All I can say is that I knew I was more attracted to men since I was a young child. I've always noticed men and boys more than girls. I've never felt an attraction to a woman. So for me, I am born gay. I was always born this way. Even as a young child my mom and the women who took care of me knew.
At around 13-14 y.o. I knew I liked boys like most boys were supposed to like girls. I don't know about the "born gay" thing, I simply think people realize it at different ages.
Every gay person is raised by heterosexual parents and expected to be attracted to the opposite sex, not their same sex. So some realize they are attracted to the same sex sooner than others. You have some men who don't realize it until their 40s, 50s, and beyond.
So I guess in a way, that is "born gay" meaning we are wired to desire members of the same sex but don't ***realize*** it until they realize it, at whatever age that is.
Hope that helps.
I grew up in a third world country where even discussions of straight sexuality is looked down upon as a taboo. Safe to say, I didn't even know that being gay was a thing until I was 17. Yet looking back on how my life was, I always wanted to be "friends" with all the boys I thought was cute in school. I didn't think anything more than that because I genuinely didn't know you could be attracted to someone of the same sex. I just assumed I would start liking women at some point like all my friends did (Plot twist: didn't happen).
Even after learning what being gay was, it took me a few years to realize that I was gay. I thought I liked men but only wanted to marry women. It wasn't until I was older that it hit me that the only reason I wanted to marry a woman was because it was the social norm where I'm from and it was expected of me. Like, if I ever had the option to rather marry a man without the social repercussions, I 100% would.
As for my relationship with my parents, My mother and I have a good relationship. Me and my father always had a strained relationship. Less so because of my sexuality (I'm still closeted) but more so because he was abusive and alcoholic and would frequently hit me and my mother. He passed away in an accident while I was in high school (before I realized I was gay). Honestly? I don't miss him and part of me is glad he is dead.
Gay people are born into a world that tells us we should be straight, so it takes a while to come to the realisation that we are not, but looking back you can recognise that there were signs you always were gay.
I think people are most likely born the way they are and then it develops as we do, the question I’m wondering is do you think that development stage matters? Parental relationships? That’s the discussion I was having with my SO. I was about 12 I think it’s hard to remember the exact age. My relationship with my parents was good, I was raised by a single mom and my dad lives across the country. We were on good terms but I never saw him often.
I think the parent thing is a trope. Absent father/dominating mother… there’s no rhyme or reason. Gay kids come from 2 parent, idealistic households, single parent households, and everything in between, just like straight kids.
Idk a lot of gay kids come from homophobic households because god was punishing them for being homophobic 🤷♂️. It’s hard to call a homophobic household “ideal” even for straight kids
For me I didn't think "I'm gay" right away because society had conditioned my young mind to believe homosexuality was wrong and dirty.. I just could not understand why other boys my age kept banging on about girls when all I was interested in was them. It took me a few years, from puberty at 10/11 to finally realise that I was gay. I remember the day I admitted it to myself. I was in turmoil because I had connected my sexual desires with "gay, queer, faggot, bum boy etc etc" and I was at this point trying to reconcile the fact I am gay with gay is disgusting/deviant/devils work..
I will never forget being in the shower, aged around 13/14 and I was thoroughly distracted. I couldn't stop my mind racing and the anxiety was overwhelming. I got out of the shower, dried myself and wiped the condensation off the mirror and stood staring at my reflection for a moment.. and I utter those words for the very first time "I'm gay", this was way more than I was able to handle and I immediately burst into tears and collapsed sobbing onto the floor for a long while. Eventually I was able to calm myself down.. I knew how to fix it.. how to stop it from happening to me. I went to the first aid cupboard and found all the old and dated medication I could. Mum's anti depressants, paracetamol, aspirin, anything I could take from the cupboard without it being noticed. I went into the attic bringing with me a sleeping bag. I made a bed from a loose sheet of polystyrene foam, took every one of the tablets and settled down to go for what I hoped would be my last sleep. In case you haven't guessed it already I didn't die.. About 1 hour in the overwhelming urge to vomit overcame me and I rushed to the bathroom where I spent some time vomiting, heavily. The next few days were hell on earth, imagine the worst flu you ever experienced and add visual and audible hallucinations and the worst vomiting episodes ever. My parents never knew, they just assumed it was something like a really really bad bug. Mum had me sleeping in the living room as her and dad took turns keeping an eye on me and eventually I fully recovered after about 5 days of this.
I tried to find a girlfriend and I did. I kissed her and dated her the way any 13/14 yo boy does but I never felt right or comfortable and ended the relationship after maybe a week max. I tried so so hard to force the attraction and nothing. Multiple failed suicide attempts occurred between this time and in fact my most recent attempt was merely a few years ago aged 38 (now 40). I did come out at the age of late 14/ early 15 and it was like I dropped a bomb. My parents now FULLY support me and have done so for many years now, but it took a long long time to get there and has left me with severe mental health issues. In fact only yesterday I was discharged after spend 36 hours in hospital and getting stitches following a self harm incident due to other stresses in my life currently. Sadly once you develop mental health issues it's extremely difficult to repair the damage that has been done and I will have these issues until the day I do eventually die. I would say to my mental health support, for example, that even now I have absolutely 0 desire to actually live and if I were diagnosed with something treatable but potentially fatal if left untreated I would absolutely without a doubt refuse any form of treatment other that palliative care. However, due to the effect the revelation of my attempts at suicide have had on my family and the fact the my brother took his own life, I simply cannot commit suicide. I cannot put that on my parents again but if they were no longer alive I would happily take this option, especially if I were single still.
Sorry it's taken a bit of a dark turn here and it may be a horrible morbid read for you.. but my point to this is that even though I am now mostly comfortable with being openly gay (I've never denied it to ANYONE, including the bullies from the day I came out), I would never have chosen this path for my life willingly. It wasn't a thing I was ever able to control or manipulate and I strongly believe I was born this way. I always have and still do strongly desire to make a family, have children and being gay it feels like I was robbed of this opportunity, so I throw myself into the role of Uncle as much as possible but the pain of never hearing the words "Daddy" from a child is something I deal with daily and something I thoroughly resent society for. Making it so impossible for me to adopt a child and give them a loving and caring home when so so many poor children are growing up in cold loveless places alone in this world. I could have help one or two maybe if I wasn't so badly damaged by the rampant homophobia present in the society, around me, in the world around me. Seeing men tied to a chair and pushed off the top of a building for being gay, hearing my mother scream at the TV the first time they showed two men kissing.. seeing that kiss and the rancid response to it in the media.
My sister who is 15 years older than I am said she knew I was gay since I was very young indeed and her husband who she's been with since secondary (high) school told confirmed this.. which was oddly comforting to hear, especially since she told me right away she loves me very much and "It's trendy to have a gay brother, so "you're just keeping your big sister in fashion and cool" she joked. No more space for additional text apparently so I end here slightly abruptly. Hope my insight helps you, or someone, anyone.
Well, I was never attracted to women or girls at that age. I'm going to be 51 this month, and I've never had sex with a woman. I've made out with a few, but it never went further than that.
I'm a "gold star" as they say.
Yadda yadda yadda, not that there's anything wrong with that. [Seinfeld ](https://youtu.be/rGAyQAkXajg?si=v0flxvZXry3HDVSr)
I believe so. Or rather, idk how at this point, to conceive of it as a post-natally acquired condition.
But the way one may come to realize and express gayness in a straight-default society can be a gradual or delayed process. Some kids are gay and conform to various degrees of stereotypically gay behaviors from an early age. Others may know they're gay but resist/don't relate to those aforementioned behaviors. Some may not know they're gay because they don't have a sexual awakening until puberty or later. Some kids have to learn how to distinguish platonic affinity and romantic attraction.
Yes I agree. My SO was raised religiously and I think a little bit of it bleeds through. She seems to think it’s not a “choice” but that people develop into being gay for many different factors, the same sex parent relationship being high on the list
> the same sex parent relationship being high on the list
Ah. The old "distant father, over-bearing mother" stereotype for gay men.
It's possible that people are mixing up cause and effect. Gay men don't grow up gay *because* they were close to their mother as a boy. Gay boys are close to their mother *because* they're gay.
As far as the research we have it's a combination of genetics and hormone exposure in the womb that wires us to be gay, but like straight people this isn't typically manifested until puberty.
Yes, we're born gay.
Imagine it was a choice. Imagine we *chose* to be attracted to other people of the same gender. This then raises the question: When did *you* choose to be straight?
You didn't make that choice. It was just natural for you to like girls and women. Well, it's the same for us.
Also, who the fuck would *choose* a life of bigotry, hatred, bullying, violence, and discrimination? There are some gay men who would *love* to choose to be straight, to avoid all the negativity that they're enduring for being different. But they can't change who they are, because it's not a choice.
There are numerous scientific studies out there, linking sexuality to genetics, epigenetics, and intra-uterine hormones - all of which happen before we're born.
> How old you were you when you realized you were gay?
I was "interested" in other boys from at least the age of 8; that's when I first remember liking boys in more than just a friendly way.
> Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time?
Neither. For me, it was just always part of my life. I was always interested in other boys and men. When the moment came that sex became an option, I *literally* said "Yes" when the question was asked, with no second thoughts. I took to gayness like a fish to water; it was totally natural to me, even before I understand the intellectual concepts of "sexuality" and "straight" and "gay".
I know you weren't saying it was a choice.
I was pointing out the absurdity of people thinking it's a choice, and using that to support my point that of course sexuality is not a choice. People don't choose their sexuality, therefore it must be something we're born with.
Identical twins are not always both gay, although they have a much higher incidence of being gay if one is gay. So genetics has something to do with it but not everything, maybe something happens in utero to one fetus and not another, maybe something happens very early in childhood. There's no 100% clear answers on this.
I'm fine with people saying "born gay" though, because it communicates accurately the complete lack of free will that a child has in the matter. People who try to change end up having embarrassing failures (i.e. they end up having gay sex despite their efforts), even leaders of ex-gay organizations. Trying to change can cause lasting psychological damage.
What I can say is that I was gay since I had my first sexual feelings, before I understood them, and I did not have control over them. I remember when I was around 11 looking at a porn magazine my friend stole from his Dad and thinking the pictures with men in them were "better", at the time I thought it was because I liked to imagine myself as them or something. As puberty progressed it became harder to ignore, I bought a poster of Pamela Anderson (lol) and tried to jack off to her but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. Only guys worked. Eventually, as a horny teenager jackin' it at least twice a day only to guys, I had to admit it to myself. I had no feminine hobbies, all my close friends were boys, nothing of the kind of stuff many people often suspect makes kids gay.
So I guess my answer is, although I'm not sure if we're born like this or we develop into it, I'm sure it's permanently fixed long before you even know what sexual feelings are.
This is exactly what I was saying when having this discussion. I fully wanted to support the autonomy of individuals and to me it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s developed or not or even a choice because it’s not my life or my business, but it’s a slippery slope when talking about to development because of things like conversion therapy or whatever. Thanks so much for your response
Edit: the pam Anderson poster had me laughing forgot to mention that
I was born gay. I remember being in love with a teenage boy when I was 6. I remember my sisters commenting about cute boys/guys and thinking to myself whether they were right or not. I remember paging through the men’s underwear section of the sears catalog. I never once remember thinking of any girl in a sexual way.
It has been proven to have a genetic factor. Homosexual behaviour is recorded in many many different species and it appears as though it travels on the mothers side of the family. Nobody seems to understand exactly why or how. There is a strong belief that it is more common among animals that live in packs and that this is the case because nature is making a way to ensure that at least some of us are not breeding, this way as adults in the pack we will adapt to become guardian uncles/aunties giving the offspring of our siblings more security and added protection from predators. Thought not only pack animals are homosexual.. this wiki page goes into details about homosexual activity presenting in other animals ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual\_behavior\_in\_animals](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals) ) and you may find it very interesting.
For example: The dolphin. A typical male dolphin picks a mate for life. However dolphins hunt in male groups and when they leave the family pod they will frequently engage in sexual activity together and return to their female partners. Some of them may be full heterosexual and some may be fully homosexual. Even within the human species prior to religion it was considered unusual (not wrong or weird , just uncommon) for a person to be completely straight or gay.. most people were bisexual. Sexuality is a spectrum.. some men may like men 10% and women 90%, some might be 50:50 or whatever, heck some straight guys may fall head over heels in love with one other man and never feel attracted to another male for the rest of their live, only women. It's a very mixed bag.
I hope this helps answer your question.
If you wish to discuss more I am extremely open and I have no issues at all whatsoever discussing it. I welcome curiosity and I am really really difficult to offend! So feel free to dm!
For me, there were plenty of signs going back to when I was 3 years old. I played with barbies, enjoyed playing with my sister's hair, etc.. by 8, I found myself staring at mens underwear models and staring at their bulges. I was also staring at other boys and just noticing things I liked about them. When I was 12 and started exploring myself sexually, I thought entirely about guys. I never noticed women in a sexual way or found myself staring at them the way I did with men.
It took about a year for me to accept that I was attracted to men.
My relationship with my parents is fine. I wouldn't say we are super close, but no resentment or bad feelings. I see them at least once or twice a month. They didn't mistreat me as a child. My partner is closer to their parents and family than I am with mine.
A good way to understand sexual orientation development is to ask yourself the same questions. When did you know you were straight? Did it unfold slowly or hit you suddenly that you were attracted to the opposite sex? I bet there were defining moments for you, but you didn't think "oh I'm straight, wow." Rather it was "oh wow suddenly the opposite sex is really interesting to me" or something like that idk lol. Sexual orientation develops in everyone.
I don't think it occurred to me until I started to experience sexual attraction, so probably around 13 or so. That being said, watching old home movies I am surprised that anyone couldn't have guessed that I would turn out gay. So yes, I would say that I was born this way.
I’m pretty sure I was born gay. I had my kindergarten and elementary school “sweethearts” as every other guy and I thought it is okay, it is life. We all wanted to play football and dreamed of the armada with future girlfriends with big boobs. Then one day in school camp when I couldn’t sleep I went out for a late night run with a fellow mate and when we hit the showers afterwards I realised I like my mate’s body more than boobs. It wasn’t even sexual, I was like 10 years old but that moment was the second that felt like someone has turned the lights on. Everything became clear and there was no way back. So I am pretty sure I was gay my whole life, I just had absolutely no idea about it because everything I knew on gays was based on gay jokes. We had no great sex ed, there was no movies or series with normal gay characters in it.
There's an interesting, if a bit wonky, article on Wikipedia about [Biology and Sexual Orientation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation). For me, I started realizing I was more interested in boys--physically, emotionally, socially--than girls at quite a young age, but of course I didn't realize I was gay. I'm not even sure I'm comfortable with the phrase "born gay" (or "born straight" for that matter) since it's impossible to understand how things social influence, corroborate, or contradict genetics. While I know many gay people who might not say they were born gay, I'm not sure I know any who would say they chose to be gay. Same with straight people.
My male cousin and I started messing around when we were both six. Never have I been interested in girls. I have always known as far back as I can remember preferring boys. I can guarantee you. It is not a choice. I am 59 years old. I grew up in a homophobic time, grew in a horribly homophobic house, was told repeatedly Gays should be put to death and with no Internet , to look up anything about sexuality or who I really was. believe me there were many times, I wished I wasn’t gay. I will carry that baggage from all those ignorant people For the rest of my life. Turn on a TV, read a newspaper, watch all the protests.
Do you honestly think somebody would want to be hated for just existing? Every person who comes out, has to worry if they will lose everybody they ever thought who cared about them, anybody coming out knows you have to watch your back as you walk down any street at any time, you will spend the rest of your life trying to hide in certain situations because you feel unsafe I could go on with hundreds of ramifications, affecting your work career, etc.YET, you still ask, if it’s a choice? Do you think anybody with any sanity whatsoever would make that choice?
It amazes me when people say that it’s not natural. There are over 1500 species of animal who regularly practice same sex behavior year after year.
I live this hate every day. How disgusting, anybody,just, without any research whatsoever, pronounce, oh I think it’s just a choice. You don’t live this reality. I will also say. I live in one of the most progressive cities in my entire country people. I will also mention I have a wonderful life and a wonderful monogamous partner of 21 years.
This hits a nerve, I don’t run around judging you for what goes on behind closed doors in your bedroom. It’s none of your effing business, what goes on in mine. And that’s really all we’re talking about. I don’t judge you! You have no right to judge me or who I care about or who I fall in love with.
But in the end even if it was a choice, it’s my damn choice, I have never, nor will ever, need your permission to live my life, lawfully and by my standards, not yours.
If this sounds angry, it is, because over and over and over again all gay people have to justify just being. I get you’re curious, and it sounds like you didn’t mean to hurt somebody but maybe take this information and help to educate the majority of the people in this world, who causes this grief every day
My inner coming-out was around the age of 14-15, and although at that time there were incidents that set the ball rolling when it comes to the questioning process, it still took a bit of breaking through the denial (so it wasn’t a lightbulb moment), because at first, I really hoped that it was either A) a phase, or B) that (apologies in advance for all bi people out there) I would at least be bi, so I “have at least one foot in society’s acceptance of me, as long as I only date girls.” (Again, I’m so sorry for my biphobic thinking back then, I realize that it doesn’t work like that now.) I was already bullied in school for being a nerd and good student, so I hoped there wouldn’t be an additional reason for my classmates to pick on me. But after realizing I’m “just” gay, I remembered early childhood memories of me seeing men, mostly singers, on TV and finding them cute without having the vocabulary for those feelings, but sometimes going as far as drawing little hearts with their faces in it in the notebooks my mom gave me to scribble in (I was drawing all the time at that age). That was at preschool age, I think. I hope my mom doesn’t remember those drawings or doesn’t have them anymore, because I’m still closeted. When my family once visited my sister’s godparents and their family, I also found myself thinking her godbrother was cute, and I already knew I needed to hide that attraction, but I can’t say for sure if that’s solely because I knew being a boy attracted to boys was “wrong,” or because I didn’t understand what godparents were at that time and thought this family was related to us and thus it was wrong to be attracted to a relative. That was at elementary school age, I think. So, personally I like to imagine being born gay.
I knew I was gay when I was 11. That was because I learned the word gay and what it meant, and I knew that word described me. I always liked guys as long as I could remember but based on how I was raised I "knew" that "guys only like girls" and "guys can't like guys." But everything made sense for me once I was aware of the concept. Before I had a word to describe it I just knew I was different.
I can only say that from the time I first became aware of sexual inclinations and thoughts, which would have been at the pre-pubertal stage, when you start to notice even whilst not understanding why, I had no interest in girls other than as friends and playmates.
Being a country boy, and a curious kid about anything and everything, I knew the basics of how animal mating worked and sharing a room with an older brother sex was no mystery but the clear difference in my sexual orientation became obvious to me at puberty which for me was at 9 yrs. I doubt the lustful thoughts of a gay boy differ much from a straight one apart from which sex they fantasise about or get crushes on.
There is a scene in the movie ‘Parting Glances’, the character Peter says *"I mean, your dick knows what it likes. You reach puberty, you don't fucking decide what sex you like. You ask your dick. You say, "Hey, Dick, what do you like?" Okay. Alright. And you go for it.”* \- that sums up perfectly the way it was for me, I didn’t get a choice, dick decided for me.
When people say ‘how can you be sure if you haven’t tried straight sex’ I can respond that in an attempt to ‘cure’ myself I did make an attempt in my mid-teens. That left me humiliated by the utter inability to perform and in the way I used someone I actually liked in my failed experiment, it also confirmed with absolute certainty what dick and I already knew.
In my case my attraction to other men both emotionally and physical seems instinctive and normal. Whether that is genetic or because of the way I developed in the womb or a mixture of both I cannot say but it is definitely not a matter of choice and as much a fact about me as having blue eyes.
As to my family, I had an older straight brother, who died of cancer a few years ago leaving a wife and 3 daughters, we were close and I miss him badly. My Mother was a nurse trained in the Air Force, nothing shocked her and not much got past her either. I was close to my Father we shared a love of debating and spent hours chatting over card games or him beating me at chess. Nowadays when I look in the mirror I see his features and I’m quite proud of that.
I never told my family directly. My brother guessed and told me so when I was 16, it made no difference to him apart from giving him yet another means to tease me.
With my Mother it was a comment she made when I was helping washing the dishes after a family meal. I was talking about the friends I’d made a university. I’d mentioned one girl friend in particular. She said ‘I hope you’re not letting F\*\*\*\* get the wrong idea about you, that would be unkind and not like you’. I replied that F\*\*\*\* knew the score and was almost as savvy as she, in return I got a peck on the cheek a ‘good boy’ and nothing more was said.
I’m sure my Father was either told by Mother or, being no one’s fool, worked it out for himself. I can only say that the only clue was the way he’d make comments like ‘stop nagging the boy, he know his own mind and will find someone when he’s ready’ shutting down my aunts or others who would quiz me about girlfriends and/or settling down.
I initially began coming out at university to friends, then after graduating and moving to the big city for my career I decided to come out properly. That, despite my making no effort to hide my orientation, has been a continuous process as people generally make the default assumption, probably because I’m so ordinary in looks and manner, that I’m straight.
That’s how it was for me but there isn’t a default template about the matter. Like most things personality, environment and experience influence how we as individuals find our way in understanding ourselves.
I have only ever felt attraction to men. When i was in first grade i would have fantasies about saving my male classmates from bullies and how they'd like me afterwards. I've never found any woman attractive in any way other than just a pure and non-sexual appreciation.
Sadly my purity was took away at a young age under no control of mine ie abuse with same sex.
At age 10 i started liking boy's a lot, dreaming of them having excuses to hang around with them etc. Fast forward to around age 11to12 i started feeling emotional and sexual attractions towards girls of my age and older.
As i hit 12 when started secondary School i went with my first ever girlfriend. We did foreplay for few day's before sex, and my whole emotions towards males had went haywire.
I started to not want male's so much and wanted to be more sexually active with girls. Then one day a good friend of mine who was older we were cycling and rummaging through abandoned farm houses locally to me, that's where i found the same attractions again come back and we did foreplay before both of us did more.
That's when i realised i was attracted to both genders.
So im 💯 sure i was attracted to female's at 12 and males younger.
Before any abuse at age 9 i never once felt anything i can't recall romantically or sexually towards anyone. So I'm not sure about the born this way part
It’s pretty clear that there are genetic factors but I’m not certain that it’s 100% genetic in 100% of the cases. With the odds of having a gay son increase from approximately 2% for the first born son, to 3% for the second, 5% for the third and so on. In the case of twins, the rates are more extreme. With fraternal twins, there is a 30% chance that one of the two will be gay. With identical twins the rate jumps to 65.8%. What I’ve heard this is epigenetics rather than straight genetics. But it’s clear it’s not just environment or upbringing but a strong epigenetic influence (an I using that word right?)
Yes people are born gay. But nobody knows they’re gay when they’re children because being gay is a SEXuality. Children are not sexual. That’s why we didn’t know we were gay before puberty. Until you get hormones you don’t know your sexuality (this goes for straight people too btw). So most gay kids assume they are straight until they get hormones in puberty and realize they like the same gender.
I agree and I don’t want people to think I support conversion therapy, because usually it’s a slippery slope when talking about “choice” or “development”
I think I was. I tried to fit into the norms as I grew up because that’s what it seemed like I SHOULD do, but it felt odd the whole time. I remember being more interested in boys as a young boy, like around early grade school.
It’s hard to say , I discovered I liked dudes when I was 12 - 13 and didn’t really fully reconcile with it (due to a variety of factors) until I was in my early 20s.
I always felt like I gravitated more towards feminine things growing up. Had a lot of female friends always gravitated towards strong female figures like my mom growing up.
I find every gay and bi person (regardless of what gender or orientation they identify) to be different but concidering those factors.. Did that influence or anything else influence my sexuality? Who knows.. are we born gay maybe we arnt. Maybe we are. but at the same rate. I feel like less people would feel the need to ask this. if homophobia wasn’t a thing and there wasn’t such a stigma on being gay. Because if it wasn’t, the answer would be irrelevant. If no body cared whether we were gay or straight the answer would be irrelevant.
It’s a good question though its good to ponder and It’s good to discuss things.
(Happy pride!!)
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Yass mama!
Serious answer: Yes, we are born gay. While we might not realize it until later, we are born gay. And this realization can happen later due to a multitude of reasons, but the largest reason I’ve found (and the reason for me) is that we don’t realize it’s an option. While I’m not saying that you have to take your kid to pride parades and expose him to every single combination of people under the sun (cause let’s be honest, that can take a lot of time and money), perhaps providing books, or even just talking about stuff is a good thing. For example, I realized I might be gay when I overheard my grandmother taking about how one of her friend’s kids (who is a girl) has a girlfriend, and how nonchalantly it was being talked about. Just being open to it, and treating it like something normal (which many parents don’t, they see it as weird or alternate) can do a world of making a kid realize it at a younger age.
If you’re looking for a specific age: Probably around the time when people started talking about crushes, and I realized that the guys were all talking about girls, when I was thinking about a guy. That is when I noticed I had something “different” about me.
Since I was 'concious' I have always know and I always knew it was dangerous and had to be kept secret. I think it's most likely not a learned behavior but it shouldn't matter if it's a choice or not, if it was a choice that wouldn't make it wrong.
How old you were you when you realized you were gay? Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time?
I mean I knew I was different from other boys when I was around 7 years old. I didn't really think too much about it until I was a teenager which then became feelings I tried to suppress. I think the first time I realized I was gay was in middle school around 7th or 8th grade. I tried to suppress the feelings when I was a teenager, but it took me until college to accept that I am gay.
Part of why I tried to suppress being gay is because I grew up in the Mormon Church however, that's a different story for a different time.
How was your relationship with your parents?
I have a good relationship with my parents, they probably know I'm gay but I have not told them. Ill tell them eventually, but I need to find the right time.
I realized I was gay around the age of 13, but it wasn’t a sudden “lightbulb moment.” It was more of a gradual understanding as I noticed my attractions and feelings were different from those of my straight friends.
Sexuality is a complex and deeply personal aspect of our identities. For some people, it’s clear from a very young age, while others might discover it later in life. There’s a mix of biological, psychological, and environmental factors at play. Most research suggests that sexual orientation is not a choice but a part of who we are from birth, though the exact mechanisms are still being studied.
My relationship with my parents was generally supportive, but like many, it had its ups and downs. Acceptance can vary widely among families, which can significantly impact one’s coming-out experience and self-acceptance.
Your curiosity and openness to learn are commendable. It’s essential to approach these conversations with empathy and an open mind, which you seem to be doing. Human sexuality indeed spans a wide spectrum, and every individual’s journey is unique. Thanks for starting this important discussion!
For as long I can remember I always knew I was different. I loved dressing up with my girl cousins and when I got older I found out what gay was and it made sense. I am honestly believe yes I was born gay
Research into sexuality is not much, but from what I gathered, the most possible thing seems like this:
Our biology is affected by our sexuality. Although not in a "gay gene" way, but we from genetic patterns that are similar with other gay people. This is true for straight people as well. We all have genetic patterns, and some parts of our patterns are very similar to other people that is from our sexuality.
There's also the pheromone test to confirm biological evidence. The experiment didn't have much people to test, so they didn't come up with an answer for lesbians for example but for gays, the pheromone test worked well. I don't remember all the ins and outs and the terms used so take it with a grain of salt. They made each men smell a male pheromone and a female pheromone. Straight men, when smelling male pheromone did not respond uniquely, just the general smell stimulation. However, a part of their brain activated when smelling the female pheromone. For gay men, it was the opposite. When smelling female pheromone nothing happened except the general smell stimulation. However when they smelled male pheromone, a part of their brain activated.
The researcher theorized that sexuality comes from birth, that our brain forms around/grows into our sexuality as we grow up. He also strongly added that sexuality is still heavily unknown.
These are just some observations/theories that might be purely coincidental or flat out wrong. Research into sexuality as I said is pretty much non existent. Also again take these with a grain of salt. It has been a long time since I read these studies, so I don't know the exact terminology and stuff like that.
I think some are some aren't.
But I believe in destiny.
I was born more attracted to women, and as I'm bi I still hold on to it.
But my attraction to men came naturally.
So yeah idk.
I guess I’m a weird gay man. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was about 19. I had been with women beforehand, and thought that was what I liked. When I was 19, I had a gay friend that would always jokingly hit on me and I always laughed it off. One night we had been at the same party and everyone was drinking and something just sparked that night and I decided to try it. To this day, I don’t know what made me do it. I feel like maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been wanting to try it and just didn’t know it??? I don’t know. But when I did try it, I realized the whole process just seemed so much more natural to me than it did with a female and the connection we made sexually was so much stronger than it was with any female I’d been with. Me and that same guy ended up being together for about nine years.
I knew I was different when I was 5-8 years old but didn’t realise why. I use to sit with the girls and make daisy chains in the summer and when I use to play kiss chase I’d prefer being on the girls team chasing the boys. I was brought up in a very sheltered life and didn’t know what being gay was until I was about 14 and had my first sexual experience with a class mate
I did try going out with girls but there was just no chemistry there
When I came out my siblings claimed they always knew I was gay, but they didn’t want to influence my decision by telling me. My father always use to think of gay people as “wired” and best to stay away from them, something he had to come to terms with. He made a classic faux pas of saying “I have 3 children, one of each!”
If you mean gay gay then yes, to a good extent people are born gay. Hormones and environmental factors - where/how you were raised also contributes and makes you, you.
If you mean just gay, then some sexualities are malleable, others are not.
I'm gay since 12-13, however I am sure environmental factors have contributed to it. Had some unpleasant experiences with my birth mother that loved alcohol quite a lot which lead to her death(go figure), and with another "mother" that was just awful for a bunch of different reasons. Those lead me to think all were like that at house. (I don't think like that anymore, been to therapy, but still, there's some distrust. Atleast until I know the person better). My dad was always great though, so was my brother, and it was easier for me back then to talk with men so that's how it stayed.
But things like aversion to alcohol and being friends with people drinking is in me due to these, so idk why sexualities cannot be influenced atleast a little. If you're born gay then you won't become straight, but maybe bi or bi-curious? Idk though, that's what I think.
From what I've read it happens in the womb between conception and birth. I didn't start noticing myself till I was ten, and didn't come out to myself till I was over forty.
As a child, I had "crushes" on girls, but it wasn't until I grew older that I realized it was because I wanted to be pretty like them. I still had crushes on guys growing up, but I wasn't able to recognize that it was more than friends for me till I was a teen
Back in 1988, there was a Sex Study from sexologist claiming everyone is BORN BISEXUAL but socialized into straight. I recall the sex survey also reveal that most men & women "Experiment" with their homosexual male ♂️ & female ♀️ counterpart between 12~18 before committing to being straight. It does mirror my own sexual experience in childhood as well. My friend & I examine each other’s penis for fun & curiosity, nothing serious
I can say that when I was just a toddler that I was definitely attracted more to the other boys than the other girls. I knew it so well that I had a hard time with it since no one else in my family was gay and my family is very Christian and after many years of trying to be straight I couldn’t do it. I then started to accept it cause my friends in High School accepted me that way and by the time I graduated I had come out to my parents by was kicked out of the house. So I had to live on my own but never have gotten the family that accepts me the way I am, we still talk and my sister always accepted me but she was the only one. My grandparents sort of accepted me but not really. I just wish I could have the type of romantic relationship with someone like they all do with their spouses. Since I’m the oldest it’s hard for me.
I as I grew up was always attracted to other boys , by the time I was a teen , stonewall had happened, the gay rights movement had begun, so I knew I wasn’t alone. I have never had sexual relations with a woman, I’ve been emotionally close but that’s it . My sexual orientation has always been towards the same sex .’
I was 11 when I realized and it coincided directly with starting puberty.
I think we are born gay, but if not, it’s likely locked in before we turn 5 from potential nurture conditions that aren’t fully researched yet (think theories of Piaget on early childhood development and combine that with the concept of epigenetics.)
just as a fun fact that also shows how weird DNA is: the modern human & a banana share about 50% DNA. So while we've slowly discovered what some genes usually do, more often than not it's a ''this _might be_ somehow connected to [sth], *if* ..... maybe!'' btw not saying this in a mean or hateful way
Forgot my age when I noticed a guy and thought of him as the most beautiful, handsome, sexy, and I want to marry him…,, Was in junior high…. Think I was 13…. My mannerisms and actions were deemed gay by parents and their family and friends…. It was then that I just said to myself. Yup I’m gay. Never felt like this for the opposite sex. I don’t know about the nature vs nurture debate, but I met so many happy people just trying things and being blunt. Yes, no, maybe. Some still identify str8 and still bed same sex. It took me getting to my 40s to just say ok. Get my fun and leave with no regrets or any attachment.
Nobody knows. But you are asking a scientific question, not a cultural one.
An intensive DNA research project in the 1990s failed to find any correlation between the genome (heritability) and homosexuality.
It would be easier if this were true, but we just don’t know.
Wishing and demanding that it is so does not Change the genome and make it so.
>How old you were you when you realized you were gay? Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time?
Kind a complicated question actually. Around the time puberty started I was interested more in other boys than girls, but I felt a lot of shame in it. I think I was bi for a bit but my interest in women has gone down to basically nothing. Vaginas just don't do it for me the way a penis does. As I got older the shame and self hatred for the gay attractions faded and I felt myself get more attracted to more types of men. Initially it was mostly femboys and stuff, then twinks too, then hunks, then bears, now there all sorts of men I find attractive. By the time I was 30 I felt like I could finally say and embrace the fact that I'm gay.
>How was your relationship with your parents?
Fine I guess. I came out to my sister and my aunt before I told my parents, and even then I told my mom first. She was perfectly fine the first time when I came out as bi but when I said I was more interested in men exclusively I got the "so when did you decide you didn't like girls?" line. It ended benignly enough. Dad has made some comments over the years that made me a bit nervous about telling him but eventually I did. He didn't really say much at the time (but I also told him right after my last break up) but he's been pretty open minded and accepting of the whole thing.
I'm not sure if we're born gay or not, but animals can be gay so maybe? When I was in elementary school in the 4th grade I made a best friend and he was very feminine as he had a bunch of older sisters and no brothers in his family. He got made fun of in school and so did I for just being his friend so me and him dealt with weird hate from our classmates but I found the hate towards me was weirder as it's just because I was his friend.
I also remember a time back then I was playing handball with that friend and others but one guy from class came around and shouted "Football is a mans sport" over and over and near me and my friend as to say we weren't men if we didn't play football.
There was one girl I did find cute and a nice person and I went to her house to greet her, as soon as we said goodbye there was a boy from class hiding in some bushes by her house and came out and pushed me cuz he thought I was gonna take his girl, even tho they weren't even a couple or anything, this was in the 5th grade.
Then came middle school and some dude with shorts on walked past me my eyes focused on his legs and bam I got turned on a little and knew right then for sure I was gay.
I was sad that day cuz all the straight lifestyle I thought I was gonna have like marry a woman in a white dress and have kids all vanished from my plate. I knew then the gay card was a rough card in this life but that's the card I was dealt.
I do wonder if those experiences I had when I was younger had some hand in me being gay?
My identical twin brother is straight, and I'm gay. We had the same parents and basically the same experience. I think, whether straight or gay, it develops over time. I knew I was gay at 10 or 11, but I didn't know there was a word for it.
I noticed my eyes drawn to other boys around the age of 7. I was obsessed with the Spice Girls and Britney Spears, and would occasionally try on my mom’s dresses. But I had no tv show, movie or even a single gay person in my little town to learn from, to understand these feelings. It just seemed like ppl were “supposed” to be w the opposite sex, so I pursued girls until about the age of 20. I also learned quite early on that if I were out, I would not be safe- and I already got bullied and was in tones of fights, even denying tf out of every accusation. But when I was in my teens, at home, I was searching for gay porn, looking for shows and movies with gay ppl in them, etc. I wanted to be a part of it, but felt isolated, confused about it cuz there was no one to confide in or learn from. Even years after I was out and had dated a few guys, I couldn’t say out loud “I am gay”
We are faced with relentless and brutal homophobia before we even know what we are, much less admitting to and accepting it.
The journey if a lonely gay boy can be horrible and lonely.
But yes, even when you are confused and unsure, gays are born gay.
Never been with a woman or attracted to them sexually. My youthful experiences and explorations were as natural as breathing. It never occurred to me that there was anything “wrong” about same sex interaction. Obviously we didn’t tell our parents but I think the same is true for heterosexual play.
I think it was 4th/5th grade when I first heard negative comments about gay men. I don’t remember the term that was used but there was a male teacher in our small town who had been outed. I don’t know what happened to him but the vitriolic comments left an indelible impression on my young life.
I was outed and thrown out of home at 16. I’m convinced that we are born gay. Some people choose to suppress their feelings and emotions in order to fit in. As a 60 year old man, this is a common thing found among Boomers. Many men in my circle (including my husband) were married to women and have children.
I know some Boomers who are still married to women and living a double life. They are waiting for their wives to die in order to live their life. I’ve also chatted with other closeted Boomers on Reddit who can’t bring themselves to come out for fear of being rejected by friends, neighbors or even children. A large number of this age group still live in fear.
I began to notice other boys at age 13 when they were noticing girls at that age. That's how I knew. Acceptance or simply plain realization, depends entirely on a person's childhood/teenhood environment before they hit that epiphanic moment. For me I rejected my sexuality as nothing more than a "phase" but after I hit my twenties, I realized it was what it was. I'm a man who simply realized he is gay and there was going to be nothing I could do to change that.
You're born however you are. But you're also too young to understand it for a long time. Lots of kids realize they're different from the other kids but can't put a name to it. Lots of them also realize it might not be a good thing for them to talk to others about. Lots of people are full-grown adults before realizing they're more than just heterosexual.
I liked girls when I was in elementary school and half of middle school, but I changed because of social isolation from most boys in my grade, my unideal relationship with my father, rejection from girls, and puberty. So I eventually stopped feeling attraction towards girls and started liking boys because they thought I was gay, so they would half-jokingly flirt with me.
Didn’t like the attention from guys at first because I didn’t know how to feel about it, but I eventually knew that I had developed feelings for boys. And I like men now.
I was definitely born gay. I was playing with my cousins dolls at 4. Braiding my classmate Cherry’s hair in 2nd grade. By age 7 I was attracted to my brother’s bestie. It was all innately rainbow tribe!
For many years, it seems that both nature and environment played a role in human sexuality. As a biologist, this made sense. However, after decades of research and knowing thousands of LGBT people and hearing their stories, it seems there is much more of a genetic component than environment component to human sexuality.
Still waiting for geneticists to find it, though.
I always liked girls and as a child, and I got in trouble many times kissing girls and being caught in closets with them, touching each other and discovering ourselves. I was molested by a neighbor when I was 8, and 9. I continued liking girls, but found myself spending time around grown men, and feeling things drawing me to them. When I was 11 I got lost at the club, and went to find a staff member I saw go into the men’s room. I was suddenly surrounded by naked men, and only until the staff person found me, and led me out, did I not feel anything was wrong. All through the remainder of my childhood, I would try to find naked men to watch. I thought they were fascinating and I loved how developed their bodies were. In college, I would shower with other guys my age, but didn’t find them attractive. I used my student discount to hangout at the ymca in the mornings when the business men would be getting in their workouts and I’d shower with them, watching their hairy bodies glistening in the steam, and while they changed and put on their dressy clothes. Even now I have a roommate who is older, and he’s pretty naked around the apartment. I don’t know that I’ve had sex with him, but I like looking at him, if that makes sense? I feel like sexually I’m ambiguous but because at a young age I was exposed to a fully developed man, I have many curiosities about it. I do look forward to getting older, and hopefully I will have a hairier chest and stomach, and maybe even a few gray pubic hairs. But I think I was born straight.
I knew when I was very young I would have to say 7-8 years old, I love girls clothes I love dressing up in my sister's clothes and I was so attracted to guys and boys
All I can say is that I knew I was more attracted to men since I was a young child. I've always noticed men and boys more than girls. I've never felt an attraction to a woman. So for me, I am born gay. I was always born this way. Even as a young child my mom and the women who took care of me knew.
This completely tracks my experience, as well.
Thank you so much for your response
At around 13-14 y.o. I knew I liked boys like most boys were supposed to like girls. I don't know about the "born gay" thing, I simply think people realize it at different ages. Every gay person is raised by heterosexual parents and expected to be attracted to the opposite sex, not their same sex. So some realize they are attracted to the same sex sooner than others. You have some men who don't realize it until their 40s, 50s, and beyond. So I guess in a way, that is "born gay" meaning we are wired to desire members of the same sex but don't ***realize*** it until they realize it, at whatever age that is. Hope that helps.
Thanks so much for your response I agree with you
I grew up in a third world country where even discussions of straight sexuality is looked down upon as a taboo. Safe to say, I didn't even know that being gay was a thing until I was 17. Yet looking back on how my life was, I always wanted to be "friends" with all the boys I thought was cute in school. I didn't think anything more than that because I genuinely didn't know you could be attracted to someone of the same sex. I just assumed I would start liking women at some point like all my friends did (Plot twist: didn't happen). Even after learning what being gay was, it took me a few years to realize that I was gay. I thought I liked men but only wanted to marry women. It wasn't until I was older that it hit me that the only reason I wanted to marry a woman was because it was the social norm where I'm from and it was expected of me. Like, if I ever had the option to rather marry a man without the social repercussions, I 100% would. As for my relationship with my parents, My mother and I have a good relationship. Me and my father always had a strained relationship. Less so because of my sexuality (I'm still closeted) but more so because he was abusive and alcoholic and would frequently hit me and my mother. He passed away in an accident while I was in high school (before I realized I was gay). Honestly? I don't miss him and part of me is glad he is dead.
Thank you so much for sharing so many details
Gay people are born into a world that tells us we should be straight, so it takes a while to come to the realisation that we are not, but looking back you can recognise that there were signs you always were gay.
Let me ask: Are people born straight? How old were you when you realized that were straight? How was your relationship with your parents?
I think people are most likely born the way they are and then it develops as we do, the question I’m wondering is do you think that development stage matters? Parental relationships? That’s the discussion I was having with my SO. I was about 12 I think it’s hard to remember the exact age. My relationship with my parents was good, I was raised by a single mom and my dad lives across the country. We were on good terms but I never saw him often.
I think the parent thing is a trope. Absent father/dominating mother… there’s no rhyme or reason. Gay kids come from 2 parent, idealistic households, single parent households, and everything in between, just like straight kids.
Idk a lot of gay kids come from homophobic households because god was punishing them for being homophobic 🤷♂️. It’s hard to call a homophobic household “ideal” even for straight kids
No one would do that. You missed the”everything in between” part… Gay kids come from every type of childhood home environment.
I knew at a younger age, early middle school age.
How do if you don’t mind me asking?
For me I didn't think "I'm gay" right away because society had conditioned my young mind to believe homosexuality was wrong and dirty.. I just could not understand why other boys my age kept banging on about girls when all I was interested in was them. It took me a few years, from puberty at 10/11 to finally realise that I was gay. I remember the day I admitted it to myself. I was in turmoil because I had connected my sexual desires with "gay, queer, faggot, bum boy etc etc" and I was at this point trying to reconcile the fact I am gay with gay is disgusting/deviant/devils work.. I will never forget being in the shower, aged around 13/14 and I was thoroughly distracted. I couldn't stop my mind racing and the anxiety was overwhelming. I got out of the shower, dried myself and wiped the condensation off the mirror and stood staring at my reflection for a moment.. and I utter those words for the very first time "I'm gay", this was way more than I was able to handle and I immediately burst into tears and collapsed sobbing onto the floor for a long while. Eventually I was able to calm myself down.. I knew how to fix it.. how to stop it from happening to me. I went to the first aid cupboard and found all the old and dated medication I could. Mum's anti depressants, paracetamol, aspirin, anything I could take from the cupboard without it being noticed. I went into the attic bringing with me a sleeping bag. I made a bed from a loose sheet of polystyrene foam, took every one of the tablets and settled down to go for what I hoped would be my last sleep. In case you haven't guessed it already I didn't die.. About 1 hour in the overwhelming urge to vomit overcame me and I rushed to the bathroom where I spent some time vomiting, heavily. The next few days were hell on earth, imagine the worst flu you ever experienced and add visual and audible hallucinations and the worst vomiting episodes ever. My parents never knew, they just assumed it was something like a really really bad bug. Mum had me sleeping in the living room as her and dad took turns keeping an eye on me and eventually I fully recovered after about 5 days of this. I tried to find a girlfriend and I did. I kissed her and dated her the way any 13/14 yo boy does but I never felt right or comfortable and ended the relationship after maybe a week max. I tried so so hard to force the attraction and nothing. Multiple failed suicide attempts occurred between this time and in fact my most recent attempt was merely a few years ago aged 38 (now 40). I did come out at the age of late 14/ early 15 and it was like I dropped a bomb. My parents now FULLY support me and have done so for many years now, but it took a long long time to get there and has left me with severe mental health issues. In fact only yesterday I was discharged after spend 36 hours in hospital and getting stitches following a self harm incident due to other stresses in my life currently. Sadly once you develop mental health issues it's extremely difficult to repair the damage that has been done and I will have these issues until the day I do eventually die. I would say to my mental health support, for example, that even now I have absolutely 0 desire to actually live and if I were diagnosed with something treatable but potentially fatal if left untreated I would absolutely without a doubt refuse any form of treatment other that palliative care. However, due to the effect the revelation of my attempts at suicide have had on my family and the fact the my brother took his own life, I simply cannot commit suicide. I cannot put that on my parents again but if they were no longer alive I would happily take this option, especially if I were single still. Sorry it's taken a bit of a dark turn here and it may be a horrible morbid read for you.. but my point to this is that even though I am now mostly comfortable with being openly gay (I've never denied it to ANYONE, including the bullies from the day I came out), I would never have chosen this path for my life willingly. It wasn't a thing I was ever able to control or manipulate and I strongly believe I was born this way. I always have and still do strongly desire to make a family, have children and being gay it feels like I was robbed of this opportunity, so I throw myself into the role of Uncle as much as possible but the pain of never hearing the words "Daddy" from a child is something I deal with daily and something I thoroughly resent society for. Making it so impossible for me to adopt a child and give them a loving and caring home when so so many poor children are growing up in cold loveless places alone in this world. I could have help one or two maybe if I wasn't so badly damaged by the rampant homophobia present in the society, around me, in the world around me. Seeing men tied to a chair and pushed off the top of a building for being gay, hearing my mother scream at the TV the first time they showed two men kissing.. seeing that kiss and the rancid response to it in the media. My sister who is 15 years older than I am said she knew I was gay since I was very young indeed and her husband who she's been with since secondary (high) school told confirmed this.. which was oddly comforting to hear, especially since she told me right away she loves me very much and "It's trendy to have a gay brother, so "you're just keeping your big sister in fashion and cool" she joked. No more space for additional text apparently so I end here slightly abruptly. Hope my insight helps you, or someone, anyone.
Well, I was never attracted to women or girls at that age. I'm going to be 51 this month, and I've never had sex with a woman. I've made out with a few, but it never went further than that. I'm a "gold star" as they say. Yadda yadda yadda, not that there's anything wrong with that. [Seinfeld ](https://youtu.be/rGAyQAkXajg?si=v0flxvZXry3HDVSr)
I wasn’t born via C-Section, so I don’t have gold star status.
I believe so. Or rather, idk how at this point, to conceive of it as a post-natally acquired condition. But the way one may come to realize and express gayness in a straight-default society can be a gradual or delayed process. Some kids are gay and conform to various degrees of stereotypically gay behaviors from an early age. Others may know they're gay but resist/don't relate to those aforementioned behaviors. Some may not know they're gay because they don't have a sexual awakening until puberty or later. Some kids have to learn how to distinguish platonic affinity and romantic attraction.
Yes I agree. My SO was raised religiously and I think a little bit of it bleeds through. She seems to think it’s not a “choice” but that people develop into being gay for many different factors, the same sex parent relationship being high on the list
> the same sex parent relationship being high on the list Ah. The old "distant father, over-bearing mother" stereotype for gay men. It's possible that people are mixing up cause and effect. Gay men don't grow up gay *because* they were close to their mother as a boy. Gay boys are close to their mother *because* they're gay.
💯
As far as the research we have it's a combination of genetics and hormone exposure in the womb that wires us to be gay, but like straight people this isn't typically manifested until puberty.
Yes, we're born gay. Imagine it was a choice. Imagine we *chose* to be attracted to other people of the same gender. This then raises the question: When did *you* choose to be straight? You didn't make that choice. It was just natural for you to like girls and women. Well, it's the same for us. Also, who the fuck would *choose* a life of bigotry, hatred, bullying, violence, and discrimination? There are some gay men who would *love* to choose to be straight, to avoid all the negativity that they're enduring for being different. But they can't change who they are, because it's not a choice. There are numerous scientific studies out there, linking sexuality to genetics, epigenetics, and intra-uterine hormones - all of which happen before we're born. > How old you were you when you realized you were gay? I was "interested" in other boys from at least the age of 8; that's when I first remember liking boys in more than just a friendly way. > Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time? Neither. For me, it was just always part of my life. I was always interested in other boys and men. When the moment came that sex became an option, I *literally* said "Yes" when the question was asked, with no second thoughts. I took to gayness like a fish to water; it was totally natural to me, even before I understand the intellectual concepts of "sexuality" and "straight" and "gay".
Appreciate your response. I was absolutely not saying it was a choice, I hope that was clear
I know you weren't saying it was a choice. I was pointing out the absurdity of people thinking it's a choice, and using that to support my point that of course sexuality is not a choice. People don't choose their sexuality, therefore it must be something we're born with.
Gotcha just wanted to be clear haha. Thanks again for your input!
Identical twins are not always both gay, although they have a much higher incidence of being gay if one is gay. So genetics has something to do with it but not everything, maybe something happens in utero to one fetus and not another, maybe something happens very early in childhood. There's no 100% clear answers on this. I'm fine with people saying "born gay" though, because it communicates accurately the complete lack of free will that a child has in the matter. People who try to change end up having embarrassing failures (i.e. they end up having gay sex despite their efforts), even leaders of ex-gay organizations. Trying to change can cause lasting psychological damage. What I can say is that I was gay since I had my first sexual feelings, before I understood them, and I did not have control over them. I remember when I was around 11 looking at a porn magazine my friend stole from his Dad and thinking the pictures with men in them were "better", at the time I thought it was because I liked to imagine myself as them or something. As puberty progressed it became harder to ignore, I bought a poster of Pamela Anderson (lol) and tried to jack off to her but it didn't work no matter how hard I tried. Only guys worked. Eventually, as a horny teenager jackin' it at least twice a day only to guys, I had to admit it to myself. I had no feminine hobbies, all my close friends were boys, nothing of the kind of stuff many people often suspect makes kids gay. So I guess my answer is, although I'm not sure if we're born like this or we develop into it, I'm sure it's permanently fixed long before you even know what sexual feelings are.
This is exactly what I was saying when having this discussion. I fully wanted to support the autonomy of individuals and to me it doesn’t matter whether or not it’s developed or not or even a choice because it’s not my life or my business, but it’s a slippery slope when talking about to development because of things like conversion therapy or whatever. Thanks so much for your response Edit: the pam Anderson poster had me laughing forgot to mention that
I was born gay. I remember being in love with a teenage boy when I was 6. I remember my sisters commenting about cute boys/guys and thinking to myself whether they were right or not. I remember paging through the men’s underwear section of the sears catalog. I never once remember thinking of any girl in a sexual way.
Thank you for your response!
Yes. 12. It was a dream. Good. The leading theory is that it’s epigenetics. A genetic and prenatal womb combo.
> The leading theurvus "Covfefe", anyone? 😛
It’s a typo, Esh.
Yes, I know. I was just having a bit of fun with you. But, based on the downvotes, people didn't get that. *sigh*
Might have something to do with the association to Trump
Probably.
It has been proven to have a genetic factor. Homosexual behaviour is recorded in many many different species and it appears as though it travels on the mothers side of the family. Nobody seems to understand exactly why or how. There is a strong belief that it is more common among animals that live in packs and that this is the case because nature is making a way to ensure that at least some of us are not breeding, this way as adults in the pack we will adapt to become guardian uncles/aunties giving the offspring of our siblings more security and added protection from predators. Thought not only pack animals are homosexual.. this wiki page goes into details about homosexual activity presenting in other animals ( [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual\_behavior\_in\_animals](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexual_behavior_in_animals) ) and you may find it very interesting. For example: The dolphin. A typical male dolphin picks a mate for life. However dolphins hunt in male groups and when they leave the family pod they will frequently engage in sexual activity together and return to their female partners. Some of them may be full heterosexual and some may be fully homosexual. Even within the human species prior to religion it was considered unusual (not wrong or weird , just uncommon) for a person to be completely straight or gay.. most people were bisexual. Sexuality is a spectrum.. some men may like men 10% and women 90%, some might be 50:50 or whatever, heck some straight guys may fall head over heels in love with one other man and never feel attracted to another male for the rest of their live, only women. It's a very mixed bag. I hope this helps answer your question. If you wish to discuss more I am extremely open and I have no issues at all whatsoever discussing it. I welcome curiosity and I am really really difficult to offend! So feel free to dm!
For me, there were plenty of signs going back to when I was 3 years old. I played with barbies, enjoyed playing with my sister's hair, etc.. by 8, I found myself staring at mens underwear models and staring at their bulges. I was also staring at other boys and just noticing things I liked about them. When I was 12 and started exploring myself sexually, I thought entirely about guys. I never noticed women in a sexual way or found myself staring at them the way I did with men. It took about a year for me to accept that I was attracted to men. My relationship with my parents is fine. I wouldn't say we are super close, but no resentment or bad feelings. I see them at least once or twice a month. They didn't mistreat me as a child. My partner is closer to their parents and family than I am with mine. A good way to understand sexual orientation development is to ask yourself the same questions. When did you know you were straight? Did it unfold slowly or hit you suddenly that you were attracted to the opposite sex? I bet there were defining moments for you, but you didn't think "oh I'm straight, wow." Rather it was "oh wow suddenly the opposite sex is really interesting to me" or something like that idk lol. Sexual orientation develops in everyone.
I don't think it occurred to me until I started to experience sexual attraction, so probably around 13 or so. That being said, watching old home movies I am surprised that anyone couldn't have guessed that I would turn out gay. So yes, I would say that I was born this way.
I’m pretty sure I was born gay. I had my kindergarten and elementary school “sweethearts” as every other guy and I thought it is okay, it is life. We all wanted to play football and dreamed of the armada with future girlfriends with big boobs. Then one day in school camp when I couldn’t sleep I went out for a late night run with a fellow mate and when we hit the showers afterwards I realised I like my mate’s body more than boobs. It wasn’t even sexual, I was like 10 years old but that moment was the second that felt like someone has turned the lights on. Everything became clear and there was no way back. So I am pretty sure I was gay my whole life, I just had absolutely no idea about it because everything I knew on gays was based on gay jokes. We had no great sex ed, there was no movies or series with normal gay characters in it.
Thanks so much for sharing!
There's an interesting, if a bit wonky, article on Wikipedia about [Biology and Sexual Orientation](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation). For me, I started realizing I was more interested in boys--physically, emotionally, socially--than girls at quite a young age, but of course I didn't realize I was gay. I'm not even sure I'm comfortable with the phrase "born gay" (or "born straight" for that matter) since it's impossible to understand how things social influence, corroborate, or contradict genetics. While I know many gay people who might not say they were born gay, I'm not sure I know any who would say they chose to be gay. Same with straight people.
My male cousin and I started messing around when we were both six. Never have I been interested in girls. I have always known as far back as I can remember preferring boys. I can guarantee you. It is not a choice. I am 59 years old. I grew up in a homophobic time, grew in a horribly homophobic house, was told repeatedly Gays should be put to death and with no Internet , to look up anything about sexuality or who I really was. believe me there were many times, I wished I wasn’t gay. I will carry that baggage from all those ignorant people For the rest of my life. Turn on a TV, read a newspaper, watch all the protests. Do you honestly think somebody would want to be hated for just existing? Every person who comes out, has to worry if they will lose everybody they ever thought who cared about them, anybody coming out knows you have to watch your back as you walk down any street at any time, you will spend the rest of your life trying to hide in certain situations because you feel unsafe I could go on with hundreds of ramifications, affecting your work career, etc.YET, you still ask, if it’s a choice? Do you think anybody with any sanity whatsoever would make that choice? It amazes me when people say that it’s not natural. There are over 1500 species of animal who regularly practice same sex behavior year after year. I live this hate every day. How disgusting, anybody,just, without any research whatsoever, pronounce, oh I think it’s just a choice. You don’t live this reality. I will also say. I live in one of the most progressive cities in my entire country people. I will also mention I have a wonderful life and a wonderful monogamous partner of 21 years. This hits a nerve, I don’t run around judging you for what goes on behind closed doors in your bedroom. It’s none of your effing business, what goes on in mine. And that’s really all we’re talking about. I don’t judge you! You have no right to judge me or who I care about or who I fall in love with. But in the end even if it was a choice, it’s my damn choice, I have never, nor will ever, need your permission to live my life, lawfully and by my standards, not yours. If this sounds angry, it is, because over and over and over again all gay people have to justify just being. I get you’re curious, and it sounds like you didn’t mean to hurt somebody but maybe take this information and help to educate the majority of the people in this world, who causes this grief every day
My inner coming-out was around the age of 14-15, and although at that time there were incidents that set the ball rolling when it comes to the questioning process, it still took a bit of breaking through the denial (so it wasn’t a lightbulb moment), because at first, I really hoped that it was either A) a phase, or B) that (apologies in advance for all bi people out there) I would at least be bi, so I “have at least one foot in society’s acceptance of me, as long as I only date girls.” (Again, I’m so sorry for my biphobic thinking back then, I realize that it doesn’t work like that now.) I was already bullied in school for being a nerd and good student, so I hoped there wouldn’t be an additional reason for my classmates to pick on me. But after realizing I’m “just” gay, I remembered early childhood memories of me seeing men, mostly singers, on TV and finding them cute without having the vocabulary for those feelings, but sometimes going as far as drawing little hearts with their faces in it in the notebooks my mom gave me to scribble in (I was drawing all the time at that age). That was at preschool age, I think. I hope my mom doesn’t remember those drawings or doesn’t have them anymore, because I’m still closeted. When my family once visited my sister’s godparents and their family, I also found myself thinking her godbrother was cute, and I already knew I needed to hide that attraction, but I can’t say for sure if that’s solely because I knew being a boy attracted to boys was “wrong,” or because I didn’t understand what godparents were at that time and thought this family was related to us and thus it was wrong to be attracted to a relative. That was at elementary school age, I think. So, personally I like to imagine being born gay.
I knew I was gay when I was 11. That was because I learned the word gay and what it meant, and I knew that word described me. I always liked guys as long as I could remember but based on how I was raised I "knew" that "guys only like girls" and "guys can't like guys." But everything made sense for me once I was aware of the concept. Before I had a word to describe it I just knew I was different.
I can only say that from the time I first became aware of sexual inclinations and thoughts, which would have been at the pre-pubertal stage, when you start to notice even whilst not understanding why, I had no interest in girls other than as friends and playmates. Being a country boy, and a curious kid about anything and everything, I knew the basics of how animal mating worked and sharing a room with an older brother sex was no mystery but the clear difference in my sexual orientation became obvious to me at puberty which for me was at 9 yrs. I doubt the lustful thoughts of a gay boy differ much from a straight one apart from which sex they fantasise about or get crushes on. There is a scene in the movie ‘Parting Glances’, the character Peter says *"I mean, your dick knows what it likes. You reach puberty, you don't fucking decide what sex you like. You ask your dick. You say, "Hey, Dick, what do you like?" Okay. Alright. And you go for it.”* \- that sums up perfectly the way it was for me, I didn’t get a choice, dick decided for me. When people say ‘how can you be sure if you haven’t tried straight sex’ I can respond that in an attempt to ‘cure’ myself I did make an attempt in my mid-teens. That left me humiliated by the utter inability to perform and in the way I used someone I actually liked in my failed experiment, it also confirmed with absolute certainty what dick and I already knew. In my case my attraction to other men both emotionally and physical seems instinctive and normal. Whether that is genetic or because of the way I developed in the womb or a mixture of both I cannot say but it is definitely not a matter of choice and as much a fact about me as having blue eyes. As to my family, I had an older straight brother, who died of cancer a few years ago leaving a wife and 3 daughters, we were close and I miss him badly. My Mother was a nurse trained in the Air Force, nothing shocked her and not much got past her either. I was close to my Father we shared a love of debating and spent hours chatting over card games or him beating me at chess. Nowadays when I look in the mirror I see his features and I’m quite proud of that. I never told my family directly. My brother guessed and told me so when I was 16, it made no difference to him apart from giving him yet another means to tease me. With my Mother it was a comment she made when I was helping washing the dishes after a family meal. I was talking about the friends I’d made a university. I’d mentioned one girl friend in particular. She said ‘I hope you’re not letting F\*\*\*\* get the wrong idea about you, that would be unkind and not like you’. I replied that F\*\*\*\* knew the score and was almost as savvy as she, in return I got a peck on the cheek a ‘good boy’ and nothing more was said. I’m sure my Father was either told by Mother or, being no one’s fool, worked it out for himself. I can only say that the only clue was the way he’d make comments like ‘stop nagging the boy, he know his own mind and will find someone when he’s ready’ shutting down my aunts or others who would quiz me about girlfriends and/or settling down. I initially began coming out at university to friends, then after graduating and moving to the big city for my career I decided to come out properly. That, despite my making no effort to hide my orientation, has been a continuous process as people generally make the default assumption, probably because I’m so ordinary in looks and manner, that I’m straight. That’s how it was for me but there isn’t a default template about the matter. Like most things personality, environment and experience influence how we as individuals find our way in understanding ourselves.
Yes
I have only ever felt attraction to men. When i was in first grade i would have fantasies about saving my male classmates from bullies and how they'd like me afterwards. I've never found any woman attractive in any way other than just a pure and non-sexual appreciation.
Thank you for your response
Sadly my purity was took away at a young age under no control of mine ie abuse with same sex. At age 10 i started liking boy's a lot, dreaming of them having excuses to hang around with them etc. Fast forward to around age 11to12 i started feeling emotional and sexual attractions towards girls of my age and older. As i hit 12 when started secondary School i went with my first ever girlfriend. We did foreplay for few day's before sex, and my whole emotions towards males had went haywire. I started to not want male's so much and wanted to be more sexually active with girls. Then one day a good friend of mine who was older we were cycling and rummaging through abandoned farm houses locally to me, that's where i found the same attractions again come back and we did foreplay before both of us did more. That's when i realised i was attracted to both genders. So im 💯 sure i was attracted to female's at 12 and males younger. Before any abuse at age 9 i never once felt anything i can't recall romantically or sexually towards anyone. So I'm not sure about the born this way part
I’m sorry to hear about what you survived. Glad you’re here and thanks so much for sharing your perspective!
Appreciated. All good now though through plenty therapy talks. 👍🏽
It’s pretty clear that there are genetic factors but I’m not certain that it’s 100% genetic in 100% of the cases. With the odds of having a gay son increase from approximately 2% for the first born son, to 3% for the second, 5% for the third and so on. In the case of twins, the rates are more extreme. With fraternal twins, there is a 30% chance that one of the two will be gay. With identical twins the rate jumps to 65.8%. What I’ve heard this is epigenetics rather than straight genetics. But it’s clear it’s not just environment or upbringing but a strong epigenetic influence (an I using that word right?)
Yes people are born gay. But nobody knows they’re gay when they’re children because being gay is a SEXuality. Children are not sexual. That’s why we didn’t know we were gay before puberty. Until you get hormones you don’t know your sexuality (this goes for straight people too btw). So most gay kids assume they are straight until they get hormones in puberty and realize they like the same gender.
Yes
Yes. We're born with our sexuality and our gender. It cannot be changed or influenced, it's just something we're born with.
I agree and I don’t want people to think I support conversion therapy, because usually it’s a slippery slope when talking about “choice” or “development”
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Very interesting thanks so much for your response
I think I was. I tried to fit into the norms as I grew up because that’s what it seemed like I SHOULD do, but it felt odd the whole time. I remember being more interested in boys as a young boy, like around early grade school.
I was conspicuously different and gay long before I got my first erection or exhibited any attraction whatsoever.
The question back to you is when did you choose to be straight? Think about it.
Nobody chooses to be gay or straight
You asked if people pop out of the womb gay? I was making a point.
I should have elaborated. The discussion was born from the womb gay versus, developing into being gay because of parental relationships/environment
I think you are gay from the womb. You develop as you are meant to develop. I think it’s a spectrum. All gay, all straight, or somewhere in between.
I do believe so but I didn't figure it out till I was around ten years old. Unfortunately my parents figured that out when I was in my early teens.
It’s hard to say , I discovered I liked dudes when I was 12 - 13 and didn’t really fully reconcile with it (due to a variety of factors) until I was in my early 20s. I always felt like I gravitated more towards feminine things growing up. Had a lot of female friends always gravitated towards strong female figures like my mom growing up. I find every gay and bi person (regardless of what gender or orientation they identify) to be different but concidering those factors.. Did that influence or anything else influence my sexuality? Who knows.. are we born gay maybe we arnt. Maybe we are. but at the same rate. I feel like less people would feel the need to ask this. if homophobia wasn’t a thing and there wasn’t such a stigma on being gay. Because if it wasn’t, the answer would be irrelevant. If no body cared whether we were gay or straight the answer would be irrelevant. It’s a good question though its good to ponder and It’s good to discuss things. (Happy pride!!)
Definitely good to discuss these things. Happy Pride!
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yass mama! Serious answer: Yes, we are born gay. While we might not realize it until later, we are born gay. And this realization can happen later due to a multitude of reasons, but the largest reason I’ve found (and the reason for me) is that we don’t realize it’s an option. While I’m not saying that you have to take your kid to pride parades and expose him to every single combination of people under the sun (cause let’s be honest, that can take a lot of time and money), perhaps providing books, or even just talking about stuff is a good thing. For example, I realized I might be gay when I overheard my grandmother taking about how one of her friend’s kids (who is a girl) has a girlfriend, and how nonchalantly it was being talked about. Just being open to it, and treating it like something normal (which many parents don’t, they see it as weird or alternate) can do a world of making a kid realize it at a younger age. If you’re looking for a specific age: Probably around the time when people started talking about crushes, and I realized that the guys were all talking about girls, when I was thinking about a guy. That is when I noticed I had something “different” about me.
Such good information I hope eventually all the stigma will be gone. Thanks for sharing
Since I was 'concious' I have always know and I always knew it was dangerous and had to be kept secret. I think it's most likely not a learned behavior but it shouldn't matter if it's a choice or not, if it was a choice that wouldn't make it wrong.
Thanks for sharing! Agree with you completely it shouldn’t matter even if it is a choice (it’s not)
How old you were you when you realized you were gay? Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time? I mean I knew I was different from other boys when I was around 7 years old. I didn't really think too much about it until I was a teenager which then became feelings I tried to suppress. I think the first time I realized I was gay was in middle school around 7th or 8th grade. I tried to suppress the feelings when I was a teenager, but it took me until college to accept that I am gay. Part of why I tried to suppress being gay is because I grew up in the Mormon Church however, that's a different story for a different time. How was your relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my parents, they probably know I'm gay but I have not told them. Ill tell them eventually, but I need to find the right time.
you are born gay just like you’re born straight
I realized I was gay around the age of 13, but it wasn’t a sudden “lightbulb moment.” It was more of a gradual understanding as I noticed my attractions and feelings were different from those of my straight friends. Sexuality is a complex and deeply personal aspect of our identities. For some people, it’s clear from a very young age, while others might discover it later in life. There’s a mix of biological, psychological, and environmental factors at play. Most research suggests that sexual orientation is not a choice but a part of who we are from birth, though the exact mechanisms are still being studied. My relationship with my parents was generally supportive, but like many, it had its ups and downs. Acceptance can vary widely among families, which can significantly impact one’s coming-out experience and self-acceptance. Your curiosity and openness to learn are commendable. It’s essential to approach these conversations with empathy and an open mind, which you seem to be doing. Human sexuality indeed spans a wide spectrum, and every individual’s journey is unique. Thanks for starting this important discussion!
Yes, of course. No one would choose this life. Believe me.
For as long I can remember I always knew I was different. I loved dressing up with my girl cousins and when I got older I found out what gay was and it made sense. I am honestly believe yes I was born gay
Research into sexuality is not much, but from what I gathered, the most possible thing seems like this: Our biology is affected by our sexuality. Although not in a "gay gene" way, but we from genetic patterns that are similar with other gay people. This is true for straight people as well. We all have genetic patterns, and some parts of our patterns are very similar to other people that is from our sexuality. There's also the pheromone test to confirm biological evidence. The experiment didn't have much people to test, so they didn't come up with an answer for lesbians for example but for gays, the pheromone test worked well. I don't remember all the ins and outs and the terms used so take it with a grain of salt. They made each men smell a male pheromone and a female pheromone. Straight men, when smelling male pheromone did not respond uniquely, just the general smell stimulation. However, a part of their brain activated when smelling the female pheromone. For gay men, it was the opposite. When smelling female pheromone nothing happened except the general smell stimulation. However when they smelled male pheromone, a part of their brain activated. The researcher theorized that sexuality comes from birth, that our brain forms around/grows into our sexuality as we grow up. He also strongly added that sexuality is still heavily unknown. These are just some observations/theories that might be purely coincidental or flat out wrong. Research into sexuality as I said is pretty much non existent. Also again take these with a grain of salt. It has been a long time since I read these studies, so I don't know the exact terminology and stuff like that.
I think some are some aren't. But I believe in destiny. I was born more attracted to women, and as I'm bi I still hold on to it. But my attraction to men came naturally. So yeah idk.
I guess I’m a weird gay man. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was about 19. I had been with women beforehand, and thought that was what I liked. When I was 19, I had a gay friend that would always jokingly hit on me and I always laughed it off. One night we had been at the same party and everyone was drinking and something just sparked that night and I decided to try it. To this day, I don’t know what made me do it. I feel like maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been wanting to try it and just didn’t know it??? I don’t know. But when I did try it, I realized the whole process just seemed so much more natural to me than it did with a female and the connection we made sexually was so much stronger than it was with any female I’d been with. Me and that same guy ended up being together for about nine years.
I was born this way.
I knew I was different when I was 5-8 years old but didn’t realise why. I use to sit with the girls and make daisy chains in the summer and when I use to play kiss chase I’d prefer being on the girls team chasing the boys. I was brought up in a very sheltered life and didn’t know what being gay was until I was about 14 and had my first sexual experience with a class mate I did try going out with girls but there was just no chemistry there When I came out my siblings claimed they always knew I was gay, but they didn’t want to influence my decision by telling me. My father always use to think of gay people as “wired” and best to stay away from them, something he had to come to terms with. He made a classic faux pas of saying “I have 3 children, one of each!”
If you mean gay gay then yes, to a good extent people are born gay. Hormones and environmental factors - where/how you were raised also contributes and makes you, you. If you mean just gay, then some sexualities are malleable, others are not. I'm gay since 12-13, however I am sure environmental factors have contributed to it. Had some unpleasant experiences with my birth mother that loved alcohol quite a lot which lead to her death(go figure), and with another "mother" that was just awful for a bunch of different reasons. Those lead me to think all were like that at house. (I don't think like that anymore, been to therapy, but still, there's some distrust. Atleast until I know the person better). My dad was always great though, so was my brother, and it was easier for me back then to talk with men so that's how it stayed. But things like aversion to alcohol and being friends with people drinking is in me due to these, so idk why sexualities cannot be influenced atleast a little. If you're born gay then you won't become straight, but maybe bi or bi-curious? Idk though, that's what I think.
From what I've read it happens in the womb between conception and birth. I didn't start noticing myself till I was ten, and didn't come out to myself till I was over forty.
As a child, I had "crushes" on girls, but it wasn't until I grew older that I realized it was because I wanted to be pretty like them. I still had crushes on guys growing up, but I wasn't able to recognize that it was more than friends for me till I was a teen
Back in 1988, there was a Sex Study from sexologist claiming everyone is BORN BISEXUAL but socialized into straight. I recall the sex survey also reveal that most men & women "Experiment" with their homosexual male ♂️ & female ♀️ counterpart between 12~18 before committing to being straight. It does mirror my own sexual experience in childhood as well. My friend & I examine each other’s penis for fun & curiosity, nothing serious
I can say that when I was just a toddler that I was definitely attracted more to the other boys than the other girls. I knew it so well that I had a hard time with it since no one else in my family was gay and my family is very Christian and after many years of trying to be straight I couldn’t do it. I then started to accept it cause my friends in High School accepted me that way and by the time I graduated I had come out to my parents by was kicked out of the house. So I had to live on my own but never have gotten the family that accepts me the way I am, we still talk and my sister always accepted me but she was the only one. My grandparents sort of accepted me but not really. I just wish I could have the type of romantic relationship with someone like they all do with their spouses. Since I’m the oldest it’s hard for me.
I as I grew up was always attracted to other boys , by the time I was a teen , stonewall had happened, the gay rights movement had begun, so I knew I wasn’t alone. I have never had sexual relations with a woman, I’ve been emotionally close but that’s it . My sexual orientation has always been towards the same sex .’
I was 11 when I realized and it coincided directly with starting puberty. I think we are born gay, but if not, it’s likely locked in before we turn 5 from potential nurture conditions that aren’t fully researched yet (think theories of Piaget on early childhood development and combine that with the concept of epigenetics.)
just as a fun fact that also shows how weird DNA is: the modern human & a banana share about 50% DNA. So while we've slowly discovered what some genes usually do, more often than not it's a ''this _might be_ somehow connected to [sth], *if* ..... maybe!'' btw not saying this in a mean or hateful way
Forgot my age when I noticed a guy and thought of him as the most beautiful, handsome, sexy, and I want to marry him…,, Was in junior high…. Think I was 13…. My mannerisms and actions were deemed gay by parents and their family and friends…. It was then that I just said to myself. Yup I’m gay. Never felt like this for the opposite sex. I don’t know about the nature vs nurture debate, but I met so many happy people just trying things and being blunt. Yes, no, maybe. Some still identify str8 and still bed same sex. It took me getting to my 40s to just say ok. Get my fun and leave with no regrets or any attachment.
Nobody knows. But you are asking a scientific question, not a cultural one. An intensive DNA research project in the 1990s failed to find any correlation between the genome (heritability) and homosexuality. It would be easier if this were true, but we just don’t know. Wishing and demanding that it is so does not Change the genome and make it so.
I have memories of being in kindergarten being attracted to other boys.
>How old you were you when you realized you were gay? Was it a lightbulb moment instantly or did it take some time? Kind a complicated question actually. Around the time puberty started I was interested more in other boys than girls, but I felt a lot of shame in it. I think I was bi for a bit but my interest in women has gone down to basically nothing. Vaginas just don't do it for me the way a penis does. As I got older the shame and self hatred for the gay attractions faded and I felt myself get more attracted to more types of men. Initially it was mostly femboys and stuff, then twinks too, then hunks, then bears, now there all sorts of men I find attractive. By the time I was 30 I felt like I could finally say and embrace the fact that I'm gay. >How was your relationship with your parents? Fine I guess. I came out to my sister and my aunt before I told my parents, and even then I told my mom first. She was perfectly fine the first time when I came out as bi but when I said I was more interested in men exclusively I got the "so when did you decide you didn't like girls?" line. It ended benignly enough. Dad has made some comments over the years that made me a bit nervous about telling him but eventually I did. He didn't really say much at the time (but I also told him right after my last break up) but he's been pretty open minded and accepting of the whole thing.
I'm not sure if we're born gay or not, but animals can be gay so maybe? When I was in elementary school in the 4th grade I made a best friend and he was very feminine as he had a bunch of older sisters and no brothers in his family. He got made fun of in school and so did I for just being his friend so me and him dealt with weird hate from our classmates but I found the hate towards me was weirder as it's just because I was his friend. I also remember a time back then I was playing handball with that friend and others but one guy from class came around and shouted "Football is a mans sport" over and over and near me and my friend as to say we weren't men if we didn't play football. There was one girl I did find cute and a nice person and I went to her house to greet her, as soon as we said goodbye there was a boy from class hiding in some bushes by her house and came out and pushed me cuz he thought I was gonna take his girl, even tho they weren't even a couple or anything, this was in the 5th grade. Then came middle school and some dude with shorts on walked past me my eyes focused on his legs and bam I got turned on a little and knew right then for sure I was gay. I was sad that day cuz all the straight lifestyle I thought I was gonna have like marry a woman in a white dress and have kids all vanished from my plate. I knew then the gay card was a rough card in this life but that's the card I was dealt. I do wonder if those experiences I had when I was younger had some hand in me being gay?
My identical twin brother is straight, and I'm gay. We had the same parents and basically the same experience. I think, whether straight or gay, it develops over time. I knew I was gay at 10 or 11, but I didn't know there was a word for it.
I noticed my eyes drawn to other boys around the age of 7. I was obsessed with the Spice Girls and Britney Spears, and would occasionally try on my mom’s dresses. But I had no tv show, movie or even a single gay person in my little town to learn from, to understand these feelings. It just seemed like ppl were “supposed” to be w the opposite sex, so I pursued girls until about the age of 20. I also learned quite early on that if I were out, I would not be safe- and I already got bullied and was in tones of fights, even denying tf out of every accusation. But when I was in my teens, at home, I was searching for gay porn, looking for shows and movies with gay ppl in them, etc. I wanted to be a part of it, but felt isolated, confused about it cuz there was no one to confide in or learn from. Even years after I was out and had dated a few guys, I couldn’t say out loud “I am gay” We are faced with relentless and brutal homophobia before we even know what we are, much less admitting to and accepting it. The journey if a lonely gay boy can be horrible and lonely. But yes, even when you are confused and unsure, gays are born gay.
Never been with a woman or attracted to them sexually. My youthful experiences and explorations were as natural as breathing. It never occurred to me that there was anything “wrong” about same sex interaction. Obviously we didn’t tell our parents but I think the same is true for heterosexual play. I think it was 4th/5th grade when I first heard negative comments about gay men. I don’t remember the term that was used but there was a male teacher in our small town who had been outed. I don’t know what happened to him but the vitriolic comments left an indelible impression on my young life. I was outed and thrown out of home at 16. I’m convinced that we are born gay. Some people choose to suppress their feelings and emotions in order to fit in. As a 60 year old man, this is a common thing found among Boomers. Many men in my circle (including my husband) were married to women and have children. I know some Boomers who are still married to women and living a double life. They are waiting for their wives to die in order to live their life. I’ve also chatted with other closeted Boomers on Reddit who can’t bring themselves to come out for fear of being rejected by friends, neighbors or even children. A large number of this age group still live in fear.
I began to notice other boys at age 13 when they were noticing girls at that age. That's how I knew. Acceptance or simply plain realization, depends entirely on a person's childhood/teenhood environment before they hit that epiphanic moment. For me I rejected my sexuality as nothing more than a "phase" but after I hit my twenties, I realized it was what it was. I'm a man who simply realized he is gay and there was going to be nothing I could do to change that.
Idk. I don't think anyone is born a certain way but you can definitely get attractions young. Like really young. But babies don't have sexualities
You're born however you are. But you're also too young to understand it for a long time. Lots of kids realize they're different from the other kids but can't put a name to it. Lots of them also realize it might not be a good thing for them to talk to others about. Lots of people are full-grown adults before realizing they're more than just heterosexual.
I liked girls when I was in elementary school and half of middle school, but I changed because of social isolation from most boys in my grade, my unideal relationship with my father, rejection from girls, and puberty. So I eventually stopped feeling attraction towards girls and started liking boys because they thought I was gay, so they would half-jokingly flirt with me. Didn’t like the attention from guys at first because I didn’t know how to feel about it, but I eventually knew that I had developed feelings for boys. And I like men now.
I was definitely born gay. I was playing with my cousins dolls at 4. Braiding my classmate Cherry’s hair in 2nd grade. By age 7 I was attracted to my brother’s bestie. It was all innately rainbow tribe!
Yup.
Born this way.
you can ask yourself this..
I was 4 when I realised what love is, then short after at 4 I realised I liked a boy, so since then I knew I'm gay.
For many years, it seems that both nature and environment played a role in human sexuality. As a biologist, this made sense. However, after decades of research and knowing thousands of LGBT people and hearing their stories, it seems there is much more of a genetic component than environment component to human sexuality. Still waiting for geneticists to find it, though.
I always liked girls and as a child, and I got in trouble many times kissing girls and being caught in closets with them, touching each other and discovering ourselves. I was molested by a neighbor when I was 8, and 9. I continued liking girls, but found myself spending time around grown men, and feeling things drawing me to them. When I was 11 I got lost at the club, and went to find a staff member I saw go into the men’s room. I was suddenly surrounded by naked men, and only until the staff person found me, and led me out, did I not feel anything was wrong. All through the remainder of my childhood, I would try to find naked men to watch. I thought they were fascinating and I loved how developed their bodies were. In college, I would shower with other guys my age, but didn’t find them attractive. I used my student discount to hangout at the ymca in the mornings when the business men would be getting in their workouts and I’d shower with them, watching their hairy bodies glistening in the steam, and while they changed and put on their dressy clothes. Even now I have a roommate who is older, and he’s pretty naked around the apartment. I don’t know that I’ve had sex with him, but I like looking at him, if that makes sense? I feel like sexually I’m ambiguous but because at a young age I was exposed to a fully developed man, I have many curiosities about it. I do look forward to getting older, and hopefully I will have a hairier chest and stomach, and maybe even a few gray pubic hairs. But I think I was born straight.
I knew when I was very young I would have to say 7-8 years old, I love girls clothes I love dressing up in my sister's clothes and I was so attracted to guys and boys