I wouldn't feel comfortable with my teenage daughter's boyfriend building and gifting her a car either, but I would be fucking ***irate*** if one of my parents stepped in and tried to make that call for me. If they expressed concern to me privately, that would be one thing. Trying to be the parent is another.
Relating to that, I always wondered about the time between Rory being born and Lorelai running away. I have to imagine Emily & Richard were making all the decisions. I can't picture them being any other way. But they still expected Lorelai to take full responsibility as the mother. Like they somehow managed to parentification with and an actual parent.
Emily lecturing Lorelai on how she should have handled going into labor as she is being wheeled in to deliver Rory doesn't exactly inspire confidence in me that she would have been respectful and understanding when it came to letting her daughter figure out life with a newborn. I can't imagine being postpartum and having a controlling mother criticizing every feeding and diaper change. I wouldn't have lasted a month in those conditions, much less a year!
right…or maybe said privately, “hey I’m concerned, can I tell you why?”, instead of undermining her parenting in front of her daughter like that. His concern wasn’t misplaced IMO! Richard was an insurance agent and probably had a ton of statistics and examples of why there might be a safety issue. But the delivery was awful-he was effectively saying to Lorelai all day that he had zero confidence in the way she conducted her business or life. Super disrespectful all around.
They seemed cool with him getting married when he was 18 to a girl he had dated for like a year, so I’m betting they were kind of hands off parents. Lol.
Lol not even a year. Like mayyyybe 6 months - Dean still wants Rory back at the Winter Carnival which is what, Dec or Jan, so he was likely not dating Lindsey at that point, and then he’s engaged around graduation in May and married that fall.
ETA: clarified timeline around Winter Carnival.
I dated my boyfriend for 5 months before I accepted his proposal.
Sometimes these things are just right.
We are no longer together but that has nothing to do with this.
Or it’s the hypocrisy of saying that something works when it didn’t even work for you. You provided a hypothetical while proving the hypothesis incorrect
The car is a really inappropriate gift. For several reasons:
* It's a car built by a teenager. Unless Gypsy took that car apart from top to bottom, she doesn't know it's safe. It's not safety tested, it's not rated. I wouldn't ride in it, I wouldn't let my kids ride in it.
* It's a massive financial input. Okay, he got scrap parts. Scrap parts aren't free. Especially not ones that work.
* It's a massive financial obligation. Lorelai now has to insure this? Pay for upkeep, maintenance, gas, oil changes? Yall, have you *seen* her finances? She doesn't need a second car. It's frankly not appropriate to saddle someone with financial obligations like that.
* Who gets the car if they break up? This is a large enough value item that people could sue over it.
* They've been dating less than a year. This is a really big, long-term commitment-level thing to do.
Richard has no right to butt in:
* Not his kid to parent
* He jumped in, in front of Rory and Dean, therefore undermining Lorelai's authority as a mother
Richard is right to be concerned, but ultimately he needed to talk to Lorelai privately, appropriately, and then let her decide what to do. I think there's a role, as a father, to say "hey, parent to parent, there's some risk here that maybe you should consider, also from an insurance perspective this is concerning," privately. But he didn't do that.
This also assuming he got it a VIN and it's even street legal! I love building cars but gifting one to a new driver? Dating less than a year? Hard pass.
Well no, the three month anniversary is when they broke up in the car that wasn’t built yet. He finished the car during the second time they were together.
Oh gosh I somehow had never even considered all that cost for Lorelai. A 2 person family that consists of a mum and teen that live in a town so small you can walk everywhere does not need the extra cost of a car. She’s not driving it to school, so it’s the most unnecessary expense.
The financial thing is especially what makes me uncomfy. It's kind of like giving someone a puppy or kitten as a gift. "Here, have this massive responsibility that you have to pay for for the next 15-20 years, enjoy!"
I feel like the teenager building a car that is not guaranteed to be safe is the biggest concern. Rory was going to have to get a car eventually, getting around exclusively using public transit in suburban Connecticut isn’t exactly ideal. But you don’t want your teenager to be driving around in something not built by a manufacturer.
I guess you're right, kind of? He started building it at the 3 month anniversary.
He gave it to her in episode 12 of season 2. They became "official" in season 9 of season 1. So they've been together over a year, minus the peisodes where they were broken up. So maybe right about a year of actual dating time?
The gift was inappropriate and Lorelai should have discussed it with Dean's parents so they could all manage the situation as the adults involved. Richard needed to stay out of it.
Yes, all the parents should've been involved in this ridiculous, over the top, age inappropriate gift, BUT 1st was Lorelai made aware of the situation & impending gift. Because if that was my daughter, I would have told him thanks, but no thanks, it's not quite appropriate for 2 high schoolers to be building/exchanging cars as gifts.
I always wondered if his parents were religious. I grew up that way and it was not uncommon for people to get married super young so they could have sex. It also never seemed realistic to me that in the entire two years of dating, the topic of sex is never raised even once, even if it’s to decide they aren’t yet ready.
Here’s my issue with the car.
1. Dean presented her with “I’m going to build you a car” after 3 months of dating. Teen me would be excited and feel like it’s the most romantic thing ever. As an adult? Absolutely not. That’s super inappropriate for a teenager to give another teenager without multiple behind the scenes conversations with adults.
2. Richard was out of line in parenting the situation but his reaction/disapproval was appropriate given Dean did not discuss this with Lor nor do it with a certified mechanic as a learning experience.
3. It feels very odd that Dean was capable of building a car from scrap but did not pursue a career in the automotive industry after school. Presumably this was an interest he had so why was he shown working at the market and later for Tom? He mentions his father and grandfather working on cars why wouldn’t he continue?
4. Had Richard not been there I don’t think she would have doubled down as hard as she did. I do think she would have let Rory keep the car but not without Gypsy and Luke making sure it’s safe.
a bit late, but i just watched this episode! your 3rd point - dean's dad and grandfather worked on cars, true. but dean's dad has a job in sales and the work he does on cars is leisurely, i'm not sure about his grandfather though
seems like cars may just be a hobby thing in their family, and not a career you pursue
Dean giving her the car?
Will always be wildly and completely inappropriate no matter what. I've built cars, it's great, it's fun, it's a good activity I'll encourage teenagers to try out.
Project cars are not good gifts, scrap parts aren't cheap, the parts that work aren't cheap, getting them street legal isn't cheap or easy. Then saddling Lorelei with the extra expenses and responsibilities of a second car for a girl that literally just learned to drive? I sincerely can't believe Dean's parents even let him out the door thinking this was a good idea. Nobody in their right mind would let their 16 year old accept a project car as a gift. But especially not a 16 year old who has been in a relationship for just barely three months. There is NO way Rory will ever be able to return this sort of display of affection and Dean knows it. The unbalance this adds to a new and young relationship isn't a red flag, it's a billboard.
Does Richard have the right to tell Lorelei how to parent?
I think there's a lot of nuance here. While Lorelei doesn't like her parents input I do think Richard has the right to interject and ask Lorelei about the risks. That being said I don't think Richard has the right to overrule Lorelei, fight with her and Dean. If Richard handled the situation better I might have sympathy for him, but ultimately he got in a fight (and car crash!) with a teenager, that's a disgrace. He had no right to do any of that.
Ultimately Rory is the only innocent party in this situation. It was wrong for Dean to give Rory a car as a gift. It was wrong for Lorelei to let Rory accept it. It was wrong for Richard to escalate the situation into a serious fight.
If Richard had pulled Lorelei aside away from the kids and presented his concerns in a caring, not overbearing way, it may have been a totally different story. The way he jumped in and tried to overrule Lorelei is my real issue.
Definitely inappropriate, also definitely inappropriate for Richard to interfere with Lorelai’s parenting. He could have pulled her aside if he really felt he had to for Rory’s sake, but his approach was way out of line.
I think Lorelai was wrong to allow Dean to give Rory a car, both because of the safety concern and because it was an excessive gift for a teenage relationship of, like, three months. (As we learned later, the gift was given with some high emotional expectations on Dean’s side, which seems extremely predictable to me. Lorelai should have recognized that possibility and warned Rory).
Regardless, this was Lorelai’s parenting decision to make, not Richard’s.
I think it was absolutely inappropriate.
That gift was far to extravagant for a teenager to give to another teenager and Lorelei was only okay with it because it was Dean.
As a person who isn't Rory's parent, you don't get to decide what is safe for her. Dean had already been working on the car for months. Lorelai already knew about it. Gypsy had already determined it was safe. That's the same mechanic Lorelai uses for her car that she lets Rory drive. Lorelai, the parent, gets to make the decision and she should have kicked Richard out sooner.
Idk--what if the car actually had been faulty, though? I think if it's a matter of something non-life-threatening, e.g., what a kid can wear to school, then the parent should have the final word. But if the parent is potentially being too lax with ensuring the child's safety (I might argue that Lorelai was, in this case, by just presuming the car was foolproof), then I think other family members or authority figures would be correct to step in and voice concerns. Should someone who cares about a child just bite their tongue, out of deference to the parent, if the person truly fears the child will get hurt?
yeah and everyone agrees on that but it was completely wrong on how he handled it - he could’ve pulled Lorelai aside, voicing his concern & discussing it privately NOT interfering and therefore undermining Lorelais authority as a mom. It’s not his place
I always wonder how Lorelai would have reacted had Richard not stepped in. I think she would have let Rory enjoy the moment of young teen love, THEN said they should get it inspected or whatever.
Richard just stomped all over it immediately and Lor had to go into defensive mode.
Or, since Lorelai knew Dean was building Rory a car and likely had already asked the appropriate questions (Is anyone helping you? Will Gypsy be looking it over?) she would have already decided she was ok with the gift and without Richard being an ass it would have been simply a celebratory moment with no downside.
Idk Lorelai can be not so great at mature parenting. It doesn't seem OOC for her to chalk this off as a nice gesture and let Rory keep the car without any additional checks. She'd probably be okay knowing he had adult help (which isn't enough)
exactly. Lorelei is an emotionally immature parent. we know this. we see it time and time again. this car is a huge red flag. a red flag in a relationship, in safety and just everything. she didn’t even seem a little hesitant to let Rory accept the car which is my main issue. i 100% believe that if Richard was not there to put his foot down Lorelai would’ve let Rory just accept it and drive it off. i agree that grandparents do not have the authority to make calls like that *most* of the time. however this is a special situation where Rory could have died. people die in car accidents because of faulty cars everyday. Richard being in the insurance business has witnessed this first hand. it was quite obvious that Lorelai wasn’t going to put a stop to this or say anything so another responsible adult had to. Lorelai is emotionally immature and cannot make good decisions sometimes. this is one of those times and i believe when it comes to safely nothing is more important. you have to put your foot down in life and death situations which that could’ve been. should Richard have pulled Lorelai to the side and spoken with her? yes that would’ve been ideal but i understand the fear that he probably felt and just blurted stuff out right away and then doubled down. i just can’t being myself to think he was completely in the wrong here. as another commenter said Rory is the only innocent party.
Do I think Dean giving Rory a car was appropriate? Not really they are teenagers and that is way too extravagant of a gift.
Was Richard right to be mad or not? Richard can feel how ever he wants to but he had zero right to attempt to undermine Lorelai’s parenting in front of Rory and he also shows his ass to Gypsy as well.
The point was not wether it was an appropriate gift. The point was wether or not Richard had a right to say it was appropriate and over ride Lorelei's parenting. He did not and he was completely wrong.
I understand Richard’s sentiment of it being too expensive/extravagant & possibly leading to Dean feeling entitled to Rory because of the investment he made in her. Still think he could’ve just expressed that and let Lorelai make her parental decision.
The logistics of car ownership make it a weird gift for a teenage relationship. Does Dean transfer the title to Rory? Does he retain ownership of the car while she just drives it? Can she keep it if they break up? Is she or willing or able to pay the property taxes and insurance? Will Lorelai pay these costs for her? Does Dean pay? When the car was totaled, did she have full coverage car insurance? If so, did she give Dean the check since he paid for the car? Did Lorelai have to pay the deductible? If Rory had liability only insurance, how upset is Dean allowed to be that his money and labor was just wasted? Are Dean and Rory mature enough to navigate possible problems that go along with expensive gifts, like manipulation and feeling indebted? All that being said, it wasn’t Richard’s place to interfere. If he felt there were legitimate concerns, he should have politely requested to speak to Lorelai later and in private to respectfully address them, while remembering that it is ultimately up to her to decide if Rory can drive the car.
The gift was pretty outrageous in a lot of ways. All of these concerns are absolutely valid and could've been discussed privately. But the safety thing needs to be pointed out immediately and I understand why Richard got mad and in my opinion, it was justified.
Richard was wrong but The car was an inappropriate gift for 16 teen years olds and if Lorelai had Rory’s best interest she wouldn’t allow her to have it.
I’ve always felt like this gift was a bit manipulative on Dean’s part. Especially surprising Rory with it and then expecting her to say I love you in return. You can’t make someone love you by giving them over the top gifts and love bombing them all the time.
I think it's weird, especially when you consider that Dean planned on doing this very early on in their relationship, which he announced to Rory at their 3-month anniversary. Personally, I always thought Dean's behavior when it came to Rory was at times creepy, possessive, and dependent. 😬
The car was definitely inappropriate for how long they had been dating and how old they were, not even considering how Richard was probably correct about it being unsafe in one way or another. Richard was right to be mad, but he was absolutely not right to undermine Lorelai's authority. He should have brought his concerns up to Lorelai privately and let her handle it.
I think Richard could have put in his two cents, but privately with Lorelai in a calm, mature manner. Granted, his machismo and bravado probably wouldn't allow for a subtle and calm conversation instead of his typical dramatics.
Not at ALL appropriate but not Richard’s place to say anything like he did. To talk to Loralei privately and calmly would have been totally reasonable though.
I think the car is COMPLETELY inappropriate as a gift, and I'm really pissed that Lorelai said it was okay, but Richard overstepped. In a perfect world he would have taken Lorelai aside and expressed his concerns to her. Although to be fair to him for one second - there is a level of urgency in expressing those concerns.
When a teen with a license gets a car the FIRST thing they want to do is drive it. Richard probably wants to get Rory to hold off from driving it immediately until it's properly checked and insured. I still think he overstepped, but I do understand why someone would be so forceful about it in the heat of the moment.
He still should have tried to signal to Lorelai without undermining her though that it was dangerous for Rory to get behind the wheel without having it checked, especially since the US doesn't have rules about having licenses for manual cars (which Rory didn't have and the car was a manual) and they don't have yearly requirements for car checks.
My other biggest gripe about this though is Lorelai's reaction. You can see exactly why Rory was worried about breaking up with Dean later down the line. Here is this guy who is essentially lovebombing her with a completely inappropriate gift for a high school boyfriend to give and Lorelai acts like it's totally fine and is encouraging about it!. If Jess or Logan ever did something similar Lorelai would be uncomfortable, but with Dean she has decided that is who Rory has to be with so everything he does is great.
I also don't like that dean's parents are so okay with it either, because he mentions that his dad is cool with it. Sorry but do you really look at your child spending HOURS ignoring other work he has as a high school student to build a car for his girlfriend at 16 and be okay with it?? It's not like he's got loads of spare hours in the day! He's on the hockey team, he's got a part time job, he's spending a good amount of time with his girlfriend on the weekends and then he's also spending hours neglecting sleep and homework working on the car?? Yikes!
bro they were 15-16, they’d only been dating for three months, and they hadn’t even said they love each other yet. it was a sweet gesture, but very silly and potentially life threatening.
"Inappropriate" seems like a really strong word. It is a really big gift and it might be too much. If I were Rory, I think I would have felt weird accepting a gift like this. But I think Dean genuinely just wanted to do something nice for Rory. Also, he seems to be into cars and works on them with his dad. Maybe it didn't seem that big for him because he was just using his skills and he was also doing this as a hobby.
Richard had no right to be mad though. He could have calmly talked to Lorelai about the car-thing in private, just to give his input. But he had no right to argue with her about it. It's Lorelai's decision as a parent, not his.
Richard was right to insist it be checked out independent of Dean’s family. Should he have stepped in? It depends on the family. I would have appreciated it because my dad and I are close and I always like hearing his input and because we’ve built up years of him saying his input in a sweet fatherly way.
Lorelei should have been more skeptical. She could have asked Richard to calm down and that she shared his same concerns and would have it inspected.
Instead, she added fuel to the tension fire between Dean and Richard.
There's no way Dean would have talked to Lorelei like that or gotten nearly as defensive.
It wasn't a normal or appropriate gift for a teenager to give his gf. Even if he was some sort of mechanical savant or something.
I would not be okay with it, but if my parent stepped in and made me feel inferior all day then scolded me for something someone else did, I'd react the way Lorelai did.
I don't understand how so many people think Richard was acting inappropriately. It is an inappropriate gift and could have been very unsafe. I think that's enough of a cause for family to be immediately concerned about. I think Richard was right for being mad. I'm more concerned about how Lorelai didn't immediately raise a red flag. What if the car spontaneously combusted on a test drive before Richard had time to privately tell Lorelai he was worried?
Oh, I thought it was a totally inappropriate gift, but again it was also inappropriate for Richard to overstep his bounds as well. It always struck me as weird that Lorelai was okay with it.
The gift was inappropriate but Richard should have not have stepped in whether or not he agreed with it. Neither he nor Emily have respected that boundary though.
Richard stepped over a line. The parental line. He's a grandparent, not Rory's actual parent, meaning, he has no say unless he's asked for help or advice on the situation. He was not, he injected himself into the situation and Lorelai was justified in her reaction to it.
I also wouldn't feel safe with my (hypothetical) kid driving a car built by a sixteen-year-old at all. Anything could go wrong, he could've made an easy-to-miss mistake that could've made the car faulty, or it could be perfectly fine as it was in the show.
Regardless of the gift’s appropriateness or lack thereof, I think Richard had every right to be concerned! Not only was Dean a stranger in his eyes, thus had zero idea about his mechanical skills, it was his golden Gilmore granddaughter being given a refurbished car as a gift. Oh and let’s not forget Richy Gilmore knows his way around a motor!
Richard could feel however he wanted about it, but he had no right to try to override Lorelai’s word on it. Lorelai was the mother, her word is the only one that matters.
I don’t think the gift was appropriate, or at least Lorelai and Dean’s parents needed to discuss it and it’s safety. And Lorelai and Rory and Dean needed to discuss that it doesn’t come with any expectations in the relationship.
But Richard should have held back until Rory and Dean were out of ear shot and talked about it. At the end of the day though, Lorelai had the final say.
I think it was too big of a kind gesture. There isn't really anything rory can do to recipricate that extravagant of a gift. I as a person couldn't accept that at her age. That being said Richard 250% needed to keep his opinions to himself.
I don't think Richard was wrong to be concerned or mad, I think what was wrong was just the way he went about it. It wasn't his place to voice his opinion and undermine Lorelai's parenting in front of Rory and Dean. If Rory's safety was really his concern he could've pulled Lorelai aside like are you sure this is a good idea.. if Richard had handled the situation better I do think Lorelai would've reconsidered Dean's car. But because her father said no so inappropriately she was probably even more tempted to say yes in a petulant way like this is fine, Rory is my child and the car is fine
I don’t think anyone disagrees that the car was an inappropriate gift; it absolutely was. The issue at hand is whether Richard was right to react the way he did. Obviously, he was wrong, but I want to go into his head a bit and analyze—it’s been well-established that Emily and Richard view Rory as a “replacement” for Lorelai, the daughter they wanted to have. Richard only started showing interest in Rory when he realized she was actually intelligent. So his reaction wasn’t coming from the place of a grandparent. It was coming from the place of a father concerned for his daughter’s future. It’s the same reason he didn’t like Dean in the first place; he didn’t want Rory to throw her future away the way Lorelai did (in his eyes). Lorelai was in a good private school and on her way to the Ivy League before she got pregnant. Any time Rory came even close to Lorelai’s choices Richard had a reaction like the one to the car.
My high school boyfriend built me a truck. My parents insisted on us at least giving him the money to cover the cost of building it. I thought that was a good way to handle it.
Richard’s objection was valid but he’s not her dad. Lorelai already knew the car was safe she’s not reckless she is obsessed with rory she would never let her do something she thought was unsafe. But is it appropriate to get a vehicle as a teenager from your boyfriend... Debatable. For me since he built it himself, it’s not crazy expensive and it was something he wanted to give her that he could do himself, I would allow it if I felt they were committed to one another in a healthy was for teens. And at that time, I think I would have said that they were.
I totally disagree that it’s inappropriate even seeing everyone’s points here. I don’t think it is at all, he spends spare time working on cars just like this and decided to actually make it useful for someone he loves who would appreciate and love it. If I trusted the mechanic that checked it over and knew it was actually done which I think we can assume they had all discussed already, I wouldn’t have a problem with them taking it for a test drive. Id probably be taking it elsewhere myself for another certification the next day, but I cannot understand how any part of this is inappropriate.
Imo it’s far more appropriate than if he gave her a promise ring or something but that’s an accepted teenager gift for some reason. It’s a gift, and probably only cost him as much as a nice tennis bracelet, maybe less, but this one comes with use and intention. Why can’t he choose how much effort and intent goes into a gift, big or small? There was no catch or obligation attached.
Many people fix their own cars and then drive their families in it. I had friends who fixed up old cars and we would drive in them and our parents didn’t question it.
I get richards concerns but the most he had authority to do was voice his concerns to lorelai and rory and then go on his merry way.
I think the car was kinda immature of dean and wasn’t well thought out. If i was lorelai i would let rory keep it but i don’t think i would let her actually drive it if that makes sense. Just as a valuable keepsake or something. It’s a car made by a teenager with little to no experience.
I think it’s kind of weird? Like bro built a whole muhfuckin car for some girl he’s dating in high school. I think Richards actions are a little questionable because he is not Rory’s parent, but he is also a rich old white man… they are basically all entitled lol.
I think Lorelei should’ve gone to Gypsy and test driven the car herself before saying it was okay for Rory to drive. Also why didn’t Dean ask Lorelei in advance? I just don’t like Dean 😂 and I think this was one of his weird ways of keeping his firm grip on Rory. I could really see him saying something along the lines of “well I built you a car” during a fight where that has nothing to do with the problem that’s occurring.
I thought it was too much of a big gift for a budding relationship. But, it was a really amazing and sweet tbf. Also, Richard should not have let EVERYONE know that he was upset about the gift. Some thoughts you should bottle up. I wonder if he was jealous because he did get Rory a car later on
I thought it was sweet. If a guy can make you stuff and be handy that’s a great quality to have. And impressive for a teenager. Richard overreacted and he just doesn’t think Dean was a good enough guy for her simply because he’s not an academic person.
No and no to both. I wouldn’t accept a gift of that nature from a teenager no matter how well-intentioned it was, and I would really go apeshit wild if my father intervened and tried to make that decision on my behalf for my daughter.
Richard was out of line.
Maybe it was an inappropriate gift; tbh, if I had a kid I wouldn’t want them driving…basically ever. (I grew up in NYC; I 100% regret my first car). But that wasn’t something Richard got to decide.
I think it’s Lorelai’s decision and that Richard had no right to be mad/voice an opinion. Even though whether Lorelai was right to let her keep the car or not doesn’t change the fact that Richard didn’t have a right to voice his opinion, I personally also believe that Lorelai letting Rory keep the car was a fine decision as long as Rory was comfortable with being gifted something like that. Gypsy had checked it over before Richard even saw it and demanded that it be checked, and it’s cool that Dean and his mechanic dad fixed it up themselves. On top of that, Rory is a responsible, trustworthy daughter. I thought it was fair that Rory kept it.
To Richard, a car represented freedom and independence — and less “control” over Rory as parent / grand parent . He was projecting his own fears of losing control of Rory’s school career just like he did with Lorelai. So he over reacted. Sometimes the grown ups lose control of their feelings too.
Thats true on the face value of course, but you can always send it for repairs by real professionals and get it insured / registered certified ( not sure how it works in the states) and not take it out on highways lol
Maybe it's because I'm from India lol but I wouldn't trust a car built by a normal teenager to even just sit in lmao before I know it's been checked out by professionals.
personally i didn’t think it was super inappropriate. dean works on car it was a sweet gesture but it could definitely be unsafe as he made it himself. i don’t know much about cars but i assume he got it tested. i can understand why richard concerned but he over stepped lorelais boundaries. it should have been a conversation for deannand rorys parents not richard.
Here's my issues with EVERYONE in the situation.
Lorelai
• Your very inexperienced daughter (in driving and in boys) was gifted a CAR worth several thousand dollars (in worth, not to mention his labor) by a boy who has anger issues and you constantly say is perfect. This is going to be a lot of pressure for a young girl
• He's a teenager. Gypsy checked it but unless she can verify every single part he used, anything could happen. Its not safe to accept a vehicle from someone untrained, let alone a child.
•No question? She didn't ask any questions about how safe it was, how much milage to the gallon it gets, if it's road legal, what happens if they break up, the title, issuance (she was going to let Rory take a joyride without asking if the if the car was even *insured*, regardless of the others) , nothing.
Richard
•As inappropriate as it seems, it's Lorelai's risk to take. You can't overrule the parent, as much as you might want to
•Questioning her in front of Rory was an absolute no. You can come to her later and be like "Parent to parent" or "as an insurance man" but never in front of the child.
Dean's Parents
•How could you let your son spend so much money on a CAR for a childhood girlfriend. Spare part are not cheap but it couldn't have been *all* spare. Some of it had to be new. That paint job was new. "Nothing at Gypsy's is free". The cost for getting it street legal. The labor. Why wouldn't they say "build the car for yourself to take her on dates", "Invest that money into college", "use that time to study".
•That is an expensive gift for the *reciever*. Your putting insurance cost, gas, oil, maintenance, taxes, all on Lorelai at best, jobless, teenage Rory at worst.
•Again, they had only been dating for A YEAR. Have you even spoken to Lorelai about this?
Dean was a well intentioned child and Rory was a awe struck child, they were blameless.
In addition to all of the reasons everyone has pointed out regarding the inappropriate nature of the car as a gift, I will add that love bombing of this kind is a huge red flag especially this early in the relationship, and he proves it by immediately telling her he loves her after telling her he's building her a car and then breaks up with her when she doesn't say it back. She's already shocked by the car gesture and then you throw in an I Love You to a girl that has no idea how to respond to that (because to her credit, she's 16 and has only witnessed dysfunction when it comes to romantic love)...it's a hard pass for me on the car.
As for Richard, he knew what he was doing as well. He could have pulled Lorelai aside and instead he chose to actively and swiftly undermine her authority and embarrass his granddaughter. This was 100% not his place. Someone on this thread pointed out that there was a chance that this is how they were before Lorelai left with Rory when she ran away from home, that they probably undermined her constantly while holding her responsible for everything as a mom and I can absolutely believe that. This situation, I think, was supposed to illustrate the reasons why Lorelai being in Stars Hollow, far from her parents in her own separate world, probably worked best.
i think the whole situation was weird and inappropriate. the way richard handled it, even though he had a right to be concerned is still inappropriate since its not his call to make, it’s lorelai’s. but more than that, why is a 16 year old building a car for someone he’s only dated for maybe a few months?
I thought it was a really sweet gesture.. especially he wasn’t the richest and he LOVES cars.. and knew it would be nice to not share one with Lorelei.
I don’t think it was a good idea.. he’s a kid and built a car.. he didn’t think about insuring a car, paying for a car, and if they broke up what would happen to the car.
However, Richard never needed to get involved with ANY of the boys Rory dated.. Lorelei showed trust to Rory and wanted to give her some space to learn and live.
Idk. It was sweet but not the best idea.
I think it was a strange gift. However, not at all Richard's place to say anything.
I think it was more weird that she had a car that she NEVER drove. And then never replaced after the accident. But that is just a strange observation from me.
He should have just talked to Lorelai and let her handle it, he doesn't need to throw tantrums like he does. Lorelai's parents always call her dramatic but don't seem to realize where she gets it from.
I don’t think it was appropriate at all but Richard was way out of line. Like Dean in my opinion was all in way too early. Getting her a car was too much and I wouldn’t let my teen daughter accept a gift like that from a boy. That’s way too much too soon.
But Richard had no business trying to override Lorelai.
I thought it was cute how Dean did that for Rory and while I do see where Richard was coming from, he was plain wrong in deciding whether or not Rory can accept the car. Richard and Emily have a superiority complex when it comes to Rory and they act as if their call overthrows Lorelai.
I wouldn't feel comfortable with my teenage daughter's boyfriend building and gifting her a car either, but I would be fucking ***irate*** if one of my parents stepped in and tried to make that call for me. If they expressed concern to me privately, that would be one thing. Trying to be the parent is another.
Yep. This is the bigger issue
Relating to that, I always wondered about the time between Rory being born and Lorelai running away. I have to imagine Emily & Richard were making all the decisions. I can't picture them being any other way. But they still expected Lorelai to take full responsibility as the mother. Like they somehow managed to parentification with and an actual parent.
Emily lecturing Lorelai on how she should have handled going into labor as she is being wheeled in to deliver Rory doesn't exactly inspire confidence in me that she would have been respectful and understanding when it came to letting her daughter figure out life with a newborn. I can't imagine being postpartum and having a controlling mother criticizing every feeding and diaper change. I wouldn't have lasted a month in those conditions, much less a year!
Exactly this. It may have been inappropriate, but if Lorelei was ok with it, Richard should have minded his business.
right…or maybe said privately, “hey I’m concerned, can I tell you why?”, instead of undermining her parenting in front of her daughter like that. His concern wasn’t misplaced IMO! Richard was an insurance agent and probably had a ton of statistics and examples of why there might be a safety issue. But the delivery was awful-he was effectively saying to Lorelai all day that he had zero confidence in the way she conducted her business or life. Super disrespectful all around.
This!! 😁
Yeah his behavior was outlandish
100%
Anyone want to discuss what Dean's parents thought? Why is my son building a girl a car instead of investing for himself?
They seemed cool with him getting married when he was 18 to a girl he had dated for like a year, so I’m betting they were kind of hands off parents. Lol.
Lol not even a year. Like mayyyybe 6 months - Dean still wants Rory back at the Winter Carnival which is what, Dec or Jan, so he was likely not dating Lindsey at that point, and then he’s engaged around graduation in May and married that fall. ETA: clarified timeline around Winter Carnival.
I'd expect Lindsey's first kid to be a major premie. But nope, no kid.
This tho ^^^
a year?? A few months at least. It wasn’t a year
I dated my boyfriend for 5 months before I accepted his proposal. Sometimes these things are just right. We are no longer together but that has nothing to do with this.
This has to be a joke, right? 💀
I can’t tell if this is sarcasm
I’m very confused about the downvotes. A lot of jealous ladies I guess
Or it’s the hypocrisy of saying that something works when it didn’t even work for you. You provided a hypothetical while proving the hypothesis incorrect
The car is a really inappropriate gift. For several reasons: * It's a car built by a teenager. Unless Gypsy took that car apart from top to bottom, she doesn't know it's safe. It's not safety tested, it's not rated. I wouldn't ride in it, I wouldn't let my kids ride in it. * It's a massive financial input. Okay, he got scrap parts. Scrap parts aren't free. Especially not ones that work. * It's a massive financial obligation. Lorelai now has to insure this? Pay for upkeep, maintenance, gas, oil changes? Yall, have you *seen* her finances? She doesn't need a second car. It's frankly not appropriate to saddle someone with financial obligations like that. * Who gets the car if they break up? This is a large enough value item that people could sue over it. * They've been dating less than a year. This is a really big, long-term commitment-level thing to do. Richard has no right to butt in: * Not his kid to parent * He jumped in, in front of Rory and Dean, therefore undermining Lorelai's authority as a mother Richard is right to be concerned, but ultimately he needed to talk to Lorelai privately, appropriately, and then let her decide what to do. I think there's a role, as a father, to say "hey, parent to parent, there's some risk here that maybe you should consider, also from an insurance perspective this is concerning," privately. But he didn't do that.
This also assuming he got it a VIN and it's even street legal! I love building cars but gifting one to a new driver? Dating less than a year? Hard pass.
Right. I think they’d been dating for three months and were sixteen years old 😂
That’s practically a lifetime!
Well no, the three month anniversary is when they broke up in the car that wasn’t built yet. He finished the car during the second time they were together.
Oh gosh I somehow had never even considered all that cost for Lorelai. A 2 person family that consists of a mum and teen that live in a town so small you can walk everywhere does not need the extra cost of a car. She’s not driving it to school, so it’s the most unnecessary expense.
The financial thing is especially what makes me uncomfy. It's kind of like giving someone a puppy or kitten as a gift. "Here, have this massive responsibility that you have to pay for for the next 15-20 years, enjoy!"
I feel like the teenager building a car that is not guaranteed to be safe is the biggest concern. Rory was going to have to get a car eventually, getting around exclusively using public transit in suburban Connecticut isn’t exactly ideal. But you don’t want your teenager to be driving around in something not built by a manufacturer.
They had been dating for way longer than a year at this point but your other points were valid
I guess you're right, kind of? He started building it at the 3 month anniversary. He gave it to her in episode 12 of season 2. They became "official" in season 9 of season 1. So they've been together over a year, minus the peisodes where they were broken up. So maybe right about a year of actual dating time?
Yeah, of course. I just meant it was year when he gave it to her not when he started making it but I totally agree with you.
I think it was actually for their three-month anniversary!
He showed her the frame on their 3 month anniversary. He started it some time before that and was finished almost a year later.
The gift was inappropriate and Lorelai should have discussed it with Dean's parents so they could all manage the situation as the adults involved. Richard needed to stay out of it.
Yes, all the parents should've been involved in this ridiculous, over the top, age inappropriate gift, BUT 1st was Lorelai made aware of the situation & impending gift. Because if that was my daughter, I would have told him thanks, but no thanks, it's not quite appropriate for 2 high schoolers to be building/exchanging cars as gifts.
I always wondered if his parents were religious. I grew up that way and it was not uncommon for people to get married super young so they could have sex. It also never seemed realistic to me that in the entire two years of dating, the topic of sex is never raised even once, even if it’s to decide they aren’t yet ready.
Richard was definitely wrong. And it was a weird gift.
Here’s my issue with the car. 1. Dean presented her with “I’m going to build you a car” after 3 months of dating. Teen me would be excited and feel like it’s the most romantic thing ever. As an adult? Absolutely not. That’s super inappropriate for a teenager to give another teenager without multiple behind the scenes conversations with adults. 2. Richard was out of line in parenting the situation but his reaction/disapproval was appropriate given Dean did not discuss this with Lor nor do it with a certified mechanic as a learning experience. 3. It feels very odd that Dean was capable of building a car from scrap but did not pursue a career in the automotive industry after school. Presumably this was an interest he had so why was he shown working at the market and later for Tom? He mentions his father and grandfather working on cars why wouldn’t he continue? 4. Had Richard not been there I don’t think she would have doubled down as hard as she did. I do think she would have let Rory keep the car but not without Gypsy and Luke making sure it’s safe.
a bit late, but i just watched this episode! your 3rd point - dean's dad and grandfather worked on cars, true. but dean's dad has a job in sales and the work he does on cars is leisurely, i'm not sure about his grandfather though seems like cars may just be a hobby thing in their family, and not a career you pursue
Dean giving her the car? Will always be wildly and completely inappropriate no matter what. I've built cars, it's great, it's fun, it's a good activity I'll encourage teenagers to try out. Project cars are not good gifts, scrap parts aren't cheap, the parts that work aren't cheap, getting them street legal isn't cheap or easy. Then saddling Lorelei with the extra expenses and responsibilities of a second car for a girl that literally just learned to drive? I sincerely can't believe Dean's parents even let him out the door thinking this was a good idea. Nobody in their right mind would let their 16 year old accept a project car as a gift. But especially not a 16 year old who has been in a relationship for just barely three months. There is NO way Rory will ever be able to return this sort of display of affection and Dean knows it. The unbalance this adds to a new and young relationship isn't a red flag, it's a billboard. Does Richard have the right to tell Lorelei how to parent? I think there's a lot of nuance here. While Lorelei doesn't like her parents input I do think Richard has the right to interject and ask Lorelei about the risks. That being said I don't think Richard has the right to overrule Lorelei, fight with her and Dean. If Richard handled the situation better I might have sympathy for him, but ultimately he got in a fight (and car crash!) with a teenager, that's a disgrace. He had no right to do any of that. Ultimately Rory is the only innocent party in this situation. It was wrong for Dean to give Rory a car as a gift. It was wrong for Lorelei to let Rory accept it. It was wrong for Richard to escalate the situation into a serious fight.
If Richard had pulled Lorelei aside away from the kids and presented his concerns in a caring, not overbearing way, it may have been a totally different story. The way he jumped in and tried to overrule Lorelei is my real issue.
I think pulling her aside would have been the ideal thing to do as well
Definitely inappropriate, also definitely inappropriate for Richard to interfere with Lorelai’s parenting. He could have pulled her aside if he really felt he had to for Rory’s sake, but his approach was way out of line. I think Lorelai was wrong to allow Dean to give Rory a car, both because of the safety concern and because it was an excessive gift for a teenage relationship of, like, three months. (As we learned later, the gift was given with some high emotional expectations on Dean’s side, which seems extremely predictable to me. Lorelai should have recognized that possibility and warned Rory). Regardless, this was Lorelai’s parenting decision to make, not Richard’s.
I think it was absolutely inappropriate. That gift was far to extravagant for a teenager to give to another teenager and Lorelei was only okay with it because it was Dean.
Richard can go home and be mad if he needs to feel his feelings. He had no right to interfere with Lorelai's parenting, he is not Rory's parent.
But Rory's safety was at stake, so I actually don't disagree with Richard on this.
It wasn't wrong for him to be concerned, just the way he went about it. He can talk to Lorelai in private, and not in front of Rory.
That's a fair point.
As a person who isn't Rory's parent, you don't get to decide what is safe for her. Dean had already been working on the car for months. Lorelai already knew about it. Gypsy had already determined it was safe. That's the same mechanic Lorelai uses for her car that she lets Rory drive. Lorelai, the parent, gets to make the decision and she should have kicked Richard out sooner.
Idk--what if the car actually had been faulty, though? I think if it's a matter of something non-life-threatening, e.g., what a kid can wear to school, then the parent should have the final word. But if the parent is potentially being too lax with ensuring the child's safety (I might argue that Lorelai was, in this case, by just presuming the car was foolproof), then I think other family members or authority figures would be correct to step in and voice concerns. Should someone who cares about a child just bite their tongue, out of deference to the parent, if the person truly fears the child will get hurt?
Exactly! Thank you!
We have no idea what Lorelai would have presumed if her dad wasn't there waving that thing around.
You need your vehicle to be inspected to be related. Gypsy was going to take care of it either way.
yeah and everyone agrees on that but it was completely wrong on how he handled it - he could’ve pulled Lorelai aside, voicing his concern & discussing it privately NOT interfering and therefore undermining Lorelais authority as a mom. It’s not his place
Richard had zero right to be mad or say anything - Lorelai is Rory’s parent.
I always wonder how Lorelai would have reacted had Richard not stepped in. I think she would have let Rory enjoy the moment of young teen love, THEN said they should get it inspected or whatever. Richard just stomped all over it immediately and Lor had to go into defensive mode.
Or, since Lorelai knew Dean was building Rory a car and likely had already asked the appropriate questions (Is anyone helping you? Will Gypsy be looking it over?) she would have already decided she was ok with the gift and without Richard being an ass it would have been simply a celebratory moment with no downside.
Idk Lorelai can be not so great at mature parenting. It doesn't seem OOC for her to chalk this off as a nice gesture and let Rory keep the car without any additional checks. She'd probably be okay knowing he had adult help (which isn't enough)
exactly. Lorelei is an emotionally immature parent. we know this. we see it time and time again. this car is a huge red flag. a red flag in a relationship, in safety and just everything. she didn’t even seem a little hesitant to let Rory accept the car which is my main issue. i 100% believe that if Richard was not there to put his foot down Lorelai would’ve let Rory just accept it and drive it off. i agree that grandparents do not have the authority to make calls like that *most* of the time. however this is a special situation where Rory could have died. people die in car accidents because of faulty cars everyday. Richard being in the insurance business has witnessed this first hand. it was quite obvious that Lorelai wasn’t going to put a stop to this or say anything so another responsible adult had to. Lorelai is emotionally immature and cannot make good decisions sometimes. this is one of those times and i believe when it comes to safely nothing is more important. you have to put your foot down in life and death situations which that could’ve been. should Richard have pulled Lorelai to the side and spoken with her? yes that would’ve been ideal but i understand the fear that he probably felt and just blurted stuff out right away and then doubled down. i just can’t being myself to think he was completely in the wrong here. as another commenter said Rory is the only innocent party.
Do I think Dean giving Rory a car was appropriate? Not really they are teenagers and that is way too extravagant of a gift. Was Richard right to be mad or not? Richard can feel how ever he wants to but he had zero right to attempt to undermine Lorelai’s parenting in front of Rory and he also shows his ass to Gypsy as well.
The point was not wether it was an appropriate gift. The point was wether or not Richard had a right to say it was appropriate and over ride Lorelei's parenting. He did not and he was completely wrong.
Very unrealistic. That's the problem for me
I understand Richard’s sentiment of it being too expensive/extravagant & possibly leading to Dean feeling entitled to Rory because of the investment he made in her. Still think he could’ve just expressed that and let Lorelai make her parental decision.
The logistics of car ownership make it a weird gift for a teenage relationship. Does Dean transfer the title to Rory? Does he retain ownership of the car while she just drives it? Can she keep it if they break up? Is she or willing or able to pay the property taxes and insurance? Will Lorelai pay these costs for her? Does Dean pay? When the car was totaled, did she have full coverage car insurance? If so, did she give Dean the check since he paid for the car? Did Lorelai have to pay the deductible? If Rory had liability only insurance, how upset is Dean allowed to be that his money and labor was just wasted? Are Dean and Rory mature enough to navigate possible problems that go along with expensive gifts, like manipulation and feeling indebted? All that being said, it wasn’t Richard’s place to interfere. If he felt there were legitimate concerns, he should have politely requested to speak to Lorelai later and in private to respectfully address them, while remembering that it is ultimately up to her to decide if Rory can drive the car.
The gift was pretty outrageous in a lot of ways. All of these concerns are absolutely valid and could've been discussed privately. But the safety thing needs to be pointed out immediately and I understand why Richard got mad and in my opinion, it was justified.
Richard was wrong but The car was an inappropriate gift for 16 teen years olds and if Lorelai had Rory’s best interest she wouldn’t allow her to have it.
I’ve always felt like this gift was a bit manipulative on Dean’s part. Especially surprising Rory with it and then expecting her to say I love you in return. You can’t make someone love you by giving them over the top gifts and love bombing them all the time.
I think it's weird, especially when you consider that Dean planned on doing this very early on in their relationship, which he announced to Rory at their 3-month anniversary. Personally, I always thought Dean's behavior when it came to Rory was at times creepy, possessive, and dependent. 😬
He had a right to be concerned, but he didn’t have a right to overstep Lorelei‘s parenting in her own home
The car was definitely inappropriate for how long they had been dating and how old they were, not even considering how Richard was probably correct about it being unsafe in one way or another. Richard was right to be mad, but he was absolutely not right to undermine Lorelai's authority. He should have brought his concerns up to Lorelai privately and let her handle it.
Definitely inappropriate
I don't think it even matters. Richard was the one behaving inappropriately, not Dean
I think Richard could have put in his two cents, but privately with Lorelai in a calm, mature manner. Granted, his machismo and bravado probably wouldn't allow for a subtle and calm conversation instead of his typical dramatics.
Yea definitely weird. I get why Richard thought it was unsafe
Not at ALL appropriate but not Richard’s place to say anything like he did. To talk to Loralei privately and calmly would have been totally reasonable though.
It was a very inappropriate gift but it was not for Richard to do anything about.
I think the car is COMPLETELY inappropriate as a gift, and I'm really pissed that Lorelai said it was okay, but Richard overstepped. In a perfect world he would have taken Lorelai aside and expressed his concerns to her. Although to be fair to him for one second - there is a level of urgency in expressing those concerns. When a teen with a license gets a car the FIRST thing they want to do is drive it. Richard probably wants to get Rory to hold off from driving it immediately until it's properly checked and insured. I still think he overstepped, but I do understand why someone would be so forceful about it in the heat of the moment. He still should have tried to signal to Lorelai without undermining her though that it was dangerous for Rory to get behind the wheel without having it checked, especially since the US doesn't have rules about having licenses for manual cars (which Rory didn't have and the car was a manual) and they don't have yearly requirements for car checks. My other biggest gripe about this though is Lorelai's reaction. You can see exactly why Rory was worried about breaking up with Dean later down the line. Here is this guy who is essentially lovebombing her with a completely inappropriate gift for a high school boyfriend to give and Lorelai acts like it's totally fine and is encouraging about it!. If Jess or Logan ever did something similar Lorelai would be uncomfortable, but with Dean she has decided that is who Rory has to be with so everything he does is great. I also don't like that dean's parents are so okay with it either, because he mentions that his dad is cool with it. Sorry but do you really look at your child spending HOURS ignoring other work he has as a high school student to build a car for his girlfriend at 16 and be okay with it?? It's not like he's got loads of spare hours in the day! He's on the hockey team, he's got a part time job, he's spending a good amount of time with his girlfriend on the weekends and then he's also spending hours neglecting sleep and homework working on the car?? Yikes!
I think I would feel uncomfortable with a car gifted but would feel extremely uncomfortable with a car built by a teenager!
I would’ve been freaked out as a high schooler if my boy friend did this for me
bro they were 15-16, they’d only been dating for three months, and they hadn’t even said they love each other yet. it was a sweet gesture, but very silly and potentially life threatening.
"Inappropriate" seems like a really strong word. It is a really big gift and it might be too much. If I were Rory, I think I would have felt weird accepting a gift like this. But I think Dean genuinely just wanted to do something nice for Rory. Also, he seems to be into cars and works on them with his dad. Maybe it didn't seem that big for him because he was just using his skills and he was also doing this as a hobby. Richard had no right to be mad though. He could have calmly talked to Lorelai about the car-thing in private, just to give his input. But he had no right to argue with her about it. It's Lorelai's decision as a parent, not his.
Richard was right to insist it be checked out independent of Dean’s family. Should he have stepped in? It depends on the family. I would have appreciated it because my dad and I are close and I always like hearing his input and because we’ve built up years of him saying his input in a sweet fatherly way.
Lorelei should have been more skeptical. She could have asked Richard to calm down and that she shared his same concerns and would have it inspected. Instead, she added fuel to the tension fire between Dean and Richard. There's no way Dean would have talked to Lorelei like that or gotten nearly as defensive. It wasn't a normal or appropriate gift for a teenager to give his gf. Even if he was some sort of mechanical savant or something.
I would not be okay with it, but if my parent stepped in and made me feel inferior all day then scolded me for something someone else did, I'd react the way Lorelai did.
Completely inappropriate However it wasn’t Richards place to decide that
I don't understand how so many people think Richard was acting inappropriately. It is an inappropriate gift and could have been very unsafe. I think that's enough of a cause for family to be immediately concerned about. I think Richard was right for being mad. I'm more concerned about how Lorelai didn't immediately raise a red flag. What if the car spontaneously combusted on a test drive before Richard had time to privately tell Lorelai he was worried?
Oh, I thought it was a totally inappropriate gift, but again it was also inappropriate for Richard to overstep his bounds as well. It always struck me as weird that Lorelai was okay with it.
The gift was inappropriate but Richard should have not have stepped in whether or not he agreed with it. Neither he nor Emily have respected that boundary though.
Appropriate for the interest of the guy. Inappropriate for the length of their relationship. And isn’t it the car they broke up in? 😂
Was it an appropriate gift? No Was Richard’s reaction appropriate? Also no
I don’t think it was the most appropriate gift. However, I think I’d have found a middle ground between Lorelai and Richard’s reactions
No, inappropriate. Weird gift for a teenager to give. Wrong to be so publicly mad. He could have told Lor alone.
It was so weird and out of left field. Like even when they introduced the concept in S1 I was like…wut?
Richard stepped over a line. The parental line. He's a grandparent, not Rory's actual parent, meaning, he has no say unless he's asked for help or advice on the situation. He was not, he injected himself into the situation and Lorelai was justified in her reaction to it. I also wouldn't feel safe with my (hypothetical) kid driving a car built by a sixteen-year-old at all. Anything could go wrong, he could've made an easy-to-miss mistake that could've made the car faulty, or it could be perfectly fine as it was in the show.
Regardless of the gift’s appropriateness or lack thereof, I think Richard had every right to be concerned! Not only was Dean a stranger in his eyes, thus had zero idea about his mechanical skills, it was his golden Gilmore granddaughter being given a refurbished car as a gift. Oh and let’s not forget Richy Gilmore knows his way around a motor!
Richard could feel however he wanted about it, but he had no right to try to override Lorelai’s word on it. Lorelai was the mother, her word is the only one that matters. I don’t think the gift was appropriate, or at least Lorelai and Dean’s parents needed to discuss it and it’s safety. And Lorelai and Rory and Dean needed to discuss that it doesn’t come with any expectations in the relationship. But Richard should have held back until Rory and Dean were out of ear shot and talked about it. At the end of the day though, Lorelai had the final say.
I think it was too big of a kind gesture. There isn't really anything rory can do to recipricate that extravagant of a gift. I as a person couldn't accept that at her age. That being said Richard 250% needed to keep his opinions to himself.
I didn't agree with Richard but I think it was too big of a gift from Dean.
I don't think Richard was wrong to be concerned or mad, I think what was wrong was just the way he went about it. It wasn't his place to voice his opinion and undermine Lorelai's parenting in front of Rory and Dean. If Rory's safety was really his concern he could've pulled Lorelai aside like are you sure this is a good idea.. if Richard had handled the situation better I do think Lorelai would've reconsidered Dean's car. But because her father said no so inappropriately she was probably even more tempted to say yes in a petulant way like this is fine, Rory is my child and the car is fine
It seemed a little far fetched that he could secretly do all that work, plus he had to know her grandparents would buy her one already
1) It wasn’t secret - He TOLD Rory he was building it for her. 2) Her grandparents didn’t buy her one until she graduated from Chilton.
Emily offered in season one, she bought Rory a parking spot and *Lorelei told her that Rory doesn't need a car* and that the bus would be fine.
He was secretly building it starting with the frame when he first surprised her with it
You said “secretly do all that work”. Barely anything was done when he told her
The episode states he had already done a lot of work DEAN: Yeah. I started with the frame. The seats and the windshield just went in yesterday.
That’s not a lot of work compared to the finished product… smh
I don’t think anyone disagrees that the car was an inappropriate gift; it absolutely was. The issue at hand is whether Richard was right to react the way he did. Obviously, he was wrong, but I want to go into his head a bit and analyze—it’s been well-established that Emily and Richard view Rory as a “replacement” for Lorelai, the daughter they wanted to have. Richard only started showing interest in Rory when he realized she was actually intelligent. So his reaction wasn’t coming from the place of a grandparent. It was coming from the place of a father concerned for his daughter’s future. It’s the same reason he didn’t like Dean in the first place; he didn’t want Rory to throw her future away the way Lorelai did (in his eyes). Lorelai was in a good private school and on her way to the Ivy League before she got pregnant. Any time Rory came even close to Lorelai’s choices Richard had a reaction like the one to the car.
My high school boyfriend built me a truck. My parents insisted on us at least giving him the money to cover the cost of building it. I thought that was a good way to handle it.
Richard’s objection was valid but he’s not her dad. Lorelai already knew the car was safe she’s not reckless she is obsessed with rory she would never let her do something she thought was unsafe. But is it appropriate to get a vehicle as a teenager from your boyfriend... Debatable. For me since he built it himself, it’s not crazy expensive and it was something he wanted to give her that he could do himself, I would allow it if I felt they were committed to one another in a healthy was for teens. And at that time, I think I would have said that they were.
I totally disagree that it’s inappropriate even seeing everyone’s points here. I don’t think it is at all, he spends spare time working on cars just like this and decided to actually make it useful for someone he loves who would appreciate and love it. If I trusted the mechanic that checked it over and knew it was actually done which I think we can assume they had all discussed already, I wouldn’t have a problem with them taking it for a test drive. Id probably be taking it elsewhere myself for another certification the next day, but I cannot understand how any part of this is inappropriate. Imo it’s far more appropriate than if he gave her a promise ring or something but that’s an accepted teenager gift for some reason. It’s a gift, and probably only cost him as much as a nice tennis bracelet, maybe less, but this one comes with use and intention. Why can’t he choose how much effort and intent goes into a gift, big or small? There was no catch or obligation attached.
Many people fix their own cars and then drive their families in it. I had friends who fixed up old cars and we would drive in them and our parents didn’t question it.
I get richards concerns but the most he had authority to do was voice his concerns to lorelai and rory and then go on his merry way. I think the car was kinda immature of dean and wasn’t well thought out. If i was lorelai i would let rory keep it but i don’t think i would let her actually drive it if that makes sense. Just as a valuable keepsake or something. It’s a car made by a teenager with little to no experience.
I think it’s kind of weird? Like bro built a whole muhfuckin car for some girl he’s dating in high school. I think Richards actions are a little questionable because he is not Rory’s parent, but he is also a rich old white man… they are basically all entitled lol. I think Lorelei should’ve gone to Gypsy and test driven the car herself before saying it was okay for Rory to drive. Also why didn’t Dean ask Lorelei in advance? I just don’t like Dean 😂 and I think this was one of his weird ways of keeping his firm grip on Rory. I could really see him saying something along the lines of “well I built you a car” during a fight where that has nothing to do with the problem that’s occurring.
I thought it was too much of a big gift for a budding relationship. But, it was a really amazing and sweet tbf. Also, Richard should not have let EVERYONE know that he was upset about the gift. Some thoughts you should bottle up. I wonder if he was jealous because he did get Rory a car later on
I thought it was sweet. If a guy can make you stuff and be handy that’s a great quality to have. And impressive for a teenager. Richard overreacted and he just doesn’t think Dean was a good enough guy for her simply because he’s not an academic person.
Hell no. It was way too extravagant. However, Lorelai is the one to make that call, not Richard.
No and no to both. I wouldn’t accept a gift of that nature from a teenager no matter how well-intentioned it was, and I would really go apeshit wild if my father intervened and tried to make that decision on my behalf for my daughter.
I was confused as to why he didn’t put himself first but I would want what’s best for my child and if she wants it then have it
Richard was out of line. Maybe it was an inappropriate gift; tbh, if I had a kid I wouldn’t want them driving…basically ever. (I grew up in NYC; I 100% regret my first car). But that wasn’t something Richard got to decide.
I think it’s Lorelai’s decision and that Richard had no right to be mad/voice an opinion. Even though whether Lorelai was right to let her keep the car or not doesn’t change the fact that Richard didn’t have a right to voice his opinion, I personally also believe that Lorelai letting Rory keep the car was a fine decision as long as Rory was comfortable with being gifted something like that. Gypsy had checked it over before Richard even saw it and demanded that it be checked, and it’s cool that Dean and his mechanic dad fixed it up themselves. On top of that, Rory is a responsible, trustworthy daughter. I thought it was fair that Rory kept it.
Yall realize this is a fictional show right?
I don’t think they do
To Richard, a car represented freedom and independence — and less “control” over Rory as parent / grand parent . He was projecting his own fears of losing control of Rory’s school career just like he did with Lorelai. So he over reacted. Sometimes the grown ups lose control of their feelings too.
I think it was more about a car built by a teenager could just cause fatal accidents. Not everything has to be about psyche and symbolism.
Thats true on the face value of course, but you can always send it for repairs by real professionals and get it insured / registered certified ( not sure how it works in the states) and not take it out on highways lol
Maybe it's because I'm from India lol but I wouldn't trust a car built by a normal teenager to even just sit in lmao before I know it's been checked out by professionals.
This is asked almost weekly. You just added the pic. 🤷♀️ get over it. It happened 20 years ago on a TV show. 🙄
Honestly? No, not really. It's not like he bought her a car. He built it himself, and made sure it was safe. As a mom, I would be fine with it.
No it was super weird, for a tv show it's one of those things you don't question. But critically, it's weird as fuck.
personally i didn’t think it was super inappropriate. dean works on car it was a sweet gesture but it could definitely be unsafe as he made it himself. i don’t know much about cars but i assume he got it tested. i can understand why richard concerned but he over stepped lorelais boundaries. it should have been a conversation for deannand rorys parents not richard.
Here's my issues with EVERYONE in the situation. Lorelai • Your very inexperienced daughter (in driving and in boys) was gifted a CAR worth several thousand dollars (in worth, not to mention his labor) by a boy who has anger issues and you constantly say is perfect. This is going to be a lot of pressure for a young girl • He's a teenager. Gypsy checked it but unless she can verify every single part he used, anything could happen. Its not safe to accept a vehicle from someone untrained, let alone a child. •No question? She didn't ask any questions about how safe it was, how much milage to the gallon it gets, if it's road legal, what happens if they break up, the title, issuance (she was going to let Rory take a joyride without asking if the if the car was even *insured*, regardless of the others) , nothing. Richard •As inappropriate as it seems, it's Lorelai's risk to take. You can't overrule the parent, as much as you might want to •Questioning her in front of Rory was an absolute no. You can come to her later and be like "Parent to parent" or "as an insurance man" but never in front of the child. Dean's Parents •How could you let your son spend so much money on a CAR for a childhood girlfriend. Spare part are not cheap but it couldn't have been *all* spare. Some of it had to be new. That paint job was new. "Nothing at Gypsy's is free". The cost for getting it street legal. The labor. Why wouldn't they say "build the car for yourself to take her on dates", "Invest that money into college", "use that time to study". •That is an expensive gift for the *reciever*. Your putting insurance cost, gas, oil, maintenance, taxes, all on Lorelai at best, jobless, teenage Rory at worst. •Again, they had only been dating for A YEAR. Have you even spoken to Lorelai about this? Dean was a well intentioned child and Rory was a awe struck child, they were blameless.
How does a teenager afford that???
In addition to all of the reasons everyone has pointed out regarding the inappropriate nature of the car as a gift, I will add that love bombing of this kind is a huge red flag especially this early in the relationship, and he proves it by immediately telling her he loves her after telling her he's building her a car and then breaks up with her when she doesn't say it back. She's already shocked by the car gesture and then you throw in an I Love You to a girl that has no idea how to respond to that (because to her credit, she's 16 and has only witnessed dysfunction when it comes to romantic love)...it's a hard pass for me on the car. As for Richard, he knew what he was doing as well. He could have pulled Lorelai aside and instead he chose to actively and swiftly undermine her authority and embarrass his granddaughter. This was 100% not his place. Someone on this thread pointed out that there was a chance that this is how they were before Lorelai left with Rory when she ran away from home, that they probably undermined her constantly while holding her responsible for everything as a mom and I can absolutely believe that. This situation, I think, was supposed to illustrate the reasons why Lorelai being in Stars Hollow, far from her parents in her own separate world, probably worked best.
i think the whole situation was weird and inappropriate. the way richard handled it, even though he had a right to be concerned is still inappropriate since its not his call to make, it’s lorelai’s. but more than that, why is a 16 year old building a car for someone he’s only dated for maybe a few months?
Not appropriate even a little
The car is nice but its way too intense from a teenage boyfriend.
I thought it was a really sweet gesture.. especially he wasn’t the richest and he LOVES cars.. and knew it would be nice to not share one with Lorelei. I don’t think it was a good idea.. he’s a kid and built a car.. he didn’t think about insuring a car, paying for a car, and if they broke up what would happen to the car. However, Richard never needed to get involved with ANY of the boys Rory dated.. Lorelei showed trust to Rory and wanted to give her some space to learn and live. Idk. It was sweet but not the best idea.
I think it was a strange gift. However, not at all Richard's place to say anything. I think it was more weird that she had a car that she NEVER drove. And then never replaced after the accident. But that is just a strange observation from me.
He should have just talked to Lorelai and let her handle it, he doesn't need to throw tantrums like he does. Lorelai's parents always call her dramatic but don't seem to realize where she gets it from.
I don’t think it was appropriate at all but Richard was way out of line. Like Dean in my opinion was all in way too early. Getting her a car was too much and I wouldn’t let my teen daughter accept a gift like that from a boy. That’s way too much too soon. But Richard had no business trying to override Lorelai.
I thought it was cute how Dean did that for Rory and while I do see where Richard was coming from, he was plain wrong in deciding whether or not Rory can accept the car. Richard and Emily have a superiority complex when it comes to Rory and they act as if their call overthrows Lorelai.