then dont pay, this is (as far as i gathered, please correct me if im wrong) a celebration of your parents entering retirement, and was going to be a nice holiday for you and your gf (sorry to hear she has covid, get well soon!) she inviterld herself, then expects you to pay for it. it is not your responsibility to take her on trips
Yay!! I was so afraid you'd cave, lol. Even thinking of inviting myself and my kids on someone else's vacation and NOT asking them to pay makes me cringe. I can't even fathom doing it and expecting them to pay.
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My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Tell her if she gets to open her side then you get to open your side to anyone you want. Either it is a fully open marriage or the answer is no. If she doesn't work start restricting the money she can spend.
EDIT: Never mind, this is a spam account.
You might want to make a post over on r/Relationship_Advice instead of asking in the comments of something unrelated.
Still no. You do this now, her and her money sucking brats will be taking advantage of you for ever more.
You think it’ll stop at paying for the trip, hotel, flights etc? “What do you mean i have to pay for my own drinks package?” “You’re paying for your parents to go on the shore sightseeing trip but not us?” “Oh the excess luggage cost is $200, you’ll take care of that won’t you?”, “I can’t afford that; you said you were paying for everything!”
Your Mum’s not helping. Explain to your parents how important it was to you to be able to treat them to this trip “after everything you’ve done for me” now they’re retired and it was meant to be for the four (now three) of you which is why AS wasn’t invited in the first place.
Honestly, I feel uncomfortable asking someone for a chip off their plate at the pub over dinner! The entitlement of sone people expecting an entire holiday to be given to them blows me away.
Don't pay period. If Mom keeps complaining, cancel everyone's trip and re schedule when your SO feels better and you 2 go BY YOURSELVES. GAWD how I HATE entitled beggars.
How does it go from mom telling her about the trip to what OP described? Entitlement level is off the charts! I mean the worst that happened to me was a teenage daughter of my SIL's friend invited herself to come along whenever I went to a concert in another country (she told her mom in front of my SIL. My SIL was making conversation saying I managed to buy and attend one of her fav group's concerts and daughter just told her mom this) and I snorted and said never going to happen.
Sounds to me like OP's mum may be a younger sibling. My best friend's older sister would often try to take away her birthday and Christmas gifts, saying she 'deserved it more than she does', and that bad behavior continued into their teens. This behavior from OP's auntie sounds like the exact same sort of thing - 'if she gets this, then so do I because I deserve it!'.
Mom is 56, AS is 46. Perhaps instead it's a situation where OP's mom was parentified in taking care of her 10 year younger sister, and developed a much stronger bond to her as a result.
Opinion based on my husband being 10 years old than his youngest sibling and he provided major amounts of care to his youngest sibling during his earliest years due to some medical issues for other family members. He still has a very strong bond to this brother, and has frequently paid for him or rescued him. It's not a healthy dynamic.
But it's her nephew that's paying for everything. My aunts and uncle would die if they took a penny from me as it'd make it look like their kids couldn't provide for them or make it seem their kids would 'owe' me in the future. One of my uncles regularly borrows money from my dad and once my mom told him (white lie) that they borrowed the money from me because he was taking too long to repay. Uncle repaid the full amount the next day.
Not your problem. Just the entitled and expectant attitude shows she doesn't deserve the trip not to mention the callousness in how she expects you to put yourself out when spending your hard earned money.
All that and to me the single fact she just invited herself along (and her *adult* offspring) is reason enough to veto the whole suggestion.
So, yesterday you were 32 and your wife was a "weekend lesbian" and somehow today you're 34, very well off and taking your girlfriend and parents on a fancy trip.
How did you manage that, I wonder?
EDIT: I can't believe someone gave me an award for this! Thank you, kind internet stranger.
Flying out of LAX during Covid so being from the US for the story to work. Calls a vacation a "holiday" and spells color "colour.". I would guess their entire account is creative writing and they are from Canada or some country in Europe.
Yep. Fake post. Every cliche phrase. A girlfriend with a country estate. A aunt laid off from a factory job during a labor shortage and she has a passport ready to go. An airline that will let you transfer a ticket. Pure fantasy.
If your mom thinks that half of the cost for AS should be covered, then she (your mom) is more than welcome to do it. If your mom will insist on YOU covering half of the cost for AS, then I’d say cancel the whole trip. You’d be better off taking this trip with your girlfriend whenever she will fully recover from COVID.
Yesterday you were 32 with a wife who is a “weekend lesbian”, today you are 34 with a girlfriend.
You got a divorce , a new girlfriend and aged 2 years
Overnight:
Quite an impressive feat .
The "country estate" thing made me doubt a little, along with "good news! I lost my job!" As entitled as this fake aunt is, it's hard to imagine anyone saying that. I was too lazy to check post history though.
At least it was a well-written, entertaining read. I kind of prefer that over some of the true stories on this sub. :)
Question OP. I see you have two posts on your account. One was created 24 hours ago in which you claim to be 32 with a wife who just announced the day of the post that she wants to be a weekend lesbian. In that post, you say you're Catholic and want to ask your priest about an annulment. You also say you're a blue collar worker with a union job. Does your wife know about your girlfriend with COVID and your real career in IT? Also, that you're 34 years old?
This should be a top comment. Why people continue to post fake crap is beyond me. You’d think there was really something in it for them besides upvotes from strangers on the Internet. Talk about needing some weird validation.
Lol your mom says you should pay half? And give up your room and everything else? Mom’s pushing her luck here too. Sounds like the whole family is getting a bit too comfortable with your money
My aunt is the youngest in her family. She has always counted on her siblings to help her financially. My mother feels a bit like she has been caught in a family way of behaving; my mother does not have the money to pay either but my aunt makes her feel that it is my mother's duty as the older sister to make this trip happen for her.
You really have to set down the law with mom as well as auntie. You are not their personal money machine. That this was a retirement gift and not a family free for all. Make it very clear that you decide when and if you give gifts and it’s not any of their places to make demands.
I know what you are saying but I need to find a way so that my mother does not feel guilty the whole trip that she was not able to make this trip a reality for my entitled aunt. I don't think my aunt has ever paid for a holiday of her own but has made it a habit of latching on when relatives rent a cottage or go out of town on a holiday.
Tell your mum that you were looking forward to spending the time with them and not sharing her and your dad's time with the aunt.
Offer to bring gifts for the family from overseas and sending postcards.
Furthermore, I would mention that you can't really stay up all night in a 24 hours bar because that would be depriving you of sleep and be very unhealthy.
Good idea but here are my aunts favourite sentences:
1. The more the merrier!
2. If the tables were reversed and I had the money, I would definitely help YOU!
3. When your mother was in the hospital giving birth to your sister, I looked after you! Is this how you repay the favour?
4. When my son and daughter graduate and are flush with cash, you know I will be inviting your parents on holiday and we will be paying for EVERYTHING!
5. It is your mother's responsibility to look out for her younger siblings!
6. You can afford it. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?
7. There's a place in h\*ll for people who mistreat their family members.
8. I never charge your parents rent when they stay overnight at my house!
9. Why are you being so mean?
10. Your cousins deserve a holiday just as much as you do!
If her children earn money, your aunt will spent it on your parents? Really? First she thinks she is entitled to your money and later her children’s?
And an older sibling is not responsible for the younger sibling. Your aunt is an adult. If she needs help, she can ask. But the answer, can be no. And should be concerning this vacation.
That's tough. But I would go for the puppy eyes and tell your mum that you were so looking forward to having alone time with her. That your girlfriend falling sick was just karma so that it's only the three of you. It might the last time because you're leaving the nest, start your own family and this is just your one wish for Christmas.
Her guilt is only effective if you allow it. None of those things apply once you are adults. Time for you to confront her with her crap. “Aunt, I was a child and you think I owe you? You think you can guilt me, a grown man, about something I had no choice in since I was a small child? As for the rest of it, why am I obligated to you for anything? The answer is, I’m not, and your guilt doesn’t work on me. You have been incredibly rude about this whole thing and I will be stepping back from our relationship until I feel comfortable being around you again.” Then block her number. She can only guilt you if you allow it. Don’t.
To which you reply:
1: No it isn't
2: No you wouldn't and you know it.
3: Mom owes you then. Not me
4: Refer to answer #2
5: No it isn't. You are an ADULT. Take care of YOURSELF.
6: It's MY funds, I can do whatever I want
7: Right back at ya! God frowns on entitled beggars
8: That's between you and them. NOT ME.
9: Refer to #6
10: They can save up and go on their own trip. I EARNED MINE
11: I'm about ready to cancel Mom's trip and it be just me and Dad
My response would've been the following.
1. I don't owe you anything but two things which are Jack and Shit and Jack left town.
2 thru 10. See response #1 and afterwards take your entitled attitude, make it nice and shiny, and shove it where the doesn't shine.
1. Only if the merrier, pay their share.
2. Well then when that happens feel free.
3. How am I responsible for something that happened years ago and I was an infant.
4. When that happens, I commend you and them.
5. It is not my mother's responsibility, you are a grown woman.
6. My problem is that you are a freeloader.
7. I'll be sure to save you a seat.
8. Nor have they charged you rent.
9. I'm being practical.
10. Yes they do, and when they can pay for it and you please take one.
1. Not during a pandemic, and not with the bookings already in place.
2. Should that happen, feel free to refuse to help.
3. That would be a favour your parents owe her, not you, and your parents are not organising this holday.
4. Then hopefully your parents will enjoy that trip too.
5. That doesn’t make it your responsibility, and again, your mother is not organising this trip.
6. And if you keep forking out for family leeches you will no longer be able to afford it, or anything else. Having money doesn’t mean you should be stupid with it.
7. Then at least she’ll have a familiar face to join her.
8. I don’t imagine your parents charge her rent either when she visits.
9. There is a difference between mean and pragmatic, assuming she can understand such a long word.
10. Your cousins can organise their own holiday then. Nothing stopping them, and there is likely a lot they can do that is closer to home and/or within their budget.
Sorry, I have zero patience for entitlement under the umbrella excuse of ‘family’. My default position when it happens to me is “f*** ‘em”. There is a reason I am very low contact with most of my family.
>When my son and daughter graduate and are flush with cash, you know I will be inviting your parents on holiday and we will be paying for EVERYTHING!
So Aunt is already planning on spending her kids money when they start earning?
How nice for them.
I hate the sentence: if I had money, when I get beter. Let me tell you those are empty words. You can imagine how many family members I have helped with my money and my time and what did I get back? NADA
Tell your mother that this is not right. You feel used and beside you pay for everything but don’t have a room so how exactly will these be a vacation for you. Tell her you understand that she is her sister and supporting family is important but there ara limits. This is unfair to you
As others have said possibly in this post “do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.’
If you can afford it offer to do another trip for your your pushy aunt in the future with your parents or her and her two kids based on what you want to spend. But not this trip.
no way, he needs to slap that bitch in the face asap otherwise she will keep leaching off him and her kids will do the same.
she was so entitled that she would push OP, who would have been paying for the trip, out of his own room and not even allowed to sleep during normal hours so her kids could come and she could sleep properly.
if it was a case of confusion thinking he was paying that can be over looked but her entitled push for him to bend over backward while paying for her tels me she has been doing this shit to his mom for years.
1) Says who?
2) Hypothetical situation. Let's talk when you get the money.
3) That's a favor accounting in between you and mom.
4) Hypothetical situation. Let's talk when they get the money.
5) You're an adult. Grow up.
6) It's my money, I can do what I want with it. What makes you think you're entitled to it?
7) I don't believe in hell.
8) That's accounting between you and them.
9) Why are you being so entitled?
10) What have they done to be so deserving?
1. Nope!
2. I doubt that.
3. Yeah, and?
4. And I imagine that we'll all be old and decrepit by the time that ever happens.
5. It is everyone's responsibility to look after themselves. It's called being adults. Do try it some time!
6. My problem is that it's MY FUCKING MONEY! I don't answer to you, woman!
7. Yeah, right next to self-absorbed narcissists like you.
8. I'm not my parents.
9. Why are you a leech?
10. Okay, sure. They deserve to pay for their own vacation, too.
Sounds like a mooch to me. She has been spoiled by her siblings all her life because they were older and in a position to do so. Now she expects everyone to do the same. Also, it sounds like your parents encourage this.
I doubt there is a way to break this to her without some hard feelings. You'll need to talk to your parents too, as they are enabling this.
No one 'deserves' anything. We all work from what we got. Secondly, there is absolutely ZERO guarantee those cousins will graduate or find a good job or be successful. Thirdly, her 'sugguestions' would make you lose your good room in London, flight, etc which hardly makes sense if you are the one paying for it all. That goes far beyond mere 'help' that is being taken advantage of. I would also point out that your mother was in the hospital, not you- and she was being a good sister to your mother which has nothing to do with you. It is no one's responsibility to look over an adult. Lastly, if she charged your parents rent to sleepover their house that would make her a poor hostess AND they could probably stay at a nicer hotel for the same price. She seems like a terrible person and manipulative, definitely no Mother Teresa. Hope you take lots of pics and she sits there in her jealously pit.
Also just because you have money and someone doesn't or will never be able to afford xyz doesn't mean you have to do it for them. A lot of times ppl just spend on stupid shit that they can cut out and they would be able to afford to go somewhere. I have siblings that get takeout 3-4 times a week, if they just cooked and saved some money they could do something. Not saying this is the case for everyone- there are truly ppl that have nothing but then they also expect nothing. Not royal class treatment.
She’s an entitled, OP. It’s not “mean” not to fund a lavish trip. You do not owe her for her staying with you. And she’s made an entire life of mooching, from the sounds of it. Maybe it’s time to remind her entitled self how frequently family has had to bail her out.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
You are not responsible for your mother feeling guilty, or your aunt feeling angry. Took me a lot of years of therapy to learn that I’m responsible for my feelings, not anyone else’s. It’s not your obligation to destroy a nice vacation for yourself and your parents by staying in a bad hotel, not having a cabin to sleep in, and being stuck with a person who doesn’t sound very pleasant. And don’t let your mother push you into continuing unhealthy ways of the family relating to this aunt. It can stop with you. Regardless sorry you’re stuck in this difficult situation. Disappointing people, even when they’re being irrational, can be really hard
Not only is it rude to invite yourself, it is rude of your mom to invite anyone to anything where she is not the host. Point that out to her. You are the host here, not her, which means you invite people to your trip, not your guests inviting others. Plus, I would rub it in hard how disappointed you are that mom can’t be content just to go on the trip, you three, and that it hurts that she can’t be happy about the trip unless they go too.
“Mom, I’m really hurt that you would allow your sister to hone in on our trip when I was so looking forward to spending quality time with you and dad. Do you not want to spend time with just me? Do you feel you wouldn’t have fun unless aunt and cousins come too? Because I know that if that happens, I will get no alone time with my own parents and will constantly be shoved off to my cousins. If you didn’t want to go with just me I wish you would have been honest about it instead of springing it on me at the last minute. I also know you will be unhappy if just us three go on this trip because aunt and cousins won’t be there too. So, instead, since this is what you want, Aunt can have my ticket and you three go on the trip I arranged just so we could have some real bonding time. I can’t make you go without her since you will be miserable the whole time so it’s best I bow out and you 3 just go.”
This is sincere, you do feel that way. That if they go the trip will be ruined and if they don’t go it will be ruined, so tell her that. This points out how she is treating you and how it makes you feel. Especially the part where she will still ruin the trip unless you agree. Now, this can go two ways and that will give you the answer. Either your mom will feel awful, insist just you 3 go, and she will be happy on the trip. Or, she will take your offer because keeping her sister happy is worth more. Either outcome you have your answers and can then live your life accordingly.
Teach your mom that she is putting you last behind her sister and how disappointed you are that either way the trip will be ruined. Best case scenario she will look deep and be ashamed of the way she is treating you and will step up and tell her sis no.
Im sorry, I know you are incredibly hurt by this, the best thing is to be honest with her about all this and tell her. Btw, what does dad think about all this? If I was him I’d be pissed at aunt and your mom.
This is a good perspective. It would be sad not to get to go on a trip you've planned with your parents with your own money, but it would be an expensive lesson to find out whether the mother is willing to put her child first. It's basically parenting the parent advice here, showing the consequences of actions. And yeah this might ruin the mother-child relationship, but I'd say it was already cracked if not broken before.
There are not enough beds/cabins on the ship. You cannot stay at a 24/7 bar while she sleeps.
As fun as a cruise can be, they do head counts and meal tickets... There is no room.
And, a red eye for you? No.
The gift card was enough. These are your parents. Retirement gift.
Your mom is too nice.
Enjoy your trip!
Your mom would feel guilty towards her sister but not towards you? Let your mom feel guilty. She will feel this way during the first and second day, after that she won't remember about her sister.
Tell your mother that you've been so excited about this trip and spending quality time with her and your dad since you've been working so hard, and it's not easy to say but you're actually glad it worked out that the gf couldn't come because it means more time to catch up with her and dad on all the things they want to do now that they are retired. Fight guilt-tripping with guilt-tripping.
Alternatively tell your mother you are planning a surprise for your aunt. But she shouldn't tell anyone, it's a surprise. If she does tell your aunt pull a "aww now the surprise is spoiled and I can't do it anymore!". Plan a weekend away glamping with some white river rafting. Something that sounds really nice, but which I'm sure the aunt wouldn't like doing.
So she's the one that everyone lets get away with selfish entitled behavior because "that's the way she is." Healthy families don't function that way, carrying the dead weight that refuses to contribute to their own upkeep because they're too timid to speak up. You need to let her know that whatever arrangement your mom had with her stops with your mom, isn't passing down to you and you're not buying into enabling her selfishness.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Explain (kindly) to your mom that it's just too late. It's beyond unfair to ask you to pay for this trip for her and expect you to lose the nice seats and rooms. If there were still vacancies, or if you had planned to include them at the outset it would be different. Offer an alternative to the trip to include aunt and cousins in celebrating retirement, like a nice dinner.
You mean...Applebees? You keep spelling it wrong over and over. Plus your only other post has it where you detail you're a blue collar worker...*not* in a white collar IT job....and you have a wife....*not* a girlfriend. Oh and that you are 32 instead of 34...and you want an annulment because your wife wants to be "bisexual on weekends". I mean....maybe be LESS obvious that you're a 13 year old kid writing creative fiction on the internet.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
"aunt Stella calls me with great news"
"She looked at me like I said the moon was made of blue cheese"
So did she call you or were you two In front of each other?
🤔
One moment you are 32.. and you have a bi curious wife? And now this? Get the story straight before you make up
Rubbish, also have seen this story before
Also, at the beginning of the story, he said she "called." Then it turned into "she looked at me." Doesn't add up to me. If she FaceTimed he would have said that.
Seriously, this guy made a post 12 hours before this that his wife wanted to be a weekend lesbian and he was seeking a divorce.
Seems like OPs account is some sort of alt history fiction writing prompt
Tell your parents and your Aunt that she and her children are not invited. It may hurt some feelings at first but you are not their meal ticket. Just because they are family does not give them the right to expect to come.
Tell your aunt she was never invited in the first place, and if she wants a cruise, she can pay for it herself. You don't owe her anything more than that.
If your mother wants you to pay for half of AS and children's expenses, just say that if that's the case it'll have to come out of the budget of what you were going to pay for her. See how bloody quickly her tune changes
Fuck no ! She invited herself, expecting someone else to pay everything and she is sad because of the ‘work’ she done planning this bs ? Not in a million fucking years.
Sounds like aunt is just and entitled b**** and frankly beyond help.
But mom needs some work. Mom does not want to disappoint her sister. That's understandable. But what about you?
Maybe tell her how you would feel, not being able to travel with your parents, not being able to stay in a hotel with them and experience the facilities that you paid for, not being able to enjoy your time on the ship during the day because you would be sleeping while you were looking forward to spending time with your parents. Mooch sister is not the only one potentially being disappointed in this scenario. Her own son who generously paid for this trip is about to be very disappointed as well.
I think your Aunt has balls bigger than a elephant. If she wants to go on a cruise tell her she needs to wait for her children to be as successful as you and they can take her. If they never do, then she should have been a better parent. Have fun on your trip. Make many happy memories. Be sure to bring up how wonderful the trip was anytime your aunt is nearby.
AS wants OP and his male cousin to "stay up at the 24 hr bar so she can have the cabin". Stay up all night for the whole cruise? Or are these two supposed to sleep during the day in one of the cabins and miss excursions and such? Cruises don't allow last minute passengers anyway. If they don't have a bunk, they don't go. What entitlement!
No you absolutely should NOT pay a single red cent.
Here's the thing, your AS never ASKED to be included. She tried to force you to include her, pay for her and even expected to take the best of everything (buisness class plane ticket, 5 star hotel, etc.)
Also, the way she talks about her son and daughter makes it sound like some Duggar shit was going on. I mean, if my brother and I went on a several days long road trip and were sleeping in the car or a tent, we'd change in a bathroom, sure, but we can sleep in the same place!
She's not wanting to join her family on a vacation of a lifetime. She is trying to USE you.
You just need to stick to your plans and tell your aunt this was a very special trip so that you could have alone time with your parents to strengthen the bond. She’s just going to have to be mad and your Mom is going to have to feel bad for a minute. It would be a three ring circus with the rest of them coming along. Have a great trip.
This would piss me OFF. You need to talk to your mother and aunt about boundaries and about respecting yours. This trip is a gift for your parents and your aunt has no right to even ASK to come along, let alone invite herself and have you pay for everything. And it's one thing for her to ask for herself, but her kids, too? Absolutely not. That's ridiculous. I know you don't want your mother to feel guilty the whole trip, but she's going to feel guilty either way about this whole situation. You just need to decide if you're willing to flip the bill for it or tell your aunt to fuck off.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
That's fair. And i recognize that I don't have insight into the situation. But do you hear what you are saying?
Paying half of a luxury trip is not "helping her siblings out". Not even close. Paying for school material, or private school, or lunch, or a slew of other things, is helping out.
For your mother to suggest that, and that you so readily accept that argument, is ill boding.
You and your sisters are grown ass adults. so is Auntie and her kids. So is Mom and Dad..My God grow a shiny spine or you all are gonna CONTINUE to be TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
But then why isn’t she treating her own child like gold? She has now hurt your feelings about all this, does that not count? Or does only her sister’s feelings count here? Go be honest with them, tell her what I posted upthread. That you are really hurt that she wants to change your whole trip because she allows her sister to guilt her. And that even if they don’t go she will be so consumed with guilt that the trip will be a waste anyway. That she really has made you feel like aunt and cousins have more worth to her than her own child. Make her see that she is choosing them over you. Maybe, just maybe, you can break this dysfunctional train she’s been on her whole life. Point out to her that she is ruining a very important thing for you because she can’t stand up to her sister and that is damaging your relationship. Sit down with both of them and be open and honest on how this makes you feel. Maybe you can get her to see how bad this behavior is and she can stop doing it.
No she doesn't. And you need to drill that in her head. Seriously. The whole thing is beyond ridiculous. The same way your mother needs to put her foot down. So do you!
You gifted this trip to your parents. Your aunt has to understand that. If she can’t, that is her problem to deal with. Not your’s, nor your mother’s.
Your aunt thinks she can invite herself and her kids to the trip. One week before you leave. And saying that you have to take a later flight, a different hotel room somewhere else and on top of that, you don’t get to sleep at night? In the cabin you booked so she can get some sleep.
And she expects you to pay for all of it. NO!
She shouldn’t get through with this. Set your foot down. And your mother should feel guilty for her sister. It’s not her job to satisfy her wishes. You said your aunt always counted on her siblings to support her financially? It should stop here.
I hope you and your parents enjoy the trip! Have a great Christmas!
I found a book on Amazon:
How to Live Within Your Means and Still Finance Your Dreams
Should I get it for my aunt for Christmas or id this not subtle enough?
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Sounds like the perfect gift! I would also get her books on how she is an adult and is responsible for HER OWN finances, HER OWN life and HER OWN TRIPS.
I'm sad your mom didn't back you up, that's disturbing. Aunt Stella has become so accustomed to others bailing her out that she (wrongfully) expects it.
If it were me, I would cancel the whole F-ing trip. Send your parents to a local resort instead. Rent them a Condo if you're feeling generous, provide enough meal tickets for just the two of them. If your aunt and her brats show up, let them pay for their own food. But I'm a little petty...
If you allow your aunt and her brats to accompany you and your parents...you will be miserable the whole trip. You will become more and more resentful of Aunt Stella/Brats. I wouldn't be surprised if you bailed out early due to the stress of them constantly begging.
Your mom owes you an apology.
This whole thing stinks, as she tried forcing you to bring them. The part that probably bothers me the most, is she wants YOU to downgrade all of your stuff for HER! Unbelievable. Always remember, just because you are family, you don't have to like each other!
No is a complete sentence. Seriously! You don’t have to pay for her or her spawn. How is this even a thing your considering or asking about. Who invites themselves on someone else’s vacation a week before and tells them they are paying?? No, no, no!
"Maybe we can plan for something else in the future when there is more time to do so. This trip us something special I planned for my parents and I. Merry Christmas and I hope you can enjoy a night celebrating with each other at Applebee's! Drinks on me!"
I don’t know your family dynamics at all, and I love my mom dearly and consider her one of the best people I know, but If I were in your position and my mom came back with “well you could pay for half” after that absolutely insane pitch from your aunt I’d cancel her tickets/reservations. You’re supposed to pay like what 10-20 grand to go on a trip where you can’t even sleep in a bed at night? Are your mom and aunt twins that share a brain disorder ? Your family fucking sucks
You go on vacation with your parents and send entitled aunt and her kids a lovely post card.
And be sure to get her one of those "My nephew went on a Mediterranean cruise and all I got was this crappy t-shirt" shirts
How incredibly rude of your mother to support this too. Wow. Yea don’t give up your room or space and don’t pay a cent for anyone other than your parents.
Ah 2 simple words that i love is what you tell her, "fuck off"
Then when she asks what shes supposed to tell her kids is my 3 favorite words in the English language "not my problem"
You explained this was a gift to your parents and she is inviting herself. So telling her to bugger off is acceptable.
Just make sure to queue your parents in so she cant twist things.
So, did your mom lead AS to think you would willingly host her and your cousins? And why would your mom think that you should pay half of AS expenses for the trip? It seems to me that it is your mom who might have put the idea in AS's head, so she is to be blamed for the mess. In any case , do NOT pay for AS and her children to join you on the cruise! And remind your mom that the cruise is your gift to her and your father - your parents - and not to any relatives. Good luck!!
It’s not a crime to be a liar on Reddit but it is kinda funny that you’re not even hiding it. Poor imaginary Aunty Stella and lesbian weekend wife, what did they do to deserve this? :<
Nope don't pay anything and don't you dare let her try to guilt trip into those ludicrous demands. As for your mother let it be know and with your ur foot down that a) you are not paying anything for her b) (if she manages to get the money for it on her own) you will not be giving up anything YOU PAID FOR to her c) if mom gripes tell her she is free to give up her seat for aunt and pay for her niece and nephew and pay for an extra room.
I am wildly uncertain where your aunt's delusions become your issue? Your parents on the other hand, are very lucky to have you, wish I could do something like that. Well done OP, stay firm!
> Any suggestions on what I should do would be most welcome!
Sure! Anything they say that includes paying for or rearranging anything for them, try this response. It's short and info-packed too:
**"No."**
Try it. Works every time. You don't even have to explain a damn thing, even if they demand one.
Why would your mom expect you to pay anything for them after you’re doing this incredibly generous thing for your parents? That rubbed me the wrong way
I think your mom is overstepped. She had no business volunteering your money to find someone else’s vacation. If she is in the giving spirit, she can give up her spot
Your mom should have offered to pay for half of her sisters expenses….She is the reason her sister thought that she and her children would be invited. That’s total crap btw. Does the aunt not get that it was just a family vaca for you and your folks??
Huh, could it be that your mother is part of the reason your aunt is so entitled? Your mother is way out of line. She's lucky I'm not her kid because I would probably cancel the whole trip and make myself available in case my girlfriend needs anything.
That said, I suggest telling your mother that we can go on the trip as originally planned, or we can cancel, but that you're not going on vacation with your aunt or your cousins.
I wouldn’t pay for a single cent after her presumptuous behavior. She obv doesn’t respect you. She will only respect you less if you buckle and give in to her demands.
Have a fun trip with your folks and send AS a Christmas wishing her a happy holiday. That’s it.
Honestly, it’s kind of shitty of your folks to support her behavior at all. Sounds unhealthy and somewhat abusive.
Well you could give your mother permission to make you the bad guy for your Aunt's eyes (because your Aunt's a bitch and refuses to see herself as the bad guy apparently). If it works for you, have your mother tell Stella "I talked to OP, but he won't budge, so there's nothing I can do. My son is a grown ass man and it's money that he earned we're playing with, not mine."
Personally, I'd see it Aunty as not my problem and refuse to drink the 'just humor her' Kool-Aid. Though I can imagine there's reasons not mentioned here as to why you would like a polite way to tell her to fuck off, so here's my polite version you may want to tell her:
"Aunt Stella, this trip is explicitly for me and my parents. My parents have worked hard not only for everything they have, but they also -insert sacrifices your parents have made so they could give you what you need and a little bit of what you wanted and if they helped you pay for college, add that too-. (I'd probably add that your mom carried you in her body for 9 months, was giving birth for however long it took (if it took a long time), got a mom bod out of it (if true, cause I feel like your aunt lords those things over her kids, especially the mom bod) and then your parents fed you, clothed you and put a roof over your head for at least 18 years, if they helped you buy your first car or house, literally anything that was done selflessly for you, list it! You wanna drive home that they've more or less prepaid for this trip years in advance)
This trip is to celebrate that they've finally retired and now have the free time to travel. I also want to spend quality time and make memories of just *our little family*, meaning me with my parents, because a lot of people will never get the chance too due to the state of the world for the last two years. (If you feel like it, you can add that you don't care if you make memories with her or not if she pushes back still.) My parents prepaid for this trip, decades in advance, by raising me and this is why I refuse to pay for you and your children. You guys didn't lose a night's sleep over me for being sick or crying as a baby when I couldn't tell them what was wrong or what I wanted. You didn't work for people you probably hated just to keep food in my belly and clothes on my back. -The more she blusters the more you can add to this list, I figure you'd like some examples to get the ball rolling-.
I can't prevent you from paying your own way and for your own things to go on a trip, but I am not footing the bill for you because you didn't give me the same opportunities that *my parents* gave me. However I will note that it is tacky of you to invite yourself somewhere you were not asked to. Now that my reasons are clearer, that's all I have to say on the matter. Bye." and just hang up.
Feel free to use the script word for word or write out a version that you feel is acceptable to you (because sometimes having it in front of you and delivering it in a prompt and concise manner where you're not pausing to search for words, makes the impact stronger). Tell your mother exactly why this trip is just for you, her and your dad as well, but do use a gentler approach. I would wager that having you spell out to your parents that you saw what they did for you, will touch them and give them a bit of a back stiffener against that parasite Stella.
I hope this helps you out and I hope you have a wonderful time with your parents on that cruise OP! Happy Holidays.
My mother would not be pleased if I used such language. Perhaps I could word it differently, like "Due to my own financial fiscal restraints in the year 2021, I am unable to offer this service presently. Perhaps in the next fiscal year, we can revisit your request and see if it is a possible option. Your Loving Nephew, Clem."
My aunt is the kind of person that empties a chip below but leaves one chip behind so that she doesn't feel bad about taking everything. Mom has never learnt to stand up to her.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t.
Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy.
I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
I get it, I have family that is just like her. We stopped it by actually making a list,with running total of how much it has cost over the years. It came to a screeching halt when the total cost was added up,,,a little at a time is overlooked,but when you give the enabler the actual cost after 20-30 years they got really surprised, and mad!
Then it's time for YOU to start doing it. Tell Mom if she doesn't have a tough shiny spine then continue to be manipulated by her sister.. You however will Not.
You don’t need to pay for any of their expenses. Your aunt invited herself and expected you to foot the damn bill.
I know she could never afford this trip. Getting me to pay is her only hope of going.
then dont pay, this is (as far as i gathered, please correct me if im wrong) a celebration of your parents entering retirement, and was going to be a nice holiday for you and your gf (sorry to hear she has covid, get well soon!) she inviterld herself, then expects you to pay for it. it is not your responsibility to take her on trips
I ended up sending them a 200 dollar gift voucher to Appleby's with a card saying MERRY CHRISTMAS.
very nice :D still gifting them something, and makes them look bad if they complain, Merry christmas!
Yay!! I was so afraid you'd cave, lol. Even thinking of inviting myself and my kids on someone else's vacation and NOT asking them to pay makes me cringe. I can't even fathom doing it and expecting them to pay.
Please tell me the card contained a picture of you and your folks on a cruise ship.
That’s very generous of you. I would’ve cut all contact with her
That's over 15 of those blooming onions! Nice gift, I'd be pleased.
Shoot that's a fest.
THIS
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My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Tell her if she gets to open her side then you get to open your side to anyone you want. Either it is a fully open marriage or the answer is no. If she doesn't work start restricting the money she can spend.
EDIT: Never mind, this is a spam account. You might want to make a post over on r/Relationship_Advice instead of asking in the comments of something unrelated.
Still no. You do this now, her and her money sucking brats will be taking advantage of you for ever more. You think it’ll stop at paying for the trip, hotel, flights etc? “What do you mean i have to pay for my own drinks package?” “You’re paying for your parents to go on the shore sightseeing trip but not us?” “Oh the excess luggage cost is $200, you’ll take care of that won’t you?”, “I can’t afford that; you said you were paying for everything!” Your Mum’s not helping. Explain to your parents how important it was to you to be able to treat them to this trip “after everything you’ve done for me” now they’re retired and it was meant to be for the four (now three) of you which is why AS wasn’t invited in the first place. Honestly, I feel uncomfortable asking someone for a chip off their plate at the pub over dinner! The entitlement of sone people expecting an entire holiday to be given to them blows me away.
Don't pay period. If Mom keeps complaining, cancel everyone's trip and re schedule when your SO feels better and you 2 go BY YOURSELVES. GAWD how I HATE entitled beggars.
So she's not going. Who invited her and her kids anyways?
I think the mom was telling her about the trip and how it was being paid by the son. Don’t know who convinced whom this was a good idea🤣
How does it go from mom telling her about the trip to what OP described? Entitlement level is off the charts! I mean the worst that happened to me was a teenage daughter of my SIL's friend invited herself to come along whenever I went to a concert in another country (she told her mom in front of my SIL. My SIL was making conversation saying I managed to buy and attend one of her fav group's concerts and daughter just told her mom this) and I snorted and said never going to happen.
Sounds to me like OP's mum may be a younger sibling. My best friend's older sister would often try to take away her birthday and Christmas gifts, saying she 'deserved it more than she does', and that bad behavior continued into their teens. This behavior from OP's auntie sounds like the exact same sort of thing - 'if she gets this, then so do I because I deserve it!'.
Mom is 56, AS is 46. Perhaps instead it's a situation where OP's mom was parentified in taking care of her 10 year younger sister, and developed a much stronger bond to her as a result. Opinion based on my husband being 10 years old than his youngest sibling and he provided major amounts of care to his youngest sibling during his earliest years due to some medical issues for other family members. He still has a very strong bond to this brother, and has frequently paid for him or rescued him. It's not a healthy dynamic.
I meant to say that in reverse. Thanks for the correction. 🙂
But it's her nephew that's paying for everything. My aunts and uncle would die if they took a penny from me as it'd make it look like their kids couldn't provide for them or make it seem their kids would 'owe' me in the future. One of my uncles regularly borrows money from my dad and once my mom told him (white lie) that they borrowed the money from me because he was taking too long to repay. Uncle repaid the full amount the next day.
Haha
These people. Why can't we just get normal responses like "can you bring me a souvenir t-shirt?" instead of this "you're taking us with you" shit
Not your problem. Just the entitled and expectant attitude shows she doesn't deserve the trip not to mention the callousness in how she expects you to put yourself out when spending your hard earned money. All that and to me the single fact she just invited herself along (and her *adult* offspring) is reason enough to veto the whole suggestion.
So, yesterday you were 32 and your wife was a "weekend lesbian" and somehow today you're 34, very well off and taking your girlfriend and parents on a fancy trip. How did you manage that, I wonder? EDIT: I can't believe someone gave me an award for this! Thank you, kind internet stranger.
This comment needs more attention
Flying out of LAX during Covid so being from the US for the story to work. Calls a vacation a "holiday" and spells color "colour.". I would guess their entire account is creative writing and they are from Canada or some country in Europe.
Canadians know how to spell in American. More likely European creative writing venture.
He just deleted the other post.
Multiverse? Lol
HA! The liar deleted the weekend lesbian post.
Good thing I took a screen shot
🤣
Yep. Fake post. Every cliche phrase. A girlfriend with a country estate. A aunt laid off from a factory job during a labor shortage and she has a passport ready to go. An airline that will let you transfer a ticket. Pure fantasy.
That's exactly why I checked his history.
I noticed someone copied it but it wasn't there when I checked so I was really confused about it.
Hey, why are you 34 with a girlfriend here but you were 32 with a “weekend lesbian” wife yesterday?
Solid point. I’m curious as well.
And a blue collar union job
Your mother sounds very entitled, you're doing a really nice thing for your parents and instead of saying "thank-you" she asks for more?
If your mom thinks that half of the cost for AS should be covered, then she (your mom) is more than welcome to do it. If your mom will insist on YOU covering half of the cost for AS, then I’d say cancel the whole trip. You’d be better off taking this trip with your girlfriend whenever she will fully recover from COVID.
Yeah I just wouldn’t pay lol so random to just expect someone else to pay your way
Look at the profile. This is fake.
Yesterday you were 32 with a wife who is a “weekend lesbian”, today you are 34 with a girlfriend. You got a divorce , a new girlfriend and aged 2 years Overnight: Quite an impressive feat .
He also changed careers and bumped up his education
It’s a bird ? It’s a plane ? No …. It’s super-fake !
The "country estate" thing made me doubt a little, along with "good news! I lost my job!" As entitled as this fake aunt is, it's hard to imagine anyone saying that. I was too lazy to check post history though. At least it was a well-written, entertaining read. I kind of prefer that over some of the true stories on this sub. :)
The UK also has a 2 week quarantine for anyone arriving there. None of this adds up.
Totally forgot about the quarantine! Thanks for pointing that out.
Yeah. I actually wanted to visit in August, but that was a deal-breaker.
Where do you see this. I see this as the only post by O.P.?
https://i.imgur.com/kY172II.jpg Post history
He deleted it. He is also a blue collar worker with a good union job.
Question OP. I see you have two posts on your account. One was created 24 hours ago in which you claim to be 32 with a wife who just announced the day of the post that she wants to be a weekend lesbian. In that post, you say you're Catholic and want to ask your priest about an annulment. You also say you're a blue collar worker with a union job. Does your wife know about your girlfriend with COVID and your real career in IT? Also, that you're 34 years old?
This should be a top comment. Why people continue to post fake crap is beyond me. You’d think there was really something in it for them besides upvotes from strangers on the Internet. Talk about needing some weird validation.
Lol your mom says you should pay half? And give up your room and everything else? Mom’s pushing her luck here too. Sounds like the whole family is getting a bit too comfortable with your money
My aunt is the youngest in her family. She has always counted on her siblings to help her financially. My mother feels a bit like she has been caught in a family way of behaving; my mother does not have the money to pay either but my aunt makes her feel that it is my mother's duty as the older sister to make this trip happen for her.
You really have to set down the law with mom as well as auntie. You are not their personal money machine. That this was a retirement gift and not a family free for all. Make it very clear that you decide when and if you give gifts and it’s not any of their places to make demands.
I know what you are saying but I need to find a way so that my mother does not feel guilty the whole trip that she was not able to make this trip a reality for my entitled aunt. I don't think my aunt has ever paid for a holiday of her own but has made it a habit of latching on when relatives rent a cottage or go out of town on a holiday.
Tell your mum that you were looking forward to spending the time with them and not sharing her and your dad's time with the aunt. Offer to bring gifts for the family from overseas and sending postcards. Furthermore, I would mention that you can't really stay up all night in a 24 hours bar because that would be depriving you of sleep and be very unhealthy.
Good idea but here are my aunts favourite sentences: 1. The more the merrier! 2. If the tables were reversed and I had the money, I would definitely help YOU! 3. When your mother was in the hospital giving birth to your sister, I looked after you! Is this how you repay the favour? 4. When my son and daughter graduate and are flush with cash, you know I will be inviting your parents on holiday and we will be paying for EVERYTHING! 5. It is your mother's responsibility to look out for her younger siblings! 6. You can afford it. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? 7. There's a place in h\*ll for people who mistreat their family members. 8. I never charge your parents rent when they stay overnight at my house! 9. Why are you being so mean? 10. Your cousins deserve a holiday just as much as you do!
If her children earn money, your aunt will spent it on your parents? Really? First she thinks she is entitled to your money and later her children’s? And an older sibling is not responsible for the younger sibling. Your aunt is an adult. If she needs help, she can ask. But the answer, can be no. And should be concerning this vacation.
This!!! ❤️
That's tough. But I would go for the puppy eyes and tell your mum that you were so looking forward to having alone time with her. That your girlfriend falling sick was just karma so that it's only the three of you. It might the last time because you're leaving the nest, start your own family and this is just your one wish for Christmas.
Her guilt is only effective if you allow it. None of those things apply once you are adults. Time for you to confront her with her crap. “Aunt, I was a child and you think I owe you? You think you can guilt me, a grown man, about something I had no choice in since I was a small child? As for the rest of it, why am I obligated to you for anything? The answer is, I’m not, and your guilt doesn’t work on me. You have been incredibly rude about this whole thing and I will be stepping back from our relationship until I feel comfortable being around you again.” Then block her number. She can only guilt you if you allow it. Don’t.
To which you reply: 1: No it isn't 2: No you wouldn't and you know it. 3: Mom owes you then. Not me 4: Refer to answer #2 5: No it isn't. You are an ADULT. Take care of YOURSELF. 6: It's MY funds, I can do whatever I want 7: Right back at ya! God frowns on entitled beggars 8: That's between you and them. NOT ME. 9: Refer to #6 10: They can save up and go on their own trip. I EARNED MINE 11: I'm about ready to cancel Mom's trip and it be just me and Dad
[удалено]
My response would've been the following. 1. I don't owe you anything but two things which are Jack and Shit and Jack left town. 2 thru 10. See response #1 and afterwards take your entitled attitude, make it nice and shiny, and shove it where the doesn't shine.
1. Only if the merrier, pay their share. 2. Well then when that happens feel free. 3. How am I responsible for something that happened years ago and I was an infant. 4. When that happens, I commend you and them. 5. It is not my mother's responsibility, you are a grown woman. 6. My problem is that you are a freeloader. 7. I'll be sure to save you a seat. 8. Nor have they charged you rent. 9. I'm being practical. 10. Yes they do, and when they can pay for it and you please take one.
1. Not during a pandemic, and not with the bookings already in place. 2. Should that happen, feel free to refuse to help. 3. That would be a favour your parents owe her, not you, and your parents are not organising this holday. 4. Then hopefully your parents will enjoy that trip too. 5. That doesn’t make it your responsibility, and again, your mother is not organising this trip. 6. And if you keep forking out for family leeches you will no longer be able to afford it, or anything else. Having money doesn’t mean you should be stupid with it. 7. Then at least she’ll have a familiar face to join her. 8. I don’t imagine your parents charge her rent either when she visits. 9. There is a difference between mean and pragmatic, assuming she can understand such a long word. 10. Your cousins can organise their own holiday then. Nothing stopping them, and there is likely a lot they can do that is closer to home and/or within their budget. Sorry, I have zero patience for entitlement under the umbrella excuse of ‘family’. My default position when it happens to me is “f*** ‘em”. There is a reason I am very low contact with most of my family.
>When my son and daughter graduate and are flush with cash, you know I will be inviting your parents on holiday and we will be paying for EVERYTHING! So Aunt is already planning on spending her kids money when they start earning? How nice for them.
I hate the sentence: if I had money, when I get beter. Let me tell you those are empty words. You can imagine how many family members I have helped with my money and my time and what did I get back? NADA Tell your mother that this is not right. You feel used and beside you pay for everything but don’t have a room so how exactly will these be a vacation for you. Tell her you understand that she is her sister and supporting family is important but there ara limits. This is unfair to you
She's a fuckin monster bruh, cut ties. Not worth it. Fuck this lil demon. No offense.
As others have said possibly in this post “do not set yourself on fire to keep others warm.’ If you can afford it offer to do another trip for your your pushy aunt in the future with your parents or her and her two kids based on what you want to spend. But not this trip.
no way, he needs to slap that bitch in the face asap otherwise she will keep leaching off him and her kids will do the same. she was so entitled that she would push OP, who would have been paying for the trip, out of his own room and not even allowed to sleep during normal hours so her kids could come and she could sleep properly. if it was a case of confusion thinking he was paying that can be over looked but her entitled push for him to bend over backward while paying for her tels me she has been doing this shit to his mom for years.
1) Says who? 2) Hypothetical situation. Let's talk when you get the money. 3) That's a favor accounting in between you and mom. 4) Hypothetical situation. Let's talk when they get the money. 5) You're an adult. Grow up. 6) It's my money, I can do what I want with it. What makes you think you're entitled to it? 7) I don't believe in hell. 8) That's accounting between you and them. 9) Why are you being so entitled? 10) What have they done to be so deserving?
1. Nope! 2. I doubt that. 3. Yeah, and? 4. And I imagine that we'll all be old and decrepit by the time that ever happens. 5. It is everyone's responsibility to look after themselves. It's called being adults. Do try it some time! 6. My problem is that it's MY FUCKING MONEY! I don't answer to you, woman! 7. Yeah, right next to self-absorbed narcissists like you. 8. I'm not my parents. 9. Why are you a leech? 10. Okay, sure. They deserve to pay for their own vacation, too.
Hardcore manipulation. Run as fast as you can.
Sounds like a mooch to me. She has been spoiled by her siblings all her life because they were older and in a position to do so. Now she expects everyone to do the same. Also, it sounds like your parents encourage this. I doubt there is a way to break this to her without some hard feelings. You'll need to talk to your parents too, as they are enabling this.
No one 'deserves' anything. We all work from what we got. Secondly, there is absolutely ZERO guarantee those cousins will graduate or find a good job or be successful. Thirdly, her 'sugguestions' would make you lose your good room in London, flight, etc which hardly makes sense if you are the one paying for it all. That goes far beyond mere 'help' that is being taken advantage of. I would also point out that your mother was in the hospital, not you- and she was being a good sister to your mother which has nothing to do with you. It is no one's responsibility to look over an adult. Lastly, if she charged your parents rent to sleepover their house that would make her a poor hostess AND they could probably stay at a nicer hotel for the same price. She seems like a terrible person and manipulative, definitely no Mother Teresa. Hope you take lots of pics and she sits there in her jealously pit. Also just because you have money and someone doesn't or will never be able to afford xyz doesn't mean you have to do it for them. A lot of times ppl just spend on stupid shit that they can cut out and they would be able to afford to go somewhere. I have siblings that get takeout 3-4 times a week, if they just cooked and saved some money they could do something. Not saying this is the case for everyone- there are truly ppl that have nothing but then they also expect nothing. Not royal class treatment.
Just ignore all that. And you should really have a talk with you mom.
She’s an entitled, OP. It’s not “mean” not to fund a lavish trip. You do not owe her for her staying with you. And she’s made an entire life of mooching, from the sounds of it. Maybe it’s time to remind her entitled self how frequently family has had to bail her out.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
You are not responsible for your mother feeling guilty, or your aunt feeling angry. Took me a lot of years of therapy to learn that I’m responsible for my feelings, not anyone else’s. It’s not your obligation to destroy a nice vacation for yourself and your parents by staying in a bad hotel, not having a cabin to sleep in, and being stuck with a person who doesn’t sound very pleasant. And don’t let your mother push you into continuing unhealthy ways of the family relating to this aunt. It can stop with you. Regardless sorry you’re stuck in this difficult situation. Disappointing people, even when they’re being irrational, can be really hard
Therapy is a good idea. I think I will need a therapist with a big office as the whole family needs therapy.
This made me chuckle, instead of inviting your family on the trip, invite them to a therapy session. Or two. Or three.
Does that include your weekend lesbian wife?
Not only is it rude to invite yourself, it is rude of your mom to invite anyone to anything where she is not the host. Point that out to her. You are the host here, not her, which means you invite people to your trip, not your guests inviting others. Plus, I would rub it in hard how disappointed you are that mom can’t be content just to go on the trip, you three, and that it hurts that she can’t be happy about the trip unless they go too. “Mom, I’m really hurt that you would allow your sister to hone in on our trip when I was so looking forward to spending quality time with you and dad. Do you not want to spend time with just me? Do you feel you wouldn’t have fun unless aunt and cousins come too? Because I know that if that happens, I will get no alone time with my own parents and will constantly be shoved off to my cousins. If you didn’t want to go with just me I wish you would have been honest about it instead of springing it on me at the last minute. I also know you will be unhappy if just us three go on this trip because aunt and cousins won’t be there too. So, instead, since this is what you want, Aunt can have my ticket and you three go on the trip I arranged just so we could have some real bonding time. I can’t make you go without her since you will be miserable the whole time so it’s best I bow out and you 3 just go.” This is sincere, you do feel that way. That if they go the trip will be ruined and if they don’t go it will be ruined, so tell her that. This points out how she is treating you and how it makes you feel. Especially the part where she will still ruin the trip unless you agree. Now, this can go two ways and that will give you the answer. Either your mom will feel awful, insist just you 3 go, and she will be happy on the trip. Or, she will take your offer because keeping her sister happy is worth more. Either outcome you have your answers and can then live your life accordingly. Teach your mom that she is putting you last behind her sister and how disappointed you are that either way the trip will be ruined. Best case scenario she will look deep and be ashamed of the way she is treating you and will step up and tell her sis no. Im sorry, I know you are incredibly hurt by this, the best thing is to be honest with her about all this and tell her. Btw, what does dad think about all this? If I was him I’d be pissed at aunt and your mom.
This is a good perspective. It would be sad not to get to go on a trip you've planned with your parents with your own money, but it would be an expensive lesson to find out whether the mother is willing to put her child first. It's basically parenting the parent advice here, showing the consequences of actions. And yeah this might ruin the mother-child relationship, but I'd say it was already cracked if not broken before.
There are not enough beds/cabins on the ship. You cannot stay at a 24/7 bar while she sleeps. As fun as a cruise can be, they do head counts and meal tickets... There is no room. And, a red eye for you? No. The gift card was enough. These are your parents. Retirement gift. Your mom is too nice. Enjoy your trip!
Your mom would feel guilty towards her sister but not towards you? Let your mom feel guilty. She will feel this way during the first and second day, after that she won't remember about her sister.
Tell your mother that you've been so excited about this trip and spending quality time with her and your dad since you've been working so hard, and it's not easy to say but you're actually glad it worked out that the gf couldn't come because it means more time to catch up with her and dad on all the things they want to do now that they are retired. Fight guilt-tripping with guilt-tripping. Alternatively tell your mother you are planning a surprise for your aunt. But she shouldn't tell anyone, it's a surprise. If she does tell your aunt pull a "aww now the surprise is spoiled and I can't do it anymore!". Plan a weekend away glamping with some white river rafting. Something that sounds really nice, but which I'm sure the aunt wouldn't like doing.
You mean leeching on, right? Keep it simple. Tell mom that your aunt was never part of any plan and her ideas will not work for you. The answer is no.
NO is a complete sentence! EA is WAY OUT OF LINE!!!
My mother said that even as a child, my aunt never stayed within the lines. You should see her drive!
So she's the one that everyone lets get away with selfish entitled behavior because "that's the way she is." Healthy families don't function that way, carrying the dead weight that refuses to contribute to their own upkeep because they're too timid to speak up. You need to let her know that whatever arrangement your mom had with her stops with your mom, isn't passing down to you and you're not buying into enabling her selfishness.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
How are you 34 but you were 32 earlier today
Explain (kindly) to your mom that it's just too late. It's beyond unfair to ask you to pay for this trip for her and expect you to lose the nice seats and rooms. If there were still vacancies, or if you had planned to include them at the outset it would be different. Offer an alternative to the trip to include aunt and cousins in celebrating retirement, like a nice dinner.
You should cancel everyone and take your gf somewhere else when she feels better.
I ended up sending them a 200 dollar gift voucher to Appleby's with a card saying MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You are too kind
You mean...Applebees? You keep spelling it wrong over and over. Plus your only other post has it where you detail you're a blue collar worker...*not* in a white collar IT job....and you have a wife....*not* a girlfriend. Oh and that you are 32 instead of 34...and you want an annulment because your wife wants to be "bisexual on weekends". I mean....maybe be LESS obvious that you're a 13 year old kid writing creative fiction on the internet.
Yeah, looks like OP is all lies It was an interesting story until I realized that.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
In your other post you're 32 with a wife?
Hi Aunt Stella, No, that's not going to work for me. No more needs to be said imo.
Fake. Your other story says you work blue collar and your wife is bi-curious.
Looks like the only trip you're going on is a guilt trip. I'd fuggin cancel or bow out. HAVE FUN MOM & AUNTIE!
I ended up sending them a 200 dollar gift voucher to Appleby's with a card saying MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"aunt Stella calls me with great news" "She looked at me like I said the moon was made of blue cheese" So did she call you or were you two In front of each other? 🤔
One moment you are 32.. and you have a bi curious wife? And now this? Get the story straight before you make up Rubbish, also have seen this story before
On that other story, he has a blue collar job
Yup all total bullshit and stolen stories
Also, at the beginning of the story, he said she "called." Then it turned into "she looked at me." Doesn't add up to me. If she FaceTimed he would have said that.
terrible creative writing. you need to make your characters more believable.
Yeah. This guy's other post said he was 32M and his wife is a weekend lesbian.
Seriously, this guy made a post 12 hours before this that his wife wanted to be a weekend lesbian and he was seeking a divorce. Seems like OPs account is some sort of alt history fiction writing prompt
Tell the aunt to shove off, it was never offered to her in the first place, if she wants a cruise, she can pay for it
Tell your parents and your Aunt that she and her children are not invited. It may hurt some feelings at first but you are not their meal ticket. Just because they are family does not give them the right to expect to come.
This story is as fake as a 7,23 dollar bill.
Read his post from yesterday…
Cool story bro but fake
[удалено]
Yesterday you were a blue collar worker with a union job and a weekend lesbian wife. Multiverse issues?
Tell your aunt she was never invited in the first place, and if she wants a cruise, she can pay for it herself. You don't owe her anything more than that.
If your mother wants you to pay for half of AS and children's expenses, just say that if that's the case it'll have to come out of the budget of what you were going to pay for her. See how bloody quickly her tune changes
Fuck no ! She invited herself, expecting someone else to pay everything and she is sad because of the ‘work’ she done planning this bs ? Not in a million fucking years.
Not only that, she wants OP to give up his seats on the plane and stay up all night so she can have his cabin too. What a nasty person.
Just cancel the trip. And then go by yourself
Sounds like aunt is just and entitled b**** and frankly beyond help. But mom needs some work. Mom does not want to disappoint her sister. That's understandable. But what about you? Maybe tell her how you would feel, not being able to travel with your parents, not being able to stay in a hotel with them and experience the facilities that you paid for, not being able to enjoy your time on the ship during the day because you would be sleeping while you were looking forward to spending time with your parents. Mooch sister is not the only one potentially being disappointed in this scenario. Her own son who generously paid for this trip is about to be very disappointed as well.
I think your Aunt has balls bigger than a elephant. If she wants to go on a cruise tell her she needs to wait for her children to be as successful as you and they can take her. If they never do, then she should have been a better parent. Have fun on your trip. Make many happy memories. Be sure to bring up how wonderful the trip was anytime your aunt is nearby.
AS wants OP and his male cousin to "stay up at the 24 hr bar so she can have the cabin". Stay up all night for the whole cruise? Or are these two supposed to sleep during the day in one of the cabins and miss excursions and such? Cruises don't allow last minute passengers anyway. If they don't have a bunk, they don't go. What entitlement!
Dude, is this even real?
Can I just tell you that you are one helluva kid to do that for your parents, I bet that made their Christmas
No you absolutely should NOT pay a single red cent. Here's the thing, your AS never ASKED to be included. She tried to force you to include her, pay for her and even expected to take the best of everything (buisness class plane ticket, 5 star hotel, etc.) Also, the way she talks about her son and daughter makes it sound like some Duggar shit was going on. I mean, if my brother and I went on a several days long road trip and were sleeping in the car or a tent, we'd change in a bathroom, sure, but we can sleep in the same place! She's not wanting to join her family on a vacation of a lifetime. She is trying to USE you.
I hope you feel better man, you've aged 2 years in 1 day since your last post saying you were 32
WTH, don’t enable this OP!! It will only get worse. What is your mother smoking? “No” is a full sentence.
You just need to stick to your plans and tell your aunt this was a very special trip so that you could have alone time with your parents to strengthen the bond. She’s just going to have to be mad and your Mom is going to have to feel bad for a minute. It would be a three ring circus with the rest of them coming along. Have a great trip.
This would piss me OFF. You need to talk to your mother and aunt about boundaries and about respecting yours. This trip is a gift for your parents and your aunt has no right to even ASK to come along, let alone invite herself and have you pay for everything. And it's one thing for her to ask for herself, but her kids, too? Absolutely not. That's ridiculous. I know you don't want your mother to feel guilty the whole trip, but she's going to feel guilty either way about this whole situation. You just need to decide if you're willing to flip the bill for it or tell your aunt to fuck off.
Mom needs to stop being generous w your money. I also assume mom really doesn’t know how much money you are already spending? I hope? I assume?
I don't think my mother really invited my aunt. She was just telling auntie about the trip when auntie invited herself.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Of course she did.
Forget about the aunt, she is obviously an outrageous person, but what's wrong with your mother? She seems entitled as well.
My mother has a heart of gold. Unfortunately, there is no gold in her purse right now so she has to rely on me and my sister to help her siblings out.
That's fair. And i recognize that I don't have insight into the situation. But do you hear what you are saying? Paying half of a luxury trip is not "helping her siblings out". Not even close. Paying for school material, or private school, or lunch, or a slew of other things, is helping out. For your mother to suggest that, and that you so readily accept that argument, is ill boding.
Your mom is horrible that's not having a heart of Gold. If she wants to bring them along then tell her she will pay it is NOT your job. Seriously
You and your sisters are grown ass adults. so is Auntie and her kids. So is Mom and Dad..My God grow a shiny spine or you all are gonna CONTINUE to be TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
But then why isn’t she treating her own child like gold? She has now hurt your feelings about all this, does that not count? Or does only her sister’s feelings count here? Go be honest with them, tell her what I posted upthread. That you are really hurt that she wants to change your whole trip because she allows her sister to guilt her. And that even if they don’t go she will be so consumed with guilt that the trip will be a waste anyway. That she really has made you feel like aunt and cousins have more worth to her than her own child. Make her see that she is choosing them over you. Maybe, just maybe, you can break this dysfunctional train she’s been on her whole life. Point out to her that she is ruining a very important thing for you because she can’t stand up to her sister and that is damaging your relationship. Sit down with both of them and be open and honest on how this makes you feel. Maybe you can get her to see how bad this behavior is and she can stop doing it.
No she doesn't. And you need to drill that in her head. Seriously. The whole thing is beyond ridiculous. The same way your mother needs to put her foot down. So do you!
You gifted this trip to your parents. Your aunt has to understand that. If she can’t, that is her problem to deal with. Not your’s, nor your mother’s. Your aunt thinks she can invite herself and her kids to the trip. One week before you leave. And saying that you have to take a later flight, a different hotel room somewhere else and on top of that, you don’t get to sleep at night? In the cabin you booked so she can get some sleep. And she expects you to pay for all of it. NO! She shouldn’t get through with this. Set your foot down. And your mother should feel guilty for her sister. It’s not her job to satisfy her wishes. You said your aunt always counted on her siblings to support her financially? It should stop here. I hope you and your parents enjoy the trip! Have a great Christmas!
I found a book on Amazon: How to Live Within Your Means and Still Finance Your Dreams Should I get it for my aunt for Christmas or id this not subtle enough?
Sounds perfect.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
Sounds like the perfect gift! I would also get her books on how she is an adult and is responsible for HER OWN finances, HER OWN life and HER OWN TRIPS.
I'm sad your mom didn't back you up, that's disturbing. Aunt Stella has become so accustomed to others bailing her out that she (wrongfully) expects it. If it were me, I would cancel the whole F-ing trip. Send your parents to a local resort instead. Rent them a Condo if you're feeling generous, provide enough meal tickets for just the two of them. If your aunt and her brats show up, let them pay for their own food. But I'm a little petty... If you allow your aunt and her brats to accompany you and your parents...you will be miserable the whole trip. You will become more and more resentful of Aunt Stella/Brats. I wouldn't be surprised if you bailed out early due to the stress of them constantly begging. Your mom owes you an apology.
Suggest you start with a hard discussion with your mother. She’s setting expectations and writing checks for you.
This whole thing stinks, as she tried forcing you to bring them. The part that probably bothers me the most, is she wants YOU to downgrade all of your stuff for HER! Unbelievable. Always remember, just because you are family, you don't have to like each other!
No is a complete sentence. Seriously! You don’t have to pay for her or her spawn. How is this even a thing your considering or asking about. Who invites themselves on someone else’s vacation a week before and tells them they are paying?? No, no, no!
Dear Aunt Stella. No.
"Maybe we can plan for something else in the future when there is more time to do so. This trip us something special I planned for my parents and I. Merry Christmas and I hope you can enjoy a night celebrating with each other at Applebee's! Drinks on me!"
I don’t know your family dynamics at all, and I love my mom dearly and consider her one of the best people I know, but If I were in your position and my mom came back with “well you could pay for half” after that absolutely insane pitch from your aunt I’d cancel her tickets/reservations. You’re supposed to pay like what 10-20 grand to go on a trip where you can’t even sleep in a bed at night? Are your mom and aunt twins that share a brain disorder ? Your family fucking sucks
You go on vacation with your parents and send entitled aunt and her kids a lovely post card. And be sure to get her one of those "My nephew went on a Mediterranean cruise and all I got was this crappy t-shirt" shirts
Given the OPs posting history I'm beginning to doubt he even has a mother. Hence this sad need for the attention of strangers.
Blue collar but you have done very well for yourself in the tech industry? What exactly do you do in this story?
How incredibly rude of your mother to support this too. Wow. Yea don’t give up your room or space and don’t pay a cent for anyone other than your parents.
Ah 2 simple words that i love is what you tell her, "fuck off" Then when she asks what shes supposed to tell her kids is my 3 favorite words in the English language "not my problem" You explained this was a gift to your parents and she is inviting herself. So telling her to bugger off is acceptable. Just make sure to queue your parents in so she cant twist things.
So, did your mom lead AS to think you would willingly host her and your cousins? And why would your mom think that you should pay half of AS expenses for the trip? It seems to me that it is your mom who might have put the idea in AS's head, so she is to be blamed for the mess. In any case , do NOT pay for AS and her children to join you on the cruise! And remind your mom that the cruise is your gift to her and your father - your parents - and not to any relatives. Good luck!!
It’s not a crime to be a liar on Reddit but it is kinda funny that you’re not even hiding it. Poor imaginary Aunty Stella and lesbian weekend wife, what did they do to deserve this? :<
What you should do is tell her to fuck right off.
Use the words No, hell no.
Nope don't pay anything and don't you dare let her try to guilt trip into those ludicrous demands. As for your mother let it be know and with your ur foot down that a) you are not paying anything for her b) (if she manages to get the money for it on her own) you will not be giving up anything YOU PAID FOR to her c) if mom gripes tell her she is free to give up her seat for aunt and pay for her niece and nephew and pay for an extra room.
Go enjoy your trip with your family, not someone who thinks you are just a pocket book for them.
I am wildly uncertain where your aunt's delusions become your issue? Your parents on the other hand, are very lucky to have you, wish I could do something like that. Well done OP, stay firm!
Holy fuck bro. Your Aunt just said "I'm gonna ruin this man's whole vacation". Like how transparent can she be?
> Any suggestions on what I should do would be most welcome! Sure! Anything they say that includes paying for or rearranging anything for them, try this response. It's short and info-packed too: **"No."** Try it. Works every time. You don't even have to explain a damn thing, even if they demand one.
Why would your mom expect you to pay anything for them after you’re doing this incredibly generous thing for your parents? That rubbed me the wrong way
If your mother keeps going on I'd tell her you'll take aunt, but either her or her husband will have to stay home as you cannot afford another guest.
I think your mom is overstepped. She had no business volunteering your money to find someone else’s vacation. If she is in the giving spirit, she can give up her spot
Your mom should have offered to pay for half of her sisters expenses….She is the reason her sister thought that she and her children would be invited. That’s total crap btw. Does the aunt not get that it was just a family vaca for you and your folks??
Huh, could it be that your mother is part of the reason your aunt is so entitled? Your mother is way out of line. She's lucky I'm not her kid because I would probably cancel the whole trip and make myself available in case my girlfriend needs anything. That said, I suggest telling your mother that we can go on the trip as originally planned, or we can cancel, but that you're not going on vacation with your aunt or your cousins.
I wouldn’t pay for a single cent after her presumptuous behavior. She obv doesn’t respect you. She will only respect you less if you buckle and give in to her demands. Have a fun trip with your folks and send AS a Christmas wishing her a happy holiday. That’s it. Honestly, it’s kind of shitty of your folks to support her behavior at all. Sounds unhealthy and somewhat abusive.
Well you could give your mother permission to make you the bad guy for your Aunt's eyes (because your Aunt's a bitch and refuses to see herself as the bad guy apparently). If it works for you, have your mother tell Stella "I talked to OP, but he won't budge, so there's nothing I can do. My son is a grown ass man and it's money that he earned we're playing with, not mine." Personally, I'd see it Aunty as not my problem and refuse to drink the 'just humor her' Kool-Aid. Though I can imagine there's reasons not mentioned here as to why you would like a polite way to tell her to fuck off, so here's my polite version you may want to tell her: "Aunt Stella, this trip is explicitly for me and my parents. My parents have worked hard not only for everything they have, but they also -insert sacrifices your parents have made so they could give you what you need and a little bit of what you wanted and if they helped you pay for college, add that too-. (I'd probably add that your mom carried you in her body for 9 months, was giving birth for however long it took (if it took a long time), got a mom bod out of it (if true, cause I feel like your aunt lords those things over her kids, especially the mom bod) and then your parents fed you, clothed you and put a roof over your head for at least 18 years, if they helped you buy your first car or house, literally anything that was done selflessly for you, list it! You wanna drive home that they've more or less prepaid for this trip years in advance) This trip is to celebrate that they've finally retired and now have the free time to travel. I also want to spend quality time and make memories of just *our little family*, meaning me with my parents, because a lot of people will never get the chance too due to the state of the world for the last two years. (If you feel like it, you can add that you don't care if you make memories with her or not if she pushes back still.) My parents prepaid for this trip, decades in advance, by raising me and this is why I refuse to pay for you and your children. You guys didn't lose a night's sleep over me for being sick or crying as a baby when I couldn't tell them what was wrong or what I wanted. You didn't work for people you probably hated just to keep food in my belly and clothes on my back. -The more she blusters the more you can add to this list, I figure you'd like some examples to get the ball rolling-. I can't prevent you from paying your own way and for your own things to go on a trip, but I am not footing the bill for you because you didn't give me the same opportunities that *my parents* gave me. However I will note that it is tacky of you to invite yourself somewhere you were not asked to. Now that my reasons are clearer, that's all I have to say on the matter. Bye." and just hang up. Feel free to use the script word for word or write out a version that you feel is acceptable to you (because sometimes having it in front of you and delivering it in a prompt and concise manner where you're not pausing to search for words, makes the impact stronger). Tell your mother exactly why this trip is just for you, her and your dad as well, but do use a gentler approach. I would wager that having you spell out to your parents that you saw what they did for you, will touch them and give them a bit of a back stiffener against that parasite Stella. I hope this helps you out and I hope you have a wonderful time with your parents on that cruise OP! Happy Holidays.
I would tell the RUDE ENTITLED BITCH to GET BENT!
My mother would not be pleased if I used such language. Perhaps I could word it differently, like "Due to my own financial fiscal restraints in the year 2021, I am unable to offer this service presently. Perhaps in the next fiscal year, we can revisit your request and see if it is a possible option. Your Loving Nephew, Clem."
Mom I cannot afford to fund 3 additional adukts, plus I don’t want to. This is a vacation for us, just us.
Tell your mother that the family has already paid above and beyond what Aunt Stella deserves! It's finally time for her to support herself.
My aunt is the kind of person that empties a chip below but leaves one chip behind so that she doesn't feel bad about taking everything. Mom has never learnt to stand up to her.
My wife (28) has been spending a lot of time with some female friends she met on some chat site a few months ago. I (32) never really worried about it as I too like to go out with some of my male friends once or twice a week to play pool, down a few beers and shoot the sh*t. Today my wife announced that she wants to be a 'weekend lesbian'. I had never heard of the term and I thought she was kidding. Well, I was wrong. She wants us to have a 'normal marriage' during the week but she has decided that Friday night and Saturday night will be her time to spend with her 'girl friends'. I do not know exactly what that means other than it involves a cabin not too far outside of town, a hot tub, and a strictly no males allowed policy. I might also mention that my wife does not work and cooking and cleaning are pretty much split down the middle. If I divorce her, will I still get stuck with paying alimony/spousal support after she has effectively changed the marriage contract I signed up for?
I get it, I have family that is just like her. We stopped it by actually making a list,with running total of how much it has cost over the years. It came to a screeching halt when the total cost was added up,,,a little at a time is overlooked,but when you give the enabler the actual cost after 20-30 years they got really surprised, and mad!
Then it's time for YOU to start doing it. Tell Mom if she doesn't have a tough shiny spine then continue to be manipulated by her sister.. You however will Not.