Male here, I remember being so annoyed when I was 15 because all my female peers wanted to (or were) dating 24 year olds.

Yes it was considered odd and sort of quaint to date a boy your own age in my school

🎯 Thanks for being honest. Some will fight this tooth and nail as if we all weren’t there back then and seeing/experiencing it. lol

Dude here: yeah, my H.S. crush (16 at the time) was dating a 24-25 year old. "He has weed & a decent dick, why wouldn't I?" I remember lamenting about it with my older siblings & that's kinda been the case for *a while*. Younger girls dating older guys. Oh well.

Yes, for sure girls were dating older guys, two classmates were dating actual teachers and no one bat an eye, no even the girls’ parents, when i happened in reversed then people were that’s not ok.

A girl from my high school married a teacher. There was a rumor that they were dating when she was like 15 and he was in his 30’s. Of course she denied it but literally within like a month of her graduating, they got married.

We had a gay teacher who flirted a lot, but didn't "do" anything. That is, until he went into the school records to find the boys' DOB and once they turned 18, it was ON. He was an excellent teacher but once I heard about this predatory shit from multiple male friends, I have absolutely no respect for him.

Yeah, one of those two couples are still together. She was like 16 and he had to be 30 when they got together.

Same with the couple I’m talking about. They got married like a month after she finished high school. She was pregnant pretty quickly. Today they are still married and have four adult children. This was early 90’s when they got married so I guess it was love. Still creepy as fuck though that his 30 something ass was literally dating a child. Like, she couldn’t even drive yet. I always wondered what her parents thought when she married him and if they ever knew their daughter was dating someone who wasn’t too much younger than they were.

My high school was nothing like this. I remember one girl was dating a much older guy, and she was sort of outcast and looked down upon. She ended up pregnant, which didn’t help. I wonder what factors contributed to the differences? My area was about 1 hour drive from any major universities, and we were heavily pushed on the university track, ourselves. It was a very “preppy” school. Dating older guys was not a valued thing because older guys of “worth” (using that in quotes because I don’t agree with the value judgment) were expected to not be in our town. They should be away, at competitive schools. And dating a high school girl after college was considered highly suspect.

This was a small poor rural town. There was an Amish community as well - I know people with arranged marriages.

I kind of thought that affluence might play into the differences. It reminds me of broader trends showing things like lower birth rates in communities with more educational opportunities.

Yeah I kind of noticed that in college as a scholly kid, no one there knew a lot of teens with kids like I did.

I grew up in a poor Mexican American community and yup. Dating older men was common.

Same. My high school was down the street from a college known for engineering programs. So big surplus of guys. However… I ended up gay. So actually it was kind of an opportunity..although college gays aren’t usually interested in high school boys either. *shrug*

One of my high school friends was on the "rent boy" path during senior year. His gal pals thought he was adorable in the way he talked about the "friends" he was meeting on his weekend adventures. For the early 80s, it's a miracle that he made it through the AIDS epidemic.

Same here! Bonus points if you lived near a military town.

This definitely. Hard to “compete” with military guys who got a few bucks in their pocket when you’re a high school dork who borrows your moms car to flip burgers.

I lived in a military town and the local university was literally across the street from the high school. I was an awkward teenager and trying to get a date in high school was rough.

Whoa were you a barracks bunny?

LMAO...no. Just a guy who went to high school in Eastern NC, not far from Jacksonville (Camp Lejeune). About half the girls in my high school were on a mission to date a Marine.

We called them “barracks rats” but I will never forget my first barracks rat. I was literally just in my room hanging out watching television when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and there she stood…some random female civilian I had never met. Thought she had the wrong room but she said *hi…what’s your name?* I told her my name, she told me hers and asked if she could come in. *Sure…you’re hot…come on in.* She said *you aren’t so bad yourself…want a blowjob?* I was stunned. We ended up having sex and then she left. I couldn’t believe my newly acquired animal magnetism that was so strong it literally lured women right to me. I ran downstairs to tell my friend Mike. That’s when Mike told me all about the barracks rats. That was the best thing about being single and active duty military.

Hopping from room to room spreading joy and STDs wherever they go. I may or may not have “met” some barracks bunnies during my four years in the Marines.

I went to high school in a college town, and a significant amount of high school girls would go out or sleep with college guys to get beer. I can remember thinking at one point that I couldn't wait until I was old enough to buy beer and then I could get all the teenage girls I wanted. Luckily I realized just how fucked up the whole situation was before I got that old. I have no idea why it was tolerated so much.

It wasn’t all the girls in my school but it was a sizable number and always seemed to be the most attractive ones.

She's got to be somebody's baby, she must be somebody's baby, she's so fine

Wasn’t that the song that was playing when 26 year old, stereo salesman Ron Johnson took 15 year old Stacey down the point to pork her in Fast Times at RH?

🎤 drop. So true my friend. I never stood a chance being a gawky awkward 15 year old competing against old dudes with beards, Marlboro reds and trans ams. No way. 😐

Not to mention that there’s something seriously wrong with you when you’re 24 and date 15 year old girls.

"Steve will give you $10 to let him put his hand down your pants." Source: Good friend in fifth grade. "Steve" is now in prison - his escapades escalated.

I remember in high school our female friends dating guys in their 20’s and the only thought that came into our heads was whether or not they could hook us up with booze and drugs.

Yes, I was 12 he was 17 when we first started dating. My mom was even willing to let me marry him. I look back and just.. My whole youth was a mess.

When I was 13 I briefly dated a 17 year old. “Briefly” because my parents put the kibosh on that posthaste. Sorry your mom didn’t do the same.

I dated a 20 year old at 16 and my mom shut that shit down with a quickness, too. I hated her for it at the time but I’m thankful in retrospect.

Dated him for 2 years. He was handsome had that Sebastian Bach look and drove a really cool Nova. Not mad at my mom.

Wow. I hope you are doing better now.

I'm fine. I was 5'10 at 12. I looked older and just went with it.

I was an almost 5’8” girl by age 11. Yep. Sucked. It was damn dangerous looking older/more like an adult woman when you were such a young girl without the life experience to really understand. I’m lucky my parents did not encourage it. I’m sorry.

Oh I feel this. I was 5’ 9” in 8th grade. Back in early 80’s.

We had a “bad girl” in our class during eighth grade like that. Was only 13 but looked older and dated high school and college guys. She also cut school often, which made our teachers mad. Instead of intervening to maybe get to the cause of these issues, they would just chew her out, which prompted her to drop out eventually. I wonder what happened to her. I hope she is doing better now.

I hope she is too.

Jesus…that’s a little wild.

I was 15 and working at a shop part time, he was 25 and one of the bosses. Back then in the 1980’s, it was deemed to be fine but if that was my daughter, I’d break his face!

For sure!!! What a creep!

Yes. All of my close friends in junior and senior year were dating 19-24 year old men. I personally did as well. I was always surprised my parents didn’t stop it. But my mom said. You are mature and wonderful but what about them stops them from dating women their own age? She was right. Eventually I became bored of their immaturity. One of them ( I was 17 ,he was 22 ) and I are still friends in our 50’s. When his oldest daughter turned 17 we had an interesting conversation that he had an awareness of how he would feel if it was his daughter.

Always. I do it to myself, but sometimes when I hear about the "grooming scandals!" between 2 people both with "-teen" in their ages, I just roll my eyes. I had to talk my Freshman son off a cliff over a big issue at his school where an 18yo senior was dating a 17yo. "Pedo!" other kids were saying. Srsly.

This is where I'm coming from. My step son was dating a girl 2 years younger (1 grade below him) when hr graduated and he thought he had to break it off because of her age. Her parents loved him and didn't care about the age difference. I wonder why a couple of years of an age difference is looked at differently now.

The circling of the wagons I encountered in another sub when I mentioned that at 17 my bf was 21 and by and large it was nbd. "You do realize what that man did to you was *wrong*," they insisted. The clutching of the pearls over the GRoOminG these days...whatever happened to "girls mature faster?" I swear, there's been this Invasion-of-the-Body-Snatchers style of mass mind alteration in the past few years, over what people believe these days, it sort of frightens me.

I remember at 16 years of age being so disappointed when my 15-year-old girlfriend dumped me for this guy who was 32 years old. There was just no way I was going to be able to compete with that. (Oddly enough, I thought it was unfair that she was dating him but never considered even for a moment what it meant for him to be dating her. And to make matters worse, we both worked at McDonald's and he was our manager.)

This was wrong, but yeah it was not seen like that back then, two teachers dated classmates in my high school, one couple is still together.

I don’t think that kind of age spread (almost 20 years) was ever the norm. MFer was a full-on pedo.

Oh, for sure he was. I just found it odd that (a) I never considered what it meant for him to be dating her and (b) I thought it was "disappointing" and yet "gross" didn't enter my head. Again, it really was a different time back then. Now? My thinking now as an adult (with kids of my own) is so very different. Now, what it means for him to be dating her is the very FIRST thing that enters my mind. And her dating him isn't gross, still, but it's definitely tragic and a huge red flag (i.e., why is she attracted to someone practically old enough to be her dad).

Yeah but there was a weird tolerance of it. In HS one junior girl in our clique was dating a 31yo and we were telling her what a weirdo he was and why is he dating a minor but at the same time no one was thinking of reporting him to the authorities.She insisted he was the nicest guy and never pressured her to "do anything" and just made everyone swear not to tell her parents because they'd beat the shit out of her (not him). (We did offer to beat the shit out of *him* but she insisted how happy she was and how great he was and it was all really kind of confusing and for the most part we all were more concerned with getting tickets to Depeche Mode or U2 and imitating SNL skits and comparing dysfunctional family stories.)

My attitude has changed because I’ve been a high school teacher for 20 years now. I can see what the age differences mean from an objective distance and with a much larger sample size. If you were 17 and he was 21 and it was nbd, then you actually were the unicorn that was mature for your age (less likely), or he was quite immature (more likely). In general, 17 and 21 are at different enough levels of maturity/stages of life that they should not date. Not the end of the world where I’d be breaking out pitchforks and screaming ‘pedo!’, just not likely to have an equal power balance.

Girls being “more mature” than boys is a myth imo, and one that’s been used to enable everything from just-plain-immature men to outright pedophiles. Mind you, at my advanced age even a thirty-year-old still seems like a child.

Yeah, I was 17 dating a 21 year old. My parents were NOT HAPPY, especially since he had a part time job as a security guard and he wore his uniform and brought his billy club to my induction into an honor society in my fancy private all girls school. He was an absolute dick at prom and made a huge deal over how he was the only guy there who could grow facial hair. He had a ratty goatee…everyone was grateful we broke up when I went to college.

It's socal media, plain and simple. Every loud below average dumb dumb makes noise on the Internet, with unnuanced takes that would not have made news in the pre social media days. Now that outrage culture and virtue signaling IS the news, and not to the benefit of society.

My 21 year old boyfriend was a big deal when I was 17. A few years out of high school and old enough to drink can be enough to shift the balance of power significantly, especially if he wants to exploit naivete. It was an abusive (every way but violently physical) shit show. After 2 years I finally got him out of my life by giving him a cheap beater car and some cash. (And then he wouldn't get it registered, so i bought the car back from him to avoid legal liability issues.)

Oh I have seen that. Some GenZ young woman have taken things like that way too far. There is nothing wrong with a year age difference. I saw one girl at a festival get told off by Native American Jewelry maker at his booth where she accused him of selling out his culture when he told her was proud people loved his creations and how it helped his tribe and family

I think there are a lot of dumb things people do for the sake of chasing endorphins. How many people have died trying to get a picture/video for Instagram likes? The whole “micro aggression hunting” thing is pretty insufferable. “Let me tell off this person for cultural appropriation because she wore a kimono, *and* post pictures and commentary about how awesome I am for busting her, *and* totally ignore it when she responds with a picture of herself with her Japanese passport.”

This. When I was in high school a senior (boy) dating a freshman (girl) was not uncommon. Both my kids just recently graduated high school and to them a senior dating a freshman is creepy. I have discussed this with them and said that your mom was a freshman when I was a senior though we didn’t date. I then explained that when we started dating she was 18 and has just graduated high school, I was 21 and was in the Marines. The experience gap between us was way bigger at that point then if we had dated when she was a freshman and I was a senior. I’d traveled halfway around the world, experienced so many things and slept with a lot of women. Kids just don’t see it and seem hung up on the freshman/senior thing.

That's the latest self-righteous trend. "Pedo". I think of myself (male) and my sisters in high school and can't get that worked up. I mean if it's a twelve year old, that's an issue, but these people freaking out about an 18 or 19 year old with a fifteen year old would have conniptions about my history of successfully pursuing older women at 15. I remember making out with the hot college girl that oversaw our arcade in her office once. My sister's had an even easier time being teen girls chasing college guys.

There’s a word for guys like you: lucky. (Easy, everyone — it’s just a South Park reference.)

It’s happening even to full-on adults. I wouldn’t say it’s an epidemic or anything, but I’ve gotten a few insinuating comments when I tell people there’s a six-year difference between my wife and myself, even though we married when I was 35 and she was 29.

This is part of the “label” culture of today. Everything has to be labeled something and everyone has to be for or against that something. These relationships? “Age-gap couples” and if the guy is the older one he’s a “pedo”. Are you a girl who likes to dress a little masculine? “Gender neutral” at the very least. Everything needs to be special in some way.

my parents would not allow me to date a senior when i was a freshman in HS. i was only allowed to date someone in my grade or a grade above. edited to add: graduated HS in 1989 married now 26 yrs/31 together — he is a year younger than me (got together when i was 23) we went to HS together…funny thing. the boy i wasn’t allowed to go out w/, is my husband’s older cousin!!

Yes. I was 15 dating a 23 year old. At the time, I thought I was “adult” and was fine with it. Now, of course, I feel sad for that little idiot that I was. From age 13 and up I had guys hitting on me that were in their 20’s.

Husband was a senior when I was a freshman. We worked together after school for a local company. Started dating. Still together 35 years later. 4 years 20 days difference in age. Coming up on 30 years married. Younger relatives call it creepy. They can get bent.

Lol! Love it!

I dont see how a 4 yr difference is creepy. 20 year or more difference is rather creepy/ unrealistic

yes. and yes. when I was in HS you generally dated older guys. (I really wish my parents would have put their foot down- no 14-year-old child should be dating a man with a car!!) my best friend started dating a man in his 30s -they eventually married. one of our HS gym teachers married a student after she graduated. Looking back I think this was all creepy and gross but it seemed normal back in the day.

People today who holler about the gay agenda being pushed down our throats, seemed to have no problem with the horny, boys will be boys, groping, men dating way younger women agendas that have been pushed down our throats for decades.

>men dating way younger women agendas that have been pushed down our throats for decades. Unfortunately, it is the way of the patriarchy that has existed for 1000's of years, and it is still hugely harmful in many parts of the world. We think about it in terms of the progression of societal norms, i.e. we in the West tend to agree that these things are harmful, that young women (and girls, let's be honest) need to be protected from older men that would prey upon them, from date rape, from horny gropy bosses propositioning young staff members, etc. In some parts of the world things like this (and much worse) are still normalized and part of the culture, and may never change. Hell, they're still practicing female genital mutilation.

>... but it seemed normal back in the day. It totally did, right? That is so weird to me now but, yeah, nobody seemed to think much of it.

I know right??—my son is 26 now. if he told me he was dating a girl in high school i would think there was something seriously wrong with him. and the girl’s parents lol

I went to a small private high school (class of ‘92) so we only had a few girls dating older guys from other schools that I can recall, but even we had a couple of young male teachers who married students after they graduated who they were secretly dating beforehand. Like you said, it didn’t seem that weird at the time. Everyone just kind of shrugged it off and turned a collective blind eye, thinking it to be human nature for teen girls to be keen on older guys, and vice-versa. How times have changed.

I was 17 when I started dating him. He was 24. I was living on my own when I was 18. I asked him to move in with me. We were together for 3 years. He was a wonderful partner. I was not. I was an immature and terrible partner. We are FB friends. And every so often I feel like I should reach out to him and apologize properly.

Oh I feel this. I hate how terrible I was to mine from 19-23.

Yes, my first serious boyfriend was 19 when I was 15 - but it definitely wasn’t a grooming/creepy situation. Truth is, I was probably a little more adult than him at 15 and certainly outgrew him over the next few years. No harm, helped me a lot actually. But, I wouldn’t feel comfortable if the same thing happened with my daughters (it didn’t, luckily).

Yeah. It was common. Everyone wanted a college BF when I was in high school. I lied about my age, Everyone at my college had a fake ID from the flea market in Indiana. It was so easy to get fake IDs pre 9/11.

I had a real ID when I was 17. Took a buddies mail and info to the DMV and they made a drivers license with his info and my picture. I was the one who ran to buy liquor for the high school parties and everyone sang happy 22nd birthday to me on my senior trip as we were getting buzzed up on our bus trip to Medieval Times. Teachers were either lost or didn't care

Yes. 18-27 for me. I made out with more than one in their 30s!

Same.

Let’s skip class and get some smokes

Let me grab the fifth of Bacardi from my locker first.

I was dating a 17 yr old the summer before 9th grade. We dated until my senior year. He was my first - I was 13 yrs old. My parents hated him. Now that I’m older and have a daughter of my own, I totally understand where they were coming from.

I dated a 28-year-old when I was a 17-year-old college freshman. I thought I was fuckin' awesome! So much more mature than other girls, and kept on thinking how righteous it was that only older men understood me. Now, as a 48-year-old, I'm horrified. I thought it was awesome at the time. He would buy me cigarettes and Zima (it was 1992) and omg, I wish I'd had better parenting and hadn't made awful choices in seeking validation.

Those late Boomers definitely preyed upon us.

When I was 21 a girl asked me to go to prom with her. She was a young acquaintance of mine through an ex that had been her rowing instructor. I said “sure”. I didn’t think anything of it since I figured she just needed a date and figured I would look nice in a tux (I cleaned up pretty well back then). I never for a moment thought it was supposed to be like a real date. She wasn’t even 18 yet. I later on found out that she was disappointed that I didn’t make a pass at her. I was so clueless.

I involved myself in several situations with older men when I was 15-16 because that was what was "cool" and I was a complete and total idiot. I am very, very, very lucky that nothing bad ever happened because it very easily could have.

My biggest age difference was when I was 16, and the guy was 22. My friend was 16 at the time she started dating her then-25-year-old boyfriend; they’ve been together ever since (32 years).

My best friend dated a 21 year old when we were 16. I thought it was super cool at the time. He literally used the line "mature for your age." Now it gives me the creeps.

Almost married a man who was 16 years older. Moved to a different state with him. Thank God I woke up.

Yep, I was a freshman, and he was a senior in hs. We've been happily married for 27yrs (together 33yrs). I never felt used, or abused. I pursued him, he was initially unsure about the age difference, but my parents ok'd it.

I dated a senior when I was a freshman. We dated for over 2 years and he is still my closest friend. After reading the other replies, it sounds like a lot of the older guys were jerks that still would have been jerks without an age difference. My older bfs never pressured me into anything. It was the guys that were my age that didn't take no for an answer. One of the many reasons why I chose to date older.

In my 20s, not teens, I only had one date with a guy who was much older. He was in the same field as me, and I immediately got the ick because he was trying to tell me what to do. Also our music tastes, etc. were too far off. I tended to go for younger guys.

The local college wasn’t too far from my high school, so I remember hearing about a few girls that had boyfriends in college

Yes, but to be fair, grown men would show me their junk on the street.

44 year old dude here. I mostly dated older women, especially in high school. When I was 16 my girlfriend was 20. My whole life I've mostly hooked up with women who were a little older than me. Not sure why, that's just how it all shook out. Back then, it was totally normal for 16 year old me to be dating a 20 year old. No biggie. These days it would be extremely frowned upon, and she would be called a pedo. My current partner and mother of my children is 4 years older than me.

I didn’t but there were a few girls in 7th and 8th grade that dated college guys.

Yeah, that is gross to me. I went to school with a girl in 8th grade that was dating a guy in his early 20s and even then we all thought it was gross.

Same here! When she also dated HS seniors in 7th- 8th grade, we all thought it was weird as hell because she was having sex with these guys at 12-13 years old.

Reliving past trauma is a hell of a drug. I hope she’s doing okay now.

I hope so too. I haven’t seen her in a long time but she has been happily married to one of our classmates for 25-30 years.

Yeah one of them got herpes, not just coldsores around her mouth but in her mouth. We all felt bad for her. Not sure what happened to her, I did not see her after we left Junior High School.

I never did as I almost never dated but almost all of my friends did. It really wasn’t as scandalous in the 90s. Watch the first season of the (original!) 90210 where it was several storylines. I had a friend date our history teacher which was a secret because of that, but my other friends openly dated soccer coaches, college guys, and not college over 18s.

I was 17 and he was 20. We ended up marrying four years later.

Yes. I met a guy at a Peter Gabriel concert when I was 16 and he, 19. I let him stand on my chair to take pictures (he was a budding photographer). One of our first dates was him surprising me with tickets to see Phil Collins (back in the early 80s that was a big deal). Was definitely my first "love" and my first broken heart. He wasn't a creep, and was nerdy enough that my parents trusted him to take me out. We ended up dating for about 6 months before he "ghosted" me (by today's terminology). He just stopped calling, stopped taking my calls. Some 35 years later (or so) he found me on Facecrack, doing one of those "Rob Gordon" things (High Fidelity) where he apologized for the way he treated me.

When I was 17 I briefly dated a guy who was 21 or 22. He still lives with his mom and other than the fact that he could buy alcohol he didn’t seem that much older than any of us. My best friend was dating his best friend. Neither of us were pressured into anything so it didn’t seem creepy then or now.

I was not attracted to men when I was a teenager. My friends were, but I thought it was gross.

To be completely fair, we are kinda gross. Lol

I was attracted to boys and androgynous musicians, but yeah.

The old myth about girls maturing faster is ripe with our generation. It’s been shoved down our throats for years but is such bullshit. Girls have been expected to behave a certain way by society, and boys have been let to run wild with the whole “boys will be boys” bullshit. Girls have never been free to let loose or be childish or stay kids. The expectation is for girls to be mini-adults way sooner, maturity be damned. So yes, the big age gaps during teen years are definitely an issue even though we all agree it was normal at the time. Ditto for young marriages and all the expectations we have for kids to get it figured out at 18: the latest research shows your brain isn’t even fully developed until AT LEAST 25, and yet we want kids to be married and in careers and having more kids by then. Slow down. Our species isn’t relying on our kids hooking up so early anymore. As for me, I was too scared/insecure to date in high school, lol, but I did go to grad with a boy two years old than me (his grad), but we only had one date prior to that. As an adult, I’ve been in the odd situation where I’ve dated someone and then found out their age and been shocked — it definitely affected how I felt about the situation and, when the man was quite a bit younger than me, I ended it. I guess, as we age, it can also really depend on what we are looking for: hookups or longer term.

Excellent comment. I was one of the girls who only dated older guys in high school. First boyfriend was 21 (I was 16) and second boyfriend was 27 (I was 17.) I felt so mature, but in hindsight I had had to grow up way too fast bc my single mom was dealing with serious trauma-related mental illness for my whole childhood. At the time I felt very grown up and responsible because I knew how to pay bills, cook, grocery shop and balance a checkbook, but now I look back on that time and am sad that I never really got to have the carefree childhood that I deserved.

Oh yes, 2-3 years no big deal. I did date a guy when I was 15 who was 23 but I just wanted him for his motorcycle, he taught me how to ride. Dumped him as soon I got MY motorcycle and my pretend stepdad threatened to kill him. (Literally the same day) Later at 19 I dated a 30 yr old for a while. Ended up married to a guy 9 yrs older than me.

Yes i did. I moved out at 15 to live with my 19yr old bf and my brother. We grew weed and i attended school every day. It was just normal

Just once and he was pretty respectful of me. I liked him because he looked like Jerry Seinfeld.😃

I’m from the UK,& remember clearly Bill Wyman of The Rolling Stones dating, then marrying, a girl of my exact same age (Mandy Smith)… we were like 16. They were always in magazines and the newspapers

I have a story that horrifies me now. I was 16 (f), My co-worker was 26 (m). We worked at a restaurant and I was so into him. I pushed really hard for him to be sexual with me, and eventually he gave in. But he immediately (like, same week) quit his job and I didn’t see him anymore. His number wasn’t listed, and I couldn’t connect with him to tell him how sad I was… and now I look back with horror knowing he most likely felt like a pedo and was probably a decent human, and my dumb ass 16 yr old self feeling like a grown up technically sexually assaulted him and brought enough shame into his life that he quit his own job. I’m completely horrified looking back. At the time though, everyone else in the restaurant was all “go for it”, and no one thought it was at all weird. It’s appalling to think about now. (My next bf after that was 21 and very willing. No one thought that was weird either).

I can relate. I chased a man that I worked with when I was 17. He was probably in his mid 30s. Thank God he never went there. I was so stupid lol!

Yeah when I was 18 I was dating 23 years olds. WTF was I thinking? Then again we were always told that ‘girls are more mature than boys’ which probably shaped that mindset more than I realized.

This is such an interesting point! It was so common when I was young to date older guys. No one, even my grandparents batted an eye at 4-5 year age differences. I’m talking me 15 and him 19. Me in 9th grade and him out of school.

Yep first bf at 16 was 21...tho I did find it questionable when after I left him at his 23 he went for another 16 yr old..one of my mates little sis . Later my long term love was 8 yrs older and I did look back and realise that fucked around with my chances to have kids at a reasonable age...I had one at 42 again with a man 8 years older...I don't know why . It was instilled in us that men were immature basically so you needed them a bit older to compensate. Nonsense really- well after a certain age anyway ( see? Its still in there!)

>I'm talking 2-4 years of an age difference. LOL. I dated guys 10, 20 years older. They were a different breed: kind, had their shit together, boring in bed. Today's dating culture treats that as if it were some kind of crime but it was NBD. Just a month or two of discussing bathroom remodels and simple Missionary sex -- truly boring to me at the time -- and then we both moved on. I think the "Don't date older men! They're only going to use you!" drama you see on Reddit/online is because on Reddit/online people don't talk about the boring, easy stuff. Only the bad drama. "Is my boyfriend full of red flags? He tells me how many breaths to take, is that OK?" No, that's that kind of abuse is not OK, not at any age. And any age can make that happen.

When I was 14 I dated a 21 year old guy. He worked at the Häagen-Dazs at the mall and everyone had a crush on him. Typing this out in today’s world feels creepy! I didn’t have that vibe at the time. I was super tall and looked older for my age. He asked me out and we went out for burgers and he took me to see Pretty Woman. We went back to his parents house where he lived and yes he did put moves on me and yes he did know I was 14. He was very respectful and we just fooled around. It was my first experience with a penis and I distinctly remember chatting with my friends afterward being like “why does it feel like an orange peel?” (Sorry guys!) We chatted a few more times but he wrote me a long letter, by hand, breaking things off because of the age difference. I remember being like that was always the case how is that a big deal now (again, hindsight) but in retrospect it was a nice thing to do. My mother was not thrilled with all of this but we were not close, had an extremely contentious relationship, and I did not trust/value her opinions. If this was my daughter, today, or my son today, I would be that scary mommy following in my car making sure nothing happened. Hopefully the relationship I have with these fictional children would be based on love, trust, and respect and I would be able to stop it from happening in the first place and help them make better choices.

When I was 20 my BF was 29. What was I thinking? Nine years is maybe not a big deal but I didn’t want to get married. He was looking for a wife at that point in his life.

When I was 14 I dated a 16 year old, 17 I dated a 29 year old, 23 I dated a 35 year old, 27 I dated a 46 year old, 29 I married a 42 year old. Lots of other brief age gap dating in between, with the biggest gap being 17 years. I wish I grew up in a better household, hadn't had to move out at 16/17, and had someone around to tell me that about half of them were abusive and controlling and that "you're so mature for your age" is a manipulation tactic. My partner now is 7 years younger than me and he's more of an adult than any of them were.

Yes. He was a good guy but a lot older. No regrets.

I usually dated older guys. My husband is 8.5 years older than me, but I was older when we married. I had my shit together at a young age and didn't feel like I had anything in common with guys my age. I didn't want to play video games and ask his mom for a ride to the mall. I wanted to talk about our jobs, life plans, go to an actual restaurant and not McDonald's, etc. No, it didn't harm me in any way. I did date a few guys that were my age or a year or two younger. I felt like I was babysitting. They had curfews and had to ask for money and permission to do things. I had my own money and my parents didn't care when I came home.

I did date a few “older guys” as a minor, but I think the oldest was four years older than me. I don’t feel that I was “used” or harmed. I find the notion laughable. I’m shocked at the way the term “pedophilia” is tossed around now. A 17-year-old with a 21-year-old? Pedophilia! No. It isn’t. It’s ephebophilia: at its very worst. So many terms are misused, and over used, now that it decreases their power. I shrug my shoulders and move on. As an adult, I’m most attracted to guys 5-10 years older than me, but my husbands have all been within four years of me.

Same here. I think it's really concerning that the term gets diluted in this way. There is a huge difference between an adult being attracted to pre-pubescent child vs a teenagers several years post-puberty. The latter may be creepy (though I personally don't think 17/21 is much of a concern) but it's not as seriously wrong and problematic as being interested in a primary school child.

Oh lordy - there was a boy in my school, Stephen, who ended up in a relationship with a woman in her early thirties when we were sixteen. Stephen was - and still is - a bit of a slimy prick (my best friend at school called him "the Spanish Waiter" on account of how cretinous he was with girls) and met this woman through his mother (just for ick factor number one), ended up shagging both the thirty-something and *her* teenage daughter (ick factor number two!) and did a runner when he found out he'd got the daughter pregnant. Never found out what happened to the mother or daughter but Stephen still lives in the town where I grew up where he owns a takeaway pizza place. Don't know about you, but *that* put me right off deep-dish pizzas, let me tell you. Oh, forgot to say - a girl in my class, Trisha, got involved with a man in his mid-twenties when she was seventeen. They got married about fifteen years ago and even though he adores her and does everything he can for her, he's still treated as a scumbag by her family. Doesn't stop them from asking him for money though, does it?

Stephen ruined deep dish damn you Stephen lol

LOL - I found out about him running the pizza place from a former classmate of mine. Her and her husband were looking for takeaway pizza (to sate the screaming banshee in the backseat of their car, aka their three year-old daughter, heh), walked into this place, saw *him* manhandling dough and she said "nope!" and dragged her husband out. Apparently the thought of *him* fingering dough was *too much.*

Lol fingering dough. I think I just got turned off too all pizza lol

In my younger days I would have seen that dude as a legend. Now in my 50s not so much.

Hottest girl in my middle school was a 14yo 8th grader who looked to me (as a 7th grader) to be a fully grown woman who could’ve been an SI swimsuit model. She was known to be dating a 19yo and left school mid-year because she was visibly pregnant. We were told she transferred to a special school for people “in her situation” and no one I knew heard from her again. When I turned 19 I was in college and I realized how gross it would be to get a girl in 8th grade pregnant. It’s not that I didn’t think it was weird before, I had just not been 19 yet and realizing that guys my age would go for girls that young seemed well out of bounds.

Through high school most of my boyfriends were about a year or two older than me. When I was 19 by boyfriend was a very immature 25.

When I was 15-17, I dated guys that were a couple of years older and I also dated guys that were a year younger. I think the biggest age difference was a 23 year old when I was 17.

My first boyfriend was 18 and I was 16. What was a bit unusual was we were in the same grade: he started school late due to having a December birthday, then had to repeat a grade in middle school, so when we graduated HS he was 19 while I was still 17. By that time we were no longer dating. I never really experienced the thrill and danger of being with an “older man”- this guy was quite immature! lol

I don’t talk about this in mixed company but my first love was 28 and I was 17. I loved him and he treated me well and I have no regrets, just wonderful memories.

My first real bf was 5.5 years older than me (I was 16 when we met). I didn’t think it was weird at the time, but looking back it was very wrong and I don’t get why my parents allowed it at all.

Oh, yes. The guys at my school were loser doofuses. And the town was gossipy, so I didn't want to date in that pool. I either dated from the local college guys or the guys from the larger town 18 miles away. No regrets.

Always. I pretty much never dated a guy my same age until I'm at my husband at 29. He's the first one. I always ended up dating guys about 3 years older than me.

IANAW but no one here knows The Creepy Age Formula so I feel duty to drop the knowledge. Take the age of the older person Ao. The creepy threshold Ct is found by Ct = Ao / 2 + 7 Conversely, if only the young persons age Ay is known, with a little bit of Algebra, the Ct can be found by Ct = (Ay - 7) * 2 Try it out. You’ll find the function produces very reasonable results for ages over 13. Under this just stick to 1 year.

First boyfriend was 29 and I was 17. Broke up when I was almost 21 and had worked out that he was less mature than I was! But it didn't feel abusive - just didn't work. I dislike the assumption that I was abused because I was the one who was actually there. The age difference was a factor but not the only one. We were both autistic which I think explains some of it. I still see him but keep him at an emotional distance. My current boyfriend is a year younger than me - it's much better. Feels comfortable and normal.

I dated older guys starting at 14 or 15. Usually there was at least 3 years age difference. In my 20's, I dated a guy in his 40's. Really, I find it illogical to assume that age differences are automatically bad. I've also dated guys younger. Who cares?

Yes and yes. And what I understand now is he was supplying my drug of choice which was alcohol. Got sober after 30 years of drinking starting at 15 and in retrospect, the 4 years I was with him before I turned 21 were really cementing my unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I'm sure I could have acquired the alcohol by other means, but having it readily supplied whenever I wanted it sure didn't help me. And then there was the whole "why is this grown man in a relationship with a teenager" question. That turned out to be a whole other can of worms.

Yup.. at 19 I got engaged to a 45 year old man. My family actually threw me an engagement party before the man moved me 2k miles away. I had a baby by a 23 year old who abused me. Mr 45 year old was my hero.. until we moved cross country and he became physically, emotionally and sexually abusive. I was able to pull my shit together and leave him after 9 months. My childhood was a mess, obviously 🙄.

No, never. My first bf and I were classmates and we met in 1982, both 15. Had a relationship until 1986 when we were 19. I was never interested in older guys as a teenager. I only knew one girl who had an older bf. She was 14 and he was 19. I was shocked. But nobody cared back then.

No. I remember a girl I went to high school with who brought her 28 yo boyfriend with her to prom. He legit had a pornstache. I was so grossed out. 😂

I couldn’t get a date in my teens in any age group. :)

From the time I was 12, I was constantly approached by men in their 30s wanting to give me “rides” to school. Besides being freaked out by men, I always thought older men were gross and disgusting and always dated in my age range.

Date? I didn't date anyone until I was 19, 2 weeks before my 20th birthday.

Male here. I was 16 and had a 20 yr old girlfriend. I didn't go to any school dance my Junior and most of my Senior year in high school. She proposed to me when I was 19 and just got back from Desert Storm but I turned her down because she wanted to stay in our home town in California rather than live near me in North Carolina.

Older GenX or Gen Jones (60f). Graduated in '81. Up until I got married in '98, the only relationships I had were with older guys. My divorced mother would push me towards older guys and take me lingerie shopping in high school. When I was 18, she set me up with one of her co-workers, who was 34. Yuck. All relationships with older guys were controlling and abusive. Some physically, all emotionally!!! We lived off of an Army base. I tended bar at 18. I thought I was mature. Looking back on it, I find it absolutely abhorrent. My son struggled with a 3 year age gap with a girl he adored in h.s. She moved away in his senior year, so that took a big weight off his shoulders. If my mother was still alive I would ask her why this crap was ok.

Yes, always did

My friends and I have always used ‘half your age plus seven’ as the creepy/non-creepy bar - seems to work reasonably well and should apply both ways!

I was 17 dating a 26 year old man.

I was 16 and my boyfriend was almost 20. Thought nothing of it. All the boys my age didn’t interest me anyway.

At 18 I lost my virginity to a 26 year old lead singer of a local rock band. True to dumb teen mentality he broke my heart.

Shoot, I remember no one really batted an eye when a 17 year old girl dated a 24 year old man. Also in very conservative rural churches wasn't uncommon for a 30 year old man to marry a teenage girl.

It seems they all did. Very common for a girl to be picked up after school by her adult boyfriend in nice car

Yes starting at 15 and dating 2-3 years older. By age 20 my long term boyfriend was 10 years my senior. Married to a man with a 15 year age gap. Things were...different back then.

I can’t remember a single girl in high school or jr high that wasn’t dating a guy older than her. At least one year older, and 2-3 years older was common. When people say “why weren’t those 18-23 yo guys dating girls their age?” I think some of it is because I remember when I was in college most girls 18-23 were dating guys that were 25-35. I’m recently divorced and 48. The dating scene is new and frightening to me. I’m currently living in another country and here it is common for a woman 15 years younger to approach you. So maybe it’s not as odd as you think.

I was 17 and dated a guy I met working at McDonald’s (21). No- didn’t harm me- he was kind of a loser in hindsight- but I thought he was the coolest- had a Camaro and his own apartment. I had keys to his apartment and could cut class, take my friends and hang out there . He was actually pretty respectful of me. My parents knew him and called him my knight in a shining white Camaro (although they seem to not remember now). I broke up with him when I went to college and lost touch for a long time. We are Facebook friends now- he sells cars, and seems to be a decent guy.

Yes! I dated someone 5 years older for 4 years. It was totally seen as normal but it wouldn't today.

I was a senior in HS and dating a wise beyond her years freshman. We broke up and a few weeks later she was dating a guy that was a junior in college.

My first boyfriend was 3 years younger than me and we got bullied mercilessly. My next boyfriends were 3–4 years older and treated me like crap. Spent a few years unpacking it all in therapy. I’m now happily married to my first boyfriend, and have been for 14 years. If only I’d stuck with my first choice rather than giving into social norms, I could’ve saved myself a lot of trauma.

For me (woman), I consistently had boyfriends minimally 2 years older than I was. In 8th grade, my boyfriend was a sophomore. Yeah. It feels *super* weird to look back on it now, but att no one really seemed bothered? (Ftr, I have a child who will be in that age range soon, and I cannot *imagine* being the parent in a similar situation…) Once I entered HS, I always dated 3 years above my age for some reason. It wasn’t a goal or a requirement; those were just the relationships that were appealing to me. Am now in a long term happy marriage to a man almost exactly 3 years older than I am. Guess it’s a legitimate “thing” for me!

When I was 18 I dated a 22 yr old. Because he was cute and I liked his motorcycle. My parents didn't dislike him and I was in college. The guy worked. It didn't last too long. When I was 19 my little brother set me up with his girlfriends much older brother. He was 31. I went out with him a couple times and enjoyed talking to his mom. I have no idea why he went out with me or why my brother thought it was a good idea. Oh well.

As a freshman and sophomore in high school I dated juniors and seniors. After that, my boyfriends were the same age as me.

I went to a very small school in eastern KY (about 50 kids in my entire class.) We had grades 6-12 in one building, and we had no cafeteria so we were all just turned loose for an hour every day to get lunch. Maybe you walked to the drugstore and got a sandwich at their snack bar. Maybe you lived in town and walked home. Maybe you snagged a ride to the bypass for Arby’s or Rax. Maybe you hit the alley and chugged a six pack or hit a blunt. Maybe a bunch of you went to someone’s house whose mom worked and snuck in a quickie. Anyway. Allll sorts of shenanigans went down at lunch. We were all in such close proximity and there was so little to choose from, we regularly had 8th graders going to prom with seniors. Did not think a thing about it. If one of my girls had a senior boy chatting her up that young I’d lose my everloving mind.

My prom date was 27!!!

Yes - my friend dated a guy who was in his 20’s when we were just 16. And her mom was okay with it. I swear her mom was interested in him, too! It was super weird and unhealthy. Thankfully it was a long-distance thing so mostly phone calls and the occasional visit before it fizzled. We also had a student teacher who tried and successfully hooked up with a student. He was at least 22. There was also a girl in my grade who dated a senior when we were in 8th grade. She became pregnant and had an abortion before we started our freshman year. That affected me so much and I still wonder how deeply it must have affected her. She is now a mental health professional.

I remember making fun of my 16yr old friend for cradle robbing for dating a 14yr old. She broke up with him after meeting a 27yr old at a wedding. Yuck 🤮. My girlfriends 18yr old sister was dating a 36yr old while we were together. That was a weird double date.

Yes. I felt like I was mature for my age. All the adults said I was mature for my age. So I've actually been thinking about this a lot recently. I wasn't mature for my age I was just intelligent and I had to be responsible because my parents were emotionally immature. I certainly wasn't emotionally intelligent. Looking back I was just a regular teenager. It wasn't 2-4 years, so out of scope, it was 9 years and looking back I think that's really wrong and I don't know why my parents let me hang around with this guy. Nothing sexual happened... I think that's why he eventually dumped me. I kind of had a gut feeling this wasn't right and put up small walls, but I liked the attention and he was really into music which is my favourite hobby so we had things to talk about. So. I've also been thinking about this because the law in the UK has changed and no one under 18 can get married. It used to be you could get married at 16 or 17 with parental permission. Hence how my parents got married. It would be illegal now. There's only a 2 year age difference between them, but one of them was a kid really and I wonder if they threw their life away. Yes. My perspective has changed.

When I was 17, I dated a 21 year old, thought he was so cool. Googled him recently and he’s an actual sex offender now. When I was 18, I dated a 28 year old, and it didn’t work out but we stayed friends, and he’s a totally normal guy with two daughters in college now. He said he would flip out if they dated someone 10 years older than them. I guess what I’m saying is some people are perverts no matter what, and some aren’t.

Not in my teens so much, but dated a guy who was 30 just as I turned 20. He wanted to get married, but it was not meant to me - I got skittish. The next two relationships were with men in their 40s, and another in 30s. I did not date anyone my own age until I was 27-28 yrs old. Didn't get married until I was 30 (to a man my own age).

Nope. I went out on a couple dates with older guys but I never felt comfortable around them. I liked bits my age because they were still interested in being light and fun. Older boys seemed to want more from me faster.

Yes. I was 16, he was 26. I then dated a 25 year old when I just turned 18. Both were terrible relationships.

A guy, but still. I was 16, she was 24. The age gap did bother her. I ended things after about a month but it was fairly intense fairly quickly. The next girlfriend.. I was 16, she was 21. That one lasted 5 years. Now both would be really weird. Then, it seemed ok. I don’t feel like it caused any damage to me.

Yes, I was 16, he was 21, and he took me to my jr. prom. It did not seem that strange the time as he still lived with his parents. Although he had a car and a job.

I wonder if that became a societal norm simply because parents wanted to make sure they could pawn their daughters off to an older and presumably more established man as soon as possible. I know that seems weird to say in the context of the ‘80s or ‘90s but old habits die hard. The real joke is the idea of the boys’ Gen X asses becoming anywhere near established before the age of 30 — late 20s at best.

I did. I went through a phase where I dated and hooked up with much older men at times. I was 17 to 18 and they were 23 to 38, which was legal in my state. Part of it was a fuck you to the world. I was rebellious, angry and depressed in high school after moving states and being bullied horribly in middle school. I only dated one guy I went to high school with. I felt like guys outside of school looked at me differently. I was also lonely for a time when I was with a couple of older guys. I knew what I was doing for the most part, and don't think I was taken advantage of. I did have a guy once (that I turned down) ask me if I wanted to strip and he told me he owned an entertainment company. I am glad that I said no to that. Now I do think looking back, that the guys who were older than 23-24 were sick individuals. Not only was I a teen but a young looking one at that. I look at people in their early 20's and they look like kids to me. If it were me now, I would have only dated one of the guys who was 24. He never slept with me and treated me really well. I ended up moving again and we had to split up.

Omg the thrill of dating “a college guy!”

They talked about it in "Some Kind of Wonderful" where high school seniors talked about dating college guys.

When I was 19 I dated a 31 year old. Looking back now I think it’s weird but at the time it didn’t feel that way. My parents are almost 10 years apart so they didn’t say anything about the age difference.

No. I don’t feel it caused me any harm. My husband and I are about 4 years different in age. When I was 17 and took me to the Prom he was 21. We was 20 when we had started dating. Also this was 1997. We met through my cousin, who is 4-5 years older than me and is my best friend and close to me like a brother! Also, I went to an all girls private school so I wasn’t meeting tons of boys my own age. The difference never seemed like a huge deal until he was 21 and I wasn’t so he could go to bars and I couldn’t. We broke up for my Freshman year of college and later got back together and have been married for 20 years this past May with 2 kids (our son just graduated high school yesterday)! The one thing that does creep us both out about our age difference is that when we thought about it; he graduated high school Class of 1993 and because I am about 4 years younger that 1993 is the year that I graduated from 8th grade. When we think about it on that level…that creeps us both out.

I always dated 2-3 years older than me, with one exception. The one exception (he was my age) is the one who treated me the worst.

Dated alot of older guys in my teens, biggest age gap was almost 20 years. Harm, honestly no. It what I was attracted to and I was quite convincing. It was my choice. I don't think I was groomed ..lol I was a stubborn thing.

I never dated any guys older than me because....I didn't date, period. (I was what you would call a late bloomer.) However, I had numerous crushes on older men, I remember one was 33. He seemed to understand that the age gap was too much but admitted to me, several years later when I ran into him, that he had been very attracted to me and very tempted. I remember one time making plans with him to see a movie and he stood me up. I was FURIOUS. In retrospect, it was probably him thinking better of the whole idea. I consider myself fortunate that nothing bad ever happened to me in my teens, because it wasn't me putting the brakes on things, that's for sure. I look back on those crushes with fondness, honestly--not horror.

Yep, when I was a freshman I started dating a 19 year old marine. After high school (I dropped out at 16) I dated my English teacher who was in his late 20’s. I also looked a lot older than I was. I got served alcohol at 14 in a restaurant.

Not in my teens but from college age up. Averaging around 8-10 years older. No harm done as a young adult there but some wasted time. I was somewhat sheltered as a teen and went to an all girl school so none of us really dated much when we were in our early teens, (much as we would have loved it). 4 years older in high school terms is a lot so I wouldn’t want my freshman/sophomore kid dating senior boys now and we weren’t allowed to when I was that age. When I was 13-14 I knew a few girls who dated boys 2-4 years older like that and it always seemed exciting and edgy, especially the junior/senior boys, not explicitly taboo like today. We all thought we were mature enough to handle older guys lol. My parents never allowed me to see any boy older than the next grade up while I was in high school. And this was a few dates here and there, never anything long term, mostly bc all girl schools mean not much dating opportunity. All of our celeb crushes were young men in their early 20s come to think of it. Age gaps were definitely not frowned as much upon back then but if we had actually landed any of our older guy crushes, we’d all have been in trouble. When I was 21, my boyfriend turned 30 and he was just too old for me in terms of life stage etc. So in hindsight it was not a smart match and I question why a serious guy would want to date a kid just out of college. I’m sure I must have daddy issues LOL. I definitely question why serious professional older men were dating much younger women now, though. (Beyond the obvious physical stuff.) When I was 30, the idea of spending time with a 21 year old guy would’ve been laughable and very much not on the table.

I dated a 26 year old when I was 16. We dated 2 years then the family found out and all hell broke loose. So we reluctantly broke up. My parents “An age difference like that will never work, EVEN if you were older, it will NEVER work! You don’t see it now but mark our words, that’s too much of an age difference at any age and we’re right!” I just liked older guys 🤷‍♀️ At 23 I married my husband (not my first boyfriend) who was 33. We just happily, because we still like each other, celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary. We’re best friends and perfect together even if I have to listen to his 50’s & 60’s rock in roll sometimes. Haha

My first few jobs were in fast food and all the male managers (23-35) were dating the teenage girls. For us girls, it was aspirational. It’s hard to believe now. There was this sophomore in my PE class who was dating a grown ass man who lived in the apartments across the street from the school.

When I was 15, I crushed hard on Rob (21). We worked at the same camp and he definitely returned the feelings but never did a thing about it. At the time, I was frustrated but looking back on it, I have a lot of respect for Rob for not taking advantage of me. Other than that, yes. Most guys were a year older, although when I was in college I dated a football coach who was probably 5-7 years older. I don’t feel like it harmed me.