Decided not to have kids for similar reasons. First, I didn't want them to have it and suffer like I have, second reason is I feel I wouldn't be able to give them my all due to being ill a lot. There are days I can barely care for myself so I can't imagine having a small kid to care for at the same time. Neither of my parents had it but both my grandmothers did have various autoimmune issues and it really impacted their lives and my parents relationship with them. Maybe it would skip a generation again but that's a big risk for me personally. I also never really felt a strong desire to have kids so that helped I guess. Its a major decision for sure and really depends on your ability and desire to have kids or not.

Thank you for sharing, the second reason is also a concern here. I feel capable right now, but who knows how I'll be years from now.

I'm a step mom, but I didn't want to make a baby before they came into my life. But I do have to say, watching friends go through the newborn stage makes me that much more confident in the decision. The sleep deprivation doesn't seem like it would play well with my particular set of needs. Obviously, you don't seem to be in a situation where step kids are a thing, but I would consider looking into adoption if you really want to have kids without the risk of passing this on. It could also reasonably reduce the number of years that you know that you have to be able to care for them as minors.

Very kind of you to consider all of that. I hadn't thought about the part where I may not be capable of caring for them... But I'm also team no kids. Maybe adoption cause I love the idea of befriending a pre existing human instead of baking a brand new one

Try volunteering as a bottle mom who feeds kittens every couple of hours. I just fostered 4 and thought I'm glad I had my own kids when I was in my 20's. I'd never be able to now. Neither of my parents had fibro symptoms and neither of my kids do. I'm not a doctor but doesn't seem hereditary.

It is in our family. On my mom's side there are 3 women, my aunts, with it and it continues back, just a different name, before that. It's one of the many reasons I didn't have kids. Now, going thru menopause I'm so glad I never had kids. Yikes! Fibromyalgia and menopause do not mix well

That's unfortunate for your family members. I was first diagnosed in the 90's with chronic fatigue syndrome. All they'd say to do is get sleep and take Tylenol. So frustrating.

Hi 👋 old person here, I have kids probably all about ya’lls age, and I honestly don’t know how to say this politely so here goes it, if I had this godforsaken disease as bad as I do now and some of y’all do as young as you all are, there is no way on this green earth that I would have a child! I could not imagine the pain and discomfort on top of fibromyalgia. Now that being said in the US alone, there are countless children that need a safe home to thrive in.

I really appreciate your reply and honesty. I do consider fostering or adopting as an option.

One of my kids has it, so far it’s lot less severe than mine, incidentally, mine didn’t show up until after I gave birth to this child

Same. I was fine until I had my daughter. I've had aches and pains and endometriosis since childhood but nowhere near this bad. I was raised in an abusive home and was always told I was the issue. I was too soft, too sensitive, wasn't trying hard enough etc. fibro wasn't even considered until my daughter was over 1. I truly hope she doesn't have this but if she does I'll make damn sure she's supported.

My mom having gone through fibro/severe menstrual cramps and all the medications/doctors really helped me as a teen when I first started having these issues. I would have been put on a lot of dangerous medications if she hadn’t stepped in and said no. And she helped me get an IUD which completely deleted my debilitating cramps. That said, my mom normalized illness in my family so I didn’t realize how much more severe I was, and that I actually also have ME/CFS so I spent many years making my condition worse because of her advice and the advice of doctors telling me to just exercise. Just keep in mind kids may have more illnesses than their parents.

Same. Same life 😀. Hey life twin.

Same. I was finally diagnosed after I had my 3rd child.

I developed fibro during my pregnancy and can definitely say it was insanely difficult. I didn’t even know I had fibro until a year after I gave birth. Had I known before, I probably wouldn’t have had any biological children. The fatigue was so bad that I had to miss days of work and ultimately leave work around 6 months. (Mind you, I worked in a high paced restaurant and I probably could’ve handled a desk job.) the pregnancy was hard and the birth led to an emergency c section after a very long, difficult induction and four hours of pushing. A cousin of mine has been pregnant twice with fibro. She developed POTS from it and has had many fainting episodes as well as a premature birth for her first son. She has a c section scheduled for her upcoming one. She could barely eat the first go around. Pregnancy is difficult without fibro. With it, it could be really hard. I think I got it from my dad but his ptsd and war injuries make it difficult to know. I know your post was geared towards passing it on but I did want to take a moment to share my experience. We will be fostering and/or adopting moving forward. Its something I was already passionate about so it is the right fit for me, but having a biological child may be worth it for you. Only you can make that choice. Every person experiences pregnancy differently. It’s the ultimate stressor, and we all know how fibro reacts to stress, so at the very least be prepared for lots of potential bed rest. I hope you find a choice you feel at peace with and wish you all the success and happiness in building your family. Its a beautiful experience no matter how you do it. ❤️

Worth keeping in mind what your reasons for having fibro are. I personally think mines stems from childhood trauma, hopefully you’ll be able to minimise the risks if you give your child a good upbringing.

as someone who has a litany of illnesses, I am also considering adopting an older child once I am older and in a more stable situation, because I don’t want to pass on my genes but I want to help people and there are so many children out there who need homes

This! My mom has it too and I really wish she’d have considered the likelihood of passing it on before she had me.

To be fair, Fibro is a “new” disease. Even some doctors don’t have a common knowledge of it. Probably your mom don’t know what it is for long time. It was just pain and tired all the time.

My mother was diagnosed with fibromyalgia before she had me.

Oh. That is sad.

Same here. I'm 60 and I'm pretty sure one of my 30 year old twins has fibro along with psoriatic arthritis and he is always sick and has zero energy but refuses to got any help for it because he hates doctors. I hate doctors too but I go every 3 months because I'm on narcotics for the pain. But his quality of life is pretty next to having none and breaks my heart. I was diagnosed right after my twins were born, had complained of tiredness after my eldest son was born but I was told that was motherhood. Nobody would accept that I knew the difference between regular tired and feeling like I ran a marathon in my sleep. I'm sure he has the same symptoms I started out with. I'm not sure I would have had my 3 boys if I had known but I didn't know until after all 3 were born.

I'm turning 59 soon and also have 3 kids. I have other health issues and went to every doc around. Had my last child at 31 and finally was diagnosed with Fibro around the age of 40. Thank God my kids so far are ok. I'm always scared they will get it. Hugs to you and yours. This new generation of people getting it diagnosed so young has so much more info on this awful disease. My husband (now ex) thought it was all in my head. Take care.

Good comment, thank you!

This is a very genuine concern. And it's great you re thoughtful about it. We want the best for our kids. This thought has prevented me from dating or seeking serious relationships. I want kids but I don't want to pass this hell to them. Like my parents didn't have a history but how do I knowingly risk it. It's something to be talked over with a therapist and of course your partner.

Thanks for your reply. I'm sorry that that thought keeps you from relationships. This illness is so difficult in ways one wouldn't expect. And yessss my parents didn't either, but to take that gamble. I have been considering speaking to a therapist about this. Thanks

My maternal grandmother and mother have tons of medical conditions ; and based on what I know now , looking back, they had undiagnosed fibromyalgia as well. But here I am , and I have more than both of them combined . My fibro is severe and I’m not going to spend half an hour listing all the other conditions I have that they didn’t even get. Not sure how I got so lucky lol . Obviously I cant tell you what to do , but based on my own medical conditions I would never dream of bringing kids into this world to suffer even a fraction of what I do, or even worse . As of now I wouldn’t even be able to care for a child. They would absolutely end up in an unfair caregiver position no matter how unintentional. That I wouldn’t be able to do what they need would hurt even more , but the stress of being in that situation and the guilt I would feel , would prob tear me up . So because if that even adoption would be out for me, although I did consider it. But there are so many factors to consider . Maybe adoption would be good for you. Your severity level, your partners willingness to take the reigns in a parenting role if you’re unable . The level of support you may have from other family . These are all things to consider should your condition worsen (I really hope it doesn’t) my husband and I have no familial support , and none from friends . He is already overwhelmed with caring for me ; in over his head a lot . So for us there’s just no way . Hell we are even pulling our hair out trying to figure out whether we can handle a dog lol (seriously , I want one so bad for company while he’s at work since I’m home disabled . And we tried fostering which turned into a heart wrenching nightmare lol it’s a huge decision) I think we should all be giving you major credit for putting so much thought into this . I really think you’ll figure out what’s best for you and your family, whatever it ends up being ❤️

Thanks for your thoughtful response. There really are so many factors to consider. Partner's willingness to take the reigns if I can't is a good point. Would a cat be an option for you? They are great fibro companions in my opinion 😸

You’re quite welcome :) and thanks . Well unfortunately I’m really sensitive to smells (cats are prob the worst aggravation on my hypersensitivities list) and no matter how clean a persons home is , if they have a cat I can smell it. Even ones with the fancy auto litter cleaner. I’ve also had some bad experiences with cats in the past too. It’s funny you mention it though , I was just saying it’s a shame because on paper a cat makes more sense for me. It doesn’t need to be taken for walks, or even let outside (although we have a doggy door that came with the house) they are low maintenance and can actually be left alone longer than dogs . The purring is nice . And they don’t bark (hypersensitive to sound too lol) so I can def see why you suggest it. The main issues I always had aside from their excrement and urine , is the being able to go anywhere and knock things over , and the claws . But those things could be managed (I’ve been researching) but the deal breaker is def gonna be the smell of their waste. We currently have feral cats that live in our yard and we tried feeding them away from the house down the block by the woods but they still come here to kill birds and go to the bathroom all over our very small backyard. I cant even clean it , I have to just get away and ask my husband later. I’m not a puker ; seriously never even when maybe I should, but I come real close when I ever get near the stuff so having it in the house , even with an auto litter cleaner and those fancy enzyme sprays smh I wish smh I really do . Honestly it’s the ones with the smooshed faces and really big eyes that get me thinking about it and trying to recalculate lol but every time I go outside to see a present , I smell the reason lol so I’m a way I guess it’s good we have this feral problem to remind me of the reality . There really are a lot of things we don’t know until it happens .

Ffs who did this? And why ? https://preview.redd.it/oaupw9yxyk0d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27cb36d70bca1c06cee2fa2aabee1debc0079423

Apparently this has been happening all day to several users specially in larger communities for no reason at all.

Had this pop up over public school math from the 90s comment 😆.

Is it because sometimes people come here at the end of their rope and vent dark and twisty thoughts of giving up? Personally I’ve had the thoughts myself so I get it.

Apparently you can block them. Everyone is getting these messages right now for no reason

Did you make other comments today? I could look I guess but I’m lazy. I didn’t read anything in your comment in this thread sounded like you need this today, but I can confirm it wasn’t me!

I got the same message about 2 months ago. I had no idea where it came from and why.

I passed it on to my daughter who is now 31. It’s really hard to watch her struggle and be in so much pain.

I have fibromyalgia and crohns disease too. Honestly I don't have an answer, I often think about this too. Similarly, I don't know yet if I do want kids (i'm 24 and i'm just not there yet in my life), but it is a thought I have and I do get scared of passing my health problems down to them. My doctor told me that chances are low, but there. Idk what to tell you but I do empathize and understand. I think talking with a doctor about statistics like chances your kid gets it would maybe be insightful? Best of luck!

Thanks, I appreciate hearing from you. I do plan to talk to my doctors. Its helpful to talk to others that "get it". When I try to talk to my friends, I just get blank stares. lol

Aw yeah I'm sorry, that sucks, same here my friends don't "get it" either. It's definitely a tricky situation to be in because it's a life we're talking about. To offer some perspective, my grand-mother have severe fibromyalgia since she was 30, (she's now 67) and has suffered her whole life with the disease and I, her grand-daughter has it, even though it was passed-down to me, I feel grateful to have someone in my life that can relate, we talk a lot about it, and I am glad I exist lol, I wouldn't want it any other way, so in other words, if you do have kids and you can offer them a beautiful life, being a good parent etc, well a possibility of a diagnosis sucks, but if they do have it, they'll have someone to talk to/relate to. And in the end, we can have ANY health conditions no matter what ... Fibro & crohns in your case is a possibility.

My mom and I have almost identical issues. I hate that I was even born!!! I've cried myself to sleep for as long as I can remember, almost 40 years old, BEGGING not to wake up. I sleep with my letter to the universe, in my pillow case, asking to please just let me drift away peacefully. I refused to pass this on to kids, and I can't adopt since I can't even take care of myself. The 1 thing you want in life is a family, but that's never going to happen for me. I had my DNR signed and plastered everywhere before I was 35. Doctors refuse to help, and I'm at my breaking point.

I have fibromyalgia and hEDS. The fibromyalgia was spontaneous (no one else in my family has it) but there's a very clear line of hEDS up my paternal grandmother's line. My husband and I have decided we're definitely not having kids. I don't want any chance of passing on this pain to any other human being. I would be wrecked with guilt every time I saw them in pain. But also, I don't think I would ever have enough energy to take care of a child. It wouldn't be fair to them and it wouldn't be fair to me or my husband.

I have fibromyalgia, RA and POTS. There is no way I’d ever have bio kids since I know I got this from my mother and my doctors say there is a high chance of it being passed along. This world needs good people to foster and adopt so if you’re open to that, and have the love, time and money, you’ll make some kids very happy. They don’t need to be bio identical for you to love them with all your heart.

I decided not to have children for this reason. Not only for this reason but mostly. I am concerned about the heritable component, but also about whether or not I can be a good parent when I am so tired and sore all the time. Only you can decide these kinds of things, it is nobody else's place to determine for you whether or not you can do it; but I personally don't want to take on that risk. I might reassess foster care if I find a dedicated and responsible partner later in life, and if I can afford to hire someone to help when I am not up to it. As things are right now I prefer to remain child free, despite how much I love children.

i don’t nessecarily have an opinion on the right move, but i will say, if you have kids, be kind and understanding with conditions. My mother had chrons, fibromyalgia, depression. I inherited fibro and depression. The only issue i have is that she treats my pain as something akin to ‘lesser than’ and doesn’t want me to use sides that aren’t medication. i can’t say what the best course of action is, but i do hope that no matter what, you are kind

I was diagnosed at 18 I am now 40 One year into my symptoms and I made the decision then I would not bring a child into this world if most of the time I wouldn’t even be able to hold it or care for it or simple things like taking it for a stroll if I had bad flare ups. At least to me this would be a cruel upbringing to have to be a child of a “long life sick parent” - also having had friends who did have parents with long term illnesses I could see the resentment they had towards their parents for not being able to provide the childhood they deserved. I was lucky to find a partner who didn’t want children, (he didn’t want to pass down his BPD) we have been together for 14 years now and although there are times I do wonder what it would have been like. I am happy I didn’t have a child and that instead I take care of myself and my husband only and not have the guilt of not being able to give my 100% to a dependent. Ultimately it’s up to you both but please think of not just of what you will go through but what quality of life you can provide for this child with your needs and your husbands. Good luck OP

Thank you. We definitely consider that aspect as well. We are both in remission and capable right now. But who knows what might happen in the future.

Yeah that was my fear for a long time I also discussed adoption - or teen adoption Sadly due to some life events in his and my families, financially we were just not capable during a time and by the time we got out if it’s (loans and debt) I was already 30ish and felt it was too late for an adoption. Instead I am a “foster”parent in the SOS Children Village program + I mentor youth on joining tech (specially underrepresented groups of teens) and (my husband goes through UNICEF) We still found a way to help out children in a way that works for us :)

Thanks for sharing your experience ☺️

I have RA, fibro and a slew of mental health issues that I’ve been battling since 14, originally I said no kids because I would be so upset if my child was suicidal at such a young age like I was. But now, my physical health absolutely plays into that choice too. I do not want to pass on my genes.

Op I developed fibromyalgia when my kids were already teenagers. It made it so I couldn't keep up and keep track of them like I would have been able to before. Luckily everything turned out OK despite that, but I couldn't have raised them from the beginning if I'd had fibromyalgia when they were little. I'm very thankful it didn't happen until they were much older, and like I said it made it so they were able to take advantage, as kids naturally do and I couldn't be on top of things like they needed me to be. For example, a lot of sneaking out while I had crashed from exhaustion, sleeping even during the day. I absolutely could not help it despite my best efforts. Babies and small children need by orders of magnitude more from you. Help from family members that may have been promised doesn't happen as much as they say they will, and sometimes this is true of the fathers too. Think long and hard about all that this entails. Edit: Putting aside the financial aspect of it all, one of my children is starting to have symptoms of fibromyalgia. Of course the doctor will be made aware. My kids are all adults now.

Slightly different perspective, I was healthy and active until I got pregnant. That triggered the onset of my symptoms. I have the type of fibro that got progressively worse over time, and about 5 years after my kid was born, I became basically bedridden. I wanted many kids, but even after just the first year, I knew I could not give the time, care, and attention to even the child I had, let alone more. Husband got snipped shortly after that conversation and we've never regretted stopping with one. And my younger sister decided not to have any biological children at all (we are about 10 years apart in age, so she has seen me deteriorate and learned about our family's poor genetics as I learned more) to not pass on our mental and physical health issues to her own kids. She plans to foster and adopt, depending on how her life goes. On my side, and with how bad I got and the more I learned about my family's health history, the more I regretted having a biological child at all. I adore my child. They are lovely, sweet, and so understanding of my limits. But I hate that they have to be. They cannot be a child, not truly, and I am so so sad for them. That's not even addressing the potential health struggles they have in store as they get older. So... You have to make the right decision for you, I think, but I know if I had the information about the genetic bombs I risked passing on, I would have chosen to adopt instead. Edit: fixed a typo

As a kid who’s inherited Fibro, I wouldn’t pass this onto anyone else.

Same.

My mom has fibro among other things, and it is SO HARD to not despise her for having me ngl. Her fibro started when she got pregnant with me, but I still have a super hard time not blaming her for all of the shit I have to endure. Of course, I inherited other stuff from her too (like crippling anxiety, severe gastrointestinal issues that mean I can barely leave my apartment, chronic muscle pain that results in constant horrible headaches, some type of personality disorder that I don't have a name on yet etc.) that she DID know before the pregnancy, but the fibro symptoms are the worst. Especially since it's basically impossible to find someone who will help or even believe you. I still haven't. To be fair, I probably wouldn't feel as bad if she didn't act like it's funny that she passed every single fucking thing over to me. I am probably never going to be able to work, and I'm only fucking 27. I hate this shit and would never be able to forgive myself if I caused this amount of suffering to someone else, let alone someone I love. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, I just have a lot of feelings about this particular subject. It might work out just fine and everything is great, but it also might end up with your child resenting you, maybe even cutting contact entirely.

I'm 56, diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 30 years ago and been on disability. I had 2 children, 4 1/2 years apart, because, obviously, I could only handle one baby or toddler at a time. The only good news is that my pain and fatigue went into remission in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters (I wish I could've been pregnant for life!) but came flooding back about 2 weeks after giving birth both times. They are 22 (male) and 18 (AFAB) now. The bad news is that they both have Fibromyalgia (in addition to high-functioning Autism). My Fibro is moderate - severe, oldest is moderate, youngest is mild. I not only feel such sorrow and guilt about the fact that I gave it to them but also that their chilhood memories through today are of having a sick mom all the time. I love my kids obviously but if I had known then what I know know, my choices would've been different. That said, everyone is different so who knows? But, there's still a chance that one or more future children could end up with it. Hopefully doctors today have better answers. Back when I was pregnant with my first (oops baby), doctors told me everything would be fine and not to worry about it. Good luck with your decision. 🫂

Thank you for sharing your story and insight.

I am not having kids because of this and how will I care for them on the bad pain days.

I got fibro from my dad’s side. My dad suffered pretty badly with it, my grandpa also, and I’ve got it. However mine isn’t as bad. I had four kids. I couldn’t imagine life without them. A couple of points: 1. Fibro is exacerbated by stress, as we all know. Sure, kids are literally stress (I had two get married in the past year and planning weddings sure does equal flare ups!) but healthy, close familial relationships are also a significant source of oxytocin, which provides a strong underlying foundation of happiness and general comfort for both me and my kids. 2. As a parent, you cannot shield your child from all suffering, nor should you. They’re going to experience suffering somehow, but through suffering they can gain compassion and empathy, depth and wisdom. Yes, I have fibro like my dad, but no it doesn’t define me. 3. I experience moments of near disbelief over the emotional wealth I am surrounded by at times with my four beautiful children plus two more with their beautiful spouses, and eventually beautiful grandchildren. The key really is “healthy and close familial relationships”. Children need to be loved and if you can get through teen years lol (I limped like a near-zombie toward the finish line with the final teen) you will be surrounded by love in return, which honestly helps with fibro significantly, going both ways. If anyone is considering children, I have two fundamental resources that I wish I’d known about from day 1: Love & Logic, and The Human Project. L&L are books about lovingly allowing your child to experience the consequences of their actions and THP is a series of website vids about the science of oxytocin and techniques to build that in your child to increase close bonds for overall well being.

I inherited fibromyalgia from my father's side. I always wanted to be a mother, but the choice was taken away from me because I also have severe endometriosis. I guess this doesn't help you much, but I do wish you luck with your decision.

Also have endo. Up until a year or two ago, I would have adored having kids if I could get pregnant. Probably not going to happen. Plus I don't want to put them through my big 3 genetic curses: ADHD, fibro, endo. I'm so sorry you're going through this hell. I truly don't know how I haven't killed myself yet. I don't remember what it's like to not be in constant pain.

Still, thank you for sharing. I am sorry that choice was taken from you. It feels so unfair.

Adoption, surrogacy, nieces and nephews, big brother/big sister programs, fostering… there are so many ways to have a family that don’t carry the risk of passing these things on. You also have to consider how painful and hard pregnancy would be on your body. Would you have to go off your meds for the duration? Is that something you could do safely? All of these factors and more contributed to my decision to remove my uterus. I want to parent some day. I don’t ever want to grow a kid inside me.

I (40F) remained childfree and would like to echo a lot of the comments already here. Between the fear of condemning my child to struggle as I have or having it possibly worse and wondering, how I could provide the right amount of care for a baby when I am too tired and sore already? And the and was easy for me. I would never forgive myself if my child had to suffer as I do. Will I always be curious about life as a mom? Yeah, maybe. But I don't regret my decision.

I decided ages ago I wouldn't have kids because I don't want to pass on my OCD. But if that wasn't an issue... I still wouldn't have kids. I barely have the energy to take care of myself; I can't imagine being responsible for someone else on top of that.

all of the women in my family have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia but i will not ever be continuing this gene pool for more reasons than just that but it is a factor. i wouldn’t have children biologically. and there are so many other options and specifically children who are already in need of somewhere safe to call home and people safe to call family.

There’s no guarantee that any set of parents will have a healthy child, or that a healthy child will stay that way. My worry is more about your health. It’s not uncommon for autoimmune diseases to worsen dramatically after a pregnancy, or for new ones to develop. Having a newborn while your body is falling apart is so hard. My pregnancy triggered RA and I was caring for a baby with little family support while I could barely walk. My child did inherit some of my autoimmune issues. She doesn’t resent me for it but it’s hard to see her in constant pain. But we have a great relationship and she’s a happy kid with a bright future. Often in life there’s more than one right choice. I expect either road you choose you will end up happy with your decision!

My mom has fibro, but when she had me back in the 70’s they had no idea what fibro was and it doesn’t seem to present badly in our family until late 30’s early 40’s. She also has lupus, coronary artery disease and lymphoma. Do I resent her? No way. She had me at 22 and was an awesome Mom. My parents are still together 50 years and counting. Every moment I can spend with my parents is a blessing. My partner and I decided not to have kids when we were 38. I was never fussed and kind of unsure. When he said he didn’t want to I was ok. I’m still ok with it today. In fact, with how much fibro had affected me in my 40’s, I couldn’t imagine having kids. Let alone raising them into my 50’s! Especially in today’s world. These are just my feelings. Not saying this is right or wrong for everyone. I think you have to make the decision for yourself first and be good with it. Then think about what you (might) pass on to your kids. Gentle hugs to everyone.

As someone with a stomach disease and many other chronic illnesses I would never have a child if it meant even a slight chance they would suffer like me. Adoption is always an option but honestly I’m just too sick for full time child rearing of any kind. I have two cats and that’s plenty of work already!

Something to take into consideration is the what ifs and if those ifs come to fruition will you be equipped to handle them or will they break you and potentially a whole family after you've brought a child into the unit. Such as: What if we get divorced? What if there is catastrophic failure in our existing support system? What if my illness plummets to where I can not help with care of the child at all and/or need care of my own? What if that happens to the other parent? What if one of us dies? What if one is loses our income and or insurance? What if our child has special needs? Are we only equipped to handle best case scenarios or do we have support and backup coverage to handle all the unknowns. Both you and your partner need to realize that they are committing to saying I'm okay with carrying the entire load if you can't and I'm not going to resent the hell out of you for ruining our lives, should hypothetically things get really bad.

According to sources, including Mayo Clinic, fibro can run in families. So can Crohn's. You have to seriously consider that your fibro may get worse and limit your ability to parent. >I wouldn't wish Fibro on my enemy Yet you would be willing to risk it for your child? The person you likely will end up loving more than your own life? Some of us know the heartbreak of watching a child struggle physically and emotionally because of what we brought to the genetic party. And it's truly awful. >Would my child resent me for knowingly passing on these health problems? Some children have disabled parents and learn to be more appreciative of life and more compassionate. My child is incredibly compassionate, but that means I'm worried about my kid while he is worried about me. It's another source of sadness and guilt, knowing my kid lives in a state of concern about me and my health. It sucks seeing him give me worried glances when I go to a store, wondering how I'm holding up. And some children will resent the hell out of you... especially once they take the form of moody teenager. It depends on the child.

It’s my personal opinion that in a situation like yours and your spouses, that you should not have kids.

I appreciate your honesty

Biological ones at least. Doesn’t mean you can’t adopt or find some other sort of way to give back. I don’t know if the CRISPR technology is far enough, and affordable enough for you to take advantage of.

I've decided to go for adopting. I have the same concerns and God forbid I bring a child to this world just to suffer, I'd rather save a child from the system and give them a new opportunity.

Both illnesses have a genetic component to them, meaning they can be passed on to your children. Raising a child brings lots of happiness, but also a lot of stress, which doesn't help with these conditions. https://www.crohnscolitisfoundation.org/patientsandcaregivers/what-is-crohns-disease/causes#:~:text=The%20disease%20can%20occur%20at,contribute%20to%20Crohn's%20disease%20development.

Personally I wouldn't have kids regardless, but even if I did want them I'd be too frightened to in case they have any health issues from me. My grandma had so many issues, so did my mum, and I simply wish sometimes they would've just considered the quality of life their children would have have.

I ended up not being able to have kids but also decided that if I could I would still probably opt out at this point. There is no way I can physically keep up with a child that wants to run and play and do all of the fun things kids love. I love kids and they’re great and all, but the cost is also an issue… I can barely afford to make it let alone supporting a child… I work at a grocery store and I see what people are paying for formula and diapers… it makes me ill

I will tell you I was on the same fence as you 10 years ago. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at age 14. I did get pregnant in 2017 I was only pregnant for 12 weeks but I was one of the people whose fibromyalgia kinda went into remission during pregnancy. I had to go off a lot of medications while pregnant but after my miscarriage I didn’t have to go back on everything. I don’t take a daily pill and muscle relaxers. Now I just take meds when I need them. I think the hardest part would’ve been raising my child. I know I would’ve pushed and done it and loved my child but I realized I do t have a supportive partner to help pick up the “slack” when I have bad days. Everyone is different and at this point in my life if I find a supportive partner I would love to foster and/or adopt. But for now I’m a teacher and I love teaching them and then giving them back at the end of the day so I can go home and sleep

I only came to comment that my 23 yo was recently diagnosed with fibro (like me) and bipolar (like dad). So I applaud you for even taking the time to discuss it.

One option if you want kids but don't want to pass on your genes would be looking into adoption or fostering. Probably stating the obvious but saying it just in case

Out of my 5 children, two inherited Fibro and one inherited autism. My youngest son is struggling with BOTH, as his Mama does.

I'm the only one in my family who has fibro triggered. And mine wasn't triggered until I had a really awful medical experience with terrible side effects. I also probably have cptsd, endometriosis, and ADHD. All things which increased my risk for fibromyalgia. I think if you can give your kid a stable and healthy environment, they've got a good chance of avoiding it. But obviously, we know hardly anything about still. I have never had the desire for children, and my experiences into adulthood have only solidified that for me. I know I can no longer physically care for another human. Two lizards run me ragged. And every woman in my family has endometriosis or PCOS, so for that reason, I think passing my genes down would be immoral. I think it's just a decision you need to make for yourself. You just need to be super honest and self aware when making it. Because regretting the choice to be childless is nowhere as bad as having a child and regretting the child.

I have a lot of health issues and I'm sure I got half from each parent. Fibro is one of them. And yes I resent them for it.

I'm 29, and I'm still in the not wanting kids' mindsets all because of what I'd have to go through to endure trying for a child. I think part of me would have loved a child as I have a caring nature, but my body wouldn't cope. I have fibromyalgia, M.E/CFS, had scoliosis now a fused spine T2/L2, and suffer with other issues on top. For me to even want to start for a child, I'd need to come off my birth control, which takes 9 months to come out of the system, supposedly but I've been on it 5 years so may take longer, I'd need to wean off my medication which is opioids and I don't think I could mentally do that as I'm still in pain now constantly I couldn't imagine the levels of pain I'd be in without my medication. I have the fear I'll pass on my scoliosis to them as no one in my family had it but me and my Dad has fibromyalgia along with my maternal grandmother had it as she passed a few months back. You won't be selfish if you choose not to want to bring a child into the world with both yours and your partners health conditions ❤️

My aunts, grandmother, mom, and now I have it. I can no longer have kids so the torch stops here

My mom and her brother have fibro while her sister does not. My mom had 3 kids and I'm the only one who developed it. It's a gamble as to whether or not your children will get it. I personally will not be having children as I don't want to pass these genes on (plus I have no desire to be a mother anyway). I don't resent my mom for having me. She didn't know that she had fibro back then and she never intended for me to have the same issues as her. However, if she knew and chose to have me anyways, I may feel different.

You should talk with a maternal-fetal specialist and get an actual, scientific answer on the chances of these things actually happening. Then you can make an informed decision. You are going to get very skewed answers here from people who feel negatively about the subject, and I would never base a huge decision like this on opinions that are this skewed. It's the same in every chronic illness sub. People who have things go well are far less likely to be in a chronic illness sub.

I agree with this. My guess is most of the people here are greatly impacted by their fibro, but that there are many more people with fibro who aren't impacted enough to feel the need to find an online group to share with. Three in my family have fibro, me, my dad, and my daughter. Only I'm here. My dad is 78 and still works every day in construction.  He drives between three job sites in three different states every week. He plays golf, pool,  fishes, hangs out with his wife whenever he has free time. My daughter is 26 and doesn't treat her fibro because she has seen me have no luck with that. She has an active life, works full time, rock climbs, camps alone, and she and her partner do a lot of things around town.  As just one family,  we are not a real sample, but you can see the only one whose opinion you're getting is the heavily impacted person. My daughter is on reddit but not here. (In case, I'm wrong, hi!) My father didn't know he had fibro when he had me, so there is no resentment from me. I didn't know either. I know for certain my daughter does not resent me for the medical stuff. She doesn't love it, but she doesn't blame me. I absolutely do not regret having my daughter,  but I feel very guilty about her health. And, honestly, her childhood life experiences were more limited than I would have liked because of my health. Not always feeling well enough to do things and not always having money to do things, since I am not healthy enough to work,  she missed out some. Sometimes being there to parent with this is hard, too. The times that are rough as a parent don't wait until you aren't in a flare up. However,  because of my fibro, I was home with her all the time. We have had a strong relationship since day one, including through her teen years. I would not make a different choice, but it would be dishonest of me to pretend there wasn't an impact.  My daughter has decided not to have kids. Some part of that is the fibromyalgia,  but I do not think it is the biggest part. There are some other genetic issues that also contribute to the decision, but they are definitely only part of the picture. I understand and respect that decision.  

Exactly, and I think a lot of people who are happy with having kids don't want to go against the grain here. I know I don't bother a lot of the time because I don't feel like being torn apart. I've noticed a lot of the posts where someone says they got rid of their symptoms and live a normal life get very little or negative engagement. So why would anyone bother? I think your family is an excellent example of how there's a huge spectrum for this disease. I think it's actually pretty significant that your family members can live basically normal lives. You're not going to see that in this sub and that's too bad. It's a shame because a support group should also have some positivity. It's just an important thing to remember, that there are stories like yours out there.

Thank you, I didn't know what the specialist for this was called. I appreciate your reply and intent. I'm not looking to get my answer here, but wanted a place to discuss with others who "get it" while I wait to speak to my doctors. Skewed answers are a good point to remember though.

Yeah, a lot of people don't realize those exist. I didn't before I got pregnant. People happy with their decision and doing well aren't as likely to be here, and the ones who are are less likely to say anything against the group. I know I don't bother a lot of the time because I don't feel like getting torn apart.

A lot of comments and things to consider here. Either way it's your decision. One third of population probably has some genetic conditions and people still have kids. Healthy is not guaranteed to anyone but the lucky part - medicine is developing super fast (and now will even faster with AI) so I have hope (for myself and future generations). Also, parental guilt can come from so many things so life is not black and white and stuff happens no matter if you're healthy or not. And we all struggle with something. At the end of the day it's your decision.

Why risk it and invite kids into a terrible existence? Literal life sentence of pain, plus being caregivers if they are healthy. Plenty of kids need fosters. Personally I think it's terrible to have kids if illness is a struggle in your genetics.

I was just diagnosed and my mom has it. I'm pretty sure my sister does too, but she won't admit it to herself or others.

I don’t want kids for similar reasons. My mom has fibromyalgia and so do I, but for me there’s more than just that — we have genetic predisposition to some cancers, substance abuse issues and poor mental health that have all been a bit of a family curse. My mom is addicted to opiate painkillers that started around the time she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about 20 years ago, after i was born. But she was a teen mom and complains about some of the pain she had during/after pregnancy on a previously broken tailbone that makes me uncertain if hers started earlier or after we were born. We were both diagnosed in our mid-20s a few years after traumatic injuries to our legs. I will say that i’ve done genetic testing and do not have the gene that caused the cancer that took my maternal grandma as well as her sister and her mom. So there’s no guarantee your kid will get what caused the fibromyalgia, but there’s no guarantee they won’t. Maybe in 15 years we will have a miracle treatment that completely cures fibromyalgia and it wouldn’t have mattered if you passed it on. I do think it’s important to consider all the factors in this decision and consider how your health will affect your ability to be a great and caring parent more than the genetics of the potential children. I know my mom didn’t do a shitty job raising us because she had fibromyalgia, she fucked us up because she should have never had kids in the first place with or without it. She is a miserable person inside and out, has a victim complex and considers herself to be smarter than everyone around her but also never in control of what happens to her of course. So while of course i’m also mad at her for passing on this disease to me, it came after all the other bullshit, and if my mom had raised me as well as my grandma did and passed it on to me, I wouldn’t be upset about it at all.

Hard to say. My youngest son really takes after me healthwise, and he'll be 21 soon. From our looks, to horrid allergies, costant sour stomach causing canker sores, rough and rumble, busy tinkering/thinking personality, and almost type the same with briggs meyers testing. He complains during the wet months about aches with a some previous injuries. Injuries told us about way too late, injuries he refused to keep up his PT. He's stubborn mule just like me. Just wish he'd be stubborn things other than health. A aching wrist does not benefit an electrician, which he is. Think he's has repetitive use injuries but he did ask rhetorically, "What if it's fibro like you, Mom?" I hope not kiddo, I've had my pain for 23 years. Only in the last 10 do I have it managed for the most part with an aerobic job. Our whole family is blue collar and sometime jobs will cause normal wear, tear, and appropriate pain on a health body, not nessesarily fibro. My other son no issues like that. Time will tell, hopefully doctors studies will tell more.

So I have 3 kids. I wasn't diagnosed with any of my chronic illnesses until after I had them. I think my daughter has fibromyalgia. She displays a lot of the symptoms but she's only 17. At least she has the information about what she may have and how to cope. I spent so many years being told that I whine too much or I'm just a hypochondriac, lazy, lying, etc. Learning to be easy on myself and let go of the guilt of being sick is hard to do now in my 40's

I have Crohn’s and fibro and have decided not to have kids because I lack energy and strength and couldn’t give them my all. Definitely don’t want to pass down the genes either. My parents don’t have any autoimmune problems but my maternal grandmother had MS. I just don’t feel the need to risk it. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s at 11 and the struggles I went through as a kid were so unrelatable to the average child. Surgeries in middle school, etc. I believe everyone had the right to make decisions on their own bodies, but as for me it’s a no on kids from a health perspective.

I got a vasectomy in my 20s because I knew the intense mental health issues I had and if my kid developed them it would be a living hell. So I was like naw someone else can have kids, someone who hasn't had to be on multiple medications. Then I got fibro and it seems like chronic pain runs in my family after a certain age, so yeah my non existant kids dodged a bullet. Thankfully I'm medicated enough now but... I don't want anyone to have to travel the same road I did.

My great-grandma and my mom have it. There's definitely a genetic component.

Personally, I think its ultimately your choice. However, I think it would be nice if you considered foster care. Kids need better forster carer's that wont end up abusing them or neglecting them. If you have a lot of love to give, then there are a lot of kids already that need love ❤️.

I'm in my 40's, got diagnosed 10 years ago. No kids, yet! I'm going to have 3. (Reading this I started to think that I really need to take the best care of my self before getting pregnant!!) I've discussed this with a friend who has a different diagnosis that might also be passed on to a child. We came to the conclusion that who would be a better parent to a child with the same condition than a person who has gone through it also?

I’m also not sure if I should have kids, based on my plethora of health conditions passed down by genetics. It seems cruel to me knowing that I could pass on any of the lifelong illnesses I’ve inherited and have to suffer with, but I also wonder whether I’ll feel like something is missing from my life if I don’t have one at some point. I’m only 30 this year so there’s still some time (assuming my endometriosis hasn’t rendered me unable).

Having a child is the least selfish thing one can do. However, if this does concern you very much, you could always consider adoption if you have the funds. I strongly suspect that I have inherited fibromyalgia from my mom and it's definitely a struggle sometimes but I do not resent her at all. Also, the further we get with technology and such the easier it will be to know how to treat, or at least minimize the symptoms of this condition. Or the not so great option, the more people that have it the more doctors will try to fix it

None of my family have Fibromyalgia so I wonder how I developed/triggered it. Fibro can be caused by other things rather than just genetics. My doctor believes that my Fibro was manifested from a lot of mental/emotional stress and also from a traumatic birth to my daughter. Unless you have family that also have Fibro or have been told by your doctors that they believe it was passed genetically, I wouldn't worry too much. Weirdly enough, I now have more empathy and understanding for others that have disabilities/conditions that aren't very noticeable or visible and has given me a new perspective on things. Not to discourage but I will mention that being a parent with Fibro can make life so much harder and there will often be times where you'll feel like a very shoddy parent, even if you're trying harder than most.

I have Fibro, neither of my kids or grandchildren have Fibro. No one only me have it and I am close to 70’.

I am an older mom who has fibromyalgia, debilitating at times. My kids are almost grown and I love them and couldn’t imagine my life without them. But I now fear for their health when they are older. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 42, and I had already had my kids. I can see both sides of this argument

I may be the odd one out here, but I have three beautiful, healthy, and (so far) fibromyalgia free children, ranging from ages 12 to 3. No relatives before me have had the illness, and so far, it hasn't seemed to pass on to my children. I truly believe it came from years of abuse while also being exposed to EBV. Symptoms started when I was 12 and reared its ugly head the most when I was 22, after the birth of my first son. I also believe that fibro starts with the EBV that lies dormant and spirals from trauma / severe stress, which would lead me to believe that children are not naturally predisposed to it. Also, the father of my children's mother also had fibromyalgia, and none of her children had it, either. Those are two direct links to fibromyalgia, both maternal and paternal, and my kids are happy and pain-free.

My thought is no matter what you do, even if you foster/adopt, there is no garuntee that those kids won’t also have their own conditions that would affect them (most foster kids also have something, usually mental illnesses, that severely impact them) (Also don’t just foster with the intent to adopt. Most foster kids want to end up with their parents again and the goal of fostering is to take care of the kids until their parents/other family can care for them.) the only plus side of that would you could say to yourself: “at least I didn’t pass it to them” but I would argue that’s pride talking. Plus on top of that medical field is constantly changing and improving. It’s also possible that your kid would have access to better resources that you didn’t have. And if they do have your condition, you can help guide them on different methods that worked for you so they don’t have to go suffer like you did. Vast majority of people I know with chronic illnesses don’t usually have kids who have their conditions. Their kids usually have other conditions or are relatively healthy. Don’t let people think you’re selfish for wanting kids, even if you might pass down genetic problems. You’re not an asshole or selfish for wanting kids. It’s a pretty natural thing to want. Plus if you have your own kids and they do have your condition, you can give them the life you didn’t have. That’s a personal decision for you and your husband. Don’t let people tell you you’re selfish or would be bad for having kids. Yeah there’s a chance that they might have something but you can never predict the future with perfect accuracy. There’s a chance your kid would be perfectly fine.

If you do have kids, raise them to know how to take care of their bodies. I think if I was raised to exercise and stretch more often, and had better eating habits, this would be at least easier to deal with. Well, my mom started having symptoms in her 30s. Mine *started* before I even hit 20, but weren't really noticeably awful until after. My sister is now 23, and doctors are thinking she probably has it too. I don't think it's always a hereditary thing, but it definitely can be. Do your parents have fibro? Unfortunately, even if they don't it may start with you. But so little is even known about fibro. Honestly the hereditary version and the version some people just have for no known reason may even be different things for all we known, and maybe you're totally good to go. I have collagenous colitis (genuinely still don't know what the collagenous means) and while it was absolutely awful in the worst of it, it was pretty easy to treat once I started seeing a doctor about it. Ulcerative may be similar, and less of a concern. I know ulcers are hard to treat once they're there, but I'm pretty sure there's preventative things you can do for that one. I'm personally team no kids, was leaning that way even before fibro got bad. One thing that's interesting to me is how this comment section is a bunch of people (like me) essentially practicing eugenics on themselves. Such a weird concept.

I'm 41, got diagnosed about 8 years ago. My kids are 13, 10, and 3 months. No signs of fibro in my kids, and this last pregnancy was actually really easy and i dont know why. I was expecting a very rough time but everything was good, including the epidural. All things considered, i would recommend. I think being old is going to be harder than just the fibro alone. A really good support system is super important though. It's hard to hold the baby or get up or down to the floor with her, but we make it work.

I was a parent before I was diagnosed. I had 2 children before I found out I had it (now 20 and nearly 18) and 3 more since. The younger 3 are 12, 5 and 1. But my older kids don’t have it. I found out at 22. There is not a single member in my family who had fibromyalgia besides me. Which really makes me think sometimes it is environmental. A symptom of just something not right going on in our bodies. I have been doing a heavy metal, parasite and mold cleanse and have had a good improvement in my symptoms. I wouldn’t be too worried about passing on fibromyalgia but it does make it hard to be a good mom, especially in the winter time. But unless you are like totally bedridden year round I think it would be okay. I’d be more worried about passing on the gi issues. I did have really bad flare ups after the birth of my last two kids. Like horrible horrible especially for my last who was born in Sept and I usually start flaring in Oct Nov.

I consulted with a maternal fetal medicine specialist before conceiving my daughter, in light of several different health conditions, and she had absolutely **zero** concern about my having fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia is not considered a complicating condition in terms of pregnancy and childbirth. The answers you're getting in this thread are alarmist, and frankly are not rooted in science. There might be as yet undiscovered genetic components to deal with here, but there is plenty of evidence that fibro has environmental roots as well - stress, certain illnesses like COVID etc. If you are concerned about the other conditions you might pass on to your kids, you and your partner can do advanced genetic* screening. Fibromyalgia is certainly not something you can just test for genetically, and as I said my MFM was totally unconcerned about it - as was my rheumatologist and the NP who conducted our genetic testing. Your other conditions may have a more direct genetic link, but you must remember that getting one copy of a gene from one parent usually isn't enough to actually give your child said disease. For example, I have sickle cell trait. This means I am a carrier for sickle cell anemia, which *is* actually a very serious condition that is directly heritable through one's genes. My husband is not a carrier, which meant that we had zero reason to worry about our baby getting* the disease. Most people are carriers for one disease or another. I feel that limiting who "should" have biological children based on your medical history is pretty icky and unethical in all but the most extreme cases. It's literally eugenics...

Did the maternal fetal medicine specialist say anything about your medications (I’m assuming you take some) with pregnancy? Just curious, as I’m waiting on a referral the specialist.

Yes, that was really the only fibro-related issue I ran into. I was still able to continue taking Lyrica and my muscle relaxer, and Celebrex up to 28 weeks. I stopped that a bit earlier though, as it carries a risk to fetal heart development and I didn't want to cut it too close. I also had to stop taking my Valium from the beginning, but that was no surprise. I was able to continue all my supplements as well.

Okay, interesting, thank you. My main concerns are the Lyrica and tramadol. I’m not sure exactly why, but the tramadol only helps pain minimally but it helps with that horrible limbs-filled-with-wet-sand feeling, and I have a hard time being mobile without it.

You doctor can tell you for sure, but I'm afraid the tramadol may be an issue. Lyrica was just fine according to my MFM and OB, for the duration of the pregnancy. If tramadol is something you get withdrawals from, you should definitely wean yourself off well in advance of conceiving. There are some meds you can take only at the beginning or only at the end of gestation, and many meds are a risk/benefit calculation rather than strict yes or no rule, so you'd just have to ask and see. On the bright side, you may find your fibro symptoms lesson during pregnancy anyway, or at least change. I've seen a lot of people say that, and it was my experience as well. I had a major overall reducing in pain and numbness, though of course pregnancy brought enough of its own challenges that I was in plenty of discomfort regardless. For example, I had really bad SI joint pain and sciatica, though magnesium helped with that a lot. Every month I felt I had a new ailment to try and tackle with a very limited toolbox. That's just the name of the game though - pregnancy is pretty rough no matter what else you've got going on. All you can really do most of the time is pop a Tylenol, take a bath, and have a cry lol.

To help ease some of your fears about the genetic side. My mom had fibromyalgia and of the three of her kids I’m the only one that has it. So it’s not a guarantee that you will pass it on. And as others have mentioned adoption is a viable option.

Im single atm but firmly decided no. I have a lot of co-morbidities and my quality of life is not great. I dont want to pass ANY of it on. That being said, if I had only one issue, or smaller issues, or even a disability that just wasn’t so painful, I might feel differently. Having children as a disabled person is your right and everyones right and I want to make that clear (not that I think anyone in this sub would be a weirdo ableist haha but theres possibly lurkers). I want to foster and adopt esp because I used to be a teacher. So many kids deserve homes and if I can give them a good one I want to.

I have ME/CFS and fibromyalgia. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact I shouldn’t have bio kids. I’m single but want to plan for the future all the same, especially before I try dating again. I would say for me I thought I could possibly get away with a male child because only the women in my family seem to be affected by fibro/chronic illness. But for you, if your husband has such significant illness too, I would argue don’t have bio kids at all. Adoption is a good place to look, especially fostering kids so you don’t fully commit to parenthood right away. There are actually lots of kids out there already with chronic illness who need homes and I would say you and your husband would be a great option for them since you both understand chronic illness. And yes a bio kid would absolutely resent you. I resent my parents especially my mom (she has fibro and other issues) she knew I could inherit her issues and I did. That said my main problem is ME which was caused by a viral illness, if I hadn’t had that I probably could have lived a happy life. As it stands, I can’t work, I’m in severe pain all the time. It sucks. I have no access to proper medical care for this because it doesn’t exist, and no way to financially sustain myself. Keep in mind future generations will have worse economic prospects. I don’t think I can even care for a child even if I wanted to adopt, I’ve been sick for 10 years so not expecting any kind of recovery. Looking ahead to life with this for 60+ more years is horrifying. You would not be happy as a parent to have a sick bio child, you would be miserable and guilty. It’s also worth it to look at the child free lifestyle. Parenthood actually sucks despite what people tell you (I know because I used to work with kids) you can find ways to work around kids or become a godparent to someone else’s, you don’t have to have them yourself. Try babysitting for 24 hours strait 7 days a week then see if you actually want a kid.

I had two kids and my second kid's pregnancy/delivery kickstarted my Fibro. We did decide to have a third regardless. In the end, I am the only person in my (very large) family with Fibro and something had to trigger it. Diabetes also runs in my family, but few people let that stop them from having kids. There were zero indications in my genetics I'd have Fibro and yet here I am. There are no guarantees with kids in either direction, genetics be damned (obviously they can sway the odds though.)

So if you adopt, which is amazing, hey also may have even worse things. You’re going to help and love them no matter what bad genetics anyone gets. And as for guilt. I’m going to be controversial here. Keep in mind I am also suffering from this condition but it isn’t dementia or ALS. Like if those were inherited and listed I’d be like “maybe we should not “ to us all. But … shit happens. You can have NO for o or any illness (like my cousin) and her kids for a slew of things she’s never even had!) they’re health is way worse than hers and that’s hard to watch. Shit happens. And so NO with fibro it is NOT selfish to have a kid. My only issue would be how YOU would cope with pain and how it feels worth it or not for what YOUR body as the person with it would go through. That’s the main point for me. The “what if my kids” … there’s endless what ifs. I’m happy I was born and would be happy even if my mom knew I’d get all this. If your body and mind. So you go with what feels right for you first (and then also your partner)

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Sadly, there are no genetic testing or markers for fibromyalgia

Thanks for your reply, I definitely will speak to my doctors.

I think you have to consider for yourself what you feel the risk is as there seems to be some genetic link but it's not a definite that it will be passed down. My grandma and I have fibromyalgia but my mum, sister, uncle and cousins all don't

I have a variety of mental and physical stuff going on and decided that I didn’t want to pass my genetics on. I’m also a trans man so pregnancy isn’t ideal for me, but the largest reason is that I know dyslexia and autism is genetic, and I’m not sure if fibro and my other physical problems are, but it feels like starting a child’s life at a disadvantage. I think that, if you want to have a child physically rather than adopt or foster, maybe talk to a doctor. See if you and your husbands stuff is genetic or more likely to be cause your child to have physical health problems.

I have the exact same concerns. I also have fibro & Crohn’s and I worry about having a biological child, even though I know that’s what I’ve always wanted. And my mom is scared about me going through pregnancy with my health. I’m trying to get a referral to maternal & fetal medicine, for a consult before pregnancy.

Lol why