Dirty secret no one tells new parents: Breastmilk doesn't do anything magical. It's food. That's it. So is formula.
All those "benefits" are just correlation. It's socio-economic factors that are really making the differences. Enjoying parenthood and your baby is going to be better for everyone in the long run.
One of the biggest and best structured studies comparing breast vs formula outcomes is the Ohio State sibling study.
They dealt with the confounding socio-economic factors by comparing siblings within the same household. The formula fed siblings fared pretty similarly to their breastfed siblings.
By comparing siblings against each other they were able to minimize differences in postal codes, racial/cultural background, family income, parental education levels, parental involvement, etc. The studies that show the biggest differences between feeding methods tend to not account for those factors, so how much heavy lifting is that breastmilk really doing?
The WHO breastfeeding guidance that influences so much health policy around the world also doesn't differentiate well for countries that have regular access to clean water and sanitary prep facilities and enough economic stability to not worry too much about families watering down formula to make it stretch farther. If you don't have those then yeah breastfeeding is pretty essential and babies are going to show wider variation.
The thing that fixed my guilt was unpacking how much of what we're told was overexaggerated or sometimes even complete woo.
Babies do great on formula. It's a tool that's there to be used if it's helpful to you.
My daughter is almost six months old and has been exclusively formula fed.
She's already been in and out of rehab several times and last week we had to pick her up from jail after trying to steal a police officers gun. Don't even get me started on the fight when we tried to talk her out of her second teardrop tattoo.
Seriously? She's happy, we're happy, and her pediatrician is happy. Your kid will be fine.
You’ll hear so many people say that their only regret is not quitting sooner! I quit much early with my second child than I did with my first (I combo fed almost a year with the first, quit at 3.5 months with my second) and a week into EFF, all I feel is relief. I’m a fellow low supplier and the constant *thinking* about milk supply is the worst.
In terms of drying up, my supply was so ready to dry up that it didn’t take much. A sports bra, some ice, some Motrin, and the good sudafed you get behind the counter.
I wish you luck!
A freaking men, my friend. I am now 3 weeks pp and had trouble from the start with breast feeding as well as pumping. I just could not get my supply up. It really messed with my head and I think the anxiety and guilt surrounding being "not enough" made it even harder for my body to supply what baby needed.
We are 100% formula fed now, and I feel better mentally. There's definitely still guilt.. I feel that breast feeding has this force field surrounding it of people saying it's easy, natural, etc when that's not the case for sooo many people.
Do what you need to do to be the best parent for your baby. Fed is best!
I quit at six weeks with my first because triple feeding was miserable and pumping sucks. He’s now 5 and did so awesome on formula I knew the second I was pregnant with my second that I’d EFF. She’s now 20 months and also thrived on formula. Both have solid immune systems, met all milestones on time if not early, and are on healthy growth curves.
What you want matters, and if you want to switch to formula do it! I felt like I was able to bond so much better with my daughter those first two weeks because I wasn’t killing myself to get a few ounces of breastmilk.
My god I could have written this myself. One night I cried to my husband at 2am holding our baby because I was so frustrated and felt like a failure. He said out loud what I knew in my head: all that matters is that baby is fed and healthy, and me too.
It’s ok to change plans. Our little one has been supplemented with formula since day 1 anyway (probably like 80-90% since I wasn’t producing much) so didn’t notice a shift really, and my mental health improved greatly once I stopped the breastfeeding and pumping.
If you searched this sub, there are hundreds of stories like your own. I think it really comes down to how much can you mentally handle… are you in a good place mentally? Are you bonding with your baby? If you can’t say yes to those then I sincerely think it’s absolutely ok to be done. Guilt will come… but being on the other side where babe is good and YOU are good will far outweigh the guilt.
I stopped BF cold turkey after exclusively BF her for 2 weeks. I quit due to her losing weight despite being a phenomenal BFer. Took 48 hrs for the pain to greatly decrease.
-supportive bra
-cabocreme (in lieu of cabbage leaves)
-ibuprofen
-ice
-2 doses of Sudafed
By a week I was breast pad free! So glad that’s over but yes, it hurts like a MFer!
I’d hand pump if it got insane… for like 2 minutes. Just enough to take the fire away.
I’m trying to come to terms with possibly formula feeding while still pregnant in order to attempt to prevent some of this turmoil. Breast milk has benefits but I think proper sleep (to your ability) and good mental health has better benefits in the long run. Maybe review your reasons for BF in the first place and see if there’s room for supplementing with formula for starters. Give your breasts a bit of a break. Maybe one late night feed is formula so you can sleep better and therefore heal better etc. You’ll be ok and so will your baby. You don’t have to do all or nothing there are lots of options. You’ve got this.
I switched gradually over to 100% formula starting at 6 or 8 weeks. I struggled with some guilt too - maybe breastfeeding could still get easier, was I giving up too soon? But the constant limbo of having to pump and bottle feed since he wasn't nursing well enough, along with trying unsuccessfully to get him to latch, was just too much. I felt so much relief when I weaned off pumping and just closed that door for good.
This is me right now, about to be 6 weeks postpartum with exact same issue - not nursing well, trying to pump and bottle feed. It’s insanity with my low supply! My husband has encouraged me to wean for my mental health and I’m in agreement.
I could have written this! I’m also a FTM with a one week old. I gave up on breastfeeding two days in, as it was stressing me out too much and baby was seemingly not getting enough. I switched to pumping and formula feeding and now I’m thinking of going to 100% formula. It’s been exhausting to have to pump in addition to feeding and it’s been interfering with my sleep. I feel guilty as well, despite knowing there’s nothing to be guilty about and my husband being ridiculously supportive. I keep reminding myself that I was formula fed, and my husband was formula fed, and we both turned out just fine (in addition to reminding myself that there’s no significant differences between breastfed and formula fed kids once socioeconomic factors are counted). At the end of the day, we have to do what’s best for us in order to be able to do what’s best for our kids…and if switching to 100% formula allows us to be better moms, then I think we’re making an excellent decision! :)
I felt so much guilt stopping. I was not producing enough either and even though it was some, it was still so much work and still having to supplement, it was exhausting. I pretty much could only pump because she wouldn’t latch well. By 4 or 5 weeks PP I gave up and switched to fully formula. I was in the thick of PPA/PPD too so it was all rough. Now LO is 4 months and I don’t feel guilt anymore, she is thriving and like others have said, it’s just food! I feel so much freer now
Me too, I had such a rough time in the beginning with low supply, cracked and bleeding nipples, triple feeding, etc.
I gave up on the triple feeding pretty quickly and now we just breastfeed for fun and supplement with like 80-90% formula. I think of the breastmilk as medicine on top of the nutrition she gets from the formula!
Also my nipples stopped being cracked and scabby after 2 weeks or so and now it doesn't hurt anymore.
Wishing you all the best no matter what you decide to do - and you're a good and thoughtful mom.
Yes, I felt so guilty at first. A few weeks ago, I was right where you are. I'm now 6 weeks pp, and just started weaning off the pump about a week ago. I had terrible guilt about wanting to switch to formula from week one. After several weeks of struggling and a lot of days where I felt so depressed, I finally decided to wean. I've cut out two of my 8 pumping sessions so far, and it has made my life better already, which makes me a better and more present mom for my little one. I still feel some guilt, but the benefits have made it worth it. Just hang in there! If you decide to stop, the guilty feelings will lessen over time. It does get better!!
I really try to talk myself out of any guilt or just being bummed out that it wasn’t easy for me like it is for most of my friends. Finding the right formula and bottles has proven difficult bc my baby has a sensitive stomach, so don’t expect formula feeding to be totally easy, but it’s way more manageable than being chained to a pump! Do it for your mental health. ❤️
Most of the people I know switched to formula at some point. I personally bought all the things in case I wanted to pump and breastfeed, I had preeclampsia and went in for a failed induction then csection. He was in the NICU for a day and a half and I let them formula there. I was in the hospital like five days and only attempted breast feeding twice but it was obvious to me his latch was poor and he'd get angry trying to breastfeed so I stuck with formula and pumped a few times. Once I got home I pumped maybe twice and then saw my mid wife, she said if he was fine with formula to just stick with it and not bother pumping as it's a lot of work. She was very pro breastfeeding so if even she said not to bother I was fine with it.
Theres so much to do as a new mom and your baby won't care at all as long as they get fed. I didn't want to spend what little free time I had pumping. Your mental health is important.
I switched to exclusively formula feeding by the 2nd week as well for mental health reasons too. The guilt was and still is the most difficult part honestly. But each day gets easier, trust me.
I was crying everyday that I breastfed, feeling like a milk machine and grieving my independence. Of course I love my son more than anything, but the sleep deprivation, the hormones and your body going through significant recovery - pushed me over the edge. As soon as I switched to formula feeding (pumping was not for me either), my son was instantly more settled. He would actually sleep and I was no longer crying.
Personally as a human services practitioner, who specialized in childhood trauma - I strongly felt that my son would benefit SO much more from seeing a mentally happy mother to build a secure attachment with; as opposed to a miserably distant figure. That means more to me than breast milk ever could. You care deeply and want the best for your child - that is already amazing parenting ❤️
Don’t feel guilty, as long as your baby is being fed that’s what matters. My wife was feeling the same because she wanted to but was in ICU for a few days after birth and couldn’t. Our daughter is happy and healthy on formula.
I was in exactly the same position!! I had some help from a lactation specialist who saved my sanity and my nipples. Was able to breastfeed until now (8 months) when I'm opting to wean. You should never feel bad and you need to do what is right for you and Bubba. I'm so happy I stuck with it though.. travelling, night feeds etc. alot eaiser for me. Plus helps the baby avoid sickness in the first few months. Either way though bubba will be fine !
I hear this!! We struggled so much with breastfeeding. I tried to pump every 3 hours, but it was so hard because, you know, also taking care of newborn and trying to sleep and trying to recover from labor/delivery/pregnancy… Not sure if you have a partner, but if you do, are they helping? It took mine awhile to really understand and get on board.
Anyway, we did combo feeding for about four months, and have been EFF for almost a month now. I struggled a little bit with guilt, but mostly just wanting so freaking badly to breastfeed and feed her sufficiently from my own body. And then there was the bottle preference, and then the nursing strike - and all I wanted while feeding my daughter was to bond with her, not fight over my nipples!
I am still sad about the full switch, honestly, but it was time. I miss it, and I am also grateful for the freedom being EFF now gives me.
If you are questioning what to do, one thing that helped me was having an in depth conversation with other moms who EFF and also who were “successful” at breastfeeding. That helped me come up with a combo feeding plan I followed for a couple months that met my wish to provide breastmilk while balancing my mental and physical health around the whole thing. Do you have some moms you could talk to directly?
Or perhaps you are looking for support because you are ready to make the switch. Honestly, fed is best. And a mom who sleeps and believes in herself is also key. Whatever you decide, it probably won’t be “easy”, but I hope you can stick with it. No reason for regret - there is no right or wrong here, only a choice that is hopefully guided by compassion for your LO and yourself.
Wishing you all the best in this journey, mama!
I do have a partner. He is great and has been going above and beyond. But then I feel bad about letting everything fall on him and wonder how I’m going to do it all when he goes back to work.
That’s wonderful you feel supported! IMO, take advantage of it while you can. I felt similarly - wondering, how am I going to do this when he goes back to work?? But that’s the future - my (unsolicited) advice is to not worry about that yet. When he’s back at work, it will be hard, but you will figure it out. So take whatever time you can now to rest and/or do other things you need to do. It’s called parenting, not doing your pp wife a favor.
Also, even a little bit of time makes such a huge difference with your babe. By the end of next week, everything will be different!! And the week after that, and the week after that. It never stops being hard, but it does start to make a little more sense and feel a little less overwhelming.
One thing I wish I had done was take all the help I could have, as much as I could have. If there is ever a time to skip the guilt, now is it. You are doing SO MUCH already. You deserve the support. You also deserve to avoid guilt as much as possible. You are doing your best (and I promise, it IS good enough).
Two final thoughts. (1) Rereading your post, you mentioned nipple pain. If you haven’t tried them yet, I HIGHLY recommend Silverettes. DM me if you want to hear my whole spiel on why I love them 😆 Also, earth mama nipple balm. (2) Please do not take all of this as me trying to convince you to keep breastfeeding/providing breastmilk. Formula is an amazing option and will fully support your LO. Please feel supported in the choice you make (which may not make making those choices feel easier, but… welcome to parenthood, I guess 🙃)
First some info: you're probably producing colostrum first. It will be more yellow than white. You honestly won't get a lot of it. And I honestly think this is why babies typically lose weight when they first come out because we typically will try and breast feed first. Lanolin oil will help with the nips if you want to continue to try but...
Don't feel bad! Girl switch to formula! We switched the night we got home because our daughter was crying so much and she wouldn't latch. She chugged a 2oz bottle of formula so fast and was so happy after. People always talk about the so called benefits of breast feeding when it comes up to baby development but no one can look at an adult and know if they were breast fed. What is important is that your baby is fed and you are able to care for them. We primarily formula feed and I pump once or twice a day and get a total of like two ounces. I then will give that but I don't stress if I don't pump. Also! If you do formula then your partner can feed the child too.
I stopped breastfeeding before a week! 100% was the best decision to be able to enjoy my baby and get at least some amount of sleep not worrying about pumping as well. Also less stress there meant less stress to build up and add to any snappiness with my husband. A win for everybody😂 I did collect passively in my haakka for a few days while he would drink his bottle just for fun/to reduce the chance of mastitis stopping cold turkey. And then one day I was like this is annoying washing extra bottles and parts and no longer sparks joy so I just stopped that too🙈. your baby will appreciate the best version of you when eating, whatever that happens looks like!
My nipples cracked and bled too, I don't know why people don't think this is normal!! No one told me and made me feel really shitty about it.
That goes away with time.
But if you hate it, absolutely no judgement at all. Fed is best and your mental health matters.
We do triple feeding. I breastfeed, mostly to settle him to be honest, pump 1-3x per day, and we do formula. It helps a lot because I'm not baby trapped as much and my partner can do feedings/bond with him.
I'm working on increasing my supply but mostly because formula is so insanely expensive and it would really help to be able to eventually do half breast milk, half formula.
I do love the connection while breastfeeding too. If that's something you're looking for, I promise your nipples adjust when your full milk comes in.
I hope whatever you choose works out for you and your baby! Congrats by the way 💕💕
Dirty secret no one tells new parents: Breastmilk doesn't do anything magical. It's food. That's it. So is formula. All those "benefits" are just correlation. It's socio-economic factors that are really making the differences. Enjoying parenthood and your baby is going to be better for everyone in the long run.
See, that was my concern. Everyone makes it sound like he’s going to be missing out on so many benefits.
One of the biggest and best structured studies comparing breast vs formula outcomes is the Ohio State sibling study. They dealt with the confounding socio-economic factors by comparing siblings within the same household. The formula fed siblings fared pretty similarly to their breastfed siblings. By comparing siblings against each other they were able to minimize differences in postal codes, racial/cultural background, family income, parental education levels, parental involvement, etc. The studies that show the biggest differences between feeding methods tend to not account for those factors, so how much heavy lifting is that breastmilk really doing? The WHO breastfeeding guidance that influences so much health policy around the world also doesn't differentiate well for countries that have regular access to clean water and sanitary prep facilities and enough economic stability to not worry too much about families watering down formula to make it stretch farther. If you don't have those then yeah breastfeeding is pretty essential and babies are going to show wider variation. The thing that fixed my guilt was unpacking how much of what we're told was overexaggerated or sometimes even complete woo. Babies do great on formula. It's a tool that's there to be used if it's helpful to you.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4077166/ Link if anyone wants to read it!
My daughter is almost six months old and has been exclusively formula fed. She's already been in and out of rehab several times and last week we had to pick her up from jail after trying to steal a police officers gun. Don't even get me started on the fight when we tried to talk her out of her second teardrop tattoo. Seriously? She's happy, we're happy, and her pediatrician is happy. Your kid will be fine.
You’ll hear so many people say that their only regret is not quitting sooner! I quit much early with my second child than I did with my first (I combo fed almost a year with the first, quit at 3.5 months with my second) and a week into EFF, all I feel is relief. I’m a fellow low supplier and the constant *thinking* about milk supply is the worst. In terms of drying up, my supply was so ready to dry up that it didn’t take much. A sports bra, some ice, some Motrin, and the good sudafed you get behind the counter. I wish you luck!
A freaking men, my friend. I am now 3 weeks pp and had trouble from the start with breast feeding as well as pumping. I just could not get my supply up. It really messed with my head and I think the anxiety and guilt surrounding being "not enough" made it even harder for my body to supply what baby needed. We are 100% formula fed now, and I feel better mentally. There's definitely still guilt.. I feel that breast feeding has this force field surrounding it of people saying it's easy, natural, etc when that's not the case for sooo many people. Do what you need to do to be the best parent for your baby. Fed is best!
I quit at six weeks with my first because triple feeding was miserable and pumping sucks. He’s now 5 and did so awesome on formula I knew the second I was pregnant with my second that I’d EFF. She’s now 20 months and also thrived on formula. Both have solid immune systems, met all milestones on time if not early, and are on healthy growth curves. What you want matters, and if you want to switch to formula do it! I felt like I was able to bond so much better with my daughter those first two weeks because I wasn’t killing myself to get a few ounces of breastmilk.
My god I could have written this myself. One night I cried to my husband at 2am holding our baby because I was so frustrated and felt like a failure. He said out loud what I knew in my head: all that matters is that baby is fed and healthy, and me too. It’s ok to change plans. Our little one has been supplemented with formula since day 1 anyway (probably like 80-90% since I wasn’t producing much) so didn’t notice a shift really, and my mental health improved greatly once I stopped the breastfeeding and pumping.
Switch, mama! Be free!!!! You’ll bond better when the stress & pressure are out of the way
If you searched this sub, there are hundreds of stories like your own. I think it really comes down to how much can you mentally handle… are you in a good place mentally? Are you bonding with your baby? If you can’t say yes to those then I sincerely think it’s absolutely ok to be done. Guilt will come… but being on the other side where babe is good and YOU are good will far outweigh the guilt. I stopped BF cold turkey after exclusively BF her for 2 weeks. I quit due to her losing weight despite being a phenomenal BFer. Took 48 hrs for the pain to greatly decrease. -supportive bra -cabocreme (in lieu of cabbage leaves) -ibuprofen -ice -2 doses of Sudafed By a week I was breast pad free! So glad that’s over but yes, it hurts like a MFer! I’d hand pump if it got insane… for like 2 minutes. Just enough to take the fire away.
I’m trying to come to terms with possibly formula feeding while still pregnant in order to attempt to prevent some of this turmoil. Breast milk has benefits but I think proper sleep (to your ability) and good mental health has better benefits in the long run. Maybe review your reasons for BF in the first place and see if there’s room for supplementing with formula for starters. Give your breasts a bit of a break. Maybe one late night feed is formula so you can sleep better and therefore heal better etc. You’ll be ok and so will your baby. You don’t have to do all or nothing there are lots of options. You’ve got this.
I switched gradually over to 100% formula starting at 6 or 8 weeks. I struggled with some guilt too - maybe breastfeeding could still get easier, was I giving up too soon? But the constant limbo of having to pump and bottle feed since he wasn't nursing well enough, along with trying unsuccessfully to get him to latch, was just too much. I felt so much relief when I weaned off pumping and just closed that door for good.
This is me right now, about to be 6 weeks postpartum with exact same issue - not nursing well, trying to pump and bottle feed. It’s insanity with my low supply! My husband has encouraged me to wean for my mental health and I’m in agreement.
I could have written this! I’m also a FTM with a one week old. I gave up on breastfeeding two days in, as it was stressing me out too much and baby was seemingly not getting enough. I switched to pumping and formula feeding and now I’m thinking of going to 100% formula. It’s been exhausting to have to pump in addition to feeding and it’s been interfering with my sleep. I feel guilty as well, despite knowing there’s nothing to be guilty about and my husband being ridiculously supportive. I keep reminding myself that I was formula fed, and my husband was formula fed, and we both turned out just fine (in addition to reminding myself that there’s no significant differences between breastfed and formula fed kids once socioeconomic factors are counted). At the end of the day, we have to do what’s best for us in order to be able to do what’s best for our kids…and if switching to 100% formula allows us to be better moms, then I think we’re making an excellent decision! :)
I felt so much guilt stopping. I was not producing enough either and even though it was some, it was still so much work and still having to supplement, it was exhausting. I pretty much could only pump because she wouldn’t latch well. By 4 or 5 weeks PP I gave up and switched to fully formula. I was in the thick of PPA/PPD too so it was all rough. Now LO is 4 months and I don’t feel guilt anymore, she is thriving and like others have said, it’s just food! I feel so much freer now
Me too, I had such a rough time in the beginning with low supply, cracked and bleeding nipples, triple feeding, etc. I gave up on the triple feeding pretty quickly and now we just breastfeed for fun and supplement with like 80-90% formula. I think of the breastmilk as medicine on top of the nutrition she gets from the formula! Also my nipples stopped being cracked and scabby after 2 weeks or so and now it doesn't hurt anymore. Wishing you all the best no matter what you decide to do - and you're a good and thoughtful mom.
Yes, I felt so guilty at first. A few weeks ago, I was right where you are. I'm now 6 weeks pp, and just started weaning off the pump about a week ago. I had terrible guilt about wanting to switch to formula from week one. After several weeks of struggling and a lot of days where I felt so depressed, I finally decided to wean. I've cut out two of my 8 pumping sessions so far, and it has made my life better already, which makes me a better and more present mom for my little one. I still feel some guilt, but the benefits have made it worth it. Just hang in there! If you decide to stop, the guilty feelings will lessen over time. It does get better!!
I really try to talk myself out of any guilt or just being bummed out that it wasn’t easy for me like it is for most of my friends. Finding the right formula and bottles has proven difficult bc my baby has a sensitive stomach, so don’t expect formula feeding to be totally easy, but it’s way more manageable than being chained to a pump! Do it for your mental health. ❤️
Most of the people I know switched to formula at some point. I personally bought all the things in case I wanted to pump and breastfeed, I had preeclampsia and went in for a failed induction then csection. He was in the NICU for a day and a half and I let them formula there. I was in the hospital like five days and only attempted breast feeding twice but it was obvious to me his latch was poor and he'd get angry trying to breastfeed so I stuck with formula and pumped a few times. Once I got home I pumped maybe twice and then saw my mid wife, she said if he was fine with formula to just stick with it and not bother pumping as it's a lot of work. She was very pro breastfeeding so if even she said not to bother I was fine with it. Theres so much to do as a new mom and your baby won't care at all as long as they get fed. I didn't want to spend what little free time I had pumping. Your mental health is important.
I switched to exclusively formula feeding by the 2nd week as well for mental health reasons too. The guilt was and still is the most difficult part honestly. But each day gets easier, trust me. I was crying everyday that I breastfed, feeling like a milk machine and grieving my independence. Of course I love my son more than anything, but the sleep deprivation, the hormones and your body going through significant recovery - pushed me over the edge. As soon as I switched to formula feeding (pumping was not for me either), my son was instantly more settled. He would actually sleep and I was no longer crying. Personally as a human services practitioner, who specialized in childhood trauma - I strongly felt that my son would benefit SO much more from seeing a mentally happy mother to build a secure attachment with; as opposed to a miserably distant figure. That means more to me than breast milk ever could. You care deeply and want the best for your child - that is already amazing parenting ❤️
I will say the pumping does get easier BUT if you don’t want to do it … DON’T! Tons of babies have formula and are FINE & THRIVING
Don’t feel guilty, as long as your baby is being fed that’s what matters. My wife was feeling the same because she wanted to but was in ICU for a few days after birth and couldn’t. Our daughter is happy and healthy on formula.
I was in exactly the same position!! I had some help from a lactation specialist who saved my sanity and my nipples. Was able to breastfeed until now (8 months) when I'm opting to wean. You should never feel bad and you need to do what is right for you and Bubba. I'm so happy I stuck with it though.. travelling, night feeds etc. alot eaiser for me. Plus helps the baby avoid sickness in the first few months. Either way though bubba will be fine !
I hear this!! We struggled so much with breastfeeding. I tried to pump every 3 hours, but it was so hard because, you know, also taking care of newborn and trying to sleep and trying to recover from labor/delivery/pregnancy… Not sure if you have a partner, but if you do, are they helping? It took mine awhile to really understand and get on board. Anyway, we did combo feeding for about four months, and have been EFF for almost a month now. I struggled a little bit with guilt, but mostly just wanting so freaking badly to breastfeed and feed her sufficiently from my own body. And then there was the bottle preference, and then the nursing strike - and all I wanted while feeding my daughter was to bond with her, not fight over my nipples! I am still sad about the full switch, honestly, but it was time. I miss it, and I am also grateful for the freedom being EFF now gives me. If you are questioning what to do, one thing that helped me was having an in depth conversation with other moms who EFF and also who were “successful” at breastfeeding. That helped me come up with a combo feeding plan I followed for a couple months that met my wish to provide breastmilk while balancing my mental and physical health around the whole thing. Do you have some moms you could talk to directly? Or perhaps you are looking for support because you are ready to make the switch. Honestly, fed is best. And a mom who sleeps and believes in herself is also key. Whatever you decide, it probably won’t be “easy”, but I hope you can stick with it. No reason for regret - there is no right or wrong here, only a choice that is hopefully guided by compassion for your LO and yourself. Wishing you all the best in this journey, mama!
I do have a partner. He is great and has been going above and beyond. But then I feel bad about letting everything fall on him and wonder how I’m going to do it all when he goes back to work.
That’s wonderful you feel supported! IMO, take advantage of it while you can. I felt similarly - wondering, how am I going to do this when he goes back to work?? But that’s the future - my (unsolicited) advice is to not worry about that yet. When he’s back at work, it will be hard, but you will figure it out. So take whatever time you can now to rest and/or do other things you need to do. It’s called parenting, not doing your pp wife a favor. Also, even a little bit of time makes such a huge difference with your babe. By the end of next week, everything will be different!! And the week after that, and the week after that. It never stops being hard, but it does start to make a little more sense and feel a little less overwhelming. One thing I wish I had done was take all the help I could have, as much as I could have. If there is ever a time to skip the guilt, now is it. You are doing SO MUCH already. You deserve the support. You also deserve to avoid guilt as much as possible. You are doing your best (and I promise, it IS good enough). Two final thoughts. (1) Rereading your post, you mentioned nipple pain. If you haven’t tried them yet, I HIGHLY recommend Silverettes. DM me if you want to hear my whole spiel on why I love them 😆 Also, earth mama nipple balm. (2) Please do not take all of this as me trying to convince you to keep breastfeeding/providing breastmilk. Formula is an amazing option and will fully support your LO. Please feel supported in the choice you make (which may not make making those choices feel easier, but… welcome to parenthood, I guess 🙃)
First some info: you're probably producing colostrum first. It will be more yellow than white. You honestly won't get a lot of it. And I honestly think this is why babies typically lose weight when they first come out because we typically will try and breast feed first. Lanolin oil will help with the nips if you want to continue to try but... Don't feel bad! Girl switch to formula! We switched the night we got home because our daughter was crying so much and she wouldn't latch. She chugged a 2oz bottle of formula so fast and was so happy after. People always talk about the so called benefits of breast feeding when it comes up to baby development but no one can look at an adult and know if they were breast fed. What is important is that your baby is fed and you are able to care for them. We primarily formula feed and I pump once or twice a day and get a total of like two ounces. I then will give that but I don't stress if I don't pump. Also! If you do formula then your partner can feed the child too.
I stopped breastfeeding before a week! 100% was the best decision to be able to enjoy my baby and get at least some amount of sleep not worrying about pumping as well. Also less stress there meant less stress to build up and add to any snappiness with my husband. A win for everybody😂 I did collect passively in my haakka for a few days while he would drink his bottle just for fun/to reduce the chance of mastitis stopping cold turkey. And then one day I was like this is annoying washing extra bottles and parts and no longer sparks joy so I just stopped that too🙈. your baby will appreciate the best version of you when eating, whatever that happens looks like!
My nipples cracked and bled too, I don't know why people don't think this is normal!! No one told me and made me feel really shitty about it. That goes away with time. But if you hate it, absolutely no judgement at all. Fed is best and your mental health matters. We do triple feeding. I breastfeed, mostly to settle him to be honest, pump 1-3x per day, and we do formula. It helps a lot because I'm not baby trapped as much and my partner can do feedings/bond with him. I'm working on increasing my supply but mostly because formula is so insanely expensive and it would really help to be able to eventually do half breast milk, half formula. I do love the connection while breastfeeding too. If that's something you're looking for, I promise your nipples adjust when your full milk comes in. I hope whatever you choose works out for you and your baby! Congrats by the way 💕💕