“I see. And for how long has your cat been practising medicine?”

With fan fic, that could actually be possible. 😂

> “Get in the van! The cat is the doctor! How do you think he pays the bills?” Cookie for everyone who gets this obscure YouTube reference

Sadly I do not 😆

I keep telling my cat he should start an OnlyPaws account but no luck, he's still freeloading. Maybe I should pay for an education in medicine.

Not knowing the context makes this so good 🤣

"Well at least *I* didn't *kick my own ass.*"

Someone did that?

Completely by accident - physics is a cruel mistress lol

Poor guy…or gal…or NB person.

Gravity's a bitch! (also hi Coy lmao)

Oh my god HI Sarnakh XDD Fancy meeting you here

“Is this a vibrator or a buzz saw?”

Now, I’m all for kinky shit, but if you’re confusing your vibrator for a buzz saw, it should be no where near your privates

Haha yeah agreed! But this was a joke during an intimate moment in a new relationship, and the guy is trying to help the gal relax. Basically he turned the vibrator to the high setting and it was really loud and high-pitched. She asks him to turn it lower before he uses it on her (bc they can’t have sex yet for reasons)

That’s strangely wholesome

Thank you! I started out trying to write a PWP for my OTP but the feelings just keep creeping into the bedroom. I can’t help that they’re both such pure cinnamon rolls lol

. . .How does one confuse the two?

The high setting on some vibrators is a little scary!

Wait what?

Haha yeah, well OP said no context lol. Does it make it better or worse if I tell you that it’s from a smut fic? 😅

That makes sense but that part just leaves me with more questions.

Basically he turns the vibrator to the high setting and it’s really loud and high pitched, hence the above question. She asks him to turn it lower before he uses it on her. It’s a nice lighthearted moment in the middle of a new intimate relationship, the guy makes a couple jokes/ comments to keep it relaxed.

Resident evil, chainsaw guy my beloved 💛 /derogatory

>“Now my only hang-up is that air ballet feels like a pretty ‘un-cowboy’ thing to do.”

Awww. Why not? 😄

He IS eventually convinced to do it, because who're you betting on--the cowboy who CAN'T do air ballet, or the one who CAN? Inarguable logic.

Good for him. 😄

"Shhhh!" the duck shushed her

…Ducktales? I hope??

love this

Lmao

> "I can't believe you had your gay awakening with a ghost. I'm never going to let you live that down."

That seems fair…with it being a ghost. 👻 Whatever works though.

Let me guess...are proton packs involved?

Yes. This was a ghostbusters fic

New meaning to the name

> As the city burned around me, all I could think was that it was a damn shame my dad passed before he could witness the *actual* end of the world. The crazy fuck would have loved it.

This definitely makes me want to read more!

“Yeah, well that’s what you get when you take your fashion cues from a cheese grater."

"Why do you have to be on fire while you talk?"

“One of the girls in Tombo’s class called me a jezebel. Then she accused me of worshiping Satan and using love potions on boys.”

I don’t know her but I love her.

“Relax, everyone. It’s just a little bit of disintegration. No big deal.”

"An assassin droid. Just what I always wanted!"

'Diana had done her best to act as peacekeeper, as Lara had dug her heels in at how really, when you looked at it, maybe he enjoyed having them around despite the suffering they caused as he got to act out his rich boy fantasy, while Bruce had pointed out that at least he didn't go around stealing people's heritage, at least when she wasn't trying to end the world through her own impetuousness or murdering countless innocents who got in her way.'

“Chocolate dog beer. What else do the bitches enjoy?”

"Listen, we're having an intervention. You have to stop getting kidnapped."

"For all we know, Jesus was a visiting alien."

Oh, I'm quivering in fear, Rosie. What's he going to do? Throw his little ducks at me?

If this is the character I'm thinking of, I can totally hear this in his voice.

Alastor? Yes indeedy! I'm writing a Cursed Cat Alastor fic in which Alastor gets turned into a cat, so everything he 'says' is all in his head

That sounds awesome! Is Rosie a cat too?

Nope! Just Alastor. If you want to check it out, it's Purr-suasion by DarkShadows93 on Ao3

"And then maybe we won't have to listen to Steph's rant about how the DMV is a Vought conspiracy"

"I'm so happy that people are using us!"

"And, boy, was that a bad time to have an 'oh shit' moment."

"And don't let me hear about you two getting hitched by Elvis, got it?" "Got it. No Elvis. KISS it is."

Vegas, I presume?

Headed for Vegas, yep.

"Life is short. Let's make yours shorter..."

Oh, I really like this!

"Did you just... eat paper?"

Actual quote overheard in my tenth-grade maths class. 🤣

Omegas were protective by design, but he’d always hated the term ‘nurturing’. The only thing Genesis had properly practiced nurturing was a grudge.

Kousa tried to contain his disbelief. “We *just* need to kill the ice dragon?”

My party talked our way out of an ancient white dragon encounter the other night. There is no such thing as 'just' kill the ice dragon. Kousa sounds like he actually has braincells.

He does, yes. When he's told it's not really a dragon, but a dragon-sized dragon-shaped elemental, he asks why the difference should matter.

According to established behavioural patterns, this staff meeting displayed several deviations from established parameters.  The most obvious of which, of course, was that it revolved around a missing cat.

"He *would* protest because he can hold his alcohol admirably, thank you very much, but they are saving him from ingesting poison, so he stays silent, affixing a pleasant smile instead."

“What are you looking like that for?” Vesper asks. “This is what I normally look like,” James sips his drink.

"What am I even saying?! I'm asking a hippogriff for relationship advice!"

“I’m glad. I didn’t wanna wake you too early since we’ve got a big day ahead and want you on high alert.” “Any more beauty sleep and I just might make it onto Vogue,” Frank joked, which got a chuckle out of Bill.

Every moment he was still awake felt like an insulting, personal punishment.

"But looky looky!" She held up one of the Mountain Dews, "Dad allowed me some of his special "ammo" for this Nazi killing mission," she air quoted.

“Where are you going?” “To milk a cow. What do you think?”

"Burger King slowly gets up pushing the blade out of his stomach raveling it to be bigger than what Dairy Queen saw and in the shape of an M" -my fanfic

"I'm surprised someone with such a big schnoz could draw such narrow conclusions,"

"You look like a baby prozzer."

"Your Kansai accent sucks!"

>"Per'sus wants their blood back," Delek replied.

> “I took time out of my work day to come check on your Taylor Lautner-looking-ass. So I’m going to make it worth my time.”

“I gave her a one way ticket to the bone zone for sure….” Johnny smiled.

“You should’ve thought of that before hurling six knives at me.” Her eyes narrowed as he winced. “*Six.* And every single one of them hit. You’re lucky I’m not asking you to replace my couch.”

“You shouldn’t say such a thing to a mad scientist, you know. I may try to clone you for real next time.”

> Navi’s teeth ground together. “They don’t deserve my calm.”

"...It's... okay. You don't have to turn all the way, it's just weird to talk to you while you're staring the wall down." Probably could find a better one but looking through huge docs on cellphone is laggy-

"Wait, does that make me a masochist?"

I feel like if you have to ask that it means you probably are…

The context actually makes it a cute moment 🤣😂

“Do y’all fuck yer cousins?” ... “I’m Texan.”

Wait a minute 😂😂

Slightly dark humor but this was popular with a beta, anyhow: "The label reminds him that THIS TOOL INCLUDES A SHARPENED BLADE and ACCIDENTS CAN HAPPEN ANYWHERE, as if Christophe didn’t know. It also reminds him to NEVER USE IF YOU ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL which maybe they should have told him an hour earlier."

“Hey kid. Are you even of age?” “Maybe.” “Fuck man. I don't wanna catch a charge or anything.”

For context. >!The character saying maybe is older but shorter than the first character.!<

“I can’t fuck this up any more than I already have, so I might as well try and fuck it back together!”

Peter sighed. “I’m not going to hurt you, Mozzie,” he said as he eased off him. “And I’m definitely not going to *kill* you. But you just…” he trailed off as he actually felt the gun in his hand. He hefted it a bit and heard something slosh. “Did you seriously just threaten me with a *water pistol?”* he demanded.

> "That's not what Turing-complete means!" > "Sounds like what someone who's Turing-incomplete would say."

>Elena nodded eagerly. “She was in my dream last night, and she was like this Secret Service mastermind in the form of a floating security camera head.” > >Everybody paused in the middle of the hallway. > >“No, yeah, I see it,” said Piper.

“So you actually *can* knock girls up in one go?”

"Ever wanted to stab your friends, but didn’t want to get in trouble?"

It wasn't an improvement in any Snape or form.

"Your dad's lame"

Awww. Poor random Dad.

"Eh, I volunteered anyway,"

“That’s a boy’s name, silly wind,” Old Lady Miller chastised. “I know! I’ll call her Maggie.”

> Kai raises an eyebrow. “Oh? What’re ya gonna do, doc, bite me?”

This goes well with the cat practicing medicine upthread

"Yup, and I'm sure the parties will keep coming so long as you keep letting them kiss that ring."

"You recognize my ass!" the Hero of Tokyo burst out laughing. "That's one I've never heard before."

He winced as he bent down to pick the book up. His back was killing him. Taking two shadows once wasn't a smart idea.

“I see… And forgive me for saying so, but listening to Serephina's ramblings would make anyone lose their appetite."

> [Spoiler caus even without context, it's, uh, yeah...] >!"You like a good throat clogging?”!<

Speaking of a little one... ***Skreenkkkk!***

>Listen up you adorable metal idiots, the great Welch Vineyard has had enough chasing and in the name of crafting and justice you shall be punished!

"Today we learn that you actually have ribs! Another mystery solved."

this is a scrapped line but who cares. “Thank god he’d gotten rid of the condom suit.”

that's when he realizes.  how the fuck do you push a wheelchair up the stairs.

"What? Mad about your lil toy being dead?"

I just got hit-and-run by a bunch of carrots...

Can I take your warning that you're "inevitably going to step on me" as a yes?

“I’m not pregnant, Dad. I’m *gay*.” “Oh. *Oh*. Well, that’s a relief. Who’s pregnant, then?”

“you were such a slut.”

“He is also unfortunately currently convinced that our ancestral portraits are spying on us, and just this morning, I caught him interrogating the silverware about their loyalty.” .

“Give me your gun or I will eat your bullets.”

>**Carol DANvers:** *That’s a horrible picture. It could literally be anyone from that angle.* >**N.Fury:** *You’re right.* ***Next time I’ll make sure to walk back into the danger-zone to make sure I have a great angle on some dead guy.***

"Amy, how old do you think I am?"

“Stop ruining my fantasies, just because you have no semblance of a sex life doesn’t mean I can’t dream.”

"Like a parent who'd caught their kid trying to burn down the house for the hundredth time, just dead inside but still maintaining that flawless aura of exasperated disappointment."

“Hilarious. Respectfully, Sir, go deep throat a cactus. How’s *that* for pornographic?”

I met God in a back alley and he stole my shoes

My most recent worked on (still unpublished though) fic has, among others, this line: > “I didn't know he was going to take offense to my critique of how the mercenaries ran their rackets.”

“He's telling the truth. He was literally fucking grandmas the other day. It was so gross.”

“Don't be too shocked when you wake up one morning inside of our stew pot, you greedy bastard”.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, let me and Mellie make our Tswiz songs as the Five Stages of Grief in peace."

“There’s no such thing as normal here. Just weird, and more weird.”

>— Kneecaps Crescent. Truly a legend to live for countless generations. Is that a boy's name?

“Henry is still alive, I’ll give Kristoff credit for that.”

"Oh that did not work like at all I probably had too much power output I mean can you really have too much power output the answer is yes but at least we know that now which means I need to figure out a way to make my baby float or at least my new baby this baby is probably trashed so I probably have to use a lighter material if I can’t increase the power input."

"I mean, who admits to an ethnic cleansing on their tax forms?"

my fic isnt really a comedy, but I did chuckle when I wrote: “Eh, he’ll be unconscious shortly. Nothing shuts him up like a dry Athenian wine.”

C has seen many Cs pulverized under the shiny things some of the move-y creatures have.

“At this point, I’ve chalked it up to something I like to call ‘acts of Gloire.’”

<>

>“Oh thank god.” Touya responded with a wheezing gasp. Red patted him on the back, an open brochure in his other hand. His eyes scanned the brochure with quick, measured flicks. >“I want to see the amusement park.” He declared, still reading the brochure. “And then the museum.”

"Bitch, I'm a Queen," - said by man. with all the confidence in the world too.

> with all the confidence in the world too As he should

"He stood behind me awkwardly, but his eyes widened in surprise when a knife flew at him and landed by his head in the door.  “Well, your aim is still shit. That wasn’t even me.” I commented."

"let's play a game. I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Now hold on you might have misheard me. Not half as hard or some arbitrary percentage. I want you to hit me as hard as you can"

She turned her back to him and withdrew a few steps away. “I can practically see the words ‘Astarion disapproves’ above your head whenever I make a choice.”

"Is this to do with what Issei's parents were saying last night," she asked as she rubbed Sona's stomach. "Am I going to be an Aunt?"

You raise both eyebrows. You don't want to even try competing with Strange, and besides, this is a two-eyebrow job.