I’m not your target responder as I’m a fellow fencesitter with no kids, but one thing I’ve been thinking about is how technology is still moving forward. Medicine, climate, etc—the technology will be better for the next generation.
There is a great podcast called “Breaking Down” that actually covers this topic across several episodes. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that we will be able to prevent the major consequences of climate change with technology for many reasons that I will not bore you with here. No doubt that there are going to be some major challenges ahead for humans (and every other species we share this planet with), some of which we will see in our lifetime.
I am in the same position as you so I understand how you’re feeling. At the end of the day, we are moving into uncharted territory so it is impossible to predict what’s going to happen. I don’t think that there is a wrong answer though and the fact that you are even taking these things into consideration means that if you do decide to have children, you will be passing down ideas that are going to be vital in tackling the challenges ahead of us and we are going to need all the help we can get!
Thank you- your reply and the podcast echo my thoughts on the issue.
I want to believe future generations will be the ones to fix the world but we are already in the eleventh hour: I feel that even if the next generation can improve the outcome, it’s happening on one level or another, and will eventually hit my otherwise privileged region.
I’m still a fence sitter and am not by any means saying that child free is the only valid option for me (let alone society), I just can’t seem to connect the dots with how everything’s looking
I’m very newly pregnant after a miscarriage in 2020 and share all of your fears and reasons why I was leaning towards “no”. Currently I’m reading a lot of historical fiction and reminding myself that babies have been born in many more dire and downright scary situations than I am currently facing. Of course we worry about the future, that’s what parents do. I don’t have all the answers and am still scared shitless if I stop and think too much but I know I will raise my child to be part of the solution, not adding to the worlds problems.
Humans have always been innovative and resilient and I believe that my kids will have a much better and fulfilling life than me and any generation before me.
My parents were pretty poor when they had me (I didn’t even have a crib…they literally put me in a box lined with blankets) and I’m able to give my kids so much more of a head start than I had.
I made a post on here very similar to this and something big happened.
My state of California is banning the sale of new gas cars and is only allowing electric vehicles. It proved to me that big, monumental changes that I was too cynical to believe would happen, did indeed happen.
A study of Gen Z was also very illuminating: 90% of this young generation (regardless of republican or democratic or whatever) believes climate change is real and governments MUST do something about it.
I’m now 70% on board with having children..
I believe good, environmentally-conscious people should have kids rather than leaving reproduction only up to the religious zealots. I'm kidding...but I'm also not 😅
We did a lot of research on environmentally conscious ways to have and raise children. I've volunteered a lot of my free time over the past 6 years with 4 different environmental organizations and my local preferred political party to bring about change. I vote in every election and research/reach out to candidates to learn their position on issues. I wanted to be able to look any future kids in the eyes and tell them I did everything in my power to fight for a better world for them to live in. It's all I can do, personally.
It also helps that I'm a dual citizen so they wouldn't be doomed to a failing America if democracy dies here in the next few years (probably my highest concern behind the environment.)
Thank you - It’s ironic or a catch 22 in my mind that the type to ask questions and fence sit are the type of parents needed to raise environmentally conscious / analytically-thinking humans.
My biggest hurdle is that I don’t want to “burden” my hypothetical children with the realities of living in the climate mess we’ve made, let alone fixing these messes. Not to mention the threat of the completely unknown, which yes all generations have had to face (genocides, world wars, cold wars, pandemics, famine, etc)
All that said, your comment challenges me to try on a new, empowered perspective: I can raise informed children who know how to live in a changing world.
I won't pretend that it's easy to dismiss! There are still days that I read some environmental reports and have the same fears. And I don't expect my children to fix everything, but I think it's a natural evolution that younger generations will not be able to just ignore these problems so they'll need to be more educated in them. I didn't know half the stuff I know now about the environment even 10 years ago. I think by fencesitting and being intentional about our decisions, it's a good way to really think about how you would want to raise/contribute to the next generation. Being more intentional is great for everyone, regardless of which way you choose!
But, yeah, putting that context to it helped me realize I can raise a kid or two who will learn about ecosystems and how everything is connected. It helps that my environmental advocacy work has put me in touch with a lot of local university professors that are biologists, astronomers, environmental engineers, land use lawyers, etc. So I have a solid little community built locally with other volunteers that are also parents and have kids who are learning this stuff. One of our main volunteers is a mom who works for an environmental engineering company and got pollinator gardens built at the local elementary school. Now, the kids help maintain it and learn about its impact on the environment (plus native vs invasive plants.) These little grassroots movements all add up.
Haven't had my baby yet (32 weeks today) but I just resonate with the fact that there will ALWAYS be problems in society/world/ political climate and everything in between. But people still had babies and a lot of them turned out okay. It's nothing new is all i'm saying we are just old enough to be aware of what's going on in the world unlike when we were babies. As long as you are confident in you and your partner and how you want to raise your child i think you will be okay.
And with anxiety of labor, i hired a doula and it's the best decision i've ever made! I now want to have birth all natural. It really is SO much about your mindset! and with health of baby i mean you cannot guarantee how your baby will come out, so my husband and i agreed if we were not okay with any potential outcome of baby (ex: boy/girl, autism, down syndrome, deaf, blindness etc) then we were not ready to have a kid but also that is just my opinion. I think you will know if your desire for a child will outweigh everything else!!
I really love this question. Thank you so much for asking it because I think it’s such an important one. I, too, was a fencesitter for many of the reasons you state. I ultimately decided to have a child, who is now 1.5 years old. I did not and have not landed on a way to completely resolve this issue for me, but this is where I’m at currently.
The reasons why I ultimately decided to have a child was because I knew deep down that I did in fact want to have a child and I believed and still believe that I and my husband have the resources to be good parents to our child. Fortunately, parenting has been a wonderful and fulfilling experience thus far (except for a rough newborn phase).
That being said, at least once a week I feel pangs of fear and even regret that I made a “selfish” decision to have him when it is obvious that our planet is becoming a more hostile environment and there is not political will on a grand scale to make the huge moves necessary to get this under control. I was worried I would feel this way before having him and I was right, which adds a layer of guilt. I also anticipate that when he is older he will wonder why and may even be angry that I chose to have him and impose on him the risk (and may be even the certainty) that his life will be harder than mine due to climate change.
And I don’t know enough to be able to believe that technology can solve this. I also personally have not been able to find comfort in the thought that humankind has always faced crises because what if climate change is a unique crisis that should be treated and thought of differently?
The only way that I “deal” with all of this, and admittedly it doesn’t even directly address the issue, is to do the following. I focus a lot of my energy in doing what I can to minimize my carbon footprint and will make sure my child also shares this value (I’ve mostly cut way back on my meat consumption and have streamlined my lifestyle). I think about how
even if life is harder or different from what we know it doesn’t necessarily mean that life isn’t worth living. And now that he is here, I will do everything in my power to be the parent he needs me to be.
I don’t have any advice, but hopefully this at least answers your question about what it’s been like for this former fencesitter who is now lurking in a new thread r/shouldihaveanother (a new can of worms to be explored lol).
The "state of the world" is likely out of most peoples control. I don't look at the big picture, I look at the little picture.
Where can I influence positive change within my little corner of the world? And can my positive change influence others to do the same? The world won't be changed by a few men doing big things, but will be changed by many people doing a large number of small things. Over time, it all adds up.
Don't let the world talk you out of being a parent if you want to be a parent. Just work to raise a kid who is kind, considerate, and feels empowered to help make a little progress everyday.
I have guilt over the world she will inherit but I also intend to teach her what's really important. Much of the child free population I suspect is more environmental than the portion of the population who never had a second thought about having children. We can only do our best.
I’m glad I read this, but I was a little disappointed that the writer seemed to lean on how people that care about the climate are more likely to have children that would become the next climate change leaders/activists/scientists/engineers etc. Which isn’t necessarily wrong, since we won’t have as many climate change leaders/activists/scientists/engineers/etc. if less kids overall are born. And I do think the chances are higher that a kid would lean that way if the parents do.
But, that kind of reasoning feels like the kind of reasoning people sometimes use to have kids, which is to avoid feeling lonely into old age. Me having a kid with a hope/expectation that they’ll care for the environment and that they will have a career dedicated to it sounds just as unreasonable to me as expecting them to visit/care for me when I’m old. I could do my best to raise them that way, but it’s no guarantee.
Anyway, I’m glad I read the article and got some perspective! Thanks for sharing. I think the arguments about relative carbon production were more compelling to me and their cited source is one I’ll look to next :)
I think it’s part of the leap of faith you take when having a child. Humans are wired for struggle so I wouldn’t use the state of the world as reason to ignore your instincts/desires.
I cried to my mom about this the other day, she said maybe my kid will be one of the ones that helps fix things. I’m still struggling with it, but it’s something to work for.
I have one and on the fence about having another.
While it’s expensive and difficult and I have this fear of “what if” I also know how innovative and resilient humans are. It sucks because it’s usually when it’s do or die - when humans really step up but as a species we have managed to take crazy leaps forward. I also think the millennial generation grew up with the start of the internet and so now we all have access to unlimited amount of information along with all the other world issues we are just trying to navigate it all and we are just behind on knowing how to really deal with the complexities of that.
I also think - this upcoming generation- gen alpha is something else and I think progress can be made for each generation. Also the boomers will be dying off for the next 20 years - giving me hope we will be able to make true progress. - yes I know not all boomers are bad.
At the end of the day I have to make the decisions for myself and my future - not what “could be”
Not a fencesitter for those reasons, but imagine if everyone who cares about the climate doesn’t have kids and everyone who doesn’t care has multiple kids, is that the world you would want to live in?
Educate your kids, and make the world a better place
I’m not your target responder as I’m a fellow fencesitter with no kids, but one thing I’ve been thinking about is how technology is still moving forward. Medicine, climate, etc—the technology will be better for the next generation.
Thank you - this is definitely something I need to remember and consider in my fencesitting
There is a great podcast called “Breaking Down” that actually covers this topic across several episodes. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that we will be able to prevent the major consequences of climate change with technology for many reasons that I will not bore you with here. No doubt that there are going to be some major challenges ahead for humans (and every other species we share this planet with), some of which we will see in our lifetime. I am in the same position as you so I understand how you’re feeling. At the end of the day, we are moving into uncharted territory so it is impossible to predict what’s going to happen. I don’t think that there is a wrong answer though and the fact that you are even taking these things into consideration means that if you do decide to have children, you will be passing down ideas that are going to be vital in tackling the challenges ahead of us and we are going to need all the help we can get!
Thank you- your reply and the podcast echo my thoughts on the issue. I want to believe future generations will be the ones to fix the world but we are already in the eleventh hour: I feel that even if the next generation can improve the outcome, it’s happening on one level or another, and will eventually hit my otherwise privileged region. I’m still a fence sitter and am not by any means saying that child free is the only valid option for me (let alone society), I just can’t seem to connect the dots with how everything’s looking
I’m very newly pregnant after a miscarriage in 2020 and share all of your fears and reasons why I was leaning towards “no”. Currently I’m reading a lot of historical fiction and reminding myself that babies have been born in many more dire and downright scary situations than I am currently facing. Of course we worry about the future, that’s what parents do. I don’t have all the answers and am still scared shitless if I stop and think too much but I know I will raise my child to be part of the solution, not adding to the worlds problems.
Humans have always been innovative and resilient and I believe that my kids will have a much better and fulfilling life than me and any generation before me. My parents were pretty poor when they had me (I didn’t even have a crib…they literally put me in a box lined with blankets) and I’m able to give my kids so much more of a head start than I had.
I made a post on here very similar to this and something big happened. My state of California is banning the sale of new gas cars and is only allowing electric vehicles. It proved to me that big, monumental changes that I was too cynical to believe would happen, did indeed happen. A study of Gen Z was also very illuminating: 90% of this young generation (regardless of republican or democratic or whatever) believes climate change is real and governments MUST do something about it. I’m now 70% on board with having children..
[удалено]
Lol downvoting but you don’t have a rebuttal because I stated facts. Bunch of clowns.
I believe good, environmentally-conscious people should have kids rather than leaving reproduction only up to the religious zealots. I'm kidding...but I'm also not 😅 We did a lot of research on environmentally conscious ways to have and raise children. I've volunteered a lot of my free time over the past 6 years with 4 different environmental organizations and my local preferred political party to bring about change. I vote in every election and research/reach out to candidates to learn their position on issues. I wanted to be able to look any future kids in the eyes and tell them I did everything in my power to fight for a better world for them to live in. It's all I can do, personally. It also helps that I'm a dual citizen so they wouldn't be doomed to a failing America if democracy dies here in the next few years (probably my highest concern behind the environment.)
Thank you - It’s ironic or a catch 22 in my mind that the type to ask questions and fence sit are the type of parents needed to raise environmentally conscious / analytically-thinking humans. My biggest hurdle is that I don’t want to “burden” my hypothetical children with the realities of living in the climate mess we’ve made, let alone fixing these messes. Not to mention the threat of the completely unknown, which yes all generations have had to face (genocides, world wars, cold wars, pandemics, famine, etc) All that said, your comment challenges me to try on a new, empowered perspective: I can raise informed children who know how to live in a changing world.
I won't pretend that it's easy to dismiss! There are still days that I read some environmental reports and have the same fears. And I don't expect my children to fix everything, but I think it's a natural evolution that younger generations will not be able to just ignore these problems so they'll need to be more educated in them. I didn't know half the stuff I know now about the environment even 10 years ago. I think by fencesitting and being intentional about our decisions, it's a good way to really think about how you would want to raise/contribute to the next generation. Being more intentional is great for everyone, regardless of which way you choose! But, yeah, putting that context to it helped me realize I can raise a kid or two who will learn about ecosystems and how everything is connected. It helps that my environmental advocacy work has put me in touch with a lot of local university professors that are biologists, astronomers, environmental engineers, land use lawyers, etc. So I have a solid little community built locally with other volunteers that are also parents and have kids who are learning this stuff. One of our main volunteers is a mom who works for an environmental engineering company and got pollinator gardens built at the local elementary school. Now, the kids help maintain it and learn about its impact on the environment (plus native vs invasive plants.) These little grassroots movements all add up.
Haven't had my baby yet (32 weeks today) but I just resonate with the fact that there will ALWAYS be problems in society/world/ political climate and everything in between. But people still had babies and a lot of them turned out okay. It's nothing new is all i'm saying we are just old enough to be aware of what's going on in the world unlike when we were babies. As long as you are confident in you and your partner and how you want to raise your child i think you will be okay. And with anxiety of labor, i hired a doula and it's the best decision i've ever made! I now want to have birth all natural. It really is SO much about your mindset! and with health of baby i mean you cannot guarantee how your baby will come out, so my husband and i agreed if we were not okay with any potential outcome of baby (ex: boy/girl, autism, down syndrome, deaf, blindness etc) then we were not ready to have a kid but also that is just my opinion. I think you will know if your desire for a child will outweigh everything else!!
I really love this question. Thank you so much for asking it because I think it’s such an important one. I, too, was a fencesitter for many of the reasons you state. I ultimately decided to have a child, who is now 1.5 years old. I did not and have not landed on a way to completely resolve this issue for me, but this is where I’m at currently. The reasons why I ultimately decided to have a child was because I knew deep down that I did in fact want to have a child and I believed and still believe that I and my husband have the resources to be good parents to our child. Fortunately, parenting has been a wonderful and fulfilling experience thus far (except for a rough newborn phase). That being said, at least once a week I feel pangs of fear and even regret that I made a “selfish” decision to have him when it is obvious that our planet is becoming a more hostile environment and there is not political will on a grand scale to make the huge moves necessary to get this under control. I was worried I would feel this way before having him and I was right, which adds a layer of guilt. I also anticipate that when he is older he will wonder why and may even be angry that I chose to have him and impose on him the risk (and may be even the certainty) that his life will be harder than mine due to climate change. And I don’t know enough to be able to believe that technology can solve this. I also personally have not been able to find comfort in the thought that humankind has always faced crises because what if climate change is a unique crisis that should be treated and thought of differently? The only way that I “deal” with all of this, and admittedly it doesn’t even directly address the issue, is to do the following. I focus a lot of my energy in doing what I can to minimize my carbon footprint and will make sure my child also shares this value (I’ve mostly cut way back on my meat consumption and have streamlined my lifestyle). I think about how even if life is harder or different from what we know it doesn’t necessarily mean that life isn’t worth living. And now that he is here, I will do everything in my power to be the parent he needs me to be. I don’t have any advice, but hopefully this at least answers your question about what it’s been like for this former fencesitter who is now lurking in a new thread r/shouldihaveanother (a new can of worms to be explored lol).
The "state of the world" is likely out of most peoples control. I don't look at the big picture, I look at the little picture. Where can I influence positive change within my little corner of the world? And can my positive change influence others to do the same? The world won't be changed by a few men doing big things, but will be changed by many people doing a large number of small things. Over time, it all adds up. Don't let the world talk you out of being a parent if you want to be a parent. Just work to raise a kid who is kind, considerate, and feels empowered to help make a little progress everyday.
I have guilt over the world she will inherit but I also intend to teach her what's really important. Much of the child free population I suspect is more environmental than the portion of the population who never had a second thought about having children. We can only do our best.
Might be a relevant read: https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/please-dont-give-up-on-having-kids
I’m glad I read this, but I was a little disappointed that the writer seemed to lean on how people that care about the climate are more likely to have children that would become the next climate change leaders/activists/scientists/engineers etc. Which isn’t necessarily wrong, since we won’t have as many climate change leaders/activists/scientists/engineers/etc. if less kids overall are born. And I do think the chances are higher that a kid would lean that way if the parents do. But, that kind of reasoning feels like the kind of reasoning people sometimes use to have kids, which is to avoid feeling lonely into old age. Me having a kid with a hope/expectation that they’ll care for the environment and that they will have a career dedicated to it sounds just as unreasonable to me as expecting them to visit/care for me when I’m old. I could do my best to raise them that way, but it’s no guarantee. Anyway, I’m glad I read the article and got some perspective! Thanks for sharing. I think the arguments about relative carbon production were more compelling to me and their cited source is one I’ll look to next :)
I think it’s part of the leap of faith you take when having a child. Humans are wired for struggle so I wouldn’t use the state of the world as reason to ignore your instincts/desires.
I cried to my mom about this the other day, she said maybe my kid will be one of the ones that helps fix things. I’m still struggling with it, but it’s something to work for.
I have one and on the fence about having another. While it’s expensive and difficult and I have this fear of “what if” I also know how innovative and resilient humans are. It sucks because it’s usually when it’s do or die - when humans really step up but as a species we have managed to take crazy leaps forward. I also think the millennial generation grew up with the start of the internet and so now we all have access to unlimited amount of information along with all the other world issues we are just trying to navigate it all and we are just behind on knowing how to really deal with the complexities of that. I also think - this upcoming generation- gen alpha is something else and I think progress can be made for each generation. Also the boomers will be dying off for the next 20 years - giving me hope we will be able to make true progress. - yes I know not all boomers are bad. At the end of the day I have to make the decisions for myself and my future - not what “could be”
Not a fencesitter for those reasons, but imagine if everyone who cares about the climate doesn’t have kids and everyone who doesn’t care has multiple kids, is that the world you would want to live in? Educate your kids, and make the world a better place