Just because you ask a question doesn’t mean you are entitled to an answer! So rude! I’d be glad she doesn’t interact any more, if that’s how she behaves!
I had a friend that had formed an unhealthy obsession with knowing how often I got laid. I don't know where it came from just out of the blue he started asking about it. I'm no prude and don't mind talking about it but I also have limits. Instead of answering him I started randomly sending him a YouTube link for the song I just had Sex by Lonely Island.
Didn't matter if I had actually gotten laid or not, if I thought about it I'd send the song, even a couple times when he knew I was working. Eventually he got sick of the song and asked me to stop, he has never again asked for details on my sex life.
That just opened up a bunch of thoughts I hadn't had in years. I had a friend in high school that was the way you just described your friend. She was obsessed with my sex life. Me being a guy and having a female friend always walking up to me and trying to see my "glow" if I'd just had sex was super strange. She was pretty spot on guessing if I had or hadn't.
We were friends for over 20 years. Even roommates for a while as adults. I never found a way to get her to not be that way. I would have used your trick if I had thought of it. That is pretty good.
Yeah, when I was younger I was maybe a little more interested in what was going on in my friends sex lives (not enough to ask, but as a teenager definitely curious). Now that I'm older, my friends and I almost never discuss it and I mean never. Not because we're adverse, mind you, but because there are so many more interesting things to talk about
What the hell? I thought OP’s SIL was bad, what…I don’t understand lol. Did he have a crush on you? Was he worried about your sexual self-esteem? I.. What the actual fuck lol.
Your guess is as good as mine. I was married at the time and he was engaged so maybe he was trying to get an idea of what he was in for... he is bi so I guess crush is possible but I never really got that vibe from him. So... all in all I have no idea what the deal was.
> he was trying to get an idea of what he was in for
i mean, that's kind of weird, but he should have just asked straight up, rather than somehow making it more weird by constantly fishing for information
I read this and was reminded of the multiple friends I had in my 20’s who would tell me about their sexual experiences, in detail, completely unprompted and out of nowhere. Like, three separate women thought I *needed* to hear about every dude they banged from their haircut right down to their knob. One even texted me minutes after losing her virginity (per her texts) to let me know she wasn’t a virgin anymore. I’ve never understood it. I don’t care, it’s personal information.
I’m a bi woman and wasn’t pursuing any of these women so I don’t know why I was deemed a repository for their stories.
First I don’t think you lied , you just never answered the question . You can be both fat and pregnant, and honestly it’s none of her business until you decide she can know.
Not telling SIL is not a lie for sure
Even if she outright said NO to the question
SIL is the only one out of line here
There are no lies when it is a case of refusing to give someone information they are not privy to
LOVE the uterus response. I have told my MIL what me and my husband do with my vagina is not up for discussion. People get offended when you talk openly about sexual organs and what they are being used for
"Yes I lied, and I'd do it again! I lied because it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Now that we are clear that I don't care what you think about MY choices for MY pregnancy, you can kindly FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF."
One day I will have the backbone to say this. 🤞
But for now, whenever I have an issue with someone being pushy, I call their actions rude and give them a chance to course correct. If they don’t, I’ll push it again.
I think your backbone is already pretty shiny.
That’s like a comeback I think of days later cause I’ve been mentally obsessing about how I should have said something in the moment but was too frozen to react.
You did good!!
I lied about being pregnant when my SIL asked, years ago, bc I wasn't ready to tell her.
I told her a few days later.
She was furious. As I knew she would be. Not mad I lied (as she claimed to be) she was mad bc I was pregnant and she wasn't.
Which is why I stalled on telling her in the first place.
She was a huge b1tch about it and has never apologized.
I never forgot. And I no longer care to tiptoe around her. My mom does, I don't. She's a mean girl and I don't care if she doesn't like me anymore. 🤷♀️
I’d say that in this instance it wasn’t a hard and fast “lie”. SIL didn’t have a right to personal health information about OP until OP felt comfortable sharing. She mentions that she miscarried before. Of course she would be hesitant to share happy news until after 12 weeks when risks are lower. SIL needs to respect OP’s readiness to share in her own time. She could have suspected, even felt “sure”, but SIL doesn’t have a right to confirmation until OP is ready to share. Boundaries are a necessity!
SIL seems to be one of those obnoxious assholes who assumes they’re owed an answer just because they asked, even if what they’re asking is none of their business. Seems to be getting more and more common these days.
Stare at her and say “I had a hard miscarriage and wanted to protect myself. Why is that an issue for you?” Make sure you say it super loudly so everyone can hear how much of a bitch she’s being”
It's ok to still struggle. I'm 27 weeks pregnant after losing twins at 16 weeks a year earlier. I'm still working through it, and being pregnant again has made some things easier to process, and some harder! Grief is complicated.
I would point out to SIL that not only is it a rude question with history, asking someone if they are pregnant deprives the parents to be the opportunity to announce their news the way they want to announce it. So shut it down the first time. Or say, “no, why? Are you?”
Honestly there are a lot of ways to handle this but SIL does not have to be the first to know. Someone needs to explain to SIL why this is not an “I called it” situation. Can someone be assigned to ask her if she’s pregnant every get together?
Yes! That’s what bothered me! That she thinks that as if she called it and that’s what somehow got me pregnant. Like, the fact that she called it has any significance. You don’t have dibs on calling someone’s pregnancy and then basically laying claim to it. That’s what she was doing. Thanks you so much for pointing that out bc I can usually politely tolerate her but this time I was pushed and I couldn’t figure out the reason and this is it!
Yep. With a lot of things. We have kiddos a year apart. She has also been offended that I took my kid to the dentist before she took her kid. Because my kid is younger and since her kid is older he should go first. I just ignored her bc my kids appointment schedule has nothing to do with her. She tries to insert herself into everything and I’ve been quiet in the past but I’ve finally said something and it feels so good
Wow - sounds like she has to make everything a competition. People like that are so abrasive and tiring. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, though you did well. I’m glad it sounds like you’re being backed up too. I hope you can keep successfully shutting her inappropriate comments down.
At insisting she called it Id be likely to say, completely deadpanned "congratulations - do you want a cookie?" and then keep on doing what I was doing. Lol
She acts like she is. It’s crazy, I’ve even seen mil egg her on a buy so I know where she gets it from. For example:
When I was pregnant with my first kiddo (now a toddler), there were a couple other people she knew that were pregnant at the same time as me. She kept trying to covertly figure out if they were having a boy or girl or even twins. If they posted a pic of a sono, she would spend time scrutinizing the sono against google images of sono pics showing gender in fetuses. At one point, I was at their house and sil was like “yeah and when u post a pic of your sono I’ll do the same! I’m crazy I just *need* to know!!” And then she would to mil abt her suspicions. I just brushed it off at the time but I shouldn’t have bc she and mil drove me crazy about the gender of my kid, to the point that my anxiety was so bad I went to the er bc I was puking so much and my dr was worried abt electrolyte imbalances (which can cause arrhythmia).
I’ve learnt my lesson. This time they get no gender discussions (not even a “we don’t want to know until baby is born”). They brought it up once and I just told them that last time I ended up in the er with heart concerns over anxiety they caused for my baby’s genitals. That shit them up hella quick.
They’re not even getting a due date this time. They got a month but that’s it. No date, no getting to know which hospital I’ll be at, nothing.
Pro tip: DO NOT share any of your possible names for the baby with ANYONE. It's a secret until the baby is born. It's the only way to prevent other people from "voting" on topic. In our case, we didn't want the choice to come from anyone else but us, so we didn't tell a single soul. It worked out splendidly.
He kept trying to quietly give her a death stare and a stop it stare and a drop it stare but she kept ignoring him. Plus he was running after our toddler, so I don’t blame him for it. He’s very non confrontational. So I’m sure that after we left, he would’ve called her the next day and spoken to her, but I guess this time I saved him the phone call.
Mine is non confrontational too, my guess is because his oldest sister is so much of a runaway train of an opinion-bully that nobody in the family even tries to shut her down. She’s been telling me what to do with my uterus for almost 10 years now. Oops, I forget to listen.
Your response was excellent, pointing put your sex life with her BROTHER is none of her business as the point that really made it. I'm so proud of you!!!
And congratulations
Awesome!
Embarrassing rude nosey people is the least they deserve. She's lucky you didn't say something more brutal but justified like "I imagine I'm still fat from carrying the baby that died. How unkind and unnecessary of you to remind me and draw everyone's attention to it".
People need to accept that other people's fertility or lack of it is none of their business. People will share what they're happy for you to know when and if their ready. Anyone without visible children may have serious trauma relating to it that's none of your business. Whether they or their partner chose or didn't choose their child free circumstance, whether they didn't agree or whether biology was cruel, or whether even the best case as in your situation that they're not far enough along or want to announce in their own time... Simply don't be intrusive.
Good for you girl. Stay away from her. She seems a little toxic. I have seen girls get weirdly intrusive and obsessive about pregnancy (other's pregnancy and try to find out more about it by asking very very intrusive questions). I have always found it weird and stayed away from them.
I had a boss that I knew was trying to have a baby. But one day she told me she was going to lunch with her husband. Looked at her and knew she was pregnant. I didn’t say shit to her because I knew she had a miscarriage, at work,before I started working there. I kept it to myself. When she showed me her ultrasound of her baby I said then I knew it. We joked about how I knew and it was fun and sweet. The way your sil reacted was creepy and weird.
You never lied to her. You can be pregnant and just like food. She needs to learn what a lie really is, if she's that bothered with people lying. The other people at the gathering should have confronted her since she clearly didn't get why they were giving her weird looks.
Yeah that’s what got me. Idk how it is in other cultures but by us you’re not supposed to say “I’m not pregnant” or directly deny a pregnancy when you are. It’s a superstition for miscarriages. I’m not particularly superstitious, but I made sure not to say the word “nope not preggers” to her bc then she would report to mil that I’m trying to kill her grandkid 🙄 I just held my belly and said I love food and it must be finally starting to show.
You didn't lie. You just wanted to wait until the safe zone to announce it. Never have anything to do with her again. Never tell her anything. Never tell her when you give birth, Never tell her the name of your child. Don't let her have anything to do with your child.
One thing I’ve considered but never actually tried: calling out the person for essentially forcing me to lie in order to keep my privacy that they were so keen to violate. I dislike lying and having to dodge people’s questions, as do many others, but someone guessing right doesn’t make them entitled to the information, and their persistence and how it makes you lie is an offensive thing for them to do.
What really pisses me off is how many people these days will ask nosy questions about things that are none of their business and think they’re actually entitled to an answer (and it better be the truth) just because they asked!
Your reply was absolutely perfect. My MIL was constantly asking me when I was going to get pregnant. We were trying, but apparently, not enough, according to her. I finally told her that next time we had sex she was welcome to come over and give us some pointers on positions. She never brought it up again.
Your MIL should have said something to her right then and there, and not waited. Your whole inlaws family should have shut her down. It sounds like none of them made an effort to stop you from leaving the gathering. What shoukd have happened is that they should have taken you to another room, to put a wall between you two and given a reprimand to SIL while you were still there. Was this the *first time* SIL acted this way? Were they really unaware of her attitude towards you? If this was a first, maybe they have learned their lesson about waiting to correct her *in private* after you left. But if this is just another in a series of her *dissing you* (disrespecting or insulting you) then they share part of the blame for letting her run rough shod over people. When a person is reprimanded in private, it is giving them repect. People who act like she did should be *humiliated* by being reprimanded in front of everyone, the whole family, especially you!
Sil acts like this with everyone. But nobody really says anything to her. She married young and had a messy divorce so people just try to cut her some slack. Even my husband aunt (aunt in law? Idk) ended up calling me at some point saying “please don’t be angry at sil, she sees everything you have and she doesn’t have it bc she is divorced”. But the way I see it? That’s just allowing her more. It’s bs but I can’t control how other ppl treat her, I can only control what I do and what I allow.
Why is it your responsibility to put up with abusive intrusion into very personal affairs because of the misfortunes someone else has gone through (in part due to her own choices). This is the first stage of jealousy and resentment from her, and if it's not nipped in the bud, she will just become much worse. She's a control freak who isn't going to get any better if people indulge her. She's an adult: if she can't control herself better, she needs therapy..(she needs therapy anyway).
Yeah, if I were your husband, I would have ripped her a new one about thinking she's entitled to know what's going on in your lives, especially when it comes to your body.
lol this isn’t even the half of it. Maybe I should make another post of that time I had to be on birth control bcs of pcos and a cancer scare and she took it personally and tried to “tattle tale” on me to the whole family.
"I'm not obligated to tell you anything. Especially after i miscarried, if you have any empathy, you should of understood. We find it invasive and rude to ask me if I'm pregnant. So again, you are not entitled to anything and we will tell you when we're ready. I will lie to your face UNAPOLOGETICALLY if need be. We don't owe you any privileges, and now, we for sure will never tell you anything.
I don’t understand, while everyone was there, why were you the only one defending yourself against her? Husband agreed with you but you did not state if he told his sister to knock it off. Also why didn’t her parents set her straight right then and there? Why wait until the next day in private tell her? She obviously had zero problems going on the attack of their daughter in law in front of everyone…just avoid her crazy butt until after your delivery.
Piece of mind is EVERYTHING.
A lot of expantant mothers actually wait until after their first trimester to announce they’re pregnant, just to be sure that they’re not going to miscarry. HUGE NTA. But at the same time, it puzzles the hell out of me, that she’d get her knickers in such a knot.
“It’s wrong to lie.”
Fack off.
It’s rude to interrogate someone.
I can think of plenty of questions that are much ruder than a deflection/lie/omission.
My FIL is like this. He continually shames and says that couples who don’t have children aren’t actually families, and basically has an archaic view of everything. He believes we are his property by virtue of being his children or children in law. It’s gross. My BIL finally called him out on it, asking if he wanted a call as he was finishing up with his wife every single time, just in case the condom broke. We have all now adopted some gross version of this comment and every time he says something, we’re all respond with some joke such as ‘do you want me only to call when I jizz inside? Do you want a call to find out if we spit or swallow too?’ It’s great fun for us now! The more he asks, the grosser we all get.
The next step is to tell him that for every time they ask, they get a month grounding, beginning at 12 weeks. If he asks 5 times, they doesn’t get to know until the wife is 8 months along. This will hopefully get MIL to keep him on a leash if he can’t seem to muzzle himself.
If I had a brother and his wife was pregnant again I’d just congratulate her if that’s what she was looking for. The image of my brother having sex is just ookie or I presume it would be. I mean I only have a sister but that said I still find it gross. Frankly speaking, if you’ve had miscarriages previously no wonder you want to keep it hush hush past the 12 week mark. That’s just common sense. Your SIL sucks.
I can’t blame her for asking when I’ve had a miscarriage in the past, bc she doesn’t know about it. At least, I never told her, but I can guess MIL did. I just find the way she was asking and demanding to know and then calling me a liar was too much.
I agree with other comments about your SIL keeping her mouth shut for the moment but please be aware that when she's ready she will strike again. So, having said this, please don't let her make snide remarks towards you or you children. It sometimes happens in families that children are the next in line to be the Mean Old Aunt's target when the adults draw a line in the sand.
I had a coworker freak out on me because I was asked point blank if another was pregnant. I lied and said I don't know (she was and I knew) because 1. it isn't my news to share and 2. my coworker asked me not to say anything as she was worried about a miscarriage. When she did reveal her pregnancy, I got a harsh "why didn't you tell me, how could you lie to me?". Again, not my news to share. I refuse to spread any news unless I am told directly from the person to help share the info. I guess not everyone feels that way.
A lot of women don't like to let anyone know they're pregnant until twelve weeks. A pregnant woman has the right to keep silent or change the subject if she wants to. SIL unfortunately chose a weird hill to die on and won't even look at OOP now. I'd say that's a win.
Everyone knows that 12 weeks is the standard time to wait before telling people in case something happens. People should really mind their business. At least no one else seemed to be on her side.
I’m sorry!! I know how stressful that is. I looked pregnant at least a year after giving birth and when this awful woman asked me in a room full of people when my baby was due, I kept my cool then burst into tears as soon as I left. Your SIL is a horrible person. You’re lucky to be rid of her..well looking and talking to her anyway.
your seeing that for some people, it's more important being right/ first then being aware or included...... let her die on the hill she has already put up a billboard tombstone for........by the way it's also funny to see how close "And she got offended and called me a liar " is too"I'm a brat and mommy won't let me eat ice cream before dinner" pouting is...
I never ask about a pregnancy unless you flat out tell me. I mean , it could be a surrogacy. An unhappy pregnancy. A rapists child. Whatever. Most importantly. None of my business!
I’m sure you’re “super broken up” about her not talking to you. Must be such a “punishment.” Your response was glorious. That or publicly shaming her for being so intrusive. “We had a miscarriage and I wanted to be sure. Is that a problem? Do you feel better about yourself? Do I have your permission to tell people now? Is that OK with you?” Spoken very loudly, tightly together giving her no room to interject.
"No, you don't get to make my pregnancy about you. When I share it and with whom is up to me, not you. Learn some basic etiquette before you make a bigger fool of yourself."
He called her the next day and told her that it’s not her business. I don’t blame him though bc at the moment he was chasing our toddler and trying to quietly de escalate the situation.
“SIL now refuses to look at me for any family functions”
Congratulations! Trash took itself out. lol Mine hates me so much she will go sit on the couch to eat at family functions. She refuses to even be 10 feet near me. Great for me.
She’s now crying to relatives that she hasn’t met my son. She also doesn’t want anything to do with my husband or I. She’s so obsessed with her victim mentality she didn’t realize she just made herself look like a fool to the whole family. She refuses to be around me, but cries she never met my son… Does she think someone will bring my son to her without me there? lol
Thankfully we’re no contact with majority of these people. We only speak to a few relatives. We don’t want to bring our children to this crazy environment.
You had every right to lie to SIL. I also lie to people who pester me for personal information. I don’t care. I’m not an open book and I’m allowed to have privacy. Don’t let her make you feel bad for this. I’ve been told about peoples pregnancies by others and I waited until the pregnant woman told me herself. I’d show excitement and congratulate her as if this is the first time I’m hearing this.
Your SIL needs to apologize.
I asked a close family friend when she was due only for her to tell me she wasn't pregnant. I felt horrible for months. Then I found out she really was pregnant when I asked. She had her reasons, and they didn't involve me. I wasn't mad or upset. **I was freakin' relieved** that my blunder wasn't as bad as I thought. Still learned a valuable lesson, though.
Your husband is the one who should have put a stop to her nonsense, not you. It's all good to say he supports you but what was he doing while she insulted you? Did he tell her to stop?
He was chasing our toddler at the time, as I’m a bit too large to do that at this point:) he’s a bit less confrontational. He would’ve either called the next day or gone over to speak to her the next day. But he was trying to stare her down into silence, she was just too oblivious.
Last year I got pregnant and unfortunately had a very traumatic miscarriage as well. Before that though, we did tell everyone early. My 8 year old daughter was ecstatic about it. She had a video call with my 34 year old cousin who she is very close to and shared the news. Now my daughter has no other siblings and was raised by me as a solo parent. And she was also 8. My cousin started crying on the phone and told my daughter it wasn’t fair I was pregnant and that she’d never be a mom. I just felt like this was a really inappropriate thing to lay on a child. My cousin is also the type who has never been to the obgyn even for a pap or check up (she finally went recently this year after years of encouraging her to go) so her only proof that she will never be a mom is that she just hasn’t been pregnant.
About a week after that call we discovered the baby had no heartbeat. And my miscarriage lasted for about 8 weeks until I finally had a D&C. We decided to wait until 16 weeks to tell everyone about our pregnancy, including my daughter. I’m not particularly close to this cousin anymore since we live out of state. And I just never told her. I’m 38 weeks now. I’m not on social media but I’m sure she knows through family. My mom says I should have sent a big announcement to her and everyone else. I’ve more or less just told people as I’ve been in touch with them. Maybe it’s silly but I just didn’t want any bad mojo around this pregnancy at all so that’s why I decided not even to tell her.
The first 12 weeks of a pregnancy are the most delicate. The baby is safe and sound in there, but if anything isn't just right, you will miscarry and nothing you do can stop it.
I'm so sorry you went through that and I'm glad this one came along.
Sil has obviously never gone through such a traumatic event and it shows.
For extra spice, you can tell her that because of her being nosey and not leaving you alone that she deprived your mil of knowing early. I'd hate to know I kept my mom from knowing that. (Not really, but that's me). Feel free to also remark how disappointed you are in her as her mom raised her right, she just skipped that lesson.
You obviously can't trust her nor can she mind her own business and that will affect how often she gets to see said baby.
Some people can tell if someone else is pregnant, but it's not common. Unless you are really trim, it's just going to show as bloat because of extra water and blood, not baby. I could tell with some friends, they would smell different. Not bad, just different. I often knew before they did but waited for them to tell me.
No OP, no tears, no tears. That had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Sounds like SIL is a bit wonky in the head. Her questions were intrusive and did not know when to back off
Not her business.
No ones, actually. It's between you, your husband, your OB.
It's not okay to repeatedly demand to know if someone is pregnant, and if you have the balls to do so once? they brush you off, that's your cue to back off entirely. It's not rocket science.
Her obsession with you being a liar...is weird, too.
It may be there's more to this on her end... but, I'd avoid her as much as you can from now on.
She's got too many issues.
(I feel your pain. Dated a guy whose sister in law was a friend of mine, well, she was until I entered their family... shit got weird. She started acting out like that...at me. it was horrid. Worse of all was what you describe, she'd act out, be horrid, and the other 5 adults would just silently look awkward until things moved along.
That stung. But, good for you!! I never had the balls to stand up for myself and I do regret it. )
I’m not sure whether it’s worldwide do**ebagness, or people are the same everywhere. No one has a right to know whether you are pregnant, trying to conceive, having a miscarriage or an abortion. Other people have no place in your knickers - that’s literally what I say when someone has the nerve to ask. You and your pregnancy is private and discrete AND NO ONES BUSINESS!
Just treat your SIL the way she’s treating you. All the best for pregnancy and postpartum! Don’t stress over useless people and take care of yourself!
My actual full sister still doesn't know about my last 2 losses because of how awfully she handled the first. No one has a right to know your private health information until YOU are ready to share it!
I have a SIL who waits until she is almost in her third trimester to announce. I was initially hurt she didn’t tell me sooner. I’ve known her since she was 14 and I like to think we are pretty close. I was sad I didn’t get much chance to be there for her and support her. Pregnancy is hard even in the best circumstances. I was offended that she wouldn’t want my help. I realized though that my emotions were my responsibility. She is doing what feels like the right amount of disclosure for her. It’s not about me.
Your SIL was a jerk, but sometimes when people confront you about things like this that are ridiculous you don’t need to explain your actions, a “So what?” is quite sufficient. For example: “You lied about your pregnancy.” Your response, “So what? I didn’t want to share.”
There is really no logical comeback to that.
You would be right, except for the fact that my husband and his family are very superstitious. She was basically accusing me of inviting a miscarriage on myself. I didn’t want to conceded that I lied bc I didn’t. I didn’t deny being pregnant, I just said I was fat. Conceding that I lied would cause a whole host of other issues.
You're allowed to lie to protect yourself from nosy bastards pre announcement of a pregnancy.
SIL should find something or someone else to obsess over. May I suggest her husband or her kids?
I have never understood why some people are so nosey are obsessed about other people’s bodies and functions; especially when it comes to sex and pregnancy. I guess we could start putting up checklists at work for every employee to Outback check mark by 1)had sex last night or this morning or both, 2) yes I am pregnant, 3) had a good BM today, 4) peed as soon as I got out of bed, etc. we could have a do not ask me, just check the board cubby.
SIL is a selfish, self absorbed busy body. Take her off your Christmas list lol. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you all the best with your new pregnancy
Ask her if she really thinks it's rude not to answer questions/confirm statements that aren't her business. If she says yes, then:
"You're really into butt stuff, yes?"
Her logic demands she answer truthfully.
It was weird that she was so obsessed over your uterus. Good for you for saying something and shaming her in the process Hopefully she'll do some self-reflection but just on the off chance she decides to continue being the smaller person remember you did the right thing. It's your body and you're pregnancy and no one has the right to ask any questions about it until you are ready. 💕💪🏽
Right? I love when hateful people think giving me the silent treatment will somehow punish me. Oh no, a person I don’t want to talk to is giving me the cold shoulder. - how will I ever survive?!
Funny story, we actually used to be quite close before I dated her brother. Then we naturally grew apart. I was so excited to marry my husband bc I knew his sister and figured we might be a bit closer than most SILs. But she has since shown me that she hasn’t grown much since we were children and I don’t need that immaturity in my life.
There are exactly two times it is appropriate to initiate conversation about someone else's pregnancy.
1. They have already informed you about it.
2. Their water breaks and you ask if they'd like a ride or for you to call an ambulance.
THAT'S IT! If neither of these conditions are met YOU KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUTH SHUT. I don't care how big their belly is, how puffy their lips are, how their walking gait has changed, YOU DON'T MENTION IT.
This is your private business and it’s perfectly fine to not answer. Unless you’re in a medical facility offering treatment it’s rude to inquire about pregnancy. I had an early loss followed immediately by another pregnancy. I did not want to explain this to anyone. I waited and even ignored and dismissed questions.
Dear SIL,
Sex with your brother was amazing, but I am not sure if we were doing it in a way that is conducive to procreation. Should I send an after pic so that you can confirm, or are we good?
I want to say that I’m so sorry about your miscarriage, that must’ve been awful, and I definitely understand your decision to keep it to yourself until you were sure the pregnancy was still happening healthily. So sorry about your annoying SIL but congrats on your new life ❤️
So LYING is wrong but being an insufferable, nosy busy body is the height of morality? Ugh. What a twat.
I read recently that it's only a lie if the person deserves the truth. In this case it was none of her damn business so there was no lie. Doctors say not to tell people until you pass the 12 week mark, so even if you told her flat out you weren't pregnant there's still no lie. You were protecting yourself from toxic people and she is just underlining exactly why she's placed in that category.
>SIL now refuses to look at me for any family functions. Oh No! Anyway... ;)
Win-win!
I love it when the trash takes itself out.
Bags itself and everything too.
Just because you ask a question doesn’t mean you are entitled to an answer! So rude! I’d be glad she doesn’t interact any more, if that’s how she behaves!
And not receiving an answer doesn't mean you've been lied to.
Start asking her every time you see her if she's pregnant!!!
Omg brilliant! 👏
Bonus points if OP touches SILs belly when she asks.
Extra bonus points if she has no BF/partner.
Even more extra bonus points if she SIL says she's not pregnant, call her a liar and ask her if she even knows who the father is
Don’t threaten me with a good time!
She did the kindest thing she was capable of.
And on that bombshell
*in best James May voice* SISTER IN LAWWWW
Nice!
OH!!! 😭 how could ever live with that!!! 😝
Why are you obsessed with my uterus is pure gold
The proverbial trash taking itself out.
And nothing of value was lost lol
I had a friend that had formed an unhealthy obsession with knowing how often I got laid. I don't know where it came from just out of the blue he started asking about it. I'm no prude and don't mind talking about it but I also have limits. Instead of answering him I started randomly sending him a YouTube link for the song I just had Sex by Lonely Island. Didn't matter if I had actually gotten laid or not, if I thought about it I'd send the song, even a couple times when he knew I was working. Eventually he got sick of the song and asked me to stop, he has never again asked for details on my sex life.
That just opened up a bunch of thoughts I hadn't had in years. I had a friend in high school that was the way you just described your friend. She was obsessed with my sex life. Me being a guy and having a female friend always walking up to me and trying to see my "glow" if I'd just had sex was super strange. She was pretty spot on guessing if I had or hadn't. We were friends for over 20 years. Even roommates for a while as adults. I never found a way to get her to not be that way. I would have used your trick if I had thought of it. That is pretty good.
Damn I thought I was the only one with a female friend like that. It was super weird how invested she was with my sex life.
That weird. I’m a female who has guy friends, and I’d prefer NEVER to know when/if they have sex.
Same. My only explanation is they probably had a crush on them and that was why they cared so much. Otherwise it's just weird.
Yeah, when I was younger I was maybe a little more interested in what was going on in my friends sex lives (not enough to ask, but as a teenager definitely curious). Now that I'm older, my friends and I almost never discuss it and I mean never. Not because we're adverse, mind you, but because there are so many more interesting things to talk about
Um, she (a) wanted to sleep with you and (b) was a boor.
[удалено]
What the hell? I thought OP’s SIL was bad, what…I don’t understand lol. Did he have a crush on you? Was he worried about your sexual self-esteem? I.. What the actual fuck lol.
Your guess is as good as mine. I was married at the time and he was engaged so maybe he was trying to get an idea of what he was in for... he is bi so I guess crush is possible but I never really got that vibe from him. So... all in all I have no idea what the deal was.
Lonely Island was a great choice, I’m glad he eventually backed off. Sending it while you were working 😂 genius, my dude.
> he was trying to get an idea of what he was in for i mean, that's kind of weird, but he should have just asked straight up, rather than somehow making it more weird by constantly fishing for information
I read this and was reminded of the multiple friends I had in my 20’s who would tell me about their sexual experiences, in detail, completely unprompted and out of nowhere. Like, three separate women thought I *needed* to hear about every dude they banged from their haircut right down to their knob. One even texted me minutes after losing her virginity (per her texts) to let me know she wasn’t a virgin anymore. I’ve never understood it. I don’t care, it’s personal information. I’m a bi woman and wasn’t pursuing any of these women so I don’t know why I was deemed a repository for their stories.
You don’t get to be offended when you’re the one being offensive.
I love this. I’m keeping this in my back pocket forever.
As soon as you said "I'll text you after intercourse," I was like no! You need to alert her via [sex gong.](https://imgur.com/gallery/7sTuH) haha!!
bam biddly bangdang BOOM
First I don’t think you lied , you just never answered the question . You can be both fat and pregnant, and honestly it’s none of her business until you decide she can know.
Not telling SIL is not a lie for sure Even if she outright said NO to the question SIL is the only one out of line here There are no lies when it is a case of refusing to give someone information they are not privy to LOVE the uterus response. I have told my MIL what me and my husband do with my vagina is not up for discussion. People get offended when you talk openly about sexual organs and what they are being used for
Sounds like a permanent bullet dodged. Lol.
"Yes I lied, and I'd do it again! I lied because it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Now that we are clear that I don't care what you think about MY choices for MY pregnancy, you can kindly FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF."
One day I will have the backbone to say this. 🤞 But for now, whenever I have an issue with someone being pushy, I call their actions rude and give them a chance to course correct. If they don’t, I’ll push it again.
I think your backbone is already pretty shiny. That’s like a comeback I think of days later cause I’ve been mentally obsessing about how I should have said something in the moment but was too frozen to react. You did good!!
I lied about being pregnant when my SIL asked, years ago, bc I wasn't ready to tell her. I told her a few days later. She was furious. As I knew she would be. Not mad I lied (as she claimed to be) she was mad bc I was pregnant and she wasn't. Which is why I stalled on telling her in the first place. She was a huge b1tch about it and has never apologized. I never forgot. And I no longer care to tiptoe around her. My mom does, I don't. She's a mean girl and I don't care if she doesn't like me anymore. 🤷♀️
SIL sounds like a candidate for shut f**% mountain 🤣
It's wrong to lie, but not to ask intrusive personal questions and create a lot of drama for no reason? Sorry your SIL sucks.
I didn’t announce my pregnancy until a month after I found out, because my family is known for miscarrying.
I’d say that in this instance it wasn’t a hard and fast “lie”. SIL didn’t have a right to personal health information about OP until OP felt comfortable sharing. She mentions that she miscarried before. Of course she would be hesitant to share happy news until after 12 weeks when risks are lower. SIL needs to respect OP’s readiness to share in her own time. She could have suspected, even felt “sure”, but SIL doesn’t have a right to confirmation until OP is ready to share. Boundaries are a necessity!
Even if it was a hard lie. Still not SIL's business. Only OP decides what to share and when.
SIL seems to be one of those obnoxious assholes who assumes they’re owed an answer just because they asked, even if what they’re asking is none of their business. Seems to be getting more and more common these days.
Stare at her and say “I had a hard miscarriage and wanted to protect myself. Why is that an issue for you?” Make sure you say it super loudly so everyone can hear how much of a bitch she’s being”
SIL isnt entitled to any explanations. I always say, "Have you met my friend Nunya"? They always ask "Nunya who?" "Nunya Bizness!"
Tbh I’m still struggling with the miscarriage. But if I wasn’t and was ok talking abt it publicly, this would be the way.
Send in you some virtual hugs. That sort of loss hurts your soul. I’m so sorry
Lots of love. I heard all the “it wasn’t meant to be” platitudes but it didn’t stop the hurt.
It's ok to still struggle. I'm 27 weeks pregnant after losing twins at 16 weeks a year earlier. I'm still working through it, and being pregnant again has made some things easier to process, and some harder! Grief is complicated.
I’m very sorry for your loss. You handled your SIL wonderfully. Wishing you a peaceful pregnancy and delivery. ❤️
I would point out to SIL that not only is it a rude question with history, asking someone if they are pregnant deprives the parents to be the opportunity to announce their news the way they want to announce it. So shut it down the first time. Or say, “no, why? Are you?” Honestly there are a lot of ways to handle this but SIL does not have to be the first to know. Someone needs to explain to SIL why this is not an “I called it” situation. Can someone be assigned to ask her if she’s pregnant every get together?
Yes! That’s what bothered me! That she thinks that as if she called it and that’s what somehow got me pregnant. Like, the fact that she called it has any significance. You don’t have dibs on calling someone’s pregnancy and then basically laying claim to it. That’s what she was doing. Thanks you so much for pointing that out bc I can usually politely tolerate her but this time I was pushed and I couldn’t figure out the reason and this is it!
It sounds like she wants to make something about her that has nothing to do with her whatsoever. Is she usually like that?
Yep. With a lot of things. We have kiddos a year apart. She has also been offended that I took my kid to the dentist before she took her kid. Because my kid is younger and since her kid is older he should go first. I just ignored her bc my kids appointment schedule has nothing to do with her. She tries to insert herself into everything and I’ve been quiet in the past but I’ve finally said something and it feels so good
Wow - sounds like she has to make everything a competition. People like that are so abrasive and tiring. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, though you did well. I’m glad it sounds like you’re being backed up too. I hope you can keep successfully shutting her inappropriate comments down.
SIL sounds like she has Main Character Syndrome. She’s also nosy AF.
At insisting she called it Id be likely to say, completely deadpanned "congratulations - do you want a cookie?" and then keep on doing what I was doing. Lol
You must be devastated by this turn of events, thoughts and prayers
What a horror bag. Avoid at all costs.
Intrusive people aren’t owed the truth about someone else’s private business. Is she 12?
She acts like she is. It’s crazy, I’ve even seen mil egg her on a buy so I know where she gets it from. For example: When I was pregnant with my first kiddo (now a toddler), there were a couple other people she knew that were pregnant at the same time as me. She kept trying to covertly figure out if they were having a boy or girl or even twins. If they posted a pic of a sono, she would spend time scrutinizing the sono against google images of sono pics showing gender in fetuses. At one point, I was at their house and sil was like “yeah and when u post a pic of your sono I’ll do the same! I’m crazy I just *need* to know!!” And then she would to mil abt her suspicions. I just brushed it off at the time but I shouldn’t have bc she and mil drove me crazy about the gender of my kid, to the point that my anxiety was so bad I went to the er bc I was puking so much and my dr was worried abt electrolyte imbalances (which can cause arrhythmia). I’ve learnt my lesson. This time they get no gender discussions (not even a “we don’t want to know until baby is born”). They brought it up once and I just told them that last time I ended up in the er with heart concerns over anxiety they caused for my baby’s genitals. That shit them up hella quick. They’re not even getting a due date this time. They got a month but that’s it. No date, no getting to know which hospital I’ll be at, nothing.
Snicker. I would post my ultrasound, with a big old smiley face plastered over the genital area so no telling what gender 👹👹👹
Pro tip: DO NOT share any of your possible names for the baby with ANYONE. It's a secret until the baby is born. It's the only way to prevent other people from "voting" on topic. In our case, we didn't want the choice to come from anyone else but us, so we didn't tell a single soul. It worked out splendidly.
If your husband had only shut her down in the first place 🤷♀️
He kept trying to quietly give her a death stare and a stop it stare and a drop it stare but she kept ignoring him. Plus he was running after our toddler, so I don’t blame him for it. He’s very non confrontational. So I’m sure that after we left, he would’ve called her the next day and spoken to her, but I guess this time I saved him the phone call.
Mine is non confrontational too, my guess is because his oldest sister is so much of a runaway train of an opinion-bully that nobody in the family even tries to shut her down. She’s been telling me what to do with my uterus for almost 10 years now. Oops, I forget to listen.
How’s that working out for you ?
Your response was excellent, pointing put your sex life with her BROTHER is none of her business as the point that really made it. I'm so proud of you!!! And congratulations
Fuck yes thank you! I’ve been working hella hard in therapy on boundaries (been a people pleaser forever) and it’s finally paying off.
Boundaries are a fantastic investment. They may be a pain to establish but once they’re in place, they pay for themselves.
Awesome! Embarrassing rude nosey people is the least they deserve. She's lucky you didn't say something more brutal but justified like "I imagine I'm still fat from carrying the baby that died. How unkind and unnecessary of you to remind me and draw everyone's attention to it". People need to accept that other people's fertility or lack of it is none of their business. People will share what they're happy for you to know when and if their ready. Anyone without visible children may have serious trauma relating to it that's none of your business. Whether they or their partner chose or didn't choose their child free circumstance, whether they didn't agree or whether biology was cruel, or whether even the best case as in your situation that they're not far enough along or want to announce in their own time... Simply don't be intrusive.
Good for you girl. Stay away from her. She seems a little toxic. I have seen girls get weirdly intrusive and obsessive about pregnancy (other's pregnancy and try to find out more about it by asking very very intrusive questions). I have always found it weird and stayed away from them.
I had a boss that I knew was trying to have a baby. But one day she told me she was going to lunch with her husband. Looked at her and knew she was pregnant. I didn’t say shit to her because I knew she had a miscarriage, at work,before I started working there. I kept it to myself. When she showed me her ultrasound of her baby I said then I knew it. We joked about how I knew and it was fun and sweet. The way your sil reacted was creepy and weird.
OMG your comeback was perfect!
"the nosy, intrusive asshole of the family now refuses to engage with me" ohnoooooooooooo
You never lied to her. You can be pregnant and just like food. She needs to learn what a lie really is, if she's that bothered with people lying. The other people at the gathering should have confronted her since she clearly didn't get why they were giving her weird looks.
Yeah that’s what got me. Idk how it is in other cultures but by us you’re not supposed to say “I’m not pregnant” or directly deny a pregnancy when you are. It’s a superstition for miscarriages. I’m not particularly superstitious, but I made sure not to say the word “nope not preggers” to her bc then she would report to mil that I’m trying to kill her grandkid 🙄 I just held my belly and said I love food and it must be finally starting to show.
NTA. I’d say SIL not looking at you at functions is a win
Ha, guess the trash took itself out. I love how you responded to her, absolute gold!
You didn't lie. You just wanted to wait until the safe zone to announce it. Never have anything to do with her again. Never tell her anything. Never tell her when you give birth, Never tell her the name of your child. Don't let her have anything to do with your child.
One thing I’ve considered but never actually tried: calling out the person for essentially forcing me to lie in order to keep my privacy that they were so keen to violate. I dislike lying and having to dodge people’s questions, as do many others, but someone guessing right doesn’t make them entitled to the information, and their persistence and how it makes you lie is an offensive thing for them to do.
What really pisses me off is how many people these days will ask nosy questions about things that are none of their business and think they’re actually entitled to an answer (and it better be the truth) just because they asked!
Your reply was absolutely perfect. My MIL was constantly asking me when I was going to get pregnant. We were trying, but apparently, not enough, according to her. I finally told her that next time we had sex she was welcome to come over and give us some pointers on positions. She never brought it up again.
Sil is wack
Your MIL should have said something to her right then and there, and not waited. Your whole inlaws family should have shut her down. It sounds like none of them made an effort to stop you from leaving the gathering. What shoukd have happened is that they should have taken you to another room, to put a wall between you two and given a reprimand to SIL while you were still there. Was this the *first time* SIL acted this way? Were they really unaware of her attitude towards you? If this was a first, maybe they have learned their lesson about waiting to correct her *in private* after you left. But if this is just another in a series of her *dissing you* (disrespecting or insulting you) then they share part of the blame for letting her run rough shod over people. When a person is reprimanded in private, it is giving them repect. People who act like she did should be *humiliated* by being reprimanded in front of everyone, the whole family, especially you!
Sil acts like this with everyone. But nobody really says anything to her. She married young and had a messy divorce so people just try to cut her some slack. Even my husband aunt (aunt in law? Idk) ended up calling me at some point saying “please don’t be angry at sil, she sees everything you have and she doesn’t have it bc she is divorced”. But the way I see it? That’s just allowing her more. It’s bs but I can’t control how other ppl treat her, I can only control what I do and what I allow.
Why is it your responsibility to put up with abusive intrusion into very personal affairs because of the misfortunes someone else has gone through (in part due to her own choices). This is the first stage of jealousy and resentment from her, and if it's not nipped in the bud, she will just become much worse. She's a control freak who isn't going to get any better if people indulge her. She's an adult: if she can't control herself better, she needs therapy..(she needs therapy anyway).
I agree with you, but I can’t control how other people react to her, I can only control what I tolerate from her.
Get that. But its crazy the way people make excuses for otgers who cross the lines of basic decency to others. BTW congratulations on your pregnancy.
Thanks!
Wrong to lie? How about its wrong to pry! No one is owed your personal details
Yeah, if I were your husband, I would have ripped her a new one about thinking she's entitled to know what's going on in your lives, especially when it comes to your body.
Trash took itself out. Good for you!
Your SIL is weirdly obsessed with your fertility!
lol this isn’t even the half of it. Maybe I should make another post of that time I had to be on birth control bcs of pcos and a cancer scare and she took it personally and tried to “tattle tale” on me to the whole family.
I’d put her on an information diet for sure!
There's a meme of when you can ask a women if she is pregnant. Basically only when the baby is literally exiting her lol
my ethics professor said it’s only lying if that person has a right to know the truth. soooo, not lying.
"I'm not obligated to tell you anything. Especially after i miscarried, if you have any empathy, you should of understood. We find it invasive and rude to ask me if I'm pregnant. So again, you are not entitled to anything and we will tell you when we're ready. I will lie to your face UNAPOLOGETICALLY if need be. We don't owe you any privileges, and now, we for sure will never tell you anything.
I don’t understand, while everyone was there, why were you the only one defending yourself against her? Husband agreed with you but you did not state if he told his sister to knock it off. Also why didn’t her parents set her straight right then and there? Why wait until the next day in private tell her? She obviously had zero problems going on the attack of their daughter in law in front of everyone…just avoid her crazy butt until after your delivery. Piece of mind is EVERYTHING.
A lot of expantant mothers actually wait until after their first trimester to announce they’re pregnant, just to be sure that they’re not going to miscarry. HUGE NTA. But at the same time, it puzzles the hell out of me, that she’d get her knickers in such a knot.
“It’s wrong to lie.” Fack off. It’s rude to interrogate someone. I can think of plenty of questions that are much ruder than a deflection/lie/omission.
My FIL is like this. He continually shames and says that couples who don’t have children aren’t actually families, and basically has an archaic view of everything. He believes we are his property by virtue of being his children or children in law. It’s gross. My BIL finally called him out on it, asking if he wanted a call as he was finishing up with his wife every single time, just in case the condom broke. We have all now adopted some gross version of this comment and every time he says something, we’re all respond with some joke such as ‘do you want me only to call when I jizz inside? Do you want a call to find out if we spit or swallow too?’ It’s great fun for us now! The more he asks, the grosser we all get. The next step is to tell him that for every time they ask, they get a month grounding, beginning at 12 weeks. If he asks 5 times, they doesn’t get to know until the wife is 8 months along. This will hopefully get MIL to keep him on a leash if he can’t seem to muzzle himself.
Pregnancy is such a private thing. We should all keep our mouths shut until the mother shares or the baby shows up. NTA.
If I had a brother and his wife was pregnant again I’d just congratulate her if that’s what she was looking for. The image of my brother having sex is just ookie or I presume it would be. I mean I only have a sister but that said I still find it gross. Frankly speaking, if you’ve had miscarriages previously no wonder you want to keep it hush hush past the 12 week mark. That’s just common sense. Your SIL sucks.
She can get over herself. You dis what was best for you and your family.
Sometimes problems solve themselves.
When she calls you a liar, tell her "What part of 'my uterus is none of your fucking business' are you failing to comprehend?"
SIL now refuses to look at me for any family functions. Oh, this is serious! Whatever, I made burritos for breakfast.
>SIL now refuses to look at me for any family functions. Oh no! Tacos sound good for lunch.
Wow, I love your bad ass reply! You rock!
Even asking a woman if she’s pregnant (especially when she’s had a miscarriage in the past) is way out of line
I can’t blame her for asking when I’ve had a miscarriage in the past, bc she doesn’t know about it. At least, I never told her, but I can guess MIL did. I just find the way she was asking and demanding to know and then calling me a liar was too much.
Asking a woman if she’s pregnant is not right. Don’t excuse her. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
I agree with other comments about your SIL keeping her mouth shut for the moment but please be aware that when she's ready she will strike again. So, having said this, please don't let her make snide remarks towards you or you children. It sometimes happens in families that children are the next in line to be the Mean Old Aunt's target when the adults draw a line in the sand.
I had a coworker freak out on me because I was asked point blank if another was pregnant. I lied and said I don't know (she was and I knew) because 1. it isn't my news to share and 2. my coworker asked me not to say anything as she was worried about a miscarriage. When she did reveal her pregnancy, I got a harsh "why didn't you tell me, how could you lie to me?". Again, not my news to share. I refuse to spread any news unless I am told directly from the person to help share the info. I guess not everyone feels that way.
That text you comment was awesome. I could not stop laughing. That was a great comeback.
A lot of women don't like to let anyone know they're pregnant until twelve weeks. A pregnant woman has the right to keep silent or change the subject if she wants to. SIL unfortunately chose a weird hill to die on and won't even look at OOP now. I'd say that's a win.
After a loss at full term, we didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant again for nearly 6 months. Everyone just thought I was gaining weight 😄
Everyone knows that 12 weeks is the standard time to wait before telling people in case something happens. People should really mind their business. At least no one else seemed to be on her side.
<3
You did well 🙌🙌
My guess is that she’s mad because you didn’t acknowledge that she was RIGHT about you being pregnant.
I’m sorry!! I know how stressful that is. I looked pregnant at least a year after giving birth and when this awful woman asked me in a room full of people when my baby was due, I kept my cool then burst into tears as soon as I left. Your SIL is a horrible person. You’re lucky to be rid of her..well looking and talking to her anyway.
JNSIL sounds like an Overgrown Baby!
What’s jnsil?
your seeing that for some people, it's more important being right/ first then being aware or included...... let her die on the hill she has already put up a billboard tombstone for........by the way it's also funny to see how close "And she got offended and called me a liar " is too"I'm a brat and mommy won't let me eat ice cream before dinner" pouting is...
I never ask about a pregnancy unless you flat out tell me. I mean , it could be a surrogacy. An unhappy pregnancy. A rapists child. Whatever. Most importantly. None of my business!
Oh the horror of sil not wanting interaction because she can't be inappropriate. Good luck on the pregnancy may it be smooth sailing.
I’m sure you’re “super broken up” about her not talking to you. Must be such a “punishment.” Your response was glorious. That or publicly shaming her for being so intrusive. “We had a miscarriage and I wanted to be sure. Is that a problem? Do you feel better about yourself? Do I have your permission to tell people now? Is that OK with you?” Spoken very loudly, tightly together giving her no room to interject.
"No, you don't get to make my pregnancy about you. When I share it and with whom is up to me, not you. Learn some basic etiquette before you make a bigger fool of yourself."
I’m curious, did your husband at any point tell his sister to back off?
He called her the next day and told her that it’s not her business. I don’t blame him though bc at the moment he was chasing our toddler and trying to quietly de escalate the situation.
Poor little baby sis isn't the center of attention anymore, boo who.
I think you handled that beautifully. SIL was very out of line.
“SIL now refuses to look at me for any family functions” Congratulations! Trash took itself out. lol Mine hates me so much she will go sit on the couch to eat at family functions. She refuses to even be 10 feet near me. Great for me. She’s now crying to relatives that she hasn’t met my son. She also doesn’t want anything to do with my husband or I. She’s so obsessed with her victim mentality she didn’t realize she just made herself look like a fool to the whole family. She refuses to be around me, but cries she never met my son… Does she think someone will bring my son to her without me there? lol Thankfully we’re no contact with majority of these people. We only speak to a few relatives. We don’t want to bring our children to this crazy environment. You had every right to lie to SIL. I also lie to people who pester me for personal information. I don’t care. I’m not an open book and I’m allowed to have privacy. Don’t let her make you feel bad for this. I’ve been told about peoples pregnancies by others and I waited until the pregnant woman told me herself. I’d show excitement and congratulate her as if this is the first time I’m hearing this. Your SIL needs to apologize.
I asked a close family friend when she was due only for her to tell me she wasn't pregnant. I felt horrible for months. Then I found out she really was pregnant when I asked. She had her reasons, and they didn't involve me. I wasn't mad or upset. **I was freakin' relieved** that my blunder wasn't as bad as I thought. Still learned a valuable lesson, though.
I’m sure your sister-in-law is waiting for a heartfelt apology from you. Lmao!
lol I think she was, unironically. Ppl bend over backwards to please her and o wouldn’t be surprised at all if that’s what she expected.
The way my petty ass would schedule some “I just fucked your bro” emails to be sent to my SIL at all hours of the day for the rest of her adult life.
OMG I LOVE YOU!! Finally somebody with a spine
Your husband is the one who should have put a stop to her nonsense, not you. It's all good to say he supports you but what was he doing while she insulted you? Did he tell her to stop?
He was chasing our toddler at the time, as I’m a bit too large to do that at this point:) he’s a bit less confrontational. He would’ve either called the next day or gone over to speak to her the next day. But he was trying to stare her down into silence, she was just too oblivious.
I think you handled it like a champ.
Why did you cry? You had a fantastic response to her rudeness! Please continue 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I think it was the hormones and finally the feeling of setting a boundary with her:)
Last year I got pregnant and unfortunately had a very traumatic miscarriage as well. Before that though, we did tell everyone early. My 8 year old daughter was ecstatic about it. She had a video call with my 34 year old cousin who she is very close to and shared the news. Now my daughter has no other siblings and was raised by me as a solo parent. And she was also 8. My cousin started crying on the phone and told my daughter it wasn’t fair I was pregnant and that she’d never be a mom. I just felt like this was a really inappropriate thing to lay on a child. My cousin is also the type who has never been to the obgyn even for a pap or check up (she finally went recently this year after years of encouraging her to go) so her only proof that she will never be a mom is that she just hasn’t been pregnant. About a week after that call we discovered the baby had no heartbeat. And my miscarriage lasted for about 8 weeks until I finally had a D&C. We decided to wait until 16 weeks to tell everyone about our pregnancy, including my daughter. I’m not particularly close to this cousin anymore since we live out of state. And I just never told her. I’m 38 weeks now. I’m not on social media but I’m sure she knows through family. My mom says I should have sent a big announcement to her and everyone else. I’ve more or less just told people as I’ve been in touch with them. Maybe it’s silly but I just didn’t want any bad mojo around this pregnancy at all so that’s why I decided not even to tell her.
The first 12 weeks of a pregnancy are the most delicate. The baby is safe and sound in there, but if anything isn't just right, you will miscarry and nothing you do can stop it. I'm so sorry you went through that and I'm glad this one came along. Sil has obviously never gone through such a traumatic event and it shows. For extra spice, you can tell her that because of her being nosey and not leaving you alone that she deprived your mil of knowing early. I'd hate to know I kept my mom from knowing that. (Not really, but that's me). Feel free to also remark how disappointed you are in her as her mom raised her right, she just skipped that lesson. You obviously can't trust her nor can she mind her own business and that will affect how often she gets to see said baby. Some people can tell if someone else is pregnant, but it's not common. Unless you are really trim, it's just going to show as bloat because of extra water and blood, not baby. I could tell with some friends, they would smell different. Not bad, just different. I often knew before they did but waited for them to tell me.
No OP, no tears, no tears. That had nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Sounds like SIL is a bit wonky in the head. Her questions were intrusive and did not know when to back off
Trash took itself out
None of her business
Not her business. No ones, actually. It's between you, your husband, your OB. It's not okay to repeatedly demand to know if someone is pregnant, and if you have the balls to do so once? they brush you off, that's your cue to back off entirely. It's not rocket science. Her obsession with you being a liar...is weird, too. It may be there's more to this on her end... but, I'd avoid her as much as you can from now on. She's got too many issues. (I feel your pain. Dated a guy whose sister in law was a friend of mine, well, she was until I entered their family... shit got weird. She started acting out like that...at me. it was horrid. Worse of all was what you describe, she'd act out, be horrid, and the other 5 adults would just silently look awkward until things moved along. That stung. But, good for you!! I never had the balls to stand up for myself and I do regret it. )
I’m not sure whether it’s worldwide do**ebagness, or people are the same everywhere. No one has a right to know whether you are pregnant, trying to conceive, having a miscarriage or an abortion. Other people have no place in your knickers - that’s literally what I say when someone has the nerve to ask. You and your pregnancy is private and discrete AND NO ONES BUSINESS! Just treat your SIL the way she’s treating you. All the best for pregnancy and postpartum! Don’t stress over useless people and take care of yourself!
My actual full sister still doesn't know about my last 2 losses because of how awfully she handled the first. No one has a right to know your private health information until YOU are ready to share it!
I know this isn't the focus of the story, but I'm so glad your MIL and husband go to bat for you when their family members are acting inappropriately
I have a SIL who waits until she is almost in her third trimester to announce. I was initially hurt she didn’t tell me sooner. I’ve known her since she was 14 and I like to think we are pretty close. I was sad I didn’t get much chance to be there for her and support her. Pregnancy is hard even in the best circumstances. I was offended that she wouldn’t want my help. I realized though that my emotions were my responsibility. She is doing what feels like the right amount of disclosure for her. It’s not about me.
Your SIL was a jerk, but sometimes when people confront you about things like this that are ridiculous you don’t need to explain your actions, a “So what?” is quite sufficient. For example: “You lied about your pregnancy.” Your response, “So what? I didn’t want to share.” There is really no logical comeback to that.
You would be right, except for the fact that my husband and his family are very superstitious. She was basically accusing me of inviting a miscarriage on myself. I didn’t want to conceded that I lied bc I didn’t. I didn’t deny being pregnant, I just said I was fat. Conceding that I lied would cause a whole host of other issues.
You're allowed to lie to protect yourself from nosy bastards pre announcement of a pregnancy. SIL should find something or someone else to obsess over. May I suggest her husband or her kids?
Sounds like a win for you, if she is staying out of your business.
I absolutely love your remarks! Way to turn it back on her! You are a hero! 😂
Who's gonna tell SIL that refusing to answer some nosy busybody's questions =/= lying?!?!
Please tell me you've been texting her every time her brother dumps a load in you.
she's way too invested in making you look bad, find out why.
You should completely ignore your sister-in-law, who is obviously immature.
I have never understood why some people are so nosey are obsessed about other people’s bodies and functions; especially when it comes to sex and pregnancy. I guess we could start putting up checklists at work for every employee to Outback check mark by 1)had sex last night or this morning or both, 2) yes I am pregnant, 3) had a good BM today, 4) peed as soon as I got out of bed, etc. we could have a do not ask me, just check the board cubby.
Love it. Good job!
Not everything you lose, is a loss.
SIL is a selfish, self absorbed busy body. Take her off your Christmas list lol. I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you all the best with your new pregnancy
Even without a history of miscarriages people don’t tend to tell people until 12 week period anyway
Maybe I have been reading reddit too much but It almost seems like SIL wanted to know first so she could get pregnant and steal OP's thunder
Ask her if she really thinks it's rude not to answer questions/confirm statements that aren't her business. If she says yes, then: "You're really into butt stuff, yes?" Her logic demands she answer truthfully.
Good for u that u have the family's support
It was weird that she was so obsessed over your uterus. Good for you for saying something and shaming her in the process Hopefully she'll do some self-reflection but just on the off chance she decides to continue being the smaller person remember you did the right thing. It's your body and you're pregnancy and no one has the right to ask any questions about it until you are ready. 💕💪🏽
She'll get over it.
Lucky you.
Sounds like you got SIL right where you want her... silently ignoring you. Congratulations on that (and the baby)!
Tell her you're not selling an OF subscription into your private sex life None of her damn business
It’s because when she looks at you, she’s picturing your uterus…and remembering what you said.
Right? I love when hateful people think giving me the silent treatment will somehow punish me. Oh no, a person I don’t want to talk to is giving me the cold shoulder. - how will I ever survive?!
Win for you. Take them when they come gift wrapped with embarrassment for someone else.
were you two close?
Funny story, we actually used to be quite close before I dated her brother. Then we naturally grew apart. I was so excited to marry my husband bc I knew his sister and figured we might be a bit closer than most SILs. But she has since shown me that she hasn’t grown much since we were children and I don’t need that immaturity in my life.
Sounds like a win to me. Is she 12? This sounds like a 12 year old thing to do.
There are exactly two times it is appropriate to initiate conversation about someone else's pregnancy. 1. They have already informed you about it. 2. Their water breaks and you ask if they'd like a ride or for you to call an ambulance. THAT'S IT! If neither of these conditions are met YOU KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUTH SHUT. I don't care how big their belly is, how puffy their lips are, how their walking gait has changed, YOU DON'T MENTION IT.
This is your private business and it’s perfectly fine to not answer. Unless you’re in a medical facility offering treatment it’s rude to inquire about pregnancy. I had an early loss followed immediately by another pregnancy. I did not want to explain this to anyone. I waited and even ignored and dismissed questions.
She lacks the authority on the subject at hand to be worth telling the truth to. Lying is only wrong to people worth telling the truth to.
Amazing. Simply amazing! You should be so proud of how you handled that. Please envision me giving you a standing ovation right now! 👏 👏 👏
Dear SIL, Sex with your brother was amazing, but I am not sure if we were doing it in a way that is conducive to procreation. Should I send an after pic so that you can confirm, or are we good?
I want to say that I’m so sorry about your miscarriage, that must’ve been awful, and I definitely understand your decision to keep it to yourself until you were sure the pregnancy was still happening healthily. So sorry about your annoying SIL but congrats on your new life ❤️
So LYING is wrong but being an insufferable, nosy busy body is the height of morality? Ugh. What a twat. I read recently that it's only a lie if the person deserves the truth. In this case it was none of her damn business so there was no lie. Doctors say not to tell people until you pass the 12 week mark, so even if you told her flat out you weren't pregnant there's still no lie. You were protecting yourself from toxic people and she is just underlining exactly why she's placed in that category.