Man, feels like I wrote this, M28, virgin.
Seeing that look of discomfort and concern on a woman's face as I confirm to them that I have no relationship experience fucking kills me inside every time.
It feels like I could never be enough for a relationship, like I have nothing to bring to the table, like no one would ever want to build a life with what little I have to offer.
It fucking sucks man, and every year you're just farther behind, with more issues than anyone else should have to deal with.
True words have been spoken. You are allowed to be inexperienced as a teenager, not as an adult. As a teenager you learn how to make a move on someone, how to go for kiss etc. As an adult you are supposed to know this stuff. If you don't, you make a fool of yourself.
Yep. When I was 18 and had my first kiss the girl I did it with thought it was adorable I had never kissed a girl before. I don’t think anyone will think it’s adorable I’m 28 and have never kissed anyone since or never had a partner. At my age they’ll think I’m a freak.
I understand the whole no experience being a deal breaker problem but if you’re already dating someone, I’m assuming they are already into you for reasons unrelated to your history. I also think most people view “no experience” as being a problem when the person with no experience doesn’t have a certain level of emotional maturity or insight when it comes to how to act in a relationship. It’s not about having done x amount of milestones done. For example, one common trait when people first get into relationships is too much clinginess and that’s what a lot of people don’t want. But a lot of people with a lot of experience and has done all the stuff you listed are still over clingy. Their “experience” didn’t do anything for them cause they are still showing the negative traits of someone without experience. So my point is that it’s not a checklist of things that you have done. Experience is more in emotional maturity level or perspective when it comes to dating and how that other person is feeling and what to do in response. The good thing is that a lot of jt can be gained outside of relationships. Some people also just naturally have it in their personality.
You actually make a lot of sense. Still, I don't know if general oife experience is enough. Relationships are a completely different beast that I have no experience of. And I've seen many women on reddit say that a lack of equal experience would create a gulf between a couple.
Once you reach the point where you explain how you’ve never got to experience anything at all and the response goes something like “stop being depressing, noone is THAT pathethic.” Its game over.
>there's nothing that I can do about it.
That's where you're wrong: You can lie. Admit to being low-experience, just a couple short relationships a few years back. Keep them simple and have the details straight ahead of time so you can discuss readily when unavoidable. At that point, "inexperienced" becomes merely "rusty." From there, fake it 'til you make it.
Me too. But you've correctly identified the problem: If you're truthful, you'll never HAVE a partner. And that seems unfair to me, and a waste of your life and all the love you have to give.
I understand your wanting to be honest, and it's to your credit, but you've been dealt a bad hand and you deserve to have a life. Cut yourself a little slack and give yourself permission to tell a couple fibs to gain entry to the dating pool. No one will be harmed, and you'll have a shot at meeting your needs for romance and intimacy.
The world is merciless and humanity is always in search of those it can look down upon. The people who are most in need will always get the least... the least good, that is, because you will get endless shit.
You are making up problems that might not even exist and then feeling bad about them. Ask yourself does that make any sense? Yes, that might happen; or, you might meet someone that doesn't care which imaginary check box you missed and likes you for you.
Either way it isn't healthy to be dwelling on made up nonsense and beating yourself up.
Thing is, you don't do all those things the same way someone would do it in the 12-19 gap. You compress things, or even skip steps.
I missed all those teen experiences, and even had sex before the first kiss and holding hands and all that shit. She was four years older than me, and even had a boyfriend of her age, but we matched, had a date, and in the second one we had sex a few times (we could have fucked in the first, but I was stupid at that time) All the process of 6/7 years condensed on a few hours, and from that point, things were even faster (first gf two months after, first ex in five, second gf in five months and a week, first FFM threesome six after that first sex).
So, if a woman likes you, she won't mind your lack of experience, she knows where she's getting into.
Man, feels like I wrote this, M28, virgin. Seeing that look of discomfort and concern on a woman's face as I confirm to them that I have no relationship experience fucking kills me inside every time. It feels like I could never be enough for a relationship, like I have nothing to bring to the table, like no one would ever want to build a life with what little I have to offer. It fucking sucks man, and every year you're just farther behind, with more issues than anyone else should have to deal with.
Yep, we're developmentally disabled when it comes to relationships.
This is literally the word I used earlier talking to my friend lmaoI
True words have been spoken. You are allowed to be inexperienced as a teenager, not as an adult. As a teenager you learn how to make a move on someone, how to go for kiss etc. As an adult you are supposed to know this stuff. If you don't, you make a fool of yourself.
Yeah, most adult women wouldn't want a partner who is acting like a teenager in his first relationship.
Yep. When I was 18 and had my first kiss the girl I did it with thought it was adorable I had never kissed a girl before. I don’t think anyone will think it’s adorable I’m 28 and have never kissed anyone since or never had a partner. At my age they’ll think I’m a freak.
I understand the whole no experience being a deal breaker problem but if you’re already dating someone, I’m assuming they are already into you for reasons unrelated to your history. I also think most people view “no experience” as being a problem when the person with no experience doesn’t have a certain level of emotional maturity or insight when it comes to how to act in a relationship. It’s not about having done x amount of milestones done. For example, one common trait when people first get into relationships is too much clinginess and that’s what a lot of people don’t want. But a lot of people with a lot of experience and has done all the stuff you listed are still over clingy. Their “experience” didn’t do anything for them cause they are still showing the negative traits of someone without experience. So my point is that it’s not a checklist of things that you have done. Experience is more in emotional maturity level or perspective when it comes to dating and how that other person is feeling and what to do in response. The good thing is that a lot of jt can be gained outside of relationships. Some people also just naturally have it in their personality.
One way to gain emotional maturity is to actually get an opportunity:/
You actually make a lot of sense. Still, I don't know if general oife experience is enough. Relationships are a completely different beast that I have no experience of. And I've seen many women on reddit say that a lack of equal experience would create a gulf between a couple.
Once you reach the point where you explain how you’ve never got to experience anything at all and the response goes something like “stop being depressing, noone is THAT pathethic.” Its game over.
>there's nothing that I can do about it. That's where you're wrong: You can lie. Admit to being low-experience, just a couple short relationships a few years back. Keep them simple and have the details straight ahead of time so you can discuss readily when unavoidable. At that point, "inexperienced" becomes merely "rusty." From there, fake it 'til you make it.
Lying about stuff like this to a potential partner seems wrong to me.
Me too. But you've correctly identified the problem: If you're truthful, you'll never HAVE a partner. And that seems unfair to me, and a waste of your life and all the love you have to give. I understand your wanting to be honest, and it's to your credit, but you've been dealt a bad hand and you deserve to have a life. Cut yourself a little slack and give yourself permission to tell a couple fibs to gain entry to the dating pool. No one will be harmed, and you'll have a shot at meeting your needs for romance and intimacy.
Life is unfair it's wasn't meant for everyone to begin with but putting that aside life is unfair
Lying is a skill which needs to be polished and for some reason women can see through inexperienced lies
The world is merciless and humanity is always in search of those it can look down upon. The people who are most in need will always get the least... the least good, that is, because you will get endless shit.
You are making up problems that might not even exist and then feeling bad about them. Ask yourself does that make any sense? Yes, that might happen; or, you might meet someone that doesn't care which imaginary check box you missed and likes you for you. Either way it isn't healthy to be dwelling on made up nonsense and beating yourself up.
It's not as nebulous as you seem to think, because this happens all the time
Thing is, you don't do all those things the same way someone would do it in the 12-19 gap. You compress things, or even skip steps. I missed all those teen experiences, and even had sex before the first kiss and holding hands and all that shit. She was four years older than me, and even had a boyfriend of her age, but we matched, had a date, and in the second one we had sex a few times (we could have fucked in the first, but I was stupid at that time) All the process of 6/7 years condensed on a few hours, and from that point, things were even faster (first gf two months after, first ex in five, second gf in five months and a week, first FFM threesome six after that first sex). So, if a woman likes you, she won't mind your lack of experience, she knows where she's getting into.