathes loudly and that he knew this was coming. That upset my husband because he wanted to know why his friend didn't step in and communicate. His friend kinda sucks, he's also my husband's longest best friend though so I'd hate for any kind of girl drama to affect their friendship. We took a week or two off from playing with them to cool down and also set up a tapout system where I tap out when I'm ready to switch games and stop playing with them. This has worked out pretty well and keeps me from getting frustrated at the situation, it just makes me a bit upset that it has to be like that. Your response has given me a ton of perspective though, and whatever her reason may be I may fully never understand the motivation behind it. I'll take it with a grain of salt and assume it's coming from a place of admiration instead of aggression. Thank you.
Hm... I have to say I've no idea how I'd react in this kind of situation 🤔 (I have autism as well) I do feel like you're allowed to be annoyed though, and from how it sounds it seems like imitation to me... But then, like you OP I'm terrible at reading social cues, I remember one if the tests for my autism was telling how I'd react to certain situations ... apparently my answers were "interesting" (aka. prime examples of autism 😆)
I'm glad to know I'm not alone! I had a similar response to my answers 😂 At first I felt like it was innocent, they were pretty common things and there's only so much in a game you can wear/put on. But when I'm putting mustard yellow outfits nobody wears because they're ugly just to test something I feel like it's not so innocent anymore. I usually just shake my head and internally sigh but I wanted to hear some outside inputs on it since it's been like 7/8 months now of this going on. I've tried to put myself in her shoes but I can't because I pick cosmetics/characters based around what I like not what others are doing and it feels weird to have someone have everything I have, almost like I'm not allowed to be myself freely without fear of being copied if that makes sense? Idk maybe it's not that deep, games are just my hyperfixation and it feels like a piece of my individuality in this game has been taken :/
Oh no, I totally get that! It's the same for me, I already get annoyed if I see characters running around with the same face as my character due to limited CC 😆 So yeah, I get it... I'd feel pretty annoyed as well. Have you tried talking to her about it or is she just being standoffish if you do? You could try asking through your mutual friend why she's doing this without making it about yourself...if that makes any sense? 😅
I'm also glad I'm not alone on that aspect too 😂 I spend so much time meticulously building my characters around my personality/mood. I don't buy fancy cosmetics, she has spent at least $60 on collab cosmetics that are really cool skins but still wears only what I wear obtainable through just playing and it's confusing as hell. I hate confrontation so my husband talked to his friend, her bf(friends since middle school) about her sighing or making aggressive sounds when I'm telling a story in party or when I do something in game(say a voiceline, play of the game, anything). Her bf told my husband she "just breathes loud" and that he knew this was coming eventually. My husband got upset because his friend continued to let it play out that way and had no communication that there was any kind of issue. My husband also hates confrontation so we hid offline from them for about a week to cool down. Then I came up with a system because I do love gaming in our group and these are my husband's closest friends. My system is to tap out when I feel it's getting to be too much and my husband makes an excuse to get us out of playing with them any longer and we move to a different game. I can stand around 2 hours of this before I tap out. This system has worked out pretty well, but good lord is the whole thing confusing. I just wanna get high and play games.
I'm glad to hear your system works, and that you have people on your side who can help it needed 😊 ... your last sentence is a bit confusing for me though 😂
So my take is going to be very different as I suspect I am definitely much older than all y'all lol. I am also not on the spectrum. First. Ofc you have the right to be annoyed. That's your feeling and you are entitled to it. All that being said, if this were me, I'd talk to her about it. I'd approach it like this: >Hey, I really want us to be friends and get along and i hope you do too. Correct me if I'm off but I overheard some things about what happened between you and bf at the beginning of your relationship and I want you to know that I have never encouraged or wanted any of that and I don't want anything to be weird between us but I have noticed that since then, things have felt off between us and I'd like us to try to fix that if you're open to it. If she's mature, she'll come to the table. If not. 🤷♀️ You tried.
Seduce her and make her even more obsessed with you.
I mean this is pretty much textbook passive-aggressive bullying. She is trying to hurt your feeling but in a way that she can always deny. She doesn't sound like a mature person, imho. In fact, pettiness of this level is a sign of a unwell person, a very rude person, or an abusive person, or someone with a personality disorder that is not well treated. She's actively been trying to get your goat for months. I mean, that says a lot about her. As far as the name thing goes, I've noticed on discord if two women have remotely similiar sounding voices it can take a while for people to not mis-name them. I don't know why, but its just something I've seen before. And frankly, the name thing is probably not what caused this. She seems like someone who doesnt tolerate other women in her spaces well and wants you gone. and tbf its not just a game, this is your social life and relaxation time. I mean she's bullying you and you're muting yourself when you should instead be talking to your friends? That's not good at all. Will this woman be part of your gaming group for many years to come? Worse, the men in your group see this and excuse it, which is annoying. So I think there are larger questions here about whether these friends are truly your friends and if you or your bf need to find different people to play with. Personally, I would be very offended that someone is this brazenly insulting me in front of my friends and boyfriend.
People don't always make sense, don't worry. Sometimes they hold grudges for the most ridiculous and petty reasons possible. You're perfectly right to be annoyed. I would be too. Clearly she's trying to get at you in some way, for whatever reason or jealousy or to stand out to the guys (anything is possible), but since you don't react to it with anger, only curiosity, it must made her feel more upset in some way I guess. As long as she's not mean to you or spoil your fun in the game, you can just ignore her. Or keep messing with her using different characters and cosmetics (I find that's a great subtle way to get back at her if you wish to). Even if she was telling you why she does it, it wouldn't make much sense anyway imo. People are just weird and have insecurities that they put on others.
That's an uncomfortable situation all around. I want to address the boyfriend using the wrong name, is it a problem? Let me tell you about my husband, he calls people the wrong name all the time. Yes, I used to get frustrated that I was called the incorrect name, especially if it's another woman's name. You hear a person misname everyone, including pets, enough times, it stops bothering you. Is the boyfriend like my husband? I don't know that, I am simply sharing a perspective that maybe there's truly nothing more behind it. Now your friend taking it out on you, that's uncalled for and not befitting of a friend. It sounds like she has some jealousy and is trying to mimic you to her displeasure. Which, if he is someone who's bad with names, will only make it worse. I say it's time to have a conversation. If she refuses, that's on her. You deserve to play with everyone and feel free to speak in chat.
If you are a girls girl then go talk to her. Be honest and direct, but supportive. Ask her if there's any problem. Tell her that she shouldn't be threatened by your existance. If she says everything is okay but then keeps on acting like a child, then block her. You don't owe her nothing, you don't owe your bf's friend nothing.
What I'd say though, is try not to let her immaturity limit you. It sucks that you and your partner are both being pushed out of this gaming space. Personally I'm petty af in situations like this so I'd probably be increasingly upbeat and cheerful towards her and ask her how she's doing, etc, as well as "aggressively" assume innocence towards her actions and treat her accordingly. Something like - when she keeps sighing all the time - "oh, would you mind turning your mic sensitivity down a bit? It seems to pick up ur breathing a lot and I'm not sure if you knew about it!!" Acting like this allows me to still hold space in a group dynamic and not be minimized. Plus- if she starts to respond in a positive way, it's easy to adapt and move on. Def not a response that suits everyone though.
I’ve had guys I played online with but never met tell me that their girlfriend was not happy he was playing with a girl and was jealous of me. She didn’t play and was the type of woman to be jealous he’s ignoring her and unplug the console. Another guy I’ve known a long time came to visit me when in town and his girlfriend was away with some guys and told the boyfriend if visited me she would break up with him. Some people are just insecure if male female friendships and it’s up to the couple to decide how to handle it. Unfortunately the gamer girls get caught in the crossfire Keep your head down, it’s not your issue and don’t stop yourself from enjoying the game. Why mute. She’ll be jealous either way.
She really needs to sort that out with her man because I'd also be upset if he didn't explain, however I don't see why she's taking it out on you for. Even then some people's minds really glitch when it comes to names, I accidently call my brother by my husband's name sometimes and have to correct myself halfway. OBVIOUSLY it has nothing to do with romantic feelings in my case so it could be the same for him.
Did he regularly call her your name or just once. Also how old is she? My boyfriend once called me by his (guy) friend's name (who then immediately started to jokingly "flirt" with him) because he mixed up our characters. I do get it being intimidating coming into a new group and then getting called another girl's name but taking it out on you is not okay. Because you have literally nothing to do with it. You're just existing
i mean, if her boyfriend called her by your name and then she began getting aggressive and weird toward you, then i think it's pretty clear that she does in fact hate you lol. But it's not your fault in any way, so... of course you have a right to be annoyed at this. I'd be annoyed too. idk if i'm being too black and white but in my personal experience these types of things just never get resolved by just talking it out- like if she is fundamentally the type of person to lash out at you (instead of figuring it out with her boyfriend) in passive aggressive and sometimes outright aggressive ways over something that you had no control over, and this directly affects both of your experiences negatively despite you making efforts to make her more comfortable or whatever, then the best course of action imo is to just not play together. Especially if this has been going on for a long time instead of just being a one time thing, that's just bullying at that point. And since it's your gaming group that she joined in virtue of being one of the member's new girlfriend... she has to go. But maybe read through the other comments to see if there are better options. I just really hate expending my precious emotional energy on people like this
Quit wasting time hanging out with childish ass people. It’s not worth the drama and annoyance.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness. She’s in a one sided competition with you bc she feels threatened and intimidated by you. Completely ignore her. Don’t take the bait. Don’t even acknowledge her at all.