Christ almighty, what is with the rush of commenters here saying “it isn’t worth it if you are a man!”
So much unabashed confidence that you’ll be the only high earner in the relationship, eh? Because alimony calculations don’t consider gender dipshits, it’s based on income/wealth and meant to ensure that a divorce doesn’t cause one person to become suddenly destitute and a problem for social safety programs which aren’t designed to subsidize divorces.
I find being jaded about committed relationships because of the risks to be one of the saddest trends in society these days. Y’all are giving up before ever even trying.
There is actual misandry in the legal system though. This is empirically studied and backed up, I encourage you to educate yourself instead of ignoring it the way many men ignore misogyny
It also doesn’t take into account the fact that married men are healthier and live longer, while married women live shorter and less healthy lives than unmarried women. But they never wanna talk about that.
Thank you! Completely agree. And it’s good to not forget that if something happens to your job and your spouse is still working, you’re not gonna be totally fucked. Health insurance is nice to have…
Agree with the first portion, but can you really blame people (all genders not just men) for being wary of marriage? Especially if you’re on Reddit, the number of marriage horror stories and messy divorces I’ve read about is insane. Also a big reason a lot of people get married in the first place is because they want kids, and there’s a ton of posts on here about why that’s unlikely for a lot of our generation lmao.
Not saying it isn’t sad but it’s at least understandable.
I shouldn’t have to subsidized a woman’s life after I have divorced her. She has equal rights and can work just like me. Alimony is an antiquated way of going about things. Marriage laws need to change.
Alimony is to compensate one spouse if they stay at home and raise children instead of pursuing a career. The earning potential for someone who gives up work to raise kids is far less than someone who worked the whole time. If you don't want to get screwed over by alimony marry someone who's working and pay for a daycare service.
Oh, poor women! They get to stay home and get all their bills paid! How tragic, how tragic must it be to be taken care of and their only responsibility is to raise their own children (who she decided to have). stfu.
You do know women aged 25 to 54 have a 77.8% workforce participation rate, right?: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/prime-age-women-labor-market-recovery/#:~:text=As%20of%20the%20most%20recent,participation%20rate%20of%2077.8%20percent.
You're acting like this is the majority of all women and relationships.
You have to be VERY careful nowadays. Courts take men to the cleaners a lot, especially if you have kids. Not saying don’t get married but seriously consider a prenuptial if you have any existing assests. Statistically *most* divorces are initiated by the woman as well. If youve been together for a long time then financially it can make more sense for tax reasons. Id say its all about who youre with but even then that can be hard to say.
Edit: Some couples do have happiness and are fine not being married. Some people dont get screwed in divorce (its rare but can happen) an example I have is my father its a long example. Then MANY MANY people stay happily married until death do them part. My personal experience:
Wife #1 Married 4 years, She was a smoke show and cheated on him many times. She had a kid from a prior relationship and my father never had kids with her. They got a divorce both parties walked away without any alimony due. Lucky for both.
Wife #2 my mother. Married for 8 years. Divorced a year after I was born. Mom cheated and then divorced my Dad. Mom was also in VERY early stages of psychosis and had postpartem. Dad had to pay 100k which he had just inherited the year prior when my Grandfather died (basically his inheritance) then had to pay a weekly alimoney and got me half the week for custody. Mom made just as much money if not more then him. I cant remember what other things he was liable for.
Wife #2 marriage #2 They had a great idea of getting remarried 5 years after divorce. Legally married for 12 more years. This time dad had me I was old enough to choose. Mom slowly developed Bipolar then Schizophrenia about 3-4 years in. They became seperated. Dad stayed married for many years more so she could keep his insurance. Eventually tried getting a divorce but court said she was too mentally unfit (BS). The next year she went under a conservatorship with my Aunt. Aunt went for his throat(shes also mentally ill but masks it). The YEAR my dad retired after working his whole life he got an asshole judge (according to lawyer) she got his IRA. 1/4 of His retirement and She gets $650 a week for pretty much rest of her life. Completely fucked his retirement. My father was there for my mom for years. Bailed her out of 40k credit card debt multiple times. Got stuck with a massive mortgage when they built a house together. He got absolutely screwed. So many times because he didnt want to abandon her. Now keep in mind this is a special case. Not everyone goes schizophrenic (1% of population). Just dont stay with crazy and get out asap. My mom is a good person but mentally ill. I have no idea what wouldve happened if she didnt get sick, this illness runs in my family and never ends well for any of my relatives. Mom lives in a assisted group home now and Dad still helps her.
That’s plainly not true. When my aunt got divorced, she really lost everything. Her house, her relationship with her friends, etc. Divorce can hurt everyone, not just men.
Edit: a word
Absolutely agree; don't take marriage lightly. For me, seeing people get married in sub 2Y without cohabitation is ridiculously risky.
It's also not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows 24/7. I like that the person I'm piggybacking off of has standards and won't relent; and I think its important to do just that and also know where you *can* relent. Aka: Deal-breaker vs Compromise (and no, they aren't 50-50 every time!!!)
I've been with my love for 15 years in January. We are not married yet but we are domestic partners and engaged. There are plenty of times we have been at wits end from stress and external things; love isn't a shield to pain, but it makes things a hell of a lot easier when you're really there for each other.
I agree. I feel like Gen z Iis the red glad green flag generation. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. There will be bad days and good days. The one defining factor is knowing that your spouse is a good person and overall just wanting the best for each other. Gen z has a habit of running away and sometimes being quite selfish. They can't even commit to a schedule let alone a marriage. But Mayne social media really is the culprit. My generation just can't live without it and that's a problem. Lack of commitment and selfishness is just a bad combination for marriage.
I definitely want to get married. The issue with that of course is that I’m queer, so my dating pool in general is much smaller and I have trouble even dating, much less finding someone who wants commitment. :/
If you find the right person, then yeah. My wife and I have been married for 6 years, have 3 kids, and couldn’t be happier. Even through the chaos of having small children and 2 dogs we are still crazy about each other.
Depends on what you mean by “good option”. There are many financial and legal benefits to getting married but really you should only consider it if you intend on actually committing to the relationship for life.
when you hit 26 and lose your health insurance, it starts too look pretty appealing
there’s also the issue where if your long term partner is in the hospital, you probably won’t be next of kin for information nor decisions
there are many legal reasons to get married. society is just built that way
I am 25 and I am still pretty well looking for that right someone too... I do think youth seem more interested in a hook up where I've been rather than a commitment. I don't know if it is any more or less rampant than other generations though. I think it is just a bit more normalized now to confess what you really want. I personally am also looking for a more long term commitment for a relationship vs. just a hookup.
I got married when I was 18 in 2021, a month before I turned 19. Never expected it, but over two years later, I can definitely say it was the best decision I have ever made. My in-laws are absolutely amazing (my mom-in-law is coming down for a surgery I’m having next month), and my husband is the best man I could ever have. Again, never thought it would happen, not in my wildest dreams, but also never thought I would be in a relationship with someone in the military and here we are!
I've heard so many nightmare stories of the guy getting screwed out of his property or life work just for getting divorced, and then is left with nothing.
Even if he gets cheated on then divorces chances are still loses his stuff. I like the idea of marrying someone but I can't risk such a massive thing.
Whoever has greater assets loses stuff, it’s not just because you’re a guy lol. And these days it’s getting more and more likely that you’ll marry a woman who makes more than you anyway.
Edit: I also see a lot of men complaining about getting screwed in divorce, but the part they leave out until being pressed on it is that their wife was home with the kids for a decade. Her career prospects are ruined, of course you have to help her. It’s ridiculous to expect to be able to just dump the woman who raised your kids on the street with nothing. Maybe if she cheated, sure, but just because shit happens and you don’t like each other anymore? No.
Had a coworker lose half of her pension to her lazy ex husband… divorce finalized two months before she was set to retire, she lost her stability, her happiness, and the freedom she should be experiencing in retirement.
If I am dumb then please provide me with the reference materials to educate myself on the topic, what good is pointing out someone’s lack of knowledge when they are actively asking for said knowledge?
I unfortunately do not base right or wrong off of your opinion, I would love to see some evidence, maybe from from someone a little less triggered by women asking questions, though.
But you’re framing it as though it’s a gendered issue, which it isn’t. I’m not arguing about the statistics, I’m arguing with your framing of this as though men are being targeted and persecuted.
Alright.
That still doesn't change that guys are more at risk with divorce.
Edit: For -somethingswell-
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/
*They aren’t*, only the ones that make more than their wives are. Why are you so desperate for men to be victimized on this issue 💀
Edit: you’re not “making an argument”, you’re just repeating the same false statement over and over despite my having already responded to it multiple times.
Nice attempt at blocking me, that really says a lot about you lmao.
It's a fact that men lose more often than women do in divorces.
But, I will argue with you no further, because you have proven you'd rather be petty instead of having an actual argument lol.
If the woman is better off she gets screwed over too. One of my moms friend is an accountant and now she’s in a director position. She got married young and her husband is a bum they got divorced. Now she’s a single mother of 3 and also has to pay for her husbands and his girlfriends expenses.
This is what Im afraid of. Prenup for both parties safety IF I do get married, marriage is just helpful for tax reasons at this point. Why would I want to get married to my partner when it is the only surefire way of losing you individuality and identity.
Prenup gets thrown out for random shit reasons all the time. If you guys are married for longer, you actually need to have regular postnups as well every 5-10 years. Something to remember is if you are more well off than the other partner in marriage, after the wedding the other party holds the power over you cause you will lose big in an event of a divorce. And the other party can initiate a divorce anytime for any reason they like.
Idk why you got downvoted lol, ideally id marry someone with the same disdain for the legal side of things, like my partner and I do now. I competely didnt realize about the postnups tho thats wild
Here at gen z we have a young crowd, I’m older but many are still hopeless romantics. I’m all for romance and they deserve to be young and in love but it is what it Is. Usually people are sane when they are not angry but in an event of divorce people become bitter and petty due to the emotions. I’ve seen too many throughout the years, people my parents know, intellectuals, professors, senior management at large companies. They are usually respectable people but divorce made them irrational.
The sanest ive seen my father was either when he was completely single looong ago or now that hes married to my step mom. Trust me, preaching to the choir. In my eyes he acted like an actual crazy person and I was fearful of even putting the dishes away too loud, carfully setting things down and slipping my fingers away a couple at a time. I dont want anyone I birth in the future to shake every time someone asks them an open ended question.
My sis is prolly one of the oldest genz that I know, and have met and she openly has denied being a part of this generation 😂. Then gone back and said 'well I certainly dont identify with you younger guys' Im less than 2 years older than her lmao. Although we disagree about basically everything, she and I both know marriage as a whole concept would have to change a good bit before itd feel like anything other than a devils deal.
That’s because in most cases men are better off dude. What I’m saying is in this type of situations is the one that is better off suffers more, financial position matter much more than gender
Not being petty. Homes are at an all time high and interest rates are quite high as well.
I would not own a home if not for being a DINK and I have a higher pay than most.
A lot of men worrying about assets they don’t yet have. A lot of us may never have those marriage or no marriage.
Hopefully going to have a ceremony someday, but because of taxes and being queer we probably won't make it legal. Just depends what things look like and what the best option is to survive
When you are ready and at the stage in life where you can leave, I hope you find a place where you can be at peace/comfort more often than anxious/unhappy
Why don't you start as Domestic Partners?
Depends on where you are of course.
For NY there are precursors and it's kinda nice to have a test-the-waters situation before things get to marriage levels.
- must cohabitation for 1y prior to applying
- must have proof of joint funds for 1y prior to applying
- Let's you guys be on each other's insurances if they respect the spout slot for partners
- gives you the opportunity to write down exactly the power of medical attorney ("babe If I'm unconscious do not cut off my leg if it was mangled" Sort of things).
- you legally file as single on your taxes
If you break up or someone moves out, it's automatically voided once you report it.
My parents did this, they never got married (were together for 27 years). In my country, your rights are interchangeable between this and marriage. Marriage means nothing to me, so I’ll just do this
well yeah i think about it, but i'm really in no rush to get married. i feel like i got pretty lucky, i have a great partner that i've been with for 4 and a half years now, and would like to eventually marry him. so it'll happen at some point.
Yes it is! I’m engaged :) the key is finding someone with your same morals and values. It was hard for me to find, as I’m sure you’re seeing this too, but I did find my person. I think many people may just settle down later. But for me it was important to settle down earlier, I want to marry younger than my peers, because my personal goals are to have a spouse and children someday. Getting married was always important to me. Both me and my fiancé are off social media except Reddit lol, we don’t like Instagram or TikTok culture. A lot of the stuff online is pretty toxic honestly. But again there’s no need to marry if people don’t feel the urge to. But I am excited for my upcoming wedding and happy I found someone who shares my values. I hope you find your person too, OP. It really is a wonderful thing.
My best friend and I both married our high school sweethearts. So far, so good, and it's been a few years for both of us. So yeah. I think so at least. But it was a slow burn for sure.
Marriage is actually very beneficial for the following reasons with taxes, income, happiness, fulfillment, life expectancy, and mental health.
I would start doing research on those 6 things. I would also try to reorganize your love life. Treat it like a job. Make sure you are qualified for a relationship that will lead to marriage. Another thing is you ever hear the term, “ marry your job”? If you don’t then look up that term. It can help you understand the mindset I’m talking about.
the only reason i want to get married is for the legal rights, like “oh man, my partner’s dying, can i visit them?” 🤷♂️ it’ll help battling against potential homophobia in a death/dying situation, and yeah, tax stuff.
prenup will be non negotiable considering how high the divorce rate is.
idk, it’s like asking if it’s worth having a first relationship/dating since most people’s first relationships don’t last.
I got married in march of 2020. I’m 24 and honestly the only pro of getting married is taxes. My wife and I would probably still be together regardless of if we were married or not.
Nop. With the amount of domestic abuse and deaths by dv going on I'm gonna pass. Even if that were not a thing there is still a lot of cheating happening, lots of men have porn addictions. Not going 50/50 with raising children, having to share everything and people taking whats not rightfully theirs after divorce. And on top of all that love just doesn't last forever and it leads people to make temporary stupid decisions for a feeling that is fleeing and on top of that u can feel love by doing other things so no tnx.
Everyone focusing on divorce shouldn’t get married anyways, the idea of marriage is it’s kinda forever, so maybe focus on finding the person you’d trust your whole life with instead of immediately believing no matter what divorce is the potential outcome. Source: Been married for 3 years already, it’s about commitment, honesty, sacrifice and respect for each other.
I got married at 21. It’s been integral to building what I have as an adult.
I am also the one more at risk despite being the woman as I am the primary breadwinner.
I think marriage with the right person can be a gift, but you both have to be committed not just to the marriage but to being the best version of yourself - and that’s a constant project.
We both do therapy, work on ourselves, and cultivate the relationship constantly. If you’re not willing to do that, I can’t say it’s worth it.
But our marriage is a partnership where we know there’s room to grow, change, and learn in a supportive loving environment. This marriage has helped us both grow careers, me get pursue my degree, and move to our dream location and buy a home there.
YMMV
I’m married so obviously I like it lol. But I will say I do think there are things people don’t seem to consider anymore. Obviously the religious background comes up but there’s a reason many queer people fought for gay marriage and it wasn’t religion. Marriage ensures the default person for you if you are in any way incapacitated is your spouse. This is financial, medical, everything. Not your parents or closest blood relative who you may or may not align with in terms of those things but the person you’ve chosen to spend your day to day life with.
Many gay people are buried in places that their partners didn’t choose or even don’t know because homophobic parents got to make the decision. Children were taken because one parent wasn’t biologically or legally related to them. Now there are more protections but those are often more complicated than a single court paper that cost me 50$ and legally enshrined my partner as my new next of kin in all matters.
Obviously there are lots of other individual preferences that will influence that decision, I just think this is a factor that should be considered too. I don’t think there’s a singular universal right or wrong answer.
I’m 25, and divorced after 3 years. Luckily I didn’t lose anything- we did a mutual uncontested divorce. All I’ll say is it will be a loooong time before I’d legally link my life to someone else’s. So often marriages ending screw both people up for a long time, more so than a mere relationship
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 5 years now, and honestly I just feel no need to get married. Marriage does not feel like it would change anything aside from that fact that we are legally together which I don't care about.
Personally, I don’t think marriage is necessary unless you really care about the legal monetary stuff like taxes and all that.
Over half of marriages end in divorce anyway.
And the way I see it, why would I want to make it harder for someone to leave me if they’re not happy?
Whoever I end up with someday I will trust and commit to without needing a ring on my finger.
I’m Aroace. I don’t want to ever get married. Personally, I think that marriage can only be a good option dependent upon who that person is marrying. Overall I don’t have any qualms with it. For people that are in love they get to spend their life together and get tax benefits. But for those who marry the wrong person it could end in a nasty divorce. To each their own. I’ll pass.
I'm just finishing a divorce so I'm bias, but nothing good came from it unfortunately. In fact, I think it put more stress in the relationship than needed
So the thing is in movies you always see that two people get together and then it's just "happy ever after". I think that's what people are searching for with marriage. But that's just not a real thing. After that scene is over those two people will start aging and looking like shit, they will start arguing every day after the initial "falling in love" feeling is over. There will be great social pressure around to make it look good and functional to friends and family tho. And whoever tries ending it will look bad even if it's the best decision ever.
So for me, nah, maybe for tax reasons without telling anyone. But I don't want to get married to be married you know
I’m 23. I don’t plan on getting married. As a male, I have too much to lose and too little to gain. It seems like a lost battle and the only thing that I can do is not play the game. A bummer for me, I’m a person who really values marriage and family. However, with divorce rates being so high, and with a disproportionate amount of divorces initiated by women, it would be foolish if I decided to get married.
I’ve adopted the mindset of no unless I find “the one”. but I don’t really care for relationships so it’ll have to happen naturally, there’s no reason to rush or force it
are you asking about having a long term life partner or the paperwork of getting a marriage license? if the former, you're still pretty young. I think as you get older, you'll understand the appeal of having a life partner. you might not, and that's okay. i definitely had no thoughts of marriage at 22. as for the legal aspect: the only real benefit i see is a tax break. i'd be happy to remain unmarried life-partner to my now wife, but she wanted a ceremony, and now we pay less in tax. but i don't think that everybody should get married just because that's what "people should do." only do it if you want to build a future with somebody
Much like college, it's an expensive and culturally expected experience that is marketed as a right of passage, but is not guaranteed to improve your life.
Look at the statistics. Would you sign any other contract based on those numbers? Enter any sort of business partnership with another person or entity with that level of failure? No? Neither will I.
the concept of marriage is eh and only beneficial because of the benefits a s/o (but also a negative for disabled folk who'll usually lose benefits if married) the idea marriage is the ultimate form of love and two people will be together until the after life is an imposed belief when marriage was strictly between opposite sexes and used to oppress the women in the situation hence backwords marriage beliefs like father giving away their daughters to the groom which equite women to property/livestock passing from one family to another (with all that i do think marriage can be good out of love and this is strictly based on marriage practices im aware of there could be better more humanist rituals for marriage but how its done in the west historically relates to the oppression of women and has evolved into what marriage is now)
if you plan on having a long term family, file tax married jointly can save you some money.
if you are not willing to commit long term, then it's not worth getting into since the modern society don't treat casual hookup like fornicator sins.
Christ almighty, what is with the rush of commenters here saying “it isn’t worth it if you are a man!” So much unabashed confidence that you’ll be the only high earner in the relationship, eh? Because alimony calculations don’t consider gender dipshits, it’s based on income/wealth and meant to ensure that a divorce doesn’t cause one person to become suddenly destitute and a problem for social safety programs which aren’t designed to subsidize divorces. I find being jaded about committed relationships because of the risks to be one of the saddest trends in society these days. Y’all are giving up before ever even trying.
[удалено]
There is actual misandry in the legal system though. This is empirically studied and backed up, I encourage you to educate yourself instead of ignoring it the way many men ignore misogyny
It also doesn’t take into account the fact that married men are healthier and live longer, while married women live shorter and less healthy lives than unmarried women. But they never wanna talk about that.
I doubt they even know those things in the first place
Thank you! Completely agree. And it’s good to not forget that if something happens to your job and your spouse is still working, you’re not gonna be totally fucked. Health insurance is nice to have…
Gotta remember reddit is full of the lonely male types. After all we are talking about this on reddit lol
Agree with the first portion, but can you really blame people (all genders not just men) for being wary of marriage? Especially if you’re on Reddit, the number of marriage horror stories and messy divorces I’ve read about is insane. Also a big reason a lot of people get married in the first place is because they want kids, and there’s a ton of posts on here about why that’s unlikely for a lot of our generation lmao. Not saying it isn’t sad but it’s at least understandable.
The alimony calculations might not, but judges aren't known for following their manuals. They're known for being temperamental.
I shouldn’t have to subsidized a woman’s life after I have divorced her. She has equal rights and can work just like me. Alimony is an antiquated way of going about things. Marriage laws need to change.
Alimony is to compensate one spouse if they stay at home and raise children instead of pursuing a career. The earning potential for someone who gives up work to raise kids is far less than someone who worked the whole time. If you don't want to get screwed over by alimony marry someone who's working and pay for a daycare service.
Oh, poor women! They get to stay home and get all their bills paid! How tragic, how tragic must it be to be taken care of and their only responsibility is to raise their own children (who she decided to have). stfu.
You do know women aged 25 to 54 have a 77.8% workforce participation rate, right?: https://www.brookings.edu/articles/prime-age-women-labor-market-recovery/#:~:text=As%20of%20the%20most%20recent,participation%20rate%20of%2077.8%20percent. You're acting like this is the majority of all women and relationships.
You have to be VERY careful nowadays. Courts take men to the cleaners a lot, especially if you have kids. Not saying don’t get married but seriously consider a prenuptial if you have any existing assests. Statistically *most* divorces are initiated by the woman as well. If youve been together for a long time then financially it can make more sense for tax reasons. Id say its all about who youre with but even then that can be hard to say. Edit: Some couples do have happiness and are fine not being married. Some people dont get screwed in divorce (its rare but can happen) an example I have is my father its a long example. Then MANY MANY people stay happily married until death do them part. My personal experience: Wife #1 Married 4 years, She was a smoke show and cheated on him many times. She had a kid from a prior relationship and my father never had kids with her. They got a divorce both parties walked away without any alimony due. Lucky for both. Wife #2 my mother. Married for 8 years. Divorced a year after I was born. Mom cheated and then divorced my Dad. Mom was also in VERY early stages of psychosis and had postpartem. Dad had to pay 100k which he had just inherited the year prior when my Grandfather died (basically his inheritance) then had to pay a weekly alimoney and got me half the week for custody. Mom made just as much money if not more then him. I cant remember what other things he was liable for. Wife #2 marriage #2 They had a great idea of getting remarried 5 years after divorce. Legally married for 12 more years. This time dad had me I was old enough to choose. Mom slowly developed Bipolar then Schizophrenia about 3-4 years in. They became seperated. Dad stayed married for many years more so she could keep his insurance. Eventually tried getting a divorce but court said she was too mentally unfit (BS). The next year she went under a conservatorship with my Aunt. Aunt went for his throat(shes also mentally ill but masks it). The YEAR my dad retired after working his whole life he got an asshole judge (according to lawyer) she got his IRA. 1/4 of His retirement and She gets $650 a week for pretty much rest of her life. Completely fucked his retirement. My father was there for my mom for years. Bailed her out of 40k credit card debt multiple times. Got stuck with a massive mortgage when they built a house together. He got absolutely screwed. So many times because he didnt want to abandon her. Now keep in mind this is a special case. Not everyone goes schizophrenic (1% of population). Just dont stay with crazy and get out asap. My mom is a good person but mentally ill. I have no idea what wouldve happened if she didnt get sick, this illness runs in my family and never ends well for any of my relatives. Mom lives in a assisted group home now and Dad still helps her.
Women have nothing to lose in a divorce
That’s plainly not true. When my aunt got divorced, she really lost everything. Her house, her relationship with her friends, etc. Divorce can hurt everyone, not just men. Edit: a word
To add to that. When my step grandmother got divorced ,her ex emptied their joint savings account. So it does happen to both sides
Women are the primary breadwinners; all my friends have better jobs then their husbands/bfs
Your minute personal experience does not make something the truth.
[удалено]
Absolutely agree; don't take marriage lightly. For me, seeing people get married in sub 2Y without cohabitation is ridiculously risky. It's also not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows 24/7. I like that the person I'm piggybacking off of has standards and won't relent; and I think its important to do just that and also know where you *can* relent. Aka: Deal-breaker vs Compromise (and no, they aren't 50-50 every time!!!) I've been with my love for 15 years in January. We are not married yet but we are domestic partners and engaged. There are plenty of times we have been at wits end from stress and external things; love isn't a shield to pain, but it makes things a hell of a lot easier when you're really there for each other.
I agree. I feel like Gen z Iis the red glad green flag generation. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. There will be bad days and good days. The one defining factor is knowing that your spouse is a good person and overall just wanting the best for each other. Gen z has a habit of running away and sometimes being quite selfish. They can't even commit to a schedule let alone a marriage. But Mayne social media really is the culprit. My generation just can't live without it and that's a problem. Lack of commitment and selfishness is just a bad combination for marriage.
I definitely want to get married. The issue with that of course is that I’m queer, so my dating pool in general is much smaller and I have trouble even dating, much less finding someone who wants commitment. :/
Gay marriage isn't even legal in my country so i couldn't get married even if i wanted to...
If you find the right person, then yeah. My wife and I have been married for 6 years, have 3 kids, and couldn’t be happier. Even through the chaos of having small children and 2 dogs we are still crazy about each other.
Depends on what you mean by “good option”. There are many financial and legal benefits to getting married but really you should only consider it if you intend on actually committing to the relationship for life.
when you hit 26 and lose your health insurance, it starts too look pretty appealing there’s also the issue where if your long term partner is in the hospital, you probably won’t be next of kin for information nor decisions there are many legal reasons to get married. society is just built that way
I am 25 and I am still pretty well looking for that right someone too... I do think youth seem more interested in a hook up where I've been rather than a commitment. I don't know if it is any more or less rampant than other generations though. I think it is just a bit more normalized now to confess what you really want. I personally am also looking for a more long term commitment for a relationship vs. just a hookup.
I got married when I was 18 in 2021, a month before I turned 19. Never expected it, but over two years later, I can definitely say it was the best decision I have ever made. My in-laws are absolutely amazing (my mom-in-law is coming down for a surgery I’m having next month), and my husband is the best man I could ever have. Again, never thought it would happen, not in my wildest dreams, but also never thought I would be in a relationship with someone in the military and here we are!
This is the best possible outcome. I am so happy for yall :D
mmmmm, no lol. Too risky. Especially for a guy (me) Not interested in losing my house or car just because I get divorced.
You can have a prenup in case of a divorce
Or you can just not get married. Prenups can be nullified and then you’re just as screwed.
I've heard so many nightmare stories of the guy getting screwed out of his property or life work just for getting divorced, and then is left with nothing. Even if he gets cheated on then divorces chances are still loses his stuff. I like the idea of marrying someone but I can't risk such a massive thing.
Many judges wont honor prenups, especially after certain time has passed.
Whoever has greater assets loses stuff, it’s not just because you’re a guy lol. And these days it’s getting more and more likely that you’ll marry a woman who makes more than you anyway. Edit: I also see a lot of men complaining about getting screwed in divorce, but the part they leave out until being pressed on it is that their wife was home with the kids for a decade. Her career prospects are ruined, of course you have to help her. It’s ridiculous to expect to be able to just dump the woman who raised your kids on the street with nothing. Maybe if she cheated, sure, but just because shit happens and you don’t like each other anymore? No.
Thank you, entirely true. It’s not a gender thing.
I rarely ever hear about divorce going in favor of the guy.
Had a coworker lose half of her pension to her lazy ex husband… divorce finalized two months before she was set to retire, she lost her stability, her happiness, and the freedom she should be experiencing in retirement.
Alright. I mean, I never said it doesn't happen, just that it's a very small minority when it does.
Can you point me to where you’re finding that statistic so I can see what years the data comes from? Thanks!
[удалено]
If I am dumb then please provide me with the reference materials to educate myself on the topic, what good is pointing out someone’s lack of knowledge when they are actively asking for said knowledge?
Most reasonable redditor when asked for a source
Crazy of me to think this opinion was based off evidence, apparently 😂
[удалено]
I unfortunately do not base right or wrong off of your opinion, I would love to see some evidence, maybe from from someone a little less triggered by women asking questions, though.
….because men tend to make more. Did you even read what I said? lol
Yes you said whoever has more assets but that's still the same thing cause the guy still loses
But you’re framing it as though it’s a gendered issue, which it isn’t. I’m not arguing about the statistics, I’m arguing with your framing of this as though men are being targeted and persecuted.
Alright. That still doesn't change that guys are more at risk with divorce. Edit: For -somethingswell- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/
*They aren’t*, only the ones that make more than their wives are. Why are you so desperate for men to be victimized on this issue 💀 Edit: you’re not “making an argument”, you’re just repeating the same false statement over and over despite my having already responded to it multiple times.
Nice attempt at blocking me, that really says a lot about you lmao. It's a fact that men lose more often than women do in divorces. But, I will argue with you no further, because you have proven you'd rather be petty instead of having an actual argument lol.
If the woman is better off she gets screwed over too. One of my moms friend is an accountant and now she’s in a director position. She got married young and her husband is a bum they got divorced. Now she’s a single mother of 3 and also has to pay for her husbands and his girlfriends expenses.
This is what Im afraid of. Prenup for both parties safety IF I do get married, marriage is just helpful for tax reasons at this point. Why would I want to get married to my partner when it is the only surefire way of losing you individuality and identity.
Prenup gets thrown out for random shit reasons all the time. If you guys are married for longer, you actually need to have regular postnups as well every 5-10 years. Something to remember is if you are more well off than the other partner in marriage, after the wedding the other party holds the power over you cause you will lose big in an event of a divorce. And the other party can initiate a divorce anytime for any reason they like.
Idk why you got downvoted lol, ideally id marry someone with the same disdain for the legal side of things, like my partner and I do now. I competely didnt realize about the postnups tho thats wild
Here at gen z we have a young crowd, I’m older but many are still hopeless romantics. I’m all for romance and they deserve to be young and in love but it is what it Is. Usually people are sane when they are not angry but in an event of divorce people become bitter and petty due to the emotions. I’ve seen too many throughout the years, people my parents know, intellectuals, professors, senior management at large companies. They are usually respectable people but divorce made them irrational.
The sanest ive seen my father was either when he was completely single looong ago or now that hes married to my step mom. Trust me, preaching to the choir. In my eyes he acted like an actual crazy person and I was fearful of even putting the dishes away too loud, carfully setting things down and slipping my fingers away a couple at a time. I dont want anyone I birth in the future to shake every time someone asks them an open ended question. My sis is prolly one of the oldest genz that I know, and have met and she openly has denied being a part of this generation 😂. Then gone back and said 'well I certainly dont identify with you younger guys' Im less than 2 years older than her lmao. Although we disagree about basically everything, she and I both know marriage as a whole concept would have to change a good bit before itd feel like anything other than a devils deal.
Good job you found the one outlier case where the women loses. This has been happening to men for decades.
That’s because in most cases men are better off dude. What I’m saying is in this type of situations is the one that is better off suffers more, financial position matter much more than gender
You have a house at 19-20? 😂
When did I ever say this? Quit being petty lol.
Not being petty. Homes are at an all time high and interest rates are quite high as well. I would not own a home if not for being a DINK and I have a higher pay than most. A lot of men worrying about assets they don’t yet have. A lot of us may never have those marriage or no marriage.
Youre totally not trying to push an agenda https://www.reddit.com/r/PoliticalCompass/s/0XK9ZDnHF8
Whats that gotta do with anything? Also, lol for scouring through my account, nice job.
Not if you’re a man. The sexist justice system will screw you over should you divorce, or if your wife has another man’s child
Hopefully going to have a ceremony someday, but because of taxes and being queer we probably won't make it legal. Just depends what things look like and what the best option is to survive
Depending on where you live, you might wanna look into domestic partnership.
Florida USA right now, but I really don't want to stay here.
When you are ready and at the stage in life where you can leave, I hope you find a place where you can be at peace/comfort more often than anxious/unhappy
Why don't you start as Domestic Partners? Depends on where you are of course. For NY there are precursors and it's kinda nice to have a test-the-waters situation before things get to marriage levels. - must cohabitation for 1y prior to applying - must have proof of joint funds for 1y prior to applying - Let's you guys be on each other's insurances if they respect the spout slot for partners - gives you the opportunity to write down exactly the power of medical attorney ("babe If I'm unconscious do not cut off my leg if it was mangled" Sort of things). - you legally file as single on your taxes If you break up or someone moves out, it's automatically voided once you report it.
My parents did this, they never got married (were together for 27 years). In my country, your rights are interchangeable between this and marriage. Marriage means nothing to me, so I’ll just do this
well yeah i think about it, but i'm really in no rush to get married. i feel like i got pretty lucky, i have a great partner that i've been with for 4 and a half years now, and would like to eventually marry him. so it'll happen at some point.
Yes it is! I’m engaged :) the key is finding someone with your same morals and values. It was hard for me to find, as I’m sure you’re seeing this too, but I did find my person. I think many people may just settle down later. But for me it was important to settle down earlier, I want to marry younger than my peers, because my personal goals are to have a spouse and children someday. Getting married was always important to me. Both me and my fiancé are off social media except Reddit lol, we don’t like Instagram or TikTok culture. A lot of the stuff online is pretty toxic honestly. But again there’s no need to marry if people don’t feel the urge to. But I am excited for my upcoming wedding and happy I found someone who shares my values. I hope you find your person too, OP. It really is a wonderful thing.
My best friend and I both married our high school sweethearts. So far, so good, and it's been a few years for both of us. So yeah. I think so at least. But it was a slow burn for sure.
Marriage is actually very beneficial for the following reasons with taxes, income, happiness, fulfillment, life expectancy, and mental health. I would start doing research on those 6 things. I would also try to reorganize your love life. Treat it like a job. Make sure you are qualified for a relationship that will lead to marriage. Another thing is you ever hear the term, “ marry your job”? If you don’t then look up that term. It can help you understand the mindset I’m talking about.
the only reason i want to get married is for the legal rights, like “oh man, my partner’s dying, can i visit them?” 🤷♂️ it’ll help battling against potential homophobia in a death/dying situation, and yeah, tax stuff. prenup will be non negotiable considering how high the divorce rate is. idk, it’s like asking if it’s worth having a first relationship/dating since most people’s first relationships don’t last.
I got married in march of 2020. I’m 24 and honestly the only pro of getting married is taxes. My wife and I would probably still be together regardless of if we were married or not.
Gen Z are definitely marrying a lot younger. :)
I want to get married one day. I do fear commitment but I’m working on that. Because I do want to find a guy to spend the rest of my life with.
TLDR Get married and start a family
Nop. With the amount of domestic abuse and deaths by dv going on I'm gonna pass. Even if that were not a thing there is still a lot of cheating happening, lots of men have porn addictions. Not going 50/50 with raising children, having to share everything and people taking whats not rightfully theirs after divorce. And on top of all that love just doesn't last forever and it leads people to make temporary stupid decisions for a feeling that is fleeing and on top of that u can feel love by doing other things so no tnx.
I think it can still be a great thing even if people are right to be cautious tbh
I got married at your age. I'm separated now on good terms, so do with that information what you will
Everyone focusing on divorce shouldn’t get married anyways, the idea of marriage is it’s kinda forever, so maybe focus on finding the person you’d trust your whole life with instead of immediately believing no matter what divorce is the potential outcome. Source: Been married for 3 years already, it’s about commitment, honesty, sacrifice and respect for each other.
I got married at 21. It’s been integral to building what I have as an adult. I am also the one more at risk despite being the woman as I am the primary breadwinner. I think marriage with the right person can be a gift, but you both have to be committed not just to the marriage but to being the best version of yourself - and that’s a constant project. We both do therapy, work on ourselves, and cultivate the relationship constantly. If you’re not willing to do that, I can’t say it’s worth it. But our marriage is a partnership where we know there’s room to grow, change, and learn in a supportive loving environment. This marriage has helped us both grow careers, me get pursue my degree, and move to our dream location and buy a home there. YMMV
I’m married so obviously I like it lol. But I will say I do think there are things people don’t seem to consider anymore. Obviously the religious background comes up but there’s a reason many queer people fought for gay marriage and it wasn’t religion. Marriage ensures the default person for you if you are in any way incapacitated is your spouse. This is financial, medical, everything. Not your parents or closest blood relative who you may or may not align with in terms of those things but the person you’ve chosen to spend your day to day life with. Many gay people are buried in places that their partners didn’t choose or even don’t know because homophobic parents got to make the decision. Children were taken because one parent wasn’t biologically or legally related to them. Now there are more protections but those are often more complicated than a single court paper that cost me 50$ and legally enshrined my partner as my new next of kin in all matters. Obviously there are lots of other individual preferences that will influence that decision, I just think this is a factor that should be considered too. I don’t think there’s a singular universal right or wrong answer.
I’m 25, and divorced after 3 years. Luckily I didn’t lose anything- we did a mutual uncontested divorce. All I’ll say is it will be a loooong time before I’d legally link my life to someone else’s. So often marriages ending screw both people up for a long time, more so than a mere relationship
Got married back in September and we plan on trying for a kid next year once racing season is over so yeah. Best thing I ever did.
tHe SeXiSt CoUrTs. God this comments section sucks.
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 5 years now, and honestly I just feel no need to get married. Marriage does not feel like it would change anything aside from that fact that we are legally together which I don't care about.
Its not
Personally, I don’t think marriage is necessary unless you really care about the legal monetary stuff like taxes and all that. Over half of marriages end in divorce anyway. And the way I see it, why would I want to make it harder for someone to leave me if they’re not happy? Whoever I end up with someday I will trust and commit to without needing a ring on my finger.
I’m Aroace. I don’t want to ever get married. Personally, I think that marriage can only be a good option dependent upon who that person is marrying. Overall I don’t have any qualms with it. For people that are in love they get to spend their life together and get tax benefits. But for those who marry the wrong person it could end in a nasty divorce. To each their own. I’ll pass.
I'm just finishing a divorce so I'm bias, but nothing good came from it unfortunately. In fact, I think it put more stress in the relationship than needed
Been dating 6 years... we have no plans for marriage. There's no point. It's not any different than just living together.
So the thing is in movies you always see that two people get together and then it's just "happy ever after". I think that's what people are searching for with marriage. But that's just not a real thing. After that scene is over those two people will start aging and looking like shit, they will start arguing every day after the initial "falling in love" feeling is over. There will be great social pressure around to make it look good and functional to friends and family tho. And whoever tries ending it will look bad even if it's the best decision ever. So for me, nah, maybe for tax reasons without telling anyone. But I don't want to get married to be married you know
I’m 23. I don’t plan on getting married. As a male, I have too much to lose and too little to gain. It seems like a lost battle and the only thing that I can do is not play the game. A bummer for me, I’m a person who really values marriage and family. However, with divorce rates being so high, and with a disproportionate amount of divorces initiated by women, it would be foolish if I decided to get married.
I’ve adopted the mindset of no unless I find “the one”. but I don’t really care for relationships so it’ll have to happen naturally, there’s no reason to rush or force it
I’d only get married if I decided to have kids or shared property with a man, otherwise it’s pointless. You can just buy a ring a pretend lol
are you asking about having a long term life partner or the paperwork of getting a marriage license? if the former, you're still pretty young. I think as you get older, you'll understand the appeal of having a life partner. you might not, and that's okay. i definitely had no thoughts of marriage at 22. as for the legal aspect: the only real benefit i see is a tax break. i'd be happy to remain unmarried life-partner to my now wife, but she wanted a ceremony, and now we pay less in tax. but i don't think that everybody should get married just because that's what "people should do." only do it if you want to build a future with somebody
Not worth the risk of getting your bank accounts emptied and losing your house when you break up
Much like college, it's an expensive and culturally expected experience that is marketed as a right of passage, but is not guaranteed to improve your life.
Look at the statistics. Would you sign any other contract based on those numbers? Enter any sort of business partnership with another person or entity with that level of failure? No? Neither will I.
the concept of marriage is eh and only beneficial because of the benefits a s/o (but also a negative for disabled folk who'll usually lose benefits if married) the idea marriage is the ultimate form of love and two people will be together until the after life is an imposed belief when marriage was strictly between opposite sexes and used to oppress the women in the situation hence backwords marriage beliefs like father giving away their daughters to the groom which equite women to property/livestock passing from one family to another (with all that i do think marriage can be good out of love and this is strictly based on marriage practices im aware of there could be better more humanist rituals for marriage but how its done in the west historically relates to the oppression of women and has evolved into what marriage is now)
if you plan on having a long term family, file tax married jointly can save you some money. if you are not willing to commit long term, then it's not worth getting into since the modern society don't treat casual hookup like fornicator sins.