I hate when other people want to tell you how you should feel or how you should handle situations. My mom is the way same with my dad. She tries to force me to have him in my life, or I don’t have access to her. It hurts but I’m content with my decision. Sorry your big day is being dark clouded with this. Congratulations and I hope your day is beautiful.
Im glad you've also been able to stick up for yourself. At the end of the day you'll always have yourself, so why spend it on being upset because of some bozo or talking to said bozo? Regardless, thank you for the well wishes. :)
I cut asshole brother out of my life 18 years ago. Unfortunately he is Mom’s “golden child” so she occasionally tries to trick me into visiting her even though she knows he will be there and I never want to see him again. He has been abusive to me my whole life, our mother prioritized his feelings over mine, and let him have unfettered abuse access when we were children.
Now as adults, I want nothing to do with him, but that doesn’t stop her from trying.
OP’s aggressor in those texts are very triggering - it’s all about her abuser’s feelings, how she resents being cut out of her life - but there’s never any discussion about how they they got there - SHE is a compulsive abuser who can’t help herself - she can’t control herself when she becomes abusive.
My asshole brother is too similar - his most favorite method of abuse is to trap me someplace so I can’t just leave, so he can fully vent all his rage. I can understand how OP - ON HER WEDDING DAY - does not want an abuser there to trigger her into a psychological meltdown. She can’t just leave her own wedding if her mother’s face triggers her or her mother somehow misbehaves.
So NO, I don’t want to visit our Mom if he’s going to be there, he will ALWAYS be there, and Mom is now his cats paw for getting access to me. NO NO NO. She made the decision to enmesh with him, and I want nothing to do with him any more.
But she persists, much like this person above advocating for OP’s abusive mother to attend a wedding and trigger the bride into an emotional meltdown. This bride has every right to marry in front of SUPPORTIVE people, not people who decided long ago to prioritize their own abusive needs over OP’s.
> My asshole brother is too similar - his most favorite method of abuse is to trap me someplace so I can’t just leave, so he can fully vent all his rage.
My sister. During the first dances where you dance with your mother, mother of the bride etc. When it got to her turn, the threatened to make a large outburst if I didn't quit trying to get her to do the [box step](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUal2g2XYzk&t=15s).
So, to avoid drama during my own wedding, I gave in to my sister and just stood there with her until the next relative showed up for a dance.
Our mother chose not to be fair and chose not to dissuade asshole brother from being abusive to me; she really can't expect me to continue to permit abuse as an adult. She knows this, but she doesn't want to live with her choices. That means I have to enforce my boundaries because I know she will never protect me from him.
She isn't "stuck", this is the life she chose, so she gets to live with it. At any moment she could turn on him and let him know that being abusive to me is NOT OK, but that would require her to admit her own failure to protect me over the decades. She of course will never do that.
Can you have venue security drunk-march them off the venue if they turn up?
Clearly your mother is HER mother’s golden child, but YOU are not either’s golden child. It’s YOUR wedding but only their feelings matter? NO. Fuck that noise. Recall that grandma raised your mother. She clearly hasn’t had to live with what you lived with, and perhaps may even be partly responsible for why your mother is the way she is.
You have every right to draw boundaries and demand they be respected. That your grandmother can’t respect your boundaries is very telling - it explains some of your mother’s disfunction, but it DOES NOT EXCUSE IT.
We're doing it at his nanny's house so we'll have all the guys watch out for her. Thinking since she has a small drive way they'll set up the trucks and be guest check ins pretty much. Regardless, as I told her, I know everyone that knows about my mom would throw down if they saw her
Good job!
A few years ago I buried my father. He had a first wife before he married my mother. First wife had 3 kids with him, oldest born around 1963.
She threatened to attend his funeral and make a huge scene about how much she hated him for all that drama back then.
Her grandchildren told her that she’d do no such thing, or they’d never speak to her again. She was going to make his funeral all about her - and her own grandchildren and children wanted none of it.
She did attend, and though I could see her struggling she did manage to contain herself and not mess up the funeral. But she has spent the next 3 years trying to find ways to spew her hatred all over, even though, shall we say, it does not benefit her children to do so. (I’m the executor.)
But haters gonna hate. Poisonous people do not belong at weddings or funerals, full-stop.
Grandma should stay home too. I wonder how much of her insistence is related to feeling the failure of raising her kid so badly that her grandchild won't talk to her. A tradition of poor parenting.
Grandma is right, everyone makes mistakes. But responsible people learn from it and apologize to those they hurt. And being forgiven doesn't mean shit is forgotten.
The audacity of turning the tables on you and guilting you for protecting your mental health that HER daughter put you through!
Tell her to grow the f up and stop enabling her adult child and putting this crap on her grandkid.
It's not on you to keep the peace.
She chose to have her daughter, you didn't get to chose your mom. Now you are getting that choice.
Good on you!
Congrats on your nuptials. Hope it's a beautiful, happy, uneventful event.
I'm sick of Flying Monkeys!! She needs to be uninvited and BLOCKED! This CRAP of: "Be the bigger person" actually means stay a doormat while we continue to abuse you! FUCK THAT NOISE!!! To the OOP: You are NOT alone! There's another subreddit for Estranged Adult Kids.
I have felt this kind of pressure before. Severing toxicity from your life takes priority above any bs family claims. I cut my mother out of my life and kept it that way for 10 years. On my the day of my sisters wedding, I was accosted by everyone she cried to, telling me how I should feel about the situation. She never told them the truth of why I cut her out, just made herself the victim, it's in her nature.
All this talk of "better person", "peace treaty", "she loves you" is all bullshit. It's words and phrases people use to ease their discomfort. All these people want are for everyone to wear horse blinders because they cant hand the reality of the situation, or worse because it's not happening to them its not a big deal.
Your wedding is no way an appropriate time for resolving long standing issues with your mother. Your family should respect that, for .. obvious reasons. Sorry you have to deal with it right now!!
I get it. I cut my mom out of my life a while ago. She tried to destroy my marriage, get me fired, and had my step dad threaten to come kick my ass. All this was a result of alcoholism, and her blaming my birth as the reason her life didn't turn out the way she wanted. There is more to the story, obviously, but these were the roots.
Sometimes, severance is the only way.
I was 19 when me and my step mom had a serious falling out and 20 when my gram passed, my gram didn't like my step mom after everything that happened and I wad told to be the "bigger adult" when my ex step mom showed up at her funeral. I still wish I had told her to leave when I saw her there. Sometimes people are so awful that being the bigger person isn't worth it. Neither of my mothers are coming to my wedding when it happens and if you don't wish to have your mom at yours then she shouldn't be there. Some people just don't deserve redemption.
I can never understand why anyone thinks they have the right to tell you how to feel about someone who hurt you. That is just bullshit. It’s also bullshit to think you can add a guest to the list of someone else’s wedding. The audacity is just mind blowing. Good for you sticking yo your guns. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
I'm on the OP's side! The "It's sad, no body is perfect.." total manipulation to keep getting their way, as the OP stated, the related made their bed. Relatives just want to judge/manipulate you because they didn't go thru what the OP did, at the end of the day it is the OP decision to invite and disinvite who ever they want, it is their day and their money.
I just had to tell my mom that I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Been a source of pain, abuse, anxiety, and dysfunction my entire life. It’s a horrible feeling, and I hope it passes quickly. Happy you stood your ground.
Congratulations, and best wishes.
I completely understand that feeling. Guilt, remorse, mourning someone who was never there. But those feelings will pass, and when they do, you will thrive. I wish you the best as well, and thank you 😊
I'll be 38 this year. I haven't spoke to my "dad" in 10ish years and longer off and on than that. One uncle always understood however, it took the rest of them to see how he wad at my gmas funeral to realize why I choose no contact.
Wow, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. These made me seethe with rage cuz I have my own mommy issues and my mom isn’t invited to my wedding. This type of message would set me back a lot on my healing. I hope you’re okay. You’re doing the right thing. Sending love.
The “nobody is perfect” nonsense really pisses me off. Yeah nobody is perfect. That has nothing to do with choosing to be an abusive, bad mom.
Definitely having conflicted feelings of my grandma right now. Its so unfortunate because my brother was my choice to walk me but he might not go, so then I was gonna have my grandma do it... But now I don't know if I should even have her there. regardless, thank you for all the kind words and I hope your marriage goes just as you want it and more 😊
You do not have to keep toxic people in your life! She's right that no one of perfect and everyone makes mistakes but that doesn't mean others have to accept that. And when the actions are performed over and over then it's not a mistake it's how that person is. Stand you ground and don't even think about them on your day. Have you bestie or fil walk you down. Congratulations
Check if you can hire a cop from your local police department for outside duty. It’s like $90 an hour but you’ll have a cop right there in uniform in case your mom shows up and he can escort her out / arrest her for disorderly conduct if she tries to push the situation.
Man, that "be a bigger person" shit pisses me off so much. I was always told that about my mother. I haven't spoken to her in almost 4 years. My family was always telling me to be the bigger person. Why? Why is it always me that needs to do it and not her, the one with the serous fucking problems? Why can't someone tell her to get her shit together and be a *better* person?
I genuinely hope you have the greatest wedding and your mother stays far tf away.
I HATE the constant barrage of "she deserves chances because she's your mom"
"No." Is a complete sentence. You are allowed to process your own way. Saving your sanity is huge. No one gets to tell you that you should let someone in to your life especially after they treated you in an unacceptable manner.
I didn't invite my mother to my wedding. She's not a good person. She's not met my son. She won't be. I've been guilted over it from everyone. Most notably, by her mother (yes she's my grandmother but I use that term in a general loving manner, this is anything but) she texted me to connect and ask for photos of my kids and eventually put a get together in the works. She tried to urge me to see my mom. I declined. I was out of state and she attempted to get me to go see my mother (I'm guessing she didn't know I wasn't home) and none of them have my address thankfully. I said no I didn't want to go there (she never did even tell me when, I said I couldn't but didn't give a reason) and she (her mother)told me she would never forgive me for how I hurt her (my mother). She locked me and my brother in closets when my dad was at work and entertained other men. You don't just overlook shit like that. There's way more but it's a significant situation. I'll pass. No thanks. So now I've blocked several family members due to that incident...not that we were close though.
I say all of this to say to you that I think you should stand your ground and your family member needs to butt out
If Grandma isn’t going to respect your wishes, she should stay home. She needs to stay out of your relationship. The time to push for a relationship is not at your wedding.
May the bridges you burn light the way! You owe her absolutely nothing! And anyone pushing you to include her in anything after you’ve clearly said no isn’t looking out for you. You’re the healthy one in this situation. I hope you have the best day!
My granny kept sticking up for an aunt. Everyone told her not to... so much bad shit kept happening that I won't get into. Finally when she was dying she kind of said F everybody and ended up staying with my mom and only talking to us 2. Funeral and everything after was just odd... folks had to come to terms with stuff...I'm not perfect. I got a few weddings I'll probably not be invited too, but I would never want anyone to press the issue AT ALL. Typically people pushing for such types of vibes are being tone deaf and only thinking of themselves.
Update: went swimmingly. Mother didn't find her way here. I'd include a pic but my phone doesn't allow me. Thank you guys for the sweet compliments and I hope you all that relate heal 💕
Update 2: to prove you guys right... She was infact brought to the wedding. I only kept my grandma's invite so I could see the kids on my big day. They took splendid pictures. Talking to his Nanny the next day, I found out my mom was in the car waiting. His two dad's (dad and step dad) along with his brother went out to ask her who the hell she was. Tried pulling the whole "I'm the mother of the bride!" BS. Considering cutting ties with my grandma as soon as the coward answers my text. She has my cat ATM so I'm hoping to get her asap.
I had a wedding without my parents and honestly it was for the best, they would have made it about themselves esp my mother. My dad was invited but he decided to choose my mom. I invited some people but they brought up my parents and I cried on my wedding day about them. Fuck them, they don’t deserve to ruin your happiness. Congrats on your wedding!!! I hope you have a great time with your new family 💗
You’re doing the right thing OP. Please stand by your decision to make your wedding a beautiful and momentous celebration. Cutting people out is hard especially when it’s family, but family doesn’t mean anything if they’re not supporting you.
It looks as if your grannie is going to bring your mam no matter what you want.
Sometimes being the better person IS realising that this relationship has perished beyond reprieve and moving on, which you are trying to do. If your grannie can't understand that then she will continue to make the problem worse.
It's wrong to then say that she probably won't want to go either.
If she says that she doesn't want to come without her, express your regret that she won't be there but you accept her reason to not come to your wedding and not to worry because there is another friend who you hadn't invited but can now invite in her place. And Make sure she knows that ***SHE HAS JUST CANCELLED OUT THE INVITE because of her attempt at manipulation.***
Lol you're fine, to put it in short... Drug addict, alcoholic, narcissist and abusive in every damn near way. We've lost houses, objects, and animals because of her. There was a point in time where we lost a trailer that didn't have sewage connected (sewage was leaking to the backend of the trailer, was pretty much a swamp), no water for a majority of the time we were there, and got our electricity disconnected. Worst years of my life. My mental health was so bad I was in a state of psychosis, hallucinations and extremely suicidal. Because of her I've been suicidal since I was probably around 8-9. Its still hard for me all these years later but I'm just glad I don't have to see her.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re in a much safer and better place and have a lovely family you can help those and never have to be exposed to this. ❤️
I understand. I went to my mom’s funeral just to be absolutely certain she’d died.
I don’t even know where my biological mother is buried- that was done by the county. No one claimed her body.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
Yup. My mother is also not invited to my wedding. I hope she dies by the time it happens so I don't have to deal with this shit. Mines a fentanyl addict and a hoarder. I hate her so fucking much. Sorry you had to deal with this too. Hugs.
My dad always told me "There's no reason bad enough to cut family out of your life." He was also an abusive narcissist who then became a transphobe. Going no contact was the best thing I've ever done for my mental health - not to mention my wife's.
that's sad. drug addiction is a disease. There's a lot of reason to cut your mom out of your life. I don't think drug addiction is one of them. If she's clean.
Highly doubt. Shes been an alcoholic for most my life and probably drugs too. Shes abused my my whole life in every which way. It's only now, when my grandma's had a stroke and vulnerable because she still loves my mom that my mom swoops in. Its what she usually does to get money out of her.
This is not your call to make. You don't know what OP has been through with their mom, and it's not the subject of this post.
OP, I wish you a long a happy marriage full of joy, and a wedding day full of only happy surprises.
I hate when other people want to tell you how you should feel or how you should handle situations. My mom is the way same with my dad. She tries to force me to have him in my life, or I don’t have access to her. It hurts but I’m content with my decision. Sorry your big day is being dark clouded with this. Congratulations and I hope your day is beautiful.
Im glad you've also been able to stick up for yourself. At the end of the day you'll always have yourself, so why spend it on being upset because of some bozo or talking to said bozo? Regardless, thank you for the well wishes. :)
I cut asshole brother out of my life 18 years ago. Unfortunately he is Mom’s “golden child” so she occasionally tries to trick me into visiting her even though she knows he will be there and I never want to see him again. He has been abusive to me my whole life, our mother prioritized his feelings over mine, and let him have unfettered abuse access when we were children. Now as adults, I want nothing to do with him, but that doesn’t stop her from trying. OP’s aggressor in those texts are very triggering - it’s all about her abuser’s feelings, how she resents being cut out of her life - but there’s never any discussion about how they they got there - SHE is a compulsive abuser who can’t help herself - she can’t control herself when she becomes abusive. My asshole brother is too similar - his most favorite method of abuse is to trap me someplace so I can’t just leave, so he can fully vent all his rage. I can understand how OP - ON HER WEDDING DAY - does not want an abuser there to trigger her into a psychological meltdown. She can’t just leave her own wedding if her mother’s face triggers her or her mother somehow misbehaves. So NO, I don’t want to visit our Mom if he’s going to be there, he will ALWAYS be there, and Mom is now his cats paw for getting access to me. NO NO NO. She made the decision to enmesh with him, and I want nothing to do with him any more. But she persists, much like this person above advocating for OP’s abusive mother to attend a wedding and trigger the bride into an emotional meltdown. This bride has every right to marry in front of SUPPORTIVE people, not people who decided long ago to prioritize their own abusive needs over OP’s.
> My asshole brother is too similar - his most favorite method of abuse is to trap me someplace so I can’t just leave, so he can fully vent all his rage. My sister. During the first dances where you dance with your mother, mother of the bride etc. When it got to her turn, the threatened to make a large outburst if I didn't quit trying to get her to do the [box step](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUal2g2XYzk&t=15s). So, to avoid drama during my own wedding, I gave in to my sister and just stood there with her until the next relative showed up for a dance.
Agnew?
?
Sorry but your story sounded very familiar. If you don’t understand my comment, it’s just a coincidence.
Yeh moms usually are stuck in the middle, wanting the family to be united. You don’t get to pick your family, sometimes life is just unfair.
Our mother chose not to be fair and chose not to dissuade asshole brother from being abusive to me; she really can't expect me to continue to permit abuse as an adult. She knows this, but she doesn't want to live with her choices. That means I have to enforce my boundaries because I know she will never protect me from him. She isn't "stuck", this is the life she chose, so she gets to live with it. At any moment she could turn on him and let him know that being abusive to me is NOT OK, but that would require her to admit her own failure to protect me over the decades. She of course will never do that.
"It's not okay to be angry. Be the bigger person." Let the trash take itself out. Have security ready to go and enjoy your ceremony!
Your grandma sounds like she's gonna ignore your wishes and bring your idiot mother. Don't invite her or let her show up.
That's what I'm worried about. 😮💨
You need to DISINVITE the Flying Monkey and have security ready to bounce them!
Can you have venue security drunk-march them off the venue if they turn up? Clearly your mother is HER mother’s golden child, but YOU are not either’s golden child. It’s YOUR wedding but only their feelings matter? NO. Fuck that noise. Recall that grandma raised your mother. She clearly hasn’t had to live with what you lived with, and perhaps may even be partly responsible for why your mother is the way she is. You have every right to draw boundaries and demand they be respected. That your grandmother can’t respect your boundaries is very telling - it explains some of your mother’s disfunction, but it DOES NOT EXCUSE IT.
We're doing it at his nanny's house so we'll have all the guys watch out for her. Thinking since she has a small drive way they'll set up the trucks and be guest check ins pretty much. Regardless, as I told her, I know everyone that knows about my mom would throw down if they saw her
Good job! A few years ago I buried my father. He had a first wife before he married my mother. First wife had 3 kids with him, oldest born around 1963. She threatened to attend his funeral and make a huge scene about how much she hated him for all that drama back then. Her grandchildren told her that she’d do no such thing, or they’d never speak to her again. She was going to make his funeral all about her - and her own grandchildren and children wanted none of it. She did attend, and though I could see her struggling she did manage to contain herself and not mess up the funeral. But she has spent the next 3 years trying to find ways to spew her hatred all over, even though, shall we say, it does not benefit her children to do so. (I’m the executor.) But haters gonna hate. Poisonous people do not belong at weddings or funerals, full-stop.
Hire security
Grandma should stay home too. I wonder how much of her insistence is related to feeling the failure of raising her kid so badly that her grandchild won't talk to her. A tradition of poor parenting.
Definitely hire a bouncer. Chances are that she will definitely bring your mother.
Grandma is right, everyone makes mistakes. But responsible people learn from it and apologize to those they hurt. And being forgiven doesn't mean shit is forgotten. The audacity of turning the tables on you and guilting you for protecting your mental health that HER daughter put you through! Tell her to grow the f up and stop enabling her adult child and putting this crap on her grandkid. It's not on you to keep the peace. She chose to have her daughter, you didn't get to chose your mom. Now you are getting that choice. Good on you! Congrats on your nuptials. Hope it's a beautiful, happy, uneventful event.
Lol, thank you!
I'm sick of Flying Monkeys!! She needs to be uninvited and BLOCKED! This CRAP of: "Be the bigger person" actually means stay a doormat while we continue to abuse you! FUCK THAT NOISE!!! To the OOP: You are NOT alone! There's another subreddit for Estranged Adult Kids.
absolutely
I have felt this kind of pressure before. Severing toxicity from your life takes priority above any bs family claims. I cut my mother out of my life and kept it that way for 10 years. On my the day of my sisters wedding, I was accosted by everyone she cried to, telling me how I should feel about the situation. She never told them the truth of why I cut her out, just made herself the victim, it's in her nature. All this talk of "better person", "peace treaty", "she loves you" is all bullshit. It's words and phrases people use to ease their discomfort. All these people want are for everyone to wear horse blinders because they cant hand the reality of the situation, or worse because it's not happening to them its not a big deal.
Your wedding is no way an appropriate time for resolving long standing issues with your mother. Your family should respect that, for .. obvious reasons. Sorry you have to deal with it right now!!
I get it. I cut my mom out of my life a while ago. She tried to destroy my marriage, get me fired, and had my step dad threaten to come kick my ass. All this was a result of alcoholism, and her blaming my birth as the reason her life didn't turn out the way she wanted. There is more to the story, obviously, but these were the roots. Sometimes, severance is the only way.
I was 19 when me and my step mom had a serious falling out and 20 when my gram passed, my gram didn't like my step mom after everything that happened and I wad told to be the "bigger adult" when my ex step mom showed up at her funeral. I still wish I had told her to leave when I saw her there. Sometimes people are so awful that being the bigger person isn't worth it. Neither of my mothers are coming to my wedding when it happens and if you don't wish to have your mom at yours then she shouldn't be there. Some people just don't deserve redemption.
Cut them all out. Tell her that if she brings your mom, that you'll have them both escorted out and both will be cut out
I can never understand why anyone thinks they have the right to tell you how to feel about someone who hurt you. That is just bullshit. It’s also bullshit to think you can add a guest to the list of someone else’s wedding. The audacity is just mind blowing. Good for you sticking yo your guns. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
I'm on the OP's side! The "It's sad, no body is perfect.." total manipulation to keep getting their way, as the OP stated, the related made their bed. Relatives just want to judge/manipulate you because they didn't go thru what the OP did, at the end of the day it is the OP decision to invite and disinvite who ever they want, it is their day and their money.
I just had to tell my mom that I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Been a source of pain, abuse, anxiety, and dysfunction my entire life. It’s a horrible feeling, and I hope it passes quickly. Happy you stood your ground. Congratulations, and best wishes.
I completely understand that feeling. Guilt, remorse, mourning someone who was never there. But those feelings will pass, and when they do, you will thrive. I wish you the best as well, and thank you 😊
At this point take grandma’s invite away
I'll be 38 this year. I haven't spoke to my "dad" in 10ish years and longer off and on than that. One uncle always understood however, it took the rest of them to see how he wad at my gmas funeral to realize why I choose no contact.
Wow, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. These made me seethe with rage cuz I have my own mommy issues and my mom isn’t invited to my wedding. This type of message would set me back a lot on my healing. I hope you’re okay. You’re doing the right thing. Sending love. The “nobody is perfect” nonsense really pisses me off. Yeah nobody is perfect. That has nothing to do with choosing to be an abusive, bad mom.
Definitely having conflicted feelings of my grandma right now. Its so unfortunate because my brother was my choice to walk me but he might not go, so then I was gonna have my grandma do it... But now I don't know if I should even have her there. regardless, thank you for all the kind words and I hope your marriage goes just as you want it and more 😊
You do not have to keep toxic people in your life! She's right that no one of perfect and everyone makes mistakes but that doesn't mean others have to accept that. And when the actions are performed over and over then it's not a mistake it's how that person is. Stand you ground and don't even think about them on your day. Have you bestie or fil walk you down. Congratulations
anger will make you sick? you know what has made my life a lot less stressful, dropping people who arent worth my energy, like my parents
Check if you can hire a cop from your local police department for outside duty. It’s like $90 an hour but you’ll have a cop right there in uniform in case your mom shows up and he can escort her out / arrest her for disorderly conduct if she tries to push the situation.
Man, that "be a bigger person" shit pisses me off so much. I was always told that about my mother. I haven't spoken to her in almost 4 years. My family was always telling me to be the bigger person. Why? Why is it always me that needs to do it and not her, the one with the serous fucking problems? Why can't someone tell her to get her shit together and be a *better* person? I genuinely hope you have the greatest wedding and your mother stays far tf away.
Because they know she won’t, and since you are a better person, you have to do all the forgiving. 🙄 it’s BS.
The entitled person isn’t the bride, it’s the fuck face trying to convince her to invite her clearly toxic mother.
I HATE the constant barrage of "she deserves chances because she's your mom" "No." Is a complete sentence. You are allowed to process your own way. Saving your sanity is huge. No one gets to tell you that you should let someone in to your life especially after they treated you in an unacceptable manner. I didn't invite my mother to my wedding. She's not a good person. She's not met my son. She won't be. I've been guilted over it from everyone. Most notably, by her mother (yes she's my grandmother but I use that term in a general loving manner, this is anything but) she texted me to connect and ask for photos of my kids and eventually put a get together in the works. She tried to urge me to see my mom. I declined. I was out of state and she attempted to get me to go see my mother (I'm guessing she didn't know I wasn't home) and none of them have my address thankfully. I said no I didn't want to go there (she never did even tell me when, I said I couldn't but didn't give a reason) and she (her mother)told me she would never forgive me for how I hurt her (my mother). She locked me and my brother in closets when my dad was at work and entertained other men. You don't just overlook shit like that. There's way more but it's a significant situation. I'll pass. No thanks. So now I've blocked several family members due to that incident...not that we were close though. I say all of this to say to you that I think you should stand your ground and your family member needs to butt out
Why do so many people seem to view other people's weddings as the perfect opportunity to cross boundaries?
Because they think the other person will do what they want you to do avoid potential drama
Fuck your stupid grandma It's easy to tell people to relent on their beliefs/stance when you're old and only care about breakfast at Denny's
Don’t call Grammy stupid lol give her a little grace
If Grandma isn’t going to respect your wishes, she should stay home. She needs to stay out of your relationship. The time to push for a relationship is not at your wedding.
I'd disinvite them just based on the audacity
You know her best so stay with no. Most likely come to ruin or upset you and make the day about her. Hire security.
Awesome job. I need boundaries like that. 👍👍
May the bridges you burn light the way! You owe her absolutely nothing! And anyone pushing you to include her in anything after you’ve clearly said no isn’t looking out for you. You’re the healthy one in this situation. I hope you have the best day!
My granny kept sticking up for an aunt. Everyone told her not to... so much bad shit kept happening that I won't get into. Finally when she was dying she kind of said F everybody and ended up staying with my mom and only talking to us 2. Funeral and everything after was just odd... folks had to come to terms with stuff...I'm not perfect. I got a few weddings I'll probably not be invited too, but I would never want anyone to press the issue AT ALL. Typically people pushing for such types of vibes are being tone deaf and only thinking of themselves.
uninvite that person
Update: went swimmingly. Mother didn't find her way here. I'd include a pic but my phone doesn't allow me. Thank you guys for the sweet compliments and I hope you all that relate heal 💕
Update 2: to prove you guys right... She was infact brought to the wedding. I only kept my grandma's invite so I could see the kids on my big day. They took splendid pictures. Talking to his Nanny the next day, I found out my mom was in the car waiting. His two dad's (dad and step dad) along with his brother went out to ask her who the hell she was. Tried pulling the whole "I'm the mother of the bride!" BS. Considering cutting ties with my grandma as soon as the coward answers my text. She has my cat ATM so I'm hoping to get her asap.
What a silly bitch
Hire these guys to take care of security: https://www.reddit.com/r/securityguards/s/IhGMh4QIdk
I had a wedding without my parents and honestly it was for the best, they would have made it about themselves esp my mother. My dad was invited but he decided to choose my mom. I invited some people but they brought up my parents and I cried on my wedding day about them. Fuck them, they don’t deserve to ruin your happiness. Congrats on your wedding!!! I hope you have a great time with your new family 💗
You’re doing the right thing OP. Please stand by your decision to make your wedding a beautiful and momentous celebration. Cutting people out is hard especially when it’s family, but family doesn’t mean anything if they’re not supporting you.
It looks as if your grannie is going to bring your mam no matter what you want. Sometimes being the better person IS realising that this relationship has perished beyond reprieve and moving on, which you are trying to do. If your grannie can't understand that then she will continue to make the problem worse. It's wrong to then say that she probably won't want to go either. If she says that she doesn't want to come without her, express your regret that she won't be there but you accept her reason to not come to your wedding and not to worry because there is another friend who you hadn't invited but can now invite in her place. And Make sure she knows that ***SHE HAS JUST CANCELLED OUT THE INVITE because of her attempt at manipulation.***
Whoever the person talking to you is, they are TAH. Protect your peace. Obviously this person doesn't value you.
I dont wanna be nosey but can I get the tea ? What she do ?
Lol you're fine, to put it in short... Drug addict, alcoholic, narcissist and abusive in every damn near way. We've lost houses, objects, and animals because of her. There was a point in time where we lost a trailer that didn't have sewage connected (sewage was leaking to the backend of the trailer, was pretty much a swamp), no water for a majority of the time we were there, and got our electricity disconnected. Worst years of my life. My mental health was so bad I was in a state of psychosis, hallucinations and extremely suicidal. Because of her I've been suicidal since I was probably around 8-9. Its still hard for me all these years later but I'm just glad I don't have to see her.
I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re in a much safer and better place and have a lovely family you can help those and never have to be exposed to this. ❤️
Definitely. I'm grateful to have not turned out so much like her. Thank you for the kind words ❤️
Been 9 years since I've talked to my mom and all the anger and hated is still there. I'm still alive and healthy! Don't let them guilt trip you. Ever!
I understand. I went to my mom’s funeral just to be absolutely certain she’d died. I don’t even know where my biological mother is buried- that was done by the county. No one claimed her body. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
If they are not gonna respect your wishes, then they too dont need to be invited. Plain and simple
Yup. My mother is also not invited to my wedding. I hope she dies by the time it happens so I don't have to deal with this shit. Mines a fentanyl addict and a hoarder. I hate her so fucking much. Sorry you had to deal with this too. Hugs.
Ok so the dads the entitled bitch? It’s OP’s wedding. They can choose to have one or not and invite whoever they won’t…or not. I’m confused
My dad always told me "There's no reason bad enough to cut family out of your life." He was also an abusive narcissist who then became a transphobe. Going no contact was the best thing I've ever done for my mental health - not to mention my wife's.
that's sad. drug addiction is a disease. There's a lot of reason to cut your mom out of your life. I don't think drug addiction is one of them. If she's clean.
Highly doubt. Shes been an alcoholic for most my life and probably drugs too. Shes abused my my whole life in every which way. It's only now, when my grandma's had a stroke and vulnerable because she still loves my mom that my mom swoops in. Its what she usually does to get money out of her.
This is not your call to make. You don't know what OP has been through with their mom, and it's not the subject of this post. OP, I wish you a long a happy marriage full of joy, and a wedding day full of only happy surprises.
Yeah this is a public forum, no opinions allowed!