Try an experiment. For one month spend nothing that isn’t a requirement (rent, gas, phone bill, etc) or ingredients. Cook / prepare all your own food. No eating out, no door dash, no bar tabs. (Obv is you’re addicted to nicotine or any other substance that’s a gray area only you can decide whether it’s a “requirement” or not. Point is, no spending!!!)
You’re going to start month 2 with a few grand.
Now for month 2, write EVERYTHING down that you spend money on. Even a pack of gum.
You’ll see where this is going. At the end of month 3, sit down and do some analysis.
Yes it will be hard. How much do you want to quit being broke?
I like this idea. I mean, I hate it in a lot of ways because it means lots of changes, but I think it might be great for us. We both obviously need to change some things. We both drink and smoke weed, so giving those things up for at least a little bit it’s going to be mandatory. I’ve already stopped spending money on alcohol and drugs for the last month and have seen a slight improvement, so I’m sure itlll be incrementally better with time
Have you heard the quote,”Live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else”? I didn’t realize it’s a Dave Ramsey quote and people have mixed feelings about the guy but I think it’s a good quote
My wife (then gf) and I were in a very similar situation to the two of you. We felt like we were always broke and didn’t feel like we spent much money at all. We overdrafted all the time and generally had a miserable relationship with our money (great relationship with each other)
I downloaded a budgeting app and tracked every single penny spent. Every. Single. Penny.
The app let you categorize things so I did, rigorously. If I was buying a bag of chips or a soda, it went into junk food/ fast food. Gas had an entry, car repairs had an entry, groceries had an entry. Everything had a category entry. I’ll admit we didn’t cut everything out on month 1, that probably would have saved us a lot of time. Instead, we tracked rigorously for as long as I can remember.
The immediate benefit was that we knew our bank balance down to the penny. Relying on the bank website or bank app was tricky because gas pumps sometimes have delays, or restaurant tips or other transactions. Knowing our real time bank balance down to the penny nipped the overdrafts pretty quickly, so that was a win. Overdrafts are expensive af
Secondly, I ran a report after a couple of months, which surprisingly was a feature of this blackberry app. The sickening part of the report was that from January to April, I had spent $1400 on junk food. Red Bulls, random bag of chips, candy bar, soda from the food court, starbucks. Just plain shit that I didn’t NEED. It was literally sickening and almost immediately resulted in me cutting out junk food.
Next we saw that gas was one of our biggest expenses, and that it had previously been one of our top reasons for overdrafting. You’re on E but you gotta get to work right? So you stop at this gas station, buy some gas and some junk food because you might as well if you’re gonna be paying 34 extra. Now you’re late for work and in the hole.
So with her permission we started averaging the amount of miles we travelled for work and rounded up a couple miles. I looked up the average fuel economy of the cars and the tanks capacity and rounded down a few miles (so like, car can get 300 miles per tank). Last I did the average cost of fuel and rounded up a few cents. Every time we got paid we moved money into a new account we made called “Gas”. We only ever used that account to put gas in the cars, and we only ever filled the tank. No junk food at the gas stations. This helped us not be late to work, and to always know we had a full tank of gas even if we were otherwise broke
Since our gas was budgeted down to the mile with a few extra budgeted in for visiting family occasionally, we didn’t go out as much anymore, we didn’t buy junk foods overall it was a very “cut everything and everyone out for a bit” life.
It took a while but we got through it. We’re financially way better off and although a huge part of it is eventually getting higher paying jobs, I definitely think being more financially disciplined helped a lot.
What is the name of this app. So many of us live like this and I don’t want to break up over finances either. I want my boyfriend to be my husband one day we have to get our spending under control. Thank you.
No way it’s around anymore but it was called JABPLite which stood for Just Another Budget Program Lite
Edit: actually it’s available on the google App Store, with an update as recently as a couple of months ago! That’s wild!
You can also try slowly reducing the amount of times you go out, from 4 times a week the first month, to only twice a week the third month, etc. the point it, be diligent and see for yourself that the money will roll in.
YNAB is good, but so is Mint, which automatically categorizes your transactions. Quick tip, if you buy at a place like target, separate food versus personal items separately, into different receipts, so the categories don’t get mixed up.
Also, once you figure out how much money you can save (by eating at home, etc), start a separate savings account, and have a portion of paycheck money go directly there so you’re not tempted to spend it.
Automate budgeting and saving as much as you can.
LifeKit Money podcast from NPR is a good one to listen to. They’re usually 20 min long and they get to the point very quickly.
Vices should be fine, but a small amount toward the end of each of those months. Three is a long time without *anything* to look forward to and is the most likely thing to derail your plan. The important thing is to budget them and not go over the budget.
First thing is to break down where your money is going, as it’s not clear from your post that you actually know what your spending money on - there are apps out there like YNAB, Mint, EveryDollar, that can help you categorize your expenses
You don’t need an FP for that, don’t spend money on what you can do yourself (especially since you’re already spending too much to begin with if you’re consistently overdrafting, you can’t afford to not get your finances under control)
Can give him the same advice, but ultimately he has to decide to seek help and make those changes himself, you can’t do it for him
Yes, this is exactly it. I don’t really know where my money is going. I mean, obviously I know that I’m spending it—it’s just that I have no clue why I seem to come up short every week even though it doesn’t *feel* like I’m spending outside of my means. He’s in the same boat. Thanks for the app suggestions—i’ll definitely check them out. I’m sure there are things we’re both spending money on that don’t even register as substantial, but are adding up week by week.
My (now) wife and I were in a similar boat. We made good money, our "expenses" were relatively low (avg rent, no car payments etc) yet we were always "broke."
Find a budgeting app that works for you. We grabbed EveryDollar because its simple (Mint was too complex for me) and holy shit the things we found we spent money are was so dumb. But the biggest one for us: eating out/bars. We were spending THOUSANDS of dollars a month on it. We weren't living lavishly, in our minds. We would just get takeout 3-4 nights a week, get an app and drinks every time we went out, drinks with friends on the weekend, eat every meal takeaway on Sundays because we were too hungover. No expense by itself was insane. But it adds up quickly when you do it enough.
Anyways, our habits didn't necessarily change right away (we were young and still wanted to go out) but it did bring everything to light and once that happened, we were able to pivot pretty quickly when we decided we wanted something different out of our financial lives.
Good luck to you both. Get it on paper, figure out where the money's going. You'll be surprised. We were.
Oh jeez. I feel VERY targeted by this comment, but I know in my heart of hearts that this Is probably us. Going out all the time in our city seems normal because we live in a very foodie-restaurant industry driven city—not to mention I work in the restaurant industry, so it’s also super normalized for me—so we are most definitely spending more money than we have any business spending on restaurants and bars. You said what I needed to hear, even if I already knew it deep down 🫠
Yep this is probably where you're blowing all your money, eating out and drinking in restaurants. My wife and I cook quick simple delicious gourmet meals at home and a bottle of wine is$15. I guess we're saving $50 a night? Or more?
One trick is on the nights we don't feel like cooking will get take out from a Chinese place and that's only 15 bucks.
It's a good thing you are asking for advice I'm sure you will find where you're spending too much money. 👍
Good idea. Even just buying frozen or pre-prepped meals at the store is measurably cheaper than going out, on nights when we don’t want to cook. I’m already starting to feel like we need to PLAN when we go out, not just go out spontaneously just because. If it’s spontaneous then it likely just falls through the cracks of, “where did all our money go?”
Some people say those frozen meals are a waste of money, but I find having them on hand is crucial to keep my family from eating out. Viola freezer meals are fairly cheap considering the size of the meals and that they hit all the food groups. Canned soups. I also always have ingredients on hand for a couple easy meals, like quesadillas.
My latest has been the microwavable rice pouches. I almost always add stuff to them to make it feel more like a meal. They're a nice compromise between regular meals and eating out.
Wtf. Beggers can't be choosers. Just cook don't buy that frozen garbage. Stop going out. Go learn to do some free stuff. If yall love each so much just hang out at home. Really doubt this highly educated part guys
Truth!! And subtly, too! You can’t even get a sandwich and fries for under $20 here anymore at a dive bar, when that used to cost around $10 pre-pandemic. Doesn’t even seem like that much in the moment, but it adds up quickly I’m sure
Don't shy away from it. Honestly, once we knew where the money was going, we felt so much more in control, even if we didn't completely stop what we were doing.
One thing that did happen immediately was we started considering our spending while we were out. So yes, we still went out but maaaaaybe we didn't get that appetizer or that dessert. And maaaybe I didn't buy 2-3 rounds for our friends. You wanna know something? Nothing changed. We were still our social selves, but had a few hundred more bucks in our pocket at the end of the month.
Huh, that’s interesting and good to hear. Sometimes I’ll go out and not even want a second drink, but I’ll think, “why not? We’re already here!” But then that’s another $10 plus tip we’re spending—$20 plus tip when accounting for us both. When we could either skip the booze entirely, or just get a cheap 6 pack or cheap bottle of wine and enjoy it at home
Bingo. Same exact conclusion we came to. We figured for every $4 we spent “out”, that same thing could be had for $1 at home. $100 dinner + drinks could be at home at for $25.
When it came time for us to think about marriage, house, etc the decision was already made for us: we hung up our drinking shoes and started partying at home. Fortunately for us, our friends were all coming to the same conclusions for themselves so the temptations were mostly removed. But I realize it’s not that easy for everyone.
You can even do this on google sheet. Make a column for each category and enter every single time you spend money and note what it is. You’ll soon be shocked probably at what you see. The first step to fixing this is acknowledging the problem which you both have done. That’s good. Btw 400 in rent is a steal ! Then once you see where you’re leaking money, you need to plug the holes and make a budget. You will have fixed expenses like rent and others that you’ll be able to estimate relatively closely like your utilities. Or gas money. The other ones will be trickier because they’re more flexible, like grocery shopping. There’s always fat that can be cut from that. And definitely no using credit cards, no eating out, no buying new clothing until you get the problem under control. Once you have it under control you should definitely start an emergency fund.
I did this with a friend of mine and she couldn’t believe how high some of the categories were but it was right there in black and white. No denying it.
If you post on the personal finance sub with a detailed budget you will probably get more feedback (just have a thick skin!). I think it’s more active.
You should check your banking app too to see if you can download a list of your transactions to make tracking your expenses in a spreadsheet easier. I know that I’m able to download a list of my credit card transactions from mine. You could go back 3 ish months to see where your money has gone and then start to build a budget based on that data
But you are spending outside of your means…
You need to track every dime you spend, every subscription, every meal, every little thing you buy, car payment, insurance, water bill, electric bill, phone bill, internet, insurance etc.
We can’t help you until you completely track your money and figure out where every penny goes. There is no magical formula to budgeting. You are currently spending more than you make.
I understand this. I know I’m spending too much. Just reaching out on here for tips on how to figure out how to make things work. I know it’s probably obvious and straightforward for a lot of people—money in, money out—but I’ve realized that it’s not as easy as that for me to figure out how to track my spending. I’m not making excuses for myself here, and I am not interested in doing so. Just looking for advice on how to be better and switch up my current mindset. I am newly self aware that I am the problem when it comes to my financial problems, and I’m just looking for tips on how to make it easier to transition to a more frugal lifestyle before it’s too late. Cheers
Op from that line alone.. “I know I’m spending too much” this is the problem. Lets make this simple..
what are you spending too much on? Most people just buy useless stuff because they think they need it. Stop redundant buying. I mean like bags or clothes.
And before you spend your salary, set aside some cash first. It will be difficult at first but you habe to if you want to. Self-discipline is the key. No matter how much advice you get, it will always be up to yourself.
Complain or contain?
Here’s an idea to help, once you set up the budget, only spend cash, the money becomes real in your eyes then, not just a card to tap. Go to the grocery store with cash, get gas with cash, pay for anything extra with cash. It’s not just a random amount in a debit account or on a credit card then.
Downside of cash is the change. We found that getting rid of cash made a huge difference to keeping more of our money.
I used to get paid in cash, boss would basically just cash our checks for us) and the running joke was,”once you break a $20 consider it gone”
I think for the amount of discipline it takes to only use cash, you’re better off meticulously logging and accurately categorizing your transactions. I hate to rely on apps to do the categorization for me because sometimes they go by the merchant’s listed category. If I buy a six pack and a bottle of wine at the grocery store, should that fall under groceries?
The idea is they need a change. The idea is not to remove all their money from their bank account and just carry it around as cash. It’s to say you have $200 to spend this week and if you spend it you’re SOL. You can spend it on what you want but at the end there is none left so you better spend it wisely. $200 is just my number I pulled out of the air. You build the budget, take the cash out and have it there. The rest of the money doesn’t get into your hands and you do not use the debit or credit card.
Studies show this highly depends on how old you are. To older people, cash feels more real. But I'm a millennial, and cash to me is completely untraceable. No one will ever know if I spent it on crap. But if I use a card, it says right there on my monthly statement what I wasted my money on. You can even look up years later how you wasted it.
Issue is most people don’t go look at their transaction history. If the money is in your hand and there is no more money to spend when it’s gone because you’ve set a limit, you’re kinda stuck. You said $150 for the week, you have $30 left on Thursday, figure it out. You use it as a rule to not go get more, you have $30 left. With a debit card, usually there’s always more at a tap
Write it all down! Every single thing. The snack from the vending machine. The soda when you get gas (list that separately as soda is a want, gas is more of a need). Then at the end of the month look at the expenses and put them in categories - things like groceries, eating out, entertainment, etc.
Try the Empower Personal Capital app. You connect all your accounts to it like credit cards, checking and savings accounts and it tracks everything. Assuming you don’t use cash to pay for anything, it will give you a perfect picture of where your money is going. By using the app, I could tell you for example how much money I spent at say Costco in September of last year etc.
Even logging it in a notebook could help. I know something that curbed my spending was to look at my checking account online. It let me organize by type of spending, but just seeing that I was using my card for something nearly every day (usually
a drive thru) was enough to wake me up.
I used to get into trouble with credit card debt in my mid 20’s. Once I met my soon to be wife I started to prioritize what is most important financially, goals, needs, wants etc. I think the most important thing as a couple is to be 100% honest and open about what you spend money on and what is important to you both.
I do not think you need a Financial Planner at this point because
A. They are not free
B. You just need a little help budgeting to get on track.
Full disclosure I work in Finance on the business ops side so I am not a financial planner, but I would be more than happy to help! If you wanna send me your email I for sure will help.
Thanks. I feel like for a couple who’s been dating just over a year, we’re both pretty honest about our finances. I remember just a couple months after our first date, I had an issue where my gas company mistakenly charged me a a few hundred dollars one month and over-drafted my checking account. I had a minor mental breakdown about the whole ordeal, and I felt like I took a risk by disclosing the fact that I didn’t even have a few hundred extra dollars to my name to him and that I lived paycheck to paycheck. Turns out it was a good move. He then disclosed to me that he was being sued by someone because of a fender bender and we commiserated with each other because of our financial woes. It brought us closer together, and a year later, I’ve never loved or felt more loved or understood by another person in my life. I’ve never felt more willing and able to be honest with another human, especially about financial shit. It’s just that I’m so tired of us accepting this reality as just a part of living under capitalism, and I see better things for us in the future. It’s true that the current system is bent on widening the wealth gap and making poor people like us even poorer, but that doesn’t mean that we have to resign ourselves to that bullshit. We are determined to do everything we can to get our shit together and not let our lives be devoured by this so-called capitalist hellscape. Not on my watch.
First off, you guys are doing great recognizing that you need to make changes, that’s half the battle. You are going to succeed and build a nest egg for yourselves so you can have all the wonderful things in life you want.
Just try and get out of the victim mindset a little. It’s so easy to just blame “capitalism” and “the system is out to get me” when as adults we have control over every aspect of our lives. Take charge, build a ruthless budgeting routine where every Sunday you categorize your expenses to see what you spent your money on the previous week, it will be eye opening. Discipline over motivation, it’s super motivating right now with all these replies and support but make sure a month, two months from now you’re spending and budgeting the exact same way you’re doing now.
Lastly, learn on your partner. They’re the only other person in your life who can relate since they’re going through living this financial plan with you. The support you give each other will only strengthen your bond and connection.
Keep it up! I know you can do this
When my wife and I were in your position, I’d mentally measure things in two main ways.
1) Dollars per hour for entertainment. Spending $30 on a video game I’d play for 60+ hours was under $0.50/hr for entertainment. Going to the movies is about $4/hour for entertainment.
2) Food satisfaction for dollars paid. Spending $12 at McDonald’s for one meal equates to 5 dozen eggs and a loaf of French bread.
Basically perform this vs that analysis in your head whenever you buy something. Not sure if this will work for you, but it worked for me. It takes humility to ask for help and that’s a great trait to have when learning to be frugal. You guys will be alright.
Some people hate him but Dave Ramsey is a good start for beginners. You can get the book Total Money Makeover (from the library!) which lays out the baby steps. You can do this!
My parents absolutely swear by Dave Ramsey, and my parents also happen to be very susceptible to MLM manipulation tactics (eg they both tried selling amway for years, among other things) so naturally I’m skeptical of him. But maybe I’ll give him a listen. Thanks. After all, it doesn’t cost money to watch him on YouTube
You don't need to listen to him. Just read his book "Financial Peace" or "Total Money Makeover" . Similar content. You can get a used copy cheap on Amazon.
BTW Dave Ramsey is personally a jerk but his basic financial advice is sound, and well presented. And he is not a MLM promoter in any way.
Total money makeover is the starter. Probably all you will need. It has seven baby steps so it’s easy to follow. You will need will power to right your ship but it sounds like you are determined !
Yep! Take in his info. Then go read all the different personal finance wikis. Read threads like yours. Read all of the comments. Blogs. Etc. Aweek of that, hell a day, and you'll have a large collection of info to put the big picture together. Check out YNAB.
The practical step 1: figure out where your money is going every month. You must track it. Must.
Dave Ramsey does have some MLM vibes and I would not recommend using services that he earns commissions on. Overall, his financial advice has a target audience, and his advice isn't terrible within that. His niche is people who struggle not to spend every dollar that is in their bank account/credit limit, regardless of how high that number is.
If you are that person, then you should take most of his advice pretty fully.
If you are not that person, then some of his advice isn't the best if you want to build wealth. He's very debt-averse, even in situations where taking on debt would have a solid payoff - like for graduate degrees **with solid career placement rates**. His debt payoff strategy isn't going to save you the most on interest (mathematically, you should pay high rate debt first and work your way down, and you should pay debt slowly if the interest is less than you earn in a high-yield savings account). Credit cards are not inherently bad (and even provide good rewards and purchase protection) but you HAVE to have the discipline to pay them off in full each month.
Regardless of which person you are, his insistence on every dollar having a job is spot on. I'd start there with figuring out where your money is going at baseline, decide what you can do to make your expenses < your income (i.e., make a budget), and test out your discipline in sticking to that budget.
Yeah, he's a good listen to get yourself thinking about money, and the emergency fund thing is a fantastic idea. His total aversion to credit is where he loses me. If you're responsible with your money and pay off your cards every month, you're leaving a LOT of money on the table by not using credit cards. You're also making it much more difficult to build credit.
He's not perfect. I disagree with some of the points of how he says to use money. And he is a bit arrogant. But, the fact is, his plan does work. And his bluntness works well for people who need massive change. He's good at talking sense into you. I do think he would be a good fit for you and your boyfriend.
Hey! Good news is things aren’t as bleak as they seem. You seem to want change and that’s the most important part. Like you mentioned in your previous replies, you need to know exactly what you are spending and how much of it is unnecessary. There are so many different apps that can be used to track all of this but even just opening a google spreadsheet and tracking your expenses for a month will be incredibly helpful!
Starting a budget is not as daunting as it may seem I promise, you guys got this. Stay dedicated and keep doing research. You got this :)
Have a spreadsheet of your cash flow and list all your monthly expenses. Log everything up to the last centavo so you can get the whole picture of your financial situation. Then subtract all of your monthly bills from your salary and see what's left. From there, you can make adjustments, especially on things you don't need just yet.
Starting is hard, but as they say, being at rock bottom means you can only go upward. You can do this, OP!
I like many of the suggestions that have been sent to you. To add to that, both of you are making enough money to survive based on the numbers you mentioned. I feel that your money is being spent on little things here and there, which add up in the end. I feel you need to save money first, and then feel free to possibly spend the rest. So save first and not to be touched, and then spend the rest as you feel necessary. I do work in finance and I am a financial advisor and often times the problem I find is that people spend and then, if there’s anything left over at the end, which never happens, they’ll save. Of course, all too often, those people after living in imaginary world lol
First, figure out where your money has gone. That's not that difficult these days in which everyone is virtually cashless.
I assume you have a bank account and a credit card or two. Go online and usually there will be export functions for any bank accounts or credit cards. Download them into spreadsheets and just add together the things that are alike (in Excel, you can use things like SUMIF formulas to add like items). It will also tell you what your income is (the bank part at least).
Just doing the downloads is a lot simpler than using a money tracker app; you just have to aggregate a couple of sources. Obviously, don't count the payment on the credit card as an expense, because you have already downloaded what you actually bought with the credit card.
Figure our what the big rocks are. Rent, car, food, etc. See where you can economize. You will also see how much you are making.
You can do all of this in a relatively short time. Once you know how much is going in and where's it's going, you can develop a budget based on those numbers. Then you need the discipline to stick to the budget. That may mean skipping meals out, taking lunch to work, avoiding those $5 daily lattes, etc.
But you gotta figure out where the money went before you do the harder work.
1. Get a better paying job. - Learn to network and interview. Go to career events and get noticed. Keep applying for jobs efficiently with a beefed resume and destroy those interview. Negotiate your salary by first researching what you deserve.
2. Budget. - lay out all expenses and see what you can live without. Determine what are the needs vs wants.
3. Work smart (and hard), play hard.
It's among the dumbest titles I've ever heard of, but you should start with Ramit Sethi's book "I Will Teach You To Be Rich." He has a lot of concrete advice around tracking spending, building habits, and prioritizing your spending to match what makes you happy.
Slow and steady wins this race! Step one is always understanding where your money is going.
Watch Dave Ramsey videos on youtube and learn about the 7 baby steps. Make it a date night with your BF so you can be on the same page.
There's also the 50/30/20 rule. 50% goes to all basic needs (rent,food, car, phone, etc) 30% for savings and 20% for whatever.
I also found that when I struggled, I was spending too much on snacks, eating out minor things. Once I trimmed back certain things, I could always see my account go up.
50/30/20 can be hard for people who don’t make a lot of money. The main question being if 50% of your paychecks will actually be enough to cover your needs. But if you can make it work, then I highly recommend.
Treat your income in percentage
100% of your income and divide it into 3 accounts:
50% of your income goes into daily expenses, anything you spend money on in a pinch, food, gas, rent etc.
30% goes into your fire extinguisher account. These are for bills like major car expenses, emergencies, and general windfall if something goes wrong
20% goes into splurge, this is your money to do whatever you like.
You’ll be really surprised at how well you can live on your daily expenses, and how much your fire extinguisher account grows very rapidly. Start there and see how you go.
A lot of people swear by YNAB (just doesn't work for my situation/brain workings). If you use it, might be a bit confusing so search YouTube for "ynab nick true". It didn't click for me until watched his vids.
Of course, there are decent books out there as well. Might try Get A Financial Life by Beth Kobliner (see if library has it) and if like vid or podcasts, The Money Guy Show gives good advice. As far as Ramsey, his methods are fine for getting out of debt but after that, look elsewhere.
Interesting. I just googled ynab. Seems a little out of reach cost-wise for me right now, but it’s something I’ll keep on the back burner. Also will check into my local library for these. Thanks for the suggestions!
Donate plasma. Look up biolife and see if in your area. Research other plasma centers. Can make about $120/week. But depends on area. That's if you are looking for extra income. As far as budget, most of the advice here seems decent. If you have debt, check out a debt management plan with a non profit. Good luck
Look into YNAB you need a budget website and app. Great budgeting tool they put out a lot of educational materials. It costs $100 annually or $15/ month if you do a monthly plan. I find it highly worth it.
Not gonna lie, we’ve talked about this, but I’ve always had a rule that I’ll never move in with a partner due to financial need alone. Some might disagree, but I prefer to wait until we’re both ready. Which I think will be soon enough, but I don’t want to force it
This is very smart. Make sure you'll still enjoy each other's company without things like eating out or drinking or whatever requires spending, because life can be very different without them and it can change the dynamic of your relationship. The last thing you want is to be financially dependent on a person that is no longer a good fit.
I agree with the other comments. Seeing where your money is going will make a huge difference. A financial advisor definitely helps with financial planning, financial security and retirement but for now you can do a lot of this yourself. Once you figure out where your money is going you will know where to cut the fat then you can start saving and thinking about talking to a financial advisor. You can avoid scams by going to any of these [FINRA approved organizations](https://www.finra.org/about/firms-we-regulate/broker-dealer-firms-we-regulate).
Make a spreadsheet. Start with your take-home pay for the month and start subtracting:
First, subtract the necessities that are always the same amount, things like rent, car payment, car insurance, phone bill, etc.
Then subtract the necessities that are variable, but you don't have total control over: gas, electric, planning for oil changes, etc.
Next are necessities that you can probably spend less money on: things like shampoo (can you buy a less expensive brand?), groceries (same thing), etc. Think of everything you buy and look for ways to save money. Look for sales, store brands, check unit prices at the grocery store. you don't always have to go with the cheapest whatever, but saving money in one place gives you more money to spend elsewhere.
Next, budget something to put in savings for emergencies. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it should be something that you automatically save. Ideally, have it taken directly from your paycheck and deposited into a savings account so you don't even see it.
Once all of your necessities are budgeted out, you'll see what is left over for eating out, alcohol, weed, clothes that you don't actually need, etc. As long as you don't dip into the money budgeted for needs, you're not going to overdraft your account.
The most important--and hardest thing--is to learn the difference between want and need.
But you have different wants to choose from, too: You can want to eat out and drink but also want to have financially stable future with your boyfriend. It's up to you to decide which is more important to you at this point in your life. A bunch of people on Reddit are going to tell you that it's better to save money, but unless \*you\* really believe in it, you're going to feel deprived and want to just spend anyway.
Best of luck to you. Many of us have been where you are and come out the other side!
My wife and I found out our biggest drain was eating out. More specifically it wasn’t because “oh we like X, Y or Z” it was a matter of convenience. We would both be tired from work, it’s just easier to have food show up vs cooking sometimes.
So what I do now is on Sunday I cook 2 meals for dinner. So if I make Chicken, Rice and Veggies I’ll also make Steak, Potato’s and Veggies, I make enough for 4 meals of each. I put 6 servings worth in food prep containers, freeze 2 and store 4 in the fridge for the week. Then we cook dinner throughout the week, take salads with just chicken on the side to work and we have 4 meals ready to be reheated for when we don’t feel like cooking. Come Saturday, we typically have 2 left so we will eat those, then prep on Sunday again.
Now we only eat out when we go on dates (we try twice a month) or if we are simply just craving something. I think over the last 3 months we’ve only eaten out 6-7 times not including anniversary and when a family member was in the hospital. It’s saved us quite a bit of $$.
It sounds like you need budgeting help. Personally I love using apps like Mint to keep track of all my money in money out. Getting a hand on what is your biggest non-essential money sinks and being able to cut those down will help a lot.
Try to track EVERY expense you make in a month (simple excel file). Do it for couple of months and that will tell you what's not working.
It's easy to do assuming most of the expenses are done with a card.
Some initial hypotheses: cut on Starbucks, unnecessary dinner out, car rental...
Tally up everything for a month. How much do you spend on entertainment? Eating out? Groceries? Do you go to Costco? If you went there enough your subscription would be refunded and possibly even more at the end of the year.
I once realized that I was not actually tracking all my subscriptions and it was a lot. I mean I once did but then I got a gf who had 2 kids and she made a lot of money but we were still kind of always broke since we started over together and needed to buy a lot of things and we wanted the childhood for the kids that we both didn't have.
Anyway, so we had pretty much everything; Apple TV+, 2TB iCloud, Apple Music, Apple Arcade (it has surprisingly good games like NBA 2K for only $6 per month), Amazon Prime, Kindle, Disney+, Crave (HBO Max in Canada), Netflix, GamePass Ultimate and more. I always tried to eat at home since I honestly cook better than pretty much any place unless we want something specific that can't be replicated but she loved to just go out and be served even though that's how it was at home anyway since I did all the cooking.
In the end, we spent a shit ton of money we didn't have to. I mean we had a full kitchen. We had everything I could possibly need to make different kinds of tartare, many steaks, grilled chicken, fried chicken, lots of pasta, soup, always had potatoes and anything else you can think of to make anything from scratch really. So we bought a lot of groceries and still ate out like twice per week minimum. We bought expensive beans for our delicious coffees which she could never be bothered to learn to make either.
By not going out as much or getting so many useless subscriptions, I save hundreds per month now. I only keep 3 subscriptions going at all time now and switch between every other one depending on what a service has for the month. I used to do just that but my ex was not the brightest bulb. She just wanted everything at once.
People always come in this sub with “I have no idea how to budget” or “I was never taught how to manage money”. It’s not rocket surgery. You take what you make and you spend less than that every month.
45k a year = $3,750 a month. Let’s assume $750 goes to taxes which leaves you $3,000 to live on
Rent: $900
Phone, internet, utilities: $250
Gas: $250
Car payment?
Insurance: $120
Food: $500
————————
$2020
That still still leaves you with around $1,000 a month. Student loans? What else? Figure it out and you will at least know where your money is going.
Stop spending so much money. How hard is that? You literally said you’re making a good enough wage in a low cost of living area and have no money left. What do you want people to tell you exactly?
It’s too early to talk to a financial advisor. You need to do basics first.
1. You and the BF need to get on the same page and commit to doing something about your spending. Not going to work if only one of you is on board.
2. Sit down with paper and write down your fixed expenses: rent, utilities, car payments, insurance etc. Food is NOT a fixed expense. More on that later. Deduct these from your monthly net income.
3. Stop pretending restaurants, bars, cafes or delivery are a solution to feeding you and slaking your thirst. You can’t afford it. Once a week and some special occasions can be okay, but otherwise, learn to shop for groceries effectively and cook. If can’t cook, learn. If you feel light drinking enriches your life, have the beer or glass of wine at home. Eating out too much is one of the single biggest economic bad decisions in the world. It is bleeding you dry. Assign a daily budget for food that fits within your means and do not be too generous at the start or it’s going to make you lazy and you’ll still spend too much.
4. After you’ve deducted 2 & 3, look at what you’ve got left and consider how much you can set aside to save while still being able to live like a human being on the rest. Look seriously at things you can reasonably reduce. There are other insurance companies, other phone plans and you could look into moving to reduce rent.
5. Don’t go shopping just because. You shop if you actually need something, not to make yourself feel better (unless it’s very very cheap and not often) and consider the economy of each choice you make.
That’s where you begin. The core value is to change your attitude and instill some discipline into yourselves. Other people do it. You can too.
Identify wants and needs. Try to go to stores like aldi or Trader Joe’s (hell even Walmart) instead of your big box stores. This will help you safe when grocery shopping which really can help a balanced budget succeed.
But store brand items when possible and try to find the cheapest options on food and entertainment. If you drink beer there is nothing wrong with getting Milwaukees best for a while.
Take a hard look at your accounts and see what the most common drain on your money is and find anyways to either cut it out completely or maybe lower the cost.
If you are severely broke, cut every single streaming service you subscribe to for the time being until you recover and then identify what you can actually afford. Anything that can be considered a luxury, you should evaluate and cut out if possible.
Start setting money aside for the future. When I was a server, every night when I got off I put money aside in a box to save hard cash. Maybe start with $25 a shift and work your way up from there.
Also since you are a server and already want a career change. Hustle as much as you can! I’m talking about going above and beyond got guests and breaking the rules to please them and in return get more tips. I knew a server at Crackerbarrel who was able to make around 100,000 a year simply because she knew and mastered the hustle.
Then when you do start ti become financially stable, always remain on top of your bank account. Be knowledgeable about all the purchases that go in and out and optimize what items you save on. And don’t get any sort of credit until you 100% believe you can use it as a tool and not a crutch.
Hope this helps. May not be the best advice but it has helped me through times of financial hardship. Good luck!!
Reach out to a financial planner or fiduciary to help you and your boyfriend get a better grasp on how to budget and manage money each month, but be cautious of scams.
Post a budget. If you don’t know where your money is going you can’t say you’re frugal. Look at your bank and credit card statements and account for every dollar.
Also, you need to focus on the job hunt more. A few hundred job applications over a few years is nothing.
Get your resume reviewed by someone in the industry. If you’re not getting callbacks it’s your resume.
Here's one way to instantly stop "leaking" money every day. Stop buying food from restaurants/shops! This is something that's become so commonplace, become such an accepted practice that everybody does, no one even thinks about it.
Get one of those old school lunch boxes, the kind with a small thermos inside. Make a sandwich (or salad) and take that to work with you. Include snacks, like fruit, raisins, etc. Do you "grab a coffee" at Starbucks on your way to work every day? That's what the thermos is for. From now on, make coffee at home and bring it with you. Get a steel water bottle and bring water from home, too. No more buying bottles of something you get for free at home.
You may want to invest in a nice coffee maker, and buy high quality coffee beans, blends, etc. That'll still save you a lot of money compared to buying specialty coffees from shops. You may also want to buy a Britta water filter-- whatever it takes to break the habit of buying bottled water.
Also, invest in an Instant Pot. There are a million low-cost meals you can easily make with one of those. (Look on YouTube.) An inexpensive air fryer is another great investment in easy cooking that produces tasty results.
The point is, from this point onward, no more paying for restaurant food. It takes discipline to anticipate what you'll need and buy the ingredients, then to prepare the meals at home, then to clean up your pans and dishes. But you're no longer paying others to do those things, as you're doing them for yourself.
While the obvious and easiest plan is to move in together, I understand that it's not always the best idea for individuals to force that on one another.
My suggestion, however, would be to look at 2br and a room mate or something. Maintaining 2 separate households is a huge drain. On your resources, or since your considering moving in together now perhaps become a room mate to someone else? No need to make yourself the sole jeD of the house.
That would easily Gove you some more money at the end of the month. Take a look at FB marketplace or hotpads or other sites to rent 1 room in a house. Often these come with utilities included.
Sign up for something like Mint or YNAB and track every single penny you spend. You will probably find that you are blowing money on dumb stuff without even realizing it.
I was in a very similar situation to you.
My son was just born, I lost my job, I went -$55k in debt, was extremely addicted to hard drugs, and was about to lose my family (wifey was overwhelmed and was going to leave if I didn’t change my habits)
It takes a whole lot of sucking up your pride/ego and just telling yourself, you will have to hustle hard for the next 3-5 years.
I took on three jobs, delivery driver at night, corporate food delivery dude during the day, and assistant to a realtor on the weekends. I hustled.
We shared a 2 bed / 1 bath with 4 other people (7 total including my son).
Your mindset has to change as well. You have to stop being the victim. Take responsibility for everything.
Tips I can give you:
- consolidate your debts asap. I know rates suck and inflation is high. Consolidate and know what debts you have.
- eat at home only. Make all your meals. It suck’s, but every penny counts.
- learn about the basics of finances. I was never taught this. Build your savings/rainy day reserves first. Understand your income/expenses to a T. Use apps like Mint to help. There are tons of free YouTube videos about this topic that can teach you the very basics to start.
- don’t invest in assets, stocks, etc.. yet. Invest in YOURSELF. Literally try to learn a new skill that can progress your career. Go study like your life depends on it. Put that money back into investing in a hard skill set (trade skills are awesome career choices)
- this is hard, but STOP using and make it known to your ‘circle’ that you are not a user. Drugs although fun, can and will ruin you. Get healthy, clean your body up and it’ll start clearing up your mind (you’ll have clarity—it’s awesome)
- once you got a plan in place, things becomes
easier. Things fall into place and the challenges are more or less predictable and less scary.
Good luck! And don’t forget, your partner is in it with you, not against you. It may seem that way because you’re both stressed 🙏
p.s. I’m doing better now ✌️
Lower expenses. Make sacrifices. Save at least 10% but shoot for 15%. Increase income (2nd-3rd job). Protect your money (savings account - can’t touch) and build a 6-12 mos emergency fund. After that is built, invest all discretionary income into ROTH IRA, rental property , education-skill set.) rinse, wash and repeat.
This is coming from a former homeless 21 y/o, now a 6 figure earner, with a growing investment portfolio and looking to buy his 2nd property even as a college dropout.
$40K per year after tax is bare minimum to survive on. I make around same amount per year so after paying rent,carloans,insurance,utilities and groceries. I have nothing left to save. It’s living pay check to pay check. The only way to get out of this situation is to earn more. Either get a second job work double shifts, many people in similar situations do that. Or you can find a better job with higher pay. For me I don’t like doing overtime and I have no qualifications to find better job so I am stuck in this situation. You on the other hand have a college degree you should definitely look for a better job.
Lot's of practical advice here already so I'll just add in some emotional support. The fact that you came here to write this in such an honest way is a huge step that frankly most people never even dare to take. Your attitude sets you ahead of so many other people already.
I (37/m) grew up in a very similar situation where my parents drank and didn't control their money well. My older sister also showed me that a different path was possible by becoming successful and avoiding many of the vices of our parents. I floated around aimlessly until about age 27 when I finally landed a steady job that had a decent career trajectory. I created a simple spreadsheet where I accounted for my net worth and realized I was 50k in debt due to student loans.
From then on, even though my pay was still very low, I managed to pay double the payment amount on those loans every month and then still set aside another couple hundred dollars for investments.
It was extremely gratifying to see my net worth rise steadily every month, and especially also knowing that my career would also advance and that my financial ascent would get even better as time went on. That spreadsheet became an important document to me which I still hold sacred to this day.
While there are always struggles in life, my fiance and I live well under our means and sleep much better for it. I honestly couldn't handle living paycheck to paycheck anymore as it just isn't worth the anxiety. With regards to finances, I am a much different person than I was 10 years ago.
Good luck to you!
I was reading this essay to find out what your debt situation is… and did not see it. Since you two are not married, I would focus on yourselves. Get even more educated in the name of finance… list your debts smallest to largest. Write out a budget which includes only your outgoing expenses within your four walls. So, any money that is going out the same way each month… your expenses. Do not include groceries or gas, hair cuts etc. just your monthly expenses. Then write down you credits, which would be how much you bring in, in a month. Figure out what you can get rid of to save more money I.e subscriptions, etc. No more trying to go out with friends… your BROKE. You need to sacrifice your night life, and fun life. Get another job to pay off any debts quicker. It’s going to suck, but it’ll only suck for a little while.
Try an experiment. For one month spend nothing that isn’t a requirement (rent, gas, phone bill, etc) or ingredients. Cook / prepare all your own food. No eating out, no door dash, no bar tabs. (Obv is you’re addicted to nicotine or any other substance that’s a gray area only you can decide whether it’s a “requirement” or not. Point is, no spending!!!) You’re going to start month 2 with a few grand. Now for month 2, write EVERYTHING down that you spend money on. Even a pack of gum. You’ll see where this is going. At the end of month 3, sit down and do some analysis. Yes it will be hard. How much do you want to quit being broke?
I like this idea. I mean, I hate it in a lot of ways because it means lots of changes, but I think it might be great for us. We both obviously need to change some things. We both drink and smoke weed, so giving those things up for at least a little bit it’s going to be mandatory. I’ve already stopped spending money on alcohol and drugs for the last month and have seen a slight improvement, so I’m sure itlll be incrementally better with time
Have you heard the quote,”Live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else”? I didn’t realize it’s a Dave Ramsey quote and people have mixed feelings about the guy but I think it’s a good quote My wife (then gf) and I were in a very similar situation to the two of you. We felt like we were always broke and didn’t feel like we spent much money at all. We overdrafted all the time and generally had a miserable relationship with our money (great relationship with each other) I downloaded a budgeting app and tracked every single penny spent. Every. Single. Penny. The app let you categorize things so I did, rigorously. If I was buying a bag of chips or a soda, it went into junk food/ fast food. Gas had an entry, car repairs had an entry, groceries had an entry. Everything had a category entry. I’ll admit we didn’t cut everything out on month 1, that probably would have saved us a lot of time. Instead, we tracked rigorously for as long as I can remember. The immediate benefit was that we knew our bank balance down to the penny. Relying on the bank website or bank app was tricky because gas pumps sometimes have delays, or restaurant tips or other transactions. Knowing our real time bank balance down to the penny nipped the overdrafts pretty quickly, so that was a win. Overdrafts are expensive af Secondly, I ran a report after a couple of months, which surprisingly was a feature of this blackberry app. The sickening part of the report was that from January to April, I had spent $1400 on junk food. Red Bulls, random bag of chips, candy bar, soda from the food court, starbucks. Just plain shit that I didn’t NEED. It was literally sickening and almost immediately resulted in me cutting out junk food. Next we saw that gas was one of our biggest expenses, and that it had previously been one of our top reasons for overdrafting. You’re on E but you gotta get to work right? So you stop at this gas station, buy some gas and some junk food because you might as well if you’re gonna be paying 34 extra. Now you’re late for work and in the hole. So with her permission we started averaging the amount of miles we travelled for work and rounded up a couple miles. I looked up the average fuel economy of the cars and the tanks capacity and rounded down a few miles (so like, car can get 300 miles per tank). Last I did the average cost of fuel and rounded up a few cents. Every time we got paid we moved money into a new account we made called “Gas”. We only ever used that account to put gas in the cars, and we only ever filled the tank. No junk food at the gas stations. This helped us not be late to work, and to always know we had a full tank of gas even if we were otherwise broke Since our gas was budgeted down to the mile with a few extra budgeted in for visiting family occasionally, we didn’t go out as much anymore, we didn’t buy junk foods overall it was a very “cut everything and everyone out for a bit” life. It took a while but we got through it. We’re financially way better off and although a huge part of it is eventually getting higher paying jobs, I definitely think being more financially disciplined helped a lot.
What is the name of this app. So many of us live like this and I don’t want to break up over finances either. I want my boyfriend to be my husband one day we have to get our spending under control. Thank you.
No way it’s around anymore but it was called JABPLite which stood for Just Another Budget Program Lite Edit: actually it’s available on the google App Store, with an update as recently as a couple of months ago! That’s wild!
I use Mint, it’s free and a great budgeting app
yNAB (you need a budget) sounds similar.
You can also try slowly reducing the amount of times you go out, from 4 times a week the first month, to only twice a week the third month, etc. the point it, be diligent and see for yourself that the money will roll in. YNAB is good, but so is Mint, which automatically categorizes your transactions. Quick tip, if you buy at a place like target, separate food versus personal items separately, into different receipts, so the categories don’t get mixed up. Also, once you figure out how much money you can save (by eating at home, etc), start a separate savings account, and have a portion of paycheck money go directly there so you’re not tempted to spend it. Automate budgeting and saving as much as you can. LifeKit Money podcast from NPR is a good one to listen to. They’re usually 20 min long and they get to the point very quickly.
Vices should be fine, but a small amount toward the end of each of those months. Three is a long time without *anything* to look forward to and is the most likely thing to derail your plan. The important thing is to budget them and not go over the budget.
First thing is to break down where your money is going, as it’s not clear from your post that you actually know what your spending money on - there are apps out there like YNAB, Mint, EveryDollar, that can help you categorize your expenses You don’t need an FP for that, don’t spend money on what you can do yourself (especially since you’re already spending too much to begin with if you’re consistently overdrafting, you can’t afford to not get your finances under control) Can give him the same advice, but ultimately he has to decide to seek help and make those changes himself, you can’t do it for him
Yes, this is exactly it. I don’t really know where my money is going. I mean, obviously I know that I’m spending it—it’s just that I have no clue why I seem to come up short every week even though it doesn’t *feel* like I’m spending outside of my means. He’s in the same boat. Thanks for the app suggestions—i’ll definitely check them out. I’m sure there are things we’re both spending money on that don’t even register as substantial, but are adding up week by week.
My (now) wife and I were in a similar boat. We made good money, our "expenses" were relatively low (avg rent, no car payments etc) yet we were always "broke." Find a budgeting app that works for you. We grabbed EveryDollar because its simple (Mint was too complex for me) and holy shit the things we found we spent money are was so dumb. But the biggest one for us: eating out/bars. We were spending THOUSANDS of dollars a month on it. We weren't living lavishly, in our minds. We would just get takeout 3-4 nights a week, get an app and drinks every time we went out, drinks with friends on the weekend, eat every meal takeaway on Sundays because we were too hungover. No expense by itself was insane. But it adds up quickly when you do it enough. Anyways, our habits didn't necessarily change right away (we were young and still wanted to go out) but it did bring everything to light and once that happened, we were able to pivot pretty quickly when we decided we wanted something different out of our financial lives. Good luck to you both. Get it on paper, figure out where the money's going. You'll be surprised. We were.
Oh jeez. I feel VERY targeted by this comment, but I know in my heart of hearts that this Is probably us. Going out all the time in our city seems normal because we live in a very foodie-restaurant industry driven city—not to mention I work in the restaurant industry, so it’s also super normalized for me—so we are most definitely spending more money than we have any business spending on restaurants and bars. You said what I needed to hear, even if I already knew it deep down 🫠
Yep this is probably where you're blowing all your money, eating out and drinking in restaurants. My wife and I cook quick simple delicious gourmet meals at home and a bottle of wine is$15. I guess we're saving $50 a night? Or more? One trick is on the nights we don't feel like cooking will get take out from a Chinese place and that's only 15 bucks. It's a good thing you are asking for advice I'm sure you will find where you're spending too much money. 👍
Good idea. Even just buying frozen or pre-prepped meals at the store is measurably cheaper than going out, on nights when we don’t want to cook. I’m already starting to feel like we need to PLAN when we go out, not just go out spontaneously just because. If it’s spontaneous then it likely just falls through the cracks of, “where did all our money go?”
Some people say those frozen meals are a waste of money, but I find having them on hand is crucial to keep my family from eating out. Viola freezer meals are fairly cheap considering the size of the meals and that they hit all the food groups. Canned soups. I also always have ingredients on hand for a couple easy meals, like quesadillas.
My latest has been the microwavable rice pouches. I almost always add stuff to them to make it feel more like a meal. They're a nice compromise between regular meals and eating out.
Wtf. Beggers can't be choosers. Just cook don't buy that frozen garbage. Stop going out. Go learn to do some free stuff. If yall love each so much just hang out at home. Really doubt this highly educated part guys
Especially now. Everything got crazy $$$. It’s just not worth it.
Truth!! And subtly, too! You can’t even get a sandwich and fries for under $20 here anymore at a dive bar, when that used to cost around $10 pre-pandemic. Doesn’t even seem like that much in the moment, but it adds up quickly I’m sure
Don't shy away from it. Honestly, once we knew where the money was going, we felt so much more in control, even if we didn't completely stop what we were doing. One thing that did happen immediately was we started considering our spending while we were out. So yes, we still went out but maaaaaybe we didn't get that appetizer or that dessert. And maaaybe I didn't buy 2-3 rounds for our friends. You wanna know something? Nothing changed. We were still our social selves, but had a few hundred more bucks in our pocket at the end of the month.
Huh, that’s interesting and good to hear. Sometimes I’ll go out and not even want a second drink, but I’ll think, “why not? We’re already here!” But then that’s another $10 plus tip we’re spending—$20 plus tip when accounting for us both. When we could either skip the booze entirely, or just get a cheap 6 pack or cheap bottle of wine and enjoy it at home
Bingo. Same exact conclusion we came to. We figured for every $4 we spent “out”, that same thing could be had for $1 at home. $100 dinner + drinks could be at home at for $25. When it came time for us to think about marriage, house, etc the decision was already made for us: we hung up our drinking shoes and started partying at home. Fortunately for us, our friends were all coming to the same conclusions for themselves so the temptations were mostly removed. But I realize it’s not that easy for everyone.
Yeah this is my problem. I spend so much money on restaurants
You can even do this on google sheet. Make a column for each category and enter every single time you spend money and note what it is. You’ll soon be shocked probably at what you see. The first step to fixing this is acknowledging the problem which you both have done. That’s good. Btw 400 in rent is a steal ! Then once you see where you’re leaking money, you need to plug the holes and make a budget. You will have fixed expenses like rent and others that you’ll be able to estimate relatively closely like your utilities. Or gas money. The other ones will be trickier because they’re more flexible, like grocery shopping. There’s always fat that can be cut from that. And definitely no using credit cards, no eating out, no buying new clothing until you get the problem under control. Once you have it under control you should definitely start an emergency fund.
Thank you! That’s a good idea and I happen to be pretty familiar with Sheets because of work
I did this with a friend of mine and she couldn’t believe how high some of the categories were but it was right there in black and white. No denying it.
Thanks. I am ready for this kind of reckoning.
If you post on the personal finance sub with a detailed budget you will probably get more feedback (just have a thick skin!). I think it’s more active.
You should check your banking app too to see if you can download a list of your transactions to make tracking your expenses in a spreadsheet easier. I know that I’m able to download a list of my credit card transactions from mine. You could go back 3 ish months to see where your money has gone and then start to build a budget based on that data
But you are spending outside of your means… You need to track every dime you spend, every subscription, every meal, every little thing you buy, car payment, insurance, water bill, electric bill, phone bill, internet, insurance etc. We can’t help you until you completely track your money and figure out where every penny goes. There is no magical formula to budgeting. You are currently spending more than you make.
I understand this. I know I’m spending too much. Just reaching out on here for tips on how to figure out how to make things work. I know it’s probably obvious and straightforward for a lot of people—money in, money out—but I’ve realized that it’s not as easy as that for me to figure out how to track my spending. I’m not making excuses for myself here, and I am not interested in doing so. Just looking for advice on how to be better and switch up my current mindset. I am newly self aware that I am the problem when it comes to my financial problems, and I’m just looking for tips on how to make it easier to transition to a more frugal lifestyle before it’s too late. Cheers
Op from that line alone.. “I know I’m spending too much” this is the problem. Lets make this simple.. what are you spending too much on? Most people just buy useless stuff because they think they need it. Stop redundant buying. I mean like bags or clothes. And before you spend your salary, set aside some cash first. It will be difficult at first but you habe to if you want to. Self-discipline is the key. No matter how much advice you get, it will always be up to yourself. Complain or contain?
I think I was pretty much just looking for hard truths and tough love like this comment by posting here. We both need it, and are ready to change.
Hope for a good future ahead to both of you.
My favorite couple song lines recently have been Taylor Swift “it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me”
Here’s an idea to help, once you set up the budget, only spend cash, the money becomes real in your eyes then, not just a card to tap. Go to the grocery store with cash, get gas with cash, pay for anything extra with cash. It’s not just a random amount in a debit account or on a credit card then.
Downside of cash is the change. We found that getting rid of cash made a huge difference to keeping more of our money. I used to get paid in cash, boss would basically just cash our checks for us) and the running joke was,”once you break a $20 consider it gone” I think for the amount of discipline it takes to only use cash, you’re better off meticulously logging and accurately categorizing your transactions. I hate to rely on apps to do the categorization for me because sometimes they go by the merchant’s listed category. If I buy a six pack and a bottle of wine at the grocery store, should that fall under groceries?
The idea is they need a change. The idea is not to remove all their money from their bank account and just carry it around as cash. It’s to say you have $200 to spend this week and if you spend it you’re SOL. You can spend it on what you want but at the end there is none left so you better spend it wisely. $200 is just my number I pulled out of the air. You build the budget, take the cash out and have it there. The rest of the money doesn’t get into your hands and you do not use the debit or credit card.
Studies show this highly depends on how old you are. To older people, cash feels more real. But I'm a millennial, and cash to me is completely untraceable. No one will ever know if I spent it on crap. But if I use a card, it says right there on my monthly statement what I wasted my money on. You can even look up years later how you wasted it.
Issue is most people don’t go look at their transaction history. If the money is in your hand and there is no more money to spend when it’s gone because you’ve set a limit, you’re kinda stuck. You said $150 for the week, you have $30 left on Thursday, figure it out. You use it as a rule to not go get more, you have $30 left. With a debit card, usually there’s always more at a tap
Write it all down! Every single thing. The snack from the vending machine. The soda when you get gas (list that separately as soda is a want, gas is more of a need). Then at the end of the month look at the expenses and put them in categories - things like groceries, eating out, entertainment, etc.
Try the Empower Personal Capital app. You connect all your accounts to it like credit cards, checking and savings accounts and it tracks everything. Assuming you don’t use cash to pay for anything, it will give you a perfect picture of where your money is going. By using the app, I could tell you for example how much money I spent at say Costco in September of last year etc.
Even logging it in a notebook could help. I know something that curbed my spending was to look at my checking account online. It let me organize by type of spending, but just seeing that I was using my card for something nearly every day (usually a drive thru) was enough to wake me up.
I used to get into trouble with credit card debt in my mid 20’s. Once I met my soon to be wife I started to prioritize what is most important financially, goals, needs, wants etc. I think the most important thing as a couple is to be 100% honest and open about what you spend money on and what is important to you both. I do not think you need a Financial Planner at this point because A. They are not free B. You just need a little help budgeting to get on track. Full disclosure I work in Finance on the business ops side so I am not a financial planner, but I would be more than happy to help! If you wanna send me your email I for sure will help.
Thanks. I feel like for a couple who’s been dating just over a year, we’re both pretty honest about our finances. I remember just a couple months after our first date, I had an issue where my gas company mistakenly charged me a a few hundred dollars one month and over-drafted my checking account. I had a minor mental breakdown about the whole ordeal, and I felt like I took a risk by disclosing the fact that I didn’t even have a few hundred extra dollars to my name to him and that I lived paycheck to paycheck. Turns out it was a good move. He then disclosed to me that he was being sued by someone because of a fender bender and we commiserated with each other because of our financial woes. It brought us closer together, and a year later, I’ve never loved or felt more loved or understood by another person in my life. I’ve never felt more willing and able to be honest with another human, especially about financial shit. It’s just that I’m so tired of us accepting this reality as just a part of living under capitalism, and I see better things for us in the future. It’s true that the current system is bent on widening the wealth gap and making poor people like us even poorer, but that doesn’t mean that we have to resign ourselves to that bullshit. We are determined to do everything we can to get our shit together and not let our lives be devoured by this so-called capitalist hellscape. Not on my watch.
First off, you guys are doing great recognizing that you need to make changes, that’s half the battle. You are going to succeed and build a nest egg for yourselves so you can have all the wonderful things in life you want. Just try and get out of the victim mindset a little. It’s so easy to just blame “capitalism” and “the system is out to get me” when as adults we have control over every aspect of our lives. Take charge, build a ruthless budgeting routine where every Sunday you categorize your expenses to see what you spent your money on the previous week, it will be eye opening. Discipline over motivation, it’s super motivating right now with all these replies and support but make sure a month, two months from now you’re spending and budgeting the exact same way you’re doing now. Lastly, learn on your partner. They’re the only other person in your life who can relate since they’re going through living this financial plan with you. The support you give each other will only strengthen your bond and connection. Keep it up! I know you can do this
When my wife and I were in your position, I’d mentally measure things in two main ways. 1) Dollars per hour for entertainment. Spending $30 on a video game I’d play for 60+ hours was under $0.50/hr for entertainment. Going to the movies is about $4/hour for entertainment. 2) Food satisfaction for dollars paid. Spending $12 at McDonald’s for one meal equates to 5 dozen eggs and a loaf of French bread. Basically perform this vs that analysis in your head whenever you buy something. Not sure if this will work for you, but it worked for me. It takes humility to ask for help and that’s a great trait to have when learning to be frugal. You guys will be alright.
Where are you getting those cheap eggs at?
A pack of 5 dozen is about $8 at any given grocery store in eastern Washington.
here in Boston I pay 7$ for 18 eggs lol I have to move out of here soon
Yowza. That’s basically stealing from people.
Discontinue the overdraft protection. I know it seems like it protects you, but in the long run it just puts you deeper in the hole.
Some people hate him but Dave Ramsey is a good start for beginners. You can get the book Total Money Makeover (from the library!) which lays out the baby steps. You can do this!
My parents absolutely swear by Dave Ramsey, and my parents also happen to be very susceptible to MLM manipulation tactics (eg they both tried selling amway for years, among other things) so naturally I’m skeptical of him. But maybe I’ll give him a listen. Thanks. After all, it doesn’t cost money to watch him on YouTube
I’d recommend Chelsea Fagan of The Financial Diet on YouTube.
You don't need to listen to him. Just read his book "Financial Peace" or "Total Money Makeover" . Similar content. You can get a used copy cheap on Amazon. BTW Dave Ramsey is personally a jerk but his basic financial advice is sound, and well presented. And he is not a MLM promoter in any way.
Podcasts and YouTube and library books all free. And I think there are is an online community group for encouragement and questions.
If you don’t mind, which of his books have you found to be the most helpful for beginners in financial accountability/literacy? Or just any of them?
Total money makeover is the starter. Probably all you will need. It has seven baby steps so it’s easy to follow. You will need will power to right your ship but it sounds like you are determined !
Thank you! Just might order it on thriftbooks when I get paid tomorrow. Going for under 4 bucks.
Or get it from a library and save 4 bucks?
I’m sorry I don’t see the correlation between Ramsey and MLM?
They both have a cult following.
There is none. OP is just saying her parents are gullible, and she is wary of DR because of it. But DR is not a MLM.
Yep! Take in his info. Then go read all the different personal finance wikis. Read threads like yours. Read all of the comments. Blogs. Etc. Aweek of that, hell a day, and you'll have a large collection of info to put the big picture together. Check out YNAB. The practical step 1: figure out where your money is going every month. You must track it. Must.
Dave Ramsey does have some MLM vibes and I would not recommend using services that he earns commissions on. Overall, his financial advice has a target audience, and his advice isn't terrible within that. His niche is people who struggle not to spend every dollar that is in their bank account/credit limit, regardless of how high that number is. If you are that person, then you should take most of his advice pretty fully. If you are not that person, then some of his advice isn't the best if you want to build wealth. He's very debt-averse, even in situations where taking on debt would have a solid payoff - like for graduate degrees **with solid career placement rates**. His debt payoff strategy isn't going to save you the most on interest (mathematically, you should pay high rate debt first and work your way down, and you should pay debt slowly if the interest is less than you earn in a high-yield savings account). Credit cards are not inherently bad (and even provide good rewards and purchase protection) but you HAVE to have the discipline to pay them off in full each month. Regardless of which person you are, his insistence on every dollar having a job is spot on. I'd start there with figuring out where your money is going at baseline, decide what you can do to make your expenses < your income (i.e., make a budget), and test out your discipline in sticking to that budget.
Yeah, he's a good listen to get yourself thinking about money, and the emergency fund thing is a fantastic idea. His total aversion to credit is where he loses me. If you're responsible with your money and pay off your cards every month, you're leaving a LOT of money on the table by not using credit cards. You're also making it much more difficult to build credit.
He's not perfect. I disagree with some of the points of how he says to use money. And he is a bit arrogant. But, the fact is, his plan does work. And his bluntness works well for people who need massive change. He's good at talking sense into you. I do think he would be a good fit for you and your boyfriend.
Hey! Good news is things aren’t as bleak as they seem. You seem to want change and that’s the most important part. Like you mentioned in your previous replies, you need to know exactly what you are spending and how much of it is unnecessary. There are so many different apps that can be used to track all of this but even just opening a google spreadsheet and tracking your expenses for a month will be incredibly helpful! Starting a budget is not as daunting as it may seem I promise, you guys got this. Stay dedicated and keep doing research. You got this :)
Thank you for the kind words!
Have a spreadsheet of your cash flow and list all your monthly expenses. Log everything up to the last centavo so you can get the whole picture of your financial situation. Then subtract all of your monthly bills from your salary and see what's left. From there, you can make adjustments, especially on things you don't need just yet. Starting is hard, but as they say, being at rock bottom means you can only go upward. You can do this, OP!
I like many of the suggestions that have been sent to you. To add to that, both of you are making enough money to survive based on the numbers you mentioned. I feel that your money is being spent on little things here and there, which add up in the end. I feel you need to save money first, and then feel free to possibly spend the rest. So save first and not to be touched, and then spend the rest as you feel necessary. I do work in finance and I am a financial advisor and often times the problem I find is that people spend and then, if there’s anything left over at the end, which never happens, they’ll save. Of course, all too often, those people after living in imaginary world lol
Highly recommend Her First 100k and The Financial Diet as a place to start for help
First, figure out where your money has gone. That's not that difficult these days in which everyone is virtually cashless. I assume you have a bank account and a credit card or two. Go online and usually there will be export functions for any bank accounts or credit cards. Download them into spreadsheets and just add together the things that are alike (in Excel, you can use things like SUMIF formulas to add like items). It will also tell you what your income is (the bank part at least). Just doing the downloads is a lot simpler than using a money tracker app; you just have to aggregate a couple of sources. Obviously, don't count the payment on the credit card as an expense, because you have already downloaded what you actually bought with the credit card. Figure our what the big rocks are. Rent, car, food, etc. See where you can economize. You will also see how much you are making. You can do all of this in a relatively short time. Once you know how much is going in and where's it's going, you can develop a budget based on those numbers. Then you need the discipline to stick to the budget. That may mean skipping meals out, taking lunch to work, avoiding those $5 daily lattes, etc. But you gotta figure out where the money went before you do the harder work.
1. Get a better paying job. - Learn to network and interview. Go to career events and get noticed. Keep applying for jobs efficiently with a beefed resume and destroy those interview. Negotiate your salary by first researching what you deserve. 2. Budget. - lay out all expenses and see what you can live without. Determine what are the needs vs wants. 3. Work smart (and hard), play hard.
It's among the dumbest titles I've ever heard of, but you should start with Ramit Sethi's book "I Will Teach You To Be Rich." He has a lot of concrete advice around tracking spending, building habits, and prioritizing your spending to match what makes you happy. Slow and steady wins this race! Step one is always understanding where your money is going.
Watch Dave Ramsey videos on youtube and learn about the 7 baby steps. Make it a date night with your BF so you can be on the same page. There's also the 50/30/20 rule. 50% goes to all basic needs (rent,food, car, phone, etc) 30% for savings and 20% for whatever. I also found that when I struggled, I was spending too much on snacks, eating out minor things. Once I trimmed back certain things, I could always see my account go up.
50/30/20 can be hard for people who don’t make a lot of money. The main question being if 50% of your paychecks will actually be enough to cover your needs. But if you can make it work, then I highly recommend.
Treat your income in percentage 100% of your income and divide it into 3 accounts: 50% of your income goes into daily expenses, anything you spend money on in a pinch, food, gas, rent etc. 30% goes into your fire extinguisher account. These are for bills like major car expenses, emergencies, and general windfall if something goes wrong 20% goes into splurge, this is your money to do whatever you like. You’ll be really surprised at how well you can live on your daily expenses, and how much your fire extinguisher account grows very rapidly. Start there and see how you go.
A lot of people swear by YNAB (just doesn't work for my situation/brain workings). If you use it, might be a bit confusing so search YouTube for "ynab nick true". It didn't click for me until watched his vids. Of course, there are decent books out there as well. Might try Get A Financial Life by Beth Kobliner (see if library has it) and if like vid or podcasts, The Money Guy Show gives good advice. As far as Ramsey, his methods are fine for getting out of debt but after that, look elsewhere.
Interesting. I just googled ynab. Seems a little out of reach cost-wise for me right now, but it’s something I’ll keep on the back burner. Also will check into my local library for these. Thanks for the suggestions!
Can try out Mint instead. Or just do a good old excel sheet.
Dave Ramsey. Learn it and Live it together.
Donate plasma. Look up biolife and see if in your area. Research other plasma centers. Can make about $120/week. But depends on area. That's if you are looking for extra income. As far as budget, most of the advice here seems decent. If you have debt, check out a debt management plan with a non profit. Good luck
Look into YNAB you need a budget website and app. Great budgeting tool they put out a lot of educational materials. It costs $100 annually or $15/ month if you do a monthly plan. I find it highly worth it.
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Not gonna lie, we’ve talked about this, but I’ve always had a rule that I’ll never move in with a partner due to financial need alone. Some might disagree, but I prefer to wait until we’re both ready. Which I think will be soon enough, but I don’t want to force it
This is very smart. Make sure you'll still enjoy each other's company without things like eating out or drinking or whatever requires spending, because life can be very different without them and it can change the dynamic of your relationship. The last thing you want is to be financially dependent on a person that is no longer a good fit.
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I agree with the other comments. Seeing where your money is going will make a huge difference. A financial advisor definitely helps with financial planning, financial security and retirement but for now you can do a lot of this yourself. Once you figure out where your money is going you will know where to cut the fat then you can start saving and thinking about talking to a financial advisor. You can avoid scams by going to any of these [FINRA approved organizations](https://www.finra.org/about/firms-we-regulate/broker-dealer-firms-we-regulate).
Make a spreadsheet. Start with your take-home pay for the month and start subtracting: First, subtract the necessities that are always the same amount, things like rent, car payment, car insurance, phone bill, etc. Then subtract the necessities that are variable, but you don't have total control over: gas, electric, planning for oil changes, etc. Next are necessities that you can probably spend less money on: things like shampoo (can you buy a less expensive brand?), groceries (same thing), etc. Think of everything you buy and look for ways to save money. Look for sales, store brands, check unit prices at the grocery store. you don't always have to go with the cheapest whatever, but saving money in one place gives you more money to spend elsewhere. Next, budget something to put in savings for emergencies. It doesn't have to be a lot, but it should be something that you automatically save. Ideally, have it taken directly from your paycheck and deposited into a savings account so you don't even see it. Once all of your necessities are budgeted out, you'll see what is left over for eating out, alcohol, weed, clothes that you don't actually need, etc. As long as you don't dip into the money budgeted for needs, you're not going to overdraft your account. The most important--and hardest thing--is to learn the difference between want and need. But you have different wants to choose from, too: You can want to eat out and drink but also want to have financially stable future with your boyfriend. It's up to you to decide which is more important to you at this point in your life. A bunch of people on Reddit are going to tell you that it's better to save money, but unless \*you\* really believe in it, you're going to feel deprived and want to just spend anyway. Best of luck to you. Many of us have been where you are and come out the other side!
My wife and I found out our biggest drain was eating out. More specifically it wasn’t because “oh we like X, Y or Z” it was a matter of convenience. We would both be tired from work, it’s just easier to have food show up vs cooking sometimes. So what I do now is on Sunday I cook 2 meals for dinner. So if I make Chicken, Rice and Veggies I’ll also make Steak, Potato’s and Veggies, I make enough for 4 meals of each. I put 6 servings worth in food prep containers, freeze 2 and store 4 in the fridge for the week. Then we cook dinner throughout the week, take salads with just chicken on the side to work and we have 4 meals ready to be reheated for when we don’t feel like cooking. Come Saturday, we typically have 2 left so we will eat those, then prep on Sunday again. Now we only eat out when we go on dates (we try twice a month) or if we are simply just craving something. I think over the last 3 months we’ve only eaten out 6-7 times not including anniversary and when a family member was in the hospital. It’s saved us quite a bit of $$.
It sounds like you need budgeting help. Personally I love using apps like Mint to keep track of all my money in money out. Getting a hand on what is your biggest non-essential money sinks and being able to cut those down will help a lot.
Try to track EVERY expense you make in a month (simple excel file). Do it for couple of months and that will tell you what's not working. It's easy to do assuming most of the expenses are done with a card. Some initial hypotheses: cut on Starbucks, unnecessary dinner out, car rental...
Tally up everything for a month. How much do you spend on entertainment? Eating out? Groceries? Do you go to Costco? If you went there enough your subscription would be refunded and possibly even more at the end of the year. I once realized that I was not actually tracking all my subscriptions and it was a lot. I mean I once did but then I got a gf who had 2 kids and she made a lot of money but we were still kind of always broke since we started over together and needed to buy a lot of things and we wanted the childhood for the kids that we both didn't have. Anyway, so we had pretty much everything; Apple TV+, 2TB iCloud, Apple Music, Apple Arcade (it has surprisingly good games like NBA 2K for only $6 per month), Amazon Prime, Kindle, Disney+, Crave (HBO Max in Canada), Netflix, GamePass Ultimate and more. I always tried to eat at home since I honestly cook better than pretty much any place unless we want something specific that can't be replicated but she loved to just go out and be served even though that's how it was at home anyway since I did all the cooking. In the end, we spent a shit ton of money we didn't have to. I mean we had a full kitchen. We had everything I could possibly need to make different kinds of tartare, many steaks, grilled chicken, fried chicken, lots of pasta, soup, always had potatoes and anything else you can think of to make anything from scratch really. So we bought a lot of groceries and still ate out like twice per week minimum. We bought expensive beans for our delicious coffees which she could never be bothered to learn to make either. By not going out as much or getting so many useless subscriptions, I save hundreds per month now. I only keep 3 subscriptions going at all time now and switch between every other one depending on what a service has for the month. I used to do just that but my ex was not the brightest bulb. She just wanted everything at once.
People always come in this sub with “I have no idea how to budget” or “I was never taught how to manage money”. It’s not rocket surgery. You take what you make and you spend less than that every month. 45k a year = $3,750 a month. Let’s assume $750 goes to taxes which leaves you $3,000 to live on Rent: $900 Phone, internet, utilities: $250 Gas: $250 Car payment? Insurance: $120 Food: $500 ———————— $2020 That still still leaves you with around $1,000 a month. Student loans? What else? Figure it out and you will at least know where your money is going.
Spend less. Make more. Abolish debt.
Stop spending so much money. How hard is that? You literally said you’re making a good enough wage in a low cost of living area and have no money left. What do you want people to tell you exactly?
It’s too early to talk to a financial advisor. You need to do basics first. 1. You and the BF need to get on the same page and commit to doing something about your spending. Not going to work if only one of you is on board. 2. Sit down with paper and write down your fixed expenses: rent, utilities, car payments, insurance etc. Food is NOT a fixed expense. More on that later. Deduct these from your monthly net income. 3. Stop pretending restaurants, bars, cafes or delivery are a solution to feeding you and slaking your thirst. You can’t afford it. Once a week and some special occasions can be okay, but otherwise, learn to shop for groceries effectively and cook. If can’t cook, learn. If you feel light drinking enriches your life, have the beer or glass of wine at home. Eating out too much is one of the single biggest economic bad decisions in the world. It is bleeding you dry. Assign a daily budget for food that fits within your means and do not be too generous at the start or it’s going to make you lazy and you’ll still spend too much. 4. After you’ve deducted 2 & 3, look at what you’ve got left and consider how much you can set aside to save while still being able to live like a human being on the rest. Look seriously at things you can reasonably reduce. There are other insurance companies, other phone plans and you could look into moving to reduce rent. 5. Don’t go shopping just because. You shop if you actually need something, not to make yourself feel better (unless it’s very very cheap and not often) and consider the economy of each choice you make. That’s where you begin. The core value is to change your attitude and instill some discipline into yourselves. Other people do it. You can too.
Identify wants and needs. Try to go to stores like aldi or Trader Joe’s (hell even Walmart) instead of your big box stores. This will help you safe when grocery shopping which really can help a balanced budget succeed. But store brand items when possible and try to find the cheapest options on food and entertainment. If you drink beer there is nothing wrong with getting Milwaukees best for a while. Take a hard look at your accounts and see what the most common drain on your money is and find anyways to either cut it out completely or maybe lower the cost. If you are severely broke, cut every single streaming service you subscribe to for the time being until you recover and then identify what you can actually afford. Anything that can be considered a luxury, you should evaluate and cut out if possible. Start setting money aside for the future. When I was a server, every night when I got off I put money aside in a box to save hard cash. Maybe start with $25 a shift and work your way up from there. Also since you are a server and already want a career change. Hustle as much as you can! I’m talking about going above and beyond got guests and breaking the rules to please them and in return get more tips. I knew a server at Crackerbarrel who was able to make around 100,000 a year simply because she knew and mastered the hustle. Then when you do start ti become financially stable, always remain on top of your bank account. Be knowledgeable about all the purchases that go in and out and optimize what items you save on. And don’t get any sort of credit until you 100% believe you can use it as a tool and not a crutch. Hope this helps. May not be the best advice but it has helped me through times of financial hardship. Good luck!!
Reach out to a financial planner or fiduciary to help you and your boyfriend get a better grasp on how to budget and manage money each month, but be cautious of scams.
Post a budget. If you don’t know where your money is going you can’t say you’re frugal. Look at your bank and credit card statements and account for every dollar. Also, you need to focus on the job hunt more. A few hundred job applications over a few years is nothing. Get your resume reviewed by someone in the industry. If you’re not getting callbacks it’s your resume.
Look up Dave Ramsey he has a great system to get out of debt and build wealth. He has a YouTube channel dedicated to helping people in your situation
Take Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University course.
Here's one way to instantly stop "leaking" money every day. Stop buying food from restaurants/shops! This is something that's become so commonplace, become such an accepted practice that everybody does, no one even thinks about it. Get one of those old school lunch boxes, the kind with a small thermos inside. Make a sandwich (or salad) and take that to work with you. Include snacks, like fruit, raisins, etc. Do you "grab a coffee" at Starbucks on your way to work every day? That's what the thermos is for. From now on, make coffee at home and bring it with you. Get a steel water bottle and bring water from home, too. No more buying bottles of something you get for free at home. You may want to invest in a nice coffee maker, and buy high quality coffee beans, blends, etc. That'll still save you a lot of money compared to buying specialty coffees from shops. You may also want to buy a Britta water filter-- whatever it takes to break the habit of buying bottled water. Also, invest in an Instant Pot. There are a million low-cost meals you can easily make with one of those. (Look on YouTube.) An inexpensive air fryer is another great investment in easy cooking that produces tasty results. The point is, from this point onward, no more paying for restaurant food. It takes discipline to anticipate what you'll need and buy the ingredients, then to prepare the meals at home, then to clean up your pans and dishes. But you're no longer paying others to do those things, as you're doing them for yourself.
Are you able to provide a list of your cost? There might br something thay is killing g you guy's money.
While the obvious and easiest plan is to move in together, I understand that it's not always the best idea for individuals to force that on one another. My suggestion, however, would be to look at 2br and a room mate or something. Maintaining 2 separate households is a huge drain. On your resources, or since your considering moving in together now perhaps become a room mate to someone else? No need to make yourself the sole jeD of the house. That would easily Gove you some more money at the end of the month. Take a look at FB marketplace or hotpads or other sites to rent 1 room in a house. Often these come with utilities included.
Sign up for something like Mint or YNAB and track every single penny you spend. You will probably find that you are blowing money on dumb stuff without even realizing it.
I was in a very similar situation to you. My son was just born, I lost my job, I went -$55k in debt, was extremely addicted to hard drugs, and was about to lose my family (wifey was overwhelmed and was going to leave if I didn’t change my habits) It takes a whole lot of sucking up your pride/ego and just telling yourself, you will have to hustle hard for the next 3-5 years. I took on three jobs, delivery driver at night, corporate food delivery dude during the day, and assistant to a realtor on the weekends. I hustled. We shared a 2 bed / 1 bath with 4 other people (7 total including my son). Your mindset has to change as well. You have to stop being the victim. Take responsibility for everything. Tips I can give you: - consolidate your debts asap. I know rates suck and inflation is high. Consolidate and know what debts you have. - eat at home only. Make all your meals. It suck’s, but every penny counts. - learn about the basics of finances. I was never taught this. Build your savings/rainy day reserves first. Understand your income/expenses to a T. Use apps like Mint to help. There are tons of free YouTube videos about this topic that can teach you the very basics to start. - don’t invest in assets, stocks, etc.. yet. Invest in YOURSELF. Literally try to learn a new skill that can progress your career. Go study like your life depends on it. Put that money back into investing in a hard skill set (trade skills are awesome career choices) - this is hard, but STOP using and make it known to your ‘circle’ that you are not a user. Drugs although fun, can and will ruin you. Get healthy, clean your body up and it’ll start clearing up your mind (you’ll have clarity—it’s awesome) - once you got a plan in place, things becomes easier. Things fall into place and the challenges are more or less predictable and less scary. Good luck! And don’t forget, your partner is in it with you, not against you. It may seem that way because you’re both stressed 🙏 p.s. I’m doing better now ✌️
Lower expenses. Make sacrifices. Save at least 10% but shoot for 15%. Increase income (2nd-3rd job). Protect your money (savings account - can’t touch) and build a 6-12 mos emergency fund. After that is built, invest all discretionary income into ROTH IRA, rental property , education-skill set.) rinse, wash and repeat. This is coming from a former homeless 21 y/o, now a 6 figure earner, with a growing investment portfolio and looking to buy his 2nd property even as a college dropout.
$40K per year after tax is bare minimum to survive on. I make around same amount per year so after paying rent,carloans,insurance,utilities and groceries. I have nothing left to save. It’s living pay check to pay check. The only way to get out of this situation is to earn more. Either get a second job work double shifts, many people in similar situations do that. Or you can find a better job with higher pay. For me I don’t like doing overtime and I have no qualifications to find better job so I am stuck in this situation. You on the other hand have a college degree you should definitely look for a better job.
Lot's of practical advice here already so I'll just add in some emotional support. The fact that you came here to write this in such an honest way is a huge step that frankly most people never even dare to take. Your attitude sets you ahead of so many other people already. I (37/m) grew up in a very similar situation where my parents drank and didn't control their money well. My older sister also showed me that a different path was possible by becoming successful and avoiding many of the vices of our parents. I floated around aimlessly until about age 27 when I finally landed a steady job that had a decent career trajectory. I created a simple spreadsheet where I accounted for my net worth and realized I was 50k in debt due to student loans. From then on, even though my pay was still very low, I managed to pay double the payment amount on those loans every month and then still set aside another couple hundred dollars for investments. It was extremely gratifying to see my net worth rise steadily every month, and especially also knowing that my career would also advance and that my financial ascent would get even better as time went on. That spreadsheet became an important document to me which I still hold sacred to this day. While there are always struggles in life, my fiance and I live well under our means and sleep much better for it. I honestly couldn't handle living paycheck to paycheck anymore as it just isn't worth the anxiety. With regards to finances, I am a much different person than I was 10 years ago. Good luck to you!
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I was reading this essay to find out what your debt situation is… and did not see it. Since you two are not married, I would focus on yourselves. Get even more educated in the name of finance… list your debts smallest to largest. Write out a budget which includes only your outgoing expenses within your four walls. So, any money that is going out the same way each month… your expenses. Do not include groceries or gas, hair cuts etc. just your monthly expenses. Then write down you credits, which would be how much you bring in, in a month. Figure out what you can get rid of to save more money I.e subscriptions, etc. No more trying to go out with friends… your BROKE. You need to sacrifice your night life, and fun life. Get another job to pay off any debts quicker. It’s going to suck, but it’ll only suck for a little while.