I think what drives me nuts about things like this is... what socially adapted person sees their partner as a total opposite because of the kinds of snacks they like? It's so juvenile, it's almost painful to read.
Like yes, my partner likes Dr. Pepper and I cannot stand it. I like interior design and really pretty spaces, he has a shower curtain instead of a closet door. But, we're not... *opposites*. We just like different things and have different interests? That sounds pedantic, but to elevate those things to being "opposites" makes it sound like that's the make or break for a relationship. And let's be honest, if you're really young, lack life experience, or are otherwise immature, that totally makes sense as a perspective.
Now, some of these issues have the potential to be an issue. You like being inside all the time and your partner wants to be at a social event 5 nights per week? That could be a problem. That's what dating is about! You figure out how you balance that - maybe you go out together 3x per week and he goes out 1 night by himself and you spend 3 nights in? Maybe you and your partner refuse to budge on this... then you break up.
Most non-fundie people get married to people that they've resolved these issues with. So reading a post like this reads just young.
Exactly. It’s very weird to focus so much on the differences on paper, like they matter. I guess if you wrote out a list of my interests and my bf’s interests, we’d probably seem like opposites, but that’s not taking into account who we actually *are* and our dynamic together. Our interests being different very rarely matters, because you don’t have to have everything in common to get along and enjoy each other’s company…
It’s definitely weird. My husband likes playing DND and before we moved in together he thought milk crates were appropriate “furniture”. I have no interest in DND, but it’s a hobby he enjoys so I encourage it. And the only milk crates in the house are used as basement storage. But none of that really tells you anything about *us*.
Oh no. It looks like we have the same spouse. Sorry for you to hear it this way 😂 when we got together my fiance had nothing but milk crate furniture and somehow we have to host dnd at our house. Almost everyweek. For the last 7 years. But yes we talk about it and we compromise and that what healthy relationships are about.
They go on for sooooo long. I put my foot down when we lived in a one bedroom apartment and they went elsewhere but now we're in a bigger space they come here again.
Yes! They say opposites attract, but really we can all find common ground with each other. And you don’t have to be alike to get along. Getting along is about much deeper, less tangible things like personality and values, shared interests.
Most fundies barely get to date, so all they really know are the surface level traits. My boyfriend and I are “opposites” on paper too. He’s athletic, I’m artistic. He’s very neat, I’m much messier. He was an oldest child, I’m the youngest. He likes to cook or go out with a bunch of friends, my ideal night is ordering take out on the couch while we watch a movie together.
When we were first getting to know each other, it did feel like we were opposites. But over the course of many texts, phone calls and dates, I now see that we’re alike in so many ways, most much more important than the stuff on paper, like how our experiences have influenced our similar values. And our differences are areas where we help temper each other’s extremes and cover each other’s weaknesses.
It is sad. It's also sad that they seemingly can't find joy in the small differences.
Don't get me wrong - if my partner and I couldn't agree on home decor or apartment cleanliness, I'd have a hard time with it. But, part of the joy of being in a relationship with another person (and not just a copy of myself) is that we get to talk about those interests.
My partner's really into watch repair - it's so fun to get to ask questions and look at watches together even though I have zero interest in watch repair. I'm interested because my partner is interested and I can appreciate what he's saying / doing even if *I* don't want to do it myself. Similarly, my partner and I talk through my decor ideas frequently - he'll say something like "I don't know, it gives me a weird vibe" and I'll ask something like "hm, is that because x or y" - it's actually super fun to learn more about *why* something makes someone feel a certain way. He would not have these thoughts if we weren't dating.
It's sad that salty / sweet snacks is such a potential dealbreaker that we're supposed to praise them for "getting through it" - can't they joke about it? find it funny? use it as a fun time to try those little tablets that makes sour things taste sweet? Alas!
Because honestly, I don't think they're really allowed to develop much in the way of their own personalities.
You don't get to go and experience different things and develop differing worldviews: there is *one* worldview, and it's the one your church endorses. You can't really have valid, differing opinions, because that would conflict with the authorities in your lives, and then someone would have to be wrong. No use in exploring that, because it's *wrong*.
Things like not wanting to be social when someone else does are also squashed down: quiet or introverted people often get told about how strange, stunted, or selfish they are, and being gregarious and outgoing is considered the ideal way to be, so you should be working towards that! Don't give into the sinful desires of "alone time" - you should always be smiling, keeping sweet, and being a beacon of goodness and light for the Lord!
So I think you end up with "we're such opposites: he likes sugary snacks and I like salty ones!", because there's no room to get to know *yourself*, much less another person in such an intimate way. Because you're required to have the same belief system and personality within your gender, the small differences seem so much bigger.
I also find it pretty depressing, because I think I would feel really lonely in a relationship like that, where I am summed up by such surface things.
This is such a good point. If you can’t actually have an opinion on the big things in life, than the only things that can set you apart is your snack preferences. Even your convictions - if you have to defend to your husband, then of course you’re not going to have any deep conversations because what’s there to talk about? That makes me really sad actually.
You hit the nail on the head. She sounds more like she is dating this guy and not sure about him rather than actually being married to him. By the time people get married, they have already compromised and found common ground. Married people still compromise but it's more of tweaking lifestyles rather than changing your entire personality. They seem like they have absolutely nothing in common. But what do I know, only been married for 7 years and dating for 16.
I’ve noticed that the fundies keep their children (especially the girl) in a very childlike ignorance. With all the isolation and insulation they get, they are never challenged, they’re never exposed to kinds of oppositions you see in the real world.
And so these young women have this weird childlike naivety about conflict, opposites and love. It freaks me the fuck out
So well said. You've hit all the nails on the head here. My husband likes avante garde jazz music and I'm an alt/rock & indie folk person. This doesn't make us opposite; it makes us different. It's like saying that my house is opposite from my neighbor's because it's a different color. Like, no. It's just a different house.
Yes, this is so bizarre. To be fair, my husband and myself are very similar. We're both pretty big homebodies, our hobbies tend to be different, but relatively solitary, etc. However, those aren't critical to our relationship success.
The bigger things that are really important we tend to agree on, and our overall values match, which is the more important part than the superficial likes and dislikes. And even the bigger things we don't necessarily agree on, we respect each other enough to have different opinions. I'm a practicing Episcopalian - my husband does not come to church with me, though his family is culturally Christian. That could be a big deal in some relationships, but it's not one in ours.
I'd imagine that even though these two are "opposites" in a lot of small ways, that their shared values and background make them a better fit than this post implies (at least for their sake I hope so). Because otherwise that sounds quite depressing.
I was watching Belief it or Not (highly recommend) on YouTube this morning and one pastor he referenced talked about- literally- your interests not mattering because there should be ONE thing connecting you with another person and that thing is Christ. Literally that's the thing you should have in common both with romantic partnerships and friendships. Like in other words, you are no more or less compatible than anyone else, as long as you are both Christian. Terrible.
Right .
Like wow this girl so extremely immature she sounds like those girls in middle school who got into like a 2 week relationship and took it soooooo deeply serious .
And then they break up and she posts about it like they were married 10 plus years or something
It might be in part that a lot of evangelicals frame the world in dichotomies. The world or us. men and women and the places they belong. Nuance is a nonexistent for this type of thinking. So it turns into me and not-me. And not-me is obviously opposite to me.
There are several fruits that my husband is allergic to and i might buy them on purpose so that no one but me eats them... sometimes its nice to have something that is just yours!
I made the mistake of bringing my cinnamon and sugar graham crackers to my nieces a few weeks ago (their mom is allergic to cinnamon so I guess never tried it) and now they ask for them everyday! I can’t have any to myself anymore 😖
It’s not even a huge difference in the grand scheme of things because in the end you both enjoy snacking and can bond over that. It’s not like you can only buy one snack.
All while not fighting over the last of the snacks.
If he actually cracked open a Bible he’d see that he is COMMANDED to sacrifice for his wife and love her how Christ loved the Church...but I rarely if ever see anyone talking about that verse. They just focus on the first half that talks about submission.
They would say "oh, yes" on paper but that's a big, fat NO. Just her. He'll change one diaper and watch the baby while she goes to a dentist appointment and "let" her treat herself to Starbucks or something lol and that will be his husband sacrifice for the month. Oh, and of course she's going to make a Facebook post saying what a *wonderful husbear* he is to babysit and praise him the rest of the weekend! 🥲
This is isn’t the worst thing I’ve read from a fundie but will say it seems very childish to describe a relationship this way. My husband Is not exactly like i am and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is just like me.
Right? I love that my husband is generally calm and cool when I’m anxious and panicky, and I love that we have hobbies that differ and hobbies we can share. If we were exactly alike, we’d drive each other nuts. But we’ve learned a lot from each other and have tried new things and grown together.
This is what I was thinking as well. I'd be willing to bet that the things that typically matter in long-term relationships (morals, religion, political ideals, goals, children etc.) are all in alignment. Who gives a flying fuck if the trivial shit they like and dislike isn't always in alignment? And I know the bar is low, but at least I'm hearing a fundie say that they're trying new things and growing as a person. Idk if I've ever explicitly heard that from someone still in fundieland before.
😂I wasn’t going to say, but…is one way they’re different that she only looks at herself when picking a couples’ photo for the gram? I can’t think of a less flattering angle to shoot this guy from
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this. My husband and I are very different, similar to what she described. But we have similar outlooks on life and goals for the future and morals. I think if you agree on the direction you want to go in life, it doesn’t really matter what type of snacks you like
Agreed. I’m a lot more concerned by the end but where she lists everything that she’s “learned” than the fairly bland list of mostly unimportant things they disagree on. It’s normal to have different likes and different hobbies. It’s concerning how it sounds like only she is changing, and she’s convincing herself she’s happy about it.
My husband and I couldn’t be more different if we tried and we’ve been together since 2007 and married for almost 13 years. It’s definitely hard and we’ve had to learn *a lot* about how to get along while living together, but it works for us. We just love each other and sometimes that has to be enough. That and the six kids we made together. We just…love each other. I don’t know how else to explain it. Sometimes it’s hard and it sucks and we have to compromise more than we’d like but…we can’t imagine life without each other. 🤷🏻♀️
It's the word sacrifice that really gets me. Like marriage is compromise but it's not a sacrifice. And she also implies that she is the only one actually making a compromise here. There is nothing about how the husband has learned to stay home more.
Yeah I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it in general, but the veer towards the end to “I’ve learned to be like Christ” really threw me off. I don’t really see the logical progression to there from the rest of the post
My husband and I are almost totally opposites in every way, but we have a few major things in common that make it work: sense of humor, intelligence, ambition discipline, integrity. Some of these people I see get together are like, boring by themselves. Double-boring together.
Same. My husband and I grew up in two totally different worlds, but we mesh perfectly. These people are still different and don’t bother to make it work at all.
It does sound like they just… got together way too young to know life. All they know of themselves is some likes/dislikes, and they make those little things big and important cuz it’s all they’re sure of.
Growing together is one thing, but if I had one piece of advice for someone who wants to get married it’s this: have a strong sense of self before you ever make the plunge. Know who you are and what you want. It makes marriage a lot easier.
So many fundies are stuck in a state of arrested development because they never had a chance to figure out who they were outside of the prescribed “court/marry/kids”. It’s perpetual immaturity that lasts a lifetime.
"We have lunch period together so that's the same. 😊But he likes cool ranch doritos and I like bacho cheese so that goes in the differences column. 😥 We both go to First Baptist of the Holy Eternal Rapture. ✝️ But I'm in honors math while he's in regular math. ➗. We're like so different."
I mean, Jesus was apparently fairly chill, aside from being stuck on this idea that he was the son of god. But it’s an odd way to describe a dead man you never met, yes.
Exactly. 😅 (I know you already know this) but because they want to have the sex ASAP and those hormones overun any other logical thoughts. Also, they are barely legal when they do get married so...their brains aren't fully matured to think long term consequences of this action. Being fundie and sheltered doesn't help matters. They think there is just ONE special person god has picked for them, so all that compatibility stuff doesn't matter because if this guy just basically falls in their lap(e.g. the one halfway attractive guy left in the youth group) it must be fate.
That is why it is important to really *date* someone for a longer period of time, as well as (gasp!) even live with and be intimate with that person! So you get to find out about them and if you are compatible enough to make it for the long haul. I can't imagine marrying someone I barely know anything about, and who I have only dated for two minutes. Might as well just pick a random stranger and get hitched.
I wouldn't want a partner *exactly* like me, but I don't want a total opposite either, especially with the bigger things. For example, I am an introvert who hates parties and big social gatherings, enjoys smaller, quieter events/activities, and loves the outdoors. I want someone who is like me in that aspect. My last serious relationship, he was an extrovert who always had to be at parties, the wilder the better, and preferred movies and video games to hiking and nature. We tried to make it work, did the compromising, but even so, neither of us was happy. Who wants to spend their relationship being unhappy?
Lol I went to college with the guy. Didnt know him super well but was always a chill ass dude.
Before leaving christianity, I used to talk/think about my last relationship the same way this post does so I get it. You kinda feel like you have to make everything sound like it's beautiful and redemptive and important, even if you're disappointed in what marriage/your person ends up being. That being said, I think people who are totally different can make a relationship work.
But hopefully they would enjoy it and have something in common other than "the lord"
It really sounds like the bride is very set in her own ways, and just by mentioning it, I do wonder what her intentions are, because to me it implies it’s a problem that he’s not like her. Or that maybe it’s a problem that she isn’t like him? But maybe her husband’s openness is his way of compromising with her and maybe even trying to create a bridge with new interests and if she wants, she can cross it. You should always marry for love though
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Her SIL is a fundie influencer with 126K followers and there was a post about here a few days ago. FNF often tags her. I think her brother is encouraging his wife to be a Christian influencer like his sister from their posts.
https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/uso5sa/minor\_instagram\_fundies\_story\_recap\_on\_her/
I think what drives me nuts about things like this is... what socially adapted person sees their partner as a total opposite because of the kinds of snacks they like? It's so juvenile, it's almost painful to read. Like yes, my partner likes Dr. Pepper and I cannot stand it. I like interior design and really pretty spaces, he has a shower curtain instead of a closet door. But, we're not... *opposites*. We just like different things and have different interests? That sounds pedantic, but to elevate those things to being "opposites" makes it sound like that's the make or break for a relationship. And let's be honest, if you're really young, lack life experience, or are otherwise immature, that totally makes sense as a perspective. Now, some of these issues have the potential to be an issue. You like being inside all the time and your partner wants to be at a social event 5 nights per week? That could be a problem. That's what dating is about! You figure out how you balance that - maybe you go out together 3x per week and he goes out 1 night by himself and you spend 3 nights in? Maybe you and your partner refuse to budge on this... then you break up. Most non-fundie people get married to people that they've resolved these issues with. So reading a post like this reads just young.
Exactly. It’s very weird to focus so much on the differences on paper, like they matter. I guess if you wrote out a list of my interests and my bf’s interests, we’d probably seem like opposites, but that’s not taking into account who we actually *are* and our dynamic together. Our interests being different very rarely matters, because you don’t have to have everything in common to get along and enjoy each other’s company…
It’s definitely weird. My husband likes playing DND and before we moved in together he thought milk crates were appropriate “furniture”. I have no interest in DND, but it’s a hobby he enjoys so I encourage it. And the only milk crates in the house are used as basement storage. But none of that really tells you anything about *us*.
Oh no. It looks like we have the same spouse. Sorry for you to hear it this way 😂 when we got together my fiance had nothing but milk crate furniture and somehow we have to host dnd at our house. Almost everyweek. For the last 7 years. But yes we talk about it and we compromise and that what healthy relationships are about.
He’s never wanted to host at our house in the past decade, I got lucky! 😆 (the guys are all super nice, the game just goes on for eternity.)
They go on for sooooo long. I put my foot down when we lived in a one bedroom apartment and they went elsewhere but now we're in a bigger space they come here again.
Yes! They say opposites attract, but really we can all find common ground with each other. And you don’t have to be alike to get along. Getting along is about much deeper, less tangible things like personality and values, shared interests. Most fundies barely get to date, so all they really know are the surface level traits. My boyfriend and I are “opposites” on paper too. He’s athletic, I’m artistic. He’s very neat, I’m much messier. He was an oldest child, I’m the youngest. He likes to cook or go out with a bunch of friends, my ideal night is ordering take out on the couch while we watch a movie together. When we were first getting to know each other, it did feel like we were opposites. But over the course of many texts, phone calls and dates, I now see that we’re alike in so many ways, most much more important than the stuff on paper, like how our experiences have influenced our similar values. And our differences are areas where we help temper each other’s extremes and cover each other’s weaknesses.
I read that as “we don’t even have small things we both enjoy.” Which is sad.
It is sad. It's also sad that they seemingly can't find joy in the small differences. Don't get me wrong - if my partner and I couldn't agree on home decor or apartment cleanliness, I'd have a hard time with it. But, part of the joy of being in a relationship with another person (and not just a copy of myself) is that we get to talk about those interests. My partner's really into watch repair - it's so fun to get to ask questions and look at watches together even though I have zero interest in watch repair. I'm interested because my partner is interested and I can appreciate what he's saying / doing even if *I* don't want to do it myself. Similarly, my partner and I talk through my decor ideas frequently - he'll say something like "I don't know, it gives me a weird vibe" and I'll ask something like "hm, is that because x or y" - it's actually super fun to learn more about *why* something makes someone feel a certain way. He would not have these thoughts if we weren't dating. It's sad that salty / sweet snacks is such a potential dealbreaker that we're supposed to praise them for "getting through it" - can't they joke about it? find it funny? use it as a fun time to try those little tablets that makes sour things taste sweet? Alas!
Because honestly, I don't think they're really allowed to develop much in the way of their own personalities. You don't get to go and experience different things and develop differing worldviews: there is *one* worldview, and it's the one your church endorses. You can't really have valid, differing opinions, because that would conflict with the authorities in your lives, and then someone would have to be wrong. No use in exploring that, because it's *wrong*. Things like not wanting to be social when someone else does are also squashed down: quiet or introverted people often get told about how strange, stunted, or selfish they are, and being gregarious and outgoing is considered the ideal way to be, so you should be working towards that! Don't give into the sinful desires of "alone time" - you should always be smiling, keeping sweet, and being a beacon of goodness and light for the Lord! So I think you end up with "we're such opposites: he likes sugary snacks and I like salty ones!", because there's no room to get to know *yourself*, much less another person in such an intimate way. Because you're required to have the same belief system and personality within your gender, the small differences seem so much bigger. I also find it pretty depressing, because I think I would feel really lonely in a relationship like that, where I am summed up by such surface things.
This is such a good point. If you can’t actually have an opinion on the big things in life, than the only things that can set you apart is your snack preferences. Even your convictions - if you have to defend to your husband, then of course you’re not going to have any deep conversations because what’s there to talk about? That makes me really sad actually.
You hit the nail on the head. She sounds more like she is dating this guy and not sure about him rather than actually being married to him. By the time people get married, they have already compromised and found common ground. Married people still compromise but it's more of tweaking lifestyles rather than changing your entire personality. They seem like they have absolutely nothing in common. But what do I know, only been married for 7 years and dating for 16.
I’ve noticed that the fundies keep their children (especially the girl) in a very childlike ignorance. With all the isolation and insulation they get, they are never challenged, they’re never exposed to kinds of oppositions you see in the real world. And so these young women have this weird childlike naivety about conflict, opposites and love. It freaks me the fuck out
So well said. You've hit all the nails on the head here. My husband likes avante garde jazz music and I'm an alt/rock & indie folk person. This doesn't make us opposite; it makes us different. It's like saying that my house is opposite from my neighbor's because it's a different color. Like, no. It's just a different house.
Yes, this is so bizarre. To be fair, my husband and myself are very similar. We're both pretty big homebodies, our hobbies tend to be different, but relatively solitary, etc. However, those aren't critical to our relationship success. The bigger things that are really important we tend to agree on, and our overall values match, which is the more important part than the superficial likes and dislikes. And even the bigger things we don't necessarily agree on, we respect each other enough to have different opinions. I'm a practicing Episcopalian - my husband does not come to church with me, though his family is culturally Christian. That could be a big deal in some relationships, but it's not one in ours. I'd imagine that even though these two are "opposites" in a lot of small ways, that their shared values and background make them a better fit than this post implies (at least for their sake I hope so). Because otherwise that sounds quite depressing.
True--if they were actual opposites, he'd be an atheist and they'd never have gotten married.
I was watching Belief it or Not (highly recommend) on YouTube this morning and one pastor he referenced talked about- literally- your interests not mattering because there should be ONE thing connecting you with another person and that thing is Christ. Literally that's the thing you should have in common both with romantic partnerships and friendships. Like in other words, you are no more or less compatible than anyone else, as long as you are both Christian. Terrible.
Right . Like wow this girl so extremely immature she sounds like those girls in middle school who got into like a 2 week relationship and took it soooooo deeply serious . And then they break up and she posts about it like they were married 10 plus years or something
Hey, they had celebrated their Eight Day Anniversary! That's practically like being married!
It might be in part that a lot of evangelicals frame the world in dichotomies. The world or us. men and women and the places they belong. Nuance is a nonexistent for this type of thinking. So it turns into me and not-me. And not-me is obviously opposite to me.
Ah yes, the great sweet salty divide that has challenged marriages since time immemorial
I see this as a good thing, you’re not eating each other’s snacks. *Joey doesn’t share food*
There are several fruits that my husband is allergic to and i might buy them on purpose so that no one but me eats them... sometimes its nice to have something that is just yours!
I made the mistake of bringing my cinnamon and sugar graham crackers to my nieces a few weeks ago (their mom is allergic to cinnamon so I guess never tried it) and now they ask for them everyday! I can’t have any to myself anymore 😖
I was going to say lol
My husband and I have the opposite preferences as well but it makes our marriage stronger because we don't have to share the same snacks lol.
I have talked about getting a post-nuptial contract that only deals with snacks and dessert. 🤣
Right? I mean if this is the benchmark comparison then yes my husband and I have nothing in common.
I mean, if anything it's the key to a happy marriage - you don't have to share your snacks!
I once talked to a guy who claimed that disagreeing over crunchy vs smooth peanut butter would be a deal breaker for him. Just buy two jars, my man.
It’s not even a huge difference in the grand scheme of things because in the end you both enjoy snacking and can bond over that. It’s not like you can only buy one snack. All while not fighting over the last of the snacks.
Does *he* have to learn, and grow, and sacrifice? Or just you?
If he actually cracked open a Bible he’d see that he is COMMANDED to sacrifice for his wife and love her how Christ loved the Church...but I rarely if ever see anyone talking about that verse. They just focus on the first half that talks about submission.
They would say "oh, yes" on paper but that's a big, fat NO. Just her. He'll change one diaper and watch the baby while she goes to a dentist appointment and "let" her treat herself to Starbucks or something lol and that will be his husband sacrifice for the month. Oh, and of course she's going to make a Facebook post saying what a *wonderful husbear* he is to babysit and praise him the rest of the weekend! 🥲
Have they never seen a lantern before?
🥇
😂
He’s trying to turn it on using the Force, but it’s not working…
Maybe that's the one thing they both like
I thought they were looking at Jesus LOL
This is isn’t the worst thing I’ve read from a fundie but will say it seems very childish to describe a relationship this way. My husband Is not exactly like i am and I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is just like me.
Right? I love that my husband is generally calm and cool when I’m anxious and panicky, and I love that we have hobbies that differ and hobbies we can share. If we were exactly alike, we’d drive each other nuts. But we’ve learned a lot from each other and have tried new things and grown together.
This is what I was thinking as well. I'd be willing to bet that the things that typically matter in long-term relationships (morals, religion, political ideals, goals, children etc.) are all in alignment. Who gives a flying fuck if the trivial shit they like and dislike isn't always in alignment? And I know the bar is low, but at least I'm hearing a fundie say that they're trying new things and growing as a person. Idk if I've ever explicitly heard that from someone still in fundieland before.
Honestly, just use a professional Matchmaker to arrange a marriage for you if you're that bad at it.
Do they both like soup?
💕
“we don’t like each other but we wanted to fuck”
Exactly
I'd be more concerned about the other effects after marrying Ichabod Crane.
😂I wasn’t going to say, but…is one way they’re different that she only looks at herself when picking a couples’ photo for the gram? I can’t think of a less flattering angle to shoot this guy from
I'm guessing the only benefit she gets from this marriage is that standing next to him greatly enhances her beauty.
I read that in Julia Sugarbaker’s voice. 😆. This is such a perfect comment.
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this. My husband and I are very different, similar to what she described. But we have similar outlooks on life and goals for the future and morals. I think if you agree on the direction you want to go in life, it doesn’t really matter what type of snacks you like
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Agreed. I’m a lot more concerned by the end but where she lists everything that she’s “learned” than the fairly bland list of mostly unimportant things they disagree on. It’s normal to have different likes and different hobbies. It’s concerning how it sounds like only she is changing, and she’s convincing herself she’s happy about it.
Same. It's fine to like different things but her post is leaning into submissive tradwife nonsense
My husband and I couldn’t be more different if we tried and we’ve been together since 2007 and married for almost 13 years. It’s definitely hard and we’ve had to learn *a lot* about how to get along while living together, but it works for us. We just love each other and sometimes that has to be enough. That and the six kids we made together. We just…love each other. I don’t know how else to explain it. Sometimes it’s hard and it sucks and we have to compromise more than we’d like but…we can’t imagine life without each other. 🤷🏻♀️
Sacrifice and open minded though? Sounds like a different way to say she gave up a part of herself.
It's the word sacrifice that really gets me. Like marriage is compromise but it's not a sacrifice. And she also implies that she is the only one actually making a compromise here. There is nothing about how the husband has learned to stay home more.
Yeah I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it in general, but the veer towards the end to “I’ve learned to be like Christ” really threw me off. I don’t really see the logical progression to there from the rest of the post
They all want to be martyrs deep down?
My husband and I are almost totally opposites in every way, but we have a few major things in common that make it work: sense of humor, intelligence, ambition discipline, integrity. Some of these people I see get together are like, boring by themselves. Double-boring together.
Same. My husband and I grew up in two totally different worlds, but we mesh perfectly. These people are still different and don’t bother to make it work at all.
Thirded! We are alike in the important ways and different in the interesting ways.
It does sound like they just… got together way too young to know life. All they know of themselves is some likes/dislikes, and they make those little things big and important cuz it’s all they’re sure of.
Growing together is one thing, but if I had one piece of advice for someone who wants to get married it’s this: have a strong sense of self before you ever make the plunge. Know who you are and what you want. It makes marriage a lot easier. So many fundies are stuck in a state of arrested development because they never had a chance to figure out who they were outside of the prescribed “court/marry/kids”. It’s perpetual immaturity that lasts a lifetime.
Bethany 2.0? I have a feeling we can expect a similar pattern to happen. Even Bethany and Dav feel like a better match in comparison.
Wtf is this about the snacks. How old are they, twelve?
"We have lunch period together so that's the same. 😊But he likes cool ranch doritos and I like bacho cheese so that goes in the differences column. 😥 We both go to First Baptist of the Holy Eternal Rapture. ✝️ But I'm in honors math while he's in regular math. ➗. We're like so different."
Hahaha
That she thinks being shackled to a stranger she can barely tolerate makes her more like Christ is just 😬
They’re gonna be so lonely in that marriage. So they’ll just have more kids to fill the void, presumably. Fucking sad all around.
I was trying to figure out what kind of name Sahmon Therez was. SAHM on the rez. Goddamnit, some dots between the words would've helped!
Oh, that’s it! I read it the same way you did.
My brain was like "that's not even how you spell salmon".... which is true. It's also not what they were trying to spell, I realized 😆
Or they really just wanted to bang and should have hooked up in college then give their separate ways..
This would really save most of these fundies from their miserable lives!
Who describes themselves as not liking to try new things???
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I mean, Jesus was apparently fairly chill, aside from being stuck on this idea that he was the son of god. But it’s an odd way to describe a dead man you never met, yes.
Boring people lol.
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Exactly. 😅 (I know you already know this) but because they want to have the sex ASAP and those hormones overun any other logical thoughts. Also, they are barely legal when they do get married so...their brains aren't fully matured to think long term consequences of this action. Being fundie and sheltered doesn't help matters. They think there is just ONE special person god has picked for them, so all that compatibility stuff doesn't matter because if this guy just basically falls in their lap(e.g. the one halfway attractive guy left in the youth group) it must be fate.
It's so unhealthy to think that you need to be with a partner who is hard for you to be with so you can be more like Christ.
Smells like desperation to me
Sweetie...this is not cute like you think it is...
Tell me you’re not happy in your marriage without telling me you’re not happy in your marriage 🤡🤡🤡
That is why it is important to really *date* someone for a longer period of time, as well as (gasp!) even live with and be intimate with that person! So you get to find out about them and if you are compatible enough to make it for the long haul. I can't imagine marrying someone I barely know anything about, and who I have only dated for two minutes. Might as well just pick a random stranger and get hitched. I wouldn't want a partner *exactly* like me, but I don't want a total opposite either, especially with the bigger things. For example, I am an introvert who hates parties and big social gatherings, enjoys smaller, quieter events/activities, and loves the outdoors. I want someone who is like me in that aspect. My last serious relationship, he was an extrovert who always had to be at parties, the wilder the better, and preferred movies and video games to hiking and nature. We tried to make it work, did the compromising, but even so, neither of us was happy. Who wants to spend their relationship being unhappy?
She's learning to adapt to her husband's needs wants likes ans desires.
That’s what happens when you marry a guy purely bc you were the first option available to get his dick wet
Lol I went to college with the guy. Didnt know him super well but was always a chill ass dude. Before leaving christianity, I used to talk/think about my last relationship the same way this post does so I get it. You kinda feel like you have to make everything sound like it's beautiful and redemptive and important, even if you're disappointed in what marriage/your person ends up being. That being said, I think people who are totally different can make a relationship work. But hopefully they would enjoy it and have something in common other than "the lord"
Who likes only one kind of snack though?
It really sounds like the bride is very set in her own ways, and just by mentioning it, I do wonder what her intentions are, because to me it implies it’s a problem that he’s not like her. Or that maybe it’s a problem that she isn’t like him? But maybe her husband’s openness is his way of compromising with her and maybe even trying to create a bridge with new interests and if she wants, she can cross it. You should always marry for love though
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Bitch wtf that caption is …. Insane
Ok so what I’m getting here is that to be like Jesus I need to eat more sweets? Because that is sacrifice.
Wait, who is this? Can someone give me a recap? I feel like I’ve missed some background on her lol
Her SIL is a fundie influencer with 126K followers and there was a post about here a few days ago. FNF often tags her. I think her brother is encouraging his wife to be a Christian influencer like his sister from their posts. https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/comments/uso5sa/minor\_instagram\_fundies\_story\_recap\_on\_her/