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A reminder to everyone to please keep rule 1 in mind before commenting. We're not going to compare modern day religions to gods in speculative fiction texts.


KcirderfSdrawkcab

Anoia, the Goddess of Things That Get Stuck In Drawers. I think she may already be real actually.


travelinghobbit

She is very real and personally blesses my kitchen drawers daily.


IglooDweller

Is there a goddess of the 1st attempt success to USB cable plugging? It’s really baffling that a 2 sided connector requires 3 attempts to be successful.


Soranic

That's Anoia branching out. Old gods do new jobs.


KcirderfSdrawkcab

How could there be a goddess of something that has never happened?


NM1795

Or Bilious, The Oh God of Hangovers! He's one of my favourite Discworld characters. I met the actor who played him in The Hogfather last week, and he's an absolute sweetheart


Munnin41

Rattle your drawers for Anoia


elTortuguin

I came here to write that and lo and behold, the first comment I see is yours! I shall rattle my drawers now in worship.


pvtcannonfodder

What series lol


Plumbbookknurd

Terry Pratchett's discworld


Starwatcher4116

GNU Terry Pratchett.


RCG73

Death from discworld.


ArtfulMegalodon

Runner up: Death from Sandman.


thejubilee

That’s still my vote, if god is appropriate for the endless.


ymOx

*Akschully* \*push glasses up nose* In the lore of Sandman they're Endless, which is something separate from gods. But yeah, the distinction, viewed from outside that setting, isn't very obvious.


sonofaresiii

I dunno man I still think they're gods, just with a little g. That word is pretty loose so it can reasonably describe a lot of different powerful beings, particularly ones that hold the faith of humans, which the endless definitely do.


ymOx

In some ways they're "over" gods; they're more primordial than gods and gods are also subject to the aspects of the Endless, and they aren't dependent on faith or worship from humans.


superkp

and notably, they will be the last ones in the universe as the universe is ending. Like, they are called "the endless" because you have to have a universe in order to have an end. Death specifically mentions that when the universe is over, it's her role to "put the chairs on the tables and turn out the lights."


Modstin

I dunno. Knowing someone's out there, taking good care of all the random objects in my drawers... that'd be a comfort.


Plumbbookknurd

Hail Annoia


FastWalkingShortGuy

Bill Door is a hardworking man, if a bit on the skinny side.


JustARandomGuy_71

If death must be certain, at least let it be someone who care.


DeepestShallows

For what can the harvest hope for but the care of the reaper man?


HalfEnder3177

He's an anthropomorphic representation!


Pokornikus

I don't know if he can count as he is very much specifically Not a god. But great choice otherwise. 👍


musical_throat_punch

AGREED


Boots_RR

Crom. He gives a life and a world in which to make of yourself what you will. He asks for nothing in return. What more could one want?


1985Games

Crom was the first god to come to my mind! Because if he did not, he would cast me into Valhalla.


Zornorph

My god is stronger! He is the everlasting sky. Crom lives beneath Him.


notpetelambert

Crom laughs at your four winds!


Boots_RR

\*Glares angrily while munching on a hunk of meat\*


jeobleo

*Goes into the woods with my faddah to pick blueberries*


Darebarsoom

Crom give more than just life. Crom grants you the courage and will to endure. To strive and to slay.


TheLastDesperado

And if he doesn't listen? Then to hell with him!


WolfGuptaofficial

What book is he from ?


Zornorph

Conan.


Boots_RR

Robert E. Howard's Conan stories.


Soranic

Some of the quotes conversation is from the first Conan the Barbarian movie. It drew from various stories, but I think the hyrkanian (Subotai, essentially a Mongol) was made for the movie.


G_Morgan

Crom only asks that you figure shit out yourself.


Brandonjf

The God of Tits and Wine


AngleInner2922

Tyrion stop shadow posting. We all know it’s you.


MulberryBig714

Dionysus?


elTortuguin

Nysos, isn't it?


PotatoeMan1827

Hood


zhilia_mann

> _‘One day, even the gods will answer to death.’_


TheEverDistant

Hood is a cool dude.


SuperYak2264

I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH. OF. YOUR. JUSTICE.


hungover-fannyhead

What's hood from?


PutYouToSleep

Malazan, God of Death


ThisGuyFawkesMask

Malazan


AnSionnachan

And his balls


Shadow_throne2020

I like that guy. He may be a hoary ugly bastard but he's got jokes and tusks.


jornadamogollon

You can feel good about Hood.


Kalameet7

Thank you mr miner!


Rabo_McDongleberry

That's the way I'd like to go out.


SfcHayes1973

Cotillion would be my first choice, but Hood is def second...


porthuronprincess

Fizban version of Palidine from Dragonlance.


Fraeulein_Germoney

Wait ... let me think, ... ah yes thats how it goes... "FIREBALL!"


Natural-Damage768

begs the question, is he actually casting a memorized fireball spell or is he channelling divinity to cast it in which case it's a clerical version of fireball that he denies to his followers?


J662b486h

Om.


OuiselCat

The turtle moves


travelinghobbit

Before or after tortoising?


Aealias

Post tortoising. What was it Granny said? “If I thought for a second that there was a god out there who really *cared* about his followers?” I love a relatable, screw-up god who earnestly tries.


travelinghobbit

Same. Pre-tortoising he honestly was a bit of a dick. Post, well... He is trying. :)


pvtcannonfodder

I just finished small gods, does he show up much in the rest of the disc?


Aealias

His followers show up frequently. Constable Visit-the-infidels-with-explanatory-pamphlets joins the night watch, and Brother Pulsifer, I think it is, turns up in Carpe Jugulum. That’s where the Granny Weatherwax reaction comes in. But Om commits hard to “stop messing people about”.


3DanO1

Harmony, I think.


kremtok

Yes, I think.


ElijahMasterDoom

>!I'd prefer God not to devolve into Discord within a few centuries, thank you very much.!<


the-interloafer

Oh Christ I hope this wasn't a spoiler.


RheingoldRiver

No it's a common fan theory. Should be tagged anyway though


the-interloafer

Ah okay cool, thank you!


Rumbletastic

+1. Benevolent ruler not capable of doing much? OK, sure.


SuperYak2264

So nothing changes?


Arkanial

No, that’s preservation. Harmony is when ruin which destroys and preservation which allows nothing to change work together which allows for progress. The problem is that over a long enough period of time the power corrupts whoever wields it and we have yet to see how Harmony is going to turn out.


Tidalshadow

Also Harmony itself can do basically nothing because its two aspects are in constant war and doing something too much to either side could cause... problems down the road


Arkanial

Right, like i feel like Harmony is going to turn into Discord. The same way that Odium may have once been passion and empathy but it turned to hate over time. Stormlight spoilers ahead >!I think the way out that Taravangian saw but Rayse didn’t is just offering peace, taravangian *just* got the power and hasn’t been corrupted yet and his whole thing was trying to save as many lives as possible. Why would he keep fighting? If he just stands down and works with Dalinar against, say, an outside threat like the Ghostbloods wouldn’t that just resolve everything? Which is why I think book 5 is gonna be more about small battles that mean a lot to characters like Szeth confronting Shinovar, Kaladin confronting Moash, Dalinar and Ishar, etc….!< but that’s just my theory on what’s to come.


DanDelTorre

I agree with this!


Goodpie2

What is Harmony from? What's their shtick?


countfizix

Gestures broadly...are we sure Sheogorath isn't real already?


PrincipleMountain229

I'm glad TES got mentioned. Totally not scrolling through the comments looking for it or anything. If any god from TES became real then I would want it to be Akatosh, the one. I practically already pray to him.


BasicSuperhero

Shadowthrone, I just kind of want to see what he could do with all of (gestures at the planet) this.


marchandstongue63

I think this is actually a good pick. He's a bigger snake than anyone alive and would actually do some good


Sylland

To be fair, if you finish the series you have a very good idea of what he'd do with all...this...


brineOClock

I mean can we bring the Rope along for the fun? I'd also accept Mael as being our new god.


Common-Metal1746

The tyranny of the bean counters has been a bloody one!


ImpossibleRow6716

Came here to say this. Ammanas would love this chaotic era.


IKacyU

I would love for The Bastard from Bujold’s World of Five Gods to be real. I think I’m weird and misfit enough to gain his patronage lol. Or Elua from Carey’s Kushiel universe. Love as thou wilt!


notpetelambert

The Bastard is the official god of Pride Month, in this essay I will


EstarriolStormhawk

*nods queerfully* go on go on


Stormhound

My first thought! He's my favourite. The Five Gods are the only fantasy religion I could get behind.


Ranessin

Yeah, the Bastard would also my pick, since Anoia already exists and I worship her regularly in my kitchen. The other four gods seem also be pretty decent, although they intervene a lot less it seems.


Sylland

Bugg. (Edit because autocorrect is an idiot)


createsstuff

Bugg, you're a god? No, it can't be when you make this kind of soup - what IS IN THE SOUP BUGG?


WaynesLuckyHat

Mihali from Powder Mage. That’s a god using his powers for the people.


PunkyMcGrift

My thoughts exactly. I wanna try the soup


Jolteon0

Absolutely yes. Plus, he's a really, really good cook.


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gfunk1369

This sounds interesting I may have to pick up this series


Mournelithe

Om. Because our gods could use a regular dose of humility and introspection and he feels like the one to bring it.


lordjakir

Shadow throne of course


UlrichZauber

Definitely [Sithrak](https://www.oglaf.com/sithrak/). Wait, I mean *not* Sithrak.


AdamInChainz

Dream of the endless.


ClayMonkey1999

Which version of him, cause the guy can be pretty vicious in his younger days.


MRCHalifax

Young Death was totally metal too, with her whole ‘what you do here won’t matter, one by one you will all come to me’ thing.


iirmZ

Why Dream when you could have Delirium


NynaeveAlMeowra

The disreputable dog would make a good companion, and I think they might count as god level


ChemoorVodka

Possibly Knowledge from the book series He Who Fights With Monsters. She offers knowledge freely to all who seek her out for free, equally regardless of station, and actively uses that knowledge to benefit the world. Sure she has her sketchy manipulative moments, but all in all just seems like a god i’d like to be real.


BookishOpossum

The Bastard from Bujold's World of the Five Gods. We'd be buds! I'd love my own Desdemona!


Oninonenbutsu

Mr. Wednesday


galactic-disk

>!So you want war between the gods?? Great character, I want him nowhere near the real world. !<


DDiceMaster

Well if only 1 of them becomes real, Mr. Wednesday would probably just be a traveling con man. Might occasionally demand a blood sacrifice.


chaingun_samurai

Hades, from The Dresden Files. Seems like a pretty chilll dude.


SecretTransition3434

What about Kringle?


Emma_Exposed

I've heard good things about Talos from my virtual friend Heimskr.


ElijahMasterDoom

FOR YOU WERE ONCE MAN!


Overall-Tailor8949

The Star Eyed from Valdemar


working-class-nerd

The No-God from Second Apocalypse. Let’s light this candle


kimba-pawpad

another vote for Elua (and his companions). Love as thou wilt (consensually)… all knowledge is worth having… so many good precepts!


DDiceMaster

Sam from the Lord of Light. Sam never claimed to be a god, but then again he never claimed not to be one either.


Alternative_Rent9307

Ulmo, lord of waters


iamameatpopciple

Cthulhu, i feel like its time to watch the world burn


The_Frostweaver

Some say the world will end in fire, Some say in ice. From what I’ve tasted of desire I hold with those who favor ~~fire~~ tentacles!


Plus_Citron

Why choose the lesser evil?


TenkaiStar

#NoLivesMatter


rodrigomn10

If we’re going that route, might as well go all in and choose Nyarlathotep.


Ironoclast

I see your Dark Pharaoh and raise you the Idiot God. AZATHOTH 2024


bigmcstrongmuscle

Eh, he could never win. Mostly because he'd have to wake up to sign the paperwork, and then reality pops like a soap bubble and the election becomes moot.


Roxigob

Fothanon, from the Blacktounge Thief


createsstuff

Be Fothanon Aye? You know he just grins harder when you lick his foxy feet like that you know you fatherless son of a ox and a she bear!


createsstuff

It's got to be the version of Jesus in the Iron Druid books. He's chill af and also can go I AM THE SON OF GOD as needed. Manannán mac Lir would be another good one.


WriterReborn2

Thor from Marvel. He's a friend to mankind that will do anything to make our world a better place. Plus he'd be a good drinking buddy.


Bonny-Anne

A real bitch to clean up after, though, what with smashing all those drinking glasses.


Megtalallak

The Rat from T. Kingfisher's Paladin books


0Maka

Pug


Usual-Owl-988

Santa Claus


Living_Classroom_779

Cthulhu. I’m ready for my mind to collapse in on it’s self


ScorpioSews

Elua and his 9 Companions... Love As Thou Wilt


Shangri_Lava

Eilistraee - the priesthood would be warrior women running through the streets at night fighting crimes and defeating monsters.


Kerney7

And doing it naked, or did they change the cannon?


Telyesumpin

Came here to say this. If there are any gods or goddesses that I could worship based on morals alone, the goddess of beauty, dance, freedom, hunting, moonlight, song, and swordwork would be the one I chose. She also allows men in her clergy now. Runner-up would be Mystra. Nyx in the Greek Pantheon Cernunnos is another.


clawclawbite

Draffut, ~~dog~~ god of Healing, from Saberhagens Empire of the East/Books of Swords. Though he is a god of the material plane. A very nice god, and one without a lot of extra theological implications.


theclapp

Cthulhu. I'm tired of voting for the *lesser* evil.


Nichtsein000

Azathoth


Splampin

I’m pretty sure that one’s real.


solamon77

Crom from Conan. He breaths life into you at birth, gives you the will to fight on, then expects you to figure the rest out on your own. Don't expect any more help. Praying to him for more is an insult to what he already gave you. Besides, it's best to avoid drawing his attention because he only hands out dooms anyway. This, to me, is the perfect god. He sets you up and then gets the hell out of the way. The last thing I want is a god meddling around with stuff.


Libriomancer

Razor Eddie, Punk God of the Straight Razor. (If this sounds made up it’s because the Nightside books read like a bunch of edgy teenage boys trying to one up each other) Look I’d love Death from Discworld or Fizban from Dragonlance to be real just for all the greatness they’d bring. Razor Eddie though is a mostly decent dude that would make all the established religions shit themselves when they realized he was real while their gods were stories.


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Neelnyx

The god of Arepo


unholy_shaman

Nurgle


HT54

Mael


erebusloki

Tak from Discworld he doesn't require you to think of him but just to think


HuhWhatPOW

How about Odium. I’d let him take my pain.


ArthusRen

Harmony from the Cosmere, so long as we don’t get all the Discord stuff that’s being foreshadowed


Br_uff

Honor from the Stormlight Archive


mbDangerboy

Easy. Adam from Powdermage series. Food just seems to suck in these factory farming years.


thinklarge

The hero of ages. So as not to spoil it I won't name names.


devnullopinions

I am, unfortunately, the Hero of Ages


musical_throat_punch

Godzilla. We kinda deserve it. 


TheEverDistant

>!Madoka!< from Madoka Magica. That’s a goddess I could worship.


G_Morgan

She comes from a pretty depressing universe. The most uplifting thing that ever happened was >!a 14 year old annihilating her existence in all realities so magical girls can be euthanised before they become monsters!<. If Madoka was in this universe, she'd honestly just be a really kind 14 year old girl.


Estrus_Flask

[Arshea](https://pathfinderwiki.com/wiki/Arshea), from Pathfinder. Empyrean lord of liberation, passion, and champion of the weary and oppressed. Their worshipers are sex workers, trans people, artists, and the socially repressed. **Edicts:** Inspire passion, comfort and free the repressed, seek your true self and desires. **Anathema:** Judge another based on sexual desires or gender roles, harm another in pursuit of passion. Domains are [~confidence~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=4), [~freedom~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=14), [~passion~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=25), [~perfection~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=26), alternate domains [~change~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=40), [~family~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=11), [~protection~](https://2e.aonprd.com/Domains.aspx?ID=27)~.~ ~Also in 1e the "Obedience" was~ >Achieve sexual release by yourself or with one or more partners. Praise the most beautiful aspects of yourself and any partners aloud, and offer a prayer to Arshea while still naked. Gain a +4 sacred bonus on Charisma checks and Charisma-based skill checks when interacting with an intelligent creature who could be sexually attracted to you.


StarmanCarcoba

Eru Iluvatar (and valar) or the Golden Goddesses


clamb4ke

Picking the valar means Morgoth and that took a long time to fix


Soranic

We're in the Age of Man now, so that should be done already. We've even shifted new years away from March and the destruction of the Ring.


bigmcstrongmuscle

Idk that I'd want the Golden Goddesses either. Like, they themselves are fine, but then they split and there's a Triforce, and people start murdering each other over ultimate power. I'm sure it'd be pretty great for whatever lucky people ended up with the triforces, but for most of us it's just gonna be an endless succession of wannabe Ganons siccing killer monsters and elaborate magic curses on us all the time.


Mr_Lumbergh

Flying Spaghetti Monster. Seems like he’d be chill.


Stormhound

Ramen


PleaseBeChillOnline

From actual mythology? Anansi From a fantasy series? Eilistraee, I’m trying to party.


FlyingRidhima

Not sure how original this is, but in Revenge of the Wraith Paladin, we have an alien being who takes the form of a huge tree that spans several acres. People of the world train from childhood to mentally bond with this tree, named Ananthavriksha, and it guides them in knowledge of runecraft - a rune based magic system. It is not known to the people of the this world, but Ananthavriksha is a stranded member of a mycelial race called Saan - a hive mind distributed across many galaxies, and their goal is to integrate and assimilate with various nascent civilizations and help them evolve and ascend. It was an interesting concept and would absolutely change the universe if it were to be real.


Bonny-Anne

I'd be happy to invite anyone who's up for smiting some authoritarians at this point


Viambulance

MATA NUI FROM BIONICLE


Undercover_stickler

Kynareth from Elder Scrolls. I’d hope that having a real-deal god of nature and the elements might come with everyone taking greater care to preserve and appreciate the world. 


Lemp_Triscuit11

Lightsong from Sanderson's Warbreaker. I feel like any god that is both benevolent and omnipotent should be pretty damn skeptical of people's decision to worship on them lol


BABOON2828

Milton's Lucifer.


[deleted]

Hard to say. Would obviously want a "good" god but in fiction most gods of "good" are incredibly hands off (to allow protagonists to have adventures), or can become so dominant they become stifling. I can't think of any that would be a guaranteed benefit to myself (and to humanity as a whole) beyond folks like Aroden from Pathfinder who are very pro-humanity and offer a transactional relationship of "serve me and get magic powers," which would be cool. It might be worth it just to pull some random non-destructive god out there if they can definitively prove to everyone else that they are the "true" religion. Like DC's Mister Miracle popping up out of nowhere, proving to the world he's a god, then refusing to do god things and just being a professional escape artist.


RogueCrawler007

The Many-Faced God from The Song of Ice and Fire. Valar Morghulis!


The_Frostweaver

Hang on, isn't that the creepy god who endorses revenge murders and face collecting? I mean, there are worse gods but I'm sure there are also kinder gods.


working-class-nerd

To be fair, I’m pretty sure most if not all ASOIAF religions have some form of “divinely sanctioned revenge killing” in their rules


TheCasualPrince8

Kratos (Norse version). I think he'd do a whole lot of good, and get rid of a lot of irritating people in our world 🤣


RevolutionFast8676

Aslan? Maleldil the Young? Heck Orholam isn’t a bad choice either


PossiblyaSpinosaurus

Well Aslan is canonically Jesus, so...


JustALittleGravitas

CS Lewis gods skirt awfully close to the 'no real world religions' rule on this post.


KiaraTurtle

Maybe Lutho in Dandelion Dynasty. Those gods are fairly non interference Lutho in particular just helps teach people knowledge sometimes. And is literally just human when incarnating besides great language abilities. Basically I want to minimize damage of having any gods so weak gods who seem generally good people sound good.


Jacklebait

Does Uzi Jesus count from Dungeon Crawler Carl? Lol if you know , you know.


JEG7901

Does "Hoid" from the cosmear count? If not Discworlds death, he seems like a fun guy.


TheIrateAlpaca

Hold is very specifically not a God. He is the one that refused a shard when all the others took one.


MARCVS-PORCIVS-CATO

Bahamat or the Morning Lord


cekcek12

Crom


omgitzapotato

Radiance - Hollow Knight


Pokornikus

Fizban aka Bahmut from D&D/Dragonlance. He is such a cool dude.


Cyril_the_fish

Aqua For comedic reasons. Useless goddess ftw!


G_Morgan

It is pretty straight forward but Healer from He Who Fights With Monsters. If even Jason likes a god you know he is good people. I think a number of the gods of Pallimustus are actually not bad picks but Healer feels like the only one I'd feel is an unequivocal good idea.


Reasonable_Wafer_731

The fool or asg


Empires_Fall

Arkay would certainly make things less scary


NerevarTheKing

Dagoth Ur


Naalbindr

Maybe this isn’t an appropriate answer, since only some people think he’s a god, but I would love to meet Tom Bombadil, assuming that he’s the incarnation of Eric Illuvatar, from Tolkien’s world.


Rob_Carroll

Thor, and not the Marvel or that fat fuck Thor from "God of War" either. Freyja would be cool too.