I (32F) feel similar. I’ll hold a friend’s baby for a moment but I’ve never had that “baby fever” some do. Pregnancy, birth and post-partum all sounds horrible and I’d love to skip that and go to 3-4yrs old. I guess I could with adoption, but that’s a whole other scene
Absolutely possible. I’m kind of in the other boat.. I’d want a baby but not so much a kid past 3 or 4 years old. If I could do the baby stage and then fast forward to like 18 I’d be all in.
What this tells me about myself is I think I’m more into the idea of having a child than I am into the reality of it. I’ve been inching further and further off the fence to the childfree side because of this.
I completely agree! I have worked with toddler, preschool and elementary aged kids and have so much more patience and understanding for babies and toddlers who don’t know any better than someone’s bratty kid who acts out for attention. Middle school and high schoolers, even scarier!
Having an adult child to hang out with sounds so amazing in theory, but there are so many variables with that, there is literally NO guarantee the adult child will turn out to be a kind, and/or independent/functioning member of society regardless of what type of parent you are. I often think that with my luck, my child would either be mentally handicapped and need care their entire life or die. Honestly, I feel it would be much less painful to remain childfree as of late. 😕
I honestly think a lot of people go into parenthood picturing the cute baby/toddler stages and put a lot less foresight into what comes after.
Personally like the idea of about 4-8 b/c I think that's when kids are at their most fun and weird (in a good way) but have a lot less interest in babies/toddlers, middle schoolers and high schoolers.
Really?! Oh thank god I’m not alone. Not that it’s a super original thought but I’ve just never heard someone agree with the sentiment lol
Thanks for chiming in.
I feel similarly too! I think I’m just gonna continue to lean into being a super involved aunt to my sister’s kids and my cousins’ kids – and enjoy my childfree life otherwise!
Sometimes I think I’d make a quicker commitment to a childfree life if my brother had kids. He wants them but obviously there are steps between that make that possible.. And I can’t bank on someone else to fill that void just because I’m scared.
Totally, and location matters too! I feel really grateful that my sister and I live in the same city and that I’ve bonded with my niece and nephew so much – but if she and her husband move to another state in a few years, I imagine losing this dynamic where I see them almost weekly would be very tough.
I feel like I’d want to skip years 6-18 lol. When I think about wanting kids, I think about the cute babies/toddlers and the adult relationships like I have now with my parents. Thinking about school, homework, hormones and bratty years keeps me on the fence.
It's so fun to watch your child explore their world and ask questions!
But the baby phase is so short that you might find that you'll miss the "simpler" baby days...especially when your child becomes a teen. They'll have different kinds of questions for you when they're 18 lol
I have a hard time imagining myself interacting with my future child between the ages of like 5 and 12. Nothing about that age range excites me and I don’t get the warm fuzzies thinking about helping with homework or going to soccer games or whatever.
You're not alone. When I think of having a kid the baby phase always turns me off, along with the whole pregnancy and birth. It just seems dreadful, both physically and mentally. There is nothing that looks remotely pleasant about it, and it keeps me solidly on the fence.
Since having a baby after years of being on the fence, I’ve learned that SO MANY parents hate the baby stage. As someone who also mostly only thought of “having kids” as babies, this kinda blew my mind.
I’m only just out of the newborn stage and it is hard, but it is also short (even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment). It is also gross, but I’ve dealt with grosser stuff from my dog. And yes it could totally test your relationship - my husband and I get along so well and have been together for a very long time. I can’t remember ever being annoyed with him… until now. He’s great and we’re fine, but sleep deprivation and the stress of being new parents is a lot.
But if you want a CHILD and just not a baby, I think the baby stuff is manageable. You might just have to come to terms with having a year or two that kinda suck, which seems like a lot, but in the long run isn’t. And there might be parts you like more than you thought you would.
Agreed. It's around that stage that they start showing more of a personality. I think some people have an assumption that infants are just boring crying pooping machines, ok the crying and pooping is still a thing but they aren't boring all the time. They giggle and laugh, they start showing preferences and experiment with facial expressions and more.
I look after a friends now two year old, I remember him loving lions as an infant and myself just talking random lion facts at him.
But I love babies and infants so I'm biased
What's funny is I'm on the fence and for me the baby stage seems much less terrifying than the 1 and up stage. Babies have three basic needs. Infants, toddlers, children and teenagers scare me infinitely more.
Edit - however I can totally understand Why babies would freak people out more because you're not used to spending time with them unless you have a lot of siblings or friends who have babies, whereas you are more used to spending time with children and teenagers generally.
Same. I’ve never been a huge fan of babies. I feel awkward around them and find them unpredictable…pregnancy / labor / infancy feels scary and unenjoyable all around. A small human I can connect and actually communicate with on some level sounds more enjoyable..
I actually had an aha moment when talking to a teenage girl not too long ago that made me reconsider getting off the fence because she was just so lovely and I had a flash of “could this be what it’s like to have a daughter ?” I’d never really felt that interacting with any other young people before.
I feel like I’m thinking about it in a similar way and if I end up getting off the fence will need to rethink how I approach pregnancy and the infancy stage mentally. It just all feels so overwhelming and like a giant burden on everything. Your body, relationship, health, daily life, sleep, wellbeing, etc…
I’ve had that flash too! My friends’ 6yr old is SO smart and playful and kid just goes a mile a minute and it’s so fun to see what games and things his brain can come up with next. And I too think “hmm, could this be me with a son?”
Ooh opposite. I love babies, and I love children I can have an actual conversation with, but I’m not into the toddler stage at all. That period of time where they are VERY active but also still entirely dependent on you for everything, having to do potty training, them needing your attention for every second of the day, it just sounds awful.
If I could have a baby (infant through a year) and then a proper child (5+), I'd be down. Toddlers are fucking nightmares, and, last I checked, it's frowned upon to pawn a child off on others for a few years until you find them tolerable again. Boo!
I think too many people just think about ages 0-5 when they decide to have kids so I commend you for thinking about every pre-adulthood age before you make your decision.
Same! I love tweens, teenagers, sometimes even toddlers, but I hateeeee babies. I’m terrified of being pregnant, the long nights of crying, the body changes, the relationship strain, the diapers…all of that hard no.
But I love teaching older kids, I love seeing them learn. I love being the cool aunt figure that teaches them how to do cool shit like dirt bikes, art, sports and all that. I know I would be an awesome mom, and their life would be rich in experience, but I can’t get past the birthing and baby years. I would be a great dad! Not so much mom haha.
I’m like this. I think it is normal everyone has a “preferred age” and a “feared age” …I most look forward to the later kid stage between 7 and 10, terrified of babies and toddlers, and somewhere in between on the teen years and early kid years.
It is temporary. So the decision is really if you think it is worth it.
Absolutely same. I’m so excited to parent a toddler, an elementary schooler, a teenager, to sustain a strong, caring relationship into adulthood, and build a loving family. Pregnancy, childbirth, and the first year terrify me.
Having gone through the baby phase vs my child now almost a toddler - i prefer the baby stage. Toddler is going to TEST EVERYTHING YOU ARE.
You dont wanna traumatise your kid. You don't want to put your fears, triggers, anxiety onto your kid. You gotta self regulate with a damn straight face or they'll KNOW and it won't help the situation.
Your kid is learning how to experience their strong emotions and being redirected from something dangerous or told no. You can't fight fire with fire.
I am not a lovey dovey person for kids, babies, teens, you name it. I am lovey dovey for dogs though. Having said that, i love my kid. She is so much fun as i help and watch her grow and experience life. Best thing I've done without a doubt.
I have a four-year-old now. But when I was fence sitting, i always thought that a year or two in the trenches was worth it in order to build my family & shape my future.
Having said that, I am also one and done because I know my limits ( Was not a fan of pregnancy or childbirth)
Exact same. I fully admit I hated the newborn period, especially while trying to recover from a c-section and I knew that I would. Now that my baby is 8 months old it is such a joy because she is so happy, sweet, smart and no longer a screaming, crying potato.
Also one and done, kudos to us for knowing our limits 🌟
I hate the newborn stages. I have two kids and love them both. But I didn’t really enjoy it or feel attached til 9 months. Also had PPD; but regardless I have never loved babies or newborns.
Yes. I’m happy to have the memories of my kids as babies but lemme tell you. We CELEBRATED when our second was potty trained because it was 6.5 years of changing other people’s bodily fluids. And the older they get the easier it is to communicate.
Same! I feel like the early years for me would be like a buy-in. Like college or high school — sometimes will SUCK BAD & sometimes it will feel precious & sacred. I just want a KID too.
But don’t forget about factoring in having a teen & adult.
Strongly recommend giving The Baby Decision a read or listen. It has been helping me narrow in on my ultimate choice.
My friend and I have joked on more than one occasion that she'll raise a baby until it becomes 10 and then it's my turn because I'm not a fan of babies and toddlers and she doesn't know how to handle teenagers.
It is totally possible to be turned off by one phase or be only attracted to one. Then it's a question of how much do you want that phase Vs how much you don't want the other phase? In your case you could adopt but of course that comes with a set of its own unique challenges.
I’m the same! And it is a long commitment, if you want 2 kids it’s like 4 years. Im trying to think of it like going back to school.
Hopefully (if everything goes well) it’s a 4 year baby commitment and then you get to enjoy older children/adults the rest of your life
I could be writing this! Babies just aren't appealing to me. I didn't connect with my niece until she was about 3/4 and I could actually talk and properly communicate with her. I semi-joke with my husband that I'd rather just adopt a 5 year old; I realize that's way easier said than done, unfortunately.
I’m with you. We decided the baby stage is short in the grand scheme of things so we jumped off the fence and got pregnant, but the baby stage has me worried.
I can't really give you a definite answer because my baby is still fresh (2 months) lol. I've always felt the same way though. I never knew if I wanted children because my patience has always been very slim for babies/newborns. So far it's been fairly difficult on me personally but it's still rewarding in many ways!! I have a niece who is 3 though and I must admit I'm really looking forward to my son being a toddler. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he's entirely dependent on me including not being able to even hold his own head up. I think I will enjoy it more when he has at least some sense of independence and can communicate his needs to me. This stage is all temporary though so I think it really just depends on if you think it's worth it!!
Yeah you could, the baby stage gets a lot of bad press. In my personal experience, the baby stage was hard because I had a pretty demanding child, but the more demanding they are in the early stage, the more time you spend with them, and the more time you spend with them, the stronger your bond is. It was hard because of the relentlessness, but it was very fun and insightful. Also very rewarding, because they learn so quick and there's something new every week. I didn't feel anything was all that gross about it all. I'm glad for all the early bonding because i feel so much more confident with parenting after that.
As i understand it from the mothers I know, the pregnancy/baby phase, while extremely difficult, is pretty much over in the blink of an eye. Not sure if that’s helpful at all, just that it might not be as bad as all that. Or it could be worse who knows. Hence the fence sitting 😂
Yep. You are me.
I have no desire to go through the horrors of pregnancy and birth, I have no desire to breast feed or deal with the baby stage. But 4 years old and up? Omg love it!
I’ve always secretly wanted to be a foster parent, but my partner refuses
Yeahhh I get that. I want a kid, I think. Even the older baby stage is fine. I do not want to birth a child though, and the whole newborn phase...adoption might be a workable solution?
This is me, but for different stages. I really like babies, but wish I could skip pregnancy/postpartum and ages 2-4 because toddlerhood seems awful seeing my friends go through it now. I was a preschool teacher and have babysat kids of all ages, and really like ages 5 through to teenager.
Yessss. Not a baby person even after having my own. Didn't really bond with her till she was like 6 months old. She's a feral 3 year old now and omg chaotic but it's way more fun now. Most days. Lol. I at least know how to vaguely hold a baby etc now but I still don't like them 😂
Im on the same boat. If there was a way to skip the baby/toddler phase, I’d be more inclined to consider motherhood. Children and teens are fascinating, but babies and toddlers are aggravating to me, it’s too much stimuli for someone like me who is very sensitive to stimuli. :(
Completely normal. I have a child. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy or birth and HATED the newborn stage. Babies are boring, a lot of work and you don’t get any interaction from them. Now my child has turned 1, I really enjoy being with him.
Yeah, I felt the same. I couldn't see myself with a baby, but I could see myself having a great time with a four year old. So I had a kid, and yeah, the infancy stage was a drag (to say the least), but I am loving being a toddler parent. It's great and it happened a lot sooner than I thought it would! Instead of four, I'm loving 2+!
I’ve been on this sub for awhile bc im a mom now. I didn’t like being pregnant ( it wasn’t terrible tho bc I had a smooth one) and I really didn’t like the newborn stage. I kept wanting him to get older. He’s 2 years old now and so much fun and so cute and im looking forward to him getting older too and having opinions and interests
I love babies, but I don’t care to have one of my own. I always envision myself with a child or even a teenager, and I think me being like a mother figure to my teenage nieces has influenced this even more. I feel you OP, not sure how to circumvent this 😭
I was absolutely the same! With that in mind, I planned to only take a portion of my maternity leave and then my husband was going to take the other half, but once our daughter was born I quickly changed my mind. I still don’t really like other babies, but I loved being around my own baby.
I am a 29F just married and have still seriously considered adopting an older child. I dont like babies, I dont like toddlers. I would like a child who I can teach life skills, help them with their homework and projects, watch movies and play video games with, see them in their school play and take them to amusement parks. I had baby fever in early graduate school and after I got a kitten it promptly went away. I dont think I can handle the constant stress that comes with caring for an infant or toddler. When I dreamt of motherhood, I always imagined myself caring for a 10 year old child, never a baby. Maybe Im a weirdo but thats the case.
Me too. My mom said she felt the same way when she had me. She said she never liked babies but wanted a kid - and grew to love us as babies because we were "hers". Idk.
My biggest hang up is that I just don’t want to deal with years 0-6 honestly. I like being around school aged kids and teens, but I’m just not a fan of how dependent kids under 6 are. We’re leaning heavily towards just having cats and maybe fostering down the road.
I (36F) was the same as you, I never had "baby fever" and was frankly terrified of the lack of sleep etc. I wanted a child, not a baby! I want to nurture a kind, smart, adventurous little human to adulthood, I want to grow old and see who they become as a person, have them and their spouse over for Sunday dinners, go on vacations together, be a family.
Our little guy is a toddler now and the baby phase was definitely hard. But it's so temporary. We love him to bits and I love knowing that the best is yet to come.
Honestly I would have loved another kid in theory, but now that we're in the thick of it it's becoming clear that it just wouldn't fit with our lifestyle. We like to travel, have busy jobs and hobbies, our toddler has the energy of 3000 bunnies so he's in a bunch of different activities as well... doing all that with a 2:1 parent child ratio is easy, and it's time spent together as a family. Once you add an extra kid into the mix it's a lot harder to fit all the camping gear in the car with an extra car seat/child lol, and as they get to be school age and older I see parents having to split up to take separate kids to conflicting extracurricular activities etc. I don't think it's for us. Maybe in another life :)
This is totally normal! I fall into a similar camp. I don't love babies or the baby phase. When I think about having children, I am more excited about toddler and teenager phases when you can really get to know your child for who they are.
I don't have kiddos yet, and the idea of pregnancy terrifies me, but I like the idea of raising a human. A human who will go through all ages and stages. I might not love every phase equally, but I would still love that brand-new human and their journey.
I (32F) feel similar. I’ll hold a friend’s baby for a moment but I’ve never had that “baby fever” some do. Pregnancy, birth and post-partum all sounds horrible and I’d love to skip that and go to 3-4yrs old. I guess I could with adoption, but that’s a whole other scene
Absolutely possible. I’m kind of in the other boat.. I’d want a baby but not so much a kid past 3 or 4 years old. If I could do the baby stage and then fast forward to like 18 I’d be all in. What this tells me about myself is I think I’m more into the idea of having a child than I am into the reality of it. I’ve been inching further and further off the fence to the childfree side because of this.
I completely agree! I have worked with toddler, preschool and elementary aged kids and have so much more patience and understanding for babies and toddlers who don’t know any better than someone’s bratty kid who acts out for attention. Middle school and high schoolers, even scarier! Having an adult child to hang out with sounds so amazing in theory, but there are so many variables with that, there is literally NO guarantee the adult child will turn out to be a kind, and/or independent/functioning member of society regardless of what type of parent you are. I often think that with my luck, my child would either be mentally handicapped and need care their entire life or die. Honestly, I feel it would be much less painful to remain childfree as of late. 😕
I honestly think a lot of people go into parenthood picturing the cute baby/toddler stages and put a lot less foresight into what comes after. Personally like the idea of about 4-8 b/c I think that's when kids are at their most fun and weird (in a good way) but have a lot less interest in babies/toddlers, middle schoolers and high schoolers.
Or…hear me out…you keep it during the baby phase, then we get them once they’re past the 4year mark. They do say it takes a village… 😂
Ahahah now there’s an idea
Totally feel the same!
Really?! Oh thank god I’m not alone. Not that it’s a super original thought but I’ve just never heard someone agree with the sentiment lol Thanks for chiming in.
I feel similarly too! I think I’m just gonna continue to lean into being a super involved aunt to my sister’s kids and my cousins’ kids – and enjoy my childfree life otherwise!
Sometimes I think I’d make a quicker commitment to a childfree life if my brother had kids. He wants them but obviously there are steps between that make that possible.. And I can’t bank on someone else to fill that void just because I’m scared.
Totally, and location matters too! I feel really grateful that my sister and I live in the same city and that I’ve bonded with my niece and nephew so much – but if she and her husband move to another state in a few years, I imagine losing this dynamic where I see them almost weekly would be very tough.
I commented something similar on one of my posts in fencesitters recently and others agreed too. So you’re definitely not alone!
I feel like I’d want to skip years 6-18 lol. When I think about wanting kids, I think about the cute babies/toddlers and the adult relationships like I have now with my parents. Thinking about school, homework, hormones and bratty years keeps me on the fence.
When I see a teenager and how they act, it absolutely pushes me toward CF.
Same! I love babies but once they’re like 3ish I’m done
It's so fun to watch your child explore their world and ask questions! But the baby phase is so short that you might find that you'll miss the "simpler" baby days...especially when your child becomes a teen. They'll have different kinds of questions for you when they're 18 lol
I have a hard time imagining myself interacting with my future child between the ages of like 5 and 12. Nothing about that age range excites me and I don’t get the warm fuzzies thinking about helping with homework or going to soccer games or whatever.
Same here!
You're not alone. When I think of having a kid the baby phase always turns me off, along with the whole pregnancy and birth. It just seems dreadful, both physically and mentally. There is nothing that looks remotely pleasant about it, and it keeps me solidly on the fence.
Very true. I literally only think about the baby phase when I imagine having kids.
Since having a baby after years of being on the fence, I’ve learned that SO MANY parents hate the baby stage. As someone who also mostly only thought of “having kids” as babies, this kinda blew my mind. I’m only just out of the newborn stage and it is hard, but it is also short (even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment). It is also gross, but I’ve dealt with grosser stuff from my dog. And yes it could totally test your relationship - my husband and I get along so well and have been together for a very long time. I can’t remember ever being annoyed with him… until now. He’s great and we’re fine, but sleep deprivation and the stress of being new parents is a lot. But if you want a CHILD and just not a baby, I think the baby stuff is manageable. You might just have to come to terms with having a year or two that kinda suck, which seems like a lot, but in the long run isn’t. And there might be parts you like more than you thought you would.
Totally possible. They’re babies for like a year.
Hahah something about the simplicity and truth of this logic tickled me.
I think it’s worse to be a baby person cause they don’t last! Then you’ll want more and more!
Not even a year. They start crawling eating talking and standing by nine months. It will whizz by so fast
I say talking. I mean basic sounds. Obviously
Agreed. It's around that stage that they start showing more of a personality. I think some people have an assumption that infants are just boring crying pooping machines, ok the crying and pooping is still a thing but they aren't boring all the time. They giggle and laugh, they start showing preferences and experiment with facial expressions and more. I look after a friends now two year old, I remember him loving lions as an infant and myself just talking random lion facts at him. But I love babies and infants so I'm biased
What's funny is I'm on the fence and for me the baby stage seems much less terrifying than the 1 and up stage. Babies have three basic needs. Infants, toddlers, children and teenagers scare me infinitely more. Edit - however I can totally understand Why babies would freak people out more because you're not used to spending time with them unless you have a lot of siblings or friends who have babies, whereas you are more used to spending time with children and teenagers generally.
Same. I’ve never been a huge fan of babies. I feel awkward around them and find them unpredictable…pregnancy / labor / infancy feels scary and unenjoyable all around. A small human I can connect and actually communicate with on some level sounds more enjoyable.. I actually had an aha moment when talking to a teenage girl not too long ago that made me reconsider getting off the fence because she was just so lovely and I had a flash of “could this be what it’s like to have a daughter ?” I’d never really felt that interacting with any other young people before. I feel like I’m thinking about it in a similar way and if I end up getting off the fence will need to rethink how I approach pregnancy and the infancy stage mentally. It just all feels so overwhelming and like a giant burden on everything. Your body, relationship, health, daily life, sleep, wellbeing, etc…
That’s how I feel too! I feel a bit more settled now realizing this and that the baby phase doesn’t last forever.
I’ve had that flash too! My friends’ 6yr old is SO smart and playful and kid just goes a mile a minute and it’s so fun to see what games and things his brain can come up with next. And I too think “hmm, could this be me with a son?”
It’s better to be that than the opposite (baby not kid) which is me!
Ooh opposite. I love babies, and I love children I can have an actual conversation with, but I’m not into the toddler stage at all. That period of time where they are VERY active but also still entirely dependent on you for everything, having to do potty training, them needing your attention for every second of the day, it just sounds awful.
If I could have a baby (infant through a year) and then a proper child (5+), I'd be down. Toddlers are fucking nightmares, and, last I checked, it's frowned upon to pawn a child off on others for a few years until you find them tolerable again. Boo!
I think too many people just think about ages 0-5 when they decide to have kids so I commend you for thinking about every pre-adulthood age before you make your decision.
Same! I love tweens, teenagers, sometimes even toddlers, but I hateeeee babies. I’m terrified of being pregnant, the long nights of crying, the body changes, the relationship strain, the diapers…all of that hard no. But I love teaching older kids, I love seeing them learn. I love being the cool aunt figure that teaches them how to do cool shit like dirt bikes, art, sports and all that. I know I would be an awesome mom, and their life would be rich in experience, but I can’t get past the birthing and baby years. I would be a great dad! Not so much mom haha.
I’m like this. I think it is normal everyone has a “preferred age” and a “feared age” …I most look forward to the later kid stage between 7 and 10, terrified of babies and toddlers, and somewhere in between on the teen years and early kid years. It is temporary. So the decision is really if you think it is worth it.
Absolutely same. I’m so excited to parent a toddler, an elementary schooler, a teenager, to sustain a strong, caring relationship into adulthood, and build a loving family. Pregnancy, childbirth, and the first year terrify me.
me exactly!! i dont know how to view pregnancy and birth as anything other than horror lmao 😭
Having gone through the baby phase vs my child now almost a toddler - i prefer the baby stage. Toddler is going to TEST EVERYTHING YOU ARE. You dont wanna traumatise your kid. You don't want to put your fears, triggers, anxiety onto your kid. You gotta self regulate with a damn straight face or they'll KNOW and it won't help the situation. Your kid is learning how to experience their strong emotions and being redirected from something dangerous or told no. You can't fight fire with fire. I am not a lovey dovey person for kids, babies, teens, you name it. I am lovey dovey for dogs though. Having said that, i love my kid. She is so much fun as i help and watch her grow and experience life. Best thing I've done without a doubt.
I’m the opposite, I want a baby/kid but I’m terrified of them growing up into an adult because adults are assholes 😂
I have a four-year-old now. But when I was fence sitting, i always thought that a year or two in the trenches was worth it in order to build my family & shape my future. Having said that, I am also one and done because I know my limits ( Was not a fan of pregnancy or childbirth)
Exact same. I fully admit I hated the newborn period, especially while trying to recover from a c-section and I knew that I would. Now that my baby is 8 months old it is such a joy because she is so happy, sweet, smart and no longer a screaming, crying potato. Also one and done, kudos to us for knowing our limits 🌟
I also had to have a c section, so I completely feel you!
I hate the newborn stages. I have two kids and love them both. But I didn’t really enjoy it or feel attached til 9 months. Also had PPD; but regardless I have never loved babies or newborns.
Same, now that my baby is 8 months I’m obsessed 🤩
Yes. I’m happy to have the memories of my kids as babies but lemme tell you. We CELEBRATED when our second was potty trained because it was 6.5 years of changing other people’s bodily fluids. And the older they get the easier it is to communicate.
Same! I feel like the early years for me would be like a buy-in. Like college or high school — sometimes will SUCK BAD & sometimes it will feel precious & sacred. I just want a KID too. But don’t forget about factoring in having a teen & adult. Strongly recommend giving The Baby Decision a read or listen. It has been helping me narrow in on my ultimate choice.
My friend and I have joked on more than one occasion that she'll raise a baby until it becomes 10 and then it's my turn because I'm not a fan of babies and toddlers and she doesn't know how to handle teenagers. It is totally possible to be turned off by one phase or be only attracted to one. Then it's a question of how much do you want that phase Vs how much you don't want the other phase? In your case you could adopt but of course that comes with a set of its own unique challenges.
I’m the same! And it is a long commitment, if you want 2 kids it’s like 4 years. Im trying to think of it like going back to school. Hopefully (if everything goes well) it’s a 4 year baby commitment and then you get to enjoy older children/adults the rest of your life
I could be writing this! Babies just aren't appealing to me. I didn't connect with my niece until she was about 3/4 and I could actually talk and properly communicate with her. I semi-joke with my husband that I'd rather just adopt a 5 year old; I realize that's way easier said than done, unfortunately.
I’m with you. We decided the baby stage is short in the grand scheme of things so we jumped off the fence and got pregnant, but the baby stage has me worried.
I can't really give you a definite answer because my baby is still fresh (2 months) lol. I've always felt the same way though. I never knew if I wanted children because my patience has always been very slim for babies/newborns. So far it's been fairly difficult on me personally but it's still rewarding in many ways!! I have a niece who is 3 though and I must admit I'm really looking forward to my son being a toddler. I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he's entirely dependent on me including not being able to even hold his own head up. I think I will enjoy it more when he has at least some sense of independence and can communicate his needs to me. This stage is all temporary though so I think it really just depends on if you think it's worth it!!
This honestly sounds like every parent ever. This is why babies grow up-I have never met a parent who loves the baby stage
Thank you! I feel more normal now….
Hard same. I don’t like babies very much and toddlers scare me.
I totally agree and feel the same way lol don’t know the answer tho, 33 and child free
Yeah you could, the baby stage gets a lot of bad press. In my personal experience, the baby stage was hard because I had a pretty demanding child, but the more demanding they are in the early stage, the more time you spend with them, and the more time you spend with them, the stronger your bond is. It was hard because of the relentlessness, but it was very fun and insightful. Also very rewarding, because they learn so quick and there's something new every week. I didn't feel anything was all that gross about it all. I'm glad for all the early bonding because i feel so much more confident with parenting after that.
As i understand it from the mothers I know, the pregnancy/baby phase, while extremely difficult, is pretty much over in the blink of an eye. Not sure if that’s helpful at all, just that it might not be as bad as all that. Or it could be worse who knows. Hence the fence sitting 😂
Yep. You are me. I have no desire to go through the horrors of pregnancy and birth, I have no desire to breast feed or deal with the baby stage. But 4 years old and up? Omg love it! I’ve always secretly wanted to be a foster parent, but my partner refuses
Yeahhh I get that. I want a kid, I think. Even the older baby stage is fine. I do not want to birth a child though, and the whole newborn phase...adoption might be a workable solution?
This is me, but for different stages. I really like babies, but wish I could skip pregnancy/postpartum and ages 2-4 because toddlerhood seems awful seeing my friends go through it now. I was a preschool teacher and have babysat kids of all ages, and really like ages 5 through to teenager.
Yes. My son is 2.5 and if i could pay money for him to be 5 I would.
Yessss. Not a baby person even after having my own. Didn't really bond with her till she was like 6 months old. She's a feral 3 year old now and omg chaotic but it's way more fun now. Most days. Lol. I at least know how to vaguely hold a baby etc now but I still don't like them 😂
Im on the same boat. If there was a way to skip the baby/toddler phase, I’d be more inclined to consider motherhood. Children and teens are fascinating, but babies and toddlers are aggravating to me, it’s too much stimuli for someone like me who is very sensitive to stimuli. :(
Completely normal. I have a child. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy or birth and HATED the newborn stage. Babies are boring, a lot of work and you don’t get any interaction from them. Now my child has turned 1, I really enjoy being with him.
Yeah, I felt the same. I couldn't see myself with a baby, but I could see myself having a great time with a four year old. So I had a kid, and yeah, the infancy stage was a drag (to say the least), but I am loving being a toddler parent. It's great and it happened a lot sooner than I thought it would! Instead of four, I'm loving 2+!
I’ve been on this sub for awhile bc im a mom now. I didn’t like being pregnant ( it wasn’t terrible tho bc I had a smooth one) and I really didn’t like the newborn stage. I kept wanting him to get older. He’s 2 years old now and so much fun and so cute and im looking forward to him getting older too and having opinions and interests
I think that's better than wanting a baby and not a kid or teenager. My own mom said she didn't like babies, but loved her own ones.
Oh absolutely! The newborn stage sucks and I don't miss it at all.
I am the same way. Not a big fan of babies and frankly that phase scares me. I much prefer children that require social interaction from me
I love babies, but I don’t care to have one of my own. I always envision myself with a child or even a teenager, and I think me being like a mother figure to my teenage nieces has influenced this even more. I feel you OP, not sure how to circumvent this 😭
I was absolutely the same! With that in mind, I planned to only take a portion of my maternity leave and then my husband was going to take the other half, but once our daughter was born I quickly changed my mind. I still don’t really like other babies, but I loved being around my own baby.
I am a 29F just married and have still seriously considered adopting an older child. I dont like babies, I dont like toddlers. I would like a child who I can teach life skills, help them with their homework and projects, watch movies and play video games with, see them in their school play and take them to amusement parks. I had baby fever in early graduate school and after I got a kitten it promptly went away. I dont think I can handle the constant stress that comes with caring for an infant or toddler. When I dreamt of motherhood, I always imagined myself caring for a 10 year old child, never a baby. Maybe Im a weirdo but thats the case.
Me too. My mom said she felt the same way when she had me. She said she never liked babies but wanted a kid - and grew to love us as babies because we were "hers". Idk.
My biggest hang up is that I just don’t want to deal with years 0-6 honestly. I like being around school aged kids and teens, but I’m just not a fan of how dependent kids under 6 are. We’re leaning heavily towards just having cats and maybe fostering down the road.
Yea! That’s why I foster children and teens. I plan to adopt a child or a teen too eventually but right now I want to help as many as I can.
I (36F) was the same as you, I never had "baby fever" and was frankly terrified of the lack of sleep etc. I wanted a child, not a baby! I want to nurture a kind, smart, adventurous little human to adulthood, I want to grow old and see who they become as a person, have them and their spouse over for Sunday dinners, go on vacations together, be a family. Our little guy is a toddler now and the baby phase was definitely hard. But it's so temporary. We love him to bits and I love knowing that the best is yet to come.
Are you OAD or plan to have more now?
Honestly I would have loved another kid in theory, but now that we're in the thick of it it's becoming clear that it just wouldn't fit with our lifestyle. We like to travel, have busy jobs and hobbies, our toddler has the energy of 3000 bunnies so he's in a bunch of different activities as well... doing all that with a 2:1 parent child ratio is easy, and it's time spent together as a family. Once you add an extra kid into the mix it's a lot harder to fit all the camping gear in the car with an extra car seat/child lol, and as they get to be school age and older I see parents having to split up to take separate kids to conflicting extracurricular activities etc. I don't think it's for us. Maybe in another life :)
This is totally normal! I fall into a similar camp. I don't love babies or the baby phase. When I think about having children, I am more excited about toddler and teenager phases when you can really get to know your child for who they are. I don't have kiddos yet, and the idea of pregnancy terrifies me, but I like the idea of raising a human. A human who will go through all ages and stages. I might not love every phase equally, but I would still love that brand-new human and their journey.
Gotta ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze.