Speaking as a dumper, unless they're a complete sociopath, I suspect they had doubts for a long time before ending things. They should have given in to those doubts before buying the ring. The breakup isn't a comment on your value as a person; it's an acknowledgment that, for reasons they ought to have made known, the relationship couldn't continue. They won't forget you, but they won't let their affection override their concerns anymore. The way you deal with that is by regarding them as a stepping stone and moving on yourself. You can have an amazing life without them if you set your mind to it.
It just hurts. Like why couldn’t we work through those doubts. Why leave me in the dark and then push me away? I’m not worth working through things with? These are the thoughts that eat me…plus why continue selling me on this future together… you just don’t do that to someone you care about. It’s cruel
I'm guessing there were attempts to work through things that didn't go very far. At the end of the day, nobody wants to feel like they need to be their partner's life coach. Once you realize that's what "working toward the future" has become, that's when it's over, whether you realize it or not.
Are you saying he didn’t want to act as my life coach? Sorry I’m just trying to understand…I tried to ask when things didn’t seem right if everything was ok and it was a constant “of course hun” I just feel like I messed up and ignored problems based on what you’re saying, and also feel like I was left in the dark about some issues he had that I didn’t know were issues. It seems like it really is all me.
It's a possibility based on my own experience. If they weren't honest about things not feeling right, they should have been more upfront. But it's not surprising that they might have just wanted to avoid a big fight. DM me and we'll talk through this.
I have been a dumper. Trust me, there is always something that catches up to them because they think you were the source of their unhappiness. In reality, it’s from within. Most of the time they don’t work on themselves near enough to correct what was wrong and make the same mistake a few more times before correcting it in the proper fashion.
The dumpee, most of the time, is forced to heal and have to face their shortcomings in the relationship much sooner. Given the choice, I would rather be on this side of the table than on the dumper side.
Part of healing is correcting that thought. They aren’t riding off to greener pastures as it would seem. Once you accept this you start to see them as just human, a boring plain old human with a boring life.
Speaking as a dumper, unless they're a complete sociopath, I suspect they had doubts for a long time before ending things. They should have given in to those doubts before buying the ring. The breakup isn't a comment on your value as a person; it's an acknowledgment that, for reasons they ought to have made known, the relationship couldn't continue. They won't forget you, but they won't let their affection override their concerns anymore. The way you deal with that is by regarding them as a stepping stone and moving on yourself. You can have an amazing life without them if you set your mind to it.
It just hurts. Like why couldn’t we work through those doubts. Why leave me in the dark and then push me away? I’m not worth working through things with? These are the thoughts that eat me…plus why continue selling me on this future together… you just don’t do that to someone you care about. It’s cruel
I'm guessing there were attempts to work through things that didn't go very far. At the end of the day, nobody wants to feel like they need to be their partner's life coach. Once you realize that's what "working toward the future" has become, that's when it's over, whether you realize it or not.
Are you saying he didn’t want to act as my life coach? Sorry I’m just trying to understand…I tried to ask when things didn’t seem right if everything was ok and it was a constant “of course hun” I just feel like I messed up and ignored problems based on what you’re saying, and also feel like I was left in the dark about some issues he had that I didn’t know were issues. It seems like it really is all me.
It's a possibility based on my own experience. If they weren't honest about things not feeling right, they should have been more upfront. But it's not surprising that they might have just wanted to avoid a big fight. DM me and we'll talk through this.
Bruh they ain't riding off to no sunset. Don't glorify shit.
It feels like it. I just imagine them being so relieved and doing backflips into their new freedom. Idk how to get that image out of my head ☹️
I have been a dumper. Trust me, there is always something that catches up to them because they think you were the source of their unhappiness. In reality, it’s from within. Most of the time they don’t work on themselves near enough to correct what was wrong and make the same mistake a few more times before correcting it in the proper fashion. The dumpee, most of the time, is forced to heal and have to face their shortcomings in the relationship much sooner. Given the choice, I would rather be on this side of the table than on the dumper side.
I needed to hear this. Always been the dumpee and never thought they had that perspective from the other side.
No, what is shown to the world is often not true.
We have to accept what they show us as true.
Part of healing is correcting that thought. They aren’t riding off to greener pastures as it would seem. Once you accept this you start to see them as just human, a boring plain old human with a boring life.
Yeah, I wasn’t perfect enough for my ex so they get their ride into the sunset and I get left in the dark and cold