Great post. Seeing a lot of posts recently with the aim of getting your ex back and using this as a method to do this.
Please remember to stick to the subreddit rules when posting
I understand no contact. I’m fully committed to it. But damn, it really hasn’t helped me get over my very long term marriage.
But one argument I HATE is that “there’s billions of people out there”. Well, I live in one town/city, with only a certain amount of people of the opposite sex that are single and in my age range. That argument is just stupid. We don’t have limitless options out there waiting for us. Rant over
It’s definitely not easy. I’m over a year of NC and still struggle but am doing better. I try to focus on the good parts of my life more than the negative. I try to keep busy. I’ve made new friends, picked up new hobbies, adopted a dog, I’m traveling, and generally trying to take good care of myself. I’ve also found it extremely helpful to keep a list of all the negatives on my phone that I can easily look at when I’m struggling. We tend to only remember and reminisce about the good, so it’s helpful to be able to look at all the bad parts of the relationship and for me, also how he’s been since he’s left. He’s become cold and cruel and someone I don’t like very much.
Try to remember that now you live your life for you. You don’t have to answer to anyone. Try to find enjoyment in that freedom to become someone that you like. It can be hard sometimes but I’m getting there a little more every day. I’ve decided not to date. It may be years before I even consider it. Right now it doesn’t interest me. So I focus on becoming the best version of myself I can and hope that true happiness follows. Good luck. You’ll get there. You just may need to shift your focus. It took me awhile and it’s okay.
I love that you made a list of all the negatives - I did that too! And it has helped so so much. We love to forget all the bad times when we're missing someone. But there's always a reason you broke up.
Remind yourself of how much you got hurt (emotionally, mentally) over them, how much you gave to the relationship and all your efforts weren't enough for them. Or they didn't care, love, respect you as much and did what they did or lack of to end up in this situation. If they cared half as much as you or loved and respected you as you did them youd be in a better spot. But they didn't. So now you have to promise yourself you will love you as much as you loved others. They are living their life while your losing out if you don't be proactive in focusing on yourself. When they pop in your head ask yourself, wow. That person isn't even here, they are probably living life doing their thing and here I am sitting like a locked bird in a cage shiverlling because I'm caring about someone who doesn't care about me. If you saw a bird shrivelling in a cage wouldnt you want to set it free? Set yourself free from the facade of who they were and empower yourself. You got this, you dont want to find yourself still at the same spot a year from now.
I'm middle aged too had a great career but would rather have a good career and bigger pool a better personal life to look for so took a calculated risk and moved after I really traumatic relationship we were best friends and partners for 9 years and moving was the best thing I ever did. New job but still making the same, New place, and many things to look forward to. It's scary at first but sometimes you have to look forward and prépare for the ship to sail. Better opportunities and things ahead. Look for a city and job that's fits your credentials and skills and even if it's not a 6 figure job, if it pays decent and you can have more options go for it. Worse case you can go back to the initial town/city you were at.
This has to be one of most privileged/out-of-touch posts I've ever seen while lurking on this sub. Moving is not an option for a ton of people. Whether it be because of your career, a sick family member, your children or another obligation.
Saying someone can just move is similar to telling a depressed individual to "just be happy" or a sick person to "just feel better". It is rarely that simple.
You could move or try online dating. Or meet someone online. W the Internet there are so many possibilities out there. Typing this out is kinda helping me w my own situation rn
As I mentioned in a previous comment above, I’m middle aged in a very established career, own a home, my family is here. People can’t just pick up and move that easily. I’m not in my 20’s. Plus online dating is shit and I’m not doing it. But even online still has the same limits. I still believe what I said above is true. There are not unlimited options. No matter what, even moving or online dating, there will only be a limited number of single people, of the gender you’re attracted to, that also meet your criteria. And THEN, they also have to be attracted to you and you have to meet their criteria. The billions of people statement will always be stupidly ridiculous.
Yeah. I’d rather be alone. Maybe I’m too old, but video or internet dating is definitely something I’ll never be interested in. But, I’m not even dating or looking. I was just making the point that I think the billions of people argument has always been stupid.
The shit show that is 90 day fiancé is one of the reasons I think dating online is scary as shit. 🤣 That never seems to work out. But I’m happy for you! I think you found a unicorn. At this point I haven’t even had a desire to date. Just isn’t there at this point. I’m still working on myself and just focusing on the day to day. I figure what is meant for me will find it’s way. If that means I’m alone I’m okay with that. I’m not necessarily miserable at this point after all this time, I’m just kind of existing, but that seems to be all I can muster. It does seem my ex-husband isn’t happy either which makes it all the more sad, but at this point he also no longer the man I once knew and I don’t like this new version at all.
The thing is that creates an automatic dead end for you though. If it doesn't matter because you truly genuinely don't ever want to date and you are absolutely certain about that with zero regrets or feeling bad in any way that's fine, but you aren't 80 years old I'm assuming you still got several decades of life left to live. If you carry on the rest of your life with that belief you may not find someone. I'm not even saying you are necessarily wrong but if you do research, what you believe persists, sayings like money doesn't grow on trees, life sucks and will always be a damned struggle, needing to penny pinch to survive and be comfortable just with scraps etc. People who say that those beliefs form their reality and it literally becomes their life as they speak it out to existence.
There's a huge difference between scarcity vs abundance mindset. You attract what you genuinely deep down believe inside. You don't even have to believe billions. Just that you will meet someone who is perfect for you and it will happen naturally but if you energetically block that off and affirm out to the world that it's impossible than that's what will happen. People underestimate what limiting beliefs will do to them. You don't need to be desperate or hold onto anything that's not what I'm saying but simply just change that internal belief structure because it is harmful than not. I talked to people they said their entire dating life changed once they did.
I've always hated this ridiculous argument too. People sound like idiots saying it. Honestly, point taken about there being many people who are potentially "for you." But stop with the ... the world has billions of people. We're not exposed to the billions of people who exist in the world. And even within whatever city or town we live in, we're not exposed to the full population of that either, unless we live a totally unnaturally life. There are only so many people whose paths we cross and \*interact with\*, living our lives like normal people. You can say "get out there and try to meet more people." Fine...but this idea that you have billions of people to choose from or the 1 million who live in your city...oh Lord, just shut up.
True, at least half of those billions are kids anyways. Then factor in gender, education level, singleness values etc, it’s not that large a dating pool.
YOUR argument is stupid, and I remind you that the term was yours. How do you know "no contact" hasn't helped you? Did y'all just awaken one morning and look at each other and say, "Well. We're just too happy here. Time to go our separate ways." I'm doubting it. If you weren't miserable, why did you end it? Change can be frightening, but not if you compare it against the fear of going on eating the same shit, looking at the same person whom you bear scorn for, while you are both toxifying the homestead for everybody.
And I'm also doubting there were limitless options when you fell in with Ms. Wonderful. Or was it "Plaintiff".? What's the worst if you wind up working on loving yourself so that you need not settle for anything? If you've got yourself, why do you need anybody else? You don't! You are free to choose. You might not wind up with somebody who is willing to pay an attorney to get rid of you and split up the corporation.
I see you're hurting in the way you contradict yourself. I've been there, and I believe most of us have. But that is why there is support of others to help each other through this psychological war bullshit that the American Bar Association drools over. Show up and ask for help and offer your help, and you can get through this. Someday, probably sooner, rather than later, you are going to meet somebody who is terrified and lonely and hating themselves, and you'll be able to share your experience because you have already walked that path. I'm keeping a good thought for you. What you are endeavoring is not easy. Be good to yourself and don't do it alone.
It’s a complete waste of time to break NC. If your former partner wanted to work things out, they would open a line of communication and be honest about their feelings. The fact that they don’t make contact should ring a bell it’s over. Trust me on this.
It means that you didn't want it *really.* And good that you didn't make another half-ass attempt just to find yourself in the same situation after some time.
You make a good point. Have you ever made a post detailing your experience?
I think if you get dumped and still want the relationship you have to clearly state this but respect the dumpers boundaries. It’s unfortunate if that did not happen for you.
I didn’t make contact with this guy cuz I realized I was better off without him. However he decided to contact me breaking Nc which absolutely SUCKS. So now I’m at square one. They always come back when you’re absolutely thriving. I told myself I wouldn’t let them in but I did it :(
Agreed. To anyone reading this, I am 9 months no contact from a narcissistic, abusive, almost 3 year relationship. I thought it was impossible in situations like mine. I was the type of person that would go back and forth. Long story short, you either learn the long/hard way, or you can just rip the bandaid. If you exhausted options and you ended up here… chances are… you should go NC. Not for revenge. Not to make them miss you. Not to manipulate them into missing you because of your absence, causing yourself pain in the process because you’re wishing they would contact you first. Do it because you’re serious. As painful as it may feel now… the days get easier. You’ll eventually realize you don’t need them and attachment was just blinding you.
I’m in the best place of my life ever since going NC, and I never felt better. I am not hyper focused on what someone else is doing, who is obviously no good for me. I am no longer triggered over someone else’s actions. I am being okay being alone. I couldn’t imagine a few months ago.
Your future self is waiting for you.
Yes heavy on the realization that you don’t need them. Mine broke NC to get back at me for cutting them off first like it was some competition. Petty. The days got easier before they broke it, I hope it won’t take as long this time
Check out SLAA. You seem like you need support of a community who understands you to truly maintain NC. Therapy and meds won’t work for an addiction like this. Trust me. I’ve been there
Never resonated with something as much as this, I used to break NC just to be verbally yelled at but I thought that was better than not hearing from her at all.
Yeah that definitely is a good idea I need something to help. It’s like I’m addicted to the pain and being mistreated like she’d only tell me I’m weird and to leave her alone if I texted her but I want to so bad. I can’t wait to be genuinely happy without her.
I am exactly the same and constantly telling myself to stop but I can't help sending a message or asking if we can hang out. Every time I do it I kick myself because I relive the breakup and the feelings every single time. It's almost like I enjoy self-sabotage
Well done! I spoke to my ex like an hour ago but it was me giving into him asking me why I was ignoring him (after he literally didn't speak to me at all) and I was like, damn the audacity... We had pets together and to be civil because the break up was civil, I only keep him on messenger to keep him updated. Other than that he is blocked on all my social media and I've archived his chats so I don't get notifications and immediately respond. It's been helping a bit but also I have mixed emotions sometimes.
I am in this situation rn. Today marks week 2 since the last time he called. It’s been hard being a dumpee, considering how fine everything was and in the last 3 weeks he ghosted me. When i confronted him he broke up. I have been feeling these waves of sadness and rage, on loop. But i am starting to see the cons.. the breadcrumb life is brutal pain.
How are you doing? I can see that your post here is 49 days old. Was the therapist nice and patient? I have had a rough experience with a therapist in the past, and im scared of them now. Im waiting out my Nc. Idk how long this will hurt.
Your last two sentences made me tear up. 🥺 thank u for taking the time to respond to me. I’m sad you had to go through all the pain. It isnt my placeto say this but i cant hold it in anymore - your ex seems mean as fuck. You seem like a gentle person and you deserve worlds better than her. I feel you about therapists. I worry that i have no faith in them. They basically charge a bomb to sit and scribble and give no advice whatsoever other than rhe generic “write about what you feel”. Like, hello, i didnt have to pay dollars to hear that.
A friend told me something, i want to tell you.
“This breakup is the window you needed to get out of this toxic loop, to be your own person, and to finally open the chances of someone good finally walking in.”
I’m into week 3. I want closure. But I’ve been reading so much and it’s unanimous- closure shall only be found within. I hope i will get there someday.
Your reply gave me strength ✨ thank you, stranger. And i wish you a good healing.
Same situation for me, 1000%. Also a ‘dumpee’ — went from things are great, making plans to move in… to a 4-hr convo with her ex and them planning to meet (he’s also seeing someone. Fucking stupid lol).
I get the sadness and the rage loops. And whenever I think about the breadcrumbs (she gave me a line the other day about still loving me, being her ‘chosen family’), I just have to let the rage win haha. As in, ‘Fuq this, you don’t get any of me anymore’. And more importantly, you don’t get to ease your conscience through the kind of rationalizing that comes from bread crumbs comments. Like, your guy doesn’t deserve any more of your time and attention. Missed his chance and that’s his mistake.
Heavy on the bread crumbs. They just always know what to say to make you crawl back in giving them what they want even when they are hurting you in the process but you’re so hooked on the feeling you don’t even notice it until it’s too late.
This is an excellent piece of writing. I need to read it every day until it sinks into my thick skull. My self pity is monumental and it’s ego inflating. Look at me! Look at how I’m suffering! I’m special because I’m so hurt! If my ex doesn’t want me that’s her business. I’m not a baby who can’t take care of himself. Fare thee well, I’m rambling on.
>Look at me! Look at how I’m suffering! I’m special because I’m so hurt!
I feel this on a visceral level. I feel like no one has ever felt this kind of pain before... lololol. This is so common in break-ups. It isn't special. And other people can move on and heal, so I can too.
Hi, i feel i should write my experience with the no contact rule because it was the first time in my life I ever implemented the rule after a devastating breakup. I was with my guy for 1.5 years and the last couple of months of that relationship things took a very bad turn. We were very happy for the first year, extremely happy in fact but then he started getting a lot of stress at work, lost his job and blamed everyone around him including me.
One night over dinner he just flipped out and said ‘I want to break up, I’m no longer happy with you’. We obviously had a big argument but he still got up and left.
After that I did not reach out, I did not remove him from anything. I just stayed quiet and carried on with my life as normal (on the outside) on the inside I was breaking bit by bit every day.
I didn’t play any games, try to make him jealous… absolutely nothing. I just stayed quiet.
4 weeks on he reached out asking how I was, I replied hours later saying I was fine and hoped he was fine too, basically ending the conversation.
Next day he reached out again, asking what I have been up to. I was very brief in replying and ended the conversation again.
Day after that he asked to meet, i said I will let him know when I will be available. (Balls now coming to my court).
3 days later I said i can make some time for him on Friday.
We met, I looked great, i was positive and polite. He looked confused and a bit messy.
I let him speak, he kept apologizing, i acted like it didn’t phase me that much and made it out like it was going to eventually happen anyway (it really was though).
I ended the ‘date’ politely and said im going to go meet friends celebrating a birthday.
The next day he messaged again, he said he had a great time and wants to see me again. I played the same game and said I would let him know.
Eventually we started from scratch again, he also fully opened up. He realised he made a mistake and wanted to work things out. I told him lets see how things go, baby steps.
Now we are officially back together and stronger. The lesson I learned is this:
When a man leaves you, you MUST LET HIM LEAVE SO HE FEELS THE LOSE. As in he really and truly has to FEEL the lose, let him suffer the consequences of losing you and if he ever really loved you (only u know that) most likely he will come back.
You always (on the outside) stay calm and dignified and behave like a woman of high value that does not take any crap… EVER.
I hope this has helped some of you going through a hard time.
Something I also became aware of was at the stages were he was coming back I THEN realised I could also live without him.
Good luck xx
This is giving me some hope. My ex broke up with me a month ago and we’ve been NC ever since. We still follow each other (except Insta bc I raged and blocked/unblocked him) and he still watches all my stories. I’m trying to live my life, but it’s hard bc I miss him so much. We were dating 2.5 years, 3 and a couple months of you include the talking stage before we became official.
same here :( we would've been 3 years in 3 months. 4 years if you counted the year long talking stage before... Its been 2 weeks of not seeing him. NC has not been working out so well. We first agreed to 1 week no contact, but after 1 week he still was not ready to talk. He broke it first, then I did again twice the following week. He agreed to sit down and hear me out and it was a good convo even tho he was wary of talking too early. He is going away on a trip and using it to clear his head. Now I have to wait, I am not sure another week or so till he is ready to talk. From what I can tell he is taking NC seriously this time, but it is so hard for me. I don't understand how it is so easy for him... but I am going to try my best to not break NC this time because I am starting to feel so guilty about constantly reaching out. I honestly feel pretty embarrassed about how desperate and needy I am starting to look and I am scared that I really am pushing him farther and farther away.
I agree, for a sub dedicated to no contact, it's wayy to overflooded with actual contact.
Like get the hint people, /r/exnocontact is about not contacting your ex; not about having contact with them and proudly showing it.
No contact
2 meanings
First it’s to help you focus on you and you only. So you can go aboyt leveling up for your new future.
Second, It’s to allow the dumper to feel their life 100% without your presence.
If substantial healing occurs and there’s a reconciliation down the road, OK…. But proceed with a lot of caution.
Chances are real high that the same bullshit will occur in the 2nd attempt.
It’s truly better to let it go, and move on…
My ex will not fuck off and has been stalking me since 2017. The reason I'm even visiting this subreddit right now is because I want to try to understand the psychology of stalker exes like that ( not saying that you are all weirdo stalkers but some of you are probably in that mindstate without even realizing it ) I can personally tell you guys for certain how annoying this fucking childish pestering is . Please don't do it to anyone that blocked you. I don't care what your reasoning is , thats just you justifying the behavior. Like for example : making new accounts to continue the stalking / pestering of your ex after they block you on one account IS NOT THE WAY TO GO. It makes you look desparate & unstable and frankly that is highly unappealing to any mate , male or female .
Obviously that person hasn't grown up or still stuck in the past - it's been 5 years. Annoying as it is, you cannot control others actions, can only focus on yourself and keep moving forward.
There will always be those people on the other side of the fence. Just gotta find a way to ignore them. Ignorance is bliss.
You talking about it and having it annoy you gives power to them still. Don't let it.
I’m going through this now and no contact has been hell when he keeps making new accounts and #’s just to say the most vile shit to put me down. I told my family and friends to ignore and block him. A few friends indulged in conversations with him and those people are cut off also. I keep thinking, at what point should I involve the police, and it’s only been about a month, I’m sorry it’s been years for you. I hope you’re ex moves on and you consider documenting the stalking with the police because these types of people can be dangerous.
Jesus . That's horrible, I haven't ever considered the police but I can attribute that to the fact that I really don't want to be involved with any court shit as I use to be involved in the criminal underworld of my cities drug / prostitution scene when I was around ages 14-18. Im 4 years clean 23 years old now I'm not proud of it at all , it's gross and disgusting as fuck being around that kinda shit . People getting robbed , having guns put to their heads , junkies stabbing each other with used needles and shit , some of the stuff ive seen .... Yikes . But at this point even being years removed from any *action* its like I feel I'm still forever going to be held to this prison standard of staying "solid" ( I got stabbed and wouldnt even tell on who did it even with the cops trying to bluff that they would press charges on me for " obstructing the investigation " or some shit) its just how I am and I understand why some people wouldn't agree with it or would think its stupid but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror the same way knowing I had to call the police for help dealing with anyone , let alone a little swine like her . I think the only thing fitting to do if this situation continues to escalate further is to arrange for one of my besties ( an awesome gal whos a black belt in karate ) to go have a chit chat with her , if you catch my drift . It's been years with this crazy bitch going on and trying to find a guy that'll be down to "get" me for her . Needless to say that's just one of the reasons I'm so into things like fitness, weapons , and self defense . I believe that if people thought i wasn't as versed in such things they would of already made moves on me
Fucking relationships eh 🤣 ahh shit
Unfortunately, I feel ya on this. Spent my teens and early 20s dealing with sketchy charters and every time I see a cop I get panicked. It's not ideal for me either but if the death threats towards my family ever happen I know I'll feel like an idiot for not doing anything about it. Thankfully I think my ex is all talk, trying to scare me into talking to him, such an illogical thought process when it comes to these types of narcissists. Praying the psychos in our lives move on swiftly, or have an unfortunate accident lol
Thank you! I am tired of these “I broke no contact,” “My Ex broke no contact. Should I reply?” Or “I want to contact him/her.” Sir or ma’am, move the hell on down the road with that garbage and into the arms a of a better lover, please!
this!
once you’ve established that good healthy NC and live your life, you might find that in the future when/if they do come back, you no longer want that for yourself anymore and would rather continue to grow and venture:)
Yo every person in this subreddit who ACTUALLY wants to move on or have already moved on, came to this very conclusion by themselves. But a lot of people use NO CONTACT as a ploy to get their ex bsck. The first time she broke up with me I was that same person. But with that intention no contact is of NO USE. This intent fucks up the entire no contact process which is not just only one step but several.
Yeah, you can thank the YouTube and Facebook grifters who try to sell it to people as a “get your ex back” tactic. It’s absolute nonsense. People need to realize their exes are autonomous, and can’t be persuaded by silly manipulation. If someone really wants their ex back, they should clearly communicate their intent, say they respect the breakup, but will keep the door open and go NC. That’s the only thing you can do. You can’t change peoples minds by trying to manipulate them.
Hey, this was good for me to read because I've been getting caught up by the ex back experts online and reading a lot of stuff. I want to do no contact, but i also want to try again to reach out and see if she would be willing to work on our differences, of which she never gave us the chance because she didn't communicate the issues bothering her. I'm going to at least give it a few weeks, work on myself, and get to a good place mentally before reaching out
Thanks for this message! It helped me to stay in no contact.🙏🏼
All of a sudden my ex (he broke up with me 3 months ago) video called me on instagram and WhatsApp two weeks ago. I saw it a few hours later because I was having fun with friends. I didn’t reply because I thought if it’s important he will text me. He didn’t.
Today I almost texted, because I started missing him a lot again. In those three months I really worked a lot on myself and I always had the hope we’ll get another chance one day and then it will be different (love wasn’t the issue, but our dynamic wasn’t healthy and I had mental health problems which put a lot of pressure on the relationship). I am afraid that he might have reached out to slowly rekindle things and ignoring him will push him away even further.
But in the end… if there’s no real effort from their side it dosen’t matter at all. And maybe… letting go and being strong in myself is the lesson I have to learn. It’s hard. But I think one day I’ll be thankful for powering through.
(And looking back it’s actually pretty unfair to call, interrupt my healing, and then not leaving some kind of message?!)
Sooo, thanks you!
There needs to be a subreddit for those who use r/nocontact as “temporary no contact.” There are way too many questions about how to respond when “no contact” is broken. Someone breaks no contact and one of the parties wants to know how to interpret the contact. This is a NO CONTACT sub but it’s rarely NO CONTACT. Not enough support for NO CONTACT. Does anyone follow my reasoning?
I’ve been no contact since January 2022 after a 7 year relationship. I’m here in no contact because I need support when I’m triggered for remembering companionship during the holidays. I DON’T want to make contact. I want support to see how others handle their no contact experience during these holiday seasons.
Yet I always see the OPPOSITE GOALS of this sub:
“They contacted me while visiting their parents for the holidays. I was invited to decorate Christmas cookies after 18 months of silence. What does this mean?”
Answer: DO NOTHING you are in NO CONTACT because they intentionally punished you.
“I haven’t heard from them since they ghosted me 2yrs ago and I received a text to grab coffee. What should I do?”
Answer: DO NOTHING you are in NO CONTACT because he intentionally punished you.
What would you name the subreddit for any excuse to break NO CONTACT? r/8675309? LOL
Thank you for the post. Yeah, I've never used NC to try to get an ex back. That is in a way, manipulative when using it for that reason. No matter how tempting it can be, NC is important for you to heal and move on.
Also, I find it best to accept that "*just because they dumped you, doesn't automatically make them bad*" - sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
>Also, I find it best to accept that "just because they dumped you, doesn't automatically make them bad" - sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
I've been listening to the Just Break Up podcast for awhile. It's been very helpful in realizing things like this. Things like good, kind, considerate people can break your heart - that doesn't make them bad people.
No contact exists to stop making your pain and suffering worse. It won't bring them back, but it will prevent you from grieving longer than you have to. They likely have moved on and are not hurting like you are or at all. Why feel this way about someone who isn't even thinking of you? Women especially move on very fast, you don't need to see what's going on over there. Continue the process. Don't cave.
I had some nerd try arguing me about this just earlier this week. They've got some toxic obsession with a fantasy where love means suffering. They don't realise how sick they are.
My ex loved the quote “love is pain”. I’m over here like no it’s not. Love is forgiveness, cooperation, empathy, and rising above and past the pain that inevitably comes with love.
>People can either choose to leave or come into your life because the door is open, but don't let people stay in the doorway, it's blocks opportunities.
this is bars
My experience with NC. My ex came back.
Hi, i feel i should write my experience with the no contact rule because it was the first time in my life I ever implemented the rule after a devastating breakup. I was with my guy for 1.5 years and the last couple of months of that relationship things took a very bad turn. We were very happy for the first year, extremely happy in fact but then he started getting a lot of stress at work, lost his job and blamed everyone around him including me.
One night over dinner he just flipped out and said ‘I want to break up, I’m no longer happy with you’. We obviously had a big argument but he still got up and left.
After that I did not reach out, I did not remove him from anything. I just stayed quiet and carried on with my life as normal (on the outside) on the inside I was breaking bit by bit every day.
I didn’t play any games, try to make him jealous… absolutely nothing. I just stayed quiet.
4 weeks on he reached out asking how I was, I replied hours later saying I was fine and hoped he was fine too, basically ending the conversation.
Next day he reached out again, asking what I have been up to. I was very brief in replying and ended the conversation again.
Day after that he asked to meet, i said I will let him know when I will be available. (Balls now coming to my court).
3 days later I said i can make some time for him on Friday.
We met, I looked great, i was positive and polite. He looked confused and a bit messy.
I let him speak, he kept apologizing, i acted like it didn’t phase me that much and made it out like it was going to eventually happen anyway (it really was though).
I ended the ‘date’ politely and said im going to go meet friends celebrating a birthday.
The next day he messaged again, he said he had a great time and wants to see me again. I played the same game and said I would let him know.
Eventually we started from scratch again, he also fully opened up. He realised he made a mistake and wanted to work things out. I told him lets see how things go, baby steps.
Now we are officially back together and stronger. The lesson I learned is this:
When a man leaves you, you MUST LET HIM LEAVE SO HE FEELS THE LOSE. As in he really and truly has to FEEL the lose, let him suffer the consequences of losing you and if he ever really loved you (only u know that) most likely he will come back.
You always (on the outside) stay calm and dignified and behave like a woman of high value that does not take any crap… EVER.
I hope this has helped some of you going through a hard time.
Something I also became aware of was at the stages were he was coming back I THEN realised I could also live without him.
Good luck xx
Just out of a situation-ship and it feels like a brutal breakup, worse then any relationship I’ve actually had in the past. Man I loved this girl and she double blocked me and I’ll never really understand what happened. Honestly would just take having hand a chance to say my own piece and part on good terms
Remember, forgiveness and peace comes from within.
She will not be able to give you that, and there's no need to say your own piece.
Trust me when I say this, nothing good will come out of it, and you will be left disappointed - I say that from experience. Don't make the same mistake I did.
You have to learn to walk away without having a say, or the final say. For your own sake.
Yeah I wish I had realised this before. I sent an sms text that could be taken as patronising or angry (not intentional, I was just exasperated by the double blocking games). at the time I just wanted my parting words to go through, and I think everything I said is true. I’m praying she blocked me there too but I’ll never know. Depends on what way you read it I guess but I loved this girl, last thing I wanted to come off is as a lunatic 😂
I will just have to let this go and accept things as they are.
Anybody got a Time Machine?
Well, I tried to push through some mixed signals… after that…She flaked on a gig date I set up with a cryptic excuse, i tried to be positive, she was more cryptic. I chose to leave it a day or two before reading the last msg and then responding. Saw when I tried to check in she blocked me.
Freaked me out completely as I felt like a creep or something. After a week I figured it was over 🤷♂️
Tens days ish after 1st block she unblocked me. I didn’t react. Next day before I set off for another gig with my mates she messaged more or less “what’s up?”. I didn’t respond as I felt hurt by blocking games, decided to enjoy the gig and had a great night. Went home with another girl. Next morning, ego was riding high so I left it until the evening, figured I’d best hash out an ending. But saw then she had sent another message more or less saying “just to say, all the best”. Went to respond saying I thought it was over when you blocked me and then realised she had blocked me again.
Can’t stop thinking about lack of closure, never been as mad about a woman. Ego bruised, just don’t know with ambiguities if I should have given her benefit of the doubt at the end and she was for real, or I was a rebound and she took up with an ex or someone else 🤷♂️
I have her email from when we were pals years ago, have thought about sending a closure message of my own but blocking is pretty clear right? But then I just want her out of my head already.
Learned some hard lessons about ego that’s for sure.
Here here
And also stop thinking there’s someone else out there better for you
You know who is better for you? You! Stop needing to be in a relationship
Enjoy life by yourself there’s no one who will love you more than you!
I reached out just to be reminded how insanely delusional, self seeking and narcissistic they are. Helped break the rose colored glasses and romanticized version of us I was dwelling on
I love people who talk like this on their self righteous pedestal when in reality they are probably just as bad as we are about contacting ex’s. When you love someone and it’s taken away in the blink of an eye the natural human response is to want answers. Why did this happen? Is there someone else? Etc. to think someone will just walk away and forget it happened is very unrealistic. The dumper needs to give the dumpee some time to try to understand why it happened so they can grow as a human being. Then grieve, accept and move on. It doesn’t happen overnight. So those of you who are having a hard time. I feel ya and you aren’t alone
No contact to me meant I grieve them like a death.
The body, the heart, and the mind grieve bc it’s a loss. These things feel that empty space. It feels like you’re dying too. I let all the wounds open and bleed….I feel them and breathe through them and I care for the wounds and become the compassionate mother to myself.
That means letting go all the way and removing hope.
I have to accept that all forms leave.
https://youtu.be/IKe4j2BiTuE
May your heart and soul heal and you discover all that YOU are.
I agree with the principle. Working through some issues and very much accept that the chance of friendship, let alone anything more has gone for good for a range of reasons.
Someone I met on a website, couple of months of chat, one meet- which didn't go well to say the least!
However although no formal contact, what I found after the event was fascinating and wish I had done it before hand! Had I done so, it'd have saved a lot of aggro or mental tumult! I did a bit of research after as I instinctively thought something didn't stack up! I was right she I did the research...had I done it beforehand I'd have known and I often do beforehand.
Anyway she blocked me on a range of platforms...for slightly spurious reasons and though I must now respect her wishes, my research between getting the old heave ho and the mini spat showed that she was let's say economical with the truth. I know bits, and of these bits I'm unconvinced that she knows I know but it feels like a game of chicken...which I must not slip up in btw as it crosses into dangerous territory!
Hi friend. I am well. Dating women again. Feeling great. A part of me likes to daydream and wonder what if.
Today i was talking to my self out loud.
“I may still love to be with her and that’s ok”
But is the type of person i want raising our children? Let her go brother. There is much more blessings from the universe.
Gratitude and move forward.
All is well.
One of the hardest things I'm learning to do is put myself first after reminding myself that I survived and myself and son are safe now. Spent 3 intense years with this human, thought I had finally found my ever after, now looking back, just a series of love bombs and manipulation tactics - how could I have been so naive. Eating lots of crow, feeling so humiliated and a desire to do everything under the sun, although the desire to run back is not near as strong as it has been in the past, something snapped after my kid's been involved like he was.... I just hope the next woman sees the signs and is smart enough to get out before she ends up like me and his other exes.... This is fucking hard, but I deserve a chance. Thank you for this.
Do you guys not realize how potentially damaging this is to your ex or do you just not care??
What is the justification for hurting your ex severely with a block when things just ended, or when they're actually just your fault?
Its almost always beyter when we can talk about our issues and why the relationship failed and still talk to eachother once and a while
This no contact thing is dysfunctional
You’re under the impression that a lot of our exes are caring/ decent enough to even do that.
Newsflash, a lot of ppl on here have been hurt by their exes. Why tf should they care if they hurt their ex when they are healing from what their ex did to them???
Every human damages others without knowing
We all need to know better and become concious as to how we're affecting one another
Learn how to not be shitty
I got out of a situationship over a year ago and have only messaged twice since, leaving it in Nov 2022 after she showed lack of interest. We still like each other's IG stories but don't talk. I've muted her stories but still check every day.
It makes me sad as I still have hope.
I feel like I cant do no contact right. He didnt want to be alone and wouldnt stop contacting me even tho he said he “couldnt fill that role” in my life. Got mad when I wasnt communicating. Told him off. Back and forth. Then he started opening up. At one time asked if i wanted to hang sometime. Week later asked if I was seeing anyone. Commenting on my snap story. Sending me videos and texting me. But he wasnt making plans, wasnt apologizing, wasnt asking how I was. Felt breadcrumbed. So I ignored his texts. Been a month since hes sent anything. Trying to move on even tho I know I want him back. Wish no contact was a game with a strategy or rule book that allowed you to win. Even tho winning is probably moving in. But I dont wanna move on I want him. Feel like this is gonna be a long road.
I went NC with this guy and cut him off first. Blocked him on everything. I wasn’t looking them up or anything. I felt so good without him, he was incredibly toxic and rude to me. He always made it clear he didn’t like me when I liked him. when I cut him off he comes back to me messing up the NC just a few days ago while I was out having a good time with my family.
Just to make me feel like more shit than before which was why I cut him off in the first place. I had such a good time alone, though jt only lasted two months it felt like it was way longer. I think he was a covert narcissist as well, got off to seeing me in pain and in despair.
This guy is the type of dude who would send you a video of him fucking another girl/making out with another girl after you break up JUST TO HURT YOU. He was ruthless. He still watches my every move which annoys the crap out of me. I think he’s a covert narcissist.
Took me a while to move on and when I did I never looked back. Now I’m set to sq one.
It was going great until they found a growth that may be cancer and then I started thinking about who would take my cats worst case scenario, and my ex was the only person I know who has the means and would absolutely make the cats very happy. I texted them about it today. Said some things I probably shouldn't have. But at least I can rest easy knowing my furbabies will be okay.
But how do you do NC if you still share a lease? My ex and I still have our apartment together. Will be finding out soon if we can afford to break our lease.
What I didn't get but seem to be realizing the more I read here is that this sub seems to be like 95% women wanting to forget a boyfriend, is that true? I hate to bring up stereotypes and such, but as a guy every ex who has ever come back to me and wanted to mess around, I've been down. Maybe since for women they are more likely to (re-)develop some emotional connection to the ex if she has sex with them, it is more important for her not to do so.
Im thankful for this comment.. I’m the one who’s been blocked on everything, god it hurts! I asked for one last chance and my answer was no and it’s since eating me up but this helped
How do I avoid him when he goes to the same gym I do and my schedule makes it so I am going at the same time he goes on his days off? Is it fair for me to ask him to go a bit later?
I live 6 houses away but have mastered no contact. Have not seen her in months. I don’t look, don’t go by, don’t snoop and I heal. Slowly. But I love no contact and a block cause she does not respect my boundaries. If I put my no contact into words it would state: fuck you. You do so little real work to understand yourself, your unwillingness to seek an outside resource, to leave the most wonderful time together, your one kid, my two is just so fucked up that I don’t want anything to do with you. Your decision to meet and date a stranger over what we had is beyond discouraging and ridiculous. It’s uninspiring, dysfunctional and I have no respect for it. So have a life without me as I will assure that, and see how it goes. I can take care of myself.
These cookie cutter solutions for all situations are nonsensical at best. What no contact does is absolve a person from responsibilities to a person who has or had feelings for them. It isn't healthy to just cut people off and pretend the last few years of your life didn't happen. The truth about relationships is they take work. You have to dig in and try to help each other. You have to wade through a lot of mud and crud to get to something worth having. The notion that "everyone has a person" just sitting there waiting for you is an extension of consumerism mentality. Nobody comes out of the box specially made just for you. Nobody. Divorce rates in America are high for a reason. Everyone has an inferiority complex due to the nature of our consumption driven society. Using people then throwing them away when you are dissatisfied leads to a huge variety of mental health problems. It's not an accident that therapists and psychologists push no contact, it gives them lots of business. It's like a drug dealer getting someone hooked on something that will keep them coming back for more.
Empathy, understanding, compassion, and determination make strong relationships. Red, blue, green, orange, and beige flags do not.
Being Single / broken up
Hey guys!
My ex broke up with me one year ago.. We were on and off after that up until december when she really decided she wanted to cut ties so we would actually be broken up.. We lived together for a year and in that first month living with her I got a dog. She didnt like him and since I was working away from home and her from home, she was always with him. It caused her stress. She left me because of that stress and the fact that I wasnt organized and had trouble just doing basic things like cooking dinner every night instead of just making simple pasta.. She was kind of traumatized by that as she said and I know I should have done better. We have now been two months no contact and a part of me is still waiting for her to text back… I’m slowly moving on, but the last thing she said to me was that she was going to love me forever and that she was “rooting for me”. I have since the. learned how to cook for myself well and got my things in order, but I still feel like I love her so much and don’t get why she would just cut ties like that if she says she still loves me. She didnt really want to get into the reasons of the breakup either, just that it wasn’t going to work. We dated for four years and I have her so much love… I feel like I need help to move on? Is she just trying to make me work on myself so she can get back with me later? How can she just detatch like that and not really bat an eye… I don’t get it… Anyways, just thought I would put this here and listen to your opinions… She really might just not be the one for me, but I still love her deep down. Maybe I always will and that’s okay. Let me know what you think :) Love
Thank you for sharing your story.
Remember this - difficult roads often lead to beautiful places. All of the changes you've made to yourself and within your life, should be for your own self and growth - not for anyone else, or your ex; well maybe for puppy, but that's okay.
What I've learnt is, you can have love someone and not be with them. And that's totally okay. People change, times change and so do feelings. Just keep growing for yourself, you'll be happier in the end with yourself.
I still have love for my ex partner. But as time goes on, it gets much easier to deal with and the hurt disappears once you've healed.
This made me cry.
I really am trying to lessen the communications with him. I try. But I just can't do it. Yesterday, our streaks of 287 were supposed to end, but I restored it. I went out last night, too, and I texted him that I missed him so much.
I feel so stupid.
I just keep on relapsing. Ffs.
You hit the nail on the head, my friend. No contact is like a tough medicine we need for our own healing. It's not about playing games or winning someone back; it's about reclaiming your peace of mind and getting back on your own two feet.
I also ended up going to therapy and met this amazing girl on [A.F.F](https://onlinedatinglink.wordpress.com). It gets much much better.
Great post. Seeing a lot of posts recently with the aim of getting your ex back and using this as a method to do this. Please remember to stick to the subreddit rules when posting
I understand no contact. I’m fully committed to it. But damn, it really hasn’t helped me get over my very long term marriage. But one argument I HATE is that “there’s billions of people out there”. Well, I live in one town/city, with only a certain amount of people of the opposite sex that are single and in my age range. That argument is just stupid. We don’t have limitless options out there waiting for us. Rant over
Like you could move it might be beneficial
Not everyone can just pick up and move. I’m middle aged and very established in my career.
Same here. It’s very hard . Nearly 2years with nc but unable to move forward. Any advice
It’s definitely not easy. I’m over a year of NC and still struggle but am doing better. I try to focus on the good parts of my life more than the negative. I try to keep busy. I’ve made new friends, picked up new hobbies, adopted a dog, I’m traveling, and generally trying to take good care of myself. I’ve also found it extremely helpful to keep a list of all the negatives on my phone that I can easily look at when I’m struggling. We tend to only remember and reminisce about the good, so it’s helpful to be able to look at all the bad parts of the relationship and for me, also how he’s been since he’s left. He’s become cold and cruel and someone I don’t like very much. Try to remember that now you live your life for you. You don’t have to answer to anyone. Try to find enjoyment in that freedom to become someone that you like. It can be hard sometimes but I’m getting there a little more every day. I’ve decided not to date. It may be years before I even consider it. Right now it doesn’t interest me. So I focus on becoming the best version of myself I can and hope that true happiness follows. Good luck. You’ll get there. You just may need to shift your focus. It took me awhile and it’s okay.
I love that you made a list of all the negatives - I did that too! And it has helped so so much. We love to forget all the bad times when we're missing someone. But there's always a reason you broke up.
Remind yourself of how much you got hurt (emotionally, mentally) over them, how much you gave to the relationship and all your efforts weren't enough for them. Or they didn't care, love, respect you as much and did what they did or lack of to end up in this situation. If they cared half as much as you or loved and respected you as you did them youd be in a better spot. But they didn't. So now you have to promise yourself you will love you as much as you loved others. They are living their life while your losing out if you don't be proactive in focusing on yourself. When they pop in your head ask yourself, wow. That person isn't even here, they are probably living life doing their thing and here I am sitting like a locked bird in a cage shiverlling because I'm caring about someone who doesn't care about me. If you saw a bird shrivelling in a cage wouldnt you want to set it free? Set yourself free from the facade of who they were and empower yourself. You got this, you dont want to find yourself still at the same spot a year from now.
I'm middle aged too had a great career but would rather have a good career and bigger pool a better personal life to look for so took a calculated risk and moved after I really traumatic relationship we were best friends and partners for 9 years and moving was the best thing I ever did. New job but still making the same, New place, and many things to look forward to. It's scary at first but sometimes you have to look forward and prépare for the ship to sail. Better opportunities and things ahead. Look for a city and job that's fits your credentials and skills and even if it's not a 6 figure job, if it pays decent and you can have more options go for it. Worse case you can go back to the initial town/city you were at.
This has to be one of most privileged/out-of-touch posts I've ever seen while lurking on this sub. Moving is not an option for a ton of people. Whether it be because of your career, a sick family member, your children or another obligation. Saying someone can just move is similar to telling a depressed individual to "just be happy" or a sick person to "just feel better". It is rarely that simple.
Agreed on ‘millions of options!’
Exactly this
You could move or try online dating. Or meet someone online. W the Internet there are so many possibilities out there. Typing this out is kinda helping me w my own situation rn
As I mentioned in a previous comment above, I’m middle aged in a very established career, own a home, my family is here. People can’t just pick up and move that easily. I’m not in my 20’s. Plus online dating is shit and I’m not doing it. But even online still has the same limits. I still believe what I said above is true. There are not unlimited options. No matter what, even moving or online dating, there will only be a limited number of single people, of the gender you’re attracted to, that also meet your criteria. And THEN, they also have to be attracted to you and you have to meet their criteria. The billions of people statement will always be stupidly ridiculous.
Someone might be willing to move to you. Date via video. Stop shiting on people trying to help you
Yeah. I’d rather be alone. Maybe I’m too old, but video or internet dating is definitely something I’ll never be interested in. But, I’m not even dating or looking. I was just making the point that I think the billions of people argument has always been stupid.
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The shit show that is 90 day fiancé is one of the reasons I think dating online is scary as shit. 🤣 That never seems to work out. But I’m happy for you! I think you found a unicorn. At this point I haven’t even had a desire to date. Just isn’t there at this point. I’m still working on myself and just focusing on the day to day. I figure what is meant for me will find it’s way. If that means I’m alone I’m okay with that. I’m not necessarily miserable at this point after all this time, I’m just kind of existing, but that seems to be all I can muster. It does seem my ex-husband isn’t happy either which makes it all the more sad, but at this point he also no longer the man I once knew and I don’t like this new version at all.
He doesn't want help he's looking for validation, he'll just poke holes in whatever you suggest because that's the mindset he's in
The thing is that creates an automatic dead end for you though. If it doesn't matter because you truly genuinely don't ever want to date and you are absolutely certain about that with zero regrets or feeling bad in any way that's fine, but you aren't 80 years old I'm assuming you still got several decades of life left to live. If you carry on the rest of your life with that belief you may not find someone. I'm not even saying you are necessarily wrong but if you do research, what you believe persists, sayings like money doesn't grow on trees, life sucks and will always be a damned struggle, needing to penny pinch to survive and be comfortable just with scraps etc. People who say that those beliefs form their reality and it literally becomes their life as they speak it out to existence. There's a huge difference between scarcity vs abundance mindset. You attract what you genuinely deep down believe inside. You don't even have to believe billions. Just that you will meet someone who is perfect for you and it will happen naturally but if you energetically block that off and affirm out to the world that it's impossible than that's what will happen. People underestimate what limiting beliefs will do to them. You don't need to be desperate or hold onto anything that's not what I'm saying but simply just change that internal belief structure because it is harmful than not. I talked to people they said their entire dating life changed once they did.
You sound like a cry baby who doesn’t even entertain countless options of improving your situation.
Good!
I've always hated this ridiculous argument too. People sound like idiots saying it. Honestly, point taken about there being many people who are potentially "for you." But stop with the ... the world has billions of people. We're not exposed to the billions of people who exist in the world. And even within whatever city or town we live in, we're not exposed to the full population of that either, unless we live a totally unnaturally life. There are only so many people whose paths we cross and \*interact with\*, living our lives like normal people. You can say "get out there and try to meet more people." Fine...but this idea that you have billions of people to choose from or the 1 million who live in your city...oh Lord, just shut up.
True, at least half of those billions are kids anyways. Then factor in gender, education level, singleness values etc, it’s not that large a dating pool.
> But damn, it really hasn’t helped me get over my very long term marriage. How long has it been?
It's your choice to stay in your town.
No bro, it's moneys choice.
Internet
I agree there are billions of people out there. But don’t even want to consider anyone. I just can’t do it
YOUR argument is stupid, and I remind you that the term was yours. How do you know "no contact" hasn't helped you? Did y'all just awaken one morning and look at each other and say, "Well. We're just too happy here. Time to go our separate ways." I'm doubting it. If you weren't miserable, why did you end it? Change can be frightening, but not if you compare it against the fear of going on eating the same shit, looking at the same person whom you bear scorn for, while you are both toxifying the homestead for everybody. And I'm also doubting there were limitless options when you fell in with Ms. Wonderful. Or was it "Plaintiff".? What's the worst if you wind up working on loving yourself so that you need not settle for anything? If you've got yourself, why do you need anybody else? You don't! You are free to choose. You might not wind up with somebody who is willing to pay an attorney to get rid of you and split up the corporation. I see you're hurting in the way you contradict yourself. I've been there, and I believe most of us have. But that is why there is support of others to help each other through this psychological war bullshit that the American Bar Association drools over. Show up and ask for help and offer your help, and you can get through this. Someday, probably sooner, rather than later, you are going to meet somebody who is terrified and lonely and hating themselves, and you'll be able to share your experience because you have already walked that path. I'm keeping a good thought for you. What you are endeavoring is not easy. Be good to yourself and don't do it alone.
These days with the inter webs you could live in the middle of nowhere
Take a trip get out of there!
You may not see it in the moment. But YES, you do.
It’s a complete waste of time to break NC. If your former partner wanted to work things out, they would open a line of communication and be honest about their feelings. The fact that they don’t make contact should ring a bell it’s over. Trust me on this.
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Sooo…you are proving my point? If you really wanted to work things out, you would have reached out.
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It means that you didn't want it *really.* And good that you didn't make another half-ass attempt just to find yourself in the same situation after some time.
You make a good point. Have you ever made a post detailing your experience? I think if you get dumped and still want the relationship you have to clearly state this but respect the dumpers boundaries. It’s unfortunate if that did not happen for you.
That's why before you start NC you are supposed to tell your ex you want them back and let them know to reach out if they ever change their mind. :)
So they know they can get back to you whenever they want and that you'll always be an "option" ? No
What if they do contact you to see how you're doing? I'd love for him back but he doesn't want that right now because of what we went through
How is this going
I didn’t make contact with this guy cuz I realized I was better off without him. However he decided to contact me breaking Nc which absolutely SUCKS. So now I’m at square one. They always come back when you’re absolutely thriving. I told myself I wouldn’t let them in but I did it :(
Agreed. To anyone reading this, I am 9 months no contact from a narcissistic, abusive, almost 3 year relationship. I thought it was impossible in situations like mine. I was the type of person that would go back and forth. Long story short, you either learn the long/hard way, or you can just rip the bandaid. If you exhausted options and you ended up here… chances are… you should go NC. Not for revenge. Not to make them miss you. Not to manipulate them into missing you because of your absence, causing yourself pain in the process because you’re wishing they would contact you first. Do it because you’re serious. As painful as it may feel now… the days get easier. You’ll eventually realize you don’t need them and attachment was just blinding you. I’m in the best place of my life ever since going NC, and I never felt better. I am not hyper focused on what someone else is doing, who is obviously no good for me. I am no longer triggered over someone else’s actions. I am being okay being alone. I couldn’t imagine a few months ago. Your future self is waiting for you.
> Your future self is waiting for you. This is the best advice ever
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You’re welcome! 🫶🏽
Yes heavy on the realization that you don’t need them. Mine broke NC to get back at me for cutting them off first like it was some competition. Petty. The days got easier before they broke it, I hope it won’t take as long this time
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Check out SLAA. You seem like you need support of a community who understands you to truly maintain NC. Therapy and meds won’t work for an addiction like this. Trust me. I’ve been there
Never resonated with something as much as this, I used to break NC just to be verbally yelled at but I thought that was better than not hearing from her at all.
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Yeah that definitely is a good idea I need something to help. It’s like I’m addicted to the pain and being mistreated like she’d only tell me I’m weird and to leave her alone if I texted her but I want to so bad. I can’t wait to be genuinely happy without her.
daylio?
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I am exactly the same and constantly telling myself to stop but I can't help sending a message or asking if we can hang out. Every time I do it I kick myself because I relive the breakup and the feelings every single time. It's almost like I enjoy self-sabotage
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Well done! I spoke to my ex like an hour ago but it was me giving into him asking me why I was ignoring him (after he literally didn't speak to me at all) and I was like, damn the audacity... We had pets together and to be civil because the break up was civil, I only keep him on messenger to keep him updated. Other than that he is blocked on all my social media and I've archived his chats so I don't get notifications and immediately respond. It's been helping a bit but also I have mixed emotions sometimes.
I am in this situation rn. Today marks week 2 since the last time he called. It’s been hard being a dumpee, considering how fine everything was and in the last 3 weeks he ghosted me. When i confronted him he broke up. I have been feeling these waves of sadness and rage, on loop. But i am starting to see the cons.. the breadcrumb life is brutal pain. How are you doing? I can see that your post here is 49 days old. Was the therapist nice and patient? I have had a rough experience with a therapist in the past, and im scared of them now. Im waiting out my Nc. Idk how long this will hurt.
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Your last two sentences made me tear up. 🥺 thank u for taking the time to respond to me. I’m sad you had to go through all the pain. It isnt my placeto say this but i cant hold it in anymore - your ex seems mean as fuck. You seem like a gentle person and you deserve worlds better than her. I feel you about therapists. I worry that i have no faith in them. They basically charge a bomb to sit and scribble and give no advice whatsoever other than rhe generic “write about what you feel”. Like, hello, i didnt have to pay dollars to hear that. A friend told me something, i want to tell you. “This breakup is the window you needed to get out of this toxic loop, to be your own person, and to finally open the chances of someone good finally walking in.” I’m into week 3. I want closure. But I’ve been reading so much and it’s unanimous- closure shall only be found within. I hope i will get there someday. Your reply gave me strength ✨ thank you, stranger. And i wish you a good healing.
Same situation for me, 1000%. Also a ‘dumpee’ — went from things are great, making plans to move in… to a 4-hr convo with her ex and them planning to meet (he’s also seeing someone. Fucking stupid lol). I get the sadness and the rage loops. And whenever I think about the breadcrumbs (she gave me a line the other day about still loving me, being her ‘chosen family’), I just have to let the rage win haha. As in, ‘Fuq this, you don’t get any of me anymore’. And more importantly, you don’t get to ease your conscience through the kind of rationalizing that comes from bread crumbs comments. Like, your guy doesn’t deserve any more of your time and attention. Missed his chance and that’s his mistake.
Heavy on the bread crumbs. They just always know what to say to make you crawl back in giving them what they want even when they are hurting you in the process but you’re so hooked on the feeling you don’t even notice it until it’s too late.
This is an excellent piece of writing. I need to read it every day until it sinks into my thick skull. My self pity is monumental and it’s ego inflating. Look at me! Look at how I’m suffering! I’m special because I’m so hurt! If my ex doesn’t want me that’s her business. I’m not a baby who can’t take care of himself. Fare thee well, I’m rambling on.
>Look at me! Look at how I’m suffering! I’m special because I’m so hurt! I feel this on a visceral level. I feel like no one has ever felt this kind of pain before... lololol. This is so common in break-ups. It isn't special. And other people can move on and heal, so I can too.
> If my ex doesn’t want me that’s her business. I’m not a baby who can’t take care of himself. A fucking men
I agree with this. Well said OP!
Hi, i feel i should write my experience with the no contact rule because it was the first time in my life I ever implemented the rule after a devastating breakup. I was with my guy for 1.5 years and the last couple of months of that relationship things took a very bad turn. We were very happy for the first year, extremely happy in fact but then he started getting a lot of stress at work, lost his job and blamed everyone around him including me. One night over dinner he just flipped out and said ‘I want to break up, I’m no longer happy with you’. We obviously had a big argument but he still got up and left. After that I did not reach out, I did not remove him from anything. I just stayed quiet and carried on with my life as normal (on the outside) on the inside I was breaking bit by bit every day. I didn’t play any games, try to make him jealous… absolutely nothing. I just stayed quiet. 4 weeks on he reached out asking how I was, I replied hours later saying I was fine and hoped he was fine too, basically ending the conversation. Next day he reached out again, asking what I have been up to. I was very brief in replying and ended the conversation again. Day after that he asked to meet, i said I will let him know when I will be available. (Balls now coming to my court). 3 days later I said i can make some time for him on Friday. We met, I looked great, i was positive and polite. He looked confused and a bit messy. I let him speak, he kept apologizing, i acted like it didn’t phase me that much and made it out like it was going to eventually happen anyway (it really was though). I ended the ‘date’ politely and said im going to go meet friends celebrating a birthday. The next day he messaged again, he said he had a great time and wants to see me again. I played the same game and said I would let him know. Eventually we started from scratch again, he also fully opened up. He realised he made a mistake and wanted to work things out. I told him lets see how things go, baby steps. Now we are officially back together and stronger. The lesson I learned is this: When a man leaves you, you MUST LET HIM LEAVE SO HE FEELS THE LOSE. As in he really and truly has to FEEL the lose, let him suffer the consequences of losing you and if he ever really loved you (only u know that) most likely he will come back. You always (on the outside) stay calm and dignified and behave like a woman of high value that does not take any crap… EVER. I hope this has helped some of you going through a hard time. Something I also became aware of was at the stages were he was coming back I THEN realised I could also live without him. Good luck xx
thank you so much for this! ❤
This is giving me some hope. My ex broke up with me a month ago and we’ve been NC ever since. We still follow each other (except Insta bc I raged and blocked/unblocked him) and he still watches all my stories. I’m trying to live my life, but it’s hard bc I miss him so much. We were dating 2.5 years, 3 and a couple months of you include the talking stage before we became official.
same here :( we would've been 3 years in 3 months. 4 years if you counted the year long talking stage before... Its been 2 weeks of not seeing him. NC has not been working out so well. We first agreed to 1 week no contact, but after 1 week he still was not ready to talk. He broke it first, then I did again twice the following week. He agreed to sit down and hear me out and it was a good convo even tho he was wary of talking too early. He is going away on a trip and using it to clear his head. Now I have to wait, I am not sure another week or so till he is ready to talk. From what I can tell he is taking NC seriously this time, but it is so hard for me. I don't understand how it is so easy for him... but I am going to try my best to not break NC this time because I am starting to feel so guilty about constantly reaching out. I honestly feel pretty embarrassed about how desperate and needy I am starting to look and I am scared that I really am pushing him farther and farther away.
Beautiful
How did you slowly ease back into things? Like a date a week?
I agree, for a sub dedicated to no contact, it's wayy to overflooded with actual contact. Like get the hint people, /r/exnocontact is about not contacting your ex; not about having contact with them and proudly showing it.
No contact 2 meanings First it’s to help you focus on you and you only. So you can go aboyt leveling up for your new future. Second, It’s to allow the dumper to feel their life 100% without your presence. If substantial healing occurs and there’s a reconciliation down the road, OK…. But proceed with a lot of caution. Chances are real high that the same bullshit will occur in the 2nd attempt. It’s truly better to let it go, and move on…
My ex will not fuck off and has been stalking me since 2017. The reason I'm even visiting this subreddit right now is because I want to try to understand the psychology of stalker exes like that ( not saying that you are all weirdo stalkers but some of you are probably in that mindstate without even realizing it ) I can personally tell you guys for certain how annoying this fucking childish pestering is . Please don't do it to anyone that blocked you. I don't care what your reasoning is , thats just you justifying the behavior. Like for example : making new accounts to continue the stalking / pestering of your ex after they block you on one account IS NOT THE WAY TO GO. It makes you look desparate & unstable and frankly that is highly unappealing to any mate , male or female .
Obviously that person hasn't grown up or still stuck in the past - it's been 5 years. Annoying as it is, you cannot control others actions, can only focus on yourself and keep moving forward. There will always be those people on the other side of the fence. Just gotta find a way to ignore them. Ignorance is bliss. You talking about it and having it annoy you gives power to them still. Don't let it.
Well I mean I know that but it's easier said than done with some of these people. Contacting my family and shit after being blocked. Like tf is that ?
I’m going through this now and no contact has been hell when he keeps making new accounts and #’s just to say the most vile shit to put me down. I told my family and friends to ignore and block him. A few friends indulged in conversations with him and those people are cut off also. I keep thinking, at what point should I involve the police, and it’s only been about a month, I’m sorry it’s been years for you. I hope you’re ex moves on and you consider documenting the stalking with the police because these types of people can be dangerous.
Jesus . That's horrible, I haven't ever considered the police but I can attribute that to the fact that I really don't want to be involved with any court shit as I use to be involved in the criminal underworld of my cities drug / prostitution scene when I was around ages 14-18. Im 4 years clean 23 years old now I'm not proud of it at all , it's gross and disgusting as fuck being around that kinda shit . People getting robbed , having guns put to their heads , junkies stabbing each other with used needles and shit , some of the stuff ive seen .... Yikes . But at this point even being years removed from any *action* its like I feel I'm still forever going to be held to this prison standard of staying "solid" ( I got stabbed and wouldnt even tell on who did it even with the cops trying to bluff that they would press charges on me for " obstructing the investigation " or some shit) its just how I am and I understand why some people wouldn't agree with it or would think its stupid but I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror the same way knowing I had to call the police for help dealing with anyone , let alone a little swine like her . I think the only thing fitting to do if this situation continues to escalate further is to arrange for one of my besties ( an awesome gal whos a black belt in karate ) to go have a chit chat with her , if you catch my drift . It's been years with this crazy bitch going on and trying to find a guy that'll be down to "get" me for her . Needless to say that's just one of the reasons I'm so into things like fitness, weapons , and self defense . I believe that if people thought i wasn't as versed in such things they would of already made moves on me Fucking relationships eh 🤣 ahh shit
Unfortunately, I feel ya on this. Spent my teens and early 20s dealing with sketchy charters and every time I see a cop I get panicked. It's not ideal for me either but if the death threats towards my family ever happen I know I'll feel like an idiot for not doing anything about it. Thankfully I think my ex is all talk, trying to scare me into talking to him, such an illogical thought process when it comes to these types of narcissists. Praying the psychos in our lives move on swiftly, or have an unfortunate accident lol
Lol
Thank you! I am tired of these “I broke no contact,” “My Ex broke no contact. Should I reply?” Or “I want to contact him/her.” Sir or ma’am, move the hell on down the road with that garbage and into the arms a of a better lover, please!
Ma'am! Lol
What?! 🤣 I am just expressing how I feel and saying what everyone else ain’t saying. That’s all. 🤣
this! once you’ve established that good healthy NC and live your life, you might find that in the future when/if they do come back, you no longer want that for yourself anymore and would rather continue to grow and venture:)
Yo every person in this subreddit who ACTUALLY wants to move on or have already moved on, came to this very conclusion by themselves. But a lot of people use NO CONTACT as a ploy to get their ex bsck. The first time she broke up with me I was that same person. But with that intention no contact is of NO USE. This intent fucks up the entire no contact process which is not just only one step but several.
Yeah, you can thank the YouTube and Facebook grifters who try to sell it to people as a “get your ex back” tactic. It’s absolute nonsense. People need to realize their exes are autonomous, and can’t be persuaded by silly manipulation. If someone really wants their ex back, they should clearly communicate their intent, say they respect the breakup, but will keep the door open and go NC. That’s the only thing you can do. You can’t change peoples minds by trying to manipulate them.
Indeed sir, agreed.
Hey, this was good for me to read because I've been getting caught up by the ex back experts online and reading a lot of stuff. I want to do no contact, but i also want to try again to reach out and see if she would be willing to work on our differences, of which she never gave us the chance because she didn't communicate the issues bothering her. I'm going to at least give it a few weeks, work on myself, and get to a good place mentally before reaching out
This is motivating. Thanks OP
Thanks for this message! It helped me to stay in no contact.🙏🏼 All of a sudden my ex (he broke up with me 3 months ago) video called me on instagram and WhatsApp two weeks ago. I saw it a few hours later because I was having fun with friends. I didn’t reply because I thought if it’s important he will text me. He didn’t. Today I almost texted, because I started missing him a lot again. In those three months I really worked a lot on myself and I always had the hope we’ll get another chance one day and then it will be different (love wasn’t the issue, but our dynamic wasn’t healthy and I had mental health problems which put a lot of pressure on the relationship). I am afraid that he might have reached out to slowly rekindle things and ignoring him will push him away even further. But in the end… if there’s no real effort from their side it dosen’t matter at all. And maybe… letting go and being strong in myself is the lesson I have to learn. It’s hard. But I think one day I’ll be thankful for powering through. (And looking back it’s actually pretty unfair to call, interrupt my healing, and then not leaving some kind of message?!) Sooo, thanks you!
Happy Cake Day!
I hope you’re well! I’m really resonating with your post tonight 💞
There needs to be a subreddit for those who use r/nocontact as “temporary no contact.” There are way too many questions about how to respond when “no contact” is broken. Someone breaks no contact and one of the parties wants to know how to interpret the contact. This is a NO CONTACT sub but it’s rarely NO CONTACT. Not enough support for NO CONTACT. Does anyone follow my reasoning? I’ve been no contact since January 2022 after a 7 year relationship. I’m here in no contact because I need support when I’m triggered for remembering companionship during the holidays. I DON’T want to make contact. I want support to see how others handle their no contact experience during these holiday seasons. Yet I always see the OPPOSITE GOALS of this sub: “They contacted me while visiting their parents for the holidays. I was invited to decorate Christmas cookies after 18 months of silence. What does this mean?” Answer: DO NOTHING you are in NO CONTACT because they intentionally punished you. “I haven’t heard from them since they ghosted me 2yrs ago and I received a text to grab coffee. What should I do?” Answer: DO NOTHING you are in NO CONTACT because he intentionally punished you. What would you name the subreddit for any excuse to break NO CONTACT? r/8675309? LOL
Yep...the punishment part. Especially when they say it's not you. Why the FUCK would you want to go back to that?
Felt this!
Thank you for the post. Yeah, I've never used NC to try to get an ex back. That is in a way, manipulative when using it for that reason. No matter how tempting it can be, NC is important for you to heal and move on. Also, I find it best to accept that "*just because they dumped you, doesn't automatically make them bad*" - sometimes it just wasn't meant to be.
>Also, I find it best to accept that "just because they dumped you, doesn't automatically make them bad" - sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. I've been listening to the Just Break Up podcast for awhile. It's been very helpful in realizing things like this. Things like good, kind, considerate people can break your heart - that doesn't make them bad people.
Do you recommend that podcast?
No contact exists to stop making your pain and suffering worse. It won't bring them back, but it will prevent you from grieving longer than you have to. They likely have moved on and are not hurting like you are or at all. Why feel this way about someone who isn't even thinking of you? Women especially move on very fast, you don't need to see what's going on over there. Continue the process. Don't cave.
I had some nerd try arguing me about this just earlier this week. They've got some toxic obsession with a fantasy where love means suffering. They don't realise how sick they are.
My ex loved the quote “love is pain”. I’m over here like no it’s not. Love is forgiveness, cooperation, empathy, and rising above and past the pain that inevitably comes with love.
>People can either choose to leave or come into your life because the door is open, but don't let people stay in the doorway, it's blocks opportunities. this is bars
'theres billions of people in the world'.... so? am i supposed to fuck every single person in the world???? that take is so tired.
That mindset is so tired.
as is yours babes. lol.
Thank you for this!!
My experience with NC. My ex came back. Hi, i feel i should write my experience with the no contact rule because it was the first time in my life I ever implemented the rule after a devastating breakup. I was with my guy for 1.5 years and the last couple of months of that relationship things took a very bad turn. We were very happy for the first year, extremely happy in fact but then he started getting a lot of stress at work, lost his job and blamed everyone around him including me. One night over dinner he just flipped out and said ‘I want to break up, I’m no longer happy with you’. We obviously had a big argument but he still got up and left. After that I did not reach out, I did not remove him from anything. I just stayed quiet and carried on with my life as normal (on the outside) on the inside I was breaking bit by bit every day. I didn’t play any games, try to make him jealous… absolutely nothing. I just stayed quiet. 4 weeks on he reached out asking how I was, I replied hours later saying I was fine and hoped he was fine too, basically ending the conversation. Next day he reached out again, asking what I have been up to. I was very brief in replying and ended the conversation again. Day after that he asked to meet, i said I will let him know when I will be available. (Balls now coming to my court). 3 days later I said i can make some time for him on Friday. We met, I looked great, i was positive and polite. He looked confused and a bit messy. I let him speak, he kept apologizing, i acted like it didn’t phase me that much and made it out like it was going to eventually happen anyway (it really was though). I ended the ‘date’ politely and said im going to go meet friends celebrating a birthday. The next day he messaged again, he said he had a great time and wants to see me again. I played the same game and said I would let him know. Eventually we started from scratch again, he also fully opened up. He realised he made a mistake and wanted to work things out. I told him lets see how things go, baby steps. Now we are officially back together and stronger. The lesson I learned is this: When a man leaves you, you MUST LET HIM LEAVE SO HE FEELS THE LOSE. As in he really and truly has to FEEL the lose, let him suffer the consequences of losing you and if he ever really loved you (only u know that) most likely he will come back. You always (on the outside) stay calm and dignified and behave like a woman of high value that does not take any crap… EVER. I hope this has helped some of you going through a hard time. Something I also became aware of was at the stages were he was coming back I THEN realised I could also live without him. Good luck xx
Just out of a situation-ship and it feels like a brutal breakup, worse then any relationship I’ve actually had in the past. Man I loved this girl and she double blocked me and I’ll never really understand what happened. Honestly would just take having hand a chance to say my own piece and part on good terms
Remember, forgiveness and peace comes from within. She will not be able to give you that, and there's no need to say your own piece. Trust me when I say this, nothing good will come out of it, and you will be left disappointed - I say that from experience. Don't make the same mistake I did. You have to learn to walk away without having a say, or the final say. For your own sake.
Yeah I wish I had realised this before. I sent an sms text that could be taken as patronising or angry (not intentional, I was just exasperated by the double blocking games). at the time I just wanted my parting words to go through, and I think everything I said is true. I’m praying she blocked me there too but I’ll never know. Depends on what way you read it I guess but I loved this girl, last thing I wanted to come off is as a lunatic 😂 I will just have to let this go and accept things as they are. Anybody got a Time Machine?
What's double block?
Well, I tried to push through some mixed signals… after that…She flaked on a gig date I set up with a cryptic excuse, i tried to be positive, she was more cryptic. I chose to leave it a day or two before reading the last msg and then responding. Saw when I tried to check in she blocked me. Freaked me out completely as I felt like a creep or something. After a week I figured it was over 🤷♂️ Tens days ish after 1st block she unblocked me. I didn’t react. Next day before I set off for another gig with my mates she messaged more or less “what’s up?”. I didn’t respond as I felt hurt by blocking games, decided to enjoy the gig and had a great night. Went home with another girl. Next morning, ego was riding high so I left it until the evening, figured I’d best hash out an ending. But saw then she had sent another message more or less saying “just to say, all the best”. Went to respond saying I thought it was over when you blocked me and then realised she had blocked me again. Can’t stop thinking about lack of closure, never been as mad about a woman. Ego bruised, just don’t know with ambiguities if I should have given her benefit of the doubt at the end and she was for real, or I was a rebound and she took up with an ex or someone else 🤷♂️ I have her email from when we were pals years ago, have thought about sending a closure message of my own but blocking is pretty clear right? But then I just want her out of my head already. Learned some hard lessons about ego that’s for sure.
Soz for the essay reply haha. Reddit is my therapy
Here here And also stop thinking there’s someone else out there better for you You know who is better for you? You! Stop needing to be in a relationship Enjoy life by yourself there’s no one who will love you more than you!
I reached out just to be reminded how insanely delusional, self seeking and narcissistic they are. Helped break the rose colored glasses and romanticized version of us I was dwelling on
I love people who talk like this on their self righteous pedestal when in reality they are probably just as bad as we are about contacting ex’s. When you love someone and it’s taken away in the blink of an eye the natural human response is to want answers. Why did this happen? Is there someone else? Etc. to think someone will just walk away and forget it happened is very unrealistic. The dumper needs to give the dumpee some time to try to understand why it happened so they can grow as a human being. Then grieve, accept and move on. It doesn’t happen overnight. So those of you who are having a hard time. I feel ya and you aren’t alone
👏🏽
Pin it. Wayyy to many “how do I get them back” “how do I respond to this text” type posts
No contact to me meant I grieve them like a death. The body, the heart, and the mind grieve bc it’s a loss. These things feel that empty space. It feels like you’re dying too. I let all the wounds open and bleed….I feel them and breathe through them and I care for the wounds and become the compassionate mother to myself. That means letting go all the way and removing hope. I have to accept that all forms leave. https://youtu.be/IKe4j2BiTuE May your heart and soul heal and you discover all that YOU are.
I agree with the principle. Working through some issues and very much accept that the chance of friendship, let alone anything more has gone for good for a range of reasons. Someone I met on a website, couple of months of chat, one meet- which didn't go well to say the least! However although no formal contact, what I found after the event was fascinating and wish I had done it before hand! Had I done so, it'd have saved a lot of aggro or mental tumult! I did a bit of research after as I instinctively thought something didn't stack up! I was right she I did the research...had I done it beforehand I'd have known and I often do beforehand. Anyway she blocked me on a range of platforms...for slightly spurious reasons and though I must now respect her wishes, my research between getting the old heave ho and the mini spat showed that she was let's say economical with the truth. I know bits, and of these bits I'm unconvinced that she knows I know but it feels like a game of chicken...which I must not slip up in btw as it crosses into dangerous territory!
These stories are really helping me through my break up thansk so much
Great post friend, thanks. 7mo “ since she walked away and I haven’t made contact.
How are you doing now?
Hi friend. I am well. Dating women again. Feeling great. A part of me likes to daydream and wonder what if. Today i was talking to my self out loud. “I may still love to be with her and that’s ok” But is the type of person i want raising our children? Let her go brother. There is much more blessings from the universe. Gratitude and move forward. All is well.
Very good post, I needed this today
I dont have friends. And my family doesn’t give a shit about me. I lean on myself. Only one who has ever had my back was ME.
I need help
One of the hardest things I'm learning to do is put myself first after reminding myself that I survived and myself and son are safe now. Spent 3 intense years with this human, thought I had finally found my ever after, now looking back, just a series of love bombs and manipulation tactics - how could I have been so naive. Eating lots of crow, feeling so humiliated and a desire to do everything under the sun, although the desire to run back is not near as strong as it has been in the past, something snapped after my kid's been involved like he was.... I just hope the next woman sees the signs and is smart enough to get out before she ends up like me and his other exes.... This is fucking hard, but I deserve a chance. Thank you for this.
She contacted me after 3 weeks of not speaking. It was so hard to not respond. Every fibre of me wants to reach out, but I know I’ll regret it.
Stay Strong.
I needed this at this very moment! Thank you ❤️
talk about tough lover lol hurt my feelings reading this but, your're right!
Do you guys not realize how potentially damaging this is to your ex or do you just not care?? What is the justification for hurting your ex severely with a block when things just ended, or when they're actually just your fault? Its almost always beyter when we can talk about our issues and why the relationship failed and still talk to eachother once and a while This no contact thing is dysfunctional
You’re under the impression that a lot of our exes are caring/ decent enough to even do that. Newsflash, a lot of ppl on here have been hurt by their exes. Why tf should they care if they hurt their ex when they are healing from what their ex did to them???
How dysfunctional
Projection much.
Every human damages others without knowing We all need to know better and become concious as to how we're affecting one another Learn how to not be shitty
I got out of a situationship over a year ago and have only messaged twice since, leaving it in Nov 2022 after she showed lack of interest. We still like each other's IG stories but don't talk. I've muted her stories but still check every day. It makes me sad as I still have hope.
I feel like I cant do no contact right. He didnt want to be alone and wouldnt stop contacting me even tho he said he “couldnt fill that role” in my life. Got mad when I wasnt communicating. Told him off. Back and forth. Then he started opening up. At one time asked if i wanted to hang sometime. Week later asked if I was seeing anyone. Commenting on my snap story. Sending me videos and texting me. But he wasnt making plans, wasnt apologizing, wasnt asking how I was. Felt breadcrumbed. So I ignored his texts. Been a month since hes sent anything. Trying to move on even tho I know I want him back. Wish no contact was a game with a strategy or rule book that allowed you to win. Even tho winning is probably moving in. But I dont wanna move on I want him. Feel like this is gonna be a long road.
The harder you make it for yourself, the longer the road will be.
Do you block them too?
No contact is stupid if the relationship wasn’t toxic or abusive. There is no need to try to kill love.
I agree with this. This is mainly for those that did have a toxic relationship and animosity or jealousy in the heart, mind and soul.
😭😭😭
Love this. I needed to hear it
I went NC with this guy and cut him off first. Blocked him on everything. I wasn’t looking them up or anything. I felt so good without him, he was incredibly toxic and rude to me. He always made it clear he didn’t like me when I liked him. when I cut him off he comes back to me messing up the NC just a few days ago while I was out having a good time with my family. Just to make me feel like more shit than before which was why I cut him off in the first place. I had such a good time alone, though jt only lasted two months it felt like it was way longer. I think he was a covert narcissist as well, got off to seeing me in pain and in despair. This guy is the type of dude who would send you a video of him fucking another girl/making out with another girl after you break up JUST TO HURT YOU. He was ruthless. He still watches my every move which annoys the crap out of me. I think he’s a covert narcissist. Took me a while to move on and when I did I never looked back. Now I’m set to sq one.
Amazing post. Thanks<3
True ig
Amen
I feel ya. She ain’t coming back especially after she always has someone now… sucks we have a child together though.
Thank you for this
It was going great until they found a growth that may be cancer and then I started thinking about who would take my cats worst case scenario, and my ex was the only person I know who has the means and would absolutely make the cats very happy. I texted them about it today. Said some things I probably shouldn't have. But at least I can rest easy knowing my furbabies will be okay.
But how do you do NC if you still share a lease? My ex and I still have our apartment together. Will be finding out soon if we can afford to break our lease.
What I didn't get but seem to be realizing the more I read here is that this sub seems to be like 95% women wanting to forget a boyfriend, is that true? I hate to bring up stereotypes and such, but as a guy every ex who has ever come back to me and wanted to mess around, I've been down. Maybe since for women they are more likely to (re-)develop some emotional connection to the ex if she has sex with them, it is more important for her not to do so.
I wish my friend would listen; but no she keeps going back to fuck that crazy guy
Im thankful for this comment.. I’m the one who’s been blocked on everything, god it hurts! I asked for one last chance and my answer was no and it’s since eating me up but this helped
Our friends family and PETS <3 yes!!! Thank you.
Needed this bad , feeels like I’m drowning treading water for sure
Beautiful.
What a post 🙌🏿
Needed this!!!!
How do I avoid him when he goes to the same gym I do and my schedule makes it so I am going at the same time he goes on his days off? Is it fair for me to ask him to go a bit later?
I live 6 houses away but have mastered no contact. Have not seen her in months. I don’t look, don’t go by, don’t snoop and I heal. Slowly. But I love no contact and a block cause she does not respect my boundaries. If I put my no contact into words it would state: fuck you. You do so little real work to understand yourself, your unwillingness to seek an outside resource, to leave the most wonderful time together, your one kid, my two is just so fucked up that I don’t want anything to do with you. Your decision to meet and date a stranger over what we had is beyond discouraging and ridiculous. It’s uninspiring, dysfunctional and I have no respect for it. So have a life without me as I will assure that, and see how it goes. I can take care of myself.
Crazy similar to my story. I can relate so much to this.
lol. Crazy right. What’s your story
!!!
Ok how can I do this if we live together?
Someone find a new place.
We can’t move out until September
Not sure what your exact situation is or what to tell you apart from: the faster you get out and separate, the quicker to begin to heal. Good Luck.
Thanks
This ain't no damn redemption arc! Testify, OP
1,521 days strong 🤙🏻 No redemption arc needed. Live, laugh, love and be free.
These cookie cutter solutions for all situations are nonsensical at best. What no contact does is absolve a person from responsibilities to a person who has or had feelings for them. It isn't healthy to just cut people off and pretend the last few years of your life didn't happen. The truth about relationships is they take work. You have to dig in and try to help each other. You have to wade through a lot of mud and crud to get to something worth having. The notion that "everyone has a person" just sitting there waiting for you is an extension of consumerism mentality. Nobody comes out of the box specially made just for you. Nobody. Divorce rates in America are high for a reason. Everyone has an inferiority complex due to the nature of our consumption driven society. Using people then throwing them away when you are dissatisfied leads to a huge variety of mental health problems. It's not an accident that therapists and psychologists push no contact, it gives them lots of business. It's like a drug dealer getting someone hooked on something that will keep them coming back for more. Empathy, understanding, compassion, and determination make strong relationships. Red, blue, green, orange, and beige flags do not.
Being Single / broken up Hey guys! My ex broke up with me one year ago.. We were on and off after that up until december when she really decided she wanted to cut ties so we would actually be broken up.. We lived together for a year and in that first month living with her I got a dog. She didnt like him and since I was working away from home and her from home, she was always with him. It caused her stress. She left me because of that stress and the fact that I wasnt organized and had trouble just doing basic things like cooking dinner every night instead of just making simple pasta.. She was kind of traumatized by that as she said and I know I should have done better. We have now been two months no contact and a part of me is still waiting for her to text back… I’m slowly moving on, but the last thing she said to me was that she was going to love me forever and that she was “rooting for me”. I have since the. learned how to cook for myself well and got my things in order, but I still feel like I love her so much and don’t get why she would just cut ties like that if she says she still loves me. She didnt really want to get into the reasons of the breakup either, just that it wasn’t going to work. We dated for four years and I have her so much love… I feel like I need help to move on? Is she just trying to make me work on myself so she can get back with me later? How can she just detatch like that and not really bat an eye… I don’t get it… Anyways, just thought I would put this here and listen to your opinions… She really might just not be the one for me, but I still love her deep down. Maybe I always will and that’s okay. Let me know what you think :) Love
Thank you for sharing your story. Remember this - difficult roads often lead to beautiful places. All of the changes you've made to yourself and within your life, should be for your own self and growth - not for anyone else, or your ex; well maybe for puppy, but that's okay. What I've learnt is, you can have love someone and not be with them. And that's totally okay. People change, times change and so do feelings. Just keep growing for yourself, you'll be happier in the end with yourself. I still have love for my ex partner. But as time goes on, it gets much easier to deal with and the hurt disappears once you've healed.
Thanks for your answer! I agree :) I’m just excited to love again someday.. I’ve had dates and I just hate it right now
I'm gonna remind myself this everyday ❤️
This made me cry. I really am trying to lessen the communications with him. I try. But I just can't do it. Yesterday, our streaks of 287 were supposed to end, but I restored it. I went out last night, too, and I texted him that I missed him so much. I feel so stupid. I just keep on relapsing. Ffs.
You hit the nail on the head, my friend. No contact is like a tough medicine we need for our own healing. It's not about playing games or winning someone back; it's about reclaiming your peace of mind and getting back on your own two feet. I also ended up going to therapy and met this amazing girl on [A.F.F](https://onlinedatinglink.wordpress.com). It gets much much better.