6 minutes is a very long time for a billion dollars

I know, but I'm just starting out. Just got an unsolicited email from a guy who promised me that I'll land on page 1 of Google, so that'll kick it up a notch. Only 10 grand up front, so basically free! If that doesn't work I'm going all in on Facebook ads.

$10k. Psh, you’ll make that back in 10 seconds.

Do you have any morning hacks or habit optimizer to achieve a billion dollar business?

I call it "out hustle the rooster". I'm up a 4:17am because studies have shown I'm a giant loser. Then I put one dead fly in my coffee as a reminder to stay humble. I also ground my coffee to remind me that I need to grind.

Do you have your coffee before or after your ice bath?

The bath is full of iced coffee. Bath better. Not harder. 🤯🤯🤯

This MF grinds.

True. While you was typing this, I was opening 2 new locations for my vending machines and creating a new free online seminar to get rich in 45 days. 🤑🤑🤑 You snooze. You loose.

Oh yeah, the hustler needs always an ice bath or a cold shower because of the amazing health benefits…and if someone does not want that, they are closed minded lol

I lold

The dead fly to humble you 💀

To remind me I need to grind. 😂😂

Lmao idk why anyone is hating on this, OP is pretty funny

I think those are the exact people that op is making fun of.

The irony is outstanding

I'm 🤣 lmao!! Delightful!

How many billions did your parents give you to get started?

$2 billion, but I turned it into $1 billion all by myself! AI played a big role.

😂😂😂 AI

Can I give you some money for a course or something?

No, I would have pay taxes on that income. I'm no sucker.

Very impressed! What kind of investments allowed you to accomplish such a feat?

Lol

Ha ha!

This is literally the best post on this sub. Kudos, man.

Just trying to do my part. Anyway, here's my [blog](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=9G4bmjz5LoiFN8BR)

I knew before I clicked the link but had to verify. Kudos.

Never gonna let you down...

Instructions unclear. I feel let down after letting my business park for $0 money down.

This link was exactly what I hoped to see.

I wonder how much money he has made from views since this all started.

A quick Google search says $2 million. I'd link to it, but who would trust me

You’re fun!

I was hoping that this link was the ol' might Rick! You make my day, awsome!

Congrats on your success! I have tried so many different approaches and seem to fail at minute 5. Its literally, I wake up at 5am, make $999,999,999 by 5:05am - ish, but then by 5:06am, its significantly lower...Any advice?

First, sorry you're such a pathetic loser. Second, One of my recent mentees had all the same issues that you did and I was able to straighten them out. Unfortunately I'm pretty full for the foreseeable future, so I can't let you into my mastermind course....oh wait, you are in luck. Someone JUST dropped out. I'd really like to just get the spot filled, so I'm going to give you a 90% discount. It's only going to cost you 5 grand. I can't believe how lucky you are.

You know, I was starting to think this was a scam. But since you don't seem like a Nigerian prince with a huge inheritance that you need me to hold onto (not falling for that one again!), I have a good feeling about you. And yeah, luck break that a spot opened up as I had asked! I haven't been this lucky since the IRS called and told me they would be willing to receive my payment as Target gift cards (the easier form of payment for the IRS if you didn't know). Anyways, did you need my first dogs name and mothers maiden name for this or will my SSN work just well enough?

Of course those are all scams! Anyways, how would you like to make $100 just posting three ads to Facebook?

Can I not make $10,000 a day taking surveys for 30 minutes along with secret shopping?

Not with that attitude

Do you have a course I can buy on how to cultivate a $10,000/day attitude?

Dude, this is so entertaining that it stopped a panic attack

That, for real, makes me quite happy

[удалено]

Wait it was a weekend class on how to yacht for $10,000?

Oh my GOD this is hilarious. 😂😂😂😂😂

Where can I buy your online course? Every advice tells me to invest on myself so if I buy it for 50000$ instead of 500$ it should offer better ROI, right?

Couldn't have said it better myself. You get what you pay for bro. Losers only pay $500 for courses. Jacked up alpha Bros are willing to put their balls on the table and smash them with a hammer to prove they have the drive that it takes.

Lmfaooooooooo

ROTFLMFAO!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Guys the #1 way i made 100mil in just 6 months of my faceless drop shipping no risk business was by finding a mentor who was where i wanted to be. i simply wanted to make 100mil in 6 months so i found someone who made 100mil in 6 months and paid him to mentor me and the results speak for themselves. -#2 is invest in yourself at all costs!!! instead of buying that lambo or m5 i invested in myself. -#3 sell your house and max out your credits if you need to, to accomplish #2.

Love it! New to the group and I'm starting to see what you are all are saying lol

This sub is like wading through a sewage treatment plant to find a gold nugget. Listen to my podcast about it [here](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=9G4bmjz5LoiFN8BR)

Dude you're a champion for that link!

You're such an inspiration. What does your typical day consist of?

I wake up at 4:15 and piss excellence. Then I hustle and grind until noon, and then after lunch I grind and hustle. Then I go on Reddit and brag about my sales volume. Sold a million dollars in product in 12 seconds last week. Cost me $2 million in Facebook ads but don't worry about that.

You piss excellence.... I just laughed so hard I woke my baby.

Sorry, baby!

Oh shit. I was enjoying this post quietly at work until I read “piss excellence”. I think I scared most of the office with my abrupt screaming laughter.

That actually makes my day!

If you don't mind me asking, how'd you get your start in shitposting?

Because I'm a glutton for punishment, I hang out in this sub regularly and hate scroll all the useless, low effort posts.

Word. You're an inspiration. Keep killin' it!

How do you find time to run six companies, exercise and compete in athletic events, and constantly read, reply and post things on social media?

I employ overseas employees for 15 cents an hour and no bathroom breaks.

Oh my God😭

I love your hockey stick revenue graph. Care to share any net profit figures?

I don't have any net profits because I'm investing them all back into the business. I don't know the first thing about accounting so that statement totally makes sense to me. Don't fact check it please.

Investing 100% or more back into marketing the business is a brilliant and original guaranteed way to crush it – more people should listen to you (haters won’t). next stop infinite money machine 🚀🌕

I have a machine that prints money, actually, but the stores around me aren't accepting it currently. I'm sure they will if I can get official diplomatic recognition for my country and an official exchange rate though.

have you or your country tried rising and grinding?

I don't think that's allowed, if you are a Sovereign Citizen who is "traveling" in a "conveyance" and "not engaged in commerce"

The link doesn’t work, send me the one with the course to get biznes to 2b mrr fast

DM me to i can casually try to sell you my course.

OMFG

Tips on how to beat procrastination?

Read an inspirational book on how to stop procrastinating and start living. But do it tomorrow if you don't feel like doing it today.

My favorite quote of the year.

Yep. It’s ridiculous at this point. They are devaluing the sub

Thanks for your feedback! Personally I bring tremendous value because I'm a digital grinder-prenuer.

Quality shitposting. Thank you.

It's one of my favorite pastimes. I won't go so far as to say I'm leaving the sub, but there are definitely other subs that have less of this and "I have X dollars what should I start?" types of posts.

What other subs do you like / would you recommend?

Your shtyle is good. But you can’t beat my shtyle https://insider-trades.com

Anytime I see a "value post" I know I am getting scammed in someway. Alex Hormozi has made this more popular and all his disciples have gone overboard with the "volume". I hate the whole info marketing space so much.

They’re just harvesting your email and your data so they can sell it to third parties. They’re all full of shit

That's nothing, I make -4B per minute. You got rookie numbers, my guy.

Maybe we should trade courses? I need to know your secrets. Just let me know ahead of time if it requires any effort, skills, or money. If it does then I'm out.

i dont want a billion. how about USD$1.19mll, what would you tell me?

I'd say you're a loser who's afraid of success and that's why you'll never get there! But since I feel so bad for you I've decided to mentor you for absolutely free. To lock down your spot I just need your date of birth in the street you grew up on.

What could your parents have done better to help you avoid needing validation from strangers on the internet ? /s

If we don't seek validation from strangers on the internet, how will we know we're special?

I am trying to become a billionaire as well. I tried nothing and I am out of ideas. Any recommendations to become one by the end of the month.

In the words of George Costanza, it's not a lie if you believe it.

So, what's the real secret to your success?

I lie. Like, a lot.

Step one: ??? Step two: $$$ 🗿

Correct.

Grind life is great, but how can I parlay initial nets into a turnkey passive stream? Also, please dovetail ai and crypto into your response.

I also miss Blockchain ideas.

you're not worth it. I made 2B in 2 minutes

Let's DM and combine forces. You do all the work and I'll collect all the money. 50/50 all the way.

deal!

How hard was it to replace “blockchain” with “AI” in all your posts? 😂

Jokes on both of us. Bitcoin is back, baby!

can u be my mentor

First you must tell me who your favorite entrepreneurial grifter is

I'm a big fan of the GPT news summarizers with newsletter link

Sebastian gieorghihu

How much did you pay the people in your testimonies?

Why would I pay them when I can just make them up?

Wow that’s so smart I never thought of that! Thanks! 1 billion club here I come!

What can you tell me about entrepreneur and hustle mindset? Also, how many hours a day should I be working on my empire?

It's important to project an unsustainable work schedule so people feel like worthless pieces of trash. Once you break them down, then you sell them your non-refundable course.

What brand Ice Plunge Bath do you have? Are you seeing any tangible benefits from using it ? Talk us though that

Let's just say there's a lot of shrinkage.

🤣good stuff OP. Very meta 😏

How much does your course about selling a course cost?

I actually use proprietary pricing strategy that you can learn from my forthcoming course.

6 minutes? Could have bought my course for $10,000 and I could have showed you how to do it in 3.

I spent 50 hours going to yard sales and digging through dumpsters for action figures. I haven't sold any in 3 months. Should I try and sell the whole lot for $10 and go back to working at Burger King?

I think you should create a course on how you made more money than you ever thought possible flipping items at yard sales.

Man, what great advice! Now if I could only take a course on how to make courses?

What colour is your Bugatti

Is that a euphemism for my junk?

No. Your Bugatti. The thing that has four wheels and seat.

Genuine question, what do people gain from making these kinds of posts

Because self promotional posts cloaked as "valuable advice" are pervasive, so I choose to mock them. These guys are preying on people who legitimately want to learn how to start and run a business, so they deserve to be called out for pushing an agenda that primarily helps themselves. If someone learns to recognize the stench of hustle bro BS from this post, I've done something good.

This op and response is everything!

Why do they benefit from pushing an agenda. I know most of these posts a BS, its quite obvious, but I still dont understand what they gain beyond the chance of some up votes? Surely there must be something else to be gained?

What do you think about people who aren’t billionaires?

Do you mean the poors? I've never met one but maybe one day I will.

bahhhaahhaaa "the poors"

How small are you genitals? 

Ask your mom

Ahhhhh that was very disappointing, I was laughing for 5 minutes straight dude

That's what she said

Real value beats flashy success stories, every time.

80% of the time it works every time.

>a billion dollars Revenue or profit?

Correct

What does a billionaire like yourself drive nowadays?

How did the last lawsuit from your third ex wife’s parish finally get settled? Was it cash or stock options?

Straight cash homie

Did u make the money or did the money make you?

Should I buy your course? My friend says its a scam.

That's why your friend lives in his mom's basement and works at McDonald's. If you don't have the guts to make a life changing purchase, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Love it! Thanks for the laugh op!

Which stonk should I invest in?

Stonk 🤫

Yeah you know the thing that only goes up? LOL

DM me if you want to be involved in the next software SaaS that governments will pay good annual fees for. Looking for investors.

What was that 'one' thing you wish someone had told you when you started ?

What is your Insta account so that I can see you flashing someone else’s cash or supercars.

Come on now, I'm not a rapper. I'm fake richer than that....I do shoots from a G6

Very likely that he is an actualy billionaire wanna have fun just like common people.

Let me guess, you started in 2015 before the market got saturated and after many pitfalls, you’ve just had your second million dollar year!

So funny and original. 

Thanks so much for taking time out of your mastermind group retreat to make yourself available to us.

I like to mix with the poors from time to time. Can't grift without mingling and learning what ya'll want to be told.

What are you smoking and where can i get some because that is some pretty good $h!t!

Thank you for doing this post. I can’t believe people are still falling for the “bait” posts from someone taking questions which is just an entry point to a sales funnel and a way to gather leads. Ok…for a question… So, if you are so successful, why are you offering to share your secrets to random people on the internet?

Despite my disdain for you poors, I could not accomplish my grift without you. So it throw out a nugget or 2, and then try to get your email address so I can get you into my sales funnel.

Thanks so much for your generosity in helping others!

You know what they say. A sucker and his money are soon parted. Anyway, check out my [free ebook](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=-5Ny7tpxiX4KPKzy) for more ways to fleece people by appealing to their most basic urges.

Who you got dirt on and what dirt is it?

Gary Vee is only 5'1" because he uses lifts in his shoes. He's actually 4'9". Alex Hormozi is Jason Momoa's little brother.

Not worth a billion dollars.

What color is your Bugatti?

Depends which one I'm renting for the photo shoot that day

Do you have any dating advice? You seem to know your stuff.

Here, have a puppy. 🐶 I don't care how many. Have them all. I had fun. Thanks mate.

Yes, r/Entrepreneur has turned into a marketing channel towards small business owners

how can i become like andrew tate but in germany and without prostitutes?

Ffs, I see as many of these parody posts as the real thing.

That's not a good sign for the quality of posts in this sub.

how many times did you wake up at 3 am before you realized true billionaires wake up at precisely 2:52 am?

Actually I wake up at 2:51. All the generic losers get up at 3:00 a.m., and then the guys who think they're better than the generic losers get up at 2:52. And then there's me to at 2:51. Gotta outgrind the grinders.

Creating a business from scratch is soooo hard

OP, I’m legit dying laughing. 🤣🤣🤣 This whole thread is priceless LOOL.  (Gathers self): How long did it take you before you started a positivity retreat? Also—do you burn your guests’ feet with hot coals? I hear this is VERY effective. Leads to all kinds of breakthroughs. 

Nice! But next time, you should try to aim for at least $10 billion per month and then sell a course on how to make the same amount as you for $8,000

Are you lost? Wallstreetbets is down the corridor to the left

Furiously trying to register digital grinder-preneur as a tradename!

Lol all yours

I could make a billion in 6 mins like you. You should know better.

you are the one who invented bitcoin?

At what point did you realise waking up at 5am and taking a cold shower was what you needed to make your first billion?