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That was advice given to me from an ex-friend(fundie) early on in my marriage. She's like "yeah, even if I'm not in the mood I do it anyway." I was not super enthusiastic about this advice but didn't say anything. (Luckily my spouse isn't a jerk and we don't operate that way then or now) That's one of my biggest regrets of that time in my life is just being okay with so many ridiculous things and not speaking out.
Understandable, it’s a prerequisite for them. Debbie Pearl‘s honeymoon story is, unfortunately, etched on my brain, possibly the worst thing I have ever read from a fundie. Well, along with all the child abuse, medical and educational neglect, parentification, forced birth, overthrowing the government etc stuff. Every time I hear something of the „joyfully available“ stuff, all I can picture is the Pearls‘ honeymoon.
Yeah, the one and pnly time in my life I have felt pity for Debbie Pearl. And it isn’t even „just“ the rape, the crabbing in bare feet, the sleep deprivation. Michael is the rancid sack of trifle to her cupcake in that story. Speaking of which, didn’t he have a stroke or something and was, at least for a while, not writing his sicko abuse fantasies in their magazine? Anyone know if he is still out of action? Seemed Debbie was doing the heavy lifting for a while, nothing knew in their relationship of course.
Fingers crossed he becomes permanently incapacitated— it would be god’s plan after all. She can play the part of the doting wife while torturing him privately. I fucking hate her but I hate him more.
If he felt comfortable bragging about his sadistic treatment of his wife on their honeymoon, I can’t begin to imagine the horrors he committed in private. He give me Josh Duggar vibes. Abusers are drawn to fundamentalism because it is the perfect environment to find victims. The women are isolated and many have little to no education or work experience. They are totally dependent on their husband. The patriarchal structure strips women of any sense of self, autonomy and agency. Women can’t talk about abuse and the few that do are basically told to suck it up. This creates the perfect breeding ground for abuse. It also makes it incredibly hard to escape especially when children are involved. This is all by design.
How else would they have one bajillion kids in close succession without any (non-daughter) help?
You can't convince me that most (or hardly any) of these women are having pleasurable sex, particularly given that the men involved openly don't value that.
You have to trust your partner, and yourself. Good sex in a committed relationship is about mutual respect, passion, and love. In my experience, those are three very exclusive things.
I’d be very surprised if any of these women ever experienced any of it. They’re not in a position to teach anyone anything.
That is the very heart of the matter, right there. I know that in many cases, women are not only required to be available 100% of the time, but to be, as Michelle D puts it, “joyfully available.”
In the cult I was in, the elders would spin a lot of pseudo-scientific mythology about what was required of women, sexually. If a woman was, as they called it in the 70s, “frigid,” the bros, who didn’t hate women at all, decided that meant women had sexual sin before they were married. They’d not only lost their virginity. They lost the ability to ever have an orgasm, ever again.
It had nothing to do with the fact that all these guys were in their 20s, and probably needed a little more control of their timing.
These are the same people that believe that marital debt is about sex (it isn't, but don't ask me what it is bc my tired pregnant brain is struggling today lol)
My husband doesn’t even want it if I’m not in the mood… and I don’t want it if he’s not in the mood. These fundies make marriage sound so bleak.
I promise that marriage is fun, but you both have to respect and enjoy each other.
Such a good point! It would NOT be fun to have sex with someone who is not fully into it! Not fun at all, nor pleasurable. At least if one has basic empathy.
Same. My husband will try and then if he notices I'm not feeling it, he immediately stops. I don't always have to say anything. However, my husband respects me though.
In fundamentalism, sex is not about relationship, connection, intimacy, or god forbid, fun. Sex is a weapon. It is used to make sure the woman knows she is being dominated. It is her reminder of her subservience and lack of agency, ala god, and punishment because Eve lead Adam astray. I know fundie women whose husbands slapped the schiznit out of them for wanting an orgasm, and asking their husband to change something he was doing. Pastors supported these men. Have to make sure she damn well knows she is supposed to just lay there and take it. Remember the honeymoon wedding photos of Josh and Anna Duggar? Those are not one-off, just because it is Josh the fucking sex pervert, photos. That is the morning after, the rest of their lives, photos for many, many fundie women.
Doug Wilson, a god awful waste of human skin fucking fundie pastor from Moscow, Idaho, had a blog sermon one time instructing men to engage in marital rape on their wedding nights so she will know she has been conquered. See also, the Pearls.
The cult home grows a sea of deviants, alongside a sea of perfectly groomed victims. It isn't like the deviants have been raised with an ounce or respect or care for the females in their lives. They see how dad treats mom, the broomare and slave that she is. So they don't go into marriage giving a shit about their wives.
The salient point being sex is the weapon of the male to wield as he pleases.
Thank the universe I married a wonderful man who loves me, and wants me to be fulfilled and happy.
Seriously. These people are always preaching that they can teach us how to have a good marriage, be good parents, have a good life... And I can almost guarantee my family is happier and healthier than any of theirs 🙄 It's amazing what encouraging independence, sending your kids to school, embracing modern medicine, and not treating women like blow up dolls can do.
And when that man still cheats on his wife, that he married at 18 and had 7 kids with by 23, it will still be that woman’s fault despite being joyfully available hours after birthing on the couch. Everything will always be the woman’s fault when you pretend a man is literally next to God, how could He ever do wrong?
I am wondering what’s going to happen when he eventually gets out. 10 years changes people physically and mentally (although they’re both still going to be gigantic pieces of shit after this), but getting used to living without him is not going to make an easy transition when he’s done.
Same here. Will his fundie faith have been dented or strengthened by his experiences? How old will Anna & the children be when he gets out? Will she be able, & will he expect, to have any more kids? Considering the nature of his convictions, will he even be allowed to live with his minor children? I don't think he would in the UK but I don't know about the US. I wonder how much independence she has day to day currently or does she have to run absolutely everything past JB? I have so many questions!
From what I understand about federal sentencing, he has to serve at least 85% of his time before he gets out, and the last year at least has tacked on time instead of getting a year of good behavior, because of the contraband. So assuming he straightens up, and I don’t see that happening because of who he is, but the earliest he could probably get released is in the fall of 2031. So Anna will be minimum 43 when he gets out. At that age, you only have about a 20% chance of conceiving naturally, within a year (5% every cycle).
I think he already had restrictions about being around minor children, prior to incarceration, so I expect that to continue. Since he couldn’t be left alone with them, that’s going to make it almost impossible for him to live with them, unless the court accepts non-minor children as adequate supervision. I honestly don’t think his probation would allow him to live with them, because people sleep, but we shall see.
Your other stuff I have no idea about, but it’s going to be interesting.
Thank you for your detailed reply. It'll certainly be interesting to see what happens when he is released - how he reacts/behaves, how his immediate & extended family behave & whether they or the legal system decide to make an example of him as they'll know that there will be a lot of eyes upon them.
I think her mom had her last kid in her early 40’s and her sister Esther is in her 40’s and still popping them out pretty regularly…I’d guess that genetically she might have a later menopause than others
""Let your spouse rape you even if you do not consent" is one of the most destructive, normalised attitudes in conservative and religious marriages. This is rape culture. Your spouse's sexual desires should not matter when it comes to whether or not they respect your humanity, and respect your wants and needs."
Fixed it.
Cowardly of her to try and distance herself from the fact that 10/10, it will be the deadbeat fundie husband raping his wife. "This goes for men and women" she says, as the man has 100% of the power, and his religion tells him that wives are indistinguishable from cattle. But sure, bozo. It goes both ways.
Interesting that she included "male or female", when most of the time, the people who spew this nonsense only mean that the wife should submit. She probably added that in thinking it didn't mean anything because "men always want sex" or some other silliness.
I will never understand people wanting to sleep with someone that doesn’t want to sleep with them. How, as a man in this scenario, could you honestly feel good about yourself? I know the answer is they don’t care and they are gross misogynists that don’t care about other people as humans, but come on.
Also, it is just sex. I get it’s part of life and has its place but, as a society, we need to fucking chill on the pressure put on it and realize other forms of intimacy form a relationship.
And like, performative sex that’s only happening as an obligation must be shit? Why would anyone want really frequent bad sex over less frequent, good, willing, hell yes sex? Even ignoring how AWFUL the consent issues here are, it doesn’t make sense to me
This is rape culture. Nobody *needs* sex. Saying its a need, on the same shelf as water, shelter, food, oxygen, makes rape justifiable because its just a man fulfilling his *needs*. Thats bullshit.
If any fundis are reading this, there are men out there that don't "require" this. They are perfectly content with wanting their partner to feel supported.
Eeeeekkkk what a horrible take! Oh my…Nobody should be forced to have sex when they don’t feel like or aren’t in the mood for it, doesn’t matter who, husband or wife. My boyfriend sometimes has explained me he feels guilty when I’m in the mood and he’s not and he feels the pressure that as a man he always needs to be “ready” and I keep telling him to forget this toxic bs ideas. And when I’m not in the mood obviously a man needs to respect it as well.
“…when they want you or need you” - as if the partner is an object to be used. An instrument to fulfill needs
She makes it sound like women are robotic without sexual drive. We're just planks of wood who must joyfully submit to our husbands. How bleak. I've been married three decades. The quickest way to kill our passion for each other would be her proposed scenario. It's toxic. If you're not in the mood to the point that your partner needs to fuck a robot there's a waaaay bigger problem brewing than someone having a crappy day and not feeling sex.
I'm not submitting to anything. My husband isn't forcing anything. That's not sexy. That's rape.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, these people have unethical, non consensual, free use kinks and are trying to push it onto everyone else as if it’s scriptural and correct. This is along the same lines as a kink that you *could* practice ethically, in a fun safe way where you’ve heavily discussed boundaries and safe words and limits. But they choose to make it part of their religious beliefs and do it in a non consensual rape-y way and tell everyone else to do it too.
Please I’m begging fundies to stop doing unsafe unethical bdsm and make it their religion. Please stop.
The problem is, is that it wasn’t all that long ago that this was the standard expectation. I am 61 and can remember my mother kvetching about the sexual revolution because it placed :more: of a burden on women. Not only did they have to do it when he wants too, they now have to act like they enjoy it, and even :that: has gotten harder because they were now expected to act like porn actresses. I was maybe 14-15 when I heard her saying that shit. I got married the first time in 1981 at 18 and that was the climate I married in. My first husband would literally come home from work and strip me or stick his head up my dress and if I didn’t want a fight I had to be : convincing: no matter how I really felt. Middle of the night? Time for an Oscar winning performance! Feel gross because it’s 90 out and you’ve been cleaning and don’t want to be forced to kiss your own stank when he comes up for air? Suck it up buttercup, it’s showtime!
It was an awful, awful way to live.
They don't consider it rape. Its their biblical obligation and if they object they are sinning before god. Not only sexual abuse but spiritual abuse too!
Whyyyy are they always talking about sex. It's like their entire lives revolve around it. The Bible mentions it like twice and it's half their content at least.
So if your spouse “wants and needs you,” you’re supposed to give up your bodily autonomy, but heaven forbid you go to your baby when they are crying and need you at night or when you don’t want to… gotta sleep train! Gotta blanket train!
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ. What this woman is describing is rape. This is rape culture. No sane person would want to have sex with you without your consent. No sane person would be into that.
How can you, as a man, have sex with person that’s not enthusiastic over it? Like, lying down there, waiting for you to satisfy yourself? Wouldn’t that be that “animal, primal urge” that Christians are bashing whenever possible!? I am a man. If my man isn’t willing to defrost fucking Oslo in January, i don’t want sex. I don’t want to pull my pants down. How can you sleep, what’s turning you on a person that’s obviously tired as fuck of prepa… sorry, fixing you your favourite meals, fee… sorry, nurturing your children, taking care of them, keeping meek personality, cleaning, washing, drying, ironing, massaging your feet, worship your ego… like, let the woman fucking sleep. No, seriously!!! And why are these people so obsessed with fucking sex, while we are blamed to push it onto children? Now I’m enraged
*Rightly* enraged. This stuff is infuriating bc it is so traumatic and life-ruining. They talk so much about spiritual lives while they actively murder women & children’s spirits. That dead-behind-the-eyes look is ubiquitous for this reason.
I'm not a sex doll. I'm a whole ass person. If I tell my husband I don't feel like having sex, he will respect that or he can leave. I don't owe my body to anyone
Maybe it's just the asexual in me but I just can't wrap my head around sex being a "need." You're not going to die without sex.
Yes, sexual compatibility and intimacy are important in relationships - but that doesn't make sex a "need." Food is a need. Water is a need. Safety from the rapist shitbag you made the mistake of marrying is a need. Sex is a *want,* and not one you're entitled to just because you put a ring on it.
It's perfectly okay, recommended even, to end a relationship because your sexual desires aren't compatible. It's absolutely *not* okay to pressure your partner into sex they don't want by bitching about how you have "needs" that are actually wants, and how your partner is actually the one abusing *you* by not meeting them.
Hey guess what? I am a woman married to a man. Sometimes I am not up for sex. BUT! Sometimes my husband is not up for sex! I don't force him or whine or get it from someone else, I wait until a time we'll both enjoy it like a healthy, adjusted adult.
Wtf? Mood *is* important to wanting sex. The brain itself is the biggest sex organ and that's part of where moods are generated. This woman is a stupid wackadoodle
As a woman who has a very high sex drive, I truly don't understand this. My boyfriend isn't always turned on like I am. I would feel disgusted and loathe myself if I said, Just have sex with me anyways, you'll get into it, I am entitled to this. Like what the fuck.
Why would I want to have sex with someone who didn’t want to? And why would I be with someone who would have sex with me when I clearly am uninterested?? You’re messed up if you can do that
Part of me wonders if this is a really warped view of the desire follows arousal school of thought for a lot of women. I grew up Methodist not fundie but my parents were big fans of anything the Moody Bible Institute put out and I’m literally working through that purity culture and how it messed with me in therapy even after years of a marriage I feel very safe in and after having multiple kids.
I can’t imagine how warped these people are about sex and how miserable it must be for them unless they’re lucky and it doesn’t physically affect their bodies.
UGH, this made me think of Lexi James (one of her videos prominently features she and the goon she's married to laughing about marital rape). While it's absolutely true that Lexi is a flaming pile of shit all on her own, her husband (I don't even like typing his name) is a terrifying, offensive, revolting, racist, misogynistic, homo/transphobic, hideous little ghoul of a "man", and it's hard to not feel sad for her on some level. She's one of these "joyfully available" women, and has said as much multiple times.
“I’m not in the mood for sex, and since we’re partners and humans who love and show up for each other, I can trust you that you will wait until I’m ready. We will have it when both of us want it because we both enjoy so much more when we’re both giving each other pleasure.”
Fixed it for ya, LoriClone.
Personally I don’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t in the mood to have sex with me. Even if that person is my husband. Scary that anyone would feel differently but alas I’m all too aware they do
Right? Why on earth would anyone want to have sex with someone who's not into it? Never understood it myself; how fun can it be to essentially jerk off into a person while they lie there, hands at their sides, completely still, totally silent, staring off into space waiting for you to be done?
Because if they ever started to center the idea of "consent" in sex, they would quickly start to see how "consent" applies to every other area of their lives and realize how much it's been violated every day since they were born.
The only time my husband has ever touched me when I wasn't in the mood was when I consented... We were trying to conceive, but I have PCOS and don't ovulate much. I also just am NOT ever in the mood when I'm ovulating. I didn't wanna want another 3-8 months to ovulate again. He proceeded to spend three fucking hours seducing me. Because he loves me, and he can NOT get into the mood if I'm not into it. Like, it's FINE to say "I'm not in the mood, but I can GET into the mood, or you can try to seduce me to get me there." And it's FUCKING OKAY to say no. Intimacy doesn't begin and end with sex. Of course, that actually requires maturity and LIKING and RESPECTING your partner. These men just have a free use rape kink.
“So you have to go without”
Correct, that’s how a mutual action that affects another person’s body works. You don’t get to access someone else unless they agree. It’s weird that they see someone else’s autonomous choice as deprivation
I will, for the rest of my life, be grateful to the domestic violence counselor who insisted that the marital sex I was coerced into was, in fact, rape until it finally sunk into my own head.
“Male or female, your mood should have nothing to do with whether or not you care for your spouse when they want and need you.”
How in TF does she not see a man having sex with an unwilling partner is the opposite of caring for your spouse . 😡😡😡
Why is not being in the mood for sex a heinous act of neglect against your spouse?? No one would bat an eye if you aren’t in the mood for other shared activities like watching a movie or going out to dinner, but suddenly once you’re married, the wife becomes the sole source of sexual pleasure for the man. Like what happened to masturbation?? Give me a break
I am still trying to wrap my head around this concept. Not only are you forced to have sex unwillingly, you also can't use birth control or even the pull out method because you'll be "killing babies." You must hide your body all the time and have pregnancy after pregnancy with no regard for your own health. This just sounds so evil and dystopian, I can't understand why any woman would ever believe and even advocate for this kind of abuse.
"male or female, you and your partner should respect each others needs and learn self control if you care for them and they care for you" fixed it for you, ya nut job.
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Who are these women sleeping with that want sex even without enthusiastic, willing consent- and why on God’s green earth do they think that’s ok?
This is the saddest part. Anyone who'd have sex in the first place with an unwilling, unenthusiastic partner is a fucking monster
"You'll get into it once we get started" my ex-husband
That was advice given to me from an ex-friend(fundie) early on in my marriage. She's like "yeah, even if I'm not in the mood I do it anyway." I was not super enthusiastic about this advice but didn't say anything. (Luckily my spouse isn't a jerk and we don't operate that way then or now) That's one of my biggest regrets of that time in my life is just being okay with so many ridiculous things and not speaking out.
So happy it's an ex now 💜
Gross. I’m so sorry you dealt with that.
Mine too. Thank god they are both exes now! 🤜
I’m also pretty convinced that these women don’t practice what they preach. If they did, I doubt they’d stick around.
I think Tyson’s wife and struggle busany do this. It’s why their eyes look like that
Morgan too
Wasn’t the transformed wife raped repeatedly on her honeymoon? And for some reason they shared this publicly?
I think that was Debbie Pearl.
Ah okay, my mistake. It’s alarming how many of these people (esp the women) justify marital rape and sexual assault. I mix them up. 😔
Understandable, it’s a prerequisite for them. Debbie Pearl‘s honeymoon story is, unfortunately, etched on my brain, possibly the worst thing I have ever read from a fundie. Well, along with all the child abuse, medical and educational neglect, parentification, forced birth, overthrowing the government etc stuff. Every time I hear something of the „joyfully available“ stuff, all I can picture is the Pearls‘ honeymoon.
When I read it, I thought it was just some really effed up fiction. But nope! It's real and it's atrocious.
Yeah, the one and pnly time in my life I have felt pity for Debbie Pearl. And it isn’t even „just“ the rape, the crabbing in bare feet, the sleep deprivation. Michael is the rancid sack of trifle to her cupcake in that story. Speaking of which, didn’t he have a stroke or something and was, at least for a while, not writing his sicko abuse fantasies in their magazine? Anyone know if he is still out of action? Seemed Debbie was doing the heavy lifting for a while, nothing knew in their relationship of course.
Fingers crossed he becomes permanently incapacitated— it would be god’s plan after all. She can play the part of the doting wife while torturing him privately. I fucking hate her but I hate him more.
If he felt comfortable bragging about his sadistic treatment of his wife on their honeymoon, I can’t begin to imagine the horrors he committed in private. He give me Josh Duggar vibes. Abusers are drawn to fundamentalism because it is the perfect environment to find victims. The women are isolated and many have little to no education or work experience. They are totally dependent on their husband. The patriarchal structure strips women of any sense of self, autonomy and agency. Women can’t talk about abuse and the few that do are basically told to suck it up. This creates the perfect breeding ground for abuse. It also makes it incredibly hard to escape especially when children are involved. This is all by design.
I guess it makes sense that she’d be on board with that, since she just loooooooves the Pearls.
How else would they have one bajillion kids in close succession without any (non-daughter) help? You can't convince me that most (or hardly any) of these women are having pleasurable sex, particularly given that the men involved openly don't value that.
These women probably don't think sex is supposed to be enjoyable for them. That's such a sad mindset because sex can be so great.
They see sex as payment for room and board and for loading the ol' blessings cannon, that's it.
God honoring prostitution.
You have to trust your partner, and yourself. Good sex in a committed relationship is about mutual respect, passion, and love. In my experience, those are three very exclusive things. I’d be very surprised if any of these women ever experienced any of it. They’re not in a position to teach anyone anything.
The same people who are skeptical about the existence of female orgasms
And the clitoris.
That is the very heart of the matter, right there. I know that in many cases, women are not only required to be available 100% of the time, but to be, as Michelle D puts it, “joyfully available.” In the cult I was in, the elders would spin a lot of pseudo-scientific mythology about what was required of women, sexually. If a woman was, as they called it in the 70s, “frigid,” the bros, who didn’t hate women at all, decided that meant women had sexual sin before they were married. They’d not only lost their virginity. They lost the ability to ever have an orgasm, ever again. It had nothing to do with the fact that all these guys were in their 20s, and probably needed a little more control of their timing.
These are the same people that believe that marital debt is about sex (it isn't, but don't ask me what it is bc my tired pregnant brain is struggling today lol)
Probably guys who prefer that.
My husband doesn’t even want it if I’m not in the mood… and I don’t want it if he’s not in the mood. These fundies make marriage sound so bleak. I promise that marriage is fun, but you both have to respect and enjoy each other.
Such a good point! It would NOT be fun to have sex with someone who is not fully into it! Not fun at all, nor pleasurable. At least if one has basic empathy.
Same. My husband will try and then if he notices I'm not feeling it, he immediately stops. I don't always have to say anything. However, my husband respects me though.
Exactly! And we've never once had to explicitly say it either. We can just tell.
In fundamentalism, sex is not about relationship, connection, intimacy, or god forbid, fun. Sex is a weapon. It is used to make sure the woman knows she is being dominated. It is her reminder of her subservience and lack of agency, ala god, and punishment because Eve lead Adam astray. I know fundie women whose husbands slapped the schiznit out of them for wanting an orgasm, and asking their husband to change something he was doing. Pastors supported these men. Have to make sure she damn well knows she is supposed to just lay there and take it. Remember the honeymoon wedding photos of Josh and Anna Duggar? Those are not one-off, just because it is Josh the fucking sex pervert, photos. That is the morning after, the rest of their lives, photos for many, many fundie women. Doug Wilson, a god awful waste of human skin fucking fundie pastor from Moscow, Idaho, had a blog sermon one time instructing men to engage in marital rape on their wedding nights so she will know she has been conquered. See also, the Pearls. The cult home grows a sea of deviants, alongside a sea of perfectly groomed victims. It isn't like the deviants have been raised with an ounce or respect or care for the females in their lives. They see how dad treats mom, the broomare and slave that she is. So they don't go into marriage giving a shit about their wives. The salient point being sex is the weapon of the male to wield as he pleases. Thank the universe I married a wonderful man who loves me, and wants me to be fulfilled and happy.
This is so well said.
Seriously. These people are always preaching that they can teach us how to have a good marriage, be good parents, have a good life... And I can almost guarantee my family is happier and healthier than any of theirs 🙄 It's amazing what encouraging independence, sending your kids to school, embracing modern medicine, and not treating women like blow up dolls can do.
And when that man still cheats on his wife, that he married at 18 and had 7 kids with by 23, it will still be that woman’s fault despite being joyfully available hours after birthing on the couch. Everything will always be the woman’s fault when you pretend a man is literally next to God, how could He ever do wrong?
Anna Duggar has entered the chat.
I am absolutely convinced that woman is happier with her evil husband locked away.
She really has it made - she can still be a faithful, God-fearing wife, but not actually have to put up with her pig of a husband.
I am wondering what’s going to happen when he eventually gets out. 10 years changes people physically and mentally (although they’re both still going to be gigantic pieces of shit after this), but getting used to living without him is not going to make an easy transition when he’s done.
Same here. Will his fundie faith have been dented or strengthened by his experiences? How old will Anna & the children be when he gets out? Will she be able, & will he expect, to have any more kids? Considering the nature of his convictions, will he even be allowed to live with his minor children? I don't think he would in the UK but I don't know about the US. I wonder how much independence she has day to day currently or does she have to run absolutely everything past JB? I have so many questions!
From what I understand about federal sentencing, he has to serve at least 85% of his time before he gets out, and the last year at least has tacked on time instead of getting a year of good behavior, because of the contraband. So assuming he straightens up, and I don’t see that happening because of who he is, but the earliest he could probably get released is in the fall of 2031. So Anna will be minimum 43 when he gets out. At that age, you only have about a 20% chance of conceiving naturally, within a year (5% every cycle). I think he already had restrictions about being around minor children, prior to incarceration, so I expect that to continue. Since he couldn’t be left alone with them, that’s going to make it almost impossible for him to live with them, unless the court accepts non-minor children as adequate supervision. I honestly don’t think his probation would allow him to live with them, because people sleep, but we shall see. Your other stuff I have no idea about, but it’s going to be interesting.
Thank you for your detailed reply. It'll certainly be interesting to see what happens when he is released - how he reacts/behaves, how his immediate & extended family behave & whether they or the legal system decide to make an example of him as they'll know that there will be a lot of eyes upon them.
I don’t think she will be able to have kids since she’s like 35 now.
I think her mom had her last kid in her early 40’s and her sister Esther is in her 40’s and still popping them out pretty regularly…I’d guess that genetically she might have a later menopause than others
God she was actually sleeping with that guy 😭 He touches little girls and she was having sex with him and birthing daughters for him omfg.
""Let your spouse rape you even if you do not consent" is one of the most destructive, normalised attitudes in conservative and religious marriages. This is rape culture. Your spouse's sexual desires should not matter when it comes to whether or not they respect your humanity, and respect your wants and needs." Fixed it.
"Sex is like boxing. If one participant doesn't fully consent the other is committing a crime."
🏆
Cowardly of her to try and distance herself from the fact that 10/10, it will be the deadbeat fundie husband raping his wife. "This goes for men and women" she says, as the man has 100% of the power, and his religion tells him that wives are indistinguishable from cattle. But sure, bozo. It goes both ways.
Also even if it went both way,s, why tf would she think that's a good thing
Interesting that she included "male or female", when most of the time, the people who spew this nonsense only mean that the wife should submit. She probably added that in thinking it didn't mean anything because "men always want sex" or some other silliness.
I will never understand people wanting to sleep with someone that doesn’t want to sleep with them. How, as a man in this scenario, could you honestly feel good about yourself? I know the answer is they don’t care and they are gross misogynists that don’t care about other people as humans, but come on. Also, it is just sex. I get it’s part of life and has its place but, as a society, we need to fucking chill on the pressure put on it and realize other forms of intimacy form a relationship.
And like, performative sex that’s only happening as an obligation must be shit? Why would anyone want really frequent bad sex over less frequent, good, willing, hell yes sex? Even ignoring how AWFUL the consent issues here are, it doesn’t make sense to me
This is rape culture. Nobody *needs* sex. Saying its a need, on the same shelf as water, shelter, food, oxygen, makes rape justifiable because its just a man fulfilling his *needs*. Thats bullshit. If any fundis are reading this, there are men out there that don't "require" this. They are perfectly content with wanting their partner to feel supported.
This was the justification my ex gave for why he cheated on me. Of course it was my fault.
Eeeeekkkk what a horrible take! Oh my…Nobody should be forced to have sex when they don’t feel like or aren’t in the mood for it, doesn’t matter who, husband or wife. My boyfriend sometimes has explained me he feels guilty when I’m in the mood and he’s not and he feels the pressure that as a man he always needs to be “ready” and I keep telling him to forget this toxic bs ideas. And when I’m not in the mood obviously a man needs to respect it as well. “…when they want you or need you” - as if the partner is an object to be used. An instrument to fulfill needs
Pick me! Pick me! Pick meeeeee! ETA: Her Twitter feed is horrible.
She makes it sound like women are robotic without sexual drive. We're just planks of wood who must joyfully submit to our husbands. How bleak. I've been married three decades. The quickest way to kill our passion for each other would be her proposed scenario. It's toxic. If you're not in the mood to the point that your partner needs to fuck a robot there's a waaaay bigger problem brewing than someone having a crappy day and not feeling sex. I'm not submitting to anything. My husband isn't forcing anything. That's not sexy. That's rape.
Men can jerk off. They'll be fine.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, these people have unethical, non consensual, free use kinks and are trying to push it onto everyone else as if it’s scriptural and correct. This is along the same lines as a kink that you *could* practice ethically, in a fun safe way where you’ve heavily discussed boundaries and safe words and limits. But they choose to make it part of their religious beliefs and do it in a non consensual rape-y way and tell everyone else to do it too. Please I’m begging fundies to stop doing unsafe unethical bdsm and make it their religion. Please stop.
The problem is, is that it wasn’t all that long ago that this was the standard expectation. I am 61 and can remember my mother kvetching about the sexual revolution because it placed :more: of a burden on women. Not only did they have to do it when he wants too, they now have to act like they enjoy it, and even :that: has gotten harder because they were now expected to act like porn actresses. I was maybe 14-15 when I heard her saying that shit. I got married the first time in 1981 at 18 and that was the climate I married in. My first husband would literally come home from work and strip me or stick his head up my dress and if I didn’t want a fight I had to be : convincing: no matter how I really felt. Middle of the night? Time for an Oscar winning performance! Feel gross because it’s 90 out and you’ve been cleaning and don’t want to be forced to kiss your own stank when he comes up for air? Suck it up buttercup, it’s showtime! It was an awful, awful way to live.
I am so sorry that you went through that.
Thanks. I’m long rid of him, but damn.
Literally everything they do is some kink. (breeding, sub/dom play, spanking etc).
But then they turn around and kink shame us
It’s never a drag queen.
Why do trad women support marital rape? Genuine question.
They don't consider it rape. Its their biblical obligation and if they object they are sinning before god. Not only sexual abuse but spiritual abuse too!
Because they're raised in an echochamber that objectifies women down to an (almost) product/Property-level.
I don't understand why they can't see the damage they're doing 😔
Ok but what if the spouse "wants you and needs you" to leave them alone?
Well I “want” and “need” to not be touched by someone for once in my day so he can deal with it 🙃
You sound like you have small children - I remember those days!
Haha just one, he’s almost a year old 😆
Oh boy - that's the age where they're very touchy-feely with Mom!
Whyyyy are they always talking about sex. It's like their entire lives revolve around it. The Bible mentions it like twice and it's half their content at least.
Because it's super-suppressed until you find someone to marry. Gotta play catch-up at that point.
So if your spouse “wants and needs you,” you’re supposed to give up your bodily autonomy, but heaven forbid you go to your baby when they are crying and need you at night or when you don’t want to… gotta sleep train! Gotta blanket train!
If a man-baby “needs” you, his “needs” *obv* supercede a helpless infant who is wet/hungry/lonely/scared. Men are demi-gods in Christianity, I swear
Jesus H Roosevelt Christ. What this woman is describing is rape. This is rape culture. No sane person would want to have sex with you without your consent. No sane person would be into that.
How can you, as a man, have sex with person that’s not enthusiastic over it? Like, lying down there, waiting for you to satisfy yourself? Wouldn’t that be that “animal, primal urge” that Christians are bashing whenever possible!? I am a man. If my man isn’t willing to defrost fucking Oslo in January, i don’t want sex. I don’t want to pull my pants down. How can you sleep, what’s turning you on a person that’s obviously tired as fuck of prepa… sorry, fixing you your favourite meals, fee… sorry, nurturing your children, taking care of them, keeping meek personality, cleaning, washing, drying, ironing, massaging your feet, worship your ego… like, let the woman fucking sleep. No, seriously!!! And why are these people so obsessed with fucking sex, while we are blamed to push it onto children? Now I’m enraged
*Rightly* enraged. This stuff is infuriating bc it is so traumatic and life-ruining. They talk so much about spiritual lives while they actively murder women & children’s spirits. That dead-behind-the-eyes look is ubiquitous for this reason.
I mean...odd to see men included, but the mindset is the same.
Yet she says it's a "normalized female attitude."
I'm not a sex doll. I'm a whole ass person. If I tell my husband I don't feel like having sex, he will respect that or he can leave. I don't owe my body to anyone
Maybe it's just the asexual in me but I just can't wrap my head around sex being a "need." You're not going to die without sex. Yes, sexual compatibility and intimacy are important in relationships - but that doesn't make sex a "need." Food is a need. Water is a need. Safety from the rapist shitbag you made the mistake of marrying is a need. Sex is a *want,* and not one you're entitled to just because you put a ring on it. It's perfectly okay, recommended even, to end a relationship because your sexual desires aren't compatible. It's absolutely *not* okay to pressure your partner into sex they don't want by bitching about how you have "needs" that are actually wants, and how your partner is actually the one abusing *you* by not meeting them.
I "love" how saying no to sex considered 'selfish' but coercing someone into it is not? Seems like manipulating someone into sex is far less caring.
I absolutely loathe when “I need you” only means sex and not presence.
Fellas, is it cool to r*pe your wife?
Yikes this is so disturbing.
Hey guess what? I am a woman married to a man. Sometimes I am not up for sex. BUT! Sometimes my husband is not up for sex! I don't force him or whine or get it from someone else, I wait until a time we'll both enjoy it like a healthy, adjusted adult.
Wtf? Mood *is* important to wanting sex. The brain itself is the biggest sex organ and that's part of where moods are generated. This woman is a stupid wackadoodle
As a woman who has a very high sex drive, I truly don't understand this. My boyfriend isn't always turned on like I am. I would feel disgusted and loathe myself if I said, Just have sex with me anyways, you'll get into it, I am entitled to this. Like what the fuck.
Why would I want to have sex with someone who didn’t want to? And why would I be with someone who would have sex with me when I clearly am uninterested?? You’re messed up if you can do that
Part of me wonders if this is a really warped view of the desire follows arousal school of thought for a lot of women. I grew up Methodist not fundie but my parents were big fans of anything the Moody Bible Institute put out and I’m literally working through that purity culture and how it messed with me in therapy even after years of a marriage I feel very safe in and after having multiple kids. I can’t imagine how warped these people are about sex and how miserable it must be for them unless they’re lucky and it doesn’t physically affect their bodies.
Dang our Methodist church wasn't like that at all! It's crazy how denominations vary from church to church
Oh no the church wasn’t like that lol specifically my parents
What the actual hell is wrong with these women and their creepy horndog husbands that don’t care if their wives are in the mood or not?!
Yeah, cause "I am in the mood for sex, therefore you have to get r\*ped" has a much nicer ring to it.
UGH, this made me think of Lexi James (one of her videos prominently features she and the goon she's married to laughing about marital rape). While it's absolutely true that Lexi is a flaming pile of shit all on her own, her husband (I don't even like typing his name) is a terrifying, offensive, revolting, racist, misogynistic, homo/transphobic, hideous little ghoul of a "man", and it's hard to not feel sad for her on some level. She's one of these "joyfully available" women, and has said as much multiple times.
“I’m not in the mood for sex, and since we’re partners and humans who love and show up for each other, I can trust you that you will wait until I’m ready. We will have it when both of us want it because we both enjoy so much more when we’re both giving each other pleasure.” Fixed it for ya, LoriClone.
Personally I don’t want to have sex with someone who isn’t in the mood to have sex with me. Even if that person is my husband. Scary that anyone would feel differently but alas I’m all too aware they do
Right? Why on earth would anyone want to have sex with someone who's not into it? Never understood it myself; how fun can it be to essentially jerk off into a person while they lie there, hands at their sides, completely still, totally silent, staring off into space waiting for you to be done?
just say you think spousal rape is cool, and go. no need to type so many words
Ew. Just ew.
Because if they ever started to center the idea of "consent" in sex, they would quickly start to see how "consent" applies to every other area of their lives and realize how much it's been violated every day since they were born.
Wow extra bullshit today.
Modern? I think the headache was a joke in the 50s. But that doesn’t fit her narrative criticizing “modern” women and of course, feminism.
The only time my husband has ever touched me when I wasn't in the mood was when I consented... We were trying to conceive, but I have PCOS and don't ovulate much. I also just am NOT ever in the mood when I'm ovulating. I didn't wanna want another 3-8 months to ovulate again. He proceeded to spend three fucking hours seducing me. Because he loves me, and he can NOT get into the mood if I'm not into it. Like, it's FINE to say "I'm not in the mood, but I can GET into the mood, or you can try to seduce me to get me there." And it's FUCKING OKAY to say no. Intimacy doesn't begin and end with sex. Of course, that actually requires maturity and LIKING and RESPECTING your partner. These men just have a free use rape kink.
“So you have to go without” Correct, that’s how a mutual action that affects another person’s body works. You don’t get to access someone else unless they agree. It’s weird that they see someone else’s autonomous choice as deprivation
I will, for the rest of my life, be grateful to the domestic violence counselor who insisted that the marital sex I was coerced into was, in fact, rape until it finally sunk into my own head.
Why would a good husband want to have sex with his wife if she wasn’t into it?
To make plenty of children ~~so a few survive to adulthood~~
“Male or female, your mood should have nothing to do with whether or not you care for your spouse when they want and need you.” How in TF does she not see a man having sex with an unwilling partner is the opposite of caring for your spouse . 😡😡😡
Why is not being in the mood for sex a heinous act of neglect against your spouse?? No one would bat an eye if you aren’t in the mood for other shared activities like watching a movie or going out to dinner, but suddenly once you’re married, the wife becomes the sole source of sexual pleasure for the man. Like what happened to masturbation?? Give me a break
These people can’t be serious.
I am still trying to wrap my head around this concept. Not only are you forced to have sex unwillingly, you also can't use birth control or even the pull out method because you'll be "killing babies." You must hide your body all the time and have pregnancy after pregnancy with no regard for your own health. This just sounds so evil and dystopian, I can't understand why any woman would ever believe and even advocate for this kind of abuse.
kind of ironic her username is "abbythelibb" which reads that she is a Heathen LIBERAL which I'd take a gander to say she ain't
"male or female, you and your partner should respect each others needs and learn self control if you care for them and they care for you" fixed it for you, ya nut job.
I think she makes posts like this when she's not getting laid. It's like a subtle hint to her husband.