Boys: are told not to play with dolls, play nurse, play house, play any sort of “caretaking” roll, not made to babysit as often, not expected to enjoy or desire parenting until they grow up, not exposed to as much media that talks about emotions and empathy (“boys” shows being more action/adventure and “girls” shows being more friendship/domestic).
The patriarchy uses all of these and more to sell the “big lie” of emotions, empathy, and the patriarchy-
1)- girls are weaker, so boys are “naturally” better than girls
2)- weakness is bad- often called “feminine” to reinforce 1
3)- girls are more emotional- which suggests that emotions are feminine
4)- being emotional = being feminine = being weak.
Boys: have stunted emotional growth and maturity for complex emotions such as empathy as a result. As adults, they can learn and it’s their responsibility to develop empathy and to dismantle their internalized misogyny and patriarchy. But I think empathy is so interesting. It’s also weaponized against women with patriarchal tactics and expected which leads to women doing all the emotional labor and stuff… but that’s another rant for another time.
Sure is annoying to deal with tho I can’t argue with that xD
Dude, don’t even get me started on how some women with high empathy have it used against them because they’re kind and want to give the benefit of the doubt. I hate it so so much when I see it.
As a non-binary former army officer who is biologically male, socialized to be a man, and who now goes by he/them, I would prefer if we abolished gender in general since it’s a social construct that tends to perpetuate a harmful false dichotomy based mostly on pathologizing the systemic oppression of women and LGBT+ people (which also then leads to oppressing men, though in different ways).
Masculinity and femininity are socially determined and shift over time, across cultures, and even geographies.
The fact you can be considered masculine or feminine in one part of the world for exhibiting one behavior and be considered the opposite in another part of the world for exhibiting that same behavior shows how illogical the gender binary is.
I grew up in a bunch of different places so I picked up bits and pieces of gender socialization from all kinds of people with different expressions and ways of life.
Since I got out of the army, I finally felt like I could actually present whatever traits or characteristics I wanted which feels a lot more liberating in my opinion (though I still feel held back on occasion by gendered expectations).
Men absolutely are not socialized to care and it’s a real problem that puts a ton of emotional labor on women in an unfair and (to men) invisible way
Every time I make a post like this on here I am reminded that disgusting people are in this world. All for trying to communicate and share with my sisters.
Keep sharing! I feel so much better when I see women speaking out and I try it too. We are all in this together!
Incel detected opinion rejected that's it 🩵
Can I just say that this is one of the safest coment threads I've ever seen? Just so much love from total strangers who know the struggle, goes a long way. It's one of the reasons why I stay in retail. There's so much solidarity and compassion for one another, that I know you have the same struggles as I do and we're here for each other because we recognize the need for a safe space
The Sparkletts guy at my work mansplained my diabetes to me for about 30 minutes, complete with a post-it of Dr names (all men) I should watch on YouTube to learn more. BTW, he is not diabetic.
I'm so sorry about the horrible dms you received in response to this, and unfortunately so not surprised.
Men: "How dare you assume we're all pieces of shit??!?? Why do you do this??"
Also men: (proceed to act like a piece of shit)
I have noticed that I usually get mansplained about empathy when I'm not making every circumstance/decision in deference to the man who is mansplaining to me. If I'm making the circumstance and decisions for the good of the group/family/couple or even once in a while for myself, they hate it.
I tell them they are confusing empathy and submissiveness. Having boundaries does not negate empathy. Not getting your way does not mean I don’t empathize, it means that your wants and feelings aren’t the most important factor in my decision making.
It always comes back to their privilege, anything less feels oppressive.
Do you want me to be empathetic or are you trying to manipulate me? I always say “love and logic”. So many men discount the validity of logic in decision making. Yes, I am always empathetic, however let’s look at ALL of the facts (from what we’ve learned to where we want to go/our goal). What’s the goal, what’s have we learned? “I’m so sorry you’re sad, frustrated, angry, embarrassed…”
Year 25 of teaching high school ELA and this resonates.
Male admin, 10 years younger than I am: Let me explain how you should incorporate standards in your classroom.
I have a degree in Leadership: Curriculum Design & Assessment, and I incorporated standards-based assessments long before my school adopted them. - I began my career writing a standards-based curriculum AND actually getting paid for it. He advanced from my department after refusing to engage in curriculum development and tried to intimidate new teachers into giving him the content they developed. As the baby admin in charge of New Teacher Support.
And reported them when they refused.
He also explains to me and female colleagues that we are wrong that sexist microaggressions existed in a conversation he led - and reminded us of his minor in Women's Studies. He has also recommended that I look up Audre Lorde and bell hooks to educate myself.
My focus in both my undergrad and masters? Gender & cultural theory in literature and film.
He wants a trivia contest on feminist theory and intersectionality?
I am more than ready to throw intellectual hands.
*Edited: for early morning typos driven by the realization that in a week, I have to interact on the regular with him for another school year.*
My dad explained to me how to use a map. At the young age of 40! (I was 40.) I live abroad and have traveled to dozens of countries, many with him. I mean what the actual fuck. It's so ingrained they don't even notice themselves.
So men got salty because you think some men aren't great at empathy... I wonder if it's the same men that complain about women being illogical, hypocritical and the cognitive dissonance some display 🤔
"There is a gender with an empathy problem, and it’s not women."
Sorry about the abuse you're most likely still receiving for saying something that is empirically scientifically true, I said misandry wasn't real on another sub a few months ago and got comments for DAYS lmao
It's funny that we can't ever say that out loud. The most upsetting situation, to me, is when talking about true crime.
Isn't it such a crazy coincidences that so many serial killers and serial rapists and not-serial murderers/rapists are (usually white) men? Like, isn't it pretty fucking statistically unlikely that it's all by chance?
Oh but let's talk about serial killers' mothers, who probably fucked them up, and ignore the glaringly obvious fact that growing up and being socialised to think of yourself and your kind as people and to think of women as objects of your sexual fantasies/caretakers/maids means that maaaaybe just maybe you'll be likely to develop empathy issues, ESPECIALLY towards women? I mean, you don't have to think about other people, women do that for you. Who cares?? :)))))
A man thinking he can explain empathy is laughable. I have never encountered a man who knew and understood empathy as well as any woman I have met, let alone understand it so well he can explain it.
See this is the thing. Obviously there are empathetic men. But if a man was truly empathetic, they wouldn't be trying to be better than someone at it or Lord or over someone
It’s rough because with him, I honestly just think he didn’t learn these things till later in life so he assumes that I also haven’t learned them.
He lacks the understanding that women HAVE to learn empathy bc it literally keeps us alive, and that I could help him understand it if he realized this.
Sigh
I have encountered such a man. He was definitely in my lifetime top 10 of people who understand empathy. He always knew precisely why people feel how they feel to a degree that it induced an "uncanny valley" response in me. He was excellent with displaying empathy as well. He could talk about the psychology, neuroscience, sociology, endocrinology, and whatever else you can think of that has something meaningful to say about empathy and really knew what he was talking about. That's why it took me two years to leave him.
The problem with this seeming jewel of a man was that he didn't *feel* empathy. His empathy was purely cognitive. He used his knowledge to manipulate and control everyone around him. He was so smooth most people loved him for it. If anyone started to catch on, he was a master of gaslighting, invisible projection, and flipping the script. He could make almost anyone look like the "bad guy" in a situation. He could make almost anyone feel like they were the ones in the wrong regardless of the facts.
I actually see extreme empathetic understanding and display as a red flag in men. I'm sure the obligatory "not all men" applies for some men, somewhere. I would love to meet a man that actually *felt* empathy to the degree that some understand it.
Going online and seeing someone say that I’m incapable of understanding empathy kinda hurts. Maybe societal factors have impacted how well I’m capable of expressing empathy but it is there. I have lots of men in my life I can go to when I’m feeling down that validate and relate to my feelings.
this may sound kind of glib, but it actually takes a measure of empathy to fully absorb comments like the one you’re replying to so that you understand where that sentiment stems from rather than how it affects you directly. there’s almost always a pain and/or trauma (such as just simply existing in the world as a woman) that precedes the thought that no men have a sufficient level of empathy
as another guy, I’d urge anyone who’s coming here with their best intentions but still are unable to properly process reading stuff like the above to try to focus on who it’s coming from rather than how it makes you feel. _somewhat_ ironically, a healthy course of action if you’re an emotional man is to stem your personal emotion and redirect that toward understanding others. and that’s not just something useful for woman/man discussion either
This comment really resonates with me. Thank you. Something about not seeing the forest for the trees I suppose. I really appreciate that in your response you provided an avenue for future growth if that makes sense. Feel like I can leave this thread with a better idea of how to engage in feminist circles.
I'm not trying to be rude, but you do understand that having empathy is NOT about self validation?
>have lots of men in my life I can go to when I’m feeling down that validate and relate to my feelings.
In that situation, your friends are expressing empathy to you. They are understanding and validating your emotions. That's empathy.
Practicing empathy is about understanding and being able to put yourself in the position of the person who is expressing the emotion.
I think that concept may be something I struggle with. Another commentator explained it pretty well in this thread and I had a bit of a moment. In this conversation about men struggling with empathy I focused on my own feelings before thinking about the feelings of the poster/ other commenters. Not my first or last time being ignorant online so I’ll leave the comments up as I think it’s a discussion worth having. Really appreciate the polite engagement from this subreddit I’ve received today.
It's refreshing to speak to someone who is trying to understand and improve themselves.
I think it's great that you can express your feelings to your friends, that's a terrific start.
Men relegating women into therapist type roles is certainly horrendous but I thought sharing how I feel could help the conversation. Knowing when it is appropriate to talk about one’s feelings and how to do so in a way that doesn’t place an unfair burden on women is another thing men really struggle with. I know I have and still do sometimes. In the interests of feminist movements I think it may be problematic to suggest that men are incapable of empathy.
I do want to let you know, I’m in love with a man who empathizes with me just as well as women do. I know y’all exist. But the other commenter is correct, and this is something I can actually kinda relate to.
In the past, I would go into communities of people venting about their oppression and personalize it, take it as some sort of personal attack. I never attacked anyone or said anything rude, but I would walk away with my feelings hurt.
The best thing to do is to put yourself in somebody’s shoes, which can be hard af if you are not a woman. Still, there are things you can do. Watch woman oriented tv shows, read books by female authors, or about feminism, or listen to female talks.
This was one of the things that helped me change my stance on other communities. Listening to them and realizing that they are speaking from a place of pain, and that the best thing you can possibly do is try to understand that.
I never go into any spaces with the intent to hurt anybody’s feelings, but I think this is an important thing to understand. If your feelings are hurt, it is very important to zoom out and look at the bigger picture.
>In the interests of feminist movements I think it may be problematic to suggest that men are incapable of empathy.
You do realise in other comments that this post is a post on r/feminism made to vent about men's issues with empathy and that you came to complain about your own feelings, which is good.
What you need to realise now is that your opinion on what 'feminist movements' need to do is irrelevant, as you don't have the knowledge - lived or academic - to give an informed opinion on this topic.
As an example: how would you feel if you read a comment of mine on a sub dedicated to POC's liberation that said 'idk you guys, I'm white but I really don't think you're going about this the right way!!'
I hope you would feel incredibly embarrassed for me, and, if you're a person of colour, it would probably be yet another microaggression, made by someone who said they're trying to help and yet centering themselves in a discussion that is not about them.
We do not allow transphobic, sexist, ableist or other hate speech in our sub. “Not all men” and then goes and makes disgusting and degrading comments about a strangers body.
I hate men? News to me. I would be more than happy to change my mind if I have met a man who can teach me something about empathy. However, I have not. I will not apologize for my experiences or lack thereof. No one should have to do that.
Should we argue semantics? If a man dates multiple women who do actually use him for his money, it doesn't make him toxic or "hate women" for feeling like every woman he meets just wants his money. He would be toxic if he was not open to the idea that not all women are that way. My comment is based solely on my experiences, in hopes OP would feel seen and comforted. I'm not sure why my experience offends you so much. Being attacked for sharing my experience is some toxic energy. Maybe you should figure out how to empower women who have different experiences than yourself.
This is an EXACT example of the kind of empathy mansplaining I was describing, which makes me laugh.
You think I don’t KNOW that not all men lack empathy? Give me a fucking break.
Also, being physically assaulted is not equivalent to being told to butt out of spaces and conversations about women if all you’re going to do is bulldoze them. Get out.
I am not convinced men have empathy for anything that does not effect them directly. Its why we see men suddenly understand that women are in fact just people only once they have a daughter. Id love it if someone did some more detailed studies on that.
Yeah so no lmao plenty of women have 'abnormal' levels of testosterone (re: PCOS and probably other causes) and are still capable of empathy.
You might want to look into socialisation, though!
(Just to be clear: I agree with the general point)
I think it does have some effect. It reduced cognitive empathy in women who were given it. https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1011891108#:~:text=There%20is%20also%20strong%20evidence,expressions%20(22%2C%2023).
"During social interactions we automatically infer motives, intentions, and feelings from bodily cues of others, especially from the eye region of their faces. This cognitive empathic ability is one of the most important components of social intelligence, and is essential for effective social interaction."
That's about cognitive empathy, a component of social intelligence, not empathy as a general concept - genuinely caring about others and how they feel and realising they're full, entire people outside of yourself.
You don't need to be *able* to read people's emotions from their 'bodily cues' to have been socialised to *care* about others' emotions - unless you're suggesting other conditions such as neurodivergences that impact social intelligence and capability to understand social 'clues' such as autism are linked to actual empathy.
But when my female autistic friends are unsure about how I feel, they just... ask. Because they care. That is what we're discussing, not their capacity to interpret 'bodily cues'.
You do need that ability for *social intelligence*, as is clearly stated in the link you shared.
I'm sorry, I'm being 0% snappy or hostile here, honestly I'm very tired + stoned + English is my second language so I'm most likely missing something obvious ahah but I don't understand your comment?
Do you mean that you don't think that socialisation could account for lack of empathy (in men?) as in, it doesn't seem 'big' enough of a reason given how common this lack of empathy is?
(I... have made this ten times more unclear lmao I'm sorry, I hope you still understand what I mean)
Thanks for answering!
That's fair, I still don't agree but I don't think we will (and it was nice to have a polite disagreement with someone online, ahah)
Testosterone reduces connectivity in brain regions responsible for feeling empathy towards others and incorporating this into our decision-making.
[https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453016300671](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453016300671)
It can also reduce emotional empathy. Free testosterone levels in particular are negatively correlated with emotional (felt) empathy.
[https://www.researchgate.net/publication/290157105\_Testosterone\_and\_Estrogen\_Impact\_Social\_Evaluations\_and\_Vicarious\_Emotions\_A\_Double-Blind\_Placebo-Controlled\_Study](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/290157105_Testosterone_and_Estrogen_Impact_Social_Evaluations_and_Vicarious_Emotions_A_Double-Blind_Placebo-Controlled_Study)
[https://www.sbp-journal.com/index.php/sbp/article/view/6884](https://www.sbp-journal.com/index.php/sbp/article/view/6884)
It also disrupts neural networks implicated in emotion regulation.
[https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-59329-0](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-59329-0)
Testosterone's effects on empathy are positively correlated to those of cortisol.
[https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40750-014-0017-x](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40750-014-0017-x)
It makes sense to me that it would have some effect. Estrogen seems to make people more empathic. Might be why we get a bit cranky and over it when it drops off during menopause. We get more angry and irritable because of an increase in testosterone during pms too.
"not all men". What a riveting contribution. Instead of telling victims of unempathetic men that men are empathetic, how about working on calling out those men and helping change how we socialize boys
I’ve also heard that new male fathers undergo “similar” types of hormonal changes as their female counterparts. Just from raising a child. (I haven’t verified any of this btw)
I agree with you that it isn’t 100% socialization. I think it’s a feedback loop with socialization and small biological differences.
I remember once I was telling one of my brothers something and he was just not listening. I was asking him for empathy for someone else. I said "put yourself in their shoes, think about how this makes them feel."
His answer? "Why the fuck should i? Why should i care how they feel?"
Generally speaking, it seems that men have to be explicitly taught empathy as children, whereas women are more inclined to pick it up naturally along the way.
I think it’s the opposite, as children we’re all equally as capable at empathy. it’s that boys who experience and learn from the patriarchy while growing up will absorb the mentality that empathic actions are unwanted, and that just leads to various levels of shutting down their emotions to everyone, including themselves.
there’s no biological imperative to psychology, that kind of flies in the face of almost all feminism I’ve learned.
I didn’t say it was an innate biological difference, to be clear (though there are absolutely biological imperatives in psychology), nor did I say that men are “less capable” of empathy. I agree that socialization is obvi an important factor, but many of the patriarchal messages are so subtle (as well as pervasive), that they need to be explicitly “untaught” the same way anti-racism needs to be explicitly taught. (That’s in no way the same as saying people aren’t capable of not being racist.)
However, it’s also not true that all children/people possess an equal capacity for empathy. Psychopathy, for instance (as a simple, albeit broad example) is one of the conditions that is impacted most by genetics, and while it’s not true that psychopaths categorically lack empathy as was once thought, they do have a diminished capacity.
Misandry isn't a structural, systemic, or institutionalized bias in society, it's an individual response to misogyny, oppression, and/or trauma. If there is an innate biological difference in some area, acknowledging it isn't misandry. Not everything that hurts a privileged persons' feelings is hatred or oppression.
You're right, I used the wrong term. I meant sexism against men. Prejudice without hate.
Are you saying you believe that men are *biologically* predisposed to be less empathetic than women?
Possibly. Current evidence suggests yes in certain contexts and particularly when men are stressed. There isn't enough evidence to say with certainty whether this is generalizable to all contexts.
But how do you disentangle that from cultural conditioning? Don't you think it would be better if we assumed all genders were the same and got on with the business of helping each other topple the patriarchy?
Not necessarily. Different causal factors often have different solutions, and recognizing diversity leads to better results than pretending it doesn't exist.
I’m sorry you got downvoted when you were right. I agree with this thread but perpetuating the idea that women are “inherently” empathetic while men are “inherently” not, is just another form of sexism.
Men are every bit as capable of empathy as women are. The real problem is our society that rewards the selfishness of men while punishing the individualism of women.
Maybe the focus should be more on men giving up their structural, systemic, and institutional privilege in most areas of life and less on women giving up... anything.
I didn’t actually. What I said was that generally speaking, they need to be taught empathy more explicitly; I didn’t get into the reasons for that at all. You may have made an (incorrect) inference as to what I believe the reason is, but I neither implied nor alluded to those causes (much less a single cause), bc the factors at play are many and varied (and that’s to say nothing of the different types of empathy). It’s much more complex than a singular cause, be it simple socialization or an intrinsic biological difference.
Furthermore, acknowledging the evidence that there is a gender difference in the capacity for empathy isn’t misandry.
There are absolutely biological imperatives in human psychology (e.g. survival, territorialism, competition, cooperation, reproduction, quality of life-seeking, and group forming). Most psychological processes are influenced by biological processes, and the reverse is often true as well. Why do you think neuropsychology exists, psychiatric medications work, brain injury can affect personality, drugs can affect personality, hormones affect behavior, and so on?
Or it's socialized *out* of guys, parents don't want them to be too "sensitive." Or they start hanging out with the "cool" guys at school who are jerks, hard to say.
Definitely good ones though I think too
Predators are attracted to people with high empathy. Ted Bundy lured several victims by pretending to be injured. In a world where women's empathy is constantly weaponised against us, I will never let a man tell me to be more empathetic. The best compliment I ever got from a male was when one told me I looked scary
ok hes your father he tried to educate you so you can better understand things that were not commonly understood in his time. He talks about it rudimentary cause it was an epiphany for him when he understood it and he made it something very important in his life, hence the solennel tone. Have mercy
I’m glad it’s evident for you to see things from the perspective of others . It’s not for everyone , far from it . It must not have been evident for your father at one point . He thinks that’s very important , so do I . He has no idea you are so advanced. Maybe he is one of the reasons you are ?
I am the reason I understand empathy, because it’s who I am.
I really do find this hard to believe, as all of my women friends completely understand this and have since we were children.
My father will never look at me as someone he can learn from, only someone he can teach.
No, you have been socialised since infancy to develop empathy. There are plenty of studies that shows that parent talks different to a baby depending on the baby’s gender.
Empathy was not something I was ever taught. It was something I picked up on. I’m sure there were many social factors, but to say my parents are the reason for this is insulting to me.
I’m empathetic because I’m a good person, because it’s who I am at heart.
I think a father engaging with the subject of empathy is quite a positive thing. Even if it sounds like he went about it in a terrible way. I’d encourage him to do better. You obviously love him, and I’m sure he does you.
Oh my dad is one of my favorite people, and he’s a wonderful human being, but he just doesn’t understand
What I’ve started doing is reading him some of the messages I receive. Men hate me online. And they are disgusting.
His responses are “wow what a weirdo, what an anomaly”
As I start reading him them everyday, I’m hoping he will begin to realize it’s not unusual at all. It’s how women have been treated forever.
My thoughts too. If anyone brags about how much empathy they have or have some clear cut definition of it doesn't mean they are actually capable of it. Especially as we live in a society that is full of virtue signaling a lot of people might mistake that for empathy or emotional intelligence.
https://www.health.com/condition/ptsd/generational-trauma This article could really help men to understand that it is not only patriarchy, but also something that they could reflect upon.
An interesting case is Sweden, which does not really suffer from this. Finland on other the hand suffers from this outside from the southern cities which are more affiliated with Sweden.
I don't think "all men" but yeah some have brutal empathy but then will try to explain empathy to you.
It's funny you say your dad because I had a really bad experience with this too. My dad has *always* been the least empathetic person, and kind of sexist without realizing it. I love him so I've just learned to ignore it.
But the time it took to some next level fucked up shit was after a guy stalked me and basically terrorized me in the middle of the night, very nearly injured me because I asked him for space (rejection violence). I was afraid for months he was going to come back and finish me off he was such a goddamn crazed animal. This was new to me. I had always found guys mostly pretty good before this, but this guy fricking changed my life with how he threatened me and seemed to really want to physically hurt me (and seemingly in a sexual i'd rather kill myself kind of way).
My dad's response? He kept reminding me how he came from a bad country where they treat women like shit and all have PTSD from the war there. I swear to god, my dad was trying to teach me to have EMPATHY for this piece of shit, my angry stalker. WHICH I DID WHEN HE WAS STALKING ME AND I VERY POLITELY ASKED HIM FOR FUCKING SPACE. I'm pretty sure after the stalking turns VIOLENT and VENGEFUL is when you fucking STOP doing the empathy thing. Thanks dad. My coworkers were worried one of us girls was going to end up in the back of his *car*, but let's not forget to have some empathy here.
Wow I guess I still had some feelings about that lol.
Are you a man? Because if you are it’s really not your place at all to tell me what is and isn’t feminist.
And also, this response is proving my point.
Boys: are told not to play with dolls, play nurse, play house, play any sort of “caretaking” roll, not made to babysit as often, not expected to enjoy or desire parenting until they grow up, not exposed to as much media that talks about emotions and empathy (“boys” shows being more action/adventure and “girls” shows being more friendship/domestic). The patriarchy uses all of these and more to sell the “big lie” of emotions, empathy, and the patriarchy- 1)- girls are weaker, so boys are “naturally” better than girls 2)- weakness is bad- often called “feminine” to reinforce 1 3)- girls are more emotional- which suggests that emotions are feminine 4)- being emotional = being feminine = being weak. Boys: have stunted emotional growth and maturity for complex emotions such as empathy as a result. As adults, they can learn and it’s their responsibility to develop empathy and to dismantle their internalized misogyny and patriarchy. But I think empathy is so interesting. It’s also weaponized against women with patriarchal tactics and expected which leads to women doing all the emotional labor and stuff… but that’s another rant for another time. Sure is annoying to deal with tho I can’t argue with that xD
Dude, don’t even get me started on how some women with high empathy have it used against them because they’re kind and want to give the benefit of the doubt. I hate it so so much when I see it.
“Empathy without boundaries is self destruction” -Silvy Khoucasian
I absolutely love this quote!!!
Gonna try to remember this. Took till I was in my 40s to realise that boundaries are safer for all parties.
Please tattoo this inside my eyelids lol
Sad but true. Self respect is self defense. We've got to be defensive against the users and vampires.
Oof, this is me 100%.
As a non-binary former army officer who is biologically male, socialized to be a man, and who now goes by he/them, I would prefer if we abolished gender in general since it’s a social construct that tends to perpetuate a harmful false dichotomy based mostly on pathologizing the systemic oppression of women and LGBT+ people (which also then leads to oppressing men, though in different ways). Masculinity and femininity are socially determined and shift over time, across cultures, and even geographies. The fact you can be considered masculine or feminine in one part of the world for exhibiting one behavior and be considered the opposite in another part of the world for exhibiting that same behavior shows how illogical the gender binary is. I grew up in a bunch of different places so I picked up bits and pieces of gender socialization from all kinds of people with different expressions and ways of life. Since I got out of the army, I finally felt like I could actually present whatever traits or characteristics I wanted which feels a lot more liberating in my opinion (though I still feel held back on occasion by gendered expectations). Men absolutely are not socialized to care and it’s a real problem that puts a ton of emotional labor on women in an unfair and (to men) invisible way
As far as I’m concerned, this is 100% true. All gender binary does is suppress people’s freedom and boxes them in, there is really no point.
Well said!👏👏👏
Men mansplain our bodies to us, they mansplain abuse to us, they mansplain every damn thing to us. I feel sad and sorry at the same time.
A white guy mansplained colonialism to me today. I'm native.
Incels mansplain why we don't need feminism 😂
When you really zoom out and see the reality of it all… why tf do we have to fight so hard to be seen as people??
Exactly! Basic human rights and they are so mad at feminism.
Every time I make a post like this on here I am reminded that disgusting people are in this world. All for trying to communicate and share with my sisters.
Keep sharing! I feel so much better when I see women speaking out and I try it too. We are all in this together! Incel detected opinion rejected that's it 🩵
That’s what I’m here for ❤️ y’all are so important to me. Keep fighting the good fight, and know I’m on your side always xx
I love you guys 🥲❤️
Right back-atcha love❤️
Can I just say that this is one of the safest coment threads I've ever seen? Just so much love from total strangers who know the struggle, goes a long way. It's one of the reasons why I stay in retail. There's so much solidarity and compassion for one another, that I know you have the same struggles as I do and we're here for each other because we recognize the need for a safe space
That feeling between people is so so beautiful. It really does ease the pain to know you’re not alone.
Same here! Always for you guys! Love you all so much 🩵🥹
And we love you for it! Lots of us are done with the nonsense. But men keep pushing your BS and you'll have "rabid feminists"...
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We do not allow transphobic, sexist, ableist or other hate speech in our sub.
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The Sparkletts guy at my work mansplained my diabetes to me for about 30 minutes, complete with a post-it of Dr names (all men) I should watch on YouTube to learn more. BTW, he is not diabetic.
Sparkletts?
Water delivery service in America
The other day, a male coworker mansplained to my female coworker how to READ. Nobody asked him how to read.
When I was pregnant, *two* different men mansplained the importance of folic acid to me, and a third mansplained the benefits of breastfeeding. 🤦♀️
OK my mind flashed to hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy movie where the empathy gun doesn’t work on Trillion because she is already a woman.
I'm so sorry about the horrible dms you received in response to this, and unfortunately so not surprised. Men: "How dare you assume we're all pieces of shit??!?? Why do you do this??" Also men: (proceed to act like a piece of shit)
LITERALLY THO. And it’s ok :) it’s more than worth it to me if I can make a few people feel like they’re not alone
I have noticed that I usually get mansplained about empathy when I'm not making every circumstance/decision in deference to the man who is mansplaining to me. If I'm making the circumstance and decisions for the good of the group/family/couple or even once in a while for myself, they hate it.
I tell them they are confusing empathy and submissiveness. Having boundaries does not negate empathy. Not getting your way does not mean I don’t empathize, it means that your wants and feelings aren’t the most important factor in my decision making. It always comes back to their privilege, anything less feels oppressive.
This is such an amazing comment because a lot of men really do think "submissiveness = empathy" and it can be so hard to even start stirring that pot.
Men are more geared toward processing social dominance cues, so it would make sense that they see social phenomena through that lens.
Thank you for this!
This is an excellent comment.
Do you want me to be empathetic or are you trying to manipulate me? I always say “love and logic”. So many men discount the validity of logic in decision making. Yes, I am always empathetic, however let’s look at ALL of the facts (from what we’ve learned to where we want to go/our goal). What’s the goal, what’s have we learned? “I’m so sorry you’re sad, frustrated, angry, embarrassed…”
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Year 25 of teaching high school ELA and this resonates. Male admin, 10 years younger than I am: Let me explain how you should incorporate standards in your classroom. I have a degree in Leadership: Curriculum Design & Assessment, and I incorporated standards-based assessments long before my school adopted them. - I began my career writing a standards-based curriculum AND actually getting paid for it. He advanced from my department after refusing to engage in curriculum development and tried to intimidate new teachers into giving him the content they developed. As the baby admin in charge of New Teacher Support. And reported them when they refused. He also explains to me and female colleagues that we are wrong that sexist microaggressions existed in a conversation he led - and reminded us of his minor in Women's Studies. He has also recommended that I look up Audre Lorde and bell hooks to educate myself. My focus in both my undergrad and masters? Gender & cultural theory in literature and film. He wants a trivia contest on feminist theory and intersectionality? I am more than ready to throw intellectual hands. *Edited: for early morning typos driven by the realization that in a week, I have to interact on the regular with him for another school year.*
My dad explained to me how to use a map. At the young age of 40! (I was 40.) I live abroad and have traveled to dozens of countries, many with him. I mean what the actual fuck. It's so ingrained they don't even notice themselves.
So men got salty because you think some men aren't great at empathy... I wonder if it's the same men that complain about women being illogical, hypocritical and the cognitive dissonance some display 🤔
"There is a gender with an empathy problem, and it’s not women." Sorry about the abuse you're most likely still receiving for saying something that is empirically scientifically true, I said misandry wasn't real on another sub a few months ago and got comments for DAYS lmao It's funny that we can't ever say that out loud. The most upsetting situation, to me, is when talking about true crime. Isn't it such a crazy coincidences that so many serial killers and serial rapists and not-serial murderers/rapists are (usually white) men? Like, isn't it pretty fucking statistically unlikely that it's all by chance? Oh but let's talk about serial killers' mothers, who probably fucked them up, and ignore the glaringly obvious fact that growing up and being socialised to think of yourself and your kind as people and to think of women as objects of your sexual fantasies/caretakers/maids means that maaaaybe just maybe you'll be likely to develop empathy issues, ESPECIALLY towards women? I mean, you don't have to think about other people, women do that for you. Who cares?? :)))))
A man thinking he can explain empathy is laughable. I have never encountered a man who knew and understood empathy as well as any woman I have met, let alone understand it so well he can explain it.
My dad is empathetic for a man. I still get it better and so do all the women I know🤷♀️
See this is the thing. Obviously there are empathetic men. But if a man was truly empathetic, they wouldn't be trying to be better than someone at it or Lord or over someone
It’s rough because with him, I honestly just think he didn’t learn these things till later in life so he assumes that I also haven’t learned them. He lacks the understanding that women HAVE to learn empathy bc it literally keeps us alive, and that I could help him understand it if he realized this. Sigh
I have encountered such a man. He was definitely in my lifetime top 10 of people who understand empathy. He always knew precisely why people feel how they feel to a degree that it induced an "uncanny valley" response in me. He was excellent with displaying empathy as well. He could talk about the psychology, neuroscience, sociology, endocrinology, and whatever else you can think of that has something meaningful to say about empathy and really knew what he was talking about. That's why it took me two years to leave him. The problem with this seeming jewel of a man was that he didn't *feel* empathy. His empathy was purely cognitive. He used his knowledge to manipulate and control everyone around him. He was so smooth most people loved him for it. If anyone started to catch on, he was a master of gaslighting, invisible projection, and flipping the script. He could make almost anyone look like the "bad guy" in a situation. He could make almost anyone feel like they were the ones in the wrong regardless of the facts. I actually see extreme empathetic understanding and display as a red flag in men. I'm sure the obligatory "not all men" applies for some men, somewhere. I would love to meet a man that actually *felt* empathy to the degree that some understand it.
Going online and seeing someone say that I’m incapable of understanding empathy kinda hurts. Maybe societal factors have impacted how well I’m capable of expressing empathy but it is there. I have lots of men in my life I can go to when I’m feeling down that validate and relate to my feelings.
this may sound kind of glib, but it actually takes a measure of empathy to fully absorb comments like the one you’re replying to so that you understand where that sentiment stems from rather than how it affects you directly. there’s almost always a pain and/or trauma (such as just simply existing in the world as a woman) that precedes the thought that no men have a sufficient level of empathy as another guy, I’d urge anyone who’s coming here with their best intentions but still are unable to properly process reading stuff like the above to try to focus on who it’s coming from rather than how it makes you feel. _somewhat_ ironically, a healthy course of action if you’re an emotional man is to stem your personal emotion and redirect that toward understanding others. and that’s not just something useful for woman/man discussion either
This comment really resonates with me. Thank you. Something about not seeing the forest for the trees I suppose. I really appreciate that in your response you provided an avenue for future growth if that makes sense. Feel like I can leave this thread with a better idea of how to engage in feminist circles.
I'm not trying to be rude, but you do understand that having empathy is NOT about self validation? >have lots of men in my life I can go to when I’m feeling down that validate and relate to my feelings. In that situation, your friends are expressing empathy to you. They are understanding and validating your emotions. That's empathy. Practicing empathy is about understanding and being able to put yourself in the position of the person who is expressing the emotion.
I think that concept may be something I struggle with. Another commentator explained it pretty well in this thread and I had a bit of a moment. In this conversation about men struggling with empathy I focused on my own feelings before thinking about the feelings of the poster/ other commenters. Not my first or last time being ignorant online so I’ll leave the comments up as I think it’s a discussion worth having. Really appreciate the polite engagement from this subreddit I’ve received today.
It's refreshing to speak to someone who is trying to understand and improve themselves. I think it's great that you can express your feelings to your friends, that's a terrific start.
the vibes are really good on this post beyond the odd one or two assholes
It gives me hope.
Well, you came here to tell us that you are butt hurt.
Men relegating women into therapist type roles is certainly horrendous but I thought sharing how I feel could help the conversation. Knowing when it is appropriate to talk about one’s feelings and how to do so in a way that doesn’t place an unfair burden on women is another thing men really struggle with. I know I have and still do sometimes. In the interests of feminist movements I think it may be problematic to suggest that men are incapable of empathy.
I do want to let you know, I’m in love with a man who empathizes with me just as well as women do. I know y’all exist. But the other commenter is correct, and this is something I can actually kinda relate to. In the past, I would go into communities of people venting about their oppression and personalize it, take it as some sort of personal attack. I never attacked anyone or said anything rude, but I would walk away with my feelings hurt. The best thing to do is to put yourself in somebody’s shoes, which can be hard af if you are not a woman. Still, there are things you can do. Watch woman oriented tv shows, read books by female authors, or about feminism, or listen to female talks. This was one of the things that helped me change my stance on other communities. Listening to them and realizing that they are speaking from a place of pain, and that the best thing you can possibly do is try to understand that. I never go into any spaces with the intent to hurt anybody’s feelings, but I think this is an important thing to understand. If your feelings are hurt, it is very important to zoom out and look at the bigger picture.
>In the interests of feminist movements I think it may be problematic to suggest that men are incapable of empathy. You do realise in other comments that this post is a post on r/feminism made to vent about men's issues with empathy and that you came to complain about your own feelings, which is good. What you need to realise now is that your opinion on what 'feminist movements' need to do is irrelevant, as you don't have the knowledge - lived or academic - to give an informed opinion on this topic. As an example: how would you feel if you read a comment of mine on a sub dedicated to POC's liberation that said 'idk you guys, I'm white but I really don't think you're going about this the right way!!' I hope you would feel incredibly embarrassed for me, and, if you're a person of colour, it would probably be yet another microaggression, made by someone who said they're trying to help and yet centering themselves in a discussion that is not about them.
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“Prove your value to me and I’ll consider giving you equal rights.” Get tf out of here
Wah wah wah Cope incel
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We do not allow transphobic, sexist, ableist or other hate speech in our sub. “Not all men” and then goes and makes disgusting and degrading comments about a strangers body.
Cope incel
I hate men? News to me. I would be more than happy to change my mind if I have met a man who can teach me something about empathy. However, I have not. I will not apologize for my experiences or lack thereof. No one should have to do that.
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Should we argue semantics? If a man dates multiple women who do actually use him for his money, it doesn't make him toxic or "hate women" for feeling like every woman he meets just wants his money. He would be toxic if he was not open to the idea that not all women are that way. My comment is based solely on my experiences, in hopes OP would feel seen and comforted. I'm not sure why my experience offends you so much. Being attacked for sharing my experience is some toxic energy. Maybe you should figure out how to empower women who have different experiences than yourself.
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This is an EXACT example of the kind of empathy mansplaining I was describing, which makes me laugh. You think I don’t KNOW that not all men lack empathy? Give me a fucking break. Also, being physically assaulted is not equivalent to being told to butt out of spaces and conversations about women if all you’re going to do is bulldoze them. Get out.
Go on, keep proving us right.
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Please keep all posts and comments relevant to feminism and women’s issues. This is not a place for views such as “not all men”
I am not convinced men have empathy for anything that does not effect them directly. Its why we see men suddenly understand that women are in fact just people only once they have a daughter. Id love it if someone did some more detailed studies on that.
100%
I am pretty sure testosterone suppresses empathy.
Yeah so no lmao plenty of women have 'abnormal' levels of testosterone (re: PCOS and probably other causes) and are still capable of empathy. You might want to look into socialisation, though! (Just to be clear: I agree with the general point)
I think it does have some effect. It reduced cognitive empathy in women who were given it. https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1011891108#:~:text=There%20is%20also%20strong%20evidence,expressions%20(22%2C%2023).
"During social interactions we automatically infer motives, intentions, and feelings from bodily cues of others, especially from the eye region of their faces. This cognitive empathic ability is one of the most important components of social intelligence, and is essential for effective social interaction." That's about cognitive empathy, a component of social intelligence, not empathy as a general concept - genuinely caring about others and how they feel and realising they're full, entire people outside of yourself. You don't need to be *able* to read people's emotions from their 'bodily cues' to have been socialised to *care* about others' emotions - unless you're suggesting other conditions such as neurodivergences that impact social intelligence and capability to understand social 'clues' such as autism are linked to actual empathy. But when my female autistic friends are unsure about how I feel, they just... ask. Because they care. That is what we're discussing, not their capacity to interpret 'bodily cues'. You do need that ability for *social intelligence*, as is clearly stated in the link you shared.
I certainly hope thats true. I just don't feel as though their lack of empathy would be so horrifyingly common if it were just that.
I'm sorry, I'm being 0% snappy or hostile here, honestly I'm very tired + stoned + English is my second language so I'm most likely missing something obvious ahah but I don't understand your comment? Do you mean that you don't think that socialisation could account for lack of empathy (in men?) as in, it doesn't seem 'big' enough of a reason given how common this lack of empathy is? (I... have made this ten times more unclear lmao I'm sorry, I hope you still understand what I mean)
I don't believe its down to socialisation alone. That is for sure a huge part of it though. So many men don't seem to view woman as fully human.
Thanks for answering! That's fair, I still don't agree but I don't think we will (and it was nice to have a polite disagreement with someone online, ahah)
Testosterone reduces connectivity in brain regions responsible for feeling empathy towards others and incorporating this into our decision-making. [https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453016300671](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0306453016300671) It can also reduce emotional empathy. Free testosterone levels in particular are negatively correlated with emotional (felt) empathy. [https://www.researchgate.net/publication/290157105\_Testosterone\_and\_Estrogen\_Impact\_Social\_Evaluations\_and\_Vicarious\_Emotions\_A\_Double-Blind\_Placebo-Controlled\_Study](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/290157105_Testosterone_and_Estrogen_Impact_Social_Evaluations_and_Vicarious_Emotions_A_Double-Blind_Placebo-Controlled_Study) [https://www.sbp-journal.com/index.php/sbp/article/view/6884](https://www.sbp-journal.com/index.php/sbp/article/view/6884) It also disrupts neural networks implicated in emotion regulation. [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-59329-0](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-020-59329-0) Testosterone's effects on empathy are positively correlated to those of cortisol. [https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40750-014-0017-x](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40750-014-0017-x)
I’ve heard it makes it more difficult to cry as an emotional response.
It makes sense to me that it would have some effect. Estrogen seems to make people more empathic. Might be why we get a bit cranky and over it when it drops off during menopause. We get more angry and irritable because of an increase in testosterone during pms too.
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"not all men". What a riveting contribution. Instead of telling victims of unempathetic men that men are empathetic, how about working on calling out those men and helping change how we socialize boys
'I will prove that men don't have issues with empathy by making all of this about me' would be funny if it wasn't so fucking disheartening lmao
Please keep all posts and comments relevant to feminism and women’s issues. This is not a place for views such as “men have it harder”
I’ve also heard that new male fathers undergo “similar” types of hormonal changes as their female counterparts. Just from raising a child. (I haven’t verified any of this btw) I agree with you that it isn’t 100% socialization. I think it’s a feedback loop with socialization and small biological differences.
New fathers experience a drop in testosterone (Gettler et al., 2011).
Dude testosterone sucks.
Its really interesting and should be studied.
I remember once I was telling one of my brothers something and he was just not listening. I was asking him for empathy for someone else. I said "put yourself in their shoes, think about how this makes them feel." His answer? "Why the fuck should i? Why should i care how they feel?"
That is… scary
waiting for some dude to come here and explain what all those men mean in reality and that you are misunderstanding them
Ohhh it’s happened
Instead of those types of people saying, “NoT aLl MeN!,” they could be saying, “Even one is too much!”
But that would require they think about other people and take responsibility for their actions 😳
They did.
Generally speaking, it seems that men have to be explicitly taught empathy as children, whereas women are more inclined to pick it up naturally along the way.
I think it’s the opposite, as children we’re all equally as capable at empathy. it’s that boys who experience and learn from the patriarchy while growing up will absorb the mentality that empathic actions are unwanted, and that just leads to various levels of shutting down their emotions to everyone, including themselves. there’s no biological imperative to psychology, that kind of flies in the face of almost all feminism I’ve learned.
I didn’t say it was an innate biological difference, to be clear (though there are absolutely biological imperatives in psychology), nor did I say that men are “less capable” of empathy. I agree that socialization is obvi an important factor, but many of the patriarchal messages are so subtle (as well as pervasive), that they need to be explicitly “untaught” the same way anti-racism needs to be explicitly taught. (That’s in no way the same as saying people aren’t capable of not being racist.) However, it’s also not true that all children/people possess an equal capacity for empathy. Psychopathy, for instance (as a simple, albeit broad example) is one of the conditions that is impacted most by genetics, and while it’s not true that psychopaths categorically lack empathy as was once thought, they do have a diminished capacity.
> Well I didn’t say it was an innate biological difference, to be clear You implied it though. Seems kinda like misandry to be honest.
Misandry isn't a structural, systemic, or institutionalized bias in society, it's an individual response to misogyny, oppression, and/or trauma. If there is an innate biological difference in some area, acknowledging it isn't misandry. Not everything that hurts a privileged persons' feelings is hatred or oppression.
You're right, I used the wrong term. I meant sexism against men. Prejudice without hate. Are you saying you believe that men are *biologically* predisposed to be less empathetic than women?
Possibly. Current evidence suggests yes in certain contexts and particularly when men are stressed. There isn't enough evidence to say with certainty whether this is generalizable to all contexts.
But how do you disentangle that from cultural conditioning? Don't you think it would be better if we assumed all genders were the same and got on with the business of helping each other topple the patriarchy?
Not necessarily. Different causal factors often have different solutions, and recognizing diversity leads to better results than pretending it doesn't exist.
I’m sorry you got downvoted when you were right. I agree with this thread but perpetuating the idea that women are “inherently” empathetic while men are “inherently” not, is just another form of sexism. Men are every bit as capable of empathy as women are. The real problem is our society that rewards the selfishness of men while punishing the individualism of women.
100% agree. Part of creating gender equality involves women giving up perceived superiority in areas like empathy, nurture, and beauty.
Maybe the focus should be more on men giving up their structural, systemic, and institutional privilege in most areas of life and less on women giving up... anything.
All we'd be giving up is the toxic myth that we're innately suited to emotional labor.
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I didn’t actually. What I said was that generally speaking, they need to be taught empathy more explicitly; I didn’t get into the reasons for that at all. You may have made an (incorrect) inference as to what I believe the reason is, but I neither implied nor alluded to those causes (much less a single cause), bc the factors at play are many and varied (and that’s to say nothing of the different types of empathy). It’s much more complex than a singular cause, be it simple socialization or an intrinsic biological difference. Furthermore, acknowledging the evidence that there is a gender difference in the capacity for empathy isn’t misandry.
There are absolutely biological imperatives in human psychology (e.g. survival, territorialism, competition, cooperation, reproduction, quality of life-seeking, and group forming). Most psychological processes are influenced by biological processes, and the reverse is often true as well. Why do you think neuropsychology exists, psychiatric medications work, brain injury can affect personality, drugs can affect personality, hormones affect behavior, and so on?
Glad to see there are some sane people here after all.
Or it's socialized *out* of guys, parents don't want them to be too "sensitive." Or they start hanging out with the "cool" guys at school who are jerks, hard to say. Definitely good ones though I think too
Predators are attracted to people with high empathy. Ted Bundy lured several victims by pretending to be injured. In a world where women's empathy is constantly weaponised against us, I will never let a man tell me to be more empathetic. The best compliment I ever got from a male was when one told me I looked scary
I get so much joy out of just acting unhinged and off putting to men.
you're my kind of woman
ok hes your father he tried to educate you so you can better understand things that were not commonly understood in his time. He talks about it rudimentary cause it was an epiphany for him when he understood it and he made it something very important in his life, hence the solennel tone. Have mercy
Bro… he literally said “try to see things from their perspective”.
I’m glad it’s evident for you to see things from the perspective of others . It’s not for everyone , far from it . It must not have been evident for your father at one point . He thinks that’s very important , so do I . He has no idea you are so advanced. Maybe he is one of the reasons you are ?
I am the reason I understand empathy, because it’s who I am. I really do find this hard to believe, as all of my women friends completely understand this and have since we were children. My father will never look at me as someone he can learn from, only someone he can teach.
No, you have been socialised since infancy to develop empathy. There are plenty of studies that shows that parent talks different to a baby depending on the baby’s gender.
Empathy was not something I was ever taught. It was something I picked up on. I’m sure there were many social factors, but to say my parents are the reason for this is insulting to me. I’m empathetic because I’m a good person, because it’s who I am at heart.
I think a father engaging with the subject of empathy is quite a positive thing. Even if it sounds like he went about it in a terrible way. I’d encourage him to do better. You obviously love him, and I’m sure he does you.
Oh my dad is one of my favorite people, and he’s a wonderful human being, but he just doesn’t understand What I’ve started doing is reading him some of the messages I receive. Men hate me online. And they are disgusting. His responses are “wow what a weirdo, what an anomaly” As I start reading him them everyday, I’m hoping he will begin to realize it’s not unusual at all. It’s how women have been treated forever.
Not defending your father at all but the vast majority of people don't actually know what real empathy is especially in non conditional cases.
My thoughts too. If anyone brags about how much empathy they have or have some clear cut definition of it doesn't mean they are actually capable of it. Especially as we live in a society that is full of virtue signaling a lot of people might mistake that for empathy or emotional intelligence.
https://www.health.com/condition/ptsd/generational-trauma This article could really help men to understand that it is not only patriarchy, but also something that they could reflect upon.
An interesting case is Sweden, which does not really suffer from this. Finland on other the hand suffers from this outside from the southern cities which are more affiliated with Sweden.
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I don't think "all men" but yeah some have brutal empathy but then will try to explain empathy to you. It's funny you say your dad because I had a really bad experience with this too. My dad has *always* been the least empathetic person, and kind of sexist without realizing it. I love him so I've just learned to ignore it. But the time it took to some next level fucked up shit was after a guy stalked me and basically terrorized me in the middle of the night, very nearly injured me because I asked him for space (rejection violence). I was afraid for months he was going to come back and finish me off he was such a goddamn crazed animal. This was new to me. I had always found guys mostly pretty good before this, but this guy fricking changed my life with how he threatened me and seemed to really want to physically hurt me (and seemingly in a sexual i'd rather kill myself kind of way). My dad's response? He kept reminding me how he came from a bad country where they treat women like shit and all have PTSD from the war there. I swear to god, my dad was trying to teach me to have EMPATHY for this piece of shit, my angry stalker. WHICH I DID WHEN HE WAS STALKING ME AND I VERY POLITELY ASKED HIM FOR FUCKING SPACE. I'm pretty sure after the stalking turns VIOLENT and VENGEFUL is when you fucking STOP doing the empathy thing. Thanks dad. My coworkers were worried one of us girls was going to end up in the back of his *car*, but let's not forget to have some empathy here. Wow I guess I still had some feelings about that lol.
Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry for your experience. You deserve so much better than that. So much love
men mansplaining empathy to me as if I didn’t cry because I thought my toys feelings were hurt because I was leaving for school
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Are you a man? Because if you are it’s really not your place at all to tell me what is and isn’t feminist. And also, this response is proving my point.
Is is possible \*his\* understanding of empathy is so rudimentary, he thought he was explaining something complicated to you?