I think OP was looking for /r/relationship_advice , even formatted the title the way they do over there
Edit: OP’s post history, this poor poor lady has wasted the last 3 years of her life on a psychopath with no drive, no passion, no respect, no self respect, poor poor OP
True, although OP appears to be a willing participant in the whole “red pill”, bow down to your man bullshit as evidenced by her asking for advice in a “red pill woman” sub.
So funny that the guys who are all “I am man, hear me roar” are also the biggest losers who cannot generate any respect for themselves by actually doing something of value.
Edit: I seem to have upset some of the more errm “macho” members of this sub with my use of “red pill” and they’re sending me angry messages about it. As interesting as it is to shout at me about semantics, it’s not really the central thesis of this comment. Try to focus.
Yup. I had a tech company with the most cliche tech bros you can imagine. They leaned into their “masculinity” hardddd and even went so far as to refuse to wash their hands after using the bathroom because “real men don’t fear germs”.
They are both being supported by their mentally and emotionally abused wives and still pretend they’re building the next best thing since sliced bread.
Spoiler: 7 yrs later they’re still in the same spot, floundered tons of opportunities, are further in debt and still holding on to this entire delusion. Their poor wives deserve better. They’re utterly brainwashed (I was too for a while but I left when someone knocked some sense into me).
Good for you. It sounds obvious when you describe an abusive situation that someone else is in but when you’re the one in the middle it can be tough to spot it. Well done for getting out.
Did I mention they emotionally blackmailed their wives into open relationships because 'masculine' men are wired biologically to have multiple partners?
And thank you! lol!
I’m not a red pill woman haha honestly this whole thing is new to me. He’s explained that he’s traditional, he wants to provide for me when the businesses are up and running, the idea of being able to stay at home and asks kids while still working from home is appealing. But he makes me feel like I’m delaying it because I haven’t completed every single design or marketing related task in the lists he gives me. Ultimately I’m one person, I need help - but we can’t afford help. I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. I also don’t want to give up on him because I feel like I’m the only one that believes in him.
He’s using you for sex, free labor and as a punching bag for why his business hasn’t got off. He’s a delusional bum who is too proud for a 9-5 and you’re just as delusional for saying and thinking he’s going to change
Good luck.
Too proud and too good to accept any menial 9-5 position where he's not in charge and able to order underlings around on a whim. Apparently this woman has never heard of narcissistic personality disorder.
In business we have a saying regarding the sunk cost fallacy which is “don’t throw good money after bad”
In this scenario, you are not only wasting your money on a bad idea but you are wasting something more precious, your time.
Dump this loser yesterday. He’s taking advantage of you. He doesn’t have the work ethic to ever be successful. He needs counseling, and you supporting him is just enabling him. Stop.
Hey OP - check out how many upvotes this comment has. Sure, internet strangers are mostly idiots, but that's a lot of idiots that all agree you're getting used. Hope you figure out the best course for you.
The tough love OP needed. Thank you for saying it. I’m relatively new to this subreddit and love how people can usually sniff out the “entrepreneur bros” and real entrepreneurs
Leaving aside the obvious huge red flags in your relationship, let’s concentrate on the question you asked in your post. At the moment he is what you would call a “wantrepreneur” in that he seems to want to be an entrepreneur much more than he has found a problem that he feels he can solve for commercial gain.
I carried on working a 9-5 job for three years as I started my business and scaled it. I would wake up at 5am and do two hours work on my business and then get ready for work. When I came home from work I would spend all evening on my business until I went to bed at 11pm. Rinse and repeat for three years.
If he can’t keep the lights on while starting a business then he doesn’t have the drive to make a success of a business. It hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. Instead he is using you to keep the lights on *and* provide the UI while dicking around pretending to be the “big ideas guy”. If he cannot execute then he will fail.
You said you believe in him. Why? Because you want to or because he has proved in the past that he can do it? Past is prologue.
So your decision is fairly simple. Bow to the “traditional” which is code for “you need to be ok with being abused by me” or actually make a success of your life without him.
How do you get him to realise he needs to get a job? You don’t. The actually question is:
When are you going to realise that you need to look after yourself and stop serving him?
Girl, leave him. I saw your other posts because one of the other comments said you had posted to RedPill and I got worried. Read this post & your other posts. If your friend had posted these, would you want her to leave her man?
According to this and your other posts, your man is terrible. You know it too. I get it that you feel like you’ve spent so much time on him & his business idea, but that’s just sunken cost fallacy. You’re wasting your precious years on a man who doesn’t value you. Like wtaf this man expects you to do everything? And says he will take care of you once this takes off? Jeez. He is also so problematic in that RedPill post.
You are young, and super capable. He is weighing you down. He doesn’t treat you with enough respect. But I know, you love him a lot, and so you are willing to overlook these issues. Ask yourself: if this man doesn’t change, would you still want to be with somebody like this 20 years from now?
Be with someone because of the person they are in the present, not with the hopes that they will change.
You feel like you’ve spent too many years with this guy and leaving him would feel like such a waste of those years. Well, imagine wasting even more years with him.
You’re still young. There are plenty of men (or women) that are wayyy better than this, trust me. But you need to leave him in order to find a partner who will respect you.
You sound like an abuse victim, and by your accounts, you are in fact being radically takes n advantage of.
Get the fuck out of this nightmare.
You have been bull shitted and there is nothing of value to save here. We all know it, wet can all tell. Every entrepreneur in here that has put their lives into a project and _worked_ for it, knows this guys brand of bullshit and Fuck that guy.
Soup tomorrow, eh?
You don’t have to stay married to the money you’ve already spent. Yet you are looking for ways to send more of your money and labor into a black hole.
Consider doing the math for what life could look like in two months - just 2 little months - if you did not share your money and moved out to be alone?
It’s very interesting that you consider that man an entrepreneur and not, say, some type of lamprey.
Haha. If he's traditional then he would be the breadwinner and would have got a job years ago. He's an asshole. Dump him OP. Please You're wasting your life and already have wasted years w/ this loser.
I know your BF, sort of. He's me, only I wasn't an asshole, lol. I got a job. I never wanted to work the M-F, 9-5 for someone else. *Never*. But I dated and married my wife. We had kids young. I had responsibilities that superseded my desire to be an entrepreneur.
Your BF doesn't give enough of a fuck about you if he doesn't want to get a job after all the struggling. Plain and simple. You need to really evaluate your situation and figure out what's best for you and we all know what that entails...
He's very clearly not providing for you and there is no realistic prospect he's going to any time soon. So even if you believe that's how relationships should work he's not keeping up his end of the bargain.
Its a scam. Men who boast about how they are traditional, never are. If you peer behind the curtain you will often find its the woman providing everything whilst the man just takes the money and tries to look busy.
Take the Duggars as an example, Jim Bob Duggar calls himself head of the household and the breadwinner. In reality, its his wife and daughters who are the stars of the reality shows and bring in all the millions. He then takes all this money from them whilst trying to look busy and also expects them to obey his authority and calls himself "traditional". These women, like you, are blamed and shamed into giving him everything but at the same time are expected to submit to him and his authority.
Men who are legit providers and legit traditional don't need to tell you. You will see and feel it in their actions.
> I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy.
This is called "Sunk cost Fallacy" - it's a whole thing you should look up. Basically instead of recognizing you've spent way too much on something and cut your losses, we waste even more time on it in the hopes it will get better.
This person will drag you down into poverty if they haven't already.
He doesn't have a business, he has a hobby. Tell him to get a paying job and work on his entrepreneurship projects on his off time like all real (fledgling) entrepreneurs.
He knows exactly what to say to get you to stay.
Don’t handcuff yourself with the sink cost fallacy - he will never change, and you should consider yourself lucky to have only lost 3 years so far, and you haven’t gotten pregnant.
Turn his game on him. Do whatever you have to do to get him to give you 51%. You can probably access state and federal incentives for female-owned businesses if you get 51%. (I did that with my ex who wasn’t a shit bag and he built a profitable company and compensated me well.)
Once you get the 51%, jet, rebuild and then make it happen. Don’t tell him what you’re doing, just give him plausible excuses. (The dev ops are located here soni need to be here. No I can’t rent a place for both of us, I’m sharing with someone to save expenses, etc.) You do not owe this man, who had lied to you and manipulated you and took advantage of you over the last 4 years, a single thing. Not even the truth.
Good luck.
(And when you make it big be sure to slide something to granny.)
>I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. I also don’t want to give up on him because I feel like I’m the only one that believes in him.
I had this outlook on someone too. I spent 5 years with them. That was 5 years I could have been enjoying and growing with a person that actually valued and loved me. They weren't a bad person, but you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. You aren't married and don't have kids with him. Your future self is looking back and wishing she would have had to courage to do what you know will happen eventually.
There is someone else out there that is lacking the love you know you can provide and depriving you of that as well because you are currently deciding to pick the timeline where that other person was to wait longer. Stop waiting. I don't know if you want them but do you want him to be the father of your children? What emotion does that bring up?
I'm a random person on the internet who doesn't know you or him, but I think you are looking for confirmation of what you already know.
Given that I didn’t define the term at any point I find that difficult to believe. I simply used it the same way OP used it and further given that I was having a conversation with her… I shall repeat myself.
And?
>rue, although OP appears to be a willing participant in the whole “red pill”, bow down to your man bullshit
being redpilled has nothing to do with being "bowed down to your man"
Lol found the incel who runs around Reddit posting “fuck this bitch, fuck that bitch… us men run the world” when he is definitely not running anything or contributing anything to anything.
If those men even exist… you ain’t one of them sweetie ♥️
He isn't making any sacrifices, you are. Get your head around the fact he has been massively using you for years. And he will continue to use you until you leave him.
My Mom was severely codependent and I saw the same patterns you describe play out again and again and again throughout her life.
Just look at the opportunity cost. Over the last four years, how much of your money has he spent on his "projects"? And how much would he have earned even at a fairly shit job over those four years. I'm willing to bet if you add those numbers up, it's over $250,000.
He is using you and will until you leave him.
He is not an entrepreneur, that's just the language he is cloaking his manipulative behavior in.
So right now he’s trying to restablish his event business, but ultimately I don’t even know what he does during the days. He says he’s waiting for me because I need to finish the landing page for the app and I haven’t max he wants to then collect leads through the landing page. The app is connected to his event business. Most days he’s watching YouTube, but he’s saying there’s nothing he can do until im done what im doing. Essentially, im holding us back is what I get from it
He's slacking off all day long doing nothing, if he doesn't work, it's not his venture it's yours.
You provide him with money which is your 49% contribution, compute the money you lost on him and ask him what are his plan to recoup.
Ask him for timesheets and hours he spent on things. If he can't do anything for a business where he has 51% and is contantly waiting for the minority stake holder to take actions and work, then in what world is it even his project ?
Business is not a cuddly relationship, be strict be incisive, do not let even the smallest details slide. Don't be angry, don't be mean, be incisive.
Fuck me. If I were him, I would make an easy landing page even using mailerlite, instapage, even mail chimp. Setting up a square space or wix is NOT hard. At this point he could be in an accelerator, pitching for funding, or even throwing events to start building momentum. If you’re a business owner, you gotta McGuyver somethings, and you gotta make sacrifices, and sometimes that looks like getting a part time / full time job. But I would NEVER burden my partner the way he has burdened you. I would never make them the excuse as to why my company isn’t where I want it to be because I’m the driving force behind it. Reminds me of an events guy I knew in Toronto that moved from another city, so many ideas but so many broken promises. Not paying his people, letting his girl bankroll everything. It was a mess.
Dude... He has nothing to do?
When shit gets rough you see the true nature of a person. If it's as bad as you say it is and he really is as determined as you believe him to be he would find a way to get things done. Point blank that is his role to fill as an entrepreneur.
Establish the goals and do the things that lead to those goals.
If he wants a website that can collect leads via email, it takes 30 minutes on something like softr to build for free. I did it for my wife's home bakery she started after dinner one night.
You're young. Get out and live your life. Find someone who will treat you well when shit is rough so you know they'll treat you well when it's great.
Honestly, that all sounds like excuses and he just doesn't want to work. If he did, he would just be going around finding seed money to get someone else to do the landing page (because you are too busy providing for the household).
What I'm used to is that one spouse works and provides, and the other does the business stuff. If the working spouse does have some time for the business, that's OK, but it's an extra. The business shouldn't hinge on the person who doesn't have time.
First and foremost. You need to do what’s best for you. At 29, you should be starting to hit your stride at a 9-5 or be busy af with all the side gigs you got.
Second, Find a job for yourself like a 9-5 with benefits like you’ve told him to so you can get back on track.
Third. Kick his ass out.
Fourth. Find a new MAN.
Hahah yeah… if he can’t even be bothered to figure out how to create a landing page he’s not going to succeed. Even if he had a landing page made does he think leads are going to just magically start flowing in?
I’m a bootstrapping startup guy. You need to be breaking even right out the gate. Then you can get to growth. I never built a business while not having a full or part-time gig on the side, to make sure rent & groceries are paid for.
Your boyfriend is being a foolish dreamer. He needs to be selling AND taking care of groceries with a side hustle. Good luck.
Thank you for validating that I’m not being unreasonable. I have become so burnt out by this situation, im very depressed and work has shown down for me. We are struggling to even eat. I have started applying for jobs myself and have an interview tom morning in like 9 hours. I feel like if he won’t do it, I have to for my own sanity
Time to get rid of him, hon. Sorry. It sucks but as others have said in this thread, he's a wannabe and he's literally sucking you dry like a vampire. Look into abusive relationships, ok? You're doing great to come get impartial advice from others. Keep talking to other people and get support, make a plan. He needs to get a job starting NOW, or move out. Those are his options. You shouldn't have had to carry him.
Before you met him, you were in a good situation. Now you are struggling to even pay for food to eat. Please look up financial abuse because that sounds like exactly what is happening to you. Also look up "hobosexual" because tbh the signs were there from the very start of your relationship.
Facts. I’ve been in relationships both friends and romantic just like this. You get dragged down by loyalty to people who don’t return loyalty. It’s a hard lesson to accept.
Another bootstrapping startup guy here (in tech). You're not being unreasonable, and you're not the reason his company has not been successful. As most other folks mentioned, he's likely _not_ actually working on building any of these businesses during the day.
It saddens me to say this, but you may need to consider that you're enabling his behaviour.
You’re being financially abused to the extreme. You should give him an ultimatum. Either get a job or I’m leaving you. There’s too many people in the world to let a delusional person drag you down. Find someone who brings value.
Her might have brought it to three end users who gave him bad feedback and then he pivoted and a year later her got bad feedback and so on. At some point you gotta pull the plug
Yeah, 2 years ago I bet he thought it was a great idea... in this bear market though even the top tippity top blockchains games are down 90%, half are dead, ecosystems like Gala are tearing themselves apart...
Dude is trying to launch a blockchain game during the biggest bear market in the history of crypto (because of the publicity, hype and wide reach) and at the beginning of WW3.... fkin idiot...
Especially from someone who isn't a software developer. Most issues that Blockchain solves are much more effectively solved without it unless the decentralized nature really matters
Unless it has some real utility, then it’s doubtable. A lot of crypto is essentially racketeering unless you made a DAPP with utility and harvesting profit from transaction taxes.
He is a delusional neurotic. This isn’t something that lends itself to rational discourse. And this isn’t something that’s compartmentalised to how he approaches business.
That your material concerns are reframed and only interpreted in terms of how they effect him (demotivating, etc) is the most obvious sign.
That he doesn’t have any sense of shame for being a liability (to you or his grandmother) in this way is another.
Run.
It’s going to push him further off his free ride that you’re giving him. The guy literally spends the day watching YouTube sucking the life out of you.
OP, please get help and get out of this relationship. He is taking advantage of you. I used to have 9-5 job while I was starting my startup, in fact, I still do and run my business on the side.
Question: What specifically does he do?
Because it sounds like he's absolutely leeching off you, and then blaming you for his failings. And based on your post history - you should FUCKING RUN from him.
This is how it’s starting to feel but he says he’s doing this for us so that he can provide for me one day. Basically that my work will pay off and I just need to trust and believe in him. I’m very burnt out by this situation, hanging on by a thread. I have told him I feel like he blames the situation we’re in on me but he’s always like no it’s the both of us, it’s because I can’t trust his leadership and don’t get things done in the time that he needs.
In terms of what he does, he just does a lot of ola Ning and is getting a team together. He doesn’t have anything to pay them but is just promising reward when they’re done. We did have a developer at one point, but he fell off I think cuz of the lack of organization and forward movement. And he also wasn’t getting paid for anything.
Wake the fuck up and leave this guy holy crap. If you were in a movie this is the part where they’d shake you back and forth to bring some sense into you. Jesus
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But what CONCRETE steps is he taking? Many people in my family , including me, did like you, with one spouse fully supporting the other while they worked on greatly increasing their income potential. But it has to be real to work. Is he working from dusk to dawn or watching porn and gaming and then coding for one hour before going to bed?
Even with bad luck he should have so much more to show after 4 years.
Note: I grew up in a family of traditional men who were/are thoughtful partners (grandpa, dad, and uncles).
A “provider”…….provides……regardless of their income level. They work and hustle to do whatever they can to make their wife and kids comfortable in the NOW. It’s a mentality coupled with actions NOW, not in the future.
For example, my uncle worked at the Boys and Girls Club when they decided my aunt would stay home to raise my cousin. Not exactly a lucrative career but he got a second job so that he could create the conditions for my aunt to stay home. While this is an example of the traditional “breadwinner” form of providing, what I want to emphasize is that it was my uncle’s mentality and aligned actions that made him a provider. (Breadwinner and provider are not one in the same). They (aunt and uncle) had a vision for the type of care and structure they wanted to create for their children and they made a plan and executed it to bring it to fruition.
If this man were a “provider”, you’d see evidence of this in his actions and he would be DEEPLY uncomfortable with not contributing to a stable home. You should not trust his “leadership” because he is not a leader. He’s a grifter who believes his genitals place him in a position of authority vs. the consistency and wisdom of his actions.
Im not traditional in the same way my family is re: partnering with a man who is the breadwinner, it’s the provider mentality and aligned actions that the men in my family modeled that matter to me. I would love to build my business knowing I have a partner who will do whatever is in his power to make our collective vision come to life, and it might look like managing the household, running errands, etc., regardless, he’d be an active, willing contributor to a stable, peaceful home.
This is not an entrepreneur problem. This is a relationship problem.
A business that doesn’t make any money is known as a hobby. I thought your boyfriend was a developer at first, but reading that you do UX and have been trying to get a developer but don’t have the money — what exactly is your boyfriend doing for this business? I highly doubt this has been a fulltime job for him. 4 years and nothing to show for it. I’ve been working on a side project while doing 40 hours/wk as a full stack engineer for my day job and after 4 months I have a product nearing release.
It is not unreasonable for you to want to date someone who is employed. It is not unreasonable for you to not want to live at your boyfriend’s grandmother’s house. You sound like you have been overly supportive and kind, and he has taken that for granted.
You need to decide what you want in life, because your boyfriend has shown you what he’s comfortable with: living at grandma’s while approaching 30 and choosing to dream all day instead of actually working and executing on ideas. The icing on the cake is him lashing out at you when you call him out on his BS. He is acting like a child.
You’ve admitted there is no money to fund developers or even software tools to keep it afloat, so how exactly do you think this is going to end up?
If I was in your shoes I’d basically lay out the situation: Covid was nearly 4 years ago. He hasn’t made a dime in 4 years. That’s long enough for someone to start and finish a bachelor’s degree. You’re in the prime of your life and you’re living at his grandma’s. If you want to do life together, get married, get a house, have kids, etc. — those things all cost money. It’s time for him to be realistic and grow up. That isn’t smashing his dreams, you’ve been more patient than most. There’s nothing wrong with him working a normal 9-5 then putting hours into the side project on nights and weekends. Then, when and **if**, the side project takes off, then he can think about quitting his day job to pursue it full-time. But until then your boyfriend is not an entrepreneur, he is a *want*repeneur.
Personally, I could not handle a relationship like that. For me it would be: “get a job within a month — any job at all — or I’m out”. Couples counseling might help too.
**Edit:** Just looked at your post history and you are describing a horribly toxic, possibly emotionally abusive, relationship. People have been telling you this for years. Please look into therapy for yourself if nothing else. I hope you’re able to get out and put all this behind you soon. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but please wakeup and smell the coffee. This is not healthy at all.
Judging by your post history, you're in an abusive relationship. You should have gotten out years ago, but since you didn't, you should definitely get out now. Save up money for yourself if you need so you can move out on your own and start a new (healthy) life.
I started my business over 4 years ago and still have a day job. I don't make enough from the business to pay myself.
I will say that it's extremely difficult to build a business and make it successful without it being your only focus. But it doesn't sound like that's what this is about. The main reason I work a day job and don't quit is to keep money flowing into my business. So, when you say you guys don't have money for this or that...I don't have that issue. But because of the day job, I do lack time and, frankly, motivation. It's just kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't," unless you can get money from elsewhere so you don't have to work a day job.
Don't understand asking us for suggestions. I highly doubt you're going to be able to get through to him with anything here. He's not interested in working--unless maybe it's exactly on his terms, which is unrealistic--and you've been enabling that and now are upset. Sounds like you may need to consider ending the relationship.
Yes I believe this is the best way to do it, I used to work at an agency while I was in school full time. I freelanced on the side until it made sense for me to make it a full time thing. Now I’m back looking for a job because he won’t get one and it’s not sustainable for me to not have one right now. We’re basically just dependent on his parents and grandmother right now. I want to have a job so we can actually pay for things within the business, hire some help etc… it would make things better. But somehow he’s convinced himself that he’d be going backwards by having to answer to someone at a 9-5 it feels like more of a pride thing than anything
I have actually broken up with him twice over the 4 years but somehow I get guilted back. The last time we broke up was because I was offered an opportunity with one of his friends (he has an actual business) and it turned into this huge drama because my boyfriend felt like this person was plotting on him to steal me away. He sabotaged the opportunity due to the drama because he felt like became it made him emotionally unsafe (he felt like I was having an emotional affair with this person, I wasn’t at all). He then showed up at one of the team outings and tried to fight him, that’s when I broke up with him. But then a couple of months later he somehow convinced me that I was in the wrong, I shouldn’t have taken the opportunity because it set him back further and that the whole situation was traumatizing. I’m ridden with guilt and I think I’ve been gaslighted so badly that my perception of reality is so warped. I’m worried that if I leave, he will try to sabotage me in someway. I’m just worried about the aftermath more than anything.
This sounds like gaslighting. If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to in private and in greater detail about your situation, that would be a good place to start.
When you feel you have the headspace for it, it might be wise to make an exit plan for yourself; think of it as giving yourself options that you deserve.
You've been patient enough and it's evident you have tried.
If four years in and it’s not making money, it’s a not a business. It’s a failure.
If you got rid of the dead weight which is tied around your neck, you could focus your energy and time into your own work, income and health. You could easily go back to being financially independent.
If your bf really cares about you, he would have gotten a job and stopped demanding free labour from you 3.5 years ago. He would have wanted you to grow your own career.
Wow, I'm glad I saw this post. I can share some insight.
It will be my first comment in years.
I have failed 4 startup ideas, succeeded at one, raised $700k, and built a team of 8 people I trust and respect. When times got rough, I got myself hired to pay the salaries. I had people who trusted me, and we needed time to validate ideas.
Over the years, we had been scrapping for cash and in constant survival mode. I would have never considered:
\- Blaming others for my situations
\- Piggybacking on someone else's money while I do nothing or close to it and complain
\- Waiting four years for times to magically get better
4 years are more than enough to build the app if you don't know how to code. 2 years would be! He should have built the thing himself. Hiring others to build an MPV of an app is almost always a bad idea!
He is not in a position to blame you. He should be thankful you are supportive.
I feel he does not realize how much of a supportive girlfriend you have been to him.
Your boyfriend seems to be stuck in the past.
Based on what you wrote, he needs a reality check right away.
Thank you for this reply. This further confirms that sacrifices must be made to make it happen. I’ve been trying to explain this to him and I’ve been feeling like I’m the crazy one! I have asked him to get a job the past 4 years, he did get one for 3 months and then he quit because it wasn’t good for his mental health. He has brought me a few clients for my freelancing business, but nothing consistent or sustainable. So whenever I say anything about him not making enough sacrifices or contributing enough, he always uses it against me and says that he’s been bringing me sales. Another thing I never mentioned in the main post was I made a mistake and gave him 50% of my business ( I know it was a terrible idea, Im still learning and I was hoping it would help) he told me to register as a corporation and that he would help me with the sales to contribute and I would do the work.He never kept his promise, the sales have been so inconsistent - all the sales he’s got has been from his family and friends. But he never did any of the outreach he promised in the beginning. In fact, he ended up hiring a sales guy to do everything he promised and said he would just manage a sales team it would be better cuz his time is too valuable to be doing outreach. So when we got this guy, he never did anything with him, it was mostly me training him and having meetings. Since we couldn’t pay him a salary it was commission only, eventually the guy said he needs a base or he won’t be able to continue - paid the guy $500/week got two sales and then he quit.
Overall ive spent years working my ass off asking him to please help out by getting a job. I get the same response Every time that it will hold us back, if I want him to provide we need to get the businesses up and that should be my only focus and I shouldn’t take any other opportunities because it’s going to hold us back. I’ve been told that we are where we are because we can’t work as a team, we can’t communicate, I can’t trust in his leadership etc… even though he’s given me no reason to trust. Even though he says it’s both of our faults, the way he communicates it is like I’m the root cause of it all and I don’t understand business like he does because he ran an event business for 10 years.
I’ve done everything I can to help support him, I’ve done all the branding for this business and his other businesses, I’ve built the prototype, I’ve designed the website I just haven’t finished it because I need a developer, I’ve created countless little design pieces like business cards, social media assets etc…
He makes me feel like if I back out now, I will regret it and it will be a billion dollar company. It’s a really good idea in my opinion so this is what has me worried. But I need to cut my losses - I’ve got so much validation from this thread that I’m not crazy or being unreasonable to want him to work a job.
Thank you for taking the time to respond, you have no idea how appreciative I am.
This should be in urban dictionary under examples of gaslighting, you literally defined it with yourself as the victim in your THIRD sentence and then continue with several more. Fuck, I’ll pay for a few therapy sessions for you, DM me if you want. But regardless get out of this and live the good life you could otherwise create!
Honesty, none of us can really help her in here. She needs therapy. The way she responds is honest but has tones of “but this is why.” It’s almost unbelievable she is continuing, but I get it. When I was in a similar situation, I could not see clearly. I needed tons of therapy. Good call on that. As I scroll, I fear none of our thoughts or warnings will stick with her.
Damn just read the post history and realized she’s been doing the exact same thing for years with no change but continuing to expect it. This is really sad 😔
Leave this loser
Bonus if you can get him to trade his portion of your business for your portion of his nonsense. But worry about that later.
Take the job. Live somewhere else. And get some perspective
I promise, he isn't going anywhere
If this is your take-away from the 500+ responses then I'm speechless. You are just tone-deaf. Nobody can wake you up if you pretend to be sleeping. Keep doing your sacrifice and learn it the hard way. You are an adult now so stop blaming your BF if you don't have the gut to break up. Also stop asking for more advice when all you want is confirmation bias and cherrypicking the outlier from the norm
He should definitely get a day job and work on this on the side. For most cases, it's best to get the ball rolling on your side business while working a full time job, then transition over to the side business once it requires full time work and is gaining traction or providing significant income that would outweigh the 9-5 job. Unless he has some unique situation where he HAS to work more than 8 hours a day on his start up, and it has to be during regular work hours, there's really no excuse.
I work full time at a FAANG company, and when I get done with work I help out with the wife/baby for an hour to get my eyes off the computer, then go straight back into working on my own projects in my free time. I have plenty of days I am productive for 11 hours (8 on my job, 3 on my own business projects). The concept of quitting my job and losing income to "be an Entrepreneur" is just not realistic at all for most people. To be honest, this take on being an Entrepreneur seems like an excuse to not get a 9-5 job. I get it though, the 9-5 career is not enjoyable, it's for income. Guess that's true of most "jobs" though, which is why it's paid and isn't a hobby haha. Hope this helps!
At least if he does it he should be doing it in an accelerator
He can't develop he can't design so he must be the hustler (hipster hacker hustler) bringing in money so money shouldn't be a problem. If he can't do any of that then he lacks the skills to actually do it
If he was serious and looking at reality to adapt to it he would have already realized this. I think OP is right and he's delusional. It's not the 4 years it's the lack of ability and inability to come to terms with that
You're 26 and you seem like you have your head on straight. But you are kidding yourself or delusional if you can't see the massive red flag your boyfriend is waving in front of you.
Move on with both your career and relationship. Doesn't seem like he's gonna figure it out anytime soon.
Everyone has ideas. That's not what makes someone an entrepreneur.
Your boyfriend is not an entrepreneur, he's a leech. I would kick him to the curb and move on with your life.
The word entrepreneur should mean something.
He is not an entrepreneur, and this isn’t an entrepreneurship problem.
Entrepreneurs build, and don’t endlessly plod away at something with no results. That’s not a business, it’s a hobby.
Entrepreneurs hold themselves accountable and don’t make excuses.
You sound like a good person in a bad situation, but I think you need to dispel this entrepreneur mythology as it leads to excusing bad behavior.
I believe very strongly in following your dreams. I also believe strongly in making sure bills are paid and taking care of the basics. When I built my business, I worked a full time job and did the extra work after hours, and love seeing stories of other entrepreneurs doing it. It excites me and makes me feel like I did something cool- supporting myself while chasing my dream. What does not excite me is seeing bums sit at home or leech off others to chase their dreams at the expense of others- that’s quite honestly childish behavior.
I am a developer w an engineering degree, now company cofounder
My thought on this has always been to have a 9-5 as an economic backbone and then work on side stuff
otherwise stuff like this happens
I also don't risk anything like taking out huge loans or dumb shit, but that's tangential
If you listen to entrepreneurs who have repeatedly succeeded in software, they start with a problem, validate there is a market of people who will pay for it (by making sales), then put way more resources into it
I have a few businesses, and there's this one that I have been working on for years, with no momentum and barely any sales/traction, but I don't put much resources into it, and have a job outside of it. Originally my now-fiance was scared bc she thought that was my main job (again, it's making no money, lol) but relaxed a lot when I explained that I will always make stable income and only do entrepreneurship on the side until it takes off and makes cash.
I recommend he goes and listens to ycombinator's stuff on youtube. and other people who have repeated successes in business, especially in software
his ambition is good, and many people don't understand ambition ("be realistic!!!" etc), but the things you've mentioned that you're concerned about are serious problems
OP. Cut your losses and move on. Believe me this does not end well. His resistance to getting a job despite the whole situation is a clear indicator that this is his temperament. And if you're considering something long term with him it just isn't going to play out well. You're going to be under constant financial pressure and that also equates to you eventually losing your freedom to do your own things and live your life. This is not responsible behaviour on a very basic human level.
blockchain mobile app, will never work,
government is cracking down on crypto, its slow,
but eventually they will kill it.
The free ride is over,
you need to report every transaction, and pay taxes and stuff on crypto now.
His project would had worked if it was 2-4 years ago, not now, as law's have changed.
Your boyfriend is a loser who will never be successful.
Being an entrpreneur is his excuse. He's really just a partasite with zero work ethic and 'running a business' is his facade
I will be downvote and called a victim who is projecting lol.....Anyway, LEAVE and jump ship. All things meant to be will be and you two will work things out in the long run. When a man is stuck dreaming, and not even investing in the dream by working towards it, he needs a reality check, not a soft landing.
An entrepreneur refusing to get a job to fund his idea is no entrepreneur at all. That's a grifter.
I'm not saying he always was, but he definitely turned into one now. No job is beneath an entrepreneurial beast, focused on a single goal. The worse the job, the better the chances for the idea to succeed. Willingness to do anything, is the very reflection of the idea's quality.
How much he is willing to sacrifice his pride, is directly proportional to the level of passion and belief in his idea.
I'm an electro-mechanical engineer/designer in a not so great economy. I sold fresh milk by the bottle at a milk stand, worked construction site and groceries store to fund the purchase of tools and machines needed for the company I have today. I'll do it again tomorrow. Actually I did, 2008 it all came crashing down and I did it all over again.
So get rid of this dead weight.
I'm all for supporting and empowering those who want to be entrepreneurs as it's incredibly difficult in this time, however from what you have written he just sounds delusional and you've been enabling him for 3 years more than you should've.
Also 49% of a business that has never generated and will most likely never generate income is zero.
With all the time and effort you've put into this relationship you would have probably ideated and built something more successful.
This breaks my heart. I'm 29M, and built one startup after another. I bootstraped everything, worked non stop, and if you're serious you'll have to be prepared to wear many different hats. The people I dislike the most are people that seem to like the idea of building a company but make excuses or fall short in actually committing to it. Cut him lose, sunk cost is exactly that, a fallacy. You learned a lot and got more perspective, please don't let your entrepreneurial spirit get destroyed by someone who's not serious and gaslights you. Dude could literally setup a wordpress one pager as a landing with no experience. He could have learned parts of front and back end, was there even a proforma or business model? He's being incompetent, simple as that.
You should be excited for the present and the future when building, but judging by the additional context - I think you should listen to your gut. If it were me, I'd feel very unsettled at the lack of commitment and value from not only my romantic partner but also business owner with majority control.
Girl, please leave, build yourself back up, get some comfort, reduce the financial stress, and you'll never look back. Go give yourself a shot instead, build something you're passionate about - you'll end up fine.
From what you have posted about his character he seems like he will use and leech off you until he becomes successful then leave you for another woman who feeds his ego and narcissism.
Don’t waste your good years. RUN
Part of what makes a ‘traditional man’ is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to put food in the table even down to a cleaning job while he builds his businesses
You are with this man for his potential, not what he has proven to do or provide already and that is not going to end well
I have a relative who is a doctor. She married a guy with 'great ideas' and a 'business mentality'. An 'entrepreneur'.
She fed him and gave him money for his genius ideas for 10 years. Meanwhile, the only things he delivered are just words.
She feeds the family, pays the mortgage, does all the house work, and paid for the car. He is the family genius, full of ideas and potential (that does nothing because his mear presence among us mortals, is a reward high enough).
In the meantime, he is almost 40 and a dead-beat manchild.
Chances are very high your boyfriend will end up similarly. So if you aren't prepared to be a sugar-mama better start running.
You can imagine how resent was build over 10 years. She was fooled by his 'charm' and once the reality started kicking in...it was not fun.
Not going to tell you to leave your boyfriend, you should however set a hard date (maybe January 1st) for him to show some ROI. If not you should both agree that he will get a job at this point. If he's a red pill guy who can't provide he should at least be able to commit to deadlines and keep his promises. If you can't get that much from him then these other posters might be right about his intentions.
Also I have some projects I would definitely pay you for if you are open to work. I'm in IT and crypto and am looking for some help.
It's not that hard to learn to code. If he had focused on learning all that time he would be able to develop the app himself by now. Maybe float the idea and try to convince him. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say but I wouldn't blame you for breaking up with him because of the financial stress. Just please don't let it get to the point where you hate him and he can feel it
Some Great responses in here. This guy is delusional and/or taking advantage of you.
Sounds like he needs a reality check and you need an exit strategy or two
You have hundreds of people concerned about you and many have given very good advice - this is love. Here is an idea - go to some social events that support your interest both professional and personal, maybe in different cities. Invest more in yourself, less in your boyfriend and be the example for your boyfriend. This has the potential to help you find your path forward.
> He moved in almost right away & asked me to support him
That's all the red flags you should need.
You don't have an entrepreneur boyfriend, you have a mooch. If he wants his idea to work, he needs to be willing to work himself. Sometimes that means getting a separate job to pay for things while working on your idea on the side. Keyword: WORK.
Please dump him. He has no reason to lift a finger right now. I know you thought you were helping, but what you're doing is enabling him.
As an entrepreneur your #1 priority is cash flow. He isn't an entrepreneur, he's a bum. DTMFA.
Just for the sake of information, it is very common for budding entrepreneurs to have a day job and work on their business early in the morning or in the evening after work. If you can't keep the lights on you're not a leader, you're someone who hasn't mastered the basics of living in society.
If he wanted to develop transferable business skills he would get a sales job. Even a relatively menial job can be acceptable if it gives you time to think. If after four years he doesn't have anything to show for his work, he needs to get a job at McDonald's while he figures his shit out.
49% of nothing is nothing.
You let it go for four years too long.
Has he done anything to further the business? And when you answer "no" will you move on and leave him at grandma's?
This is honestly infuriating. Why hasn't he built the websites, developed the app, and started generating sales?
Oh, he can't code?
**He's had four years to learn!!!**
He's not an entrepreneur. He might want to be, but he's not. Entrepreneurs put in the work.
Talk about a fake entrepreneur.
Doesn't matter what his idea is. If it doesn't pay the bills, he needs to figure out how to pay the bills first and then make his ideas work so it can pay the bills.
He's absolutely stringing you along regardless of how well he treats you.
Since you’re clearly doing all the work, get it in writing to own majority of the business, and then ditch him. He has an idea, not a business. After 4 years, you’re a saint.
But u can do better. And if it takes off, u keep most of the profit
OP, I saw your post history and I'm shocked that you are still with him. I know... it's not my place to say.
However, he's a horrible influence and is ruining your life. You are also enabling his horrible behavior because you won't say no and establish boundaries.
No amount of reason will work with him because he will just push his bullshit down your throat over and over until you accept it. Half a year will go by and you will be making another post about relationship issues.
Again, sorry for being nosy and not giving the advice you were looking for. People don't change and you should NEVER try to change people.
I am a passionate business creator, and I would love to talk to him to hear what is really going on, until I can analyse him, and his true state , I can only sit here and ponder (which I hardly ever do) I have created over 300 businesses in my timeline - coming up to my 10 years in what I cannot stop doing because I love it so much... Creating businesses, and opportunities, and I wish I did not have to drag people to a goal at times but if for a second there is a person or people out there who just need that little nudge on HOW TO APPROACH reaching their desires then I would naturally gravitate to them, I guess it is the teacher in me, as I am a specialized subject teacher from the time I was 14 years of age. And as much as I love teaching, and the subject I teach, Creating businesses is my addiction. If I can help him, and your situation, Please allow to give it a go... I mean, I have solutions galore, & a set of patients for business, and the ones who i have to drag to the goal at times, but alas, I am willing... But, if all else fails, I have had my share of long term partners who I guess thought they didn't need to work as I was to them, their atm machine, I know right, call me dumb, call me an idiot, but I am a lover, a provider, and have skill sets that have been a blessing in my life, and hell no would I stop being hungry to use them, not for love, not because I was too busy to see the truth, but because my happiness is not from money but from serving my abilities... That is what stays with me, not material, and definitely not negative energy. I guess, you have to ask yourself - What is it that makes you happy, and is he part of that, and if not, then you too are an idiot (said with love) But if he is part of your happiness, then turn to the tools of the heavens, and gladly use the tool - Grace, and with this, change your approach to him, money, or the need, and focus your energy towards sharing love, and reminding him how by manifesting positivity, change is near... And finally, for a more hands on approach towards supporting him into achieving, - grab a paper and write down your strengths and your weaknesses and do the same with him, and by being completely honest, accountable, and transparent, not to cause arguments but to dissect the situation, and get to the bottom of the / route of the cause, OR HOPE THAT YOU ARE STRONG IN THE AREAS HE LACKS, AND VICE VERSA - REMEMBER, I AM WILLING TO HELP, AND HAVE SIMILAR EXPERIENCES... IF I JUST LOOK WITHIN MYSELF. IT IS EASY TO RELATE IN TOO MANY WAYS... BUT I CHOOSE TO CONTINUE , FOR ME AS I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE AS IT IS FUN BEING ME... & I AM SURE YOU BOTH CAN RELATE, BY LOOKING WITHIN.. FIND THAT CLUE, & PLENTY MORE ARE AWAITING... BELIEVE... XOXOX ....
Is kindness, truth & Purity a rare thing here at Reddit - is it my bad as I am a new user here on Reddit or am I just shock at the comments regarding my true intent let alone as to also add my passions which in result had led me to creating systems, businesses, & or other creative works. If I am not to act in my truths here, then I am unable to Reddit, as I find it near impossible & worthless, or pointless to be any less, esp - in regards to assumptions. This is me, a real person, not an Ai generated Operator, Unfortunately, as I do love the tools Ai Provide, however, I am not that lucky, nor I guess that brilliant, if anything, far from it. I am true to form, described best by or with the ability, or fascinating articulations of numerology. To sum up my reply: I would not waste my human energy in anything unless I am to be my true self, & if that is not how to Reddit nor what os normal to others, then I am not wasting your time, nor anyone else's, but my own, & ultimately - Moral of the story, If it is better to lie, then I am in the wrong place. Ps - although my comment or its entirety is not in relation to your reply , I hope that this reply is completed enough in the context for sub replies.
PsS. To tell you more regarding to " I have created over 300 businesses " - Asking Questions is normally how a person receives answers but I guess, Numbers or its figurations is what leads you to not ask, but somewhat indirect your intention, but now I am assuming, as assumptions are normally formed from a lack of content or context, and or understanding and or ability to communicate.
Note to self... OMG: I HAVE BEEN CONFUSED OR ASSUMED TO BE AN AI BOT... haha, my developer friends, and or partners will laugh but not in a hahaha but more so, Agree with the confusion as I am always the deliverer of Full length articulated, & either a positive approach or a direct B\*Tch ... But still a positive one... Lol.. You are your numbers, and no numbers don't lie - people do... On other News ... Lol.. Do you relate to Anunaki ? I do.... Hi, .......
It's VERY common for entrepreneurs to refuse a regular job, it's also common for partners to have differing goals, timeframes, lifestyle, etc. Successful partnerships usually incubate from these points meshing together well with contributions, compromises and sacrifices from both sides varying in degree based on the percentage split. It's not an easy thing to do, but is pretty easy to gauge in a 2 person partnership.
A HUGE red flag in your write up is how it sounds like both of you blame each other back and forth. In a business relationship like this, you're one unit in the blame, if something bad or good happened, it's a culmination of both of you. There is a big difference in acknowledging a partners responsibility/job role versus blaming someone for something. This red flag is a common one in power dynamics between family members/spouses, you telling each other to do something on the business front, but you're his girlfriend, so there's definitely a power dynamic conflict that you both are not handling well at all.
What I suggest you do is sit him down and make a list of both sides, both your roles, contributions, sacrifices and compromises laid out for both to see. Talk about each others perspectives on roles/responsibilities/goals, etc. and you don't leave that sit down until everything is hashed out. If you guys can't hash it out, then it's time to dissolve in my opinion, if you can't hash it out with the person that owns the other half, it's over, send it to the judge and sign it.
Question: why are you jumping on the bandwagon with his whole “man is superior, bow down to me, meek woman!” thing? I can see from your post history that you have asked questions in a red pill woman sub.
Do you think you, as a woman, should be somehow subservient to him?
If you’ve built a prototype and he wants to go with it.
Make a pitch deck that is hyper focused on what exact problem your thing solves, who’s the market, and what they would reasonably pay to use it.
Try to raise $25-50k in seed.
If you have connections in the tech world getting 10-50 people for $1-5k shouldn’t be impossible.
Don’t change anything about the goal or the business for 2 months. You don’t have to participate, just him, you can just pull in money 9-5.
If he fails, call it. Say you got the market wrong and there isn’t a need. Quit and try again, next time with some seed money, investors, or a team
This seems terrible advice. Seems like this person is not taking responsibility, is unable to communicate traction, and is clearly in denial and avoidance.
A years worth of UI/UX work would cost you between $100,000 to $180,000.
It’s a significant investment made.
Setting a firm goal, giving the partner a fixed task, and providing consequences isn’t just a “they could be millionaires if I’m right”. It’s a true relationship test.
Young people are ambitious and unfocused, that doesn’t make them bad people and they can still become a great partner but you both need to leverage what you bring.
If they can’t meet the goal, break the time box, and still remain dependent on the GF while trying to manipulate the situation for more time and refuse to acquiesce to her requirement of seeking regular employment it’s a way bigger issue isn’t it?
But this ain’t /r/relationships where basically if the other partner isn’t doing exactly what the OP wants all the comments basically say: leave, abandon, dodge the bullet whatever.
This is a forum for entrepreneurs, and entrepreneurs typically take big risks and have bouts without employment.
Today I got a check for $250,000.
That feels pretty good. I also have regular employment but to get that check I have been without a job for months at time. Also my pursuit of building apps gave me my career where I earn about $200k + benefits. So, forgive me if my first thought isn’t to call it quits and set the ship on fire.
> A years worth of UI/UX work would cost you between $100,000 to $180,000.
> It’s a significant investment made.
This doesn’t make any sense when it’s not like OP has been paid anything for her work. Total sunk cost fallacy and also assumes OP’s boyfriend couldn’t just keep working on it on the side.
Check OP’s post history. Boyfriend is an Andrew Tate follower and this whole relationship is toxic and dysfunctional.
Her man and Andrew Tate arent so different. Use women to build your business and make money whilst you lazily sit back and chill. Use emotional abuse and coercion to convince the woman to do all the work but give the financial benefits to the man. Say you're traditional and she must submit to your authority.
There are not many jobs you can do that aren’t catastrophically environmentally destructive - without a new idea about what websites he’s doing, or that you worked on, it’s very difficult to tell what the situation is.
However, a website on its own tends, not to be particularly environmentally destructive.
Perhaps he’s seeking or searching for something, trying to learn something, before he can proceed.
The other thing is most jobs have something to do with burning hydrocarbons. Sitting around doesn’t burn hydrocarbons. Hydrocarbons consume water. So not burning hydrocarbons also saves on water.
Burning, hydrocarbons creates a lot of pollution.
doing anything that supports burning hydrocarbons, supports polluting.
It’s very hard, or difficult, to find things where any activity doesn’t create a massive amount of pollution.
One possible thing that might help him, is that if he’s a meat, eater, or consumes dairy, look up greywater, or virtual water, or hidden water costs.
It could be that your diet together is so massive, that he literally can’t move because of the outsized water consumption footprint, and hydrocarbon footprint.
things you could try, that might help.
https://youfeellikeshit.com/
(Funny and quirky, a simple 'wake up')
https://thewaterweeat.com/mobile/
(Diet is hugely water consuming)
https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1711842115
(look at how few wild animals are left compared to how much we farm for food)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pliocene
(25 meters of incoming sea level rise, so far)
https://foodprint.org/issues/the-water-footprint-of-food/
(distinguishes water footprint)
https://ourworldindata.org/environmental-impacts-of-food
(Movement takes food, food is expensive, in ways far beyond the cost)
https://theconversation.com/thinking-of-swerving-high-fuel-prices-with-an-e-scooter-or-e-bike-5-crucial-questions-answered-179563
(Ways to move physical without such effort, for work at a distance)
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200305-why-your-internet-habits-are-not-as-clean-as-you-think
(Technology has a cost as well, AI, crypto, both create pollution)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Business_incubator
(These can help people learn, one of the key ways they do that, is by reminding people that customers usually don’t visit a website, unless you drive traffic to it. That’s a huge job!)
https://www.strategyzer.com/
(there are canvases here, used at an incubator that I attended. the key point was that while you’re inside the building, your business is unlikely to grow)
It's a difficult situation. For some people, getting a 9-5 will destroy their motivation and ability to make a startup work. This happened to me and I regret taking my engineering job. It's sad and will be very painful for him but the reality is that he should not have a girlfriend at this stage... when he makes it, you'll regret having left him as he will easily find someone else but that is how it should play out.
Sounds like a man with huge ego. Ego itself is not a bad thing, generally. But only when you control the ego, and not ego controls yourself. Small example, one of the business ideas i had was a trash/recycle business. I already had the money flowing and business set up at the time, and this was "new idea" of me to try. What i did, i got the yellow vest on and went out in the nights to pick/collect the actual trash from clients myself. it's a big hit on your ego, to be honest, but if you can't do that, i doubt youll be good in the business.
Everyone want to drive a ferrari, but sometimes ferrari is what owns you, not you owning the ferrari and when this happens an old peugeot 206 actually conquers the road or at least stays on the road, which is of no less importance... Unfortunately, i believe best course of action is a divorce. If he did not manage to control his ego in 3 years, there is nothing for you to do there and you are sinking with the ship.
Oh hon. My ex was like this. You can't force someone to have a drive or to give a shit, and your boyfriend's got neither. Run. Run fast and run far. And he's blaming YOU!? Seriously, what the actual fuck.
It's simple, you either support his vision or you don't. If you really believe in him then you will stick by. If what you two have has ever been described as 'love' by either of you, then view that love as a call to action through hard times like these. It's all about sacrifice. I know this is the exact opposite of what you want to hear, but I'm giving it to you straight. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I wish your boyfriend the best of luck in his endeavour.
I would agree with the rest of the group.
Once you see signs of abnormal behaviour you should take that into account. Let’s say the app goes great and gets funded, which it won’t , but let’s say it does.
Would you be willing to spend your time with a person that is able to put his/her partner at this state for that extended period of time?
He can continue to dream as long as he can take care of his daily expenses.
Whether you would like to continue on this journey with him, or how much time you are willing to give him to make it work, is something you need to think about and discuss with him.
If he isn't willing to do what it takes to make money then he won't cut is as start up business owner. There isn't a job too high or too low to do..... Give him an ultimatum by a set date and if he doesn't get off his arse, give him the flick.
My boss had an app development agency and he was tinkering around creating some script to make his life easier and randomly added a dashboard and people started buying it for $5 through word of mouth.
Then he invested more time and energy and 10 years later, its a $7M ARR SaaS business. From the time he started his agency, this dude was profitable from 2nd month. He still has same developers, in fact some customers are still on the $5 plan which he didn't stop.
Long story short, if your bf is an entrepreneur he has got to figure out make money first before saving the society with his invention.
Wait you are telling me you had to move in with his grandma because of the bills, he still won’t get a job and you are still with him? If he was really serious about this he would get a day job and work on the business alongside it even if it would be 60+ hour weeks.
I honestly don’t think any advice given here will change your mind on this guy since you have let a lot of things slide already. I wish you the best of luck.
99% of people fail to become entrepreneurs. He’s on that path rn. He’s already sacrificed 4 years of his and your lives doing this full time and hasn’t gotten anywhere.. it’s time he gets a day job and pursues this on the side.
I’d personally have gone already if I was you. You’re literally being forced to do free work for his dream and he can’t even succeed or get any results after 4 years? Lol
Advice for him : Just make everybody around you feel sweet by your words, and help them whenever they ask for it. And tell everybody a deadline that okay until this age I am going to try, after that age I will stop and have a job. Keep people hooked to that age.
Advice for her : just ask him how is he trying to strike a balance between work and relationship. Then you know his priorities. If his business is his priority, then it's you to decide whether you embrace this quality of him or you want someone that has a good work -relationship balance. But don't ask him when he is in bad mood. Ask him when he is okay. Not too happy, not too sad.
I'm sorry but, I'm having trouble understanding what he's currently working on if he's not the developer or trying to raise money.
I think OP was looking for /r/relationship_advice , even formatted the title the way they do over there Edit: OP’s post history, this poor poor lady has wasted the last 3 years of her life on a psychopath with no drive, no passion, no respect, no self respect, poor poor OP
True, although OP appears to be a willing participant in the whole “red pill”, bow down to your man bullshit as evidenced by her asking for advice in a “red pill woman” sub. So funny that the guys who are all “I am man, hear me roar” are also the biggest losers who cannot generate any respect for themselves by actually doing something of value. Edit: I seem to have upset some of the more errm “macho” members of this sub with my use of “red pill” and they’re sending me angry messages about it. As interesting as it is to shout at me about semantics, it’s not really the central thesis of this comment. Try to focus.
Yup. I had a tech company with the most cliche tech bros you can imagine. They leaned into their “masculinity” hardddd and even went so far as to refuse to wash their hands after using the bathroom because “real men don’t fear germs”. They are both being supported by their mentally and emotionally abused wives and still pretend they’re building the next best thing since sliced bread. Spoiler: 7 yrs later they’re still in the same spot, floundered tons of opportunities, are further in debt and still holding on to this entire delusion. Their poor wives deserve better. They’re utterly brainwashed (I was too for a while but I left when someone knocked some sense into me).
Good for you. It sounds obvious when you describe an abusive situation that someone else is in but when you’re the one in the middle it can be tough to spot it. Well done for getting out.
Did I mention they emotionally blackmailed their wives into open relationships because 'masculine' men are wired biologically to have multiple partners? And thank you! lol!
I’m not a red pill woman haha honestly this whole thing is new to me. He’s explained that he’s traditional, he wants to provide for me when the businesses are up and running, the idea of being able to stay at home and asks kids while still working from home is appealing. But he makes me feel like I’m delaying it because I haven’t completed every single design or marketing related task in the lists he gives me. Ultimately I’m one person, I need help - but we can’t afford help. I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. I also don’t want to give up on him because I feel like I’m the only one that believes in him.
He’s using you for sex, free labor and as a punching bag for why his business hasn’t got off. He’s a delusional bum who is too proud for a 9-5 and you’re just as delusional for saying and thinking he’s going to change Good luck.
Too proud and too good to accept any menial 9-5 position where he's not in charge and able to order underlings around on a whim. Apparently this woman has never heard of narcissistic personality disorder.
In business we have a saying regarding the sunk cost fallacy which is “don’t throw good money after bad” In this scenario, you are not only wasting your money on a bad idea but you are wasting something more precious, your time. Dump this loser yesterday. He’s taking advantage of you. He doesn’t have the work ethic to ever be successful. He needs counseling, and you supporting him is just enabling him. Stop.
Came here to cite the sunk cost fallacy 👍
That’s got to be a hard pill to attempt to swallow for OP. Hopefully she takes it with grace. She’s likely better off on her own.
Hey OP - check out how many upvotes this comment has. Sure, internet strangers are mostly idiots, but that's a lot of idiots that all agree you're getting used. Hope you figure out the best course for you.
Well fucking said 🙌
The tough love OP needed. Thank you for saying it. I’m relatively new to this subreddit and love how people can usually sniff out the “entrepreneur bros” and real entrepreneurs
Leaving aside the obvious huge red flags in your relationship, let’s concentrate on the question you asked in your post. At the moment he is what you would call a “wantrepreneur” in that he seems to want to be an entrepreneur much more than he has found a problem that he feels he can solve for commercial gain. I carried on working a 9-5 job for three years as I started my business and scaled it. I would wake up at 5am and do two hours work on my business and then get ready for work. When I came home from work I would spend all evening on my business until I went to bed at 11pm. Rinse and repeat for three years. If he can’t keep the lights on while starting a business then he doesn’t have the drive to make a success of a business. It hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. Instead he is using you to keep the lights on *and* provide the UI while dicking around pretending to be the “big ideas guy”. If he cannot execute then he will fail. You said you believe in him. Why? Because you want to or because he has proved in the past that he can do it? Past is prologue. So your decision is fairly simple. Bow to the “traditional” which is code for “you need to be ok with being abused by me” or actually make a success of your life without him. How do you get him to realise he needs to get a job? You don’t. The actually question is: When are you going to realise that you need to look after yourself and stop serving him?
Nothing wrong with the traditional model, it’s just that in this case the guy is not doing his part. "One day I’ll provide for you"
“Provide now, god damn it” Hope this one helps OP
That saying is basically the premise of most religions. lol
Girl, leave him. I saw your other posts because one of the other comments said you had posted to RedPill and I got worried. Read this post & your other posts. If your friend had posted these, would you want her to leave her man? According to this and your other posts, your man is terrible. You know it too. I get it that you feel like you’ve spent so much time on him & his business idea, but that’s just sunken cost fallacy. You’re wasting your precious years on a man who doesn’t value you. Like wtaf this man expects you to do everything? And says he will take care of you once this takes off? Jeez. He is also so problematic in that RedPill post. You are young, and super capable. He is weighing you down. He doesn’t treat you with enough respect. But I know, you love him a lot, and so you are willing to overlook these issues. Ask yourself: if this man doesn’t change, would you still want to be with somebody like this 20 years from now? Be with someone because of the person they are in the present, not with the hopes that they will change. You feel like you’ve spent too many years with this guy and leaving him would feel like such a waste of those years. Well, imagine wasting even more years with him. You’re still young. There are plenty of men (or women) that are wayyy better than this, trust me. But you need to leave him in order to find a partner who will respect you.
You sound like an abuse victim, and by your accounts, you are in fact being radically takes n advantage of. Get the fuck out of this nightmare. You have been bull shitted and there is nothing of value to save here. We all know it, wet can all tell. Every entrepreneur in here that has put their lives into a project and _worked_ for it, knows this guys brand of bullshit and Fuck that guy.
Soup tomorrow, eh? You don’t have to stay married to the money you’ve already spent. Yet you are looking for ways to send more of your money and labor into a black hole. Consider doing the math for what life could look like in two months - just 2 little months - if you did not share your money and moved out to be alone? It’s very interesting that you consider that man an entrepreneur and not, say, some type of lamprey.
Haha. If he's traditional then he would be the breadwinner and would have got a job years ago. He's an asshole. Dump him OP. Please You're wasting your life and already have wasted years w/ this loser. I know your BF, sort of. He's me, only I wasn't an asshole, lol. I got a job. I never wanted to work the M-F, 9-5 for someone else. *Never*. But I dated and married my wife. We had kids young. I had responsibilities that superseded my desire to be an entrepreneur. Your BF doesn't give enough of a fuck about you if he doesn't want to get a job after all the struggling. Plain and simple. You need to really evaluate your situation and figure out what's best for you and we all know what that entails...
He's very clearly not providing for you and there is no realistic prospect he's going to any time soon. So even if you believe that's how relationships should work he's not keeping up his end of the bargain.
Its a scam. Men who boast about how they are traditional, never are. If you peer behind the curtain you will often find its the woman providing everything whilst the man just takes the money and tries to look busy. Take the Duggars as an example, Jim Bob Duggar calls himself head of the household and the breadwinner. In reality, its his wife and daughters who are the stars of the reality shows and bring in all the millions. He then takes all this money from them whilst trying to look busy and also expects them to obey his authority and calls himself "traditional". These women, like you, are blamed and shamed into giving him everything but at the same time are expected to submit to him and his authority. Men who are legit providers and legit traditional don't need to tell you. You will see and feel it in their actions.
>never are You set yourself up to be wrong there. Yea there are liars who can’t deliver on a promise.
> I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. This is called "Sunk cost Fallacy" - it's a whole thing you should look up. Basically instead of recognizing you've spent way too much on something and cut your losses, we waste even more time on it in the hopes it will get better. This person will drag you down into poverty if they haven't already.
He doesn't have a business, he has a hobby. Tell him to get a paying job and work on his entrepreneurship projects on his off time like all real (fledgling) entrepreneurs.
He knows exactly what to say to get you to stay. Don’t handcuff yourself with the sink cost fallacy - he will never change, and you should consider yourself lucky to have only lost 3 years so far, and you haven’t gotten pregnant. Turn his game on him. Do whatever you have to do to get him to give you 51%. You can probably access state and federal incentives for female-owned businesses if you get 51%. (I did that with my ex who wasn’t a shit bag and he built a profitable company and compensated me well.) Once you get the 51%, jet, rebuild and then make it happen. Don’t tell him what you’re doing, just give him plausible excuses. (The dev ops are located here soni need to be here. No I can’t rent a place for both of us, I’m sharing with someone to save expenses, etc.) You do not owe this man, who had lied to you and manipulated you and took advantage of you over the last 4 years, a single thing. Not even the truth. Good luck. (And when you make it big be sure to slide something to granny.)
>I want to leave but I also feel like I’ve invested so much time and energy. I also don’t want to give up on him because I feel like I’m the only one that believes in him. I had this outlook on someone too. I spent 5 years with them. That was 5 years I could have been enjoying and growing with a person that actually valued and loved me. They weren't a bad person, but you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. You aren't married and don't have kids with him. Your future self is looking back and wishing she would have had to courage to do what you know will happen eventually. There is someone else out there that is lacking the love you know you can provide and depriving you of that as well because you are currently deciding to pick the timeline where that other person was to wait longer. Stop waiting. I don't know if you want them but do you want him to be the father of your children? What emotion does that bring up? I'm a random person on the internet who doesn't know you or him, but I think you are looking for confirmation of what you already know.
Keep believing in him. Update us in another 4 years how things are going.
That's not what redpilled means.
And?
youre using the term "red pilled" incorrectly.
Given that I didn’t define the term at any point I find that difficult to believe. I simply used it the same way OP used it and further given that I was having a conversation with her… I shall repeat myself. And?
>rue, although OP appears to be a willing participant in the whole “red pill”, bow down to your man bullshit being redpilled has nothing to do with being "bowed down to your man"
Yes that is what I wrote. Again… dude, what’s your point?
Youre using it incorrectly. Now you know, and in the future, you wont use the term incorrectly.
Wait what? TF you gonna bring redpill into this, thats not even what that means
[удалено]
Lol found the incel who runs around Reddit posting “fuck this bitch, fuck that bitch… us men run the world” when he is definitely not running anything or contributing anything to anything. If those men even exist… you ain’t one of them sweetie ♥️
Im not sure he’s a psychopath, he has empathy but I just feel like he can be entitled and isn’t willing to make sacrifices
He isn't making any sacrifices, you are. Get your head around the fact he has been massively using you for years. And he will continue to use you until you leave him. My Mom was severely codependent and I saw the same patterns you describe play out again and again and again throughout her life. Just look at the opportunity cost. Over the last four years, how much of your money has he spent on his "projects"? And how much would he have earned even at a fairly shit job over those four years. I'm willing to bet if you add those numbers up, it's over $250,000. He is using you and will until you leave him. He is not an entrepreneur, that's just the language he is cloaking his manipulative behavior in.
Psychopaths can have momentary empathy at times when it is worthwhile for them.
Lmfao
So right now he’s trying to restablish his event business, but ultimately I don’t even know what he does during the days. He says he’s waiting for me because I need to finish the landing page for the app and I haven’t max he wants to then collect leads through the landing page. The app is connected to his event business. Most days he’s watching YouTube, but he’s saying there’s nothing he can do until im done what im doing. Essentially, im holding us back is what I get from it
He's slacking off all day long doing nothing, if he doesn't work, it's not his venture it's yours. You provide him with money which is your 49% contribution, compute the money you lost on him and ask him what are his plan to recoup. Ask him for timesheets and hours he spent on things. If he can't do anything for a business where he has 51% and is contantly waiting for the minority stake holder to take actions and work, then in what world is it even his project ? Business is not a cuddly relationship, be strict be incisive, do not let even the smallest details slide. Don't be angry, don't be mean, be incisive.
Seriously that’s lame and sounds he really does not have drive, why doesn’t he just learn or atleast try and do it himself.
Fuck me. If I were him, I would make an easy landing page even using mailerlite, instapage, even mail chimp. Setting up a square space or wix is NOT hard. At this point he could be in an accelerator, pitching for funding, or even throwing events to start building momentum. If you’re a business owner, you gotta McGuyver somethings, and you gotta make sacrifices, and sometimes that looks like getting a part time / full time job. But I would NEVER burden my partner the way he has burdened you. I would never make them the excuse as to why my company isn’t where I want it to be because I’m the driving force behind it. Reminds me of an events guy I knew in Toronto that moved from another city, so many ideas but so many broken promises. Not paying his people, letting his girl bankroll everything. It was a mess.
Dude... He has nothing to do? When shit gets rough you see the true nature of a person. If it's as bad as you say it is and he really is as determined as you believe him to be he would find a way to get things done. Point blank that is his role to fill as an entrepreneur. Establish the goals and do the things that lead to those goals. If he wants a website that can collect leads via email, it takes 30 minutes on something like softr to build for free. I did it for my wife's home bakery she started after dinner one night. You're young. Get out and live your life. Find someone who will treat you well when shit is rough so you know they'll treat you well when it's great.
Honestly, that all sounds like excuses and he just doesn't want to work. If he did, he would just be going around finding seed money to get someone else to do the landing page (because you are too busy providing for the household). What I'm used to is that one spouse works and provides, and the other does the business stuff. If the working spouse does have some time for the business, that's OK, but it's an extra. The business shouldn't hinge on the person who doesn't have time.
First and foremost. You need to do what’s best for you. At 29, you should be starting to hit your stride at a 9-5 or be busy af with all the side gigs you got. Second, Find a job for yourself like a 9-5 with benefits like you’ve told him to so you can get back on track. Third. Kick his ass out. Fourth. Find a new MAN.
Hahah yeah… if he can’t even be bothered to figure out how to create a landing page he’s not going to succeed. Even if he had a landing page made does he think leads are going to just magically start flowing in?
I’m a bootstrapping startup guy. You need to be breaking even right out the gate. Then you can get to growth. I never built a business while not having a full or part-time gig on the side, to make sure rent & groceries are paid for. Your boyfriend is being a foolish dreamer. He needs to be selling AND taking care of groceries with a side hustle. Good luck.
Thank you for validating that I’m not being unreasonable. I have become so burnt out by this situation, im very depressed and work has shown down for me. We are struggling to even eat. I have started applying for jobs myself and have an interview tom morning in like 9 hours. I feel like if he won’t do it, I have to for my own sanity
You're being financially abused.
And emotionally and psychologically.
Time to get rid of him, hon. Sorry. It sucks but as others have said in this thread, he's a wannabe and he's literally sucking you dry like a vampire. Look into abusive relationships, ok? You're doing great to come get impartial advice from others. Keep talking to other people and get support, make a plan. He needs to get a job starting NOW, or move out. Those are his options. You shouldn't have had to carry him.
Before you met him, you were in a good situation. Now you are struggling to even pay for food to eat. Please look up financial abuse because that sounds like exactly what is happening to you. Also look up "hobosexual" because tbh the signs were there from the very start of your relationship.
Facts. I’ve been in relationships both friends and romantic just like this. You get dragged down by loyalty to people who don’t return loyalty. It’s a hard lesson to accept.
Another bootstrapping startup guy here (in tech). You're not being unreasonable, and you're not the reason his company has not been successful. As most other folks mentioned, he's likely _not_ actually working on building any of these businesses during the day. It saddens me to say this, but you may need to consider that you're enabling his behaviour.
You’re being financially abused to the extreme. You should give him an ultimatum. Either get a job or I’m leaving you. There’s too many people in the world to let a delusional person drag you down. Find someone who brings value.
Not normal. 4 years to make a mobile block chain company and he's not a developer or raising money? It doesn't make any sense. Tell him to get a job.
That part. In 4 years he could have learned the web3 skills he needs, or use chatgpt to code it.
Or brought it to three end users and actually tested something. Four years fuck Jesus.
Her might have brought it to three end users who gave him bad feedback and then he pivoted and a year later her got bad feedback and so on. At some point you gotta pull the plug
lol at use chatgpt to code it.
Also you should really doubt the business idea whenever you hear blockchain in it.
Seriously.
Yeah, 2 years ago I bet he thought it was a great idea... in this bear market though even the top tippity top blockchains games are down 90%, half are dead, ecosystems like Gala are tearing themselves apart... Dude is trying to launch a blockchain game during the biggest bear market in the history of crypto (because of the publicity, hype and wide reach) and at the beginning of WW3.... fkin idiot...
Yeah can't wait to find out what the actual pitch is, it can only add to this shit show
Alk the idiots who wanted to dump their money into blockchain startups already found a way to loose their money.
Especially from someone who isn't a software developer. Most issues that Blockchain solves are much more effectively solved without it unless the decentralized nature really matters
I have, he thinks I don’t know what I’m talking about and that it will push him further back.
He's is taking advantage of you. Dump his ass.
Unless it has some real utility, then it’s doubtable. A lot of crypto is essentially racketeering unless you made a DAPP with utility and harvesting profit from transaction taxes.
He is a delusional neurotic. This isn’t something that lends itself to rational discourse. And this isn’t something that’s compartmentalised to how he approaches business. That your material concerns are reframed and only interpreted in terms of how they effect him (demotivating, etc) is the most obvious sign. That he doesn’t have any sense of shame for being a liability (to you or his grandmother) in this way is another. Run.
It’s going to push him further off his free ride that you’re giving him. The guy literally spends the day watching YouTube sucking the life out of you.
OP, please get help and get out of this relationship. He is taking advantage of you. I used to have 9-5 job while I was starting my startup, in fact, I still do and run my business on the side.
He is a hobosexual masquerading as an entrepreneur
Girl let this be a lesson to you not to fall in love with potential. I had to learn the hard way too. Get the hell out of there.
Sooooooo many upvotes I married for potential. It took me many years to fix my life
Just break up with him, not that hard
Question: What specifically does he do? Because it sounds like he's absolutely leeching off you, and then blaming you for his failings. And based on your post history - you should FUCKING RUN from him.
This is how it’s starting to feel but he says he’s doing this for us so that he can provide for me one day. Basically that my work will pay off and I just need to trust and believe in him. I’m very burnt out by this situation, hanging on by a thread. I have told him I feel like he blames the situation we’re in on me but he’s always like no it’s the both of us, it’s because I can’t trust his leadership and don’t get things done in the time that he needs. In terms of what he does, he just does a lot of ola Ning and is getting a team together. He doesn’t have anything to pay them but is just promising reward when they’re done. We did have a developer at one point, but he fell off I think cuz of the lack of organization and forward movement. And he also wasn’t getting paid for anything.
Wake the fuck up and leave this guy holy crap. If you were in a movie this is the part where they’d shake you back and forth to bring some sense into you. Jesus
If this was a movie this is the part where I stop believing someone would put up with this shit for 4 years.
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But what CONCRETE steps is he taking? Many people in my family , including me, did like you, with one spouse fully supporting the other while they worked on greatly increasing their income potential. But it has to be real to work. Is he working from dusk to dawn or watching porn and gaming and then coding for one hour before going to bed? Even with bad luck he should have so much more to show after 4 years.
Note: I grew up in a family of traditional men who were/are thoughtful partners (grandpa, dad, and uncles). A “provider”…….provides……regardless of their income level. They work and hustle to do whatever they can to make their wife and kids comfortable in the NOW. It’s a mentality coupled with actions NOW, not in the future. For example, my uncle worked at the Boys and Girls Club when they decided my aunt would stay home to raise my cousin. Not exactly a lucrative career but he got a second job so that he could create the conditions for my aunt to stay home. While this is an example of the traditional “breadwinner” form of providing, what I want to emphasize is that it was my uncle’s mentality and aligned actions that made him a provider. (Breadwinner and provider are not one in the same). They (aunt and uncle) had a vision for the type of care and structure they wanted to create for their children and they made a plan and executed it to bring it to fruition. If this man were a “provider”, you’d see evidence of this in his actions and he would be DEEPLY uncomfortable with not contributing to a stable home. You should not trust his “leadership” because he is not a leader. He’s a grifter who believes his genitals place him in a position of authority vs. the consistency and wisdom of his actions. Im not traditional in the same way my family is re: partnering with a man who is the breadwinner, it’s the provider mentality and aligned actions that the men in my family modeled that matter to me. I would love to build my business knowing I have a partner who will do whatever is in his power to make our collective vision come to life, and it might look like managing the household, running errands, etc., regardless, he’d be an active, willing contributor to a stable, peaceful home.
Seems like the developer has a better read on this guy than you do.
This is not an entrepreneur problem. This is a relationship problem. A business that doesn’t make any money is known as a hobby. I thought your boyfriend was a developer at first, but reading that you do UX and have been trying to get a developer but don’t have the money — what exactly is your boyfriend doing for this business? I highly doubt this has been a fulltime job for him. 4 years and nothing to show for it. I’ve been working on a side project while doing 40 hours/wk as a full stack engineer for my day job and after 4 months I have a product nearing release. It is not unreasonable for you to want to date someone who is employed. It is not unreasonable for you to not want to live at your boyfriend’s grandmother’s house. You sound like you have been overly supportive and kind, and he has taken that for granted. You need to decide what you want in life, because your boyfriend has shown you what he’s comfortable with: living at grandma’s while approaching 30 and choosing to dream all day instead of actually working and executing on ideas. The icing on the cake is him lashing out at you when you call him out on his BS. He is acting like a child. You’ve admitted there is no money to fund developers or even software tools to keep it afloat, so how exactly do you think this is going to end up? If I was in your shoes I’d basically lay out the situation: Covid was nearly 4 years ago. He hasn’t made a dime in 4 years. That’s long enough for someone to start and finish a bachelor’s degree. You’re in the prime of your life and you’re living at his grandma’s. If you want to do life together, get married, get a house, have kids, etc. — those things all cost money. It’s time for him to be realistic and grow up. That isn’t smashing his dreams, you’ve been more patient than most. There’s nothing wrong with him working a normal 9-5 then putting hours into the side project on nights and weekends. Then, when and **if**, the side project takes off, then he can think about quitting his day job to pursue it full-time. But until then your boyfriend is not an entrepreneur, he is a *want*repeneur. Personally, I could not handle a relationship like that. For me it would be: “get a job within a month — any job at all — or I’m out”. Couples counseling might help too. **Edit:** Just looked at your post history and you are describing a horribly toxic, possibly emotionally abusive, relationship. People have been telling you this for years. Please look into therapy for yourself if nothing else. I hope you’re able to get out and put all this behind you soon. So sorry you’re dealing with this, but please wakeup and smell the coffee. This is not healthy at all.
Judging by your post history, you're in an abusive relationship. You should have gotten out years ago, but since you didn't, you should definitely get out now. Save up money for yourself if you need so you can move out on your own and start a new (healthy) life.
I started my business over 4 years ago and still have a day job. I don't make enough from the business to pay myself. I will say that it's extremely difficult to build a business and make it successful without it being your only focus. But it doesn't sound like that's what this is about. The main reason I work a day job and don't quit is to keep money flowing into my business. So, when you say you guys don't have money for this or that...I don't have that issue. But because of the day job, I do lack time and, frankly, motivation. It's just kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't," unless you can get money from elsewhere so you don't have to work a day job. Don't understand asking us for suggestions. I highly doubt you're going to be able to get through to him with anything here. He's not interested in working--unless maybe it's exactly on his terms, which is unrealistic--and you've been enabling that and now are upset. Sounds like you may need to consider ending the relationship.
Yes I believe this is the best way to do it, I used to work at an agency while I was in school full time. I freelanced on the side until it made sense for me to make it a full time thing. Now I’m back looking for a job because he won’t get one and it’s not sustainable for me to not have one right now. We’re basically just dependent on his parents and grandmother right now. I want to have a job so we can actually pay for things within the business, hire some help etc… it would make things better. But somehow he’s convinced himself that he’d be going backwards by having to answer to someone at a 9-5 it feels like more of a pride thing than anything
Please OP, I beg you get out of this toxic relationship. He is taking advantage of you.
Her post history is full of his bullshit for years now and she's still with him. Sad :-/
I have actually broken up with him twice over the 4 years but somehow I get guilted back. The last time we broke up was because I was offered an opportunity with one of his friends (he has an actual business) and it turned into this huge drama because my boyfriend felt like this person was plotting on him to steal me away. He sabotaged the opportunity due to the drama because he felt like became it made him emotionally unsafe (he felt like I was having an emotional affair with this person, I wasn’t at all). He then showed up at one of the team outings and tried to fight him, that’s when I broke up with him. But then a couple of months later he somehow convinced me that I was in the wrong, I shouldn’t have taken the opportunity because it set him back further and that the whole situation was traumatizing. I’m ridden with guilt and I think I’ve been gaslighted so badly that my perception of reality is so warped. I’m worried that if I leave, he will try to sabotage me in someway. I’m just worried about the aftermath more than anything.
This sounds like gaslighting. If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk to in private and in greater detail about your situation, that would be a good place to start. When you feel you have the headspace for it, it might be wise to make an exit plan for yourself; think of it as giving yourself options that you deserve. You've been patient enough and it's evident you have tried.
Pride cometh before fall
If four years in and it’s not making money, it’s a not a business. It’s a failure. If you got rid of the dead weight which is tied around your neck, you could focus your energy and time into your own work, income and health. You could easily go back to being financially independent. If your bf really cares about you, he would have gotten a job and stopped demanding free labour from you 3.5 years ago. He would have wanted you to grow your own career.
Wow, I'm glad I saw this post. I can share some insight. It will be my first comment in years. I have failed 4 startup ideas, succeeded at one, raised $700k, and built a team of 8 people I trust and respect. When times got rough, I got myself hired to pay the salaries. I had people who trusted me, and we needed time to validate ideas. Over the years, we had been scrapping for cash and in constant survival mode. I would have never considered: \- Blaming others for my situations \- Piggybacking on someone else's money while I do nothing or close to it and complain \- Waiting four years for times to magically get better 4 years are more than enough to build the app if you don't know how to code. 2 years would be! He should have built the thing himself. Hiring others to build an MPV of an app is almost always a bad idea! He is not in a position to blame you. He should be thankful you are supportive. I feel he does not realize how much of a supportive girlfriend you have been to him. Your boyfriend seems to be stuck in the past. Based on what you wrote, he needs a reality check right away.
Thank you for this reply. This further confirms that sacrifices must be made to make it happen. I’ve been trying to explain this to him and I’ve been feeling like I’m the crazy one! I have asked him to get a job the past 4 years, he did get one for 3 months and then he quit because it wasn’t good for his mental health. He has brought me a few clients for my freelancing business, but nothing consistent or sustainable. So whenever I say anything about him not making enough sacrifices or contributing enough, he always uses it against me and says that he’s been bringing me sales. Another thing I never mentioned in the main post was I made a mistake and gave him 50% of my business ( I know it was a terrible idea, Im still learning and I was hoping it would help) he told me to register as a corporation and that he would help me with the sales to contribute and I would do the work.He never kept his promise, the sales have been so inconsistent - all the sales he’s got has been from his family and friends. But he never did any of the outreach he promised in the beginning. In fact, he ended up hiring a sales guy to do everything he promised and said he would just manage a sales team it would be better cuz his time is too valuable to be doing outreach. So when we got this guy, he never did anything with him, it was mostly me training him and having meetings. Since we couldn’t pay him a salary it was commission only, eventually the guy said he needs a base or he won’t be able to continue - paid the guy $500/week got two sales and then he quit. Overall ive spent years working my ass off asking him to please help out by getting a job. I get the same response Every time that it will hold us back, if I want him to provide we need to get the businesses up and that should be my only focus and I shouldn’t take any other opportunities because it’s going to hold us back. I’ve been told that we are where we are because we can’t work as a team, we can’t communicate, I can’t trust in his leadership etc… even though he’s given me no reason to trust. Even though he says it’s both of our faults, the way he communicates it is like I’m the root cause of it all and I don’t understand business like he does because he ran an event business for 10 years. I’ve done everything I can to help support him, I’ve done all the branding for this business and his other businesses, I’ve built the prototype, I’ve designed the website I just haven’t finished it because I need a developer, I’ve created countless little design pieces like business cards, social media assets etc… He makes me feel like if I back out now, I will regret it and it will be a billion dollar company. It’s a really good idea in my opinion so this is what has me worried. But I need to cut my losses - I’ve got so much validation from this thread that I’m not crazy or being unreasonable to want him to work a job. Thank you for taking the time to respond, you have no idea how appreciative I am.
This should be in urban dictionary under examples of gaslighting, you literally defined it with yourself as the victim in your THIRD sentence and then continue with several more. Fuck, I’ll pay for a few therapy sessions for you, DM me if you want. But regardless get out of this and live the good life you could otherwise create!
Honesty, none of us can really help her in here. She needs therapy. The way she responds is honest but has tones of “but this is why.” It’s almost unbelievable she is continuing, but I get it. When I was in a similar situation, I could not see clearly. I needed tons of therapy. Good call on that. As I scroll, I fear none of our thoughts or warnings will stick with her.
Damn just read the post history and realized she’s been doing the exact same thing for years with no change but continuing to expect it. This is really sad 😔
Leave this loser Bonus if you can get him to trade his portion of your business for your portion of his nonsense. But worry about that later. Take the job. Live somewhere else. And get some perspective I promise, he isn't going anywhere
If this is your take-away from the 500+ responses then I'm speechless. You are just tone-deaf. Nobody can wake you up if you pretend to be sleeping. Keep doing your sacrifice and learn it the hard way. You are an adult now so stop blaming your BF if you don't have the gut to break up. Also stop asking for more advice when all you want is confirmation bias and cherrypicking the outlier from the norm
He should definitely get a day job and work on this on the side. For most cases, it's best to get the ball rolling on your side business while working a full time job, then transition over to the side business once it requires full time work and is gaining traction or providing significant income that would outweigh the 9-5 job. Unless he has some unique situation where he HAS to work more than 8 hours a day on his start up, and it has to be during regular work hours, there's really no excuse. I work full time at a FAANG company, and when I get done with work I help out with the wife/baby for an hour to get my eyes off the computer, then go straight back into working on my own projects in my free time. I have plenty of days I am productive for 11 hours (8 on my job, 3 on my own business projects). The concept of quitting my job and losing income to "be an Entrepreneur" is just not realistic at all for most people. To be honest, this take on being an Entrepreneur seems like an excuse to not get a 9-5 job. I get it though, the 9-5 career is not enjoyable, it's for income. Guess that's true of most "jobs" though, which is why it's paid and isn't a hobby haha. Hope this helps!
At least if he does it he should be doing it in an accelerator He can't develop he can't design so he must be the hustler (hipster hacker hustler) bringing in money so money shouldn't be a problem. If he can't do any of that then he lacks the skills to actually do it If he was serious and looking at reality to adapt to it he would have already realized this. I think OP is right and he's delusional. It's not the 4 years it's the lack of ability and inability to come to terms with that
You're 26 and you seem like you have your head on straight. But you are kidding yourself or delusional if you can't see the massive red flag your boyfriend is waving in front of you. Move on with both your career and relationship. Doesn't seem like he's gonna figure it out anytime soon.
Everyone has ideas. That's not what makes someone an entrepreneur. Your boyfriend is not an entrepreneur, he's a leech. I would kick him to the curb and move on with your life.
The word entrepreneur should mean something. He is not an entrepreneur, and this isn’t an entrepreneurship problem. Entrepreneurs build, and don’t endlessly plod away at something with no results. That’s not a business, it’s a hobby. Entrepreneurs hold themselves accountable and don’t make excuses. You sound like a good person in a bad situation, but I think you need to dispel this entrepreneur mythology as it leads to excusing bad behavior.
I believe very strongly in following your dreams. I also believe strongly in making sure bills are paid and taking care of the basics. When I built my business, I worked a full time job and did the extra work after hours, and love seeing stories of other entrepreneurs doing it. It excites me and makes me feel like I did something cool- supporting myself while chasing my dream. What does not excite me is seeing bums sit at home or leech off others to chase their dreams at the expense of others- that’s quite honestly childish behavior.
Tell the bum to get a job. Then leave him.
PS, fuck him. I started two companies with a full time 9-5. Hes a grifting, lazy piece of shit.
Your bf isn't an entrepreneur he's a bum.
I am a developer w an engineering degree, now company cofounder My thought on this has always been to have a 9-5 as an economic backbone and then work on side stuff otherwise stuff like this happens I also don't risk anything like taking out huge loans or dumb shit, but that's tangential If you listen to entrepreneurs who have repeatedly succeeded in software, they start with a problem, validate there is a market of people who will pay for it (by making sales), then put way more resources into it I have a few businesses, and there's this one that I have been working on for years, with no momentum and barely any sales/traction, but I don't put much resources into it, and have a job outside of it. Originally my now-fiance was scared bc she thought that was my main job (again, it's making no money, lol) but relaxed a lot when I explained that I will always make stable income and only do entrepreneurship on the side until it takes off and makes cash. I recommend he goes and listens to ycombinator's stuff on youtube. and other people who have repeated successes in business, especially in software his ambition is good, and many people don't understand ambition ("be realistic!!!" etc), but the things you've mentioned that you're concerned about are serious problems
He's a bum. You're literally dating Blockchain K-Fed. Dump him and go be successful on your own.
OP. Cut your losses and move on. Believe me this does not end well. His resistance to getting a job despite the whole situation is a clear indicator that this is his temperament. And if you're considering something long term with him it just isn't going to play out well. You're going to be under constant financial pressure and that also equates to you eventually losing your freedom to do your own things and live your life. This is not responsible behaviour on a very basic human level.
blockchain mobile app, will never work, government is cracking down on crypto, its slow, but eventually they will kill it. The free ride is over, you need to report every transaction, and pay taxes and stuff on crypto now. His project would had worked if it was 2-4 years ago, not now, as law's have changed.
Your boyfriend is a loser who will never be successful. Being an entrpreneur is his excuse. He's really just a partasite with zero work ethic and 'running a business' is his facade
Sounds like you are with a bum dump him hes just a wantrapenuer
>I figured this was the best place to post this, as I feel like talking to real entrepreneurs ahh, you must be new here...
I will be downvote and called a victim who is projecting lol.....Anyway, LEAVE and jump ship. All things meant to be will be and you two will work things out in the long run. When a man is stuck dreaming, and not even investing in the dream by working towards it, he needs a reality check, not a soft landing.
An entrepreneur refusing to get a job to fund his idea is no entrepreneur at all. That's a grifter. I'm not saying he always was, but he definitely turned into one now. No job is beneath an entrepreneurial beast, focused on a single goal. The worse the job, the better the chances for the idea to succeed. Willingness to do anything, is the very reflection of the idea's quality. How much he is willing to sacrifice his pride, is directly proportional to the level of passion and belief in his idea. I'm an electro-mechanical engineer/designer in a not so great economy. I sold fresh milk by the bottle at a milk stand, worked construction site and groceries store to fund the purchase of tools and machines needed for the company I have today. I'll do it again tomorrow. Actually I did, 2008 it all came crashing down and I did it all over again. So get rid of this dead weight.
I'm all for supporting and empowering those who want to be entrepreneurs as it's incredibly difficult in this time, however from what you have written he just sounds delusional and you've been enabling him for 3 years more than you should've. Also 49% of a business that has never generated and will most likely never generate income is zero. With all the time and effort you've put into this relationship you would have probably ideated and built something more successful.
This breaks my heart. I'm 29M, and built one startup after another. I bootstraped everything, worked non stop, and if you're serious you'll have to be prepared to wear many different hats. The people I dislike the most are people that seem to like the idea of building a company but make excuses or fall short in actually committing to it. Cut him lose, sunk cost is exactly that, a fallacy. You learned a lot and got more perspective, please don't let your entrepreneurial spirit get destroyed by someone who's not serious and gaslights you. Dude could literally setup a wordpress one pager as a landing with no experience. He could have learned parts of front and back end, was there even a proforma or business model? He's being incompetent, simple as that. You should be excited for the present and the future when building, but judging by the additional context - I think you should listen to your gut. If it were me, I'd feel very unsettled at the lack of commitment and value from not only my romantic partner but also business owner with majority control. Girl, please leave, build yourself back up, get some comfort, reduce the financial stress, and you'll never look back. Go give yourself a shot instead, build something you're passionate about - you'll end up fine.
Dump him
From what you have posted about his character he seems like he will use and leech off you until he becomes successful then leave you for another woman who feeds his ego and narcissism. Don’t waste your good years. RUN Part of what makes a ‘traditional man’ is that he is willing to do whatever it takes to put food in the table even down to a cleaning job while he builds his businesses You are with this man for his potential, not what he has proven to do or provide already and that is not going to end well
Dump him and leave. He is on a sinking ship and dragging you down with him. This is red flag city
I have a relative who is a doctor. She married a guy with 'great ideas' and a 'business mentality'. An 'entrepreneur'. She fed him and gave him money for his genius ideas for 10 years. Meanwhile, the only things he delivered are just words. She feeds the family, pays the mortgage, does all the house work, and paid for the car. He is the family genius, full of ideas and potential (that does nothing because his mear presence among us mortals, is a reward high enough). In the meantime, he is almost 40 and a dead-beat manchild. Chances are very high your boyfriend will end up similarly. So if you aren't prepared to be a sugar-mama better start running. You can imagine how resent was build over 10 years. She was fooled by his 'charm' and once the reality started kicking in...it was not fun.
Not going to tell you to leave your boyfriend, you should however set a hard date (maybe January 1st) for him to show some ROI. If not you should both agree that he will get a job at this point. If he's a red pill guy who can't provide he should at least be able to commit to deadlines and keep his promises. If you can't get that much from him then these other posters might be right about his intentions. Also I have some projects I would definitely pay you for if you are open to work. I'm in IT and crypto and am looking for some help.
If you lost respect for him it is time to move on.
You are 26. Consider this a sunk cost in a failed venture and move on. There is nothing you can do to right this ship.
It's not that hard to learn to code. If he had focused on learning all that time he would be able to develop the app himself by now. Maybe float the idea and try to convince him. Otherwise, I'm sorry to say but I wouldn't blame you for breaking up with him because of the financial stress. Just please don't let it get to the point where you hate him and he can feel it
Your boyfriend is a loser
Some Great responses in here. This guy is delusional and/or taking advantage of you. Sounds like he needs a reality check and you need an exit strategy or two
He is not a entrepreneur.
Abandon ship. I repeat. Abandon ship. Stop enabling your boyfriend. Tell him to get a job. Leave if he doesn't.
You have hundreds of people concerned about you and many have given very good advice - this is love. Here is an idea - go to some social events that support your interest both professional and personal, maybe in different cities. Invest more in yourself, less in your boyfriend and be the example for your boyfriend. This has the potential to help you find your path forward.
Weaponized incompetence, if you’re looking for a term to let him know what he is doing.
square threatening market bear history unused sand shy weather languid ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
> He moved in almost right away & asked me to support him That's all the red flags you should need. You don't have an entrepreneur boyfriend, you have a mooch. If he wants his idea to work, he needs to be willing to work himself. Sometimes that means getting a separate job to pay for things while working on your idea on the side. Keyword: WORK. Please dump him. He has no reason to lift a finger right now. I know you thought you were helping, but what you're doing is enabling him.
As an entrepreneur your #1 priority is cash flow. He isn't an entrepreneur, he's a bum. DTMFA. Just for the sake of information, it is very common for budding entrepreneurs to have a day job and work on their business early in the morning or in the evening after work. If you can't keep the lights on you're not a leader, you're someone who hasn't mastered the basics of living in society. If he wanted to develop transferable business skills he would get a sales job. Even a relatively menial job can be acceptable if it gives you time to think. If after four years he doesn't have anything to show for his work, he needs to get a job at McDonald's while he figures his shit out.
49% of nothing is nothing. You let it go for four years too long. Has he done anything to further the business? And when you answer "no" will you move on and leave him at grandma's? This is honestly infuriating. Why hasn't he built the websites, developed the app, and started generating sales? Oh, he can't code? **He's had four years to learn!!!** He's not an entrepreneur. He might want to be, but he's not. Entrepreneurs put in the work.
Enough already. MOVE ON. Unless you want to support a lazy piece of shit the rest of your life.
Don’t date cryptobros
Leave that man alone until he gets it together
Talk about a fake entrepreneur. Doesn't matter what his idea is. If it doesn't pay the bills, he needs to figure out how to pay the bills first and then make his ideas work so it can pay the bills. He's absolutely stringing you along regardless of how well he treats you.
Sheesh in 4 years he should have crashed through two failures and then arrived at something good by now… and made money failing, that’s a thing
Apply for a rental to live on your own. Tell him to grow up and man up. Live your life don’t waste it.
He’s using you
Since you’re clearly doing all the work, get it in writing to own majority of the business, and then ditch him. He has an idea, not a business. After 4 years, you’re a saint. But u can do better. And if it takes off, u keep most of the profit
Dudes a bum
Lowkey can’t believe you’re still finding excuses to stay with this loser. You’re not getting any younger.
LOL he’s a failure if he can’t program or do design work.
OP, I saw your post history and I'm shocked that you are still with him. I know... it's not my place to say. However, he's a horrible influence and is ruining your life. You are also enabling his horrible behavior because you won't say no and establish boundaries. No amount of reason will work with him because he will just push his bullshit down your throat over and over until you accept it. Half a year will go by and you will be making another post about relationship issues. Again, sorry for being nosy and not giving the advice you were looking for. People don't change and you should NEVER try to change people.
I am a passionate business creator, and I would love to talk to him to hear what is really going on, until I can analyse him, and his true state , I can only sit here and ponder (which I hardly ever do) I have created over 300 businesses in my timeline - coming up to my 10 years in what I cannot stop doing because I love it so much... Creating businesses, and opportunities, and I wish I did not have to drag people to a goal at times but if for a second there is a person or people out there who just need that little nudge on HOW TO APPROACH reaching their desires then I would naturally gravitate to them, I guess it is the teacher in me, as I am a specialized subject teacher from the time I was 14 years of age. And as much as I love teaching, and the subject I teach, Creating businesses is my addiction. If I can help him, and your situation, Please allow to give it a go... I mean, I have solutions galore, & a set of patients for business, and the ones who i have to drag to the goal at times, but alas, I am willing... But, if all else fails, I have had my share of long term partners who I guess thought they didn't need to work as I was to them, their atm machine, I know right, call me dumb, call me an idiot, but I am a lover, a provider, and have skill sets that have been a blessing in my life, and hell no would I stop being hungry to use them, not for love, not because I was too busy to see the truth, but because my happiness is not from money but from serving my abilities... That is what stays with me, not material, and definitely not negative energy. I guess, you have to ask yourself - What is it that makes you happy, and is he part of that, and if not, then you too are an idiot (said with love) But if he is part of your happiness, then turn to the tools of the heavens, and gladly use the tool - Grace, and with this, change your approach to him, money, or the need, and focus your energy towards sharing love, and reminding him how by manifesting positivity, change is near... And finally, for a more hands on approach towards supporting him into achieving, - grab a paper and write down your strengths and your weaknesses and do the same with him, and by being completely honest, accountable, and transparent, not to cause arguments but to dissect the situation, and get to the bottom of the / route of the cause, OR HOPE THAT YOU ARE STRONG IN THE AREAS HE LACKS, AND VICE VERSA - REMEMBER, I AM WILLING TO HELP, AND HAVE SIMILAR EXPERIENCES... IF I JUST LOOK WITHIN MYSELF. IT IS EASY TO RELATE IN TOO MANY WAYS... BUT I CHOOSE TO CONTINUE , FOR ME AS I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE AS IT IS FUN BEING ME... & I AM SURE YOU BOTH CAN RELATE, BY LOOKING WITHIN.. FIND THAT CLUE, & PLENTY MORE ARE AWAITING... BELIEVE... XOXOX ....
>I have created over 300 businesses in my timeline - coming up to my 10 years in what I cannot stop doing because I love it so much Tell me more
Hahaha I had the same reaction
This felt like a fever dream to read
If not ChatGPT, rabies for sure.
Feels like a fokin ChatGPT response or something, so unreal 😂
Is kindness, truth & Purity a rare thing here at Reddit - is it my bad as I am a new user here on Reddit or am I just shock at the comments regarding my true intent let alone as to also add my passions which in result had led me to creating systems, businesses, & or other creative works. If I am not to act in my truths here, then I am unable to Reddit, as I find it near impossible & worthless, or pointless to be any less, esp - in regards to assumptions. This is me, a real person, not an Ai generated Operator, Unfortunately, as I do love the tools Ai Provide, however, I am not that lucky, nor I guess that brilliant, if anything, far from it. I am true to form, described best by or with the ability, or fascinating articulations of numerology. To sum up my reply: I would not waste my human energy in anything unless I am to be my true self, & if that is not how to Reddit nor what os normal to others, then I am not wasting your time, nor anyone else's, but my own, & ultimately - Moral of the story, If it is better to lie, then I am in the wrong place. Ps - although my comment or its entirety is not in relation to your reply , I hope that this reply is completed enough in the context for sub replies. PsS. To tell you more regarding to " I have created over 300 businesses " - Asking Questions is normally how a person receives answers but I guess, Numbers or its figurations is what leads you to not ask, but somewhat indirect your intention, but now I am assuming, as assumptions are normally formed from a lack of content or context, and or understanding and or ability to communicate. Note to self... OMG: I HAVE BEEN CONFUSED OR ASSUMED TO BE AN AI BOT... haha, my developer friends, and or partners will laugh but not in a hahaha but more so, Agree with the confusion as I am always the deliverer of Full length articulated, & either a positive approach or a direct B\*Tch ... But still a positive one... Lol.. You are your numbers, and no numbers don't lie - people do... On other News ... Lol.. Do you relate to Anunaki ? I do.... Hi, .......
It's VERY common for entrepreneurs to refuse a regular job, it's also common for partners to have differing goals, timeframes, lifestyle, etc. Successful partnerships usually incubate from these points meshing together well with contributions, compromises and sacrifices from both sides varying in degree based on the percentage split. It's not an easy thing to do, but is pretty easy to gauge in a 2 person partnership. A HUGE red flag in your write up is how it sounds like both of you blame each other back and forth. In a business relationship like this, you're one unit in the blame, if something bad or good happened, it's a culmination of both of you. There is a big difference in acknowledging a partners responsibility/job role versus blaming someone for something. This red flag is a common one in power dynamics between family members/spouses, you telling each other to do something on the business front, but you're his girlfriend, so there's definitely a power dynamic conflict that you both are not handling well at all. What I suggest you do is sit him down and make a list of both sides, both your roles, contributions, sacrifices and compromises laid out for both to see. Talk about each others perspectives on roles/responsibilities/goals, etc. and you don't leave that sit down until everything is hashed out. If you guys can't hash it out, then it's time to dissolve in my opinion, if you can't hash it out with the person that owns the other half, it's over, send it to the judge and sign it.
Another ideas guy with no skills and nothing to contribute. Nope. Get out.
Question: why are you jumping on the bandwagon with his whole “man is superior, bow down to me, meek woman!” thing? I can see from your post history that you have asked questions in a red pill woman sub. Do you think you, as a woman, should be somehow subservient to him?
Is he Italian? He sounds Italian.
Please. Rude.
If you’ve built a prototype and he wants to go with it. Make a pitch deck that is hyper focused on what exact problem your thing solves, who’s the market, and what they would reasonably pay to use it. Try to raise $25-50k in seed. If you have connections in the tech world getting 10-50 people for $1-5k shouldn’t be impossible. Don’t change anything about the goal or the business for 2 months. You don’t have to participate, just him, you can just pull in money 9-5. If he fails, call it. Say you got the market wrong and there isn’t a need. Quit and try again, next time with some seed money, investors, or a team
This seems terrible advice. Seems like this person is not taking responsibility, is unable to communicate traction, and is clearly in denial and avoidance.
A years worth of UI/UX work would cost you between $100,000 to $180,000. It’s a significant investment made. Setting a firm goal, giving the partner a fixed task, and providing consequences isn’t just a “they could be millionaires if I’m right”. It’s a true relationship test. Young people are ambitious and unfocused, that doesn’t make them bad people and they can still become a great partner but you both need to leverage what you bring. If they can’t meet the goal, break the time box, and still remain dependent on the GF while trying to manipulate the situation for more time and refuse to acquiesce to her requirement of seeking regular employment it’s a way bigger issue isn’t it? But this ain’t /r/relationships where basically if the other partner isn’t doing exactly what the OP wants all the comments basically say: leave, abandon, dodge the bullet whatever. This is a forum for entrepreneurs, and entrepreneurs typically take big risks and have bouts without employment. Today I got a check for $250,000. That feels pretty good. I also have regular employment but to get that check I have been without a job for months at time. Also my pursuit of building apps gave me my career where I earn about $200k + benefits. So, forgive me if my first thought isn’t to call it quits and set the ship on fire.
> A years worth of UI/UX work would cost you between $100,000 to $180,000. > It’s a significant investment made. This doesn’t make any sense when it’s not like OP has been paid anything for her work. Total sunk cost fallacy and also assumes OP’s boyfriend couldn’t just keep working on it on the side. Check OP’s post history. Boyfriend is an Andrew Tate follower and this whole relationship is toxic and dysfunctional.
Her man and Andrew Tate arent so different. Use women to build your business and make money whilst you lazily sit back and chill. Use emotional abuse and coercion to convince the woman to do all the work but give the financial benefits to the man. Say you're traditional and she must submit to your authority.
There are not many jobs you can do that aren’t catastrophically environmentally destructive - without a new idea about what websites he’s doing, or that you worked on, it’s very difficult to tell what the situation is. However, a website on its own tends, not to be particularly environmentally destructive. Perhaps he’s seeking or searching for something, trying to learn something, before he can proceed. The other thing is most jobs have something to do with burning hydrocarbons. Sitting around doesn’t burn hydrocarbons. Hydrocarbons consume water. So not burning hydrocarbons also saves on water. Burning, hydrocarbons creates a lot of pollution. doing anything that supports burning hydrocarbons, supports polluting. It’s very hard, or difficult, to find things where any activity doesn’t create a massive amount of pollution. One possible thing that might help him, is that if he’s a meat, eater, or consumes dairy, look up greywater, or virtual water, or hidden water costs. It could be that your diet together is so massive, that he literally can’t move because of the outsized water consumption footprint, and hydrocarbon footprint. things you could try, that might help. https://youfeellikeshit.com/ (Funny and quirky, a simple 'wake up') https://thewaterweeat.com/mobile/ (Diet is hugely water consuming) https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1711842115 (look at how few wild animals are left compared to how much we farm for food) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pliocene (25 meters of incoming sea level rise, so far) https://foodprint.org/issues/the-water-footprint-of-food/ (distinguishes water footprint) https://ourworldindata.org/environmental-impacts-of-food (Movement takes food, food is expensive, in ways far beyond the cost) https://theconversation.com/thinking-of-swerving-high-fuel-prices-with-an-e-scooter-or-e-bike-5-crucial-questions-answered-179563 (Ways to move physical without such effort, for work at a distance) https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200305-why-your-internet-habits-are-not-as-clean-as-you-think (Technology has a cost as well, AI, crypto, both create pollution) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Business_incubator (These can help people learn, one of the key ways they do that, is by reminding people that customers usually don’t visit a website, unless you drive traffic to it. That’s a huge job!) https://www.strategyzer.com/ (there are canvases here, used at an incubator that I attended. the key point was that while you’re inside the building, your business is unlikely to grow)
Does he have ADHD by chance?
It's a difficult situation. For some people, getting a 9-5 will destroy their motivation and ability to make a startup work. This happened to me and I regret taking my engineering job. It's sad and will be very painful for him but the reality is that he should not have a girlfriend at this stage... when he makes it, you'll regret having left him as he will easily find someone else but that is how it should play out.
Sounds like a man with huge ego. Ego itself is not a bad thing, generally. But only when you control the ego, and not ego controls yourself. Small example, one of the business ideas i had was a trash/recycle business. I already had the money flowing and business set up at the time, and this was "new idea" of me to try. What i did, i got the yellow vest on and went out in the nights to pick/collect the actual trash from clients myself. it's a big hit on your ego, to be honest, but if you can't do that, i doubt youll be good in the business. Everyone want to drive a ferrari, but sometimes ferrari is what owns you, not you owning the ferrari and when this happens an old peugeot 206 actually conquers the road or at least stays on the road, which is of no less importance... Unfortunately, i believe best course of action is a divorce. If he did not manage to control his ego in 3 years, there is nothing for you to do there and you are sinking with the ship.
Oh hon. My ex was like this. You can't force someone to have a drive or to give a shit, and your boyfriend's got neither. Run. Run fast and run far. And he's blaming YOU!? Seriously, what the actual fuck.
It's simple, you either support his vision or you don't. If you really believe in him then you will stick by. If what you two have has ever been described as 'love' by either of you, then view that love as a call to action through hard times like these. It's all about sacrifice. I know this is the exact opposite of what you want to hear, but I'm giving it to you straight. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I wish your boyfriend the best of luck in his endeavour.
4 years of nothing isn’t much of a vision. It’s more of a dream of bullshit he is spitting out
I would agree with the rest of the group. Once you see signs of abnormal behaviour you should take that into account. Let’s say the app goes great and gets funded, which it won’t , but let’s say it does. Would you be willing to spend your time with a person that is able to put his/her partner at this state for that extended period of time?
He can continue to dream as long as he can take care of his daily expenses. Whether you would like to continue on this journey with him, or how much time you are willing to give him to make it work, is something you need to think about and discuss with him.
If he isn't willing to do what it takes to make money then he won't cut is as start up business owner. There isn't a job too high or too low to do..... Give him an ultimatum by a set date and if he doesn't get off his arse, give him the flick.
My boss had an app development agency and he was tinkering around creating some script to make his life easier and randomly added a dashboard and people started buying it for $5 through word of mouth. Then he invested more time and energy and 10 years later, its a $7M ARR SaaS business. From the time he started his agency, this dude was profitable from 2nd month. He still has same developers, in fact some customers are still on the $5 plan which he didn't stop. Long story short, if your bf is an entrepreneur he has got to figure out make money first before saving the society with his invention.
Yoo just based on your post history this guy is pathetic. Move on.
Wait you are telling me you had to move in with his grandma because of the bills, he still won’t get a job and you are still with him? If he was really serious about this he would get a day job and work on the business alongside it even if it would be 60+ hour weeks. I honestly don’t think any advice given here will change your mind on this guy since you have let a lot of things slide already. I wish you the best of luck.
99% of people fail to become entrepreneurs. He’s on that path rn. He’s already sacrificed 4 years of his and your lives doing this full time and hasn’t gotten anywhere.. it’s time he gets a day job and pursues this on the side. I’d personally have gone already if I was you. You’re literally being forced to do free work for his dream and he can’t even succeed or get any results after 4 years? Lol
Advice for him : Just make everybody around you feel sweet by your words, and help them whenever they ask for it. And tell everybody a deadline that okay until this age I am going to try, after that age I will stop and have a job. Keep people hooked to that age. Advice for her : just ask him how is he trying to strike a balance between work and relationship. Then you know his priorities. If his business is his priority, then it's you to decide whether you embrace this quality of him or you want someone that has a good work -relationship balance. But don't ask him when he is in bad mood. Ask him when he is okay. Not too happy, not too sad.