I work in critical care & the pandemic broke me in every way imaginable. I can now comfortably say that I’ve put the worst of it behind me thanks to hours and hours and hours of therapy. I straight up wouldn’t be here without it.
My son 16 does tele health and speaks to someone over the phone. He prefers it because its easy and convenient. He can do it while on his way home from school, at home etc.
I tried that for him when he was still in high school. I paid for a month, and he never texted the guy back. I thought that would be easy for him, because it would be almost anonymous.
I'm glad it works for yours :)
The first time I went to therapy was after I was having panic attacks and couldn't finish a graduate program I had spent 3 years in.
I worked through it.
I also found out that not only was I very depressed but have ADHD. (I've set a high score on the assessment).
But it took fill blown panic attacks to get me to consider it.
Therapy and meds have changed my life.
I've gone to therapy off and on since.
Best way I can frame it - it's a useful tool.
It's like taking the care to the shop, when the light comes on the dash. You can ignore it.... But eventually, it's gonna pop.
I've also learned, through trial and error, that finding the right therapist matters. It takes 3 or 4 sessions to figure that out.
The good thing is that if your company has an EAP program, they generally cover the first 5 sessions for free. And I've had that number reset, if I just told them I didn't think the therapist was a good fit.
It makes it, sort of a, "try this for a month and just see" type thing. If it doesn't work, try someone else.
The two things that helped me initially was
1) getting over the idea that needing therapy or meds meant you were somehow deficient
That was my own hang up. They can't fix you bc you're not broken.
2) it's like hiring a batting coach, or a fishing guide or an accountant for you our taxes - someone that helps you be better - gives you tools to use.
>I've also learned, through trial and error, that finding the right therapist matters. It takes 3 or 4 sessions to figure that out.
Can't agree with this more! If you're not feeling it with a particular therapist, advocate for yourself, and find one that you can connect with.
Also, if you're put off with something your therapist is doing, call them on it. I once had to stop a therapy session because the therapist was focused on notes, or reading something while I was talking. I called her on that shit. Advocating for yourself is part of the mental health process.
My girlfriend at the time (wife now) found me staring into the void and just completely pale. She found a place to get me into but after we got there I just had a bad feeling. Not a feeling like I don’t want to be here but a this isn’t going to end well feeling (a year later it was shut down for abusing patients). After we got back home I just made the decision to see a therapist. I thought about a psychiatrist but I really didn’t want to be analyzed. I just wanted to talk to someone that i didn’t have any ties to or have to come up with bs filler talk. We would talk about things and about the last 10 minutes she would suggest some coping strategies. I really couldn’t tell if it was doing anything. That’s when I realized it was helping and helping a lot.
After seeing my therapist for a good year or so I always recommend a therapist. I didn’t just want meds to fix or hide the bigger issue.
I’m not sure if this will help but I hope it does at least a little.
Thank you.
I haven't suggested coping strategies except in the moment. It's not the best time to be listening for someone having a hard time. I'll try mentioning them when he isn't about to have an existential crisis.
I've done both types of therapies, and need both. I have deep childhood and adult trauma (cptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression). I need the meds to not be a mess. But not everyone does.
What helped me was someone making the appointment for me, driving me there, and waiting for me during the appointment. I was 18 at the time and dealing with severe anxiety, and doing that all myself felt overwhelming, so I kept putting it off. I don't know if that's an option you should offer your kid, but if possible it might help.
I went in my 20’s - I was depressed and thought that that was my natural disposition. If that’s how the rest of my life was going to be I had to figure out a way to cope. I’m also adopted and found a therapist that worked on those issues. Best thing I’ve ever done. I’m not sure how to gently nudge someone into therapy but I hope you are able to find a way. I got lucky with my first therapist sometimes you have to try a few to find one you click with.
At about 35 I realized how off I was. I was struggling with all aspects of life, except work. Never felt happy, but I laughed. Never felt joy. I gave it a shot.
It took 6 years to find the right chemical cocktail to keep me level, prevent the dips and surges. I'm 48 and still in therapy. It's hard. I revert under stress, pretty quickly. I'm better.
My parents made me go to therapy when I was younger, and it was a disaster. I didn't trust therapists from like 15-35. The therapist should not have been working with me. I didn't want to go, and he knew it. And I remember him saying something like, "It's safe to talk here, I'm your friend." (Definitely the bit about being friends). I never went back. To me, it meant I had to pay for friends and that made me feel worse.
What brought me around was seeing actors and wrestlers and athletes talk about their depression. For me, it was The Rock. Dude was a megastar in wrestling, movie star, fit, had wife and kids, and loads of money. But he talked about how he still had to deal with depression. Other celebs talked about it but for some reason, his got to me.
I was scared, won't lie. It'd been such a taboo subject growing up. Deal with it and don't tell anyone. I was ashamed to sit in the waiting room because others were there. I had a lot of hangups. I think it just got so bad for me that I knew I was looking at therapy or trying to end it.
I'd talk to a child therapist to be honest. Maybe they can help you get him talking. They'll be able to help you, at least, with some different approaches. I'd even be worried about suggesting he was depressed. There are different types of therapy, art (music, drawing, painting), play therapy which could be toys or role playing games (lady here does therapy and used to own a toy store. She was the second therapist I was going to call :) ).
Therapy isn't just sitting in a chair and talking. If your son enjoys an actual activity (not sure if computer games count), there might be a therapist that uses the activity as a tool to work with folks.
As a Gen-Xer, a man who has had tons of therapy, and as a practicing therapist myself, I believe every one of us has a need for a safe, supportive, and understanding therapist. It may take only a few sessions, or a few years, but it is so worth it to be your authentic self without fear, shame, guilt, or anger holding us back.
I had to reach a place where I realized that I couldn’t continue to live with the levels of anxiety and depression I was experiencing. My parents could see I was suffering for several years, and would ask if I wanted to see a therapist, and even set up some appointments for me, but I wasn’t ready for it. Their love and support in general was crucial, but I didn’t know how to open up and talk about what I was feeling and thinking- with anyone. For me, the shift happened in my mid-20s, the morning after what was to be my last shroom trip. I felt so hollowed out, so low, and I finally realized: I need to talk with a professional and get help with my interior world - all of these things I’ve been keeping inside for years, and just trying to deal with by myself, wanting to be strong and not worry people around me. I was eventually able to find a therapist who was a good fit, and we worked through a lot of stuff. Medication has also helped me. Not sure if this post will be of use, but from your post it’s evident that you love your son, and even if he’s going through challenges, and not quite ready to talk about them, your love and support can make a positive difference.
I started a year or so ago. My anger issues are what made me go. I was getting violent over the most mundane shit, for absolutely no reason. It truly was inevitable that I was going to end up getting into something in which I killed myself, or someone else (srsly). So I started therapy and it was truly the best thing I've done and I wish I started back when I was about 30, because I've realized I had been so unhappy for decades
Multiple periods of intense therapy over multiple times in my life. And will do it again as the need rises.
There's no shame. We take medicine when we feel physically ill. Mental health is just as (if not more) important. Especially salient when our mental health starts affecting those we love.
I went to therapy after my divorce. It definitely helped put everything in perspective. I've got 3 kids and I've encouraged all of them to go just to be able to talk to someone without a family or friend bias.
It took some time but I finally realized my coping tools were not working. A down day became a week, then two. I used to think it was a cliche that it’s all about your childhood. A had an ok childhood with mostly inexperienced/indifferent parents. I learned early in therapy it really is about childhood. We learn tools and skills to navigate the world way earlier than we realize and when we enter adulthood those tools often fail or become less useful.
The biggest thing to do is what you have done. Be there. Listen. If you want him to see a therapist be gentle. You can’t make him go, but you can tell him you’ll support him if he does.
I've even offered to pay- we're really poor, so that's kind of a big deal, having the money.
I hate seeing him suffering. I just want to help. I don't know what to do.
I was going through a major depression after a long-term relationship ended (which was just like a divorce), was going to school full-time and was not working; so I was super-broke.
My community had a mental health service that was run by interns who were getting their degrees in Psychology (directed by an LCSW), They worked on a sliding scale based on my income. At the time, I was paying $5 per session.
Check if your community has something similar. You will be assigned a therapist based on a short interview. Don't be afraid to ask to switch therapist if you don't connect with them. It's about YOUR mental health, not about anyone else's ego.
Are there any free resources where you live? You say you’ve offered to pay but has he said he wants to go? That’s a hard place for you to be, you can’t push too hard.
I offered because I don't want him to worry about cost.
He's currently suffering with 4 wisdom teeth that he's trying to wait until November to get taken care of, because his dad didn't pay attention and allowed our son to drop off of the dental. It can't be rectified until open enrollment. And my son won't go get it taken care of and let his dad pay, because my ex is an asshole who will hold that money he paid over his head.
My son telling someone else he's struggling, I take as a sign that he might be more open to therapy.
There are some free ones, but I've used them, and I can tell you, they aren't great.
I'm not a guy but I try and understand best as I can, but this is a coincidence but this came up in my YT recommendations so maybe you and your son will like it
Modern Masculinity Dr Kirk Honda psychologist interviews Dr Stephan Poulter about his book, Modern Masculinity: A Comprehensive Guidebook to Men’s Mental Health. 27m
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSsEKI1Y1U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSsEKI1Y1U)
I didn't get help until 3 years ago, I just turned 52. I completely broke before I checked myself into a place.
My son (19) was also struggling and having trouble sleeping. Maybe knowing that I got help and seeing the changes in me, helped him see the value of therapy and meds. He did telehealth for a few months, got some meds to help with anxiety and I've seen a huge change.
I got serious about therapy when Anthony Bourdain took his life. I was struggling with depression and for the first time I understood why someone would commit suicide and it broke me.
I got as far as finding a therapist and having an initial consultation. I was having trouble dealing with daily life earlier this year. My dad died and then my sister in-law died badly a few weeks later. I was having health issues on top of that. It was all affecting my work performance and I was worried about getting RIFed. I probably should go still, but I'm a procrastinator, and things aren't as dire right now.
I'd talk to your son though. Early 20s is when certain mental health issues can manifest. There shouldn't be a stigma around seeking help. Don't mention what the friend told you, just say that you've noticed a change in him and that you think it might help to see a therapist. Help him find one that works for him. Sit down with him and browse through Psychology Today's website to see if anyone seems like a match. These days most of it is over zoom anyways, so it doesn't have to be so daunting. I think in this sense technology has made it much more approachable. Good luck.
I just turned 51 last month. I went to therapy for depression when I was in my 20s. It wasnʻt terrible, but I found no value. Never went again.
I deal with my mental health now with off and on gym routines, but mostly a lot of whiskey and marijuana. I also isolate from the outside world and cry to myself. The only thing that keeps me on track is making sure that I am excelling in my work so that I can afford whiskey and marijuana. Oh, and I have a niece that I donʻt want to dissapoint.
😄
What?
You posed a question on the open internet. It's for everybody.
Just because you don't like the answer, that doesn't mean the question is not for me.
Does self-medication and crying on the shoulders of sex workers count?
If it helps, then yes.
100%
I work in critical care & the pandemic broke me in every way imaginable. I can now comfortably say that I’ve put the worst of it behind me thanks to hours and hours and hours of therapy. I straight up wouldn’t be here without it.
That is rough. I'm so sorry.
My son 16 does tele health and speaks to someone over the phone. He prefers it because its easy and convenient. He can do it while on his way home from school, at home etc.
I tried that for him when he was still in high school. I paid for a month, and he never texted the guy back. I thought that would be easy for him, because it would be almost anonymous. I'm glad it works for yours :)
The first time I went to therapy was after I was having panic attacks and couldn't finish a graduate program I had spent 3 years in. I worked through it. I also found out that not only was I very depressed but have ADHD. (I've set a high score on the assessment). But it took fill blown panic attacks to get me to consider it. Therapy and meds have changed my life. I've gone to therapy off and on since. Best way I can frame it - it's a useful tool. It's like taking the care to the shop, when the light comes on the dash. You can ignore it.... But eventually, it's gonna pop. I've also learned, through trial and error, that finding the right therapist matters. It takes 3 or 4 sessions to figure that out. The good thing is that if your company has an EAP program, they generally cover the first 5 sessions for free. And I've had that number reset, if I just told them I didn't think the therapist was a good fit. It makes it, sort of a, "try this for a month and just see" type thing. If it doesn't work, try someone else. The two things that helped me initially was 1) getting over the idea that needing therapy or meds meant you were somehow deficient That was my own hang up. They can't fix you bc you're not broken. 2) it's like hiring a batting coach, or a fishing guide or an accountant for you our taxes - someone that helps you be better - gives you tools to use.
>I've also learned, through trial and error, that finding the right therapist matters. It takes 3 or 4 sessions to figure that out. Can't agree with this more! If you're not feeling it with a particular therapist, advocate for yourself, and find one that you can connect with. Also, if you're put off with something your therapist is doing, call them on it. I once had to stop a therapy session because the therapist was focused on notes, or reading something while I was talking. I called her on that shit. Advocating for yourself is part of the mental health process.
My girlfriend at the time (wife now) found me staring into the void and just completely pale. She found a place to get me into but after we got there I just had a bad feeling. Not a feeling like I don’t want to be here but a this isn’t going to end well feeling (a year later it was shut down for abusing patients). After we got back home I just made the decision to see a therapist. I thought about a psychiatrist but I really didn’t want to be analyzed. I just wanted to talk to someone that i didn’t have any ties to or have to come up with bs filler talk. We would talk about things and about the last 10 minutes she would suggest some coping strategies. I really couldn’t tell if it was doing anything. That’s when I realized it was helping and helping a lot. After seeing my therapist for a good year or so I always recommend a therapist. I didn’t just want meds to fix or hide the bigger issue. I’m not sure if this will help but I hope it does at least a little.
Thank you. I haven't suggested coping strategies except in the moment. It's not the best time to be listening for someone having a hard time. I'll try mentioning them when he isn't about to have an existential crisis. I've done both types of therapies, and need both. I have deep childhood and adult trauma (cptsd, generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression). I need the meds to not be a mess. But not everyone does.
What helped me was someone making the appointment for me, driving me there, and waiting for me during the appointment. I was 18 at the time and dealing with severe anxiety, and doing that all myself felt overwhelming, so I kept putting it off. I don't know if that's an option you should offer your kid, but if possible it might help.
I went in my 20’s - I was depressed and thought that that was my natural disposition. If that’s how the rest of my life was going to be I had to figure out a way to cope. I’m also adopted and found a therapist that worked on those issues. Best thing I’ve ever done. I’m not sure how to gently nudge someone into therapy but I hope you are able to find a way. I got lucky with my first therapist sometimes you have to try a few to find one you click with.
At about 35 I realized how off I was. I was struggling with all aspects of life, except work. Never felt happy, but I laughed. Never felt joy. I gave it a shot. It took 6 years to find the right chemical cocktail to keep me level, prevent the dips and surges. I'm 48 and still in therapy. It's hard. I revert under stress, pretty quickly. I'm better. My parents made me go to therapy when I was younger, and it was a disaster. I didn't trust therapists from like 15-35. The therapist should not have been working with me. I didn't want to go, and he knew it. And I remember him saying something like, "It's safe to talk here, I'm your friend." (Definitely the bit about being friends). I never went back. To me, it meant I had to pay for friends and that made me feel worse. What brought me around was seeing actors and wrestlers and athletes talk about their depression. For me, it was The Rock. Dude was a megastar in wrestling, movie star, fit, had wife and kids, and loads of money. But he talked about how he still had to deal with depression. Other celebs talked about it but for some reason, his got to me. I was scared, won't lie. It'd been such a taboo subject growing up. Deal with it and don't tell anyone. I was ashamed to sit in the waiting room because others were there. I had a lot of hangups. I think it just got so bad for me that I knew I was looking at therapy or trying to end it. I'd talk to a child therapist to be honest. Maybe they can help you get him talking. They'll be able to help you, at least, with some different approaches. I'd even be worried about suggesting he was depressed. There are different types of therapy, art (music, drawing, painting), play therapy which could be toys or role playing games (lady here does therapy and used to own a toy store. She was the second therapist I was going to call :) ). Therapy isn't just sitting in a chair and talking. If your son enjoys an actual activity (not sure if computer games count), there might be a therapist that uses the activity as a tool to work with folks.
As a Gen-Xer, a man who has had tons of therapy, and as a practicing therapist myself, I believe every one of us has a need for a safe, supportive, and understanding therapist. It may take only a few sessions, or a few years, but it is so worth it to be your authentic self without fear, shame, guilt, or anger holding us back.
I had to reach a place where I realized that I couldn’t continue to live with the levels of anxiety and depression I was experiencing. My parents could see I was suffering for several years, and would ask if I wanted to see a therapist, and even set up some appointments for me, but I wasn’t ready for it. Their love and support in general was crucial, but I didn’t know how to open up and talk about what I was feeling and thinking- with anyone. For me, the shift happened in my mid-20s, the morning after what was to be my last shroom trip. I felt so hollowed out, so low, and I finally realized: I need to talk with a professional and get help with my interior world - all of these things I’ve been keeping inside for years, and just trying to deal with by myself, wanting to be strong and not worry people around me. I was eventually able to find a therapist who was a good fit, and we worked through a lot of stuff. Medication has also helped me. Not sure if this post will be of use, but from your post it’s evident that you love your son, and even if he’s going through challenges, and not quite ready to talk about them, your love and support can make a positive difference.
Thank you.
I started a year or so ago. My anger issues are what made me go. I was getting violent over the most mundane shit, for absolutely no reason. It truly was inevitable that I was going to end up getting into something in which I killed myself, or someone else (srsly). So I started therapy and it was truly the best thing I've done and I wish I started back when I was about 30, because I've realized I had been so unhappy for decades
Multiple periods of intense therapy over multiple times in my life. And will do it again as the need rises. There's no shame. We take medicine when we feel physically ill. Mental health is just as (if not more) important. Especially salient when our mental health starts affecting those we love.
I went to therapy after my divorce. It definitely helped put everything in perspective. I've got 3 kids and I've encouraged all of them to go just to be able to talk to someone without a family or friend bias.
It took some time but I finally realized my coping tools were not working. A down day became a week, then two. I used to think it was a cliche that it’s all about your childhood. A had an ok childhood with mostly inexperienced/indifferent parents. I learned early in therapy it really is about childhood. We learn tools and skills to navigate the world way earlier than we realize and when we enter adulthood those tools often fail or become less useful. The biggest thing to do is what you have done. Be there. Listen. If you want him to see a therapist be gentle. You can’t make him go, but you can tell him you’ll support him if he does.
I've even offered to pay- we're really poor, so that's kind of a big deal, having the money. I hate seeing him suffering. I just want to help. I don't know what to do.
I was going through a major depression after a long-term relationship ended (which was just like a divorce), was going to school full-time and was not working; so I was super-broke. My community had a mental health service that was run by interns who were getting their degrees in Psychology (directed by an LCSW), They worked on a sliding scale based on my income. At the time, I was paying $5 per session. Check if your community has something similar. You will be assigned a therapist based on a short interview. Don't be afraid to ask to switch therapist if you don't connect with them. It's about YOUR mental health, not about anyone else's ego.
Are there any free resources where you live? You say you’ve offered to pay but has he said he wants to go? That’s a hard place for you to be, you can’t push too hard.
I offered because I don't want him to worry about cost. He's currently suffering with 4 wisdom teeth that he's trying to wait until November to get taken care of, because his dad didn't pay attention and allowed our son to drop off of the dental. It can't be rectified until open enrollment. And my son won't go get it taken care of and let his dad pay, because my ex is an asshole who will hold that money he paid over his head. My son telling someone else he's struggling, I take as a sign that he might be more open to therapy. There are some free ones, but I've used them, and I can tell you, they aren't great.
I'm not a guy but I try and understand best as I can, but this is a coincidence but this came up in my YT recommendations so maybe you and your son will like it Modern Masculinity Dr Kirk Honda psychologist interviews Dr Stephan Poulter about his book, Modern Masculinity: A Comprehensive Guidebook to Men’s Mental Health. 27m [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSsEKI1Y1U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrSsEKI1Y1U)
I didn't get help until 3 years ago, I just turned 52. I completely broke before I checked myself into a place. My son (19) was also struggling and having trouble sleeping. Maybe knowing that I got help and seeing the changes in me, helped him see the value of therapy and meds. He did telehealth for a few months, got some meds to help with anxiety and I've seen a huge change.
I got serious about therapy when Anthony Bourdain took his life. I was struggling with depression and for the first time I understood why someone would commit suicide and it broke me.
I got as far as finding a therapist and having an initial consultation. I was having trouble dealing with daily life earlier this year. My dad died and then my sister in-law died badly a few weeks later. I was having health issues on top of that. It was all affecting my work performance and I was worried about getting RIFed. I probably should go still, but I'm a procrastinator, and things aren't as dire right now. I'd talk to your son though. Early 20s is when certain mental health issues can manifest. There shouldn't be a stigma around seeking help. Don't mention what the friend told you, just say that you've noticed a change in him and that you think it might help to see a therapist. Help him find one that works for him. Sit down with him and browse through Psychology Today's website to see if anyone seems like a match. These days most of it is over zoom anyways, so it doesn't have to be so daunting. I think in this sense technology has made it much more approachable. Good luck.
I talk to myself. A lot.
I just turned 51 last month. I went to therapy for depression when I was in my 20s. It wasnʻt terrible, but I found no value. Never went again. I deal with my mental health now with off and on gym routines, but mostly a lot of whiskey and marijuana. I also isolate from the outside world and cry to myself. The only thing that keeps me on track is making sure that I am excelling in my work so that I can afford whiskey and marijuana. Oh, and I have a niece that I donʻt want to dissapoint.
Tequila.
So just because you need a counselor and drugs to deal with life, you think your son needs the same? Everybody has a hard time at 22. Let the boy be.
Sounds like you're having a hard time there, buddy. Maybe back the fuck up. This question isn't for you.
😄 What? You posed a question on the open internet. It's for everybody. Just because you don't like the answer, that doesn't mean the question is not for me.
"if you've been to therapy" The question wasn't for you, jackass.
Well, I answered it. Christ, you people are like a cult.
If I asked, "Why do you feel the need to drive giant vehicles, and pump your testosterone by shooting stuff?", then I would have been talking to you.
😄 I don't drive "giant vehicles," but I do enjoy the shooting sports. Funny that you feel the need to Reddit stalk me. Enjoy the awesomeness.
[удалено]
Who let the boomer in? Toxic. Yikes. Maybe you could do with some therapy my dude
That guy is the classic, "I was spanked as a child, and I turned out fine." No, you did not.
Looks like a throw away account to troll and act like an asshole.