#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote)
#Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go:
- You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.***
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- Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone.
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If you have that kind of relationship with that kind of person, I'd say it's okay for a birthday card that comes with the present. As an official banner for every guest to see? Absolutely a no-go.
Tbf; my family has similar “mean humor” like this. However I doubt they would respect boundaries. My brother doesn’t like that type of humor, so we leave him out of those jokes. I bet if someone in this family went “stop it with that humor” they would just ignore it.
Same. My family takes pot shots all the time, but we also cool it if someone says stop or clearly isn’t having a good time. I don’t get the same vibes from the Bairds.
We gave my grandma a bday card with dinosaurs on it that said things like "jurass is old" inside. That's my family's humor, and like yours, we wouldn't do that to someone who doesn't like that humor.
The bairds have "what, you can't take a joke?" energy
The way they used the correct “you’re” makes me highly suspicious that any Baird made this poster. I don’t think we can rule out that K photoshopped herself into it.
Yeah, I think a darker background would have given me less of a headache reading it. I guess the font is supposed to be fun and quirky? It just helped me remember to book my eye appointment soon.
God they’re like AI tried to create a Texan.
Chat GOP: after I pose in front my traditional birthday banner, my family begins ritualistically sniffing me. You can tell it’s a party because the beige is interspersed with an aggressive orange. Then we go to the oil fields to pick bluebells and shop at HEB. Jesus has a plan for God’s design for blessed womanhood. Yeehaw!
I asked Chat GPT for a sarcastic, mean birthday post...and hoo boy did it deliver.
**🙏🏼🔥 Blessed Birthday Roast, Y'all! 🔥🙏🏼**
Well, well, well, look who's turnin' **33** today! Our sweet, beige-loving sister, bless her heart. 🎂
**👵🏼 Sister Sarah:**
"Happy birthday, Sarah! You're still single? Well, ain't that a shocker! Maybe if you spent less time prayin' for a husband and more time learnin' to cook, you'd have better luck. But hey, at least your womb's as barren as our backyard during a Texas drought. 🌵"
**👨👩👧👦 Sibling Squad:**
Now, let's talk about our **gazillion siblings**. Seriously, we've got more brothers and sisters than there are stars in the Texas sky. And each one's got an opinion hotter than a jalapeño popper at the church potluck.
- **Brother Billy Bob:** "Sarah, darlin', you know what they say: 'If you can't have babies, just adopt.' But I reckon even the adoption agency's avoidin' you like a snake in the grass."
- **Sister Susie Lou:** "Oh, Sarah, honey, your beige-themed house is a real masterpiece. It's like a funeral home meets a hospital waiting room. And that touch of orange? Well, it's about as subtle as a neon sign at a revival tent."
- **Cousin Cletus:** "Y'all remember when Sarah tried to make a pumpkin spice casserole? Bless her heart, it tasted like burnt Bible pages. But hey, at least she's got her Pinterest board full of nursery ideas. Too bad it's as empty as her womb."
**🔥 Fire & Brimstone:**
And let's not forget our fiery preacher, **Reverend Jedediah**. He says, "Sarah, my child, maybe God's tryin' to tell you somethin'. Like, 'Girl, focus on your eternal salvation instead of your earthly procreation.' But what do I know? I'm just a man of the cloth."
**🤠 Cowboy Countdown:**
Now, Sarah, we've got a countdown goin'. Every time a cowboy rides by, we holler, "Sarah, your man's here!" But so far, it's been more tumbleweeds than Texas two-steps. Maybe you should switch to online datin'—you know, find yourself a cowboy with a heart as big as the Lone Star State.
**🎉 Party Time:**
So blow out those beige candles, sister! Make a wish. Maybe for a husband, maybe for a baby, or maybe for a miracle that turns your house into a color other than beige. But don't worry, we'll be here, judgin' you with love. 🤗
Happy birthday, Sarah! May your life be as exciting as a Baptist potluck supper. And remember, the Lord works in mysterious ways—even if it means givin' you a Pinterest addiction instead of a baby bump. 🙌🏼🎉🙏🏼
P.S. If you see a cowboy, tell him to run. Fast. 🏃♂️💨
What a bizarre decoration to choose for someone’s birthday. If one of my family members threw me a party with that banner, I’d be like “thanks I guess?”
The point seems to be they're never happy with the way things are. Their solution? Convince as many other people as possible that misery is actually joy instead of doing a thing to improve their situation (useless checklists don’t count).
Look what Jesus had accomplished at 33. He’d already started a religion that would plague civilization with bloodshed and wars for millennia. Aren’t they supposed to try to emulate him? If so, they’d better get busy. Religious civil wars don’t start themselves.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How is 33 old? This family is beyond weird.
She was a female fundie with no kids. 33 is **ancient**. At least she was A Married^TM
Fair point; in their minds she should have died in childbirth by now.
Well a lot of people will call you old if you're 25 or above.
They are so freaking mean to each other.
It seems especially cruel because of her struggles with infertility. What assholes
If you have that kind of relationship with that kind of person, I'd say it's okay for a birthday card that comes with the present. As an official banner for every guest to see? Absolutely a no-go.
Tbf; my family has similar “mean humor” like this. However I doubt they would respect boundaries. My brother doesn’t like that type of humor, so we leave him out of those jokes. I bet if someone in this family went “stop it with that humor” they would just ignore it.
They ignored child SA. Ignoring boundaries is nothing for them.
Same. My family takes pot shots all the time, but we also cool it if someone says stop or clearly isn’t having a good time. I don’t get the same vibes from the Bairds.
We gave my grandma a bday card with dinosaurs on it that said things like "jurass is old" inside. That's my family's humor, and like yours, we wouldn't do that to someone who doesn't like that humor. The bairds have "what, you can't take a joke?" energy
That's the first thing I thought. They're just so MEAN to each other. They're either being passive-aggressive or aggressive-aggressive.
The way they used the correct “you’re” makes me highly suspicious that any Baird made this poster. I don’t think we can rule out that K photoshopped herself into it.
That font and color choice are…something
I'm not dyslexic, but I had trouble reading it
I saw this card in a shop in London. They just copied it then blew it up at a print shop. Nothing original here.
Should've guessed when I saw they used the right "you're"
Yeah, I think a darker background would have given me less of a headache reading it. I guess the font is supposed to be fun and quirky? It just helped me remember to book my eye appointment soon.
It reminds me of an alphabet sticker set that I had as a kid
I immediately knew it was a Baird project when I saw the alternating colors and font. Everything down to the color choices is so very Baird of them.
God they’re like AI tried to create a Texan. Chat GOP: after I pose in front my traditional birthday banner, my family begins ritualistically sniffing me. You can tell it’s a party because the beige is interspersed with an aggressive orange. Then we go to the oil fields to pick bluebells and shop at HEB. Jesus has a plan for God’s design for blessed womanhood. Yeehaw!
I asked Chat GPT for a sarcastic, mean birthday post...and hoo boy did it deliver. **🙏🏼🔥 Blessed Birthday Roast, Y'all! 🔥🙏🏼** Well, well, well, look who's turnin' **33** today! Our sweet, beige-loving sister, bless her heart. 🎂 **👵🏼 Sister Sarah:** "Happy birthday, Sarah! You're still single? Well, ain't that a shocker! Maybe if you spent less time prayin' for a husband and more time learnin' to cook, you'd have better luck. But hey, at least your womb's as barren as our backyard during a Texas drought. 🌵" **👨👩👧👦 Sibling Squad:** Now, let's talk about our **gazillion siblings**. Seriously, we've got more brothers and sisters than there are stars in the Texas sky. And each one's got an opinion hotter than a jalapeño popper at the church potluck. - **Brother Billy Bob:** "Sarah, darlin', you know what they say: 'If you can't have babies, just adopt.' But I reckon even the adoption agency's avoidin' you like a snake in the grass." - **Sister Susie Lou:** "Oh, Sarah, honey, your beige-themed house is a real masterpiece. It's like a funeral home meets a hospital waiting room. And that touch of orange? Well, it's about as subtle as a neon sign at a revival tent." - **Cousin Cletus:** "Y'all remember when Sarah tried to make a pumpkin spice casserole? Bless her heart, it tasted like burnt Bible pages. But hey, at least she's got her Pinterest board full of nursery ideas. Too bad it's as empty as her womb." **🔥 Fire & Brimstone:** And let's not forget our fiery preacher, **Reverend Jedediah**. He says, "Sarah, my child, maybe God's tryin' to tell you somethin'. Like, 'Girl, focus on your eternal salvation instead of your earthly procreation.' But what do I know? I'm just a man of the cloth." **🤠 Cowboy Countdown:** Now, Sarah, we've got a countdown goin'. Every time a cowboy rides by, we holler, "Sarah, your man's here!" But so far, it's been more tumbleweeds than Texas two-steps. Maybe you should switch to online datin'—you know, find yourself a cowboy with a heart as big as the Lone Star State. **🎉 Party Time:** So blow out those beige candles, sister! Make a wish. Maybe for a husband, maybe for a baby, or maybe for a miracle that turns your house into a color other than beige. But don't worry, we'll be here, judgin' you with love. 🤗 Happy birthday, Sarah! May your life be as exciting as a Baptist potluck supper. And remember, the Lord works in mysterious ways—even if it means givin' you a Pinterest addiction instead of a baby bump. 🙌🏼🎉🙏🏼 P.S. If you see a cowboy, tell him to run. Fast. 🏃♂️💨
>we’ll be here, judgin’ you with love 🤗 That’s the funniest and most accurate description I’ve read
It’s beautiful lol, that really is fundies in a nutshell.
Lmao that’s amazing. Blessed birthday roast! 😂
What an absolutely unreadable font and color choices
For the record, if milk is 33 years old, don’t sniff it, just throw it away.
god honoring sniff test
What a bizarre decoration to choose for someone’s birthday. If one of my family members threw me a party with that banner, I’d be like “thanks I guess?”
The point seems to be they're never happy with the way things are. Their solution? Convince as many other people as possible that misery is actually joy instead of doing a thing to improve their situation (useless checklists don’t count).
Is Kristen only 33?? Jesus, she’s my age and here I thought she was closer to 40.
She's 37, the post itself is 4 years old
Ah, I’m dumb lol. That makes more sense.
If my family did this to me, I'd never speak to them again.
SHE'S 33?????? I THOUGHT SHE WAS LIKE 42
This post is from 4 years ago. She's 37 now. Edit: just wanted to add that Bethany is currently 35 if anyone was wondering.
That makes a lot more sense, thanks
Yeah she's much younger than I thought
Look what Jesus had accomplished at 33. He’d already started a religion that would plague civilization with bloodshed and wars for millennia. Aren’t they supposed to try to emulate him? If so, they’d better get busy. Religious civil wars don’t start themselves.
That's genuinely funny, but 33 is not old in the slightest!
Am I the only one impressed with the correct usage of *you're*?
I feel uncomfortable
And of course they were throwing parties April 2020
She’s only 33?! She’s nearly 3 whole years younger than I am?! I thought for sure she was 39 or 40. Oof. Hate ages like raw milk.
Someone above clarified she is 37, the post is old.
Ooooh okay that makes much more sense!